Ricki Lake didn’t want to say goodbye. 
 
 Married to jewelry designer Christian Evans in April 2012, the actress and former talk show host was devastated to learn that he had taken his life on Feb. 11. Evans’s death at age 45 compelled Lake to reveal that he had been battling bipolar disorder — and that his manic episodes had led to the couple’s divorce in 2015 even though they continued their relationship until as recently as last fall. 
 
 “I have to spread the word about recognizing this disorder and getting treatment as soon as possible,” Lake tells PEOPLE in this week’s issue. “Christian didn’t want to be labeled as bipolar, but he admitted he was in the note he left. That was him finally owning it. That was him giving me permission to tell his story.” 
 
 When Lake, 48, and Evans began dating in September 2010, “I felt like the luckiest girl that he chose me,” she says. “He was the funniest person. He was so charismatic.” Evans was upfront with Lake about his condition and admitted he had been diagnosed with bipolar disorder earlier in life. “He had a lot of self-esteem issues and a lot of demons,” she says. “But I understood him, and he was someone that I think a lot of people misunderstood.” 
 
 Married in April 2012, the two settled into their life together. “We never fought, we never had an argument. He showed up for my kids,” recalls Lake, who has two sons, Milo, 19, and Owen, 15, from her first marriage to Rob Sussman. “He was this quiet force that was just all about love and goodness and wanting to help people.” 
 
 Cheyenne Ellis 
 
 Kate Szatmari 
 
 Lake first witnessed one of Evans’ manic episodes in September 2014. “I didn’t know what the hell hit me, because I didn’t know what it looked like, so I didn’t see it coming,” she says. “For me, someone who has lived with him for four years and seen how hard it was for him to get out of bed and be excited for things, I saw him starting to be happy. It presented initially as him being motivated.” At the height of his mania, Evans “thought he could fly. He thought he could cure cancer with his hands,” Lake adds. “It was horrific. He just wasn’t the person I had been with for four years.” 
 
 Watch the full episode of PEOPLE’s Features: Ricki Lake’s Tragic Loss, streaming now on People/Entertainment Weekly Network (PEN). Go to PEOPLE.com/PEN, or download the app for Apple TV, Roku, Amazon Fire TV, Xumo, Chromecast, Xfinity, iOS and Android devices. 
 
 Following the advice of their therapist to cut off contact until Evans stabilized, Lake filed for divorce the next month. Evans was eventually hospitalized under a 5150 hold and then entered a treatment facility. “He didn’t want to be there, and he didn’t want to be medicated,” she says. “But he did it to appease me.” 
 
 After Evans was released, the two continued their relationship, despite their divorce being finalized in 2015, and eventually moved back in together. “He wasn’t stable, and he was so fragile,” Lake says. “But I was still in love with him, so there was something romantic about it. I wanted to save him.” 
 
 For more from Ricki Lake, pick up this week’s issue of PEOPLE, on newsstands Friday 
 
 Courtesy Ricki Lake 
 
 Evans’ mania returned this last September and he moved out again. This time, “I was upset, but I wasn’t surprised,” the actress adds. “I knew he was having an episode, and there was nothing I could do.” Lake was working in London when she received a text on Feb. 11 from Evans’ sister saying he had emailed a suicide note. “I knew right then that he was gone. Everybody thought he was missing, but I knew.” 
 
 He was found two days later in his car with a self-inflicted gunshot wound. “The struggle was just too much for him,” Lake says through tears. “He did the best he could.” 
 
 As for the future, “I am going to try my best to honor him by living a full and happy life,” she says. “I don’t know what’s in store for me, but I’m an optimist.” She plans to scatter some of Evans’ ashes on their favorite beach in Ibiza this summer — and insists she has no regrets. “I never stopped loving that man,” she adds. “I’m so lucky I got these beautiful years with him.” 
 
