AIRPLANE
          

                                  Written by
          
                  Jim Abrahams, David Zucker & Jerry Zucker
          
          
          
          
          
                                                       SHOOTING SCRIPT
                                                       June 11, 1979
                                                       Revised 6/15/79 
          
          
          
          
          FADE IN:
          
          EXT. SKY - JUST ABOVE CLOUDS - NIGHT
          
          OMINOUS, THREATENING MUSIC. The upper tail fin of a jet
          plane emerges through the cloud layer and PASSES THROUGH the
          FRAME like a shark's fin through water. It passes by again
          in the opposite direction. MUSIC BUILDS as the fin comes
          straight TOWARD the CAMERA, MUSIC SWELLS to CRESCENDO as
          entire jet plane lifts out of clouds and passes overhead.
          TITLE SLASHES ACROSS SCREEN, "AIRPLANE!"
          
          CREDITS and MUSIC continue over following.
          
          EXT. AIRPORT - NIGHT (STOCK)
          
          ESTABLISHING terminal building.
          
          EXT. TERMINAL BUILDING - PASSENGER LOADING ZONE - NIGHT
          
          Airport bus arrives. Stewardess ELAINE DICKINSON steps off.
          CAMERA FOLLOWS Elaine as she walks to terminal building.
          
                                  P.A. SYSTEM (female v.o.)
                   The white zone is for immediate loading
                   and unloading of passengers only. There is
                   no stopping in the red zone.
          
                                  P.A. SYSTEM (male v.o.)
                   The red zone is for immediate loading and
                   unloading of passengers. There is no
                   stopping in the white zone.
          
                                  P.A. SYSTEM (female v.o.)
                   No. The white zone is for loading and
                   unloading, and there is no stopping in the
                   red zone.
          
                                  P.A. SYSTEM (male v.o.)
                   The red zone has always been for loading
                   and unloading, and there is never stopping
                   in a white zone.
          
                                  P.A. SYSTEM (female v.o.)
                   Don't tell me which zone is for stopping
                   and which zone is for loading.
          
                                  P.A. SYSTEM (male v.o.)
                   Listen, Betty. Don't start up with your
                   white zone shit again!
          
          Elaine enters terminal building.
          
          INT. TERMINAL BUILDING - NIGHT
          
          Elaine is approached by a religious ZEALOT #1.
          
                                  ZEALOT #1
                   Hello, we'd like you to have this flower
                   from the Religious Consciousness Church.
          
                                  ELAINE
                   No, but thank you very much.
          
          Arrival-Departure TV monitors. Elaine approaches.
          
          ELAINE'S POV - TV MONITORS
          
          Reads: Flight 209 to Chicago - Depart Gate 89 - 7:25 p.m.
          Arrival monitor is goldfish swimming.
          
          BACK TO ELAINE
          
          She checks her watch and walks past Security Check area.
          CAMERA STAYS with a middle-aged couple, SHIRLEY and JACK,
          waiting to pass through Security Check. Behind them is sign
          reading: WARNING, HIJACKING IS A FEDERAL OFFENSE, etc.
          
                                  SHIRLEY
                   Jack, isn't that Fred Bliffert over there
                   in the blue turtleneck? Maybe he's on our
                   flight to Chicago.
          
                                  JACK
                   Yeah, I think he is.
                        (waves)
                   Hey, Fred!
          
          FRED recognizes Jack.
          
                                  FRED 
                        (yelling)
                   Hi, Jack!!!
          
          A swarm of police and airport security men descend on Fred
          and take him away.
          
          EXT. AIRPORT - PASSENGER LOADING ZONE - NIGHT
          
          A limousine arrives. Two colorfully dressed BLACK DUDES
          emerge. An extra pesters them. Two HARE KRISHNA'S arrive on
          foot and walk toward terminal.
          
                                  P.A. SYSTEM (female v.o.)
                   There's just no stopping in the white
                   zone.
          
                                  P.A. SYSTEM (male v.o.)
                   Christ, you're as bad as your mother!
          
                                  P.A. SYSTEM (female v.o.)
                   Oh, really, Vernon! Why pretend? We both
                   know perfectly well what it is you're
                   talking about. You want me to have an
                   abortion.
          
                                  P.A. SYSTEM (male v.o.)
                   It's really the only sensible thing to do.
                   If it's done properly, therapeutically,
                   there's no danger involved.
          
                                  P.A. SYSTEM (female v.o.)
                   Have you considered that what's inside me
                   is a human being; that it's alive. We made
                   love. It's us -- you and me.
          
                                  P.A. SYSTER (male v.o.)
                   That isn't true. A fetus at this stage is
                   not a human being, nor is it a person.
          
          Krishnas enter terminal building.
          
          INT. TERMINAL BUILDING - NIGHT
          
          The Krishnas are approached by the Religious Zealot.
          
                                  ZEALOT #2
                   Hello, we'd like you to have this flower
                   from the Church of Consciousness. Would
                   you like to make a donation?
          
                                  KRISHNA 
                        (shakes his head) 
                   No, we gave at the office.
          
          INT. TERMINAL BUILDING - NIGHT
          
          A voluptuous BLONDE saunters through the airport, clears her
          throat loudly, and spits on the wall.
          
          She walks past an ELDERLY WOMAN standing outside a men's
          room door. She turns and sticks her head in the door.
          
                                  ELDERLY WOMAN
                   Go, O.J., go!!
          
          INT. SECURITY CHECK AREA - NIGHT
          
          SECURITY CHECK LADY is watching X-ray scanner. First picture
          is typically filled suitcase, then another, then a chest X-
          ray.
          
          A man passes through metal detector archway and it BEEPS.
          
                                  SECURITY LADY
                   Please put your metal objects on this
                   tray.
          
          He puts his watch, keys on the tray. Then removes his metal
          arm and metal leg.
          
          EXT. TERMINAL BUILDING - PASSENGER LOADING AREA - NIGHT
          
          MR. and MRS. HAMMEN and their eight year old son, JOEY,
          arrive in a station wagon. They unload luggage.
          
                                  P.A. SYSTEM (male v.o.)
                   The red zone is for immediate loading and
                   unloading of passengers only. There is no
                   stopping in the white zone.
          
          P.A. System Female v.o. weeping.
          
                                  P. A. SYSTEM (male v.o.)
                   The red zone is for...Betty, put down that
                   gun!
          
          SHOTS and GROAN.
          
                                  P.A. SYSTEM (female v.o.)
                   The white zone is for immediate loading
                   and unloading of passengers only. There is
                   no stopping in the red zone.
          
          The Hammens walk toward terminal past a BUSINESSMAN.
          
                                  BUSINESSMAN
                   Taxi!
          
          A taxi cab skids to a stop in front of him. The Businessman
          gets in as the driver, TED STRIKER, drops the flag and
          rushes out.
          
                                  STRIKER
                   Back in a minute.
          
          INT. TERMINAL BUILDING - BAGGAGE PICKUP AREA - NIGHT
          
          Striker enters, looking around as if searching for someone.
          People are rolling down the conveyor belt of a baggage
          carousel, banging into each other like luggage. The luggage
          is standing around the conveyor belt, waiting for the people
          to come off.
          
          INT. TERMINAL BUILDING - ANOTHER AREA - NIGHT
          
          Striker, walking briskly, is approached by Zealot #3 who
          tries to pin a flower on his jacket. Striker keeps walking
          but the Zealot is persistent. Finally, Striker slips out of
          his jacket leaving the Zealot with the coat.
          
                                  P.A. SYSTEM (v.o.)
                   Your attention, please. Flight seven-
                   thirty-three from Milwaukee is now
                   arriving on the B Concourse, Gate thirty-
                   five.
          
          EXT. RUNWAY - NIGHT
          
          Flight 733 taxis toward gate. A GROUND CREWMAN with red
          flashlights is directing plane to his right. A SECOND
          GROUND CREWMAN approaches as First Ground Crewman continues
          to direct plane to his right.
          
          CREDITS END.
          
                                  GROUND CREWMAN #2
                   Hey, Joe, where's the forklift?
          
                                  GROUND CREWMAN #1
                   The forklift? It's over there by the
                   baggage loader.
          
          He points to the left with his flashlights. Flight 733
          follows flashlights and CRASHES into terminal.
          
          INT. TERMINAL - GATE 35 - NIGHT
          
          Nose of Flight 733 CRASHES into terminal, scattering waiting
          crowd. A woman tosses away her infant child as she runs off.
          
          INT. TERMINAL BULIDING - ANOTHER AREA - NIGHT
          
          Striker catches up to Elaine.
          
                                  STRIKER
                   Elaine!
          
                                  ELAINE
                        (surprised)
                   Ted!
          
                                  STRIKER
                   I came home early and found your note. I
                   guess you meant for me to read it later.
                   Elaine, I've got to talk to you.
          
                                  ELAINE
                   I just don't want to go over it any more.
          
                                  STRIKER
                   I know things haven't been right for a
                   long time, but it'll be different. If
                   you'll just be patient, I can work things
                   out.
          
                                  ELAINE
                   I have been patient and I've tried to
                   help, but you wouldn't even let me do
                   that.
          
                                  STRIKER
                   Don't you feel anything for me at all any
                   more?
          
                                  ELAINE
                   It takes so many things to make love last.
                   Most of all it takes respect. And I can't
                   live with a man I don't respect!
          
          She leaves.
          
                                  STRIKER
                        (to CAMERA)
                   What a pisser.
          
          INT. TERMINAL BUILDING - CONCESSION AREA - NIGHT
          
          CAPTAIN CLARENCE OVEUR is standing at the magazine racks.
          The first two sections of the display are books; the third
          is girly magazines. The captions over the dis­play are
          FICTION, NON-FICTION, WHACKING MATERIAL. He selects a
          magazine entitled "Modern Sperm" and begins to page through.
          
                                  P.A. SYSTEM (v.o.)
                   Captain Clarence Oveur, white courtesy
                   phone. Captain Clarence Oveur, white
                   courtesy phone.
          
          Captain Oveur approaches telephones and picks up a red
          phone.
          
                                  OPERATOR (v.o.)
                   No, the white phone.
          
          Oveur picks up the white phone.
          
                                  OVEUR
                   This is Captain Oveur.
          
                                  OPERATOR (v.o.)
                   One moment for your call from the Mayo
                   Clinic.
          
                                  P.A. SYSTEM (v.o.)
                   Captain Oveur, white courtesy phone.
                   Captain Clarence Oveur...
          
                                  OVEUR
                        (yelling at ceiling)
                   I've got it!
          
                                  P.A. SYSTEM (v.o.)
                   All right. Thank you.
          
                                  OPERATOR (v.o.)
                   Go ahead with your call.
          
                                  TURNANSKY (v.o.)
                   This is Doctor Turnansky at the Mayo
                   Clinic.
          
          INT. DR. TURNANSKY'S OFFICE - NIGHT
          
          DR. TURNANSKY is seated at desk. Behind him are shelves
          filled with mayonnaise jars.
          
                                  TURNANSKY
                   There's a passenger on your Chicago flight
                   two-oh-niner, a little girl named Lisa
                   Davis -- en route to Minneapolis. She's
                   scheduled for a heart transplant and we'd
                   like you to tell her mother that we found
                   a donor an hour ago.
          
          On his desk is a beaker containing a beating heart.
          
                                  TURNANSKY
                   We have the heart here ready for surgery
                   and we must have the recipient on the
                   operating table within six hours.
          
          The heart jumps out of the beaker, across the desk and falls
          off the edge.
          
                                  TURNANSKY
                   I want you to make sure she is kept in a
                   reclined position and that a continuous
                   watch is kept on her I.V.
          
          INT. TERMINAL BUILDING - PHONE AREA - NIGHT
          
                                  TURNANSKY (v.o.)
                   Also, it's important that...
          
                                  OPERATOR (v.o.)
                   Excuse me. This is the Operator, Captain
                   Oveur, I have an emergency call for you on
                   line five trom a Mister Hamm.
          
                                  OVEUR
                   All right. Give me Hamm on five, hold the
                   Mayo.
          
          EXT. RUNWAY - NIGHT
          
          Ambulance arrives at airplane. Attendants and MRS. DAVIS
          unload LISA DAVIS into wheelchair.
          
          INT. TERMINAL BUILDING - NIGHT
          
          Elaine and Striker are walking together.
          
                                  STRIKER
                   Look, you'll be back in town tomorrow
                   night. We'll have dinner -- talk it over.
          
                                  ELAINE
                   I won't be back. I've requested the
                   Atlanta run.
          
                                  STRIKER
                   Elaine, not yet. I promise you I really
                   can change.
          
                                  ELAINE
                   Then why don't you take the job that Louie
                   Netz offered you at Boeing?
          
          In the b.g. an airline PORTER is transporting an ELDERLY
          COUPLE in an electric cart. They round the corner too fast
          and the woman falls out. Husband doesn't notice.
          
                                  STRIKER
                   You know I haven't been able to get near
                   an airplane since the war. And even if I
                   could, they wouldn't hire me because of my
                   war record.
          
                                  ELAINE
                   Your war record? You're the only one
                   keeping that alive. For everyone else it's
                   ancient history.
          
                                  STRIKER
                   You expect me to believe that?
          
          In the b.g. the Elderly Woman staggers to her feet and is
          immediately run over by another electric cart.
          
                                  ELAINE
                   It's the truth. What's hurt you the most
                   is your record since the war. Different
                   cities, different jobs, and not one of
                   them shows you can accept any real
                   responsibility.
          
                                  STRIKER
                   But if you'll just give me...
          
                                  ELAINE
                   It's too late, Ted. When I get back to
                   Chicago, I'm going to start my life all
                   over again. I'm sorry.
          
          She walks off. Dramatic MUSIC as Striker glares with
          determination. The religious Zealot tries to pin a flower on
          his lapel.
          
                                  ZEALOT #3
                   Hello, we'd like you to have this...
          
          Without looking, Striker decks the Zealot with one punch. He
          walks after Elaine.
          
          INT. COCKPIT - FLIGHT 209 - NIGHT
          
          Clarence Oveur is in the pilot's seat. VICTOR BASTA is
          seated at engineer's console. There is a St. Christopher's
          statue on the dashboard.
          
                                  BASTA
                   Any word on that storm lifting over Salt
                   Lake, Clarence?
          
          TEXACO SERVICE MAN is cleaning windshield.
          
                                  OVEUR
                   Unlikely, Victor. I just reviewed the Area
                   Report for 1609 hours through 2400 hours.
                   That's an occluded front stalled over the
                   Dakotas -- backed up all the way to Utah.
          
          Texaco Service Man opens hood and checks dipstick.
          
                                  BASTA
                   If it decides to push over into the Great
                   Lakes it could get plenty soupy. How about
                   the southern route, around Tulsa?
          
                                  OVEUR
                   I double checked the terminal forecast and
                   winds aloft. IFR ceilings all the way.
          
          Oveur gives charge card to Texaco Man.
          
                                  BASTA
                   Where do they top out?
          
                                  OVEUR
                   Well, there's some light scattered cover
                   at twenty thousand with icing around
                   eighteen.
          
                                  BASTA
                   Looks like the original flight plan over
                   Denver is still the best bet.
          
          Oveur signs charge form and gives it to Texaco Man.
          
                                  OVEUR
                   Denver it is.
          
          ROGER MURDOCK enters. He is played by a famous athlete.
          
                                  MURDOCK
                   Sorry, Clarence. Latest weather report
                   shows everything socked in from Salt Lake
                   to Lincoln.
          
                                  OVEUR
                        (to Murdock)
                   Hi, Roger. Good to have you aboard.
                   Victor, this is Roger Murdock.
          
                                  BASTA
                   How do you do, Roger?
          
          Texaco Man hands receipt to Oveur.
          
          INT. PASSENGER CABIN - BOARDING AREA - NIGHT
          
          Stewardesses Elaine and RANDY are greeting boarding
          passengers including the Hammens and SISTER ANGELINA who is
          carrying a guitar.
          
          INT. PASSENGER CABIN - ANOTHER AREA - NIGHT
          
                                  HARI KRISHNA #1
                   Do you believe those goddamn Steelers? Can
                   you imagine blitzing on third and long
                   with two minutes in the game?
          
                                  HARI KRISHNA #2
                   Well, hell, they couldn't stay in zone
                   coverage with Dallas running swing
                   patterns!
          
          INT. PASSENGER CABIN - ANOTHER AREA - NIGHT
          
                                  JACK
                   What did you think of 'Great
                   Expectations?'
          
                                  SHIRLEY
                   Well, it wasn't all that I had hoped.
          
          EXT. RUNWAY - NIGHT
          
          A SOLDIER and GIRL are tearfully embracing at the base of
          the stairs leading into the plane.
          
                                  GIRL
                   Oh, Bill, I'm going to miss you so much.
          
                                  SOLDIER
                   You promise you'll write.
          
                                  GIRL
                   Every day.
          
                                  AIRPORT STEWARD
                   Better get on board, son.
          
          INT. TERMINAL BUILDING - GATE 89 - NIGHT
          
          Striker approaches check-in counter.
          
                                  STRIKER
                   Can you tell me if Elaine Dickinson is on
                   this flight?
          
          She looks at her list.
          
                                  CHECK-IN LADY
                   Well, the whole flight crew has boarded.
                   Yes. She is on board.
          
                                  STRIKER
                   I'd like one ticket to Chicago. No
                   baggage!
          
          EXT. TERMINAL BUILDING - PASSENGER LOADING AREA - NIGHT
          
          The Businessman is patiently waiting in Striker's cab.
          
          INT. TERMINAL BUILDING - GATE 89 - NIGHT
          
                                  CHECK-IN LADY
                   Smoking or non-smoking?
          
                                  STRIKER
                   Smoking, please.
          
          She hands him a smoldering ticket, and he walks out the
          door.
          
          EXT. TERMINAL - NIGHT
          
          Striker emerges and freezes in terror.
          
          STRIKER'S POV - THE AIRPLANE - NIGHT
          
          DRAMATIC MUSIC.
          
          CLOSEUP - STRIKER - NIGHT
          
          agonizing over war recollections. SUPERIMPOSE ROARING
          fighter planes. SUPER FADES OUT. Striker musters his courage
          and walks toward airplane.
          
          INT. PASSENGER CABIN - ANOTHER AREA - NIGHT
          
                                  BLACK DUDE #l
                   Shi',man, tha' honkey mo'fo' mess wi' my
                   ol' lady, man I rap tha' dude upside his
                   head, man.
          
          SUBTITLES APPEAR ON SCREEN: "GOLLY, THAT WHITE FELLOW SHOULD
          STAY AWAY FROM MY WIFE OR I WILL PUNCH HIM."
          
                                  BLACK DUDE #2
                   Yeah, man, he ain't never goin' come on
                   layin' no pig rap off you, man.
          
          SUBTITLES APPEAR ON SCREEN: "YES, THERE IS TRUTH IN WHAT YOU
          SAY. HOWEVER, I THINK HE MAY BE MISLEADING YOU."
          
