I feel completely alone in my marriage
I have been married for 11 years. Within the past 2 years we have drifted far apart. We coexist together but there is very little personal interest in each other. I often feel that my husband has "friends" at work that he is more emotional invested in than me. I feel very alone and just uncared for. Is there anything I can do to feel reconnected?
David RouttPresident and Clinical Counselor at Totius Therapies
Communication opens up what is called "cognitive space" for your partner, and allows them to do the same for you. The more you know about each other, especially your everyday lives, creates a bond between the two of you. Much like the saying goes in the military, the same is true for a couple; "Complacency Kills". It is important for both of you to invest in each other on a regular basis. I regularly recommend that both of you take the 5 Love Languages Assessment and start using each other's top love languages to help show each other the positive affection that you feel (or at least want to feel) for one another. Start asking about your husband's day, trying to learn about all the interactions that he has at work, and feel free to ask questions so that he knows you really want to know about him, and know him intimately again.
Saya telah menikah selama 11 tahun. Dalam 2 tahun terakhir, kami telah menjauh satu sama lain. Kami tinggal bersama, tetapi sangat sedikit minat pribadi satu sama lain. Saya sering merasa bahwa suami saya memiliki "teman" di tempat kerja yang lebih emosional terlibat daripada saya. Saya merasa sangat kesepian dan tidak diperhatikan. Apakah ada yang bisa saya lakukan untuk merasa terhubung kembali?
Komunikasi membuka apa yang disebut "ruang kognitif" bagi pasangan Anda, dan memungkinkan mereka untuk melakukan hal yang sama untuk Anda. Semakin banyak yang Anda ketahui tentang satu sama lain, terutama kehidupan sehari-hari Anda, menciptakan ikatan antara kalian berdua. Sama seperti ungkapan di militer, hal yang sama berlaku untuk pasangan; "Kejahatan Kematian". Sangat penting bagi kalian berdua untuk berinvestasi satu sama lain secara teratur. Saya sering merekomendasikan agar kalian berdua mengambil Penilaian 5 Bahasa Cinta dan mulai menggunakan bahasa cinta utama masing-masing untuk membantu menunjukkan kasih sayang positif yang Anda rasakan (atau setidaknya ingin Anda rasakan) satu sama lain. Mulailah bertanya tentang hari suami Anda, coba pelajari semua interaksi yang dia miliki di tempat kerja, dan silakan ajukan pertanyaan sehingga dia tahu Anda benar-benar ingin tahu tentang dirinya, dan mengenalnya kembali secara intim.