Stay with me
Talking is a matter of convincing this tangled mouth to produce something coherent, but it only works... sometimes I don't know what I'm going to say next time I see you... I'm going to want to be honest to god, I'm trying, I promise me you won't leave without saying goodbye. I wouldn't it be nice if I could keep the same line of thoughts? Are just wreckage, they just scatter, they're just everywhere I go. I'm reminded of the time I let a boy tell me he loved me without letting him know I knew he was lying. Next to you is the quietest my mind has ever been, all this dissonant noise finds peaceful harmony and for a moment I'm free to breathe. I think about telling you this, but I'm worried it would ruin... everything happens for a reason, but I don't know the reason behind that choice is a difficult thing with anxiety, I'm always choosing between the lesser of two evils and there's always danger is the familiar taste of a poorly lit street, keys in handing over all my secrets, is like giving someone with trembling fingers a loaded gun and putting it against my heartbeats. Are a funny thing. The body's language of choice, thousands of wordless signals passed through the skin. I wonder how many of my secrets your body has intercepted and if any of them have been the right... one day I'm going to take this wild garden mouth and make it grow something soft, does not mean weak, it just means gentlemen with sharp teeth know how to draw blood without you. Notice me, please, I'm right here is everything I haven't learned to let go of everything I've lost. The only thing I want back is time... has a funny way of warping the memory of warmth clouding what you used to... remember the first time I cried? My body shaking apart and your hands the steady net. I kept spilling sorry like an accident, like a cut tongue, like it was the safest way to see you go. You didn't leave, I stopped waiting for you, too. 'Trust, I'm learning' is a sentence not easily spoken, but one worth saying. I'm trying. Somewhere in this coward's mouth is a Brave Heart's confession, please, tell me you hear it. I don't know how long this clarity will last... time I was home, my dad asked I wasn't dating anyone, so I lied and said no one was interesting enough men have left with pieces of me still under their teeth that I no longer remember the taste of feeling whole armies, have fallen to poor planning, so my mouth is just stumbling to keep me from falling in secret. Is the loveliest form of self-destruction, is the sound of two people drowning the warning signs under the sheets ignoring the way it screams no person ever asked for details of what he did, did I lose you?