The Loch Ness monster lives in a giant carpenter's level. 
 
 Just as the bubble in a carpenter's level moves back and forth depending on the surface it rests upon, Scotland's Loch Ness tilts back and forth according to the movement of the ground beneath it caused by the tides on the nearby North Sea. The motion is so subtle GPS couldn't even track it. 
 
 When the tide comes in on the North Sea, 13 kilometers (8 miles) to the east of Loch Ness, the increased pressure on the seafloor deforms the Earth, a process called ocean tidal loading. And while the moon controls the tides of the North Sea, and affects the loch as well, the wobbly movement of the land from the pressure of the changing tides is what really determines the loch's levels. The water in the loch acts like a bowl of water on a wobbly table, sloshing according to the movement of the land it rests upon. 
 
 The depth of the loch changed by 1.5 millimeters (0.06 inches) at its different ends depending on whether the North Sea tide was in or not, according to researchers at the National Oceanography Center in the UK and the University of Porto, Portugal. 
 
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 The researchers used pressure sensors distributed throughout Loch Ness to measure depth changes to the incredible accuracy of 0.1 mm (0.004 in) over the 35 km (22 mi) length. 
 
 "Our tilt accuracy of better than 10−8, measured over 35 km, demonstrates Loch Ness as one the world's longest and most accurate tiltmeters," the researchers said in the abstract of their paper published in the Journal of Geophysical Research. 
 
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 These measurements may be a first for a European lake with land shifting tides due to ocean tidal loading. 
 
 IMAGES: 
 
 Loch Ness with Urquhart Castle in the foreground. (Sam Fentress, Wikimedia Commons) ||||| You might have guessed it: Human garbage. Yep. It's the ugliest, most alien-looking, fatal and pervasive monster in the seas. Garbage patches have been getting a lot of attention lately. These are areas on the seas where currents and winds tend to concentrate floating garbage. Life On The Ocean Floor Garbage Patch: Photos 
 
 Do you remember when this one hit the headlines? It's not so gigantic, at four meters long, but it was observed 3,380 meters down in the Pacific Ocean near Oahu. It's pretty big to have gone unseen before its May 2001 discovery. So what else is out there? It's pretty clear marine biologists have only just begun discovering what lives in the deep sea. The more time they spend searching, the more they will find. But none would dispute that the nastiest sea monster to ever rise out of the sea is ... (drum roll please) ... 
 
 How about giant, ship-destroying squid and octopi? These monsters were old hat even to the easily freaked-out. Most folks figured they were historical exaggerations. That's until some very large and unusual squids started washing up or being hauled in by marine biologists in recent years. Colossal squid are meters long, pretty amazing beasts. Still, they have never been known to lift ships out of the water. And since were on the topic of squids ... Giant Squid Photos 
 
 Another possibility is that merfolk were inspired by fish with roughly human-looking faces, like this fellow. Some fish can look humanoid. That would be enough to get superstitious sailors started. First Face? Prehistoric Fish Was a Jaw-Dropper 
 
 The manatee has often been called the source of mermaid myths. It's a mammal, so it breathes air. But who would ever mistake a manatee for a sleek and beautiful mermaid? Could it be love-starved sailors with poor eyesight? There was no shortage of these fellows in the days before optometrists. Make Way For Manatees Month: Photos 
 
 Mermaids and mermen have always been the stuff of fantasy. Where did the fantasies come from? There are some standard answers to this question, which have always seemed rather inadequate. For instance ... (next slide, if you please) ... Mermaids Exist! And They Are Seismically Sensitive 
 
 There are also other, newfound "sea serpents" our sea-going ancestors never imagined. This one was spotted by a satellite coiling off the south coast of Japan's Hokkaido island. What do we know about it? 1) It's arguably one of the largest organisms on Earth, 2) It swallows ships, engulfs islands and generally does what it wants, and 3) We're darned lucky it's made of plankton. Monster Goldfish Found in Lake Tahoe Research into such massive blooms and the individual plankton cells that comprise them has revealed surprising cooperation among the microorganisms. They appear to operate like more than just floating individual cells. They live and die for the greater good, it seems. So they may be, in fact, a gigantic watery superorganism. Now that's a cool monster for you: You can swim in it and never know you've been in the belly of a beast. VIDEO: Why Squid Are Terror Monsters Of The Sea 
 
 Maybe it's the oarfish. It looks too monstrous to be true. It can grow many meters long, has strikingly bright silver scales, scarlet fins and some ornate headgear that more than explains why some call it a roosterfish. If only it were a reptile, it'd be a true sea serpent. Alas. It is a fish. A very weird and beautiful fish, but still a fish. Is the Loch Ness Monster Dead? 
 
 Sea monsters are truly global, of course. This one from Japan serves as the villain for the classic maiden in distress, who awaits rescue by her hero. The poor monsters are almost always cast as the bad guys. And so they usually end hacked to pieces; fish food. But is there any truth behind these sea serpent tales? Ancient Sea Monsters Were Black 
 
 In keeping with our subject of monsters of the deep, we also learned this week that at least some whales really can, and will, use their heads for ramming -- just as the fictional Moby Dick did, in the Herman Melville classic of the same name. Did whales perfect the head-butt long before people started banging heads? Real Moby Dick: Some Whales Ram With Their Heads 
 
 We all enjoy a tall tale. Cultures with seafaring traditions are especially ripe in what seem like the tallest sea monster tales of all: hydra, kraken, sirens, scylla, leviathans, assorted serpents and mermaids. Usually the stories are never confirmed and deemed baseless. Then again, some of the tales are based on something. With our skeptical hats on, let's have a look at sea monsters both real and fanciful. We begin with a story that went viral just this week, about a supposed monster that revealed itself during a swim in the Thames River. A Nessie-like bump in the water, filmed from overhead, started it all. But you'll have to judge for yourself: Real or fake? Watch the video and read Ben Radford's take on the tale. 'Thames Monster' Video: Hoax Or Mammal? 
 
