Oof. 
 
 A lot of stars shined at the Met Gala, but others just missed the mark. 
 
 Among the fashion casualties were Maggie Gyllenhaal and Jennifer Connelly, who were going for wonders in white, but instead just fell flat. 
 
 Sorry, ladies, but it's true. 
 
 Jennifer Connelly donned a lace Louis Vuitton sheath dress on this year's red carpet. 
 
 While we appreciate the effort, that leg-of-mutton sleeve made the ensemble look far too big for her tiny frame. And as if that wasn't enough, her hands were practically swallowed up in that dress. 
 
 The Blood Diamond actress ended up looking like a little girl trying on mommy's clothes. 
 
 And poor Maggie! 
 
 She tried in that floor-length Roland Mouret number, we just aren't exactly sure what it was she was trying for. 
 
 From the different-sized straps, to the world's weirdest waist accent, we have no other word's to describe Maggie's red carpet outfit than a hot mess. 
 
 But Jake Gyllenhaal's big sis did succeed at something: reminding us why wearing black and brown together was a fashion faux pas to begin with! 
 
 [Images via Getty Images.] 
 
 Tags: fashion smashion, jennifer connelly, louis vuitton, maggie gyllenhaal, met gala, red carpet, roland mouret ||||| Priyanka Chopra attends The Metropolitan Museum of Art's Costume Institute benefit gala celebrating the opening of the Rei Kawakubo/Comme des Garçons: Art of the In-Between exhibition on Monday, May 1,... (Associated Press) 
 
 Priyanka Chopra attends The Metropolitan Museum of Art's Costume Institute benefit gala celebrating the opening of the Rei Kawakubo/Comme des Garçons: Art of the In-Between exhibition on Monday, May 1, 2017, in New York. (Photo by Charles Sykes/Invision/AP) (Associated Press) 
 
 NEW YORK (AP) — The color red made a dramatic show Monday night in the grand parade of fashion at the Met Gala, including co-chair Katy Perry's look, as did glittery gold and blue feathers on the back of Blake Lively. But many of the evening's highlights were courtesy of luminaries who channeled honoree Rei Kawakubo, including Rihanna encased in fluttery petal-like pieces by the Japanese designer. 
 
 Rihanna gestured to the crowd from the carpet in her Commes des Garcons look with stagey pink on her cheeks. Her look was two pieces and a sliver of stomach peeked out from the freewheeling design. 
 
 Perry wore a veiled dress created just for her by John Galliano, while Pharrell's wife, Helen Lasichanh, wore one of Kawakubo's avant-garde, bulbous and armless jumpsuits. Lively's movie star gown with the feathered train was Versace. 
 
 While some of the celebs from the worlds of film, TV, fashion, sports and music were inspired by Kawakubo, others made a splash in more classic looks, including Jennifer Lopez in 1950s elegance, a baby blue Valentino gown by Pierpaolo Piccioli. 
 
 Perry wore a silver head piece and black accents around the eyes with an embroidered wool coat layered over a red tulle and silk chiffon dress, her sleeves elongated in a nod to Kawakubo, all by Maison Margiela Artisanal. 
 
 Music mogul Diddy, meanwhile, laid down on the carpet to watch girlfriend Cassie pose in a black gown with a huge, spikey train she wore with large, glittery ear cuffs. He wore an embellished cape in a spider web design that carried over to his Rick Owens tuxedo. 
 
 "It took a half-hour to get ready. We dress like this on the weekends," he joked. 
 
 Speaking of the weekend, Selena and her date — The Weeknd — smooched on the carpet in a classic white, delicately embellished gown from Coach designer Stuart Vevers. Madonna went for green camo from Moschino, Tracee Ellis Ross in royal blue Comme des Garcons and Kim Kardashian West — without husband Kanye West — in understated, long-sleeve white from Vivienne Westwood. 
 
 Nicki Minaj, in a black bustier romper with a huge black-and-red cape from H&M, is a pro when it comes to arrivals. 
 
 "I stood up in the van the whole way," she said of her trip to the Met in her larger-than-life ensemble. 
 
 Missing from the carpet: Stalwarts Sarah Jessica Parker, Beyonce and Lady Gaga. 
 
 Serena Williams in green Versace put in her first carpet appearance since announcing her pregnancy. Kylie Jenner was whisked up the stairs in a revealing sheer gold Atelier Versace gown, her platinum locks styled closed to her head. Sister Kendall Jenner stunned in a revealing black look covered in 85,000 hand-painted crystals from La Perla Creative Director Julia Haart. It included a wide diagonal slit from shoulder to below the waist and took more than 160 hours of work by 26 craftsmen in five cities, the designer said in a statement. 
 
 Lasichanh, her blond hair high on her head, smiled from within her signature Kawakubo suit. Claire Danes also channeled the Japanese designer, whose work is featured in the Metropolitan Museum Costume Institute's spring exhibition, "Rei Kawakubo/Comme des Garcons: Art of the In-Between." The sleeves of Dane's flurry of ruffles in a white blouse extended well beyond her hands, paired with a simple pair of black pants. 
 
 Vogue's Anna Wintour kicked off the star-studded gala a bit earlier as one of the evening's co-host. The gala feeds the annual budget of the Costume Institute. Wintour opted for encrusted gold and ostrich feathers from Chanel and said of Kawakubo and her brand: "She's a genius. Not only does she think outside of the box, she doesn't acknowledge the box." 
 
 Priyanka Chopra's floor-sweeping trench coat evening gown in camel from Ralph Lauren took up a lot of real estate on the carpet, which is actually blue this year. Gigi Hadid went with the color fawn in a geometric design that was short on one side and longer on the other. Her sister, Bella, dressed in a sexy sheer catsuit by Alexander Wang. 
 
 Thom Browne dressed Solange Knowles in a black coat dress, a quilted down-filled puffer with a train and a pair of his ice skate-inspired booties on her feet. 
 
