ANNIE HALL



					ANNIE HALL

			      written by
		   	      Woody Allen
			   Marshall Brickman

(Sound and Woody Allen monologue begin)

FADE IN:

White credits dissolve in and out on black screen.  No sound.

								FADE OUT: credits

FADE IN:

Abrupt medium close-up of Alvy Singer doing a comedy monologue.  He
wearing a crumbled sports jacket and tieless shirt; the background is stark.

				ALVY         
		There's an old joke.  Uh, two elderly 
		women are at a Catskills mountain 
		resort, and one of 'em says: "Boy, the 
		food at this place is really terrible." 
		The other one says, "Yeah, I know, and 
		such ... small portions." Well, that's 
		essentially how I feel about life.  Full 
		of loneliness and misery and suffering 
		and unhappiness, and it's all over much 
		too quickly.  The-the other important 
		joke for me is one that's, uh, usually 
		attributed to Groucho Marx, but I think 
		it appears originally in Freud's wit and 
		its relation to the unconscious.  And it 
		goes like this-I'm paraphrasing: Uh ... 
		"I would never wanna belong to any club 
		that would have someone like me for a 
		member." That's the key joke of my adult 
		life in terms of my relationships with 
		women.  Tsch, you know, lately the 
		strangest things have been going 
		through my mind, 'cause I turned forty, 
		tsch, and I guess I'm going through a 
		life crisis or something, I don't know. 
		I, uh ... and I'm not worried about aging.  
		I'm not one o' those characters, you know. 
		Although I'm balding slightly on top, that's 
		about the worst you can say about me.  I, 
		uh, I think I'm gonna get better as I get 
		older, you know?  I think I'm gonna be the-
		the balding virile type, you know, as 
		opposed to say the, uh, distinguished 
		gray, for instance, you know?  'Less I'm 
		neither o' those two. Unless I'm one o' 
		those guys with saliva dribbling out of 
		his mouth who wanders into a cafeteria 
		with a shopping bag screaming about 
		socialism. 
			(Sighing) 
		Annie and I broke up and I-I still can't 
		get my mind around that.  You know, I-I 
		keep sifting the pieces of the relationship 
		through my mind and-and examining my life 
		and tryin' to figure out where did the 
		screw-up come, you know, and a year ago we 
		were... tsch, in love.  You know, and-and-and 
		... And it's funny, I'm not-I'm not a 
		morose type.  I'm not a depressive character.  
		I-I-I, uh, 
			(Laughing) 
		you know, I was a reasonably happy kid, 
		I guess.  I was brought up in Brooklyn 
		during World War II.

								CUT TO:

INT. DOCTOR'S OFFICE-DAY

Alvy as young boy sits on a sofa with his  mother in an old-fashioned, 
cluttered doctor's office.  The doctor stands near the sofa, holding a 
cigarette and listening.

				MOTHER 
			(To the doctor) 
		He's been depressed.  All off a sudden, 
		he can't do anything.

				DOCTOR 
			(Nodding) 
		Why are you depressed, Alvy?
 
				MOTHER 
			(Nudging Alvy) 
		Tell Dr. Flicker. 
			(Young Alvy sits, his head down.  His 
			mother answers for him) 
		It's something he read.

				DOCTOR 
			(Puffing on his cigarette and 
			nodding) 
		Something he read, huh?  

				ALVY 
			(His head still down) 
		The universe is expanding.

				DOCTOR 
		The universe is expanding?

				ALVY 
			(Looking up at the doctor) 
		Well, the universe is everything, and if 
		it's expanding, someday it will break apart 
		and that would be the end of everything!

Disgusted, his mother looks at him.

				MOTHER 
			(shouting) 
		What is that your business? 
			(she turns back to the doctor) 
		He stopped doing his homework.

				ALVY 
		What's the point?

				MOTHER 
			(Excited, gesturing with her hands) 
		What has the universe got to do with it?  
		You're here in Brooklyn!  Brooklyn is not 
		expanding!

				DOCTOR 
			(Heartily, looking down at Alvy) 
		It won't be expanding for billions of years 
		yet, Alvy.  And we've gotta try to enjoy 
		ourselves while we're here.  Uh?

He laughs.

								CUT TO:

Fall shot of house with an amusement-park roller-coaster ride built over it. 
A line of cars move up and then slides with great speed while out the window 
of the house a band shakes a dust mop.

				ALVY'S VOICE 
		My analyst says I exaggerate my childhood 
		memories, but I swear I was brought up 
		underneath the roller-

								CUT TO:

INT. HOUSE

Alvy as a child sits at the table eating soup and reading a comic book while 
his father sits on the sofa reading the paper.  The house shakes with every 
move of the roller coaster.

				ALVY'S VOICE 
		-coaster in the Coney Island section of 
		Brooklyn.  Maybe that accounts for my 
		personality, which is a little nervous, I 
		think.

CUT TO:

Young Alvy at the food-stand concession watching three military men 
representing the Army, the Navy and the Marines arm in arm with a blond woman 
in a skirted bathing suit.  They all turn and run toward the foreground.  The 
girl stops before the camera to lean over and throw a kiss.  The sign over the 
concession reads "Steve's Famous Clam Bar.  Ice Cold Beer, "and the roller 
coaster is moving in full gear in the background.

				ALVY'S VOICE 
		You know, I have a hyperactive imagination.  
		My mind tends to jump around a little, and 
		have some trouble between fantasy and reality.

								CUT TO:

Full shot of people in bumper cars thoroughly enjoying bumping into each other 
as Alvy father stands in the center of the track directing traffic.

				ALVY'S VOICE 
		My father ran the bumper-car concession. 
			(Alvy as a child moves into the frame 
			driving a bumper car.  He stops as other 
			cars bombard him.  His father continues 
			to direct the traffic) 
		There-there he is and there I am.  But I-I-I-I 
		used to get my aggression out through those 
		cars all the time.

Alvy backs up his car off screen.

INT. SCHOOLROOM - DAY

The camera pans over three austere-looking teachers standing in front of the 
blackboard.  The chalk writing on the board changes as each teacher lectures. 
While Alvy speaks, one of the male teachers puts an equation on the blackboard.
- "2 X 10 = 20 " and other arithmetic formulas.

				ALVY'S VOICE 
		I remember the staff at our public 
		school.  You know, we had a saying, uh, 
		that "Those who can't do, teach, and 
		those who can't teach, teach gym." And 
		...uh, h'h, of course, those who couldn't 
		do anything, I think, were assigned to 
		our school.  I must say-

								CUT TO:

A female teacher standing in front of an old-fashioned schoolroom.  The 
blackboard behind her reads "Transportation Administration. The camera pans 
her point of view: a group of young students sitting behind their desks.  Alvy 
as a child sits in a center desk wile all around him there is student activity;
there is note-passing, ruler-tapping, nose-picking, gumchewing.

				ALVY'S VOICE 
		I always felt my schoolmates were idiots.  
		Melvyn Greenglass, you know, fat little 
		face, and Henrietta Farrell, just Miss 
		Perfect all the time.  And-and Ivan 
		Ackerman, always the wrong answer.  Always. 

Ivan stands up behind his desk.

				IVAN 
		Seven and three is nine.

Alvy hits his forehead with his hand.  Another student glances over at him, 
reacting.

				ALVY'S VOICE 
		Even then I knew they were just jerks. 
			(The camera moves back to the teacher, 
			who is glaring out at her students) 
		In nineteen forty-two I had already dis-

As Alvy talks, the camera shows him move from his seat and kiss a young girl.  
She jumps from her seat in disgust, rubbing her cheek, as Alvy moves back to 
his seat.

				1ST GIRL 
			(Making noises) 
		Ugh, he kissed me, he kissed me.

				TEACHER 
			(Off screen) 
		That's the second time this month!  Step 
		up here!

As the teacher, really glaring now, speaks, Alvy rises from his seat and moves 
over to her.  Angry, she points with her band while the students turn their 
heads to watch what will happen next.

				ALVY 
		What'd I do?

				TEACHER 
		Step up here!

				ALVY 
		What'd I do?

				TEACHER 
		You should be ashamed of yourself.

The students, their heads still turned, look back at Alvy, now an adult, 
sitting in the last seat of the second row.

				ALVY (AS ADULT) 
			(First off screen, then onscreen as 
			camera moves over to the back of the 
			classroom) 
		Why, I was just expressing a healthy sexual 
		curiosity.

				TEACHER 
			(The younger, Alvy standing next to her) 
		Six-year-old boys don't have girls on 
		their minds.

				ALVY (AS ADULT) 
			(Still sitting in the back of 
			the classroom) 
		I did. 

The girl the young Alvy kissed turns to the older Alvy, she gestures and 
speaks.

				1ST GIRL 
		For God's sakes, Alvy, even Freud speaks 
		of a latency period.

				ALVY (AS ADULT) 
			(Gesturing) 
		Well, I never had a latency period.  I 
		can't help it.

				TEACHER
			(With young, Alvy still at her side) 
		Why couldn't you have been more like Donald? 
			(The camera pans over to Donald, 
			sitting up tall in his seat, then 
			back to the teacher) 
		Now, there was a model boy!

				ALVY (AS CHILD) 
			(Still standing next to the teacher) 
		Tell the folks where you are today, Donald.

				DONALD 
		I run a profitable dress company.

				ALVY'S VOICE 
		Right.  Sometimes I wonder where my 
		classmates are today.

The camera shows the full classroom, the students sitting behind their desks, 
the teacher standing in the front of the room.  One at a time, the young 
students rise u from their desks and speak.

				1ST BOY 
		I'm president of the Pinkus Plumbing Company.

				2ND BOY 
		I sell tallises.

				3RD BOY 
		I used to be a heroin addict.  Now I'm a 
		methadone addict. 

				2ND GIRL 
			I'm into leather.

INT. ROOM

Close-up of a TV screen showing Alvy as an adult on a talk show.  He sits next 
to the show, host, Dick Cavett, a Navy man sits on his right.  Static is heard 
throughout the dialogue.

				ALVY 
		I lost track of most of my old schoolmates, 
		but I wound up a comedian.  They did not take 
		me in the Army.  I was, uh ... Interestingly 
		enough, I was-I was four-P.

Sounds of TV audience laughter and applause are heard.

				DICK CAVETT 
		Four-P?

				ALVY 
		Yes.  In-in-in-in the event of war, I'm a 
		hostage.

More audience laughter joined by Dick Cavett and the naval officer.

INT. THE HOUSE WHERE ALVY GREW UP

Alvy's  mother sits at the old-fashioned dining-room table peeling carrots and 
talking as she looks off screen.

				MOTHER 
		You always only saw the worst in people.  
		You never could get along with anyone at 
		school.  You were always outta step with the 
		world.  Even when you got famous, you still 
		distrusted the world.'

EXT. MANHATTAN STREET-DAY

A pretty Manhattan street with sidewalk trees, brownstones, a school; people 
mill about, some strolling and carrying bundles, others buried.  The screen 
shows the whole length of the sidewalk, a street, and part of the sidewalk 
beyond.  As the following scene ensues, two pedestrians, indistinguishable in 
the distance, come closer and closer toward the camera, recognizable, finally, 
as Alvy and his best friend, Rob, deep in conversation.  They eventually move 
past the camera and off screen.  Traffic noise is heard in the background.

				ALVY 
		I distinctly heard it.  He muttered under 
		his breath, "Jew." 

				ROB 
		You're crazy!

				ALVY 
		No, I'm not.  We were walking off the 
		tennis court, and you know, he was there 
		and me and his wife, and he looked at her 
		and then they both looked at me, and under 
		his breath he said, "Jew."

				ROB 
		Alvy, you're a total paranoid.

				ALVY 
		Wh- How am I a paran-?  Well, I pick up on 
		those kind o' things.  You know, I was 
		having lunch with some guys from NBC, so 
		I said ... uh, "Did you eat yet or what?" 
		and Tom Christie said, "No, didchoo?" 
		Not, did you, didchoo eat?  Jew?  No, not 
		did you eat, but Jew eat?  Jew.  You get it?  
		Jew eat?

				ROB 
		Ah, Max, you, uh ...

				ALVY 
		Stop calling me Max.

				ROB 
		Why, Max?  It's a good name for you.  Max, 
		you see conspiracies in everything.

				ALVY 
		No, I don't!  You know, I was in a record 
		store.  Listen to this -so I know there's 
		this big tall blond crew-cutted guy and 
		he's lookin' at me in a funny way and 
		smiling and he's saying, "Yes, we have a 
		sale this week on Wagner." Wagner, Max, 
		Wagner-so I know what he's really tryin' 
		to tell me very significantly Wagner. 

				ROB 
		Right, Max.  California, Max.

				ALVY 
		Ah.

				ROB 
		Let's get the hell outta this crazy city.

				ALVY 
		Forget it, Max.

				ROB 
		-we move to sunny L.A. All of show business 
		is out there, Max.

				ALVY
		No, I cannot.  You keep bringing it up, but 
		I don't wanna live in a city where the only 
		cultural advantage is that you can make a 
		right turn on a red light.

				ROB
			(Checking his watch) 
		Right, Max, forget it.  Aren't you gonna be 
		late for meeting Annie?

				ALVY 
		I'm gonna meet her in front of the Beekman.  
		I think I have a few minutes left.  Right?

EXT. BEEKMAN THEATER-DAY

Alvy stands in front of glass doors of theater, the ticket taker behind him 
just inside the glass doors.  The sounds of city traffic, car horns honking, 
can be heard while he looks around waiting for, Annie. A man in a black leather
jacket, walking past the theater, stops in front of, Alvy.  He looks at him, 
then moves away.  He stops a few steps farther and turns around to look at Alvy
again.  Alvy looks away, then back at the man.  The man continues to stare. 
Alvy scratches his head, looking for Annie and trying not to notice the man. 
The man, still staring, walks back to Alvy.

				1ST MAN 
		Hey, you on television?

				ALVY 
			(Nodding his head) 
		No. Yeah, once in a while.  You know, 
		like occasionally.

				1ST MAN 
		What's your name?

				ALVY 
			(Clearing his throat) 
		You wouldn't know it.  It doesn't matter.  
		What's the difference?

				1ST MAN 
		You were on ... uh, the ... uh, the Johnny 
		Carson, right?  

				ALVY 
		Once in a while, you know.  I mean, you 
		know, every now-

				1ST MAN 
		What's your name?

Alvy  is getting more and more uneasy as the man talks; more and more people 
move through the doors of the theater.

				ALVY 
			(Nervously) 
		I'm ... I'm, uh, I'm Robert Redford. 

				1ST MAN 
			(Laughing) 
		Come on.

				ALVY
		Alvy Singer. It was nice nice ... Thanks 
		very much ... for everything.

They shake hands and Alvy pats the man's arm.  The man in turn looks over his 
shoulder and motions to another man. All excited now, he points to Alvy and 
calls out. Alvy looks impatient.

				1ST MAN 
		Hey!

				2ND MAN 
			(Off screen) 
		What?

				1ST MAN 
		This is Alvy Singer!

				ALVY 
		Fellas ... you know-Jesus!  Come on!

				1ST MAN 
			(Overlapping, ignoring Alvy) 
		This guy's on television!  Alvy
		Singer, right?  Am I right?

				ALVY 
			(Overlapping 1st man) 
		Gimme a break, will yuh, gimme a break.
		Jesus Christ!

				1ST MAN 
			(Still ignoring Alvy's protestations) 
		This guy's on television.

				ALVY 
		I need a large polo mallet!

				2ND MAN 
			(Moving into the screen) 
		Who's on television?

				1ST MAN
		This guy, on the Johnny Carson show.

				ALVY 
			(Annoyed) 
		Fellas, what is this-a meeting o' the 
		teamsters?  You know.. .

				2ND MAN 
			(Also ignoring Alvy) 
		What program?

				1ST MAN 
			(Holding out a matchbook) 
		Can I have your autograph?

				ALVY 
		You don't want my autograph.

				1ST MAN 
			(Overlapping, Alvy's  speech) 
		Yeah, I do.  It's for my girl friend.  
		Make it out to Ralph.

				ALVY 
			(Taking the matchbook and pen and 
			writing) 
		Your girl friend's name is Ralph?

				1ST MAN 
		It's for my brudder. 
			(To passersby) 
		Alvy Singer!  Hey!  This is Alvy-

				2ND MAN 
			(To Alvy, overlapping 1st man's speech) 
		You really Alvy Singer, the ... the 
		TV star?

Nodding his head yes, Alvy shoves 2nd man aside and moves to the curb of the 
sidewalk.  The two men follow, still talking over the traffic noise.

				1ST MAN 
		-Singer!

				2ND MAN 
		Alvy Singer over here!

A cab moves into the frame and stops by the curb.  Alvy moves over to it about 
to get in.

				ALVY 
			(Overlapping the two men and 
			stuttering) 
		I-i-i-i-it's all right, fellas. 
			(As Alvy opens the cab door, the 
			two men still behind him, Annie 
			gets out) 
		Jesus, what'd you do, come by way of 
		the Panama Canal?

				ANNIE 
			(Overlapping Alvy) 
		Alright, alright, I'm in a bad mood, okay?  

Annie closes the cab door and she and Alvy move over to the ticket booth of 
the theater as they continue to talk.

				ALVY 
		Bad mood?  I'm standing with the cast of 
		"The Godfather."

				ANNIE 
		You're gonna hafta learn to deal with it.

				ALVY 
		Deal!  I'm dealing with two guys named 
		Cheech!

				ANNIE 
		Okay. 
			(They move into the ticket line, 
			still talking.  A billboard next to 
			them reads "INGMAR BERGMAN'S 'FACE 
			TO FACE ,'LIV ULLMANN") 
		Please, I have a headache, all right?

				ALVY 
		Hey, you are in a bad mood.  You-you-
		you must be getting your period.

				ANNIE 
		I'm not getting my period.  Jesus, every 
		time anything out of the ordinary happens, 
		you think that I'm getting my period!

They move over to the ticket counter, people in front of them buying tickets 
and walking off screen.

				ALVY 
			(Gesturing) 
		A li-little louder.  I think one of them 
		may have missed it! 
			(To the ticket clerk) 
		H'm, has the picture started yet?

				TICKET CLERK 
		It started two minutes ago.

				ALVY 
			(Hitting his hand on the counter) 
		That's it!  Forget it!  I-I can't go in.

				ANNIE 
		Two minutes, Alvy.

				ALVY 
			(Overlapping Annie)
		No, I'm sorry, I can't do it.  We-we've 
		blown it already. I-you know, uh, I-I 
		can't go in in the middle.

				ANNIE 
		In the middle? 
			(Alvy nods his head yes and let's
			out an exasperated sigh) 
		We'll only miss the titles.  They're in 
		Swedish.

				ALVY 
		You wanna get coffee for two hours or 
		something?  We'll go next-

				ANNIE 
		Two hours?  No, u-uh, I'm going in.  
		I'm going in. 

She moves past the ticket clerk.

				ALVY 
			(Waving to Annie) 
		Go ahead.  Good-bye. 

Annie moves back to Alvy and takes his arm.

				ANNIE 
		Look, while we're talking we could be 
		inside, you know that?

				ALVY 
			(Watching people with tickets move 
			past them) 
		Hey, can we not stand here and argue in 
		front of everybody, 'cause I get embarrassed.

				ANNIE 
		Alright.  All right, all right, so whatta 
		you wanna do?

				ALVY 
		I don't know now.  You-you wanna go to 
		another movie? 
			(Annie nods her head and shrugs 
			her shoulders disgustedly as Alvy, 
			gesturing with his band, looks at 
			her) 
		So let's go see The Sorrow and the Pity.

				ANNIE 
		Oh, come on, we've seen it.  I'm not in 
		the mood to see a four-hour documentary 
		on Nazis.

				ALVY 
		Well, I'm sorry, I-I can't ... I-I-I've 
		gotta see a picture exactly from the start 
		to the finish, 'cause-'cause I'm anal.

				ANNIE
			(Laughing now) 
		H'h, that's a polite word for what you are.

INT. THEATER LOBBY.

A lined-up crowd of ticket holders waiting to get into the theater, Alvy and 
Annie among them.  A bum of indistinct chatter can be heard through the ensuing
scene.

				MAN IN LINE 
			(Loudly to his companion right 
			behind Alvy and Annie) 
		We saw the Fellini film last Tuesday.  
		It is not one of his best.  It lacks a 
		cohesive structure.  You know, you get 
		the feeling that he's not absolutely sure 
		what it is he wants to say.  'Course, I've 
		always felt he was essentially a-a technical 
		film maker.  Granted, La Strada was a great 
		film.  Great in its use of negative energy 
		more than anything else.  But that simple 
		cohesive core ... 

Alvy, reacting to the man's loud monologue, starts to get annoyed, while Annie 
begins to read her newspaper.

				ALVY 
			(Overlapping the man's speech) 
		I'm-I'm-I'm gonna have a stroke.

				ANNIE 
			(Reading) 
		Well, stop listening to him.

				MAN IN LINE 
			(Overlapping Alvy and Annie) 
		You know, it must need to have had its 
		leading from one thought to another.  
		You know what I'm talking about?

				ALVY 
			(Sighing) 
		He's screaming his opinions in my ear.

				MAN IN LINE 
		Like all that Juliet of the Spirits or 
		Satyricon, I found it incredibly ... 
		indulgent.  You know, he really is.  He's 
		one of the most indulgent film makers.  He 
		really is-

				ALVY 
			(Overlapping) 
		Key word here is "indulgent."

				MAN IN LINE 
			(Overlapping) 
		-without getting ... well, let's put it 
		this way ...

				ALVY 
			(To Annie, who is still reading, 
			overlapping the man in line who is 
			still talking) 
		What are you depressed about?

				ANNIE 
		I missed my therapy.  I overslept.

				ALVY  
		How can you possibly oversleep?

				ANNIE 
		The alarm clock.

				ALVY 
			(Gasping) 
		You know what a hostile gesture that is 
		to me?

				ANNIE 
		I know-because of our sexual problem, 
		right?

				ALVY 
		Hey, you ... everybody in line at the 
		New Yorker has to know our rate of 
		intercourse?

				MAN IN LINE
		- It's like Samuel Beckett, you know-
		I admire the technique but he doesn't ... 
		he doesn't hit me on a gut level.

				ALVY 
			(To Annie) 
		I'd like to hit this guy on a gut level.

The man in line continues his speech all the while Alvy and Annie talk.

				ANNIE 
		Stop it, Alvy!

				ALVY 
			(Wringing his hands) 
		Well, he's spitting on my neck!  You know, 
		he's spitting on my neck when he talks.

				MAN IN LINE 
		And then, the most important thing of all 
		is a comedian's vision.

				ANNIE 
		And you know something else?  You know, 
		you're so egocentric that if I miss my 
		therapy you can think of it in terms of 
		how it affects you!

				MAN IN LINE 
			(Lighting a cigarette while he talks) 
		Gal gun-shy is what it is.

				ALVY
			(Reacting again to the man in line) 
		Probably on their first date, right?

				MAN IN LINE 
			(Still going on) 
		It's a narrow view.

				ALVY
		Probably met by answering an ad in the 
		New York Review of Books.  "Thirtyish 
		academic wishes to meet woman who's 
		interested in Mozart, James Joyce and 
		sodomy." 
			(He sighs; then to Annie) 
		Whatta you mean, our sexual problem?

				ANNIE 
		Oh!

				ALVY  
		I-I-I mean, I'm comparatively normal 
		for a guy raised in Brooklyn.

				ANNIE 
		Okay, I'm very sorry.  My sexual problem!  
		Okay, my sexual problem!  Huh?

The man in front of them turns to look at them, then looks away.

				ALVY 
		I never read that.  That was-that was 
		Henry James, right?  Novel, uh, the 
		sequel to Turn of the Screw?  My Sexual ...

				MAN IN LINE 
			(Even louder now) 
		It's the influence of television.  Yeah, 
		now Marshall McLuhan deals with it in terms 
		of it being a-a high, uh, high intensity, 
		you understand?  A hot medium ... as opposed 
		to a ...

				ALVY 
			(More and more aggravated) 
		What I wouldn't give for a large sock o' 
		horse manure.

				MAN IN LINE     
		... as opposed to a print ...

Alvy steps forward, waving his hands in frustration, and stands facing the 
camera.

				ALVY 
			(Sighing and addressing the audience) 
		What do you do when you get stuck in a movie 
		line with a guy like this behind you?  I mean, 
		it's just maddening!

The man in line moves toward Alvy.  Both address the audience now.

				MAN IN LINE 
		Wait a minute, why can't I give my opinion?  
		It's a free country!

				ALVY 
		I mean, d- He can give you- Do you hafta 
		give it so loud?  I mean, aren't you ashamed 
		to pontificate like that?  And-and the funny 
		part of it is, M-Marshall McLuhan, you don't
		know anything about Marshall McLuhan's...work!

				MAN IN LINE 
			(Overlapping) 
		Wait a minute!  Really?  Really?  I happen to 
		teach a class at Columbia called "TV Media 
		and Culture"!  So I think that my insights 
		into Mr. McLuhan-well, have a great deal of 
		validity.

				ALVY 
		Oh, do yuh?

				MAN IN LINE 
		Yes.

				ALVY 
		Well, that's funny, because I happen to 
		have Mr. McLuhan right here.  So ... so, 
		here, just let me-I mean, all right.  Come 
		over here ... a second.

Alvy gestures to the camera which follows him and the man in line to the back 
of the crowded lobby.  He moves over to a large stand-up movie poster and 
pulls Marshall McLuban from behind the poster.

				MAN IN LINE 
		Oh.

				ALVY 
			(To McLuban) 
		Tell him.

				MCLUHAN 
			(To the man in line) 
		I hear-I heard what you were saying.  
		You-you know nothing of my work.  You 
		mean my whole fallacy is wrong.  How you 
		ever got to teach a course in anything is 
		totally amazing.

				ALVY 
			(To the camera) 
		Boy, if life were only like this!

INT. THEATER. A CLOSE-UP OF THE SCREEN SHOWING FACES OF GERMAN SOLDIERS.

Credits appear over the faces of the soldiers.

	 	      THE SORROW AND THE PITY
			  CINEMA 5 LTD., 1972
		  MARCEL OPHULS, ANDRE HARRIS, 1969
	Chronicle of a French town during the Occupation

				NARRATOR'S VOICE 
			(Over credits and soldiers) 
		June fourteenth, nineteen forty, the 
		German army occupies Paris.  All over 
		the country, people are desperate for 
		every available scrap of news.

								CUT TO:

INT. BEDROOM-NIGHT 

Annie is sitting up in bed reading.

				ALVY 
			(Off screen) 
		Boy, those guys in the French Resistance 
		were really brave, you know?  Got to listen 
		to Maurice Chevalier sing so much.

				ANNIE 
		M'm, I don't know, sometimes I ask myself 
		how I'd stand up under torture.

				ALVY 
			(Off screen) 
		You?  You kiddin'? 
			(He moves into the frame, lying across 
			the bed to touch, Annie, who makes a 
			face) 
		If the Gestapo would take away your 
		Bloomingdale's charge card, you'd tell 'em 
		everything.

				ANNIE 
		That movie makes me feel guilty.

				ALVY 
		Yeah, 'cause it's supposed to.

He starts kissing Annie's arm.  She gets annoyed and continues to read.

				ANNIE 
		Alvy, I ...

				ALVY 
		What-what-what-what's the matter?

				ANNIE 
		I-you know, I don't wanna.

				ALVY 
			(Overlapping Annie, reacting) 
		What-what-I don't ... It's not natural!  
		We're sleeping in a bed together.  You 
		know, it's been a long time.

				ANNIE 
		I know, well, it's just that-you know, I 
		mean, I-I-I-I gotta sing tomorrow night, 
		so I have to rest my voice.

				ALVY 
			(Overlapping Annie again) 
		It's always some kind of an excuse.  It's- 
		You know, you used to think that I was 
		very sexy.  What ... When we first started 
		going out, we had sex constantly ... We're-
		we're probably listed in the Guinness Book 
		of World Records.

				ANNIE 
			(Patting Alvy's band solicitously) 
		I know.  Well, Alvy, it'll pass, it'll 
		pass, it's just that I'm going through a 
		phase, that's all.

				ALVY 
		M'm.

				ANNIE 
		I mean, you've been married before, you 
		know how things can get.  You were very 
		hot for Allison at first.

								CUT TO:


INT. BACK STAGE OF AUDITORIUM - NIGHT.

Allison, clipboard in band, walks about the wings, stopping to talk to various 
people.  Musicians, performers and technicians mill about, busy with activity. 
Allison wears a large "ADLAI" button, as do the people around her.  The sounds 
of a comedian on the stage of the auditorium can be heard, occasionally, 
interrupted by chatter and applause from the off screen audience.  Allison 
stops to talk to two women; they, too, wear "ADLAI" buttons.

				ALLISON 
			(Looking down at the clipboard) 
		Ma'am, you're on right after this man ... 
		about twenty minutes, something like that.

				WOMAN 
		Oh, thank you.

Alvy moves into the frame behind Allison.  He taps her on the shoulder; she 
turns to face him.

				ALVY 
			(Coughing) 
		Excuse ... excuse me, when do I go on?

				ALLISON 
			(Looking down at the clipboard) 
		Who are you?

				ALVY
		Alvy ... Alvy Singer.  I'm a comedian.

				ALLISON 
		Oh, comedian.  Yes.  Oh, uh ... you're 
		on next.

				ALVY 
			(Rubbing his hands together 
			nervously) 
		What do you mean, next?

				ALLISON 
			(Laughing) 
		Uh ... I mean you're on right after 
		this act.

				ALVY 
			(Gesturing) 
		No, it can't be, because he's a comic.

				ALLISON 
		Yes.

				ALVY 
		So what are you telling me, you're 
		putting on two comics in a row?

				ALLISON 
		Why not?

				ALVY  
		No, I'm sorry, I'm not goin'- I can't 
		... I don't wanna go on after that comedian.

				ALLISON 
		It's okay.

				ALVY 
		No, because they're-they're laughing, so 
			(He starts laughing nervously) 
		I-I-I'd rather not.  If you don't mind, 
		I prefer-

				ALLISON 
			(Overlapping) 
		Will you relax, please?  They're gonna 
		love you, I know.

				ALVY 
			(Overlapping) 
		I prefer not to, because ... look, 
		they're laughing at him.  See, so what 
		are yuh telling me-

They move closer to the stage, looking out from the wings.

				ALLISON 
			(Overlapping) 
		Yes.

				ALVY 
(Overlapping) 
		-that I've got to ... ah ... ah ... 
		They're gonna laugh at him for a couple 
		minutes, then I gotta go out there, I 
		gotta ... get laughs, too.  How much can 
		they laugh? 
			(Off screen) 
		They-they they're laughed out.

				ALLISON 
			(Off screen) 
		Do you feel all right?

As Allison and Alvy look out at the stage, the camera cuts to their point of 
view: a comedian standing at a podium in front of huge waving pictures of Adlai
Stevenson.  The audience, laughing and clapping, sits at round tables in 
clusters around the room.

The camera moves back to Allison and Alvy watching the stage.  Alvy is swinging
his hands nervously.

				COMEDIAN 
			(Off screen, onstage) 
		You know ...

Alvy starts looking Allison up and down; people in the background mill about.

				ALVY 
			(Above the chatter around him) 
		Look, what's your-what's your name?

				COMEDIAN 
			(Off screen)  
		... General Eisenhower is not ...

				ALLISON 
			(Looking out at the stage) 
		Allison.

				ALVY   
		Yeah?  Allison what?

				ALLISON 
			(Still looking off screen) 
		Portchnik.

				COMEDIAN     
		... a group from the ...

				ALVY
			(Coughing) 
		Thank you. I-I don't know why they would 
		have me at this kind of rally 'cause ... 
			(He clears his throat) 
		Excuse me, I'm not essentially a political 
		comedian at all.

The audience starts to laugh.

				ALVY 
		I ... interestingly had, uh, dated ... 
		a woman in the Eisenhower Administration 
		... briefly ... and, uh, it was ironic to 
		me 'cause, uh . . . tsch . . . 'cause I 
		was trying to, u-u-uh, do to her what 
		Eisenhower has been doing to the country 
		for the last eight years. 

The audience is with him, laughing, as Allison continues to watch offstage.

INT. APARTMENT BEDROOM.

Allison and, Alvy are on the bed, kissing.  There are books all over the room; 
a fireplace, unlit, along one of the walls. Alvy suddenly breaks away and sits 
on the edge of the bed. Allison looks at him.

				ALVY  
		H'm, I'm sorry, I can't go through with 
		this, because it-I can't get it off my 
		mind, Allison ... it's obsessing me!

				ALLISON 
		Well, I'm getting tired of it.  I need 
		your attention.

Alvy gets up from the bed and starts walking restlessly around the room, 
gesturing with his hands.

				ALVY 
		It-but it-it ... doesn't make any sense.  
		He drove past the book depository and the 
		police said conclusively that it was an 
		exit wound.  So-how is it possible for 
		Oswald to have fired from two angles at 
		once?  It doesn't make sense.

				ALLISON 
		Alvy.

Alvy, stopping for a moment at the fireplace mantel, sighs.  He then snaps his 
fingers and starts walking again.

				ALVY 
		I'll tell you this!  He was not marksman 
		enough to hit a moving target at that 
		range.  But ... 
			(Clears his throat) 
		if there was a second assassin ... it- 
		That's it!

Alvy stops at the music stand with open sheet music on it as Allison gets up 
from the bed and retrieves a pack of cigarettes from a bookshelf.

				ALLISON 
		We've been through this.

				ALVY 
		If they-they recovered the shells from 
		that rifle.

				ALLISON 
			(Moving back to the bed and 
			lighting a cigarette) 
		Okay.  All right, so whatta yuh saying, 
		now?  That e-e-everybody o-o-on the Warren 
		Commission is in on this conspiracy, right?

				ALVY 
		Well, why not?

				ALLISON 
		Yeah, Earl Warren?

				ALVY 
			(Moving toward the bed) 
		Hey ... honey, I don't know Earl Warren.

				ALLISON 
		Lyndon Johnson?

				ALVY 
			(Propping one knee on the bed 
			and gesturing) 
		L-L-Lyndon Johns Lyndon Johnson is a 
		politician.  You know the ethics those 
		guys have?  It's like-uh, a notch 
		underneath child molester.

				ALLISON 
		Then everybody's in in the conspiracy?

				ALVY 
			(Nodding his head) 
		Tsch.

				ALLISON 
		The FBI, and the CIA, and J. Edgar 
		Hoover and oil companies and the 
		Pentagon and the men's-room attendant 
		at the White House?

Alvy touches Allison's shoulder, then gets up from the bed and starts walking 
again.

				ALVY 
		I-I-I-I would leave out the men's-room 
		attendant.

				ALLISON 
		You're using this conspiracy theory as 
		an excuse to avoid sex with me.

				ALVY 
		Oh, my God! 
			(Then, to the camera) 
		She's right!  Why did I turn off Allison 
		Portchnik?  She was-she was beautiful.  She 
		was willing.  She was real ... intelligent. 
			(Sighing) 
		Is it the old Groucho Marx joke?  That-that 
		I-I just don't wanna belong to any club that 
		would have someone like me for a member?

EXT. BEACH HOUSE - DAY

Alvy's and Annie's voices are heard over the wind-browned exterior of a beach 
house in the Hamptons. As they continue to talk, the camera moves inside the 
house. Alvy is picking up chairs, trying to get at the group of lobsters 
crawling on the floor.  Dishes are stacked up in a drying rack, and bags of 
groceries sit on the counter.  There's a table and chairs near the refrigerator. 

				ANNIE 
		Alvy, now don't panic.  Please.

				ALVY 
		Look, I told you it was a ... mistake 
		to ever bring a live thing in the house.

				ANNIE
		Stop it!  Don't ... don't do that!  There.
 
The lobsters continue to crawl on the floor.  Annie, bolding out a wooden 
paddle, tries to shove them onto it.

				ALVY 
		Well, maybe we should just call the police.  
		Dial nine-one-one, it's the lobster squad.

				ANNIE 
		Come on, Alvy, they're only baby ones, for 
		God's sake. 

				ALVY 
		If they're only babies, then you pick 
		'em up.

				ANNIE 
		Oh, all right.  All right!  It's all 
		right.  Here.

She drops the paddle and picks up one of the lobsters by the tail.  Laughing, 
she shoves it at Alvy who jerks backward, squeamishly.

				ALVY 
		Don't give it to me.  Don't!

				ANNIE 
			(Hysterically) 
		Oooh!  Here!  Here!

				ALVY 
			(Pointing) 
		Look!  Look, one crawled behind the 
		refrigerator.  It'll turn up in our bed 
		at night. 
			(They move over to the refrigerator; 
			Alvy moves as close to the wall as 
			possible as Annie, covering her mouth 
			and laughing hysterically, teasingly 
			dangles a lobster in front of him) 
		Will you get outta here with that thing?  
		Jesus!

				ANNIE 
			(Laughing, to the lobster) 
		Get him!

				ALVY 
			(Laughing) 
		Talk to him.  You speak shellfish! 
			(He moves over to the stove and 
			takes the lid of a large steamer 
			filled with boiling water) 
		Hey, look ... put it in the pot.

				ANNIE 
			(Laughing) 
		I can't!  I can't put him in the pot.  I 
		can't put a live thing in hot water.

				ALVY 
			(Overlapping) 
		Gimme!  Gimme!  Let me do it!  What-what's 
		he think we're gonna do, take him to the 
		movies?

Annie hands the lobster to Alvy as he takes it very carefully and drops it 
gingerly into the pot and puts the cover back on.

				ANNIE 
			(Overlapping Alvy and making sounds) 
		Oh, God!  Here yuh go!  Oh, good, now 
		he'll think- 
			(She screams) 
		Aaaah!  Okay.

				ALVY 
			(Overlapping Annie) 
		Okay, it's in.  It's definitely in the pot!

				ANNIE 
		All right.  All right.  All right.

She moves hurriedly across the kitchen and picks up another lobster.  Smiling, 
she places it on the counter as Alvy stands beside the refrigerator trying to 
push it from the wall.

				ALVY 
		Annie, there's a big lobster behind 
		the refrigerator.  I can't get it out.  
		This thing's heavy.  Maybe if I put a 
		little dish of butter sauce here with a 
		nutcracker, it will run out the other 
		side, you know what I mean?

				ANNIE 
			(Overlapping) 
		Yeah.  I'm gonna get my ... I'm gonna 
		get my camera.

				ALVY 
		You know, I-I think ... if I could pry 
		this door off ... We shoulda gotten steaks 
		'cause they don't have legs.  They don't 
		run around.

Annie rushes out of the room to get her camera as Alvy picks up the paddle. 
Trying to get at the lobsters, he ends up knocking over dishes and hitting the 
chandelier.  Holding the paddle, he finally leans back against the sink.  
Annie, standing in the doorway, starts taking pictures of him.

				ANNIE 
		Great!  Great! 
			(Screaming) 
		Goddammit! 
			(Screaming) 
		Ooooh!  These are ... p-p-p-pick this 
		lobster up.  Hold it, please!

				ALVY 
		All right!  All right!  All right!  All 
		right!  Whatta yuh mean?  Are yuh gonna 
		take pictures now?

				ANNIE 
		It'll make great- Alvy, be- Alvy, it'll 
		be wonderful ... Ooooh, lovely!

				ALVY 
			(Picking up the lobster Annie 
			placed on the counter earlier) 
		All right, here!  Oh, God, it's disgusting!

Alvy drops the lobster back down on the counter, sticking out his tongue and 
making a face.

				ANNIE 
		Don't be a jerk.  One more, Alvy, please, 
		one more picture. 
			(Reluctantly Alvy picks up the 
			lobster again as Annie takes 
			another picture) 
		Oh, oh, good, good!

EXT. OCEAN FRONT-DUSK.

The camera pans Annie and Alvy as they walk along the shore.

				ALVY 
		So, so-well, here's what I wanna know.  
		W-what ... 
			(He clears his throat) 
		Am I your first big romance?

				ANNIE 
		Oh ... no, no, no, no, uh, uh.  No.

				ALVY 
		Well, then, w-who was?

				ANNIE 
		Oh, well, let's see, there was Dennis, 
		from Chippewa Falls High School. 

CUT TO:

FLASHBACK OF DENNIS LEANING AGAINST A CAR - NIGHT

Behind him is a movie theater with "MARILYN MONROE, 'MISFITS' " on the marquee.
He looks at his watch as the younger Annie, in a beehive hairdo, moves into the
frame.  They kiss quickly and look at each other, smiling.

				ALVY'S VOICE 
			(Off screen) 
		Dennis-right, uh, uh ... local kid 
		probably, would meetcha in front of the 
		movie house on Saturday night.

				ANNIE'S VOICE 
		Oh, God, you should've seen what I looked 
		like then.

				ALVY'S VOICE 
			(Off screen, laughing) 
		Oh, I can imagine.  P-p-probably the 
		wife of an astronaut.

				ANNIE'S VOICE 
		Then there was Jerry, the actor.

								CUT TO:

FLASHBACK OF BRICK-WALLED APARTMENT - NIGHT

The younger, Annie and Jerry lean against the wall. Jerry is running his band 
down Annie's bare arm. Annie and Alvy walk into the room, observing the younger
Annie, in jeans and T-shirt, with Jerry.

				ALVY'S VOICE 
			(Laughing) 
		Look at you, you-you,-re such a clown.

				ANNIE'S VOICE 
		I look pretty.

				ALVY'S VOICE 
		Well, yeah, you always look pretty, but 
		that guy with you ...

				JERRY 
		Acting is like an exploration of the soul. 
		I-it's very religious.  Uh, like, uh, a 
		kind of liberating consciousness.  It's 
		like a visual poem.

				ALVY 
			(Laughing) 
		Is he kidding with that crap?

				YOUNGER ANNIE
			(Laughing) 
		Oh, right.  Right, yeah, I think I 
		know exactly what you mean, when you 
		say "religious."

				ALVY 
			(Incredulous, to Annie) 
		You do?

				ANNIE 
			(Still watching) 
		Oh, come on-I mean, I was still younger.

				ALVY 
		Hey, that was last year.

				JERRY 
		It's like when I think of dying.  You 
		know how I would like to die?

				YOUNGER ANNIE 
		No, how?

				JERRY 
		I'd like to get torn apart by wild animals.

				ALVY'S VOICE 
		Heavy!  Eaten by some squirrels.

				ANNIE'S VOICE 
		Hey, listen-I mean, he was a terrific actor, 
		and look at him, he's neat-looking and he 
		was emotional ... Y-hey, I don't think you 
		like emotion too much.

Jerry stops rubbing the younger Annie's arm and slides down to the floor as 
she raises her foot toward his chest.

				JERRY 
		Touch my heart ... with your foot. 

				ALVY'S VOICE 
		I-I may throw up!

								CUT BACK TO:

EXTERIOR.  BEACH-DUSK

It's now sunset, the water reflecting the last light.  The camera moves over 
the scene.  The off screen voices of Alvy and Annie are heard as they walk, the
camera always one step ahead of them.

				ANNIE 
		He was creepy.

				ALVY 
		Yeah, I-I think you're pretty lucky I 
		came along. 

				ANNIE 
			(Laughing) 
		Oh, really?  Well, la-de-da!

				ALVY 
		La-de-da.  If I-if anyone had ever told 
		me that I would be taking out a girl who 
		used expressions like "la-de-da" . . .

				ANNIE 
		Oh, that's right.  That you really like 
		those New York girls. 

				ALVY 
		Well, no ... not just, not only.

				ANNIE 
		Oh, I'd say so.  You married-

								CUT TO:

INT. NEW YORK CITY APARTMENT-NIGHT

A cocktail party is in progress, the rooms crowded with guests as Alvy and 
Robin make their way through the people.  A waiter, carrying a tray, walks 
past them.  Alvy reaches out to pick up a glass; Robin reaches over and picks 
it of the tray first.  There is much low-key chatter in the background.

				ANNIE 
			(Off screen) 
		-two of them.

				ROBIN 
		There's Henry Drucker.  He has a chair 
		in history at Princeton.  Oh, the short 
		man is Hershel Kaminsky.  He has a chair 
		in philosophy at Cornell.

				ALVY 
		Yeah, two more chairs and they got a 
		dining-room set.

				ROBIN 
		Why are you so hostile?

				ALVY 
			(Sighing) 
		'Cause I wanna watch the Knicks on 
		television.

				ROBIN 
			(Squinting) 
		Is that Paul Goodman?  No. And be nice 
		to the host because he's publishing my 
		book.  Hi, Doug!  Douglas Wyatt.  
		"A Foul-Rag-and-Bone Shop-of-the-Heart."

They move through the rooms, Robin holding a drink in one hand, her arm draped 
in Alvy's; the crowd mills around them.

				ALVY 
			(Taking Robin's hand) 
		I'm so tired of spending evenings making 
		fake insights with people who work for 
		Dysentery.

				ROBIN 
		Commentary.

				ALVY 
		Oh, really, I heard that Commentary and 
		Dissent had merged and formed Dysentery.

				ROBIN 
		No jokes-these are friends, okay?

INT. BEDROOM

Alvy sits on the foot of the bed watching the Knicks game on television.

				TV ANNOUNCER 
			(Off screen) 
		Cleveland Cavaliers losing to the New 
		York Knicks.

Robin enters the room, slamming the door.

				ROBIN 
		Here you are.  There's people out there.

