The Black Plague Alternative Version
Yeah, we had another plague
Whilst you were in the Big Brother house
Rats the size of 80's mobiles
All emptied out the Thames
And chewed the line to the rodent killers
And up our commemorative pillars
That we erected after the war
And after the exit

And the sky opened
Like a slit drain
And flooded the ports
And we all went carnivore on each other

Yeah, we had another plague whilst you were in the jungle
But it's great you've got your big break
(Sorry it's at such a bad time)
In 8 months, you'll be back to distributing the plague masks
I'm sick of the smell of the antibacterial gel
And the sound of the funeral bell
They've run out of graves and run out of the coffins too
And they've packed them in plastic and thrown 'em into the sea
Will you meet him tonight?
Where are you sleeping tonight?
Somewhere out on the continent
All I have left is the country I love

Yeah, we had an alright fire
While you were in the Big Brother house
And it burnt the capital to the ground
And thick plumes of black smoke rose
And hit the clouds
I hope you got my musical birthday card
Sincerely
Laurie James

Where are you sleeping tonight?
Who are you meeting tonight?
Somewhere out there on the continent
All I have left is the country I love
All I have left is the country I love
All I have left is the country I love
All I have left is the country I love