Christian Charity
[SHERIFF, spoken]
Evening folks!
 
[SHELLEY, spoken]
Whatcha got?
 
[SHERIFF, spoken]
Doctor home?
 
[MEREDITH, spoken]
No, he's not.
 
[SHERIFF, spoken]
When's he back?
 
[MEREDITH, spoken]
An hour or so.
 
[SHELLEY, spoken]
The heck is that?
 
[SHERIFF, spoken]
Well, I don't know.
 
[MEREDITH]
What in the world?
 
[SHELLEY]
Where did you find?
 
[MEREDITH, spoken]
What is he doing?
 
[SHELLEY, spoken]
He's out of his mind!
 
[MEREDITH]
Is he in pain?
 
[SHELLEY]
Is he insane?
 
[SHERIFF, spoken]
Maybe and possibly, let me explain.
 
[MEREDITH & SHELLEY, spoken]
No!
 
[SHERIFF, spoken]
Aw, heck. Maybe I shouldn't've done that.
But that boy was hoppin' like a scalded dog.
 
[MEREDITH, spoken]
Boy?
 
[SHERIFF, spoken]
Maybe. Frankly, that's why I'm here.
I figure maybe we need a veterinarian to sort this out.
I'm hoping Dr.Parker will know what to do.
 
[SHERIFF]
I didn't know where else to take him...
 
[SHELLEY, spoken]
Mom!
 
[MEREDITH, spoken]
Shelley, quiet!
 
[SHERIFF]
Can't go to jail, he's underage.
 
[SHELLEY, spoken]
Mom!
 
[MEREDITH, spoken]
Shelley, quiet!
 
[SHERIFF]
Folks up at the Med School, bet they'd carve him up or bake him.
I'd send the FBI a page, but I don't think we're at that stage-
So, here he is folks, he's all yours.
Couldn't leave him out of doors, creepin' on all fours.
We could always shoot him but that don't seem right to me.
'N I can't rid myself o' my Christian Charity.
 
[SHELLEY, spoken]
Can we see him?
 
[MEREDITH, spoken]
Shelley- get away!
 
[SHERIFF, spoken]
Now you listen to your mother, Shelley.
You don't want to be near if it wakes up.
It bit one of the Taylor kids.
 
[MEREDITH]
Shelley, don't stare- Shelley, don't poke.
 
[MEREDITH, spoken]
What is this, sheriff, some kind of sick joke?
 
[SHELLEY]
Mom, he's so gross!
 
[SHELLEY, spoken]
Mom, can he stay?
 
[SHERIFF, spoken]
Shel, I was hopin' you'd see it that way.
 
[SHERIFF]
I'm comin' up for re-election.
 
[SHELLEY, spoken]
Mom!
 
[MEREDITH, spoken]
Shelley, quiet!
 
[SHERIFF]
I gotta bring this thing to heel.
 
[SHELLEY, spoken]
Mom!
[MEREDITH, spoken]
Shelley, quiet!
 
[SHERIFF]
A boy with his complexion's gonna meet with some objections,
'N I think I know how folks will feel once they hear this-
 
[SHERIFF, spoken]
"Bat Child" is for real.
 
[SHELLEY, spoken]
It's a bat child? MOM! We gotta keep it!
 
[MEREDITH, spoken]
All right, sheriff. Dr. Parker has some cages. I'll take care of the boy for you.
 
[SHERIFF]
Ah, that's great, Meredith. I can't thank you enough for the favor.
And if he turns into a pain, call me, I've got stun guns and a chain.
 
[SHELLEY, spoken]
WHOA!
 
[MEREDITH, spoken]
OH!
 
[SHERIFF overlapping]
So here he is folks, he's all yours.
I couldn't leave him out of doors, creeping on all fours.
We may have to put him down-
 
[MEREDITH overlapping]
Don't stare, Shelley- please don't poke.
Don't touch him, Shelley, don't provoke.
 
[SHELLEY overlapping]
Mom! Look at him! I know but Mom...
Look at him! What's wrong with him?
 
[ALL]
For now we'll wait and see!
 
[SHERIFF & MEREDITH]
We can't rid ourselves of our Christian Charity.
 
[SHERIFF overlapping]
So, here he is folks, he's all yours.
Couldn't leave him out of doors, creeping on all fours.
Those thunderclouds are closing in-
 
[MEREDITH overlapping]
Don't stare, Shelley, please don't poke.
Don't touch him, Shelley, don't provoke!
 
[SHELLEY overlapping]
MOOOOOOOOOOMMM!
MOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMM!
 
[ALL]
We can't just let him be.
We can't rid ourselves of our Christian Charity.
We can't rid ourselves of our Christian Charity.
 
[SHELLEY, spoken]
Mom!
 
[MEREDITH, spoken]
Shelley, quiet!