BURNING ANNIE
                         
           art imitates life imitates art imitates life




                         
                            Written by

                          Zack Ordynans
                         
                         
                         
                         
                                                      PRODUCTION DRAFT
                                                               1-12-02
                         
                         
                          FADE IN:
                         
           Abrupt CLOSE UP on MAX, a plain wall behind him.
                         
          1 INT. LIMBO RADIO 1
                         
           He is 20, normal looking, not too nebbish, punkish, bookish,
           or stylish. He is a high-strung guy, enjoying a rare moment
           of un-self-consciousness.
                         
                          MAX
           There's an old joke. It comes from "The
           Iliad," but I think it was popularized by
           Oscar Wilde. It goes like this:
           ...A bear's taking a shit, like, out in the
           woods one day. And he sees this rabbit,
           also taking a shit. The rabbit, wait, I
           mean, the bear, he's shitting up a storm,
           cuz he's been eating Mexican. The
           wiping's taking forever, and his shit
           keeps sticking to his fur. Wait, what
           happens next? Oh, right-- he asks the
           rabbit if he ever has trouble wiping. The
           rabbit says no, shit just slides right
           off him. So the bear picks the rabbit up
           and wipes his ass with him.
           (pause, as if for applause)
           Well, I never said it was a good joke.
           And see, that makes it perfect, because
           it's pretty much the story of my life.
                         
           We can now see that he's perched on a stool, wearing a REM t-
           shirt and old jeans. He gesticulates vaguely as he talks.
                         
                          MAX (CONT'D)
           Growing up, my parents were huge Woody
           Allen fans. Still are. Personally, I hate
           him. Same thing with the Beatles, such a
           part of my background that I must have
           been about 16 by the time I realized how
           useless it was to rebel by ignoring the
           Beatles or any other cultural artifact of
           their generation. Even if I did spend my
           childhood hearing my father go on and on
           about how, like, Nirvana would never mean
           anything because they're not the Beatles,
           blah-blah. I don't know, this is all
           starting to sound a little bit too
           angsty, you know, and that's about the
           last thing I'm going for here... Shit, I
           really got off track there, didn't I?
                         
           As Max shakes his head, a hanging RADIO MIKE comes into view.
           It has the call letters of a college radio station on it.
           2.
                         
                         
           High on the wall behind him, a glowing "ON AIR" light is
           revealed. The perspective is skewed, the studio appears
           cavernous and completely barren.
                         
          2 INT. MAX'S CHILDHOOD HOME ­ FLASHBACK ­ DAY 2
                         
           YOUNG MAX, about five, sits on the floor and watches BANANAS
           with his FATHER, a large, relaxed man with a mustache who
           reclines in a tacky 80's chair and smokes a cigar.
                         
           MAX (O.S.)
           Anyway, like the Beatles thing­ and this
           is the point of that whole long-winded
           example­ I was force-fed Woody Allen from
           a young age. I remember watching Bananas
           when I was about five. Of course, I hated
           it.
                         
           Young Max is laughing hysterically at the screen.
                         
           Max stands to the side, watching his younger self and his
           father. The radio mike hangs in front of him.
                         
                          MAX (CONT'D)
           This is my old house. We lived here, in a
           dull suburb of New York, until I was ten,
           when we moved to a different house in a
           different dull suburb of New York.
                         
           On TV, a woman is bit in the breast by a snake and is chased
           by a group of soldiers.
                         
                          YOUNG MAX
           Daddy, why are they running after her?
                         
                          FATHER
                          (KINDLY)
           Someday, you'll understand. Pay
           attention, you'll learn something.
                         
           Young Max turns back to the screen, wide-eyed.
                         
          3 INT. MAX'S SECOND HOME ­ FLASHBACK 3
                         
           In pajamas, ADOLESCENT MAX, 16, watches a newer TV in an
           identical family room. This time, ANNIE HALL is playing.
                         
           MAX (V.O.)
           Oh yeah. This wasn't the first time I saw
           Annie Hall, but it was the first time I
           actually appreciated it. I was flipping
           channels on a Saturday afternoon, and
           there it was, and I was stunned to find I
           loved it, more stunned to find that my
           parents may have had a point all along.
                          [MORE]
           3.
                         
           MAX (V.O.) (cont'd)
           Although, they were definitely wrong
           about Bananas.
                         
           CLOSE ON: Adolescent Max, totally engrossed in the film.
                         
          4 INT. HIGH SCHOOL HALLWAY ­ FLASHBACK 4
                         
           Adolescent Max walks alone to class. Other students rush by
           in groups. He looks a little lost.
                         
           MAX (V.O.)
           Oh God, high school. I hated this place.
           I was a Junior when I gave up trying to
           fit in. Fortunately, being a social
           outcast is a lot easier when your school
           is filled with idiots.
                         
           A pair of GOTH POSERS pass. Max keeps his distance. From the
           other direction, a 6 FOOT TALL GIRL makes eyes at Max. He
           walks into a water fountain, drops his books.
                         
          5 INT. HIGH SCHOOL GYM ­ FLASHBACK 5
                         
           Adolescent Max gets hit in the face with a volleyball.
           Everyone laughs at him, including the COACH.
                         
           Max stands to the side and winces.
                         
                          MAX
           There was something in Annie Hall I
           identified with. Maybe it was the style
           of humor, or the defeatist attitude, I
           don't know. All I know is, I kept going
           back. Different people are inspired by
           different things, and my source of
           inspiration became a 20-year-old movie
           about a failed relationship.
                         
           The volleyball rolls over and he picks it up.
                         
          6 INT. RADIO STATION -- PRESENT 6
                         
           From behind Max, we see the station as it really is: small,
           dark, cramped, and totally filled with crap. Max wears
           headphones, sits before a large console and audio gear.
                         
           He now holds a volleyball.
                         
                          MAX
           So after high school I ended up here.
           There was never really any choice, not
           going to college was not an option. Of
           course, I brought Annie with me. Good
           thing, too.
                          [MORE]
           4.
                         
                          MAX (CONT'D)
           Watching it quickly became about the only
           thing I could count on to go right.
                         
          7 INT. JEN'S ROOM ­ FLASHBACK ­ NIGHT 7
                         
           Max is with five friends in the double, and they all have
           lingering style-baggage from high school (eg. bad haircuts).
                         
                          MAX
                          (TO CAMERA)
           It was freshmen year when we started
           watching Annie Hall as a tradition.
                          (LOOKING AROUND)
           Jeez, this must have been the very first
           time. What's Amy doing here? I'm pretty
           sure Amy wasn't here.
                         
           AMY is attractive, bookish, and sitting on Max's bed.
           CHARLES, a skinny guy in a large chair, tries to get her
           attention by wiggling his eyebrows seductively.
                         
           Max puts the tape in the VCR, hits rewind, and moves to sit
           on his bed. He pauses when he sees how close he'll come to
           Amy. Finally, he climbs over her and awkwardly sits at the
           far end.
                         
           Amy watches, rolls her eyes, and looks at BETH, who shakes
           her head sadly. Beth is pretty in an earthy way, spunky and
           sad at the same time. She looks sympathetically at Max, who
           is trying not to act nervous (and failing).
                         
           The couple is SAM, who's short and charismatic, with a cool,
           slightly punkish personal style; and JEN, same height, cute
           and serious, conservative dress. They lie on the floor
           together.
                         
                          MAX (CONT'D)
                          (TO CAMERA)
           That's Sam and Jen. Sam was the alpha-
           male of our group, which tends to consist
           mostly of zeta-males. He had been going
           out with Jen a couple weeks and we were
           all waiting to see if she would change
           him...
                         
           Sam slides a pillow under her.
                         
                          SAM
           Are you comfortable, honey?
                         
                          JEN
           I'm fine, Sam. I was worried about you.
           Sure you don't want me to move over?
           5.
                         
                         
                         
                          SAM
           Oh no, no, Jen, if you're happy, I'm
           happy.
                         
           Max and Charles exchange a look-- there they go again. Max
           makes a show of putting a pillow under a large Darth Vader
           doll. Beth laughs, Amy is amused. Sam looks back and is
           embarrassed. Jen rolls her eyes and gives Sam a look.
                         
                          JEN
           Are we gonna watch this movie or what?
                         
                          DISSOLVE TO:
                         
          8 INT. JEN'S ROOM ­ FLASHBACK ­ LATER 8
                         
           Annie Hall's credits roll. Sam snaps on the lights.
                         
                          SAM
           Wow, what a good movie.
                         
                          AMY
           Oh, that was so sad! Relationships don't
           have to be like that!
                          (TO MAX)
           I can see why you like this so much. It
           reminded me of you.
                         
                          MAX
           Uh, thanks, I guess. Does that mean you
           liked it?
                         
           Max and Amy stand and face each other as the lights fade to
           black around everyone else.
                         
                          AMY
           I didn't say I liked it, I said it
           reminded me of you. It reminded me of
           what I didn't like about you, the
           cynicism, the neurotic insecurity, and oh
           yeah, when you started calling me every
           day. All the reasons we were never more
           than friends.
                         
                          MAX
           Well, at least you're being honest.
                         
                          AMY
           Of course I'm being honest. This is a
           fantasy extrapolated from a flashback.
           How could I lie to you?
           6.
                         
                         
                         
                          MAX
                          (TO CAMERA)
           I'm the only person I know who gets
           insulted in his own fantasies.
                         
           Charles walks by, Amy takes his arm, and they disappear into
           the surrounding darkness, which DISSOLVES TO:
                         
          9 INT. LIMBO RADIO - PRESENT 9
                         
           and again Max is alone.
                         
                          MAX
           Anyway, Amy set the tone for the rest of
           college...
                         
          10 INT. THEATER LOBBY -- NIGHT -- FLASHBACK 10
                         
           The movie is Annie Hall. The theater is emptying. Suddenly,
           ERICA bursts through the crowd. Erica is mad. Max follows
           behind her, placating.
                         
                          ERICA
           AND WHAT IS IT WITH JEWISH MEN AND THEIR
           PENIS ISSUES?!
                         
           Max freezes in place. The entire crowd of students turns to
           look at him. He manages a weak smile and turns back to Erica,
           but she's gone, out the doors into the night.
                         
           Max turns back to the crowd and shrugs, but the crowd turns
           away. Max suddenly sees someone: Beth, looking at him. He
           blushes, self-conscious, and hurries away.
                         
           MAX (V.O.)
           And even when it went right, it didn't.
                         
          11 INT. STACY'S ROOM -- NIGHT -- FLASHBACK 11
                         
           Max and STACY stumble in, inebriated, laughing.
                         
                          MAX
           ...And then I, then I, after I called the
           pizza place, I called an ambulance, and
           timed them.
                         
                          STACY
           Who won?
                         
                          MAX
           The pizza, of course. The paramedics took
           35 minutes to arrive.
           7.
                         
                         
                         
                          STACY
           I can't believe you! Did you get in
           trouble?
                         
                          MAX
           The Station Manager said I couldn't go on
           the air ever again.
                         
                          STACY
           So what'd you do?!
                         
                          MAX
           I gave him the pizza!
                         
           They collapse on the bed, laughing. Stacy rolls over and
           kisses Max on the lips. His eyes go wide and he frantically
           crawls backwards.
                         
                          STACY
           What? Don't you like me?
                         
                          MAX
           It would never work.
                         
                          STACY
           How would you know?
                         
                          MAX
           I know. I have a sixth sense.
                         
                          STACY
           You see dead people?
                         
                          MAX
           I see dead relationships.
                         
           Stacy sits up, frustrated, the mood ruined.
                         
                          MAX (CONT'D)
                          (TO CAMERA)
           That was all true, but there was
           something else, though. I mean, there I
           was, drunk, in a girl's bedroom, and the
           only thought running through my mind was...
                         
          12 EXT. CAMPUS QUAD ­ DAY ­ FLASHBACK 12
                         
           Max speaks to someone O.S.
                         
                          MAX
           ..."What about Beth?"
                         
           Max is talking to Beth. It's a beautiful Spring day.
           8.
                         
                         
                         
                          MAX (CONT'D)
           I mean, I know we're just friends, but
           you really mean a lot to me and we've
           been spending a lot of time together
           lately, and maybe... I guess what I'm
           saying is, maybe we could try going out
           on a date or something?
                         
                          BETH
           Max...
                         
                          MAX
           I mean, it wouldn't have to be, uh...
                         
                          BETH
           Sure.
                         
                          MAX
           We wouldn't have to... What?
                         
                          BETH
           I'd love to. How's tomorrow night?
                         
                          MAX
           Um, yeah, it would have to be after, or
           maybe... Yeah, tomorrow, uh, tomorrow
           night's fine.
                         
                          BETH
           Great. I know the perfect thing.
                         
           She splits, leaving Max befuddled at his change of fortune.
                         
          13 EXT. LIBRARY -- NIGHT 13
                         
           Max and Beth are walking through the night in overcoats.
                         
                          BETH
           Never?
                         
                          MAX
           Not until Sam and Jen.
                         
                          BETH
           A perfect record. Wow.
                         
                          MAX
           I don't get what the fuss is. I knew you
           and that Chris guy wouldn't last a week
           as soon as I saw you together.
                         
                          BETH
           But you can tell with everybody? I don't
           know if that's sad or incredible.
           9.
                         
                         
                         
                          MAX
           Or incredibly sad. I'm amazed I'm the
           only one who can tell. Take any couple.
           If it's not incompatible lifestyles, it's
           conflicting priorities. If it's not that,
           it's usually clashing levels of self-
           esteem. It's always something.
                         
                          BETH
           Living with you would be a nightmare. I'd
           be afraid to bring any boyfriends home.
           Oh, uh, sorry.
                         
          Awkward pause.
                         
                          MAX
           Well, just because I see it, doesn't mean
           I talk about it. I don't say a word to my
           suitemates.
                         
                          BETH
           You guys never talk about anything
           important anyway.
                         
                          MAX
           Oh, come on, we have philosophical
           discussions all the time.
                         
                          BETH
           Like whether Voltron could kill the
           Transformers?
                         
                          MAX
           To name one hot-button issue, yes. You
           want us to talk about girls? Sam is
           nearly married to Jen, Charles doesn't
           want his relationships to last, Tommy's
           girlfriends are located in online
           chatrooms across the country, and Scott,
           well... you know.
                         
                          BETH
           For such "close" friends, it just seems
           weird, that's all. I must admit, I'm a
           lot closer to you than any of them.
                         
          They are at the Library.
                         
                          MAX
           What are doing here?
           10.
                         
                         
          14 INT. LIBRARY LOBBY 14
                         
           Max and Beth remove their coats, revealing formal wear. OTHER
           STUDENTS give them looks. An older female LIBRARIAN
           approaches.
                         
                          LIBRARIAN
           Ah, you must have the reservation for
           booth seven.
                         
                          BETH
           Yes, that's us.
                         
                          MAX
           What?
                         
                          LIBRARIAN
           Right this way, then.
                         
                          MAX
           "Reservation"?
                         
                          LIBRARIAN
           You'd be surprised how many of you
           lovebirds we get in here.
                         
           She winks and leads them to the elevator. Beth smiles shyly
           and looks at Max, but he is merely embarrassed. Her smile
           fades.
                         
          15 INT. LIBRARY MEDIA ROOM 15
                         
           Max and Beth are watching the opening credits of Annie Hall
           on a tiny TV in a cubicle. They are surrounded by other
           students in cubicles.
                         
                          BETH
           Isn't this great?
                         
                          MAX
           Well, this isn't exactly what I had in
           mind.
                         
                          BETH
           What do you mean?
                         
                          MAX
           For starters, I have a serious problem
           with spending any time in the library
           when I don't have to. I'm here once or
           twice a year as it is. Plus...
           (holds up headphones)
           What's the point of seeing this together
           if we're wearing headphones?
                          [MORE]
           11.
                         
                          MAX (CONT'D)
           Why not be with a life-sized cardboard
           cut-out? That way you can be with someone
           famous, even a dead person. Wouldn't you
           rather be with Elvis?
                         
                          BETH
           Oh, shhh...!
                         
                          MAX
           Or Batman?
                         
                          BETH
           Can't you just enjoy the moment?
                         
                          MAX
           I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
                          (SIGHS)
           I'm a little nervous. It's like, our
           first date and everything.
                         
                          BETH
           Oh. Yeah.
                         
          16 EXT. LIBRARY ­ NIGHT 16
                         
           Max and Beth leave the library. Their dispositions have
           switched: Max is perky while Beth is subdued.
                         
                          MAX
           I can't believe how many great lines
           there are. Even the little throwaways,
           like when she parks and he's like,
           "That's okay, we can walk to the curb
           from here."
                         
                          BETH
           Yeah. I loved it, I'm serious. I'm so
           glad we did this.
                         
                          MAX
           Yeah, me too.
                         
                          BETH
           But man, relationships are a lot of work,
           aren't they?
                         
                          MAX
           Uh, sure, sometimes...
                         
           Beth stops him, and they sit on a bench. The night is cold.
           They sit close and lean in, speaking in hushed tones.
           12.
                         
                         
                         
                          BETH
           If I'm going to jump into anything with
           you, Max, I need some sign that you're
           serious about it. About me.
                         
                          MAX
           What? You want me to get a tattoo or
           something?
                         
                          BETH
           Look, you've gotta admit, you're the most
           pessimistic person in the world.
                         
                          MAX
           Obviously you've never met my mother.
                         
                          BETH
           Can you be serious for a second?
                         
                          MAX
           I guess you really haven't met my mother...
                         
          Beth isn't laughing.
                         
                          BETH
           Look, Max, this isn't going to work.
                         
                          MAX
           Wait a second.
                         
                          BETH
           Okay. No more jokes. Now. Tell me how you
           feel.
                         
                          MAX
           About what?
                         
                          BETH
           About me.
                         
