Blossom and Shine
I'm sitting here writing, so far out of my mind,
That I can't grasp anything - how'd I get myself in this bind?
I'm so far from okay, I thought I was alright,
How did everything good fly out of sight?
My hopes and dreams - shot down to hell,
Inside I'm hollow - nothing but a shell,
Of what I used to be - if I was at all
Have I hit bottem or will I continue to fall
I've never felt like this , do I really want to try?
I keep telling myself it'll be alright - I know it's just a lie.
What do I do - where do I go?
I keep getting hit after hit - blow after blow.
I'm talking to myself - inside of my head
but I can't remember anything my brain said.
I'm so hurt and scared - I feel so alone
I'm lost and empty with no place to call home.
Never in my life have I had to live in pain
I always had drugs to cover my shame.
But instead of covering it up - I bottled it inside,
I couldn't face life - I was too full of pride.
Like a volcano - I'm about to errupt,
When you look in my face you can see how currupt,
I've become - t just shows in my eyes,
I need to get better this isn't how I want to die.
If theres a chance for me to make it in this world,
for me to let go of the past and all the pain that it hurled,
I hope to find it - and learn how to live,
Let og of the pain - and let life begin.
Because I know I can make it - I just need a chance,
Look my way - just give me a glance.
Cuz I'll open up - this is my story
of a girl in pain - now searching for glory:
Life started out right - I had a mom and a dad,
we had what we needed - this is before life went bad.
Back then I was happy and so full of love
Never did I think I'd fall in love with drugs.
When I started to grow - my dad up and left,
And pretty soon he stopped sendin' those checks.
My mom worked hard - and I didn't live by the rules,
pretty soon I was fuckin' up and cuttin' school.
I started gettin' high - I've been through all the drugs,
but all I really wanted was acceptance and love.
I found it the wrong way - I found it in the streets,
soon I was full of anger - and full of deciet.
When I moved out here - it just got worse,
I started believin' I was born with a curse.
Nothin' I did was right - but I didn't care
Soon seein' me clean was a sight that was rare.
I started gettin' spun - to me it was fun,
next think I knew I was on a 26 day run.
It didn't get better - I had a bad trip,
Next thing I knew my wrist was slit.
I thought nobody knew - so I lied to their face
But soon I was content - for I had found my place.
I knew what I wanted to be in life - it was nothin' good,
but seelin' E and gettin' high was all I understood.
My family started dyin - I never cried
I refused to believe the people I loved had died.
Then I used it as an excuse ' I had to block the pain'
I just couldn't see the druges were drivin' me insane.
One day my best friend Mark told me goodbye
I didn't understand he was sayin' he wanted to die.
I can't remember what happened - I was too blown,
But I remember the next day when I answered that phone.
I got on my knees - and just asked God why,
but then I wen out - cuz I HAD to get high.
That day was the first time I got cought up and sent to the hall,
the first of many times - but the begging of my fall.
30 days doesn't seem like long - but later when I added up all the time
I had done 168 days - and I thought it was fine.
I just acted crazy - got some nice pills
to me it was free drugs - and no bill!
And I just kept goin' - there was no end in sight,
till I looked in the mirror, right after a fight.
I didn't know who I was, or why I was there,
and for the firt time in my life I had to care.
It's hard to stand there - and stare at your reflection,
I had turned 18 and I had no direction
I didn't know where I wanted to go - or who I wanted to be,
I was starin' straight into the eyes of misery.
So I figured it out - rehab would fix it all,
and all I had to do was make one call.
but it wasn't what I though - it didn't just stop,
I'm writin' this poem and cravin' a shot.
I know I can't go back to that life I love,
I know its nothin' good - just pain and drugs.
I gotta let it go, and leave in all behind
I gotta seek out my dreams - then blossom and shine.