 If you or someone you know is struggling with bipolar disorder, please call 1-800-662-HELP (4357) or visit the National Institute of Mental Health online at nimh.nih.gov. The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is open 24 hours a day. Call 1-800-273-8255. ||||| (CNN) -- "MasterChef" runner-up Joshua Marks was found dead of a gunshot to his head in an alley on Chicago's south side Friday night, police said Saturday. 
 
 Investigators have not yet ruled whether Marks, who has publicly acknowledged suffering from bipolar disorder, committed suicide, Chicago Police spokesman John Mirabelli told CNN. 
 
 Marks, 26, lost to winner Christine Ha in the final round of the Fox reality cooking competition's third season. 
 
 His death comes three months after he was arrested following a scuffle with several Chicago police officers, according to the Chicago Tribune. Marks told police he had been possessed by "MasterChef" judge Gordon Ramsay, who turned him into God, the newspaper reported. 
 
 Ramsay posted a message on his Twitter account Saturday reacting to Marks' death: "Just heard the devastating news about Josh Marks. My thoughts are with his family & friends at this tragic time." 
 
 Marks -- who at 7-foot-2 was known by friends as "a gentle giant" -- spoke about his mental illness in a public service video he recorded for the Make a Sound Project, a suicide awareness program. 
 
 The project promotes "how to use music as an alternative to the crazy thoughts you may have going in you mind," Marks said in the video. "Me personally, I have bipolar disorder, so, you know, I'll get a little anxious sometimes, and how I cool out is, I listen to music and just listen to the words and just relax and, you know, find my melody. I wish we had some music going on in here right now." 
 
 But after Marks was arrested, project founder Mike Castaneda told a reporter he was removing Marks from the venture, but on Saturday, Castaneda described his comment as "a poor statement." 
 
 A media outlet "had contacted us and made the statement, 'Is it safe to say you're dropping Josh in light of recent events' to which I ignorantly replied immediately, 'yes.' It wasn't the thought that I would actually drop Josh, especially being as that he's a friend of mine. I know I should have used better wording just knowing that I couldn't use him for events until he was through his situation and healthy again," Castaneda said in an e-mail to CNN. 
 
 "He has been a good friend to me and though I've made a mistake I would hope that Josh would feel the same way," Castaneda added. "I will miss Josh more than any one will know. I just pray through this more will come to seek help before it's too late." Detectives are talking to witnesses and examining security camera video from near where Marks' body was found, Mirabelli said. 
 
 A determination of suicide would not be made until an autopsy is completed this weekend, he said. 
 
 People we've lost in 2013 
 
 CNN's KJ Matthews contributed to this report.
– In a candid conversation with Marc Maron on the comedian's WTF podcast this week, David Harbour revealed he was once committed to a mental asylum. The actor, now 43, said that when he was 25, about a year and a half after he got sober, he got involved with mystical Catholicism and had a manic episode. "“I really had like, a bit of a break where I thought I was in connection to some sort of God that I wasn’t really in connection to. It was like I had all the answers suddenly," said Harbour, who plays Sheriff Jim Hopper on Stranger Things. He noted that he wasn't on drugs and that his parents were the ones who took him to the asylum, People reports. He was ultimately diagnosed with bipolar disorder. "That’s actually when the drugs came in," he noted. "I’ve been medicated bipolar for a long time. And I’ve had problems going on and off. I’ve had a struggle, going on and off the medications." He added that every time he's had a similar episode, "it’s always coupled with spirituality," which is why, for his mental health, he needs cheeseburgers and video games more than yoga and meditation. "Because like the minute I get close to that—what I consider a flame—of like 'the answers' and the mysticism … it’s like I’m out of my mind." On Tuesday he tweeted a link to the podcast along with the note, "If someone you love still suffers shame about a diagnosis, or a fellow parent worries that their bipolar kid won’t be able to make it, our @WTFpod could soothe." Listen here; the conversation starts around the hour-and-seven-minute mark.