Mark Grist vs. Blizzard
[Round 1: Blizzard]

Yo, my last battle was a classic, now Don't Flop has thrown me in the fucking ditch
Cause I don't wanna seem sexist, yet he's only given me another bitch. (Nothing, fine)
Fuck you, Mr Grist! I don't like your lessons no more
All you talk about is how my attendance is poor
And you've been on my case more so than ever before, so I'll give you a left to the jaw if you ever report whatever you saw, and if I get expelled be assured that you're getting some more
You see Mixy as your companion, and you think that he's your buddy
Cause you've both got masters degrees in dick-related studies
And, yeah, you might have good holidays and be swimming in the money
But with all that marking you have to do I bet you wish you was a dummy
[Turns to camera] But hold up Mixy, I'm taking the mick, see? You could mix E in my drink and still could never lick me
I'll make Mick see that the dead poets are history, [turns back to face Mark] I'm like the tenth Olympian and you're a mother fucking pixie
When punchlines hit Mark Grist I know they will mark Grist, your name is a grain so of course I'll tear apart Grist
And I don't care about dead poets, dead poetry, after this you'll be a corpse under a dead poet tree
I'm always on the ball - I should be back-heeling. I won't stop rapping til my hands peeling and this guy gets sacked for his bad teaching
If I get gully, you'll feel a pain in your back region. Smashed glass, pain in your back region
Then you'll know what it's like to be on the wrong side of a glass ceiling
I heard teacher vs. student battle, and I wasn't going to class
I get to battle that nerdy bastard who failed at controlling the class
You knob-head, I hope you drop dead
If I punch you in the face who are you gonna call, Ofsted?
[Round 1: Mark Grist]

To those at home who are sitting watching YouTube, don't start clicking
I know this might look like some kind of extreme babysitting
It's actually a rap battle, two grown men lyrically bitching
Just one of us isn't legally old enough to drink inside the building
And now, Bradley's gonna try and act less infantile by pretending that he's 'proper rile'
So sit back, watch him reconcile with his lack of breastfeeding as a child
That's why this ugly duckling suckling from the teat of any bumpkin
With a beat it all means of dumping his meaningless shit on something
And the speed of words you're mumbling hides the fact they don't mean nothing
He may have beat the witch from Oz, but it's time for me to teach this Munchkin
You will never amount to something, and I'm here to raise a grievance
Biggup everyone whose parents have property in Manchester, mate that's not a fucking achievement
This blizzard lizard's got no fire, it's just hot air he's breathing
When all's said and done, as the years drag on, you'll look even more like Deborah Meaden
This rapper's pint-sized, he's cock-eyed, when he raps his mouth only actually moves on one side
He's like a pre-pubescent Popeye, complete with physique that implies that all the spinach in the world has died
And look at him try, this poor little chap, like so many anemic's I've seen in my class
Dreams of riding up high on a unicorn's back, while defending the world from an orkish attack
You wank off in sandals to pictures of Gandalf, you stack with the mags in your porn stash
He's got a hard-on for wizards, he only called himself Blizzard
Cause that's the company that made World of Warcraft. Time

[Round 2: Blizzard]
Every bar you've ever spat was a sack of pig shit
They say that words are weapons, then you must be pacifistic
I've hated you since the day I first heard you, I was antagonistic
And this next round is gonna be fucking painful like it's masochistic
It doesn't take much for me to tell you that you're lame
That's why you've gotta die like a board game. [Exactly, it's a creeper man]
You're trying to act like you're the boss of Don't Flop, like you're Rowan
Acting like you're all-seeing and all-knowing
But you're in a canoe with no paddles, bitch, it looks like you're rowing
And I'm gonna get rid of Mark like when Germany brought the Euro in. (I'll come back to you in a sec yeah, don't worry man)
[Turns to face camera] Fuck anyone that said my battle with H-Bomb was a stroke of luck
I just hated being a laughing stock, now I couldn't give a sugar-coated fuck
I'm feeling drunk off disrespect now, and I've got no plans to sober up
The same guys that sent me death threats, now wanna hold my nuts
The battlers that name-dropped me, I'm scaring 'em with ease
I'm an embarrassing pain to them like a venereal disease
[Turns back to face Mark] So bring up all your fiction man, I dare you do it please
Cause you only talk gas, Mark, on various degrees
So wave to the camera, you haven't got any hope
You might as well look up to the sky and ask God for the rope
It's like I'm looking at JFK's head from an optical scope
You're the dead president and I won't stop til you slope
This battle journey's been insane. Peace, Eurgh, it's still taking me on a trek
Yet this guy's music couldn't even feed him a cheque
So escape the premises bitch you better leave in a sec
Before I turn your little classroom into Peterborough Tech.Time
[Round 2: Mark Grist]

