Dallas Swonger wants the world to just know one thing. 
 
 “I didn’t piss in the fucking water,” he says, pulling a drag off a Newport cigarette. 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 Dallas Swonger 
 
 The Portland teen is in the hot seat after surveillance video supposedly captured him taking a leak in a city reservoir early Wednesday morning, prompting officials to flush 38 million gallons of drinking water down the drain. 
 
 For those more visually inclined, that’s enough H20 to fill about 57 Olympic-size swimming pools. Or 304 million tallboy cans of Pabst Blue Ribbon. 
 
 “Yeah, it’s fucking retarded dude,” Swonger says. 
 
 In an exclusive, expletive-filled interview with Vocativ outside his mother’s home Thursday, the 18-year-old insisted that his piss never trickled into Portland’s drinking supply. He also lamented the looming reality that this story will make him a national (and international) laughing stock. 
 
 “Everybody thinks it’s funny and a joke and I’m going to be on the news,” he says, flicking the cigarette butt into a nearby bush. “It’s no fuckin’ joke, dude. I don’t want people thinkin’ that Dallas is a dumb ass because he pissed in the fuckin’ water. In our drinking water. Yeah, that’s fucking awesome. I mean, wouldn’t you be pissed about that?” 
 
 The night that launched the whiz-seen-round-the-world had started off on a more feel-good note for Swonger. He says he had moved back to town that very day from St. Helens, which is 30 miles north of Portland, where he had been living with his dad. Eager to shred with some friends, he and two buddies went to skateboard at Mount Tabor Park after hours, which is home to three of the city’s five uncovered drinking water reservoirs – and a handful of excellent hill runs. After bombing down the park’s western slope, nature began to call Swonger. It was around 1 a.m. and the three friends, along with two other people they met in the park, were near one of the reservoirs. 
 
 “I was like, ‘Dudes I have to piss so bad,’” he says. “So I just went over to the wall [of the reservoir].” 
 
 “I leaned up against the wall and pissed on it,” he says. “Right there on the wall, dude. I don’t know else how to describe it.” 
 
 Water Bureau officials, however, insist Swonger took a leek in the drink. “When you see the video, he’s leaning right up because he has to get his little wee wee right up to the iron bars,” bureau administrator Davd Shaff told the Oregonian. “There’s really no doubt what he’s doing.” 
 
 Water Bureau security and Portland Police officers later stopped Swonger and his two friends, identified as Trey McDaniel and Daniel McDonald, and cited all three with trespassing. Swonger was also cited for public urination. 
 
 While human pee is not a health hazard – and scores of animals piss, shit and die in Mount Tabor’s reservoirs every year – the city says it will dump a total of 38 million gallons of water, even though test results on Thursday showed no signs of water contamination. 
 
 “Like, how they can do that?” says Swonger. “How can they be like, ‘Yeah, we’re gonna flush all that water.’ Dude, I’ve seen dead birds in there. During the summer time I’ve see hella dead animals in there. Like dead squirrels and shit. I mean, really, dude?” 
 
 Yes, really. In 2011, city officials flushed 7.8 million gallons of reservoir water from Mount Tabor after another man decided to unzip and rip. The Water Bureau also says that it intends to pursue additional charges against Swonger. 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 Mount Tabor Reservoir: The city is flushing 38 million gallons of drinking water down the drain because it says Dallas peed in the open reservoir. REUTERS/Steve Dipaola 
 
 The whole ordeal has Swonger pretty rattled. “Dallas is really bummed out about all of it,” says his skateboard buddy McDonald, who we reached by phone on Thursday. “He’s a really good guy at heart. He just doesn’t make the best decisions. Honestly, he has the potential to do really good.” 
 
 As Swonger stood outside his family’s yellow, single-story house talking to a reporter, his mother suddenly opened the front door. “Dallas, don’t do anything stupid,” she says, ushering him indoors. She adds: “I’m sorry, he just graduated from high school. He’s trying to get his stuff together.” 
 
 Swonger stops at the front door and turns around. “Sorry, dude,” he says. “I don’t know, dude. I don’t know what’s going on.” ||||| Update: Kavanaugh and Vocativ are now reporting that the paperwork on this case lists an incorrect last name for the man accused of urinating in the reservoir. His name is Dallas Swonger. 
 
 
 
 Dallas Delynn says he didn’t urinate in Portland’s drinking supply, but rather on a wall next to it. 
 
 The 18-year-old caught on video hanging around the Mt. Tabor Reservoir system early Wednesday morning has granted his first interview to the online news magazine Vocativ. 
 
 In the free-flowing, profanity-laced conversation with former Oregonian reporter Shane Dixon Kavanaugh, Delynn said he did not urinate in the water: 
 
 “Everybody thinks it’s funny and a joke and I’m going to be on the news,” he says, flicking the cigarette butt into a nearby bush. “It’s no … joke, dude. I don’t want people thinkin’ that Dallas is dumb ass because he pissed in the … water. In our drinking water. Yeah, that’s … awesome. I mean, wouldn’t you be pissed about that?” 
 
 Instead, Delynn said he urinated on the wall next to Reservoir 5. 
 
 Delynn and two friends were given written citations for trespassing – Delynn also was written up for urinating somewhere other than a park bathroom – and barred from Mt. Tabor for 30 days. Portland Water Bureau officials are working with the Multnomah County District Attorney to determine whether there are criminal charges to be filed. 
 