                          MAX
           I, I...
                          (EXASPERATED)
           Why are you doing this? Since when have
           you gotten "serious" about relationships?
           Your last boyfriend dumped you after four
           days.
                         
          Beth sits up, pulls her jacket closed.
                         
                          BETH
           Well, that was intimate. Thanks, Max.
           13.
                         
                         
                         
                          MAX
           No wait, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, hold on.
                         
                          BETH
           Max, I don't think this is such a good
           idea. I mean, it would be really foolish
           to jeopardize our friendship.
                         
                          MAX
           No, it wouldn't!
                         
                          BETH
           We shouldn't have rushed into this. I'm
           sure you know it wouldn't have worked
           out.
                         
                          MAX
           I don't know that.
                         
                          BETH
           Please tell me we haven't hurt our
           friendship. You don't even know how much
           you mean to me.
                         
                          MAX
           I'm starting to get the idea.
                         
           He's dazed, slightly ill. Beth touches his arm gently and
           walks away. Max turns to us. A radio mike swings into view.
                         
                          MAX (CONT'D)
           Things weren't the same after. We quickly
           became the kind of friends who say Hi on
           the paths but don't stop walking. Then,
           she moved across campus and changed
           majors, and basically, except for the
           random phone call, I haven't seen her in
           ages.
                         
                          DISSOLVE TO:
                         
           MAX, thoughtful. PULL BACK TO REVEAL:
                         
          17 INT. LIMBO RADIO 17
                         
           Max, speaking in the empty station, suddenly gets intense.
                         
                          MAX
           All these dates had one thing in common!
           And it took Charles, of all people, to
           point it out to me.
           14.
                         
                         
                         
          18 EXT. CAMPUS QUAD ­ TODAY -- FLASHBACK 18
                         
           It's late January and the campus is showing signs of a
           temperamental winter.
                         
           MAX (V.O.)
           This morning, we were skipping class.
                         
           Max and Charles walk across the quad towards us. At first,
           they are only specks in the distance.
                         
                          CHARLES
           Max, you're insane.
                         
                          MAX
           It's ridiculous that even at a liberal
           school like this, I have to put up with
           anti-Semitism.
                         
                          CHARLES
           So you got a C minus! Don't you think
           you're getting carried away?
                         
                          MAX
           He couldn't just fail me, think about it.
           The paper was about my grandparents'
           experience in the Holocaust.
                         
                          CHARLES
           Your paranoia has always been out of
           control, but this is absurd.
                         
                          MAX
           You don't understand, you're not Jewish.
                         
                          CHARLES
           Neither are you!
                         
                          MAX
           But the professor probably thinks I am.
                         
                          CHARLES
           And wasn't that the paper that you handed
           in two weeks late?
                         
                          MAX
           You know what else? I think he might be
           German.
                         
                          CHARLES
           Professor Wang? Will you stop it...
                         
           We can now see that Charles has a fedora cocked back on his
           head, and is wearing incongruous "Vegas" clothes.
           15.
                         
                         
                         
           They walk past and into the University Center.
                         
          19 INT. UNIVERSITY CENTER -- CONTINUOUS 19
                         
           It's a low-traffic time of day.
                         
                          CHARLES
           So what do you want to do tonight?
                         
                          MAX
           I'm not sure. It is the beginning of the
           semester, it's time for our Annie Hall
           night.
                         
                          CHARLES
           Have you ever noticed that the more Annie
           Hall you watch, the less successful you
           are romantically? I think we'd do much
           better if we watched, say, Ocean's 11.
                         
                          MAX
           What are you talking about? If you're
           sick of Annie Hall, that's one thing, but
           don't blame our sad little lives on it.
                         
          20 INT. GENERAL STORE -- CONTINUOUS 20
                         
           Charles picks out breath mints.
                         
                          CHARLES
           No, I'm telling you, I was thinking about
           this over break. Ever since we started
           watching it, what has your love life been
           like? And mine? Every semester, we watch
           this movie, and then spend the semester
           alone.
                         
                          MAX
           Alone? Last semester you hooked up with
           like a dozen women.
                         
                          CHARLES
           You know actresses don't count.
                          (POIGNANTLY)
           I'm looking for a meaningful,
           sophisticated relationship. Like Frank
           and Ava. No more shallow dames for this
           cat.
                         
                          MAX
                          (AGITATED)
           Where did you get this grudge against my
           favorite film?
           16.
                         
                         
                          CHARLES
           I'm just kidding around, Max. We'll watch
           it tomorrow. Tonight, there's a party.
                         
                          MAX
           And anyway, your theory fails to account
           for our collective dorkiness and bad
           haircuts. Plus, look at Sam.
                         
                          CHARLES
           Sam hasn't seen Annie Hall since freshman
           year, and he's in his third year with
           Jen.
                         
                          MAX
           So look at what not watching can do to
           you.
                         
                          CHARLES
           Ouch. Why are you still on this? I said I
           was kidding.
                         
          21 INT. RADIO STATION -- PRESENT 21
                         
                          MAX
           What a nightmare. I dunno why I can't
           stop thinking about these things. I guess
           I've been a little restless lately, since
           getting back from winter break.
           Everything's been kind of weird lately.
                         
           He grabs a CD from a rack.
                         
                          MAX (CONT'D)
           Hope you enjoyed this week's Reggae
           Revelry Hour. This is Max filling in for
           Rasta Ronnie, taking you out with a
           little Bad Religion.
                         
           He puts in the CD, hits "Shuffle/Repeat," and leaves. The
           caller request lines blink furiously.
                         
                          CUT TO:
                         
           TITLE CARD: white on black: "SUNDAY"
                         
          22 INT. COMMON ROOM -- MAX'S SUITE - EVENING 22
                         
           Max's dormitory suite: four bedrooms off a common room, which
           has three battered couches, a coffee table, and in a corner,
           several small fridges and two televisions in a pile.
                         
           Christmas lights are still up. A neon `Guinness' sign dwarfs
           it all.
           17.
                         
                         
                         
          Max and Charles are here, standing, while Sam and Jen sit on
          one couch and SCOTT and AMANDA sit on the other.
                         
          Charles puts on his gloves and coat.
                         
                          CHARLES
           Max, you're coming and that's the end of
           it. When's the last time you went to a
           party?
                         
                          MAX
           Who cares? It's unnatural. If I went into
           a stranger's house and ate their food
           under any other circumstance, I'd be
           arrested.
                         
                          CHARLES
           I'm not taking no. With Sam on board,
           it's gonna be like old times.
                         
          He gestures at Sam, who stands. Unlike the hipster from
          freshman year, Sam now resembles a middle-aged accountant.
          There are bags under his eyes and square clothes on his back.
                         
                          SAM
           Yeah, I haven't been out with you guys in
           ages.
                         
          Jen looks up from her magazine with disapproval.
                         
                          JEN
           You're going out?
                         
                          SAM
           Aw, honey, just for a little while.
                         
                          JEN
           You know I have to work until midnight.
           It's not my fault the supervisor won't
           let me out of it.
                         
          She glares. He teeters between his friends and his
          girlfriend. His girlfriend wins. He sits back down, trying to
          hide his disappointment.
                         
                          SAM
           She has a point, guys. I should catch up
           on my chemistry reading anyway.
                         
          The guys roll their eyes, let down but unsurprised.
                         
          Across the room are SCOTT, perpetually poker-faced and
          reserved, and AMANDA, understated, with the subdued manner of
          a long-suffering wallflower.
           18.
                         
                         
                         
           She sits off to the side, sneaking looks at Scott. He's
           watching a golf-related infomercial.
                         
                          AMANDA
           So Scott... How come you're not going out
           with Charles and Max?
                         
                          SCOTT
           Can't go. Graphic design work.
                         
                          AMANDA
           Oh really? I have work, too, but it's
           okay, I got a lot done today. What do you
           have to do?
                         
                          SCOTT
           Graphic design work.
                         
           TOMMY enters. He's preppier than anyone else, conservative
           clothes capped off by a goofy smile and thick glasses.
                         
                          TOMMY
           What's up, all?
                         
                          MAX
           Tommy, at last. Save me from this lounge
           lizard.
                         
                          CHARLES
           Yeah, what are you doing tonight?
                         
                          TOMMY
           Physics lab. Fortunately, the semester's
           just begun, so before the work piles up,
           I can party. That's why the beginning of
           the semester rules.
                         
                          CHARLES
           Great, so come party with me.
                         
                          TOMMY
           I can't, I have physics work.
                         
           He disappears into his room. Charles takes Max's hat from a
           hook, jams it on his head, and shoves him towards the door.
                         
          23 INT. COLLEGE APARTMENT ­ LATER 23
                         
           A typically lame college party, still early in the night. The
           furniture is "student budget modern" type. A jazz record
           plays quietly, while pretentiously-dressed PARTY-GOERS sip
           wine and eat cheese and crackers.
                         
           Max and Charles survey the room, drinks in hand.
           19.
                         
                         
                          MAX
           Cheers to a new semester, full of
           potential that will surely go to waste.
                         
          They toast.
                         
                          CHARLES
           This is it, I'm telling you. This is the
           semester I pass all my classes and meet
           the dame of my dreams.
                         
                          MAX
           Good luck, and may she have a sister.
                         
                          CHARLES
           More importantly, may she grant us our
           occasional freedom.
                         
                          MAX
           Ah, forget about Sam. I don't like it any
           more than you.
                         
                          CHARLES
           He's become a total non-entity. Freshman
           year, we were like Frank and Deano. Now
           it's like Frank and freakin' Peter
           Lawford.
                         
                          MAX
           Hey, he was one of my best friends. Now
           we share a room and he's like a stranger.
                         
                          CHARLES
           Hottie at 3 o'clock. Keep an eye on her
           for me so it doesn't look like I'm
           interested.
                         
                          MAX
           Yeah, right, then if you fail to sodomize
           her, you'll blame me. Me, or Annie Hall.
                         
                          CHARLES
           Look, all I said was, it would explain
           our lives.
                         
                          MAX
           The problem is, every crazy theory
           explains something. I took a class last
           semester with a professor who claimed
           that the planet is being destroyed by
           white, male, meat-eating capitalists.
                         
                          CHARLES
           So? Everybody knows that.
           20.
                         
                         
                         
                          MAX
           But she had a theory that explained how:
           apparently racism, sexism, socialism,
           environmentalism, and vegetarianism are
           all inherently linked. I brought a Big
           Mac to the first class, and I thought I
           was going to be the victim of a vegan-
           socialist uprising.
                         
          Sam walks in and makes a beeline for the guys. Excitement.
                         
                          SAM
           Hey! I made it!
                         
                          CHARLES
           I can't believe it.
                         
                          MAX
           Wow, the laws of nature have stopped
           working. Maybe I should try to meet some
           chicks after all.
                         
                          CHARLES
           How'd you get away?
                         
                          SAM
           I told her I was going to the lab. She
           doesn't mind if I'm working while she is.
           How's the party?
                         
                          MAX
           Sucks. Who are they trying to be, with
           this wine and cheese? What kind of party
           doesn't even have beer?
                         
                          CHARLES
           I can get into this. It's better than
           those frat parties. Check out the fox in
           the beret.
                         
                          SAM
           Man, it's so good to be out. Between Jen,
           homework, and labs, I hardly have time
           for anything.
                         
                          CHARLES
           You could always change your major. You'd
           have a lot more free time.
                         
                          SAM
           I feel the same way about science that I
           do about Jen. It's a lot of work, but
           it's worth it.
                          [MORE]
           21.
                         
                          SAM (CONT'D)
           I have doubts about both, actually. But
           still, what could be dumber than changing
           your major for a girl?
                         
                          MAX
           Changing your girl for a major.
                         
                          CHARLES
           Would you do it?
                         
                          MAX
           It wouldn't be an issue.
                         
                          SAM
           Of course not, when has studying ever
           interfered with what's important, like
           video hockey or your radio show that
           nobody listens to.
                         
                          MAX
           I meant, I'd have to have a girl first.
           And lay off the radio show. There's a
           reason I took the 3am slot.
                         
                          SAM
           And every time I see you doing homework,
           you're taking a break. You're the best
           I've ever seen when it comes to
           procrastinating.
                         
                          MAX
           I should be, procrastination is one of my
           favorite hobbies. Isn't it funny that my
           two favorite hobbies rhyme?
                         
          Charles' expression turns sour as he looks across the room.
                         
                          CHARLES
           Oh, shit, Sara's here.
                         
          SARA, good-looking and excitable, arrives with a theatrical
          flourish. Her age and manner indicate, among other things,
          that she is a freshman.
                         
                          SARA
           Ta-daaa! Hey guys, what's going on?
                         
                          SAM
                          (DEADPAN)
           We were just talking about the mediocre
           resonations of sub-hybrid fields.
                         
                          MAX
           I can't believe you think they're
           mediocre. Those guys rock.
           22.
                         
                         
                         
                          SARA
           (doesn't get it, doesn't care)
           Oh. Well, I just wanted to stop by and
           say "hey" to my favorite guys. So hey!
           How was everyone's break?
                         
          She is clearly talking to Charles, who is scanning the room
          over her shoulder.
                         
                          SAM
           Good.
                         
                          MAX
           It could have been better but it could
           have been worse. For me, that's good.
                         
                          SARA
           Mine was great! I partied with my best
           friend Melanie, who I haven't seen in
           ages. Aren't these parties just the best?
           So much better than the theater group
           parties.
                         
                          MAX
           I dunno, it's a bunch of 21-year-olds who
           want the 18-year-olds to know how mature
           they are.
                         
                          SARA
           Hey, Charles, you going to the fraternity
           party after this?
                         
                          CHARLES
           Ugh, no.
                         
                          SARA
           You gonna be back at your suite then?
           Maybe I'll stop by.
                         
                          CHARLES
           Uh, yeah, we should be back in, uh, many
           many hours.
                         
                          SARA
           Okay then, I'll catch up with you guys
           later.
                         
          She tugs on Charles's shirt.
                         
                          SARA (CONT'D)
                          (STAGE WHISPER)
           I missed you.
                         
          She leaves.
           23.
                         
                         
                         
                          CHARLES
           Shit, I was hoping to avoid her for at
           least a few more days.
                         
                          SAM
           What do you have against her? She seems
           nice.
                         
                          CHARLES
           First, she makes my skin crawl. Second,
           if word gets out, it'll ruin my
           reputation in the freshman dorms.
                         
          Sam looks to Max for the real story.
                         
                          MAX
           Never hook up with people in your cast.
                         
                          CHARLES
           I am a world-class knucklehead.
                         
          A pretty girl approaches.
                         
                          JULIE
           I'm sorry to interrupt, I thought I heard
           one of you say "Max."
                         
                          CHARLES
           One of us is Max.
                         
                          JULIE
                          (TO CHARLES)
           Oh, great, just as I hoped. I just wanted
           to say, I heard your radio show last week
           and I thought it was great. Thoughtful
           and poignant and funny, too. You know,
           you look just like I imagined, too.
                         
                          CHARLES
           Thanks.
                         
                          MAX
           I'm Max.
                         
                          JULIE
           Huh?
                         
                          MAX
           I'm Max.
                          (SUDDENLY STRUCK)
           Oh my God, you heard my show?
                         
                          JULIE
           You're Max? Then who are you?
           24.
                         
                         
                         
                          CHARLES
           Charles. I'm an actor.
                         
                          JULIE
                          (TO MAX)
           You okay? You look like you're in pain.
                         
                          MAX
           You don't get it, I can't do my show if I
           even suspect someone is listening. Now I
           have to change time slots. Again.
                         
                          JULIE
           I'm sorry, I didn't realize I wasn't
           supposed to listen.
                         
                          MAX
                          (INCONSOLABLE)
           No, it's no good, the whole episode is
           ruined. This is a disaster.
                         
                          CHARLES
           I work in theater a lot.
                         
                          JULIE
           Alright, listen. I was kidding. Your show
           actually kind of sucked.
                         
                          MAX
           What?!
                         
                          JULIE
           Just kidding! It was awesome.
                         
                          CHARLES
           I also direct.
                         
                          MAX
           Uh, when did you tune in? I need to know
           which episode you ruined.
                         
                          JULIE
           At one point you dialed a phone sex line.
           It was hilarious. It's not every day
           someone calls 1-900-4RIMJOBS to discuss
           politics.
                         
          Sam quickly pulls Charles away as he starts to comment.
                         
                          MAX
           And she hung up. "This isn't the place
           for that kind of talk..."
           25.
                         
                         
                         
                          JULIE
           Yeah, it's like, for four dollars a
           minute, you should talk about whatever
           you want. You know the country's in
           trouble when a phone sex operator thinks
           talking politics is beneath her.
                         
                          MAX
           Perhaps she'd been screwed by
           politicians. Phone sex is just pretend
           but politics... I know my ass is still
           sore.
                         
          He catches himself and falters. Julie notices something.
                         
                          JULIE
           Listen, I'm being flagged down by my over-
           protective friends. It was nice meeting
           you, though.
                         
                          MAX
           Wait, wait. How did you know about my
           show?
                         
                          JULIE
           Someone mentioned you.
                         
                          MAX
           Anybody I know? Oh, duh, I guess it would
           have to be someone I know.
                         
                          JULIE
           It was from a good source. I was told I'd
           like you, but to really know you, I
           should hear your show.
                         
                          MAX
           What, really?
                         
          She appraises him for a beat.
                         
                          JULIE
           It was Beth.
                         
          And with that, she leaves. Max watches her, loses her in the
          crowd. Something catches his eye across the room.
                         
          MAX'S POV: Sam is in a corner, trapped by an upset Jen. From
          his gestures, he is on the defensive.
                         
          Charles moseys over.
           26.
                         
                         
                         
                          CHARLES
           Check it. Jen traded shifts and got out
           of work, so she went to the lab to
           surprise Sam. He wasn't there, and
           then Tommy gave away that he was here.
                         
