A Guide to Growing Up - Level 6 A Collection of Perspective Tweaks
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What is all this nonsense good for? It's crazy, you'll say. So skip this chapter until life has your back to the wall and you don't know what to do. Sometimes life just gives you shitty cards and there's nothing within your power to improve your situation. Oh, sure, you could transfer to a new college every semester until you found one you liked… and when you didn't like it anymore, continue moving. But for more practical solutions, and more impossible situations (like being broke and living at home in a fucked-up family), you'll need to know how to make the best of things by utilizing yourself and what is around you to the fullest extent. That's where these come in handy…


Taskforce Theory

When love fails you, when the one you thought would be your everything forever deserts you, or you can't find someone at all… you need to call in the taskforce.
Taskforce theory states that putting the responsibility of your personal fulfillment into another single human being is not safe, nor fair, nor wise. Instead, characteristics that you look for in other people you find attractive, should be spread out over a large number of individuals. Individuals can have more than one attribute they bring to your life, but cannot be solely relied on as your only source. A partial example of a taskforce looks like this:

Humor:				Josh, Joey, Elle
Intelligent conversation:		Lee, Andrew, Joan
Cuddling:			Haylee, Melissa, Amy
Sex:				Miffy, Mia, Beth
Advice:				Hugo, Joan, Brad
Hanging out: 			Richie, Sir Madridiot, Bubba

Not everyone in your life has to have some divine purpose. You can simply be friends with someone because you like them. But this taskforce is about people who mean a little more to you.

By understanding what specific roles people play in your life, your needs will almost always be filled, with redundant back-up plans, to not overwhelm or rely too heavily on any one person. You can keep an actual percentage of fulfillment in your life at any given time. This perspective tweak will allow you to actually see how good your life is, even when you feel bad and think everything sucks. Underneath the arbitrary categories you set up, you should include a list of “unclassified” people that consists of everyone you know. Names will drop in and out of categories on your list on a regular basis as life paths continue in separate directions. Be sure not to assign people roles based on what you want out of them. Rather, allow them roles that befit what they already do naturally. This will ensure the best longevity and mutual comfort in your relationships. Redundancy is the biggest key to the success of the taskforce theory. If some of your needs are not met at all, then what good is it really? Because this theory is unique to this book, most people aren’t going to understand if you outwardly say, “Hey baby, I want to taskforce you all night long!” It is important to be clear and open about what you expect from each person. Let people know what they do for you and why you do not depend on them for more. Make it clear it is to their benefit as well that they are not bound down with large expectations and dependency.
In addition, you should also be aware that people use one another for certain things all the time, often without giving back. This is different. If all you do is coldly borrow or take without genuinely caring and helping where it’s needed, you are just a predator. You must be providing services and fulfilling needs for others as they are for you. You don’t necessarily need to fill the same role in the other person’s taskforce either. For instance, maybe the person who makes you laugh has plenty of funny friends, but needs someone to be serious who they can confide in when they aren’t being funny. Know what you bring to the table, why your taskforce members have gravitated toward you, and what they want out of the relationship.


Gardening Theory

Gardening theory states that there are four major parts to a person: logic, emotions, physical body, and spirit. All four parts are completely separate from one another and have their own rules and needs. While each is a separate organism, they share one environment within the garden, which represents your overall state of being. This means that if one piece of your garden is on fire, the fire can spread to the other parts, if left unchecked. For instance, deep emotional trauma can lead to physical problems (over-eating, cutting, etc.) and mental depression. Should one piece completely die, fulfillment is impossible, and only contentment can be achieved. Death is represented in no longer acknowledging the existence of one of these pieces. Sickness is represented in no longer acknowledging the importance of one of these pieces. Death, in this case, is not necessarily permanent.

