1.5 stars (out of 4) 
 
 Hi there, everyone! This Happytime Murders review is brought to you by the letter “I.” Insipid. Imbeciles. Incomprehensible. Insane. You can use that last word in a sentence such as “The person that thought this witless, crude black noire puppet farce would be a rousing crowd-pleaser must be insane.” The letter also can be used on its own, as in “I think we have a strong contender for the worst film of 2018.” 
 
 Let’s address the stuffed elephant in the room: This scathing review isn’t a case of a critic not having the bawdy sense of humor gene required to appreciate crass humor, OK? Married with Children and Howard Stern are two of my all-time favorite pop culture touchstones. I have a brother. I’m not offended or shocked by the sight of two puppets having porn star sex. Just make it brutally funny and inspired. The Happytime Murders simply goes for the lowest common denominator of comedy from beginning to end. And those 90 minutes in between are excruciating. Let me put it in italics for emphasis. Excruciating. 
 
 This was never going to be a genius hybrid of Avenue Q meets The Great Muppet Caper. Not with this old-timey set-up: Hard-nosed detective Phil Phillips (voiced by Bill Barretta) is the only puppet to have ever served on the police force. Now he’s a private eye working on behalf of marginalized puppets in Los Angeles. After his brother gets stuffed out, he starts investigating and realizes that someone is killing all the stars of a popular 80s kids TV show called The Happytime Gang. Who would do such a thing?! 
 
 To solve the case, Phil is paired with his former human partner. She’s played by Melissa McCarthy, who does her usual obnoxious, tough-talking caricature shtick. The two are not on good terms, as evidenced by the fact that McCarthy bites down on Phil’s man part in a moment of pent-up rage. The novelty of puppets acting like lewd rejects from Sausage Party or Team America: World Police is already worn off by the time McCarthy enters the picture. She does nothing with the limp script. Same goes for Maya Rudolph, Joel McHale and Elizabeth Banks. 
 
 The tangled web of The Happytime Gang syndication contract negotiations won’t raise anyone’s pulse, so the filmmakers (writer Todd Berger and director Brian Henson) rely heavily on the R-rated shock factor. The piece de resistance, as seen in The Happytime Murders trailer, involves a graphic and messy sexual encounter that drags on and on and on until all traces of laughter have been metaphorically squeezed out. You’ll see that in Act 1. Or, you know, just watch the trailer for free. 
 
 There actually is a place and time for puppets behaving badly. Even a family-driven product as accessible as The Muppet Show had an air of subversion — and Kermit the Frog and Justin Timberlake once wrestled each other on a memorable episode of Saturday Night Live. But despite Henson’s lineage as the son of late Muppets creator (and genius) Jim Henson, The Happytime Murders is a terribly misguided move. Indeed, it doesn’t take an investigator with a heart of felt to figure out that a half-baked flick with poorly executed ideas and lazy use of gross-out humor will end up DOA. 
 
 The Happytime Murders opens in theaters on Friday, August 24. 
 
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 Maya Rudolph (left) and Melissa McCarthy share screen time with puppets in the comedy "The Happytime Murders." (Photo: HOPPER STONE/STX ENTERTAINMENT) 
 
 Hardcore puppet sex and four-letter words that would make Big Bird blush sound like a googly-eyed good time until you’re faced with 90 unfunny minutes of it. 
 
 "The Happytime Murders" (★½ out of four; rated R; in theaters nationwide Friday) tries hard, and annoyingly so, to be a raucous, adult-oriented departure from the Muppets and denizens of “Sesame Street,” one in which an octopus milks a cow to orgasmic effect and a bunny shops for chicken porn. Stuffed full of rampant badness, the scattershot comedy isn’t nearly as clever or subversive as it thinks it is. 
 
 Set in a world where men and puppets co-exist, though the latter are second-class citizens, the noir-ish narrative centers on blue-skinned former cop (and now private eye) Phil Phillips (puppeteer Bill Barretta) and his human ex-partner, L.A. detective Connie Edwards (Melissa McCarthy). A violent incident in the past soured their relationship – and resulted in a ban on puppet cops – so when they run into each other at a crime scene, snarky and vicious banter ensues. 
 
