Gods Stitches
At this festive time of year
I’d like to raise a glass to the big guy who put us here
Cos if the athiests got their wish
They’d have us all believe we evolved from monkeys and fish

And when people mention God they say, “you’ve got no proof”
But I’ve discovered something that will show them the truth
I didn’t find it in the bible or even in a church
I found it in my pants and I didn’t have to search

I just checked under my knackers and there they were...

God’s stitches, God’s stitches
It’s where he sewed us up, he did a really neat job
God’s stitches, God’s stitches
From the back of your ballbag to the end of your nob

God’s stitches, God’s stitches
If you ever lose faith and you start to feel doubt
God’s stitches, God’s stitches
He sewed your sac up to make sure your spuds don’t drop out
God’s stitches
Don’t ask me what happened with women’s bits
Perhaps he ran out of cotton
And that’s how he didn’t stitch up the hole
In a lady’s frontbottom

He took our skin like a sausage machine
Stuffed it full of innards, a liver and a spleen
Put a load of bones in so we could stand
And inserted a heart to pump the blood around

He stuck in some muscles so we could grow strong
And a brain so we could work out what is right and wrong
Then he stuck on a nob and knackers so we could squirt cream
And he finished it off with a neat little seam

Richard Dawkins, look undet your nut sack

God’s stitches, God’s stitches
If you ever needed proof that there was a God
God’s stitches, God’s stitches
From the tip of your bellend to the back of your pods

God’s stitches, God’s stitches
If you ever lose faith and you start to feel doubt
God’s stitches, God’s stitches
Drop your drawers and get your cock and balls out
God’s stitches