				ALVY 
		Hey, you wouldn't believe this.  Two 
		minutes ago, the Knicks are ahead fourteen 
		points, and now ... 
			(Clears his throat) 
		they're ahead two points.

				ROBIN 
		Alvy, what is so fascinating about a group 
		of pituitary cases trying to stuff the 
		ball through a hoop?

				ALVY 
			(Looking at Robin) 
		What's fascinating is that it's physical.  
		You know, it's one thing about intellectuals, 
		they prove that you can be absolutely brilliant 
		and have no idea what's going on.  But on the 
		other hand ... 
			(Clears his throat) 
		the body doesn't lie, as-as we now know.

Alvy reaches over, pulls Robin down onto the bed.  He kisses her and moves 
farther up on the bed.

				ROBIN 
		Stop acting out.

She sits on the edge of the bed, looking down at the sprawled-out Alvy.

				ALVY 
		No, it'll be great!  It'll be great, 
		be-because all those Ph.D.'s are in 
		there, you know, like ... discussing 
		models of alienation and we'll be in 
		here quietly humping.

He pulls Robin toward him, caressing her as she pulls herself away.

				ROBIN 
		Alvy, don't!  You're using sex to 
		express hostility.

				ALVY 
		"'Why-why do you always r-reduce my 
		animal urges to psychoanalytic categories?' 
			(Clears his throat) 
		he said as he removed her brassiere..."

				ROBIN 
			(Pulling away again) 
		There are people out there from The New 
		Yorker magazine.  My God!  What would they 
		think?

She gets up and fixes the zipper on her dress.  She turns and moves toward the 
door.

INT. APARTMENT-NIGHT

Robin and Alvy are in bed.  The room is in darkness.  Outside, a siren starts 
blaring.

				ROBIN 
		Oh, I'm sorry!

				ALVY 
		Don't get upset!

				ROBIN 
		Dammit!  I was so close.

She flips on the overhead lamp and turns on her side.  Alvy turns to her.

				ALVY 
			(Gesturing) 
		Jesus, last night it was some guy honking 
		his car horn.  I mean, the city can't 
		close down.  You know, what-whatta yuh 
		gonna do, h-have 'em shut down the 
		airport, too?  No more flights so we can 
		have sex?

				ROBIN 
			(Reaching over for her eyeglasses 
			on the night table) 
		I'm too tense.  I need a Valium.  My 
		analyst says I should live in the country 
		and not in New York.

				ALVY 
		Well, I can't li- We can't have this 
		discussion all the time.  The country 
		makes me nervous.  There's ... You got 
		crickets and it-it's quiet ... there's 
		no place to walk after dinner, and... uh, 
		there's the screens with the dead moths 
		behind them, and... uh, yuh got the-the 
		Manson family possibly, yuh got Dick and 
		Terry-

				ROBIN 
			(Interrupting) 
		Okay, okay, my analyst just thinks I'm 
		too tense.  Where's the goddamn Valium?

She fumbles about the floor for the Valium, then back on the bed.

				ALVY 
		Hey, come on, it's quiet now.  We can-we 
		can start again.

				ROBIN 
		I can't.

				ALVY
		What-

				ROBIN
		My head is throbbing.

				ALVY
		Oh, you got a headache!

				ROBIN
		I have a headache.

				ALVY
		Bad?

				ROBIN
		Oswald and ghosts.

				ALVY
		Jesus!

He begins to get out of bed.

				ROBIN 
		Where are you going?

				ALVY 
		Well, I'm-I'm gonna take another in a 
		series of cold showers.

EXT. MEN'S LOCKER ROOM OF THE TENNIS CLUB.

Rob and Alvy, carrying tennis rackets, come through the door of the locker 
room to the lobby.  They are dressed in tennis whites.  They walk toward the 
indoor court.

				ROB
 			Max, my serve is gonna send yuh to 
		the showers-

				ALVY
		Right, right, so g-get back to what we 
		were discussing, the failure of the 
		country to get behind New York City is-is 
		anti-Semitism.

				ROB 
		Max, the city is terribly worried.

				ALVY 
		But the- I'm not discussing politics or 
		economics.  This is foreskin.

				ROB 
		No, no, no, Max, that's a very convenient 
		out.  Every time some group disagrees with 
		you it's because of anti-Semitism.

				ALVY 
		Don't you see?  The rest of the country looks 
		upon New York like we're-we're left-wing 
		Communist, Jewish, homosexual, pornographers.  
		I think of us that way, sometimes, and I-I 
		live here.

				ROB 
		Max, if we lived in California, we could 
		play outdoors every day, in the sun.

				ALVY 
		Sun is bad for yuh.  Everything our parents 
		said was good is bad.  Sun, milk, red meat, 
		college ...

INT. TENNIS COURT

Annie and Janet, in tennis whites, stand on the court holding tennis rackets 
and balls.  They are chattering and giggling.

				ANNIE 
			(Laughing) 
		I know, but ooh- here he comes.  Okay. 

Rob and Alvy enter the court and walk over to the two women.  Rob kisses Janet 
and makes introduction.

				ROB 
		You know Alvy?

				JANET 
		Oh, hi, Alvy.

				ANNIE 
			(To Rob) 
		How are yuh?

				ROB 
			(To Alvy) 
		You know Annie?

				JANET 
		I'm sorry.  This is Annie Hall.

				ALVY 
		Hi.

				ANNIE 
		Hi.

Annie and Alvy shake hands.

				JANET 
			(Laughing) 
		Alvy.

				ROB 
			(Eager to begin) 
		Who's playing who here?  Alvy Well, uh ... 
		you and me against them?

				ANNIE 
			(Overlapping Alvy) 
		Well ... so ... I can't play too good, 
		you know.

				JANET 
			(Laughing) 
		I've had four lessons!

The group, laughing and chatting, divide up-Rob and Annie moving to the other 
side of the net, Alvy and Janet standing where they are.  They start to play 
mixed doubles, each taking turns and playing well. At one point in the game, 
Annie starts to talk to Rob, then turns and sees a ball heading toward her.

				ALVY  
			(Hitting the halt back) 
		Holy gods!

INT. LOBBY

Alvy, dressed, puts things into a gym bag.  One knee is on the bench and his 
back is turned from the entrance. Annie walks toward the entrance door dressed 
in street clothes and carrying her tennis bag over her shoulder.  Seeing Alvy,
she stops and turns.

				ANNIE 
		Hi.  Hi, hi.

				ALVY 
			(Looking over his shoulder) 
		Hi.  Oh, hi.  Hi.

				ANNIE 
			(Hands clasped in front of her, 
			smiling) 
		Well, bye. She laughs and backs up slowly 
		toward the door.

				ALVY 
			(Clearing his throat) 
		You-you play ... very well.

				ANNIE 
		Oh, yeah?  So do you.  Oh, God, whatta-
			(Making sounds and laughing) 
		whatta dumb thing to say, right?  I mean, 
		you say it, "You play well," and right 
		away ... I have to say well.  Oh, oh ... 
		God, Annie. 
			(She gestures with her hand) 
		Well ... oh, well ... la-de-da, la-de-da, 
		la-la.

She turns around and moves toward the door.

				ALVY 
			(Still looking over his shoulder) 
		Uh ... you-you wanna lift?

				ANNIE 
			(Turning and aiming her thumb over 
			her shoulder) 
		Oh, why-uh ... y-y-you gotta car?

				ALVY 
		No, um ... I was gonna take a cab.

				ANNIE 
			(Laughing) 
		Oh, no, I have a car.

				ALVY 
		You have a car? 
			(Annie smiles, hands folded in 
			front of her) 
		So ... 
			(Clears his throat) 
		I don't understand why ... if you have a 
		car, so then-then wh-why did you say "Do 
		you have a car?"... like you wanted a lift?

				ANNIE 
		I don't ... 
			(Laughing) 
		I don't ... Geez, I don't know, I've ... 
		I wa- This ... yeah, I got this VW out 
		there ... 
			(Laughing and gesturing toward 
			the door) 
		What a jerk, yeah.  Would you like a lift?

				ALVY 
			(Zipping up his bag) 
		Sure.  W-w-w-which way yuh goin'?

				ANNIE 
		Me?  Oh, downtown!

				ALVY 
		Down- I'm-I'm goin' uptown.

				ANNIE 
			(Laughing) 
		Oh, well, I'm goin' uptown, too.

				ALVY 
		Uh, well, you just said you were going 
		downtown.

				ANNIE 
		Yeah, well, I'm, but I ...

Alvy picks up his bag and moves toward the door. As he turns his bag around, 
the handle of the tennis racket bits Annie between the legs.

				ALVY 
			(Laughing) 
		So sorry.

				ANNIE 
			(Laughing) 
		I mean, I can go uptown, too.  I live 
		uptown, but ... uh, what the hell, I mean, 
		it'd be nice having company, you know 
		I mean, I hate driving alone.

				ALVY 
			(Making sounds) 
		Yeah.

They walk out the door.

EXT. NEW YORK STREET- DAY

Alvy and Annie in the VW as Annie speeds down a city street near the East River.

				ALVY 
		So, how long do you know Janet?  Where 
		do you know her from?

				ANNIE 
			(Laughing) 
		Oh, I'm in her acting class.

				ALVY 
		Oh - you're an actress.

				ANNIE 
		Well, I do commercials, sort of ...

She zooms down the wrong lane, cars swerving out of her way.  A horn blows.

				ALVY 
		I, uh ... well, you're not from New 
		York, right?

				ANNIE 
		No, Chippewa Falls.

				ALVY 
		Right! 
			(A pause) 
		Where?

				ANNIE 
		Wisconsin.

				ALVY 
			(Finally reacting) 
		Uh, you're driving a-

				ANNIE 
		Uh, don't worry, I'm a very- 
			(A car moves closer to the VW, 
			almost on top of it in the wrong 
			direction.  Annie swerves away at 
			the very last minute)
		-a very good driver. 
			(Alvy rubs his head nervously, 
			staring out the window as Annie 
			speeds along) 
		So, listen-hey, you want some gum, anyway?

Annie looks down beside her, searching for the gum.

				ALVY
		No, no thanks.  Hey, don't-

				ANNIE
		Well, where is it?  I-

				ALVY 
		No, no, no, no, you just ... just watch 
		the road.  I'll get it-

				ANNIE 
		Okay.

They both fumble around in her pocketbook.  Alvy looks up to see the entire 
front of a truck in Annie's windshield.  She swerves just in time.

				ALVY 
		-for yuh.

				ANNIE 
		Okay, that's good.

Alvy continues to look for the gum while Annie zooms down the city streets.

				ANNIE 
		All right.

				ALVY 
		I'll getcha a piece.

				ANNIE	
		Yeah ... so, listen-you drive?

				ALVY
		Do I drive?  Uh, no, I gotta-I gotta 
		problem with driving.

				ANNIE	
		Oh, you do?

				ALVY	
		Yeah.  I got, uh, I got a license but I 
		have too much hostility.

				ANNIE	
		Oh, right.

				ALVY	
		Nice car.

				ANNIE 
			(A bit rapidly)   
		Huh?

				ALVY 
		You keep it nice. 
			(He pulls a half-eaten sandwich 
			out of her bag) 
		Can I ask you, is this-is this a sandwich?

				ANNIE 
		Huh?  Oh, yeah.

EXT. STREET-DAY

Cars are parked on both sides of the street as the VW rounds the corner.

				ANNIE 
		I live over here.  Oh, my God!  Look!  
		There's a parking space!  

With brakes squealing, Annie turns the VW sharply into the parking spot.  
Annie and Alvy get out, Alvy looking over his shoulder as he leaves the car.

				ALVY   
		That's okay, you ... we-we can walk to 
		the curb from here.

				ANNIE 
		Don't be funny.

				ALVY   
		You want your tennis stuff?

				ANNIE 
		Huh?  Oh ... yeah.

				ALVY   
		You want your gear?  Here you go.

Alvy reaches into the back of the car and takes out tennis equipment.  He 
hands her her things.  People pass by on the street.

				ANNIE 
			(Laughing) 
		Yeah, thanks.  Thanks a lot.  Well...

				ALVY 
			(Sighing) 
		Well, thanks, thank you.  You-you're 
		a wonderful tennis player.

				ANNIE 
			(Laughing) 
		Oh.

Alvy shakes hands with Annie.

				ALVY 
		You're the worst driver I've ever seen 
		in my life . . . that's including any place 
		... the worst ... Europe, United ... any 
		place ... Asia.

				ANNIE 
			(Laughing) 
		Yeah.

				ALVY 
		And I love what you're wearin'.

Alvy touches the tie Annie is wearing around her neck.

				ANNIE 
		Oh, you do?  Yeah?  Oh, well, it's uh 
		... this is, uh ... this tie is a present, 
		from Grammy Hall.

Annie flips the bottom of the tie.

				ALVY  
		Who?  Grammy?  Grammy Hall?

				ANNIE 
			(Laughing and nodding her head) 
		Yeah, my grammy.

				ALVY 
		You're jo- Whatta yuh kid- What did you 
		do, grow up in a Norman Rockwell painting?

				ANNIE 
			(Laughing) 
		Yeah, I know.

				ALVY 
		Your grammy!

				ANNIE 
		I know, it's pretty silly, isn't it?

				ALVY 
		Jesus, my-my grammy ... n-never gave 
		gifts, you know.  She-she was	too busy 
		getting raped by Cossacks.

				ANNIE
			(Laughing) 
		Well ...

				ALVY	
		Well ... thank you again.

				ANNIE	
		Oh, yeah, yeah.

				ALVY	
		I'll see yuh.

				ANNIE	
			(Overlapping, gesturing) 
		Hey, well, listen ... hey, you wanna
		come upstairs and, uh ... and have a 
		glass of wine and something?  Aw, no, 
		I mean ... I mean, you don't have to, 
		you're probably late and everything else ...

				ALVY 
		No, no, that'll be fine. I don't mind. Sure. 

				ANNIE 
		You sure?

				ALVY 
			(Overlapping) 
		No, I got time. 

				ANNIE 
		Okay.

				ALVY 
		Sure, I got ... I got nothing, uh, 
		nothing till my analyst's appointment.

They move toward Annie's apartment building.

				ANNIE 
		Oh, you see an analyst?

				ALVY 
		Y-y-yeah, just for fifteen years. 

				ANNIE 
		Fifteen years?

				ALVY 
		Yeah, uh, I'm gonna give him one more 
		year and then I'm goin' to Lourdes.

				ANNIE 
		Fifteen-aw, come on, you're . . . yeah, 
		really?

INT. ANNIE'S APARTMENT

Alvy, standing, looks around the apartment.  There are lots of books, framed 
photographs on the white wall.  A terrace can be seen from the window.  He 
picks up a copy of Ariet, by Sylvia Platb, as Annie comes out of the kitchen 
carrying two glasses.  She hands them to Alvy.

				ALVY 
		Sylvia Plath.

				ANNIE 
		M'hm...

				ALVY
		Interesting poetess whose tragic suicide 
		was misinterpreted as romantic, by the 
		college-girl mentality.

				ANNIE 
		Oh, yeah.

				ALVY 
		Oh, sorry.

				ANNIE 
		Right.  Well, I don't know, I mean, uh, 
		some of her poems seem - neat, you know.

				ALVY
		Neat?

				ANNIE 
		Neat, yeah.

				ALVY 
		Uh, I hate to tell yuh, this is nineteen 
		seventy-five, you know that "neat" went 
		out, I would say, at the turn of the 
		century. 
			(Annie laughs) 
		Who-who are-who are those photos on 
		the wall?

				ANNIE 
			(Moving over to the photographs) 
		Oh ... oh, well, you see now now, uh, 
		that's my dad, that's Father-and that's 
		my ... brother, Duane.

				ALVY 
		Duane?

				ANNIE
			(Pointing) 
		Yeah, right, Duane-and over there is 
		Grammy Hall, and that's Sadie.

				ALVY   
		Well, who's Sadie?

				ANNIE  
		Sadie?  Oh, well, Sadie... 
			(Laughing) 
		Sadie met Grammy through, uh, through 
		Grammy's brother George.  Uh, George was 
		real sweet, you know, he had that thing.  
		What is that thing where you, uh, where 
		you, uh, fall asleep in the middle of a 
		sentence, you know-what is it?  Uh ...

				ALVY 
		Uh, narcolepsy.

				ANNIE
		Narcolepsy, right, right.  Right.  So, 
		anyway, so ... 
			(Laughing) 
		George, uh, went to the union, see, to 
		get his free turkey, be-because, uh, the 
		union always gave George this big turkey 
		at Christmas time because he was ... 
			(Annie points her fingers to each 
			side of her head, indicating George 
			was a little crazy) 
		shell-shocked, you know what I mean, in the 
		First World War. 
			(Laughing hysterically, she opens 
			a cabinet door and takes out a 
			bottle of wine) 
		Anyway, so, so ... 
			(Laughing through the speech) 
		George is standing in line, oh, just a sec 
		...uh, getting his free turkey, but the 
		thing is, he falls asleep and he never 
		wakes up. So, so...
			(Laughing) 
		so, he's dead ... 
			(Laughing) 
		he's dead.  Yeah.  Oh, dear.  Well, 
		terrible, huh, wouldn't you say?  I 
		mean, that's pretty unfortunate.

Annie unscrews the bottle of wine, silent now after her speech.

				ALVY 
		Yeah, it's a great story, though, I 
		mean, I... I ... it really made my day.  
		Hey, I think I should get outta here, 
		you know, 'cause I think I'm imposing, 
		you know ...

				ANNIE 
			(Laughing) 
		Oh, really?  Oh, well ... uh, uh, maybe, 
		uh, maybe, we, uh ...

				ALVY 
		... and ... uh, yeah, uh ... uh, you 
		know, I-I-I... 

They move outside to the terrace, Alvy still holding the glasses, Annie the 
wine.  They stand in front of the railing, Annie pouring the wine into the 
held-out glasses.

				ANNIE 
		Well, I mean, you don't have to, you know.

				ALVY
		No, I know, but ... but, you know, I'm 
		all perspired and everything.

				ANNIE 
		Well, didn't you take, uh ... uh, a 
		shower at the club?

				ALVY
		Me?  No, no, no, 'cause I never shower 
		in a public place.

				ANNIE 
			(Laughing) 
		Why not?

				ALVY 
		'Cause I don't like to get naked in front 
		of another man, you know-it's, uh ...

				ANNIE 
			(Laughing) 
		Oh, I see, I see.

				ALVY 
		You know, I don't like to show my body 
		to a man of my gender-

				ANNIE 
		Yeah.  Oh, yeah.  Yeah, I see.  I guess-

				ALVY	
		-'cause, uh, you never know what's 
		gonna happen.

				ANNIE	
			(Sipping her wine and laughing) 
		Fifteen years, huh?

				ALVY
		Fifteen years, yeah.

				ANNIE	
		Yeah.  Oh, God bless!

They	put their glasses together in a toast.

				ALVY
		God bless.

				ANNIE 
			(Laughing) 
		Well, uh ... 
			(Pausing) 
		You're what Grammy Hall would call a 
		real Jew.

				ALVY  
			(Clearing his throat) 
		Oh, thank you.

				ANNIE
			(Smiling) 
		Yeah, well ... you-She hates Jews.  She 
		thinks that they just make money, but let 
		me tell yuh, I mean, she's the one yeah, 
		is she ever.  I'm tellin' yuh.

				ALVY 
			(pointing toward the apartment 
			after a short pause) 
		So, did you do shoot the photographs 
		in there or what?

				ANNIE
			(Nodding, her hand on her hip) 
		Yeah, yeah, I sorta dabble around, you know.

Annie's thoughts pop on the screen as she talks: I dabble?  Listen to me-what 
a jerk!

				ALVY 
		They're ... they're... they're wonderful, 
		you know.  They have ... they have, uh 
		... a ... a quality.
	
As do Alvy's: You are a great-looking girl

				ANNIE
		Well, I-I-I would-I would like to take 
		a serious photography course soon.

Again, Annie's thoughts pop on: He probably thinks I'm a yo-yo

				ALVY 
		Photography's interesting, 'cause, you 
		know, it's-it's a new art form, and a, 
		uh, a set of aesthetic criteria have 
		not emerged yet.

And Alvy's: I wonder what she looks like naked?

				ANNIE 
		Aesthetic criteria?  You mean, whether 
		it's, uh, good photo or not?

I'm not smart enough for him.  Hang in there

				ALVY 
		The-the medium enters in as a condition 
		of the art form itself.  That's-

I don't know what I'm saying-she senses I'm shallow

				ANNIE 
		Well, well, I ... to me-I ... I mean, 
		it's-it's-it's all instinctive, you 
		know.  I mean, I just try to uh, feel 
		it, you know?  I try to get a sense of 
		it and not think about it so much.

God, I hope he doesn't turn out to be a shmuck like the others

				ALVY 
		Still, still we- You need a set of 
		aesthetic guide lines to put it in 
		social perspective, I think.

Christ, I sound like FM radio.  Relax

They're quiet for a moment, holding wine glasses and sipping.  The sounds of 
distant traffic from the street can be heard on the terrace.  Annie, laughing, 
speaks first.

				ANNIE 
		Well, I don't know.  I mean, I guess-I 
		guess you must be sorta late, huh?

				ALVY 
		You know, I gotta get there and begin 
		whining soon ... otherwise I- Hey ... 
		well, are you busy Friday night?

				ANNIE 
		Me?  Oh, uh.         
			(Laughing) 
		No.

				ALVY 
			(Putting his band on his forehead) 
		Oh, I'm sorry, wait a minute, I have 
		something.  Well, what about Saturday 
		night?

				ANNIE 
			(Nodding) 
		Oh ... nothing.  Not-no, no!

				ALVY 
		Oh, you ... you're very popular, I can see.

				ANNIE 
			(Laughing) 
		I know.

				ALVY 
		Gee, boy, what do you have?  You have 
		plague?

				ANNIE	
		Well, I mean, I meet a lot of ... jerks, 
		you know-

				ALVY
		Yeah, I meet a lotta jerks, too.

				ANNIE	
			(Overlapping) 
		-what I mean?

				ALVY	
		I think that's, uh-

				ANNIE
			(Interrupting) 
		But I'm thinking about getting some 
		cats, you know, and then they ... Oh, 
		wait a second-oh, no, no, I mean 
			(Laughing) 
		oh, shoot!  No, Saturday night I'm 
		gonna-
			(Laughing) 
		gonna sing.  Yeah.

				ALVY
		You're gonna sing?  Do you sing?  Well, 
		no, it isn't
			(Overlapping) 
		No kidding? 
			(Overlapping) 
		-this is my first time.  Oh, really?  Where?  
		I'd like to come. 
			(Laughing) 
		Oh, no, no, no, no, no!  No, I'm interested!

				ANNIE
			(Laughing) 
		Oh, no-I mean, I'm just a-auditioning 
		sort of at club.  I don't-

				ALVY
			(Overlapping) 
		No, so help me.

				ANNIE
			(Overlapping) 
		-it's my first time.

				ALVY
		That's okay, 'cause I know exactly what 
		that's like.  Listen-

				ANNIE
			(Interrupting) 
		Yeah.

				ALVY
			(Overlapping) 
		-you're gonna like night clubs, they're 
		really a lotta fun.

INT. NIGHT CLUB-NIGHT

Annie stands on center stage with a microphone, a pianist behind her.  A 
Bright light is focused on her; the rest of the club is in darkness.  There 
are the typical sounds and movements of a nightclub audience: low conversation,
curling smoke, breaking glass, microphone bum, moving chairs, waiters 
clattering trays, a ringing phone as Annie sings "It Had to Be You.

EXT. CITY STREET-NIGHT.

Alvy and Annie walk quickly down the sidewalk. 

				ANNIE 
		I was awful.  I'm so ashamed!  I can't 
		sing. 

				ALVY 
		Oh, listen, so the audience was a tad 
		restless.

				ANNIE 
		Whatta you mean, a tad restless?  Oh, 
		my God, I mean, they hated me.

				ALVY 
		No, they didn't.  You have a wonderful 
		voice.

				ANNIE 
		No, I'm gonna quit!

				ALVY
		No, I'm not gonna letcha.  You have a 
		great voice.

				ANNIE
		Really, do you think so, really?

				ALVY
		Yeah!

				ANNIE
		Yeah?

				ALVY
		It's terrific.

				ANNIE
			(Overlapping) 
		Yeah, you know something?  I never even 
		took a lesson, either.

They stop in the middle of the sidewalk.  Alvy turns Annie around to face him.

				ALVY 
		Hey, listen, listen.

				ANNIE
 			What?

				ALVY
		Gimme a kiss.

				ANNIE
 			Really?

				ALVY
		Yeah, why not, because we're just gonna 
		go home later, right?

				ANNIE
		Yeah.

				ALVY
		And-and uh, there's gonna be all that 
		tension.  You know, we never kissed before 
		and I'll never know when to make the right 
		move or anything.  So we'll kiss now we'll 
		get it over with and then we'll go eat. Okay?  

				ANNIE
  			Oh, all right.

				ALVY 
		And we'll digest our food better.

				ANNIE
 			Okay.

				ALVY 
		Okay?

				ANNIE 
		Yeah.

They kiss.

				ALVY 
		So now we can digest our food.  

They turn and start walking again.  

				ANNIE 
		We can digest our-

				ALVY 
		Okay. Yeah.

INT. DELI-NIGHT

Annie and Alvy sit down in a booth.  The deli is fairly well lit and crowded. 
Conversation, plates clattering, can be heard over the dialogue.  The waiter 
comes over to them to take their order.

				ALVY 
			(To the waiter) 
		I'm gonna have a corned beef.

				ANNIE 
			(To the waiter) 
		Yeah ... oh, uh, and I'm gonna have a 
		pastrami on white bread with, uh, 
		mayonnaise and tomatoes and lettuce. 
			(Alvy involuntarily makes a face 
			as the waiter leaves) 
		Tsch, so, uh, your second wife left you 
		and, uh, were you depressed about that?

				ALVY 
		Nothing that a few mega-vitamins couldn't 
		cure.

				ANNIE 
		Oh.  And your first wife was Allison?

				ALVY 
		My first... Yes, she was nice, but you 
		know, uh, it was my fault.  I was just... 
		I was too crazy.

				ANNIE 
		Oh.

INT. DARKENED BEDROOM-NIGHT

Alvy and Annie in bed together.

				ANNIE
		M'm, that was so nice.  That was nice.

				ALVY
		As Balzac said ...

				ANNIE
 			H'm?

				ALVY
  			"There goes another novel." 
			(They laugh) 
		Jesus, you were great.

				ANNIE
 			Oh, yeah?

				ALVY
 			Yeah.

				ANNIE
 			Yeah?

				ALVY
 			Yeah, I'm-I'm-I'm a wreck.

				ANNIE
		No. 
			(She turns and looks at Alvy, 
			then laughs) 
		You're a wreck.

				ALVY
 			Really.  I mean it.  I-I'll never play 
		the piano again.

				ANNIE
 				(Lighting a joint and laughing) 
		You're really nuts.  I don't know, you 
		really thought it was good?  Tell me.

				ALVY
		Good?  I was-

				ANNIE
			(Overlapping) 
		No.

				ALVY
		No, that was the most fun I've ever 
		had without laughing.

				ANNIE
			(Laughing) 
		Here, you want some?

				ALVY
		No, no, I-I-i, uh, I don't use any 
		major hallucinogenics because I took 
		a puff like five years ago at a party and

				ANNIE
 			Yeah?

				ALVY
 			-tried to take my pants off over my 
		head ... 
			(Annie laughs)
		...  my ear.

				ANNIE 
		Oh, I don't know, I don't really.  I 
		don't do it very often, you know, just 
		sort of, er ... relaxes me at first.

				ALVY 
		M'hm. 
			(He pushes himself up from the 
			bed and looks down at Annie)
		You're not gonna believe this, but-

				ANNIE
 			What?  What?

								CUT TO:


INT. BOOKSTORE-DAY

Annie and Alvy browsing in crowded bookstore.  Alvy, carrying two books, 
"Death and Western Thought" and "The Denial of Death", moves over to where 
Annie is looking.

				ALVY
		Hey?

				ANNIE
 			H'm?

				ALVY
 			I-I-I'm gonna buy you these books, I 
		think, because I-I think you should 
		read them.  You know, instead of that 
		cat book.

				ANNIE
 				(Looking at the books Alvy 
			is bolding) 
		That's, uh ... 
			(Laughing) 
		that's pretty serious stuff there.

				ALVY
 			Yeah, 'cause I-I'm, you know, I'm, 
		I'm obsessed with-with, uh, with death, 
		I think.  Big-

				ANNIE
 				(Overlapping) 
		Yeah?

				ALVY
 			-big subject with me, yeah.

				ANNIE 
		Yeah?

They move over to the cashier line.

				ALVY
			(Gesturing) 
		I've a very pessimistic view of life.  
		You should know this about me if we're 
		gonna go out, you know. I-I-I feel that 
		life is-is divided up into the horrible 
		and the miserable.

				ANNIE
 			M'hm.

				ALVY
		Those are the two categories ...

				ANNIE 
		M'hm.

				ALVY    
		... you know, they're- The-the horrible 
		would be like, uh, I don't know, terminal 
		cases, you know?

				ANNIE
 			M'hm.

				ALVY    
		And blind people, crippled ...

				ANNIE 
		Yeah.

				ALVY
    			I don't-don't know how they get through 
		life.  It's amazing to me.

				ANNIE
 			M'hm.

				ALVY
 			You know, and the miserable is everyone 
		else.  That's-that's all.  So-so when 
		you go through life you should be thankful 
		that you're miserable, because that's- 
		You're very lucky ... to be ... 
			(Overlapping Annie's laughter) 
		... to be miserable.

				ANNIE
 			U-huh.

EXT. PARK-DAY

It's a beautiful sunny day in Central Park.  People are sitting on benches, 
others strolling, some walking dogs.  One woman stands feeding cooing pigeons.
Alvy's and Annie's voices are heard off screen as they observe the scene before
them.  An older man and woman walk into view.

				ALVY
		Look, look at that guy.

				ANNIE
 			M'hm.

				ALVY
		There's-there's-there's-there's Mr. 
		When-in-the-Pink, Mr. Miami Beach, there, 
		you know? 
			(Over Annie's laughter) 
		He's the latest! just came back from 
		the gin-rummy farm last night. He 
		placed third.

				ANNIE
 				(Laughing) 
		M'hm.  Yeah.  Yeah.

The camera shows them sitting side by side relaxed on a bench.

				ALVY 
			(Watching two men approach, one 
			lighting a cigar) 
		Look at these guys.

				ANNIE
 			Yeah.

				ALVY   
		Oh, that's hilarious.  They're back 
		from Fire Island.  They're ... they're 
		sort of giving it a chance-you know what 
		I mean?

				ANNIE
   			Oh! Italian, right?

				ALVY 
  			Yeah, he's the Mafia.  Linen Supply Business 
		or Cement and Contract, you know what I mean?

				ANNIE
 				(Laughing) 
		Oh, yeah.

				ALVY 
		No, I'm serious. 
			(Over Annie's laughter) 
		I just got my mustache wet.

				ANNIE 
		Oh, yeah?

				ALVY 
			(As another man walks by) 
		And there's the winner of the Truman 
		Capote look-alike contest.

EXT. STREET-NIGHT

Alvy and Annie walk almost in silhouette along the dock, the New York City 
skyline in the background.  Alvy has his arm around Annie and they walk slowly.
No one else is around.

				ANNIE	
		You see, like you and I ...

				ALVY	
		You are extremely sexy.

				ANNIE	
		No, I'm not.

				ALVY	
		Unbelievably sexy.  Yes, you are.  
		Because ... you know what you are?  
		You're-you're polymorphously perverse.

				ANNIE	
		Well, what does-what does that mean?  
		I don't know what that is.

				ALVY 
		Uh ... uh, you're-you're exceptional 
		in bed because you got -you get pleasure 
		in every part of your body when I touch you.

				ANNIE 
		Ooooh!

They stop walking.  Holding Annie's arms, Alvy turns her to face him.  The 
South Street Bridge, lit up for the night, is in the background.

				ALVY 
		You know what I mean?  Like the tip 
		o'your nose, and if I stroke your teeth 
		or your kneecaps ... you get excited.

				ANNIE 
		Come on. 
			(Laughing) 
		Yeah.  You know what?  You know, I 
		like you, I really mean it.  I really do 
		like you.

				ALVY
		You- Do you love me?

				ANNIE
		Do I love you?

				ALVY
		That's the key question.

				ANNIE
		Yeah.

				ALVY
		I know you've only known me a short 
		while.

				ANNIE 
		Well, I certainly ... I think that's 
		very- Yeah, yeah ... 
			(Laughing) 
		yeah.  Do you love me?

				ALVY
 			I-uh, love is, uh, is too weak a word 
		for what...

				ANNIE
 			Yeah.

				ALVY
		- I ... I love you. 
			(Over Annie's laughter) 
		You know I lo-ove you, I-I love you. 
			(Over Annie's laughter) 
		I-I have to invent- Of course I love you.

				ANNIE
 			Yeah.

				ALVY 
			(Putting his arms around her neck) 
		Don't you think I do?

				ANNIE
 			I dunno.

They kiss as a foghorn sounds in the distance.

INT. ALVY'S APARTMENT

Alvy, somewhat distraught, is following Annie around his apartment, which is 
filled with boxes and suitcases, clothes and framed pictures.  They both carry 
cartons.

				ALVY
 			Whatta you mean?  You're not gonna give 
		up your own apartment, are you?

				ANNIE
			(Putting down the carton) 
		Of course.

				ALVY
		Yeah, bu-bu-but why?

				ANNIE
		Well, I mean, I'm moving in with you, 
		that's why.

				ALVY
		Yeah, but you-you got a nice apartment.

				ANNIE
		I have a tiny apartment.

				ALVY
     			Yeah, I know it's small.

				ANNIE 
			(Picking up the suitcases and 
			walking into the bedroom) 
		That's right, and it's got bad plumbing 
		and bugs.

				ALVY
			(Picking up some pictures and 
			following Annie into the bedroom) 
		All right, granted, it has bad plumbing 
		and bugs, but you-you say that like it's a 
		negative thing.  You know, bugs are-are-uh, 
		entomology is a ... 
			(Annie, reacting, tosses the 
			suitcases and some loose clothing 
			onto the bed.  She sits down on the 
			edge, looking away. Alvy walks in, 
			pictures and carton in band, still 
			talking) 
		... rapidly growing field.

				ANNIE
		You don't want me to live with you?

				ALVY 
		How- I don't want you to live with me?  
		How- Whose idea was it?

				ANNIE 
		Mine.

				ALVY 
		Ye-ah.  Was it ... It was yours actually, 
		but, uh, I approved it immediately.

				ANNIE 
		I guess you think that I talked you into 
		something, huh?
			(putting pictures on the mantel) 
		
				ALVY
		No-what, what ...? I ... we live together, 
		we sleep together, we eat together.  Jesus, 
		you don't want it to be like we're married, 
		do yuh?

He moves over to the carton of books on the window seat and reaches in.  He 
starts tossing books off screen.

				ANNIE
			(Looking up at Alvy) 
		How is it any different?

				ALVY  
			(Gesturing) 
		It's different 'cause you keep your own 
		apartment. 
			(Holding a book, he starts walking 
			around the room) 
		Because you know it's there, we don't 
		have to go to it, we don't have to deal 
		with it, but it's like a-a-a free-floating 
		life raft ... that we know that we're not 
		married.

He tosses the book on the bed and walks back to the window seat.

				ANNIE  
			(Still sitting on the bed) 
		That little apartment is four hundred 
		dollars a month, Alvy.

				ALVY   
			(Looking at Annie) 
		That place is four hundred dollars a month?

				ANNIE  
		Yes, it is.  

				ALVY 
			(Whistling) 
		It's-it's got bad plumbing and bugs.  Jesus, 
		I'll-My accountant will write it off as a 
		tax deduction, I'll pay for it.

				ANNIE 
			(Shaking her head) 
		You don't think I'm smart enough to be 
		serious about.

				ALVY  
		Hey, don't be ridiculous.

Alvy moves over to the bed and sits down next to Annie.

				ANNIE  
		Then why are you always pushing me to take 
		those college courses like I was dumb or 
		something?

				ALVY  
			(Putting his hand to his forehead) 
		'Cause adult education's a wonderful thing.  
		You meet a lotta interesting professors.  
		You know, it's stimulating.

EXT. COUNTRY HIGHWAY - DAY

Annie and Alvy, in Annie's VW, driving to their summerhouse.  The camera moves 
with them as they pass a house with a lighted window, blooming foliage.  There 
is no dialogue, but it is a comfortable quiet.  Classical music plays in the 
background.

								CUT TO:

INT. COUNTRY HOUSE - NIGHT

Annie, sitting cross-legged on a wooden chest in the bedroom, is browsing 
through a school catalogue.  Alvy lies in bed reading.

				ANNIE 
			(Reading) 
		Does this sound like a good course?  
		Uh, "Modern American Poetry"?  Uh, or, 
		uh-let's see now ... maybe I should, uh, 
		take "Introduction to the Novel."

				ALVY 
		Just don't take any course where they 
		make you read Beowulf.

				ANNIE 
		What? 
			(Laughing) 
		Hey, listen, what-what do you think?  Do 
		you think we should, uh, go to that-that 
		party in Southampton tonight? 

Alvy leans over and kisses her shoulder.

				ALVY 
		No, don't be silly.  What-what do we need 
		other people for? 
			(He puts his arms around her neck, 
			kissing her, Annie making muffled 
			sounds) 
		You know, we should-we should just turn 
		out the lights, you know, and play hide 
		and seek or something.

				ANNIE 
			(Laughing) 
		Well, okay.  Well, listen, I'm gonna get 
		a cigarette, okay?

				ALVY 
			(Yelling out to her as she leaves 
			the room) 
		Yeah, grass, right?  The illusion that 
		it will make a white woman more like 
		Billie Holiday.

				ANNIE 
			(Off screen) 
		Well, have you ever made love high?

				ALVY
		Me, no.  You ... I-I-you know, if I 
		have grass or alcohol or anything I 
		get unbearably wonderful.  I get too, 
		too wonderful for words.  You know, 
		I don't-I don't know why you have to, 
		uh, get high every time we make love.

				ANNIE 
			(Moving back into the room and 
			lighting a joint) 
		It relaxes me.

				ALVY 
		Oh, you-you have to be artificially 
		relaxed before we can go to bed?

				ANNIE 
			(Closing the door) 
		Well, what's the difference, anyway?

				ALVY 
		Well, I'll give you a shot of sodium 
		pentothal.  You can sleep through it.

				ANNIE 
		Oh, come on, look who's talking.  You've 
		been seeing a psychiatrist for fifteen years. 
			(She gets into bed and takes a 
			puff of marijuana) 
		You should smoke some o' this.  You'd be 
		off the couch in no time.

				ALVY 
		Oh, come, you don't need that.

Alvy, sitting down on the bed, moves over to Annie and takes the weed from her.

				ANNIE 
		What are you doing?

				ALVY 
			(Kissing her) 
		No, no, no, what ... You can once, you 
		can live without it once.  Come on.

				ANNIE 
		Oh, no, Alvy, please. Alvy, please.
			(Laughing and making sounds) 
		M'mrnm.

				ALVY 
		M'm, wait, I got a great idea. 
			(He gets up and goes over to the 
			closet, taking out a light bulb.  
			He goes back to the bed and turns 
			out the lamp on the night table) 
		Hang in there for a second.  I got a 
		little-little artifact.  A little erotic 
		artifact, that-that I brought up from the 
		city, which I think, uh, is gonna be perfect. 
			(He turns the lamp back on, having 
			replaced the bulb with the red one 
			from the closet) 
		I just ... there ... There's a little Old 
		New Orleans ... essence.  Now-now we can go 
		about our business here and we can even 
		develop photographs if we want to.  There, 
		now there. 
			(He undresses and crawls into bed, 
			taking Annie in his arms) 
		M'mmm.  M'mmm.  Hey, is something wrong?  

				ANNIE

		Uh-uh-why?

				ALVY 
		I don't know.  You- It's like you're-
		you're removed.

				ANNIE 
		No, I'm fine.

As Annie speaks, her inner self (ghostlike, moves up from the bed and) sits 
down on a chair, watching.

				ALVY 
		Really?

				ANNIE 
		U-huh.

				ALVY 
		I don't know, but you seem sort of distant. 

				ANNIE 
		Let's just do it, all right?

				ALVY
			(Kissing and caressing Annie) 
		Is it my imagination or are you just 
		going through the motions?

				ANNIE'S SPIRIT  
		Alvy, do you remember where I put my 
		drawing pad?  Because while you two are 
		doing that, I think I'm gonna do some 
		drawing.

				ALVY 
			(Reacting) 
		You see, that's what I call removed.

				ANNIE 
		Oh, you have my body.

				ALVY 
		Yeah, but that's not-that's no good.  
		I want the whole thing. 

				ANNIE 
			(Sighing) 
		Well, I need grass and so do you.

				ALVY 
		Well, it ruins it for me if you have grass 
			(Clearing his throat)
		 because, you know, I'm, like, a comedian-

				ANNIE 
			(Overlapping) 
		M'hm.

				ALVY 
			(Overlapping) 
		-so if I get a laugh from a person who's 
		high, it doesn't count.  You know-'cause 
		they're always laughin'.

				ANNIE 
		Were you always funny?

				ALVY 
		Hey, what is this-an interview?  We're 
		supposed to be making love.

								CUT TO:

INT. OFFICE.

A typical old-fashioned theatrical agency in a Broadway office building. 
Autographed 8 X 12 is plastered in the sloppy room.  The agent, chewing a 
cigar, sits behind his desk talking to one of his clients, a comedian, who 
stands with his hands in his pockets.  A young Alvy sits stiffly in a chair 
nearby watching.

				AGENT 
		This guy is naturally funny.  I think 
		he can write for you.

				COMIC 
			(Buttoning his jacket) 
		Yeah, yeah.  Hey, kid, he tells me you're 
		really good.  Well, lemme explain a little 
		bit o' how I work.  You know, you can tell 
		right off the bat that I don't look like 
		a funny guy when I come-you know, like some 
		o' the guys that come out.  You know, right 
		away 
			(Gesturing) 
		they're gonna tell yuh their stories, you're 
		gonna fall down, but I gotta be really 
		talented.  Material's gotta be sensational 
		for me 'cause I work, you know, with very, 
		very ... Come on, I'm kinda classy, you 
		know what I mean?  Uh ... uh ... lemme 
		explain.  For instance, I open with an 
		opening song.  A musical start like 
			(Ad-lib singing) 
		and I walk out 
			(Ad-lib singing)  
		"Place looks wonderful from here and 
		you folks look wonderful from here! 
			(Singing)
		"And seein' you there
		With a smile on your face
		Makes me shout
		This must be the place."
		Then I stop right in the middle and then 
		I open with some jokes.  Now, that's where 
		I need you, right there.  For instance, like 
		I say, "Hey, I just got back from Canada, 
		you know, they speak a lotta French up 
		there.  The only way to remember Jeanne 
		d'Arc means the light's out in the bathroom!" 
			(He laughs.  Seated Alvy looks 
			up smiling) 
		"Oh, I met a big lumberjack ..."

				ALVY'S VOICE 
			(To himself) 
		Jesus, this guy's pathetic. 

				COMIC 
			(Overlapping above speech) 
		... big lumberjack ...

				ALVY'S VOICE 
			(To himself while the comic 
			continues his routine) 
		Look at him mincing around, like he 
		thinks he's real cute.  You wanna throw 
		up.  If only I had the nerve to do my 
		own jokes.  I don't know how much longer 
		I can keep this smile frozen on my face.  
		I'm in the wrong business, I know it.

				COMIC 
			(Overlapping above speech) 
		"'Cherie, come back.  I love you. 
			(Shaking his lips and mimicking) 
		But, uh, Cheri, what will I do with this, 
		uh?' He says, 'Aw, Marie, sometime you 
		make me so mad."' 
			(Laughing) 
		Oh, they scream at that.  Now, write me 
		somethin' like that, will yuh?  Kinda 
		French number, can yuh do it?  Huh, kid?

INT. THEATER - NIGHT

The darkened auditorium is filled with college students applauding and cheering,
excited, as Alvy stands on spotlighted stage holding the microphone.

				ALVY 
			(Gesturing) 
		W-where am I? I-I keep ... I have to 
		reorient myself.  This is the University 
		of Wisconsin, right?  So I'm always ... 
		I'm tense and ... uh, when I'm playin' a 
		col- I've a very bad history with colleges.  
		You know, I went to New York University and, 
		uh, tsch, I was thrown out of NYU my freshman 
		year ... for cheating on my metaphysics final.  
		You know, I looked within the soul of the 
		boy sitting next to me- 
			(The audience laughs; they're with him)
		 -and when I was thrown out, my mother, 
		who's an emotionally high-strung woman, 
		locked herself in the bathroom and took an 
		overdose of mah-jongg tiles. 
			(More applause and laughter) 
		And, uh, tsch, I was depressed.  I was ... 
		in analysis, I-I, uh, was suicidal; as a 
		matter of fact, uh, I would have killed 
		myself but I was in analysis with a strict 
		Freudian and if you kill yourself ... they 
		make you pay for the sessions you miss.

INT. BACKSTAGE OF THEATER.

Students mill around Alvy banding him pens and paper for autographs.
Annie is next to him, talking over the chattering fans.

				ANNIE 
		Alvy, you were ... Alvy, you were just 
		great, I'm not kidding.  It was- You 
		were so neat.

