1983 Era MTV Music Is the Soundtrack to Outcasts Being Bullied by Jocks
I’ve loved Philadelphia since the first time that I came here
Playing various venues in the 90s with my band, the Red House Painters
And I once met a girl in New York, and let me tell you
She jumped on a train with me like it was nothing and we were off to Philadelphia
She was brunette, petite, and cute, with creamy white skin
It ain’t no bullshit, I had a lot of options back then, more than Baskin-Robbins
And I liked Philly cheesesteaks, and my band would go to Pat’s
But I was in my 20s then and now I can’t eat there anymore because I’m trying to lose fat
I’m now in doctor’s orders to lay off eating carbs and to lay off eating cheese
Pat’s may be a tourist trap to you, but at Pat’s, I got nice memories

I ain’t 21 anymore and recently I went to the dentist
The dental assistant said “can I get you to smile for us, for an x-ray, mister Kozelek?’
I said “How old are you?”, and she said… she said, “I’m 23”
I said, “Well when you get to my age there’s less things to smile about, trust me.”
She said, “Well anyhow, when you smile, I’ll need you to show your teeth, please”
I said, “I’ve been practicing smiling without showing my teeth since I was 33”
I said, “If you want to make me smile with my teeth you’re gonna have to make me laugh.”
My dentist walked in and said, “Hey Mark, one of my assistants wants your autograph”
I said, “Really, which one?” And she said, “The one who looks like Zach Braff”
And everybody laughed, including me, and in just that moment the dental assistant took my photograph, snap
Of my face and my big smile, my teeth exposed, coated in plaque
So anyhow, back to Philadelphia, I love it, it’s a great boxing town
Omar Sheika, Joe Fraser, and the movie Rocky come to mind
And Bernard Hopkins is a huge inspiration of mine
He’s come a long way since his armed robbery charge and doing prison time
I relate to fighters because they’re underdog loners
They’re in the gym hitting the bag all day in lonesome corners
While I’m in the windowless studio environment all day and my only interactions are when I go to the corner store and talk to the corner store owner
And I walk through the tenderloiner and say, “Hey”, to the homeless

Sure, lots of corner men are in lots of fighter’s corners
And when that fighter gets knocked out it’s he who spends the night alone in the hospital on painkillers
And when that fighter gets KO'd, he gets KO’d all alone
When the band has a shitty night, it falls onto the shoulders of the guy holding the microphone
And “Boomboom” Mancini was from humble beginnings from Youngstown, Ohio
Rest in peace Davey Moore, he was from Springfield, Ohio
And Michael Dokes who’s from Akron, Ohio
And me, I’m from the humble, rust belt town of Massillon, Ohio

And unlike football and basketball, boxing doesn’t discriminate against weight
You can make a good living at everything from strawweight to flyweight to bantamweight to middleweight to cruiserweight to heavyweight
And unlike football and basketball, boxing doesn’t hone in on one race
Roberto Durán’s from Panama and Big John Tate’s from the southern Tennessee state
Érik Morales is from Mexico and The Klitschko Brothers are from the Ukraine
Angel Manfredy’s from Gary, Indiana, and Zab Judah’s from Brooklyn
You can be anywhere or race in boxing and accomplish your dreams
Manny Pacquiao made millions of dollars starting at flyweight in the ghettos of the Philippines
And back to your state, Pennsylvania, you got Jersey Joe Walcott
Who unfortunately, by Rocky Marciano, got knocked out
And I love Tom Hanks in the movie Philadelphia
He took on the subject of AIDS and brought it into suburbanite’s consciousness, and living rooms
And showed them that regardless of people’s diseases and sexual preferences
All human beings are entitled to be treated with dignity and love and respect

I also like other Tom Hanks movies like The Money Pit
And that one when he’s on the long adventure, Forrest Gump
But that one with him out in the water with a volleyball, my God, what a piece of shit
And I like Kurt Vile, he lives in Philadelphia
I heard that he once played with a vague rock band but then he quit them
Well it’s transparent why he quit because he was clearly too talented for them
I mean if I too had to had to share the stage with a guy who sounded like Mark Knopfler, I’d have to run to the toilet between songs and puke my guts out
I’m not saying if you sing like Mark Knopfler that it means you’re a bad guy
I’m just saying, Dire Straits ripoff bands aren’t for everybody

See, when I was a kid, from about 1981 to 1983
Dire Straits and Don Henley and John Mellencamp were the soundtrack to my young misery
For people who weren’t around at that time, let me tell you, and this ain’t no crock
1983 MTV music was the soundtrack of burnouts being picked on by jocks

