Should my step-daughters be told that their step-father has a child pornography addiction?
My husband’s ex-wife married a man who was charged with seven felony counts of pandering involving a minor. He, by his own admission, is addicted to child pornography. My step-daughters are now all teenagers. They do not know. My husband’s ex-wife has kept this information from my step-daughters. The step-father has had issues regarding his pornography addiction recently. The ex-wife minimizes it by saying that he has "repented." It is a constant strain on my husband, knowing that his girls are living with a man who is addicted to child pornography. My own therapist believes the girls should be told. The ex-wife says her therapist says the opposite.
Frank TheusMA, LPC, NCC, CSAT
The information from the other therapists here is sound and prudent. There are what sounds to be real legal (is this man a RSO [registered sex offender]; is he prohibited from being in proximity to minors? use/possession of child porn violates any # of state and federal statues...) and safety issues at play here. Your husband's daughters have an immediate "need to know" and this can be done developmentally-contextual, factually and in a non-shaming fashion. I would further counsel that you and your husband (his daughters welfare is at stake) seek immediate legal counsel. The ex-wife here seems to be between a "rock and a hard place" of her own creation -- she desperately needs care, treatment for herself. Resources for Your Consideration: 1) http://www.missingkids.com/home; 2) https://www.justice.gov/criminal-ceos/citizens-guide-us-federal-law-child-pornography
Istri mantan suami saya menikah dengan seorang pria yang diadili atas tujuh tuduhan kejahatan serius terkait perdagangan terhadap anak di bawah umur. Dia, berdasarkan pengakuannya sendiri, ketagihan pornografi anak. Anak perempuan tiri saya sekarang sudah remaja. Mereka tidak tahu. Mantan istri suami saya telah menyimpan informasi ini dari anak perempuan tirinya. Suami saya baru-baru ini menghadapi masalah terkait kecanduan pornografinya. Mantan istri minimalkan masalah ini dengan mengatakan bahwa dia "sudah bertobat." Ini menjadi beban berat bagi suami saya, mengetahui bahwa putrinya hidup dengan seorang pria yang ketagihan pornografi anak. Terapis saya percaya anak perempuan itu harus diberitahu. Mantan istri mengatakan terapinya mengatakan sebaliknya.
Informasi dari terapis lain di sini sangat solid dan bijaksana. Ada masalah hukum yang terdengar nyata (apakah pria ini seorang RSO [pelanggar seksual terdaftar]; apakah dia dilarang berada di dekat anak di bawah umur? penggunaan/kepemilikan pornografi anak melanggar sejumlah undang-undang negara bagian dan federal...) dan masalah keselamatan yang terlibat di sini. Putri suami Anda memiliki "kebutuhan untuk tahu" secara langsung dan ini dapat disampaikan secara konteks perkembangan, faktual, dan tanpa menghina. Saya juga menyarankan agar Anda dan suami Anda (kesejahteraan putrinya dipertaruhkan) segera mencari nasihat hukum. Mantan istri di sini tampaknya terjebak di antara "batu dan tempat yang sulit" yang diciptakannya sendiri -- dia sangat membutuhkan perawatan, pengobatan untuk dirinya sendiri. Sumber untuk Pertimbangan Anda: 1) http://www.missingkids.com/home; 2) https://www.justice.gov/criminal-ceos/citizens-guide-us-federal-law-child-pornography