 Lilly Collins, her hair in a black, banged crop with dark red lips, paid homage to Kawakubo in a black strapless bodice paired with a high-waisted full skirt in pink, from Giambattista Valli. Zendaya, was just Zendaya, her hair down and red parrots adorning a full, off-the-shoulder ball gown in gold by Dolce & Gabbana Alta Moda. 
 
 Celine Dion, in a silver bodysuit by Versace paired with high hair sculpture, was the last to walk, praising Kawakubo and saying: "To wear something, to be recognized, the whole thing is overwhelming. It's great to be here." ||||| Yes, Sarah Jessica Parker turned heads by donning a flaming headdress at this year’s Met Gala. Heck, her red head burned brighter than the actual red carpet. 
 
 Parker, 50, doesn’t shy away from haute couture and daring looks, and the Met Gala is the place to go big. 
 
 How did the internet react to her Philip Treacy headpiece, though? Well, she was hardly off the carpet before those watching this year’s event had transformed her into a meme. 
 
 It’s actually interesting to find out what different people perceive when they look at SJP’s magnificently otherworldly get-up. It’s like a pop culture Rorschach test. 
 
 People have suggested she reminds them of 
 
 a flame emoji. 
 
 Sarah Jessica Parker wore the fire emoji to the #MetGala. 🔥🔥🔥 pic.twitter.com/n3ST4GI0ho — Funny Or Die (@funnyordie) May 5, 2015 
 
 Aku, the villain of the cult cartoon series Samurai Jack. 
 
 Aku!! That's what SJP's outfit reminds me of!! Thank you internet. pic.twitter.com/a16mOx167z — SuperSaiyanSam (@THE_SamLao) May 5, 2015 
 
 the Heat Miser from A Year Without Santa Claus. 
 
 SJP over here tryna look like the heat miser #MetGala2015 pic.twitter.com/e3JH7WVU1s — Raquel (@RaquellRosee) May 5, 2015 
 
 Aladdin villain Jafar. 
 
 Darth Maul from Star Wars. 
 
 Clearly SJP takes number one slot: pic.twitter.com/X3S3gJ5vfa — lauren (@laurensaidwhaat) May 5, 2015 
 
 Nintendo character Kirby. 
 
 WWE wrestler Stardust. 
 
 Mighty Morphin’ Power Rangers villain Rita Repulsa. 
 
 a representative of the Fire Nation from Avatar: the Last Airbender. 
 
 Sarah Jessica Parker representado a la nación del fuego pic.twitter.com/4BtecyuL3s — Martín (@N0t_Get) May 5, 2015 
 
 Fantastic Four’s Human Torch. 
 
 @MVivant Sarah Jessica Parker en el Casting para los 4 Fantásticos pic.twitter.com/5dSozqclOl — Alejandro Rosas (@arr1910) May 5, 2015 
 
 a Dragon Ball Z character. 
 
 Sarah Jessica Parker think she Super Saiyan God. #MetGala pic.twitter.com/jVspiXBSQ3 — Andrew T. Bondlow (@BondlowPhoto) May 5, 2015 
 
 and, finally, a different emoji. 
 
 https://twitter.com/JoseRodari/status/595371969131974658 
 
 Not that any of these observations would bother Parker in the least. After all, the woman who wears this headdress is absolutely fearless. 
 
 Sarah Jessica Parker: Her Changing Looks ||||| From left: Rose Byrne in Ralph Lauren, Rihanna in Comme des Garcons and Rita Ora in Marchesa at the 2017 Met Gala. 
 
 Red was a popular choice on Monday night, a nod to Kawakubo's use of the color. 
 
 When the dress code calls for "avant-garde," you know it's gonna be good — or bad, or in this case, both. For lord's sake, Jaden Smith carried his own freshly shorn dreadlocks in his hand as an accessory (now that's avant-garde), while Bella Hadid wore what amounted to a sheer bodystocking (unclear on the concept). 
 
 For the record, avant-garde is defined as new or experimental, and the Met Gala red carpet, otherwise known as the Oscars of fashion, had some of that, including silver hair, red eyeshadow and clothing that looked like art in motion. 
 
 The annual fundraiser for the Metropolitan Museum of Art Costume Institute, hosted by Vogue magazine in celebration of Rei Kawakubo, the avant-garde Japanese designer of Comme des Garcons, drew a who's who of Hollywood and fashion Monday night, including co-hosts Katy Perry, Gisele Bundchen and Tom Brady. 
 
 Guests struggled with the theme, trying to pay tribute to Kawakubo's work, which explores such heady themes as the relationship of clothing to the body and the concept of women as objects. The Met's exhibition, "Rei Kawakubo/Comme des Garcons: Art of the In-Between" opens Thursday and runs through Sept. 4. 
 
 It was not a good night for reality show royalty: Kim Kardashian's white gown by punk goddess Vivienne Westwood was a snore, and Kendall Jenner attempted to revive a trend that's so three years ago — the naked dress, wearing a sloppy look by La Perla. Gigi Hadid, who has now collaborated with Tommy Hilfiger on two runway collections, wore a custom, deconstructed satin and tulle jacket-dress hybrid by the designer who is known for sportswear for good reason. 
 
 Interestingly, very few guests actually wore Comme des Garcons, except for co-host Pharrell Williams, who rolled up in punk ripped jeans, a plaid shirt and biker jacket; his wife Helen Lasichanh in a red jumpsuit that distorted her form (Rei handpicked it, she noted); Tracee Ellis Ross in a sculptural blue Comme des Garcons coat; and former ambassador to Japan, Caroline Kennedy, who got to know the designer when she was posted in Tokyo, wearing a brave floral tent. 
 
 But they were all bested by queen of the night, Rihanna, who did Rei proud by wearing a fall 2016 dress from the designer’s Comme des Garcons runway. The pouf-ball of a dress was an assemblage of petals of fabric, both precious and mundane, which made Rihanna look like a walking fashion retrospective herself. It was a joy to look at, worn with fire engine red gladiator sandals that wrapped up her legs, lending some sex appeal to the curve-defying look. 
 
