True Stories - Lying Womans Tall-Tale Claims
Yeah, I'm in the construction business. Got work goin' on at five sites right now. Bought me a condo last week! Shoot, real close to here, as a matter of fact. And next week, I just think I might buy me another house. Darlin', I'll tell you what now, I just have a feel for it, do you know what I mean? Of course, bein' overly psychic sure doesn't hurt anything. It's paid off for me! Listen, Mr. Fry ... Fine, ... Louis, darlin', listen, I'll tell you somethin' if you promise not to tell another livin' soul. Now, I'd never tell this to anybody else, but I believe that part of my extra-psychic ability's connected up with the fact that I was born with a tail. Little ol' bitty hairy thing about that long - had it surgically removed when I was just five years old. My Momma kept it in a fruit jar, up in the medicine cabinet, right between the 4-Way Cold Tablets and the monkey blood. I'd get up every morning - first thing I'd go in there in the bathroom brush my teeth and stare at my own tail at the same time. Now, somethin' like that can give you power - and that's the truth. Then Momma got a wild hair one Sunday and she decided to go make a lot of money off of it, you know. Took it out to a big ol' swap meet and sold it to Lyndon Johnson's top Secret Service agent. And he told a good personal friend of mine that he was gonna sell it for even more money to the Smithsonian Institute. Shoot, he might as well, it wouldn't do him any good. It wasn't HIS tail! Gee, I tell you, I could write a book. That thing would be a best seller... Songs are easy. I wrote "Billie Jean" and half of Elvis' songs...Hell, yes! You know, they pay me and I keep quiet. Somebody's got to do it!