                          MAX
           Busted.
                         
                          CHARLES
           And how. Let's bail before the beheadings
           begin. Plus, The Rat Pack's on HBO later.
                         
           They put on their coats.
                         
                          MAX
           How can you stand that show?
                         
                          CHARLES
           I told you, it's research. It's why I got
           three phone numbers, Max, while you were
           talking to that cutie.
                         
          24 INT. COLLEGE APARTMENT STAIRWELL 24
                         
                          MAX
           "Cutie"?
                         
                          CHARLES
           That's right. You get her name?
                         
                          MAX
           We just met. I was working up to it.
                         
                          CHARLES
           Man, you're worse at picking up chicks
           than me. We are one sad couple of bozos.
                         
           Max looks at him like he's insane.
                         
          25 INT. MAX AND SAM'S ROOM ­ LATER 25
                         
           Alone, he kicks snow off his boots as he sheds his winter
           layers. He taps the answering machine.
                         
                          BETH
                          (ON MACHINE)
           Uh, hi, Max. Guess who? It's Beth. Been a
           while, huh? Since that lunch last August
           that somehow never happened. Anyway, uh,
           just checking in, I guess. Hope your
           break was okay. Uh, and----
           27.
                         
                         
                         
           BEEEEEEEP. The machine cuts her off. Max sighs, picks up the
           phone, dials.
                         
                          MAX
           Hello? Beth?... Sorry... Hello...? Hey, how's
           it going?... Yeah, in person... Too long... So
           anyway, I just wanted to say hi, and
           also, stop telling people to listen to my
           show... Of course I'm serious... Stop
           laughing... Of course I haven't changed...
                         
                          CUT TO:
                         
           TITLE CARD: white on black: "MONDAY"
                         
          26 INT. COMMON ROOM -- THE NEXT MORNING 26
                         
           Sara sleeps on a couch. Charles, wearing only boxers, hung
           over and mostly asleep, passes through the living room. He
           stubs his toe and crashes into the wall.
                         
                          CHARLES
           Ow! Shit! Ow!
                         
           He continues into the bathroom. Sara wakes up and looks
           around groggily. A FLUSH. Charles walks out of the bathroom
           and blinks at Sara with surprise.
                         
                          CHARLES (CONT'D)
           Jeeezzus! Shit, sorry you um...
                         
                          SARA
           It's all right, this isn't the first time
           this has happened. At least this time I'm
           not the naked one.
                         
                          CHARLES
           It's just that, I mean, I'm just
           surprised to see you here.
                         
                          SARA
           Hmm, yeah, I must have shown up after you
           came back, or something. I was planning
           to go home, but I guess I fell asleep.
                         
           She waits for something from Charles. He doesn't respond. She
           reluctantly gets to her feet.
                         
                          SARA (CONT'D)
           Anyway, I, uh, I've got a bunch of stuff
           to do. I'll see you later.
                         
                          CHARLES
           Bye.
           28.
                         
                         
                         
          As she leaves, Max comes in, still in last night's clothes.
                         
                          MAX
           You all right?
                         
                          CHARLES
           She's around all the time! I chose to
           live with my hombres, not her. She's got
           to realize that we're not right for each
           other and get on with her life.
                         
                          MAX
           No, I mean, I thought I heard you fall or
           something.
                         
                          CHARLES
           Oh, what? I just stubbed my toe.
                         
                          MAX
           That sucks. Bad way to start the day.
                         
                          CHARLES
           The toe's the least of it.
                         
                          MAX
           This is funny, in a way. Yesterday you
           were complaining about not having any
           girls. Now you're complaining because you
           have one.
                         
                          CHARLES
           I know. It's a shame. And I was attracted
           to her once, too. What happened?
                         
                          MAX
           Want me to tell you?
                         
                          CHARLES
           No! I think I've heard enough from the
           Nostradamus of failed relationships to
           last a lifetime.
                         
                          MAX
           Speaking of failed relationships, I was
           thinking about your Annie Hall theory.
           Specifically, I was thinking that you're
           insane.
                         
                          CHARLES
           I said I was joking, so why do you keep
           bringing it up?
           29.
                         
                         
                         
                          MAX
           It's like you insulted my religion. Like,
           "Hey, Cardinal, I think Jesus might be
           why you're not getting laid..."
                         
                          CHARLES
           Your attitude's too dour. You've gotta be
           more fun.
                         
                          MAX
           It's not my fault Annie Hall's honest
           about the futility of romance.
                         
                          CHARLES
           You're just a wuss. The very thought of
           not seeing that movie scares you. You're
           like a junkie, you need movie methadone.
           Like, from now on you can only see
           Manhattan.
                         
                          MAX
           Forget it, I hate Manhattan.
                         
                          CHARLES
           You think addicts like Methadone?
                         
                          MAX
           My Uncle Harry didn't seem to mind.
                         
                          CHARLES
           So what are we doing for lunch?
                         
           Scott enters.
                         
                          SCOTT
           You mean breakfast.
                         
                          MAX
           Actually, I'm supposed to eat with Beth.
                         
           He doesn't look excited at the prospect, but Charles does.
                         
                          CHARLES
           Beth? Wow. She hasn't been around in
           ages. Say hi for me.
                         
          27 EXT. FRANNIE'S ­ DAY 27
                         
           Max walks with Beth down the city street. She carries an
           umbrella and scans the skies.
                         
                          BETH
           Wasn't it supposed to rain?
           30.
                         
                         
                         
                          MAX
           I dunno.
                         
                          BETH
           Max, it's been ten minutes and we're
           still discussing the weather.
                         
                          MAX
           So? Think of all the people who've died
           in hurricanes. I bet they think it's a
           worthy issue.
                         
                          BETH
           I just feel like there are other things
           we could be talking about. You're the one
           person I could rely on to say something
           original.
                         
                          MAX
           Okay, okay.
                          (BEAT)
           So, what classes are you taking?
                         
                          BETH
           This was a mistake, wasn't it?
                         
                          MAX
           What? No.
                         
           They stop in front of Frannie's, a small greasy spoon.
                         
                          BETH
           Look, let's just call it a day. I was
           excited to hear from you, but I can't
           take you like this.
                         
           A COUPLE exit, the guy holds the door for them. They
           hesitate. Suddenly, from inside:
                         
           CHARLES (O.S.)
           Max! Beth! Come sit with us!
                         
                          MAX
           No, I'm sorry. Don't worry about it. To
           be honest, it's nice being with someone
           besides my suitemates for a change.
                         
           They look in and see...
                         
          28 INT. FRANNIE'S ­ CONTINUOUS 28
                         
           ...Charles, Scott, Amanda, Sam and Jen, seated around a huge
           table. They are waving them in. Beth enters, Max reluctantly
           follows.
           31.
                         
                         
                         
                          JEN
           Oh my, God, Beth! It's great to see you!
                         
                          AMANDA
           It's been so long!
                         
          Everyone scoots over to make room. Max is still stunned but
          has no choice. He sits.
                         
                          JEN
           How did we ever fall out of touch? We
           shouldn't let that happen again.
                         
                          BETH
           I know! I even miss this place. I live on
           the wrong side of campus now. You guys
           still come here? It's so dark and the
           menu is tiny.
                         
                          CHARLES
           It never changes, that's why.
                         
                          SAM
                          (TO JEN)
           What are you gonna get?
                         
                          JEN
           Maybe an omelet.
                         
                          MAX
           Do you have to get eggs? I'm allergic.
                         
                          JEN
           So don't get the eggs.
                         
                          MAX
           It's just that, it's the smell. It's the
           smell that bothers me.
                         
                          JEN
           Are you serious? How can you be allergic
           to the smell of my eggs?
                         
                          BETH
           Don't worry about it, Jen. He's just
           incredibly picky about food.
                         
                          CHARLES
           Even other people's.
                         
                          MAX
           Look, if you're going to have eggs, let
           me at least switch seats with Sam, so
           I'll be farther away from it.
           32.
                         
                         
                         
                          SAM
           Max, what's up with you today? Join a
           support group.
                         
                          CHARLES
           If it really bothers you, why don't you
           and Beth switch?
                         
           This would put Beth next to Charles. She looks at him and he
           smiles. Unable to help herself, she smiles back.
                         
                          SAM
           What about people at other tables? Should
           we ask the management to stop serving egg-
           products to people upwind of you?
                         
                          JEN
           Why can't you just get along with
           everyone for once?
                         
                          MAX
           Alright, alright, you win, we'll switch.
           Come on, Beth, get up.
                         
                          BETH
                          (JOKINGLY)
           What makes you so sure I'm gonna switch?
           I don't think I'm gonna move.
                         
                          CHARLES
           Don't give in, Beth. I've got your back.
                         
                          MAX
           You owe me. Remember when you threw that
           egg at me in the dining hall?
                         
                          BETH
           Okay, I'll get up. But I'm ordering an
           omelet.
                         
           She sits down next to Charles and they smile at each other.
                         
          29 EXT. ATM NEAR THEATER ­ LATER 29
                         
           Max walks down the street toward an ATM, where a long line of
           college students has formed. Next to the ATM is an arthouse
           theater. The marquee reads "Thru Valentine's Day: ANNIE HALL
           and CASABLANCA."
                         
           He joins the ATM line. A moment later, Julie walks by. She
           notices him and stops.
                         
                          JULIE
           Hi. Look at this line.
           33.
                         
                         
                         
                          MAX
           Oh, hey. Yeah, I hate coming here this
           time of day, but I need money. You know,
           gambling debts and all.
                         
                          JULIE
           Aren't ATMs great? They save so much
           time. Think about what life must have
           been like before them.
                         
                          MAX
           I can't support an acronym without
           knowing what it stands for. I once joined
           NAMBLA because I thought it was an animal
           rights group.
                         
          She laughs.
                         
                          MAX (CONT'D)
           So, are you a junior, too?
                         
                          JULIE
           I'm listed as a sophomore, but I've taken
           some time off.
                         
                          MAX
           What're you majoring in?
                         
                          JULIE
           Why is that always the first question?
                         
                          MAX
           It was my second question.
                         
                          JULIE
           And how would you answer it?
                         
                          MAX
           I'd be honest. Oh, wait. Media Studies.
           This week, I'm majoring in Media Studies.
           I used to be a double-major, Renaissance
           Footwear and Neurosurgery, but, ya know,
           it was just too hard to get course credit
           for watching movies.
                         
                          JULIE
           I bet. Me, I'm in Soc., but I'm leaning
           toward Business, or Psych. Or Art
           History.
                         
                          MAX
           Why don't you just be undeclared?
           34.
                         
                         
                         
                          JULIE
           Not my style.
                         
           Max's turn-- but he spots ANNIE HALL on the marquee.
           Impulsively, he turns Julie to face him, so that her back is
           to it. In doing so, he steps away from the ATM.
                         
                          JULIE (CONT'D)
           Are you okay? I thought you needed money.
                         
                          MAX
           Uh, I forgot, my bookie takes checks now.
                         
                          JULIE
           Seriously, is everything okay?
                         
                          MAX
           Actually, yes. But I need something from
           you.
                         
                          JULIE
           What?
                         
                          MAX
           Your name.
                         
                          JULIE
           It's Julie, no nickname. Don't even think
           of calling me "Jewel."
                         
                          MAX
           Okay, Julie with no nickname, I, um, I'll
           see you around?
                         
                          JULIE
           Probably.
                         
           She leaves. Max goes back to the end of the line.
                         
          30 INT. COMMON ROOM -- NIGHT 30
                         
           Lounging are Max and Charles, Sam and Tommy, and Scott and
           Amanda.
                         
           Charles pulls a bottle of vodka from a newsbox.
                         
                          CHARLES
           Come on, which of you cats is in?
                         
                          MAX
           It's only Monday.
           35.
                         
                         
                         
                          CHARLES
           Shit, it's only Monday? Now I really need
           a drink.
                         
                          SAM
           I'm in.
                         
          Charles takes two mugs off the floor, throws their contents
          into a plant, and pours.
                         
          Tommy is on one end of a couch, sneaking looks at Amanda, in
          the middle, who is sneaking looks at Scott, on the other end.
                         
                          AMANDA
                          (TO SCOTT)
           How was your day?
                         
                          TOMMY
                          (ANSWERING HER)
           My day sucked. I spent six hours in the
           lab and four hours in class. And tonight,
           I have to study for two tests.
                         
                          CHARLES
           Ouch.
                         
                          TOMMY
           It better be worth it when I get into
           grad school.
                         
                          AMANDA
           Scott, how's the design project coming?
                         
                          SCOTT
           Slowly. There are a couple problems.
                         
                          AMANDA
           Huh.
                         
          Scott gets up and leaves the room.
                         
                          TOMMY
           Listen, I have an extra ticket to this
           concert tomorrow night.
                         
          Charles, Sam, and Max look on with alarm: is he really going
          through with this, here, now? Amanda takes the bait.
                         
                          AMANDA
           The Ani DiFranco show? Awesome!
           That's been sold out for weeks!
           36.
                         
                         
                         
                          TOMMY
           It's not Ani DiFranco, it's better-- two,
           front row seats at the Campus Choir
           charity show.
                         
                          AMANDA
           Oh.
                         
                          TOMMY
           So do ya wanna go?
                         
                          AMANDA
           I dunno. Why don't you call me tomorrow
           during the day.
                         
                          TOMMY
           Okay, great.
                         
                          AMANDA
           It's getting late. See you guys later.
                         
           SAM - MAX - CHARLES
           Bye.
                         
                          TOMMY
           See you tomorrow.
                         
          Amanda exits.
                         
                          TOMMY (CONT'D)
           Wow, that went pretty good.
                         
                          CHARLES
           Using Ani DiFranco to get laid. I've
           gotta try that.
                         
                          SAM
           She'll never give up on Scott.
                         
                          TOMMY
           It's not like I expect anything, I just
           like to spend time with her.
                         
          Scott wanders back in with a copy of Wired magazine. Tommy
          stands.
                         
                          TOMMY (CONT'D)
           Scott, do you mind if I take Amanda to a
           concert tomorrow night?
                         
                          SCOTT
           Why would I?
           37.
                         
                         
                         
                          TOMMY
           I didn't think so, but not asking would
           be wrong.
                         
                          SCOTT
           No, it wouldn't.
                         
                          TOMMY
           But...
                         
                          SAM
           It's not even a date.
                         
                          TOMMY
           It's nothing serious, but it is a date.
                         
                          CHARLES
           But they're going as friends.
                         
                          SAM
           They are friends.
                         
                          MAX
           She probably won't even go.
                         
          Scott sits and reads his magazine. Tommy drops heavily into a
          chair.
                         
                          TOMMY
           Whenever you're done, someone please give
           me an update on my sex life.
                         
                          CHARLES
           How does "sex life" enter, if she might
           not be going, and if she does, it's just
           as friends?
                         
                          SAM
           Wait, can you be on a date with someone
           you're not dating?
                         
                          CHARLES
           Yes. No.
                         
                          TOMMY
           I didn't think it was such a big deal!
                          (TO SCOTT)
           I just wanted to make sure it didn't
           bother you.
                         
          Scott looks at him like, Are you kidding? and goes back to
          his magazine. Tommy looks frustrated.
           38.
                         
                         
                         
                          MAX
           This conversation is starting to bother
           me.
                         
                          CUT TO:
                         
           TITLE CARD: white on black: "TUESDAY"
                         
          31 INT. DARK ROOM ­ THE NEXT DAY 31
                         
           Max shakes a tumbler as Amanda keeps time.
                         
                          AMANDA
           Tired yet?
                         
                          MAX
           This is ridiculous. What other art form
           involves industrial toxins and complex
           chemical reactions? Nobody ever got
           cancer from dancing.
                         
                          AMANDA
           You're so paranoid.
                         
                          MAX
           I'm serious. Chemicals make me very
           nervous. Isn't this how the Unabomber got
           started?
                         
           He continues shaking.
                         
                          AMANDA
           Max, do I bother Scott when I'm around?
                         
                          MAX
           Uh, boy, this fixer smells delicious...
                         
                          AMANDA
           `Cuz, sometimes it seems like I do. I
           know he's not, like, interested, but
           then, sometimes it seems like he is. I
           just don't want it to be awkward. Please,
           tell me the truth.
                         
                          MAX
           I, uh, I mean, the truth is, it's not a
           topic. It doesn't bother him, or us. Or I
           mean, he doesn't talk about it.
                         
                          AMANDA
           So he never talks about me?
                         
                          MAX
           Yes, I mean, no, not with us, anyway.
           39.
                         
                         
                         
                          AMANDA
           I knew it.
                         
                          MAX
           Listen. All I'm trying to say is, you're
           not a topic that comes up very often.
                         
                          AMANDA
           So with all the time we spend together,
           none of you have any opinion of me?!
                         
          Amanda storms out of the room.
                         
                          MAX
           Well, that's not... what I meant. Oy.
                         
          Amanda returns, still upset.
                         
                          AMANDA
           It's time! To unroll the film.
                         
          Max, startled, fumbles open the tumbler.
                         
                          MAX
           Listen, Amanda. Scott likes you as much
           as we all do, so it doesn't leave much
           room for discussion. We mostly only talk
           about what we hate.
                         
                          AMANDA
           I know. It's just sometimes, I wish...
                         
                          MAX
           Yeah, I know.
                         
          Amanda takes the negatives, opens the door to a closet, hangs
          them from a clothespin, and leaves. Max takes his, selects a
          clothespin, and knocks several others to the floor. He tries
          to pick them up, and manages to step on them.
                         
           AMANDA (O.S.)
           Max? Are you coming?
                         
          He throws the crumpled negatives in the closet and grabs his
          bag. At the door, he notices one stuck to his shoe.
                         
                          MAX
           Shit!
                         
          He takes the negative off his shoe, almost knocking himself
          over, and hurries out.
           40.
                         