 Sandra puts the moves on private eye Phil in "The Happytime Murders." (Photo: HOPPER STONE/STX ENTERTAINMENT) 
 
 A robbery gone wrong at a puppet sex store and a series of dead bodies (usually with stuffing falling out of them) leads Phil to believe that the stars of cheesy 1990s-style sitcom “The Happytime Gang,” the first hit to feature both human and puppet stars, are being targeted. The show just happens to be up for syndication, which means a windfall for those still alive. 
 
 To solve the case, Phil and Connie form an uneasy alliance and begin to reconnect as they delve into a puppet underworld of bunny-filled strip clubs, sugar-snorting poker games and assorted places unfit for colorful characters who look like rejects from a children’s program. ("Sesame Street" notably sued filmmakers and lost, worrying the explicit content would tarnish its brand. No worries there, since the only thing this film ruins is an hour and a half of your life.) 
 
 More: 'Happytime Murders' shocks with raunchy puppets (not Muppets) 
 
 Also: How Melissa McCarthy really 'snorted' puppet drugs in 'Happytime Murders' 
 
 More: 10 movies you absolutely must see this fall, from 'Halloween' to 'A Star Is Born' 
 
 There is definite artistry in the puppeteering for director Brian Henson (son of legendary Muppets creator Jim Henson): Phil, his client/love interest Sandra (Dorien Davies), pervy rabbit Mr. Bumblypants (Kevin Clash, formerly Elmo) and others have lived a hard-luck and/or oversexed life, and it shows in their felt bodies. But by the time one character poops plastic eggs and another ejaculates Silly String, the novelty of puppets behaving badly is long gone. 
 
 Exotic dancer Jenny (Elizabeth Banks) entertains her rabbit clientele in "The Happytime Murders." (Photo: HOPPER STONE/STX ENTERTAINMENT) 
 
 The gags make Fozzie Bear a comedic genius by comparison, but at least the talented human actors keep the film from being a “Happytime” disaster. McCarthy is as sharp-witted as ever with one-liners and caustic put-downs, Maya Rudolph boosts the proceedings as Phil’s loyal secretary Bubbles, and Elizabeth Banks has a fun role as an exotic dancer also connected to the resident gumshoe. 
 
 Yet all the film's most interesting aspects have been done better elsewhere. "Who Framed Roger Rabbit" is the gold standard for portraying cutesy personalities as a disenfranchised population, and "Happytime Murders" completely fumbles that theme. It unfortunately doesn’t fully commit to the raunch the way, say, "Sausage Party" does. And nothing touches "Team America: World Police" when it comes to hilarious puppet intercourse. 
 
 At the risk of being as Muppet-y self-righteous as Sam the Eagle, there are much better uses of your time than this travesty of fluffy shenanigans. 
 
 Read or Share this story: https://usat.ly/2w96Slx ||||| Rescue me, Elmo! 
 
 That’s what you’ll shout if you’re trapped in a movie theater playing “The Happytime Murders,” the wretched puppets-behaving-badly comedy directed by Brian Henson. 
 
 The son of Muppets creator Jim Henson has delivered a cliché-ridden, laughless bore that wastes lead actress Melissa McCarthy’s prodigious comic talents and beats well-trod territory with a mallet. 
 
 “The Happytime Murders” is as fresh as the old “Wayne’s World” jokes it shoves in. It’s a movie in which puppet crabs make cracks about getting pelvic crabs, and the line “Looks like the carpet doesn’t match the drapes” is uttered twice. 
 
 As stale as a neglected saltine, the flick is another police-noir parody with all the familiar hallmarks: brooding narration, a cigarette-smoke-filled office, a door with a frosted window and a helpless blond bombshell. Think “Who Framed Roger Rabbit” minus the innovation or fun. 
 
 The bawdy tale is set in a decrepit Los Angeles that’s plagued by crime, and where our felt-y friends are an oppressed minority. Kids yell “stupid puppet!” and beat them up, while the word “sock” is now a racial slur. 
 
