EXTRACT



                                   Written by

                                   Mike Judge



                                                         March 2008
                         

                         

                         BEGIN CREDITS:

          EXT. REYNOLD'S EXTRACT BUILDING - DAY

          An idyllic American factory. There's a huge, long lawn in
          front. A Reynolds Extract sign in brick with
          flowers/landscaping around it, sits near the entrance. We
          see from the number of cars in the parking lot that it's a
          company of about 50 - 75 employees.

          INT. REYNOLD'S EXTRACT BUILDING - DAY

          We are in a manufacturing area of an assembly-line
          production. It's a big room full of intricate machines, huge
          vats of different colored extract and other food flavoring
          products, conveyor belts, bottling machines, etc. It has a
          high ceiling with offices on the second floor that have big
          windows overlooking this manufacturing area.
          We PAN up to the main office.

          INSIDE THE OFFICE
          JOEL REYNOLDS, head of the company, mid-thirties, is on the
          phone with his friend DEAN.
          DEAN (v.o.)
          You should come by tonight. Half
          price well drinks while the game's
          going.

                         JOEL
          You always give me free drinks
          though.
          DEAN (v.o.)
          Oh yeah. Well come by anyway.

                         JOEL
          Yeah?... Might as well. No action
          going on at my house, that's for
          sure.
          DEAN (v.o.)
          Really? The wife out of town?

                         JOEL
          No... I just haven't been laid in
          a month.

                         

                         

                         

                         

          2.
          DEAN (v.o.)
          You guys having problems or
          something?

                         JOEL
          No. This is pretty much normal
          these days...
          As CREDITS continue, camera PULLS OUT, back down to the
          manufacturing area, past a big vat of orange extract, down
          through various stages of assembly line production, then
          follows several bottles of orange extract moving past
          HECTOR, a Mexican immigrant employee in his thirties. The
          camera stops on him. Talking to Hector is STEP, a short,
          beady-eyed Charles-Manson-looking guy with a beard and
          mustache. Step is in his forties. He makes everything he
          says sound as macho and important as possible.

                         STEP
          You get this job through Manpower?

                         HECTOR
          Yeah.

                         STEP
          I started here with Manpower too.
          Started out on the line just like
          you.

                         (DEAD-SERIOUS)
           Only I did better... 40 crates a
          day. 
          Beat. Hector is not quite sure what he's talking about.
          STEP continues telling his tale in such a way that the only
          polite reaction would be one of total amazement.

                         STEP (CONT'D)
          I'm the best sorter in here.
          That's why they made me full time
          with benefits. I'll probably be
          floor manager this year.
          A FEW FEET AWAY we see RORY, a stocky indie-rock geek, with
          too many tatoos, hair shaved on the side with a ponytail,
          lots of bad piercings, wearing baggy shorts with lots of
          pockets and some kind of gothy T-shirt -- a look that ought
          to be out of style by now.

                         

                         

                         

                         

          3.
          Rory is putting stickers on boxes with a sticker gun. He
          flips the sticker gun around unnecessarily between each
          application, adding a few unnecessary moves/motions, slapping
          each box when he's done, generally making the activity look
          like more of a skill than it actually is. He approaches Step
          and Hector, pulling out some fliers from his many pockets.

                         RORY
          (hands them each a flier)
          My band's playing this Friday, come
          check us out.
          Hector looks down at the flier. It's xeroxed with fifties
          clip-art, cut out letters and the name of the band, "God's
          Cock". Hector just looks at it confused, not knowing much
          English, not sure what he's supposed to be doing with the
          flier.
          AT THE END OF THE LINE, where boxes are loaded onto pallets,
          sits MARY, 58 years old, wearing a 15-year-old pair of acid-
          wash jeans, and an oversized tweety-bird T-shirt, fanny pack,
          and dayglow yellow triangle-shaped earrings. She's pear-
          shaped with short hair. She's bitter and bossy, always
          shaking her head at everyone. She sits on a stool with a
          clipboard, looks over her glasses at Hector, shaking her
          head. She talks to Gabriella, a Hispanic woman in her
          forties.

                         MARY
          You see that... That new guy.
          He's holding us up. It's not my
          job to tell them to hold the line
          either.

                         GABRIELLA
          And then Joel's gonna come yell at
          us, cuz he's not doing his job.

                         MARY
          (folds her arms, fed up)
          I'm just gonna sit here.

                         GABRIELLA
          You're not gonna shut it off?

                         MARY
          I'm not gonna hold the line. If
          they're not gonna do their job, why
          should I do mine.
          Mary sits there, arms folded, lips pursed, refusing to pause
          the conveyor belt.

                         

                         

                         

                         

          4.

          INT. JOEL'S OFFICE - CONTINUOUS

          Joel is still on the phone with Dean.

                         JOEL
          If I don't get home before about
          8:00, she puts on the sweatpants
          and once the sweatpants are on,
          it's over -- I get nothing.
          (notices something down

                         BELOW)
          Shit. I'm gonna have to call you
          back.
          Joel hangs up and runs downstairs.

          ON THE MANUFACTURING FLOOR:
          Boxes start to accumulate and fall off the end of the line.
          Step sees this, runs to shut off the line, yelling at Mary.

                         STEP
          What are you doing?!

                         MARY
          What are YOU doing?!
          (pointing at Hector)
          What is he doing?
          A YELLING/BICKERING MATCH breaks out between Mary, Step, Rory
          and Gabriella. Joel runs over, shuts off the conveyor belt.

                         JOEL (CONT'D)
          All right. Now, what's the
          problem?
          They all erupt in more BICKERING AND FINGER POINTING.

                         JOEL (CONT'D)
          Okay! Okay, everyone settle down.
          Now Mary. Hector here is new okay?
          It's gonna take him a couple of
          days, maybe his English isn't so
          good. You gotta be patient.

                         STEP
          That's what I was tryin' to say.

                         JOEL
          And Step, if you wanna be Floor
          Manager, this is the kind of thing
          you're going to have to deal with.

                         

                         

                         

                         

          5.

                         STEP

                         (KISS-ASS)
          Exactly.

                         JOEL
          Okay, now Step, Rory, Hector, let's
          get this cleaned up, and get
          rolling again. We can't afford to
          fall behind today.
          Joel walks away. People resume their posts. Mary starts
          right back up with Gabriella.

                         MARY
          You see that? We always get the
          blame.

          INT. JOEL'S OFFICE - A LITTLE LATER

          Joel sits in his swivel chair, looking down at the production
          floor, shaking his head. BRIAN, Joel's second in command,
          walks in. He's a little older than Joel, neatly trimmed
          beard, aviator glasses, and a bit of a gut. He wears a
          Reynold's Extract golf shirt and Khaki pants. He walks over
          to the window, joins Joel, looking down at the employees.