				ALVY 
		C-c-coll- College audiences are so wonderful.

				ANNIE 
		Yeah.  Yeah.  And you know something?  
		I think that I'm starting to get more 
		of your references, too.

				ALVY
		Are yuh?

				ANNIE 
		Yeah.

				ALVY 
		Well, the twelve o'clock show is 
		completely different than the nine.

				YOUNG WOMAN 
			(Interrupting) 
		May I have your autograph?

				ANNIE 
			(Over lapping above speech) 
		Oh.

				ALVY 
			(To Annie, while autographing) 
		You're so sure about it.

				ANNIE 
		Oh, I'm really, uh, looking forward to 
		tomorrow.  I mean, you know, I think that 
		it'll be really nice to meet Mother and 
		Father. 

They start moving toward the exit, a girl snapping a picture of Alvy with a 
flash camera as they walk through the crowd.

				ALVY 
		Yeah, I know, they'll hate me immediately. 
			(To one of his fans) 
		Thank you.

				ANNIE 
		No, I don't think so.  No, I don't think 
		they're gonna hate you at all.  On the 
		contrary, I think-

				ALVY 
		Yeah.

				ANNIE 
		It's Easter.  You know, we'll have a nice 
		dinner, we'll sit down and eat.  I think 
		they're gonna really like you.

EXT. ANNIE'S PARENTS' HOME-DAY

The camera shows a neat two-story house surrounded by a well-manicured green 
lawn, then cuts to:

INT. DINING ROOM.

Alvy and the Halls are eating Easter dinner.  The sun is pouring through a big 
picture window, shining on a large, elegantly laid out table. Alvy sits, at one
end,- rubbing his nose and chewing, the Halls flanking him on either side: Mr.
and Mrs. Hall, Grammy, and Annie's brother, Duane.

				MOM HALL 
			(Holding her wine glass) 
		It's a nice ham this year, Mom. 

Grammy Hall takes a sip of her wine and nods.

				ANNIE 
			(Smiling at Duane) 
		Oh, yeah.  Grammy always does such 
		a good job.

				DAD HALL 
			(Chewing) 
		A great sauce.

				ALVY 
		It is. 
			(Smacking his lips) 
		It's dynamite ham.

Grammy Hall stares down the table at Alvy; a look of utter dislike. Alvy tries 
not to notice.

				MOM HALL 
			(To Dad Hall, smoothing her hair) 
		We went over to the swap meet.  Annie, 
		Gram and I. Got some nice picture frames.

				ANNIE 
		We really had a good time.

Grammy continues to stare at Alvy; he is now dressed in the long black coat and
hat of the Orthodox Jew, complete with mustache and heard.

				MOM HALL 
			(Lighting a cigarette and turning 
			to Alvy) 
		Ann tells us that you've been seeing a 
		psychiatrist for fifteen years.

				ALVY 
			(Setting down his glass and coughing) 
		Yes.  I'm making excellent progress.  
		Pretty soon when I lie down on his couch, 
		I won't have to wear the lobster bib.

Mom Hall reacts by sipping from her glass and frowning.  Grammy continues to 
stare.

				DAD HALL 
		Duane and I went out to the boat basin.

				DUANE 
		We were caulkin' holes all day.

				DAD HALL 
		Yeah. 
			(Laughing) 
		Randolph Hunt was drunk, as usual.

				MOM HALL 
		Oh, that Randolph Hunt.  You remember 
		Randy Hunt, Annie.  He was in the choir 
		with you.

				ANNIE 
		Oh, yes, yes.

Alvy, leaning his elbow on the table, looks out toward the camera.

				ALVY 
			(To the audience) 
		I can't believe this family. 
			(Making chewing sounds) 
		Annie's mother.  She really's beautiful.  
		And they're talkin' swap meets and boat 
		basins, and the old lady at the end of 
		the table 
			(Pointing to Grammy) 
		is a classic Jew hater.  And, uh, they, 
		they realty look American, you know, 
		very healthy and ... like they never 
		get sick or anything.  Nothing like my 
		family.  You know, the two are like oil 
		and water.

The screen splits in half - on the right is Alvy's family - his mother, father,
aunt and uncle-busily eating at the crowded kitchen table.  They eat quickly 
and interrupt one another loudly.  On the left the Halls in their dining room. 
Both dialogues overlap, juxtaposed.

				ALVY'S FATHER 
		Let 'im drop dead!  Who needs his 
		business?!

				ALVY'S MOTHER 
		His wife has diabetes!

				ALVY'S FATHER 
		Di-diabetes?  Is that any excuse?  
		Diabetes?

				ALVY'S UNCLE 
		The man is fifty years old and doesn't 
		have a substantial job.

				ALVY'S AUNT 
			(Putting more meat on her 
			husband's plate) 
		Is that a reason to steal from his father?

				ALVY'S UNCLE 
		Whatta you talkin' about?  You don't 
		know what you're talking about.

				ALVY'S AUNT 
		Yes, I know what I'm talking about.

				ALVY'S MOTHER 
			(Interrupting) 
		George, defend him!

				ALVY'S UNCLE 
			(Over Alvy's father's muttering) 
		No Moskowitz he had a coronary.

				ALVY'S AUNT 
		You don't say.

				ALVY'S MOTHER 
		We fast.

				MOM HALL 
		Stupid Thelma Poindexter ... to the 
		Veterans Hospital.

				DAD HALL 
		My God, he's the new president of the 
		El Regis.  Let me tell you, the man is 
		somethin' else.

				MOM HALL 
		That's Jack's wife.  We used to make 
		that outta raisins.

				ANNIE 
		Oh, yes, that's right.  Did you see 
		the new play?

				MOM HALL 
		Oh, you remember her, Annie.

				ANNIE 
		Yes, I do.

The two families start talking back and forth to one another.  The screen is 
still split.

				MOM HALL 
		How do you plan to spend the holidays, 
		Mrs. Singer?

				DAD HALL 
		Fast?

				ALVY'S FATHER 
		Yeah, no food.  You know, we have to 
		atone for our sins.

				MOM HALL 
		What sins?  I don't understand.

				ALVY'S FATHER 
		Tell you the truth, neither do we.

								CUT TO:

INT. DUANE'S BEDROOM-NIGHT

Duane, sitting on his bed, sees Alvy walking past the open door.

				DUANE 
		Alvy.

				ALVY 
			(Walking in) 
		Oh, hi, Duane, how's it goin'?

				DUANE 
		This is my room.

				ALVY 
			(Looking around) 
		Oh, yeah? 
			(He clears his throat) 
		Terrific.

				DUANE 
		Can I confess something?

Alvy sighs and sits down, leaning his arm on Duane's dresser.  Duane's face is 
big lighted by a single lamp.

				DUANE 
		I tell you this because, as an artist, 
		I think you'll understand.  Sometimes 
		when I'm driving ... on the road at night
		... I see two headlights coming toward me.  
		Fast.  I have this sudden impulse to turn 
		the wheel quickly, head-on into the 
		oncoming car.  I can anticipate the 
		explosion.  The sound of shattering glass.  
		The ... flames rising out of the flowing 
		gasoline.

				ALVY 
			(Reacting and clearing his throat) 
		Right.  Tsch, well, I have to-I have 
		t-o go now, Duane, because I-I'm due 
		back on the planet earth. 

He slowly gets up and moves toward the door.

INT. THE HALLS' LIVING ROOM.

Mom and Dad Hall walk into the living room; Annie is with them.

				MOM HALL
		Now, don't let it be so long, now.

				ANNIE 
		No.

				DAD HALL 
		And look up Uncle Bill, you promise. 

				ANNIE 
		Okay.  Okay.

				MOM HALL 
		Oh, he's adorable, Annie.

				ANNIE 
		You think so?  Do you really?

				MOM HALL 
		We're going to take them to the airport.
				
				DAD HALL 
		Oh, no-Duane can.  I haven't finished 
		my drink. 

				ANNIE 
		Yes, Duane is.  I'll be right-

				MOM HALL 
		M'mmm.

				ANNIE 
		I just have time to get the, uh-

She walks out of the room as Mom and Dad Hall kiss.

EXT. ROAD - NIGHT

Duane, behind the wheel, stares straight ahead.  It is raining very hard, the 
windshield wipers are moving quickly.  The headlights of another car brightens 
the interior of Duane's car as the camera shows first Duane, then Annie, then 
Alvy tensely staring straight ahead.

EXT. STREET- DAY

The camera bolds on a quiet New York City street; the buildings, brownstones. 
It's a warm day-people sit on front stoops, window boxes are planted. Annie 
walks into the frame first, then Alvy, who is walking to her right. They walk 
quickly, side by side, their voices heard before they move into the frame.

				ANNIE 
			(Off screen) 
		You followed me.  I can't believe it!

				ALVY 
			(Off screen) 
		I didn't follow you!

				ANNIE  
		You followed me!

				ALVY   
		Why?  'Cause I ... was walkin' along 
		a block behind you staring at you?  
		That's not following!

				ANNIE 
		Well, what is your definition of 
		following?

				ALVY 
			(Gasping) 
		Following is different.  I was spying.

				ANNIE 
		Do you realize how paranoid you are?

				ALVY 
		Paranoid?  I'm looking at you.  You 
		got your arms around another guy.

				ANNIE 
		That is the worst kind of paranoia.

				ALVY 
		Yeah-well, I didn't start out spying.  
		I-I thought I'd surprise yuh.  Pick you 
		up after school.

				ANNIE 
		Yeah-well, you wanted to keep the 
		relationship flexible, remember?  
		It's your phrase.

				ALVY 
		Oh, stop it.  But you were having an 
		affair with your college professor.  
		That jerk that teaches that incredible 
		crap course "Contemporary Crisis in 
		Western Man"!

				ANNIE 
		"Existential Motifs in Russian Literature"!  
		You're really close.

				ALVY 
		What's the difference?  It's all mental 
		masturbation.

				ANNIE 
			(Stopping for a moment) 
		Oh, well, now we're finally getting to 
		a subject you know something about!

She walks away.

				ALVY 
			(Catching up to her) 
		Hey, don't knock masturbation!  It's 
		sex with someone I love.

				ANNIE 
			(Continuing to walk quickly) 
		We're not having an affair.  He's married.  
		He just happens to think I'm neat.

				ALVY 
			(Still walking next to her) 
		"Neat"!  There's that- What are you-twelve 
		years old?  That's one o' your Chippewa 
		Falls expressions!  "He thinks I'm neat."

				ANNIE 
		Who cares?  Who cares?

				ALVY
		Next thing you know he'll find you keen
		and peachy, you know?  Next thing you 
		know he's got his hand on your ass!  

They both stop in the middle of the street.

				ANNIE 
		You've always had hostility toward 
		David ever since I mentioned him!

				ALVY 
		David?  You call your teacher David?

				ANNIE 
		It's his name.

				ALVY
 			Well, listen, that's, a nice bi-it's 
		a biblical name.  Right?  W-What does 
		he call you?  Bathsheba?

He walks away.

				ANNIE 
			(Calling after him) 
		Alvy!  Alvy!  You're the one who never 
		wanted to make a real commitment.  You 
		don't think I'm smart enough!  We had 
		that argument just last month, or don't 
		ou remember that day?

								CUT TO:

INT. KITCHEN.

Alvy is at the sink washing dishes as the screen cuts to the scene of last 
month's argument.  Annie's voice is heard.

				ANNIE 
			(Off screen) 
		I'm home!

				ALVY 
			(Turning) 
		Oh, yeah?  How'd it go?

				ANNIE 
			(Comes into the kitchen and puts 
			down a bag of groceries on the 
			kitchen table) 
		Oh, it was ... 
			(Laughing) 
		really weird.  But she's a very nice woman.

				ALVY 
		Yeah?

				ANNIE 
		And I didn't have to lie down on the couch, 
		Alvy, she had me sitting up.  So I told her 
		about-about the-the family and about my 
		feelings toward men and about my 
		relationship with my brother.

				ALVY 
		M'm.

				ANNIE 
		And then she mentioned penis envy ... 
		Did you know about that?

				ALVY 
		Me?  I'm-I'm one of the few males who 
		suffers from that, so, so ... you know.

				ANNIE 
		M'hm.

				ALVY 
		G-go on, I'm interested.

				ANNIE 
		Well, she said that I was very guilty 
		about my impulses toward marriage, 
		and-and children.

				ALVY 
		M'hm.

				ANNIE 
		And then I remembered when I was a kid 
		how I accidentally saw my parents making 
		love.

				ALVY 
		Tsch.  Rea- All this happened in the 
		first hour?

				ANNIE 
		M'hm.

				ALVY 
		That's amazing. I-I-I ... I've been 
		goin' for fifteen years, I-you know, 
		I don't got ... nothing like that in-

				ANNIE 
		Oh, I told her my dream and then I cried.

				ALVY
		You cried?  I've never once cried.  
		Fantastic ...

				ANNIE
			(Taking groceries from the bag) 
		Yeah.

				ALVY
		I whine. I-I-I sit and I whine.

				ANNIE
		In-in ... Alvy, in my dream Frank 
		Sinatra is holding his pillow across 
		my face and I can't breathe.

				ALVY 
		Sinatra?

				ANNIE
		Yeah, and he's strangling me ...

				ALVY
		Yeah?

				ANNIE
		... and I keep, you know, it's-

				ALVY 
			(Taking a bottle of juice and 
			some celery from the bag) 
		Well, well, sure ... because he's a 
		singer and you're a singer, you know, 
		so it's perfect.  So you're trying to 
		suffocate yourself.  It-it makes perfect 
		sense.  Uh, uh, that's a perfect analytic 
		... kind of insight.

				ANNIE 
			(Pointing her finger at Alvy) 
		She said, your name was Alvy Singer.

				ALVY 
			(Turning to Annie) 
		Whatta you mean?  Me?

				ANNIE 
		Yeah, yeah, yeah, you.  Because in the 
		dream ... I break Sinatra's glasses.

				ALVY 
			(Putting his band to his mouth) 
		Sinatra had gl- You never said Sinatra 
		had glasses.  So whatta you saying that 
		I-I'm suffocating you?

				ANNIE 
			(Turning, ajar in her hand) 
		Oh, and God, Alvy, I did ... this really 
		terrible thing to him.  Because then when 
		he sang it was in this real high-pitched 
		voice.

				ALVY 
			(Thinking) 
		Tsch, what'd the doctor say?

				ANNIE 
			(Putting away some groceries)
		Well, she said that I should probably 
		come five times a week.  And you know 
		something?  I don't think I mind analysis 
		at all.  The only question is, Will it 
		change my wife?

				ALVY 
		Will it change your wife?

				ANNIE 
		Will it change my life?

				ALVY
		Yeah, but you said, "Will it change 
		my wife"!

				ANNIE
		No, I didn't. 
			(Laughing) 
		I said, "Will it change my life," Alvy.

				ALVY
		You said, "Will it change. . ." Wife.  
		Will it change ...

				ANNIE
			(Yelling out, angry) 
		Life.  I said, "life."

Alvy turns toward the camera.

				ALVY 
			(To the audience) 
		She said, "Will it change my wife." You 
		heard that because you were there so I'm 
		not crazy.

				ANNIE
 			And, Alvy ... and then I told her about 
		how I didn't think you'd ever really take 
		me seriously, because you don't think that 
		I'm smart enough.

She walks out of the room.

				ALVY
 				(To Annie's back, gesturing) 
		Why do you always bring that up?  Because 
		I encourage you to take adult-education 
		courses?  I think it's a wonderful thing.  
		You meet wonderful, interesting professors'.

								CUT TO:

EXT. STREET

Annie stands at the open door of a cab, Alvy next to her gesturing as people 
and cars move by.

				ALVY 
		Adult education is such junk!  The 
		professors are so phony.  How can you 
		do it?

				ANNIE 
		A bit rapidly.  I don't care what you 
		say about David, he's a perfectly fine 
		teacher!

				ALVY 
			(Interrupting) 
		David!  David!  I can't believe this! 
 
				ANNIE 
		And what are you doing following me 
		around for, anyway?
  
				ALVY 
		I'm following you and David, if you-

				ANNIE  
			(Interrupting) 
		I just think we oughta call this 
		relationship quits! 

Annie gets into the cab; Alvy leans over and closes the door.

ALVY
 			That's fine.  That's fine.  That's great! 
			(He turns toward the camera as the 
			cab drives away) 
		Well, I don't know what I did wrong. 
			(Gesturing) 
		I mean, I can't believe this.  Somewhere 
		she cooled off to me! 
			(He walks up to an older woman 
			walking down the street carrying 
			groceries) 
		Is it-is it something that I did?

WOMAN ON THE STREET 
		Never something you do.  That's how 
		people are. Love fades.

She moves on down the street.

ALVY
 				(Scratching his head) 
		Love fades.  God, that's a depressing
		thought. Have to ask you a question. 
			(He stops another passer-by,a man) 
		Don't go any further.  Now, with your 
		wife in bed, d-d-does she need some kind 
		o' artificial stimulation like-like marijuana?

				MAN ON THE STREET 
		We use a large vibrating egg.

He walks on.

				ALVY 
			(Continuing to walk) 
		Large vibrating egg.  Well, I ask a 
		psychopath, I get that kind of an answer.  
		Jesus, I-I, uh, here ... 
			(He moves up the sidewalk to 
			a young trendy-looking couple, 
			arms wrapped around each other) 
		You-you look like a really happy couple.  
		Uh, uh ... are you?

				YOUNG WOMAN
 			Yeah.

				ALVY
 			Yeah!  So ... so h-h-how do you account 
		for it?

				YOUNG WOMAN 
		Uh, I'm very shallow and empty and I 
		have no ideas and nothing interesting 
		to say.

				YOUNG MAN 
		And I'm exactly the same way.

				ALVY 
		I see.  Well, that's very interesting.  
		So you've managed to work out something, huh?

				YOUNG MAN 
		Right.

				YOUNG WOMAN
 			Yeah.

				ALVY 
		Oh, well, thanks very much for talking 
		to me.

He continues to walk past some other passersby and moves into the street. A 
mounted policeman comes by and stops near him. Alvy looks at the horse, as if 
to speak.

				ALVY'S VOICE-OVER 
		You know, even as a kid I always went 
		for the wrong women.  I think that's my 
		problem.  When my mother took me to see 
		Snow White, everyone fell in love with 
		Snow White.  I immediately fell for the 
		Wicked Queen.

The scene dissolves into a sequence from the animated Snow White and the Seven 
Dwarfs.  The Wicked Queen, resembling Annie, sits in the palace before her 
mirror.  Alvy, as a cartoon figure, sits beside her, arms crossed in front of 
him.

				WICKED QUEEN 
		We never have any fun anymore.

				CARTOON FIGURE ALVY 
		How can you say that?

				WICKED QUEEN 
		Why not?  You're always leaning on me
	 	to improve myself.

				CARTOON FIGURE ALVY
 			You're just upset.  You must be getting 
		your period.

				WICKED QUEEN
 			I don't get a period!  I'm a cartoon 
		character.  Can't I be upset once in 
		a while?

Rob, as a cartoon figure, enters and sits down on the other side of the Wicked 
Queen.

				CARTOON FIGURE ROB   
		Max, will you forget about Annie?  I 
		know lots of women you can date.

				CARTOON FIGURE ALVY
 			I don't wanna go out with any other women.

				CARTOON FIGURE ROB   
		Max, have I got a girl for you.  You are
		going to love her.  She's a reporter-

The cartoon figures of Alvy and Rob walk past the Wicked Queen; the screen 
dissolves into the interior of a concert ball.  Rob's voice carries over from 
the cartoon scene as the screen shows Alvy with the female reporter.  It's very
crowded, noisy; policeman and reporters are everywhere. Alvy stands with his 
hands in his pockets, watching the commotion.

				CARTOON FIGURE ROB'S VOICE-OVER 
		-for Rolling Stone.

				FEMALE REPORTER
 			I think there are more people here to 
		see the Maharishi than there were to see 
		the Dylan concert.  I covered the Dylan 
		concert ... which gave me chills.  
		Especially when he sang "She takes just 
		like a woman And she makes love just 
		like a woman Yes, she does And she aches 
		just like a woman But she breaks just 
		like a little girl." 
			(They move toward the aisles as 
			a guard holds up his hands to stop 
			them) 
		Up to that I guess the most charismatic 
		event I covered was Mick's Birthday when 
    			the Stones played Madison Square Garden.

				ALVY 
			(Laughing) 
		Man, that's great.  That's just great.

				REPORTER 
		You catch Dylan?

				ALVY 
			(Coughing) 
		Me?  No, no. I-I couldn't make it that 
		ni- My-my raccoon had hepatitis.

				REPORTER 
		You have a raccoon?

				ALVY 
			(Gesturing) 
		Tsch, a few.

				REPORTER
 			The only word for this is trans-plendid.  
		It's trans-plendid. 

				ALVY 
		I can think of another word.

				REPORTER
 			He's God!  I mean, this man is God!  He's 
		got millions of followers who would crawl 
		all the way across the world just to touch 
		the hem of his garment.

				ALVY 
		Really?  It must be a tremendous hem.

				REPORTER 
		I'm a Rosicrucian myself.

				ALVY 
		Are you?

				REPORTER
 			Yeah.

				ALVY 
		I can't get with any religion that 
		advertises in Popular Mechanics.  Look- 
			(The Maharisbi, a small, chunky 
			man, walks out of the men's room, 
			huge bodyguards flanking him while 
			policemen bold back the crowds)
		there's God coming outta the men's room.

				REPORTER
 			It's unbelievably trans-plendid!  I was 
		at the Stones concert in Altamount when 
		they killed that guy, remember?

				ALVY
 			Yeah, were yuh?  I was-I was at an Alice 
		Cooper thing where six people were rushed 
		to the hospital with bad vibes.

INT. ALVY'S BEDROOM-NIGHT

The reporter is sitting up in bed, lighted cigarette in her hand.  Alvy, lying
next to her, rubs his eyes and puts on his eyeglasses.

				REPORTER
 				(Looking down at him) 
		I hope you don't mind that I took so long 
		to finish.

				ALVY
 				(Sighing) 
		Oh, no, no, don't be ... tsch ... don't 
		be silly.  You know, 
			(Yawning) 
		I'm startin' it-I'm startin' to get some 
		feeling back in my jaw now.

				REPORTER
 			Oh, sex with you is really a kafkaesque 
		experience.

				ALVY 
		Oh, tsch, thank you.  H'm.

				REPORTER
 			I mean that as a compliment.

				ALVY  
			(Making sounds) 
		I think-I think there's too much burden 
		placed on the orgasm, you know, to make 
		up for empty areas in life.

				REPORTER
 			Who said that?

				ALVY 
			(Rubbing his chin and shoulder) 
		Uh, oh, I don't know.  It might have 
		been Leopold and Loeb. 
			(The telephone rings.  Alvy picks 
			it up, rising up slightly from the 
			bed, concerned, as he talks) 
		Hello.  Oh, hi ... Uh, no, what-what's 
		the matter?  What-what-what?  You sound 
		terrible ... No, what- Sure I- Whatta yuh
		-what kind of an emergency? ... No, well, 
		stay there.  Stay there, I'll come over 
		right now.  I'll come over right now.  Just 
		stay there, I'll come right over.

He hangs up.  The reporter sits in bed still, taking in the situation.

INT. ANNIE'S APARTMENT HALLWAY

Annie, looking slightly distraught, goes to open the door to Alvy's knock.

				ALVY 
		What's- It's me, open up.

				ANNIE
 				(Opening the door) 
		Oh.

				ALVY
 			Are you okay?  What's the matter? 
			(They look at each other, Annie 
			sighing) 
		Are you all right?  What-

				ANNIE
 			There's a spider in the bathroom.

				ALVY  
			(Reacting) 
		What?

				ANNIE 
		There's a big black spider in the bathroom.

				ALVY
 			That's what you got me here for at three 
		o'clock in the morning, 'cause there's a 
		spider in the bathroom?

				ANNIE
 			My God, I mean, you know how I am about 
		insects.
 
				ALVY
 				(Interrupting, sighing) 
		Oooh.

				ANNIE
		-I can't sleep with a live thing crawling 
		around in the bathroom.

				ALVY
 			Kill it!  For Go- What's wrong with you?  
		Don't you have a can of Raid in the house?

				ANNIE
 				(Shaking her head) 
		No.

Alvy, disgusted, starts waving his hands and starts to move into the living 
room.

				ALVY
 				(Sighing) 
		I told you a thousand times you should 
		always keep, uh, a lotta insect spray.  
		You never know who's gonna crawl over.

				ANNIE 
			(Following him) 
		I know, I know, and a first-aid kit and 
		a fire extinguisher.

				ALVY
		Jesus.  All right, gimme a magazine.  
		I- 'cause I'm a little tired. 
			(While Annie goes of to find 
			him a magazine, Alvy, still 
			talking, glances around the 
			apartment.  He notices a small 
			book on a cabinet and picks it up.) 
		You know, you, you joke with-about me, 
		you make fun of me, but I'm prepared for 
		anything.  An emergency, a tidal wave, 
		an earthquake.  Hey, what is this?  
		What?  Did you go to a rock concert?

				ANNIE
 			Yeah.

				ALVY 
		Oh, yeah, really?  Really?  How-how'd 
		you like it?  Was it-was it, I mean, 
		did it ... was it heavy?  Did it achieve 
		total heavy-ocity?  Or was it, uh...

				ANNIE
 			It was just great!

				ALVY
 				(Thumbing through the book) 
		Oh, humdinger.  When- Well, I got a 
		wonderful idea.  Why don'tcha get the 
		guy who took you to the rock concert, 
		we'll call him and he can come over and 
		kill the spider.  You know, it's a-

He tosses the book down on the cabinet.

				ANNIE 
 			I called you; you wanna help me ... or 
		not?  H'h?  Here. 

She hands him a magazine.

				ALVY
 				(Looking down at the magazine) 
		What is this?  What are you, since 
		when do you read the "National Review"?  
		What are you turning in to?

				ANNIE
 				(Turning to a nearby chair for 
			some gum in her pocketbook) 
		Well, I like to try to get all points 
		of view.

				ALVY 
		It's wonderful.  Then why don'tcha get 
		William F. Buckley to kill the spider?

				ANNIE
 			(Spinning around to face him) 
		Alvy, you're a little hostile, you 
		know that?  Not only that, you look 
		thin and tired.

She puts a piece of gum in her mouth.

				ALVY
  			Well, I was in be- It's three o'clock 
		in the morning.  You, uh, you got me 
		outta bed, I ran over here, I couldn't 
		get a taxi cab.  You said it was an 
		emergency, and I didn't ge- I ran up 
		the stairs.  Hell - I was a lot more 
		attractive when the evening began.  
		Look, uh, tell- Whatta you- Are you 
		going with a right-wing rock-and roll 
		star?  Is that possible?

				ANNIE
 				(Sitting down on a chair arm 
			and looking up at Alvy) 
		Would you like a glass of chocolate milk?

				ALVY
 			Hey, what am I-your son?  Whatta you mean?
		I-I came over TV --_

				ANNIE
 				(Touching his chest with her hand) 
		I got the good chocolate, Alvy.

				ALVY
 			Yeah, where is the spider?

				ANNIE
 			It really is lovely.  It's in the bathroom.

				ALVY
 			Is he in the bathroom?

				ANNIE 
			(Rising from chair) 
		Hey, don't squish it, and after it's 
		dead, flush it down the toilet, okay? 
		And flush it a couple o' times.

				ALVY
 				(Moving down the hallway to 
			the bathroom) 
		Darling, darling, I've been killing 
		spiders since I was thirty, okay?

				ANNIE
 				(Upset, hands on her neck) 
		Oh.  What?

				ALVY 
			(Coming back into the living room) 
		Very big spider.

				ANNIE
 			Yeah?

				ALVY
 			Two ... Yeah.  Lotta, lotta trouble. 
		There's two of 'em. 

Alvy starts walking down the ball again, Annie following.

				ANNIE
 			Two?

				ALVY
  				(Opening a closet door) 
		Yep.  I didn't think it was that big, 
		but it's a major spider.  You got a 
		broom or something with a-

				ANNIE 
		Oh, I-I left it at your house.

				ALVY
 				(Overlapping) 
		-snow shovel or anything or something.

				ANNIE
 				(Overlapping) 
		I think I left it there, I'm sorry.

Reaching up into the closet, Alvy takes out a covered tennis racquet.

				ALVY
 				(Holding the racquet) 
		Okay, let me have this.

				ANNIE
 			Well, what are you doing ... what are 
		you doing with-

				ALVY
 			Honey, there's a spider in your bathroom 
		the size of a Buick.

He walks into the bathroom, Annie looking after him.

				ANNIE
 			Well, okay.  Oooh.

Alvy stands in the middle of the bathroom, tennis racquet in one band, rolled
magazine in the other.  He looks over at the shelf above the sink and picks up 
a small container.  He holds it out, shouting off screen to Annie.

				ALVY 
		Hey, what is this?  You got black soap?
  
				ANNIE
 				(Off screen) 
		It's for my complexion.

				ALVY
 			Whatta-whatta yuh joining a minstrel show?  
		Geez. 
			(Alvy turns and starts swapping 
			the racquet over the shelf, knocking 
			down articles and breaking glass) 
		Don't worry! 
			(He continues to swat the racquet 
			all over the bathroom.  He finally 
			moves out of the room, hands close 
			to his body.  He walks into the 
			other room, where Annie is sitting 
			in a corner of her bed leaning against 
			the wall) 
		I did it!  I killed them both.  What-what's 
		the matter?  Whatta you- 
			(Annie is sobbing, her band over 
			her face)
		-whatta you sad about?  You- What'd you 
		want me to do?  Capture 'em and rehabilitate 
		'em?

				ANNIE
 				(Sobbing and taking Alvy's arm) 
		Oh, don't go, okay?  Please.
	
				ALVY
 				(Sitting down next to her) 
		Whatta you mean, don't go?  Whatta-whatta
		-what's the matter?  Whatta you expecting
		-termites?  What's the matter?

				ANNIE
 				(Sobbing) 
		Oh, uh, I don't know.  I miss you.  Tsch.

She beats her fist on the bed.  Reacting, Alvy puts his arm around her shoulder
and leans back against the wall.

				ALVY
 			Oh, Jesus, really?

				ANNIE
 				(Leaning on his shoulder) 
		Oh, yeah.  Oh. 
			(They kiss) 
		Oh!  Alvy?

				ALVY 
		What?

He touches her face gently as she wipes tears from her face.

				ANNIE
 			Was there somebody in your room when 
		I called you?

				ALVY
 			W-w-whatta you mean?

				ANNIE
 			I mean was there another- I thought I 
		heard a voice.

				ALVY
		Oh, I had the radio on.

				ANNIE
		Yeah?

				ALVY
		I'm sorry.  I had the television set 
		... I had the television-

				ANNIE
		Yeah.

Alvy pulls her to him and they kiss again.

								CUT TO:

INT. ALVY'S BED

Alvy is lying in bed next to Annie, who is leaning on her elbow looking down 
at him.  He rubs her arms and she smiles.

				ANNIE
 			Alvy, let's never break up again.  I don't 
		wanna be apart.

				ALVY 
		Oh, no, no, I think we're both much too 
		mature for something like that.

				ANNIE
 			Living together hasn't been so bad, has it?

				ALVY
 			It's all right for me, it's been terrific, 
		you know?  Better than either one of my 
		marriages.  See, 'cause. . . 'cause there's 
		just something different about you.  I 
		don't know what it is, but it's great.

				ANNIE 
			(Snickering) 
		You know I think that if you let me, maybe 
		I could help you have more fun, you know?  
		I mean, I know it's hard and ... Yeah.

				ALVY 
		I don't know.

				ANNIE 
		Alvy, what about ... what if we go away 
		this weekend, and we could-

				ALVY
 			Tsch, why don't we get ... why don't 
		we get Rob, and the three of us'll 
		drive into Brooklyn, you know, and 
		we show you the old neighborhood.

				ANNIE
 			Okay, okay.  Okay.

				ALVY
 			That'd be fun for yuh.  Don't you think-

				ANNIE
 			Yeah.

Alvy raises up his head and they kiss.

EXT. HIGHWAY

Annie is behind the wheel in her VW, Rob is beside her, Alvy in the back seat
leaning forward so that his head is between them.  They're driving down the 
highway.

				ANNIE
 			-me, my God, it's a great day!

				ALVY 
			(Interrupting) 
		Hey, can yuh watch the road?  Watch the --
 
				ROB
 				(Overlapping) 
		Yeah, watch the road!

				ALVY 
		You'll total the whole car.

				ANNIE
 				(Laughing) 
		Hey, you know, I never even visited 
		Brooklyn before.

				ROB
 			I can't wait to see the old neighborhood.

				ALVY
 			Yeah, the neighborhood's gonna be great.

				ROB
 			We can show her the schoolyard.

				ALVY
 			Right.  I was a great athlete.  Tell 
		her, Max, I was the best, I was all 
		schoolyard.

				ROB 
		Yes, I remember. 
			(Annie laughs) 
		He was all schoolyard.  They threw him 
		a football once, he tried to dribble it.

				ALVY 
		Yeah, well, I used to lose my glasses a lot.

EXT. AMUSEMENT PARK.

Alvy Annie and Rob move toward the roller coaster on the screen.  The area's 
deserted.  Sea gulls are heard.

				ALVY 
		Oh, look, look, there's that ... that's
		-that's my old house.  That's where I 
		used to live.

				ANNIE
 				(Laughing) 
		Holy cow!

				ROB
 			You're lucky, Max-where I used to live 
		is now a pornographic equipment store.

Annie laughs.

				ALVY 
		I have some very good memories there.

				ROB
 			What kind of good memories, Max?  
		Your mother and father fighting all 
		the time.

				ALVY 
		Yeah, and always over the most 
		ridiculous things.

FLASHBACK - INT. ALVY'S HOUSE.

Alvy's father sits in his chair.  His mother is polishing a door while Alvy 
lies on the floor playing.  Annie, adult Alvy and Rob quietly walk into the 
scene to watch.

				ALVY'S FATHER
		You fired the cleaning woman?

				ALVY'S MOTHER
		She was stealing.

				ALVY'S FATHER
		But she's colored.

				ALVY'S MOTHER
 			SO?

				ALVY'S FATHER
		So the colored have enough trouble.

				ALVY'S MOTHER
		She was going through my pocketbook!

				ALVY'S FATHER
		They're persecuted enough!

				ALVY'S MOTHER
		Who's persecuting?  She stole!

Alvy's father gets up and gets his hard hat.  He sits back down and starts 
polishing it.

				ALVY'S FATHER
 			All right-so we can afford it.

				ALVY'S MOTHER
 			How can we afford it?  On your pay?  
		What if she steals more?

				ALVY'S FATHER
 			She's a colored woman, from Harlem!  
		She has no money!  She's got a right 
		to steal from us!  After all, who is 
		she gonna steal from if not us?

				ADULT ALVY
 				(Yelling into the scene) 
		You're both crazy!  

				ROB
 			They can't hear you, Max.

				ALVY'S MOTHER
 			Leo ... I married a fool!

				ROB
			(Pointing) 
		Hey, Max!  Who's that?

As the three friends watch Alvy's old living room, the scene has suddenly 
shifted.  A huge crowd stands around the room, laughing, eating, chatting and 
vibrating with the turns of the roller-coaster ride.

				ALVY
 			It-it-it's the welcome-home party 
		in nineteen forty-five, for my cousin 
		Herbie.

				ADULT ALVY
 				(Pointing) 
		Look, look, there's-there's that one 
		over there, that's Joey Nichols, he 
		was my- 
			(Young Alvy stands next to Joey 
			Nichols, who's sitting in one of 
			the easy chairs.  They smile at 
			each other; people and noise all 
			around)
		-father's friend.  He was always bothering 
		me when I was a kid.

				JOEY
 			Joey Nichols. 
			(Laughing) 
		See.  Nichols.  See, Nichols! 
			(Joey shows young Alvy his cuff 
			links and a tie pin, which are 
			made from nickels, as Alvy stands
			with hands on hips, unconcerned.  
			Joey then slaps his band to his 
			forehead and puts a nickel on 
			his forehead) 
		Yuh see, nickels!  You can always 
		remember my name, just think of Joey 
		Five Cents. 
			(Laughing) 
		That's me.  Joey Five Cents!

Joey grabs Alvy's cheeks and pinches them.

				YOUNG ALVY
 				(Turning away) 
		What an asshole!

A group of women stands near a buffet table eating and listening to Alvy 
mother and her sister, Tessie, and a young girl, as the three friends watch.

				ALVY'S MOTHER
 			I was always the sister with good common 
		sense.  But Tessie was always the one 
		with personality.  When she was younger, 
		they all wanted to marry Tessie.

She touches Tessie's shoulder.  Tessie starts to laugh.

				ADULT ALVY
 				(Pointing, to Rob) 
		Do you believe that, Max?  Tessie 
		Moskowitz had the personality.  She's 
		the life of the ghetto, no doubt.

				ALVY'S MOTHER
 				(To the young girl) 
		She was once a great beauty.

Tessie nods her head "yes."

				ROB 
		Tessie, they say you were the sister 
		with personality.

				TESSIE
 				(Addressing the young girl) 
		I was a great beauty.

				ROB
 			Uh, how did this personality come about?

				TESSIE
 				(Grabbing the young girl's cheek) 
		I was very charming.

				ROB
 			There were many men interested in you?

				TESSIE
 				(To the young girl) 
		Oh, I was quite a lively dancer.

Tessie gyrates back and forth imitating a dancer while Annie and the adult 
Alvy lean on each other laughing.

				ROB
 				(Laughing) 
		That's pretty hard to believe.

EXT. STREET.

Alvy and Annie walk contentedly down a street; Alvy's arm is draped around 
Annie.  People walk by them on the street as they move toward their apartment
building.

				ANNIE
 			Well, I had a really good day, you know 
		that?  It was just a real fine way to 
		spend my birthday.

				ALVY 
		Ah?  Oh, well, your birthday's not till 
		tomorrow, honey, I hate to tell yuh.

				ANNIE 
		Yeah, but it's real close.

				ALVY
 			Yeah, but no presents till midnight.

				ANNIE
 				(Laughing) 
		Oh, darn it.

INT. APARTMENT

Annie and Alvy sit on the sofa.  Annie's unwrapping a gift while Alvy watches.

				ANNIE
 				(Making sounds) 
		This is-
			(Making sounds)
		Huh?

She pulls out flimsy black lingerie from the box.

				ALVY
		Happy birthday.

				ANNIE
		What is this? Is this a...Present?
			(Laughing)
		Are you kidding?

				ALVY
 			Yeah, hey, why don't yuh try it on?

				ANNIE 
		Uh, yeah, uh ... t-t-this is more like 
		a present for you, yeah, but it's-

				ALVY 
		Try it ... it'll add years to our 
		sex life.

				ANNIE
 				(Looking up at Alvy and laughing) 
		Uh huh.  Yeah.  Forget it. 

Alvy leans over and hands her another box as she puts down the lingerie.

				ALVY 
		Here's a real present.

				ANNIE
 				(Opening the gift) 
		What... huh?

				ALVY  
		Check it out.

				ANNIE 
		Oh, yeah?  What is this, anyway?
			(continuing) 
		Let me see.  Okay, let's... oooh, God! 
			(She takes out a watch from the box) 
		Oh, you knew I wanted this ... 
			(Laughing) 
		God, it's terrific, God!

				ALVY
 				(Making sounds) 
		Yeah, I know.  Just-just put on the 
		watch, and-and ... that thing, and 
		we'll just ...

				ANNIE
 				(Laughing) 
		Oh!  My God! 
			(Making sounds)

Alvy kisses Annie.

INT. NIGHT CLUB.

Annie, spotlighted onstage, stands in front of the microphone, smiling.  She 
looks downward and sings "Seems Like Old Times.  " The audience applauds 
loudly as the music fades out.

				ANNIE
 				(Laughing) 
		Thank you.

Alvy sits at the bar, clapping and staring at Annie as she walks over to him 
and sits down.  The low murmur of the night club is surrounding them.

				ALVY
 				(Reacting) 
		You were-you were sensational.  I mean, 
		I-you know, I-I told yuh that if yuh stuck 
		to it, you would be great, and-and, you 
		know, I-I-you-you were sensational.

				ANNIE 
			(Looking at Alvy, smiling) 
		Yeah, well, we have the, I mean, they were 
		just a terrific audience, I mean, you know, 
		it makes it really easy for me, because I 
		can be ... huh?

Tony, a famous record personality, pushes through the crowd, moving toward 
Alvy and Annie.  An entourage follows him as he makes his way to their table. 

TONY 
		Excuse me.

He shakes hands with Annie, smiling.

				ANNIE 
 			Oh.

				TONY 
		Hi, I'm-I'm Tony Lacey.

				ANNIE
 			Well, hi!

				TONY
		Uh, we just wanted to stop by and say 
		that we really enjoyed your sets.

				ANNIE
			(Laughing) 
		Oh, yeah, really, oh!

				TONY
		I though it was ... very musical, and I 
		liked it a lot.

				ANNIE
 			Oh, neat ... oh, that's very nice, 
		gosh, thanks a lot.

				TONY 
		Are you ... are you recording?  Or do- 
		Are you with any label now?

				ANNIE
 				(Laughing) 
		No, no, no, not at all.

				TONY  
 			Uh, well, I'd like to talk to you about 
		that sometime, if you get a chance.

Seated Alvy looks the other way, reacting.

				ANNIE 
		Oh.  What about?

				TONY   
		... of possibly working together.

				ANNIE 
			(Looking for the first time at Alvy) 
		Well, hey, that's, that's nice.  Uh. 
		Oh, listen, this is, uh, Alvy Singer.  
		Do you know Alvy?  Uh ... and ... uh ... 
		Tony Lacey.

				TONY
 			No, I don't-I don't know, but I-I know 
		your work.  I'm a big fan of yours.

Tony reaches over and shakes hands with Alvy.  The nightclub crowd surrounds 
them all with their low chatter and cigarette smoke.

				ALVY 
		Thank you very much.  It's a pleasure.

				TONY
 				(Turning to introduce his entourage) 
		This is, uh, Shawn, and, uh ... Bob and 
		Petronia.

				ANNIE
 			Hi.

				ENTOURAGE 
		Hi.

				ANNIE
 				(Laughing) 
		Hi, hi, Bob ...

				TONY 
		Uh ... w-we're going back to the Pierre.  
		We're staying at the Pierre ... and we're 
		gonna meet Jack and Angelica, and have a 
		drink there, and ... if you'd like to come, 
		uh, we'd love to have you.

				ANNIE 
		Yeah.

				TONY
 			And we could just sit and talk ... nothing.  
		Uh, not a big deal, it's just relax, just 
		be very mellow.

Annie and Tony and his entourage turn to look at Alvy.

				ALVY 
			(Fingers to his mouth, reacting) 
		Remember, we had that thing.

				ANNIE
 			What thing?

				ALVY
 				(Staring at Annie and clearing 
			his throat) 
		Don't you remember we-we-we discussed 
		that thing that we were-

				ANNIE 
			(Overlapping) 
		Thing?

				ALVY 
			(Overlapping) 
		-yes, we had, uh ...

				ANNIE 
			(Looking at Alvy, reacting) 
		Oh, the thing!  Oh, the thing ... 
			(Laughing) 
		... yeah ... yeah.

Annie turns, looks at Tony as he smiles and gestures with his hands.

				TONY 
		Oh, well, I-if it's inconvenient, eh, 
		we can't do it now ... that's fine, 
		too.  W-w-w-we'll do it another time.

				ANNIE
 			Hey-

				TONY 
		Maybe if you're on the Coast, we'll get 
		together and ... and we'll meet there.

He shakes hands with Annie.

				ANNIE 
			(Reacting) 
		Oh.

				TONY
 			It was a wonderful set.

				ANNIE 
		Oh, gosh.

				TONY 
			(Smiling) 
		I really enjoyed it. 
			(Looking at Alvy) 
		Nice to have metcha.  Good night.

				ENTOURAGE 
		Bye-bye.

				ANNIE 
		Nice to see you ... bye.  Yeah.  Bye. 

She turns and looks at Alvy.

				ALVY 
			(Reacting) 
		What's ... you ... well, what's the 
		matter, You w-wanna go to that party?

				ANNIE 
			(Looking down at her hands, 
			then up at Alvy) 
		I don't know, I thought it might be kind 
		of fun, you know what I mean, it'd be 
		nice to meet some new people.

				ALVY
 				(Sighing) 
		I'm just not ... you know, I don't think 
		I could take a mellow eve- 'cause I-I 
		don't respond well to mellow, you know 
		what I mean, I-I have a tendency to ... 
		if I get too mellow, I-I ripen and then 
		rot.  You know, and it's-it's not good 
		for my ... 
			(Making sounds)

				ANNIE 
		All right, all right, you don't wanna go 
		to the party, so uh, whatta you wanna do?

INT. MOVIE THEATER.

The screen is projecting the beginning of "The Sorrow and the Pity": a street 
filled with fleeing cars, belongings tied on top and piled in the back seats. 
Subtitles pop on:

"The Jewish warmongers and
Parisian plutocrats tried
to flee with their gold and jewels"

as a narrator explains in German.

								CUT TO.

Split screen: Annie and her psychiatrist on the left; Alvy and his on the 
right. Annie, talking, sits in a white molded chair, as does her doctor.  
The office is very modern: stark, white and chrome. Alvy, talking to his 
psychiatrist, lies on a deep leather sofa, the doctor seated away from him.  
This office looks more like a well-worn den: bookcases overflowing, dark wood.
The dialogue is separated in each screen, though no one talks simultaneously.