 Red was a popular choice Monday night, a nod to Kawakubo's penchant for using the strong color ("red is black," she has said). Rita Ora was wrapped up like a gift in sculptural red bows over a pale pink tulle skirt, a custom gown by Marchesa. 
 
 Rose Byrne wore the sexiest Ralph Lauren look I can remember seeing ever, a bodysuit with a deep, deep V decolletage and side cutouts, with a tulle skirt. The other Lauren looks on the carpet felt a bit forced, including Priyanka Chopra'’s extra, extra-long trench gown with train and Dracula-like collar. 
 
 Claire Danes kept with the avant-garde theme, wearing a sculptural white blouse and pants by Laura Kim and Fernando Garcia, the designers behind the new American label Monse, who have led the trend of the chic shirt. They also head up Oscar de la Renta, and they scored a win for that house, too, dressing Zoe Kravitz in a pale pink and black caped gown, a classic-looking style that she managed to make modern with her new closely cropped 'do. 
 
 Another designer who was well-represented (and represented the theme well) was Thom Browne, longtime partner of exhibition curator Andrew Bolton. Solange chose one of Browne's fall 2017 runway looks, a black puffer coat dress, and even wore it as it came down the runway, with a pair of ice skates on her feet. Fashion editor Amy Fine Collins wore one of his masculine-meets-feminine looks, similar in spirit to the custom coat dress he made for Michelle Obama's 2013 inaugural look. 
 
 Cara Delevigne chose a belted spring 2017 Chanel couture pants look, but it was her silver hair that caused a stir, an homage to similar silver foiled looks that have appeared on the Comme des Garcons runway. 
 
 Several attendees referenced Kawakubo's avant-garde spirit in their beauty looks (Kerry Washington's black bob, Sasha Lane's hot pink eyeshadow and Cynthia Erivo's cotton candy-like hair), which was a smart way of nodding to a theme, instead of resorting to a poor imitation. ||||| The Fug Girls Live Blog the Oscar Red Carpet 
 
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 At last, we've arrived at Oscar Sunday: The apex — and the end — of awards season, the red carpet to end all red carpets, and the last time we'll have to deal with Ryan Seacrest until okay, American Idolon Wednesday. The who-will-win aspect may seem to lack suspense this year, so thank God the celebrities stirred up some fashion intrigue for us this year, like how Natalie Portman will dress her expanding baby bump, whether Hailee Steinfeld can continue her flawless style run, and of course whether Helena Bonham Carter will, as she suggested, be "a walking catastrophe." So refresh your cocktails, pull up a seat and join us as we live-blog all the tribulations, and terrible awkwardness that goes down on the rug outside the Kodak this afternoon. And you can check out pics of all the outfits on Vulture's constantly updated Red Carpet Gallery. 
 
 
 
 6:00 p.m.: Jennifer Lawrence is so early, she's actually waiting behind Seacrest as he does his intro. As promised in the New York Times by her stylist, Lawrence is wearing red. We can't remember if she has always had those shoulder muscles. Seacrest, intelligently, says, "You look so much different in Winter's Bone than right now." You mean she doesn't skin animals in a gown in that movie? Huh. 
 
 6:02 p.m.: The outfit: They haven't shown us the bottom yet, but it looks like a slinky red tube dress. Calvin Klein made it -- she cutely botches Francisco Costa's name. If there isn't a detail to it that we can't see, then it's pretty darn boring. Giuliana, of course, thinks she has set the bar so high and yada-yada booty-smooch. We finally get a full look, and yes, it's straight up and down, plain red, no details, no jewelry but a bracelet. Kelly Osbourne gushes about it also, calling it the sexiest one she's seen on the red carpet. She is right, if she is talking about a swatch of red carpet she saw outside a Persian rug store on Pico Boulevard. It's not an ugly dress, but we're not sure it's superlative-worthy either. Then again, it's early yet. By the end of the night we might be bowing down to its glory. 
 
 6:06 p.m.: The angle on Kelly Osbourne's bouffant -- shot slightly from above -- makes it look ENORMOUS. I think her hair has been getting progressively larger as each telecast has come and gone. Thank God this is the last one, otherwise her head might snap off under its weight. 
 
 6:07 p.m.: Is Seacrest tall? We always thought he was sort of on the wee side, which would make Josh Hutcherson from The Kids Are All Right the tiniest man in America, because his head comes up to Seacrest's armpit. Meanwhile: Steinfeld alert! From above, as she exits her limo, Hailee seems to be wearing a pinky-flesh toned princess dress that hits at her ankle. We are sort of disappointed, after the glory of her SAG stripes, but we also reserve judgment until we see more of it up close. She could still look fabulous even if it's not as cheerful. Melissa Leo seems to be in gold and white decoupage. Again: More later once the E! cameras get their acts together. 
 
 6:12 p.m.: Ryan has Melissa Leo, who is wearing a gown that has gold lame with what looks like a doily layered over it. She seems unsure as to what to do with Ryan as a person. While they chat, we get a shot of Mila Kunis, who's sporting a lavender gown and MAJOR BOOBS. 
 
 6:14 p.m.: E sends someone backstage to chat with Franco and Anne Hathway. It's quite painful. Honestly, if their hosting tonight is half as a terrible as this is, it may go down in history as the WORST HOSTING JOB EVER. Fingers crossed! 
 
 6:16 p.m.: Ryan grabs the reliably super-hammy Armie Hammer and his wife, whose hair is verging towards enormous, which looks like a trend tonight. Armie is incredibly hyper, as usual. While he chats, we get a shot of...DAPHNE ZUNIGA? We don't understand why Daphne Zuniga is at the Oscars, but who are we to look a Melrose Place reference gift horse in the mouth? 
 
 6:22 p.m.: Ryan comes back from the ads with Hailee Steinfeld, in an updo accessorized with a somewhat unneccessary headband, and wearing a very princess-y nude dress that we suspect is probably better in person than it is on camera. Dress aside, she is very cute, crinkling her nose when Ryan asks her if she's "always been so grown-up," and answering, wisely, "no." She then explains to him that she's in love with her dress, which she helped to design -- along with some professional help from the ladies at Marchesa. She is totally adorable, even if we are not sure how we feel about the frock. 
 
