Benjamins Giant Onion
In Beeding-on-Wold a sight to behold
Is Benjamins overgrown onion plant
It's taken him years and gallons of tears
Producing an onion so grand

Some men sail across the ocean in a tug
Risk life and limb for no one
Some men bounce around in spacesuits on the moon
But Ben grows onions instead

Come rain or come shine he spends all his time
And energy nursing his pride and joy
The lady next door can’t stand any more
It's driving her out of the neighbourhood

Now Ben's life is ruled by onions (What a shame!)
His clothes they reek of fertiliser
All his family are leaving (Fancy that!)
But Ben is blind to it all

Take care my friends the onion doesn’t get you in the end
Take heed from Ben onions sent him right round the bend
Take care my friends the onion doesn't get you in the end
(Be very very careful)
Take heed from Ben onions sent him right round the bend

Benjamins' days are happy they say
His onions grow down on the funny farm Come rain or come shine he spends all his time
And energy nursing his pride and joy

Now he's lost in conversation with his friends
All alone in the greenhouse
And Doctors say "Quite frankly he's insane!"
Just then the onions arose ...