"Eat my panties off me," Mrs. Pratt rhythmically coos. Vogue threatens Anna Wintour's town car, Elin Nordegren invests in another house, Ryan Seacrest cries over Simon. Come, plumb the depths of Wednesday's gossip. 
 
 If only we could harness the force of all the Schadenfreude they create and use it to power whole cities. "Ooh—come eat my panties off me," Heidi Montag murmurs in her new single, "I'll Do It," which is so gross I'm starting to second-guess even the non-gross parts. Case in point: "off up into ya dungin." I think she means "dungeon," but is it possible that "dungin" is slang for some part of the body that one can be "up into"? This song sounds suspiciously like a catalog of Pratt-Montag fetishes. Point being: You don't want to listen to this song, except that you kind of do, so here it is. [THG] ||||| The world may have to wait for the patter of little Speidi feet: Heidi Montag says that her quest to have kids with husband Spencer Pratt is "kind of on hold" as she launches her campaign to become a "pop star" with her just-released album Superficial. 
 
 Reimagine Heidi and other stars with Jersey Shore star Snooki's hair! 
 
 "I'm really trying to do this pop star [thing], my first album, so I think that would kind of be distracting from this album coming out," she said in a radio interview with Ryan Seacrest Tuesday. "But one day I would love to have kids. I don't know if Spencer quite feels the same way." 
 
 See how Heidi, Spencer and other Hills stars looked like back in the day 
 
 The Hills star spent three years working on Superficial, which features songs like "I'll Do It," in which she tells a lover to "come eat my panties off of me." R-rated lyrics or not, she tells Seacrest that "it's very personal, empowering music...just about living life and enjoying every moment and living it up--definitely club music." 
 
 Did Heidi get a nosejob? Examine the evidence for yourself! 
 
 The reality diva also explains the title. "I think that Superficial is kind of a double entendre," she says. "It's superficial in a sense that everything in Hollywood is a little superficial. It's superficial in a positive way too. It's not what it seems to be, it's the inside that counts. It's kind of the unknown and the known." 
 
 On the spiritual side, Montag and Pratt "have been getting very into yoga," she says. "It's very relaxing and has definitely calmed my husband down a little bit. He's a little energetic. "
– The wait is over: Heidi Montag’s debut album finally dropped yesterday, and it’s just as horrible as you’d expect. Case in point: Superficial track “I’ll Do It” includes the lyrics, “Come eat my panties off of me / Do whatever you feel comes naturally.” Nonetheless, Montag called the music “empowering,” Us reports—but not everyone agrees. The song “is so gross I'm starting to second-guess even the non-gross parts,” writes Azaria Jagger for Gawker. Here's yet another example, Jagger continues: "'Off up into ya dungin.' I think she means ‘dungeon,’ but is it possible that ‘dungin’ is slang for some part of the body that one can be ‘up into’?" Listen to the track at left.