 6:24 p.m.: Next up: Florence -- as in, "And the Machine" -- in Valentino, who looks hugely washed out in a nude dress with flappy long sleeves. While she talks to Ryan, we see shots of Michelle Williams (in silver) and Amy Adams (in navy blue sequins with a questionably high neck and some layered necklaces that might prove to be superfluous). 
 
 6:26 p.m.: Mila Kunis's lavender ruffles, with a flesh-toned backing, are by Elie Saab. It's actually pretty, and we just hope she has a lot of boob tape on under there. The shot's on E are framed so weirdly that by looking at Ryan, she seems to be looking way off the left of the screen. She talks about eating 1200 calories a day and working out 5 hours a day. "Admirable discipline," we say as we dive into some Chex Mix. 
 
 6:28 p.m.: Wow, Mandy Moore, in her severe updo and harsh lipstick and sparkles, looks kind of... old? Hathaway-esque? We know those two things would appear to be at odds and yet both are true. 
 
 6:31 p.m.: Mandy is wearing Monique Lhuillier. But more importantly: Giuliana hasn't interviewed a single solitary soul, and seems to be marooned up in the skybox. Has E! kicked her off the main stage after that disastrous off-her-usual-C-game night at the SAG Awards? Wow. That is dramatic. And a hell of a lot more work for Seacrest, and yet he is probably thinking, "Game, set, and match, Rancic." 
 
 6:33 p.m.: Michelle Williams' gown is silvery, and not dishwater-colored as we had feared, but it is ... not working for us. She looks boxy, and also, there is a major illusion of sheerness that is unsettling to us -- especially if it turns out not to be an illusion at all, but in fact a ticket to Leg City. 
 
 6:34 p.m.: Michelle and Mandy Moore both seem to be suffering from excessive use of eyebrow pencil. Unfortunately, as much as we want to love MIchelle, she is also a terribly boring interview. Seacrest is doing all kinds of verbal gymnastics trying to get her to give rich answers, and her voice seems to have a Madonna-esque clipped accent to it -- like when Madge went to England and decided she was a native. So strange. Everything about that was strange. 
 
 6:39 p.m.: Amy Adams' blue sequins are a bit oppressive -- the high neck and cap sleeves aren't the most flattering, and her necklace sitting over it is an interesting choice that also looks vaguely... chokey. Meanwhile, Anne Hathaway is in a red dress with a butt pouch. No, really, it's a poof right over her bum, which... hey, girlfriend isn't going to be sitting down much tonight, so at least it makes sense logistically even if it's sort of weird visually. Hathaway was caught by the skycams twirling around. Glad she's having fun. We'll presumably see more of her later, but in the meantime, that's why God invented Internet slideshows -- in fact, Vulture's red carpet gallery is up now, and constantly updating as the stars arrive. . 
 
 6:41 p.m.: Zachary Levi is here, too, since he's performing with Mandy Moore. This might be the most press "Chuck" has ever gotten on TV, including from its home network NBC, and he hasn't even mentioned the show's name. Meanwhile, a restrained-looking Russell Brand in a navy (?) suit is with his adorable mother. She seems totally bemused by him, in an adorably maternal way. Meanwhile, our new favorite person, Sunrise Coigny -- aka Mrs. Mark Ruffalo -- has a giant sleeve poof. Bless. Come to the cameras, Sunrise. 
 
 6:43 p.m.: Giuliana says Amy Adams looks glamorous, with a massive note of surprise in her voice. What, because she normally looks like a hobo? 
 
 6:47 p.m.: Note: You can see all the looks in Vulture's Red Carpet slideshow! As for us, we're looking at Guiliana and Kelly again, both of whom delicately talk around the fact that Mandy Moore looks less like Mandy Moore and more like Anne Hathaway. Thank god, sooner than later, Ryan grabs Mark Ruffalo and Sunrise Coigny, who looks delightfully nutty in a black and gold dress that would not have been out of place on an episode of Dynasty. While they talk, we get a shot of Jennifer Hudson, who's sporting orange, which looks lovely on her -- although we can't really see the dress itself. 
 
 6:52 p.m.Thank you, E! for giving us a body shot of J Hud - and we decide that we like the dress. Her cleavage is on MAJOR display, but she's really working it and the color is amazing. 
 
 6:54 p.m.: Cate Blanchett is in the house and wearing a very... intriguing lavender gown which seems to include a built-in picture frame for her torso. It's VERY Blanchett of her. Ryan chats up Jennifer Hudson, who is as charming as ever -- apparently, she's presenting tonight and she's quite excited about it. It's sort of sweet to watch them talk, knowing about their shared history. 
 
 6:57 p.m.: Kelly calls J.Hud's dress "beautiful" and then says she never would've guessed it was Versace. Kelly can cross Versace off the list of people who will send her free stuff, I think. 
 
 6:59 p.m. We get a better look at Blanchett and...you guys, it's kind of awesome. It's DRAMATIC and sort of weird, but she looks pretty amazing in it. Unlike ScarJo, whose raspberry-colored lace dress seems too tight. 
 
 7:00 p.m.Kevin Spacey advises Jeremy Renner to find the car. Bring us something back, Jeremy! While he talks about The Social Network, the cameras make sweet love to Marisa Tomei, who looks cracked out in a navy (?) satin and tulle number. We also see Justin Timberlake, whose date is his mother and NOT Jessica Biel. Biel must be home eating Doritos like the rest of us. And fuming, presumably. 
 
 7:02 p.m. Giuliana appears concerned that ScarJo's butt is visible through her lace gown. We're all concerned, Giuliana. 
 
 7:07 p.m. Sharon Stone is there! She looks crazy, which is exactly how we like Sharon Stone. Her dress looks like a bird crashed against her shoulder and decided to die there. 
 
