Smug Pessimist Award Speech
[The winner of this award was Cyberpunk 2077]
[Voiced by Donny Q]

Oh my god, who could have possibly seen this coming. This is unheard of, I’m shocked and devastated. Let me try to gain my composure. Okay, I’m ready, let’s go.

Another year, another flunk. It’s practically expected now that at least one big game each year will disappoint absolutely everyone and their moms with some buggy piece of shit launch. Somehow, CD Projekt managed to completely evaporate eight years of hype and respect from their fanbasе seemingly overnight. It takes legitimatе skill to accomplish something like that.

Let’s take a step back and consider what we were supposed to receive: Next-level graphics, AI driven storytelling, a world hand tailored to be the cyber and/or punk experience you could have possibly imagined. A tale of strife as you climb your way up to the top of the sprawling neon lights and dark, gritty streets. Flying cars, street walkers, police beating down even a simple jaywalker, all within the confines of a perpetually midnight city of lights.

But no, this is the white-collar crime of cyberpunk. The most milquetoast imagining of a dystopian world possible. As if they pulled half the map from GTA 5, desert included, added an occasional car that flies through solid buildings, and slapped some wires onto your wrist and called it a game.

What a shame. Even Keanu couldn’t save this trainwreck of a game. Oh well, cut out wall running, let’s get Alanah Pearce in the studio instead, maybe another e-celeb cameo will save the game.