Voices
Maximum volume is an absolute must when I’m playing Planetshakers ‘The Anthem’ in my car.
Seriously. It’s like a criminal offence to not have those speakers BANGING out those sounds celebrating the Risen King.
But on this wet morning, as I turn up the volume while the rain turns up its intensity, it’s not really because He won the victory that I raise my voice,
But just to make an escape from the mental plague that ravages my brain,
To try and pull a fast one on the soldiers of torture lurking in my subconscious corners,
Because, I hate my thoughts sometimes.
They carry blades that cut open old wounds,
Take me down memory lanes of pain and nostalgic avenues of shame,
Reminding me of those risks I took over the years,
All those times I elected to take a leap of faith and not cave in to my fears,
And failed.
Speaking words with power, they point out my failure to excel in this area,
Questioning if wisdom should keep me snatching at these chances that keep popping up,
And I am tired.
Tired because these voices place me in vehicles and drive me into escapism,
Leaving me high on my ideality and addicted to my own will,
Overdosing on stupid fantasies and silly daydreams,
Forgetting it’s a form of idolatry to make dreams that aren’t in line with God’s will and stay obsessed with the thought that one day, that dream might come true.
Or even worse, dwelling in those reveries, convinced that they’ll never come to pass.
I am tired of thinking my life is incomplete, when really, I’m complete in Him.
Sick of accommodating the belief that I may never really be loved when in the first place, it’s an absolute lie.
I know nothing can ever separate me from the love of Christ, explicitly stated in Romans 8:38-39.
A beggar digging through trash heaps, ignoring the world-class restaurant in plain sight,
It’s such a pity that I chase after acceptance from mortality and ignore that of the One who gave me life,
So I’m keeping the volume up, trusting that as the Spirit moves, these sound waves become the ocean that drowns out these voices,
Coz honestly, I’m tired of this mental siege,
I need to be released.