				ANNIE
 				(To her doctor) 
		That day in Brooklyn was the last day 
		I remember really having a great time.

				ALVY 
			(To his doctor) 
		Well, we never have any laughs anymore, 
		is the problem.

				ANNIE 
		Well, I've been moody and dissatisfied.

				ALVY'S PSYCHIATRIST
 			How often do you sleep together?

				ANNIE'S PSYCHIATRIST 
		Do you have sex often?

				ALVY 
		Hardly ever.  Maybe three times a week.

				ANNIE 
		Constantly!  I'd say three times a week.  
		Like the other night, Alvy wanted to have 
		sex.

				ALVY 
		She would not sleep with me the other 
		night, you know, it's-

				ANNIE 
		And ... I don't know ... I mean, six months 
		ago I-I woulda done it.  I woulda done it, 
		just to please him.

				ALVY 
		I mean ... I tried everything, you know, 
		I-I-I put on soft music and my-my red light 
		bulb, and ...

				ANNIE
 			But the thing is-I mean, since our 
		discussions here, I feel I have a right 
		to my own feelings.  I think you woulda 
		been happy because ... uh, uh, I really 
		asserted myself.

				ALVY 
		The incredible thing about it is, I'm 
		paying for her analysis and she's making 
		progress and I'm getting screwed.

				ANNIE 
		I don't know, though, I feel so guilty 
		because Alvy is paying for it, so, you 
		know, so I do feel guilty if I don't go 
		to bed with him.  But if I do go to bed 
		with him, it's like I'm going against my 
		own feelings.  I don't know I-I can't win.

				ALVY 
			(Simultaneously, with Annie) 
		You know ... it's getting expensive
		...my analyst ... for her analyst.  She-
		she's making progress and I'm not making 
		any progress.  Her progress is defeating 
		my progress.

				ANNIE
			(Simultaneously, with Alvy) 
		Sometimes I think-sometimes I think I 
		should just live with a woman.

								CUT TO:

INT. APARTMENT

Alvy and Annie sit close together on the sofa in some friends' apartment. 
Their friends, another couple, stand behind the sofa in the background. 
Excited, they talk almost all at once.

				WOMAN FRIEND 
		Wow, I don't believe it ... you mean to 
		tell me you guys have never snorted coke?

				ANNIE 
		Well, I always wanted to try, you know, 
		but, uh, Alvy, uh ... he's very down on it.

				ALVY 
		Hey, don't put it on me.  You kn- Wh-what 
		is it, I don't wanna put a wad of white 
		powder in my nose 'cause the-the nasal 
		membranes ...

They all start talking at once.

				ANNIE 
		You never wanna try anything new, Alvy.

				ALVY 
			(Counting on his fingers) 
		How can you say that?  I mean, 
			(Making sounds) 
		who said I-I-I-I said that you, I and that 
		girl from your acting class should sleep 
		together in a threesome.

				ANNIE 
			(Reacting) 
		That's sick!

				ALVY 
		Yeah, I know it's sick, but it's new.  
		You know, you didn't say it couldn't be 
		sick.

Annie laughs, chatters.

				WOMAN FRIEND 
		Just come on, Alvy. 
			(All four are now sitting on the 
			sofa. The male friend starts to 
			prepare lines of cocaine; Alvy 
			and Annie look at each other, 
			reacting) 
		Do your body a favor.  Try it, come on.

				ALVY 
		Oh, yeah?

				ANNIE
 			Yeah.  Come on.  It'd be fun.

				ALVY 
			(Moving forward on the couch) 
		Oh, I'm sure it's a lot of fun, 'cause 
		the Incas did it, you know, and-and 
		they-they-they were a million laughs.

				ANNIE 
			(Laughing) 
		Alvy, come on, for your own experience.  
		I mean, you wanna write, why not?

				MALE FRIEND 
		It's great stuff, Alvy.  Friend of mine 
		just brought it in from California.

				ANNIE 
		Oh, do you know something-I didn't tell 
		yuh, we're going to California next week.

				GIRL 
		Oh, really?

				ANNIE 
		Yeah ...

				ALVY  
 			... I'm thrilled.  As you know, uh ... 
		uh, on my agent's advice I sold out, 
		and I'm gonna do an appearance on TV.

				ANNIE 
			(Interrupting) 
		No, no, no that's not it at all.  Alvy's 
		giving an award on television.  Gee, he 
		talks like he's violating a moral issue 
		sitting here.

				GIRL 
		You're kidding?

				ALVY 
		It's so phony, and we have to leave New 
		York during Christmas week, which really 
		kills me.

				MAN 
			(Interrupting) 
		Alvy, listen, while you're in California, 
		could you possibly score some coke for me?

Annie laughs.

				ALVY 
			(Over Annie's laughter) 
		Sure, sure, I'll be glad to. I-I'll just 
		put it in a-a-a h-h-hollow heel that I 
		have in my boot, you know. 
			(Alvy picks up the small open 
			gold case of cocaine base the man 
			placed on the coffee table and
			looks at it, reacting) 
		H-h-how much is this stuff?

				MAN 
		It's about two thousand dollars an ounce.

				ANNIE 
		God.

				ALVY
 			Really?  And what is the kick of it?  
		Because I never ...

He puts his finger into the drug, smells it and then sneezes.  The powder 
blows all over the room as the man, woman and Annie react silently.

								CUT TO:


CALIFORNIA. BEVERLY HILLS STREET-DAY

It's a warm, beautiful day.  Rob, Annie and Alvy in Rob's convertible are 
moving past the spacious houses, the palm trees.  The sunlight reflects off 
the car.  Annie, excited, is taking the whole place in.  Background voices 
sing Christmas carols.

				VOICES
			(Singing) 
		We wish you a Merry Christmas,
		We wish you a Merry Christmas, 
		We wish you a Merry Christmas, 
		And a -Happy New Year.

				ROB 
			(Over the singing) 
		I've never been so relaxed as I have 
		been since I moved out here, Max.  I 
		want you to see my house.  I live 
		right next to Hugh Hefner's house, Max.  
		He lets me use the Jacuzzi.  And the 
		women, Max, they're like the women in 
		Playboy magazine, only they can move 
		their arms and legs.

				ANNIE
 				(Laughing) 
		You know, I can't get over that this is 
		really Beverly Hills.

				VOICES 
			(Singing) 
		We wish you a Merry Christmas,
		And a Happy New Year.

				ALVY 
		Yeah, the architecture is really consistent, 
		isn't it?  French next to-

				VOICES 
			(Singing over the dialogue)
		Oh, Christmas ... tree,
		Oh, Christmas tree,
		How bright and green
		Our ...

				ALVY
		-Spanish, next to Tudor, next to Japanese.

				ANNIE 
		God, it's so clean out here.

				ALVY 
		It's that they don't throw their garbage 
		away.  They make it into television shows.

				ROB 
		Aw, come on, Max, give us a break, will 
		yuh?  It's Christmas. 

Annie starts snapping pictures of the view.

				ALVY 
		Can you believe this is Christmas here?

				VOICES 
			(Singing) 
		Oh Christmas tree,
		Oh Christmas tree ...

They pass a large house with spacious lawn.  Sitting on the lawn is a Santa 
Claus complete with sleigh and reindeer.  Voices continue to sing Christmas 
carols; Annie continues to take pictures.

				ANNIE
		You know, it was snowing-it was snowing 
		and really gray in New York yesterday.

				ROB 
		No kidding?

				ALVY 
		Right-well, Santa Claus will have 
		sunstroke.

				ROB 
		Max, there's no crime, there's no mugging.

				ALVY 
		There's no economic crime, you know, 
		but there's-there's ritual, religious-
		cult murders, you know, there's wheat-
		germ killers out here.

				ROB 
		While you're out here, Max, I want you 
		to see some of my TV show.  And we're 
		invited to a big Christmas party.

They continue driving, now in a less residential area, passing a hot-dog stand.
"Tail-Pup" concession; people mill about eating hot dogs.

				VOICES 
			(Singing, louder now)
		Remember Christ our Savior
		Was born on Christmas day
		To save us all ... from Satan's power
		As we were gone astray.

They pass a theater, the marquee announcing "House of Exorcism Messiah of Evil.
Rated R.  Starts at 7:15."

INT. TV CONTROL ROOM.

Several monitors line the wall in front of an elaborate console.  Rob and Alvy,
along with Charlie, the technician, stand in the small room watching the 
screens showing Rob as a television star on a situation comedy.  They chatter, 
analyzing the footage, over the sounds of the taped television comedy.

				ALVY 
			(Overlapping the chatter) 
		Oh.

				ROB 
		Look, now, Charlie, give me a big 
		laugh here.

				ROB ON TV SCREEN 
		A limousine to the track breakdown?

				ROB
 				(Watching) 
		A little bigger.

TV monitors go black as the technician turns of the monitors to fix the laugh 
track.

				ALVY 
		Do you realize how immoral this all is?

				ROB
 			Max, I've got a hit series.

				ALVY 
		Yeah, I know; but you're adding fake 
		laughs.

Technicians turn the monitors back on, showing Rob on the screen with another 
character, Arnie.

				ARNIE 
		Oh, I'm sorry.

				ROB ON TV SCREEN 
		Arnie.

				ARNIE 
		Yeah.

				ROB 
			(Turning to the technician) 
		Give me a tremendous laugh here, Charlie.

				ALVY 
		Look, uh ...

Loud laughter from the TV monitors.

				ROB 
			(To Alvy) 
		We do the show live in front of an 
		audience.

				ALVY 
		Great, but nobody laughs at it 'cause 
		your jokes aren't funny.

				ROB 
		Yeah, well, that's why this machine 
		is dynamite.

				ROB ON TV SCREEN 
		You better lie down.  You've been in 
		the sun too long.

				ROB 
			(To the technician) 
		Yeah ... uh, now give me a like a 
		medium-size chuckle here ... and 
		then a big hand.

The sounds of laughter and applause are heard from the TV.

				ALVY
			(Removing his glasses and 
			rubbing his face) 
		Is there booing on there?

The monitors show a woman on the screen.

				WOMAN 
		We were just gonna fix you up with my 
		cousin Dolores.

				ALVY 
			(Overlapping the TV) 
		Oh, Max, I don't feel well.

				ROB 
		What's the matter?

				ALVY 
		I don't know, I just got-I got very dizzy... 
			(Coughing) 
		I feel dizzy, Max.

				ROB 
		Well, sit down.

				ALVY 
			(Sitting down) 
		Oh, Jesus.

				ROB 
		You all right?

				ALVY 
		I don't know, I mean, I-

				ROB 
			(Crouching before Alvy, looking 
			at him) 
		You wanna lie down?

				ALVY 
		No, no-my, you know, my stomach felt 
		queasy all morning.  I just started 
		getting ...

				ROB 
		How about a ginger ale?

				ALVY 
		Oh, Max ... no, I maybe I better lie 
		down.

INT. HOTEL ROOM.

Alvy lies in bed, one elbow propped up, a doctor sitting next to him looking 
concerned.  The doctor bolds out a plate of chicken; Alvy listlessly stares at 
it. Annie, in the background, is on the phone.

				ANNIE 
			(Talking into the phone) 
		Yes.

				DOCTOR 
			(Holding out the food) 
		Why don't you just try to get a little 
		of this down?  This is just plain chicken.

				ALVY
			(Taking a piece of chicken and 
			holding it) 
		Oh, oh, no, I can't-I can't eat this.  
		I'm nauseous. 
			(He gasps and makes sounds) 
		If you could-if you could just give me 
		something to get me through the next two 
		hours, you know I-I have to go out to 
		Burbank ... and give out an award on a 
		TV show.

				ANNIE 
			(On the phone, overlapping the 
			doctor and Alvy) 
		Well ... H-h huh ... Oh, good ... Yes, 
		I'll tell him.

				DOCTOR 
		Well, there's nothing wrong with you 
		actually, so far as I can tell.  I mean, 
		you have no fever, no ... no symptoms 
		of anything serious.  You haven't been 
		eating pork or shellfish.

Annie bangs up and moves over to Alvy.

				ANNIE 
			(Sitting on the edge of the bed) 
		Excuse me.  I'm sorry, I'm sorry, Doctor.  
		Uh, Alvy-Alvy, that was the show.  They 
		said everything is fine.  They found a 
		replacement, so they're going to tape 
		without you.

				ALVY
			(Making sounds) 
		I'm nauseous.
			(He sighs and gasps)
		Oh, jesus, now I don't get to do the 
		TV show?

Reacting, Alvy puts up his band in disgust, then starts eating the piece of 
chicken he has been holding.  The doctor and Annie watch him, reacting.

				ANNIE
 			Yeah.  Listen, Doctor, I'm worried.

				DOCTOR 
		Now, Mrs. Singer, I can't find anything --

				ALVY 
		Christ!

				ANNIE 
		Nothing at all?

				DOCTOR 
		No, I think I can get a lab man up here.

				ALVY  
			(Grabbing the rest of the chicken 
			from the plate) 
		Oh, jesus. Can I have the salt, please?

				ANNIE 
		What do you mean?  Do you think he's-

				DOCTOR 
			(Handing the salt to Alvy) 
		Yes, excuse me. 
			(To Annie) 
		Perhaps it would be even better if we 
		took him to the hospital for a day or two.

Alvy begins to eat.

				ANNIE 
		Uh-huh ... Oh, hospital?

				DOCTOR 
		Well, otherwise, there's no real way to 
		tell what's going on. 

				ALVY 
			(Making sounds, gasping) 
		This is not bad, actually.

EXT. BEVERLY HILLS STREET RESIDENTIAL AREA - DAY

Rob, Annie and Alvy in Rob's car pull into a long circular driveway as an 
attendant walks over to the car.  A sprawling house is seen to the right; a 
couple moves toward the front door, and the driveway is crowded with other 
parked cars.  Loud music is heard.

				ALVY 
			(Getting out of the car) 
		Hey, don't tell me we're gonna hafta 
		walk from the car to the house.  Geez, 
		my feet haven't touched pavement since 
		I reached Los Angeles.

INT. HOUSE

A Hollywood Christmas party is in session, complete with music, milling people,
circulating waiters bolding out trays of drinks.  It's all very casual. French 
doors run the entire width of one wall; they are opened to the back lawn, 
guests move from the room to outside and back in.  It is crowded; bits of 
conversation and clinking glasses can be heard.  Two men, California-tanned, 
stand by the French doors talking.

				1ST MAN 
		Well, you take a meeting with him, I'll 
		take a meeting with you if you'll take 
		a meeting with Freddy.

				2ND MAN 
		I took a meeting with Freddy.  Freddy 
		took a meeting with Charlie.  You take 
		a meeting with him.

				1ST MAN 
		All the good meetings are taken.

								CUT TO:

FULL GROUP SHOT

A man stands talking, people in groups behind him.  Two born like gadgets are 
attached to his shoulders; he's wearing a bizarre space costume.

				3RD MAN 
		Right now it's only a notion, but I 
		think I can get money to make it into 
		a concept ... and later turn it into 
		an idea.

								CUT TO:

Alvy and Rob stand near the French doors leading to the back lawn, eating and 
drinking and watching the people walking in and out of the house.

				ROB 
		You like this house, Max?

				ALVY 
		M'hm.

				ROB 
		I even brought a road map to get us to 
		the bathroom.

				ALVY 
		Whee, you shoulda told me it was Tony 
		Lacey's party.

				ROB 
		What difference does that make?

Alvy looks into the room, where Annie and Tony Lacey are having an animated 
conversation.

ALVY 
		I think he has a little thing for Annie.

				ROB 
		Oh, no, no, that's bullshit, Max.  He 
		goes with that girl over there.

				ALVY 
		Where?

Rob nods his head toward a tall woman dressed all in white conversing with a 
group of people close-by.

				ROB 
		The one with the V.P.L.

				ALVY 
		V.P.L.?

				ROB 
		Visible panty line.  Max, she is gorgeous.

				ALVY 
		Yeah, she's a ten, Max, and that's great 
		for you because you're -you're used to 
		twos, aren't you?

				ROB 
		There are no twos, Max.

				ALVY 
		Yeah, you're used to the kind with the-
		with the shopping bags walking through 
		Central Park with the surgical masks 
		on muttering.

				ROB 
		M'hm.

				ALVY 
		And ... uh-

				ROB 
			(Interrupting) 
		How do you like this couple, Max?

A couple moves over toward Rob and Alvy.  The man's arm is around the woman; 
they stand very close.  In the background, Annie and Tony are still talking.

				ROB 
		And I think they just came back from 
		Masters and Johnson.

				ALVY 
		Yeah, intensive care ward. 
			(Watching the woman in white) 
		My God-hey, Max, I think she's ... I 
		think she's giving me the eye. 

As Rob and Alvy observe the guests, the woman in white starts walking toward 
them.

				ROB 
		If she comes over here, Max, my brain 
		is going to turn into guacamole.

				ALVY
 			I'll handle it.  I'll handle it.  Hi.

				GIRL IN WHITE  
		You're Alvy Singer, right?  Didn't 
		we meet at EST?

				ALVY 
			(Reacting) 
		EST?  No, no, I was never to est.

				GIRL IN WHITE 
		Then how can you criticize it?

				ALVY 
		Oh.

				ROB 
		Oh, he-he didn't say anything.

				ALVY 
			(Laughing) 
		No, no, I came out here to get some 
		shock therapy, but there was an energy 
		crisis, so I ... He's my-my food taster.  
		Have you two met?

				ROB
			(Shaking his head) 
		Hi.  How do you do.

				GIRL IN WHITE 
		Do you taste to see if the food's poisoned?

				ALVY
 			Yeah, he's crazy.

The girl in white laughs.

				ALVY 
 				(Looking at Rob and the girl) 
		Hey, you guys are wearin' white. It must 
		be in the stars.

				ROB 
		Yeah.  Right.

				ALVY 
		Uri Geller must be on the premises 
		someplace.

				ROB 
		We're gonna operate together.

Rob and the girl walk of together as the camera moves in on Tony and Annie 
standing by the buffet table.

				TONY 
		We just need about six weeks, in about 
		six weeks we could cut a whole album.

				ANNIE
		I don't know, this is strange to me, 
		you know.

				TONY
		just ... that's all you need.  You can 
		come and stay here.

				ANNIE
		Oh.

				TONY 
		There's a whole wing in this house.

				ANNIE 
			(Laughing) 
		Oh yeah, stay here?  U-huh.

				TONY 
		You can have it to use.  Why-why are 
		you smiling?

				ANNIE 
			(Laughing) 
		I don't know.  I don't know.

She picks up an hors doeuvre.

								CUT TO:

The two men still talking about meetings surrounded by other groups of people 
milling about.

				1ST MAN 
		Not only is he a great agent, but he 
		really gives good meetings.

				2ND MAN   
		M'mm.

Tony, band in band with the girl in white, is leaving the party room with Alvy 
and Annie to show them the rest of the house.

				TONY 
		This is a great house, really.  Everything.  
		Saunas, Jacuzzis, three tennis courts.  
		You know who the original owners were?  
		Nelson Eddy, then Legs Diamond.  Then 
		you know who lived here?

				ALVY 
		Trigger.

Annie and the girl in white laugh.

				TONY 
		Charlie Chaplin.

				ALVY 
		Hey.

				TONY 
		Right before his un-American thing.

They stop in a den-like screening room.  A man is slouched back on one of the 
comfortable sofas that fill the room.  It is much quieter in here; a contrast 
to the noise and crowd downstairs.

				ALVY 
		Yeah, this place is great.

				ANNIE 
		Yeah.

				TONY 
		Uh, you guys are still-uh, you're still 
		New Yorkers.

				ALVY  
		Yeah, I love it there.

				ANNIE 
			(Laughing) 
		Yeah.

				TONY 
		Well, I used to live there.  I used to 
		live there for years.  You know, but 
		it's gotten-it's so dirty now.

				ANNIE 
		Yeah.

				ALVY 
		I'm into garbage.  It's my thing.

				ANNIE 
		Boy, this is really a nice screening 
		room.  It's really a nice room.

				TONY 
		Oh, and there's another thing about New 
		York.  See ... you-you wanna see a movie, 
		you have to stand in a long line.

				ANNIE 
		Yeah.

				TONY
 			It could be freezing, it could be raining.

				ANNIE 
		Yeah.

				TONY
		And here, you just-

				GIRL IN WHITE 
		We saw "Grand Illusion" here last night.

				ALVY AND ANNIE 
			(In unison) 
		Oh, yeah?

				MAN ON THE SOFA 
			(Looking over his shoulder at 
			the group) 
		That's a great film if you're high. 
			(The group laughs, looking down 
			at the man on the sofa. He looks 
			up at them, smiling, a joint in 
			his hand, and offers them a cigarette) 
		Hey, you.

				TONY 
			(Shaking his head no) 
		Come and see our bedroom.  We did a 
		fantastic lighting job.  Okay?

				ANNIE
 			Oh, good.  Okay.

				ALVY 
		I'm cool.

Tony and the girl in white leave the room, Annie and Alvy following.

				ANNIE 
			(Taking Alvy's arm) 
		It's wonderful. I mean, you know they 
		just watch movies all day.

				ALVY 
		Yeah, and gradually you get old and die.  
		You know it's important to make a little 
		effort once in a while.

				ANNIE 
		Don't you think his girl friend's 
		beautiful?

				ALVY 
		Yeah, she's got a great-lookin' fa- A 
		pat on the androgynous side.  But it's...

They pass a man talking on the phone in the hallway.

				MAN ON THE PHONE 
		Yeah, yeah.  I forgot my mantra.

As they come down stairs the party is still in big gear.  People are looser 
now; conversations are more animated, some talk quietly in more intimate 
corners, some couples are dancing.  Alvy stands alone sipping a drink near the 
huge Christmas tree.  A tall woman, passing by, shakes his hand, then leaves. 
He continues to sip his drink, alone, watching Tony and Annie in the center of 
the room dancing.

The screen shows a plane in flight, Los Angeles far below, then:

								CUT TO:

AIRPLANE.  INT. AIRPLANE

Annie and Alvy sit, the stewardess behind them serving other passengers. Annie
stares out the window bolding a coffee cup; Alvy reads.  Both are preoccupied, 
thinking their own thoughts.

				ANNIE'S VOICE-OVER 
			(To herself) 
		That was fun.  I don't think California 
		is bad at all.  It's a drag coming home.

				ALVY'S VOICE-OVER 
			(To himself) 
		Lotta beautiful women.  It was fun 
		to flirt.

				ANNIE'S VOICE-OVER 
			(As she sips coffee) 
		I have to face facts. I-I adore Alvy, 
		but our relationship doesn't seem to 
		work anymore.

				ALVY'S VOICE-OVER 
			(An open magazine lies in 
			his lap) 
		I'll have the usual trouble with Annie 
		in bed tonight.  Whatta I need this?

				ANNIE'S VOICE-OVER 
		If only I had the nerve to break up, 
		but it would really hurt him.

				ALVY'S VOICE-OVER 
		If only I didn't feel guilty asking 
		Annie to move out.  It'd probably 
		wreck her.  But I should be honest.

He looks over at Annie.

				ANNIE 
			(Looking back at Alvy) 
		Alvy, uh, let's face it.  You know 
		something, don't think our relationship 
		is working.

				ALVY 
		Tsch, I know.  A relationship, I think, 
		is-is like a shark, you know?  It has 
		to constantly move forward or it dies. 
			(He sighs) 
		And I think what we got on our hands 
			(Clearing his throat) 
		is a dead shark.

INT. ALVY'S LIVING ROOM-DAY

A lighted Christmas tree stands in the middle of boxes, books, and the general 
disarray of packing and figuring out what belongs to whom as Alvy helps Annie 
move out.

				ALVY 
			(Holding up a book) 
		Whose "Catcher in the Rye" is this?

				ANNIE 
			(Walking into the room with an 
			armload of books) 
		Well, let's see now ... If it has my 
		name on it, then I guess it's mine.

				ALVY 
			(Reacting) 
		Oh, it sure has ... You know, you wrote 
		your name in all my books, 'cause you 
		knew this day was gonna come.

				ANNIE 
			(Putting down the books and 
			flipping back her hair) 
		Well, uh, Alvy, you wanted to break up 
		just as much as I do.

				ALVY 
			(Riffling through the books) 
		There's no-no question in my mind.  I 
		think we're doing the mature thing, 
		without any doubt.

				ANNIE 
			(Holding a framed picture and 
			moving about) 
		Now, look, all the books on death and 
		dying are yours and all the poetry books 
		are mine.

				ALVY 
			(Looking down at a book) 
		This "Denial of Death".  You remember this?

				ANNIE 
		Oh-

				ALVY 
		This is the first book that I got you.

Annie goes over to Alvy.  They both look down at the book; the fireplace, 
burning nicely, is behind them.

				ANNIE 
		-God.

				ALVY 
		Remember that day?

				ANNIE 
		Right.  Geez, I feel like there's a 
		great weight off my back.  M'mmm.

				ALVY 
		Thanks, honey.

				ANNIE 
			(Patting Alvy's shoulder) 
		Oh, no, no, no, no, no.  I mean, you 
		know, no, no, no, I mean, I think it's 
		really important for us to explore new 
		relationships and stuff like that.

She walks away.

				ALVY 
		There's no-there's no question about 
		that, 'cause we've given this ... uh, 
		uh, I think a more than fair shot, 
		you know?

He tosses the book into the carton.

				ANNIE 
			(Off screen) 
		Yeah, my analyst thinks this move is 
		keen for me.

				ALVY 
			(Off screen)  
		Yeah, and I-I tru-  you know, I trust 
		her, because my-my analyst recommended 
		her.

				ANNIE 
			(Walking in with another 
			armload of books) 
		Well, why should I put you through all 
		my moods and hang-ups anyway?

				ALVY 
		Right.  And you-and you know what the 
		beauty part is?

				ANNIE 
		What?

				ALVY 
			(Holding a small box of buttons) 
		We can always come back together again.  
		Because there's no-there's no problem.  
		'Cause ... Right.

				ANNIE 
			(Overlapping) 
		Exactly, but ... exactly.  Ooooh!

				ALVY 
		You know, I-I-I don't think many couples 
		could handle this.  You know, they could 
		just break up and remain friends.

				ANNIE 
			(Taking a button from a box) 
		Hey, this one's mine, this button.
		This one, you rem-

				ALVY 
			(Interrupting) 
		Yeah.

				ANNIE 
		I guess these are all yours.  Impeach, uh, 
		Eisenhower ... Impeach Nixon ... Impeach 
		Lyndon Johnson ... Impeach Ronald Reagan.

EXT. NEW YORK CITY STREET-DAY

People milling about on the sidewalk as Alvy walks out of a store and moves 
toward the foreground.

				ALVY 
			(Into the camera, to the audience) 
		I miss Annie.  I made a terrible 
		mistake.

A couple, walking down the street, stops as the man talks to Alvy.

				MAN ON THE STREET 
		She's living in Los Angeles with 
		Tony Lacey.

				ALVY 
		Oh, yeah?  Well, if she is, then the 
		hell with her!  If she likes that 
		lifestyle, let her live there!  He's 
		a jerk, for one thing.

				MAN ON THE STREET 
		He graduated Harvard.

				ALVY
 			Yeah. He may- Listen, Harvard makes 
		mistakes too, you know.  Kissinger 
		taught there.  

The couple strolls away as an older woman walks up to Alvy while others walk by.

				OLD WOMAN 
		Don't tell me you're jealous?

				ALVY 
		Yeah, jealous. A little bit like Medea. 
		Lemme, lemme-can I show you something, 
		lady? 
			(He takes a small item from his 
			pocket to show the woman) 
		What I have here ... I found this in the 
		apartment.  Black soap.  She used to wash 
		her face eight hundred times a day with 
		black soap. Don't ask me why.

				OLD WOMAN 
		Well, why don't you go out with other 
		women?

				ALVY 
		Well, I-I tried, but it's, uh, you know, 
		it's very depressing.

RECENT FLASHBACK - INT. ALVY'S COUNTRY KITCHEN

Alvy's arms and legs fill the screen as he slowly gets up from the floor 
bolding up a live lobster.  He puts it on a grill tray.

				ALVY 
			(Pointing to the lobster) 
		This always happens to me.  Quick, g-go 
		get a broom. 

His date, a girl wearing short shorts, leans against the sink and lights a 
cigarette.  She makes no move to help.

				GIRL DATE 
			(Smoking) 
		What are you making such a big deal about? 
			(As she talks, the lobster drops 
			from the tray to the floor.  Alvy 
			jumps away, then gingerly scrapes 
			the tray toward the lobster) 
		They're only lobsters.  Look, you're a 
		grown man, you know how to pick up a 
		lobster.

				ALVY 
			(Looking up in stooped-over 
			position) 
		I'm not myself since I stopped smoking.

				GIRL DATE 
			(Still leaning against the sink, 
			her hand on her hip) 
		Oh, when'd you quit smoking? 

He gets up of the floor with the lobster on the tray.

				ALVY 
		Sixteen years ago.

				GIRL DATE 
			(Puzzled) 
		Whatta you mean?  

				ALVY 
			(Mocking) 
		Mean?

				GIRL DATE 
		You stopped smoking sixteen years ago, 
		is that what you said?  Oh, I-I don't 
		understand.  Are you joking, or what?

								CUT TO:

A solitary Alvy walking along the FDR Drive where he had walked with Annie. - 
The New York skyline is still in the background, the sea gulls go by, the fog 
horn blows.  He walks slowly, moving off screen.

INT. ALVY'S BEDROOM - DAY

Alvy sits on his bed talking on the phone.

				ALVY 
		Listen, honey, Central Park's turning 
		green ... Yeah, I sa-I saw that lunatic 
		that we-where we used to see ... with 
		the, uh, uh, pinwheel hat and, you know, 
		and the roller skates? . . . Listen, 
		I-I want you to come back here ... Well, 
		I-I-then I'm gonna come out there and 
		getcha.

								CUT TO:

An airborne plane.

								CUT TO:

EXT. LOS ANGELES AIRPORT.

People milling about as Alvy, in the outside phone-booth center, talks.

				ALVY 
		Whatta you mean, where am I? Where do-
		where do you think I am?  I'm-I'm out 
		... I'm at the Los Angeles Airport.  
		I flew in ... 
			(Sniffling) 
		Tsch, I-well, I flew in to see you ... 
			(Muttering) 
		Hey, listen, can we not debate this 
		on-on the telephone because I'm, you 
		know, I-I feel that I got a temperature 
		and I'm-I'm getting my-my chronic Los 
		Angeles nausea. I-I don't feel so good.

Alvy's conversation is still heard as the screen shows him behind the wheel of 
a car on a busy street; he causes a near-accident by jerking the car too slowly
toward an intersection.

				ALVY'S VOICE-OVER 
		Well, where-wherever you wanna meet, I 
		don't care.  I'll-I'll drive in.  I 
		rented a car I'm driving ... that ... 
		Whatta you mean?  What-why is that such 
		a miracle?  I'm driving myself --

EXT. OUTDOOR CAF - DAY

People sit at umbrellaed tables with checkered tablecloths at a Sunset 
Boulevard outdoor cafe.  Street traffic goes by while they dine.  There's a 
mild California breeze.  The restaurant is somewhat crowded as Alvy makes his 
way around the tables looking about.  He finally sits down at an empty table; 
nearby sits a woman with a younger man.  A waitress brings Alvy a menu and 
waits for his order.

				ALVY
			(To the waitress) 
		I'm gonna...I'm gonna have the alfalfa 
		sprouts and, uh, a plate of mashed yeast.

Annie, wearing a flowered dress and wide hat, moves into view.  Alvy,
noticing her, watches as she walks over to his table.  He rises and they shake 
hands.

				ANNIE 
		Hi.

Alvy wipes at his nose as he stares.  He smiles, the street traffic moving 
behind him. Annie smiles back.

				ALVY 
		You look very pretty.

				ANNIE 
		Oh, no, I just lost a little weight, 
		that's all. 
			(Alvy adjusts his glasses, not 
			exactly knowing where to start; 	
			a bit uneasy) 
		Well, you look nice.

				ALVY 
			(Nodding his head) 
		You see, I-I've been thinking about it 
		and I think that we should get married.

				ANNIE 
			(Adjusting her sunglasses) 
		Oh, Alvy, come on.

				ALVY 
		Why?  You wanna live out here all year?  
		It's like living in Munchkin Land.

				ANNIE 
			(Looking around) 
		Well, whatta you mean?  I mean, it's 
		perfectly fine out here.  I mean, Tony's 
		very nice and, uh, well, I meet people 
		and I go to parties and-and we play tennis.  
		I mean, that's ... that's a very big step 
		for me, you know?  I mean ... 
			(Reacting, Alvy looks down at 
			his hands, then up) 
		I'm able to enjoy people more.

				ALVY 
			(Sadly) 
		So whatta you ... You're not gonna come 
		back to New York?

				ANNIE 
			(Smiling) 
		What's so great about New York?  I mean, 
		it's a dying city.  You read "Death in 
		Venice."

				ALVY 
		Hey, you didn't read "Death in Venice"
		till I bought it for yuh.

				ANNIE 
		That's right, that's right. 
			(Still smiling) 
		You only gave me books with the word 
		"death" in the titles.

				ALVY 
			(Nodding his head and gesturing) 
		That's right, 'cause it's an important 
		issue.

				ANNIE 
		Alvy, you're incapable of enjoying life, 
		you know that?  I mean, your life is New 
		York City.  You're just this person.  
		You're like this island unto yourself.

				ALVY 
			(Toying with his car keys) 
		I can't enjoy anything unless I ... unless 
		everybody is.  I-you know, if one guy is 
		starving someplace, that's ... you know, 
		I-I ... it puts a crimp in my evening. 
			(Looking down at his hands, sadly) 
		So wanna get married or what?

				ANNIE 
			(Seriously) 
		No. We're friends.  I wanna remain friends.

				ALVY 
			(In disbelief) 
		Okay. 
			(Louder, to the waitress) 
		Check, please.  Can I -can I ... 
		Can I ... Can I ...

				ANNIE 
			(Interrupting) 
		You're mad, aren't you?

				ALVY 
			(Shaking his head) 
		No. 
			(Then nodding) 
		Yes, of course I'm mad, because you 
		love me, I know that.

				ANNIE 
		Alvy, I can't say that that's true at 
		this point in my life.  I really just 
		can't say that that's true.  I mean, 
		you know how wonderful you are.  I 
		mean, you know ... you're the reason 
		that I got outta my room and that I 
		was able to sing, and-and-and, you know, 
		get more in touch with my feelings and 
		all that crap.  Anyway, look, I don't 
		wanna- Listen, listen, listen, uh 
			(Laughing) 
		h'h, so whatta you up to anyway, huh?

				ALVY
			(Shrugging his shoulders) 
		The usual, you know. Uh, tryin't'write. 
		I'm workin' on a play. 
			(Sighing) 
		Jesus.  So whatta yuh saying?  That 
		you're not comin' back to New York with
		me?

He nods his head in disbelief.

				ANNIE 
			(Nodding) 
		No! 
			(Pauses) 
		Look, I gotta go.

She starts to rise.

				ALVY 
		You mean that ... 
			(He gets up and starts following 
			her past diners at other tables) 
		I-I-I-I flew three thousand miles to 
		see you.

				ANNIE 
		I'm late.

				ALVY 
		Air miles, you know.  I mean, you 
		know what that does to my stomach?

They move down the steps of the cafe' toward the parking lot.

				ANNIE 
		If you must know, it's a hectic time 
		for Tony.  The Grammys are tonight.

				ALVY 
		The what?

				ANNIE 
		The Grammys.  He's got a lotta records 
		up for awards.

				ALVY 
		You mean they give awards for that 
		kind o' music?

				ANNIE
 			Oh!

				ALVY 
		I thought just earplugs.

Annie gets into her car.  Alvy moves over to his rented convertible.

				ANNIE 
		Just forget it, Alvy, okay?  Let's 
		just forget the conversation.

She closes the door, starts the motor.

				ALVY
			(Yelling after her) 
		Awards! They do nothing but give out 
		awards!  I can't believe it.  Greatest, 
		greatest fascist dictator, Adolf Hitler!  

Annie drives away. Alvy gets behind the wheel, starts the motor. Putting the 
car in gear, he inadvertently moves forward, hitting a bunch of trash cans with
a loud crash. Putting the car in reverse, Alvy notices a beige car that has 
just turned into the parking lot. For a brief moment, the screen shows a 
flashback of the bumper-car ride at the Brooklyn amusement park.  Alvy's father
is on the Platform directing traffic; young Alvy is in a small car bumping 
others right and left.  Alvy, hack in the parking lot, backs up his convertible,
purposefully smashing the side of the beige car as another flashback of bumper-
car ride appears, this time-as, Alvy's father directs traffic-a Marine in a 
small car bits the back end of a soldier's car, and Alvy, back in the parking 
lot, moves his car over to another parked car and bits it full force.

Another flashback appears. people in the small cars really racing around the 
track now, bumping into one another over and over again, Alvy's father 
directing the flow, as the film cuts back to the parking lot, where Alvy 
reverses the convertible and rams it into the front end of yet another car.

He sits behind the wheel as people rush out of various cars and as sirens 
start blaring, coming closer and closer, stopping finally as a motorcycle cop 
gets off beside Alvy's car and walks over to him.

				ALVY 
			(Getting out of the car) 
		Officer, I know what you're gonna say.  
		I'm-I'm not a great driver, you know, 
		I-I have some problems with-with-with-

				OFFICER 
			(Interrupting) 
		May I see your license, please?

				ALVY 
		Sure. 
			(Searching, he finally fishes 
			his license out of his pocket) 
		just don't-don't get angry, you know 
		what I mean?  'Cause I-I have - I have 
		my-my license here.  You know, it's a 
		rented car.  And I've ...

He drops the license and it falls to the ground.

				OFFICER
 			Don't give me your life story 
			(Looking at the piece of paper 
			on the ground)
		-just pick up the license.

				ALVY 
		Pick up the license.  You have to ask 
		nicely 'cause I've had an extremely 
		rough day.  You know, my girl friend-

				OFFICER 
			(Interrupting) 
		Just give me the license, please.

				ALVY 
		Since you put it that way. 
			(He laughs) 
		It's hard for me to refuse. 
			(He leans over, picks up the 
			license, then proceeds to rip 
			it up.  He lets the pieces go; 
			they float to the ground)
		... have a, I have a terrific problem 
		with authority, you know.  I'm... it's 
		not your fault.  Don't take it personal.

								CUT TO:

INT. JAIL-CELLS CORRIDOR.

A guard moves down the ball to the cell where, Alvy stands with other inmates.
He unlocks the door and opens it, letting Alvy out.

				ALVY 
		So long, fellas.  Keep in touch. 

He walks down the corridor off screen.

EXT. A STREET IN FRONT OF THE COURT HOUSE - DAY

Policemen are walking up and down the courthouse steps as Alvy and Rob move 
out the door of the building, down the steps to the street.

				ROB 
		Imagine my surprise when I got your 
		call, Max.

				ALVY 
			(Carrying his jacket over his 
			shoulder) 
		Yeah.  I had the feeling that I got 
		you at a bad moment.  You know, I heard 
		high-pitched squealing.

They walk over to Rob's convertible and get in.

				ROB 
			(Starting the car) 
		Twins, Max.  Sixteen-year-olds.  Can you 
		imagine the mathematical possibilities?

				ALVY 
			(Reacting) 
		You're an actor, Max.  You should be 
		doing Shakespeare in the Park.

				ROB 
		Oh, I did Shakespeare in the Park, Max.  
		I got mugged.  I was playing Richard the 
		Second and two guys with leather jackets 
		stole my leotard.

He puts on an elaborate helmet and goggles.

				ALVY 
			(Looking at Rob's helmet) 
		Max, are we driving through plutonium?

				ROB 
		Keeps out the alpha rays, Max.  You 
		don't get old.

								CUT TO:

INT. REHEARSAL HALL OF A THEATER.

An actor and actress sit on hard wooden chairs in a sparse rehearsal ball.  
They face each other.  The actress resembles Annie; the actor, Alvy.

				ACTOR 
		You're a thinking person.  How can you 
		choose this lifestyle?

				ACTRESS 
		What is so incredibly great about New 
		York?  It's a dying city!  You-you read 
		"Death in Venice".

				ACTOR 
		You didn't read "Death in Venice" till 
		I gave it to you!

				ACTRESS 
		Well, you only give me books with the 
		word "death" in the title.

The camera pulls back, showing Alvy sitting with two men at a table set up 
near the actors.  A mirror, running the whole width of the wall, reflects the 
two actors, a script lying on the table between them.  It is obvious now that 
they are rehearsing a scene that Alvy wrote.

				ACTOR 
			(In mirrored reflection) 
		It's an important issue.

				ACTRESS 
			(In mirrored reflection) 
		Alvy, you are totally incapable of 
		enjoying life.

The camera moves back to actual actor and actress.

				ACTRESS 
		You're like New York.  You're an island.

				ACTOR 
			(Rising with emotion) 
		Okay, if that's all that we've been 
		through together means to you, I guess 
		it's better if we just said goodbye, 
		once and for all!  You know, it's funny, 
		after all the serious talks and passionate 
		moments that it ends here ... in a health
		-food restaurant on Sunset Boulevard.  
		Goodbye, Sunny.

The actor begins to leave as the actress jumps up from her chair.

				ACTRESS 
		Wait!  I'm-I'm gonna ... go with you. 
			(The actor comes back. They embrace) 
		I love you.

The camera cuts to Alvy, who turns and looks straight into the camera.

				ALVY 
			(To the audience, gesturing) 
		Tsch, whatta you want?  It was my first 
		play.  You know, you know how you're 
		always tryin' t' get things to come out 
		perfect in art because, uh, it's real 
		difficult in life.  Interestingly, however, 
		I did run into Annie again.  It was on the 
		Upper West Side of Manhattan.

Annie, singing "Seems Like Old Times, " overlaps Alvy's speech and continues 
over the next scene, where Alvy, standing in front of a Manhattan theater, 
shakes hands with Annie and her escort.  The theater marquee reads "OPHULS 
PRIZE FILM: 'THE SORROW AND THE PITY'."

				ALVY'S VOICE
			(Over the theater scene and, 
			Annie's singing) 
		She had moved back to New York.  She was 
		living in SoHo with some guy. 
			(Laughing) 
		And when I met her she was, of all things, 
		dragging him in to see "The Sorrow and the 
		Pity."  Which I counted as a personal 
		triumph.  Annie and I ... 
			(Alvy's voice continues over the 
			scene shot through a window of 
			Manhattan cafe showing Alvy and 
			Annie sitting at a table, laughing 
			and enjoying themselves) 
		... we had lunch sometime after that, and, 
		uh, just, uh, kicked around old times.

A series of flashbacks following in quick succession while Annie continues to 
sing:

Annie and Alvy going up the FDR Drive, the day they met playing tennis, Annie 
driving, Alvy bolding up partially eaten sandwich.

Annie and Alvy in the Hamptons house kitchen, Annie banding a live lobster to 
Alvy, who drops it in the pot on the stove.

Annie and Alvy walking side by side by the shoreline.

Alvy at the tennis club, packing his bag, as he looks over his shoulder and 
sees Annie, hands on her face, then clapping, as she offers him a ride home 
in her car.

Annie opening the door to Alvy the night he came over to kill the spider; Annie
and, Alvy in the bookstore buying the "Death" titles; Annie and, Alvy in 
their Hamptons house, Annie reading a school catalogue, the night Alvy puts 
in the red light.

The memories continue to flash on the screen: Annie and Alvy at a friend's 
house, Alvy blowing the cocaine all over the sofa; Annie and Alvy playing 
tennis; Annie and Alvy having a picture taken backstage at the college 
performance in Annie's hometown; Alvy bolding Annie close, the night he came 
over to kill the spider.

And continue: Annie carrying her luggage and clothes into Alvy's bedroom, Alvy 
following, the day she first moved into his apartment.  Annie holding up her 
sexy birthday present from Alvy, then leaning over and kissing him; Annie and 
Alvy walking down a city street, holding each other close; sitting on the park
bench, observing the people; and kissing, on the FDR Drive, the New York City 
skyline behind them.
The music stops.

Returning to the present, the camera, focusing through the cafe window, shows 
Annie and Alvy across street.  They look about at the city traffic.  Lunch is 
over; it's time.

Alvy and Annie shake hands and kiss each other friendly like.  Annie crosses 
the street, Alvy watching her go.  Then he turns, and slowly walks down the 
street off screen.  His voice is heard over the scene:

				ALVY'S VOICE-OVER 
		After that it got pretty late.  And we 
		both hadda go, but it was great seeing 
		Annie again, right?  I realized what a 
		terrific person she was and-and how much 
		fun it was just knowing her and I-I 
		thought of that old joke, you know, this-
		this-this guy goes to a psychiatrist and 
		says, "Doc, uh, my brother's crazy.  He 
		thinks he's a chicken." And, uh, the 
		doctor says, "Well, why don't you turn 
		him in?" And the guy says, "I would, but 
		I need the eggs." Well, I guess that's 
		pretty much how how I feet about 
		relationships.  You know, they're totally 
		irrational and crazy and absurd and ... 
		but, uh, I guess we keep goin' through it 
		because, uh, most of us need the eggs.