Bradley's last battle showcased his innate ability to hurl abuse at women
And it was so impressive that I thought that I might mimic him
A funny thing online you whinge that your Mum's through your last battle accidentally
Well I hate to chat crap behind anyone's back, so why not address her directly:
[Turns to face camera] Mrs. Green, Mrs. Green, please move into the screen, I've got some people behind me I'm sure that you've seen
[Addresses crowd] Gentlemen, say hello to Mrs. Green
[Turns back to camera] You might not believe me but you've actually met most of them
I mean there wasn't much light, you were at a lower height kinda slobbering like a doberman
Those nights out gathering STD's while Bradley stayed in collecting Pokemon
And you beat him by a landslide, cause he only collected most of them
Mrs. Green, Mrs. Green, that froth from between your ma's jaws dribbles more than an entire football team
When you sit down it sounds like a sea lion applauding
Not many women insert a life-jacket before a young man comes a-boarding
Every morning, noon and night, those juices they are pouring
Til your thighs, when spread wide, resemble laminate flooring
Mrs. Green, Mrs. Green, your son's thoughts are obscene
The truth is you live in his every wet dream
A seventeen-year-old Oedipus, he fantasizes about each of us
Climaxing more heavily upon you than an Eastenders omnibus
That's why I'm here to stop this depravity
Point out how wrong it is, the seriousness, the gravity
Explain that more rubber gets burned in your vaginal cavity
Than the combined elaquity of every Formula 1 engine battery
I'm so sorry about about you, Mrs. Green, and I'm so sorry about Bradley
I'm doing my best to help him but he just keeps on trying to attack me
I'd be pretty pissed off, but he's doing it really fucking badly. Time

[Round 3: Blizzard]

I didn't come here for my assessments, Mr. Grist, I came for my rapping endeavours
So don't you dare think of correcting my grammatical errors
And we know now you're a teacher, so that needs no further explanation
But I'm smarter than you think, let me recap on my education
In Nursery I was a terror, I made everyone's experience hell
The only noise I enjoyed hearing - the bell
Temper tantrums every day, I used to walk out of the room
Thirteen years later I'm here making mountains of moves
I'm seventeen, education has took up 75% of my life
And I hated every second of it, what you expect me to lie?
I dropped out of college cause I hated that negative vibe
And it was teachers like you that made me feel aggressive inside
You're not superior, we're the reason you get the pay that you do
And if your pass rate is too low, the government are gonna take it from you
This is like Lunar C's SBTV and you can't say it ain't true
This is Blizzard vs. shit teacher, but I get to say it to you
My scriptures make Samuel Peeps look like any old man in the street
Make Martin Luther want to write another draft of his speech
Make the likes of Oscar Wilde and Confucius sit back and retreat
Basically I'm in a class even this man couldn't teach
I'm pissed off at the haters, other rappers come off kinda sour
I hate the school system and I'll never plead to a higher power
You're just a tiny flower that I'll devour with a violent shower
So fuck you, your campus, your lesson plan and your £8.95 an hour. Suck your mum, dick head

[Round 3: Mark Grist]

I suggest that you fuck off, and play some Beyblade before I slap you with an F grade
Or at least go jack off to some vampires like the rest of your age range
He's trying to act tougher than me, but I suspect he might be nerdier
You're about as intimidating as your Sooty, and you're only slightly wordier
I don't care about the aggressive shit you spit online or that everybody's heard of ya
You'd still give yourself a hernia trying to assemble flat-pack furniture
'But I keep dissing him for being a teacher, what have I gotta say so I can shock ya?'
The honest truth is Bradley I've been served better whilst in Costa
I consider it a crime how much time you spend rhyming about the rest of the Don't Flop opera
It's a solo gun fight, not some homo-erotic spaghetti opera
And in Bradley's last battle he wasn't dreadful, which means when he doubt he even wrote it
See this young green plants himself with better rappers, hopes to get it through osmosis
The best of ventriloquist dummies, his ass can take on both fists
Then he rides them in so deep as he appears to be riding on their shoulders
I don't have to write like Socrates to expose your mediocrity
And considering the pics of the last battle I've seen I'm surprised you're not trying to get off with me
Honestly, Bradley, besides getting date-raped by Australian women and saying words a little bit quickly, I'm not quite sure what you actually do
Plus it's a sad fact that half your iPhone apps are actually older than you
I'm not gonna deny that after his last battle his reputation grew
But, if I'm being honest, I'm gonna have to write, 'has to improve upon this term's review'

[Judges Decision]

Blizzard 0-5 Mark Grist