 7:09 p.m. JT 's mom is wearing a version of dress that Natalie Portman wore earlier in the year -- although Portman wore it in another color. She looks very pretty in it. Way to go, Mrs Timberlake. People's mothers are killing it tonight. 
 
 7:16 p.m. Helena Bonham Carter! She's in black, with her usual updo. The sleeves are sort of in pieces? I don't think E! appreciates our need to understand HBC's level of crazy. Meanwhile, Hilary Swank is in a silver strapless gown with feathery froof that starts about halfway down. HBC's comment about the BAFTAs was, "I got one. It was fine!" And now more of her outfit: Colleen Atwood helped er with it, so there's a corset and some hoo-ha on her bum, about which she says, "I've got a bit of a complex about my bum, so I decided to make it bigger." 
 
 7:19 p.m. Swank is presenting, apparently, She is not wearing a necklace, and her dress might be riding a little low for all that bare flesh, but she does have an adornment in her hair so that helps. It is still surreal for us to think that Hilary Swank (!!) is now an Oscar veteran. G and K love her dress, but K says it's not well tailored. Seriously, where is this new honesty coming from? It used to be all gushy-gushy all the time. Somebody must be giving live notes. 
 
 7:24 p.m. Helen MIrren is wearing grey, and the haircut is working much better. Kelly says she's "bangin'," and Kelly is correct. Ryan has Celine Dion, who had twins like an hour ago and is already tiny. She's singing "Smile" for the dead-person montage. That seems right. Her dress is sleek and metallic. Halle Berry is also in a metallic nude. What is up with the lack of color? Aren't all these people out for attention? What could be more attention-grabbing than that? 
 
 7:25 p.m. Penelope Cruz's hair looks awesome, as do her baby boobs. She's in dark red, and Sandra Bullock is in bright red. And WOW, Halle Berry has a lot of tulle stapled to her skirt. We are underwhelmed. 
 
 7:28 p.m. Reese Witherspoon poked her head out the car window, then... rolled it up and kept driving. All righty. We saw a bit of white and maybe a bit of black, and a very pretty updo. Judgment officially reserved until she at least gets out of the SUV. 
 
 7:29 p.m. Reese's hair is awesome -- it's very sixties. The dress is a black sheath with a white fold over the bodice, and it's pretty but basic. Nicole Kidman is wearing a white gown with some metallic detail and flaps that complicate her hips a bit. Penelope Cruz, with the red sheath and fiery glittery pattern on it, looks fantastic. That baby JUST came out and she is killing it more than almost any of these other yokels. 
 
 7:32 p.m. Tom Cruise is going to sing in Rock of Ages' film version. I think he's going to channel the Tom who jumped on Oprah's couch for that. Are we sufficiently afraid? 
 
 7:32 p.m. Gwyneth! She's in silver, with a slit v-neck. It's very slinky but not as flattering as you'd expect considering that she's the size of a toothpick. There is a hip adornment that adds some interest but even Seacrest can't seem to muster up much to say, either about her Calvin Klein, or to her in general -- possibly because she has made it her business to be everywhere lately, and thus we have already heard everything. 
 
 7:37 p.m. Christian Bale and his Boredom Beard (he once said he's only growing it because he isn't working right now). Bale's natural voice always comes out so much differently than I imagine it in my head. Sandra Bullock takes the E! spot next -- she appears to be there with her agent, but not in a, "WITH her agent, wink-wink," kind of way. Her red Vera Wang and her bun and her lipstick all work beautifully together. We are Team Bullock. Although I think the only people left who are Team Jesse James are Kat Von D and Jesse James. 
 
 7:42 p.m. Trump is there with Melania, who is in Dolce & Gabbana. I hope this doesn't mean Trump fired Michael Kors. If he did, I hope he found a camera and rolled it. 
 
 7:43 p.m. E! is using an inordinate amount of filler material for this late in the telecast -- usually by now we are getting people hurrying in fast and furious, but there's been a ton of Giuliana and Kelly recapping what we've already seen. We also just realized Portman hasn't shown up yet, but a big cheer just went up in the gallery so we're guessing it was either her, or Jon Hamm ran by in his boxers. 
 
 7:48 p.m. After the ads, Ryan is talking with Marky Mark and his wife, who always looks so crabby. Maybe she's sick of hearing him talk about his Good Vibrations. That joke has come back around to being funny again, right? Right? Never mind. Where is Natalie Portman, you guys? Is she too pregnant to walk the red carpet? 
 
 7:51 p.m. Kelly and Giuliana are already sort of wrapping up for the evening, it seems. Kelly is madly in love with Cate Blanchett, and we can't blame her. ||||| the globes The Fug Girls Live-Blog the Golden Globes Red Carpet 
 
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 At long last, we've come back around again: It's the Golden Globes, Hollywood's most gin-soaked event -- both on the night of and, we suspect, during the nomination process. How else to explain that Jennifer Love Hewitt and Dame Judi Dench are competing for the same award? But while we can't imagine Hewitt besting Dench inside the Beverly Hilton -- US-UK relations would be tarnished irreparably, we fear -- it's possible she will out-dress her. We're about to find out: Join us as we live-blog all the red carpet shenanigans, and take a tour through Vulture's hot-and-fresh red-carpet slideshow. 6:00 p.m.: Here we go! Ryan notes that it's 80 degrees out -- it IS hot in Los Angeles today -- in what is sure to be the first of about twenty-thousand mentions of the weather today. Ryan gets Olivia Wilde right off the bat, in a very sparkly and pretty brown Marchesa ballgown. Her hair kind of reminds us of that Seinfeld where Jerry and Kramer invest in low-flow showerheads and their hair gets plastered to their head, though. A little volume, girl. Great dress, however. 6:04 p.m. : Ryan cuts to Giuliana-- with a snarky comment about how her interviewing platform is smaller than his is. Get a room, you two. Giuliana intros Kelly Osbourne and some dude who's also on Fashion Police with them, and Kelly promptly interrupts Giuliana to cut to the Glam Cam. That's how we know no other celebrities are there: endless yapping about the E! Glam Cam. 
 