                         JOEL 
          Jesus... They're like a bunch of 
          goddamned children. 

                         BRIAN
          Tell me about it. Sorry I missed
          the drama; I was showing boy-genius
          down there how to back up a
          forklift.
          ANGLE ON Rory, driving the forklift, handing out a flier as 
          he passes someone. 

                         BRIAN (CONT'D)
          That's his whole career, driving
          that damn forklift. You'd think
          he'd wanna learn how.

                         JOEL 
          Well, I guess he's got that band 
          he's in too... 

                         BRIAN
          (disgust at the word

                         "BAND")
          "Band", ugh...

                         (MORE)

                         

                         

                         

                         

          6.

                         BRIAN (CONT'D)
          I'll bet dollars to donuts he sucks
          at that too. Then you got ah...
          (tries to remember her
          name but can't)
          Dinkus down there...

                          JOEL 
          Who, Mary? 

                          BRIAN
          No, the other one -- what's-her-
          face -- she asked me -- or rather
          "axed" me -- for more personal
          days. Just like that. I told her
          maybe if she figures out how to
          fill out the time sheets correctly
          I'll give her more personal days...
          (Off Joel's look)
          Don't worry, she will never fill
          out her time sheets correctly.
          Joel looks down at the production floor. Joel's POV: 
           ANGLE ON: Mary and Step bickering. Step walks off. Mary and 
           Gabrielle shaking their heads and yapping like a couple of 
          old hens. 

          JOEL (O.S.)
          Look at 'em... I am so sick of baby
          sitting these assholes.
          (looks at his watch)
          I better get going...
          Joel leaves in a hurry, mumbling something about 
          "sweatpants." 

          INT. JOEL'S CAR - LATE AFTERNOON

          Joel drives home, in a hurry, checking his dashboard clock.
          It's an upscale neighborhood of McMansions in a town like
          Lincoln Nebraska. He turns a corner, slows down suddenly
          when he sees something.

                         JOEL'S POV:
          NATHAN, a middle-aged, overweight, annoying guy is going out
          to the street to get his mail.

                         JOEL
          (to himself, praying)
          Please go back inside... Please
          just turn around.. .Come on...don't
          notice me...

                         

                         

                         

                         

          7.
          It's too late. Nathan turns, sees Joel's car and waves, then
          crosses the street to Joel's driveway and waits to talk to
          him.

                         JOEL

                         (TO HIMSELF)
          Shit!
          Joel pulls into his driveway as Nathan flags him down. Joel
          begrudgingly rolls down the passenger side window so Nathan
          can talk to him.

                         NATHAN
          Hi there Joel! Glad I caught ya...
          Nathan settles in like he's going to be there a while,
          leaning with his arms folded, hanging inside the car,
          trapping Joel.

                         NATHAN
          How've ya been? I left you a
          message last week. I don't know if
          you got it or not.

                         JOEL
          Yeah, actually Nathan, I'm kind of
          in a hurry here.

                         NATHAN
          Oh yeah? You been busy?

                         JOEL
          Yeah, in fact...
          (checks his watch)
          I should go right now actually. I
          gotta call the office before they
          leave.

                         NATHAN
          Well, real quick while I got ya
          here -- what're you guys doing
          November 17th?

                         JOEL
          Ah, I don't ah...
          (realizes his should fake

                         IT)
          Actually we're going to be out of
          town that weekend.

                         NATHAN
          Oh yeah? Where you going?

                         

                         

                         

                         

          8.

                         JOEL
          Ah...

                         NATHAN
          Oh, wait a minute -- I'm sorry, I
          meant the 7th. Yeah, November 7th.
          You'll be in town then right?

                         JOEL

                         (DEFEATED)
          Ah...Yeah.

                         NATHAN
          Great. There's this dinner Leslie
          and I are going to. It's an annual
          thing -- we do it every year with
          the Rotary Club -- it's for
          charity. It's just a whole lot of
          fun, and we wanted to invite you
          and Suzie to be our guests at our
          table. It's--

                         JOEL
          I'm sorry, I ah... I just don't
          think that's something we're gonna
          want to do.

                         NATHAN
          Really? Why not? It's a lot of
          fun.

                         JOEL
          Oh, I don't know. Suzie doesn't
          really like going to stuff like

                         THAT--

                         NATHAN
          Why not?

                         JOEL
          Well, we wouldn't know anybody
          there. She get's kind of
          uncomfortable.

                         NATHAN
          Oh no -- It's not like that. She
          won't be uncomfortable. I
          guarantee it. No, it's not like
          that at all. It's not formal or
          anything. Trust me. It's just a
          real loose bunch.

                         

                         

                         

                         

          9.

                         JOEL
          I just don't...

                         NATHAN
          I tell you what. Why don't we do
          this -- I'll go ahead and get
          tickets, since they're gonna sell
          out fast. You talk to Suzie. See
          what she says. Like I say, she
          won't be uncomfortable at all.
          Maybe I'll have Leslie give her a
          call -- you know how it is when the
          wives talk, heh heh--
          Joel is about to snap.

                         JOEL
          Um, why don't we talk about this
          later.
          (looks at his watch)
          I gotta make this call before they
          leave.
          Joel pulls away, forcing Nathan to raise off the window sill.

                         JOEL (CONT'D)

                         (CALLING BACK)
          Sorry... I just gotta make this
          call!

          INT. JOEL'S GARAGE - CONTINUOUS

          Joel pulls the car in, steps out and is shocked to see Nathan
          right there in his garage.

                         NATHAN
          Sorry, I almost forgot -- the
          tickets are forty dollars a plate.
          I know that's a little steep, but
          the food is fantastic and it's for
          a good cause. So that'd be eighty
          dollars total. There's no tax or
          anything.

                         JOEL
          Ah, look Nathan, I really gotta get
          inside and make this call. Let's
          talk about this another time.
          Joel has his finger on the button to shut the garage door,
          waiting for Nathan to get out. Nathan stops, just inside.

                         

                         

                         

                         

          10.

                         NATHAN
          Oh, and if you need us to look out
          for the house or anything when you
          go out of town --
          Joel's finger still on the garage door button.

                         NATHAN
          Well, just let us know. Where you
          guys going anyway?

                         JOEL

                         (BULLSHITTING)
          Ah, just sort of a vacation. Look,
          I gotta run.
          Joel hits the button and the door starts going down.

                         NATHAN
          Alright then. We'll see ya.
          Nathan finally steps out of the garage. Joel breaths a huge
          sigh of relief. Then,

          ANGLE ON THE GARAGE DOOR:
          As it gets halfway down, we see Nathan's legs, heading back
          towards the door. Nathan leans down into frame as the door
          goes down.

                         NATHAN
          Oh, Joel one more thing--
          Joel lets the door shut on him, and bolts into the house.

