Calling Her a Crab
[Intro]
Hey, stupid!
Yeah, you Roxanne
Get your face out the garbage can
Don't try to hide now since we made you a star
Come out and face it like the man you are

[Hook]
Calling her a crab

[Verse 1: Kangol Kid]
Well I'm the K-A-N-G-O-L the K-I-D
I'm on the mic rhyming well as you can all see
I got a name of a hat
As I recall, Roxanne's grandmother's head is bald
Your father's a crow, your sister's hair won't grow
Your mother's always making like the wind that blows
Your brother never think, I bet his drawers are pink
As far as I know your whole family stinks
So let the word spread that you're as good as dead
From what your man told me, you're no good in bed
So keep this all in mind, and don't step out of line
'Cause I am the master of the rhyme
They once locked a lady up until she escaped
They wasn't sure what she was, said she looked like an ape
I thought they was exaggerating, but I was wrong
'Cause the lady looks more like a King Kong
Eating her bananas, swinging on vines
Hunters come along and then they snuff her from behind
Take her to the city and they put her in the zoo
The lady gets pregnant and here comes you
Talking that mess, thinking that you're great
I knew all the time that your parents were apes
If you didn't know baby, that makes you one too
So here's some bananas, go home to your zoo
Find yourself a man, not a fairy like your father
I know you're trying hard, but you gotta try harder
'Cause calling you a crab is not a figure of speech
You're not an apple or pear, you're a bum on a beach
[Hook]
(She's such a crab)
Calling her a crab
(She's such a...crab)

[Verse 2: Educated Rapper]
For some dumb reason, you thought you were ahead
But you put your big foot in your mouth instead
And I'm about to end this tale
In such a way it cannot fail
You thought my name was Larry but that's a joke
That you'll keep believing 'til the day you croak
You said you love to marry, but picture that
On my Kodak that would be wack
Your mother's name was Mary and that's the truth
She looks like a Bigfoot and I got proof
And as for you, I just don't know
Your brain has gotta be filled with H2O
You took our beat and made yourself famous
And now you're gonna look like a great big anus
What turns you on? What makes you tick?
Did you think for a minute you would be my pick?
That would be an idiotic move that I positively would never approve
You're not bad-looking, I can't complain
But you're a stupid knuckleheaded nincompoop without a brain
You'll probably stay a virgin 'til you're wrinkled and old
Somehow you think your body is solid gold
I think I'll do without instead
'Cause there's nothing but rocks inside your head
You talk a lotta feces, you're full of waste matter
And every Roxanne that exists must scatter
You're just a waste, a big disgrace
I think you better run and hide your face
'Cause what we say will set it straight
And dogs like you, we eliminate
And do you know to be honest and true
I could never put up with a girl like you
[Hook]
(She's such a crab)
Calling her a crab
(She's such a...crab)

[Verse 3: Doctor Ice]
Give me a mic and a beat and I'll be straight
With a crab that says I can't operate
Why'd you ruin a person, that's what it does
But you'll never be the man that your momma was
You know if ugly was a burger you'd be a Big Mac
Two all-pork patties surrounded by fat
There's one more thing that I forgot to mention
Your father's so poor, he can't pay attention
You don't have enough money, baby that's funny
Huh huh huh ha, heeheehee, heheehee, honey
Why'd ya try to get loose on a doctor like me?
See I could've helped your looks with plastic surgery
Remodel your nose, there's a bump in the middle
But to fix your whole face, that's a medical riddle
You're a living proof that they haven't perfected
The modern science of the birth control method
(Crab!) And...I don't usually break 'cause that's not my style
But I figured this one was worth my while
Took off my doctor's coat, ran down the dark block
Spinned twice, turned into the hood, the rock
Now I'm stalking the street 'cause I was underestimated
And now Roxanne must be terminated
What you said about the crew makes me sick
So when I see you on a stage, I'ma hit you with a brick
Boom! (Ah!) Right in your face
And then the name Roxanne will be a big disgrace
See you failed to realize all our rhymes are polished
So as I'm now running, Roxanne is demolished
[Hook]
(She's such a crab)
Calling her a crab
(She's such a...crab)

[Outro: scratching]