Unwritten Rules
This has been something that’s been on my mind for a while now. And something that, I believe, needs addressing. Its almost as if the society we live in nowadays has given all their authority to social media & networking agencies. As a result, those platforms to network & interact with others have become a playground where hierarchy, bullying & ultimately rash decisions are very much alive & kicking. There seems to be all these rules, Do’s & Don’ts that have seen individuality threatened by a clone culture preying upon difference, seeing it as a weakness, undesirable and even punishable by ridicule. It’s frustrating and I’m sure the questions many have found themselves asking are:

1) Why is it that showing interest or just being kind is perceived as being “thirsty” or having an ulterior motive?
2) Why is it that everyone on Twitter, Facebook and all the rest seem to have more say on what goes on in a relationship than the people inside it?
3) Why is it that BBM statuses, Tweets and so on are viewed as indirects as opposed to someone just saying what’s on their mind? What happened to freedom of expression?
4) Why are there all these rules on the “acceptable” way to date someone, who to date, “saving hoes” and bedroom activities?

Rules galore. That’s all there ever seems to be. But the main thing I’d like to draw attention to is the fact that everyone is DIFFERENT. We all think differently, we all have different tastes, likes and dislikes, desires and perceptions on what is right & what is wrong. Ultimately, morality is subjective. To an extent. I mean, there are certain things, which go without saying, i.e. cheating on someone is considered taboo & immoral as well as unprovoked acts of violence. But, on the whole, depending on personal preference, you have the free will to decide & determine what you feel goes and what doesn’t. And that philosophy doesn’t just boil down to how you engage with others but goes beyond that. At the end of the day, you’ll have different reasons as to why something is correct to you whilst someone else could see it as totally wrong for their reasons.

However, I feel the state of things nowadays has seen people impose their opinions as facts, blurring the boundaries between truth & fiction. There’s a big difference between an interpretation & reality yet people are almost spoon-feeding their interpretations to all by any means necessary that independent thought has almost become an afterthought. The sad thing is few are actually conscious of all these “unwritten rules” & codes of conduct that govern social integration thus a lot of people are falling into this naïve mindset whereby anything said or done must be the Gospel, not to be questioned or deviated from. People have put popularity on such a pedestal that if something seems to be receiving “universal approval” or agreed by a large majority, that it must be 100% accurate. I’ve seen too many people letting all these “unwritten rules” dictate their lives for them that they almost forget to live the life most important: THEIR OWN. And all of the aforementioned questions, which perplex me, are all down to perception. As I mentioned previously, people will see things differently. So just because something seems one way doesn’t mean that it is. Alternately, something may be exactly what it is. The main thing is to never assume. Ask. That’s how you acquire information & grow in knowledge & understanding. Too many people, whether consciously or not, entertain ignorance, which is a primary reason why all this conflict & petty disagreements continue to persist in the society of today.

1. Thirst, Flirt or Interest?
Its naïve to assume that friendliness automatically equals flirting or that simply being kind and conveying an interest in pursuing someone romantically must translate into being thirsty for sexual satisfaction. Truth is, not everything is in code and requires deciphering. Some things are just there in black & white yet people are too busy looking for all these hidden colours & subliminal messages that they miss the main point. All you can do is be nice to someone. If they can’t deal then take your cards off the table & deal them elsewhere. The simple fact of the matter is that just because someone has @’d you on Twitter, DM’d you, asked for your BB pin or phone number or just generally made enquiries of how they can continue talking to you on a more regular basis, don’t label them as a relationship truant who is only interested in the physical aspect or having you as a trophy as opposed to keeping you as a partner. We don’t all look at each other as conquests to be conquered so stop assuming all males are guilty of objectifying women or that all women are bitter for X, Y, Z reason so can’t be reasoned with. Relationships are breaking down, as is romance nowadays, because people are generally way too presumptuous that before anything can take off, they have already shot it down. Negativity only breeds if we allow it room to breathe. So as for what other people have experienced or may say, it doesn’t mean that you will undoubtedly experience the same things. If you want a change in circumstance, sometimes you have to change your approach & your mentality. So before you shoot down Mr or Mrs Right because you’re convinced that they’ll turn out on the basis of what everyone else thinks, stop and THINK YOURSELF. Acts of kindness might just be exactly as they are- ACTS OF KINDNESS. The best way to get a clearer picture of someone’s intentions is if you ask at the source, not rely on all the rules & procedures of how to go about establishing a romance.

2. The Big To-Do’s & Don’ts on Social Media
Now this is something everyone needs to hear. Not every issue in your relationship or romances needs to be shared & confided in via Twitter, Facebook or whatever social platform you use to express yourself. Truth is, you’ll invite trouble in as opposed to keeping it out. People often use domestics as an opportunity to prey on a couple’s weaknesses till those weaknesses nurture your vulnerabilities to a stage beyond reconciliation. There’s too many rules which are being passed off as fact where romances are concerned. If you want your private life to last (notice I didn’t say its guaranteed to be perfect all the time) then you have to be extremely careful what personal business you make accessible & to what extent you invite external commentary. Every relationship is a personalized experience between you & whoever is involved. The more heads in, the more chaotic things can become. If you’re dating someone, you’re dating them. Not the whole world, not their followers, not their families or friends, but THEM. Of course you’ll want to gel with whoever they get on with but as far as social media is concerned, my advice is to be mindful of the degree of which you expose yourself. Nowadays, people don’t need an excuse to interfere in business that is none of their concern so don’t give prying eyes a reason to continue to be nosey. Whatever anyone else has to say on your relationship matters very little. Its between you, your partner or whoever is concerned and God above. And as for the notion of “indirects”, unless you have something to feel guilty about, not everything said must be concerning you. Its very small minded to assume so. And if someone is “indirecting” you, don’t rise to it. Worst thing you can do when confronted with ignorance is add fuel to the fire. Ignorance hates to be ignored so keep it moving. Eventually, it’ll grow bored or wise up.

But on the whole, we are all entitled to live as we see fit. I mean, I’m a Christian so I’m biased slightly but I’ll never claim to have never made a mistake or be beyond peer pressure and so on. Truth is, I’ll continue doing those things and more from time to time. And most people will, its nothing to feel guilty about. But the fact is all these “unwritten rules” put into the spotlight by the popular cohort who rule social media nowadays are in no position to dictate how everyone lives their life. We live in this Demi-God culture whereby people associate attention & following on social media in the same league as being relevant. Also, people are becoming so forceful with their opinions that the understanding of what a fact is has become distorted. Nobody is God. Nor in possession of the authority to tell you how to live your life, who to date, how to behave in your relationships with others or what ambitions to pursue. So for all the “unwritten rules”, don’t let them ruffle your feathers. You have to do what you do best & realize there’s a difference between advice or guidance and just speaking out of turn without evidence.

But again, who am I to judge? We’re all entitled to our own opinions.
Ezekiel The Poet (c) Copyright 2013