 
 
 Delynn also told Kavanaugh he thinks it's silly to flush 38 million gallons of water: 
 
 "Like, how they can do that?” says Delynn. “How can they be like, ‘Yeah, we’re gonna flush all that water.’ Dude, I’ve seen dead birds in there. During the summer time I’ve see hella dead animals in there. ... I mean, really, dude?” ||||| Update: Portland Commissioner Nick Fish, who oversees the Water Bureau, says dumping 38 million gallons of water is the "conservative but correct" decision. Read more. 
 
 Portland administrators will flush 38 million gallons of water from Mt. Tabor Reservoir 5 after a 19-year-old man urinated in the city’s drinking supply. 
 
 “Even though there is very minimal public health risk, the bottom line is that our commitment is to serve water that’s clean, cold and constant,” said Water Bureau administrator David Shaff. “That doesn’t include pee. Not from people, at least.” 
 
 The Portland Water Bureau has made public the video that prompted a security officer to call police Wednesday morning. Watch it here. 
 
 Around 1 a.m. Wednesday, the security officer who monitors video cameras at the reservoir complex spotted five people with skateboards “hanging out near the gatehouse,” Shaff said. 
 
 Three of the men headed toward Reservoir 5, the kidney-shaped landmark on the western flank of Mt. Tabor. 
 
 The camera caught one man as he stopped, leaned against the iron fence and, after a moment or two, hitched up his pants and pulled away from the bars, Shaff said. 
 
 “When you see the video, he’s leaning right up because he has to get his little wee wee right up to the iron bars. There’s really no doubt what he’s doing,” Shaff said. 
 
 “It’s stupid. You can see the sign that says: ‘This is your drinking water. Don’t spit, throw, toss anything in it.’ He’s four feet away from that sign. Unless he’s from North Dakota and just moved here, he’s got to know that’s our drinking water.” 
 
 The video also shows two men trying to climb the fence. One made it and may have stepped in the water -- “If so, he discovered that it’s really, uncomfortably cold,” Shaff said. Then the men spent some time taking cell phone pictures of themselves. 
 
 While the group was documenting its visit to the reservoir, a Water Bureau security officer and Portland Police officers headed in their direction. Police stopped a car on Southeast 69th Avenue near the east entrance to the park and cited three men on accusations of trespassing; one was also given a citation accusing him of public urination. Police have not released the names of those cited and have not decided whether to charge anyone with additional crimes. 
 
 The Water Bureau used to keep security guards on duty at the Mt. Tabor and Washington Park reservoirs around the clock. But those posts were cut several years ago in an attempt to limit rate increases. 
 
 Now the bureau has guards patrol all Water Bureau property, including the reservoirs, and officers who monitor reservoir security cameras from the city’s Emergency Operations Center in east Portland. Shaff said he does not believe having a security guard posted at Mt. Tabor would have sped the response Wednesday morning. 
 
 Water Bureau officials turned off the pipes that carry water to and from Reservoir 5 immediately. They expect test results on the water to come back Thursday, and to show no contamination or health risk. 
 
 Still, crews will flush the reservoir -- and give it a second spring cleaning on top of the one it received about a month ago -- over the next four to six days just to be safe and to reassure consumers. 
 
 Strange things end up in Portland’s water supply all the time, with minimal risk or impact to users. And this is not the first time human beings have attempted to interfere with the stuff that comes out of Stumptown taps: In 2008, a man and a woman caught skinny dipping in Mt. Tabor were sentenced to 16 hours of community service each. 
 
 Three years ago, the city flushed 8 million gallons of water after a 21-year-old Molalla man peed in Mt. Tabor Reservoir 1. 
 
 City officials estimated that flushing the water and cleaning up after that episode cost $35,000. Shaff said he wasn’t sure what this effort will cost. The current shutdown at Mt. Tabor won’t impact Portland water users, he said. 
 
 “Right now we’ve got 100-plus million gallons of day free flowing down the river because the Bull Run reservoirs are as full as they can be,” he said. “I’ve got tons of water available that doesn’t have human pee in it, so I’m going to replace this.” 
 
 The federal government has ordered Portland and other cities with open-air reservoirs to cover them. City leaders are waiting on results of a May ballot measure that could shift control of the Water Bureau from the City Council to a new independently elected board to decide how to proceed. 
 
 -- Anna Griffin
– The Portland teen accused of peeing in a city reservoir on Wednesday insists he didn't do it—in a relatively NSFW defense. "Yeah, it's f---ing retarded, dude," 18-year-old Dallas Swonger tells Vocativ in what the site calls an "expletive-filled interview" given as Swonger smoked a Newport cigarette. "I didn't piss in the f---ing water." He explains that he did urinate, after a night of skateboarding at Mount Tabor Park, but he did so against the wall of the reservoir, not into the reservoir. "I was like, 'Dudes I have to piss so bad.' So I just went over to the wall. I leaned up against the wall and pissed on it. Right there on the wall, dude. I don’t know else how to describe it." Officials beg to differ (a Water Bureau official got very specific about it, saying that surveillance video showed Swonger making sure "to get his little wee wee right up to the iron bars"), and thus decided to dump 38 million gallons of water, but Swonger notes that even if his urine had made it into the water, he doesn't see what the big deal is. "Dude, I’ve seen dead birds in there. During the summer time I've see hella dead animals in there. Like dead squirrels and s---. I mean, really, dude?" Vocativ also got amusing quotes from Swonger's mom ("I’m sorry, he just graduated from high school. He’s trying to get his stuff together") and one of the friends skateboarding with him that night ("He just doesn’t make the best decisions. Honestly, he has the potential to do really good"). Possible criminal charges are still pending, the Oregonian notes. The paper also reports that the water tested clean of urine-related toxins, but all 38 million gallons will still be dumped.