          INT. JOEL'S HOUSE - EVENING

          Joel walks into the living room just as his wife, SUZIE,
          enters from the bedroom pulling on her SWEATPANTS. A look of
          disappointment on Joel's face. Suzie is a decent looking
          woman, about Joel's age.

                         JOEL
          Man, that Nathan won't shut up.

                         SUZIE
          Yeah, what an asshole. I don't
          even go into the front yard
          anymore. That wife of his is even
          worse.

                         

                         

                         

                         

          11.
          Suzie plops down on the couch looking tired and pissed off.
          Joel sits down next to her.

                         SUZIE (CONT'D)
          We gotta get a new pool cleaner.I
          don't think that asshole checked
          the chlorine levels again like I
          asked him too...
          Joel puts his arm around her, caresses her shoulder. She
          doesn't seem to notice as he starts getting fresh.

                         SUZIE (CONT'D)
          .and every time he is here, he
          goes on and on about some problem
          with the goddamn filter, and I have
          no idea what he's talking about...
           Delayed reaction -- she notices Joel is getting frisky. He 
          gets closer, starts kissing her neck.

                          SUZIE (CONT'D)

                         (UNCOMFORTABLE)
          Ah,...Joel?

                         JOEL
          What?

                         SUZIE
          I'm sorry. It's just... I'm a
          little tired, and, I don't know,
          it's the middle of the week...

                         JOEL
          It's not the middle of the week.
          It's Monday. Why can't--

                         SUZIE
          Monday?
          (Freezes, suddenly

                         REALIZING SOMETHING)
          Oh shit!

                         JOEL

                         (WORRIED)
          What?!

                         SUZIE
          Idol!
          Suzie jumps up with newfound energy, runs for the remote and
          turns on the TV. Joel just sits there.

                         

                         

                         

                         

          12.
          Suzie plops down in a Barcalounger.

                         SUZIE (CONT'D)
          Sorry honey. Maybe this weekend.
          Joel leaves the room.

          INT. JOEL'S BATHROOM -- LATER

          [Quick scene of Joel trying to masturbate (off screen of
          course), but he's too distracted by the sounds of a bad out-
          of-tune Idol audition blaring through the wall.] 

          EXT. SCOREBOARDS SPORTS BAR -- NIGHT

          Establishing shot. A sports bar that's part of a Holiday
          Inn.

          INT. SCOREBOARDS -- CONTINUOUS

          Joel sits at the bar. DEAN, the owner of the bar, late
          forties, and an old friend of Joel's, sits behind the bar on
          a stool.

                         JOEL
          I gotta get a house with a bathroom
          that's doesn't share a wall with
          the TV.

                         DEAN
          Why don't you do that in another
          bathroom. You've got three of 'em.

                         JOEL
          It would look suspicious. We never
          use those other bathrooms... Maybe
          if I had some insulation put in...

                         DEAN
          Insulation?... All I know is, you
          shouldn't move man; you've got a
          nice house. I mean you've got the
          American dream really -- you own
          your own company. I can't believe
          you used to bar back for me here,
          and now you've got all that.

                         JOEL
          But what do I have really? It's a
          big pain in the ass.

                         (MORE)

                         

                         

                         

                         

          13.

                         JOEL (CONT'D)
          I'm always working; can't stop or
          the whole place will fall apart.
          And what good does it do me anyway?
          I don't get laid. That stock guy
          with the shitty band that works for
          me probably gets laid more than I
          do.

                         DEAN
          (trying to help)
          Yeah, but he probably lives in a
          crappy apartment.

                         JOEL
          Hell, I'd move into a crappy
          apartment if the bathroom wasn't
          right next to the TV.

          INT. MUSIC STORE - DAY

          CINDY, a girl in her early twenties, is at the counter
          looking at a new Gibson hollow-body electric guitar -- one of
          the really nice ones. The price tag says $3,950. She's
          beautiful and sexy and all that, but there's something
          vulnerable and sweet about her as well.
          Two SALESMEN, typical music store employees -- long-haired,
          goateed, nerdy cocky guitar-hacks are giving her way too much
          attention. It's clear that they don't usually have women
          this hot in their store. They practically stumble over each
          other trying to help her.

                         SALESMAN #1
          Yeah, it's expensive but it's
          sweet... Are you familiar with the
          Gibson humbucking pickups?

                         CINDY
          No, sorry. I don't play. It's for
          my Dad actually -- for his
          fiftieth birthday. My sisters and
          I are all pitching in.

                         SALESMAN #2
          Ah, that's nice... Your Dad would
          love these humbuckings. They
          really kick ass.
          An annoyed MALE CUSTOMER has been waiting behind Cindy,
          trying to get some help, but he might as well be invisible.
          He tries to address Salesman #2, off to the side.

                         

                         

                         

                         

          14.

                         MALE CUSTOMER
          Excuse me... I just have a quick
          question...
          Salesman #2 is oblivious, never takes his eyes off Cindy.

                         SALESMAN #2

                         (OBLIVIOUS)
          So, what kind of music did he play?
          Both Salesmen's eyes are glued to Cindy as Male Customer
          finally gets sick of waiting and storms off into the keyboard
          room.

                         CINDY
          I think he played like, jazz or
          something. I'm not sure.

                         SALESMAN #2
          Well this is an excellent jazz
          guitar. It's what Pat Metheny
          plays.

                         SALESMAN #1
          Is your Dad into Metheny at all?

                         CINDY
          Oh, I don't know who that is.
          Sorry.

                         SALESMAN #2
          He's like, a totally kickass fusion
          guitarist. Are you into fusion?

                         CINDY
          I don't really know much about
          it...

                         SALESMAN #2
          I play fusion guitar so... Just
          curious.

                         CINDY
          Um, do they come in any other
          colors?

                         SALESMAN #1
          You mean different finishes?
          There's a sunburst finish we might
          have in stock.

                         

                         

                         

                         

          15.

                         SALESMAN #2
          Yeah, do you wanna see it? I'll go
          get it.

                         SALESMAN #1
          Or I could go. Whatever.

                         CINDY
          Are you sure?

                         SALESMAN #1/SALESMAN #2
          Oh totally./ No prob!/ I'll show
          you the case it comes with too.
          The salesmen practically trip over each other, going into the
          back to find the other guitar.
          Cindy stands there alone for a beat. She looks around. Then
          casually picks up the four-thousand dollar guitar and walks
          out the front door with it.

          EXT. MUSIC STORE - CONTINUOUS ACTION

           Cindy walks a few yards over to her car, a ' 92 Tercel, puts
           the guitar in the trunk, gets in and takes off.

          INT. MUSIC STORE - CONTINUOUS ACTION

          The two Salesmen return -- one carrying the sunburst-finish
          guitar and the other with the hard-shell case. They look
          around, notice she's gone. They stand there for a beat,
          disappointed, before they realize what just happened.

