Being a moffie with toxic parents - An autoethnography of bullying and coming out
ABSTRACT This article uses autoethnography to impart the author's personal reflections of identity work, reconciling various identities, growing up as a gay boy, experiences of being bullied and subsequently coming out. Growing up in a conservative rural town exposed the author to compulsory heterosexuality and the prevailing order of gender conformity, and highlighted his not fitting in. The intent of autoethnography is to recognise the complicated link between the personal and the cultural, and to make room for non-traditional ways of analysis and communication. Emotion work as a theoretical basis for reconciling his identity, as well as social learning theory, is briefly explored. This is necessary insofar as boys learn to be masculine by imitating others' behaviour and getting responses from them-as the author did in his then boys boarding school. The boys attending the boarding school claimed that disliking 'moflies' (faggots) was just a part of what it means to be a guy, based on heteronormativity as a central component of peer pressure. Boys may use social and emotional harassment/bullying to make it difficult for other boys to be successful at school. The author experienced these interactions with other learners in an Afrikaans working-class high school. In the article, he reflects on the fact that it is through communication, social connections and psychotherapy that a person learns his/her identity and what that means in the culture into which he/she was born.