Sheriff Fatman
Sherrif Fatman started out his business as a granny farmer
He was infamous for fifteen minutes
And he appeared on Panorama
Then he somehow got on board
The Starship Enterprise Allowance Scheme
With a Prince of Wales Award
For pushing Valium and amphetamines

Moving up on second base
Behind Nicholas van whats-his-face
At six foot six and a hundred tons
The undisputed king of the slums
With more aliases than Klaus Barbie
The master butcher of Leigh-on-Sea
Just about to take the stage
The one and only - hold the front page

Fatman's got something to sell
To the capital's homeless
At the Crossroads Motel
For the no fixed abode-less
Where you can live life in style
If you sleep in a closet
And if you flash him a smile
He'll take your teeth as deposit
There's bats in the belfry
The windows are jammed
The toilet's ain't healthy
He don't give a damn
Just chuckles and smiles
Laughs like a madman
A born again Rachman
Here comes Sheriff Fatman
With his valium, amphetamines
Sick-notes and his phoney prescriptions
Just when you thought it was safe to go back to the kitchen
Dead heads and cracked heads
Bunk beds and breakfasts
Wake up you sleepyheadcases
Check this

Moving up on second base
Behind Nicholas van whats-his-face
At six foot six and a hundred tons
The undisputed king of the slums
With more alias' than Klaus Barbie
The master butcher of Leigh-on-Sea
Just about to take the stage
The only and only, hold the front page

Moving up now to take the place
Of Nicholas van whats-his-face
At six foot six and a hundred tons
The undisputed king of the slums
With more aliases than Klaus Barbie
The master butcher of Leigh-on-Sea
In a hatchback from Notre Dame
The only and only, Sheriff Fatman
In goes another left hook
And now I'm losing my patience
Someone call up Roger Cook and the United Nations
He's buying up houses for the has-beens and healthy
From Land's End to Southend to Chelsea

There's bats in the belfry
The windows are jammed
The toilet's ain't healthy
He don't give a damn
He just chuckles and smiles
Laughs like a madman
Ladies and gentlemen, I give you
Sheriff Fatman