          INT. PASSENGER CABIN - ANOTHER AREA - NIGHT
          
          Randy is taking Striker's ticket.
          
                                  RANDY
                   Fourteen-B. It's halfway down on your
                   right.
          
                                  STRIKER
                   Thank you.
          
          As Striker sits down he sees Elaine, who is unaware he is on
          board.
          
          STRIKER'S POV - NIGHT
          
          Elaine is handing out pillows. We HEAR A DING.
          
          INSERT - LIGHTED WARNING SIGNS
          
                                  "NO SMOKING
                               EL NO A YOU SMOKO"
          
                               "FASTEN SEAT BELTS
                              PUTANA DA SEATBELTZ"
          
          He fastens his seat belt and looks nervously out the window.
          The Elderly Woman next to him notices.
          
                                  MRS. ELDERLY
                   Nervous?
          
                                  STRIKER
                   Yes.
          
                                  MRS. ELDERLY
                   First time?
          
                                  STRIKER
                   No. I've been nervous lots of times. I
                   used to be a pilot myself...during the
                   war.
          
          INT. PASSENGER CABIN - ANOTHER AREA - NIGHT
          
          Elaine approaches Mrs. Davis and Lisa.
          
                                  ELAINE
                   We'll be taking off real soon so we better
                   fasten you in tight.
          
                                  LISA
                   Thank you. Oh Mother, this is so exciting.
          
                                  MRS. DAVIS
                   I know, but remember you must get some
                   rest.
          
                                  ELAINE
                   That's good advice. You relax and I'll be
                   back after we take off.
          
          INT. PASSENGER CABIN - ANOTHER AREA - NIGHT
          
          MILTON, an eight year old boy wearing a conservative coat
          and tie, fastens his seat belt and begins reading his
          "Business Monthly" magazine.
          
          He sees BERNICE, a seven year old girl, in the aisle and
          looks her up and down.
          
          EXT. AIRPLANE - NIGHT
          
          DRAMATIC MUSIC. Engines one and two REV UP.
          
          INT. COCKPIT - NIGHT
          
          Murdock and Oveur look toward left wing.
          
          EXT. AIRPLANE - NIGHT
          
          ENGINES three and four REV UP.
          
          INT. COCKPIT - NIGHT
          
          Murdock and Oveur look toward right wing.
          
          EXT. AIRPLANE - NIGHT
          
          Two more ENGINES REV UP.
          
          INT. COCKPIT - NIGHT
          
          Murdock and Oveur look toward left wing and do a double
          take.
          
          EXT. AIRPLANE - NIGHT
          
          Two more ENGINES REV UP.
          
          INT. COCKPIT - NIGHT
          
          Murdock and Oveur are confused and counting on their
          fingers.
          
          EXT. AIRPLANE - NIGHT
          
          Stairs are removed from airplane. The Soldier is in the open
          doorway waving good-bye to his tearful girlfriend at the
          base of the plane.
          
          INT. COCKPIT - NIGHT
          
                                  OVEUR
                   Two-zero-niner to ground control. We are
                   loaded and ready to taxi.
          
          EXT. TOWER - NIGHT
          
                                  GROUND CONTROL (v.o.)
                   Roger, two-zero-niner. You are third in
                   line for takeoff...Air Israel, taxi into
                   position.
          
          EXT. RUNWAY - NIGHT
          
          An Air Israel airplane with beard and pais, wearing a
          yarmulka and tallis.
          
          EXT. TOWER - NIGHT
          
                                  GROUND CONTROL (v.o.)
                   Air Poland, you are cleared for takeoff.
          
          INT. AIR POLAND COCKPIT - NIGHT
          
          Crew is Jose Feliciano and look-alike for Ray Charles.
          
          EXT. TOWER - NIGHT
          
                                  GROUND CONTROL (v.o.)
                   Taxi to runway one-niner.
          
          INT. COCKPIT - NIGHT
          
          Oveur moves console levers as if shifting into first gear.
          
          EXT. AIRPLANE - SOLDIER - NIGHT
          
          as 209 starts to taxi, the Soldier is leaning out the door.
          
                                  SOLDIER
                   Good-bye, darling.
          
          EXT. RUNWAY - GIRL - NIGHT
          
          His girlfriend is moving along next to the plane as in
          typical train station good-bye scene.
          
                                  GIRL
                   Oh, good-bye, Bill! Have your picture
                   taken as soon as you get there and send me
                   one!
          
          As she runs, she dodges posts. We HEAR the chug chug of a
          steam engine pulling from a station.
          
                                  SOLDIER
                   I will.
          
          She runs through crowd of people standing on side of runway.
          
                                  GIRL
                   Don't you go getting fat or anything.
          
          She's running faster.
          
                                  SOLDIER
                   Don't worry, I won't. Okay, here -- hurry!
          
          He tosses her his watch.
          
                                  GIRL
                   Oh, but it's your watch. You shouldn't.
                   You'll need it.
          
          She is now knocking down posts as she keeps up with the
          accelerating plane.
          
                                  SOLDIER
                   Good-bye, darling.
          
                                  GIRL
                   Oh, Bill, I'll keep it. I'll keep it with
                   me all the time.
          
                                  SOLDIER
                   So long, darling. Good-bye. Take care of
                   yourself.
          
                                  GIRL
                   Bill! Bill! Good-bye, Bill.
          
                                  SOLDIER
                   Good-bye, darling.
          
                                  GIRL
                   Good-bye, darling. I love you. I love you,
                   darling.
          
                                  SOLDIER
                   Good-bye, darling.
          
          A TRAIN WHISTLE sounds. She stops running and waves.
          
          INT. COCKPIT - NIGHT
          
                                  GROUND CONTROLLER (v.o.)
                   Flight two-zero-niner, you are cleared for
                   takeoff.
          
                                  OVEUR
                   Roger.
          
                                  MURDOCK
                        (turning to Oveur)
                   Huh?
          
          Oveur throws console lever into second gear.
          
                                  GROUND CONTROLLER (v.o.)
                   L.A. departure frequency two-point-niner.
          
                                  OVEUR
                   Roger.
          
                                  MURDOCK
                        (turning to Oveur)
                   Huh?
          
                                  BASTA
                        (to tower)
                   Request vector...over.
          
                                  OVEUR
                        (turning to Basta)
                   What?
          
                                  GROUND CONTROLLER (v.o.)
                   Flight two-zero-niner, cleared for vector
                   three...two four.
          
                                  MURDOCK
                   We have clearance, Clarence.
          
                                  OVEUR
                   Roger, Roger. What's our vector, Victor?
          
          Oveur throws console lever into third.
          
          EXT. RUNWAY - NIGHT
          
          Flight 209 takes off, flying erratically.
          
                                  BASTA (v.o.)
                   Tower radioed clearance, over.
          
                                  OVEUR (v.o.)
                   That's Clarence Oveur...over.
          
                                  BASTA (v.o.)
                   Roger.
          
                                  MURDOCK (v.o.)
                   Huh?
          
                                  TOWER (v.o.)
                   Roger, over.
          
                                  OVEUR (v.o.)
                   What?!
          
                                  MURDOCK (v.o.)
                   Huh?
          
          INSERT - SEAT BELT AND SMOKING SIGNS
          
          going off.
          
          INT. PASSENGER CABIN - NIGHT
          
          Striker walks to rear of plane and looks out window. He
          swallows a couple of pills. Randy approaches.
          
                                  RANDY
                   Do you feel all right, sir?
          
                                  STRIKER
                   Oh -- I haven't flown for a long time.
          
          INT. PASSENGER CABIN - ANOTHER AREA - NIGHT
          
          Elaine is handing out magazines.
          
                                  OVEUR (v.o.)
                   Good evening, this is Captain Oveur
                   speaking. We'll be cruising at thirty-six,
                   thousand feet, and arrival time in Chicago
                   is ten-forty-five Central Time. The
                   temperature there is sixty-two degrees,
                   with a twenty percent chance of
                   precipitation. And now here's Victor with
                   People in the news.
          
                                  BASTA (v.o.)
                   Thank you, Clarence. Ali McGraw announced
                   another spin on the marriage-go-round. And
                   who's the lucky guy? You guessed it. None
                   other than Olympic gymnast...
          
          Elaine approaches Mrs. Elderly. Striker's seat is vacant.
          
                                  ELAINE
                   Would you like something to read?
          
                                  MRS. ELDERLY
                   Do you have anything light?
          
          Elaine hands her a small piece of paper.
          
                                  ELAINE
                   How about this leaflet: 'Famous Jewish
                   Sports Legends?'
          
                                  MRS. ELDERLY
                        (taking pamphlet)
                   Yes. Thank you.
          
          Elaine turns and is shocked to see Striker approaching his
          seat.
          
                                  ELAINE
                   Ted, what are you doing here?
          
                                  STRIKER
                   Elaine, I've got to talk to you.
          
                                  ELAINE
                   You...you shouldn't have come. I don't
                   have time now.
          
                                  MRS. SCHIFF
                   Oh, stewardess...
          
                                  ELAINE
                   Excuse me.
          
          Striker sits down.
          
                                  MRS. ELDERLY
                   No wonder you're upset. She's lovely. And
                   a darling figure. Supple, pouting breasts.
                   Firm thighs. It's a shame you're not
                   getting along.
          
                                  STRIKER
                   Yes, I know. Things used to be different.
                   I remember when we first met. It was
                   during the war.
          
                                                    DISSOLVE TO:
          
          INT. MAGUMBA BAR - NIGHT
          
          Striker is seated at bar in a smoke-filled room. An
          assortment of unsavory characters are hanging around the
          bar.
          
                                  STRIKER (v.o.)
                   I was in the Air Force, stationed in
                   Drambuie, on the Barbary Coast. I used to
                   hang out in the Magumba Bar.
          
          Shapely female legs walking on bar stop in front of Striker.
          SLEAZY TROMBONE MUSIC. CAMERA PANS UP shapely female in
          tight fitting dress. She is play­ing the sleazy trombone
          music.
          
                                  STRIKER (v.o.)
                   It was a rough place. You would count on a
                   fight breaking out almost every night.
          
          Two GIRL SCOUTS are slugging it out old Western style --
          breaking tables and chairs.
          
          INT. MAGUMBA BAR - JUKEBOX AREA - NIGHT
          
          An unsavory CHARACTER puts a quarter in the jukebox. One
          Girl Scout bashes the other against the jukebox buttons.
          
          INSERT - LIGHTED SIGN
          
                                      "E-5
                            MAKE ANOTHER SELECTION"
          
          DISCO TUNE plays. Girl Scout is bashed against juke­box
          again.
          
          INSERT - LIGHTED SIGN
          
                                     "B-17
                            MAKE ANOTHER SELECTION"
          
          Girl Scout bashes again.
          
          INSERT - LIGHTED SIGN
          
                                     "A-12
                                   THANK YOU"
          
          The unsavory Character nods approvingly at selections.
          
          INT. MAGUMBA BAR DANCE FLOOR - NIGHT
          
          Patrons are dancing a la John Travolta.
          
                                  STRIKER (v.o.)
                   I didn't go there that night to fall in
                   love, I just dropped in for a couple of
                   drinks.
          
          BACK TO STRIKER
          
          He turns to look toward dance floor.
          
                                  STRIKER (v.o.)
                   But suddenly there she was.
          
          STRIKER'S POV
          
          Elaine dancing with grizzly looking cutthroat.
          
                                  STRIKER (v.o.)
                   I was captivated, entranced.
          
          BACK TO STRIKER
          
                                  STRIKER (v.o.)
                   It hit me like a thunderbolt. I had to ask
                   the guy next to me to pinch me to make
                   sure I wasn't dreaming.
          
          Striker asks the burly LONGSHOREMAN next to him to to pinch
          him. Longshoreman gives him a look and moves away
          cautiously.
          
                                  STRIKER (v.o.)
                   I was afraid to approach her, but that
                   night, fate was on my side.
          
          Elaine's dancing partner is stabbed in the back and falls to
          the grould. No one notices but Striker who eagerly fills in.
          They make a perfect disco couple. The other dancers make a
          circle around them.
          
          They begin with fancy disco steps, move on to flips and
          seemingly impossible acrobatics, finally ending with
          incredible stunts: Striker, jumping through flaming hoops
          and Elaine, hanging from a chandelier by her teeth and
          twirling.
          
                                                    DISSOLVE TO:
          
          INT. MAGUMBA BAR DANCE FLOOR - NIGHT
          
          Bar is closing, chairs on tables, bartender sweeping floor,
          Elaine and Striker dancing slowly in center of room. One
          final Girl Scout flies into FRAME and falls in a lifeless
          heap at their feet.
          
                                                    DISSOLVE TO:
          
          INT. PASSENGER CABIN - NIGHT
          
                                  STRIKER
                   We laughed, we talked, we danced, I never
                   wanted it to end and I guess I still
                   don't. But enough about me. I hope this
                   hasn't been boring for you.
          
          CAMERA WIDENS to reveal Mrs. Elderly's legs dangling next to
          him. She has hung herself.
          
                                  STRIKER
                   It's just that when I start to talk about
                   Elaine, I get so carried away -- I lose
                   all track of time -- not unlike Oliver in
                   'Jesus: the Man.'
          
          INT. PASSENGER CABIN - ANOTHER AREA - NIGHT
          
          Milton, carrying a tray with two cups of coffee, approaches
          Bernice.
          
                                  MILTON
                   I happened to be passing, and I thought
                   you might like some corfee.
          
                                  BERNICE
                   That's very nice of you. Thank you.
          
          She takes a cup.
          
                                  BERNICE
                   Ah, won't you sit down?
          
                                  MILTON
                   Thank you. Cream?
          
                                  BERNICE
                   No, thank you. I take it black. Like my
                   men.
          
                                  MILTON
                   Were you vacationing in Los Angeles?
          
                                  BERNICE
                   Well, it really wasn't a vacation. You
                   see, I'm a teacher in the New York City
                   school system, and I was attending a
                   seminar on visual aids to education. Are
                   you from L.A.?
          
                                  MILTON
                   No. I'm from Washington, D.C. I'm a
                   lobbyist for the Small Businessmen's
                   Assocation.
          
          INT. PASSENGER CABIN - NIGHT
          
          Elaine is taking orders from a couple and their eight year
          old son.
          
                                  ELAINE
                   Would you like to order dinner now?
          
                                  MR. HAMMEN
                   Yes. Steak for Joey and my wife and I will
                   have the fish.
          
                                  JOEY
                   When can I see the cockpit, Dad?
          
                                  MR. HAMMEN
                   Well, I think that the pilots are too busy
                   flying the plane for that, Joey.
          
                                  JOEY
                   Aw, gee whiz.
          
                                  ELAINE
                   I tell you what, Joey. I'll talk to the
                   Captain and see what I can arrange.
          
                                  JOEY
                   Gee! That'd be swell!
          
          Elaine moves on to the two Black Dudes.
          
                                  ELAINE
                   Would you gentlemen care to order your
                   dinners?
          
          The Black Dudes point to their selections on the menu.
          
                                  BLACK DUDE #1
                   'Ey ma' muh fuh wha' fo', shi!
          
          SUBTITLES APPEAR: "I WOULD LIKE THE STEAK, PLEASE."
          
                                  BLACK DUDE #2
                   Shi' mo cain ma foh mess wi' ain?!
          
          SUBTITLES APPEAR: "I'LL HAVE THE FISH, THANK YOU."
          
          INT. PASSENGER CABIN - ANOTHER AREA - NIGHT
          
          Randy is taking dinner orders from Hari Krishnas.
          
                                  RANDY
                   May I take your dinner order?
          
                                  HARI KRISHNA #1
                   No, thank you, we brought our own
                   vegetables.
          
                                  HARI KRISHNA #2
                   But we would like some hot water for our
                   tea, please.
          
          Randy moves on.
          
                                  HARI KRISHNA #1
                   Did you catch the jugs on that broad?
          
          INT. PASSENGER CABIN - STEWARDESS ALCOVE - NIGHT
          
          Elaine is replacing a magazine and catches sight of Striker.
          
          ELAINE'S POV - STRIKER
          
          Boring another passenger.
          
          BACK TO ELAINE 
          
          She moves into the alcove and begins to pour coffee. CAMERA
          MOVES INTO CLOSEUP of Elaine.
          
                                                    DISSOLVE TO:
          
          EXT. BEACH - DAY
          
          Striker and Elaine are running. She falls down at the
          water's edge, exhausted. Striker drops to his knees and they
          embrace passionately. A huge wave washes over them covering
          them completely. When the wave recedes, they're still locked
          in the same embrace. They are covered with seaweed. Fish are
          flopping around in the sand.
          
                                  ELAINE
                   Oh, Ted, I never knew I could be so happy.
                   These past few months have been wonderful.
                   Tomorrow why don't we drive up the coast
                   to that little seafood place and...
          
          Striker frowns.
          
                                  ELAINE
                   What's the matter?
          
                                  STRIKER
                   My orders came through. My squadron ships
                   out tomorrow. I'll be leading a very
                   important mission.
          
                                  ELAINE
                   Oh, Ted, please be careful. I worry about
                   you so much.
          
                                  STRIKER
                   I love you, Elaine.
          
                                  ELAINE
                   I love you.
          
          They embrace. Another huge wave washes in and covers them
          completely.
          
                                                    DISSOLVE TO:
          
          INT. STEWARDESS ALCOVE - NIGHT
          
          Elaine comes back to reality.
          
          EXT. AIRPLANE - NIGHT
          
          In level flight.
          
          INT. COCKPIT - NIGHT
          
                                  GROUND CONTROL (v.o.)
                   Flight two-zero-niner, this is Denver
                   Flight Control. You're approaching some
                   rough weather. Please climb to forty-two
                   thousand feet.
          
                                  OVEUR
                   Roger, Denver.
          
          There is a KNOCK on the cockpit door. Elaine and Joey enter.
          
                                  ELAINE
                   We have a visitor.
          
                                  OVEUR
                   Hello.
          
                                  MURDOCK
                   Hi.
          
                                  ELAINE
                   This is Captain Oveur. Mister Murdock and
                   Mister Johnson. This is Joey Hammen.
          
                                  MURDOCK
                   Come on up here. You can see better.
          
                                  OVEUR
                   Joey, here's something we give our special
                   visitors. Would you like to have it?
          
          He gives Joey a small toy airplane and puts his arm around
          him.
          
                                  JOEY
                   Thank you. Thanks a lot!
          
                                  OVEUR
                   Have you ever been in a cockpit before?
          
                                  JOEY
                   No, sir. I've never been up in a plane
                   before.
          
                                  OVEUR
                   Have you ever seen a grown man naked?
          
                                  MURDOCK
                   Do you want me to check the weather,
                   Clarence?
          
                                  OVEUR
                        (looking at Joey)
                   No, why don't you take care ot it?
          
