Belt
Thank you sir. Man you guys always hand me the hottest glass possible. I mean I guess it’s sanitary. Started out as cheers, but after drink eight it ended in “I want my money back” Sometimes when you're too drunk on stage people want their money back. “Can I get my money back” It’d be really funny if you could get your money back for other shit when you were too drunk. It’d be like “I saw Mitch Hedberg, he was drunk, and I want to return this saw” I wish they made Fajita cologne cause that shit smell good. A fly was very close to being called a land, cause that’s what it does half the time. I got a belt that is holding up my pants, but it’s very heavy so it’s weighing them down. If it weren’t for the belt my pants would be okay. But my pants, my belt holds up my pants, my pants have belt loops that hold up my belt. What the fuck is going on down there. Who is the real hero? My hair needs some gel. Gel is funny you wash your hair then put gel in it. It’s like, it’s clean now, let me fuck it back up. I like when they say shampoo is volumizing. Becuase like my hair is fucking quite. I want to hear what it has to say. Shampoo is like, quiet combing if it hurts. Oh fuck, I’m not listening to you guys. I want to get disappearing ink that reappears later. You spray it on someone. Fucking Mitch! Awww. Ten minutes later, FUCKING MITCH. You know when you go to abar and want to wash your hands and they don’t have any hot water. You turn on the c nob, cold water comes out. You turn on the H nob, cold water turns out. It’s like, fucking’ cheap bar. But I can accept that. But I want ot know what the H stands for now. C obviously stands for cold. H must stand for Haha dude. You thought this shit was hot but it is not. Now spread some germs. I want to walk around with some of those airplane sized bottles of booze, and act like I’m a raging alcoholic. Look bitch. I need my medicine. Fuck you. I need another one of those, do you have a dollar seventy five?