Never Relaxed
Now without any further ado, I'm gonna do a little soft shoe
And uh, a little boogaloo
For you
If you want me to, I will

There was this kid named Syd when he was born
Maybe the doctor hit him a little too hard
He just seemed to have gotten off to a bad start
Never relaxed, never relaxed, never relaxed

Big brothers and big sisters gave him lots of attention
But Syd was a hyperactive kid
He just never seemed able to sit still
Never relaxed, never relaxed, never relaxed
Never relaxed, never relaxed, never relaxed

Unlike the other kids on his block
Syd never learned how to walk
He just ran around acting nervous
Never relaxed, never relaxed, never relaxed
He sat in school in detention
Drawing funny pictures on the wall
Not a moment of peace did Syd ever find
Never relaxed, never relaxed, never relaxed
Never relaxed, never relaxed, never relaxed

Now when Syd discovered masturbation
He just couldn't keep a good thing down
But it didn't help much his condition
Never relaxed, never relaxed, never relaxed

Syd signed up for the army
Cause he got tired of working in the pottery
And they sent him over to a foreign country
Never relaxed, never relaxed, never relaxed

He met this girl in east Germany
And she invited him up to her room for some tea
Then she pulled out a gun and took his money
Never relaxed, never relaxed, never relaxed

She shot Syd through the head
And Syd died and went to Hell
And he burned and he burned and he yelled
"I've never been relaxed, never relaxed, never relaxed"
Now, the devil said this ain't fair
Cause people who come here have had their share of comfort
So he sat Syd in a reclining chair
But it was an electric chair
Never relaxed, never relaxed, never relaxed