It was in a weak moment of newfound singlehood that I thought, “Hmm, I wonder what he’s up to now.” Having severed our Facebook friendship, along with our romance, a few years ago, I clicked over to Flickr, the one place I knew could give me a glimpse into his life. And there it was: a self-portrait of him wearing a wedding ring. 
 
 Ignoring the gender dictates of marital tradition, I irrationally rationalized that it was merely an engagement ring. “No, he’s not married,” I thought. “Is he married? No way he’s married.” 
 
 Internet-stalker style, I found further proof on Twitter: Someone had live-tweeted a photo from the wedding. There he was in his tux at the end of the aisle during the sunny, outdoor ceremony. There were shots too of the bride and the happy couple’s Lego-people cake-topper. The term “TMI” is sorely overused, but this was the definition of it. It’s one thing to realize that the man you once wanted to marry and have babies with is on that path with someone else, and another to be a virtual witness to it. 
 
 Conventional wisdom, and even science, has it that cutting off contact with an ex makes for a smoother recovery. But nowadays — said in my best granny voice — it’s much more difficult to get distance from an ex. (Funnily enough, my married ex is thousands of miles away — and it was the Internet that allowed our long-distance relationship to exist in the first place.) It isn’t as easy as tearing your rotary phone from the wall. It isn’t even as simple as deleting an ex’s number from your cellphone. There’s Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and the rest of the Internet with which to contend. 
 
 My ex’s live-tweeted marriage reminded me of this. So did my most recent breakup with a man whom I remain connected to via three social media platforms. But then there came yet another reminder this week — a study with a finding that will surprise no one: “Facebook stalking” an ex “may obstruct the process of healing and moving on from a past relationship.” You can no longer pretend that hitting “refresh” on your ex’s profile is helping you “process.” 
 
 The study by Tara C. Marshall, a psychology professor at Brunel University, found that “Facebook surveillance was associated with greater current distress over the breakup, more negative feelings, sexual desire, and longing for the ex-partner, and lower personal growth.” More surprisingly, those who stayed Facebook friends with their ex “reported less negative feelings, sexual desire, and longing for the former partner” — but they were “lower in personal growth.” Marshall suggests this may be because “unbidden exposure to the potentially banal status updates, comments, and photos of an ex-partner through remaining Facebook friends may have decreased any residual attraction to the ex-partner,” whereas defriended exes “remain shrouded in an alluring mystique.” ||||| A CUNY public health professor who specializes in sexuality is the first to bring a civil suit under the city’s new revenge porn law — against her ex-boyfriend for allegedly posting explicit images and videos of her online alongside a screenshot of her faculty page. 
 
 Dr. Spring Chenoa Cooper, 37, broke up with Brooklyn comedian Ryan Broems, 31, in November after a “tumultuous” year-long relationship. They split after she learned that he’d slept with five other women just in the previous week, according to her Manhattan Supreme Court suit. 
 
 But instead of letting her go, Broems savagely harassed Cooper, the suit says. In January, she awoke to a daily barrage of early morning Snapchats showing Broems masturbating, according to court papers. 
 
 When she blocked the chats, he started broadcasting intimate pictures and videos of her on Tumblr along with her CUNY, OK Cupid and Facebook profiles, the suit says. 
 
 On Jan. 15, she received a message from someone using the online moniker CALIDADDY26 with the warning, “I know who you are, be my personal webslut, or I’ll post you on my slut exposing blog.” 
 
 She suspects CALIDADDY26 is her ex, because the next day he posted three compromising photos of her on a Tumblr page. The first two showed her face and nude body and the other was her OK Cupid profile. 
 
 She’d only ever shared those photos with Broems. He also knew that she’d expressed her distaste for his proclivity for viewing other people’s revenge porn while they were dating. 
 
 Still, she was hysterical when she saw the postings. 
 
 “I never expected anybody that I loved to betray the trust I had put in them,” Cooper told The Post in an interview. 
 
 “I was worried that my career would be over,” Cooper said. 
 
 She obtained an order of protection in Family Court, but the posts kept coming. 
 
 So she filed a police report and Broems was arrested in February and charged with six misdemeanors. 
 
 Still the harassment escalated — this time from viewers of the revenge porn. 
 
 “I have strangers contact me constantly through my work phone and email address and on Facebook,” Cooper said. 
 
 “They are very rude. They say very inappropriate things,” she said, like “slut” and “stupid c–t.” 
 
 “They’re demanding photos, threatening to repost and re-share the things that they’ve seen if I don’t give them what they want,” she explained. 
 
 “I hate looking at my phone now. I dread picking it up,” she said. 
 
 In all, CALIDDADDY26 and another user named INRISKWETRUST, who Cooper suspects is also her ex, have posted 11 images and six videos. 
 
 So she filed another police report against her ex in March. Broems was arrested again and is facing a second set of charges. 
 
 His “actions were undertaken specifically to humiliate and terrorize plaintiff, who has devoted her life to sexual health and sexual assault prevention,” the suit says. 
 
