The ID Card Song
The world today is filled with villains stealing one's identity
And terrorists intent on acts of violent extremity
Our citizens are prisoners, our criminals at liberty
Our nation at the mercy of felonious proclivity
Our very own Home Secretary will rebuild our society
A model of sagaciousness and picture of propriety
It's patent that protection of the future of humanity
Relies on Mr Clarke to put an end to this insanity!

Relies on Mr Clarke to put an end to this insanity!
Relies on Mr Clarke to put an end to this insanity!
Relies on Mr Clarke to put an end to this insan-inanity!

The honourable gentleman would like to see us all equipped
With various bits of biometric data on a memory chip
In fact without one you'll a become practical nonentity
It is the card that proves you have a national identity!
In fact without one you'll a become practical nonentity
It is the card that proves you have a national identity!

The goverment has proven it can tender contracts cannily
With flagship databases in CSA and DWP
And Mr Clarke will invest our six billion in a similar vein
Let's hope he trusts experience and employs EDS again
By keeping tabs on everyone we make our world a better place
A plastic panacaea for the problems of our populace
Thus Britain's streets will once again become a bold utopia
Our freedom will be guaranteed (so long as they know where we are)
Our freedom will be guaranteed (so long as they know where we are)
Our freedom will be guaranteed (so long as they know where we are)
Our freedom will be guaranteed (so long as they know where we where we are)

By stamping out the scourge of illegitimate identity
We'll be assured that everyone is just whom they are meant to be
Indeed without one you'll a become practical nonentity
It is the card that proves you have a national identity!
Indeed without one you'll a become practical nonentity
It is the card that proves you have a national identity!

There are of course the worries about budget and technology
And loss of liberty through government epistemology
Our demographic data on a little strip of laminate
Could be available to those who'd pay just to examine it
The thought it may become a burden rather than a favourite
And where exactly will the money come from when we pay for it?
But then again why worry that it will be unenforcible:
If Mr Clarke says it will be the bee's knees then of course it will!

If Mr Clarke says it will be the bee's knees then of course it will!
If Mr Clarke says it will be the bee's knees then of course it will!
If Mr Clarke says it will be the bee's knees then of course of course it will!

Each card will be a testament to our great nation's unity
We'll flash our cards with pride at each and every opportunity
In fact without one you'll a become practical nonentity
It is the card that proves you have a notional identity!
In fact without one you'll a become practical nonentity
It is the card that proves you have a notional identity!