The Intervention
[3:35 on a Friday.]

[Trey walks downstairs in New York Knicks attire. Noah, Peter, and Allen are all seated in folding chairs with a fruit platter in front of them which Allen is eating from.]

Trey: What is this?

Peter: Trey, we're here because we care about you. Sit down, Trey, have some fruit.

[Trey walks over to them. He takes an apple from the platter and sits down.]

Peter: Good choice.

[Trey eats apple.]

Peter: Trey, this is an intervention.

Trey: For what? My sick abs?

[Trey pulls out his phone, and takes a photograph of himself.]

Noah: We are sick and tired of how douchey you've been acting lately.
Allen: Li'l Wayne is not "a living god".

Noah: Eighty percent of my Twitter feed is your gym selfies.

Peter: Guys, we're here to help. So if we're done with the remarks, I have a speech prepared.

[Peter pulls out an index card.]

Peter: Trey, we met back in second grade. You were still a jerk then, but it wasn't as bad. Now it's just gotten out of hand. It's twenty-five degrees out, Trey, you don't have to wear shorts all the time. I miss the days when your spray-tan was a light caramel instead of this autumn pumpkin trash. Take off the Snapback, Trey, we miss you.

Trey: But you guys love all that stuff.

[Peter and Noah cringe, and Trey pulls out Axe Body Spray.]

Trey: What about my Axe?

[Peter and Noah cringe again, and Trey pulls out three more cans of Axe.]

Trey: What about my other Axe?

[Peter and Noah cringe.]

Allen: It was your first day at the gym.

Noah: All of the mirrors pressured you into shirtless selfies.
Trey: How do I become less douchey?

Peter: We went ahead and signed you up for a twelve-step program.

[Peter hands Trey a pamphlet.]

Trey: Okay, I'll make a change.

[Blackout]

[Trey takes his Snapback off. He stares at it and then tosses it behind him. Noah, Peter, and Allen hug him.]

Peter: Get out of here, buddy.

[The other three look on as Trey exits the basement.]

Allen: Smell ya later, brah!

[Peter and Noah both turn at Allen in horror]

[fin?]