                                  ELAINE
                   We'd better get back now.
          
                                  OVEUR
                   Joey can stay up here for a while if he'd
                   like to.
          
                                  JOEY
                   Could I?
          
                                  ELAINE
                   Okay, if you don't get in the way.
          
          Elaine exits. Murdock picks up phone.
          
                                  MURDOCK
                   Flight two-zero-niner to Denver radio.
                   Climbing to cruise at forty-two thousand.
                   Will report again over Lincoln. Over and
                   out.
          
          Joey has been paying very close attention to Murdock, and
          suddenly recognizes him.
          
                                  JOEY
                   Wait a minute. I know you. You're Kareem
                   Abdul Jabbar. You play basketball for the
                   Los Angeles Lakers!
          
                                  MURDOCK
                   I'm sorry, son, but you must have me
                   confused with someone else. My name is
                   Roger Murdock. I'm the co-pilot.
          
          He turns to Basta.
          
                                  MURDOCK
                   Ah, Victor, why don't you get the
                   coordinates on the altitude vector and
                   find out the ratio of direct velocity over
                   engine speed?
          
          Victor is puzzled.
          
                                  JOEY
                   You are Kareem. I've seen you play. My
                   Dad's got season tickets!
          
                                  MURDOCK
                   I think you should go back to your seat
                   now, Joey. Right, Clarence?
          
                                  OVEUR
                   No, he's not bothering anyone. Let him
                   stay up here.
          
                                  MURDOCK
                   All right. But just remember, my name is
                   Roger Murdock.
          
          He points to his nametag.
          
                                  MURDOCK
                   I'm an airline pilot.
                        (to Oveur)
                   Ah, Clarence, according to my
                   calculations, with this tailwind we ought
                   to be able to make up an additional
                   fifteen minutes over the Rockies.
          
                                  JOEY
                   I think you're the greatest. But my Dad
                   says you don't work hard enough on
                   defense.
          
                                  MURDOCK
                        (into microphone)
                   Denver Control, this is Flight two-zero-
                   niner intersecting Victor Airway seven-
                   niner-niner.
          
                                  JOEY
                   ...and that lots of times you don't even
                   run down court.
          
                                  MURDOCK
                   We are turning left to a heading of zero-
                   niner-niner.
          
                                  JOEY
                   ...and that you don't really try, except
                   during the playoffs.
          
                                  MURDOCK
                   The hell I don't! I'm out there busting my
                   buns every night.
          
          Murdock realizes he has given himself away. He quickly looks
          to see if Oveur is listening. Oveur is busy checking
          instruments. Murdock grabs Joey by the collar and whispers
          angrily.
          
                                  MURDOCK
                   Listen, kid, I've been hearing that crap
                   ever since I was at UCLA. Tell your old
                   man to drag Unseld and Lanier up and down
                   the court for forty-eight minutes.
                        (into mike)
                   Ah...Denver Control, this is Flight two-
                   zero-niner continuing on a heading two-
                   niner-niner...niner, ah...niner...niner.
          
          INT. PASSENGER CABIN - NIGHT
          
          Elaine is seated next to Striker.
          
                                  STRIKER
                   Elaine, just hear me out. I know things
                   haven't been right for a long time. But it
                   will be different...like it was in the
                   beginning. Remember?
          
                                  ELAINE
                   I remember everything. All I have are
                   memories.
          
          Soft MUSIC begins.
          
                                  ELAINE
                   Mostly I remember...the nights when we
                   were together. I remember how you used to
                   hold me...and how I used to sit on your
                   face and wriggle...and then afterwards how
                   we'd watch until the sun came up. When it
                   did, it was almost like...like each new
                   day was created...only for us.
          
                                  STRIKER
                   That's the way I've always wanted it to
                   be, Elaine.
          
                                  ELAINE
                   But it won't be. Not as long as you insist
                   on living in the past!
          
          Elaine leaves, teary-eyed.
          
          CLOSEUP - STRIKER
          
                                                    SUPERIMPOSE:
          
          EXT. SKY - DAY
          
          Fighter plane diving.
          
                                  SQUADRON LEADER (v.o.)
                   You're too low, Ted! You're too low!
          
          Fighter plane CRASHES.
          
                                                    DISSOLVE TO:
          
          EXT. HOSPITAL - DAY
          
          Sign in front reads:
          
                         U.S. ARMY PSYCHIATRIC HOSPITAL
                              PENTATHOL AVAILABLE
          
                       Master Charge, Visa, Carte Blanche
          
                                                    DISSOLVE TO:
          
          INT. HOSPITAL - DAY
          
          Striker is lying in bed painting a canvas. Elaine is seated
          at bedside.
          
                                  ELAINE
                   You got a telegram from head­quarters
                   today.
          
                                  STRIKER
                   Headquarters!? What is it?
          
                                  ELAINE
                   It's a big building where the generals
                   meet. But that's not important right now.
                   They've cleared you of any blame for what
                   happened on that raid. Isn't that good
                   news?
          
          INSERT - STRIKER'S PAINTING
          
          A surreal image of a soldier contorted like a pretzel
          clutching a machine gun in one hand and a crying infant in
          the other.
          
          BACK TO HOSPITAL - DAY
          
                                  STRIKER
                   Is it? Because of my mistake six men
                   didn't return from that raid.
          
                                  ELAINE
                   Seven. Lieutenant Zipp died this morning.
                   Ted, Doctor Sandler says you'll be out in
                   a week. Isn't that wonderful?
          
          In the b.g., a doctor in a white lab coat is attending a
          patient. When he turns around WE SEE he is wearing an STP
          insignia on his back.
          
                                  STRIKER
                   I wish I could say the same for George
                   Zipp.
          
                                  ELAINE
                   Be patient, Ted. No one expects you to get
                   over this immediately.
          
          Striker is despondent.
          
                                  SGT. McCOBB (o.s.)
                   Hey, Striker!
          
          INT. HOSPITAL - ANGLE - SGT. McCOBB - DAY
          
          He is posing for Striker's painting, contorted like a
          pretzel, holding a machine gun in one hand and crying baby
          in the other.
          
                                  SGT. McCOBB
                   How about a break? I'm getting tired!
          
                                  STRIKER
                   All right. Take five.
          
          McCobb untangles himself and walks off.
          
          INT. HOSPITAL - CLOSEUP - ELAINE - DAY
          
                                  ELAINE
                   I found a wonderful apartment for us. It's
                   got a brick fireplace and a cute little
                   bedroom with mirrors on the ceiling.
                   And...
          
                                  CAPTAIN GELINE (o.s.)
                   I'm off course. Red Leader!!! Look out!!
          
                                  STRIKER
                   That's Captain Geline. He thinks he's a
                   pilot, still fighting the war.
          
          INT. HOSPITAL - DAY
          
          Captain Geline agonizing and making bombing and machine gun
          noises.
          
          INT. HOSPITAL - DAY
          
                                  LIEUTENANT HURWITZ (o.s.)
                   Groan.
          
                                  ELAINE
                   What's his problem?
          
                                  STRIKER
                   That's Lieutennt Hurwitz. Severe shell
                   shock. He thinks he's Ethel Merman.
          
          INT. HOSPITAL - DAY
          
          Strapped to the bed is ETHEL MERMAN singing "EVERYTHING'S
          COMING UP ROSES." She breaks loose from the straps for a
          grand finale. Two attendants attempt to restrain her.
          
                                                    DISSOLVE TO:
          
          INT. PASSENGER CABIN - BACK TO STRIKER - NIGHT
          
                                  RANDY
                   Excuse me, sir. Would you like some coffee
                   before we serve dinner?
          
                                  STRIKER
                   No. No thank you.
          
          Randy moves on to the Hammens.
          
                                  RANDY
                   Would either of you like another cup of
                   coffee?
          
                                  MRS. HAMMEN
                   I will, but Jim won't.
          
                                  MR. HAMMEN
                   Yes, I think I will have another cup of
                   coffee.
          
          CAMERA ZOOMS to CLOSEUP of Mrs. Hammen.
          
                                  MRS. HAMMEN'S THOUGHTS (v.o.)
                   Jim never has a second cup of coffee at
                   home.
          
          INT. PASSENGER CABIN - ANOTHER AREA - NIGHT
          
          Randy approaches Sister Angelina. The guitar is on the seat
          next to her.
          
                                  RANDY
                   Excuse me, Sister?
          
                                  SISTER ANGELINA
                   Yes?
          
                                  RANDY
                   There's a little girl on board who's ill
                   and...
          
                                  SISTER ANGELINA
                   Oh yes, I saw. Poor child.
          
                                  RANDY
                   Could I borrow your guitar? I thought I
                   might be able to cheer her up.
          
                                  SISTER ANGELINA
                   Of course.
          
          Randy takes the guitar and walks down the aisle. The guitar
          clonks people on the back of the head. Randy approaches
          Lisa.
          
                                  RANDY
                   Is it all right if I talk to your
                   daughter?
          
                                  MRS. DAVIS
                   Oh, I think that would be nice.
          
                                  RANDY
                        (to Lisa, who is reading)
                   Hi!
          
                                  LISA
                   Hi!
          
                                  RANDY
                   I'm Randy.
          
                                  LISA
                   I'm Lisa. Oh, you have a guitar!
          
                                  RANDY
                   I thought maybe you'd like to hear a song.
          
                                  LISA
                   Oh, I'd love to.
          
                                  RANDY
                   Okay, this is one of my favorites.
          
          Randy is sitting on the edge of the gurney as she strums
          three opening chords.
          
                                  RANDY
                        (strumming and singing in
                         ballad tempo)
                   'I've traveled the banks of the River
                   Jordan, to find where it flows to the
                   sea.'
          
          Stewardesses and passengers notice the singer and peer
          around corners and over seat backs. A man's head peers
          upside down from the TOP OF THE FRAME.
          
                                  RANDY
                   'I looked in the eyes of the cold and the
                   hungry and saw that I was looking at me.'
          
          As singing continues, Shirley and Jack look at each other
          with saccherine smiles, the Hammens do the same, then the
          Krishnas, then the Black Dudes. Finally, everyone is smiling
          sweetly at each other.
          
          INT. COCKPIT - NIGHT
          
          Murdock and Oveur smile sweetly at each other...
          
          INT. CABIN - NIGHT
          
                                  RANDY
                        (singing and playing the
                         guitar)
                   'And I wanted to know if life had a
                   purpose, and what it all means in the end.
                   In the silence I listened to the voices
                   inside me, and they told me again and
                   again.'
          
          Tempo Jumps to rock pace.
          
                                  RANDY
                   'There is only one river. There is only
                   one sea.'
          
          Randy, in her growing enthusiasm, swings her guitar,
          knocking the I.V. connection tube from Lisa's arm. The I.V.
          squirts, and Lisa turns pale and hollow­cheeked. No one else
          notices.
          
                                  RANDY
                   'And it flows through you, and it flows
                   through me. There is only one people, we
                   are one and the same.'
          
          Lisa manages to reconnect her I.V.
          
                                  RANDY
                        (still singing)
                   'We are all one spirit, one name. We are
                   the Father, we are the son.'
          
          Randy again knocks I.V. from Lisa's arm with guitar as the
          passengers start to get into the music.
          
                                  RANDY
                   'In the Dawn of Creation. We are one.'
          
          Mrs. Davis rushes to reconnect Lisa's I.V. Lisa doesn't
          react. Mrs. Davis pounds Lisa's chest.
          
                                  RANDY & PASSENGERS
                   'We are only one people, we are one and
                   the same.'
          
          As Lisa revives, Randy swings her guitar and clonks Mrs.
          Davis on the head.
          
                                  RANDY & PASSENGERS
                   'We are all one spirit on Earth, one
                   name.'
          
          EXT. AIRPLANE - NIGHT
          
                                  RANDY & PASSENGERS (v.o.)
                   'We are the Father, we are the son, and in
                   the Dawn of Creation we are one.'
          
          INT. COCKPIT - NIGHT
          
          Elaine enters with dinners.
          
                                  OVEUR
                   Hey, we've been waiting for you. A little
                   bit late tonight.
          
                                  ELAINE
                   Who wants to be first?
          
                                  MURDOCK
                   Go ahead, Clarence, I got it.
          
          Oveur removes his headset, Elaine puts tray down.
          
                                  ELAINE
                   How's the weather?
          
                                  MURDOCK
                   Not so good. We've got some heavy stuff
                   ahead of us. It might get rough again
                   unless we can climb on top. But our
                   airspeed is holding steady at six hundred
                   ten knots.
          
                                  ELAINE
                   That's great. By the way, Joey Hammen
                   asked me if you would autograph this
                   basketball.
          
          Murdock autographs it reluctantly.
          
          INT. PASSENGER CABIN - NIGHT
          
          A JAPANESE GENERAL, dressed in World War II uniform, is now
          seated next to Striker.
          
                                  STRIKER
                   After the war, I just wanted to get as far
                   away from things as possible. So Elaine
                   and I joined the Peace Corps. We were
                   assigned to an isolated tribe, the
                   Molombos.
          
                                                    DISSOLVE TO:
          
          EXT. AFRICAN VILLAGE - DAY
          
          Striker and Elaine are being escorted to the chief's hut by
          two GUARDS. We hear Jungle Animal SOUNDS. The chief is
          standing in front of his hut surrounded by several TRIBESMEN
          who are making the jungle animal sounds.
          
                                  STRIKER (v.o.)
                   They had never seen Americans before.
          
          When Striker and Elaine arrive, the CHIEF holds up his hands
          and the sounds stop.
          
                                  STRIKER (v.o.)
                   At first, they didn't know what to think
                   of us; but soon we gained their trust.
          
          The Chief extends his right hand for conventional handshake.
          Striker shows him power grip. When the Chief is pleased,
          Striker gives him five. The Chief pauses then decks Striker.
          
                                  STRIKER (v.o.)
                   It really was a challenge during the year
                   introducing them to our Western culture.
          
                                                    DISSOLVE TO:
          
          EXT. JUNGLE - ANOTHER AREA - DAY
          
          Elaine is having a Supperware party for native women.
          
                                  ELAINE
                   Also, Supperware products are ideal for
                   storing leftovers to help stretch your
                   food dollar. This two quart "Seals-M-Rite"
                   container with a special "Close-M-Tite"
                   lid keeps hotdog buns fresh for days and
                   prevents sugared cereals from sticking.
          
          She scoops a ladle of corn mush from a carved wooden bowl
          into a Supperware container.
          
                                  ELAINE
                   Meat and dairy products are protected
                   against unwanted refrigerator odors when
                   sealed in this non-slip pastel colored
                   "Freez-o-leer".
          
          When she burps the lid, the Supperware makes a human burp
          SOUND.
          
          EXT. JUNGLE - ANOTHER AREA - DAY
          
          Striker nailing crude basketball rim and net to tree.
          
                                  STRIKER (v.o.)
                   You must understand that these people had
                   been completely isolated from
                   civilization.
          
          Striker demonstrates a two-handed set shot to natives. He
          misses.
          
                                  STRIKER (v.o.)
                   No one had ever outlined a physical
                   fitness program for them and they had no
                   athletic equipment.
          
          Native examines basketball for first time. After two slow
          dribbles, he gracefully feints lefts, then, dribbling
          through his legs, sinks a two-hand, over-the-head, reverse
          dunk shot.
          
                                  STRIKER (v.o.)
                   We also emphasized nutrition and taught
                   them to watch their diets.
          
          Another native hits a long jump shot.
          
                                  STRIKER (v.o.)
                   The exercise improved their physical
                   fitness and condition.
          
          One shot after another swishes through the basketball rim.
          
                                  STRIKER (v.o.)
                   My working with them seemed to reinforce
                   our objectives of group cooperation and
                   controlled-competitive activity.
          
          Striker approaches Elaine who is standing on the sideline.
          As they talk, the natives are passing the ball around and
          shooting baskets Harlem Globetrotter fashion.
          
                                  STRIKER
                   I think they're getting the hang of it!
                   When we re-enlist I'll teach them
                   baseball!
          
                                  ELAINE
                   Ted, I don't want to stay here. It's time
                   for us to go back home -- to the plans we
                   made before the war.
          
                                  STRIKER
                   A lot of people made plans before the war.
                   Like George Zipp.
          
          Elaine walks away, dejectedly. CAMERA STAYS with Striker as
          he pours Gator-Ade into a glass.
          
                                  STRIKER (v.o.)
                   I guess it was at that moment that I first
                   realized Elaine had doubts about our
                   relationship. And that as much as anything
                   else led to my drinking problem.
          
          Striker has a problem drinking. He raises his glass of
          Gator-Ade, then suddenly pours it on his forehead.
          
                                                    DISSOLVE TO:
          
          INT. PASSENGER CABIN - NIGHT
          
                                  STRIKER
                   We did come back to the States. I tried a
                   number of jobs...Well, I could go on for
                   hours, but I'd probably start to bore you.
          
          The Japanese General is kneeling on the seat committing Hari
          Kari.
          
                                  STRIKER
                   You know, I really couldn't blame Elaine.
                   She wanted a career. I was offered a job
                   at Boeing but I couldn't bring myself to
                   take it...
          
          EXT. LAX PASSENGER LOADING AREA - NIGHT
          
          The businessman waiting in Striker's cab checks his watch.
          
          EXT. AIRPLANE - NIGHT
          
          THUNDER and lightning.
          
          INT. PASSENGER CABIN - NIGHT
          
          Shirley is ill and holding her stomach in pain.
          
                                  SHIRLEY
                   Oh, I can't stand it.
          
                                  JACK
                   What is it?
          
          Elaine approaches.
          
                                  ELAINE
                   Yes?
          
                                  SHIRLEY
                   My, stomach. I haven't felt this awful
                   since we saw that Lina Wertmuller film.
          
                                  ELAINE
                   I'll see if I can find some Dramamine.
          
          Elaine exits.
          
                                  SHIRLEY
                   OOOOOO.
          
          INT. PASSENGER CABIN - STEWARDESS ALCOVE - NIGHT
          
          Elaine is on the phone.
          
                                  ELAINE
                   Captain, one of the women passengers is
                   very sick.
          
          INT. COCKPIT - NIGHT
          
          Joey enters to retrieve basketball. Murdock is wearing
          goggles. 
          
                                  OVEUR
                   Airsick?
          
                                  ELAINE
                   I think so, but I've never seen it so
                   acute.
          
                                  OVEUR
                   Find out if there's a doctor on board, as
                   quietly as you can.
          
          Oveur hangs up phone.
          
                                  OVEUR
                   Joey, have you ever been in a Turkish
                   prison?
          
          INT. PASSENGER CABIN - ANOTHER AREA - NIGHT
          
                                  MR. HAMMEN
                        (nauseous)
                   Oooh, I shouldn't have had that second cup
                   of coffee.
          
          He grabs for motion sickness bag. CAMERA ZOOMS to CLOSEUP of
          Mrs. Hammen.
          