				THE END

							DISSOLVES INTO:

BLACK BACKGROUND; 

credits popping on and off in white.ANNIE HALL

			      written by
		   	      Woody Allen
			   Marshall Brickman

(Sound and Woody Allen monologue begin)

FADE IN:

White credits dissolve in and out on black screen.  No sound.

								FADE OUT: credits

FADE IN:

Abrupt medium close-up of Alvy Singer doing a comedy monologue.  He
wearing a crumbled sports jacket and tieless shirt; the background is stark.

				ALVY         
		There's an old joke.  Uh, two elderly 
		women are at a Catskills mountain 
		resort, and one of 'em says: "Boy, the 
		food at this place is really terrible." 
		The other one says, "Yeah, I know, and 
		such ... small portions." Well, that's 
		essentially how I feel about life.  Full 
		of loneliness and misery and suffering 
		and unhappiness, and it's all over much 
		too quickly.  The-the other important 
		joke for me is one that's, uh, usually 
		attributed to Groucho Marx, but I think 
		it appears originally in Freud's wit and 
		its relation to the unconscious.  And it 
		goes like this-I'm paraphrasing: Uh ... 
		"I would never wanna belong to any club 
		that would have someone like me for a 
		member." That's the key joke of my adult 
		life in terms of my relationships with 
		women.  Tsch, you know, lately the 
		strangest things have been going 
		through my mind, 'cause I turned forty, 
		tsch, and I guess I'm going through a 
		life crisis or something, I don't know. 
		I, uh ... and I'm not worried about aging.  
		I'm not one o' those characters, you know. 
		Although I'm balding slightly on top, that's 
		about the worst you can say about me.  I, 
		uh, I think I'm gonna get better as I get 
		older, you know?  I think I'm gonna be the-
		the balding virile type, you know, as 
		opposed to say the, uh, distinguished 
		gray, for instance, you know?  'Less I'm 
		neither o' those two. Unless I'm one o' 
		those guys with saliva dribbling out of 
		his mouth who wanders into a cafeteria 
		with a shopping bag screaming about 
		socialism. 
			(Sighing) 
		Annie and I broke up and I-I still can't 
		get my mind around that.  You know, I-I 
		keep sifting the pieces of the relationship 
		through my mind and-and examining my life 
		and tryin' to figure out where did the 
		screw-up come, you know, and a year ago we 
		were... tsch, in love.  You know, and-and-and 
		... And it's funny, I'm not-I'm not a 
		morose type.  I'm not a depressive character.  
		I-I-I, uh, 
			(Laughing) 
		you know, I was a reasonably happy kid, 
		I guess.  I was brought up in Brooklyn 
		during World War II.

								CUT TO:

INT. DOCTOR'S OFFICE-DAY

Alvy as young boy sits on a sofa with his  mother in an old-fashioned, 
cluttered doctor's office.  The doctor stands near the sofa, holding a 
cigarette and listening.

				MOTHER 
			(To the doctor) 
		He's been depressed.  All off a sudden, 
		he can't do anything.

				DOCTOR 
			(Nodding) 
		Why are you depressed, Alvy?
 
				MOTHER 
			(Nudging Alvy) 
		Tell Dr. Flicker. 
			(Young Alvy sits, his head down.  His 
			mother answers for him) 
		It's something he read.

				DOCTOR 
			(Puffing on his cigarette and 
			nodding) 
		Something he read, huh?  

				ALVY 
			(His head still down) 
		The universe is expanding.

				DOCTOR 
		The universe is expanding?

				ALVY 
			(Looking up at the doctor) 
		Well, the universe is everything, and if 
		it's expanding, someday it will break apart 
		and that would be the end of everything!

Disgusted, his mother looks at him.

				MOTHER 
			(shouting) 
		What is that your business? 
			(she turns back to the doctor) 
		He stopped doing his homework.

				ALVY 
		What's the point?

				MOTHER 
			(Excited, gesturing with her hands) 
		What has the universe got to do with it?  
		You're here in Brooklyn!  Brooklyn is not 
		expanding!

				DOCTOR 
			(Heartily, looking down at Alvy) 
		It won't be expanding for billions of years 
		yet, Alvy.  And we've gotta try to enjoy 
		ourselves while we're here.  Uh?

He laughs.

								CUT TO:

Fall shot of house with an amusement-park roller-coaster ride built over it. 
A line of cars move up and then slides with great speed while out the window 
of the house a band shakes a dust mop.

				ALVY'S VOICE 
		My analyst says I exaggerate my childhood 
		memories, but I swear I was brought up 
		underneath the roller-

								CUT TO:

INT. HOUSE

Alvy as a child sits at the table eating soup and reading a comic book while 
his father sits on the sofa reading the paper.  The house shakes with every 
move of the roller coaster.

				ALVY'S VOICE 
		-coaster in the Coney Island section of 
		Brooklyn.  Maybe that accounts for my 
		personality, which is a little nervous, I 
		think.

CUT TO:

Young Alvy at the food-stand concession watching three military men 
representing the Army, the Navy and the Marines arm in arm with a blond woman 
in a skirted bathing suit.  They all turn and run toward the foreground.  The 
girl stops before the camera to lean over and throw a kiss.  The sign over the 
concession reads "Steve's Famous Clam Bar.  Ice Cold Beer, "and the roller 
coaster is moving in full gear in the background.

				ALVY'S VOICE 
		You know, I have a hyperactive imagination.  
		My mind tends to jump around a little, and 
		have some trouble between fantasy and reality.

								CUT TO:

Full shot of people in bumper cars thoroughly enjoying bumping into each other 
as Alvy father stands in the center of the track directing traffic.

				ALVY'S VOICE 
		My father ran the bumper-car concession. 
			(Alvy as a child moves into the frame 
			driving a bumper car.  He stops as other 
			cars bombard him.  His father continues 
			to direct the traffic) 
		There-there he is and there I am.  But I-I-I-I 
		used to get my aggression out through those 
		cars all the time.

Alvy backs up his car off screen.

INT. SCHOOLROOM - DAY

The camera pans over three austere-looking teachers standing in front of the 
blackboard.  The chalk writing on the board changes as each teacher lectures. 
While Alvy speaks, one of the male teachers puts an equation on the blackboard.
- "2 X 10 = 20 " and other arithmetic formulas.

				ALVY'S VOICE 
		I remember the staff at our public 
		school.  You know, we had a saying, uh, 
		that "Those who can't do, teach, and 
		those who can't teach, teach gym." And 
		...uh, h'h, of course, those who couldn't 
		do anything, I think, were assigned to 
		our school.  I must say-

								CUT TO:

A female teacher standing in front of an old-fashioned schoolroom.  The 
blackboard behind her reads "Transportation Administration. The camera pans 
her point of view: a group of young students sitting behind their desks.  Alvy 
as a child sits in a center desk wile all around him there is student activity;
there is note-passing, ruler-tapping, nose-picking, gumchewing.

				ALVY'S VOICE 
		I always felt my schoolmates were idiots.  
		Melvyn Greenglass, you know, fat little 
		face, and Henrietta Farrell, just Miss 
		Perfect all the time.  And-and Ivan 
		Ackerman, always the wrong answer.  Always. 

Ivan stands up behind his desk.

				IVAN 
		Seven and three is nine.

Alvy hits his forehead with his hand.  Another student glances over at him, 
reacting.

				ALVY'S VOICE 
		Even then I knew they were just jerks. 
			(The camera moves back to the teacher, 
			who is glaring out at her students) 
		In nineteen forty-two I had already dis-

As Alvy talks, the camera shows him move from his seat and kiss a young girl.  
She jumps from her seat in disgust, rubbing her cheek, as Alvy moves back to 
his seat.

				1ST GIRL 
			(Making noises) 
		Ugh, he kissed me, he kissed me.

				TEACHER 
			(Off screen) 
		That's the second time this month!  Step 
		up here!

As the teacher, really glaring now, speaks, Alvy rises from his seat and moves 
over to her.  Angry, she points with her band while the students turn their 
heads to watch what will happen next.

				ALVY 
		What'd I do?

				TEACHER 
		Step up here!

				ALVY 
		What'd I do?

				TEACHER 
		You should be ashamed of yourself.

The students, their heads still turned, look back at Alvy, now an adult, 
sitting in the last seat of the second row.

				ALVY (AS ADULT) 
			(First off screen, then onscreen as 
			camera moves over to the back of the 
			classroom) 
		Why, I was just expressing a healthy sexual 
		curiosity.

				TEACHER 
			(The younger, Alvy standing next to her) 
		Six-year-old boys don't have girls on 
		their minds.

				ALVY (AS ADULT) 
			(Still sitting in the back of 
			the classroom) 
		I did. 

The girl the young Alvy kissed turns to the older Alvy, she gestures and 
speaks.

				1ST GIRL 
		For God's sakes, Alvy, even Freud speaks 
		of a latency period.

				ALVY (AS ADULT) 
			(Gesturing) 
		Well, I never had a latency period.  I 
		can't help it.

				TEACHER
			(With young, Alvy still at her side) 
		Why couldn't you have been more like Donald? 
			(The camera pans over to Donald, 
			sitting up tall in his seat, then 
			back to the teacher) 
		Now, there was a model boy!

				ALVY (AS CHILD) 
			(Still standing next to the teacher) 
		Tell the folks where you are today, Donald.

				DONALD 
		I run a profitable dress company.

				ALVY'S VOICE 
		Right.  Sometimes I wonder where my 
		classmates are today.

The camera shows the full classroom, the students sitting behind their desks, 
the teacher standing in the front of the room.  One at a time, the young 
students rise u from their desks and speak.

				1ST BOY 
		I'm president of the Pinkus Plumbing Company.

				2ND BOY 
		I sell tallises.

				3RD BOY 
		I used to be a heroin addict.  Now I'm a 
		methadone addict. 

				2ND GIRL 
			I'm into leather.

INT. ROOM

Close-up of a TV screen showing Alvy as an adult on a talk show.  He sits next 
to the show, host, Dick Cavett, a Navy man sits on his right.  Static is heard 
throughout the dialogue.

				ALVY 
		I lost track of most of my old schoolmates, 
		but I wound up a comedian.  They did not take 
		me in the Army.  I was, uh ... Interestingly 
		enough, I was-I was four-P.

Sounds of TV audience laughter and applause are heard.

				DICK CAVETT 
		Four-P?

				ALVY 
		Yes.  In-in-in-in the event of war, I'm a 
		hostage.

More audience laughter joined by Dick Cavett and the naval officer.

INT. THE HOUSE WHERE ALVY GREW UP

Alvy's  mother sits at the old-fashioned dining-room table peeling carrots and 
talking as she looks off screen.

				MOTHER 
		You always only saw the worst in people.  
		You never could get along with anyone at 
		school.  You were always outta step with the 
		world.  Even when you got famous, you still 
		distrusted the world.'

EXT. MANHATTAN STREET-DAY

A pretty Manhattan street with sidewalk trees, brownstones, a school; people 
mill about, some strolling and carrying bundles, others buried.  The screen 
shows the whole length of the sidewalk, a street, and part of the sidewalk 
beyond.  As the following scene ensues, two pedestrians, indistinguishable in 
the distance, come closer and closer toward the camera, recognizable, finally, 
as Alvy and his best friend, Rob, deep in conversation.  They eventually move 
past the camera and off screen.  Traffic noise is heard in the background.

				ALVY 
		I distinctly heard it.  He muttered under 
		his breath, "Jew." 

				ROB 
		You're crazy!

				ALVY 
		No, I'm not.  We were walking off the 
		tennis court, and you know, he was there 
		and me and his wife, and he looked at her 
		and then they both looked at me, and under 
		his breath he said, "Jew."

				ROB 
		Alvy, you're a total paranoid.

				ALVY 
		Wh- How am I a paran-?  Well, I pick up on 
		those kind o' things.  You know, I was 
		having lunch with some guys from NBC, so 
		I said ... uh, "Did you eat yet or what?" 
		and Tom Christie said, "No, didchoo?" 
		Not, did you, didchoo eat?  Jew?  No, not 
		did you eat, but Jew eat?  Jew.  You get it?  
		Jew eat?

				ROB 
		Ah, Max, you, uh ...

				ALVY 
		Stop calling me Max.

				ROB 
		Why, Max?  It's a good name for you.  Max, 
		you see conspiracies in everything.

				ALVY 
		No, I don't!  You know, I was in a record 
		store.  Listen to this -so I know there's 
		this big tall blond crew-cutted guy and 
		he's lookin' at me in a funny way and 
		smiling and he's saying, "Yes, we have a 
		sale this week on Wagner." Wagner, Max, 
		Wagner-so I know what he's really tryin' 
		to tell me very significantly Wagner. 

				ROB 
		Right, Max.  California, Max.

				ALVY 
		Ah.

				ROB 
		Let's get the hell outta this crazy city.

				ALVY 
		Forget it, Max.

				ROB 
		-we move to sunny L.A. All of show business 
		is out there, Max.

				ALVY
		No, I cannot.  You keep bringing it up, but 
		I don't wanna live in a city where the only 
		cultural advantage is that you can make a 
		right turn on a red light.

				ROB
			(Checking his watch) 
		Right, Max, forget it.  Aren't you gonna be 
		late for meeting Annie?

				ALVY 
		I'm gonna meet her in front of the Beekman.  
		I think I have a few minutes left.  Right?

EXT. BEEKMAN THEATER-DAY

Alvy stands in front of glass doors of theater, the ticket taker behind him 
just inside the glass doors.  The sounds of city traffic, car horns honking, 
can be heard while he looks around waiting for, Annie. A man in a black leather
jacket, walking past the theater, stops in front of, Alvy.  He looks at him, 
then moves away.  He stops a few steps farther and turns around to look at Alvy
again.  Alvy looks away, then back at the man.  The man continues to stare. 
Alvy scratches his head, looking for Annie and trying not to notice the man. 
The man, still staring, walks back to Alvy.

				1ST MAN 
		Hey, you on television?

				ALVY 
			(Nodding his head) 
		No. Yeah, once in a while.  You know, 
		like occasionally.

				1ST MAN 
		What's your name?

				ALVY 
			(Clearing his throat) 
		You wouldn't know it.  It doesn't matter.  
		What's the difference?

				1ST MAN 
		You were on ... uh, the ... uh, the Johnny 
		Carson, right?  

				ALVY 
		Once in a while, you know.  I mean, you 
		know, every now-

				1ST MAN 
		What's your name?

Alvy  is getting more and more uneasy as the man talks; more and more people 
move through the doors of the theater.

				ALVY 
			(Nervously) 
		I'm ... I'm, uh, I'm Robert Redford. 

				1ST MAN 
			(Laughing) 
		Come on.

				ALVY
		Alvy Singer. It was nice nice ... Thanks 
		very much ... for everything.

They shake hands and Alvy pats the man's arm.  The man in turn looks over his 
shoulder and motions to another man. All excited now, he points to Alvy and 
calls out. Alvy looks impatient.

				1ST MAN 
		Hey!

				2ND MAN 
			(Off screen) 
		What?

				1ST MAN 
		This is Alvy Singer!

				ALVY 
		Fellas ... you know-Jesus!  Come on!

				1ST MAN 
			(Overlapping, ignoring Alvy) 
		This guy's on television!  Alvy
		Singer, right?  Am I right?

				ALVY 
			(Overlapping 1st man) 
		Gimme a break, will yuh, gimme a break.
		Jesus Christ!

				1ST MAN 
			(Still ignoring Alvy's protestations) 
		This guy's on television.

				ALVY 
		I need a large polo mallet!

				2ND MAN 
			(Moving into the screen) 
		Who's on television?

				1ST MAN
		This guy, on the Johnny Carson show.

				ALVY 
			(Annoyed) 
		Fellas, what is this-a meeting o' the 
		teamsters?  You know.. .

				2ND MAN 
			(Also ignoring Alvy) 
		What program?

				1ST MAN 
			(Holding out a matchbook) 
		Can I have your autograph?

				ALVY 
		You don't want my autograph.

				1ST MAN 
			(Overlapping, Alvy's  speech) 
		Yeah, I do.  It's for my girl friend.  
		Make it out to Ralph.

				ALVY 
			(Taking the matchbook and pen and 
			writing) 
		Your girl friend's name is Ralph?

				1ST MAN 
		It's for my brudder. 
			(To passersby) 
		Alvy Singer!  Hey!  This is Alvy-

				2ND MAN 
			(To Alvy, overlapping 1st man's speech) 
		You really Alvy Singer, the ... the 
		TV star?

Nodding his head yes, Alvy shoves 2nd man aside and moves to the curb of the 
sidewalk.  The two men follow, still talking over the traffic noise.

				1ST MAN 
		-Singer!

				2ND MAN 
		Alvy Singer over here!

A cab moves into the frame and stops by the curb.  Alvy moves over to it about 
to get in.

				ALVY 
			(Overlapping the two men and 
			stuttering) 
		I-i-i-i-it's all right, fellas. 
			(As Alvy opens the cab door, the 
			two men still behind him, Annie 
			gets out) 
		Jesus, what'd you do, come by way of 
		the Panama Canal?

				ANNIE 
			(Overlapping Alvy) 
		Alright, alright, I'm in a bad mood, okay?  

Annie closes the cab door and she and Alvy move over to the ticket booth of 
the theater as they continue to talk.

				ALVY 
		Bad mood?  I'm standing with the cast of 
		"The Godfather."

				ANNIE 
		You're gonna hafta learn to deal with it.

				ALVY 
		Deal!  I'm dealing with two guys named 
		Cheech!

				ANNIE 
		Okay. 
			(They move into the ticket line, 
			still talking.  A billboard next to 
			them reads "INGMAR BERGMAN'S 'FACE 
			TO FACE ,'LIV ULLMANN") 
		Please, I have a headache, all right?

				ALVY 
		Hey, you are in a bad mood.  You-you-
		you must be getting your period.

				ANNIE 
		I'm not getting my period.  Jesus, every 
		time anything out of the ordinary happens, 
		you think that I'm getting my period!

They move over to the ticket counter, people in front of them buying tickets 
and walking off screen.

				ALVY 
			(Gesturing) 
		A li-little louder.  I think one of them 
		may have missed it! 
			(To the ticket clerk) 
		H'm, has the picture started yet?

				TICKET CLERK 
		It started two minutes ago.

				ALVY 
			(Hitting his hand on the counter) 
		That's it!  Forget it!  I-I can't go in.

				ANNIE 
		Two minutes, Alvy.

				ALVY 
			(Overlapping Annie)
		No, I'm sorry, I can't do it.  We-we've 
		blown it already. I-you know, uh, I-I 
		can't go in in the middle.

				ANNIE 
		In the middle? 
			(Alvy nods his head yes and let's
			out an exasperated sigh) 
		We'll only miss the titles.  They're in 
		Swedish.

				ALVY 
		You wanna get coffee for two hours or 
		something?  We'll go next-

				ANNIE 
		Two hours?  No, u-uh, I'm going in.  
		I'm going in. 

She moves past the ticket clerk.

				ALVY 
			(Waving to Annie) 
		Go ahead.  Good-bye. 

Annie moves back to Alvy and takes his arm.

				ANNIE 
		Look, while we're talking we could be 
		inside, you know that?

				ALVY 
			(Watching people with tickets move 
			past them) 
		Hey, can we not stand here and argue in 
		front of everybody, 'cause I get embarrassed.

				ANNIE 
		Alright.  All right, all right, so whatta 
		you wanna do?

				ALVY 
		I don't know now.  You-you wanna go to 
		another movie? 
			(Annie nods her head and shrugs 
			her shoulders disgustedly as Alvy, 
			gesturing with his band, looks at 
			her) 
		So let's go see The Sorrow and the Pity.

				ANNIE 
		Oh, come on, we've seen it.  I'm not in 
		the mood to see a four-hour documentary 
		on Nazis.

				ALVY 
		Well, I'm sorry, I-I can't ... I-I-I've 
		gotta see a picture exactly from the start 
		to the finish, 'cause-'cause I'm anal.

				ANNIE
			(Laughing now) 
		H'h, that's a polite word for what you are.

INT. THEATER LOBBY.

A lined-up crowd of ticket holders waiting to get into the theater, Alvy and 
Annie among them.  A bum of indistinct chatter can be heard through the ensuing
scene.

				MAN IN LINE 
			(Loudly to his companion right 
			behind Alvy and Annie) 
		We saw the Fellini film last Tuesday.  
		It is not one of his best.  It lacks a 
		cohesive structure.  You know, you get 
		the feeling that he's not absolutely sure 
		what it is he wants to say.  'Course, I've 
		always felt he was essentially a-a technical 
		film maker.  Granted, La Strada was a great 
		film.  Great in its use of negative energy 
		more than anything else.  But that simple 
		cohesive core ... 

Alvy, reacting to the man's loud monologue, starts to get annoyed, while Annie 
begins to read her newspaper.

				ALVY 
			(Overlapping the man's speech) 
		I'm-I'm-I'm gonna have a stroke.

				ANNIE 
			(Reading) 
		Well, stop listening to him.

				MAN IN LINE 
			(Overlapping Alvy and Annie) 
		You know, it must need to have had its 
		leading from one thought to another.  
		You know what I'm talking about?

				ALVY 
			(Sighing) 
		He's screaming his opinions in my ear.

				MAN IN LINE 
		Like all that Juliet of the Spirits or 
		Satyricon, I found it incredibly ... 
		indulgent.  You know, he really is.  He's 
		one of the most indulgent film makers.  He 
		really is-

				ALVY 
			(Overlapping) 
		Key word here is "indulgent."

				MAN IN LINE 
			(Overlapping) 
		-without getting ... well, let's put it 
		this way ...

				ALVY 
			(To Annie, who is still reading, 
			overlapping the man in line who is 
			still talking) 
		What are you depressed about?

				ANNIE 
		I missed my therapy.  I overslept.

				ALVY  
		How can you possibly oversleep?

				ANNIE 
		The alarm clock.

				ALVY 
			(Gasping) 
		You know what a hostile gesture that is 
		to me?

				ANNIE 
		I know-because of our sexual problem, 
		right?

				ALVY 
		Hey, you ... everybody in line at the 
		New Yorker has to know our rate of 
		intercourse?

				MAN IN LINE
		- It's like Samuel Beckett, you know-
		I admire the technique but he doesn't ... 
		he doesn't hit me on a gut level.

				ALVY 
			(To Annie) 
		I'd like to hit this guy on a gut level.

The man in line continues his speech all the while Alvy and Annie talk.

				ANNIE 
		Stop it, Alvy!

				ALVY 
			(Wringing his hands) 
		Well, he's spitting on my neck!  You know, 
		he's spitting on my neck when he talks.

				MAN IN LINE 
		And then, the most important thing of all 
		is a comedian's vision.

				ANNIE 
		And you know something else?  You know, 
		you're so egocentric that if I miss my 
		therapy you can think of it in terms of 
		how it affects you!

				MAN IN LINE 
			(Lighting a cigarette while he talks) 
		Gal gun-shy is what it is.

				ALVY
			(Reacting again to the man in line) 
		Probably on their first date, right?

				MAN IN LINE 
			(Still going on) 
		It's a narrow view.

				ALVY
		Probably met by answering an ad in the 
		New York Review of Books.  "Thirtyish 
		academic wishes to meet woman who's 
		interested in Mozart, James Joyce and 
		sodomy." 
			(He sighs; then to Annie) 
		Whatta you mean, our sexual problem?

				ANNIE 
		Oh!

				ALVY  
		I-I-I mean, I'm comparatively normal 
		for a guy raised in Brooklyn.

				ANNIE 
		Okay, I'm very sorry.  My sexual problem!  
		Okay, my sexual problem!  Huh?

The man in front of them turns to look at them, then looks away.

				ALVY 
		I never read that.  That was-that was 
		Henry James, right?  Novel, uh, the 
		sequel to Turn of the Screw?  My Sexual ...

				MAN IN LINE 
			(Even louder now) 
		It's the influence of television.  Yeah, 
		now Marshall McLuhan deals with it in terms 
		of it being a-a high, uh, high intensity, 
		you understand?  A hot medium ... as opposed 
		to a ...

				ALVY 
			(More and more aggravated) 
		What I wouldn't give for a large sock o' 
		horse manure.

				MAN IN LINE     
		... as opposed to a print ...

Alvy steps forward, waving his hands in frustration, and stands facing the 
camera.

				ALVY 
			(Sighing and addressing the audience) 
		What do you do when you get stuck in a movie 
		line with a guy like this behind you?  I mean, 
		it's just maddening!

The man in line moves toward Alvy.  Both address the audience now.

				MAN IN LINE 
		Wait a minute, why can't I give my opinion?  
		It's a free country!

				ALVY 
		I mean, d- He can give you- Do you hafta 
		give it so loud?  I mean, aren't you ashamed 
		to pontificate like that?  And-and the funny 
		part of it is, M-Marshall McLuhan, you don't
		know anything about Marshall McLuhan's...work!

				MAN IN LINE 
			(Overlapping) 
		Wait a minute!  Really?  Really?  I happen to 
		teach a class at Columbia called "TV Media 
		and Culture"!  So I think that my insights 
		into Mr. McLuhan-well, have a great deal of 
		validity.

				ALVY 
		Oh, do yuh?

				MAN IN LINE 
		Yes.

				ALVY 
		Well, that's funny, because I happen to 
		have Mr. McLuhan right here.  So ... so, 
		here, just let me-I mean, all right.  Come 
		over here ... a second.

Alvy gestures to the camera which follows him and the man in line to the back 
of the crowded lobby.  He moves over to a large stand-up movie poster and 
pulls Marshall McLuban from behind the poster.

				MAN IN LINE 
		Oh.

				ALVY 
			(To McLuban) 
		Tell him.

				MCLUHAN 
			(To the man in line) 
		I hear-I heard what you were saying.  
		You-you know nothing of my work.  You 
		mean my whole fallacy is wrong.  How you 
		ever got to teach a course in anything is 
		totally amazing.

				ALVY 
			(To the camera) 
		Boy, if life were only like this!

INT. THEATER. A CLOSE-UP OF THE SCREEN SHOWING FACES OF GERMAN SOLDIERS.

Credits appear over the faces of the soldiers.

	 	      THE SORROW AND THE PITY
			  CINEMA 5 LTD., 1972
		  MARCEL OPHULS, ANDRE HARRIS, 1969
	Chronicle of a French town during the Occupation

				NARRATOR'S VOICE 
			(Over credits and soldiers) 
		June fourteenth, nineteen forty, the 
		German army occupies Paris.  All over 
		the country, people are desperate for 
		every available scrap of news.

								CUT TO:

INT. BEDROOM-NIGHT 

Annie is sitting up in bed reading.

				ALVY 
			(Off screen) 
		Boy, those guys in the French Resistance 
		were really brave, you know?  Got to listen 
		to Maurice Chevalier sing so much.

				ANNIE 
		M'm, I don't know, sometimes I ask myself 
		how I'd stand up under torture.

				ALVY 
			(Off screen) 
		You?  You kiddin'? 
			(He moves into the frame, lying across 
			the bed to touch, Annie, who makes a 
			face) 
		If the Gestapo would take away your 
		Bloomingdale's charge card, you'd tell 'em 
		everything.

				ANNIE 
		That movie makes me feel guilty.

				ALVY 
		Yeah, 'cause it's supposed to.

He starts kissing Annie's arm.  She gets annoyed and continues to read.

				ANNIE 
		Alvy, I ...

				ALVY 
		What-what-what-what's the matter?

				ANNIE 
		I-you know, I don't wanna.

				ALVY 
			(Overlapping Annie, reacting) 
		What-what-I don't ... It's not natural!  
		We're sleeping in a bed together.  You 
		know, it's been a long time.

				ANNIE 
		I know, well, it's just that-you know, I 
		mean, I-I-I-I gotta sing tomorrow night, 
		so I have to rest my voice.

				ALVY 
			(Overlapping Annie again) 
		It's always some kind of an excuse.  It's- 
		You know, you used to think that I was 
		very sexy.  What ... When we first started 
		going out, we had sex constantly ... We're-
		we're probably listed in the Guinness Book 
		of World Records.

				ANNIE 
			(Patting Alvy's band solicitously) 
		I know.  Well, Alvy, it'll pass, it'll 
		pass, it's just that I'm going through a 
		phase, that's all.

				ALVY 
		M'm.

				ANNIE 
		I mean, you've been married before, you 
		know how things can get.  You were very 
		hot for Allison at first.

								CUT TO:


INT. BACK STAGE OF AUDITORIUM - NIGHT.

Allison, clipboard in band, walks about the wings, stopping to talk to various 
people.  Musicians, performers and technicians mill about, busy with activity. 
Allison wears a large "ADLAI" button, as do the people around her.  The sounds 
of a comedian on the stage of the auditorium can be heard, occasionally, 
interrupted by chatter and applause from the off screen audience.  Allison 
stops to talk to two women; they, too, wear "ADLAI" buttons.

				ALLISON 
			(Looking down at the clipboard) 
		Ma'am, you're on right after this man ... 
		about twenty minutes, something like that.

				WOMAN 
		Oh, thank you.

Alvy moves into the frame behind Allison.  He taps her on the shoulder; she 
turns to face him.

				ALVY 
			(Coughing) 
		Excuse ... excuse me, when do I go on?

				ALLISON 
			(Looking down at the clipboard) 
		Who are you?

				ALVY
		Alvy ... Alvy Singer.  I'm a comedian.

				ALLISON 
		Oh, comedian.  Yes.  Oh, uh ... you're 
		on next.

				ALVY 
			(Rubbing his hands together 
			nervously) 
		What do you mean, next?

				ALLISON 
			(Laughing) 
		Uh ... I mean you're on right after 
		this act.

				ALVY 
			(Gesturing) 
		No, it can't be, because he's a comic.

				ALLISON 
		Yes.

				ALVY 
		So what are you telling me, you're 
		putting on two comics in a row?

				ALLISON 
		Why not?

				ALVY  
		No, I'm sorry, I'm not goin'- I can't 
		... I don't wanna go on after that comedian.

				ALLISON 
		It's okay.

				ALVY 
		No, because they're-they're laughing, so 
			(He starts laughing nervously) 
		I-I-I'd rather not.  If you don't mind, 
		I prefer-

				ALLISON 
			(Overlapping) 
		Will you relax, please?  They're gonna 
		love you, I know.

				ALVY 
			(Overlapping) 
		I prefer not to, because ... look, 
		they're laughing at him.  See, so what 
		are yuh telling me-

They move closer to the stage, looking out from the wings.

				ALLISON 
			(Overlapping) 
		Yes.

				ALVY 
(Overlapping) 
		-that I've got to ... ah ... ah ... 
		They're gonna laugh at him for a couple 
		minutes, then I gotta go out there, I 
		gotta ... get laughs, too.  How much can 
		they laugh? 
			(Off screen) 
		They-they they're laughed out.

				ALLISON 
			(Off screen) 
		Do you feel all right?

As Allison and Alvy look out at the stage, the camera cuts to their point of 
view: a comedian standing at a podium in front of huge waving pictures of Adlai
Stevenson.  The audience, laughing and clapping, sits at round tables in 
clusters around the room.

The camera moves back to Allison and Alvy watching the stage.  Alvy is swinging
his hands nervously.

				COMEDIAN 
			(Off screen, onstage) 
		You know ...

Alvy starts looking Allison up and down; people in the background mill about.

				ALVY 
			(Above the chatter around him) 
		Look, what's your-what's your name?

				COMEDIAN 
			(Off screen)  
		... General Eisenhower is not ...

				ALLISON 
			(Looking out at the stage) 
		Allison.

				ALVY   
		Yeah?  Allison what?

				ALLISON 
			(Still looking off screen) 
		Portchnik.

				COMEDIAN     
		... a group from the ...

				ALVY
			(Coughing) 
		Thank you. I-I don't know why they would 
		have me at this kind of rally 'cause ... 
			(He clears his throat) 
		Excuse me, I'm not essentially a political 
		comedian at all.

The audience starts to laugh.

				ALVY 
		I ... interestingly had, uh, dated ... 
		a woman in the Eisenhower Administration 
		... briefly ... and, uh, it was ironic to 
		me 'cause, uh . . . tsch . . . 'cause I 
		was trying to, u-u-uh, do to her what 
		Eisenhower has been doing to the country 
		for the last eight years. 

The audience is with him, laughing, as Allison continues to watch offstage.

INT. APARTMENT BEDROOM.

Allison and, Alvy are on the bed, kissing.  There are books all over the room; 
a fireplace, unlit, along one of the walls. Alvy suddenly breaks away and sits 
on the edge of the bed. Allison looks at him.

				ALVY  
		H'm, I'm sorry, I can't go through with 
		this, because it-I can't get it off my 
		mind, Allison ... it's obsessing me!

				ALLISON 
		Well, I'm getting tired of it.  I need 
		your attention.

Alvy gets up from the bed and starts walking restlessly around the room, 
gesturing with his hands.

				ALVY 
		It-but it-it ... doesn't make any sense.  
		He drove past the book depository and the 
		police said conclusively that it was an 
		exit wound.  So-how is it possible for 
		Oswald to have fired from two angles at 
		once?  It doesn't make sense.

				ALLISON 
		Alvy.

Alvy, stopping for a moment at the fireplace mantel, sighs.  He then snaps his 
fingers and starts walking again.

				ALVY 
		I'll tell you this!  He was not marksman 
		enough to hit a moving target at that 
		range.  But ... 
			(Clears his throat) 
		if there was a second assassin ... it- 
		That's it!

Alvy stops at the music stand with open sheet music on it as Allison gets up 
from the bed and retrieves a pack of cigarettes from a bookshelf.

				ALLISON 
		We've been through this.

				ALVY 
		If they-they recovered the shells from 
		that rifle.

				ALLISON 
			(Moving back to the bed and 
			lighting a cigarette) 
		Okay.  All right, so whatta yuh saying, 
		now?  That e-e-everybody o-o-on the Warren 
		Commission is in on this conspiracy, right?

				ALVY 
		Well, why not?

				ALLISON 
		Yeah, Earl Warren?

				ALVY 
			(Moving toward the bed) 
		Hey ... honey, I don't know Earl Warren.

				ALLISON 
		Lyndon Johnson?

				ALVY 
			(Propping one knee on the bed 
			and gesturing) 
		L-L-Lyndon Johns Lyndon Johnson is a 
		politician.  You know the ethics those 
		guys have?  It's like-uh, a notch 
		underneath child molester.

				ALLISON 
		Then everybody's in in the conspiracy?

				ALVY 
			(Nodding his head) 
		Tsch.

				ALLISON 
		The FBI, and the CIA, and J. Edgar 
		Hoover and oil companies and the 
		Pentagon and the men's-room attendant 
		at the White House?

Alvy touches Allison's shoulder, then gets up from the bed and starts walking 
again.

				ALVY 
		I-I-I-I would leave out the men's-room 
		attendant.

				ALLISON 
		You're using this conspiracy theory as 
		an excuse to avoid sex with me.

				ALVY 
		Oh, my God! 
			(Then, to the camera) 
		She's right!  Why did I turn off Allison 
		Portchnik?  She was-she was beautiful.  She 
		was willing.  She was real ... intelligent. 
			(Sighing) 
		Is it the old Groucho Marx joke?  That-that 
		I-I just don't wanna belong to any club that 
		would have someone like me for a member?

EXT. BEACH HOUSE - DAY

Alvy's and Annie's voices are heard over the wind-browned exterior of a beach 
house in the Hamptons. As they continue to talk, the camera moves inside the 
house. Alvy is picking up chairs, trying to get at the group of lobsters 
crawling on the floor.  Dishes are stacked up in a drying rack, and bags of 
groceries sit on the counter.  There's a table and chairs near the refrigerator. 

				ANNIE 
		Alvy, now don't panic.  Please.

				ALVY 
		Look, I told you it was a ... mistake 
		to ever bring a live thing in the house.

				ANNIE
		Stop it!  Don't ... don't do that!  There.
 
The lobsters continue to crawl on the floor.  Annie, bolding out a wooden 
paddle, tries to shove them onto it.

				ALVY 
		Well, maybe we should just call the police.  
		Dial nine-one-one, it's the lobster squad.

				ANNIE 
		Come on, Alvy, they're only baby ones, for 
		God's sake. 

				ALVY 
		If they're only babies, then you pick 
		'em up.

				ANNIE 
		Oh, all right.  All right!  It's all 
		right.  Here.

She drops the paddle and picks up one of the lobsters by the tail.  Laughing, 
she shoves it at Alvy who jerks backward, squeamishly.

				ALVY 
		Don't give it to me.  Don't!

				ANNIE 
			(Hysterically) 
		Oooh!  Here!  Here!

				ALVY 
			(Pointing) 
		Look!  Look, one crawled behind the 
		refrigerator.  It'll turn up in our bed 
		at night. 
			(They move over to the refrigerator; 
			Alvy moves as close to the wall as 
			possible as Annie, covering her mouth 
			and laughing hysterically, teasingly 
			dangles a lobster in front of him) 
		Will you get outta here with that thing?  
		Jesus!

				ANNIE 
			(Laughing, to the lobster) 
		Get him!

				ALVY 
			(Laughing) 
		Talk to him.  You speak shellfish! 
			(He moves over to the stove and 
			takes the lid of a large steamer 
			filled with boiling water) 
		Hey, look ... put it in the pot.

				ANNIE 
			(Laughing) 
		I can't!  I can't put him in the pot.  I 
		can't put a live thing in hot water.

				ALVY 
			(Overlapping) 
		Gimme!  Gimme!  Let me do it!  What-what's 
		he think we're gonna do, take him to the 
		movies?

Annie hands the lobster to Alvy as he takes it very carefully and drops it 
gingerly into the pot and puts the cover back on.

				ANNIE 
			(Overlapping Alvy and making sounds) 
		Oh, God!  Here yuh go!  Oh, good, now 
		he'll think- 
			(She screams) 
		Aaaah!  Okay.

				ALVY 
			(Overlapping Annie) 
		Okay, it's in.  It's definitely in the pot!

				ANNIE 
		All right.  All right.  All right.

She moves hurriedly across the kitchen and picks up another lobster.  Smiling, 
she places it on the counter as Alvy stands beside the refrigerator trying to 
push it from the wall.

				ALVY 
		Annie, there's a big lobster behind 
		the refrigerator.  I can't get it out.  
		This thing's heavy.  Maybe if I put a 
		little dish of butter sauce here with a 
		nutcracker, it will run out the other 
		side, you know what I mean?

				ANNIE 
			(Overlapping) 
		Yeah.  I'm gonna get my ... I'm gonna 
		get my camera.

				ALVY 
		You know, I-I think ... if I could pry 
		this door off ... We shoulda gotten steaks 
		'cause they don't have legs.  They don't 
		run around.

Annie rushes out of the room to get her camera as Alvy picks up the paddle. 
Trying to get at the lobsters, he ends up knocking over dishes and hitting the 
chandelier.  Holding the paddle, he finally leans back against the sink.  
Annie, standing in the doorway, starts taking pictures of him.

				ANNIE 
		Great!  Great! 
			(Screaming) 
		Goddammit! 
			(Screaming) 
		Ooooh!  These are ... p-p-p-pick this 
		lobster up.  Hold it, please!

				ALVY 
		All right!  All right!  All right!  All 
		right!  Whatta yuh mean?  Are yuh gonna 
		take pictures now?

				ANNIE 
		It'll make great- Alvy, be- Alvy, it'll 
		be wonderful ... Ooooh, lovely!

				ALVY 
			(Picking up the lobster Annie 
			placed on the counter earlier) 
		All right, here!  Oh, God, it's disgusting!

Alvy drops the lobster back down on the counter, sticking out his tongue and 
making a face.

				ANNIE 
		Don't be a jerk.  One more, Alvy, please, 
		one more picture. 
			(Reluctantly Alvy picks up the 
			lobster again as Annie takes 
			another picture) 
		Oh, oh, good, good!

EXT. OCEAN FRONT-DUSK.

The camera pans Annie and Alvy as they walk along the shore.

				ALVY 
		So, so-well, here's what I wanna know.  
		W-what ... 
			(He clears his throat) 
		Am I your first big romance?

				ANNIE 
		Oh ... no, no, no, no, uh, uh.  No.

				ALVY 
		Well, then, w-who was?

				ANNIE 
		Oh, well, let's see, there was Dennis, 
		from Chippewa Falls High School. 

CUT TO:

FLASHBACK OF DENNIS LEANING AGAINST A CAR - NIGHT

Behind him is a movie theater with "MARILYN MONROE, 'MISFITS' " on the marquee.
He looks at his watch as the younger Annie, in a beehive hairdo, moves into the
frame.  They kiss quickly and look at each other, smiling.

				ALVY'S VOICE 
			(Off screen) 
		Dennis-right, uh, uh ... local kid 
		probably, would meetcha in front of the 
		movie house on Saturday night.

				ANNIE'S VOICE 
		Oh, God, you should've seen what I looked 
		like then.

				ALVY'S VOICE 
			(Off screen, laughing) 
		Oh, I can imagine.  P-p-probably the 
		wife of an astronaut.

				ANNIE'S VOICE 
		Then there was Jerry, the actor.

								CUT TO:

FLASHBACK OF BRICK-WALLED APARTMENT - NIGHT

The younger, Annie and Jerry lean against the wall. Jerry is running his band 
down Annie's bare arm. Annie and Alvy walk into the room, observing the younger
Annie, in jeans and T-shirt, with Jerry.

				ALVY'S VOICE 
			(Laughing) 
		Look at you, you-you,-re such a clown.

				ANNIE'S VOICE 
		I look pretty.

				ALVY'S VOICE 
		Well, yeah, you always look pretty, but 
		that guy with you ...

				JERRY 
		Acting is like an exploration of the soul. 
		I-it's very religious.  Uh, like, uh, a 
		kind of liberating consciousness.  It's 
		like a visual poem.

				ALVY 
			(Laughing) 
		Is he kidding with that crap?

				YOUNGER ANNIE
			(Laughing) 
		Oh, right.  Right, yeah, I think I 
		know exactly what you mean, when you 
		say "religious."

				ALVY 
			(Incredulous, to Annie) 
		You do?

				ANNIE 
			(Still watching) 
		Oh, come on-I mean, I was still younger.

				ALVY 
		Hey, that was last year.

				JERRY 
		It's like when I think of dying.  You 
		know how I would like to die?

				YOUNGER ANNIE 
		No, how?

				JERRY 
		I'd like to get torn apart by wild animals.

				ALVY'S VOICE 
		Heavy!  Eaten by some squirrels.

				ANNIE'S VOICE 
		Hey, listen-I mean, he was a terrific actor, 
		and look at him, he's neat-looking and he 
		was emotional ... Y-hey, I don't think you 
		like emotion too much.

Jerry stops rubbing the younger Annie's arm and slides down to the floor as 
she raises her foot toward his chest.

				JERRY 
		Touch my heart ... with your foot. 

				ALVY'S VOICE 
		I-I may throw up!

								CUT BACK TO:

EXTERIOR.  BEACH-DUSK

It's now sunset, the water reflecting the last light.  The camera moves over 
the scene.  The off screen voices of Alvy and Annie are heard as they walk, the
camera always one step ahead of them.

				ANNIE 
		He was creepy.

				ALVY 
		Yeah, I-I think you're pretty lucky I 
		came along. 

				ANNIE 
			(Laughing) 
		Oh, really?  Well, la-de-da!

				ALVY 
		La-de-da.  If I-if anyone had ever told 
		me that I would be taking out a girl who 
		used expressions like "la-de-da" . . .

				ANNIE 
		Oh, that's right.  That you really like 
		those New York girls. 

				ALVY 
		Well, no ... not just, not only.

				ANNIE 
		Oh, I'd say so.  You married-

								CUT TO:

INT. NEW YORK CITY APARTMENT-NIGHT

A cocktail party is in progress, the rooms crowded with guests as Alvy and 
Robin make their way through the people.  A waiter, carrying a tray, walks 
past them.  Alvy reaches out to pick up a glass; Robin reaches over and picks 
it of the tray first.  There is much low-key chatter in the background.

				ANNIE 
			(Off screen) 
		-two of them.

				ROBIN 
		There's Henry Drucker.  He has a chair 
		in history at Princeton.  Oh, the short 
		man is Hershel Kaminsky.  He has a chair 
		in philosophy at Cornell.

				ALVY 
		Yeah, two more chairs and they got a 
		dining-room set.

				ROBIN 
		Why are you so hostile?

				ALVY 
			(Sighing) 
		'Cause I wanna watch the Knicks on 
		television.

				ROBIN 
			(Squinting) 
		Is that Paul Goodman?  No. And be nice 
		to the host because he's publishing my 
		book.  Hi, Doug!  Douglas Wyatt.  
		"A Foul-Rag-and-Bone Shop-of-the-Heart."

They move through the rooms, Robin holding a drink in one hand, her arm draped 
in Alvy's; the crowd mills around them.

				ALVY 
			(Taking Robin's hand) 
		I'm so tired of spending evenings making 
		fake insights with people who work for 
		Dysentery.

				ROBIN 
		Commentary.

				ALVY 
		Oh, really, I heard that Commentary and 
		Dissent had merged and formed Dysentery.

				ROBIN 
		No jokes-these are friends, okay?

INT. BEDROOM

Alvy sits on the foot of the bed watching the Knicks game on television.

				TV ANNOUNCER 
			(Off screen) 
		Cleveland Cavaliers losing to the New 
		York Knicks.

Robin enters the room, slamming the door.

				ROBIN 
		Here you are.  There's people out there.