 
 
 6:07 p.m.:But Ryan has Kaley Cuoco, wearing a light yellow/off-white gown. She waves a bejeweled left and hand claims she's engaged...to Chopard. Hey -- you know what they say about diamonds being a girl's best friend. Her dress is appropriately somewhat bridal. Ryan, who must be reading our minds now (this is a concerning development), does ask her what color her dress is. "It's nude...slash pale-peach?" she answers. Answers! We love them! 
 
 6:12p.m.: Man, the live show repartee is nonexistent -- they're fumbling and bumbling. They discuss how baby bumps are the accessory of the season. And then there are about ten long pauses where they just freeze smiles on their faces and say nothing. It's sort of hard to listen to Giuliana talk about dressing early-stage baby bumps (aka the "Pregnant or Donut Binge?" phase) vs later stage ones, because of the struggles she's had -- kinda reminds us that she is human. Hey, Globes! Stop with making us feel! We don't come to you for sentiment! 
 
 6:19p.m.: And here we go with Jennifer Love Hewitt: It's silver-gray-blue and SUPER bridal. It's a Ramona Keveza, bejeweled waist, and sort of a petal-like blossoming at the strapless bodice. On the whole, much better than we had expected from her. Perhaps she decided that wearing something tight would be too on-the-nose when she's nominated a Globe for playing a massage-therapist-turned-prostitute. 
 
 6:21 p.m.: Jennifer Lawrence is in a ruffly crinkly dress that I THINK is a dark grey-blue? It has black straps. I need to see more of it to know whether I like it as much as Kelly does. Meanwhile, Giuliana has Chris Hemsworth, aka Thor, aka brother of Miley Cyrus's ex-boyfriend Liam. While they talk and we snore a little (he is pointing out salient details like that Australia is not as big as America), Katie Lee pops up in an orangey-yellow dress with a beaded bodice that is very Tropicana. 
 
 6:23p.m.: It doesn't SEEM like Julia Stiles is here with Michael C. Hall, her rumored new boyfriend (they co-star on Dexter). We only got a split-second glimpse of her black ruffled long dress -- so far ruffles and their ilk are the details of the evening -- but E! cuts away to throw to commercial with a shot of Mark Salling's tiny Mohawk. Well, all RIGHT. If you must. 
 
 6:26 p.m.: Ryan is wearing Burberry, and name-checks somebody before chatting to Mark Salling. They engage in a super-manly discussion about not getting too much makeup on their tuxes. Puck was, overall, a terribly monotone and bored-seeming interview. Boo, dude. Jim Parsons is a refreshing break -- he's perky. Jenna Ushkowitz of Glee looks great in blue (ruffles again), and we see Olivia Wilde's shoes, which are either yellow or INCREDIBLY bright gold, and totally sparkly. Really hot. Jayma Mays of Glee has gone for a retro feel with her hair and a plunging v-neck gown that's clingy. Elisabeth Moss, shot from above, is in green, and we might be on board with it. More! 
 
 6:29 p.m.: Alec Baldwin! He and Jim Parsons do some cute repartee -- well, mostly through Ryan, ribbing Alec about running for office. But the dude can't leave 30 Rock (he CAN'T). So can we split the difference and have Jack Donaghy run for office? Another look at Jennifer Lawrence reveals that there is a LOT going on there -- a half-slit at the bottom, very Fancy Barmaid. Which is fine... if you are a Fancy Barmaid. Amber Riley from Glee has arrived in purple sequins (we think?) and a one-shoulder bodice; she looks delightful. 
 
 6:32 p.m.: Alec is yammering about hosting the Oscars. Then he snags the microphone from Ryan and asks, "What is your REAL name?" Ryan swears this is his real name. "You were born to do what you do," Alec says. "Either that, or run a hotel on the beach," Ryan quips. We secretly kind of like Ryan. We un-secretly like Scott Caan and his thinning man-bouffant, who is with Giuliana. As he yammers abuot Hawaii, we see Dianna Agron in pale pink, looking very slender and very much like a doll, which seems to be her aesthetic. Giuliana presents Scott Caan with a tux that's like an aloha shirt, and he does not play along and put it on, but he does let himself get lei'd. 
 
 6:34 p.m.: Ryan gets Elisabeth Moss, who might look great in an emerald green strapless Donna Karen frock. They chat about what she's doing during the off-season (a play in London with Keira Knightley). Elisabeth tags out and Dianna Agron tags in, wearing a pleated cream strapless dress. She looks very pretty but in a kind of bland, cream-colored way. While they chat, the cameras cut to Julianne Hough, who looks about thirty years older than she actually is in a super, super tight black dress with a huge jeweled collar. 
 
 6:37 p.m..: Helena Bonham Carter gets out of her car. Please look crazy. Please look crazy. (We can't see enough of her dress to tell how crazy, exactly, she is.) While Ryan chats up Ricky Gervaise, the camera cuts to Haliee Steinfeld, who is totally adorable and age-appropriate in a white, sleeveless (but not strapless) dress. Bless whoever remembered that she's only 14. 
 
 6:42 p.m. Natalie Portman is wearing a french twist and we have no idea what else, due to the crowd. Giuliana says, "from what we can see, she looks AMAZING." What we can see, by the way, is her neck and head. That part of her does look nice, but for all we know, she could be wearing a barrel. Hold your horses, E! talking heads. 
 
 6:44 p.m.Giuliana talks to Sarah Hyland, in a beige-y pink Max Azria dress that isn't hideous or anything, but is a bit dull perhaps. While she chats, we get a shot of Melissa Leo in a black (or navy) sequined dress. She looks surprisingly really good. Whoever's doing her hair and make-up lately is on top of their game - she's been looking about twenty years younger. 
 
 6:45 p.m. Piper "Coyote Ugly" Perabo is wearing black Oscar de la Renta and a sleek ponytail. She and Giuliana kiss each other's ass for what feels like an hour and a half. While they chat, E! cuts ti Kelly McDonald, whose dress can most charitably called dishwater-colored. 
 