                                  MRS. HAMMEN'S THOUGHTS (v.o.)
                   Jim never vomits at home.
          
          EXT. AIRPLANE
          
          THUNDER and lightning.
          
          INT. PASSENGER CABIN - NIGHT
          
          Elaine is speaking to couple.
          
                                  ELAINE
                   I'm sorry I had to wake you. I'm just
                   looking for a doctor. There's nothing to
                   worry about.
          
          Middle-aged lady, MRS. YAFFE, having overheard this
          conversation, beckons to Elaine.
          
                                  MRS. YAFFE
                   Stewardess, I think the man next to me is
                   a doctor.
          
          The MAN next to her is wearing a surgical cap with mask.
          Hanging around his neck is a stethoscope. He's sleeping.
          
                                  ELAINE
                   Sir. Excuse me, sir. I'm sorry to have to
                   wake you. Are you a doctor?
          
                                  DR. RUMACK
                   That's right.
          
                                  ELAINE
                   We have some passengers who are very sick.
                   Could you come and take a look at them?
          
                                  DR. RUMACK
                   Yes. Yes, of course.
          
          Rumack picks up bag and exits with Elaine.
          
          INT. PASSENGER CABIN - ANOTHER AREA - NIGHT
          
          Rumack and Elaine enter. Rumack stoops over to Shirley, and
          surgical instrument is slapped into his hand from o.s. He
          pokes her stomach with his hand.
          
                                  DR. RUMACK
                   Pain there?
          
          She winces and nods.
          
                                  DR. RUMACK
                   May I see your tongue, please?
          
          She sticks her tongue out. Rumack pulls on it until it is
          obviously too long. He continues to pull, and the tongue
          becomes multi-colored magician's scarves. Then he pulls out
          a bouquet of flowers followed by a white dove.
          
                                  DR. RUMACK
                   I'll be back in a minute.
          
          Rumack takes Elaine aside.
          
                                  DR. RUMACK
                   You'd better tell the Captain. We've got
                   to land as soon as we can. This woman has
                   to be gotten to a hospital.
          
                                  ELAINE
                   A hospital? What is it?
          
                                  DR. RUMACK
                   It's a big building with patients. But
                   that's not important right now. Tell the
                   Captain I must speak to him.
          
                                  ELAINE
                   Certainly.
          
          EXT. AIRPLANE - THUNDER AND LIGHTNING - NIGHT
          
          INT. COCKPIT - NIGHT
          
                                  OVEUR
                        (into mike)
                   Thank you, Omaha. Two-zero-niner out.
                        (to Basta)
                   Victor, we're running into a heavy storm,
                   can you...
          
          Oveur turns to see Basta slumped over the console.
          
          Dramatic MUSIC.
          
                                  OVEUR
                   Victor! Roger, take over!
          
          Oveur lifts Basta onto ground.
          
          EXT. AIRPLANE - NIGHT
          
          THUNDER and lightning.
          
          INT. COCKPIT - NIGHT
          
          Murdock, flying the plane alone, wipes his brow and appears
          ill.
          
          INT. PASSENGER CABIN - OUTSIDE COCKPIT DOOR - NIGHT
          
                                  DR. RUMACK
                   Captain, how soon can we land?
          
                                  OVEUR
                   I can't tell.
          
                                  DR. ROMACK
                   You can tell me. I'm a doctor!
          
                                  OVEUR
                   No. I mean I'm just not sure.
          
                                  DR. RUMACK
                   Can't you take a guess?
          
                                  OVEUR
                   Well...not for another two hours.
          
                                  DR. RUMACK
                   You can't take a guess for another two
                   hours?
          
                                  OVEUR
                   No, I mean we can't land for another two
                   hours. Fog has closed down everything this
                   side of the mountains. We've got to go
                   through to Chicago!
          
          Suddenly, the plane rocks violently. Rumack and Oveur lose
          balance.
          
          EXT. AIRPLANE - NIGHT
          
          THUNDER and lightning -- plane is flying erratically.
          
          INT. COCKPIT - NIGHT
          
          Murdock, unconscious, is slumped over controls. Oveur and
          Rumack burst into cockpit. Oveur gets into pilot's seat.
          Elaine enters.
          
                                  OVEUR
                        (excitedly)
                   Get him out of there!
          
          INSERT - ALTIMETER AND FLIGHT CONTROLS
          
          Altitude is fluctuating.
          
          INT. COCKPIT - NIGHT
          
          Oveur struggles with controls. They extricate Murdock from
          behind the wheel. He is wearing shorts, kneepads, and
          basketball shoes.
          
          EXT. AIRPLANE - NIGHT
          
          climbing and diving.
          
          INT. PASSENGER CABIN - NIGHT
          
          Passengers are being tossed about. A woman, applying
          lipstick, smears it over her face.
          
          INSERT - LIGHTED SYMBOLS 
          
          -- cigarette with line slashed through, and couple
          copulating with line slashed through.
          
          INT. CABIN - NIGHT
          
          Randy loses her balance and shoves dinner into a passenger's
          face.
          
          INT. COCKPIT - OVEUR - NIGHT
          
          struggling with controls, finally regains level flight.
          
          EXT. AIRPLANE - NIGHT
          
          THUNDER and lightning -- plane levels off.
          
          INT. COCKPIT - NIGHT
          
          The St. Christopher statue is holding a motion discomtort
          bag to its mouth.
          
                                  OVEUR
                   What is it, Doctor? What's happening?
          
                                  DR. RUMACK
                   I'm not sure. I haven't seen anything like
                   this since the Lina Wertmuller Film
                   Festival.
          
          Rumack and Elaine are now standing face-to-face. Oveur, in
          the f.g., is at controls.
          
                                  DR. RUMACK
                   What was it we had for dinner tonight?
          
                                  ELAINE
                   Well, we had a choice. Steak or fish.
          
                                  DR. RUMACK
                   Yes, yes, I remember. I had lasagna.
          
          He points to Johnson.
          
                                  DR. RUMACK
                   What did he have?
          
                                  ELAINE
                   He had fish.
          
          Randy enters cockpit.
          
                                  RANDY
                   We have two more sick people, and the rest
                   of the passengers are worried.
          
                                  OVEUR
                   I'll take care of the passengers. Elaine,
                   find out what the two sick people had for
                   dinner.
                        (into P.A.)
                   This is Captain Oveur speaking.
          
          INT. PASSENGER CABIN - NIGHT
          
          Passengers are listening to P.A.
          
                                  OVEUR (v.o.)
                   It's been a little bumpy up here but we'll
                   be past it in a few minutes.
          
          Randy and Elaine drag Murodck and Basta down center aisle.
          
                                  OVEUR (v.o.)
                   A couple points of interest: we're just
                   now passing over the Hoover Dam and later
                   on, our course will take us just south of
                   the Grand Canyon.
          
          INT. COCKPIT - NIGHT
          
                                  OVEUR
                   Meanwhile, relax and enjoy the rest of
                   your flight. Okay? Okay!
          
          He hangs up phone and turns to Rumack.
          
                                  OVEUR
                   That should do it.
          
          INT. PASSENGER CABIN - NIGHT
          
          Absolute pandemonium. Passengers are yelling, screaming,
          tearing their hair out, climbing about.
          
          INT. COCKPIT - NIGHT
          
                                  OVEUR
                        (into microphone)
                   Chicago, this is flight two-zero-niner.
                   We're in trouble.
          
          INT. O'HARE WEATHER CENTER - CLOSEUP - TYPEWRITER - NIGHT
          
          CAMERA PULLS OUT to reveal DISPATCHER typing Oveur's
          message.
          
                                  OVEUR (v.o.)
                   We've got to have all altitudes below us
                   cleared and priority approach and landing
                   in Chicago. Over.
          
                                  DISPATCHER
                   We read you. Stand by, two-zero-niner.
          
          When he tries to remove paper from typewriter, it rips in
          half.
          
          EXT. AIRPLANE - NIGHT
          
          THUNDER and lightning.
          
          INT. PASSENGER CABIN - NIGHT
          
          Randy approaches Hammens. Mr. Hammen is sick.
          
                                  RANDY
                   Yes?
          
                                  MRS. HAMMEN
                   Oh, Stewardess. My husband is very sick.
                   Can you do something, please?
          
                                  RANDY
                   Well, the doctor will be with you in just
                   a moment. One thing: do you know what he
                   had for dinner?
          
                                  MRS. HAMMEN
                   Yes, of course. We both had fish. Why?
          
                                  RANDY
                   Oh, it's nothing to be alarmed about.
                   We'll get back to you very quickly.
          
          She turns to walk toward CAMERA with horrified expression.
          
          INT. COCKPIT - NIGHT
          
          Elaine enters, turns to face Rumack. Oveur is at controls in
          f.g.
          
                                  ELAINE
                   Doctor Rumack, Mister Hammen ate fish. And
                   Randy says there are five more cases, and
                   they ate fish, too.
          
                                  DR. RUMACK
                   Let's see now. The co-pilot had fish. What
                   did the navigator eat?
          
                                  ELAINE
                   He had fish, too.
          
          Oveur is picking up on the conversation.
          
                                  DR. RUMACK
                   All right, now we know what we're up
                   against. Every passenger on this plane who
                   ate fish for dinner will become violently
                   ill within the next half hour.
          
          Oveur looks down at his dinner tray and sees skeleton of the
          fish he just ate.
          
                                  ELAINE
                   Just how serious is it, doctor?
          
                                  DR. RUMACK
                   Extremely serious. It starts with a slight
                   fever.
          
          Oveur experiences what the doctor is describing.
          
                                  DR. RUMACK
                   Then a dryness in the throat. As the virus
                   penetrates the red blood cells the victim
                   becomes dizzy and begins to experience a
                   rash and itching. From there the poison
                   works its way into the central nervous
                   system causing severe muscle spasms,
                   followed by the inevitable drooling. At
                   this point, the entire digestive system is
                   rendered useless, causing the complete
                   collapse of the lower bowels, accompanied
                   by uncontrollable flatulence...until
                   finally the poor bastard is reduced to a
                   quivering, wasted piece of jelly.
          
          Oveur passes out and pitches forward onto the controls.
          Rumack and Elaine lose balance as plane dives.
          
          EXT. AIRPLANE - NIGHT
          
          THUNDER and lightning as plane is diving.
          
          INT. PASSENGER CABIN - NIGHT
          
          Passengers are being tossed about. A woman, applying rouge,
          smears it all over her face.
          
          INT. CABIN - ANOTHER AREA - CLOSEUP - A PLATE OF JELLO
          
          wiggling. CAMERA PANS UP to braless woman whose breasts are
          wiggling.
          
          INT. COCKPIT - NIGHT
          
          As they finally untangle Oveur from the wheel, he gains
          semi-consciousness.
          
                                  OVEUR
                        (gasping)
                   Turn...on...automatic pilot.
          
          Oveur passes out.
          
                                  ELAINE
                   Uh, automatic pilot...automatic pilot?
          
          INSERT - ELAINE'S POV - CONTROL PANEL - NIGHT
          
          ELAINE
          
          is frantically searching for automatic pilot button.
          
                                  ELAINE
                   There it is!
          
          INSERT - SWITCH MARKED "AUTOMATIC PILOT"
          
          Elaine's hand tenuously reaches for and turns switch to
          "ON".
          
          INT. COCKPIT - CO-PILOT'S SEAT - NIGHT
          
          SOUND of rushing air as instantly inflatable balloon pilot
          takes shape in seat with hands on wheel. His uniform and cap
          are painted on, and he has an alert "leave the driving to
          us" expression on his face. The plane immediately regains
          level flight, and Elaine and Rumack sigh in relief.
          
                                  DR. RUMACK
                   I'll get back to the passengers.
          
          Rumack exits.
          
                                  McCROSKEY (v.o.)
                        (over radio)
                   Come in two-zero-niner. This is Chicago.
                   Flight two-zero-niner, come in, please.
          
          Elaine picks up mike while still standing.
          
                                  ELAINE
                   This is Elaine Dickinson. I'm the
                   stewardess. Captain Oveur is passed out on
                   the floor, and we've lost the co-pilot and
                   navigator, too. We're in terrible trouble.
                   Over.
          
                                  OVEUR (o.s.)
                   Groan!
          
                                  McCROSKEY (v.o.)
                   Elaine! Roger, Roger! I read you. This is
                   Steve McCroskey at Chicago Air Control.
          
                                  ELAINE
                   Hi, Steve!
          
                                  McCROSKEY (v.o.)
                   Now listen carefully. Is the automatic
                   pilot on? Over.
          
                                  ELAINE
                   Yes. Yes, it is. Over.
          
                                  OVEUR (o.s.)
                   Huh?
          
                                  McCROSKEY (v.o.)
                   Very good. Now, Elaine, where are you?
                   Over.
          
                                  ELAINE
                   I'm standing over Oveur. Over.
          
          INT. CHICAGO DISPATCH - NIGHT
          
                                  McCROSKEY
                        (into mike)
                   All right, Elaine. Just hold on. We'll be
                   back to you in a minute.
          
          CAMERA PULLS BACK to reveal dispatch is a beehive of
          activity. The Chief Dispatcher, STEVE McCROSKEY, is barking
          orders to AIR CONTROLLER #1.
          
                                  McCROSKEY
                   Hold all takeoffs. I don't want another
                   plane in the air. When the 508 reports,
                   bring it straight in.
          
          Air Controller #1 exits quickly. McCroskey picks up phone.
          
                                  McCROSKEY
                   Put out a general bulletin to suspend all
                   meal service on flights out of Los
                   Angeles.
          
          He hangs up phone and talks to AIR CONTROLLER #2.
          
                                  McCROSKEY
                   Tell all dispatchers to remain at their
                   posts. It's going to be a long night.
          
          Air Controller #2 exits. McCroskey notices he is out of
          coffee and turns to AIR CONTROLLER HINSHAW.
          
                                  McCROSKEY
                   And how about some coffee, Johnny?
          
                                  HINSHAW
                   No thanks.
          
          AIR CONTROLLER #3 enters.
          
                                  McCROSKEY
                   I want the weather on every landing field
                   on this side of the Rockies, no matter
                   what the size.
          
          Air Controller #3 exits. AIR CONTROLLER #4 enters.
          
                                  McCROSKEY
                   Do you understand?
          
          Air Controller #4 exits. AIR CONTROLLER #5 enters.
          
                                  McCROSKEY
                   Any place where there's a chance to land
                   this plane.
          
          Air Controller #5 exits. SIAMESE TWINS enter.
          
                                  McCROSKEY
                   Stan, go upstairs to the tower and get a
                   runway diagram. Terry, check down on the
                   field for emergency equipment.
          
          Siamese Twins leave. In the b.g. we see them trying to walk
          in opposite directions. Air Controller #1 enters.
          
                                  AIR CONTROLLER #1
                   Chief, there's fog down to the deck
                   everywhere east of the Rockies. There's no
                   possible place they can land. They'll have
                   to come through to Chicago.
          
                                  McCROSKEY
                   Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit
                   smoking.
          
          He lights up a cigarette. McCroskey walks toward a table and
          leans on his hands.
          
                                  McCROSKEY
                   I want the best available man on this. A
                   man who knows this plane inside and out
                   and won't crack under pressure.
          
                                  HINSHAW
                   How about Sal Mineo?
          
                                  McCROSKEY
                   Get me Rex Kramer!
          
          EXT. AIRPLANE - NIGHT
          
          Lightning and THUNDER.
          
          INT. COCKPIT - NIGHT
          
          Elaine is in the pilot's seat and the inflated automatic
          pilot is in co-pilot's seat.
          
                                  McCROSKEY (v.o.)
                   Now, Elaine, right next to the throttle is
                   the air speed gauge. What speed does it
                   indicate?
          
                                  ELAINE
                   Three hundred twenty miles per hour.
          
          INSERT - AIR SPEED GAUGE
          
          BACK TO SCENE
          
          We see, but Elaine does not notice, the automatic pilot very
          slowly beginning to deflate.
          
                                  McCROSKEY (v.o.)
                   Good. Now check your altitude. That's the
                   dial just below and to the right of the
                   air speed indicator.
          
                                  ELAINE
                   Thirty-five thousand feet.
          
          INSERT - ALTIMATER
          
          Altitude is dropping.
          
          BACK TO SCENE
          
                                  ELAINE
                   No, wait. Now it says thirty-four thousand
                   feet. It's dropping! It's dropping fast!
                   Why is it doing that?
          
          By now the automatic pilot is really slumped over as it is
          quite deflated. It is staring at her with a half smile.
          Elaine notices it.
          
                                  ELAINE
                   Oh, my God! The automatic pilot! It's
                   deflating!
          
                                  McCROSKEY (v.o.)
                   All right, Elaine, don't worry. We have an
                   auxiliary inflation system. Just follow my
                   instructions.
          
                                  ELAINE
                   Okay, but please hurry! We're dropping
                   fast!
          
          INT. PASSENGER CABIN - NIGHT
          
          Passengers are being tossed about. Rumack is examining a
          female patient.
          
                                  DR. RUMACK
                   What the hell's going on up there?
          
          Rumack starts toward cockpit.
          
          INT. COCKPIT - NIGHT
          
                                  McCROSKEY (v.o.)
                   Now, Elaine, don't panic. On the belt line
                   of the automatie pilot there is a hollow
                   tube. Can you see that?
          
                                  ELAINE
                   Yes. Yes, I can see it.
          
                                  McCROSKEY (v.o.)
                   Good. Now that's the manual inflation
                   nozzle. Pull it out and blow it up like a
                   balloon.
          
          Elaine kneels over automatic pilot's crotch, puts tube in
          her mouth and blows. Automatic pilot inflates. Rumack bursts
          into cockpit.
          
          RUMACK'S POV
          
          Back of automatic pilot with Elaine kneeling over its
          crotch.
          
          INT. PASSENGER CABIN - OUTSIDE OF COCKPIT - NIGHT
          
          Rumack slams the door in disbelief.
          
          CLOSEUP - AUTOMATIC PILOT
          
          with a big smile on its face.
          
          INT. PASSENGER CABIN - ANOTHER AREA - NIGHT
          
          Passengers are relieved as plane regains level flight.
          
          EXT. AIRPLANE - THROUGH COCKPIT WINDOW - NIGHT
          
          Elaine and automatic pilot are relaxed in their seats. Both
          are smoking cigarettes.
          
          EXT. AIRPLANE - NIGHT
          
          THUNDER and lightning.
          
          INT. COCKPIT - NIGHT
          
          Rumack enters.
          
                                  DR. RUMACK
                   Elaine, you're a member of this crew. Can
                   you face some unpleasant facts?
          
                                  ELAINE
                   No.
          
                                  DR. RUMACK
                   All right. Unless I can get all these
                   people to a hospital quickly, I can't even
                   be sure of saving their lives. Now, is
                   there anyone else on board who can land
                   this plane?
          
                                  ELAINE
                   Well...
          
