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 G Christina Aguilera: While Christina was married to Jordan Bratman, the pop star loved to run around in sexy costumes to spice up their marriage and staffers were continually picking up her “maid’s dresses, nurse’s uniforms, and other risqué clothing off the floor!” a mole told Star a few years ago. In 2012, a source reported that The Voice judge, now divorced, requires that there’s a bottle of Dom Perignon chilling on ice for her at all times. 
 
 G Ryan Gosling: Star recently reported the hunky actor has some strange habits at home, including peeing while sitting down, creeping up the stairs on all fours and sleeping with his head at the foot of his bed. He also enjoys a good wax, said the household snitch: “Ryan hates having any hair on his chest or back—he gets waxed multiple times a month.” 
 
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 G Jessica Simpson: According to a Star insider, Jessica is known to bug staffers by dropping her hair extensions all over. “It looks like an animal has been shedding all over her house,” the source sighed. And one housekeeper got the fright of her life thinking she saw a large black spider in the bedroom—instead, it turned out to be one of Jessica’s fake eyelashes! Maybe her habit will change because she’s had a new baby? 
 
 G Jennifer Aniston: In 2010, Star reported that the Friends star shocked the help by flaunting her nakedness in front of them. Jen thought nothing of walking around in her bra and underwear, a see-through tank top and sheer panties or a skimpy bikini, a source said. She also sunbathed topless and staffers signed for oodles of packages of sexy underwear that she purchased online. Another insider with knowledge of her living habits reported she and fiancé Justin Theroux consulted the book Fifty Shades of Grey for inspiration in trying to get Jen pregnant. But if recent breakup reports are true, she may be living alone again! 
 
 F Sandra Bullock: The Heat star has told her housekeepers the curtains should always stay closed, according to a report last year in Star. The adoptive mom of precious son Louis is so paranoid about people looking in her windows that she has the drapes closed day and night, a source said. 
 
 G George Clooney: A few years back, Star learned the movie hunk made sure employees didn’t imbibe his pricey liquor! “He has his decanters marked so he can see exactly how much is in them and to make sure nobody ever secretly takes a swig,” confided a friend of a housekeeper. And last year, more information about The Descendants actor came to light in Star-- he was called a “disgusting pig” who burped and farted around his household help. 
 
 G Mariah Carey: According to a Star snitch, the former American Idol judge’s liquor glasses were always overflowing on the home front. “Mariah will sometimes drink so much that she gets loopy,” a source claimed, and she required assistance in getting dressed. Although Mariah is known for treating employees very well, they also earn their keep—last year, an insider told Star Mariah’s glam squad had to do her hair and makeup after she had passed out drunk. 
 
 G Tom Cruise: When Tom was married to Katie Holmes, their house was full of rules and operated like a hotel with relatives and friends coming and going constantly, staffers dished to Star. Tom was vigilant about cleanliness—especially in his private gym, and didn’t even allow Katie to use his equipment, a spy said. Still, the famously secretive couple worked hard not to let their guard down around employees in private, according to the source. 
 
 G Tori Spelling: Tori and Dean have four kids, and it’s no mystery why—Dean is “the Energizer Bunny when it comes to sex,” a source close to a family employee told Star in May 2010. Even if the help is around, Dean goes into graphic detail with Tori on what he wants to do to her. Dean’s outfit of choice around the house? Nothing but his boxers! the source said. 
 
 G Britney Spears: A source familiar with the singer’s home in 2010 said she kept a collection of sex toys in a drawer in her nightstand. But even more embarrassingly, a maid pulled out some half-eaten burgers, fries, and cookies from under Britney’s bed, a household mole told Star. The messy star takes off her clothes and flings them on the floor when she gets home, another insider shared. 
 
 G Demi Moore: According to a 2012 report in Star, the actress can’t bear to look in the mirror unless the lighting is perfect. “Amber bulbs are the order of the day at Demi’s house,” a source said. “She believes the softer light is more flattering.” In fact, the 50-year-old beauty hoards cases of the special bulbs in her home, scared they’ll stop being manufactured, the article reported. 
 
 S Kristen Stewart: The Twilight homewrecker is a chain smoker around her house, said a snitch. “She puffs away like a chimney and leaves cigarette butts everywhere—in the shower, in the potted plants, and once they found one inside the fridge!” the source said in Star. 
 
 G Kim Zolciak: A 2010 Star report exposed the former Real Housewives of Atlanta star and Don’t Be Tardy reality diva as a heavy smoker who kept $1,000 Versace ashtrays lying around everywhere. It got messy because “she often uses the sink in her master bath to ash,” an insider said. But now she’s pregnant again by hubby Kroy Biermann and claims the cigarettes are history! As RadarOnline has reported, Kim recently said that a picture allegedly taken of her smoking while pregnant with her fifth child was an old photo and she was considering legal action. 
 
