Dr. Kazdin promotes a program called the ABCs, which stands for antecedents, behaviors and consequences. The antecedent is the setup, telling a child, specifically, what you want them to do before you want them to do it. Behaviors are where the behavior is defined and shaped, modeled by the parent. And the consequence involves an expression of approval when that behavior is performed, an over-the top Broadway-style belt-it-to-the-back-row expression of praise with an accompanying physical gesture of approval. 
 
 So instead of yelling at your kid every night for the shoes strewn across the floor, ask him in the morning if he can put his shoes away when he comes home. Make sure when you come home that you put your own shoes away. And if your child puts his shoes away, or even puts them closer to where they’re supposed to be, tell him that he did a great job and then hug him. 
 
 The ABC method of praise is a highly specific technique. You have to be effusive, so you actually have to put a big dumb smile on your face and even wave your hands in the air. Next thing is you have to say, in a very high, cheerful voice, exactly what you’re praising. And then the third part is you have to touch the child and give him some kind of nonverbal praise. The silliness is a feature, not a bug. It makes the kid notice the praise that accompanies correct behavior. And that’s the point. 
 
 “We want to build habits,” Dr. Kazdin said. “The practice actually changes the brain, and in the process of that, the behaviors that you want to get rid of, having all kinds of temper tantrums and all the fights, all that just disappears.” Furthermore, he noted, “as a side effect, when you do these things, the parents’ depression and stress in fact go down and family relations pick up.” 
 
 If our kids behave better, then we won’t feel like yelling. And if we don’t yell, our kids will behave better. ||||| Breaking News Emails Get breaking news alerts and special reports. The news and stories that matter, delivered weekday mornings. 
 
 By Maggie Fox 
 
 Parents who hit their kids may believe that a swat “just gets their attention” or imposes old-fashioned discipline, but spanking in fact makes behavior worse than it was before and can cause long-term harm, pediatricians said Monday. 
 
 The American Academy of Pediatrics strengthened its advice against corporal punishment in update guidelines, saying it makes kids more aggressive and raises the risk of mental health issues. 
 
 “Experiencing corporal punishment makes it more, not less, likely that children will be defiant and aggressive in the future,” the group says in its new guidelines to pediatricians. 
 
 “There’s no benefit to spanking,” said Dr. Robert Sege of Tufts Medical Center in Boston, who helped write the guidelines. 
 
 “We know that children grow and develop better with positive role modeling and by setting healthy limits. We can do better.” 
 
 Verbal abuse and humiliation is also counterproductive, the pediatrics group said. 
 
 “Parents, other caregivers, and adults interacting with children and adolescents should not use corporal punishment (including hitting and spanking), either in anger or as a punishment for or consequence of misbehavior, nor should they use any disciplinary strategy, including verbal abuse, that causes shame or humiliation,” the group says in the updated guidelines. 
 
 "Within a few minutes, children are often back to their original behavior. It certainly doesn’t teach children self-regulation," Sege told NBC News. 
 
 "Techniques such as time out and other effective forms of punishment, the goal is to teach the child to regulate herself, so that she will have the ability to control and manage her own behavior. And that’s what it really is all about." 
 
 Americans still strongly believe in beating, spanking or paddling children, both at home and in school. 
 
 “According to a 2004 survey, approximately two-thirds of parents of young children reported using some sort of physical punishment,” the pediatrics group said. 
 
 “These parents reported that by fifth grade, 80 percent of children had been physically punished, and 85 percent of teenagers reported exposure to physical punishment, with 51 percent having been hit with a belt or similar object.” 
 
 And in 2013, a Harris Interactive poll found that 70 percent of parents agreed with the statement that “good, hard spanking is sometimes necessary to discipline a child,” although that’s down from 84 percent of parents in 1986. 
 
 But things are changing, Sege said. 
 
 "If you limit your surveys to people who have a child aged 5 years and younger in their homes, who are a new generation of parents, most of them don’t like to spank their children and often don’t spank their children," he said. "We think there’s a generational shift where today’s parents are much less likely to spank their children than their parents were." 
 
 One group studied parents in their home and found most parents did give kids a verbal warning before physically striking out. But they did not wait long. “Corporal punishment then occurred at a mean of 30 seconds later, suggesting that parents may have been ‘responding either impulsively or emotionally rather than instrumentally and intentionally,’” the pediatrics group said. 
 
 It did little good. 
 
 “The effects of corporal punishment were transient: within 10 minutes, most children (73 percent) had resumed the same behavior for which they had been punished.” 
 
 Not only does hitting kids do little good; it can worsen their long-term behavior. 
 
 “Children who experience repeated use of corporal punishment tend to develop more aggressive behaviors, increased aggression in school, and an increased risk of mental health disorders and cognitive problems,” Sege said in a statement. 
 
 That held even when parents were otherwise warm and loving. 
 
 Parents who hit their children often have serious problems of their own. “Parents who suffer from depression tended to use corporal punishment more frequently. In addition, family economic challenges, mental health problems, intimate partner violence and substance abuse all are associated with increased reliance on corporal punishment,” Sege said. 
 
 “One small report suggested that parents who themselves have a history of trauma are more likely to use corporal punishment than other parents.” 
 
 So what can parents do instead? 
 
 “First, establish a positive, supporting and loving relationship with your child. Without this foundation, your child has no reason, other than fear, to demonstrate good behavior,” the AAP advises. 
 
 “Second, use positive reinforcement to increase the behavior you want from your child.” 
 
 Time outs work very well for younger children, the group said. “Discipline older children by temporarily removing favorite privileges, such as sports activities or playing with friends. If you have questions about disciplining your children, talk with your pediatrician,” it advises. 
 
 Pediatricians will almost always recommend discipline that does not include hitting children, or forcing them to eat spices, washing their mouths out with soap or other abusive punishments. Only 6 percent of the 787 US pediatricians surveyed in 2016 approved of spanking, and only 2.5 percent actually expected it to do any good. 
 
 The American Psychological Association says positive reinforcement is more effective than spanking. 
 
 “Positive reinforcement for alternative behaviors is extremely effective,” it says.
– In the 1960s, 94% of parents used physical punishment on their children. In 2010, just 22% of parents did. Parents have figured out that there's a better way than spanking—and now it's time for yelling to experience that same reckoning. Most parents today yell at their kids, and in the New York Times, Stephen Marche calls the practice "the most widespread parental stupidity around today." Studies have found that shouting at kids can lead to increases in anxiety, stress, depression, and behavioral problems and decreases in self-esteem. It makes parents look out of control and weak, and all it accomplishes is teaching kids to yell themselves. "Yelling, even more than spanking, is the response of a person who doesn’t know what else to do," Marche writes—before explaining what else you can do. He highlights the ABCs of parenting, a process that does require advance planning: A: antecedents. Instead of yelling at your children every time they leave their shoes strewn around the room, clearly explain to them what you want them to do—before you want them to do it. In this case, talk to them in the morning about putting their shoes away when they come home from school. B: behaviors. Define, shape, and model the behavior you want. Put your own shoes away, and help your kids understand what to do. C: consequences. When your child puts his or her shoes away, or even gets them closer to where they're supposed to go, go over-the-top with praise, both verbal and nonverbal (touching). "The beauty of having a system is that instead of reacting after your kids do something bad, instead of waiting for them to mess up and then getting angry, you have a conscious plan," writes Marche. His full explanation of the system is here.