About Patterns
Feel like I live my life through a view find
A tourist in vision, the world in a low light
I’ve got perspective like the limb that won’t work right
Pick up habits, drop skills and say my grips alright

Morning’s high pitch knocking finds its way to my door
Says to get up swiftly, you’ve got flaws to explore
In a hazy pattern as I drift through the store
Hope I don’t see anyone at all

Compulsions take the bulk of my energy
Then send it all back when I just want to sleep
Depression takes the rest of me
I bask in its glow, eating lows while the sunshine speaks

Says “you will never feel complete
You’ll never feel trim, no
You’ll never feel neat”

Morning’s high pitch knocking finds its way to my door
Says to get up swiftly, you’ve got flaws to explore
In a hazy pattern as I drift through the store
Hope I don’t see anyone at all
Anything at all, enough to face the day
To face the world and see anyone at all
It’s too heavy a place to be

I feel like everybody needs me
And I keep tearing up when I speak
In a dream I’d only have the parts of me I’d need

I am often sprawled out, I hear sirens, light house
I am large but stripped down
Intake siphons out my busy mouth

How do I know if I’m sick or I just don’t like the skin I’m in?
How do I burn it all off to escape all my patterns but still keep my same essence?

I wanna know there’s a place free from time, free from light
Where I don’t have to feel aware
Of all the ways I am flawed in my body, my thoughts
My control, can we turn my reflection off?

Like when you were born naked
Without the working hands of a blue collar self critic
Are you even part of me?
A participant in my warped, tired memories

Is there no hope for me?
I swam in utero but now all I seem to do is wade
In a pool of my body I built along the way
Too tired to get out
Too tired of me