 G Lindsay Lohan: Everyone who worked for her a few years again told Star the Hollywood wild child slept in way past noon on most days. And when she did get up, the house workers said, she was often in a foul mood because of a hangover. In 2012, a source told Star that Lindsay had to call a locksmith—after she lost the key to a locked trunk in her bedroom that was full of sex toys! 
 
 G Cindy Crawford: The supermodel is the rare celebrity employer who you’d want to work for! In 2012, a source told Star after Cindy did a shoot for Cadillac, the company gave her the car to keep. Cindy asked her assistant, “ ‘Do you want it? I don’t need it’—and gave her the Caddy!” 
 
 G Taylor Swift: An insider said the young singing superstar is the cat lady at home! She owns a few cats and her entire home is filled with photos of them, according to a person familiar with her house. “She’s constantly grooming them to reduce the cat hair.” Many of Taylor’s clothes, shoes, and underwear feature cat patterns. And “she makes the housekeeper leave cat food and milk outside, so the neighborhood strays flock to her stoop,” the Star source reported. 
 
 G Jim Carrey: In a 2010 Star article, a household source claimed Jim is a chameleon just like in the movies. “He’s incredibly hard to work for, because you never know what kind of guy you’re going to get. One moment he is the sweetest guy in the world, and the next he is screaming at you at the top of his lungs.” 
 
 S Miley Cyrus: Miley’s pups Mate, a white shepherd, and Sophie, a Maltipoo, weren’t very well trained, according to a mole who worked for the singer and spoke to Star about her. “They poop and pee at will in the house.” When the dogs had accidents, Miley yelled for a maid to clean up the mess. 
 
 G Kirstie Alley: The star said Cheers to pets, but her employees? Not so much—because Kirstie allegedly was never bothered when they did their business inside. “The place is often littered with what Kirstie calls ‘little surprises,’ “ an insider dished to Star. When the source spoke to the magazine, the actress had a menagerie of a dozen pets, so her home sure didn’t smell like a bed of roses! 
 
 G Bruce Springsteen: The Boss loves to fraternize with his female help, according to an insider. “Bruce hits on them constantly,” said the Star source, who claimed winking and flirting with his housekeepers, maids, and assistants was common. “If there is a woman around the house, Bruce makes his presence known!” 
 
 G Jennifer Lopez: In 2010, the mom of twins was branded so cheap that her employees called her “Pay-low!” According to the ex-worker who spoke to Star, the singer/actress expected people to slave away for her for half of what they would make elsewhere. Supposedly Jenny from the Block felt that because she once had to struggle to make it, everyone should! 
 
 G Martha Stewart: The domestic diva made her workers color the bottoms of her Louboutin shoes, a source said in Star. Martha’s staffers were kept busy because she wasn’t a fan of the signature red soles and always wanted the red changed to black with a Sharpie. 
 
 G Kate Gosselin: The reality star got so concerned about looking good that if she ran out of a certain beauty product, she would scream at the staff, according to Star. Kate’s helpers often had to work overtime watching the mom’s eight kids while she was obsessing over her outfits, makeup, and hair, said the magazine source. 
 
 G Johnny Depp: The actor famous for his odd movie getups is the same at home, an insider revealed to Star in a 2010 article. “He is really into costumes,” the source said. “Johnny loves to try them on and slip into a character.” He also did it to make his then-partner Vanessa Paradis laugh by putting on her heels or dresses and walking around, the source claimed. But maybe it wasn’t so funny after all, as the never-married couple recently split after many years and two kids together. 
 
 G Madonna: In 2009, Angela Jacobsen, the former nanny for Madonna’s son, David Banda, whom the star adopted from Malawi, told an Australian TV show, “I was on call 24 hours a day.” Jacobsen said Madonna demanded that everyone in her household be on a macrobiotic diet and also revealed “there wasn’t any television in the house.” After Jacobsen was apparently reminded about her confidentiality agreement with the Material Girl, however, she clammed up! Three years later, however, another ray of light was shed on what it was like to live with Madonna. Star’s sources claimed the singer asked her assistant to get her water at least six times throughout the night, every night, and paid the employee only half of what other celebrity assistants earned. ||||| The only thing memorable about Sex and the City 2 is the number two part, which describes it totally, if you get my drift. Everything else in this deadly, brainless exercise in pointless tedium is dedicated to the screeching audacity of delusional self-importance that convinces these people the whole world is waiting desperately to watch two hours and 25 minutes of platform heels, fake orgasms and preposterous clothes. It is to movies what fried dough is to nutrition. 
 
 It has been two years since their last chick flick and in the interim, Carrie, Samantha, Charlotte and Miranda have turned from Cosmo girls who munch into cougar ladies who lunch. They still devote their lives to the credo that no crisis is ever so great that it can’t be solved by a new pair of Manolo Blahniks, but now there’s a difference. No longer waiting for orgasms, they’re waiting for menopause, and in all four cases, they’ve found it. No film has ever contained so many sloppy hairdos soaking wet from hot flashes. Tired of being called the heterosexual equivalent of Armistead Maupin’s gay West Coast lampoon Tales of the City in the San Francisco Chronicle, this installment opens with Carrie in a man’s tuxedo, playing the best man at a gay wedding almost as vulgar as the homophobic one-liners about the minister, played by-are you ready?-Liza Minnelli, who parodies herself by telling the congregation, “Marriage is serious … or so they tell me,” before blasting off with Beyoncé’s “Single Ladies (Put a Ring on It).” 
 