1983 MTV music is the soundtrack of outcasts being bullied by jocks
1983 MTV music is the soundtrack of outcasts being bullied by jocks
1983 MTV music was the soundtrack of burnouts being picked on by jocks
1983 MTV music was the soundtrack of outcasts being bullied by jocks
So when I hear artists embracing history’s worst musical era
I think, “My God, why are they playing music that sounds like music from the Ronald Reagan era?”
You see, the reason I once told a vague rock band to suck my cock
Was because their music is the soundtrack to outcasts being bullied by jocks
The reason that I once told a vague rock band to suck my cock
Was because their music is the soundtrack to outcasts being bullied by jocks

While everybody else was listening to Madonna and Bow Wow Wow and the Stray Cats and Men Without Hats
I got picked on for liking Jimmy Page and Steve Howe and Tony Iommi of Black Sabbath and Cat Stevens
And while everybody was wearing Nike tennis shoes, I was wearing bell-bottom jeans and wearing clogs
While people were shopping around in malls, I was sitting on the curb hanging out with stray dogs
And while everybody else was dreaming about playing football on football fields
I was dreaming of playing music onstage, and I worked on it hard, and my dream became real

What happened to the rest of them, uh, hey, I don’t know
But my guess is at best they’re listening to vague rock, punching in and punching out at Walmart, or Home Depot, or Ross
Yeah, I’m an outcast, and know this: I’m very proud
When you’re an outsider you get to float high above the crowd
While civilians are following orders waiting way way down on the ground on planet Earth
Confined to the rules and regulations of air-conditioned human dog pounds
I’m an outsider and therefore I am free
I’m an outsider like John Fante and Charles Bukowski
I’m an outsider like John Kennedy Toole and Friedrich Nietschze
A hundred years from now, if this planet’s still around, hey, I think they’ll probably be studying me
And for me, being an outsider didn’t just start in 2014
I was an outsider way back in 1993
When Nirvana was big, and Jane’s Addiction, and Primus, and Rage Against the Machine
The journalists said, “Bring a pill to the Red House Painters concert, they’re gonna put you to sleep”

I’m an outsider like Pritzet and Mark Eastman?
Anybody who doesn’t like what I do can start their own band, write their own songs, and sing them
I’m an outsider like Bill Hicks and Mark E. Smith
Anybody who doesn’t like what I do can start their own band, write their own song, and sing it

Back to Kurt Vile, he’s relaxed, it seems like he’s having fun playing music
He’s got some songs I like a lot like Life Like This and Pretty Pimpin’
And there’s some other things I like regarding this state that you’re living
One of my favorite musicians in the world lives here, his name is Sean Yeaton
He’s in the band Parquet Courts, and to me, he’s Frank Zappa-level genius
He and I made an album together, it’s called Yellow Kitchen
It’s on the merch table, buy it, it’s a lot of fun
I’m not sure what it is, but it’s a hell of a lot more interesting than anything Creedence Clearwater Revival has ever done

I like Ray Holmes, he owns half the town of Easton, Pennsylvania
Muhammad Ali trained in Deer Lake, Pennsylvania
And I once saw Mötley Crüe in Erie, Pennsylvania
And I once shared a cab with Pat Putnam, the boxing writer from Philadelphia
From the MGM Grand back to our hotels after Holyfield vs. Lewis
And I thought, “Damn, I’m sitting here in a cab talking to Sports Illustrated’s Pat Putnam”
He died about 7 years later and I’ve got nice memories of talking to him
I’m on a plane ride now, American Airlines flying in from Boston
I got three hours of sleep last night so I’m running out of thoughts on Philadelphia

Right now, I’m gonna sing about my favorite memory of Philadelphia
I was backstage at this exact same venue when a bouncer came knockin’
Knocking on my door, he said, “Mark, there’s a family here, they have something to give you”
I said, “Sure, let them in!”
I looked at them and I said, “It’s nice to meet you”

When they gave me a framed photo of Ali vs. Frazier at the Thrilla and Manila
And no bullshit, that photo was signed by Smokin’ Joe Frazier
The next day I boxed it up and I, I shipped it back home
It’s not hanging on my wall in my apartment in San Francisco
But it is on my wall in my home somewhere between Sacramento and Lake Tahoe
Next to my bookcase where there’s a copy of a book by Philadelphia’s Johnny Saint-Lethal

Everybody give it up right now for Philadelphia’s Johnny Saint-Lethal!

When I look at that Ali vs. Frazier photo, it makes me feel so happy
Reminds me that though I’m an outcast, there are people around the globe who understand me
And that gift is one of the best gifts I’ve ever been given, let me tell you
It was given to me by a family, right here backstage at the TLA in Philadelphia

Suddenly, this song reminds me of Bruce Springsteen-era 1983 MTV
Therefore, we’re gonna end it on the count of 3
1, 2, 3
Thank you
Thank you everybody