				ALVY 
		Hey, you wouldn't believe this.  Two 
		minutes ago, the Knicks are ahead fourteen 
		points, and now ... 
			(Clears his throat) 
		they're ahead two points.

				ROBIN 
		Alvy, what is so fascinating about a group 
		of pituitary cases trying to stuff the 
		ball through a hoop?

				ALVY 
			(Looking at Robin) 
		What's fascinating is that it's physical.  
		You know, it's one thing about intellectuals, 
		they prove that you can be absolutely brilliant 
		and have no idea what's going on.  But on the 
		other hand ... 
			(Clears his throat) 
		the body doesn't lie, as-as we now know.

Alvy reaches over, pulls Robin down onto the bed.  He kisses her and moves 
farther up on the bed.

				ROBIN 
		Stop acting out.

She sits on the edge of the bed, looking down at the sprawled-out Alvy.

				ALVY 
		No, it'll be great!  It'll be great, 
		be-because all those Ph.D.'s are in 
		there, you know, like ... discussing 
		models of alienation and we'll be in 
		here quietly humping.

He pulls Robin toward him, caressing her as she pulls herself away.

				ROBIN 
		Alvy, don't!  You're using sex to 
		express hostility.

				ALVY 
		"'Why-why do you always r-reduce my 
		animal urges to psychoanalytic categories?' 
			(Clears his throat) 
		he said as he removed her brassiere..."

				ROBIN 
			(Pulling away again) 
		There are people out there from The New 
		Yorker magazine.  My God!  What would they 
		think?

She gets up and fixes the zipper on her dress.  She turns and moves toward the 
door.

INT. APARTMENT-NIGHT

Robin and Alvy are in bed.  The room is in darkness.  Outside, a siren starts 
blaring.

				ROBIN 
		Oh, I'm sorry!

				ALVY 
		Don't get upset!

				ROBIN 
		Dammit!  I was so close.

She flips on the overhead lamp and turns on her side.  Alvy turns to her.

				ALVY 
			(Gesturing) 
		Jesus, last night it was some guy honking 
		his car horn.  I mean, the city can't 
		close down.  You know, what-whatta yuh 
		gonna do, h-have 'em shut down the 
		airport, too?  No more flights so we can 
		have sex?

				ROBIN 
			(Reaching over for her eyeglasses 
			on the night table) 
		I'm too tense.  I need a Valium.  My 
		analyst says I should live in the country 
		and not in New York.

				ALVY 
		Well, I can't li- We can't have this 
		discussion all the time.  The country 
		makes me nervous.  There's ... You got 
		crickets and it-it's quiet ... there's 
		no place to walk after dinner, and... uh, 
		there's the screens with the dead moths 
		behind them, and... uh, yuh got the-the 
		Manson family possibly, yuh got Dick and 
		Terry-

				ROBIN 
			(Interrupting) 
		Okay, okay, my analyst just thinks I'm 
		too tense.  Where's the goddamn Valium?

She fumbles about the floor for the Valium, then back on the bed.

				ALVY 
		Hey, come on, it's quiet now.  We can-we 
		can start again.

				ROBIN 
		I can't.

				ALVY
		What-

				ROBIN
		My head is throbbing.

				ALVY
		Oh, you got a headache!

				ROBIN
		I have a headache.

				ALVY
		Bad?

				ROBIN
		Oswald and ghosts.

				ALVY
		Jesus!

He begins to get out of bed.

				ROBIN 
		Where are you going?

				ALVY 
		Well, I'm-I'm gonna take another in a 
		series of cold showers.

EXT. MEN'S LOCKER ROOM OF THE TENNIS CLUB.

Rob and Alvy, carrying tennis rackets, come through the door of the locker 
room to the lobby.  They are dressed in tennis whites.  They walk toward the 
indoor court.

				ROB
 			Max, my serve is gonna send yuh to 
		the showers-

				ALVY
		Right, right, so g-get back to what we 
		were discussing, the failure of the 
		country to get behind New York City is-is 
		anti-Semitism.

				ROB 
		Max, the city is terribly worried.

				ALVY 
		But the- I'm not discussing politics or 
		economics.  This is foreskin.

				ROB 
		No, no, no, Max, that's a very convenient 
		out.  Every time some group disagrees with 
		you it's because of anti-Semitism.

				ALVY 
		Don't you see?  The rest of the country looks 
		upon New York like we're-we're left-wing 
		Communist, Jewish, homosexual, pornographers.  
		I think of us that way, sometimes, and I-I 
		live here.

				ROB 
		Max, if we lived in California, we could 
		play outdoors every day, in the sun.

				ALVY 
		Sun is bad for yuh.  Everything our parents 
		said was good is bad.  Sun, milk, red meat, 
		college ...

INT. TENNIS COURT

Annie and Janet, in tennis whites, stand on the court holding tennis rackets 
and balls.  They are chattering and giggling.

				ANNIE 
			(Laughing) 
		I know, but ooh- here he comes.  Okay. 

Rob and Alvy enter the court and walk over to the two women.  Rob kisses Janet 
and makes introduction.

				ROB 
		You know Alvy?

				JANET 
		Oh, hi, Alvy.

				ANNIE 
			(To Rob) 
		How are yuh?

				ROB 
			(To Alvy) 
		You know Annie?

				JANET 
		I'm sorry.  This is Annie Hall.

				ALVY 
		Hi.

				ANNIE 
		Hi.

Annie and Alvy shake hands.

				JANET 
			(Laughing) 
		Alvy.

				ROB 
			(Eager to begin) 
		Who's playing who here?  Alvy Well, uh ... 
		you and me against them?

				ANNIE 
			(Overlapping Alvy) 
		Well ... so ... I can't play too good, 
		you know.

				JANET 
			(Laughing) 
		I've had four lessons!

The group, laughing and chatting, divide up-Rob and Annie moving to the other 
side of the net, Alvy and Janet standing where they are.  They start to play 
mixed doubles, each taking turns and playing well. At one point in the game, 
Annie starts to talk to Rob, then turns and sees a ball heading toward her.

				ALVY  
			(Hitting the halt back) 
		Holy gods!

INT. LOBBY

Alvy, dressed, puts things into a gym bag.  One knee is on the bench and his 
back is turned from the entrance. Annie walks toward the entrance door dressed 
in street clothes and carrying her tennis bag over her shoulder.  Seeing Alvy,
she stops and turns.

				ANNIE 
		Hi.  Hi, hi.

				ALVY 
			(Looking over his shoulder) 
		Hi.  Oh, hi.  Hi.

				ANNIE 
			(Hands clasped in front of her, 
			smiling) 
		Well, bye. She laughs and backs up slowly 
		toward the door.

				ALVY 
			(Clearing his throat) 
		You-you play ... very well.

				ANNIE 
		Oh, yeah?  So do you.  Oh, God, whatta-
			(Making sounds and laughing) 
		whatta dumb thing to say, right?  I mean, 
		you say it, "You play well," and right 
		away ... I have to say well.  Oh, oh ... 
		God, Annie. 
			(She gestures with her hand) 
		Well ... oh, well ... la-de-da, la-de-da, 
		la-la.

She turns around and moves toward the door.

				ALVY 
			(Still looking over his shoulder) 
		Uh ... you-you wanna lift?

				ANNIE 
			(Turning and aiming her thumb over 
			her shoulder) 
		Oh, why-uh ... y-y-you gotta car?

				ALVY 
		No, um ... I was gonna take a cab.

				ANNIE 
			(Laughing) 
		Oh, no, I have a car.

				ALVY 
		You have a car? 
			(Annie smiles, hands folded in 
			front of her) 
		So ... 
			(Clears his throat) 
		I don't understand why ... if you have a 
		car, so then-then wh-why did you say "Do 
		you have a car?"... like you wanted a lift?

				ANNIE 
		I don't ... 
			(Laughing) 
		I don't ... Geez, I don't know, I've ... 
		I wa- This ... yeah, I got this VW out 
		there ... 
			(Laughing and gesturing toward 
			the door) 
		What a jerk, yeah.  Would you like a lift?

				ALVY 
			(Zipping up his bag) 
		Sure.  W-w-w-which way yuh goin'?

				ANNIE 
		Me?  Oh, downtown!

				ALVY 
		Down- I'm-I'm goin' uptown.

				ANNIE 
			(Laughing) 
		Oh, well, I'm goin' uptown, too.

				ALVY 
		Uh, well, you just said you were going 
		downtown.

				ANNIE 
		Yeah, well, I'm, but I ...

Alvy picks up his bag and moves toward the door. As he turns his bag around, 
the handle of the tennis racket bits Annie between the legs.

				ALVY 
			(Laughing) 
		So sorry.

				ANNIE 
			(Laughing) 
		I mean, I can go uptown, too.  I live 
		uptown, but ... uh, what the hell, I mean, 
		it'd be nice having company, you know 
		I mean, I hate driving alone.

				ALVY 
			(Making sounds) 
		Yeah.

They walk out the door.

EXT. NEW YORK STREET- DAY

Alvy and Annie in the VW as Annie speeds down a city street near the East River.

				ALVY 
		So, how long do you know Janet?  Where 
		do you know her from?

				ANNIE 
			(Laughing) 
		Oh, I'm in her acting class.

				ALVY 
		Oh - you're an actress.

				ANNIE 
		Well, I do commercials, sort of ...

She zooms down the wrong lane, cars swerving out of her way.  A horn blows.

				ALVY 
		I, uh ... well, you're not from New 
		York, right?

				ANNIE 
		No, Chippewa Falls.

				ALVY 
		Right! 
			(A pause) 
		Where?

				ANNIE 
		Wisconsin.

				ALVY 
			(Finally reacting) 
		Uh, you're driving a-

				ANNIE 
		Uh, don't worry, I'm a very- 
			(A car moves closer to the VW, 
			almost on top of it in the wrong 
			direction.  Annie swerves away at 
			the very last minute)
		-a very good driver. 
			(Alvy rubs his head nervously, 
			staring out the window as Annie 
			speeds along) 
		So, listen-hey, you want some gum, anyway?

Annie looks down beside her, searching for the gum.

				ALVY
		No, no thanks.  Hey, don't-

				ANNIE
		Well, where is it?  I-

				ALVY 
		No, no, no, no, you just ... just watch 
		the road.  I'll get it-

				ANNIE 
		Okay.

They both fumble around in her pocketbook.  Alvy looks up to see the entire 
front of a truck in Annie's windshield.  She swerves just in time.

				ALVY 
		-for yuh.

				ANNIE 
		Okay, that's good.

Alvy continues to look for the gum while Annie zooms down the city streets.

				ANNIE 
		All right.

				ALVY 
		I'll getcha a piece.

				ANNIE	
		Yeah ... so, listen-you drive?

				ALVY
		Do I drive?  Uh, no, I gotta-I gotta 
		problem with driving.

				ANNIE	
		Oh, you do?

				ALVY	
		Yeah.  I got, uh, I got a license but I 
		have too much hostility.

				ANNIE	
		Oh, right.

				ALVY	
		Nice car.

				ANNIE 
			(A bit rapidly)   
		Huh?

				ALVY 
		You keep it nice. 
			(He pulls a half-eaten sandwich 
			out of her bag) 
		Can I ask you, is this-is this a sandwich?

				ANNIE 
		Huh?  Oh, yeah.

EXT. STREET-DAY

Cars are parked on both sides of the street as the VW rounds the corner.

				ANNIE 
		I live over here.  Oh, my God!  Look!  
		There's a parking space!  

With brakes squealing, Annie turns the VW sharply into the parking spot.  
Annie and Alvy get out, Alvy looking over his shoulder as he leaves the car.

				ALVY   
		That's okay, you ... we-we can walk to 
		the curb from here.

				ANNIE 
		Don't be funny.

				ALVY   
		You want your tennis stuff?

				ANNIE 
		Huh?  Oh ... yeah.

				ALVY   
		You want your gear?  Here you go.

Alvy reaches into the back of the car and takes out tennis equipment.  He 
hands her her things.  People pass by on the street.

				ANNIE 
			(Laughing) 
		Yeah, thanks.  Thanks a lot.  Well...

				ALVY 
			(Sighing) 
		Well, thanks, thank you.  You-you're 
		a wonderful tennis player.

				ANNIE 
			(Laughing) 
		Oh.

Alvy shakes hands with Annie.

				ALVY 
		You're the worst driver I've ever seen 
		in my life . . . that's including any place 
		... the worst ... Europe, United ... any 
		place ... Asia.

				ANNIE 
			(Laughing) 
		Yeah.

				ALVY 
		And I love what you're wearin'.

Alvy touches the tie Annie is wearing around her neck.

				ANNIE 
		Oh, you do?  Yeah?  Oh, well, it's uh 
		... this is, uh ... this tie is a present, 
		from Grammy Hall.

Annie flips the bottom of the tie.

				ALVY  
		Who?  Grammy?  Grammy Hall?

				ANNIE 
			(Laughing and nodding her head) 
		Yeah, my grammy.

				ALVY 
		You're jo- Whatta yuh kid- What did you 
		do, grow up in a Norman Rockwell painting?

				ANNIE 
			(Laughing) 
		Yeah, I know.

				ALVY 
		Your grammy!

				ANNIE 
		I know, it's pretty silly, isn't it?

				ALVY 
		Jesus, my-my grammy ... n-never gave 
		gifts, you know.  She-she was	too busy 
		getting raped by Cossacks.

				ANNIE
			(Laughing) 
		Well ...

				ALVY	
		Well ... thank you again.

				ANNIE	
		Oh, yeah, yeah.

				ALVY	
		I'll see yuh.

				ANNIE	
			(Overlapping, gesturing) 
		Hey, well, listen ... hey, you wanna
		come upstairs and, uh ... and have a 
		glass of wine and something?  Aw, no, 
		I mean ... I mean, you don't have to, 
		you're probably late and everything else ...

				ALVY 
		No, no, that'll be fine. I don't mind. Sure. 

				ANNIE 
		You sure?

				ALVY 
			(Overlapping) 
		No, I got time. 

				ANNIE 
		Okay.

				ALVY 
		Sure, I got ... I got nothing, uh, 
		nothing till my analyst's appointment.

They move toward Annie's apartment building.

				ANNIE 
		Oh, you see an analyst?

				ALVY 
		Y-y-yeah, just for fifteen years. 

				ANNIE 
		Fifteen years?

				ALVY 
		Yeah, uh, I'm gonna give him one more 
		year and then I'm goin' to Lourdes.

				ANNIE 
		Fifteen-aw, come on, you're . . . yeah, 
		really?

INT. ANNIE'S APARTMENT

Alvy, standing, looks around the apartment.  There are lots of books, framed 
photographs on the white wall.  A terrace can be seen from the window.  He 
picks up a copy of Ariet, by Sylvia Platb, as Annie comes out of the kitchen 
carrying two glasses.  She hands them to Alvy.

				ALVY 
		Sylvia Plath.

				ANNIE 
		M'hm...

				ALVY
		Interesting poetess whose tragic suicide 
		was misinterpreted as romantic, by the 
		college-girl mentality.

				ANNIE 
		Oh, yeah.

				ALVY 
		Oh, sorry.

				ANNIE 
		Right.  Well, I don't know, I mean, uh, 
		some of her poems seem - neat, you know.

				ALVY
		Neat?

				ANNIE 
		Neat, yeah.

				ALVY 
		Uh, I hate to tell yuh, this is nineteen 
		seventy-five, you know that "neat" went 
		out, I would say, at the turn of the 
		century. 
			(Annie laughs) 
		Who-who are-who are those photos on 
		the wall?

				ANNIE 
			(Moving over to the photographs) 
		Oh ... oh, well, you see now now, uh, 
		that's my dad, that's Father-and that's 
		my ... brother, Duane.

				ALVY 
		Duane?

				ANNIE
			(Pointing) 
		Yeah, right, Duane-and over there is 
		Grammy Hall, and that's Sadie.

				ALVY   
		Well, who's Sadie?

				ANNIE  
		Sadie?  Oh, well, Sadie... 
			(Laughing) 
		Sadie met Grammy through, uh, through 
		Grammy's brother George.  Uh, George was 
		real sweet, you know, he had that thing.  
		What is that thing where you, uh, where 
		you, uh, fall asleep in the middle of a 
		sentence, you know-what is it?  Uh ...

				ALVY 
		Uh, narcolepsy.

				ANNIE
		Narcolepsy, right, right.  Right.  So, 
		anyway, so ... 
			(Laughing) 
		George, uh, went to the union, see, to 
		get his free turkey, be-because, uh, the 
		union always gave George this big turkey 
		at Christmas time because he was ... 
			(Annie points her fingers to each 
			side of her head, indicating George 
			was a little crazy) 
		shell-shocked, you know what I mean, in the 
		First World War. 
			(Laughing hysterically, she opens 
			a cabinet door and takes out a 
			bottle of wine) 
		Anyway, so, so ... 
			(Laughing through the speech) 
		George is standing in line, oh, just a sec 
		...uh, getting his free turkey, but the 
		thing is, he falls asleep and he never 
		wakes up. So, so...
			(Laughing) 
		so, he's dead ... 
			(Laughing) 
		he's dead.  Yeah.  Oh, dear.  Well, 
		terrible, huh, wouldn't you say?  I 
		mean, that's pretty unfortunate.

Annie unscrews the bottle of wine, silent now after her speech.

				ALVY 
		Yeah, it's a great story, though, I 
		mean, I... I ... it really made my day.  
		Hey, I think I should get outta here, 
		you know, 'cause I think I'm imposing, 
		you know ...

				ANNIE 
			(Laughing) 
		Oh, really?  Oh, well ... uh, uh, maybe, 
		uh, maybe, we, uh ...

				ALVY 
		... and ... uh, yeah, uh ... uh, you 
		know, I-I-I... 

They move outside to the terrace, Alvy still holding the glasses, Annie the 
wine.  They stand in front of the railing, Annie pouring the wine into the 
held-out glasses.

				ANNIE 
		Well, I mean, you don't have to, you know.

				ALVY
		No, I know, but ... but, you know, I'm 
		all perspired and everything.

				ANNIE 
		Well, didn't you take, uh ... uh, a 
		shower at the club?

				ALVY
		Me?  No, no, no, 'cause I never shower 
		in a public place.

				ANNIE 
			(Laughing) 
		Why not?

				ALVY 
		'Cause I don't like to get naked in front 
		of another man, you know-it's, uh ...

				ANNIE 
			(Laughing) 
		Oh, I see, I see.

				ALVY 
		You know, I don't like to show my body 
		to a man of my gender-

				ANNIE 
		Yeah.  Oh, yeah.  Yeah, I see.  I guess-

				ALVY	
		-'cause, uh, you never know what's 
		gonna happen.

				ANNIE	
			(Sipping her wine and laughing) 
		Fifteen years, huh?

				ALVY
		Fifteen years, yeah.

				ANNIE	
		Yeah.  Oh, God bless!

They	put their glasses together in a toast.

				ALVY
		God bless.

				ANNIE 
			(Laughing) 
		Well, uh ... 
			(Pausing) 
		You're what Grammy Hall would call a 
		real Jew.

				ALVY  
			(Clearing his throat) 
		Oh, thank you.

				ANNIE
			(Smiling) 
		Yeah, well ... you-She hates Jews.  She 
		thinks that they just make money, but let 
		me tell yuh, I mean, she's the one yeah, 
		is she ever.  I'm tellin' yuh.

				ALVY 
			(pointing toward the apartment 
			after a short pause) 
		So, did you do shoot the photographs 
		in there or what?

				ANNIE
			(Nodding, her hand on her hip) 
		Yeah, yeah, I sorta dabble around, you know.

Annie's thoughts pop on the screen as she talks: I dabble?  Listen to me-what 
a jerk!

				ALVY 
		They're ... they're... they're wonderful, 
		you know.  They have ... they have, uh 
		... a ... a quality.
	
As do Alvy's: You are a great-looking girl

				ANNIE
		Well, I-I-I would-I would like to take 
		a serious photography course soon.

Again, Annie's thoughts pop on: He probably thinks I'm a yo-yo

				ALVY 
		Photography's interesting, 'cause, you 
		know, it's-it's a new art form, and a, 
		uh, a set of aesthetic criteria have 
		not emerged yet.

And Alvy's: I wonder what she looks like naked?

				ANNIE 
		Aesthetic criteria?  You mean, whether 
		it's, uh, good photo or not?

I'm not smart enough for him.  Hang in there

				ALVY 
		The-the medium enters in as a condition 
		of the art form itself.  That's-

I don't know what I'm saying-she senses I'm shallow

				ANNIE 
		Well, well, I ... to me-I ... I mean, 
		it's-it's-it's all instinctive, you 
		know.  I mean, I just try to uh, feel 
		it, you know?  I try to get a sense of 
		it and not think about it so much.

God, I hope he doesn't turn out to be a shmuck like the others

				ALVY 
		Still, still we- You need a set of 
		aesthetic guide lines to put it in 
		social perspective, I think.

Christ, I sound like FM radio.  Relax

They're quiet for a moment, holding wine glasses and sipping.  The sounds of 
distant traffic from the street can be heard on the terrace.  Annie, laughing, 
speaks first.

				ANNIE 
		Well, I don't know.  I mean, I guess-I 
		guess you must be sorta late, huh?

				ALVY 
		You know, I gotta get there and begin 
		whining soon ... otherwise I- Hey ... 
		well, are you busy Friday night?

				ANNIE 
		Me?  Oh, uh.         
			(Laughing) 
		No.

				ALVY 
			(Putting his band on his forehead) 
		Oh, I'm sorry, wait a minute, I have 
		something.  Well, what about Saturday 
		night?

				ANNIE 
			(Nodding) 
		Oh ... nothing.  Not-no, no!

				ALVY 
		Oh, you ... you're very popular, I can see.

				ANNIE 
			(Laughing) 
		I know.

				ALVY 
		Gee, boy, what do you have?  You have 
		plague?

				ANNIE	
		Well, I mean, I meet a lot of ... jerks, 
		you know-

				ALVY
		Yeah, I meet a lotta jerks, too.

				ANNIE	
			(Overlapping) 
		-what I mean?

				ALVY	
		I think that's, uh-

				ANNIE
			(Interrupting) 
		But I'm thinking about getting some 
		cats, you know, and then they ... Oh, 
		wait a second-oh, no, no, I mean 
			(Laughing) 
		oh, shoot!  No, Saturday night I'm 
		gonna-
			(Laughing) 
		gonna sing.  Yeah.

				ALVY
		You're gonna sing?  Do you sing?  Well, 
		no, it isn't
			(Overlapping) 
		No kidding? 
			(Overlapping) 
		-this is my first time.  Oh, really?  Where?  
		I'd like to come. 
			(Laughing) 
		Oh, no, no, no, no, no!  No, I'm interested!

				ANNIE
			(Laughing) 
		Oh, no-I mean, I'm just a-auditioning 
		sort of at club.  I don't-

				ALVY
			(Overlapping) 
		No, so help me.

				ANNIE
			(Overlapping) 
		-it's my first time.

				ALVY
		That's okay, 'cause I know exactly what 
		that's like.  Listen-

				ANNIE
			(Interrupting) 
		Yeah.

				ALVY
			(Overlapping) 
		-you're gonna like night clubs, they're 
		really a lotta fun.

INT. NIGHT CLUB-NIGHT

Annie stands on center stage with a microphone, a pianist behind her.  A 
Bright light is focused on her; the rest of the club is in darkness.  There 
are the typical sounds and movements of a nightclub audience: low conversation,
curling smoke, breaking glass, microphone bum, moving chairs, waiters 
clattering trays, a ringing phone as Annie sings "It Had to Be You.

EXT. CITY STREET-NIGHT.

Alvy and Annie walk quickly down the sidewalk. 

				ANNIE 
		I was awful.  I'm so ashamed!  I can't 
		sing. 

				ALVY 
		Oh, listen, so the audience was a tad 
		restless.

				ANNIE 
		Whatta you mean, a tad restless?  Oh, 
		my God, I mean, they hated me.

				ALVY 
		No, they didn't.  You have a wonderful 
		voice.

				ANNIE 
		No, I'm gonna quit!

				ALVY
		No, I'm not gonna letcha.  You have a 
		great voice.

				ANNIE
		Really, do you think so, really?

				ALVY
		Yeah!

				ANNIE
		Yeah?

				ALVY
		It's terrific.

				ANNIE
			(Overlapping) 
		Yeah, you know something?  I never even 
		took a lesson, either.

They stop in the middle of the sidewalk.  Alvy turns Annie around to face him.

				ALVY 
		Hey, listen, listen.

				ANNIE
 			What?

				ALVY
		Gimme a kiss.

				ANNIE
 			Really?

				ALVY
		Yeah, why not, because we're just gonna 
		go home later, right?

				ANNIE
		Yeah.

				ALVY
		And-and uh, there's gonna be all that 
		tension.  You know, we never kissed before 
		and I'll never know when to make the right 
		move or anything.  So we'll kiss now we'll 
		get it over with and then we'll go eat. Okay?  

				ANNIE
  			Oh, all right.

				ALVY 
		And we'll digest our food better.

				ANNIE
 			Okay.

				ALVY 
		Okay?

				ANNIE 
		Yeah.

They kiss.

				ALVY 
		So now we can digest our food.  

They turn and start walking again.  

				ANNIE 
		We can digest our-

				ALVY 
		Okay. Yeah.

INT. DELI-NIGHT

Annie and Alvy sit down in a booth.  The deli is fairly well lit and crowded. 
Conversation, plates clattering, can be heard over the dialogue.  The waiter 
comes over to them to take their order.

				ALVY 
			(To the waiter) 
		I'm gonna have a corned beef.

				ANNIE 
			(To the waiter) 
		Yeah ... oh, uh, and I'm gonna have a 
		pastrami on white bread with, uh, 
		mayonnaise and tomatoes and lettuce. 
			(Alvy involuntarily makes a face 
			as the waiter leaves) 
		Tsch, so, uh, your second wife left you 
		and, uh, were you depressed about that?

				ALVY 
		Nothing that a few mega-vitamins couldn't 
		cure.

				ANNIE 
		Oh.  And your first wife was Allison?

				ALVY 
		My first... Yes, she was nice, but you 
		know, uh, it was my fault.  I was just... 
		I was too crazy.

				ANNIE 
		Oh.

INT. DARKENED BEDROOM-NIGHT

Alvy and Annie in bed together.

				ANNIE
		M'm, that was so nice.  That was nice.

				ALVY
		As Balzac said ...

				ANNIE
 			H'm?

				ALVY
  			"There goes another novel." 
			(They laugh) 
		Jesus, you were great.

				ANNIE
 			Oh, yeah?

				ALVY
 			Yeah.

				ANNIE
 			Yeah?

				ALVY
 			Yeah, I'm-I'm-I'm a wreck.

				ANNIE
		No. 
			(She turns and looks at Alvy, 
			then laughs) 
		You're a wreck.

				ALVY
 			Really.  I mean it.  I-I'll never play 
		the piano again.

				ANNIE
 				(Lighting a joint and laughing) 
		You're really nuts.  I don't know, you 
		really thought it was good?  Tell me.

				ALVY
		Good?  I was-

				ANNIE
			(Overlapping) 
		No.

				ALVY
		No, that was the most fun I've ever 
		had without laughing.

				ANNIE
			(Laughing) 
		Here, you want some?

				ALVY
		No, no, I-I-i, uh, I don't use any 
		major hallucinogenics because I took 
		a puff like five years ago at a party and

				ANNIE
 			Yeah?

				ALVY
 			-tried to take my pants off over my 
		head ... 
			(Annie laughs)
		...  my ear.

				ANNIE 
		Oh, I don't know, I don't really.  I 
		don't do it very often, you know, just 
		sort of, er ... relaxes me at first.

				ALVY 
		M'hm. 
			(He pushes himself up from the 
			bed and looks down at Annie)
		You're not gonna believe this, but-

				ANNIE
 			What?  What?

								CUT TO:


INT. BOOKSTORE-DAY

Annie and Alvy browsing in crowded bookstore.  Alvy, carrying two books, 
"Death and Western Thought" and "The Denial of Death", moves over to where 
Annie is looking.

				ALVY
		Hey?

				ANNIE
 			H'm?

				ALVY
 			I-I-I'm gonna buy you these books, I 
		think, because I-I think you should 
		read them.  You know, instead of that 
		cat book.

				ANNIE
 				(Looking at the books Alvy 
			is bolding) 
		That's, uh ... 
			(Laughing) 
		that's pretty serious stuff there.

				ALVY
 			Yeah, 'cause I-I'm, you know, I'm, 
		I'm obsessed with-with, uh, with death, 
		I think.  Big-

				ANNIE
 				(Overlapping) 
		Yeah?

				ALVY
 			-big subject with me, yeah.

				ANNIE 
		Yeah?

They move over to the cashier line.

				ALVY
			(Gesturing) 
		I've a very pessimistic view of life.  
		You should know this about me if we're 
		gonna go out, you know. I-I-I feel that 
		life is-is divided up into the horrible 
		and the miserable.

				ANNIE
 			M'hm.

				ALVY
		Those are the two categories ...

				ANNIE 
		M'hm.

				ALVY    
		... you know, they're- The-the horrible 
		would be like, uh, I don't know, terminal 
		cases, you know?

				ANNIE
 			M'hm.

				ALVY    
		And blind people, crippled ...

				ANNIE 
		Yeah.

				ALVY
    			I don't-don't know how they get through 
		life.  It's amazing to me.

				ANNIE
 			M'hm.

				ALVY
 			You know, and the miserable is everyone 
		else.  That's-that's all.  So-so when 
		you go through life you should be thankful 
		that you're miserable, because that's- 
		You're very lucky ... to be ... 
			(Overlapping Annie's laughter) 
		... to be miserable.

				ANNIE
 			U-huh.

EXT. PARK-DAY

It's a beautiful sunny day in Central Park.  People are sitting on benches, 
others strolling, some walking dogs.  One woman stands feeding cooing pigeons.
Alvy's and Annie's voices are heard off screen as they observe the scene before
them.  An older man and woman walk into view.

				ALVY
		Look, look at that guy.

				ANNIE
 			M'hm.

				ALVY
		There's-there's-there's-there's Mr. 
		When-in-the-Pink, Mr. Miami Beach, there, 
		you know? 
			(Over Annie's laughter) 
		He's the latest! just came back from 
		the gin-rummy farm last night. He 
		placed third.

				ANNIE
 				(Laughing) 
		M'hm.  Yeah.  Yeah.

The camera shows them sitting side by side relaxed on a bench.

				ALVY 
			(Watching two men approach, one 
			lighting a cigar) 
		Look at these guys.

				ANNIE
 			Yeah.

				ALVY   
		Oh, that's hilarious.  They're back 
		from Fire Island.  They're ... they're 
		sort of giving it a chance-you know what 
		I mean?

				ANNIE
   			Oh! Italian, right?

				ALVY 
  			Yeah, he's the Mafia.  Linen Supply Business 
		or Cement and Contract, you know what I mean?

				ANNIE
 				(Laughing) 
		Oh, yeah.

				ALVY 
		No, I'm serious. 
			(Over Annie's laughter) 
		I just got my mustache wet.

				ANNIE 
		Oh, yeah?

				ALVY 
			(As another man walks by) 
		And there's the winner of the Truman 
		Capote look-alike contest.

EXT. STREET-NIGHT

Alvy and Annie walk almost in silhouette along the dock, the New York City 
skyline in the background.  Alvy has his arm around Annie and they walk slowly.
No one else is around.

				ANNIE	
		You see, like you and I ...

				ALVY	
		You are extremely sexy.

				ANNIE	
		No, I'm not.

				ALVY	
		Unbelievably sexy.  Yes, you are.  
		Because ... you know what you are?  
		You're-you're polymorphously perverse.

				ANNIE	
		Well, what does-what does that mean?  
		I don't know what that is.

				ALVY 
		Uh ... uh, you're-you're exceptional 
		in bed because you got -you get pleasure 
		in every part of your body when I touch you.

				ANNIE 
		Ooooh!

They stop walking.  Holding Annie's arms, Alvy turns her to face him.  The 
South Street Bridge, lit up for the night, is in the background.

				ALVY 
		You know what I mean?  Like the tip 
		o'your nose, and if I stroke your teeth 
		or your kneecaps ... you get excited.

				ANNIE 
		Come on. 
			(Laughing) 
		Yeah.  You know what?  You know, I 
		like you, I really mean it.  I really do 
		like you.

				ALVY
		You- Do you love me?

				ANNIE
		Do I love you?

				ALVY
		That's the key question.

				ANNIE
		Yeah.

				ALVY
		I know you've only known me a short 
		while.

				ANNIE 
		Well, I certainly ... I think that's 
		very- Yeah, yeah ... 
			(Laughing) 
		yeah.  Do you love me?

				ALVY
 			I-uh, love is, uh, is too weak a word 
		for what...

				ANNIE
 			Yeah.

				ALVY
		- I ... I love you. 
			(Over Annie's laughter) 
		You know I lo-ove you, I-I love you. 
			(Over Annie's laughter) 
		I-I have to invent- Of course I love you.

				ANNIE
 			Yeah.

				ALVY 
			(Putting his arms around her neck) 
		Don't you think I do?

				ANNIE
 			I dunno.

They kiss as a foghorn sounds in the distance.

INT. ALVY'S APARTMENT

Alvy, somewhat distraught, is following Annie around his apartment, which is 
filled with boxes and suitcases, clothes and framed pictures.  They both carry 
cartons.

				ALVY
 			Whatta you mean?  You're not gonna give 
		up your own apartment, are you?

				ANNIE
			(Putting down the carton) 
		Of course.

				ALVY
		Yeah, bu-bu-but why?

				ANNIE
		Well, I mean, I'm moving in with you, 
		that's why.

				ALVY
		Yeah, but you-you got a nice apartment.

				ANNIE
		I have a tiny apartment.

				ALVY
     			Yeah, I know it's small.

				ANNIE 
			(Picking up the suitcases and 
			walking into the bedroom) 
		That's right, and it's got bad plumbing 
		and bugs.

				ALVY
			(Picking up some pictures and 
			following Annie into the bedroom) 
		All right, granted, it has bad plumbing 
		and bugs, but you-you say that like it's a 
		negative thing.  You know, bugs are-are-uh, 
		entomology is a ... 
			(Annie, reacting, tosses the 
			suitcases and some loose clothing 
			onto the bed.  She sits down on the 
			edge, looking away. Alvy walks in, 
			pictures and carton in band, still 
			talking) 
		... rapidly growing field.

				ANNIE
		You don't want me to live with you?

				ALVY 
		How- I don't want you to live with me?  
		How- Whose idea was it?

				ANNIE 
		Mine.

				ALVY 
		Ye-ah.  Was it ... It was yours actually, 
		but, uh, I approved it immediately.

				ANNIE 
		I guess you think that I talked you into 
		something, huh?
			(putting pictures on the mantel) 
		
				ALVY
		No-what, what ...? I ... we live together, 
		we sleep together, we eat together.  Jesus, 
		you don't want it to be like we're married, 
		do yuh?

He moves over to the carton of books on the window seat and reaches in.  He 
starts tossing books off screen.

				ANNIE
			(Looking up at Alvy) 
		How is it any different?

				ALVY  
			(Gesturing) 
		It's different 'cause you keep your own 
		apartment. 
			(Holding a book, he starts walking 
			around the room) 
		Because you know it's there, we don't 
		have to go to it, we don't have to deal 
		with it, but it's like a-a-a free-floating 
		life raft ... that we know that we're not 
		married.

He tosses the book on the bed and walks back to the window seat.

				ANNIE  
			(Still sitting on the bed) 
		That little apartment is four hundred 
		dollars a month, Alvy.

				ALVY   
			(Looking at Annie) 
		That place is four hundred dollars a month?

				ANNIE  
		Yes, it is.  

				ALVY 
			(Whistling) 
		It's-it's got bad plumbing and bugs.  Jesus, 
		I'll-My accountant will write it off as a 
		tax deduction, I'll pay for it.

				ANNIE 
			(Shaking her head) 
		You don't think I'm smart enough to be 
		serious about.

				ALVY  
		Hey, don't be ridiculous.

Alvy moves over to the bed and sits down next to Annie.

				ANNIE  
		Then why are you always pushing me to take 
		those college courses like I was dumb or 
		something?

				ALVY  
			(Putting his hand to his forehead) 
		'Cause adult education's a wonderful thing.  
		You meet a lotta interesting professors.  
		You know, it's stimulating.

EXT. COUNTRY HIGHWAY - DAY

Annie and Alvy, in Annie's VW, driving to their summerhouse.  The camera moves 
with them as they pass a house with a lighted window, blooming foliage.  There 
is no dialogue, but it is a comfortable quiet.  Classical music plays in the 
background.

								CUT TO:

INT. COUNTRY HOUSE - NIGHT

Annie, sitting cross-legged on a wooden chest in the bedroom, is browsing 
through a school catalogue.  Alvy lies in bed reading.

				ANNIE 
			(Reading) 
		Does this sound like a good course?  
		Uh, "Modern American Poetry"?  Uh, or, 
		uh-let's see now ... maybe I should, uh, 
		take "Introduction to the Novel."

				ALVY 
		Just don't take any course where they 
		make you read Beowulf.

				ANNIE 
		What? 
			(Laughing) 
		Hey, listen, what-what do you think?  Do 
		you think we should, uh, go to that-that 
		party in Southampton tonight? 

Alvy leans over and kisses her shoulder.

				ALVY 
		No, don't be silly.  What-what do we need 
		other people for? 
			(He puts his arms around her neck, 
			kissing her, Annie making muffled 
			sounds) 
		You know, we should-we should just turn 
		out the lights, you know, and play hide 
		and seek or something.

				ANNIE 
			(Laughing) 
		Well, okay.  Well, listen, I'm gonna get 
		a cigarette, okay?

				ALVY 
			(Yelling out to her as she leaves 
			the room) 
		Yeah, grass, right?  The illusion that 
		it will make a white woman more like 
		Billie Holiday.

				ANNIE 
			(Off screen) 
		Well, have you ever made love high?

				ALVY
		Me, no.  You ... I-I-you know, if I 
		have grass or alcohol or anything I 
		get unbearably wonderful.  I get too, 
		too wonderful for words.  You know, 
		I don't-I don't know why you have to, 
		uh, get high every time we make love.

				ANNIE 
			(Moving back into the room and 
			lighting a joint) 
		It relaxes me.

				ALVY 
		Oh, you-you have to be artificially 
		relaxed before we can go to bed?

				ANNIE 
			(Closing the door) 
		Well, what's the difference, anyway?

				ALVY 
		Well, I'll give you a shot of sodium 
		pentothal.  You can sleep through it.

				ANNIE 
		Oh, come on, look who's talking.  You've 
		been seeing a psychiatrist for fifteen years. 
			(She gets into bed and takes a 
			puff of marijuana) 
		You should smoke some o' this.  You'd be 
		off the couch in no time.

				ALVY 
		Oh, come, you don't need that.

Alvy, sitting down on the bed, moves over to Annie and takes the weed from her.

				ANNIE 
		What are you doing?

				ALVY 
			(Kissing her) 
		No, no, no, what ... You can once, you 
		can live without it once.  Come on.

				ANNIE 
		Oh, no, Alvy, please. Alvy, please.
			(Laughing and making sounds) 
		M'mrnm.

				ALVY 
		M'm, wait, I got a great idea. 
			(He gets up and goes over to the 
			closet, taking out a light bulb.  
			He goes back to the bed and turns 
			out the lamp on the night table) 
		Hang in there for a second.  I got a 
		little-little artifact.  A little erotic 
		artifact, that-that I brought up from the 
		city, which I think, uh, is gonna be perfect. 
			(He turns the lamp back on, having 
			replaced the bulb with the red one 
			from the closet) 
		I just ... there ... There's a little Old 
		New Orleans ... essence.  Now-now we can go 
		about our business here and we can even 
		develop photographs if we want to.  There, 
		now there. 
			(He undresses and crawls into bed, 
			taking Annie in his arms) 
		M'mmm.  M'mmm.  Hey, is something wrong?  

				ANNIE

		Uh-uh-why?

				ALVY 
		I don't know.  You- It's like you're-
		you're removed.

				ANNIE 
		No, I'm fine.

As Annie speaks, her inner self (ghostlike, moves up from the bed and) sits 
down on a chair, watching.

				ALVY 
		Really?

				ANNIE 
		U-huh.

				ALVY 
		I don't know, but you seem sort of distant. 

				ANNIE 
		Let's just do it, all right?

				ALVY
			(Kissing and caressing Annie) 
		Is it my imagination or are you just 
		going through the motions?

				ANNIE'S SPIRIT  
		Alvy, do you remember where I put my 
		drawing pad?  Because while you two are 
		doing that, I think I'm gonna do some 
		drawing.

				ALVY 
			(Reacting) 
		You see, that's what I call removed.

				ANNIE 
		Oh, you have my body.

				ALVY 
		Yeah, but that's not-that's no good.  
		I want the whole thing. 

				ANNIE 
			(Sighing) 
		Well, I need grass and so do you.

				ALVY 
		Well, it ruins it for me if you have grass 
			(Clearing his throat)
		 because, you know, I'm, like, a comedian-

				ANNIE 
			(Overlapping) 
		M'hm.

				ALVY 
			(Overlapping) 
		-so if I get a laugh from a person who's 
		high, it doesn't count.  You know-'cause 
		they're always laughin'.

				ANNIE 
		Were you always funny?

				ALVY 
		Hey, what is this-an interview?  We're 
		supposed to be making love.

								CUT TO:

INT. OFFICE.

A typical old-fashioned theatrical agency in a Broadway office building. 
Autographed 8 X 12 is plastered in the sloppy room.  The agent, chewing a 
cigar, sits behind his desk talking to one of his clients, a comedian, who 
stands with his hands in his pockets.  A young Alvy sits stiffly in a chair 
nearby watching.

				AGENT 
		This guy is naturally funny.  I think 
		he can write for you.

				COMIC 
			(Buttoning his jacket) 
		Yeah, yeah.  Hey, kid, he tells me you're 
		really good.  Well, lemme explain a little 
		bit o' how I work.  You know, you can tell 
		right off the bat that I don't look like 
		a funny guy when I come-you know, like some 
		o' the guys that come out.  You know, right 
		away 
			(Gesturing) 
		they're gonna tell yuh their stories, you're 
		gonna fall down, but I gotta be really 
		talented.  Material's gotta be sensational 
		for me 'cause I work, you know, with very, 
		very ... Come on, I'm kinda classy, you 
		know what I mean?  Uh ... uh ... lemme 
		explain.  For instance, I open with an 
		opening song.  A musical start like 
			(Ad-lib singing) 
		and I walk out 
			(Ad-lib singing)  
		"Place looks wonderful from here and 
		you folks look wonderful from here! 
			(Singing)
		"And seein' you there
		With a smile on your face
		Makes me shout
		This must be the place."
		Then I stop right in the middle and then 
		I open with some jokes.  Now, that's where 
		I need you, right there.  For instance, like 
		I say, "Hey, I just got back from Canada, 
		you know, they speak a lotta French up 
		there.  The only way to remember Jeanne 
		d'Arc means the light's out in the bathroom!" 
			(He laughs.  Seated Alvy looks 
			up smiling) 
		"Oh, I met a big lumberjack ..."

				ALVY'S VOICE 
			(To himself) 
		Jesus, this guy's pathetic. 

				COMIC 
			(Overlapping above speech) 
		... big lumberjack ...

				ALVY'S VOICE 
			(To himself while the comic 
			continues his routine) 
		Look at him mincing around, like he 
		thinks he's real cute.  You wanna throw 
		up.  If only I had the nerve to do my 
		own jokes.  I don't know how much longer 
		I can keep this smile frozen on my face.  
		I'm in the wrong business, I know it.

				COMIC 
			(Overlapping above speech) 
		"'Cherie, come back.  I love you. 
			(Shaking his lips and mimicking) 
		But, uh, Cheri, what will I do with this, 
		uh?' He says, 'Aw, Marie, sometime you 
		make me so mad."' 
			(Laughing) 
		Oh, they scream at that.  Now, write me 
		somethin' like that, will yuh?  Kinda 
		French number, can yuh do it?  Huh, kid?

INT. THEATER - NIGHT

The darkened auditorium is filled with college students applauding and cheering,
excited, as Alvy stands on spotlighted stage holding the microphone.

				ALVY 
			(Gesturing) 
		W-where am I? I-I keep ... I have to 
		reorient myself.  This is the University 
		of Wisconsin, right?  So I'm always ... 
		I'm tense and ... uh, when I'm playin' a 
		col- I've a very bad history with colleges.  
		You know, I went to New York University and, 
		uh, tsch, I was thrown out of NYU my freshman 
		year ... for cheating on my metaphysics final.  
		You know, I looked within the soul of the 
		boy sitting next to me- 
			(The audience laughs; they're with him)
		 -and when I was thrown out, my mother, 
		who's an emotionally high-strung woman, 
		locked herself in the bathroom and took an 
		overdose of mah-jongg tiles. 
			(More applause and laughter) 
		And, uh, tsch, I was depressed.  I was ... 
		in analysis, I-I, uh, was suicidal; as a 
		matter of fact, uh, I would have killed 
		myself but I was in analysis with a strict 
		Freudian and if you kill yourself ... they 
		make you pay for the sessions you miss.

INT. BACKSTAGE OF THEATER.

Students mill around Alvy banding him pens and paper for autographs.
Annie is next to him, talking over the chattering fans.

				ANNIE 
		Alvy, you were ... Alvy, you were just 
		great, I'm not kidding.  It was- You 
		were so neat.

