Michelle Williams Still Struggling With the Meaning of Heath Ledger's Death 
 
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 Which isn't to say the empty void left behind has been filled; when asked in her 
 
 
 
 "I've found meanings around the circumstance but the actual event doesn't have it, I can't find it," Williams says. "I can't find a meaning for it." 
 
 
 
 In an otherwise upbeat interview about her blossoming success from 'Blue Valentine' and working with 
 
 
 
 "I can kind of got obsessed with that for a while. A lot of things died," Williams said. "There's a line from a book that gave me so much comfort and it says when you've truly lost everything, then at least you can become rich in loss." See the interview after the jump. In Michelle Williams ' first network interview since fiance Heath Ledger died in 2007, the actress looks healed and happier than in years before.Which isn't to say the empty void left behind has been filled; when asked in her ABC interview if the meaning of Heath Ledger's has settled in over the years, Williams can't put it into many words."I've found meanings around the circumstance but the actual event doesn't have it, I can't find it," Williams says. "I can't find a meaning for it."In an otherwise upbeat interview about her blossoming success from 'Blue Valentine' and working with Ryan Gosling , Williams notes that one of the things she struggled with for the longest time was dealing with the fact that life can easily change in an instant."I can kind of got obsessed with that for a while. A lot of things died," Williams said. "There's a line from a book that gave me so much comfort and it says when you've truly lost everything, then at least you can become rich in loss." 
 
 It was surreal for Williams when Heath's death didn't seem true, and she misses that feeling."In a strange way, I miss that year, because all those possibilities that existed then are gone," she says. "It didn't seem unlikely to me that he could walk through a door or could appear behind a bush. It was a year of very magical thinking, and in some ways I'm sad to be moving further and further away from it."Later in the interview, Gosling joins the group to talk about the pleasure of working with Williams."She's like a sexy cowboy," Gosling says.On whether or not they are dating, that's still not true -- yet."Creatively. We are 'doing it' creatively," Gosling said. "No, we're professionals. I always look like I'm lying. That's just my face." ||||| Surprise! Michelle Williams is married to indie musician Phil Elverum after a “very sacred and very special” — and very secret — courtship, she reveals in a new profile. 
 
 RELATED: Michelle Williams and New Husband Both Suffered Tragic Losses — And What Else They Have in Common 
 
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 The actress, 37, appears on the latest cover of Vanity Fair where she confirms her marriage to Elverum, 40, for the first time. Williams and Elverum got married in a secret ceremony in the Adirondacks with a few friends and their daughters present. The Blue Valentine actress had 12-year-old Matilda with Heath Ledger; Elverum has a 3-year-old daughter from his first marriage. 
 
 “Obviously I’ve never once in my life talked about a relationship,” she said. “But Phil isn’t anyone else. And that’s worth something. Ultimately the way he loves me is the way I want to live my life on the whole. I work to be free inside of the moment. I parent to let Matilda feel free to be herself, and I am finally loved by someone who makes me feel free.” 
 
 Elverum now lives in Brooklyn with Williams and their daughters, and Williams said it vindicated her long search for love after Ledger died in 2008. 
 
 RELATED: Michelle Williams Says She Left N.Y.C. to Escape ‘Scary’ Times After Heath Ledger’s Death 
 
 Michelle Williams and Phil Elverum Steve Granitz/WireImage; Jordi Vidal/Redferns via Getty 
 
 “I never gave up on love. I always say to Matilda, ‘Your dad loved me before anybody thought I was talented, or pretty, or had nice clothes,’” she recalled in the story. 
 
 RELATED: Busy Philipps Flies to Be with BFF Michelle Williams on Anniversary of Heath Ledger’s Death 
 
 As for opening up about her life after keeping it private for so long, Williams said she hopes it helps other people going through tragedy. Elverum also lost his wife, illustrator and musician Geneviève Castrée, to cancer just 18 months after welcoming their daughter. 
 
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 RELATED: Busy Philipps Is ‘Hyper Protective’ of Michelle Williams and Daughter After Heath Ledger’s Death 
 
 “I don’t really want to talk about any of it,” she said. “But there’s that tease, that lure, that’s like, ‘What if this helps somebody? What if somebody who has always journeyed in this way, who has struggled as much as I struggled, and looked as much as I looked, finds something that helps them?’ Don’t settle. Don’t settle for something that feels like a prison, or is hard, or hurts you,” she says. “If it doesn’t feel like love, it’s not love.”
– Michelle Williams is moving on from Heath Ledger's death—and it makes her a little sad. Promoting her latest film Blue Valentine on Nightline, Williams recalled the first year without him: “In a strange way, I miss that year, because all those possibilities that existed then are gone. It didn't seem unlikely to me that he could walk through a door or could appear behind a bush. It was a year of very magical thinking, and in some ways I'm sad to be moving further and further away from it.” "I've found meanings around the circumstance but the actual event doesn't have it, I can't find it," she says of his death. "I can't find a meaning for it." Click for more from the interview and to watch the video.