Id take the cars right off em
Now bein' in the 'otpots
We don't 'alf get about
Drivin' round the country
Adventurin' down south. (eurgh)
We see cars swervin' and swayin'
Like they've got a mind of their own
But the idiots who are drivin' 'em
They're on their mobile phones!

[Chorus]
Oh, I'd take the cars right off 'em
I really, really would
I'd keep 'em down the scrapyard
Until they understood
That drivin' like a lunatic isn't in the 'ighway code
And unless you're Jeremy Clarkson
You don't own the road

Now world's full of boy racers
That think they are the Stig
Slammin' down the motorway
It makes 'em feel reet big
I'm drivin', 'happy as Larry
When all of a sudden, one flashes by
Now if I'm doin' 70
He must be doin' 95!
[Chorus]
Oh, I'd take the cars right off 'em
I really, really would
I'd keep 'em down the scrapyard
Until they understood
That drivin' like a lunatic isn't in the 'ighway code
And unless you're Jeremy Clarkson
You don't own the road

Now my mate Mike's a madman
'E never indicates
I can't believe the chaos
That one man can create
When he's on the roundabout
'is bad driving's off the scale
He's seen more middle fingers
Than the woman that does Jean's nails!

[Chorus]
Oh, I'd take the cars right off 'em
I really, really would
I'd keep 'em down the scrapyard
Until they understood
That drivin' like a lunatic isn't in the 'ighway code
And unless you're Jeremy Clarkson
You don't own the road. That's riiiight