The First Symphony
[RACH]
It was dark that night
There was a sickening black fog
That covered the church towers
And reeked of stale incense

[CHALIAPIN]
TONIGHT, RACH
TONIGHT, RACH
TONIGHT, YOU SHAKE YOUR FIST AT THE SKY!

[RACH]
Everyone was there
And Glazunov—

[NATALYA]
GLAZUNOV IS DRUNK

[RACH]
Glazunov was drunk
[NATALYA]
GLAZUNOV IS DRUNK

[CHALIAPIN]
I CAN HEAR THE BRASS, LIKE A SCREAMING FALCON!

[DAHL]
When you think of that night what do you see?

[RACH]
PERSPIRATION PERSPIRATION PERSPIRATION
ON MY FOREHEAD

[RACH & NATALYA]
PERSPIRATION
PERSPIRATION PERSPIRATION PERSPIRATION
ON MY FOREHEAD

[CHALIAPIN]
AND CÉSAR CUI IS HERE

[DAHL]
César Cui?

[CHALIAPIN & NATALYA]
CÉSAR CUI, OF THE FIVE
[RACH]
There are Five composers in Russia—The Mighty Handful
Romantic Nationalists
The vanguard of the new Russian music

Borodin, Balakirev
Mussorgsky, Rimsky-Korsakov, and Cui

[CHALIAPIN]
BORODIN, BALAKIREV

[CHALIAPIN & NATALYA]
BORODIN, BALAKIREV
MUSSORGSKY, RIMSKY-KORSAKOV, AND CUI

[RACH]
NOT COURT COMPOSERS
NOT ELITES LIKE TCHAIKOVSKY
THEY WERE THE REAL DEAL
THEY HAD DIRT UNDER THEIR FINGERNAILS

AND CUI IS A CRITIC
A CRITIC WITH A SHARP PEN

[CHALIAPIN]
"IF THERE WERE A CONSERVATORY IN HELL
AND IF ONE OF ITS MOST TALENTED STUDENTS
WERE TO COMPOSE A PROGRAMME SYMPHONY
BASED ON THE STORY
OF THE TEN PLAGUES OF EGYPT
AND IF HE WERE TO COMPOSE
A SYMPHONY LIKE RACHMANINOFF'S
THEN HE WOULD HAVE FULFILLED HIS TASK BRILLIANTLY
AND WOULD DELIGHT THE INHABITANTS OF HELL"
Oh dear, Serge!
[RACH]
HE WRITES TERRIBLE THINGS

[CHALIAPIN]
"THIS MUSIC LEAVES AN EVIL IMPRESSION"

[RACH]
ABOUT GOOD PEOPLE

[CHALIAPIN]
"WITH ITS BROKEN RHYTHMS"

[RACH]
UNTRUE THINGS—

[CHALIAPIN]
"OBSCURITY AND VAGUENESS OF FORM"

[RACH]
UNINTELLIGENT THINGS—

[CHALIAPIN]
"MEANINGLESS REPETITION OF THE SAME SHORT TRICKS"

[NATALYA]
GLAZUNOV IS DRUNK—

[RACH]
UNTRUE THINGS

[CHALIAPIN]
"THE NASAL SOUND OF THE ORCHESTRA
THE STRAINED CRASH OF THE BRASS
AND ABOVE ALL
ITS SICKLY PERVERSE HARMONIZATION
AND QUASI-MELODIC OUTLINES
THE COMPLETE ABSENCE OF SIMPLICITY AND NATURALNESS
THE COMPLETE ABSENCE OF THEMES"

[DAHL]
Let's go back to the performance. What happened?

[NATALYA]
AND YOU ARE NOT PRETTY ENOUGH
YOU'RE NOT SMART ENOUGH
YOU'RE NOT FUNNY ENOUGH
YOU'RE NOT DEEP ENOUGH
THE BEST YEARS OF YOUR LIFE ARE BEHIND YOU
IT'S ALL DOWNHILL NOW
SO SAD SO SAD
THIS IS ALL YOU CAME TO
SO SAD SO SAD SO SAD

[DAHL]
Do you like the piece?

[RACH]
I—
I don't know

[NATALYA & DAHL]
AND YOU ARE NOT PRETTY ENOUGH
YOU'RE NOT SMART ENOUGH
YOU'RE NOT FUNNY ENOUGH
YOU'RE NOT DEEP ENOUGH
THE BEST YEARS OF YOUR LIFE ARE BEHIND YOU
IT'S ALL DOWNHILL NOW
SO SAD SO SAD
THIS IS ALL YOU CAME TO
SO SAD SO SAD SO SAD

[RACH]
AND GLAZUNOV IS DRUNK

[DAHL]
Who is Glazunov?