 A sonar image shows the submerged remains of the Loch Ness monster prop resting on a crest 590 feet below the water's surface. 
 
 A marine robot deployed in the waters of Scotland's Loch Ness has found the remains of a monster but it turned out to be a prop from a movie shot in 1970. 
 
 The robot, belonging to Norwegian offshore oil company Kongsberg Maritime, is drawing up the first high-resolution map of the 230-meter (755-feet) deep lake in a project named "Operation Groundtruth." 
 
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 "Although it is the shape of Nessie, it is not the remains of the monster that has mystified the world for 80 years," Scottish tourism agency VisitScotland, which is backing the project, said on Wednesday. 
 
 The agency's statement said "Nessie found" with an asterisk at the bottom reading "replica model." 
 
 The blurry object with a long neck was a 30-foot (9.15-meter) long model of the monster made for the film "The Private Life of Sherlock Holmes," directed by Billy Wilder. 
 
 "It is thought the model sank after its humps were removed (the buoyancy was in the humps) never to be seen again," VisitScotland said in a statement. 
 
 The monster was actually a submarine in the film. 
 
 The film prop was used in the 1970's as part of the film, "The Private Life of Sherlock Holmes." Kongsberg Maritime 
 
 The mapping is being carried out by a robot called "Munin," which resembles a missile-shaped drone. 
 
 It also found a 27-foot long shipwreck, which is still being investigated, and worked out that there is no "Nessie trench" in the loch bed in which a creature could be hiding, as previously believed. 
 
 "The vehicle is providing insight to the loch's depths as never before imagined. Finding Nessie was, of course, an unexpected bonus," Craig Wallace, a Kongsberg Maritime engineer, said in a statement. 
 
 Previous discoveries made in Loch Ness include a crashed World War II bomber plane, a 100-year-old fishing boat and the remains of a speedboat used in a 1952 speed record attempt which killed its pilot. 
 
 The lake has been notoriously difficult to survey due to its depth and steeply sloping side walls. 
 
 VisitScotland estimates the revenue generated by tourists hoping to catch a glimpse of "Nessie" at £60 million (76 million euros, $85 million) a year. ||||| LONDON After nearly quarter century camping out by the banks of Scotland's Loch Ness hoping to glimpse "Nessie", the most dedicated hunter of the legendary monster has given up, concluding it is just a very big catfish. 
 
 Steve Feltham, who gave up his girlfriend, house and job in southwest England in 1991 to spend his life looking for the Loch Ness monster, believes he has solved the mystery behind its many sightings, the Times newspaper reported on Thursday. 
 
 Rather than being a primeval beast, he suspects it is a Wels catfish, a native European catfish that the paper said could grow up to 13 ft (4 meters) long. Victorians introduced the fish to the dark waters of the loch to provide sport. 
 
 "I have to be honest. I just don't think that Nessie is a prehistoric monster," Feltham was quoted as saying. "What a lot of people have reported seeing would fit in with the description of the catfish with its long curved back." 
 
 His conclusions are unlikely to deter the thousands of tourists who visit the site and believe a monster does still lurk in the dark waters of the deep Scottish lake. 
 
 The first written record of the monster relates to the Irish monk St Columba, who is fabled to have banished a "water beast" to the depths of the River Ness in the sixth century, long before the introduction of the catfish to the loch. 
 
 There have been countless fruitless attempts to track down the monster in the years since. In 2003, the BBC funded an extensive scientific search that used 600 sonar beams and satellite tracking to sweep the full length of the loch. It concluded there was probably nothing there. 
 
 The most famous picture of "Nessie", known as the "surgeon's photo", was taken in 1934 and showed a head popping out of the water. It was revealed 60 years later to be a hoax that used a sea monster model attached to a toy submarine. 
 
 "The monster mystery will last for ever and will continue to attract people here, monster or not," Feltham said. "I certainly don't regret the last 24 years." 
 
 (Reporting by Lucy Mortlock; Editing by Tom Heneghan)
– UK scientists have made a nifty, unprecedented discovery about Scotland's Loch Ness, but prepare to be a little disappointed. They found that tides from the nearby North Sea caused the land underneath the lake to shift ever so slightly, resulting in a change in depth of 0.06 inches at either end, depending on whether the tide was in or out. One professor likened it to a carpenter's bubble level, notes the BBC. "I have described Loch Ness as the largest spirit level in the world," he says. "If you were on a boat in the middle of the loch, you certainly wouldn't notice it," adds another. "But a tide like this has never been observed in a western European lake before." The scientists used underwater pressure sensors at various spots in the lake to get the astonishing accuracy, explains Discovery. The hope is that the method can be used at other lakes to shed more light on how oceans affect the Earth's crust. (The study, here, fails to mention the elephant in the room, but a Fark headline suspects that the lake level changes because Nessie is getting out to towel off.)