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 The larger snakes concentrate on the belly or back and give more of a kneading effect, while the smaller ones go off and explore other places like, oh, your face. Seriously, watch as the snakes slither across a guy's eyes at around 0:46 in this video, if you dare. 
 
 Via Weirdnews.about.com 
 
 Any judge would consider tickling her right now attempted murder. 
 
 While the snakes are all nonvenomous, we certainly understand if this freaks you out instead of soothing you -- we can think of dozens of other animals that are more qualified to massage people. The elephant, by the way, isn't one of them. 
 
 Via Doseng.org 
 
 But nobody tell this girl. 
 
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 In Thailand, elephants are trained to do a number of things, from playing soccer to using instruments to stepping on the backs of defenseless tourists, apparently. The Maesa Elephant Camp in Chiang Mai features elephants of the latter type: While you lay on your face, the elephant will place its foot on your back to "help ease your stress." Ninety percent of that stress, of course, comes from the fact that you just saw an approaching wild animal that is capable of crushing you like a slug. 
 
 Sometimes the tourists are given the impression that a baby elephant will be doing the stepping, only for it to be switched to an adult one when it's too late to turn back. You know, for comic effect. Yeah, Thailand doesn't do "relaxing" very well. And that might just explain ...
– Facials, mani-pedis, and massages are so passé for the insanely rich—or the insane and rich, Cracked reports. Here's the new normal among bizarre spa treatments: A plant farm in northern Israel offers the full-body snake massage for $70. Bigger snakes will knead the belly or back while smaller ones wiggle around your face. (Time offers a video.) The Chiang Mal Women's Correctional Institution in Thailand offers a massage—from a fully trained inmate. "In this case, 'happy ending' means nobody got murdered," quips Cracked. A wine spa in Japan allows you to swim in hot booze, tea, or coffee. The spa's website notes that green tea is an effective antioxidant, and Cleopatra bathed in wine. As for the coffee spa, it will "perk up your senses." Chinese "fire cupping" is said to alleviate many physical problems, including congestion, bad circulation, and menstrual pains. Only problem: It involves lighting fires inside glass bulbs and sticking them to your back. The result resembles a minefield of red bruises. For more spa freakiness, click here.