                         
                         
           AMANDA (O.S.)
           Why does it always take you so long in
           there?
                         
          32 INT. COMMON ROOM -- LATER 32
                         
           Max enters to find Sam playing video hockey.
                         
                          MAX
           Hey, remember the scene in Swingers when
           they play this? That was awesome. I love
           movie scenes I can relate to.
                         
           He sits down next to him.
                         
                          SAM
           Yeah. Wasn't there also a video hockey
           scene in Mallrats?
                         
                          MAX
           No, you're thinking of Chasing Amy.
                         
                          SAM
           Which one had all the comic book stuff?
                         
                          MAX
           They both did.
                         
                          SAM
           What about the Star Wars stuff?
                         
                          MAX
           Mallrats, Clerks, and Dogma.
                         
                          SAM
           What about the last one?
                         
                          MAX
           Doesn't count, it was just an ad for all
           his other films.
                         
                          SAM
           You gotta admit, it's fucking cheap for a
           movie to refer to other movies.
                         
                          MAX
           Why? We do it real life. We're doing it
           right now. What you're saying is, if this
           was a movie, it wouldn't be any good.
                         
                          SAM
           Yeah. Our lives would make an awful
           movie.
           41.
                         
                         
                         
                          MAX
           But if our lives were a movie, you'd
           never be able to say that. You'd be
           giving the critics the perfect quote to
           pan it with.
                         
                          SAM
           So fucking what? It's a shitty movie!
                         
           Sam drops his controller and gets up.
                         
                          MAX
           Are you okay?
                         
                          SAM
           How come you only play this one video
           game?
                         
                          MAX
           Video hockey is my game. Like a swan, I
           mate for life.
                         
                          SAM
           More like the loon.
                         
           Max looks him over.
                         
                          MAX
           Holy shit, you and Jen broke up.
                         
                          SAM
           Yeah. Your prediction finally came true.
           Come on, let's hit the bar. I need a
           drink.
                         
          33 INT. COFFEE BAR ­ DAY 33
                         
           A crummy collegiate dive. Sam and Max drink coffees.
                         
                          MAX
           Okay, so what happened?
                         
                          SAM
           We were just hanging out, and she told me
           she loves me. Completely out of the blue.
           She says things like that sometimes,
           things like "I love that you're my
           boyfriend," ya know? But usually when
           we're in bed or something. But this time
           it was different, all we were doing was
           watching TV.
                         
                          MAX
           Porn?
           42.
                         
                         
                         
                          SAM
           Almost. It was "our" show, the one we
           like to get romantic to...
                         
          34 INT. JEN'S DORM ROOM ­ SAM'S FLASHBACK 34
                         
           Sam and Jen watch "The X-Files." Max stands, observing. Jen
           can't see him.
                         
                          SAM
                          (TO MAX)
           I was just tired of trying to tell her
           what she wanted to hear all the time, so
           I tried to be honest.
                          (TO JEN)
           We've been together a long time and I
           really care about you, but I don't know
           if I love you. This is tough to say, but
           I think something might be missing from
           our relationship.
                         
                          JEN
           Something's missing?
                         
                          SAM
           Well, not completely... I don't know if I
           can explain it. See...
                          (FUMBLING)
           There are three things I look for in a
           girl: heart, body, and mind. And well,
           you've got the body.
                         
           Max is stunned and laughs. Jen is stunned, too, and runs out.
                         
                          MAX
                          (TO CAMERA)
           Jesus. You think you know someone pretty
           well and then they do something like
           this.
                         
                          SAM
           When she comes back, she slaps me in the
           face and makes me leave. Then she calls,
           crying, and asks me to come over. When I
           go back, she kicks me out and says she
           never wants to see me again.
                         
                          MAX
           Fifty bucks says there's a message on the
           machine when we get back.
                         
           Max sits, and the background DISSOLVES back TO:
           43.
                         
                         
          35 INT. COFFEE BAR ­ PRESENT 35
                         
                          SAM
           Is it really so bad? I couldn't lie to
           her.
                         
                          MAX
           Don't you know that no matter how often
           girls tell you they want honesty, they
           never really mean it? Nobody does!
                         
                          SAM
           Look, I fucked up, alright? I didn't know
           what to say.
                         
                          MAX
           It's too bad it ended like this. I'm
           really sorry.
                         
                          SAM
           Me too. It'll be hard to get used to, but
           at least we ended it early.
                         
           Sam throws some money on the table and they get up.
                         
                          SAM (CONT'D)
           Hey, you know what I'm in the mood for?
           Annie Hall.
                         
                          MAX
           Jesus, that film...-- Have you heard
           Charles' theory?
                         
                          SAM
           Come on, Max, I can only deal with one
           mid-life crisis at a time.
                         
                          MAX
           I can't believe you said that to her.
           That's so cool.
                         
                          SAM
           You think?
                         
                          MAX
           No.
                         
                          SAM
           Gee, at least I can hang out with my
           friends again.
           44.
                         
                         
                         
          36 INT. THE PUB ­ LATER THAT NIGHT 36
                         
           "New wave dance party" in The Pub, the small, grungy club on
           campus. A DJ plays something obscure from the 80s. Some
           people dance, while the rest, including Max, Charles, and
           Scott, sit at tables by the coffee bar in the back.
                         
                          CHARLES
           I was talking to Amanda the other day.
                         
                          SCOTT
           Was that Thursday? Because there was that
           half hour when she didn't call or visit.
                         
                          MAX
           Scott, why don't you go for her? You seem
           to get along well.
                         
                          SCOTT
           She follows me around now. If we slept
           together, I'd never get rid of her.
                         
                          MAX
           You're exaggerating.
                         
                          SCOTT
           Look at Sam and Jen.
                         
                          CHARLES
           Ouch.
                         
                          MAX
           Bad example: it could never get that bad.
                         
                          CHARLES
           Ouch.
                         
                          SCOTT
           Then look at Charles and Sara.
                         
                          CHARLES
           Okay, ouch for real this time.
                         
           Max looks O.S. and goes pale.
                         
                          MAX
           Shit, she's here.
                         
           Julie walks through the crowd in their direction, but stops
           at another table, talking to friends. Max exhales slowly.
                         
                          CHARLES
           That dame from History class?
           45.
                         
                         
                         
                          MAX
           No. She's, she's just a girl. I shouldn't
           have mentioned it.
                         
                          SCOTT
           But you did mention it.
                         
                          CHARLES
           Ohhh, that's the one from the party.
                         
                          MAX
           Yeah.
                         
                          CHARLES
           Get her name yet?
                         
                          MAX
           Yeah, it's "Julie"... Julie. She's cute,
           and she seems interesting, but I'm sure
           she has all kinds of horrible flaws I
           don't know about.
                         
                          CHARLES
           Uh-oh. This is bad.
                         
                          MAX
           What do you mean?
                         
                          CHARLES
           You're thinking about her. You're already
           making yourself nervous and you barely
           know her. You do this every time!
                         
                          MAX
           I wonder if maybe I should go say hi.
                         
                          CHARLES
           See, this is what I'm talking about.
           If you don't go hit on her, I will.
                         
                          MAX
           Do you know the guys she's talking to?
                         
                          SCOTT
           Yeah. The guy in the jacket is annoying.
                         
          Julie sees him. He freezes like a deer in headlights.
                         
                          MAX
           Shit, shit, shit, she's looking this way.
           Fuck. What should I...?
           46.
                         
                         
                         
                          CHARLES
           You have no choice. If you back away now,
           she'll never get to see the rest of your
           annoying personality traits.
                         
                          MAX
           You're right. I can't deprive her of
           that.
                         
          37 INT. THE PUB -- JULIE'S TABLE 37
                         
           Julie is with ANDY and MARK. Andy is your basic hippie,
           resplendent in a ridiculous green shag jacket. Mark has a cap
           and is wearing a J Crew long-sleeve shirt over a Dave
           Matthews Band t-shirt.
                         
           Max approaches.
                         
                          JULIE
           Max! What's going on?
                         
                          MAX
           Hey.
                         
                          JULIE
           Do you guys know Max? This is Mark...
                         
                          MARK
           Wassup.
                         
                          JULIE
           ...And Andy.
                         
                          ANDY
           Hey Max, how's it hanging, bud?
                         
                          MAX
           Fine. I, uh, really like your jacket. Is
           that real carpet?
                         
                          ANDY
           Yeah, man. I couldn't believe my luck
           when I saw it. This shade of shag is,
           like, so rare. I was like, woah...
                         
                          MARK
           Hey, are we gonna burn this or what?
                         
                          ANDY
           Yeah, man. Hey, you guys are like all
           invited, if you can handle some kind bud...
           "Maui wowey," you know?
           47.
                         
                         
                         
                          MAX
           Aloha?
                         
          38 INT. ANDY'S APARTMENT ­ A LITTLE LATER 38
                         
           Mark, Julie, and Max sit around a wooden table in a small
           apartment's kitchen. Andy puts on a CD.
                         
                          ANDY
           Hey man, you like Zappa?
                         
                          MAX
           Dweezil or Moon Unit?
                         
                          ANDY
           Frank.
           (then gets it, laughs)
           Man, that isn't even funny. You should
           check out "Apostrophe" some time.
                         
                          MAX
           "Apostrophe"?
                         
                          MARK
           It's an album.
                         
                          MAX
           I thought he was correcting my grammar.
                         
                          MARK
           Can I get anyone beers? Julie?
                         
                          JULIE
           Sure.
                         
                          ANDY
           You know it.
                         
                          MAX
           Okay.
                         
           Mark distributes beers to everyone but Max.
                         
                          MARK
           Sorry, Max, we don't have enough.
                         
                          MAX
           Uh, yeah, sure.
                         
                          JULIE
           You want mine?
           48.
                         
                         
                         
                          MAX
           No thanks. I'm kinda picky about beer.
           I'm more into stuff like Guinness, Bass,
           Killians.
                         
                          MARK
                          (DISDAINFUL)
           That's so... British.
                         
                          MAX
           It's a coincidence, I swear.
                         
          Julie has trouble opening her beer. Mark rushes over with his
          keychain.
                         
                          MARK
           I thought Guinness was going to be cool,
           but it sucks. Made me nauseous.
                         
                          ANDY
           Dude, puking blows. That's why I smoke
           weed. You get high right away and no
           hangover!
                         
          Andy pulls out a baggie of marijuana, and rummages through
          the closet.
                         
                          MAX
           Yeah, I don't know. Giving me pot is like
           letting Richard Simmons smoke crack. I'm
           paranoid enough as it is.
                         
                          MARK
           Yeah, well, some people just can't handle
           their bud.
                         
          Mark glares disparagingly at him while Max pretends to
          examine the ceiling. Julie pulls out cigarettes, lights up.
                         
                          JULIE
           Andy, what are you looking for?
                         
          Andy finds it: a gigantic bong made from a vacuum cleaner. He
          sets it up on the counter.
                         
                          MAX
           Wow. I bet you could use that for yard
           work.
                         
                          ANDY
           Julie, you don't smoke either, right?
                         
                          MARK
           Really?
           49.
                         
                         
                         
                          JULIE
          Yeah. I used to, but when it became my
          social life I knew I needed to stop.
                         
                          MAX
          Kind of like why I stopped playing
          Dungeons and Dragons. It was, uh, in
          sixth grade, but it was kind of similar.
                         
                          MARK
          Why don't we go smoke in the living room?
                         
                          ANDY
          Oh, Ampersand's crashing on the couch
          tonight.
                         
                          MAX
          "Ampersand"? What kind of name is that,
          Esperanto?
                         
                          ANDY
          Well, his name was Mike, but he couldn't
          cope. He thought it was, like, too
          square. He wanted a name that would tell
          people, here is a person that only the
          brave will understand! Here is a person
          living beyond the walls!
                         
                          MAX
          He must have been listening to
          "Apostrophe" at the time.
                         
                          ANDY
          Or Prince, cuz, like, Prince's name was a
          squiggly-thing. But Mike wanted something
          powerful, meaningful, and above all,
          something you could type. Therefore,
          "Ampersand." It's already on the keyboard
          and everything.
                         
                          MAX
          How much did that cost? Because I have a
          friend who wants to change his name to
          Not Bill.
                         
                          JULIE
          Is his name Bill?
                         
                          MAX
          No, Not Bill.
                         
                          JULIE
          What about originally?
           50.
                         
                         
                         
                          MAX
           Originally he wanted to change it to
           something else.
                         
          Mark steps forward and pushes up a sleeve.
                         
                          MARK
           Hey Julie, check out my new tattoo.
                         
          He's got an anchor on his right biceps. Max snickers.
                         
                          JULIE
           Gee, Mark, that's really cool.
                         
                          MARK
           I know it's not what you suggested, but I
           needed something more... masculine.
                         
          Max quietly whistles "Popeye the Sailor Man."
                         
                          MARK (CONT'D)
           You think you're pretty funny, huh?
                         
                          MAX
           C'mon, I thought hippies were mellow.
                         
                          MARK
           You just call me a hippie?
                         
                          MAX
           Sorry, Popeye, I guess I was thrown by
           the Dave Matthews merchandise.
                         
                          MARK
           I'm in a frat, geek.
                         
                          MAX
           Well shouldn't you be back there date-
           raping someone?
                         
                          MARK
           Julie, where did you find this creep?
                         
          Max and Mark both look to Julie-- she must pick a side.
          She pulls on her cigarette, then turns to Mark.
                         
                          JULIE
           Mark, lay off. Go take a hit off the
           Hoover and mellow out.
           (turning to Max)
           Max, I'm sorry.
                         
                          MAX
           Hey, it's okay. I'm cool.
           51.
                         
                         
                         
           He takes a beer from the table, fumbles, and drops it.
                         
                          JULIE
           Nah, it's time. It's getting late anyway.
                         
           She puts out her cigarette and grabs her coat.
                         
          39 EXT. JULIE'S DORM ­ NIGHT 39
                         
           Max and Julie approach Shelly Hall.
                         
                          MAX
           So you live here, huh? Does it bother you
           to be in an all-female dorm?
                         
                          JULIE
           No, well, a little, sure. But there are
           always men around. During fire drills,
           more guys come out than girls. Never the
           same ones either. They come and go.
                         
                          MAX
           I bet they do.
                         
           Julie catches herself and laughs. Max shares a smile with her
           in the doorway.
                         
                          JULIE
           I had a good time tonight, but next time,
           let's have some real fun.
                         
                          MAX
           Oh, fine, uh, next time I'll bring Jack
           Nicholson and a case of Schnapps.
                         
                          JULIE
           Good night, Max.
                         
           Julie enters the dorm. Max watches her through the glass.
                         
                          CUT TO:
                         
           TITLE CARD: white on black: "WEDNESDAY"
                         
           MATCH DISSOLVE TO:
                         
           CLOSE UP of a schedule's column heading: "Wednesday"
                         
           PULL BACK TO REVEAL:
           52.
                         
                         
                         
          40 INT. HALLWAY OUTSIDE THE RADIO STATION ­ DAY 40
                         
           Max reads the schedule on the door. His watch says 11am; he
           finds Wednesday 11am: "Julio's Death Metal Jamboree." He
           peeks behind the door-- the station is empty.
                         
           He starts to slip inside when...
                         
           BETH (O.S.)
           Max!
                         
           He whirls, closing the door guiltily. Beth comes down the
           hall, laden with books.
                         
                          MAX
           Uh, hi...
                         
                          BETH
           It was great running into your friends,
           but... you know... I feel bad about what I
           said. Do you want to get together later?
                         
                          MAX
           I don't know, I'm sure I have something
           to do that I've forgotten.
                         
                          BETH
           Come on, it's bad enough we fell out of
           touch, but we can't even have lunch?
                         
                          MAX
           We had breakfast.
                         
                          BETH
           Every time we try to do anything, you
           have an excuse, or forget to show up, or
           you cancel.
                         
                          MAX
           You cancel on me, too.
                         
                          BETH
           I'm sorry. Things have been a little, you
           know, awkward.
                         
                          MAX
           Look, the whole thing was my fault. Let's
           drop it, okay?
                         
           Beth throws up her hands, turns away.
                         
                          MAX (CONT'D)
           Okay, lunch, you win.
           53.
                         
                         
                         
                          BETH
           Now you're only going because I gave you
           a hard time.
                         
                          MAX
           Guilt is a powerful force. Just be glad
           it's on our side for once.
                         
                          BETH
           Okay, how is the Kidney Bean at noon?
                         
                          MAX
           Awful, just like every other time of day.
           Their food is just birdseed prepared
           fancy.
                         
                          BETH
           The Fabulous Diner, then. Friday at noon?
                         
                          MAX
           Fine.
                         
           She leaves. Max finds his old slot on the schedule and
           crosses it out. Then he slips into the station.
                         
          41 EXT. CVS 41
                         
           A shitbox pulls up. Sam drives, Max rides shotgun. Scott and
           Amanda are in back.
                         
                          AMANDA
           And then I got to thinking, you know, I
           really think I like vanilla.
                         
           Sam turns off the car.
                         
                          SAM
           I'll be right back.
                         
                          MAX
           Me too.
                         
           They get out and go into the store.
                         
          42 INT. CVS 42
                         
           They enter an aisle and Sam grabs various items as he talks.
                         
                          SAM
           Jen called yesterday, while we were at
           the bar.
                         
                          MAX
           You call her back?
           54.
                         
                         
                         
                          SAM
           Yeah. I went over there to talk again
           today. She's taking it hard.
                         
                          MAX
           Imagine that.
                         
                          SAM
           We're having dinner tonight. Wanna come?
                         
                          MAX
           Don't put me in the middle of this. Are
           you definitely broken up? Because it
           seems a little up in the air.
                         
                          SAM
           Yeah, we're definitely broken up. I guess
           sometimes it seems like we're sliding
           back into our old patterns.
                         
