Think for Yourself
As sure as the Star-bellied Sneeches butter the underside of their toast
All things being equal, the simplest answers work most
Don't rely on Vishnu, Buddha, Ron Popeil, or the Holy Ghost
Just consider these words, and that ship of life you're sailin' on might not smash into the coast

Watchin' every channel, oh, then I do-a see
Oceans of gullible conformity
Oh, I've had enough of all the smiles, and all the teeth, and all the nods
And I've had my fill of promises, from magic rays to Paylor's perfect bods

Watchin' every channel that flashes before me
I can't believe the level of spirituality
Oh, I've had enough of the geeks who would claim to have found "the way"
I wish that guy watching would just take a sec, and consider what I have got to say

Think for yourself, little man
Don't let 'em tell you that they have the plan
'cause everyone's lost chin-deep in the sand
And what they're tryin' to sell to you, you shouldn't be buyin'

Think for yourself, little girl
Don't let 'em tell you how to run your world
'cause everyone's the same, choking back that nervous hurl
And if they tell you they ain't, well they're just lyin'
Yeah, they're just lyin'
Readin' all the pages in standard magazines
I wonder if they realize what all that small print means
Oh, you need a microscope to read about the no-fault guarantee
Yeah, and to see that "These results not typical" and "This offer is void in any state that's spelled with an E." (Like Idaho.)

Watchin' all the people place bet after amazing bet
I wonder if they realize their misplaced raison d'être
Oh, but they don't wanna hear about the odds, and statistic a and b
'cause they know a guy who's got a friend who's got a brother who read a book by this other guy who says that hey, this stuff always works for me

That's why I say:
Think for yourselves, little folks
Yo, check, one two, one two. Is this thing on? Hey, these are the jokes
Beware of the dudes who don't like jabs and pokes
'cause when you can't laugh at yourself, you just end up cryin'

Think for yourself, little friend
Is it you that they like, or is it the money you spend?
Beware of the jerks who'd rather break than bend
And to question anything to them, is just like dyin'
Yeah, it's like dyin'

Listenin' to the radio from my comfy cozy chair
No one seems to question all the claims out on the air
Oh, I've had enough of the promises that are so damn tremulous
And I can't conceive the cache of creeps and cretins who continue to be so uncannily credulous. (How can you do it?)
Think for yourselves, everyone
Don't believe what is said, but put your stock in what's done
Insist on all the facts, and then add up your own sum
Or else the punch you might get won't be Hawaiian

Dream for yourselves, one and all
Don't jump to conclusions. Don't beat up Peter if you're pissed at Paul
Don't fall for anything, and please don't drop the ball
Just be sure to do your who, what, where, when, and whyin'
Just be sure to do your who, what, where, when, and whyin'
Just be sure to do your who, what, where, when, and whyin'
Yeah, Hawaiian

(Oh yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah, oh think for yourselves, people, it's your first and your last chance.)