 The smoky office belongs to Phil Philips (Bill Barretta), a puppet private investigator and former cop. He was kicked off the LAPD years earlier when, his bosses believe, he purposefully didn’t gun down a puppet perp. His human partner, Detective Connie Edwards (McCarthy), was nearly killed in the botched operation. 
 
 That bumbling duo is thrust back together when puppet and human cast members of popular TV show “The Happytime Gang,” including Phil’s famous stuffed brother, start getting killed off one by one. He goes rogue to solve the case with Connie. 
 
 What’s not solved is the film’s No. 1 problem: It’s not funny. 
 
 Most bits are either gross or groaners. A gag involving boudoir silly string is amusing until it becomes nauseating. Watching McCarthy snort puppet crack didn’t make me crack a smile. The only cast member who earns some giggles is Maya Rudolph as Phil’s secretary, who’s secretly in love with him. She’s a comedy alchemist who can turn turds into gold. 
 
 “The Happytime Murders” is the latest addition to McCarthy’s do-not-see CV. Since “Bridesmaids,” filmmakers have slapped her in mostly dumb schlock like this. 
 
 Being a Henson project, you’d expect the film’s puppetry to be the one redeemable factor. But those characters are strangely generic and clumsily handled. Forgettable. 
 
 There’s more fun to be had watching a kid play with some socks. ||||| “These aren’t the Muppets,” director Brian Henson might remind us, but his smile and wink would hint at what he really thinks. The son of Muppets creator Jim Henson and the man who filled his dad’s shoes directing The Muppet Christmas Carol and Muppets Treasure Island, Henson has decided to cross over to the dark side with his “alternative Muppets” farce, The Happytime Murders. Careful to avoid copyright issues (and to avoid giving kids nightmares), Henson doesn’t give us a faux Kermit or Miss Piggy. However, although all the puppets in The Happytime Murders are new, they are obviously Muppets, regardless of how vociferously the filmmakers may deny it. Wink, wink, nudge, nudge, say no more, say no more. 
 
 Despite being one of the shortest theatrical releases of the year, clocking in at about 75 minutes (not counting end credits), The Happytime Murders feels overlong. That’s probably because the plot is nonsensical and pointless. This is all about the concept of oversexed, hard-swearing Muppets interacting with humans in an alternative universe version of L.A. The film’s “high concept” catches the attention, but it’s like the first time we heard Betty White drop the f-bomb. There was a certain shock value, it was worth a laugh, but where do you go from there? It’s the same thing with nasty Muppets. The transgressive element is edgy and at times amusing, but it wears thin quickly and once it has worn out, we’re left with warmed-over Dashiell Hammett, complete with the Sam Spade-inspired voiceover. 
 
 Recognizing that there has to be something more than Muppets cursing, flashing their crotches in imitation of Sharon Stone in Basic Instinct, and doing un-family friendly things, Henson sets up the puppet culture as a thinly-veiled allegory. The social commentary about puppet discrimination and marginalization isn’t subtle but it gives The Happytime Murders a claim to being more than a raunchy look at what happens on Sesame Street when the cameras are turned off. 
 
 The Happytime Murders reunites two former partners, (human) LAPD detective Connie Edwards (Melissa McCarthy) and (puppet) PI Phil Phillips (voice of Bill Barretta), when an investigation into a series of puppet murders involves them both. For Connie, it’s her job. For Phil, it’s personal – his brother is the second victim. All of the dead “socks” were stars of a once-popular TV show, The Happytime Gang (the first program with a mostly-puppet cast to achieve “crossover” popularity – a nod to The Cosby Show). Additional deaths indicate an inside job and, once the finger of suspicion points to Phil, it’s up to Connie to solve the crime and clear her ex-partner. Aiding her in this endeavor is Phil’s secretary, Bubbles (Maya Rudolph), who has a crush on her boss. 
 