          He takes some Vaseline from a shelf. Max looks horrified.
                         
                          SAM (CONT'D)
           It's not what you think. I need a
           petroleum jelly for the polymers class
           I'm TA-ing.
                         
          Suddenly a rack of condoms catches his eye. Max sees it too.
                         
                          MAX
           Don't even think of it.
                         
                          SAM
           What-the-heck.
                         
          He takes a box. His arms are totally full now.
                         
                          SAM (CONT'D)
           I need a basket. Hold this.
                         
          He dumps his pile of stuff into Max's arms, the Vaseline and
          condoms on top, and disappears around a corner. Max sighs,
          turns around... and bumps into Julie.
                         
                          JULIE
           Hello... Big night?
                         
                          MAX
           Um, it's for a friend.
                         
                          JULIE
           I would hope so.
           55.
                         
                         
                         
                          MAX
           No, seriously, I just got a job at a
           petting zoo.
                         
                          JULIE
                          (LAUGHING)
           Oh, of course.
                         
                          MAX
           And the best part is, it's work study. I
           think the Psych. department's involved.
                         
                          JULIE
           Hey, that's my new major. I got so sick
           of Soc.
                         
                          MAX
           So, uh, got any plans tonight?
                         
                          JULIE
           Well, there's a great local band playing
           the Pub. You should come.
                         
                          MAX
           Um, sure. Might be cool to catch a band
           before success ruins them.
                         
                          JULIE
           Great. I'll see you there.
                         
          She leaves with a wave. Sam turns the other corner.
                         
                          SAM
           No baskets.
                         
                          MAX
           I can't believe what you just did to me!
                         
                          SAM
           What?
                         
                          MAX
           Julie was just here!
                         
                          SAM
           Who's Julie?
                         
          Suddenly, Scott arrives.
                         
                          SCOTT
           Hi. I need socks.
           56.
                         
                         
                         
                          MAX
           What were you doing sitting in the car
           then?
                         
                          SCOTT
           Nothing.
                         
          43 EXT. CVS ­ FLASHBACK 43
                         
           The car pulls up.
                         
                          SAM
           I'll be right back.
                         
                          MAX
           Me too.
                         
           They leave.
                         
           Amanda and Scott are alone in the back. Amanda looks tense.
                         
                          AMANDA
           Scott, can I ask you something?
                         
                          SCOTT
           Okay.
                         
                          AMANDA
           It's just that, sometimes, you're really
           cool and other times you act like I'm not
           even here. Or like you don't want me
           around.
                         
                          SCOTT
           Yeah.
                         
                          AMANDA
           Well, I was wondering if... never mind.
                         
                          SCOTT
           Okay.
                         
           A moment passes.
                         
                          AMANDA
           All right, look, I'm just going to come
           right out with it. I think I like you. I
           think I, I really like you.
                         
                          SCOTT
           I know.
                         
           As she opens her mouth, Scott opens the car door and exits.
           57.
                         
                         
                         
          44 INT. CVS ­ PRESENT 44
                         
                          SCOTT
           So where are the socks?
                         
          45 INT. PUB ­ THAT NIGHT 45
                         
           An absurd metal band plays on-stage. The room is packed, and
           the crowd is mostly one big mosh pit.
                         
           Max wades through the slamdancers, freaked. He makes it to
           the coffee bar. Julie soon appears, sweaty. She's been here
           awhile.
                         
                          JULIE
           Hey!
                         
                          MAX
           Oh, hey! It's good to see you.
                         
           The surging crowd shoves Max into Julie. They fall against
           each other. Max is near panic but Julie's laughing, getting
           off on the energy of the room.
                         
           The SINGER smashes the mic against the wall, then brandishes
           the stand menacingly at the crowd, who step back in alarm.
                         
                          MAX (CONT'D)
           Who are these guys?
                         
                          JULIE
           They're Anhedonia. They're "sludge-core."
                         
                          SINGER
           You're all a part of the conspiracy!
           You're all human! Every one of you wore
           diapers! You're all full of shit!
                         
           The singer storms off. The band follows. The crowd applauds
           with some confusion. Julie whistles loudly and claps.
                         
                          JULIE
           That's their trademark. They insult the
           crowd at the end of the set. Sometimes he
           breaks the mike two songs in. We were
           lucky: they played for almost 40 minutes.
                         
                          MAX
           Luck had nothing to do with it.
           58.
                         
                         
                         
                          JULIE
           Look, the mike's not even broken. They
           were just tired of playing, but they
           wanted to give us something to remember.
           Now that's showmanship.
                         
                          MAX
           You have to wonder about any band whose
           highlight is their exit.
                         
                          JULIE
           It worked for The Who.
                         
                          MAX
           I'm sorry, the who?
                         
                          JULIE
           Ha ha. Come on, is that the kind of a
           joke a celebrity DJ would make?
                         
                          MAX
           I still can't believe you tuned in. It's
           like an invasion of privacy.
                         
                          JULIE
           You're a riot. Let's get out of here.
                         
           She pulls him away.
                         
          46 INT. STUDY LOUNGE ­ UNIVERSITY CENTER ­ MINUTES LATER 46
                         
           The lounge is empty. Julie sits on a couch. Max sits next to
           her, but seems uptight about getting too close.
                         
                          MAX
           So, uh, I'm sorry about that thing with,
           uh, Chip was it?
                         
                          JULIE
           Oh, Mark. He's been following me around
           for years. He's easily threatened.
                         
                          MAX
           He's lucky, I, uh, almost pulled a Jackie
           Chan on his ass, but, you know, my kung-
           fu's gotten rusty since I left the Hong
           Kong military.
                         
                          JULIE
           Don't worry about him, he isn't a threat.
           You're far more interesting.
           59.
                         
                         
                         
                          MAX
           Right. Asking me not to worry is like
           asking a bear to use toilet paper.
           There's this joke that sums it up for me...
                         
          Julie leans in and looks at him with intensity.
                         
                          JULIE
           You're not fooling me, you know. I can
           see right through this aloof image.
                         
                          MAX
           What?
                         
                          JULIE
           It's not an insult. I get the sense that
           there's this whole other side of your
           personality.
                         
                          MAX
           I hope he's a better dancer.
                         
                          JULIE
           See, this is the side you show, playing
           everything off as a joke whenever things
           gets serious. But there's more to you.
                         
                          MAX
           Did I ever tell you about the bear and
           the rabbit in the woods--?
                         
                          JULIE
           Quick. Now. Tell me something about
           yourself, something I never would have
           guessed. And don't even try to come up
           with some witty retort.
                         
          Max, agape, is on the spot, helpless. Julie grabs her coat.
                         
                          JULIE (CONT'D)
           I should get going.
                         
          She stands.
                         
                          MAX
           Wait.
                         
          She sits.
                         
                          MAX (CONT'D)
           Okay. Okay.
           (a deep breath)
           We barely know each other, but you're all
           I think about.
           60.
                         
                         
                         
                          JULIE
           (off-balance, covering)
          I said something I never would have
          guessed.
                         
                          MAX
          Oh, thanks. I bare my soul and now you're
          the funny one.
                         
                          JULIE
          Sorry. That wasn't quite what I was
          looking for.
                         
                          MAX
          Now it's your turn, right?
                         
                          JULIE
          Let's see. Okay, here's one: I have a
          boyfriend.
                         
                          MAX
          Fuck. I sure hadn't guessed that.
                         
                          JULIE
          Okay, well, not anymore. Eric and I were
          together in high school, but we broke up
          over break.
                         
                          MAX
          Since high school, wow.
                         
                          JULIE
          Yeah. He's kind of a jerk. It was all a
          waste of time. Sometimes I, I, I don't
          know, Max, why don't you have a
          girlfriend?
                         
                          MAX
           (on the spot)
          Uh, I have a friend who says it's because
          I watch Annie Hall too much.
                         
                          JULIE
          That's crazy.
                         
                          MAX
          Exactly. That film practically raised me.
                         
                          JULIE
          And it has a very positive message, too.
          I wish more guys were into it.
                         
                          MAX
          Be careful what you wish for.
           61.
                         
                         
                         
                          JULIE
           You don't know what I'm wishing for.
                         
                          MAX
           Snowtires?
                         
                          JULIE
           Max, there are a lot of girls that would
           go for a guy like you.
                         
                          MAX
           Know any?
                         
                          JULIE
           This is one of those moments, in a movie,
           when a character has a chance to say
           something, and of course they do, and
           it's perfect, and it becomes a movie
           moment.
                         
           Julie starts to lean in. Suddenly, the BUILDING MANAGER walks
           in. He's a dead ringer for Woody Allen. Max starts violently.
                         
                          MANAGER
           Building's closing. Everyone out.
                         
           He exits. Max is beside himself. Julie sees that the moment's
           over and gets up.
                         
                          JULIE
           Are you hungry at all?
                         
                          MAX
           Sure. I know this place. Their food is
           bad, but they compensate by being
           overpriced.
                         
                          JULIE
           Sounds perfect.
                         
           They walk out.
                         
                          MAX
           Say, did that guy look like...?
                         
                          JULIE
           Ernest Borgnine? Yeah, I noticed that
           too.
                         
          47 INT. JULIE'S CAR -- NIGHT 47
                         
           Max is relaxed and chatting while Julie drives.
           62.
                         
                         
                         
                          MAX
           I've been able to do it since high
           school.
                         
                          JULIE
           That's a scary gift. I mean, even if
           people are destined to break up, the will
           to stay together is very powerful.
                         
                          MAX
           That's the real tragedy. Look at all the
           unhappy couples in the world.
                         
                          JULIE
           I don't know if your gift is really that
           special, Max. I mean, we break up with
           everyone we ever date... Until the one we
           stay with forever.
                         
                          MAX
           See how ridiculous dating is?
                         
                          JULIE
           How did you get this attitude if you love
           Annie Hall?
                         
                          MAX
           What do you mean? That's what Annie's all
           about.
                         
          Julie looks dubious. Max flicks on the radio.
                         
                          DJ
           ..."college radio for the masses," and
           that's it for me.
           (sound of CDs falling)
           Whoops! Anyway, next up is Verbal
           Diarrhea, with Todd Duke.
                         
                          MAX
           Why is your radio set to the campus
           station?
                         
                          JULIE
           Actually, it's stuck on it. It's how I
           first heard your show.
                         
                          MAX
           I thought Beth told you about me.
                         
                          JULIE
           It doesn't matter, Max. Now that I've met
           you, your show's not important.
           63.
                         
                         
                         
          48 INT. PRETENTIOUS CAFE ­ A LITTLE LATER 48
                         
           The kind of place that's perfect for Parents Weekend. At this
           late hour, it is filled with young professionals. There's a
           dance floor, where couples dance to the standards. Max and
           Julie are at a table in the corner, looking out of place.
                         
                          JULIE
                          (SMIRKING)
           This is a nice place. Ritzy. Interesting
           mix of people here, you've got these men
           with their suits, taking their waitress
           girlfriends out to impress them into bed,
           because they can't get them any other
           way. Really, as if a fast car can ever
           make up for a small dick.
                         
                          MAX
           If it did, do you think I'd be here? I'd
           be down at the Porsche dealer with a ski
           mask and an Uzi.
                         
                          JULIE
           Guys, always obsessed with dick size.
                         
                          MAX
           Well, sure, there's that, but it would
           also be nice to have a car with a heater.
                         
                          JULIE
           Let's guess which couples are destined to
           break up. How about them?
                         
           Indicates a COUPLE dancing.
                         
                          MAX
           No, I can't tell just by looking. I need
           some info.
                         
           Their waitress, DONNA, arrives.
                         
                          JULIE
           Hi! Do you have a boyfriend?
                         
           Max is aghast. Donna stares a beat.
                         
                          DONNA
           Yeah.
                         
                          JULIE
                          (TO MAX)
           What do you need to know?
           64.
                         
                         
                         
                          MAX
           Uh, just a description.
                         
                          JULIE
           Describe him for us. It's okay, I'm a
           psyche major.
                         
                          DONNA
           Well, he's tall... ish. Brown hair. Funny.
           Very friendly. Fixes cars. Close with his
           brother. Uh, what else? Believes in God.
           Has a sweet tooth. Uh...
                         
                          MAX
           That's plenty.
                         
                          DONNA
           So can I take your order?
                         
                          JULIE
           We're not ready, thanks.
                         
          Donna puts her pad away.
                         
                          DONNA
           So what was that all about then?
                         
                          JULIE
           Max here thinks you're going to break up
           with your boyfriend.
                         
                          DONNA
           What?
                         
                          MAX
           Sorry. It's all in there. You qualified
           "tall" so as not to make him appear too
           handsome, said "friendly" like a
           euphemism, chose "fixes cars" instead of
           the more dignified "auto mechanic," and
           finally, mentioned his brother á propos
           of nothing, like you're threatened by
           him.
                         
          The waitress looks like she's been slapped. After a pause,
          she turns her back and walks away.
                         
                          JULIE
           Hey! Don't shoot the messenger!
                         
                          MAX
           I'm such an idiot. She's going to shit in
           our food now. I can't believe you asked
           her that.
           65.
                         
                         
                         
                          JULIE
           Hey, we're all people here, right? If you
           want to talk to someone, talk to them. I
           don't spend my time trying to justify
           talking to people or whatever. You limit
           yourself if you do that. If you spend too
           much time worrying, you don't spend
           enough time living, right?
                         
                          MAX
           What are you, a fortune cookie?
                         
                          JULIE
           You have to keep yourself open to
           possibilities in life. I'm the first one
           in my family to go to college. Sometimes
           I can't believe I'm here, at a semi-
           prestigious university getting a halfway-
           decent education-- this has always been
           my dream. How did you end up here?
                         
                          MAX
           I had a coupon.
                         
                          JULIE
           I know what you mean, financial aid is a
           bitch. And the university experience
           itself is kind of disappointing. All
           those rich students with no idea how
           lucky they are. But I don't think about
           them. I think about me, I think about
           where I want to be someday: a world
           traveler, running some huge company, or,
           you know, doing some fantastically
           important work. And when the day comes
           that I can relax, I'm going to charter a
           boat, sail around the world, and see the
           Seven Wonders.
                         
                          MAX
           I thought they broke up when Stevie left.
                         
                          JULIE
           Come on, aren't you curious about the
           world? Doesn't the sheer scope of life
           fill you with wonder?
                         
                          MAX
           Wonder, horror, it's such a fine line...
                         
                          JULIE
           Ah, Max...
                         
          But she's smiling at him, and he can't help but return it.
           66.
                         
                         
                         
          49 INT. COMMON ROOM -- NIGHT 49
                         
           Tommy sleeps while the TV proclaims golf products. Max comes
           in and quietly shuts it off. Tommy gurgles and rolls over.
                         
                          TOMMY
           ...swallowed a bug...
                         
           Max goes to his room. Sam's bed is empty. He shakes his head,
           picks up a key from his desk, and leaves.
                         
                          DISSOLVE TO:
                         
          50 INT. LIMBO RADIO 50
                         
           Max sits on a stool, as in the beginning, but this time we
           are PUSHING IN...
                         
                          MAX
           Sometimes I look around and wonder where
           the hell my friends came from.
                         
          51 INT. COMMON ROOM -- FLASHBACK 51
                         
           Tommy and Sam are in each other's faces, yelling. Tommy waves
           a book and Sam waves a newspaper.
                         
           MAX (V.O.)
           Like, the other night Tommy and Sam
           nearly got into a fistfight over whether
           the X-Files is based on a true story.
                         
          52 INT. BATHROOM -- FLASHBACK 52
                         
           Charles makes out with a GIRL in a stall covered in colored
           paper. She has a cigarette on a black holding stem, which
           brushes the paper.
                         
           MAX (V.O.)
           Before that, Scott covered the entire
           bathroom in multi-colored post-it notes,
           which Charles somehow set on fire, nearly
           getting us kicked out of housing.
                         
          53 INT. COMMON ROOM -- FLASHBACK 53
                         
           Max, Sam, Scott, and Tommy are there, reading fanclub
           newsletters: X-philes, Font-ain of Youth, Men Are From Mars
           Women From Venus. Charles walks in, arm in arm with a woman
           who is obviously a PROFESSOR, and escorts her to his room.
                         
           MAX (V.O.)
           They're great friends. I feel safer among
           them than among my own family.
                          [MORE]
           67.
                         
           MAX (V.O.) (cont'd)
           They always know what not to say, how not
           to make things uncomfortable.
                         
           After a beat, the group resumes reading like nothing
           happened... except Max, who can't believe what he just saw.
                         
          54 INT. RADIO STATION (LIMBO) 54
                         
           Max in CLOSE-UP. Over his shoulder, images of Beth arguing
           with him from various moments in their history.
                         
                          MAX
           Even when Beth was part of the group, she
           didn't fit in. Like, she never just lets
           things be. She always has to know exactly
           what I'm thinking. It was sort of cute
           when we were friends, but now it's like a
           proctology exam.
                          (SIGHS)
           Hard to imagine a friendship going more
           wrong.
                         
           The image of Beth STOPS on a shot of her looking at him with
           undisguised disappointment. She DISSOLVES into a image of
           Julie, beaming.
                         
                          MAX (CONT'D)
           Ah, but Julie. Juliejuliejulie. She's
           smart, she's funny, isn't constantly
           hassling me. How she can stay such a
           dreamer is beyond me... Hey, I wonder if
           she's listening now.
                         
           The thought stops him cold. The image over his shoulder
           VANISHES, replaced with a plain cement wall.
                         
          55 INT. RADIO STATION 55
                         
           We ZOOM OUT fast. Max is back in reality, the station crowded
           and claustrophobic. He tries to regroup.
                         
                          MAX
           (taps the mike)
           Hello? Uh, Julie...?
           (clears his throat)
           So, uh, as I was saying... Um. My friends.
           Yeah. My friends are weird. Shit.
                          (LONG PAUSE)
           I think it's time for some music.
                         
