Alehouse Rock
Sunday evening I was bored watching God-shit
Couldn't reach remote control, so I had to watch it
One eye on Harry Secombe, the other's on the clock
Five to seven every Sunday we do the Alehouse Rock
Put your left foot on the rail, put your right hand on your ale
Stand still 'til eleven o'clock, you're doing the Alehouse Rock
Lift the pint in your right hand and tip your head back
With your left hand wipe the froth off your moustache
Suck your belly in when you spot fit crack
Keep your distance in the bogs, and watch the splash back
When you've finished breaking wind, shout: 'Better out than in,'
Hide the piss stain round your cock, you're doing the Alehouse Rock

In Dundee or in Dunbar, flop your stomach on the bar, shout:
'Fuck off, ginger Jocks!'
You're the alehouse rock

Down another pint and light an Embassy
Save up all the coupons for a lung machine
Tap your cowboy boot along to Slade on the jukebox
Slap the barmaid's arse, you're doing the Alehouse Rock