 The film’s puppet/human dynamics are strange. All the energy and color resides with the puppets. In an odd reversal of what one might expect, they are more animate than their human counterparts. Melissa McCarthy, for example, has the life of a piece of background furniture – a surprise since, even in her worst films, she’s normally able to dominate the screen. Fading into the background isn’t her style but that’s what happens here. The situation is only a little better with Maya Rudolph and Elizabeth Banks (whose role, as The Happytime Gang’s only human, is small). Leslie David Baker (as Connie’s lieutenant) and Joel McHale (as a racist FBI agent) gain attention by being as cartoonish as possible. 
 
 The noir mystery element never works. Fortunately, it’s treated as a framework and the filmmakers aren’t overly invested in attempting to mine deeply into the territory. The Happytime Murders is intended primarily as a comedy and, while there’s a cheeky freshness in the early scenes, it eventually becomes tiresome and a little off-putting. This would seem like the perfect playground for McCarthy, so it’s strange that she seems so out of place. 
 
 The obvious antecedent to The Happytime Murders is Who Framed Roger Rabbit? The differences, however, go beyond the derivative nature of the former. While Roger Rabbit felt like a fully-formed story worth telling, The Happytime Murders too often comes across as a skit that runs for too long. Everything about the movie is stunted – from the running time to the production values to the story. Although it might work perfectly well on television (there are enough bawdy laughs to ensure an acceptable level of entertainment), it never gels on the big screen. This is unquestionably a better bet for home viewing than a trip to a theater. 
 
 
 
 
 
 Happytime Murders, The (United States/China, 2018) ||||| (CNN) The company behind "Sesame Street" has lost its lawsuit against the makers of Melissa McCarthy's upcoming raunchy comedy, "The Happytime Murders," for referencing the popular kids show in its marketing campaign. 
 
 A New York judge ruled Wednesday that Sesame Workshop failed to demonstrate the movie's marketing tagline -- "No Sesame. All Street." -- might confuse moviegoers. 
 
 The R-rated film follows "two clashing detectives" -- Melissa McCarthy and her partner, a puppet named Phil Phillips -- in Los Angeles as they work together "to solve the brutal murders of the former cast of a beloved classic puppet television show," according to its website 
 
 Sesame Workship, the educational organization behind "Sesame Street," had sued over the tagline, which is used in the film's marketing campaign, including its trailer. 
 
 She's flesh. He's felt. Both are out for justice in #HappyTimeMurders. pic.twitter.com/yJgSnBEWo9 — Happytime Murders (@HappytimeMovie) May 23, 2018 
 
 The lawsuit argued that STX Entertainment does not have the right to use "Sesame Street" in its tagline. 
 
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– Remember the hubbub over this trailer with NSFW puppets? Well, The Happytime Murders is out Friday, starring Melissa McCarthy as a detective probing a series of puppet murders with her puppet partner. Critics, meanwhile, are busy investigating why the R-rated film is, in their opinions, downright awful. (The film has a 26% "fresh" rating on Rotten Tomatoes.) What they're saying: While "there's a cheeky freshness in the early scenes," the film "too often comes across as a skit that runs for too long … probably because the plot is nonsensical and pointless," James Berardinelli writes at ReelViews. McCarthy surprisingly doesn't help, he writes. She "has the life of a piece of background furniture." Brian Truitt argues "McCarthy is as sharp-witted as ever," but his praise basically ends there. With gags that "make Fozzie Bear a comedic genius by comparison," this "scattershot comedy isn't nearly as clever or subversive as it thinks it is," he writes at USA Today, adding "there are much better uses of your time than this travesty." "There's more fun to be had watching a kid play with some socks," Johnny Oleksinski writes at the New York Post, noting the film is "as stale as a neglected saltine." The prevailing problem: "It's not funny," Oleksinski writes. In fact, "the only cast member who earns some giggles is Maya Rudolph." Mara Reinstein is just relieved her viewing experience is over. "The Happytime Murders simply goes for the lowest common denominator of comedy from beginning to end. And those 90 minutes in between are excruciating. Let me put it in italics for emphasis. Excruciating," she writes at US Weekly, calling out the "lazy use of gross-out humor."