                         SALESMAN #1
          Oh shit!...

                         (FRANTICALLY LOOKING

                         AROUND)

          THE GIBSON!
          They run out the front door, but Cindy is long gone.

          INT. JOEL'S OFFICE - DAY

          Joel is at his desk. Brian comes in, excited.

                         BRIAN
          You're not gonna believe this.
          Remember the guy from General Mills
          that called a while back? Talking
          like he wanted to buy us out?

                         

                         

                         

                         

          16.

                         JOEL
          I thought you said he wasn't
          serious; he was just sniffing
          around.

                         BRIAN
          Yeah, well he's serious now. He
          just made an offer -- I mean a real
          offer this time.

                         JOEL
          You're kidding.

                         BRIAN
          No. It must be part of some bigger
          strategic move, because it's over
          market value I think.

                         JOEL
          Wow...
          Joel lets it sink in. He walks over to the window, looking
          down on the production floor.

                         JOEL
          I could unload all this... I could
          probably retire...

                         BRIAN
          I mean, yeah, there's a lot of
          details to work out, but this could
          be great. They'll be calling back
          next week, what should I tell them?
          Joel looks down, sees Mary sitting with her arms folded,
          shaking her head.

                         JOEL
          Tell 'em hell yes.

          INT. MANUFACTURING FLOOR - CONTINUOUS

          Mary sits with her arms folded, refusing to hold the line.

                         MARY
          I already warned him. This is the
          last time. I'm just gonna sit
          here.
          In SLOW MOTION, we see:

                         

                         

                         

                         

          17.
          - The first box falls off the end of the assembly line,
          bottles shatter.
          - Rory, carrying some boxes slips on the broken bottles of
          goopey extract, falls and slides into an aisle.
          - A forklift stops suddenly to avoid hitting Rory, causing a
          huge stack of pallets to fall off.
          - Quick shot of Mary shaking her head in slow-motion.
          - Just as Step rounds a corner to see what's going on, the
          pallets land on a bunch of pipes and high-pressure valves
          which burst open sending a piece of shrapnel flying across
          the room heading straight for
          - STEP'S CROTCH. The shrapnel heads straight for his
          genitalia, as we

                         CUT TO:

          EXT. REYNOLD'S EXTRACT BUILDING - DAY

          Step is on a stretcher being loaded into a MEDIVAC helicopter
          by a couple of EMS guys. Step moans in pain as Joel tries to
          comfort him. A small crowd of employees watch.
          ANGLE ON Mary in the crowd, shaking her head.

                         MARY
          I knew it. That's what happens
          when you don't pay attention.

          INT. SCOREBOARDS -- LATER

          Joel sits at the bar, on a cell phone. Dean sits behind the
          bar on a stool.

                         JOEL
          (to the person on the

                         PHONE)
          Uh-huh... Alright. Let me know if
          you hear anything else.
          He hangs up, talks to Dean.

                         JOEL (CONT'D)
          Well, he's definitely lost one of
          'em. They think they might be able
          to re-attach the other one, but
          they're not sure.

                         

                         

                         

                         

          18.

                         DEAN
          (shaking his head)
          Wow...

                         JOEL
          Yeah... I'm not sure how it
          happened, but we have a great
          safety record and we comply with
          all the safety codes so... it was
          just a freak accident. There'll be
          an investigation of some kind I'm
          sure.

                         DEAN
          Well, you have insurance for that
          kind of thing, right?

                         JOEL
          Oh yeah. Of course. In fact,
          he'll probably get a huge
          settlement.

                         DEAN
          Yeah. I would think so. I mean,
          it's your balls...
          Beat, as they contemplate the profundity of it.

                         JOEL
          Boy it really makes you stop and
          think about how fragile we are --
          especially our balls. They're just
          hanging there in a little sack
          between our legs. At any moment
          they could be cut off forever.

                         DEAN
          Yeah. And your balls are really
          important man. Your balls are
          everything. What kind of life would
          you have with no testicles? Can you
          imagine that shit?

                         JOEL
          Yeah...
          Beat.

                         JOEL (CONT'D)
          You know Dean, my life wouldn't be
          much different than it is now
          actually.

                         (MORE)

                         

                         

                         

                         

          19.

                         JOEL (CONT'D)
          Except for once every three months
          when I have sex with my wife. In
          fact, I might even be better off...

                         DEAN
          Wait. Three months? I thought you
          said it was once a month.

                         JOEL
          I did? I must've been lying. I
          don't know... Maybe things'll get
          better when I sell the company.
          I'll be around more...

                         DEAN
          Well, I hope so. That would
          suck... I get laid all the time.
          (off Joel's reaction)
          Sorry.

                         JOEL
          Ah, it's all right...

                         (THINKS)
          Actually, it sucks.

                         DEAN
          Yeah, sexual frustration is bad
          news... You know what you oughtta
          do?

                         JOEL
          What?

                         DEAN
          Get some Xanax.

                         JOEL
          Xanax? Isn't that for anxiety?

                         DEAN
          Yeah it is, but I find it's good
          for just about any phsychological
          problem. I mean, basically it just
          makes you feel good, so it sort of
          works for anything. I even take it
          when I have a cold. It's probably
          great for sexual frustration. Want
          me to get you some?

                         JOEL
          No.

                         

                         

                         

                         

          20.

                         DEAN
          You know what else is good?
          Codeine cough syrup.

                         JOEL
          For what?

                         DEAN
          It's just good.
          Joel looks at Dean for a beat.

                         JOEL (CONT'D)
          Are you on something now?

                         DEAN
          No... Well, I guess I took some
          Vicodin this morning. But that was
          just 'cause I was hung-over.

          EXT. PAWN SHOP - DAY

          Establishing shot, a pawn shop in a strip mall. Cindy's car
          parked out in front.

          INT. PAWN SHOP - CONTINUOUS

          Cindy is at the counter, the Gibson guitar we saw earlier is
          in front of her. A PAWN SHOP GUY is counting out money. He
          pauses, looks around, then speaks sympathetically to her.

          PAWN SHOP GUY
          Um, you know, I'm really not
          supposed to say this... but since
          this belonged to your father, and
          since he passed away and all...

                         (QUIETLY)
          You could probably get a better
          deal at a music store.

                         CINDY
          Oh, that's okay. Thanks. But I
          just kind of wanna get it over
          with, you know? It's kind of hard
          for me.

          PAWN SHOP GUY
          I understand.
          He looks around to see if his boss is watching, then counts
          off a FEW MORE TWENTIES, feeling sorry for her.

                         

                         

                         

                         

          21.
           PAWN SHOP GUY (cont'd)
          Here.

          INT. CINDY'S CAR - MOMENTS LATER

          Cindy puts the money in her wallet, along with a driver's
          license.