          INT. PASSENGER CABIN - NIGHT
          
          Striker, struggling with drinking problem, pours drink
          between his cheek and ear.
          
          INT. COCKPIT - NIGHT
          
                                  ELAINE
                   No. No one that I know of.
          
                                  DR. RUMACK
                   I think you ought to know what our chances
                   are. The life of everyone on board depends
                   on just one thing: finding someone back
                   there who not only can fly this plane, but
                   who didn't have fish for dinner.
          
          CAMERA ZOOMS into CLOSEUP of Elaine's face as she realizes
          the severity of the situation.
          
          EXT. AIRPLANE - NIGHT
          
          THUNDER and lightning.
          
          INT. PASSENGER CABIN - NIGHT
          
          Passengers are listening to P.A.
          
                                  ELAINE (v.o.)
                   Ladies and gentlemen, this is your
                   stewardess speaking. We regret any
                   inconvenience the sudden cabin movement
                   might have caused.
          
          Randy drags unconscious pilot, Oveur, down center aisle.
          
                                  ELAINE (v.o.)
                   This is due to periodic air pockets we
                   encounter. There is no reason to become
                   alarmed, and we hope you enjoy the rest of
                   your flight. By the way, is there anyone
                   on ­board who knows how to fly a plane?
          
          Absolute pandemonium. Passengers are yelling, screaming,
          tearing their hair out and climbing around. A naked woman
          runs down the aisle. Sister Mary is choking a Krishna. Two
          passengers are dueling with swords. A Spanish-speaking lady
          waits for her husband to translate the announcement, then
          panics.
          
          INT. KRAMER'S HOUSE
          
          SOUND of car screeching to a stop. PAUL CAREY, twenty-four
          year-old, cleancut, naive-looking, navigator trainee enters
          and pushes doorbell. We HEAR the typical eight-note chime
          progression. The CHIMES then play the Air Force Fight song.
          A dog BARKS and MRS. KRAMER opens the door.
          
                                  CAREY
                   Hello, I'm Paul Carey from the airline.
                   I'm here to pick up Captain Kramer.
          
                                  MRS. KRAMER
                   Oh, yes. Come in, Paul. Rex will be right
                   out.
          
          INT. KRAMER'S HOUSE - NIGHT
          
          When Carey enters, a big dog jumps on him with its paws on
          his chest.
          
                                  MRS. KRAMER
                   Shep, sit...sit! So, I understand you've
                   got a real emergency down there.
          
                                  CAREY
                        (holding off dog)
                   Well, to tell the truth, they really
                   didn't fill me in on many of the details.
                   Just told me to pick up Captain Kramer.
          
                                  MRS. KRAMER
                   Something about a plane with no pilot?
          
          Carey begins to lose battle with the dog, while trying to
          remain polite.
          
                                  CAREY
                   Yeah, something like that, but as I say,
                   they didn't have time to tell me very
                   much.
          
                                  MRS. KRAMER
                   Shep, no! I'll bet you have exciting
                   things happen all the time down there.
          
          Shep is growling and Carey's arm is locked firmly in his
          Jaws.
          
                                  CAREY
                   Well...the airline business...does have...
                   its moments...
          
          Shep pins Carey against the wall, ripping his sleeve.
          
                                  CAREY
                   ...but after...awhile...you begin to...
                        (gasp)
                   ...get used to it.
          
                                  MRS. KRAMER
                   Shep, no! He gets so excited when new
                   people are here.
          
          We hear a THUD and loud growling.
          
                                  MRS. KRAMER
                   Are you a pilot yourself?
          
          Carey is on the floor desperately fighting off the dog,
          which is on top of him.
          
                                  CAREY
                   I'm...in a...argh...navigator training
                   program.
          
          KRAMER enters, buttoning his coat.
          
                                  KRAMER
                   It's unbelievable! How many times have I
                   warned those people about food inspection?
          
          Kramer is tying his tie in the mirror. In the corner of the
          mirror, Carey is being thrashed by the dog.
          
                                  KRAMER
                   The airport management, the F.A.A., and
                   the airlines, they're all cheats and
                   liars! All right, let's get out of here.
          
          EXT. AIRPLANE - NIGHT
          
          THUNDER and lightning.
          
          INT. PASSENGER CABIN - NIGHT
          
          Randy is talking to Krishnas.
          
                                  RANDY
                   Sorry to bother you. We were just looking
                   for someone with flying experience.
          
          Randy exits. They return to reading their PLAYRAMA magazine
          with a female Hari Krishna in a sexy pose on the cover.
          
                                  HARI KRISHNA #1
                   Hari Rama?
          
                                  HARI KRISHNA #2
                   Rama Rama.
          
          INT. PASSENGER CABIN - ANOTHER AREA - NIGHT
          
          Striker is sitting next to a MAN FROM INDIA in a business
          suit and turban.
          
                                  STRIKER
                   You see, the day we left the village it
                   was raining, so we had to take a special
                   jeep to the main road...
          
          The Indian is dousing himself with a can of gasoline. In
          b.g. Randy is talking to passengers.
          
                                  STRIKER
                   In fact, we were lucky to even get a jeep
                   since just the day before the only one we
                   had broke down -- it had a bad axle...
          
          The Indian lights a match to immolate himself. Randy
          approaches.
          
                                  RANDY
                   Excuse me, sir. There's been a little
                   problem in the cockpit and I was
                   wondering...
          
                                  STRIKER
                   The cockpit? What is it?
          
                                  RANDY
                   It's the little room at the front of the
                   plane where the pilots sit. But that's not
                   important right now. The first officer is
                   ill and the Captain would like someone
                   with flying experience to help him with
                   the radio. Do you know anything about
                   planes?
          
          The Indian holds the match, awaiting the outcome.
          
                                  STRIKER
                   Well, I flew in the war, but that was a
                   long time ago. I wouldn't know anything
                   about it.
          
                                  RANDY
                   Would you go up, please?
          
          He has a moment of indecision. The Indian encourages Striker
          with an adamant nod. Striker gets up to leave. The Indian,
          relieved, blows out the match.
          
          INT. PASSENGER CABIN - ANOTHER AREA - NIGHT
          
          Jack is sitting across the aisle from a 65-year-old
          con­servatively dressed SPINSTER. He pulls a flask from his
          coat pocket and takes a swig. She eyes him dis­approvingly.
          
                                  JACK
                   Would ya like a little whiskey, ma'am?
          
                                  SPINSTER 
                        (insulted)
                   Certainly not.
          
          She inserts a two inch straw in her nose and snorts a couple
          lines of cocaine off a piece of glass.
          
          INT. COCKPIT - NIGHT
          
          Striker enters.
          
                                  STRIKER
                        (to Rumack and Randy)
                   The stewardess said...
          
          STRIKER'S POV
          
          Empty pilot's seat and inflated automatic pilot.
          
                                  STRIKER
                   Both pilots!
          
                                  DR. RUMACK
                   Can you fly this airplane and land it?
          
                                  STRIKER
                   Surely you can't be serious.
          
                                  DR. RUMACK
                   I am serious, and don't call me Shirley!
                   What flying experience have you had?
          
                                  STRIKER
                   Well, I flew single-engine fighters in the
                   Air Force, but this plane has four
                   engines. It's an entirely different kind
                   of flying...all together!!!
          
                                  RANDY/RUMACK
                        (all together)
                   It's an entirely different kind of flying.
          
                                  STRIKER
                   Besides, I haven't touched any ­kind of
                   plane in six years.
          
                                  DR. RUMACK
                   Mister Striker. I know nothing about
                   flying. All I know is this: you're the
                   only person on this plane who can possibly
                   fly it. You're the only chance we've got.
          
          DRAMATIC MUSIC as Striker turns to face the controls.
          
          STRIKER'S POV
          
          CAMERA PANS controls. CAMERA KEEPS PANNING and PANNING as WE
          SEE more and more controls ad absurdum.
          
          EXT. LAX PASSENGER LOADING AREA - NIGHT
          
          INSERT METER - $ll5.25. The businessman in Striker's cab
          checks his watch.
          
          INT. CHICAGO DISPATCH - NIGHT
          
                                  McCROSKEY
                         (to Air Controller)
                   Tell Omaha to acknowledge and standby.
                         (into phone)
                   Get every piece of emergency equipment you
                   can reach.
                        (to Air Controller)
                   Alert at every mile of the way from here
                   to the mountains.
          
          Hinshaw grabs Air Controller #1's tummy.
          
                                  HINSHAW
                   Would anyone care for a roll and coffee?
          
          Phone RINGS.
          
                                  AIR CONTROLLER #2
                   Chief?
          
                                  McCROSKEY
                   We'll need a pre-landing flight check.
                   Tell 'em I'm in the dispatch office and I
                   want it here fast.
          
                                  AIR CONTROLLER #2
                   It's your wife.
          
                                  McCROSKEY
                         (into phone)
                   I want the kids in bed by nine. I want the
                   dog fed, the yard watered, and the gate
                   locked. And get a note to the milkman --
                   no more cheese!
          
          He slams dowm the phone. He leans his hands on the desk.
          
                                  McCROSKEY
                   Where the hell is Kramer?
          
          On the wall behind him there is a picture of McCroskey
          leaning his hands on a desk.
          
          INT. CAR - NIGHT
          
          Kramer and a mutilated Carey are en route to airport. Kramer
          is at the wheel. Through rear window is obvious REAR
          PROJECTION of passing road.
          
                                  KRAMER
                        (into phone)
                   No, we can't do that; the risk of a
                   flameout is too great. Keep him 24,000.
                   No, feet!
          
          He hangs up phone.
          
                                  KRAMER
                   One of the passengers is going to land
                   that plane.
          
                                  CAREY
                   Is that possible?
          
                                  KRAMER
                   Possible, but it's a hundred to one shot.
                   Thousand to one. I know this guy.
          
                                  CAREY
                   You do? Who is it?
          
          We hear A THUNK. REAR PROJECTION shows he has run oyer a
          bicyclist, who stands and gives the finger.
          
                                  KRAMER
                   His name is Ted Striker. I flew with him
                   during the war. And that won't make my job
                   any easier tonight.
          
          REAR PROJECTION SPEEDS UP to obvious FAST MOTION.
          
                                  KRAMER
                   Ted Striker was a crack flight leader up
                   to a point. But he was one of those men
                   who, well, let's just say he felt too much
                   inside. Maybe you know the kind.
          
          Now REAR PROJECTION indicates car is turning and then
          weaving, but Kramer does not move wheel.
          
                                  KRAMER
                   It takes a certain type to perform under
                   pressure. Striker didn't have it.
          
          By now REAR PROJECTION is cowboys and Indians on horseback
          chasing and shooting at Kramer's car.
          
                                  KRAMER
                   Ate his heart out over every name on the
                   casualty lists. The upshot of it is that
                   he went all to pieces on one particular
                   mission. Let's just hope it doesn't happen
                   again tonight.
          
          EXT. AIRPLANE - NIGHT
          
          THUNDER and lightning.
          
          INT. COCKPIT - NIGHT
          
          Striker is in pilot's seat. Rumack is standing behind him.
          
                                  STRIKER
                   Let's see, altitude twenty-four thousand
                   feet, level flight, air speed four hundred
                   sixty knots, course zero niner zero, trim,
                   mixture, landing gear, balance.
          
          Elaine enters.
          
                                  ELAINE
                   Ted! What are you doing? You can't fly
                   this plane!
          
                                  STRIKER
                   That's what I've been trying to tell these
                   people.
          
                                  DR. RUMACK
                   Elaine, I haven't time to put this gently,
                   so I'll be very direct. Everyone of us on
                   this plane is in a desperate situation.
                   Mister Striker is the only hope we've got.
          
                                  STRIKER
                   Let's see. Those are the flaps, that's the
                   thrust, this must turn on the landing
                   lights.
          
          He flips a switch. The plane dives.
          
          EXT. AIRPLANE - NIGHT
          
          The plane is diving.
          
          INT. LAVATORY - JACK
          
          Jack is standing at toilet. He is jolted back and forth
          against the walls.
          
          INSERT - SIGN
          
          flashing:              RETURN TO SEAT
                                GOBACKEN SIDONNA
          
          INT. COCKPIT NIGHT
          
                                  STRIKER
                        (into mike)
                   Mayday!
          
          INT. CHICAGO DISPATCH - NIGHT
          
                                  STRIKER (v.o.)
                   Mayday! Mayday!
          
                                  McCROSKEY
                        (surprised)
                   Mayday? What the hell is that for?
          
                                  HINSHAW
                   It's the Russian New Year! We'll have a
                   parade! They'll serve hot hors d'oeuvres!
          
          INT. COCKPIT - NIGHT
          
          Striker flips switch and rights plane.
          
          EXT. AIRPLANE - NIGHT
          
          Level flight.
          
          INT. COCKPIT - NIGHT
          
                                  McCROSKEY (v.o.)
                   Two-zero-niner, are you okay up there?
          
                                  STRIKER
                   Yeah, I was just trying out the landing
                   lights.
          
          Elaine and Rumack exchange glances.
          
          INT. PASSENGER CABIN - NIGHT
          
                                  MRS. HAMMEN
                   I've got to get out of here! I can't stand
                   it! I've got to get out of here!
          
          Randy pushes up and shakes Mrs. Hammen by the shoulders.
          
                                  RANDY
                   Calm down. Get hold of yourself!
          
                                  JACK
                   Stewardess, let me handle this.
          
          Randy leaves, Jack shakes Mrs. Hammen by the shoulders.
          
                                  JACK
                   Get hold of yourself! Get hold of
                   yourself!
          
                                  DR. RUMACK
                        (to Jack)
                   Get back to your seat; I'll take care of
                   this.
          
          Jack leaves; Rumack shakes Mrs. Hammen by the shoulders.
          
                                  DR. RUMACK
                   Calm down. Calm down. Get hold of
                   yourself!
          
          Sister Angelina taps Rumack on the shoulder.
          
                                  SISTER ANGELINA
                        (to Rumack)
                   Doctor, you're wanted on the phone.
          
          Sister Angelina starts shaking Mrs. Hammen.
          
                                  SISTER ANGELINA
                   Everything will be all right. Please get
                   hold of yourself.
          
          We see a line of passengers behind Sister Angelina waiting
          to shake Mrs. Hammen.
          
          EXT. AIRFIELD - SIGN - NIGHT
          
          reads:         CHICAGO INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT
                         OVER 16 BILLION PLANES LANDED
          
          INT. TERMINAL BUILDING - NIGHT
          
          As Kramer rushes through the lobby, he is approached by a
          series of religious zealots. In quick succession he decks
          each one karate style, shooting the last zealot twenty feet
          away with a .44 Magnum.
          
          INT. TERMINAL BUILDING - LONG SHOT - NIGHT
          
                                  P.A. #1 (v.o.)
                   Your attention, please. Flight four-one-
                   seven now departing the B Concourse, gate
                   six.
          
                                  P.A. #2 (v.o.)
                   Your attention, please. Flight twenty-
                   seven now arriving the B Concourse, gate
                   six.
          
          There is a LOUD CRASH, and the SCENE SHAKES.
          
          INT. CHICAGO DISPATCH - NIGHT
          
                                  AIR CONTROLLER #1
                        (into phone)
                   This guy doing the flying has no airline
                   experience at all. He'll be a menace to
                   himself and everything else in the air...
                        (he pauses to listen)
                   ...Yes, birds too.
          
          Kramer enters, picks up clipboard, and reads it.
          
                                  McCROSKEY
                        (into phone)
                   Okay, okay. He's a terrible risk, but what
                   other choice have we got?
          
          McCroskey hangs up phone.
          
                                  McCROSKEY
                   Well, that's the whole story, Rex,
                   everything we know.
          
                                  KRAMER
                   All right, Steve, let's face a few facts.
          
          Kramer whips off his sunglasses. Underneath is another pair
          of sunglasses.
          
                                  KRAMER
                   As you know, I flew with this man,
                   Striker, during the war. He'll have enough
                   on his mind without remembering those days
                   when -- well, when things weren't so good.
          
                                  McCROSKEY
                   Well, right now things aren't so good. And
                   while we're talking there are a hundred
                   and thirty-eight lives waiting on us for a
                   decision.
          
                                  KRAMER
                   Let me tell you something, Steve. Striker
                   was a top-notch squadron leader -- a long
                   time ago...
          
          A spear slams into the wall behind Kramer.
          
                                  KRAMER
                   ...but my feeling is that when the going
                   gets rough upstairs tonight, Ted Striker's
                   gonna fold up.
          
                                  McCROSKEY
                   Look, Rex -- I want you to get on the horn
                   and talk this guy down! You're going to
                   have to let him get the feel of this
                   airplane on the way; you'll have to talk
                   him onto the approach; and so help me,
                   you'll have to talk him right down to the
                   ground!
          
          A watermelon falls from TOP OF FRAME, splattering on the
          table.
          
                                  KRAMER
                   Very well then. Put Striker on the
                   speaker.
          
                                  McCROSKEY
                   Okay, you can use the radio over there.
                   Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit
                   drinking.
          
          He pulls a flask trom the drawer and takes a swig.
          
          INT. CHICAGO DISPATCH - NIGHT
          
          Kramer at dispatch radio. He picks up mike.
          
                                  KRAMER
                   Striker, Striker, this is Captain Rex
                   Kramer speaking.
          
          McCroskey joins Kramer at dispatch radio.
          
          INT. COCKPIT - NIGHT
          
          DRAMATIC MUSIC as we see Striker's ominous look of
          recognition.
          
                                  STRIKER
                        (dramatically)
                   Yes, Captain Kramer. Read you loud and
                   clear.
          
          INT. DISPATCH - NIGHT
          
          Kramer sits at the mike. An Air Controller is standing next
          to him, but only his mid-section is in FRAME.
          
                                  KRAMER
                   All right. It's obvious you remember me.
          
          The Air Controller is scratching his behind.
          
                                  KRAMER
                   So what do you say you and I just forget
                   about everything except what we have to do
                   now?
          
          The Air Controller is now scratching his crotch.
          
                                  KRAMER
                   You and I are going to bring this plane in
                   together.
          
          The Air Controller's hand is now inside his pants
          straightening out his underwear.
          
                                  KRAMER
                   Before we start, I'd like to say
                   something. I know that right now things
                   must look pretty rough up there.
          
          The Air Controller is now hopping around with both hands
          inside his pants.
          
                                  KRAMER
                   But if you do what I tell you, when I tell
                   you to do it, there's no reason you can't
                   bring that plane in.
          
          INT. COCKPIT - NIGHT
          
                                  STRIKER
                   Let's not kid each other, Kramer. You know
                   I've never flown a bucket like this. I'm
                   going to need all the luck there is.
          
          INT. CHICAGO DISPATCH - NIGHT
          
                                  KRAMER
                   Stand by, Striker.
                        (to McCroskey)
                   The one hope we have is to build this man
                   up. I've got to give him all the
                   confidence I can.
                        (into microphone)
                   All right, Striker, have you ever flown a
                   multi-engine plane before?
          
