The Mohel Song
[Lucian speaking]
This is a story about a very important moment in every young trans man's life, when he looks down and realizes that he's grown a foreskin.

[Nogga speaking]
Shit!

[Lucian]
Now this is really kind of unnerving if the man in question is Jewish. This is the story about one such man,

[Nogga]
I'm... Totally Jewish

[Lucian]
who woke up one morning, with a foreskin, didn't know what to do, and called his Rabbi for advice.

[Nogga]
riiiiiiiing! Hello, Rabbi?

[Lucian]
This is called... the Mohel Song!
[Lucian and Nogga yelling]
One two three four!

[Lucian singing]
After my first shot of testosterone
Only two weeks and my schmekie had grown
Now I have a foreskin and I am a Jew
I called up my Rabbi, said "What should I do?"

[Nogga yelling]
I don't need a fuckin' mohel!

[Lucian]
The Rabbi said, "Bubbe, you're not like us men,
you must follow the laws of the androgen,
you'll never be counted as one of the ten,
because you cannot produce any semen."

[Nogga]
I don't need a fuckin' mohel!

[Lucian]
Some of our forefathers had a foreskin
Adam and Noah are also our kin
Some folks eat goats and some folks say the sh'ma
[Lucian and Nogga]
So suck on my foreskin and sing Chad Gadya!

[Everyone]
My father doesn't know I have a foreskin
Chad Gadyaaaaaa Chad Gadya!

[Lucian]
Mohel!