 Carrie, a neurotic Black Belt shopper who lives for designer labels, and an occasional columnist who writes about being fabulous and single, has been married two years to Mr. Big (Chris Noth), who once dumped her at the altar. (Sarah Jessica Parker looks better after her face mole was surgically removed, so why does her hair look like 20 pounds of mattress stuffing?) Uptight, Waspy-turned-Jewess Charlotte (Kristin Davis) brings her bald Jewish husband, her two babies and a nanny without a bra. Miranda (Cynthia Nixon) is back with nice-guy bartender Steve (David Eigenberg), but still too preoccupied as a lawyer to pay much attention to her home life (although rarely seen so much as filing a brief). Samantha (Kim Cattrall), still the group slut who has slept with every eligible man in Manhattan and half of Brooklyn without learning anything about real life in the Porthault sheets, brings a new face that looks like some of the sutures are still in it and her usual stinging one-liners. (“It’s a gay wedding-what’s one more bitch with an attitude?”) These are the jokes, and since the four women dress like drag queens, it’s not always easy to tell the difference. 
 
 Substituting for a plot, the four bimbos brew trouble in paradise. Allergic to the kitchen, Carrie calls herself “more Coco Chanel than coq au vin” and wants to go out on the town every night, while Big pleads for osso buco at home and watching old black-and-white classics in bed like It Happened One Night. (The only sane person in the entire film, if you ask me.) Smith (Jason Lewis), the old squeeze Samantha turned into a Hollywood star by smearing sushi on her V-word, comes to town for his new movie premiere and puts a temporary smile on her face, although it sags again when Miley Cyrus shows up on the red carpet wearing the same dress. (Penélope Cruz also makes a cameo appearance as the senior VP of the Bank of Madrid. Who could make this stuff up?) You keep asking yourself, “Where is this going?” And the only answer you come up with is “Every place it’s already been before.” In the 2008 chapter, Carrie had a nervous breakdown in a Vivienne Westwood wedding gown that looked like a cloud of lemon meringue pie on the front steps of the New York Public Library, and her soulmates whisked her off to Mexico for mariachis, margaritas and a dose of Montezuma’s Revenge for Charlotte, who pooped in her lingerie. This time, after Mr. Big suggests two days a week off from marriage, they all drag Carrie to Abu Dhabi (played by Morocco), where more than an hour is wasted on camel rides, karaoke numbers and insulting Middle East jokes like “Abu Dhabi Doo,” “Bedouin, Bath and Beyond” and “Lawrence of My Labia.” A mild touch of feminism makes a brief appearance when a group of women covered in black confess they’ve been inspired by a forbidden book by their idol … Suzanne Somers!! Samantha gets arrested for nudity and kissing in public; Carrie loses her passport in the casbah; and they almost miss their return flight, which elicits from Samantha a mournful shriek: “I can’t be in menopause and coach!” 
 
 Dragging its deplorable carcass into infinity, Sex and the City 2 is so bad you can’t even watch the trailer. Almost everyone who has ever appeared on the TV series reappears to mutter two or three lines that contribute nothing to the film they’re in. The women-too old now to pout, whine and babble about their wet dreams, affluent and successful for reasons that are never clear-are all vain, narcissistic, selfish, superficial and really rather stupid. The actors work hard to perform triage, but they’ve been playing these roles so long they’ve grown moss. The insipid screenplay and catatonic direction seem chloroformed. Both are by Michael Patrick King. He’s an expert at product placement and marketing (the end credits list hundreds of free plugs for everything from limousines to breakfast cereal), but I seriously doubt if he could direct Jeeps in the middle of the Mojave desert. 
 
 When all this greed pays off with millions in box office receipts, the hacks responsible for Sex and the City 2 will say, “I told you so.” But that won’t make the movie any better. You can’t make caviar out of jujubes. 
 
 rreed@observer.com 
 
 Sex and the City 2 
 
 Running time 146 minutes 
 
 Written and directed by Michael Patrick King 
 
 Starring Sarah Jessica Parker, Cynthia Nixon, Kim Cattrall, Kristin Davis, Chris Noth 
 
 
 
 1 Eyeball out of 4 
 
 
 
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– On the red carpet, they look so glamorous—but it's the housekeepers and assistants who see what celebrities are really like when the tuxes and the gowns come off. Radar rounds up 31 secrets of the stars, as told to tabloids by the hired help. From the glamorous couple that supposedly doesn't shower for weeks on end to the diva who insists her entire household be on a macrobiotic diet, click through the gallery for a sampling. Or check out the complete list—which includes one sexy fella who liked to dress up in his woman's clothes and parade around the house. You can also read about 12 celebs' movie-salary secrets here.