          CLOSE ON THE WALLET.
          Cindy shuffles through three or four different driver's
          licenses. On one, her name says MISTY PATTERSON. It's a
          Kansas license. She takes another one out from Colorado,
          with the name CINDY METZLER on it and puts that in front,
          then puts the wallet away.
          A newspaper sits on the front seat. Something grabs her
          attention.

          ANGLE ON THE NEWSPAPER:
          We see an article about Step's accident. There's a picture
          of Step being taken away on the stretcher.
          Cindy starts reading the article, with growing interest.

                         CINDY'S POV:
          She scans the article, zeroing in on certain words,
          ".. .potentially big settlement..." "...no testicles..."
          "several million dollars" then back to "no testicles" then
          quickly back and forth several times -- "million dollars" "no
          testicles" "million dollars" "no testicles"
          ON CINDY'S FACE - A look of determination. She looks one
          more time at the name under the picture -- Don "Step"
          Wilkenson, then zeroes in on the words "Reynold's Extract."
          She starts the car and speeds away.

          INT. REYNOLD'S EXTRACT BUILDING - CONFERENCE ROOM - DAY

          Joel sits with Brian. Brian has a clipboard, going over the 
          day's business. 

                         BRIAN
          So obviously Step's not coming back
          anytime soon. I had to hire a
          couple temps. Is that okay?

                         JOEL 
          Yeah, sure. How is Step? 

                         

                         

                         

                         

          22.

                         BRIAN
          Better. They say he's going home
          in a couple of days. Speaking of
          which, the guys at General Mills
          heard about this whole Step thing.
          They're worried. If Step decides
          to sue us -- beyond the insurance
          settlement -- it could be a serious
          liability. They don't want to make
          an offer until this thing has
          settled.

                         JOEL 
          Really? They think it's that big 
          of a liability? 

                         BRIAN
          Well yeah. Don't you? I mean,
          think about it. Imagine if you
          asked a bunch of jurors how much
          you'd have to pay 'em to cut their
          balls off? I mean, I wouldn't let
          someone cut my balls off for a
          billion dollars. Seriously --
          unless there were some kind of
          really expensive operation that
          could give you artificial balls or
          something. Would you?

                         JOEL 
          No, I guess not. 

                         BRIAN
          Anyway, I wouldn't worry. He says
          he's not going to sue us. Says he

                         (CRUDE IMITATION)
          "don't want somethin' fer nothin "'
          and "What's right is right." If we
          can just get him to sign something
          to that effect we should be fine.

                         JOEL 
          Boy, Step sure is being mellow 
          about all this. 

                         BRIAN
          Yeah, well I think when you lose
          your balls it mellows you out. You
          don't get as pissed off and
          aggressive about things. I know
          it's true for horses, and bulls.

                         

                         

                         

                         

          23.

                         JOEL
          Boy, it sure does make you think.. 

                         BRIAN 
          Oh, by the way, guess who asked for 
          a raise today? 

                         JOEL 
          Who? 

                         BRIAN

                         (GESTURES INDISCRIMINATELY
          to someone downstairs)
          Dinkus. Can you believe that?

                         JOEL
          Brian, you call everyone here
          "Dinkus." I don't know who you're
          talking about.

                         BRIAN 
          You know, Forklift-Dinkus? 

                         JOEL 
          Oh... I thought you call him "boy- 
          genius." 

                         BRIAN
          Yeah, well boy-genius asked for a
          raise. I said, "are you kidding?
          You nearly got someone killed last
          week," and then he blamed it on
          Dinkus over there.

                         JOEL 
          You know Brian, you really ought to 
          learn the employees' names. 

                         BRIAN
          Well, I was thinking about that,
          but hey, if this deal goes through
          next week, I won't have to. It's
          not like I'm gonna be inviting
          Dinkus and Boy-Genius over for
          dinner.

          INT. JOEL'S OFFICE - NEXT DAY

          Joel stands on one side of his office looking down through a
          long window overlooking the manufacturing area. Dean comes
          in, walks over to the window, looks down at the production
          floor with Joel.

                         

                         

                         

                         

          24.

                         DEAN
          Hey man. What's goin' o-- Whoa!
           DEAN'S POV: It's CINDY, now working down on the floor, on
          the assembley line.

                          DEAN (CONT'D)
          Damn! Who's she? Is she new?

                         JOEL
          Yeah. She's a temp.

                         DEAN
          She's a tramp?

                         JOEL
          No a temp. Quit staring.

                         DEAN
          Damn, she's hot! Way to go.

                         JOEL
          Hey, I didn't hire her. She came
          here through Manpower, like
          everybody else. They just sent her
          over.

                         DEAN
          Manpower, huh? Maybe I should give
          them a call. You don't usually
          have girls anywhere near that hot
          working here. What's the deal?

                         JOEL
          Yeah, I know. I guess it makes
          sense though if you think about it.
          Hot girls need a job just as much
          as anyone else.

                         DEAN
          (thinks for a second)
          Do they really?... Huh... You just
          don't see 'em here. Usually your
          temps look like winos. And they're
          guys.

                         JOEL
          You wanna hear something really
          weird?

                         DEAN
          What?

                         

                         

                         

                         

          25.

                         JOEL
          She came on to me.

                         DEAN
          No way! Really?

                         JOEL
          Yeah. I mean, I'm pretty sure. I
          could be wrong, but...

                         DEAN
          Hey, I'm sure she did. Are you
          kidding? You could have any girl
          down there.

                         JOEL
          I don't know about that.

                         DEAN
          I'm serious. Dude, you're the big
          shot here. You're the king of...
          What do you call that shit you make
          here again?

                         JOEL
          Extract. And spray-dried
          flavoring, and we're branching out

                         INTO--

                         DEAN
          Yeah, you're the Extract King man.
          You could have any girl here. I
          mean, I wouldn't want most of 'em,
          but her... Way to go Joel.
          Dean looks down at manufacturing area, taking it all in.

                          DEAN (CONT'D)
          So how did she come on to you?

                         JOEL
          Well, first she started asking me
          about what happened to Step and all
          that stuff -- you know, just sort
          of making conversation?

                         DEAN
          Yeah.

                         JOEL
          But it really seemed like she was
          flirting with me, you know?

                         (MORE)

                         

                         

                         

                         

          26.

                         JOEL (CONT'D)
          Then, she just sort of asked me
          out... I think.

                         DEAN
          Really? How?

                         JOEL
          Well, you see that guy down there
          by the fork lift?
          ANGLE ON Rory, the indi-rock guy with tattoos, etc.

                          JOEL (CONT'D)
          His band is playing somewhere, at
          some party this weekend, and she
          asked me if I wanted to go with
          her.

                         DEAN
          Wow. So, you gonna do anything
          about it?

