I’m Not Glad to See You Either The Fake Pockets Song
[Verse 1]
I used to have a wardrobe
Full of jeans and cords for boys
And each one boasted storage space
The size of Illinois
There was room to hold my wallet
And some tissues, and a pen
And I never really knew
Just how good I had it then

[Pre-Chorus 1]
But try shopping on the women’s side
And it’s so absurdly hard
To find a pair of pants with room
To fit one credit card
So while boy clothes aren’t gen’rally
A cause for reminiscing
I can’t stand the lack of pockets—
And I know what I am missing!

[Chorus 1]
Makers of fake pockets!
Oh, how I so despise them!
I don’t think it is possible
To over-criticize them!
They say it’s to “preserve the line,”
“A sleeker silhouette”
But that’s garbage, and they know it
And it makes me so upset!
[Verse 2]
I like wearing pretty dresses
Skirts that swirl around the knees
They’re comfy and they’re pleasant
In a gentle summer breeze
I’m also fond of leggings
They’re like T-shirts, just downstairs
And because I’m in New York
Almost no one really cares

[Pre-Chorus 2]
But the copier at work requires swiping my ID
And to get into the house
I should also have my keys
And I need to hold my phone
(It is not just incidental)
And when dresses come with pockets
Half the time they’re ornamental!

[Chorus 2]
Makers of fake pockets!
They are utterly perverse!
They take payola from Chanel
To make you have to buy a purse!
Now, my handbags are delightful
They hold lots of stuff, and yet
If I’m being forced to carry one
It makes me so upset!
[Bridge]
Someday there will be a change of weather
Someday we will stand up for what’s right
Someday the oppressed will band together
Someday we will have an epic fight
Someday we will cleanse the land in fire
Someday tyrants everywhere will fall
All our foes will finally expire
And who will be the first against the wall?

[Chorus 3]
Makers of fake pockets!
They’re the worst to ever live!
It’s the one thing in the world
That there are no grounds to forgive!
Oh, the Nazis will be second
And the fascists may be third—
Predatory payday lenders:
They will also be interred—
And you may think it’s draconian
Ask me if I care
’Cause we’re gonna get the tailors
When the revolution’s here!