 6:47 p.m. On the big platform, Ryan is talking to Julie Bowen, who assures us all that she looks like she's in great shape, but she actually just wears Spanx, like, all the time. Her dress is also a bit dishwater-y, and is covered with pieces of tulle. We suspect this is one of those dresses that is lovely in person and kind of meh on television. There is a cute moment, though, between Bowen and Jesse Tyler Ferguson (who is wearing an olive green bow tie). 
 
 6:48 p.m Giuliana is talking to Jesse TF, but the cameras are making sweet love to White Collar's Matt Bomer. Can you blame them? They then cheat on Matt with Jake Gyllenhaal, who arrives with long-time friend Jenny Lewis of Rilo Kiley. 
 
 6:50 p.m. HELENA BONHAM CARTER IS WEARING TWO DIFFERENT COLORED SHOES. On purpose. And her dress appears to be listing off one of her boobs. This woman is a national treasure. 
 
 6:51 p.m.Nicole Kidman has arrived. She looks like the polar opposite of HBC, in a very plain, cream-colored column dress. We also assume that both of her shoes are the right color. 
 
 6:54 p.m. Lea Michele is here in a peach/pink de la Renta, with -- SURPRISE -- ruffles. It reminds us vaguely of an elaborate bedsheet. Ryan split-screens her with the black dress she wore last year, and she giggles that she feels "happy and light" and basically comes off a bit like she might have just sniffed glue. (Note: We do not think she just sniffed glue.) 
 
 6:56 p.m. Portman's pink sheath is Grecian in its draping, with a large red flower between her boobs. In the end, it's a bit of a wah-waaah moment. Viktor & Rolf designed it, and the more we look at it, the less we are endeared. Fortunately, we're spared further furrows by the arrival of Jason Segel and Jimmy Fallon. If they started a label called Jason & Jimmy we would happily wear it even if it was just hats made of throw pillows, because they are so charming. Heather Morris of Glee looks pretty in gold, looking exactly as she always does. Naya Rivera is in a flesh tone -- wait, Jason Segel just sang a Meat Loaf song, AS Meat Loaf. This is the best thing that's ever happened. Now they are serenading Carrie Underwood... with Kelly Clarkson's American Idol victory song. Love. 
 
 7:00 p.m. We got a shot of January Jones, and it's BRIGHT ORANGE, if the lighting was not a trick. It's also very strappy, and her hair is very... freshly bleached. We need to see more. It won't be hard to find her on the carpet, E, so come on, pony up here. Carrie Underwood, meanwhile, is also in a glittery dress -- if it doesn't sparkle, it has a ruffle, is the night's theme -- and it's a strapless and simple Badgley Mischka. The world has not tumbled off its axis. 
 
 7:02 p.m. Jake Gyllenhaal makes a cute comment about how he can't follow Jason Segel and Jimmy Fallon's serenade. We really want Ryan to ask why Jake thought any of us believed he was really into Taylor Swift, but instead he asks about nudity in Love & Other Drugs. Not nearly as interesting, and yes, we do realize what we just said. 
 
 7:03 p.m. Emma Stone is in a very tight coral cap-sleeved scoop-necked Calvin Klein. SURELY there are some pit stains under there. She does not look like herself as a blonde (even though it's her natural color) -- we thought she was Kate Bosworth for a second. AND OH MY GOD. SCARLETT JOHANSSON'S HAIR WAS SHOT OUT OF A CANNON. Seriously. Well, not SERIOUSLY-seriously, but it's like it landed midflight on her skill. WHOA. 
 
 7:05 p.m.Helena Bonham Carter is apparently wearing Vivienne Westwood. Of course! Kelly loves her. Kelly's cohort in the skybox says, "I love her like I love LaToya Jackson." He might have won us over with that one. 
 
 7:09 p.m. There is some kind of Limo Cam with some celebs, and we just got one that's aimed up Vanessa Williams' nose. Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban are with Ryan. She's in a pale dress, one-shoudler, snug, long hair down... She looks nice but we wish she'd wear a color. She used to blow us away on the red carpet and now it's just like, "Eh. NEXT." 
 
 7:11 p.m. Justin Bieber. He has a movie? Fans cry? I don't know. He says his movie "is definitely really inspiring, and I feel... a lot of people will be inspired by it." Well! SOLD. Meanwhile, Michael Douglas is in the house, and it is so nice to see. That guy had us all worried. He has his wife Catherine Zeta-Jones with him, and she's in forest green, and we might love it. Mila Kunis is ALSO in dark green -- we're so glad that's a color trend this season. 
 
 7:13 p.m. How is it possible that Jane Krakowski is THIS pregnant, and we only just found out about it? She's in a nice periwinkle gown and is hanging with Jane Lynch, who is in a ballgown that's sort of a gunmetal-purple shade. Jane K. jokes that they're not writing her pregnancy into the show because "nobody thinks Jenna would make a very good mother." Heh. And, true. Jane K. says she's due at the end of April. 
 
 7:15p.m. We just clapped when we saw Julianne Moore's bright red (or pink?) sleeve on her bright red (or pink?) gown. Just when you think nobody besides HBC will bring the madness. Leighton Meester is in a very prim pale dress with a very high leg slit. Sofia Vergara brought the cleavage out to play in her orange gown, with a funky black belt that seems to have grommets. 
 
 7:17 p.m. CZJ looks awesome and so does Michael D. He is funny, asking for a Jets score (it's 21-11 Jets with about five minutes left in the game, by the way). CZJ's dress is more ornate than we realized, but not in a bad way. She just pulls off stuff that a lot of people can't. 
 
 7:19 p.m. Sofia Vergara pops by, looking beautiful. She says she's sweating a little. She shows us the back, and the grommets are actually on the back of the dress, not the belt. And we have no idea what color it is. Seriously, from some shots, orange; from others, fiery red. It's a Vera Wang. She pimps her Reebok tone-up shoes, as if that is the key to having her awesome, awesome bod. If it's that easy, order me up ten pairs. 
 