 Her attorney, Daniel Szalkiewicz, says Cooper is the first to file a civil suit under the city’s revenge porn law that went into effect in February. 
 
 “I applaud Dr. Cooper for having the courage to stand up and be the first to bring an action under the new New York City statute. 
 
 “We look forward to having her day in court,” Szalkiewicz said. 
 
 The criminal component of the statue provides for up to a year in jail and a $1,000 fine. Victims can also sue for money damages, legal fees and injunctions to block postings. 
 
 Cooper’s seeking an unspecified sum for “severe emotional distress.” 
 
 “I think it’s very important that we get cases on the books,” she said. “I want to make real change so that this stops happening.” 
 
 Broems said he was unaware of the suit and strongly denied the allegations. 
 
 “I literally had zero to do with that,” he told The Post. “I would never post anything like that of her online.” ||||| Breaking up is hard enough without having to see your ex’s newfound happiness flung in your face every time you log on to Facebook . But that doesn’t necessarily mean you want to unfriend or block your ex. There should be some middle ground. 
 
 Today, Facebook says it will begin to experiment with new tools that will help people better manage these complicated relationships. The tools will be designed to give users the option to digitally distance themselves from their former loved ones without having to take drastic measures. 
 
 According to the company, Facebook will now prompt users to try the new tools when they change their relationship status on the social network. Afterward, they’ll be shown the option to “see less” from that person, as well as limit what that person sees from you. You’ll also be able to make changes to past posts and photos. 
 
 The idea is to give the two parties some space, in the virtual sense, following their breakup. 
 
 With one of the new options, you’ll be able to tell Facebook they would like to see less of the person in question – meaning you won’t see the person’s posts in your News Feed, and you won’t be prompted through auto-suggestions to message them or tag them in photos. Before, all Facebook would do was keep an ex from showing up in its sidebar “Photo Memories” module, which was nice, but far from enough. 
 
 Your ex will never be notified you’re making these changes, either. That’s a big plus given that it’s a lot easier to deduce if you’ve been unfriended or blocked these days, which can take an awkward situation and make it even worse. 
 
 In addition to disappearing an ex’s name and posts from your News Feed, you can also limit what your ex can see from you, says Facebook. On another screen, you can choose to maintain your current privacy settings, or you can choose to hide your posts from the person in question. 
 
 That means the ex would only see the posts you’ve explicitly tagged them in, those you’ve shared publicly, or those shared on mutual friends’ Timelines. This option also limits their ability to see some of the posts you’re tagged in, as well, even when those weren’t items you posted. 
 
 Finally, in what feels like the digital equivalent of burning old photographs and love notes, Facebook will now let you go back through your previous posts and adjust the privacy associated with each or untag yourself from them. 
 
 First date? Bam, gone. Weekend getaway? No more. Valentine’s dinner? Vanished. It’s almost like you can pretend it never happened. And frankly, going through the process of untagging and adjusting the privacy could be quite cathartic. 
 
 You can make these adjustments on an individual basis or in bulk. That means you can make the posts visible only to those people who are tagged in them, says Facebook. 
 
 This latter option could also help you adjust the privacy of posts and photos after a breakup but before you befriend a new flame. That’s useful, too, as you know they will, naturally, scour through all your old photos as they Facebook-stalk you for the first time. 
 
 If you’ve already broken up with someone and have adjusted your Facebook status accordingly, you can still go back and use these tools, says Facebook – they’ll be available from the Help Center at any time. 
 
 The tools are rolling out now in the U.S. on mobile only and are optional. Facebook may make further adjustments before launching them to its wider user base. 
 
 Though obviously the emphasis here is on dealing with the fallout of failed romantic relationships, these kind of tools that guide you through the process of making privacy changes to better reflect your real-world relationships would be welcome in other areas of our digital lives, as well. For example, by making sure grandparents didn’t see your wild parties, or that casual acquaintances couldn’t see so deeply into your life. 
 
 But for now, the option to “Facebook breakup” is sure to be welcomed by those who want some space, but aren’t ready to ban their ex from their digital life so forcefully or permanently.
– What with Facebook, Flickr, and other fine venues for stalking "exes," breakups aren't nearly as final as they once were. But for your own good, please stop following them around cyberspace. "Conventional wisdom, and even science, has it that cutting off contact with an ex makes for a smoother recovery," writes Tracy Clark-Flory at Salon. And she knows the struggle all too well, having tracked an ex from Flickr to Twitter until she realized that the ring on his finger wasn't "merely an engagement ring." Not only was he already married, but Clark-Flory had to see a live-tweeted photo of him standing in the aisle. "It’s one thing to realize that the man you once wanted to marry" has moved on, she writes, "and another to be a virtual witness to it." Clark-Flory digs up studies to make her case, like one that finds "Facebook stalking ... may obstruct the process of healing" and another in which 30% of college students admit to posting status updates "to taunt or hurt" an ex. The only problem: "It’s never been easier to secretly keep tabs on exes," writes Clark-Flory, "and it’s never been harder not to."