           He grabs for a CD.
                         
                          CUT TO:
                         
           TITLE CARD: white on black: "THURSDAY"
           68.
                         
                         
                         
          56 INT. U.C. GENERAL STORE 56
                         
           Max and Charles stir their coffee.
                         
                          CHARLES
           Fuckin' hate this flavored shit. Anyway,
           I can't believe the cat in the shag
           jacket was Andy.
                         
                          MAX
           I don't want to talk about it.
                         
                          CHARLES
           When I knew him as a freshman, he was pre-
           law... Whew. Anyway, it sounds like things
           are going well between you and Julie.
                         
                          MAX
           Yeah. This is a real change of pace.
           Staying away from Annie Hall is like some
           kind of magic trick.
                         
                          CHARLES
           I was wondering about that. You seem
           different lately.
                         
                          MAX
           You know how when things are going badly,
           there are certain parts I like to watch?
                         
                          CHARLES
           Like how you spent your whole sophomore
           year watching that lobster scene on
           repeat?
                         
                          MAX
           I realized that I don't know what part to
           watch when things are going well.
                         
                          CHARLES
           You know, I actually regret mentioning
           that theory. In fact, Sam and I were
           thinking of watching it tonight. You in?
                         
                          MAX
           Are you on crack? I meet a girl I really
           like, that I may actually have a chance
           with, and you want me to put it all in
           jeopardy?
                         
                          CHARLES
           Come on. Watching it without you would be
           weird. Unnatural. That film is you, Max,
           face it.
           69.
                         
                         
                         
                          MAX
           But it's ruining my life.
                         
          Charles drinks his coffee and shakes his head.
                         
                          CHARLES
           Listen, Max. I have to tell you
           something. I scored last night.
                         
                          MAX
           See? The theory works for you, too.
                         
                          CHARLES
           With Beth.
                         
          Max drops his coffee, thunderstruck.
                         
                          MAX
           What?!
                         
                          CHARLES
           It wasn't premeditated.
                         
                          MAX
                          (ANGRY)
           How could you sleep with Beth?
                         
                          CHARLES
           Look, nobody knows about it. It won't
           happen again.
                         
                          MAX
           Happen again? Of course not! That might
           constitute a relationship!
                         
          Max is at a loss. The CASHIER looks over suspiciously.
                         
                          CHARLES
           I'm sorry, Max. I wasn't sure if you'd
           care.
                         
                          MAX
           I don't care! Oh God, this is my fault!
           If only I hadn't called her...
                         
                          CHARLES
           What do you want me to say? I'm sorry,
           man. Let me pay for your coffee.
                         
                          MAX
           You've gotta be kidding.
                         
          He starts to leave.
           70.
                         
                         
                         
                          CHARLES
           Going back to the suite?
                         
                          MAX
           I dunno where I'm going.
                         
          57 EXT. CAMPUS THEATER ­ DAY 57
                         
           Max, distressed, passes the campus theater, where someone is
           tacking up a poster for Annie Hall. Max sees it and averts
           his eyes.
                         
          58 EXT. KIDNEY BEAN -- DAY 58
                         
           He walks past the Kidney Bean. Something catches his eye
           through the window. He changes direction and enters.
                         
          59 INT. KIDNEY BEAN -- DAY 59
                         
           Max sees Beth eating alone at a table, reading a Tom Robbins
           book. He walks over. Beth isn't thrilled to see him.
                         
                          BETH
           Max? What are you doing here? A sudden
           craving for bird-seed?
                         
                          MAX
           Yeah. I figured I'd had enough actual
           food this week.
                         
                          BETH
           Well, be careful, someone in the corner
           is eating egg salad.
                         
           Max sits down across from her. After an awkward pause:
                         
                          BETH (CONT'D)
           Are you okay?
                         
                          MAX
           Yeah, why?
                         
                          BETH
           No reason. Something about you sounded
           different.
                         
                          MAX
           What? Now?
                         
                          BETH
           No, actually, last night on the... Oh no,
           he's here.
           71.
                         
                         
                         
                          MAX
           But I just left him in the General Store...
                         
          But she isn't talking about Charles: she's looking across the
          room at STEVE, a good-looking guy who is talking to a GIRL.
                         
                          BETH
           Who is he with? He never calls me
           anymore. I think he might be seeing
           someone. Have you heard anything?
                         
                          MAX
           I don't even know him. What's so special
           about this guy, anyway? I mean, are you
           and he...?
                         
                          BETH
           Sort of. Well, no, I guess not.
                          (DISTRACTED)
           I know something's going on. I'm such a
           fool. Why are we always attracted to
           people that are completely wrong for us?
           Is it because they excite us?
                         
                          MAX
           I guess so. You know, we should try to be
           more exciting. Like the other day, I
           waited until the last minute before
           returning a video. And next time, I swear
           I'm not going to rewind.
                         
                          BETH
           I can be a rebel too. The other day I
           went to bed without flossing.
                         
                          MAX
           Boy, are we pathetic.
                         
                          BETH
           Okay, it's pathetic, but we're okay, you
           know? But sometimes, I feel like...
                         
                          MAX
           Yeah. Me too.
                         
          She puts on her coat and gathers her things on her tray.
                         
                          BETH
           I'm glad you're here, Max. I didn't
           realize how much I missed you.
           72.
                         
                         
                         
                          MAX
           I feel the same way about the Sex
           Pistols. Missing them is far cooler than
           having them around.
                         
                          BETH
           That's not what I meant, Max.
                         
           She heads for the exit.
                         
          60 INT. COMMON ROOM -- EVENING 60
                         
           Sam looks dubiously at Max, who waves his arms and shouts.
                         
                          MAX
           What do you mean, you saw Julie with
           someone?
                         
                          SAM
           Just that. Nothing more.
                         
                          MAX
           So what are you saying?
                         
                          SAM
           Nothing. They were having lunch.
                         
                          MAX
           Who was he? What did he look like?
                         
                          SAM
           You're over-reacting.
                         
                          MAX
           How could she see someone else?
                         
                          SAM
           You're not even dating!
                         
                          MAX
           But we might be! I can't handle
           competition, Sam, I'm not the competitive
           type.
                         
                          SAM
           It was just lunch in the cafeteria. He
           looked completely normal.
                         
                          MAX
           I can't compete with that!
           (he fumbles with his coat)
           Man, it's all gone so wrong, so fast.
                         
           He rushes out the door.
           73.
                         
                         
                         
          61 INT. DORM HALLWAY ­ SHELLY HALL 61
                         
           Max knocks on the door to Julie's suite. Nothing. He paces,
           frustrated. Suddenly, JUDY comes out of a stairwell.
                         
                          JUDY
           Hello? Can I help you?
                         
                          MAX
           Yeah, do you know where Julie is?
                         
                          JUDY
           Hey! Are you Max?
                         
                          MAX
           Yeah...
                         
                          JUDY
           Oh wow! You're just like she described.
           Hi, I'm Judy. I'm sure she mentions me
           all the time.
                         
                          MAX
           Oh, yeah, Judy. Right.
                         
           Judy unlocks the door and holds it open.
                         
                          JUDY
           Come in, come in. Make yourself at home.
                         
                          MAX
           Uh, thanks.
                         
          62 INT. JULIE'S SUITE 62
                         
           Max enters cautiously. The common room couldn't be more
           different than his own, clean and tasteful.
                         
           Judy hangs her coat up.
                         
                          JUDY
           This may be completely inappropriate, but
           can I ask you something? The tattoo­ did
           it hurt?
                         
                          MAX
                          (THINKING FAST)
           Uhhhh... No! I mean, not much.
                         
                          JUDY
           Why didn't you use your frat's logo?
           74.
                         
                         
                         
                          MAX
           Well, uh, the guy said it's too hard to
           draw two grown men kissing. Say, which
           one is Julie's room?
                         
                          JUDY
           On the left. She's got the single.
                         
          Max pushes Julie's door open with one hand while keeping an
          eye on the front door.
                         
                          MAX
           So...! Uh, do I come here often, would you
           say?
                         
           JUDY (O.S.)
           What?
                         
          The front door opens and Julie enters.
                         
                          JULIE
           Max! What are you doing here?
                         
                          MAX
           Judy let me in!
                         
          Judy comes out of her room.
                         
                          JUDY
           You know, I think I'm going to get a
           tattoo, too.
                         
                          JULIE
           Judy, Mark has the tattoo. This is Max.
                         
                          JUDY
           What? You're Max?
                         
                          JULIE
           Yeah, isn't he great?
                         
                          JUDY
           Sure.
                         
          Glaring at him, she goes into her room and closes the door.
                         
                          JULIE
           What a surprise! What brings you here?
                         
                          MAX
           I was, uh, in the area and thought I'd
           pop in. Find out how your day went.
           75.
                         
                         
                         
                          JULIE
           It was excellent, how was yours?
                         
                          MAX
           Great. I had lunch with a dear, dear
           friend.
                         
                          JULIE
           Yeah? Anyone I know?
                         
                          MAX
           Probably not. She's a foreign exchange
           student. Spends a lot of time modeling.
                         
                          JULIE
           Really?
                         
                          MAX
           Yeah, the agencies won't leave her alone.
           We had, uh, quite a lunch. Lots of
           shellfish, and wine. And, uh, rhino's
           horn.
                         
                          JULIE
           For lunch?
                         
                          MAX
           Well, yeah, uh, she's on the kosher meal
           plan. Look, I gotta go. Nice seeing you
           again.
                         
           He splits, leaving Julie wondering what that was all about.
                         
          63 EXT. JULIE'S DORM ­ NIGHT 63
                         
           Outside, Max beats himself in the forehead several times.
           Then, a picture of misery, he trudges off--
                         
          64 INT. RADIO STATION 64
                         
           He walks in on someone doing a show. He leaves dejectedly.
                         
          65 INT. COMMON ROOM 65
                         
           He goes back to his suite, where Sam and Jen sit like
           statues, watching "The X-Files." He makes a quick exit.
                         
          66 EXT. JULIE'S DORM ­ NIGHT 66
                         
           Passes by Julie's dorm again.
                         
          67 EXT. UNIVERSITY CENTER ­ NIGHT 67
                         
           Eventually finds himself approaching the University Center.
           76.
                         
                         
                         
          68 INT. THE PUB ­ NIGHT 68
                         
           A ska band plays "These Boots Were Made For Walking" before
           two small lines of skanking rude boys.
                         
           Charles is alone at the bar. Max sits down beside him.
                         
                          MAX
           I just made an ass of myself.
                         
                          CHARLES
           Oh, is it the weekend already?
                         
                          MAX
           Ha-ha.
                         
                          CHARLES
           Don't worry about it. Your troubles don't
           compare. Sara blew up at Stacy and nearly
           destroyed our first rehearsal.
                         
                          MAX
           Yeah, you've got real problems. Do you
           have time to talk?
                         
                          CHARLES
           Uh-oh, here she comes.
                         
                          SARA
           Charles! Can you believe Stacy at
           rehearsal?!
                         
           She jumps on the stool next to him. Charles turns to Max for
           help but he's already gone.
                         
                          CUT TO:
                         
           TITLE CARD: white on black: "FRIDAY"
                         
          69 INT. COMMON ROOM -- THE NEXT MORNING 69
                         
           Max plays video hockey. Charles comes in.
                         
                          CHARLES
           Studying for a test?
                         
                          MAX
           You shouldn't talk, theater major.
                         
                          CHARLES
           Hey, I have a test on lighting next week
           that'll make your hair go grey.
                         
           He sprawls on the couch.
           77.
                         
                         
                         
                          CHARLES (CONT'D)
           Thanks for bailing on me last night. I
           had to hear Sara gab for an hour.
                         
                          MAX
           Why didn't you just leave? At least you
           can escape your problems.
                         
                          CHARLES
           What do you mean?
                         
                          MAX
           I just got my textbooks for this term.
                         
          Max holds up a thick book, Post-Modern Semiology. The entire
          cover is a still from Annie Hall.
                         
                          CHARLES
           Holy shit.
                         
                          MAX
           When the gods give you a sign like that,
           there's only one thing to do.
                         
          He passes a controller to Charles and they play.
                         
                          CHARLES
           By the way, I saw Julie last night.
                         
                          MAX
           Was she alone?
                         
                          CHARLES
           Not if you count this huge purse she had.
           She was rummaging through it and finally
           had to dump the thing out. I swear, I'm
           surprised Kennedy's brain didn't fall out
           of that thing. Anyway, it made me think
           of Annie Hall.
                         
                          MAX
           Oh, great.
                         
                          CHARLES
           Although Julie dresses better.
                         
          Max slowly lowers his controller.
                         
                          MAX
           What are you saying, I like her because
           she's like Annie Hall?
                         
                          CHARLES
           I didn't say that.
           78.
                         
                         
                         
                          MAX
           Oh my God, I think you're right.
                         
                          CHARLES
           I didn't say that.
                         
                          MAX
           I don't want to like someone because she
           reminds me of someone in a movie. Now I'm
           wondering why I like her. Maybe I don't.
                         
                          CHARLES
           Good Lord, Max. Take some harder classes.
                         
           Sam returns, sees what they are playing.
                         
                          SAM
           Look at you two. Wouldn't something else
           be fun for a change? How about Goldeneye?
                         
                          CHARLES
           Great game.
                         
                          MAX
           No. I don't know how to play it.
                         
                          SAM
           Lucky for you, I actually have time to
           teach you. Normally I would be having
           lunch with Jen.
                         
                          MAX
           Oh, shit, I forgot about lunch!
                         
           Max gets up and runs out. Charles and Sam exchange a look.
                         
                          SAM
           Man, he'll do anything to avoid change,
           won't he?
                         
          70 INT. THE FABULOUS DINER ­ DAY 70
                         
           Beth is alone, working on a salad. Max runs up and jumps into
           the booth.
                         
                          BETH
           (not looking up)
           So glad you could make it.
                         
                          MAX
           Hey, I'm here, right?
                         
                          BETH
           Thank God for small favors.
           79.
                         
                         
                         
                          MAX
           I'm sorry. Are you still upset about the
           thing with Steve?
                         
                          BETH
           Yeah, a little. This semester isn't
           shaping up too well. It's tough getting
           back into the groove of things and, you
           know, being on campus. Yourself?
                         
                          MAX
           Well, you know. Nothing even worth
           mentioning.
                         
                          BETH
           But there's something? Really?
                         
                          MAX
           It's nothing.
                         
                          BETH
           Who is it? Do I know her?
                         
                          MAX
           Actually, um, yeah, it's Julie.
                         
                          BETH
           Julie! She's great. Why aren't you
           thrilled?
                         
                          MAX
           Well, I'm not sure I'm that into her.
                         
                          BETH
           This I gotta hear.
                         
                          MAX
           She reminds everyone of Annie Hall.
                         
                          BETH
           Well, of course, why do you think I sent
           her to you?
                         
                          MAX
           God, I'm such an idiot! That film is
           finding more and more ways to ruin my
           life.
                         
          Max pounds his head against the table but Beth is amused.
                         
                          BETH
           What're you talking about?
           80.
                         
                         
                         
                          MAX
           Look at my life. Look at this thing with
           Julie.
                         
                          BETH
           Jeez, she's not like Annie when the film
           starts, she's like Annie at the end. Or
           maybe, the Millennium Edition.
                         
                          MAX
           The worst part is, maybe I knew this all
           along.
                         
                          BETH
           Max, what's really the problem here?
                         
                          MAX
           And Annie Hall's not even my type.
                         
                          BETH
           You have a type?
                         
                          MAX
           I'm into bipeds with most of their teeth.
           No Lutherans or fictional characters.
                         
                          BETH
           Who would you rather sleep with, Julie or
           Annie Hall?
                         
                          MAX
           That's not two choices, that's one.
                         
                          BETH
           Okay, Annie Hall or me?
                         
          Max knocks over her soda.
                         
                          BETH (CONT'D)
           Stop delaying. This is a serious
           hypothetical question.
                         
                          MAX
           Well, I must admit, it would be... Annie
           Hall.
                         
          Beth snorts, then laughs.
                         
                          MAX (CONT'D)
           Don't feel bad, you came in second.
                         
                          BETH
           I'll take what I can get.
           81.
                         
                         
                         
                          MAX
           It's only because you'd laugh at more of
           my jokes in bed. It adds a whole other
           dimension-- you'd be laughing with me in
           addition to at me.
                         
                          BETH
           You joke while you're in bed?
                         
                          MAX
           Yeah.
                         
                          BETH
           That's so weird.
                         
                          MAX
           I'm weird.
                         
                          BETH
           No, it's weird because I do the same
           thing. Guys find it annoying.
                         
                          MAX
           Girls think I'm a loser.
                         
                          BETH
           Julie doesn't. And you really like her.
                         
                          MAX
           Yeah. It's corny, but there's something
           about her that brings me happiness.
                         
                          BETH
           Happiness? Max, you wouldn't know what to
           do with it if you had it.
                         
          71 INT. COMMON ROOM -- NIGHT 71
                         
           Max frantically cleans up all the pizza boxes, wrappers, and
           empties. Charles leans on the wall, arms crossed.
                         
                          CHARLES
           You've gotta be kidding.
                         
                          MAX
           Look, either go somewhere else, or stay
           in your room.
                         
                          CHARLES
           Can't I even meet her?
                         
                          MAX
           You already did.
           82.
                         
                         
                         
           Max stuff the trash with paper, squirts lighter fluid all
           over it, and takes Annie Hall from the shelf.
                         
                          CHARLES
           What are you doing?
                         
                          MAX
           Julie's coming over to watch a movie. I
           don't want to take any chances.
                         
           He carries the tape over the trash but Charles snatches it
           from him.
                         
                          CHARLES
           Dude, Sam and I were gonna watch that.
                         