 7:25 p.m. Brangelina are here, and she is ALSO wearing a color -- a green Versace. She looks really pretty freaking great, if we're being honest. They, of course, will not talk to Ryan, but Mila Kunis will. She talks about how tough it was to lose 20 pounds for Black Swan. Where did she find the 20 pounds to lose? 
 
 7:27 p.m. Ryan talks to Hugh Laurie, while the Limo Cam cuts to Michelle Williams, who appears to be wearing khaki? We hope that's not true. We can't worry about her, though, because Ryan kicks off Hugh to talk to RDJ, who is sporting Little Lord Fauntleroy hair -- that's for Sherlock, right? RIGHT? While they chat, the crowds are screaming for Robert Pattinson, who is wearing a navy blue tux. He's so much more handsome when his hair looks normal -- as it does right now. 
 
 7:30 p.m. Ryan gets Corey Monteith, who looks very cute in his tux. Also cute: Julianna Marguiles's hot, hot husband. Not cute? Christina Aguilera's too-tight, too-lacy, too-Burlesque dress. She looks so over the top. It's a bit ridiculous. 
 
 7:33 p.m. Claire Danes is in the house, in hot pink, backless Calvin Klein. She looks very sleek and chic, although the dress makes her look very thin. Mila Jovovich is wearing a grey/silver dress with a fishtail, which is way more normal than we'd expected from Mila. 
 
 7:34 p.m. Tina Fey is wearing a blue velvet dress that is very, very flattering on her indeed. It's got a deep v-neck and ruffles and is a bit-vintage-y looking (it's L'Wren Scott). We like it. 
 
 7:36 p.m. Giuliana just got so excited about Brangelina that she just referred to them as them, "Brad and Angelino." 
 
 7:37 p.m. PS: you guys, we have to talk about what Halle Berry is wearing. Or, rather, is not wearing. By which we mean, a dress. Her black frock is basically...well, underwear. And not in the hot way. In a bad, awkward way. People are whistling at her on the red carpet and we fear it might be sarcastic. From the neck up, she looks amazing. From the neck down, she looks like the rest of her dress got mauled off by a bear. 
 
 7:40 p.m. J. Lo appears to be wearing a cape made of a bridal veil. Just thought you should know. The end of the red carpet is really, sincerely, bringing the crazy. 
 
 7:41 p.m. Ryan grabs Anne Hathaway, who is wearing a long-sleeved and very demure sequined dress that's a sort of beige-y bronze. Breionze? This, ladies and gentleman, is your 2011 Oscars host: she's wearing puffed sleeves. "[Your dress] looks like little CDs," is Ryan's only comment. 
 
 7:42 p.m. Megan Fox and Brian Austin "David Silver" Green. Megan Fox looks very girly in a pink dress with a very high slit, but Ryan shoves her aside for his co-star J. Lo. She is wearing a glittery, see-through poncho, you guys. A PONCHO. It is crazy unflattering and also just plain old crazy. 
 
 7:44 p.m.It's official: Christina Aguliera's boobs are about to make a run for it. 
 
 7:45 p.m. So are Rita Wilson's. 
 
 7:51 p.m. The camera just caught Heidi Klum making sure that her leg is sticking out of her dress's thigh-high slit. She's wearing some kind of very 70's halter number. On the other end of the spectrum, Christina Hendricks (in red) is wearing something with a giant, giant flower right up next to her face. With her boobs, and very voluminous hair, it is all officially Too Much. 
 
 7:53 p.m. Johnny Depp looks very much like Johnny Depp, but we've never been happier to note that he's left the scarves at home. January Jones also looks like someone we recognize, but we can't figure out who. Maybe we're distracted because the bodice of her bright red Versace is basically two ribbons wrapped around her boobs. Ryan is outwardly confused and distracted by this. It is a very obvious choice, and Jones smarms to Ryan that she didn't wear it to be ignored. We get it, honey. We get it. 
 
 7:54 p.m. On the red carpet, Tilda Swinton just embraced Helen Mirren, which is something we'd all like to do, isn't it? Tilda's wearing a white oxford shirt tucked into a satin skirt, and her usual no-makeup. It may not actually be separates, but it certainly is very Swinton. 
 
 7:59 p.m. Is there any better way to end a live-blog than Swinton hugging Mirren? If there is, we don't want to hear about it.
– The Met Gala was last night, meaning celebrities had a chance to dress up in totally crazy outfits and vie for headlines the next day. Six of the most talked-about costumes: Beyonce showed up—two hours late—in a mostly see-through (with the exception of some well-placed ... confetti?) dress, prompting USA Today to declare, "Beyonce has a rare (but epic) fashion fail," even referring to it as a "Kardashian-like moment." Sarah Jessica Parker wore a headdress that was supposed to look like flames, and People notes that it's already a meme—people are comparing it to a flame emoji, the Human Torch, the hair of the Heat Miser from classic cartoon The Year Without a Santa Claus, and even the hat Jafar wears in Aladdin, among other things. Bey's sister, Solange Knowles, wore her own bizarre dress. It's difficult to describe, but People notes that the printed dress with mini-pleats "looks like two paper fans on top of each other." Vanity Fair declares that Rihanna "won" the red carpet with her insane yellow dress, complete with fur cape dragging an enormous train behind it. "I can’t really walk in it without any help," Rihanna explained. "But it’s so worth it. I love this dress so much!" Jennifer Connelly wore a Louis Vuitton sheath dress with puffy sleeves, and Perez Hilton complained that "that leg-of-mutton sleeve made the ensemble look far too big for her tiny frame. And as if that wasn't enough, her hands were practically swallowed up in that dress," making her look like "a little girl trying on mommy's clothes." As for Anne Hathaway, she looked vaguely like a Star Wars character in her gold, hooded ensemble, a not-uncommon observation. E! also notes that it "somewhat resembles a metallic boxing robe a pro athlete might wear." If you don't fully understand the Met Gala, the Washington Post's amusing FAQ may help. It reminds us, for one thing, that this happened after last year's event.