                                  STRIKER (v.o.)
                   No. Never.
          
                                  KRAMER
                   Shit!
          
          INT. COCKPIT - NIGHT
          
          Striker over hears conversation on radio.
          
                                  KRAMER (v.o.)
                   This is a goddamn waste of time. There's
                   no way he can land this plane! Route 'em
                   into Lake Michigan and at least avoid
                   killing innocent people!
          
          INT. CHICAGO DISPATCH - NIGHT
          
                                  McCROSKEY
                   Grab hold of yourself! You've got to talk
                   them down. You're the only chance they've
                   got!
          
          Kramer lights cigarette.
          
                                  KRAMER
                        (into mike)
                   All right, Striker, now you listen to me
                   and you listen close. Flying is no
                   different than riding a bicycle...it just
                   happens to be a lot harder to put baseball
                   cards in the spokes. Now, if you just
                   follow my instructions...
          
          INT. COCKPIT - NIGHT
          
          Two vultures are sitting on back of Striker's seat.
          
                                  KRAMER (v.o.)
                   ...there's no reason why you shouldn't
                   have complete confidence in your chances
                   to come out of this thing alive and in one
                   piece.
          
          INT. CHICAGO DISPATCH - NIGHT
          
                                  KRAMER
                   First, I want you to familiarize yourself
                   with the controls. Later we'll run through
                   the landing procedure.
          
          Kramer takes a last drag on his cigarette and tosses it out
          the window. McCroskey plugs his ears with his fingers and
          ducks as though Kramer had thrown a grenade. There is an
          EXPLOSION O.S.
          
                                  KRAMER
                   All right. Now I'd like you to disengage
                   the automatic pilot. But watch any violent
                   movement of the controls, like you used to
                   make in Spitfires and Phantoms.
          
          INT. COCKPIT - NIGHT
          
                                  STRIKER
                        (into microphone)
                   Okay, I'm going to unlock the automatic
                   pilot.
          
          Striker switches off automatic pilot button. Automatic pilot
          shoots upward out of the seat. Elaine is thrown to the
          floor. Striker struggles desperately to control the plane.
          
          EXT. AIRPLANE - NIGHT
          
          flying erratically.
          
          INT. COCKPIT - NIGHT
          
                                  KRAMER (v.o.)
                        (matter of factly)
                   Just remember, the controls will feel very
                   heavy compared to a fighter.
          
          Striker is fighting the wheel and the autopilot which is
          drifting in his way. Finally, he throws the autopilot to the
          rear of the cockpit.
          
                                  KRAMER (v.o.)
                   Don't worry about that. It's perfectly
                   normal. You must watch your airspeed
                   closely. Don't let it fall below 520. Both
                   your rudder pedals and elevator trim will
                   have additional play due to increased
                   drag, but you can compensate by lowering
                   manifold pressure below 154. Now there's
                   one other thing. Have you someone up there
                   who can work the radio and leave you free
                   for flying?
          
                                  STRIKER
                   Yes! The stewardess is here with me!
          
          Elaine rises. The autopilot is on her back, its hands
          clinging to her breasts. She removes it and seats it at
          engineer's console.
          
                                  KRAMER (v.o.)
                   Have her take the co-pilot's seat.
          
          Elaine takes her seat as Striker regains control of the
          plane. He hands Elaine the mike.
          
                                  STRIKER
                   The radio's all yours now. And keep an eye
                   on that number three engine. It's running
                   a little hot.
          
          INSERT - NUMBER THREE ENGINE GAUGE
          
          A LITTLE HOT is blinking.
          
          BACK TO INT. COCKPIT - NIGHT
          
                                  KRAMER (v.o.)
                   Striker, what kind of weather are you in
                   up there?
          
                                  ELAINE
                        (into microphone)
                   Rain.
          
                                  STRIKER
                   And a little ice.
          
                                  ELAINE
                   And a little ice!
          
                                  KRAMER (v.o.)
                   How's it handling?
          
                                  STRIKER
                   Sluggish. Like a wet sponge.
          
                                  ELAINE
                        (into microphone)
                   Sluggish. Like a wet sponge.
          
                                  KRAMER (v.o.)
                        (patronizing)
                   All right, Striker, you're doing just
                   fine.
          
                                  STRIKER
                        (to Elaine)
                   It's a damn good thing he doesn't know how
                   much I hate his guts.
          
                                  ELAINE
                        (into microphone)
                   It's a damn good thing you don't know how
                   much he hates your guts.
          
          INT. PASSENGER CABIN - NIGHT
          
          A Black Dude is holding his stomach in pain.
          
                                  BLACK DUDE
                   Oooooooh.
          
          Randy approaches.
          
                                  RANDY
                   Can I get something for you?
          
                                  BLACK DUDE
                   Cain fo' gwine sho fi cun for.
          
                                  RANDY
                   I'm sorry. I don't understand.
          
          MRS. SCHIFF, a middle-aged woman, is seated behind the Black
          Dudes.
          
                                  MRS. SCHIFF
                   Oh, stewardess, I can speak jive. He said
                   he's in great pain and wants to know if
                   you can help him.
          
                                  RANDY
                   Tell him to relax and I'll be back as
                   quickly as I can with some medicine.
          
          Randy exits.
          
                                  MRS. SCHIFF
                   Shi gwine man chitlun down for mo sho.
          
                                  BLACK DUDE
                        (indignantly)
                   Shi man I ain neba mo fo gwine ain.
          
          They engage in an argument in jive talk, with Mrs. Schiff
          getting the best of it. She swaggers off in typical black
          dude fashion.
          
          INT. PASSENGER CABIN - NIGHT
          
          Sister Angelina is singing to the Krishnas.
          
                                  SISTER ANGELINA
                   '...I sit by the telephone for hours. I
                   love when men send me flowers. I enjoy
                   being a girl.'
          
          INT. PASSENGER CABIN - NIGHT
          
          Jack is comforting an ailing Shirley. She is per­spiring.
          
                                  JACK
                   How ya doing, honey?
          
                                  SHIRLEY
                   Oh Jack, I'm so warm. I'm burning up.
          
                                  JACK
                   Here.
          
          He reaches up and opens the overhead air nozzle. Air rushes
          out with hurricane force. As Jack struggles to turn off
          nozzle, Shirley is blown about, an adjacent passenger's
          papers go flying from a briefcase, a Hari Krishna's toga
          flies up revealing polka dot boxer shorts. An extra's toupe
          flies off.
          
          INT. PASSENGER CABIN - NIGHT
          
          SOFT MUSIC.
          
                                  MILTON
                   After my wife died, I felt like a fifth
                   wheel. You know, so many years being with
                   one person -- a very wonderful person --
                   makes you always think of yourself as part
                   of a pair...When Ethel passed away, I was
                   lost. I couldn't function socially and I
                   couldn't function in business.
          
                                  BERNICE
                   Well, after a thing like that you wouldn't
                   be expected to.
          
                                  MILTON
                   But I think it's time we stopped talking
                   about me. A woman like you -- why haven't
                   you ever married?
          
                                  BERNICE
                   Well, I'm afraid that's a question that's
                   all too easy to answer.
          
                                  MILTON
                   I know the answer -- Career. A smart woman
                   like you became so involved in your work,
                   you didn't have time for marriage.
          
                                  BERNICE
                   I wish I could fool myself into believing
                   that that's the reason. The truth of the
                   matter is, nobody ever asked me.
          
                                  MILTON
                   You know, here we are having coffee
                   together, and discussing education and
                   business and economy...and we don't even
                   know each other's names...full names I
                   mean.
          
                                  BERNICE
                   Mine's Eleanor. Eleanor Schiff.
          
                                  MILTON
                   That's a lovely name. Mine's Milton...Milt
                   Ettenhenim. But my friends call me
                   'Bubbles.'
          
          INT. PASSENGER CABIN - NIGHT
          
          Randy approaches Mrs. Schiff.
          
                                  RANDY
                   Would you care for a soft drink?
          
                                  MRS. SCHIFF
                   I'd be glad to.
          
          Randy hands a large bottle of Coca Cola wrapped in a baby
          blanket to Ms. Schiff, who cradles it in her arms.
          
                                  MRS. SCHIFF
                   Ooooh, such a nice soft drink.
          
          INT. O'HARE WEATHER CENTER - CLOSEUP ON TYPEWRITER
          
          CAMERA PULLS OUT to reveal Dispatcher typing message.
          
                                  RADIO (v.o.)
                   National Weather Service reporting Omaha
                   fogged in. Visibility zero.
          
          The Dispatcher attempts to remove the message, but it is
          stuck in the cartridge. He yanks on it, but the paper
          stretches out like rubber. The scene now becomes like a
          cartoon. He lodges his feet against the typewriter and pulls
          until the paper stretches to his face. He grumbles in Donald
          Duck voice. The typewriter snaps back and hits him.
          
          INT. CHICAGO DISPATCH - NIGHT
          
                                  McCROSKEY
                        (to Air Controller #2)
                   Macias, get me Captain Oveur's wife on the
                   phone. We'd better let her know what's going on. 
          
          Air Controller #1 rushes in holding a piece of paper and
          hands it to McCroskey.
          
                                  AIR CONTROLLER #1
                   Steve, this weather bulletin just came off
                   the wire.
          
          McCroskey frowns and hands it to Hinshaw.
          
                                  McCROSKEY
                   Johnny, what can you make out of this?
          
                                  HINSHAW
                   This? Why, I could make a hat or a
                   broach...
          
          McCroskey grabs the note from him.
          
          INT. BEDROOM - NIGHT
          
          MRS. OVEUR is in bed. Phone on night table RINGS. She
          reaches for it sleepily.
          
                                  MRS. OVEUR
                   Hello?
          
                                  AIR CONTROLLER #2 (v.o.)
                   Missus Oveur?
          
                                  MRS. OVEUR
                   Yes, this is Missus Oveur.
          
                                  AIR CONTROLLER #2 (v.o.)
                   This is Ed Macias calling from the
                   airport. There's some trouble on your
                   husband's flight.
          
          SHOT WIDENS to reveal she is sleeping with a horse.
          
                                  AIR CONTROLLER #2 (v.o.)
                   We don't know how serious it is yet, but
                   Harry Ballard thought you'd want to get
                   down here right away.
          
                                  MRS. OVEUR
                   I'll be right down.
          
          She hangs up the phone and rises.
          
                                  MRS. OVEUR
                   I've got to go to the airport. You can let
                   yourself out the back door. There's juice
                   in the refrigerator.
          
                                  HORSE
                        (sounding like Mr. Ed)
                   Did you finish? Was I good?
          
                                  MRS. OVEUR
                   Oh, you're all so concerned about
                   performance!
          
          EXT. AIRPLANE - NIGHT
          
          THUNDER and lightning; turbulent weather.
          
          INT. CABIN - NIGHT
          
          Randy approaches Mrs. Schiff, who is caring for a drink.
          
                                  RANDY
                   Would you care for another drink?
          
                                  MRS. SCHIFF
                   No, thank you, I'm still nursing this one.
          
          She is bottle feeding the Coke bottle.
          
                                  MRS. SCHIFF
                        (to bottle)
                   There, just a little bit more -- and then
                   burpie time and a good nap!
          
          INT. COCKPIT - NIGHT
          
          Elaine hangs up phone.
          
                                  ELAINE
                   Doctor Rumack says the sick people are
                   getting worse and we're running out of
                   time.
          
          Striker is perspiring.
          
                                  STRIKER'S THOUGHTS (v.o.)
                        (echoing)
                   I've got to concentrate, concentrate,
                   entrate, I've got to concentrate,
                   oncentrate, oncentrate.
          
          He becomes aware of ECHO.
          
                                  STRIKER'S THOUGHTS (v.o.)
                        (echoing)
                   Hell, hello, ello, ello, ello, lo, lo.
                   Echo, echo, echo, cho, cho, o, o, o, o, o.
                   Pinch hitting for Pedro Bourbone, Manny
                   Mota, Mota, Mota, Mota.
          
          EXT. AIRPLANE - NIGHT
          
          Nose dowm.
          
                                  ELAINE (v.o.)
                        (hysterically)
                   Ted, the altitude! We're falling, we're
                   falling!
          
          INSERT - GAUGE INDICATING DROPPING ALTITUDE
          
          EXT. AIRPLANE - NIGHT
          
          THUNDER and lightning. Flying nose down.
          
          INT. PASSENGER CABIN - NIGHT
          
          A Woman applying eye makeup, smears it over her face.
          
          INT. COCKPIT - NIGHT
          
          DRAMATIC MUSIC as Striker is struggling with the con­trols.
          Windshield wipers are moving as though directing music. St.
          Christopher statue is holding an umbrella. Striker regains
          control of the plane.
          
          INT. CABIN ANOTHER AREA - NIGHT
          
                                  JACK
                        (to Rumack)
                   What's going on? We have a right to know
                   the truth!
          
                                  DR. RUMACK
                        (to passengers)
                   All right. I'm going to level with you.
                   The most important thing now is that you
                   should all be calm, because there's no
                   reason to panic.
          
          Rumack's nose elongates slightly.
          
                                  DR. RUMACK
                   Now, it is true that one of the flight
                   crew has been taken ill...slightly ill.
          
          His nose is getting longer.
          
                                  DR. RUMACK
                   But the other two pilots are just fine and
                   at the controls flying the plane.
          
          Rumack's nose is a foot long.
          
                                  DR. RUMACK
                   The weather in Chicago is clear as a bell,
                   and there's no reason that we won't land
                   on schedule...
          
          ANGLE
          
          Passengers listening. His nose grows THROUGH FRAME.
          
                                  DR. RUMACK
                   ...safe and sound and free to pursue a
                   life of religious fulfillment.
          
          INT. COCKPIT - NIGHT
          
                                  STRIKER
                        (into microphone)
                   Chicago, the passengers are beginning to
                   panic. When do we start down?
          
          INT. CHICAGO DISPATCH - NIGHT
          
                                  KRAMER
                        (into microphone)
                   Not just yet, we'll have you in radar
                   range any second now.
          
          EXT. O'HARE AIRPORT - REVOLVING RADAR ANTENNA - NIGHT
          
          INT. CHICAGO DISPATCH - NIGHT
          
                                  KRAMER
                        (to McCroskey)
                   I don't understand it. He should have been
                   in range ten minutes ago.
          
                                  McCROSKEY
                        (into microphone)
                   Gunderson, check the radar range. Anything
                   yet?
          
          INT. RADAR ROOM
          
          GUNDERSON opens door of Amana Radar Range and peers in.
          There is a turkey inside.
          
                                  GUNDERSON
                        (into microphone)
                   About two more minutes, Chief.
          
          INT. CHICAGO DISPATCH - NIGHT
          
                                  McCROSKEY
                   Two more minutes! They could be miles off
                   course.
          
                                  KRAMER
                   That's impossible. They're on instruments!
          
          INT. COCKPIT - NIGHT
          
          Elaine, Randy, Rumack, and Striker are playing trumpet,
          clarinet, saxophone and bass fiddle in Benny Goodman swing
          band style.
          
          INT. CHCICAGO DISPATCH - NIGHT
          
                                  KRAMER
                   This is gonna be a real sweat.
                        (into mike)
                   Gunderson, let me know when you get
                   anything.
          
                                  McCROSKEY
                   I can't take much more of this! Johnny,
                   how about some more coffee?
          
                                  HINSHAW
                   Would you like half of my provolone and
                   roast beef?
          
                                  McCROSKEY
                   Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit
                   amphetamines.
          
          He pops a couple pills. Fifteen REPORTERS, Cameramen, etc.
          enter with Air Controller #l.
          
                                  AIR CONTROLLER #1
                        (to McCroskey)
                   Steve, these reporters won't leave without
                   a statement.
          
                                  REPORTER #1
                   How much longer can the sick passengers
                   hold out?
          
                                  McCROSKEY
                   Half hour...maybe forty-five minutes.
          
                                  REPORTER #2
                   Who's flying the plane?
          
          Air Controller #2 enters and hands McCroskey a note. Hands
          holding microphones are thrust INTO FRAME in front of
          McCroskey. One hand is holding an ice cream cone.
          
                                  McCROSKEY
                   One of the passengers. But he's an
                   experienced air force pilot who flew
                   during the war so there's no cause for
                   alarm. Hinshaw, take over.
          
          McCroskey exits.
          
                                  REPORTER #3
                   Have the families been notified?
          
                                  HINSHAW
                   I think Florence Henderson knows about it!
          
                                  REPORTER #1
                   What are the chances of bringing this
                   plane in safely?
          
                                  HINSHAW
                   What are the chances of returning
                   something to Montgomery Ward the week
                   after Christmas?
          
                                  REPORTER #1
                        (beckoning to door)
                   All right, boys. Let's get some pictures.
          
          Three men with cameras enter and begin to remove framed
          pictures from walls.
          
          NEWSPAPERS
          
          coming off press. SUPERIMPOSE:
          
          CLASSIC MONTAGE OF:
          
          Series of spinning newspapers. CAMERA ZOOMS IN to each as it
          stops spinning so that we can read headlines. Headlines are:
          
                                "CHICAGO TIMES"
          
                    "DISASTER LOOMS FOR AIRLINE PASSENGERS"
          
                               "NEW YORK TRIBUNE"
          
                      "CHICAGO PREPARES FOR CRASH LANDING"
          
                              "NATIONAL INQUIRER"
          
                  "BOY TRAPPED IN REFRIGERATOR EATS OWN FOOT"
          
          CAMERA ZOOMS in to:
          
          SPINNING TELEVISION SET
          
                                  NEWSCASTER
                   Striken Airliner Approaches Chicago!
          
                                                    DISSOLVE TO:
          
          ARAB NEWS SET
          
          Arab newcast.
          
                                                    DISSOLVE TO:
          
          JAPANESE NEWS SET
          
          Japanese newscast.
          
                                                    DISSOLVE TO:
          
          AFRICAN TV NEWSCAST
          
          NEWSCASTER is an African in native dress with a bone in his
          nose. There is a graphic of an airplane behind him and he is
          beating on a hollow log with sticks. The CAMERA ANGLE
          CHANGES and he switches to look into NEW CAMERA, and
          continues beating.
          
                                                    DISSOLVE TO:
          
          CBS' SIXTY MINUTES "POINT-COUNTERPOINT" SET
          
                                  JACK KILPATRICK
                   Shana, they bought their tickets, they
                   knew what they were getting into. I say,
                   let 'em crash!
          
                                                    DISSOLVE TO:
          
          EXT. CITY STREET - NIGHT - (STOCK)
          
          SCREAMING firetrucks, police cars, and ambulances.
          
          EXT. AIRPLANE - NIGHT
          
          Lightning and THUNDER.
          
          INT. COCKPIT - NIGHT
          
                                  DR. RUMACK
                   Will the hospital equipment be at the
                   airport?
          