				ALVY 
		C-c-coll- College audiences are so wonderful.

				ANNIE 
		Yeah.  Yeah.  And you know something?  
		I think that I'm starting to get more 
		of your references, too.

				ALVY
		Are yuh?

				ANNIE 
		Yeah.

				ALVY 
		Well, the twelve o'clock show is 
		completely different than the nine.

				YOUNG WOMAN 
			(Interrupting) 
		May I have your autograph?

				ANNIE 
			(Over lapping above speech) 
		Oh.

				ALVY 
			(To Annie, while autographing) 
		You're so sure about it.

				ANNIE 
		Oh, I'm really, uh, looking forward to 
		tomorrow.  I mean, you know, I think that 
		it'll be really nice to meet Mother and 
		Father. 

They start moving toward the exit, a girl snapping a picture of Alvy with a 
flash camera as they walk through the crowd.

				ALVY 
		Yeah, I know, they'll hate me immediately. 
			(To one of his fans) 
		Thank you.

				ANNIE 
		No, I don't think so.  No, I don't think 
		they're gonna hate you at all.  On the 
		contrary, I think-

				ALVY 
		Yeah.

				ANNIE 
		It's Easter.  You know, we'll have a nice 
		dinner, we'll sit down and eat.  I think 
		they're gonna really like you.

EXT. ANNIE'S PARENTS' HOME-DAY

The camera shows a neat two-story house surrounded by a well-manicured green 
lawn, then cuts to:

INT. DINING ROOM.

Alvy and the Halls are eating Easter dinner.  The sun is pouring through a big 
picture window, shining on a large, elegantly laid out table. Alvy sits, at one
end,- rubbing his nose and chewing, the Halls flanking him on either side: Mr.
and Mrs. Hall, Grammy, and Annie's brother, Duane.

				MOM HALL 
			(Holding her wine glass) 
		It's a nice ham this year, Mom. 

Grammy Hall takes a sip of her wine and nods.

				ANNIE 
			(Smiling at Duane) 
		Oh, yeah.  Grammy always does such 
		a good job.

				DAD HALL 
			(Chewing) 
		A great sauce.

				ALVY 
		It is. 
			(Smacking his lips) 
		It's dynamite ham.

Grammy Hall stares down the table at Alvy; a look of utter dislike. Alvy tries 
not to notice.

				MOM HALL 
			(To Dad Hall, smoothing her hair) 
		We went over to the swap meet.  Annie, 
		Gram and I. Got some nice picture frames.

				ANNIE 
		We really had a good time.

Grammy continues to stare at Alvy; he is now dressed in the long black coat and
hat of the Orthodox Jew, complete with mustache and heard.

				MOM HALL 
			(Lighting a cigarette and turning 
			to Alvy) 
		Ann tells us that you've been seeing a 
		psychiatrist for fifteen years.

				ALVY 
			(Setting down his glass and coughing) 
		Yes.  I'm making excellent progress.  
		Pretty soon when I lie down on his couch, 
		I won't have to wear the lobster bib.

Mom Hall reacts by sipping from her glass and frowning.  Grammy continues to 
stare.

				DAD HALL 
		Duane and I went out to the boat basin.

				DUANE 
		We were caulkin' holes all day.

				DAD HALL 
		Yeah. 
			(Laughing) 
		Randolph Hunt was drunk, as usual.

				MOM HALL 
		Oh, that Randolph Hunt.  You remember 
		Randy Hunt, Annie.  He was in the choir 
		with you.

				ANNIE 
		Oh, yes, yes.

Alvy, leaning his elbow on the table, looks out toward the camera.

				ALVY 
			(To the audience) 
		I can't believe this family. 
			(Making chewing sounds) 
		Annie's mother.  She really's beautiful.  
		And they're talkin' swap meets and boat 
		basins, and the old lady at the end of 
		the table 
			(Pointing to Grammy) 
		is a classic Jew hater.  And, uh, they, 
		they realty look American, you know, 
		very healthy and ... like they never 
		get sick or anything.  Nothing like my 
		family.  You know, the two are like oil 
		and water.

The screen splits in half - on the right is Alvy's family - his mother, father,
aunt and uncle-busily eating at the crowded kitchen table.  They eat quickly 
and interrupt one another loudly.  On the left the Halls in their dining room. 
Both dialogues overlap, juxtaposed.

				ALVY'S FATHER 
		Let 'im drop dead!  Who needs his 
		business?!

				ALVY'S MOTHER 
		His wife has diabetes!

				ALVY'S FATHER 
		Di-diabetes?  Is that any excuse?  
		Diabetes?

				ALVY'S UNCLE 
		The man is fifty years old and doesn't 
		have a substantial job.

				ALVY'S AUNT 
			(Putting more meat on her 
			husband's plate) 
		Is that a reason to steal from his father?

				ALVY'S UNCLE 
		Whatta you talkin' about?  You don't 
		know what you're talking about.

				ALVY'S AUNT 
		Yes, I know what I'm talking about.

				ALVY'S MOTHER 
			(Interrupting) 
		George, defend him!

				ALVY'S UNCLE 
			(Over Alvy's father's muttering) 
		No Moskowitz he had a coronary.

				ALVY'S AUNT 
		You don't say.

				ALVY'S MOTHER 
		We fast.

				MOM HALL 
		Stupid Thelma Poindexter ... to the 
		Veterans Hospital.

				DAD HALL 
		My God, he's the new president of the 
		El Regis.  Let me tell you, the man is 
		somethin' else.

				MOM HALL 
		That's Jack's wife.  We used to make 
		that outta raisins.

				ANNIE 
		Oh, yes, that's right.  Did you see 
		the new play?

				MOM HALL 
		Oh, you remember her, Annie.

				ANNIE 
		Yes, I do.

The two families start talking back and forth to one another.  The screen is 
still split.

				MOM HALL 
		How do you plan to spend the holidays, 
		Mrs. Singer?

				DAD HALL 
		Fast?

				ALVY'S FATHER 
		Yeah, no food.  You know, we have to 
		atone for our sins.

				MOM HALL 
		What sins?  I don't understand.

				ALVY'S FATHER 
		Tell you the truth, neither do we.

								CUT TO:

INT. DUANE'S BEDROOM-NIGHT

Duane, sitting on his bed, sees Alvy walking past the open door.

				DUANE 
		Alvy.

				ALVY 
			(Walking in) 
		Oh, hi, Duane, how's it goin'?

				DUANE 
		This is my room.

				ALVY 
			(Looking around) 
		Oh, yeah? 
			(He clears his throat) 
		Terrific.

				DUANE 
		Can I confess something?

Alvy sighs and sits down, leaning his arm on Duane's dresser.  Duane's face is 
big lighted by a single lamp.

				DUANE 
		I tell you this because, as an artist, 
		I think you'll understand.  Sometimes 
		when I'm driving ... on the road at night
		... I see two headlights coming toward me.  
		Fast.  I have this sudden impulse to turn 
		the wheel quickly, head-on into the 
		oncoming car.  I can anticipate the 
		explosion.  The sound of shattering glass.  
		The ... flames rising out of the flowing 
		gasoline.

				ALVY 
			(Reacting and clearing his throat) 
		Right.  Tsch, well, I have to-I have 
		t-o go now, Duane, because I-I'm due 
		back on the planet earth. 

He slowly gets up and moves toward the door.

INT. THE HALLS' LIVING ROOM.

Mom and Dad Hall walk into the living room; Annie is with them.

				MOM HALL
		Now, don't let it be so long, now.

				ANNIE 
		No.

				DAD HALL 
		And look up Uncle Bill, you promise. 

				ANNIE 
		Okay.  Okay.

				MOM HALL 
		Oh, he's adorable, Annie.

				ANNIE 
		You think so?  Do you really?

				MOM HALL 
		We're going to take them to the airport.
				
				DAD HALL 
		Oh, no-Duane can.  I haven't finished 
		my drink. 

				ANNIE 
		Yes, Duane is.  I'll be right-

				MOM HALL 
		M'mmm.

				ANNIE 
		I just have time to get the, uh-

She walks out of the room as Mom and Dad Hall kiss.

EXT. ROAD - NIGHT

Duane, behind the wheel, stares straight ahead.  It is raining very hard, the 
windshield wipers are moving quickly.  The headlights of another car brightens 
the interior of Duane's car as the camera shows first Duane, then Annie, then 
Alvy tensely staring straight ahead.

EXT. STREET- DAY

The camera bolds on a quiet New York City street; the buildings, brownstones. 
It's a warm day-people sit on front stoops, window boxes are planted. Annie 
walks into the frame first, then Alvy, who is walking to her right. They walk 
quickly, side by side, their voices heard before they move into the frame.

				ANNIE 
			(Off screen) 
		You followed me.  I can't believe it!

				ALVY 
			(Off screen) 
		I didn't follow you!

				ANNIE  
		You followed me!

				ALVY   
		Why?  'Cause I ... was walkin' along 
		a block behind you staring at you?  
		That's not following!

				ANNIE 
		Well, what is your definition of 
		following?

				ALVY 
			(Gasping) 
		Following is different.  I was spying.

				ANNIE 
		Do you realize how paranoid you are?

				ALVY 
		Paranoid?  I'm looking at you.  You 
		got your arms around another guy.

				ANNIE 
		That is the worst kind of paranoia.

				ALVY 
		Yeah-well, I didn't start out spying.  
		I-I thought I'd surprise yuh.  Pick you 
		up after school.

				ANNIE 
		Yeah-well, you wanted to keep the 
		relationship flexible, remember?  
		It's your phrase.

				ALVY 
		Oh, stop it.  But you were having an 
		affair with your college professor.  
		That jerk that teaches that incredible 
		crap course "Contemporary Crisis in 
		Western Man"!

				ANNIE 
		"Existential Motifs in Russian Literature"!  
		You're really close.

				ALVY 
		What's the difference?  It's all mental 
		masturbation.

				ANNIE 
			(Stopping for a moment) 
		Oh, well, now we're finally getting to 
		a subject you know something about!

She walks away.

				ALVY 
			(Catching up to her) 
		Hey, don't knock masturbation!  It's 
		sex with someone I love.

				ANNIE 
			(Continuing to walk quickly) 
		We're not having an affair.  He's married.  
		He just happens to think I'm neat.

				ALVY 
			(Still walking next to her) 
		"Neat"!  There's that- What are you-twelve 
		years old?  That's one o' your Chippewa 
		Falls expressions!  "He thinks I'm neat."

				ANNIE 
		Who cares?  Who cares?

				ALVY
		Next thing you know he'll find you keen
		and peachy, you know?  Next thing you 
		know he's got his hand on your ass!  

They both stop in the middle of the street.

				ANNIE 
		You've always had hostility toward 
		David ever since I mentioned him!

				ALVY 
		David?  You call your teacher David?

				ANNIE 
		It's his name.

				ALVY
 			Well, listen, that's, a nice bi-it's 
		a biblical name.  Right?  W-What does 
		he call you?  Bathsheba?

He walks away.

				ANNIE 
			(Calling after him) 
		Alvy!  Alvy!  You're the one who never 
		wanted to make a real commitment.  You 
		don't think I'm smart enough!  We had 
		that argument just last month, or don't 
		ou remember that day?

								CUT TO:

INT. KITCHEN.

Alvy is at the sink washing dishes as the screen cuts to the scene of last 
month's argument.  Annie's voice is heard.

				ANNIE 
			(Off screen) 
		I'm home!

				ALVY 
			(Turning) 
		Oh, yeah?  How'd it go?

				ANNIE 
			(Comes into the kitchen and puts 
			down a bag of groceries on the 
			kitchen table) 
		Oh, it was ... 
			(Laughing) 
		really weird.  But she's a very nice woman.

				ALVY 
		Yeah?

				ANNIE 
		And I didn't have to lie down on the couch, 
		Alvy, she had me sitting up.  So I told her 
		about-about the-the family and about my 
		feelings toward men and about my 
		relationship with my brother.

				ALVY 
		M'm.

				ANNIE 
		And then she mentioned penis envy ... 
		Did you know about that?

				ALVY 
		Me?  I'm-I'm one of the few males who 
		suffers from that, so, so ... you know.

				ANNIE 
		M'hm.

				ALVY 
		G-go on, I'm interested.

				ANNIE 
		Well, she said that I was very guilty 
		about my impulses toward marriage, 
		and-and children.

				ALVY 
		M'hm.

				ANNIE 
		And then I remembered when I was a kid 
		how I accidentally saw my parents making 
		love.

				ALVY 
		Tsch.  Rea- All this happened in the 
		first hour?

				ANNIE 
		M'hm.

				ALVY 
		That's amazing. I-I-I ... I've been 
		goin' for fifteen years, I-you know, 
		I don't got ... nothing like that in-

				ANNIE 
		Oh, I told her my dream and then I cried.

				ALVY
		You cried?  I've never once cried.  
		Fantastic ...

				ANNIE
			(Taking groceries from the bag) 
		Yeah.

				ALVY
		I whine. I-I-I sit and I whine.

				ANNIE
		In-in ... Alvy, in my dream Frank 
		Sinatra is holding his pillow across 
		my face and I can't breathe.

				ALVY 
		Sinatra?

				ANNIE
		Yeah, and he's strangling me ...

				ALVY
		Yeah?

				ANNIE
		... and I keep, you know, it's-

				ALVY 
			(Taking a bottle of juice and 
			some celery from the bag) 
		Well, well, sure ... because he's a 
		singer and you're a singer, you know, 
		so it's perfect.  So you're trying to 
		suffocate yourself.  It-it makes perfect 
		sense.  Uh, uh, that's a perfect analytic 
		... kind of insight.

				ANNIE 
			(Pointing her finger at Alvy) 
		She said, your name was Alvy Singer.

				ALVY 
			(Turning to Annie) 
		Whatta you mean?  Me?

				ANNIE 
		Yeah, yeah, yeah, you.  Because in the 
		dream ... I break Sinatra's glasses.

				ALVY 
			(Putting his band to his mouth) 
		Sinatra had gl- You never said Sinatra 
		had glasses.  So whatta you saying that 
		I-I'm suffocating you?

				ANNIE 
			(Turning, ajar in her hand) 
		Oh, and God, Alvy, I did ... this really 
		terrible thing to him.  Because then when 
		he sang it was in this real high-pitched 
		voice.

				ALVY 
			(Thinking) 
		Tsch, what'd the doctor say?

				ANNIE 
			(Putting away some groceries)
		Well, she said that I should probably 
		come five times a week.  And you know 
		something?  I don't think I mind analysis 
		at all.  The only question is, Will it 
		change my wife?

				ALVY 
		Will it change your wife?

				ANNIE 
		Will it change my life?

				ALVY
		Yeah, but you said, "Will it change 
		my wife"!

				ANNIE
		No, I didn't. 
			(Laughing) 
		I said, "Will it change my life," Alvy.

				ALVY
		You said, "Will it change. . ." Wife.  
		Will it change ...

				ANNIE
			(Yelling out, angry) 
		Life.  I said, "life."

Alvy turns toward the camera.

				ALVY 
			(To the audience) 
		She said, "Will it change my wife." You 
		heard that because you were there so I'm 
		not crazy.

				ANNIE
 			And, Alvy ... and then I told her about 
		how I didn't think you'd ever really take 
		me seriously, because you don't think that 
		I'm smart enough.

She walks out of the room.

				ALVY
 				(To Annie's back, gesturing) 
		Why do you always bring that up?  Because 
		I encourage you to take adult-education 
		courses?  I think it's a wonderful thing.  
		You meet wonderful, interesting professors'.

								CUT TO:

EXT. STREET

Annie stands at the open door of a cab, Alvy next to her gesturing as people 
and cars move by.

				ALVY 
		Adult education is such junk!  The 
		professors are so phony.  How can you 
		do it?

				ANNIE 
		A bit rapidly.  I don't care what you 
		say about David, he's a perfectly fine 
		teacher!

				ALVY 
			(Interrupting) 
		David!  David!  I can't believe this! 
 
				ANNIE 
		And what are you doing following me 
		around for, anyway?
  
				ALVY 
		I'm following you and David, if you-

				ANNIE  
			(Interrupting) 
		I just think we oughta call this 
		relationship quits! 

Annie gets into the cab; Alvy leans over and closes the door.

ALVY
 			That's fine.  That's fine.  That's great! 
			(He turns toward the camera as the 
			cab drives away) 
		Well, I don't know what I did wrong. 
			(Gesturing) 
		I mean, I can't believe this.  Somewhere 
		she cooled off to me! 
			(He walks up to an older woman 
			walking down the street carrying 
			groceries) 
		Is it-is it something that I did?

WOMAN ON THE STREET 
		Never something you do.  That's how 
		people are. Love fades.

She moves on down the street.

ALVY
 				(Scratching his head) 
		Love fades.  God, that's a depressing
		thought. Have to ask you a question. 
			(He stops another passer-by,a man) 
		Don't go any further.  Now, with your 
		wife in bed, d-d-does she need some kind 
		o' artificial stimulation like-like marijuana?

				MAN ON THE STREET 
		We use a large vibrating egg.

He walks on.

				ALVY 
			(Continuing to walk) 
		Large vibrating egg.  Well, I ask a 
		psychopath, I get that kind of an answer.  
		Jesus, I-I, uh, here ... 
			(He moves up the sidewalk to 
			a young trendy-looking couple, 
			arms wrapped around each other) 
		You-you look like a really happy couple.  
		Uh, uh ... are you?

				YOUNG WOMAN
 			Yeah.

				ALVY
 			Yeah!  So ... so h-h-how do you account 
		for it?

				YOUNG WOMAN 
		Uh, I'm very shallow and empty and I 
		have no ideas and nothing interesting 
		to say.

				YOUNG MAN 
		And I'm exactly the same way.

				ALVY 
		I see.  Well, that's very interesting.  
		So you've managed to work out something, huh?

				YOUNG MAN 
		Right.

				YOUNG WOMAN
 			Yeah.

				ALVY 
		Oh, well, thanks very much for talking 
		to me.

He continues to walk past some other passersby and moves into the street. A 
mounted policeman comes by and stops near him. Alvy looks at the horse, as if 
to speak.

				ALVY'S VOICE-OVER 
		You know, even as a kid I always went 
		for the wrong women.  I think that's my 
		problem.  When my mother took me to see 
		Snow White, everyone fell in love with 
		Snow White.  I immediately fell for the 
		Wicked Queen.

The scene dissolves into a sequence from the animated Snow White and the Seven 
Dwarfs.  The Wicked Queen, resembling Annie, sits in the palace before her 
mirror.  Alvy, as a cartoon figure, sits beside her, arms crossed in front of 
him.

				WICKED QUEEN 
		We never have any fun anymore.

				CARTOON FIGURE ALVY 
		How can you say that?

				WICKED QUEEN 
		Why not?  You're always leaning on me
	 	to improve myself.

				CARTOON FIGURE ALVY
 			You're just upset.  You must be getting 
		your period.

				WICKED QUEEN
 			I don't get a period!  I'm a cartoon 
		character.  Can't I be upset once in 
		a while?

Rob, as a cartoon figure, enters and sits down on the other side of the Wicked 
Queen.

				CARTOON FIGURE ROB   
		Max, will you forget about Annie?  I 
		know lots of women you can date.

				CARTOON FIGURE ALVY
 			I don't wanna go out with any other women.

				CARTOON FIGURE ROB   
		Max, have I got a girl for you.  You are
		going to love her.  She's a reporter-

The cartoon figures of Alvy and Rob walk past the Wicked Queen; the screen 
dissolves into the interior of a concert ball.  Rob's voice carries over from 
the cartoon scene as the screen shows Alvy with the female reporter.  It's very
crowded, noisy; policeman and reporters are everywhere. Alvy stands with his 
hands in his pockets, watching the commotion.

				CARTOON FIGURE ROB'S VOICE-OVER 
		-for Rolling Stone.

				FEMALE REPORTER
 			I think there are more people here to 
		see the Maharishi than there were to see 
		the Dylan concert.  I covered the Dylan 
		concert ... which gave me chills.  
		Especially when he sang "She takes just 
		like a woman And she makes love just 
		like a woman Yes, she does And she aches 
		just like a woman But she breaks just 
		like a little girl." 
			(They move toward the aisles as 
			a guard holds up his hands to stop 
			them) 
		Up to that I guess the most charismatic 
		event I covered was Mick's Birthday when 
    			the Stones played Madison Square Garden.

				ALVY 
			(Laughing) 
		Man, that's great.  That's just great.

				REPORTER 
		You catch Dylan?

				ALVY 
			(Coughing) 
		Me?  No, no. I-I couldn't make it that 
		ni- My-my raccoon had hepatitis.

				REPORTER 
		You have a raccoon?

				ALVY 
			(Gesturing) 
		Tsch, a few.

				REPORTER
 			The only word for this is trans-plendid.  
		It's trans-plendid. 

				ALVY 
		I can think of another word.

				REPORTER
 			He's God!  I mean, this man is God!  He's 
		got millions of followers who would crawl 
		all the way across the world just to touch 
		the hem of his garment.

				ALVY 
		Really?  It must be a tremendous hem.

				REPORTER 
		I'm a Rosicrucian myself.

				ALVY 
		Are you?

				REPORTER
 			Yeah.

				ALVY 
		I can't get with any religion that 
		advertises in Popular Mechanics.  Look- 
			(The Maharisbi, a small, chunky 
			man, walks out of the men's room, 
			huge bodyguards flanking him while 
			policemen bold back the crowds)
		there's God coming outta the men's room.

				REPORTER
 			It's unbelievably trans-plendid!  I was 
		at the Stones concert in Altamount when 
		they killed that guy, remember?

				ALVY
 			Yeah, were yuh?  I was-I was at an Alice 
		Cooper thing where six people were rushed 
		to the hospital with bad vibes.

INT. ALVY'S BEDROOM-NIGHT

The reporter is sitting up in bed, lighted cigarette in her hand.  Alvy, lying
next to her, rubs his eyes and puts on his eyeglasses.

				REPORTER
 				(Looking down at him) 
		I hope you don't mind that I took so long 
		to finish.

				ALVY
 				(Sighing) 
		Oh, no, no, don't be ... tsch ... don't 
		be silly.  You know, 
			(Yawning) 
		I'm startin' it-I'm startin' to get some 
		feeling back in my jaw now.

				REPORTER
 			Oh, sex with you is really a kafkaesque 
		experience.

				ALVY 
		Oh, tsch, thank you.  H'm.

				REPORTER
 			I mean that as a compliment.

				ALVY  
			(Making sounds) 
		I think-I think there's too much burden 
		placed on the orgasm, you know, to make 
		up for empty areas in life.

				REPORTER
 			Who said that?

				ALVY 
			(Rubbing his chin and shoulder) 
		Uh, oh, I don't know.  It might have 
		been Leopold and Loeb. 
			(The telephone rings.  Alvy picks 
			it up, rising up slightly from the 
			bed, concerned, as he talks) 
		Hello.  Oh, hi ... Uh, no, what-what's 
		the matter?  What-what-what?  You sound 
		terrible ... No, what- Sure I- Whatta yuh
		-what kind of an emergency? ... No, well, 
		stay there.  Stay there, I'll come over 
		right now.  I'll come over right now.  Just 
		stay there, I'll come right over.

He hangs up.  The reporter sits in bed still, taking in the situation.

INT. ANNIE'S APARTMENT HALLWAY

Annie, looking slightly distraught, goes to open the door to Alvy's knock.

				ALVY 
		What's- It's me, open up.

				ANNIE
 				(Opening the door) 
		Oh.

				ALVY
 			Are you okay?  What's the matter? 
			(They look at each other, Annie 
			sighing) 
		Are you all right?  What-

				ANNIE
 			There's a spider in the bathroom.

				ALVY  
			(Reacting) 
		What?

				ANNIE 
		There's a big black spider in the bathroom.

				ALVY
 			That's what you got me here for at three 
		o'clock in the morning, 'cause there's a 
		spider in the bathroom?

				ANNIE
 			My God, I mean, you know how I am about 
		insects.
 
				ALVY
 				(Interrupting, sighing) 
		Oooh.

				ANNIE
		-I can't sleep with a live thing crawling 
		around in the bathroom.

				ALVY
 			Kill it!  For Go- What's wrong with you?  
		Don't you have a can of Raid in the house?

				ANNIE
 				(Shaking her head) 
		No.

Alvy, disgusted, starts waving his hands and starts to move into the living 
room.

				ALVY
 				(Sighing) 
		I told you a thousand times you should 
		always keep, uh, a lotta insect spray.  
		You never know who's gonna crawl over.

				ANNIE 
			(Following him) 
		I know, I know, and a first-aid kit and 
		a fire extinguisher.

				ALVY
		Jesus.  All right, gimme a magazine.  
		I- 'cause I'm a little tired. 
			(While Annie goes of to find 
			him a magazine, Alvy, still 
			talking, glances around the 
			apartment.  He notices a small 
			book on a cabinet and picks it up.) 
		You know, you, you joke with-about me, 
		you make fun of me, but I'm prepared for 
		anything.  An emergency, a tidal wave, 
		an earthquake.  Hey, what is this?  
		What?  Did you go to a rock concert?

				ANNIE
 			Yeah.

				ALVY 
		Oh, yeah, really?  Really?  How-how'd 
		you like it?  Was it-was it, I mean, 
		did it ... was it heavy?  Did it achieve 
		total heavy-ocity?  Or was it, uh...

				ANNIE
 			It was just great!

				ALVY
 				(Thumbing through the book) 
		Oh, humdinger.  When- Well, I got a 
		wonderful idea.  Why don'tcha get the 
		guy who took you to the rock concert, 
		we'll call him and he can come over and 
		kill the spider.  You know, it's a-

He tosses the book down on the cabinet.

				ANNIE 
 			I called you; you wanna help me ... or 
		not?  H'h?  Here. 

She hands him a magazine.

				ALVY
 				(Looking down at the magazine) 
		What is this?  What are you, since 
		when do you read the "National Review"?  
		What are you turning in to?

				ANNIE
 				(Turning to a nearby chair for 
			some gum in her pocketbook) 
		Well, I like to try to get all points 
		of view.

				ALVY 
		It's wonderful.  Then why don'tcha get 
		William F. Buckley to kill the spider?

				ANNIE
 			(Spinning around to face him) 
		Alvy, you're a little hostile, you 
		know that?  Not only that, you look 
		thin and tired.

She puts a piece of gum in her mouth.

				ALVY
  			Well, I was in be- It's three o'clock 
		in the morning.  You, uh, you got me 
		outta bed, I ran over here, I couldn't 
		get a taxi cab.  You said it was an 
		emergency, and I didn't ge- I ran up 
		the stairs.  Hell - I was a lot more 
		attractive when the evening began.  
		Look, uh, tell- Whatta you- Are you 
		going with a right-wing rock-and roll 
		star?  Is that possible?

				ANNIE
 				(Sitting down on a chair arm 
			and looking up at Alvy) 
		Would you like a glass of chocolate milk?

				ALVY
 			Hey, what am I-your son?  Whatta you mean?
		I-I came over TV --_

				ANNIE
 				(Touching his chest with her hand) 
		I got the good chocolate, Alvy.

				ALVY
 			Yeah, where is the spider?

				ANNIE
 			It really is lovely.  It's in the bathroom.

				ALVY
 			Is he in the bathroom?

				ANNIE 
			(Rising from chair) 
		Hey, don't squish it, and after it's 
		dead, flush it down the toilet, okay? 
		And flush it a couple o' times.

				ALVY
 				(Moving down the hallway to 
			the bathroom) 
		Darling, darling, I've been killing 
		spiders since I was thirty, okay?

				ANNIE
 				(Upset, hands on her neck) 
		Oh.  What?

				ALVY 
			(Coming back into the living room) 
		Very big spider.

				ANNIE
 			Yeah?

				ALVY
 			Two ... Yeah.  Lotta, lotta trouble. 
		There's two of 'em. 

Alvy starts walking down the ball again, Annie following.

				ANNIE
 			Two?

				ALVY
  				(Opening a closet door) 
		Yep.  I didn't think it was that big, 
		but it's a major spider.  You got a 
		broom or something with a-

				ANNIE 
		Oh, I-I left it at your house.

				ALVY
 				(Overlapping) 
		-snow shovel or anything or something.

				ANNIE
 				(Overlapping) 
		I think I left it there, I'm sorry.

Reaching up into the closet, Alvy takes out a covered tennis racquet.

				ALVY
 				(Holding the racquet) 
		Okay, let me have this.

				ANNIE
 			Well, what are you doing ... what are 
		you doing with-

				ALVY
 			Honey, there's a spider in your bathroom 
		the size of a Buick.

He walks into the bathroom, Annie looking after him.

				ANNIE
 			Well, okay.  Oooh.

Alvy stands in the middle of the bathroom, tennis racquet in one band, rolled
magazine in the other.  He looks over at the shelf above the sink and picks up 
a small container.  He holds it out, shouting off screen to Annie.

				ALVY 
		Hey, what is this?  You got black soap?
  
				ANNIE
 				(Off screen) 
		It's for my complexion.

				ALVY
 			Whatta-whatta yuh joining a minstrel show?  
		Geez. 
			(Alvy turns and starts swapping 
			the racquet over the shelf, knocking 
			down articles and breaking glass) 
		Don't worry! 
			(He continues to swat the racquet 
			all over the bathroom.  He finally 
			moves out of the room, hands close 
			to his body.  He walks into the 
			other room, where Annie is sitting 
			in a corner of her bed leaning against 
			the wall) 
		I did it!  I killed them both.  What-what's 
		the matter?  Whatta you- 
			(Annie is sobbing, her band over 
			her face)
		-whatta you sad about?  You- What'd you 
		want me to do?  Capture 'em and rehabilitate 
		'em?

				ANNIE
 				(Sobbing and taking Alvy's arm) 
		Oh, don't go, okay?  Please.
	
				ALVY
 				(Sitting down next to her) 
		Whatta you mean, don't go?  Whatta-whatta
		-what's the matter?  Whatta you expecting
		-termites?  What's the matter?

				ANNIE
 				(Sobbing) 
		Oh, uh, I don't know.  I miss you.  Tsch.

She beats her fist on the bed.  Reacting, Alvy puts his arm around her shoulder
and leans back against the wall.

				ALVY
 			Oh, Jesus, really?

				ANNIE
 				(Leaning on his shoulder) 
		Oh, yeah.  Oh. 
			(They kiss) 
		Oh!  Alvy?

				ALVY 
		What?

He touches her face gently as she wipes tears from her face.

				ANNIE
 			Was there somebody in your room when 
		I called you?

				ALVY
 			W-w-whatta you mean?

				ANNIE
 			I mean was there another- I thought I 
		heard a voice.

				ALVY
		Oh, I had the radio on.

				ANNIE
		Yeah?

				ALVY
		I'm sorry.  I had the television set 
		... I had the television-

				ANNIE
		Yeah.

Alvy pulls her to him and they kiss again.

								CUT TO:

INT. ALVY'S BED

Alvy is lying in bed next to Annie, who is leaning on her elbow looking down 
at him.  He rubs her arms and she smiles.

				ANNIE
 			Alvy, let's never break up again.  I don't 
		wanna be apart.

				ALVY 
		Oh, no, no, I think we're both much too 
		mature for something like that.

				ANNIE
 			Living together hasn't been so bad, has it?

				ALVY
 			It's all right for me, it's been terrific, 
		you know?  Better than either one of my 
		marriages.  See, 'cause. . . 'cause there's 
		just something different about you.  I 
		don't know what it is, but it's great.

				ANNIE 
			(Snickering) 
		You know I think that if you let me, maybe 
		I could help you have more fun, you know?  
		I mean, I know it's hard and ... Yeah.

				ALVY 
		I don't know.

				ANNIE 
		Alvy, what about ... what if we go away 
		this weekend, and we could-

				ALVY
 			Tsch, why don't we get ... why don't 
		we get Rob, and the three of us'll 
		drive into Brooklyn, you know, and 
		we show you the old neighborhood.

				ANNIE
 			Okay, okay.  Okay.

				ALVY
 			That'd be fun for yuh.  Don't you think-

				ANNIE
 			Yeah.

Alvy raises up his head and they kiss.

EXT. HIGHWAY

Annie is behind the wheel in her VW, Rob is beside her, Alvy in the back seat
leaning forward so that his head is between them.  They're driving down the 
highway.

				ANNIE
 			-me, my God, it's a great day!

				ALVY 
			(Interrupting) 
		Hey, can yuh watch the road?  Watch the --
 
				ROB
 				(Overlapping) 
		Yeah, watch the road!

				ALVY 
		You'll total the whole car.

				ANNIE
 				(Laughing) 
		Hey, you know, I never even visited 
		Brooklyn before.

				ROB
 			I can't wait to see the old neighborhood.

				ALVY
 			Yeah, the neighborhood's gonna be great.

				ROB
 			We can show her the schoolyard.

				ALVY
 			Right.  I was a great athlete.  Tell 
		her, Max, I was the best, I was all 
		schoolyard.

				ROB 
		Yes, I remember. 
			(Annie laughs) 
		He was all schoolyard.  They threw him 
		a football once, he tried to dribble it.

				ALVY 
		Yeah, well, I used to lose my glasses a lot.

EXT. AMUSEMENT PARK.

Alvy Annie and Rob move toward the roller coaster on the screen.  The area's 
deserted.  Sea gulls are heard.

				ALVY 
		Oh, look, look, there's that ... that's
		-that's my old house.  That's where I 
		used to live.

				ANNIE
 				(Laughing) 
		Holy cow!

				ROB
 			You're lucky, Max-where I used to live 
		is now a pornographic equipment store.

Annie laughs.

				ALVY 
		I have some very good memories there.

				ROB
 			What kind of good memories, Max?  
		Your mother and father fighting all 
		the time.

				ALVY 
		Yeah, and always over the most 
		ridiculous things.

FLASHBACK - INT. ALVY'S HOUSE.

Alvy's father sits in his chair.  His mother is polishing a door while Alvy 
lies on the floor playing.  Annie, adult Alvy and Rob quietly walk into the 
scene to watch.

				ALVY'S FATHER
		You fired the cleaning woman?

				ALVY'S MOTHER
		She was stealing.

				ALVY'S FATHER
		But she's colored.

				ALVY'S MOTHER
 			SO?

				ALVY'S FATHER
		So the colored have enough trouble.

				ALVY'S MOTHER
		She was going through my pocketbook!

				ALVY'S FATHER
		They're persecuted enough!

				ALVY'S MOTHER
		Who's persecuting?  She stole!

Alvy's father gets up and gets his hard hat.  He sits back down and starts 
polishing it.

				ALVY'S FATHER
 			All right-so we can afford it.

				ALVY'S MOTHER
 			How can we afford it?  On your pay?  
		What if she steals more?

				ALVY'S FATHER
 			She's a colored woman, from Harlem!  
		She has no money!  She's got a right 
		to steal from us!  After all, who is 
		she gonna steal from if not us?

				ADULT ALVY
 				(Yelling into the scene) 
		You're both crazy!  

				ROB
 			They can't hear you, Max.

				ALVY'S MOTHER
 			Leo ... I married a fool!

				ROB
			(Pointing) 
		Hey, Max!  Who's that?

As the three friends watch Alvy's old living room, the scene has suddenly 
shifted.  A huge crowd stands around the room, laughing, eating, chatting and 
vibrating with the turns of the roller-coaster ride.

				ALVY
 			It-it-it's the welcome-home party 
		in nineteen forty-five, for my cousin 
		Herbie.

				ADULT ALVY
 				(Pointing) 
		Look, look, there's-there's that one 
		over there, that's Joey Nichols, he 
		was my- 
			(Young Alvy stands next to Joey 
			Nichols, who's sitting in one of 
			the easy chairs.  They smile at 
			each other; people and noise all 
			around)
		-father's friend.  He was always bothering 
		me when I was a kid.

				JOEY
 			Joey Nichols. 
			(Laughing) 
		See.  Nichols.  See, Nichols! 
			(Joey shows young Alvy his cuff 
			links and a tie pin, which are 
			made from nickels, as Alvy stands
			with hands on hips, unconcerned.  
			Joey then slaps his band to his 
			forehead and puts a nickel on 
			his forehead) 
		Yuh see, nickels!  You can always 
		remember my name, just think of Joey 
		Five Cents. 
			(Laughing) 
		That's me.  Joey Five Cents!

Joey grabs Alvy's cheeks and pinches them.

				YOUNG ALVY
 				(Turning away) 
		What an asshole!

A group of women stands near a buffet table eating and listening to Alvy 
mother and her sister, Tessie, and a young girl, as the three friends watch.

				ALVY'S MOTHER
 			I was always the sister with good common 
		sense.  But Tessie was always the one 
		with personality.  When she was younger, 
		they all wanted to marry Tessie.

She touches Tessie's shoulder.  Tessie starts to laugh.

				ADULT ALVY
 				(Pointing, to Rob) 
		Do you believe that, Max?  Tessie 
		Moskowitz had the personality.  She's 
		the life of the ghetto, no doubt.

				ALVY'S MOTHER
 				(To the young girl) 
		She was once a great beauty.

Tessie nods her head "yes."

				ROB 
		Tessie, they say you were the sister 
		with personality.

				TESSIE
 				(Addressing the young girl) 
		I was a great beauty.

				ROB
 			Uh, how did this personality come about?

				TESSIE
 				(Grabbing the young girl's cheek) 
		I was very charming.

				ROB
 			There were many men interested in you?

				TESSIE
 				(To the young girl) 
		Oh, I was quite a lively dancer.

Tessie gyrates back and forth imitating a dancer while Annie and the adult 
Alvy lean on each other laughing.

				ROB
 				(Laughing) 
		That's pretty hard to believe.

EXT. STREET.

Alvy and Annie walk contentedly down a street; Alvy's arm is draped around 
Annie.  People walk by them on the street as they move toward their apartment
building.

				ANNIE
 			Well, I had a really good day, you know 
		that?  It was just a real fine way to 
		spend my birthday.

				ALVY 
		Ah?  Oh, well, your birthday's not till 
		tomorrow, honey, I hate to tell yuh.

				ANNIE 
		Yeah, but it's real close.

				ALVY
 			Yeah, but no presents till midnight.

				ANNIE
 				(Laughing) 
		Oh, darn it.

INT. APARTMENT

Annie and Alvy sit on the sofa.  Annie's unwrapping a gift while Alvy watches.

				ANNIE
 				(Making sounds) 
		This is-
			(Making sounds)
		Huh?

She pulls out flimsy black lingerie from the box.

				ALVY
		Happy birthday.

				ANNIE
		What is this? Is this a...Present?
			(Laughing)
		Are you kidding?

				ALVY
 			Yeah, hey, why don't yuh try it on?

				ANNIE 
		Uh, yeah, uh ... t-t-this is more like 
		a present for you, yeah, but it's-

				ALVY 
		Try it ... it'll add years to our 
		sex life.

				ANNIE
 				(Looking up at Alvy and laughing) 
		Uh huh.  Yeah.  Forget it. 

Alvy leans over and hands her another box as she puts down the lingerie.

				ALVY 
		Here's a real present.

				ANNIE
 				(Opening the gift) 
		What... huh?

				ALVY  
		Check it out.

				ANNIE 
		Oh, yeah?  What is this, anyway?
			(continuing) 
		Let me see.  Okay, let's... oooh, God! 
			(She takes out a watch from the box) 
		Oh, you knew I wanted this ... 
			(Laughing) 
		God, it's terrific, God!

				ALVY
 				(Making sounds) 
		Yeah, I know.  Just-just put on the 
		watch, and-and ... that thing, and 
		we'll just ...

				ANNIE
 				(Laughing) 
		Oh!  My God! 
			(Making sounds)

Alvy kisses Annie.

INT. NIGHT CLUB.

Annie, spotlighted onstage, stands in front of the microphone, smiling.  She 
looks downward and sings "Seems Like Old Times.  " The audience applauds 
loudly as the music fades out.

				ANNIE
 				(Laughing) 
		Thank you.

Alvy sits at the bar, clapping and staring at Annie as she walks over to him 
and sits down.  The low murmur of the night club is surrounding them.

				ALVY
 				(Reacting) 
		You were-you were sensational.  I mean, 
		I-you know, I-I told yuh that if yuh stuck 
		to it, you would be great, and-and, you 
		know, I-I-you-you were sensational.

				ANNIE 
			(Looking at Alvy, smiling) 
		Yeah, well, we have the, I mean, they were 
		just a terrific audience, I mean, you know, 
		it makes it really easy for me, because I 
		can be ... huh?

Tony, a famous record personality, pushes through the crowd, moving toward 
Alvy and Annie.  An entourage follows him as he makes his way to their table. 

TONY 
		Excuse me.

He shakes hands with Annie, smiling.

				ANNIE 
 			Oh.

				TONY 
		Hi, I'm-I'm Tony Lacey.

				ANNIE
 			Well, hi!

				TONY
		Uh, we just wanted to stop by and say 
		that we really enjoyed your sets.

				ANNIE
			(Laughing) 
		Oh, yeah, really, oh!

				TONY
		I though it was ... very musical, and I 
		liked it a lot.

				ANNIE
 			Oh, neat ... oh, that's very nice, 
		gosh, thanks a lot.

				TONY 
		Are you ... are you recording?  Or do- 
		Are you with any label now?

				ANNIE
 				(Laughing) 
		No, no, no, not at all.

				TONY  
 			Uh, well, I'd like to talk to you about 
		that sometime, if you get a chance.

Seated Alvy looks the other way, reacting.

				ANNIE 
		Oh.  What about?

				TONY   
		... of possibly working together.

				ANNIE 
			(Looking for the first time at Alvy) 
		Well, hey, that's, that's nice.  Uh. 
		Oh, listen, this is, uh, Alvy Singer.  
		Do you know Alvy?  Uh ... and ... uh ... 
		Tony Lacey.

				TONY
 			No, I don't-I don't know, but I-I know 
		your work.  I'm a big fan of yours.

Tony reaches over and shakes hands with Alvy.  The nightclub crowd surrounds 
them all with their low chatter and cigarette smoke.

				ALVY 
		Thank you very much.  It's a pleasure.

				TONY
 				(Turning to introduce his entourage) 
		This is, uh, Shawn, and, uh ... Bob and 
		Petronia.

				ANNIE
 			Hi.

				ENTOURAGE 
		Hi.

				ANNIE
 				(Laughing) 
		Hi, hi, Bob ...

				TONY 
		Uh ... w-we're going back to the Pierre.  
		We're staying at the Pierre ... and we're 
		gonna meet Jack and Angelica, and have a 
		drink there, and ... if you'd like to come, 
		uh, we'd love to have you.

				ANNIE 
		Yeah.

				TONY
 			And we could just sit and talk ... nothing.  
		Uh, not a big deal, it's just relax, just 
		be very mellow.

Annie and Tony and his entourage turn to look at Alvy.

				ALVY 
			(Fingers to his mouth, reacting) 
		Remember, we had that thing.

				ANNIE
 			What thing?

				ALVY
 				(Staring at Annie and clearing 
			his throat) 
		Don't you remember we-we-we discussed 
		that thing that we were-

				ANNIE 
			(Overlapping) 
		Thing?

				ALVY 
			(Overlapping) 
		-yes, we had, uh ...

				ANNIE 
			(Looking at Alvy, reacting) 
		Oh, the thing!  Oh, the thing ... 
			(Laughing) 
		... yeah ... yeah.

Annie turns, looks at Tony as he smiles and gestures with his hands.

				TONY 
		Oh, well, I-if it's inconvenient, eh, 
		we can't do it now ... that's fine, 
		too.  W-w-w-we'll do it another time.

				ANNIE
 			Hey-

				TONY 
		Maybe if you're on the Coast, we'll get 
		together and ... and we'll meet there.

He shakes hands with Annie.

				ANNIE 
			(Reacting) 
		Oh.

				TONY
 			It was a wonderful set.

				ANNIE 
		Oh, gosh.

				TONY 
			(Smiling) 
		I really enjoyed it. 
			(Looking at Alvy) 
		Nice to have metcha.  Good night.

				ENTOURAGE 
		Bye-bye.

				ANNIE 
		Nice to see you ... bye.  Yeah.  Bye. 

She turns and looks at Alvy.

				ALVY 
			(Reacting) 
		What's ... you ... well, what's the 
		matter, You w-wanna go to that party?

				ANNIE 
			(Looking down at her hands, 
			then up at Alvy) 
		I don't know, I thought it might be kind 
		of fun, you know what I mean, it'd be 
		nice to meet some new people.

				ALVY
 				(Sighing) 
		I'm just not ... you know, I don't think 
		I could take a mellow eve- 'cause I-I 
		don't respond well to mellow, you know 
		what I mean, I-I have a tendency to ... 
		if I get too mellow, I-I ripen and then 
		rot.  You know, and it's-it's not good 
		for my ... 
			(Making sounds)

				ANNIE 
		All right, all right, you don't wanna go 
		to the party, so uh, whatta you wanna do?

INT. MOVIE THEATER.

The screen is projecting the beginning of "The Sorrow and the Pity": a street 
filled with fleeing cars, belongings tied on top and piled in the back seats. 
Subtitles pop on:

"The Jewish warmongers and
Parisian plutocrats tried
to flee with their gold and jewels"

as a narrator explains in German.

								CUT TO.

Split screen: Annie and her psychiatrist on the left; Alvy and his on the 
right. Annie, talking, sits in a white molded chair, as does her doctor.  
The office is very modern: stark, white and chrome. Alvy, talking to his 
psychiatrist, lies on a deep leather sofa, the doctor seated away from him.  
This office looks more like a well-worn den: bookcases overflowing, dark wood.
The dialogue is separated in each screen, though no one talks simultaneously.