                         JOEL
          What? No. No way. I couldn't
          live with myself if I cheated on
          Suzie... It'd be nice if I got
          laid at home once in a while
          though...

                         DEAN
          (still staring at her)
          Man, she is fine. You mind if I
          hit that then?
          Beat.

                         JOEL
          Yeah, I do sort of...
          We see a COMMOTION down on the floor. Mary runs out of the
           Women's locker room SCREAMING AND YELLING.

          INT. REYNOLD'S EXTRACT / MANUFACTURING AREA - CONTINUOUS


                         ACTION
          Mary runs over to where Hector is working, hysterical.

                         MARY
          My purse is stolen! It's gone!
          (pointing at Hector)
          He did it! He stole my purse!

                         

                         

                         

                         

          27.
          Brian runs over and stands between them, trying to calm Mary
          down, but she keeps ranting. Hector looks confused and
          worried.

                         BRIAN
          Now hold on--

                         MARY
          I won't hold on! I'll call the
          cops!

                         HECTOR
          (confused, frightened)
          What? I don'... No comprende...

                         BRIAN

                         (HORRIBLE SPANISH)
          Espera un momento Hector. Tu sabes
          donde esta su... uh, purse?
          ANGLE ON CINDY, watching the whole thing-- completely
          unfazed.Joel rushes in.

                         JOEL
          Now wait a second. Calm down Mary.
          How do you know it was stolen?

                         MARY
          It's gone! That's how.

                         JOEL
          Well, what did it look like.

                         MARY
          It was black with a fur, leopard
          style border...
          As Mary describes the purse, we

                         CUT TO:

          INT. CINDY'S CAR - AFTERNOON

          Cindy sits in her parked car, going through the purse Mary
          just described. She takes some cash, puts it in her pocket,
          then finds what she's looking for -- the address book.

          ANGLE ON ADDRESS BOOK.
          Cindy turns to the Ws and finds Step Wilkenson. She notes
          his address. She starts the car and takes off.

                         

                         

                         

                         

          28.

          EXT. STREET IN FRONT OF STEP'S HOUSE - A LITTLE LATER

          Cindy sits and waits, listening to the radio. It's a very
          blue-collar neighborhood. She's about three houses away from
          Step's house, keeping an eye on it.
          After a beat, Step limps out of the house, walks over to his
          pickup truck, painfully gets in, and leaves. Cindy starts
          the car and follows from a distance.

          INT. GROCERY STORE - A LITTLE LATER

          Step wheels his shopping cart into one of the checkout lines.
          He uses the cart as a crutch to help him walk. Cindy gets in
          line behind him. She only has one item, a bottle of
          Reynold's Orange Extract. Step notices her.

                         STEP
          You can go ahead of me if that's
          all you have.

                         CINDY

                         (SWEETLY)
          Thank you so much.
          (holds up extract bottle)
          I can't believe I'm buying this
          stuff -- I work at the factory.

                         STEP
          Really? I work there too. Or, ah,
          I used to.

                         CINDY
          Really? You're kidding! I just
          started there. What's your name?

                         STEP
          I go by Step. Yeah, I'm the
          fastest sorter there...
          As Cindy and Step get to know each other we

                         CUT TO:

          INT. JOEL'S HOUSE - NIGHT

          Joel enters the living room. He first sees the sweatpants,
          then sees Suzie is sound asleep on the couch. He sighs, then
          turns and leaves.

                         

                         

                         

                         

          29.

          INT. SCOREBOARDS SPORTS BAR -- NIGHT

          Joel sits at the bar talking to Dean. Joel is drinking some
          kind of hard liquor, getting a buzz.

                         JOEL
          I'm sick of it Dean. I'm sick of
          being turned down in my own house
          by my own wife. We're turning into
          one of those brother-sister
          couples.

                         DEAN
          Huh...Now that you mention it, you
          guys kind of look alike too.

                         JOEL

                         (GROSSED OUT)
          No we don't!

                         DEAN
          Okay.

                         JOEL
          (takes a drink)
          Maybe things will be better after I
          sell the company... Or maybe it's
          just going to mean more time to sit
          around and contemplate not getting
          laid.
          Dean nods sympathetically.

                         DEAN
          What about that girl at work? She
          still into you?

                         JOEL
          Yeah... she was really coming on to
          me. She gave me her phone number
          and everything. Told me to call
          her if I wanted to go to that
          party. Can you believe that? And
          there's nothing I can do about it,
          but just be sexually frustrated.

                         DEAN
          I've got some Xanax if you want it.
          Like I say, that always works for
          me.

                         

                         

                         

                         

          30.

                         JOEL
          No thanks...

                         DEAN
          Well maybe you should call that
          girl.

                         JOEL
          No, I can't. I can't cheat on
          Suzie. I just gotta power through
          it until I'm so old that I can't
          get it up anymore.

                         DEAN
          What about if Suzie cheated on you?

                         JOEL
          Hmm... I hadn't even thought of
          that...

                         (BEAT)
          I wish she would.

                         DEAN
          You wish she would cheat on you?
          Wouldn't that bother you?
          Joel thinks about it.

                         JOEL
          No. I don't think it would
          actually.
          (occuring to him)
          I guess that's weird huh?

                         DEAN
          Yeah, it's a little weird. Sort
          of.

                         JOEL
          But see, then I could do something
          about all this sexual frustration,
          without feeling guilty about it.

                         DEAN
          Do you think she would cheat on
          you?

                         JOEL
          Nah...

                         DEAN
          You sure?

                         

                         

                         

                         

          31.

                         JOEL

                         (CONSIDERS IT)
          Well, I don't know. Hmm... Maybe
          if she were really tempted she
          would. Like if some really studly
          guy came on to her.

                         DEAN
          So you're saying she would probably
          cheat on you if she was put in
          temptation's way?

                         JOEL
          Yeah, maybe.

                         DEAN
          You know what you oughtta do?

                         JOEL

                         (WEARY)
          I don't wanna do any drugs Dean.

                         DEAN
          No, no. Check this out -- If you
          really wish your wife would cheat
          on you, it's not that hard to make
          it happen.

                         JOEL
          How?

                         DEAN
          Hire a gigolo to have an affair
          with your wife.

                         JOEL
          What?

                         DEAN
          I'm serious. I know a guy.

                         JOEL

                         (INCREDULOUS)
          You know a gigolo?

                         DEAN
          Yeah.

                         JOEL
          How do you know a gigolo?

                         

                         

                         

                         

          32.

                         DEAN
          This guy Brad. He comes in here
          all the time. He's a friend of
          Vic's. You could hire him to have
          an affair with Suzie.

                         JOEL
          Come on Dean.

                         DEAN
          Why not? You said you wouldn't
          care if she cheated on you. Then
          you'd be free to go out with that
          Cindy chick and get your ya-yas out
          -- with no guilt. Problem solved.
          (proud of himself)
          Man, what a great idea.
          Joel just shakes his head at the whole thing.