                                  STRIKER
                   Yes, everything they've got. How are the
                   passengers doing?
          
                                  DR. RUMACK
                   I won't deceive you, Mister Striker. We're
                   running out of time.
          
                                  STRIKER
                   Surely there must be something you can do.
          
                                  DR. RUMACK
                   I'm doing everything I can! -- And stop
                   calling me Shirley!
          
          Rumack leaves.
          
                                  STRIKER'S THOUGHTS (v.o.)
                   I've got to stay calm. If I can just keep
                   my wits about me, I can't mess this one
                   up.
          
                                  ELAINE'S THOUGHTS (v.o.)
                   Maybe I have been too harsh with him. If I
                   had given him more support in the
                   beginning, maybe things would be
                   different.
          
                                  STRIKER'S THOUGHTS (v.o.)
                   Forget it. It's not your fault.
          
                                  ELAINE'S THOUGHTS (v.o.)
                   That's sweet of you, Ted. I appreciate the
                   thought.
          
          We hear both of their thoughts simultaneously.
          
                STRIKER'S                        ELAINE'S
                THOUGHTS (v.o.)                  THOUGHTS (v.o.)
          You know, Elaine, I just         It's just that I feel so
          wanted to tell you...            helpless and...
          
                                  STRIKER'S THOUGHTS (v.o.)
                   Go ahead.
          
                                  ELAINE'S THOUGHTS (v.o.)
                   No, no. You were first.
          
          INT. PASSENGER CABIN - ANOTHER AREA - NIGHT
          
          Jack is seated across the aisle from Mrs. Hammen. He falls
          asleep and slumps over.
          
                                  MRS. HAMMEN
                        (hysterically)
                   He's dead. He's dead!
          
          Jack wakes up. Disgustedly:
          
                                  JACK
                   No, I'm not dead.
          
          INT. PASSENGER CABIN - ANOTHER AREA - NIGHT
          
          Mrs. Schiff is holding the bottle to her shoulder and
          patting it. It BURPS.
          
          INT. PASSENGER CABIN - NIGHT
          
          Sister Angelina is singing to the two black dudes.
          
                                  SISTER ANGELINA
                   'What you want,
                   Baby I got,
                   What you need,
                   You know I got it.
                   All I'm askin' for
                   Is a little respect
                   When you come home.'
          
          INT. PASSENGER CABIN - STEWARDESS' ALCOVE - NIGHT
          
          Rumack pours a cup of water. Randy begins to weep.
          
                                  DR. RUMACK
                   Randy, are you all right?
          
                                  RANDY
                   Doctor Rumack, I'm scared. I've never been
                   so scared. And besides, I'm twenty-six and
                   I'm not married.
          
                                  DR. RUMACK
                   Randy, we're going to make it. You've got
                   to believe that.
          
          Mrs. Hammen enters alcove.
          
                                  MRS. HAMMEN
                   Lorison, do you have any idea when we'll
                   be landing?
          
                                  DR. RUMACK
                   It will be pretty soon. How are you
                   bearing up?
          
                                  MRS. HAMMEN
                   Well, to be honest, I'm very scared. But
                   at least I've got a husband.
          
          EXT. AIRPORT - NIGHT
          
          Revolving radar antenna.
          
          INT. CHICAGO WEATHER CENTER - CLOSEUP
          
          of typewriter. CAMERA PULLS OUT to REVEAL Dispatcher typing
          message.
          
                                  RADIO (v.o.)
                   National Weather Service reporting Chicago
                   ceiling zero, visibility one hundred feet.
          
          With great care the Dispatcher turns the knob on carriage
          until the paper comes out clean. Relishing his victory, he
          talks in Donald Duck voice.
          
                                  DISPATCHER
                   Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy.
          
          As he starts toward the door, the room caves in on him.
          
          INT. CHICAGO DISPATCH - NIGHT
          
          McCroskey and Kramer are at watercooler. McCroskey is
          filling cup while Kramer drinks.
          
                                  McCROSKEY
                   Rex, I've decided that the best thing to
                   do is to foam the runway -- let him do a
                   wheels-up landing. It'd be a lot simpler.
          
          Kramer throws cup into wastebasket. McCroskey drinks.
          
                                  KRAMER
                        (filling up another cup)
                   No, the risk of fire is too great. If she
                   starts burning, you write off all those
                   people who can't get out of there on their
                   own power.
          
          McCroskey throws cup into wastebasket. Kramer drinks.
          
                                  McCROSKEY
                        (filling up another cup)
                   Well that's better than writing them all
                   off? Are you going to play God with a
                   hundred and 38 lives?
          
          Kramer throws cup into wastebasket as McCroskey drinks.
          
                                  KRAMER
                        (filling up another cup)
                   No. A belly landing isn't all that simple.
                   It takes a good pilot to keep from
                   smearin' himself all over the runway.
          
          McCroskey throws cup into wastebasket as Kramer drinks.
          
                                  McCROSKEY
                        (filling up another cup)
                   If Striker has the guts to try this, he
                   deserves the best shot we can give him.
                   We've gotta foam that runway.
          
          Kramer throws cup into wastebasket as McCroskey drinks.
          
                                  KRAMER
                        (taking another cup)
                   His only shot's with the wheels down. I've
                   seen foam tear a man's guts out.
          
          McCroskey throws cup into wastebasket. Kramer throws cup
          into wastebasket.
          
                                  McCROSKEY
                   And if Striker goes to pieces?
          
                                  KRAMER
                        (taking another cup)
                   That's a risk we'll just have to take.
          
          Kramer throws cup into wastebasket. McCroskey throws cup
          into wastebasket. They burp.
          
          INT. COCKPIT - NIGHT
          
          Striker is looking at controls. Lightning is flashing on his
          face.
          
          INSERT - ALTIMETER
          
          SUPERIMPOSE fighter plane. Then STOCK FOOTAGE of early
          experimental planes crashing.
          
                                  VOICE (v.o.)
                   Stay in formation. Targets just ahead.
                   Target should be clear it you go in low
                   enough. You'll have to decide.
                        (echoing)
                   You'll have to decide. You'll have to
                   decide...So, decide already.
          
          INT. COCKPIT - NIGHT
          
          Sudden dramatic MUSIC. The cockpit shakes. Engine number
          three is flaming out.
          
          INSERT - CONTROL PANEL - GAUGE FOR ENGINE #3
          
          BACK TO SCENE
          
                                  STRIKER
                   Rats! I've lost number three.
          
                                  ELAINE
                   What happened, Ted? What went wrong?
          
                                  STRIKER
                   Oil pressure. I forgot to check the oil
                   pressure. When Kramer hears about this,
                   the shit's gonna hit the fan.
          
          INT. DISPATCH - CLOSEUP - FAN - NIGHT
          
          The shit hits it. PULL BACK to include:
          
                                  KRAMER
                   I told him to watch that oil temperature.
                   What the hell's he doing up there?
          
          He picks up the mike.
          
                                  KRAMER
                   Striker, that plane can't land itself! It
                   takes a pilot who can handle pressure.
          
                                  McCROSKEY
                   Ease up, Rex! He hasn't flown for years!
                   It's not his fault. It could happen to any
                   pilot.
          
                                  HINSHAW
                   It happened to Barbara Stanwyck!
          
          INT. COCKPIT - NIGHT
          
                                  STRIKER
                   He's right. I can't take the pressure. I
                   was crazy to think I could land this
                   plane.
          
                                  ELAINE
                   But Ted, you're the only...
          
                                  STRIKER
                   I don't care. I just don't have what it
                   takes. They'd be better off with someone
                   who'd never flown before.
          
          As Striker leaves he puts autopilot into pilot's seat.
          Elaine is on the verge of tears.
          
          DRAMATIC MUSIC.
          
          INT. DISPATCH - NIGHT
          
          Air Controller #2 enters.
          
                                  AIR CONTROLLER #2
                   Bad news. The fog's getting thicker.
          
                                  HINSHAW
                   And Liz Taylor is getting larger!
          
                                  McCROSKEY
                   Ya know, this would be a tough landing for
                   anyone to make. Maybe, if we hold them off
                   for a bit we'll get a break in the
                   weather.
          
                                  KRAMER
                   All right, but let's wait until they reach
                   the control area.
          
          EXT. AIRPLANE - NIGHT
          
          THUNDER and lightning.
          
          INT. PASSENGER CABIN - NIGHT
          
          Outside stewardess' alcove. Striker fills a cup from
          drinking fountain then pours it on his head. He sits down
          dejectedly on stewardess' fold-out seat. Rumack approaches.
          
                                  STRIKER
                   I know what you're going to say, so save
                   your breath.
          
          Rumack sits.
          
                                  DR. RUMACK
                   No. I haven't a thing to say. You've done
                   the best you could. You really have. The
                   best you could. I guess we can't expect to
                   win 'em all. I want to tell you something
                   I've kept to myself for years. I was in
                   the war myself -- the Medical Corps. I was
                   on duty late one night when a badly
                   wounded pilot was brought in from a raid.
                   He could barely talk, but he looked at me
                   and he said, "Doc. The odds were against
                   us up there but we went in anyway, and I'm
                   glad we did. The captain made the right
                   decision." The pilot's name was George
                   Zipp.
          
          Striker looks up. Notre Dame Fight Song is heard in b.g.
          
                                  STRIKER
                   George Zipp said that?
          
                                  DR. RUMACK
                   And the last thing he said to me, "Doc,"
                   he said, "Sometime when the crew is up
                   against it and the breaks are beating the
                   boys, tell them to go out there with all
                   they've got and win just one for the
                   Zipper. I don't know where I'll be then,
                   Doc," he said, "but I won't smell too
                   good. That's for sure."
          
                                  STRIKER
                        (rejuvinated)
                   Excuse me, Doc, I've got a plane to land.
          
          Striker boldly starts toward cockpit.
          
          INT. COCKPIT - NIGHT
          
          Striker enters. Elaine, unaware of his return, is listening
          to Kramer on the radio.
          
                                  KRAMER (v.o.)
                   All right, you'd better stay up there for
                   a bit. As soon as the fog lifts, we'll
                   bring you in.
          
                                  STRIKER
                   I'll take it, Elaine.
          
          She turns to face him. A dramatic moment. Striker enters
          pilot seat and takes mike from Elaine's hand.
          
                                  STRIKER
                   Listen to me, Kramer. Doctor Rumack says
                   the sick people are in critical condition
                   and every minute counts. We've got to land
                   now!
          
                                  KRAMER (v.o.)
                   Don't be a fool, Striker. You know what a
                   landing like this means. You more than
                   anybody. I'm ordering you to stay up
                   there!
          
                                  STRIKER
                   No dice, Chicago. I'm giving the orders,
                   and we're coming in...I guess the foot's
                   on the other hand now, isn't it, Kramer?
          
          INT. CHICAGO DISPATCH - NIGHT
          
                                  McCROSKEY
                   He'll never bring it down in this soup.
                   Never! Not one chance in a million.
          
                                  KRAMER
                   I know. I know. But it's his ship now, his
                   command; he's in charge, he's the boss,
                   the head man, the top dog, the big cheese,
                   the head honcho...
          
          Air Controller #2 rushes up to McCroskey and Kramer,
          carrying a newspaper.
          
                                  AIR CONTROLLER #2
                   Chief, look at this!
          
          Kramer grabs newspaper.
          
                                  KRAMER
                        (reading)
                   'Passengers Certain to Die?!?!?!?!?!'
          
                                  McCROSKEY
                   'Airline Negligent?!?!?!?!?!'
          
          He hands the paper to Hinshaw.
          
                                  HINSHAW
                        (looking at newspaper)
                   There's a sale at Penny's!
          
          McCroskey grabs paper from Hinshaw.
          
                                  KRAMER
                        (to men in Dispatch)
                   All right, I'll need three men up in the
                   tower.
                        (pointing)
                   You, Neubauer. You, Macias.
          
                                  HINSHAW
                   Me John. Big tree.
          
          He puts his ear to the ground.
          
                                  HINSHAW
                   Wagon train comes three, maybe four day
                   away.
          
                                  KRAMER
                        (into microphone)
                   Stand by, Striker. I'm going to the tower.
                   And good luck.
          
          Kramer exits.
          
                                  McCROSKEY
                        (into phone)
                   We're going to the tower.
          
          McCroskey exits.
          
                                  HINSHAW
                        (excitedly)
                   The tower! Oh! Rapunzel! Rapunzel!
          
          EXT. AIRPLANE - NIGHT
          
          THUNDER and lightning.
          
          INT. PASSENGER CABIN - NIGHT
          
          Randy is talking to passengers and demonstrating.
          
                                  RANDY
                   In a moment we'll ask you to assume crash
                   positions. Your life jackets are located
                   under your seat.
          
          INT. PASSENGER CABIN - ANOTHER AREA - NIGHT
          
          Jack and Shirley are watching.
          
                                  RANDY (v.o.)
                   Remove the jacket and unfold it so that
                   the red arrow points up.
          
          INT. PASSENGER CABIN - ANOTHER AREA - NIGHT
          
          The Krishnas are watching.
          
                                  RANDY (v.o.)
                   Place the jacket over your head, and when
                   I give the word pull the cord under the
                   left side flap.
          
          BACK TO RANDY
          
          She pulls the cord and it inflates into a child's duck-
          shaped inner tube.
          
          INT. CHICAGO TOWER - NIGHT
          
          Hinshaw, Kramer, and McCroskey enter. Three Controllers are
          there. One is wearing a black striped shirt.
          
                                  STRIPED CONTROLLER
                   We're all ready, sir.
          
          As he makes introductions, they shake hands.
          
                                  STRIPED CONTROLLER
                   Captain McCroskey, this is Captain
                   Roberts. Captain Kramer, this is Captain
                   Colosimo. Captain Hinshaw, Captain Gatz.
                   Captain Kramer, Captain Gatz. Captain
                   Hinshaw, Captain Roberts.
          
                                  KRAMER
                   All right. Colosimo, you'll work the
                   relay. Roberts, double check all air
                   traffic within five miles.
          
          Roberts is scratching his ear.
          
                                  KRAMER
                   And get that finger out of your ear. You
                   don't know where that finger's been!
                   Gunderson?
          
                                  GUNDERSON
                   Yes, Captain?
          
                                  KRAMER
                   Did you decide on a runway yet?
          
                                  GUNDERSON
                   Runway niner. It's the longest, and
                   directly into the wind.
          
                                  HINSHAW
                   And the foliage looks so pretty this time
                   of year.
          
          Gunderson exits.
          
                                  KRAMER
                        (into mike)
                   Striker, you're going to have to work
                   fast. After this message, do not
                   acknowledge any transmission unless you
                   want to ask a question. Do you understand?
                   Striker, Striker, do you read me?
          
          INT. TOWER - DIFFERENT ANGLE - NIGHT
          
          Mrs. Oveur enters.
          
                                  MRS. OVEUR
                   Steve!
          
                                  McCROSKEY
                   Linda, your husband and the others are
                   alive but unconscious.
          
                                  HINSHAW
                   Just like Gerald Ford!
          
                                  McCROSKEY
                   Now there's a chance we can save them if
                   Striker can get this plane down on time.
          
                                  MRS. OVEUR
                   That isn't much of a chance, is it?
          
                                  HINSHAW
                        (appalled)
                   Where did you get that dress? It's an eye-
                   sore!
          
          INT. RADAR ROOM
          
          Gunderson and an assistant are seated in front of radar
          screens. One of them is a video anti-aircraft game.
          
                                  GUNDERSON
                        (into microphone)
                   Eight miles. Turn right to heading zero
                   eight niner.
          
          INT. TOWER - NIGHT
          
                                  KRAMER
                        (into microphone)
                   You are now eight miles from the airport.
                   Turn right to a heading of zero eight
                   niner, throttle back slightly and begin to
                   lose altitude to fifteen hundred feet.
          
                                  ELAINE (v.o.)
                   We're now at twelve hundred feet, leveling
                   off.
          
                                  KRAMER
                        (to McCroskey)
                   Steve, I want every light you can get
                   poured on that field.
          
                                  McCROSKEY
                   It's being done right now.
          
          EXT. AIRFIELD - NIGHT
          
          A truck is dumping a variety of lamps, fixtures, and light
          bulbs onto the runway.
          
          INT. TOWER - NIGHT
          
                                  KRAMER
                        (into mike)
                   Tower to all emergency vehicles. Runway is
                   niner.
          
          EXT. AIRFIELD - NIGHT
          
          Ambulances, fire trucks, and police cars start to move.
          
                                   KRAMER (v.o.)
                        (over P.A.)
                   Airport vehicles take positions one and
                   two.
          
          INT. TOWER - NIGHT
          
                                  KRAMER
                        (into microphone)
                   Civilian equipment, number three.
          
          EXT. AIRFIELD - NIGHT
          
          Ambulances, firetrucks, and police cars speed toward runway.
          They are followed by a baggage truck, fuel truck, a taxi,
          Coke truck, an ice cream truck, farm machinery, and a cement
          mixer.
          
                                  KRAMER (v.o.)
                        (over P.A.)
                   Air Force positions number four and five.
                   All ambulances to position three.
          
          INT. TOWER - NIGHT
          
                                  HINSHAW
                        (into mike)
                   It's a twister! It's a twister! Toto!...
                   Auntie Em!
          
          EXT. AIRPLANE - NIGHT
          
          THUNDER and lightning.
          
          INT. COCKPIT - NIGHT
          
                                  KRAMER (v.o.)
                   All right, Striker, put down twenty
                   degrees of flap. When your flaps are down,
                   retrim for level flight.
          
          INT. CABIN - NIGHT
          
          Passengers are wearing headsets and watching in-flight
          movie. Randy approaches Mrs. Schiff.
          
                                  MRS. SCHIFF
                   Stewardess, how soon 'til we land?
          
                                  RANDY
                   It won't be long now. Try not to worry.
          
          Mrs. Schiff puts on a headset and watches movie. The movie
          is airplanes crashing and burning.
          
          EXT. AIRPLANE - NIGHT
          
          flying erratically.
          
          INSERT - ALTIMETER
          
          fluctuating.
          
          INT. PASSENGER CABIN - NIGHT
          
          A woman, applying facial makeup, smears it all over her
          face.
          
          INT. RADAR ROOM
          
                                  GUNDERSON
                   He's all over the place! Nine hundred feet
                   up to thirteen hundred feet! What an
                   asshole!
          
          INT. TOWER - NIGHT
          
                                  KRAMER
                   Watch your altitude, Striker. It's too
                   erratic. You can't come straight in.
                   You've got enough fuel left for two hours
                   flying. You've got to stay up there 'til
                   we get a break in the weather.
          
          INT. COCKPIT
          
          Striker reaches for microphone.
          
                                  STRIKER
                   I'll take it, Elaine.
                        (into mike)
                   Listen, Kramer, I'm coming in. Do you hear
                   me? I'm coming in right now! We have
                   people up here who will die in less than
                   an hour, never mind two. I may bend your
                   precious airplane, but I'll get it down!
                   Now get on with the landing check. I'm
                   putting the gear down now.
          