           Annoyed, he puts it back on the shelf and goes to his room.
                         
           The doorbell RINGS. Max smooths his hair one last time...
                         
                          DISSOLVE TO:
                         
          72 INT. COMMON ROOM -- NIGHT -- LATER 72
                         
           Max and Julie browse a shelf full of videos.
                         
                          MAX
           Since Scott joined a video club, we've
           got a lot of shitty movies you'll ever
           Oo, here's Buffalo `66, that's a
           need.
           great flick.
                         
                          JULIE
           It is, but I saw it a couple of weeks
           ago. I don't think I can sit through it
           again. You mentioned something about
           Annie Hall the other night. Do you have
           that lying around?
                         
                          MAX
           Ummm, no.
                         
                          JULIE
           Isn't that it on the end there?
                         
                          MAX
           No.
                         
                          JULIE
           Sure it is.
                         
                          MAX
           Um, no, it's just the box. The tape
           inside is wrestling.
           83.
                         
                         
                         
                          JULIE
           No, it isn't.
                         
                          MAX
           Um, it's been recorded over...
                         
                          JULIE
           You don't believe your friend's theory,
           right?
                         
                          MAX
           No, of course not.
                         
                          JULIE
           Because it's insulting. A cop-out.
                         
                          MAX
           I, I know, it's just, I watched it last
           week. How about Airplane?
                         
                          JULIE
           Oh, good idea. But next time, Annie Hall.
                         
           Max puts in Airplane. Julie and Max sit on a couch together.
                         
                          DISSOLVE TO:
                         
          73 INT. COMMON ROOM -- NIGHT -- LATER 73
                         
           Airplane plays. Julie and Max share a blanket. Max turns
           toward Julie just as she turns toward him, and their lips end
           up in the same place. Julie pulls back.
                         
                          JULIE
           What are you­?
                         
                          MAX
           Huh?
                         
                          JULIE
           Why did you back away?
                         
                          MAX
           Why did you?
                         
                          JULIE
           It wasn't me, I wouldn't have backed
           away.
                         
                          MAX
           Really? I'll, I'll have to remember that
           later.
           84.
                         
                         
                         
          Max turns back to the movie. A beat passes. Julie looks at
          him, amused.
                         
                          MAX (CONT'D)
           Actually, my memory's not what it used to
           be. If I don't act on this information
           now...
                         
          They kiss. Max pulls the blanket up over them. The sound of
          KISSING. Then:
                         
                          JULIE
           Ow.
                         
                          MAX
           Sorry.
                         
                          JULIE
           No, it's okay.
                         
          More KISSING.
                         
                          MAX
           Are you comfortable, I mean, is this
           okay?
                         
                          JULIE
           It's okay. Shut up already.
                         
          Suddenly, the sound of a LOCK TURNING. Max and Julie quickly
          get out from under the covers. Sam and Tommy enter, oblivious
          to the quick recovery of innocence on the couch.
                         
                          TOMMY
           You're crazy! You know how important your
           sense of smell is?
                         
                          SAM
           Come on! What about touch? Missing the
           smell of rotting milk is hardly equal to
           not being able to enjoy sex.
                          (SEEING THEM)
           Oh, hey, Max.
                         
                          MAX
           Hey. Guys, um, this is Julie. Julie, this
           is my roommate Sam, and that's Tommy, who
           also lives here.
                         
                          JULIE
           Nice to meet you guys, but I was just
           leaving.
           85.
                         
                         
                         
                          MAX
           What?
                         
                          JULIE
           I have work to do before class tomorrow.
                         
                          MAX
           But the movie is... Okay. Do you want me to
           walk you home?
                         
                          JULIE
           Sure, all right. Boys, nice to meet you.
                         
           Max leaves with Julie.
                         
                          TOMMY
           Bye.
                          (TO SAM)
           Okay, so what about body odor, then?
                         
          74 INT. JULIE'S ROOM 74
                         
           Max and Julie collapse onto the pillows, exhausted from sex.
           Her room is extremely disorganized, decorated in an
           idiosyncratic mix of punk rock icons and nature scenery.
                         
                          JULIE
           I wish I had a cigarette.
                         
                          MAX
           I wish I smoked.
                         
                          JULIE
           Me too. It's strangely sexy when guys
           smoke.
                         
                          MAX
           Yeah, and it's the only thing between me
           and my dream of becoming Steve McQueen.
                         
           They lie in each other's warmth, under the blanket.
                         
                          JULIE
           So. You and Beth are pretty close, huh?
                         
                          MAX
           You call that pillow talk?
                          (SHRUGS)
           We used to be. There were times I would
           have been lost without her. Other times,
           it was like the lost leading the lost.
                         
                          JULIE
           She really cares about you.
           86.
                         
                         
                         
                          MAX
           We tried something once, but it was a
           disaster.
                         
                          JULIE
           It's great that you're still friends.
                         
                          MAX
           Sometimes I'm not sure if I have a say in
           it. On a campus this small, it's like
           she's everywhere.
                         
                          JULIE
           Sometimes this place annoys me. There's
           so much bullshit. My semester off was the
           right idea. What happened to old-
           fashioned hard work?
                         
                          MAX
           That's what summers are for. The school
           year is for reckless debauchery.
                         
          Max looks at the clock.
                         
                          MAX (CONT'D)
           Jesus, I have to get going. I'll never
           get my homework done if I sleep all
           weekend. Ah, fuck it, who cares.
                         
                          JULIE
           Why not just set your tuition on fire?
                         
                          MAX
           This, coming from the girl who thinks
           college is bullshit.
                         
          Max just lies there, comfortably resting with a small smile.
                         
                          JULIE
           So, get on up, lazy.
                         
          Max sits up and puts one foot on the floor before realizing
          he'll be naked if he stands. He tries to grab his jeans with
          his toes. Julie observes him dryly.
                         
                          JULIE (CONT'D)
           How can you be shy, after, you know...?
                         
                          MAX
           It's different. Some things aren't quite
           as impressive in the light of day.
                         
                          JULIE
           You have a problem with nudity.
           87.
                         
                         
                         
                          MAX
           Of course not. I'm a big fan of it.
                         
           Max picks up his pants. Julie taps him on the shoulder and
           flicks the sheet up to flash him. He starts and drops them.
           She laughs.
                         
                          JULIE
           It's too easy.
                         
           Max puts his jeans on, shoves his underwear and socks in his
           pocket.
                         
                          MAX
           What are you doing tomorrow?
                         
                          JULIE
           A double-shift, I get out at five. This
           week's gonna suck. I have homework that
           can't be avoided.
                         
                          MAX
           The worst kind.
                         
           Max is dressed. They smooch. Max leaves. Julie lies in bed,
           thoughtful.
                         
           Nick Cave begins to croon "Into My Arms"...
                         
          75 EXT. JULIE'S DORM -- SUNRISE 75
                         
           Max leaves the building and stops to look at the winter
           sunrise.
                         
           SUPER: black on white: "SATURDAY"
                         
           I don't believe
           In an interventionist God
           But I know, darling
           That you do
                         
          76 EXT. LIBRARY -- SUNRISE 76
                         
           Students work in the library as light refracts through
           icicles in the window.
                         
           But if I did
           I would kneel down and ask Him
           Not to intervene
           When it came to you
           88.
                         
                         
                         
          77 EXT. STREET -- SUNRISE 77
                         
           A boy and a girl hold hands as they cross an icy street.
                         
          78 EXT. QUAD -- SUNRISE 78
                         
           Squirrels play in the light.
                         
          79 EXT. UNIVERSITY CENTER -- SUNRISE 79
                         
           The sun reflects off the University Center windows and back
           onto the snow.
                         
           Not to touch a hair on your head
           To leave you as you are
           But if He felt He had to direct you
           Direct you into my arms...
                         
          80 INT. RADIO STATION 80
                         
           The lights are low. Max is at the console, staring into
           space. Nick Cave is playing softly on the monitors.
                         
           Into my arms... oh Lord...
           Into my arms... oh Lord...
                         
           The phone RINGS. Max snaps out of his reverie and stares at
           it in horror. After several rings, he answers it.
                         
                          MAX
           Hello. Nobody is here right now. Please
           leave a message. BEEEEEEEP.
                         
           SPLIT SCREEN between Max and
                         
          81 INT. JULIE'S ROOM 81
                         
           Julie, in bed, smoking.
                         
                          JULIE
           Nice try, Max. I thought you had homework
           and stuff, you liar. Great song, by the
           way.
                         
                          MAX
           You're listening? I told you not to
           listen!
                         
                          JULIE
           Come on, you're funny, you have good
           taste in music...
                         
                          MAX
           Hey, where'd the music go?
           89.
                         
                         
                         
          82 INT. DORM ROOM -- CONTINUOUS 82
                         
           Two STUDENTS, lying in bed together, listen to the radio.
                         
           JULIE (O.S.)
           (on the radio)
           I don't know.
                         
           MAX (O.S.)
           (on the radio)
           I don't get it, it stopped when I picked
           up the phone.
                         
          83 INT. RADIO STATION -- CONTINUOUS 83
                         
           Max pushes up a slider and hears the following coming out
           over the monitors:
                         
           JULIE (O.S.)
           I'm just calling to say that you left
           your underpants and took mine.
                         
           Max reacts, then SCREECHING FEEDBACK rips over the airwaves.
                         
                          MAX
           Woah!
                         
           Continue SPLIT SCREEN with
                         
          84 INT. JULIE'S ROOM 84
                         
           Where Julie is frantically pulling the chord out of the back
           of her radio.
                         
           Max fades the phone out, the music up.
                         
                          MAX
           Don't be too proud of your five seconds
           of fame. More people would hear us if we
           shouted out the window.
                         
                          JULIE
           My radio days are over, I'm now deaf.
                         
                          MAX
           Didn't I tell you not to listen to my
           show?
                         
                          JULIE
           You were only playing music.
                         
                          MAX
           Well, all these songs are about you.
           90.
                         
                         
                         
                          JULIE
           Wow... You're a real piece of work, you
           know that, Max?
                         
          85 INT. MAX AND SAM'S ROOM ­ MORNING 85
                         
           Max enters and takes off his coat. Sam sits up, annoyed.
                         
                          MAX
           Man, I'm sorry. Go back to sleep.
                         
                          SAM
           What's the point? I have to be up in 15
           minutes anyway. Not that I could sleep.
                         
                          MAX
           I didn't sleep either, but for some
           reason I'm still refreshed. I feel great.
                         
           Sam stares at him.
                         
                          SAM
           What the fuck is your problem?
                         
                          MAX
           It's Julie. Last night we officially
           became a couple.
                         
                          SAM
           Officially?
                         
                          MAX
           We hooked up.
                         
                          SAM
           That doesn't mean anything.
                         
                          MAX
           It meant something to me.
                         
           Sam considers him.
                         
                          SAM
           I don't believe you. Just last week you
           told me the happy should be quarantined.
           I don't know you anymore.
                         
                          MAX
           Still down about Jen, huh?
                         
                          SAM
           We broke up for good last night.
                         
           He gets out of bed and starts dressing.
           91.
                         
                         
                         
                          MAX
           Oh, man, I'm sorry.
                         
                          SAM
           I thought I knew what I was doing. Ever
           since she became my girlfriend, I've felt
           more and more constricted. Like I was
           trapped under the weight of the label.
           "My girlfriend." "Her boyfriend."
                         
                          MAX
           You guys were together a long time.
                         
                          SAM
           Yeah, we were.
                         
                          MAX
           Have fun in Saturday lab.
                         
                          SAM
           Ah, eat shit and die.
                         
          86 INT. COMMON ROOM -- HOURS LATER 86
                         
           Max is alone, playing "Goldeneye" with a dopey smile on his
           face. Charles comes in, rolls of blueprints under his arm.
                         
                          CHARLES
           What's this, "Goldeneye"?
                         
           Charles sits and they play against each other.
                         
                          MAX
           Yeah...
                         
                          CHARLES
           Have you been here all day?
                         
                          MAX
           Yeah, this game's so much fun.
                         
                          CHARLES
           Max, gotta tell you, you're really
           creeping me out.
                         
           Tommy comes out of his room, dressed in a shirt and tie.
                         
                          MAX
           Sam said the same thing. He's still
           depressed.
                         
                          CHARLES
           Still can't believe he broke up with Jen.
           I saw her yesterday and she looked sad.
                          [MORE]
           92.
                         
                          CHARLES (CONT'D)
           I asked her how she was doing, and she
           said "Fine," and asked me why I was
           asking.
                         
                          MAX
           A non-denial denial. I invented that.
           She's learned from the best.
                         
                          TOMMY
           I saw her, too. She didn't seem upset to
           me.
                         
          Charles kills Max with a rocket launcher.
                         
                          CHARLES
           I was hanging with Sara. That girl pisses
           me off! She'll say the dumbest things,
           like, the Breeders are better than the
           Beatles.
                         
                          MAX
           Happiness is a warm gun.
                         
                          CHARLES
           I wouldn't go that far. She's just a
           daffy dame, that's all. Now, Stacy's
           foxy, but she's too serious.
                         
                          MAX
           What about Beth?
                         
                          CHARLES
           What about her?
                         
          Sam comes in, totally morose. Silently, he joins them in
          three-player mode, then quickly kills himself with a rocket
          launcher.
                         
                          MAX
           You just came from Jen's, huh?
                         
                          SAM
           Yeah, we just broke up for good.
                         
                          CHARLES
           Oh, man, I'm sorry. Was it you or her?
                         
                          SAM
           Me. Us. Both. It was just time, I guess.
           (puts down the joystick)
           I have to go, uh, mail a letter or
           something.
                         
          He puts on his coat and leaves. Charles, Tommy, and Max
          exchange looks. Max turns off the game.
           93.
                         
                         
                         
                          MAX
           Well, that took the wind out of my sails.
                         
                          CHARLES
                          (NOTICING TOMMY)
           What's up with you? Got another date with
           Amanda?
                         
                          TOMMY
           It wasn't a date.
                         
                          CHARLES
           A no-show, huh?
                         
                          TOMMY
           Yeah, but it's okay. Today's her
           birthday, and she invited me out for
           dinner at a nice restaurant.
                         
                          CHARLES
           She invited all of us.
                         
                          TOMMY
           Oh? Well, that's cool, too.
                         
                          MAX
           It's barely lunch, why are you dressed
           up?
                         
                          TOMMY
           I don't want to wait til the last minute
           to pick out my clothes.
                         
                          CHARLES
           Are you really wearing that tie?
                         
                          TOMMY
           Damn, I knew this was the wrong one!
                         
           He runs into his room. Charles laughs at him.
                         
                          MAX
           I don't wanna go to a birthday party. I'm
           broke, and I wanna hang out with Julie.
                         
                          CHARLES
           So take her. And pray Sara's not there.
                         
          87 EXT. CAMPUS PARKING LOT ­ EVENING 87
                         
           Max and Julie walk through the snow together, toward a
           parking lot. She's taking deep drags off a cigarette.
           94.
                         
                         
                         
                          JULIE
           This has been some crazy week. I still
           have a six page paper due Monday.
                         
                          MAX
           Six pages? That's nothing. Triple spaced,
           in 14 point type, that's only like 500
           words. If a picture's worth a thousand
           words, that's like a bad photocopy.
                         
                          JULIE
           Don't worry about it, I needed a break.
           Good to get out and enjoy the weather.
                         
                          MAX
           What are you, from Maine?
                         
                          JULIE
           No.
                         
                          MAX
           Phew, because I don't know if I'd be able
           to handle something like that. That's a
           hard thing to drop on a person.
                         
                          JULIE
           I'm from northern Vermont. Not too far
           from Canada.
                         
                          MAX
           Shit, I'm sorry.
                         
                          JULIE
           It sucked but I managed. Read a lot. Had
           a few close friends. That's all you need.
           It's quiet up there, dull but nice.
                         
                          MAX
           It sounds it.
                         
           They get to her car, and he surprises her by kissing her. She
           responds, after a hesitation.
                         
          88 INT. JULIE'S CAR ­ EVENING 88
                         
           Max sits tensely in the passenger seat.
                         
                          MAX
           Look out for that truck!
                         
           The truck's about two blocks away.
                         
                          JULIE
           Will you relax? I know how to drive.
           95.
                         
                         
                         
                          MAX
           Watch the driveway!
                         
                          JULIE
                          (ANNOYED)
           I've got it under control, Max!
                         
                          MAX
           Anyway, everyone's dying to meet you.
                         
                          JULIE
           Oh, yeah?
                         
           She drags on her cigarette.
                         
                          MAX
           This is going to be fun. All my friends,
           meeting my girlfriend. It's going to be
           great.
                         
                          JULIE
           Did you just call me your girlfriend?
                         
                          MAX
           Uh, yeah...
                         
                          JULIE
                          (CONSIDERS)
           Ah well, I guess that's alright.
           Boyfriend.
                         
           She looks at Max and smiles.
                         
          89 INT. PRETENTIOUS CAFE -- EVENING 89
                         
           We PAN around a long table: Beth at one end, then Jen and
           Sam, Charles (looking annoyed) and Sara, Tommy at the other
           end, then Scott and Amanda, and two chairs. Everyone's
           talking and looking at menus.
                         
           Max and Julie enter. Max looks around, paranoid. He sees
           Donna the waitress glaring at him, and hurries after Julie,
           who is already at the table introducing herself.
                         
                          AMANDA
           Beth, I can't believe you're graduating
           so early.
                         
                          MAX
           What, really?
           96.
                         
                         
                         
                          BETH
           Yeah. I've spent my life learning how to
           be a student, and at the end of the
           semester it will all be useless.
           Everybody already wants to know what I'm
           going to do, and I have no idea. I
           started making up stories to tell people.
           An aunt asked me if I'm excited about
           Chicago, and I couldn't remember if I'd
           said I was moving to the city or going to
           see the band.
                         
