Meet the Sniper
[Intro]
(Sound of a vehicle driving by.)

SNIPER: Boom. Headshot.
(Cut to title card. Fanfare plays.)

[Section 1]

SNIPER: Snipin's a good job, mate.
S: ...it's challenging work, out-of-doors...
S: ...I guarantee you'll not go hungry.
S: 'Cause at the end of the day, 'long as there's two people left on the planet, someone is gonna want someone dead.

(Gunshot.)
DEMOMAN: Aaegh! Aaaaagh!
(The Demoman pulls out a grenade launcher, and shoots a few times.)
D: Eeeagh!
(The Demoman falls over the edge of a bridge, with his grenades exploding below.)
S: Ooh.

S: Yеah. Dad, I'm a... Y- Uh- I'm not a crazed gunman, Dad; I'm an assassin!
(A vehicle drivеs across screen.)
S: Well, the difference being: one is a job, and the other's mental sickness!
S: I'll be honest with ya. My parents... do not care for it.

S: ...I think his mate saw me.
(Gunshots. Not the Sniper's.)
S: Yes, yes he did!

[Section 2]

(Gunshot. The Sniper's.)
S: Feelings?! Look, mate. You know who has a lot of feelings? Blokes who bludgeon their wife to death with a golf trophy.
S: Professionals have STANDARDS. Be polite.
(Multiple gunshots.)
S: Be efficient. Have a plan to kill everyone you meet.

(Cut to ending sequence. Fanfare plays.)

[Outro]
S: Dad!
(A vehicle drives by.)
S: D- Put y- Put Mom on the phone.