          As he activates landing gear, Randy enters.
          
                                  RANDY
                   Mr. Striker, the passengers are ready.
          
                                  STRIKER
                   Thank you, Randy. You better leave
                   sweetheart. You might get hurt in here.
          
          Randy leaves. There is a CRASH and Randy screams.
          
                                  ELAINE
                   Ted...
          
                                  STRIKER
                   Yes?
          
                                  ELAINE
                   I wanted you to know -- now -- I'm very
                   proud.
          
                                  STRIKER
                   Tell them the gear is down and we're ready
                   to land.
          
                                  ELAINE
                        (into mike)
                   The gear is down.
          
          INT. TOWER
          
                                  ELAINE (v.o.)
                   And we're ready to land.
          
                                  McCROSKEY
                   He may not be able to fly, but he's sure
                   got guts.
          
          Kramer nods.
          
          EXT. LAX PASSENGER LOADING AREA - BUSINESSMAN - NIGHT
          
          in Striker's cab cheeks his watch.
          
                                  BUSINESSMAN
                   Well, I'll give him another twenty
                   minutes, but that's it.
          
          INSERT - METER
          
          reads $389.10.
          
          EXT. AIRPLANE - NIGHT
          
          Fog, THUNDER, and lightning.
          
          INT. PASSENGER CABIN - NIGHT
          
                                  MILTON
                   I'm sure we'll both make it...but just in
                   case one of us...well, is there a message
                   you'd like me to give someone?
          
                                  BERNICE
                   No. I'm all alone.
          
                                  MILTON
                   Just in case I don't have a chance to say
                   goodbye, I want you to know that I haven't
                   spent so many pleasant hours for many
                   years.
          
                                  BERNICE
                   That's a very nice compliment, and I'd
                   like to say that...you've done the same
                   for me.
          
          INT. COCKPIT - NIGHT
          
          Dr. Rumack pokes his head in the door.
          
                                  DR. RUMACK
                   I just wanted to tell you both good luck.
                   We're all counting on you.
          
          INT. TOWER - NIGHT
          
                                  KRAMER
                   Now, Striker...hold your present heading,
                   put down full flap, bring your air speed
                   back to a hundred and thirty-five, then I
                   want you to take hold of the throttle...
          
                                  HINSHAW
                   And stick it in your ear.
          
                                  KRAMER
                   And stick it in your ear.
          
          McCroskey gives Hinshaw a disapproving look.
          
                                  HINSHAW
                        (a la Frogsy, the Gremlin)
                   I'll be good, I will, I will.
          
          INT. RADAR ROOM
          
                                  GUNDERSON
                   Captain, he's dropping off fast. Almost
                   seven hundred.
          
          INT. TOWER
          
                                  KRAMER
                   Striker, get back to a thousand feet!
          
          INT. RADAR ROOM
          
          Assistant Radar Operator unloads clothes from radar screen/
          wash machine door and puts them into basket.
          
                                  GUNDERSON
                   He's below seven hundred now and he's
                   still going down! 675! 650! 625! 600!
          
          EXT. AIRPLANE - NIGHT
          
          It knocks the radio tower off a building and heads past the
          John Hancock Building.
          
          INT. TOWER - NIGHT
          
                                  KRAMER
                   Striker, you're coming in too low! What's
                   your altitude?
          
                                  STRIKER (v.o.)
                   I don't know. How high was the eighty-
                   ninth floor of the John Hancock Building?
          
          INT. RADAR ROOM
          
                                  GUNDERSON
                   He's right on the heading.
          
          INT. TOWER - NIGHT
          
                                  KRAMER
                   All right, he's on final now! Put out all
                   runway lights except niner.
          
          EXT. AIRFIELD - NIGHT
          
          Ambulance attendants, firemen, and emergency vehicles are in
          readiness.
          
          INT. TOWER - NIGHT
          
                                  KRAMER
                   Turn on your landing lights, Striker. It's
                   the switch above your right knee.
          
          INT. COCKPIT - NIGHT
          
          Striker reaches for button above his left knee.
          
                                  KRAMER (v.o.)
                   No. I said your right knee.
          
          Striker pushes button over his right knee.
          
          EXT. AIRPLANE - NIGHT
          
          Landing lights come on.
          
          INT. TOWER - NIGHT
          
          McCroskey, Kramer, and Mrs. Oveur are nervously watching the
          sky.
          
                                  KRAMER
                   All right, now just listen carefully. You
                   should be able to see the runway at three
                   hundred feet.
          
          Mrs. Oveur clutches Kramer's arm anxiously.
          
                                  KRAMER
                   Aim to touchdown a third of the way along.
                   There's a slight crosswind from the right,
                   so be ready for it.
          
          Mrs. Oveur is clutching Kramer's arm with both hands.
          
                                  KRAMER
                   If you land too fast, use your emergency
                   brakes. The red handle is right in front
                   of you.
          
          Now Mrs. Oveur, still watching the sky, has both arms around
          Kramer's waist, massaging his chest with her hands.
          
                                  KRAMER
                   If that doesn't stop you...
          
          Kramer is suddenly aware of what Mrs. Oveur is doing. He
          gives her a look and she removes her hands.
          
                                  KRAMER
                   If that doesn't stop you, cut the four
                   ignition switches over the co-pilot's
                   head.
          
          INT. COCKPIT - NIGHT
          
          Striker looks for switches.
          
          INSERT - IGNITION SWITCHES
          
          INT. COCKPIT
          
                                  STRIKER
                   See them, Elaine?
          
                                  ELAINE
                   Uh-huh.
          
          INT. TOWER - NIGHT
          
                                  KRAMER
                   Do you see us now? You should be able to
                   see the field now.
          
          EXT. AIRPLANE - THROUGH COCKPIT WINDOW - NIGHT
          
          Striker and Elaine are searching for airfield.
          
          INT. TOWER - NIGHT
          
          Kramer and McCroskey are tensely trying to spot plane. Mrs.
          Oveur is watching, prayerfully.
          
          EXT. AIRFIELD - NIGHT
          
          Searchlights scan field.
          
          EXT. TOWER - NIGHT
          
          Revolving beacon searches.
          
          INT. TOWER - NIGHT
          
                                  McCROSKEY
                   It sure is quiet out there.
          
                                  KRAMER
                   Yeah -- too quiet.
          
                                  McCROSKEY
                   Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit
                   sniffing glue.
          
          He pulls a tube of airplane glue from his shirt pocket and
          sniffs.
          
          EXT. AIRPLANE - THROUGH COCKPIT WINDOW - NIGHT
          
          Striker and Elaine are searching for airfield.
          
          INT. TOWER - NIGHT
          
          Kramer and Mrs. Oveur are anxiously watching the sky.
          McCroskey is glazed.
          
                                  KRAMER
                        (excited)
                   There he is!
                        (into microphone)
                   Striker, you're coming in too fast!
          
                                  STRIKER (v.o.)
                   I know! I know!
          
                                  ELAINE (v.o.)
                        (into microphone)
                   He knows! He knows!
          
                                  McCROSKEY
                   Wow!
          
          EXT. RUNWAY - STRIKER'S POV - NIGHT
          
          INT. TOWER - NIGHT
          
                                  KRAMER
                        (into microphone)
                   Sound your alarm bell now.
          
          INT. COCKPIT - NIGHT
          
          Elaine rings alarm bell.
          
          INT. PASSENGER CABIN - NIGHT
          
          Alarm BELL RINGS. Randy is standing in center aisle.
          
                                  RANDY
                   All right, now, everybody get in crash
                   positions.
          
          Passengers assume various awkward poses as though plane had
          just crashed.
          
          EXT. AIRFIELD - NIGHT
          
          Ambulance attendants anxiously watch sky.
          
          INT. COCKPIT - NIGHT (PROCESS)
          
          Striker sees airport and points it out to Elaine.
          
          INSERT - AIR SPEED GAUGE
          
          Speed is increasing.
          
          INT. COCKPIT - NIGHT
          
                                  ELAINE
                   Airspeed one twenty-five, one thirty...
          
          She raises her head to look out cockpit window.
          
          EXT. RUNWAY - ELAINE'S POV - NIGHT (STOCK)
          
          The runway lights go out.
          
          INT. COCKPIT - NIGHT
          
          Striker and Elaine look at each other, panicked.
          
          INT. TOWER - NIGHT
          
          Hinshaw has just pulled a plug from an electrical outlet.
          
                                  HINSHAW
                   Just kidding!
          
          EXT. RUNWAY - ELAINE'S POV - NIGHT
          
          Runway lights go back on.
          
          INT. COCKPIT - NIGHT
          
          Striker and Elaine are relieved.
          
                                  ELAINE
                   ...one thirty-five, one forty.
          
          INT. TOWER - NIGHT
          
                                  KRAMER
                   Striker, now listen to me. You're coming
                   down too fast!
          
          INT. COCKPIT - NIGHT
          
          Striker is struggling with steering wheel and sweating.
          
                                  KRAMER (v.o.)
                   Put down thirty degrees of flap!
          
          Striker is sweating profusely as he struggles in vain with
          the flap switch.
          
                                  STRIKER
                   It's stuck. It won't move!
          
          He bangs the control panel and "TILT" light up.
          
          INT. TOWER - NIGHT
          
          McCroskey is staring at radio equipment.
          
                                  KRAMER
                   Bring it down! Easy!
          
                                  McCROSKEY
                   Look at all those buttons! Oh that's
                   beautiful! Just beautiful!
          
          EXT. RUNWAY - STRIKER'S POV - NIGHT
          
          INT. COCKPIT - NIGHT
          
                                  KRAMER (v.o.)
                   Watch your nose! It's too low!
          
          Striker is struggling with wheel. The wheel begins to fight
          back, pushing Striker.
          
                                  KRAMER (v.o.)
                   You're coming in too hot!
          
          INT. TOWER - NIGHT
          
                                  KRAMER
                   Remember your brakes and switches! Get
                   ready to flare it out! You're coming in
                   too fast! Watch your speed!
          
                                  McCROSKEY
                        (hysterical)
                   He's coming right at us!
          
          McCroskey turns and leaps through tower window. All activity
          momentarily stops. Everyone looks back at window. Then
          activity resumes.
          
                                  KRAMER
                   You're coming in too hot! Put down full
                   flaps! Watch your nose!
          
          EXT. RUNWAY - STRIKER'S POV - NIGHT
          
          Runway swerving underneath him.
          
          INT. TOWER - NIGHT
          
                                  KRAMER
                   Now ease her down! Down!
          
          EXT. RUNWAY - NIGHT
          
          Plane is a few feet from ground.
          
          INT. TOWER - NIGHT
          
                                  KRAMER
                   Lift the nose! Throttle back!
          
          EXT. RUNWAY - STRIKER'S POV - NIGHT
          
          Closer to ground.
          
          INT. COCKPIT - NIGHT
          
          Striker pushes wheel forward as tires SCREECH.
          
          INT. TOWER - NIGHT
          
                                  KRAMER
                   The brake! Pull the red handle!
          
          INT. COCKPIT - NIGHT
          
          Striker pulls red handle. It comes off in his hand. He
          pushes brake with feet.
          
          EXT. RUNWAY - CLOSEUP - TIRES - NIGHT
          
          SCREECHING.
          
          INT. COCKPIT - NIGHT
          
          Dr. Rumack pokes his head in the door.
          
                                  DR. RUMACK
                   I just wanted to tell you both good luck.
                   We're all counting on you.
          
          EXT. RUNWAY - STRIKER'S POV - NIGHT
          
          Runway passing underneath.
          
          INT. TOWER - NIGHT
          
                                  KRAMER
                        (into microphone)
                   Hold her steady, hold her steady!
          
          EXT. RUNWAY - PLANE - NIGHT
          
          skidding.
          
          INT. O'HARE TERMINAL BUILDING - GATE 7 - NIGHT
          
                                  P.A. SYSTEM (v.o.)
                   You attention, please. Trans American
                   Flight 209 non-stop from Los Angeles is
                   now arriving at Gate seven...Gate eight...
          
          People in Gate seven waiting area move to Gate eight.
          
          INT. COCKPIT - STRIKER - NIGHT
          
          is struggling with controls, sweating profusely.
          
          INT. TOWER
          
                                  KRAMER
                   Pull a lever!
          
          EXT. RUNWAY - PLANE - NIGHT
          
          skidding.
          
          INT. COCKPIT - STRIKER - NIGHT
          
          is struggling with controls. Water is gushing down his face
          ridiculously.
          
          INT. O'HARE TERMINAL BUILDING - GATE 13 - NIGHT
          
                                  P.A. SYSTEM (v.o.)
                   ...209 arriving gate thirteen...gate
                   fourteen....gate fifteen...
          
          People in Gate thirteen move to Gate fourteen.
          
          EXT. RUNWAY - PLANE - NIGHT
          
          skidding.
          
          INT. TOWER - NIGHT
          
                                  KRAMER
                   Push a button!
          
          INT. COCKPIT - STRIKER - NIGHT
          
          Striker is struggling with controls.
          
          INT. TOWER - NIGHT
          
                                  KRAMER
                        (into microphone)
                   You're too low! You're too low!
          
          INT. O'HARE TERMINAL BUILDING - NIGHT
          
                                  P.A. SYSTEM (v.o.)
                   ...gate twenty-three...twenty four...
                   twenty-five...
          
          People are running THROUGH FRAME right to left.
          
          EXT. RUNWAY - NIGHT
          
          Ground crewman with red flashlights nonchalantly directs
          plane. Suddenly he realizes the plane is not stopping. He
          throws his flashlight at the plane and runs off, terrified.
          
          EXT. RUNWAY - PLANE - NIGHT
          
          skidding.
          
          INT. PASSENGER CABIN - NIGHT
          
          Randy approaches a passenger in crash position.
          
                                  RANDY
                   Can we help arrange hotel accommodations
                   or a rent-a-car during your stay in
                   Chicago?
          
          EXT. RUNWAY - NIGHT
          
          Landing gear snaps off; plane starts to slide on its belly.
          
          PLANE
          
          is heading toward a building. On the side of the building is
          a billboard with a man drinking milk.
          
          INT. COCKPIT - NIGHT
          
          Elaine screams and covers her face. St. Christopher statue
          covers its face.
          
          EXT. RUNWAY - PLANE - NIGHT
          
          is getting closer to building. Billboard man is looking at
          plane, terrified.
          
          INT. TOWER - MRS. OVEUR - NIGHT
          
          is screaming.
          
          EXT. RUNWAY - PLANE - NIGHT
          
          is skidding.
          
          INT. TOWER - NIGHT
          
                                  HINSHAW
                        (seated in wheelchair)
                   Wheel me to the West Wing. I wish to view
                   the Degas.
          
          EXT. RUNWAY - PLANE - NIGHT
          
          skids to a stop.
          
          INT. TOWER - NIGHT
          
          Kramer sighs in relief as controllers and Mrs. Oveur dash
          from room.
          
          INT. CHICAGO DISPATCH - NIGHT
          
          Controllers celebrate safe landing, reporters rush from
          room.
          
          INT. DISPATCH LOBBY - NIGHT
          
          Five reporters run into bank of phone booths and the booths
          topple over.
          
          EXT. RUNWAY - NIGHT
          
          SCREAMING ambulances race toward plane.
          
          INT. PASSENGER CABIN - NIGHT
          
          Passengers rise slowly, shaken but uninjured. Milton and
          Bernice look at each other, relieved, and embrace. Mrs.
          Schiff gets up to leave.
          
          INT. COCKPIT - NIGHT
          
          Rumack pokes his head in door.
          
                                  DR. RUMACK
                   I just wanted to tell you both good luck.
                   We're all counting on you.
          
          Striker and Elaine get up to leave cockpit.
          
                                  KRAMER (v.o.)
                   Striker, Striker, are you all right?
          
                                  STRIKER
                        (into microphone)
                   Yeah, we're okay.
          
          INT. TOWER - NIGHT
          
                                  KRAMER
                   Ted, that was probably the lousiest
                   landing in the history of this airport.
                   But there are some of us here...
          
          INT. COCKPIT - NIGHT
          
                                  KRAMER (v.o.)
                   ...particularly me, who'd like to buy you
                   a drink and shake your hand.
          
          Striker and Elaine leave.
          
                                  KRAMER (v.o.)
                   ...and, Ted, I just want you to know, that
                   when the going got tough up there, when
                   the chips were down...
          
          INT. PASSENGER CABIN - BOARDING AREA - NIGHT
          
          Randy is assisting Jack and Shirley, the Hammens, and the
          nun from the plane.
          
                                  RANDY
                   Hurry now. Please be careful.
          
          INT. TOWER - NIGHT
          
          Air controllers leave as Kramer continues.
          
                                  KRAMER
                   ...Lonliness, that's the bottom line. I
                   was never happy as a child. Christmas,
                   Ted, what does it mean to you? For me, it
                   was a living hell. Do you know what it's
                   like to fall in the mud and get kicked? In
                   the head? By an iron boot? Of course you
                   don't. No one does. That never happens.
                   Sorry, Ted. Dumb question. Strike that.
          
          INT. PASSENGER CABIN - BOARDING AREA - NIGHT
          
          Randy is assisting Hari Krishnas and Black Dudes from plane.
          
          EXT. RUNWAY - NIGHT
          
          McCroskey, dressed in wet suit and flippers and oxygen tank
          is moving as though swimming under water.
          
                                  McCROSKEY (v.o.)
                   I didn't know that the electric eel was
                   approaching so rapidly nor that hidden in
                   the coral reef was a family of poisonous
                   sea urchins.
          
          EXT. RUNWAY - NIGHT
          
          Lisa Davis and her mother enter ambulance. It pulls from
          FRAME. We HEAR a loud screech and crash.
          
          INT. COCKPIT - NIGHT
          
          Kramer is still droning on.
          
                                  KRAMER (v.o.)
                        (into mike)
                   ...and they shall be for frontlets between
                   thine eyes, Ted. Neither they man servant,
                   nor they maid servant, nor thine ox, nor
                   thine ass.
          
          EXT. RUNWAY - NIGHT
          
          ROMANTIC MUSIC.
          
          Striker and Elaine are alone on the runway. Behind them is
          flight 209. They embrace and kiss as CAMERA ARCS around.
          MUSIC SWELLS. Suddenly the ENGINES REV UP. Astonished, they
          look up to the cockpit.
          
          EXT. COCKPIT - NIGHT
          
          Automatic pilot is at controls. He salutes Striker and
          Elaine and winks at CAMERA.
          
          EXT. RUNWAY - NIGHT
          
          The plane begins to taxi on its belly, shooting off sparks
          and making a tremendous scraping SOUND. Arm in arm, Striker
          and Elaine wave good-bye as the plane takes off into the
          night sky.
          
          
                                                       FADE OUT.