                          CHARLES
           Something similar once happened to me,
           except I didn't know Nashville Pussy was
           a band.
                         
          Tommy laughs and blows tea out his nose.
                         
                          BETH
           I can't believe I'm graduating. My whole
           life, I've known what was next. But when
           I graduate, the next step is... something?
                         
                          JULIE
           Something that pays the bills.
                         
                          MAX
           My grandfather once told me that if you
           love your job, you'll never work a day in
           your life. He's 98 years old, addicted to
           C-SPAN, and had to be removed from a
           supermarket recently for shouting about
           Republicans.
                         
                          JULIE
           Now I know where you get it from.
                         
                          AMANDA
           You should do whatever makes you happy.
                         
                          TOMMY
           Grad school baby. Stay out of the real
           world as long as possible.
                         
          Sam and Jen sit close together and are both subdued.
                         
                          SAM
           I can't believe I'm graduating next year.
           I already have a recurring nightmare
           about it.
                         
                          JEN
           You have plenty of time, dear.
           97.
                         
                         
                         
          She rubs his arm soothingly. Behind her back, Charles rolls
          his eyes and sticks his finger down his throat. Sara sees it.
                         
                          SARA
           Come on, Charles, show a little dignity.
                         
          He whirls on her.
                         
                          CHARLES
           Dignity? You've been following me around
           like a lost dog since break, and you're
           talking about dignity?! You're always in
           my way, I can't get away from you!
                         
                          SARA
           What are you talking about?!
                         
                          CHARLES
           If they're making me sick, that's my
           business! Leave me alone already!
                         
                          SARA
           Fine!
                         
          She storms out. The table is aghast. Julie averts her eyes
          politely. Beth pokes Max, urging him to do something.
                         
                          JEN
           We make you sick? Sam, say something to
           him!
                         
                          SAM
           Why should I? We've made him sick for
           years.
                         
                          JEN
           How dare you!
                         
                          SAM
           It's true!
                         
          Beth smacks Max's leg: Do something! He begs off.
                         
                          JEN
           You think everything's okay if it's true,
           but some things are true and not okay!
                         
                          SAM
           When are you going to realize I'm a
           different person and entitled to my
           opinion? It's my goddamn life!
                         
          Jen turns away, glaring. Max anxiously looks at Julie, who
          stares above her menu.
           98.
                         
                         
                         
                          AMANDA
           Please, guys, it's my birthday. We're
           here to celebrate.
                         
                          SCOTT
                          (AS "CARTMAN")
           "Can't we all just get along?"
                         
                          AMANDA
           Goddamn it, Scott, I am so sick of you
           making fun of me! You are the meanest
           person I've ever met and I don't know why
           anybody even talks to you! You are such
           an asshole!
                         
          They lock gazes for a beat.
                         
                          SCOTT
           Sorry.
                         
          Sara comes back in and sits down, sullen. There is a long,
          uncomfortable silence.
                         
          A WAITER arrives.
                         
                          WAITER
           Are you ready to order?
                         
                          JEN SAM
           No. Yes.
                         
          Unsure, he turns to the next couple.
                         
                          CHARLES SARA
           Yes. No.
                         
          The waiter looks around, notices the tension.
                         
                          WAITER
           Why don't I come back?
                         
          He leaves. Awkward silence.
                         
                          BETH
                          (CLEARS THROAT)
           Ah... So... Julie. I heard you switched
           majors.
                         
                          JULIE
           Yes, I'm Psych now. I didn't like Soc.
                         
                          JEN
           I'm a Soc. major.
           99.
                         
                         
                         
                          JULIE
           Oh sorry, I just meant, I needed
           something more, ya know, relevant.
                         
                          SAM
           Psych is relevant?
                         
                          JULIE
                          (SLIGHTLY DEFENSIVE)
           Well, look, I'm only in college for the
           degree. Most of the stuff they teach us
           is pointless anyway.
                         
          Julie looks at Max: Say something.
                         
                          MAX
                          (FEEBLY)
           Heheh, I bet that's why they call it
           "academic."
                         
                          JEN
           College is a great opportunity. It's
           about more than getting a job.
                         
                          JULIE
           Yeah, it's about avoiding the real world
           for as long as possible.
                         
                          CHARLES
           I work in theater, so this is great
           training for me.
                         
                          JULIE
           You call theater the real world?
                         
                          SARA
           Hey!
                         
          Now Julie is hitting Max's leg: Help me out here! But Max is
          petrified, watching his worst nightmare unfold.
                         
                          JEN
           Some of us work really hard to get
           through school.
                         
                          JULIE
           Look, my parents worked their whole lives
           to give me the opportunity to be here.
           But the truth is, private schools like
           ours make money by showing students a
           good time for four years. It's bullshit.
                         
                          AMANDA
           You think social work is bullshit?
           100.
                         
                         
                         
                          JULIE
           That's not what I--
                         
                          CHARLES
           This "bullshit" is going to put me in
           debt for the next forty years.
                         
           Julie punches Max in the thigh. He jumps, blinks.
                         
                          JEN
           Why don't you just drop out if
           everything's such bullshit?
                         
                          MAX
           So what's everybody going to order then?
                         
                          JULIE
           God. What a bunch of spoiled, whiny
           college brats.
                         
           Nobody has anything more to say. Everyone looks away. Max is
           shell-shocked.
                         
                          TOMMY
           I'm gonna work for NASA!
                         
          90 EXT. STREET OUTSIDE MAX'S DORM -- NIGHT 90
                         
           Julie's car pulls up. Her bumper sticker: "EAT ANIMALS, DON'T
                          `LOVE' THEM"
                         
           Max opens the door, gets halfway out, turns back.
                         
                          MAX
           Are you sure?
                         
                          JULIE
           No, it's okay. I just need a few hours to
           work.
                         
                          MAX
           It'll be fun, just the two of us.
                         
           Julie lights a cigarette off her old one.
                         
                          JULIE
           Okay, see you later.
                         
           She peels out.
                         
          91 INT. COMMON ROOM -- NIGHT 91
                         
           Max straightens up. Scott comes out of his bedroom.
           101.
                         
                         
                         
                          SCOTT
           If she stands you up, are we still not
           allowed in here? It's my time to watch
           "South Park."
                         
                          MAX
           Why would she do that?
                         
                          SCOTT
                          (SHRUGS)
           It's already past eleven.
                         
           There's a KNOCK on the door.
                         
                          MAX
           See?
                         
           Max gets the door. Scott exits, disappointed. Julie enters,
           smoking.
                         
                          JULIE
           Hey. Sorry I'm late. You wouldn't believe
           what cross-campus traffic was like.
                         
                          MAX
           That's the worst excuse I ever heard. I
           mean it. So... you wanna hit the video
           store?
                         
                          JULIE
           No, you've got something here that I've
           been looking forward to all week.
                         
           She grabs Annie Hall from the shelf.
                         
                          MAX
           Ah, shit, no.
                         
                          JULIE
           You must face your fears. Relax, it's a
           very positive film. You just have to know
           how to look at it. It's really
           refreshingly positive.
                         
                          DISSOLVE TO:
                         
          92 INT. COMMON ROOM -- 98 MINUTES LATER 92
                         
           The closing credits are rolling. Max and Julie look somewhat
           disconcerted.
                         
                          MAX
           Boy, what an uplifting movie. Such a
           refreshingly positive message.
           102.
                         
                         
                         
          She doesn't respond.
                         
                          MAX (CONT'D)
           Right?
                         
                          JULIE
           You know, I think I prefer Manhattan.
                         
                          MAX
           How can you say that? Annie Hall is so
           uplifting!
                         
                          JULIE
           It's just deeper, more sophisticated, I
           guess. Listen, thanks for dinner and the
           movie tonight, but I should get going.
                         
                          MAX
           But it's still early.
                         
          Julie goes to the door. Max follows. He tries to kiss her.
          She pulls back.
                         
                          JULIE
           I don't know if this is a good idea right
           now.
                         
                          MAX
           Okay, how about right... now?
                         
          He tries to kiss her again. She ducks it, comes back into the
          room, sits down. Max stands, tense.
                         
                          JULIE
           Listen, since the other night, I've been
           doing some thinking...
                         
                          MAX
           There's your mistake. Mindless happiness
           is always better than thoughtful
           reservation. Unless you're talking about
           nude bungee jumping.
                         
                          JULIE
           I don't think that this is a good time
           for us to jump, or leap, or whatever, you
           know, together. Into a relationship.
                         
                          MAX
           But, but... we just saw a movie about how
           relationships are worth it, no matter
           what happens.
           103.
                         
                         
                         
                          JULIE
           Did we?
                         
                          MAX
           Yeah, I guess we really did.
                         
                          JULIE
           Well, you're right, Max, and this
           relationship was worth it.
                         
                          MAX
           Was? Is. Wait... Oh, shit!
                         
          Max covers his face, breathes deep.
                         
                          JULIE
           Are you okay? Will you please calm down?
           I like you very much, but I told you, I
           just got out of a serious relationship,
           and it ended really badly. We saw each
           other almost every day at the beginning,
           but by the end of the semester, I hadn't
           seen him in a month. He stopped returning
           my calls and stuff, and I mean, he
           basically avoided me, then I heard he was
           seeing one of my friends.
                         
                          MAX
           But that was him, not me.
                         
                          JULIE
           It's nobody's fault, I know. I mean, I've
           been trying but it's hard. Relationships
           are very difficult to maintain. There are
           so few successful couples.
                         
                          MAX
           What's successful? Like, my parents have
           been married thirty years, but--
                         
                          JULIE
           My parents are divorced.
                         
                          MAX
           Okay, bad example. But why think ahead?
           We're here, now. Can't we just enjoy our
           time together?
                         
                          JULIE
           Max, I did, believe me.
                         
                          MAX
           What was all this, I mean, was any of it­
           104.
                         
                         
                         
                          JULIE
           I don't know what I was doing. I didn't
           think about where this might lead until
           it was too late.
                         
                          MAX
           But it might lead to... happiness.
                         
          Tommy walks in, half asleep, in his pajamas. He turns on the
          TV and sits down. Max stares at him. Tommy suddenly realizes
          he isn't alone.
                         
                          TOMMY
           Uh, re-run.
                         
          He turns it off and quickly exits. Max tries to pull himself
          together.
                         
                          JULIE
           Say something. Are you okay?
                         
                          MAX
           I knew that damn film was cursed! Why did
           I listen to Charles instead of Annie?
                         
                          JULIE
           Jesus, Max. It's not an anti-relationship
           movie.
                         
                          MAX
           What are you talking about? It's a
           fucking textbook.
                         
          She stands.
                         
                          JULIE
           You're not listening to me, Max. Just
           like you're not listening to Annie. No
           matter what you think right now, this was
           worth it. Because I got to meet you, and
           got to be close to you.
                         
                          MAX
           I know. I don't know. I mean... Good-bye.
                         
          Julie leaves. The VCR whirs to a stop and Annie Hall ejects.
          Max stares at it, upset and thoughtful.
                         
                          CUT TO:
                         
          TITLE CARD: white on black: "SUNDAY"
           105.
                         
                         
                         
          93 INT. COMMON ROOM -- LATE AFTERNOON 93
                         
           PAN left to right across people's chests: an X-Files shirt, a
           lounge shirt with a wide collar, a Stephen Hawking shirt, an
           Ani DiFranco shirt...
                         
           PULL BACK to reveal, l to r, Sam, Charles, Tommy and Amanda,
           sprawled on the couches, from Max's POV in the doorway.
                         
           They're drinking vodka out of coffee mugs. The TV is on but
           the sound is off. Everyone looks tired and sad.
                         
           Max sits. Sam thumbs a copy of Scientific American.
                         
                          SAM
           Why are humans smarter than chimps if we
           have 99% of the same genetic material?
                         
                          MAX
           Who says we're smarter?
                         
                          SAM
           Look who I'm asking. You think a red
           blood cell is a prison for a gang member.
                         
                          MAX
           Very funny, Mr. Wizard. If I learned
           anything useful in my classes, I'd be
           rubbing it in your face.
                         
           In Scott's usual spot is Amanda and Tommy.
                         
                          TOMMY
           So Amanda. Have a good weekend?
                         
                          AMANDA
           Yeah.
                         
                          TOMMY
           Mine was good too. Get any good birthday
           presents?
                         
                          AMANDA
           Yeah.
                         
           She gets up and leaves the room.
                         
                          SAM
           By the way, Max, what ever happened with
           that girl you were seeing?
                         
                          MAX
           She just ended a long relationship and
           she doesn't want anything serious.
           106.
                         
                         
                         
                          CHARLES
           Can't you have something that's not so
           serious?
                         
                          MAX
           No, it's dead. And the thing I don't get
           is, it was all going so well. There was a
           moment when we kissed, when it was more
           than a kiss...
                         
          His openness is making the other guys uncomfortable.
                         
                          MAX (CONT'D)
           It was like we broke through all our
           layers, you know, all the manners and
           defense mechanisms and daily crap, and I
           saw a flash of something, a glimmer of
           hope or happiness or whatever, something
           I inspired in her. But now it's over and
           I'll never see that part of her again.
                         
                          CHARLES
           I think you're upset about not seeing
           some other parts of her again.
                         
          The joke is half-hearted-- Max has made everyone reflective.
                         
                          CHARLES (CONT'D)
           She's a girl, Max. They'll always be a
           mystery. You'll never know why they love
           you and you'll never know why they don't.
                         
                          SAM
           Relationships are incredibly complicated.
           Like polypeptide strings. There's an
           attraction at first, but if the bonds
           don't form right away, nothing can make
           the connection work.
                         
                          MAX
           There's a metaphor we can all relate to.
                         
                          SAM
           It was like with Jen and I. But I know it
           was for the best.
                         
                          CHARLES
           I finally dropped out of the play I was
           directing, just to get rid of Sara. God,
           my career is in shambles.
                         
                          TOMMY
           Tough week all around, huh? How about
           some video hockey?
           107.
                         
                         
                         
           Max gets up and puts on his coat.
                         
                          MAX
           I think I prefer Goldeneye.
                         
           He leaves. Sam sighs and picks up the remote.
                         
                          SAM
           Wanna watch Sports Center?
                         
                          CHARLES
           Nah. I think I'm gonna call Sara...
                         
           He gets up and leaves as Sam registers this news. He puts the
           remote down.
                         
          94 EXT. CAMPUS GREEN ­ DUSK 94
                         
           It is moist and foggy as Max trudges across the deserted
           campus.
                         
           BETH (O.S.)
           Max!
                         
           Max stops in the middle of a path as Beth walks up.
                         
                          BETH (CONT'D)
           Hi there. Happy Valentine's Day.
                         
                          MAX
           Oo, witty.
                         
                          BETH
           Yeah, I hate Valentine's Day, too. If
           you're in love, you're in love. And if
           you're not, who wants to think about it?
           I want to be in love so badly, don't you?
                         
                          MAX
           You know, there's this joke...
                         
                          BETH
           Ah, forget it, Max.
                         
                          MAX
           You know the joke?
                         
                          BETH
           Does a bear shit in the woods?
                         
                          MAX
           Yeah, that's the one.
           108.
                         
                         
                          BETH
           You told it the night of our date. I hate
           that joke, Max. It's not a philosophy.
                         
                          MAX
           But I think I know what it means now.
                         
                          BETH
           Yeah, and it's dreary and depressing,
           right?
                         
                          MAX
           Not this time.
                         
                          BETH
           No?
                         
                          MAX
                          (INTIMATELY)
           Beth, I just want to say, before it's all
           over and I don't have the chance, that
           I'm sorry. For everything. Last semester
           and last year.
                         
          Beth is speechless; she never though she'd ever hear that.
                         
                          MAX (CONT'D)
           You mean the world to me, and I was an
           idiot to throw it away. You were right:
           if I can't be a friend to you, how could
           I be a boyfriend? I've done a lot of
           things wrong, and I've been confused as
           hell, but I think it's time for a change.
                         
          Beth looks him over, as if for the first time.
                         
                          BETH
           Really?
                         
                          MAX
           Really.
                         
                          BETH
           Then allow me to recommend a movie that
           you've never seen before. It's called
           Annie Hall.
                         
                          MAX
           I was going to see it tonight. Do you
           want to join me?
                         
                          BETH
           I would love to, but I think you need to
           do this alone.
           109.
                         
                         
                         
                          MAX
           No, you're right.
                         
                          BETH
           But I'll see you later?
                         
                          MAX
           Sure. After the movie, I'm doing my last
           radio show. It's going to be all
           requests. You should tune in.
                         
                          BETH
           The end of an era.
                         
                          MAX
           The start of a new one.
                         
          He smiles and walks away. The fog begins to obscure him.
                         
          Beth opens her backpack and removes a Walkman. She hits POWER
          and the LED changes from TAPE to RADIO.
                         
           MAX (V.O.) (cont'd)
           And that's how I let go of her. Although,
           it's probably more honest to say that she
           let go of me. Julie, Beth, and Annie.
           Three women in my life and I was
           desperate for one.
                         
          REVERSE ANGLE. Beth stands alone, watching him go. She snaps
          the headphones over her ears.
                         
           MAX (V.O.) (cont'd)
           Of course, I saw her again. It's a small
           campus. The last time was at a film
           festival. We're better friends now then
           ever, and there's always a chance we can
           have some kind of future together. So
           far, so good.
                         
          Finally, Beth turns and walks away.
                         
          CUT BACK TO: Max still walking, getting smaller and smaller.
          Soon all we see is fog.
                         
           MAX (V.O.) (cont'd)
           She'll always mean a lot to me, and it's
           nice to run into her and reminisce about
           what we, ya know, went through. It was a
           weird period of my life. I mean, shit, I
           really got off track there, didn't I?
                         
           FADE TO BLACK