Tindah Mash
VERSE 1:
I've been swiping on "Tindah" for a minute
Tryna’ find a girl in it who’s down to let me hit it!
I need a hottie hotter than Beyoncé in a microwave
I feel like Arnold Schwarzenegger and I need an old maid
Oh, shit! (beat) I just got a match!
And she's a right swipe, she's a total catch
I'm like: "Are you tryna’ smash?" She's like: "I don't know, maybe!"
T-texting’ and driving’ in my Dad’s mercedes!
I'm like: "I know a party wanna’ come?" She's like: "Okay."
It’s goin’ down forreal, Donald Trump’s G-P-A!
I pull up to her place, I’m like: "What's your E-T-A?"
Cause' I'm horny like a rhino reading "Fifty Shades of Grey!"
(Ey!) She came outside’nslike’: "Hey, it's me!"
(Yeah—) I’m not Bill, but she can be my Lewinsky!
I know a thing or two I think that she can do with me
Cause’ she’s literally visually the girl of my dreams!
CHORUS A:
It was a "Tindah’ match!
Oh, it was a late night smash!
(On God, yeah)
It was a match!
It was a "Tindah" match!
(Ba dup buh)
Oh, It was a late night smash!
Ooh, yeah! Oh baby
VERSE 2:
Pull up to the party, it's a "Project X" banger
She thinks I'm so cool, and I'm so aboutta' bang her!
She's pretty, and witty, and fun, and smart—
Boutta' put my giraffe in her like she's Noah's Ark!
She ordered a margarita, I said "make that two!"
The bartender looked at me and said, "really, dude?"
Whatever! He hasn’t gotten laid in forever
And I'm aboutta' get freaky like a gift outta’ Spencer’s!
Then the party came alive like Frankenstein—
It was jack-o’-lantern lit, word to R.L. Stine!
Shouldn’t be a mystery of what I’m tryna’ do
Cause’ she’s looking' like a snack and I’m Scooby Doo!
(beat) ...All were diggin’ the sounds!
As some goblets of God knows what got passed around!
Feel like a hound, hope she’s down to go to town—
All I need is one round, Rhonda Rousey, Chris Brown!
CHORUS B:
(It was a match!)
It was a "Tindah’ match!
Oh, it was a late night smash!
Ooh, yeah! Oh baby, ohh
It was a match!
It was a "Tindah" match!
(Ba da duh)
Oh, it was a late night smash!
(On God, yeah)
Ooh, yeah! (Ohhh)
BEAT TRANSITION:
(Woah, yeah, woah, look)
VERSE 3:
Double! Double! More drinks? No trouble!
The fireworks burnt, and the champagne bubbled
I'm lost in the toxic concoctions I've gotten
Taking’ shot after shot like Osama Bin Laden!
Kinda tipsy, so we got up to dance—
Shawty's halloween body putchya' boy in a trance!
Another’ paranormal hottie in a bad romance
Between the mummies and zombies and ghouls and vamps’!
(yeah) Bongs bubbled like a witch with a cauldron;
We danced on the floor by the pool and then
She took a spill— and belly flopped in the pool!
But what happened next made me question the booze!
She was melting, and burning, and twisting and turning;
While screaming in latin; quickly returning back into a serpent!
She must be a servant of Hell’s innermost circle!
I asked: “Did I do that?” just like Steve Urkel!
(It was a)
CHORUS C:
It was a "Tindah’ match!
Ohh yeah, oh yeah
It was a late night smash!
(On God, yeah)
It was a match, ooo!
It was a "Tindah" match!
(Ba da duh)
Ooh yeah, oh yeah / (It was a late night smash!)
(Oh yeah, ooo baby!)
VERSE 4:
Then I looked back over at my mans' at the bar
He said: “Looks like your girl’s from 'Where The Wild Things Are.”
Oh God! What have I awoke from the dead?
This monster belongs under not in my bed!
I mean I would not, could not— here or there!
Then again: “Fair is foul! And foul is fair!”
Cause’ every woman's gorgeous at the end of the day!
She's not Kim-K, but I can still be Ray-J!
So I say, “Hear! Hear! You fowlish beast
Your Hellish appearance matters not to me!"
For all should know it’s what’s inside that counts
So I took her to the crib and I made that shit bounce!
And the sex for me was mind blowing as can be
Like Hellen Keller watching “Interstellar” in 3D!
I dropped to a knee, “Will you marry me?”
She said, “Fuck no, boy! I just wanted your seed!”
PRECHORUS:
When you fish for love, bait with your heart and not your brain
For things may appear to be, not as they truly are
So take a look to your left, and a glance to your right
And over your shoulder on Halloween night!
But be most weary of all
Not of what lurks in the dark, but what dwells in the light
Not of what fills your heart with fright
But of what lies in plain sight!
CHORUS D:
(It was a match!)
It was a "Tindah’ match!
Ohh yeah, oh yeah!
It was a late night smash!
(On God, yeah)
It was a match!
It was a "Tindah" match!
Ooh yeah, oh yeah! / (It was a late night smash!)
(Oh yeah, ooo baby!)