                         JOEL
          You know, maybe I will try some of
          that Xanax.
          Dean reaches down under the cash register and whips out a
          little box and pulls out a pill.

          EXT. LAKE -- SAME TIME

          Step's truck is parked out at a lake in the country. He and
          Cindy sit next to each other on the tailgate, looking at the
          stars, talking.

                         STEP
          I just believe that what's
          right is right.

                         CINDY
          That's right Step, and what's right
          is for you to send a message.

                         STEP
          A message?

                         CINDY
          You need to send a message so that
          a horrible accident like this never
          happens to anyone else ever again.
          That's what's right. And the way
          you do that is to take them to
          court.

                         

                         

                         

                         

          33.

                         STEP
          You think?

                         CINDY
          Yes Step... That's why I called a
          lawyer for you -- that guy on all
          the bus stop benches.

                         STEP
          Joe Adler?

                         (TOUCHED)
          You did that for me?

                         CINDY
          Mmm hmm... I just want you to do
          what's right Step.
          They start cuddling, kissing. Cindy pulls away.

                         CINDY
          I'm sorry Step, your doctor said
          you shouldn't get aroused.

                         STEP
          No he didn't.

                         CINDY
          Maybe it was your lawyer, but he
          talked to your doctor. And your
          doctor said it's very important not
          to get aroused until after the
          trial... I'm sorry.

                         STEP
          That's okay... You're so good to me
          Cindy.
          They start cuddling again.

                         CINDY
          Look Step, you're getting me turned
          on, I'm getting you turned on... I
          better just go.

          INT. SCOREBOARDS SPORTS BAR -- LATER

          Joel is starting to look really tweaked as the drug-alcohol
          combination begins to kick in.
          Dean is examining a pill under the cash register light,
          trying to read the small print. He looks concerned.

                         

                         

                         

                         

          34.

                         DEAN
          Shit... Do you remember what color
          that pill I gave you was?

                         JOEL
          Huh?

                         DEAN
          Damn. I don't think it was Xanax.
          I think that might've been
          Ritalin... Or "Special K."

                         JOEL
          (feeling the buzz)
          Ah, who cares?

                         DEAN
          It's just that, ah, Special K is a
          horse tranquilizer, kinda has a
          weird effect when people take it
          but... well, don't worry about
          it... You might not want to drink
          too much more though.

                         JOEL
          (beginning to slur his

                         SPEECH)
          You know that thing you were
          talking about? About the gigolo?

                         DEAN
          Yeah?

                         JOEL
          Do you think it would be wrong to
          do that? I mean morally wrong?

                         DEAN
          (with full authority)
          Oh nooo. Definitely not. What
          could be morally wrong about it?

                         JOEL
          I don't know...

                         DEAN
          Look, if she doesn't want to go for
          it, she doesn't have to. And if
          she does, then she's the one who
          sinned, and then it's perfectly
          morally right for you to go out and
          boff whoever you want.

                         

                         

                         

                         

          35.

                         JOEL

                         (SLURRED SPEECH)
          Yeah, I guess you're right. I
          can't think of anything morally
          wrong about it either.
          Beat.

                         JOEL
          And this guy, he's a friend of
          yours? What's his name?

                         DEAN
          Brad. You want me to give him a
          call?

                         JOEL
          I don't know. It's kinda weird
          even talking about it.

                         DEAN
          Look, this is no big deal Joel.
          I'm serious.

                         JOEL
          Really?

                         DEAN
          Yeah. I mean, you can't lose. Just
          say you're hiring him to come clean
          the pool or something. See what
          happens. If she doesn't go for it,
          then at least you know you're doing
          the right thing by being faithful.

                         JOEL
          Yeah, I guess you're right... I
          don't know. It's crazy.
          Dean pours Joel another drink.

                         DEAN
          Look. Have another drink. Think
          about it... You know what? Why
          don't I just call Brad and see what
          he has to say?

                         JOEL
          Alright. What the hell.
          Joel takes a big swig of liquor.

                         

                         

                         

                         

          36.

           INT. SCOREBOARDS SPORTS BAR - BACK OFFICE -- NIGHT

           Dean and Joel are talking with BRAD, the gigolo. He's young,
           blonde, super good-looking, but clearly a complete airhead.
          Joel looks really messed up now.

                         JOEL
          So it's two-hundred dollars then?

                         BRAD
          Yeah, two-hundred.

                         DEAN
          Well yeah, but don't forget, I'm
          getting ten percent.

                         JOEL
          What, so you're a pimp now?

                         DEAN

                         (CONDESCENDING CHUCKLE)
          I don't think they're called
          "pimps" when it's with male
          prostitutes, okay. There's some
          other word for it -- it's not a
          "john," but it's something like
          that. Besides, I'm the one who
          hooked all this up. And don't worry
          'cuz it's coming out of Brad's
          money anyway.

                         JOEL
          Alright, alright.

                         (TO BRAD)
          So it's two-hundred dollars then?

                         DEAN
          Two-hundred and twenty.

                         JOEL
          Wait a minute--

                         BRAD
          Um, I have a question?

                         JOEL
          Yeah?
          Brad looks at Joel, deeply concerned.

                         

                         

                         

                         

          37.

                         BRAD
          So like, are you gonna, like, watch
          or something?

                         JOEL
          No no no. God no! It's not like
          that. I won't even be there. I'll
          be at work. Remember? We already
          talked about this.
          Brad looks blank, like he's not getting it.

                         JOEL
          What you'll do, is come to my house
          pretending to be the new pool
          cleaner. Then you simply try to
          seduce my wife. Okay? If she
          doesn't respond, you simply clean
          the pool and leave. That's all.
          It's that simple.
          Hold on Brad for a long beat.

                         BRAD
          So, uh, you're not gonna touch my
          ass or anything...?

                         JOEL
          NO! Try to pay attention okay? I
          will not be there. I will be at
          work. You come over to my house
          while I'm not there, posing as the
          new pool cleaner and then try to
          seduce her...
          Brad finally makes a breakthrough.

                         BRAD
          Oooh, I see. Sorry man. Yeah,
          yeah. I get it now. You're not
          even gonna be there...

                         JOEL
          Yeah, that's right.

                         BRAD
          Yeah... cool. No problem. This is
          gonna be great!

                         JOEL
          Remember, she might not go for it--
          Brad starts to get a little too excited.

                         

                         

                         

                         

          38.

                         BRAD
          Yeah, this is gonna be cool! I can
          hardly wait! Awesome. Hey man, if
          you know anyone else who needs --
          you know -- what I do, like you
          know, lonely housewives and shit,
          maybe you could tell 'em about me,
          you know...
          Joel looks on with growing concern as Brad can't seem to stop
          talking.