For reasons unknown at this time, one characteristic seems to always be disproportionate to the rest, in terms of how much attention and value is placed on it. The most valued of the four characteristics is different for each person. The most valued characteristic is represented by the lawn. The other characteristics are represented by a rose garden, bushes, and trees. Each characteristic is within its own boxed lot and does not touch or share nutrients. Each characteristic must be watered, or paid attention to (given what it wants/feels like it needs), from time to time. There is a scorching sun, which represents time, which begins to slowly burn away each characteristic that is not being watered. The lawn will receive the most water, as we use it as a base for our morals, ethics, and values. But the water must be shared with other characteristics, even if it means causing temporary decay for the lawn, and going against your own normal code of conduct. For example, if your lawn is logic, you will knowingly act illogically to cater to your emotions on a short temporary basis, just to allow it to feel and thrive a little while. Or, if your lawn is spirit, you will cater to your physical body now and then by working out at the gym, or letting your mind guide you just to keep it in shape for when you really might need to rely on it. Sometimes a situation will present itself where a contradiction occurs (often between the mind and the heart). The rule of contradicting characteristics is to only allow the minor parts to have their way if the minor part has not had much attention in awhile, and if the desire will not cause lasting damage to your lawn. Simply put, doing things out of your normal routine keeps your life interesting, and keeps you learning. That's why the minor parts are given some extra consideration in these situations. If they're loud enough to hear at all over your lawnmower, they must want something awfully bad.


Formula for Trust

Honesty, Loyalty, Consideration, Self-Control, and the Ability to Reason.

Needless to point out, this makes it impossible to trust anyone you first meet, and in fact, most people you'll ever meet. That's a good idea. Don't trust most people you meet.

The first sign of an honest person is when someone tells you something unfavorable or embarrassing about themselves. A dishonest person will always look like they're in control and never mess up, or feel any pain. Some people may be jerks, but at least when they're being jerks, they're being honest. Make note that this formula does not compensate for sociopaths, pathological liars, psychopaths, or major degenerates. It'll weed out mostly douchebags, loose cannons, flakes, and dangerously gullible people, but that's it.

A loyal person has some friends who they've stayed close with for a long time. A person with very few friends or no friends is someone you probably don't want to be friends with, unless they just moved into town, or recently woke up from a coma.

Consideration is shown though how much the other person is interested and remembers your own wants and needs. Consideration is the sign that the other person actually cares about you. You can be honest with and loyal to someone you do not care for whatsoever (like the company you work for, your country's court of law, etc.). Don't be a brat and always expect to get your way or receive gifts, but there will come a time when you are adamantly opposed to something someone else wants to do (like fuck your younger sister, for example). This friend’s loyalty and consideration will be put to the test, pending the results of his or her ability to reason and practice self-control.

Most people struggle with the ability to reason and with showing self-control. The first three attributes (honesty, loyalty, consideration) are essential to know someone actually cares about you enough not to fuck you over. The last two (reasoning, self-control) are there to minimize potential mistakes and situations where trust is betrayed unintentionally. The most common problem with self-control is the inability to control one’s emotions from dictating to the rest of the mind (and room) what the truth of a situation is. We all know a few people who really believe their world is going to end, over some trivial incident that blows over in a week. Yet, they freak out like that every time something bad happens. Feeling-based people must learn to realize the faultiness of their perceptions. In order to not be dangerous people to be around when in a crisis, feeling-based people should either delegate to others, or take time to calm down before making decisions,  Intentions only go so far. Do you want to be hitched to someone who does care about you, but is susceptible to constantly being taken advantage of, or tricked into doing things that will cause you pain? Unacceptable.


Miscellaneous Tweaks
The easy way is usually the wrong way. The hard way is often the best way. Doing nothing is no way to live at all.

Don't have plans, have preferences; situations will change (planning a life for yourself will lead to just that: a life by yourself).

Discredit bad things that should not have happened. Let go of those memories.

Learn from mistakes of others and yourself.

Be the force of good in the world that you wish upon or pray to.

Accept that there is no such thing as permanent stability.

Nothing lasts. Conversely, everything changes.

What is the world other than the way in which you perceive it?

Help can never be seen on the horizon until it’s already arrived.


Bonus Level !!

Is there a limit to which taskforce theory is effective? Can this perspective be fulfilling forever? What factors are involved in the relinquishing of this perspective?

How does your own ability to reason relate to analyzing someone else’s ability? Can someone with different perspectives, values, or priorities than yours still be considered reasonable and trustworthy?

Is it possible for all sections in a garden to work together in harmony so contradictory events will one day no longer take place? Or is a chaotic existence something to accept?
When using your own methods is not getting the desired result in life, at what point do you try something different?