				ANNIE
 				(To her doctor) 
		That day in Brooklyn was the last day 
		I remember really having a great time.

				ALVY 
			(To his doctor) 
		Well, we never have any laughs anymore, 
		is the problem.

				ANNIE 
		Well, I've been moody and dissatisfied.

				ALVY'S PSYCHIATRIST
 			How often do you sleep together?

				ANNIE'S PSYCHIATRIST 
		Do you have sex often?

				ALVY 
		Hardly ever.  Maybe three times a week.

				ANNIE 
		Constantly!  I'd say three times a week.  
		Like the other night, Alvy wanted to have 
		sex.

				ALVY 
		She would not sleep with me the other 
		night, you know, it's-

				ANNIE 
		And ... I don't know ... I mean, six months 
		ago I-I woulda done it.  I woulda done it, 
		just to please him.

				ALVY 
		I mean ... I tried everything, you know, 
		I-I-I put on soft music and my-my red light 
		bulb, and ...

				ANNIE
 			But the thing is-I mean, since our 
		discussions here, I feel I have a right 
		to my own feelings.  I think you woulda 
		been happy because ... uh, uh, I really 
		asserted myself.

				ALVY 
		The incredible thing about it is, I'm 
		paying for her analysis and she's making 
		progress and I'm getting screwed.

				ANNIE 
		I don't know, though, I feel so guilty 
		because Alvy is paying for it, so, you 
		know, so I do feel guilty if I don't go 
		to bed with him.  But if I do go to bed 
		with him, it's like I'm going against my 
		own feelings.  I don't know I-I can't win.

				ALVY 
			(Simultaneously, with Annie) 
		You know ... it's getting expensive
		...my analyst ... for her analyst.  She-
		she's making progress and I'm not making 
		any progress.  Her progress is defeating 
		my progress.

				ANNIE
			(Simultaneously, with Alvy) 
		Sometimes I think-sometimes I think I 
		should just live with a woman.

								CUT TO:

INT. APARTMENT

Alvy and Annie sit close together on the sofa in some friends' apartment. 
Their friends, another couple, stand behind the sofa in the background. 
Excited, they talk almost all at once.

				WOMAN FRIEND 
		Wow, I don't believe it ... you mean to 
		tell me you guys have never snorted coke?

				ANNIE 
		Well, I always wanted to try, you know, 
		but, uh, Alvy, uh ... he's very down on it.

				ALVY 
		Hey, don't put it on me.  You kn- Wh-what 
		is it, I don't wanna put a wad of white 
		powder in my nose 'cause the-the nasal 
		membranes ...

They all start talking at once.

				ANNIE 
		You never wanna try anything new, Alvy.

				ALVY 
			(Counting on his fingers) 
		How can you say that?  I mean, 
			(Making sounds) 
		who said I-I-I-I said that you, I and that 
		girl from your acting class should sleep 
		together in a threesome.

				ANNIE 
			(Reacting) 
		That's sick!

				ALVY 
		Yeah, I know it's sick, but it's new.  
		You know, you didn't say it couldn't be 
		sick.

Annie laughs, chatters.

				WOMAN FRIEND 
		Just come on, Alvy. 
			(All four are now sitting on the 
			sofa. The male friend starts to 
			prepare lines of cocaine; Alvy 
			and Annie look at each other, 
			reacting) 
		Do your body a favor.  Try it, come on.

				ALVY 
		Oh, yeah?

				ANNIE
 			Yeah.  Come on.  It'd be fun.

				ALVY 
			(Moving forward on the couch) 
		Oh, I'm sure it's a lot of fun, 'cause 
		the Incas did it, you know, and-and 
		they-they-they were a million laughs.

				ANNIE 
			(Laughing) 
		Alvy, come on, for your own experience.  
		I mean, you wanna write, why not?

				MALE FRIEND 
		It's great stuff, Alvy.  Friend of mine 
		just brought it in from California.

				ANNIE 
		Oh, do you know something-I didn't tell 
		yuh, we're going to California next week.

				GIRL 
		Oh, really?

				ANNIE 
		Yeah ...

				ALVY  
 			... I'm thrilled.  As you know, uh ... 
		uh, on my agent's advice I sold out, 
		and I'm gonna do an appearance on TV.

				ANNIE 
			(Interrupting) 
		No, no, no that's not it at all.  Alvy's 
		giving an award on television.  Gee, he 
		talks like he's violating a moral issue 
		sitting here.

				GIRL 
		You're kidding?

				ALVY 
		It's so phony, and we have to leave New 
		York during Christmas week, which really 
		kills me.

				MAN 
			(Interrupting) 
		Alvy, listen, while you're in California, 
		could you possibly score some coke for me?

Annie laughs.

				ALVY 
			(Over Annie's laughter) 
		Sure, sure, I'll be glad to. I-I'll just 
		put it in a-a-a h-h-hollow heel that I 
		have in my boot, you know. 
			(Alvy picks up the small open 
			gold case of cocaine base the man 
			placed on the coffee table and
			looks at it, reacting) 
		H-h-how much is this stuff?

				MAN 
		It's about two thousand dollars an ounce.

				ANNIE 
		God.

				ALVY
 			Really?  And what is the kick of it?  
		Because I never ...

He puts his finger into the drug, smells it and then sneezes.  The powder 
blows all over the room as the man, woman and Annie react silently.

								CUT TO:


CALIFORNIA. BEVERLY HILLS STREET-DAY

It's a warm, beautiful day.  Rob, Annie and Alvy in Rob's convertible are 
moving past the spacious houses, the palm trees.  The sunlight reflects off 
the car.  Annie, excited, is taking the whole place in.  Background voices 
sing Christmas carols.

				VOICES
			(Singing) 
		We wish you a Merry Christmas,
		We wish you a Merry Christmas, 
		We wish you a Merry Christmas, 
		And a -Happy New Year.

				ROB 
			(Over the singing) 
		I've never been so relaxed as I have 
		been since I moved out here, Max.  I 
		want you to see my house.  I live 
		right next to Hugh Hefner's house, Max.  
		He lets me use the Jacuzzi.  And the 
		women, Max, they're like the women in 
		Playboy magazine, only they can move 
		their arms and legs.

				ANNIE
 				(Laughing) 
		You know, I can't get over that this is 
		really Beverly Hills.

				VOICES 
			(Singing) 
		We wish you a Merry Christmas,
		And a Happy New Year.

				ALVY 
		Yeah, the architecture is really consistent, 
		isn't it?  French next to-

				VOICES 
			(Singing over the dialogue)
		Oh, Christmas ... tree,
		Oh, Christmas tree,
		How bright and green
		Our ...

				ALVY
		-Spanish, next to Tudor, next to Japanese.

				ANNIE 
		God, it's so clean out here.

				ALVY 
		It's that they don't throw their garbage 
		away.  They make it into television shows.

				ROB 
		Aw, come on, Max, give us a break, will 
		yuh?  It's Christmas. 

Annie starts snapping pictures of the view.

				ALVY 
		Can you believe this is Christmas here?

				VOICES 
			(Singing) 
		Oh Christmas tree,
		Oh Christmas tree ...

They pass a large house with spacious lawn.  Sitting on the lawn is a Santa 
Claus complete with sleigh and reindeer.  Voices continue to sing Christmas 
carols; Annie continues to take pictures.

				ANNIE
		You know, it was snowing-it was snowing 
		and really gray in New York yesterday.

				ROB 
		No kidding?

				ALVY 
		Right-well, Santa Claus will have 
		sunstroke.

				ROB 
		Max, there's no crime, there's no mugging.

				ALVY 
		There's no economic crime, you know, 
		but there's-there's ritual, religious-
		cult murders, you know, there's wheat-
		germ killers out here.

				ROB 
		While you're out here, Max, I want you 
		to see some of my TV show.  And we're 
		invited to a big Christmas party.

They continue driving, now in a less residential area, passing a hot-dog stand.
"Tail-Pup" concession; people mill about eating hot dogs.

				VOICES 
			(Singing, louder now)
		Remember Christ our Savior
		Was born on Christmas day
		To save us all ... from Satan's power
		As we were gone astray.

They pass a theater, the marquee announcing "House of Exorcism Messiah of Evil.
Rated R.  Starts at 7:15."

INT. TV CONTROL ROOM.

Several monitors line the wall in front of an elaborate console.  Rob and Alvy,
along with Charlie, the technician, stand in the small room watching the 
screens showing Rob as a television star on a situation comedy.  They chatter, 
analyzing the footage, over the sounds of the taped television comedy.

				ALVY 
			(Overlapping the chatter) 
		Oh.

				ROB 
		Look, now, Charlie, give me a big 
		laugh here.

				ROB ON TV SCREEN 
		A limousine to the track breakdown?

				ROB
 				(Watching) 
		A little bigger.

TV monitors go black as the technician turns of the monitors to fix the laugh 
track.

				ALVY 
		Do you realize how immoral this all is?

				ROB
 			Max, I've got a hit series.

				ALVY 
		Yeah, I know; but you're adding fake 
		laughs.

Technicians turn the monitors back on, showing Rob on the screen with another 
character, Arnie.

				ARNIE 
		Oh, I'm sorry.

				ROB ON TV SCREEN 
		Arnie.

				ARNIE 
		Yeah.

				ROB 
			(Turning to the technician) 
		Give me a tremendous laugh here, Charlie.

				ALVY 
		Look, uh ...

Loud laughter from the TV monitors.

				ROB 
			(To Alvy) 
		We do the show live in front of an 
		audience.

				ALVY 
		Great, but nobody laughs at it 'cause 
		your jokes aren't funny.

				ROB 
		Yeah, well, that's why this machine 
		is dynamite.

				ROB ON TV SCREEN 
		You better lie down.  You've been in 
		the sun too long.

				ROB 
			(To the technician) 
		Yeah ... uh, now give me a like a 
		medium-size chuckle here ... and 
		then a big hand.

The sounds of laughter and applause are heard from the TV.

				ALVY
			(Removing his glasses and 
			rubbing his face) 
		Is there booing on there?

The monitors show a woman on the screen.

				WOMAN 
		We were just gonna fix you up with my 
		cousin Dolores.

				ALVY 
			(Overlapping the TV) 
		Oh, Max, I don't feel well.

				ROB 
		What's the matter?

				ALVY 
		I don't know, I just got-I got very dizzy... 
			(Coughing) 
		I feel dizzy, Max.

				ROB 
		Well, sit down.

				ALVY 
			(Sitting down) 
		Oh, Jesus.

				ROB 
		You all right?

				ALVY 
		I don't know, I mean, I-

				ROB 
			(Crouching before Alvy, looking 
			at him) 
		You wanna lie down?

				ALVY 
		No, no-my, you know, my stomach felt 
		queasy all morning.  I just started 
		getting ...

				ROB 
		How about a ginger ale?

				ALVY 
		Oh, Max ... no, I maybe I better lie 
		down.

INT. HOTEL ROOM.

Alvy lies in bed, one elbow propped up, a doctor sitting next to him looking 
concerned.  The doctor bolds out a plate of chicken; Alvy listlessly stares at 
it. Annie, in the background, is on the phone.

				ANNIE 
			(Talking into the phone) 
		Yes.

				DOCTOR 
			(Holding out the food) 
		Why don't you just try to get a little 
		of this down?  This is just plain chicken.

				ALVY
			(Taking a piece of chicken and 
			holding it) 
		Oh, oh, no, I can't-I can't eat this.  
		I'm nauseous. 
			(He gasps and makes sounds) 
		If you could-if you could just give me 
		something to get me through the next two 
		hours, you know I-I have to go out to 
		Burbank ... and give out an award on a 
		TV show.

				ANNIE 
			(On the phone, overlapping the 
			doctor and Alvy) 
		Well ... H-h huh ... Oh, good ... Yes, 
		I'll tell him.

				DOCTOR 
		Well, there's nothing wrong with you 
		actually, so far as I can tell.  I mean, 
		you have no fever, no ... no symptoms 
		of anything serious.  You haven't been 
		eating pork or shellfish.

Annie bangs up and moves over to Alvy.

				ANNIE 
			(Sitting on the edge of the bed) 
		Excuse me.  I'm sorry, I'm sorry, Doctor.  
		Uh, Alvy-Alvy, that was the show.  They 
		said everything is fine.  They found a 
		replacement, so they're going to tape 
		without you.

				ALVY
			(Making sounds) 
		I'm nauseous.
			(He sighs and gasps)
		Oh, jesus, now I don't get to do the 
		TV show?

Reacting, Alvy puts up his band in disgust, then starts eating the piece of 
chicken he has been holding.  The doctor and Annie watch him, reacting.

				ANNIE
 			Yeah.  Listen, Doctor, I'm worried.

				DOCTOR 
		Now, Mrs. Singer, I can't find anything --

				ALVY 
		Christ!

				ANNIE 
		Nothing at all?

				DOCTOR 
		No, I think I can get a lab man up here.

				ALVY  
			(Grabbing the rest of the chicken 
			from the plate) 
		Oh, jesus. Can I have the salt, please?

				ANNIE 
		What do you mean?  Do you think he's-

				DOCTOR 
			(Handing the salt to Alvy) 
		Yes, excuse me. 
			(To Annie) 
		Perhaps it would be even better if we 
		took him to the hospital for a day or two.

Alvy begins to eat.

				ANNIE 
		Uh-huh ... Oh, hospital?

				DOCTOR 
		Well, otherwise, there's no real way to 
		tell what's going on. 

				ALVY 
			(Making sounds, gasping) 
		This is not bad, actually.

EXT. BEVERLY HILLS STREET RESIDENTIAL AREA - DAY

Rob, Annie and Alvy in Rob's car pull into a long circular driveway as an 
attendant walks over to the car.  A sprawling house is seen to the right; a 
couple moves toward the front door, and the driveway is crowded with other 
parked cars.  Loud music is heard.

				ALVY 
			(Getting out of the car) 
		Hey, don't tell me we're gonna hafta 
		walk from the car to the house.  Geez, 
		my feet haven't touched pavement since 
		I reached Los Angeles.

INT. HOUSE

A Hollywood Christmas party is in session, complete with music, milling people,
circulating waiters bolding out trays of drinks.  It's all very casual. French 
doors run the entire width of one wall; they are opened to the back lawn, 
guests move from the room to outside and back in.  It is crowded; bits of 
conversation and clinking glasses can be heard.  Two men, California-tanned, 
stand by the French doors talking.

				1ST MAN 
		Well, you take a meeting with him, I'll 
		take a meeting with you if you'll take 
		a meeting with Freddy.

				2ND MAN 
		I took a meeting with Freddy.  Freddy 
		took a meeting with Charlie.  You take 
		a meeting with him.

				1ST MAN 
		All the good meetings are taken.

								CUT TO:

FULL GROUP SHOT

A man stands talking, people in groups behind him.  Two born like gadgets are 
attached to his shoulders; he's wearing a bizarre space costume.

				3RD MAN 
		Right now it's only a notion, but I 
		think I can get money to make it into 
		a concept ... and later turn it into 
		an idea.

								CUT TO:

Alvy and Rob stand near the French doors leading to the back lawn, eating and 
drinking and watching the people walking in and out of the house.

				ROB 
		You like this house, Max?

				ALVY 
		M'hm.

				ROB 
		I even brought a road map to get us to 
		the bathroom.

				ALVY 
		Whee, you shoulda told me it was Tony 
		Lacey's party.

				ROB 
		What difference does that make?

Alvy looks into the room, where Annie and Tony Lacey are having an animated 
conversation.

ALVY 
		I think he has a little thing for Annie.

				ROB 
		Oh, no, no, that's bullshit, Max.  He 
		goes with that girl over there.

				ALVY 
		Where?

Rob nods his head toward a tall woman dressed all in white conversing with a 
group of people close-by.

				ROB 
		The one with the V.P.L.

				ALVY 
		V.P.L.?

				ROB 
		Visible panty line.  Max, she is gorgeous.

				ALVY 
		Yeah, she's a ten, Max, and that's great 
		for you because you're -you're used to 
		twos, aren't you?

				ROB 
		There are no twos, Max.

				ALVY 
		Yeah, you're used to the kind with the-
		with the shopping bags walking through 
		Central Park with the surgical masks 
		on muttering.

				ROB 
		M'hm.

				ALVY 
		And ... uh-

				ROB 
			(Interrupting) 
		How do you like this couple, Max?

A couple moves over toward Rob and Alvy.  The man's arm is around the woman; 
they stand very close.  In the background, Annie and Tony are still talking.

				ROB 
		And I think they just came back from 
		Masters and Johnson.

				ALVY 
		Yeah, intensive care ward. 
			(Watching the woman in white) 
		My God-hey, Max, I think she's ... I 
		think she's giving me the eye. 

As Rob and Alvy observe the guests, the woman in white starts walking toward 
them.

				ROB 
		If she comes over here, Max, my brain 
		is going to turn into guacamole.

				ALVY
 			I'll handle it.  I'll handle it.  Hi.

				GIRL IN WHITE  
		You're Alvy Singer, right?  Didn't 
		we meet at EST?

				ALVY 
			(Reacting) 
		EST?  No, no, I was never to est.

				GIRL IN WHITE 
		Then how can you criticize it?

				ALVY 
		Oh.

				ROB 
		Oh, he-he didn't say anything.

				ALVY 
			(Laughing) 
		No, no, I came out here to get some 
		shock therapy, but there was an energy 
		crisis, so I ... He's my-my food taster.  
		Have you two met?

				ROB
			(Shaking his head) 
		Hi.  How do you do.

				GIRL IN WHITE 
		Do you taste to see if the food's poisoned?

				ALVY
 			Yeah, he's crazy.

The girl in white laughs.

				ALVY 
 				(Looking at Rob and the girl) 
		Hey, you guys are wearin' white. It must 
		be in the stars.

				ROB 
		Yeah.  Right.

				ALVY 
		Uri Geller must be on the premises 
		someplace.

				ROB 
		We're gonna operate together.

Rob and the girl walk of together as the camera moves in on Tony and Annie 
standing by the buffet table.

				TONY 
		We just need about six weeks, in about 
		six weeks we could cut a whole album.

				ANNIE
		I don't know, this is strange to me, 
		you know.

				TONY
		just ... that's all you need.  You can 
		come and stay here.

				ANNIE
		Oh.

				TONY 
		There's a whole wing in this house.

				ANNIE 
			(Laughing) 
		Oh yeah, stay here?  U-huh.

				TONY 
		You can have it to use.  Why-why are 
		you smiling?

				ANNIE 
			(Laughing) 
		I don't know.  I don't know.

She picks up an hors doeuvre.

								CUT TO:

The two men still talking about meetings surrounded by other groups of people 
milling about.

				1ST MAN 
		Not only is he a great agent, but he 
		really gives good meetings.

				2ND MAN   
		M'mm.

Tony, band in band with the girl in white, is leaving the party room with Alvy 
and Annie to show them the rest of the house.

				TONY 
		This is a great house, really.  Everything.  
		Saunas, Jacuzzis, three tennis courts.  
		You know who the original owners were?  
		Nelson Eddy, then Legs Diamond.  Then 
		you know who lived here?

				ALVY 
		Trigger.

Annie and the girl in white laugh.

				TONY 
		Charlie Chaplin.

				ALVY 
		Hey.

				TONY 
		Right before his un-American thing.

They stop in a den-like screening room.  A man is slouched back on one of the 
comfortable sofas that fill the room.  It is much quieter in here; a contrast 
to the noise and crowd downstairs.

				ALVY 
		Yeah, this place is great.

				ANNIE 
		Yeah.

				TONY 
		Uh, you guys are still-uh, you're still 
		New Yorkers.

				ALVY  
		Yeah, I love it there.

				ANNIE 
			(Laughing) 
		Yeah.

				TONY 
		Well, I used to live there.  I used to 
		live there for years.  You know, but 
		it's gotten-it's so dirty now.

				ANNIE 
		Yeah.

				ALVY 
		I'm into garbage.  It's my thing.

				ANNIE 
		Boy, this is really a nice screening 
		room.  It's really a nice room.

				TONY 
		Oh, and there's another thing about New 
		York.  See ... you-you wanna see a movie, 
		you have to stand in a long line.

				ANNIE 
		Yeah.

				TONY
 			It could be freezing, it could be raining.

				ANNIE 
		Yeah.

				TONY
		And here, you just-

				GIRL IN WHITE 
		We saw "Grand Illusion" here last night.

				ALVY AND ANNIE 
			(In unison) 
		Oh, yeah?

				MAN ON THE SOFA 
			(Looking over his shoulder at 
			the group) 
		That's a great film if you're high. 
			(The group laughs, looking down 
			at the man on the sofa. He looks 
			up at them, smiling, a joint in 
			his hand, and offers them a cigarette) 
		Hey, you.

				TONY 
			(Shaking his head no) 
		Come and see our bedroom.  We did a 
		fantastic lighting job.  Okay?

				ANNIE
 			Oh, good.  Okay.

				ALVY 
		I'm cool.

Tony and the girl in white leave the room, Annie and Alvy following.

				ANNIE 
			(Taking Alvy's arm) 
		It's wonderful. I mean, you know they 
		just watch movies all day.

				ALVY 
		Yeah, and gradually you get old and die.  
		You know it's important to make a little 
		effort once in a while.

				ANNIE 
		Don't you think his girl friend's 
		beautiful?

				ALVY 
		Yeah, she's got a great-lookin' fa- A 
		pat on the androgynous side.  But it's...

They pass a man talking on the phone in the hallway.

				MAN ON THE PHONE 
		Yeah, yeah.  I forgot my mantra.

As they come down stairs the party is still in big gear.  People are looser 
now; conversations are more animated, some talk quietly in more intimate 
corners, some couples are dancing.  Alvy stands alone sipping a drink near the 
huge Christmas tree.  A tall woman, passing by, shakes his hand, then leaves. 
He continues to sip his drink, alone, watching Tony and Annie in the center of 
the room dancing.

The screen shows a plane in flight, Los Angeles far below, then:

								CUT TO:

AIRPLANE.  INT. AIRPLANE

Annie and Alvy sit, the stewardess behind them serving other passengers. Annie
stares out the window bolding a coffee cup; Alvy reads.  Both are preoccupied, 
thinking their own thoughts.

				ANNIE'S VOICE-OVER 
			(To herself) 
		That was fun.  I don't think California 
		is bad at all.  It's a drag coming home.

				ALVY'S VOICE-OVER 
			(To himself) 
		Lotta beautiful women.  It was fun 
		to flirt.

				ANNIE'S VOICE-OVER 
			(As she sips coffee) 
		I have to face facts. I-I adore Alvy, 
		but our relationship doesn't seem to 
		work anymore.

				ALVY'S VOICE-OVER 
			(An open magazine lies in 
			his lap) 
		I'll have the usual trouble with Annie 
		in bed tonight.  Whatta I need this?

				ANNIE'S VOICE-OVER 
		If only I had the nerve to break up, 
		but it would really hurt him.

				ALVY'S VOICE-OVER 
		If only I didn't feel guilty asking 
		Annie to move out.  It'd probably 
		wreck her.  But I should be honest.

He looks over at Annie.

				ANNIE 
			(Looking back at Alvy) 
		Alvy, uh, let's face it.  You know 
		something, don't think our relationship 
		is working.

				ALVY 
		Tsch, I know.  A relationship, I think, 
		is-is like a shark, you know?  It has 
		to constantly move forward or it dies. 
			(He sighs) 
		And I think what we got on our hands 
			(Clearing his throat) 
		is a dead shark.

INT. ALVY'S LIVING ROOM-DAY

A lighted Christmas tree stands in the middle of boxes, books, and the general 
disarray of packing and figuring out what belongs to whom as Alvy helps Annie 
move out.

				ALVY 
			(Holding up a book) 
		Whose "Catcher in the Rye" is this?

				ANNIE 
			(Walking into the room with an 
			armload of books) 
		Well, let's see now ... If it has my 
		name on it, then I guess it's mine.

				ALVY 
			(Reacting) 
		Oh, it sure has ... You know, you wrote 
		your name in all my books, 'cause you 
		knew this day was gonna come.

				ANNIE 
			(Putting down the books and 
			flipping back her hair) 
		Well, uh, Alvy, you wanted to break up 
		just as much as I do.

				ALVY 
			(Riffling through the books) 
		There's no-no question in my mind.  I 
		think we're doing the mature thing, 
		without any doubt.

				ANNIE 
			(Holding a framed picture and 
			moving about) 
		Now, look, all the books on death and 
		dying are yours and all the poetry books 
		are mine.

				ALVY 
			(Looking down at a book) 
		This "Denial of Death".  You remember this?

				ANNIE 
		Oh-

				ALVY 
		This is the first book that I got you.

Annie goes over to Alvy.  They both look down at the book; the fireplace, 
burning nicely, is behind them.

				ANNIE 
		-God.

				ALVY 
		Remember that day?

				ANNIE 
		Right.  Geez, I feel like there's a 
		great weight off my back.  M'mmm.

				ALVY 
		Thanks, honey.

				ANNIE 
			(Patting Alvy's shoulder) 
		Oh, no, no, no, no, no.  I mean, you 
		know, no, no, no, I mean, I think it's 
		really important for us to explore new 
		relationships and stuff like that.

She walks away.

				ALVY 
		There's no-there's no question about 
		that, 'cause we've given this ... uh, 
		uh, I think a more than fair shot, 
		you know?

He tosses the book into the carton.

				ANNIE 
			(Off screen) 
		Yeah, my analyst thinks this move is 
		keen for me.

				ALVY 
			(Off screen)  
		Yeah, and I-I tru-  you know, I trust 
		her, because my-my analyst recommended 
		her.

				ANNIE 
			(Walking in with another 
			armload of books) 
		Well, why should I put you through all 
		my moods and hang-ups anyway?

				ALVY 
		Right.  And you-and you know what the 
		beauty part is?

				ANNIE 
		What?

				ALVY 
			(Holding a small box of buttons) 
		We can always come back together again.  
		Because there's no-there's no problem.  
		'Cause ... Right.

				ANNIE 
			(Overlapping) 
		Exactly, but ... exactly.  Ooooh!

				ALVY 
		You know, I-I-I don't think many couples 
		could handle this.  You know, they could 
		just break up and remain friends.

				ANNIE 
			(Taking a button from a box) 
		Hey, this one's mine, this button.
		This one, you rem-

				ALVY 
			(Interrupting) 
		Yeah.

				ANNIE 
		I guess these are all yours.  Impeach, uh, 
		Eisenhower ... Impeach Nixon ... Impeach 
		Lyndon Johnson ... Impeach Ronald Reagan.

EXT. NEW YORK CITY STREET-DAY

People milling about on the sidewalk as Alvy walks out of a store and moves 
toward the foreground.

				ALVY 
			(Into the camera, to the audience) 
		I miss Annie.  I made a terrible 
		mistake.

A couple, walking down the street, stops as the man talks to Alvy.

				MAN ON THE STREET 
		She's living in Los Angeles with 
		Tony Lacey.

				ALVY 
		Oh, yeah?  Well, if she is, then the 
		hell with her!  If she likes that 
		lifestyle, let her live there!  He's 
		a jerk, for one thing.

				MAN ON THE STREET 
		He graduated Harvard.

				ALVY
 			Yeah. He may- Listen, Harvard makes 
		mistakes too, you know.  Kissinger 
		taught there.  

The couple strolls away as an older woman walks up to Alvy while others walk by.

				OLD WOMAN 
		Don't tell me you're jealous?

				ALVY 
		Yeah, jealous. A little bit like Medea. 
		Lemme, lemme-can I show you something, 
		lady? 
			(He takes a small item from his 
			pocket to show the woman) 
		What I have here ... I found this in the 
		apartment.  Black soap.  She used to wash 
		her face eight hundred times a day with 
		black soap. Don't ask me why.

				OLD WOMAN 
		Well, why don't you go out with other 
		women?

				ALVY 
		Well, I-I tried, but it's, uh, you know, 
		it's very depressing.

RECENT FLASHBACK - INT. ALVY'S COUNTRY KITCHEN

Alvy's arms and legs fill the screen as he slowly gets up from the floor 
bolding up a live lobster.  He puts it on a grill tray.

				ALVY 
			(Pointing to the lobster) 
		This always happens to me.  Quick, g-go 
		get a broom. 

His date, a girl wearing short shorts, leans against the sink and lights a 
cigarette.  She makes no move to help.

				GIRL DATE 
			(Smoking) 
		What are you making such a big deal about? 
			(As she talks, the lobster drops 
			from the tray to the floor.  Alvy 
			jumps away, then gingerly scrapes 
			the tray toward the lobster) 
		They're only lobsters.  Look, you're a 
		grown man, you know how to pick up a 
		lobster.

				ALVY 
			(Looking up in stooped-over 
			position) 
		I'm not myself since I stopped smoking.

				GIRL DATE 
			(Still leaning against the sink, 
			her hand on her hip) 
		Oh, when'd you quit smoking? 

He gets up of the floor with the lobster on the tray.

				ALVY 
		Sixteen years ago.

				GIRL DATE 
			(Puzzled) 
		Whatta you mean?  

				ALVY 
			(Mocking) 
		Mean?

				GIRL DATE 
		You stopped smoking sixteen years ago, 
		is that what you said?  Oh, I-I don't 
		understand.  Are you joking, or what?

								CUT TO:

A solitary Alvy walking along the FDR Drive where he had walked with Annie. - 
The New York skyline is still in the background, the sea gulls go by, the fog 
horn blows.  He walks slowly, moving off screen.

INT. ALVY'S BEDROOM - DAY

Alvy sits on his bed talking on the phone.

				ALVY 
		Listen, honey, Central Park's turning 
		green ... Yeah, I sa-I saw that lunatic 
		that we-where we used to see ... with 
		the, uh, uh, pinwheel hat and, you know, 
		and the roller skates? . . . Listen, 
		I-I want you to come back here ... Well, 
		I-I-then I'm gonna come out there and 
		getcha.

								CUT TO:

An airborne plane.

								CUT TO:

EXT. LOS ANGELES AIRPORT.

People milling about as Alvy, in the outside phone-booth center, talks.

				ALVY 
		Whatta you mean, where am I? Where do-
		where do you think I am?  I'm-I'm out 
		... I'm at the Los Angeles Airport.  
		I flew in ... 
			(Sniffling) 
		Tsch, I-well, I flew in to see you ... 
			(Muttering) 
		Hey, listen, can we not debate this 
		on-on the telephone because I'm, you 
		know, I-I feel that I got a temperature 
		and I'm-I'm getting my-my chronic Los 
		Angeles nausea. I-I don't feel so good.

Alvy's conversation is still heard as the screen shows him behind the wheel of 
a car on a busy street; he causes a near-accident by jerking the car too slowly
toward an intersection.

				ALVY'S VOICE-OVER 
		Well, where-wherever you wanna meet, I 
		don't care.  I'll-I'll drive in.  I 
		rented a car I'm driving ... that ... 
		Whatta you mean?  What-why is that such 
		a miracle?  I'm driving myself --

EXT. OUTDOOR CAF - DAY

People sit at umbrellaed tables with checkered tablecloths at a Sunset 
Boulevard outdoor cafe.  Street traffic goes by while they dine.  There's a 
mild California breeze.  The restaurant is somewhat crowded as Alvy makes his 
way around the tables looking about.  He finally sits down at an empty table; 
nearby sits a woman with a younger man.  A waitress brings Alvy a menu and 
waits for his order.

				ALVY
			(To the waitress) 
		I'm gonna...I'm gonna have the alfalfa 
		sprouts and, uh, a plate of mashed yeast.

Annie, wearing a flowered dress and wide hat, moves into view.  Alvy,
noticing her, watches as she walks over to his table.  He rises and they shake 
hands.

				ANNIE 
		Hi.

Alvy wipes at his nose as he stares.  He smiles, the street traffic moving 
behind him. Annie smiles back.

				ALVY 
		You look very pretty.

				ANNIE 
		Oh, no, I just lost a little weight, 
		that's all. 
			(Alvy adjusts his glasses, not 
			exactly knowing where to start; 	
			a bit uneasy) 
		Well, you look nice.

				ALVY 
			(Nodding his head) 
		You see, I-I've been thinking about it 
		and I think that we should get married.

				ANNIE 
			(Adjusting her sunglasses) 
		Oh, Alvy, come on.

				ALVY 
		Why?  You wanna live out here all year?  
		It's like living in Munchkin Land.

				ANNIE 
			(Looking around) 
		Well, whatta you mean?  I mean, it's 
		perfectly fine out here.  I mean, Tony's 
		very nice and, uh, well, I meet people 
		and I go to parties and-and we play tennis.  
		I mean, that's ... that's a very big step 
		for me, you know?  I mean ... 
			(Reacting, Alvy looks down at 
			his hands, then up) 
		I'm able to enjoy people more.

				ALVY 
			(Sadly) 
		So whatta you ... You're not gonna come 
		back to New York?

				ANNIE 
			(Smiling) 
		What's so great about New York?  I mean, 
		it's a dying city.  You read "Death in 
		Venice."

				ALVY 
		Hey, you didn't read "Death in Venice"
		till I bought it for yuh.

				ANNIE 
		That's right, that's right. 
			(Still smiling) 
		You only gave me books with the word 
		"death" in the titles.

				ALVY 
			(Nodding his head and gesturing) 
		That's right, 'cause it's an important 
		issue.

				ANNIE 
		Alvy, you're incapable of enjoying life, 
		you know that?  I mean, your life is New 
		York City.  You're just this person.  
		You're like this island unto yourself.

				ALVY 
			(Toying with his car keys) 
		I can't enjoy anything unless I ... unless 
		everybody is.  I-you know, if one guy is 
		starving someplace, that's ... you know, 
		I-I ... it puts a crimp in my evening. 
			(Looking down at his hands, sadly) 
		So wanna get married or what?

				ANNIE 
			(Seriously) 
		No. We're friends.  I wanna remain friends.

				ALVY 
			(In disbelief) 
		Okay. 
			(Louder, to the waitress) 
		Check, please.  Can I -can I ... 
		Can I ... Can I ...

				ANNIE 
			(Interrupting) 
		You're mad, aren't you?

				ALVY 
			(Shaking his head) 
		No. 
			(Then nodding) 
		Yes, of course I'm mad, because you 
		love me, I know that.

				ANNIE 
		Alvy, I can't say that that's true at 
		this point in my life.  I really just 
		can't say that that's true.  I mean, 
		you know how wonderful you are.  I 
		mean, you know ... you're the reason 
		that I got outta my room and that I 
		was able to sing, and-and-and, you know, 
		get more in touch with my feelings and 
		all that crap.  Anyway, look, I don't 
		wanna- Listen, listen, listen, uh 
			(Laughing) 
		h'h, so whatta you up to anyway, huh?

				ALVY
			(Shrugging his shoulders) 
		The usual, you know. Uh, tryin't'write. 
		I'm workin' on a play. 
			(Sighing) 
		Jesus.  So whatta yuh saying?  That 
		you're not comin' back to New York with
		me?

He nods his head in disbelief.

				ANNIE 
			(Nodding) 
		No! 
			(Pauses) 
		Look, I gotta go.

She starts to rise.

				ALVY 
		You mean that ... 
			(He gets up and starts following 
			her past diners at other tables) 
		I-I-I-I flew three thousand miles to 
		see you.

				ANNIE 
		I'm late.

				ALVY 
		Air miles, you know.  I mean, you 
		know what that does to my stomach?

They move down the steps of the cafe' toward the parking lot.

				ANNIE 
		If you must know, it's a hectic time 
		for Tony.  The Grammys are tonight.

				ALVY 
		The what?

				ANNIE 
		The Grammys.  He's got a lotta records 
		up for awards.

				ALVY 
		You mean they give awards for that 
		kind o' music?

				ANNIE
 			Oh!

				ALVY 
		I thought just earplugs.

Annie gets into her car.  Alvy moves over to his rented convertible.

				ANNIE 
		Just forget it, Alvy, okay?  Let's 
		just forget the conversation.

She closes the door, starts the motor.

				ALVY
			(Yelling after her) 
		Awards! They do nothing but give out 
		awards!  I can't believe it.  Greatest, 
		greatest fascist dictator, Adolf Hitler!  

Annie drives away. Alvy gets behind the wheel, starts the motor. Putting the 
car in gear, he inadvertently moves forward, hitting a bunch of trash cans with
a loud crash. Putting the car in reverse, Alvy notices a beige car that has 
just turned into the parking lot. For a brief moment, the screen shows a 
flashback of the bumper-car ride at the Brooklyn amusement park.  Alvy's father
is on the Platform directing traffic; young Alvy is in a small car bumping 
others right and left.  Alvy, hack in the parking lot, backs up his convertible,
purposefully smashing the side of the beige car as another flashback of bumper-
car ride appears, this time-as, Alvy's father directs traffic-a Marine in a 
small car bits the back end of a soldier's car, and Alvy, back in the parking 
lot, moves his car over to another parked car and bits it full force.

Another flashback appears. people in the small cars really racing around the 
track now, bumping into one another over and over again, Alvy's father 
directing the flow, as the film cuts back to the parking lot, where Alvy 
reverses the convertible and rams it into the front end of yet another car.

He sits behind the wheel as people rush out of various cars and as sirens 
start blaring, coming closer and closer, stopping finally as a motorcycle cop 
gets off beside Alvy's car and walks over to him.

				ALVY 
			(Getting out of the car) 
		Officer, I know what you're gonna say.  
		I'm-I'm not a great driver, you know, 
		I-I have some problems with-with-with-

				OFFICER 
			(Interrupting) 
		May I see your license, please?

				ALVY 
		Sure. 
			(Searching, he finally fishes 
			his license out of his pocket) 
		just don't-don't get angry, you know 
		what I mean?  'Cause I-I have - I have 
		my-my license here.  You know, it's a 
		rented car.  And I've ...

He drops the license and it falls to the ground.

				OFFICER
 			Don't give me your life story 
			(Looking at the piece of paper 
			on the ground)
		-just pick up the license.

				ALVY 
		Pick up the license.  You have to ask 
		nicely 'cause I've had an extremely 
		rough day.  You know, my girl friend-

				OFFICER 
			(Interrupting) 
		Just give me the license, please.

				ALVY 
		Since you put it that way. 
			(He laughs) 
		It's hard for me to refuse. 
			(He leans over, picks up the 
			license, then proceeds to rip 
			it up.  He lets the pieces go; 
			they float to the ground)
		... have a, I have a terrific problem 
		with authority, you know.  I'm... it's 
		not your fault.  Don't take it personal.

								CUT TO:

INT. JAIL-CELLS CORRIDOR.

A guard moves down the ball to the cell where, Alvy stands with other inmates.
He unlocks the door and opens it, letting Alvy out.

				ALVY 
		So long, fellas.  Keep in touch. 

He walks down the corridor off screen.

EXT. A STREET IN FRONT OF THE COURT HOUSE - DAY

Policemen are walking up and down the courthouse steps as Alvy and Rob move 
out the door of the building, down the steps to the street.

				ROB 
		Imagine my surprise when I got your 
		call, Max.

				ALVY 
			(Carrying his jacket over his 
			shoulder) 
		Yeah.  I had the feeling that I got 
		you at a bad moment.  You know, I heard 
		high-pitched squealing.

They walk over to Rob's convertible and get in.

				ROB 
			(Starting the car) 
		Twins, Max.  Sixteen-year-olds.  Can you 
		imagine the mathematical possibilities?

				ALVY 
			(Reacting) 
		You're an actor, Max.  You should be 
		doing Shakespeare in the Park.

				ROB 
		Oh, I did Shakespeare in the Park, Max.  
		I got mugged.  I was playing Richard the 
		Second and two guys with leather jackets 
		stole my leotard.

He puts on an elaborate helmet and goggles.

				ALVY 
			(Looking at Rob's helmet) 
		Max, are we driving through plutonium?

				ROB 
		Keeps out the alpha rays, Max.  You 
		don't get old.

								CUT TO:

INT. REHEARSAL HALL OF A THEATER.

An actor and actress sit on hard wooden chairs in a sparse rehearsal ball.  
They face each other.  The actress resembles Annie; the actor, Alvy.

				ACTOR 
		You're a thinking person.  How can you 
		choose this lifestyle?

				ACTRESS 
		What is so incredibly great about New 
		York?  It's a dying city!  You-you read 
		"Death in Venice".

				ACTOR 
		You didn't read "Death in Venice" till 
		I gave it to you!

				ACTRESS 
		Well, you only give me books with the 
		word "death" in the title.

The camera pulls back, showing Alvy sitting with two men at a table set up 
near the actors.  A mirror, running the whole width of the wall, reflects the 
two actors, a script lying on the table between them.  It is obvious now that 
they are rehearsing a scene that Alvy wrote.

				ACTOR 
			(In mirrored reflection) 
		It's an important issue.

				ACTRESS 
			(In mirrored reflection) 
		Alvy, you are totally incapable of 
		enjoying life.

The camera moves back to actual actor and actress.

				ACTRESS 
		You're like New York.  You're an island.

				ACTOR 
			(Rising with emotion) 
		Okay, if that's all that we've been 
		through together means to you, I guess 
		it's better if we just said goodbye, 
		once and for all!  You know, it's funny, 
		after all the serious talks and passionate 
		moments that it ends here ... in a health
		-food restaurant on Sunset Boulevard.  
		Goodbye, Sunny.

The actor begins to leave as the actress jumps up from her chair.

				ACTRESS 
		Wait!  I'm-I'm gonna ... go with you. 
			(The actor comes back. They embrace) 
		I love you.

The camera cuts to Alvy, who turns and looks straight into the camera.

				ALVY 
			(To the audience, gesturing) 
		Tsch, whatta you want?  It was my first 
		play.  You know, you know how you're 
		always tryin' t' get things to come out 
		perfect in art because, uh, it's real 
		difficult in life.  Interestingly, however, 
		I did run into Annie again.  It was on the 
		Upper West Side of Manhattan.

Annie, singing "Seems Like Old Times, " overlaps Alvy's speech and continues 
over the next scene, where Alvy, standing in front of a Manhattan theater, 
shakes hands with Annie and her escort.  The theater marquee reads "OPHULS 
PRIZE FILM: 'THE SORROW AND THE PITY'."

				ALVY'S VOICE
			(Over the theater scene and, 
			Annie's singing) 
		She had moved back to New York.  She was 
		living in SoHo with some guy. 
			(Laughing) 
		And when I met her she was, of all things, 
		dragging him in to see "The Sorrow and the 
		Pity."  Which I counted as a personal 
		triumph.  Annie and I ... 
			(Alvy's voice continues over the 
			scene shot through a window of 
			Manhattan cafe showing Alvy and 
			Annie sitting at a table, laughing 
			and enjoying themselves) 
		... we had lunch sometime after that, and, 
		uh, just, uh, kicked around old times.

A series of flashbacks following in quick succession while Annie continues to 
sing:

Annie and Alvy going up the FDR Drive, the day they met playing tennis, Annie 
driving, Alvy bolding up partially eaten sandwich.

Annie and Alvy in the Hamptons house kitchen, Annie banding a live lobster to 
Alvy, who drops it in the pot on the stove.

Annie and Alvy walking side by side by the shoreline.

Alvy at the tennis club, packing his bag, as he looks over his shoulder and 
sees Annie, hands on her face, then clapping, as she offers him a ride home 
in her car.

Annie opening the door to Alvy the night he came over to kill the spider; Annie
and, Alvy in the bookstore buying the "Death" titles; Annie and, Alvy in 
their Hamptons house, Annie reading a school catalogue, the night Alvy puts 
in the red light.

The memories continue to flash on the screen: Annie and Alvy at a friend's 
house, Alvy blowing the cocaine all over the sofa; Annie and Alvy playing 
tennis; Annie and Alvy having a picture taken backstage at the college 
performance in Annie's hometown; Alvy bolding Annie close, the night he came 
over to kill the spider.

And continue: Annie carrying her luggage and clothes into Alvy's bedroom, Alvy 
following, the day she first moved into his apartment.  Annie holding up her 
sexy birthday present from Alvy, then leaning over and kissing him; Annie and 
Alvy walking down a city street, holding each other close; sitting on the park
bench, observing the people; and kissing, on the FDR Drive, the New York City 
skyline behind them.
The music stops.

Returning to the present, the camera, focusing through the cafe window, shows 
Annie and Alvy across street.  They look about at the city traffic.  Lunch is 
over; it's time.

Alvy and Annie shake hands and kiss each other friendly like.  Annie crosses 
the street, Alvy watching her go.  Then he turns, and slowly walks down the 
street off screen.  His voice is heard over the scene:

				ALVY'S VOICE-OVER 
		After that it got pretty late.  And we 
		both hadda go, but it was great seeing 
		Annie again, right?  I realized what a 
		terrific person she was and-and how much 
		fun it was just knowing her and I-I 
		thought of that old joke, you know, this-
		this-this guy goes to a psychiatrist and 
		says, "Doc, uh, my brother's crazy.  He 
		thinks he's a chicken." And, uh, the 
		doctor says, "Well, why don't you turn 
		him in?" And the guy says, "I would, but 
		I need the eggs." Well, I guess that's 
		pretty much how how I feet about 
		relationships.  You know, they're totally 
		irrational and crazy and absurd and ... 
		but, uh, I guess we keep goin' through it 
		because, uh, most of us need the eggs.

				THE END

							DISSOLVES INTO:

BLACK BACKGROUND; 

credits popping on and off in white.