Branson’s Closing Statement
To the lieges, the kings and the your majesties of the senator courtroom. I like beer. I like the smell of beer. I like drinking it slow I like drinking it fast. I will never ever stop drinking beer. I like to drink beer and I like to raise the roof while I am drinking beer. I could drink beer at a ball game at a debate or a swanky high end fashion show.
I can drink beer at the swanky high end fashion show and walk in with a meatball sub and take a big bite and shoot one of the meatballs out the other end right into the fashion floor, right. I could go to a San Francisco women's only space with my big meatball sub I could spin around in circles get marinara sauce everywhere as long as I have a beer.
It doesn't matter where.
I just like drinking some beers and hanging out. Beer rocks it is cold and you can tell this cold when the mountains are blue on the beer. Anyone that has ever drink beer with me knows that I'm cool I like drinking beer and I am very fun to drink beer with. I remember all the good things to say when I'm drinking beer with my friends. Fat Bastard, "get in my belly", "I've nipples Greg can you you milk me?", "you're killing me Smalls" "stop looking at me swan", "never touch a black man's radio", "you're my boy blue", "milk was a bad choice", "my wife", and I know many more quotes which are perfect for parties or whatever.
My favorite part of the beer is how it makes me feel. Which is good. When I drink it and sometimes when I think about it I like it so much that I can just think about it. Sometimes I have too much beer. But it really doesn't bother me much just other people who get mad at me when I drink too much of the beer so I don't worry about it too much. Ladies and gentlemen of the jury I wish I was drinking a beer right now. I wish I was drinking a beer really fast and there was a bunch of people happy that I'm doing that. But I'm not drinking a beer right now like I normally would be if it wasn't for the Senate hearing right now on a Tuesday morning my sixth least-favorite day and my least favorite time of day to drinking a beer.
I wish I was on a beach somewhere drinking beer watching, like, a wet T-shirt contest. I wish I was biting my knuckle during the wet T-shirt contest.
I wish I was wearing a lamp shade on my head at a cool party and I am saying, "Let's party!" to everyone while I wear the lamp shade on my head and everyone listens to me say "Let's party!" and starts to party and gives me a beer and I drink the beer and we are having a good time on my head with a lamp shade. I wish in my heart of hearts that I was on a 3 person bicycle with 2 other cool guys we are driving too fast thru wedding and when we come out the other side of the wedding we are all holding beers and one guy has a bra on and one guy has a bow tie on now and I am wearing the wedding veil and I turn around and I say sorry and everyone laughs. I wish I was doing this right now. I wish I was doing all these things right now drinking a beer but I'm not I'm here.
I am defending myself to a world that hates me and wants to see me dead when I know in my heart that I am the man. I am the man. If you would like to condemn me here today saying I'm a bad boyfriend when I'm cool and good boyfriend and good friend to all: I will still be the man. I will March into jail and into hell and I will be raising the roof wishing I had a beer. And I will not be portrayed as a mangy plague-ridden dog in the streets of England, covered in soot from a chimney, and being chased by a crowd of people with pitchforks until they catch me and hammer in nails and put me on a cross in the middle of eighteenth century industrialized England and they burned me because they think I'm a witch even though I'm a dog and I'm in the street they hate me because that's what they should do.
Thank you I love you god bless you I love you bye bye peace out.