[RACH]
The conductor

[GLAZUNOV]
MY DEAR YOUNG BOY
I AM ALEXANDER KONSTANTINOVICH GLAZUNOV

[RACH]
I know—

[GLAZUNOV]
THIS WILL BE WONDERFUL
(CHALIAPIN hands him some wine)
Thank you!
DO NOT WORRY ABOUT THE WOODWINDS
I WILL SQUASH THEIR SQUEAKS LIKE GRAPES!

[RACH]
Oh my dear God—

[GLAZUNOV]
AND THE BRASS WILL CRASH!
HAVE SOME WINE, BOY, HAVE SOME WINE
LET ME RELAX
WHERE ARE MY CUFFS?

[CHALIAPIN]
SERGE, PLEASE HAVE SOME WINE
IT WILL BE ALL RIGHT
THE PLAYERS, THEY KNOW YOU

[NATALYA]
THE HEATER IS BROKEN

[DAHL]
It was cold?

[RACH]
NO, TOO HOT, TOO HOT, TOO HOT
THEY COULDN'T TURN IT DOWN
AND THE CURTAINS WERE MELTING
AND THE LILACS WERE WILTING
PERSPIRATION ON MY FOREHEAD

GLAZUNOV LIFTS HIS BATON LIKE A SPOON IN SYRUP
AND THE AUDIENCE SUCKS IN ONE GREAT BREATH
AND THE STRINGS AND THE TIMPANI BEGIN
A MIDNIGHT MARCH TO HELL

(The symphony, distorted by RACH's memory, plays.)

[RACH]
I left after a few minutes
I spent most of the concert on the stairs
I could still hear it though
Muffled through the walls

[DAHL]
What does this music mean to you?

[RACH]
I don't know!
It's supposed to be epic drama, sublime terror
Great tolling bells, wind and rain
Thunder, lighting, screams
Moons, planets, comets!
Asteroids hurtling through space, ecstatic—

[DAHL]
Do you ever try to write happy music?


[RACH]
I don't try any thing
This is just what happens

SCOWLED FACES, PAINED FACES
AND THE WORST—BLANK FACES
THIS ONE READS HER PROGRAM
AND THIS ONE CHECKS HIS PHONE
AND ARE YOU SO SMALL AND STUPID
THAT YOU CAN'T HEAR ANYTHING NEW
THAT YOUR LITTLE MIND WON'T ACCEPT IT
WON'T SHUT THE STATIC OUT
AND LET THE MUSIC JUST
AND LET THE MUSIC JUST

AND THIS ONE UNWRAPS A CANDY
AND THIS ONE TAKES HER COAT OFF
AND IT TAKES HER TEN MINUTES TO TAKE HER COAT OFF
AND THE RUSTLING AND THE NOISE
AND THE NOISE
AND THE NOISE
AND THE NOISE
AND THE NOISE
AND THE NOISE
AND GLAZUNOV…

[NATALYA]
GLAZUNOV IS DRUNK

[GLAZUNOV]
MY GOD STRINGS!
WILL SOMEONE PLEASE TELL ME WHAT MEASURE WE ARE IN PLEASE
WHAT JUST HAPPENED?
WERE WE IN SEVEN?
TELL ME HOW DO YOU CONDUCT IN SEVEN?
WHAT IS THIS NONSENSE?

WHAT IS THIS?
OH MY GOD IS THIS A FUGUE?
FUGUES ARE HARD, FUGUES ARE HARD, FUGUES ARE HARD
MORE WINE PLEASE
MORE WINE!

[RACH]
He feels nothing when he conducts…these sounds torture me!
How could so great a musician as Glazunov conduct so badly?

I see Cui with his pen and his little pad of paper
Writing down his little thoughts on his little pad of paper
As though what he hears is even real
That what his tiny ears hear is all that's happening in this room

[CHALIAPIN]
DIES IRAE
DIES ILLA
Very good Serge!

DIES IRAE…

[RACH]
Artificial tunes, sentimental and monotonous
Cliché and excessive, shallow virtuoso populist
Okay, okay, I'm a B-list hack!
You got me!

[DAHL]
Sergei?

[RACH]
Why are you talking during my performance!
This is not your place. This is not for you
I don't want to hear your mind right now
What can you possibly have to say?
What is so fucking important about your opinion!

(RACH plays the piano)

SOMEONE IN THIS ROOM IS TRYING TO FEEL SOMETHING
SOMEONE IN THIS ROOM IS TRYING TO HAVE A BEAUTIFUL MOMENT
WHY WON'T YOU LET YOU THEM?
WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING TO ME?
YOU HAVE NO RIGHT
TO INFLICT YOUR MIND ON MINE

Get out of here!
Get out!
You are murdering souls!
You are stepping on butterflies!
You are burning flowers with kerosene!
You are shitting on diamonds!

(All but RACH sing a requiem hymn as the vision of the symphony recedes)
_______________________

[DAHL]
And that was three years ago

[RACH]
Three years ago

[DAHL]
And what have you done since?
And what will you do for the rest of your life?