                         BRAD
          Cuz like, I figure if I did a
          few jobs and I was, like, really
          good? Then maybe they'd tell their
          friends, you know, and they'd give
          me a... what do you call those
          things?

                         DEAN
          Referrals.

                         BRAD
          Yeah yeah, those things. Then
          those women could tell more women
          and then it'd be like I was, like,
          uh... branching or..

                         DEAN
          Networking.

                         BRAD
          Yeah, networking! Totally. Then
          if I got enough of 'em, maybe I
          could quit my landscaping job and
          do this full time. That would be
          awesome! Cause I hate landscaping.
          I like getting laid a lot better,
          and my boss is a total dick...

          EXT. SCOREBOARDS' PARKING LOT -- NIGHT

          Joel and Dean are at Dean's car, trying to say goodbye to
          Brad, who still won't shut up.

                         BRAD
          Like I say, if your wife has any
          housewife friends who might--
          Dean finally puts his foot down.

                         

                         

                         

                         

          39.

                         DEAN
          Okay, you've said that a few times
          now Brad. Go on to your car.
          Okay?

                         BRAD
          Alright. Cool. Like I say--

                         DEAN
          Goodnight Brad.

                         BRAD
          Okay. See you later.
          Brad finally leaves.

                         DEAN
          Let me drive you home. You're in
          no condition to drive.
          Joel stumbles into Dean's car.

                         JOEL
          Are you sure about this guy Dean?
          He acts like he's never done this
          before.

                         DEAN
          Oh no. He does it all the time.
          Don't worry. He just gets a little
          excited sometimes. He's cool.

                         JOEL
          I don't know. He sure doesn't seem
          too bright.

                         DEAN
          Yeah well, what do you excpect?
          He's a whore.

                          DISSOLVE TO:

          INT. REYNOLDS EXTRACT - EMPLOYEE BREAK ROOM - NEXT MORNING

          A break room with a kitchen. Joel is badly hungover. He
          looks like he's about to throw up as he reaches into the
          cupboard above the sink, downs a couple of aspirin, then
          drops some alka-seltzer in to a glass of water. Cindy comes
          in.

                         

                         

                         

                         

          40.

                         CINDY
          Looks like you had one of those
          nights.

                         (FLIRTATIOUS)
          Where was I?
          Joel nods, tries to grin and look cool as he takes a sip of
          his alkaseltzer. Then his eyes go wide, he almost does a
          spit-take as something suddenly dawns on him...

                         JOEL
          Oh shit!
          He runs out of the room.

                         CUT TO:

          INT. JOEL'S OFFICE

          Joel grabs the phone and dials frantically. Dean answers.

                          JOEL
           Dean?

           DEAN (V.0.)

                         (WAKING UP)
          Oh, hey Joel.

                         JOEL
          Thank God you're home. Ah,... did
          that really happen last night? I
          mean, did we go through with it --
          with that gigolo stuff?

                         DEAN
          Ah, yeah. As far as I know.

                         JOEL
          Shit! What was I thinking?! We
          gotta call it off. Right now. Can
          you call that guy, Brad?

                         DEAN
          Okay...

                         JOEL
          Tell him I'll pay him anyway,
          whatever, just don't come over.
          God, what was I thinking?!

                         

                         

                         

                         

          41.

                         DEAN
          Sure, I'll call him. No problem...
          Oh wait a second. I don't think I
          have his number.

                         JOEL
          What? I thought you called him
          last night.

                         DEAN
          Yeah, but I got his number from
          Vic.

                         JOEL
          Well get it from him again.

                         DEAN
          Vic doesn't have a phone right now.

                         JOEL
          Shit! I'll try information.
          What's Brad's last name?
          Pause.

                         DEAN
          Hmm... it's something like,... I
          think it's a Mexican name.

                         JOEL

                         (LOSING PATIENCE)
          Mexican?! The guy's got blonde
          hair and blue eyes!

                         DEAN
          Yeah, I thought it was weird too --
          a guy like that with a Mexican last
          name... It's like Lopez, or Sanchez
          or something.
          Joel looks at his watch. It's 11:15.

                         JOEL
          Shit!
          Joel hangs up the phone, and rushes out the door.

          INT. RECEPTIONIST DESK IN FRONT OF JOEL'S OFFICE --


                         CONTINUOUS ACTION
          Brian walks in.

                         

                         

                         

                         

          42.

                         BRIAN

                         (CONCERNED)
          Joel, we gotta talk.

                         JOEL
          Not now Brian.

                         BRIAN
          Ah yeah, it's kind of important --
          kind of really important. It's

                         ABOUT STEP-
          Joel rushes past him.

                         JOEL
          Not now!
          We FOLLOW Joel as he rushes past his SECRETARY.

                         SECRETARY
          Excuse me Joel? There's a Brad
          Chavez on line one for you.

                         JOEL
          I can't, I--
          Joel stops suddenly.

                         JOEL
          Who?

                         SECRETARY
          Brad Chavez. He said he's done
          with the job you guys talked about
          at your house? Do you want me to
          take a message?
          Joel looks pale.

                          JOEL
           Um, no... He's the ah, pool
           cleaner. I better take that.
          Joel goes back in his office. HOLD on Brian, confused.

          INT. JOEL'S OFFICE - CONTINUOUS

          Joel stares at the phone for a beat then picks it up.

                         JOEL
          Hello?

                         

                         

                         

                         

          43.

          BRAD (V.0.)
          Hey, is this Joel?

                         JOEL
          Yes.

          BRAD (V.0.)
          Hey, it's Brad. Mission
          accomplished dude.

                         JOEL
          What do you mean?

          BRAD (V.0.)
          I mean it worked. She totally went
          for it.

                         JOEL
          What? What're you...?
          (looks at his watch)
          You weren't even supposed to be
          there for another 45 minutes.

          BRAD (V.0.)
          Oh really? I forgot what time you
          guys said, and I was so excited
          about it, I just went over there.
          Joel sits down, freaked out.

                         JOEL
          (reality setting in)
          So you mean she actually ah... you
          guys...?

          BRAD (V.0.)
          Yup. It was easy.

                         JOEL

                         (AGITATED)
          Easy? What do you mean "easy"?

          BRAD (V.0.)
          Oh, I don't mean easy like she was
          easy -- like she was a slut or
          anything. I just mean it wasn't
          hard to get her to... Never mind.

                         JOEL
          No. Tell me. Tell me how it
          happened.

                         (BRACES HIMSELF)
          I wanna hear everything.

                         

                         

                         

                         

          44.

                         BRAD
          You sure?

                         JOEL
          Yeah.

          BRAD (V.0.)
          Okay. Well, she let me in, so I
          went back like I was cleaning the
          pool...

          EXT. JOEL'S HOUSE - POOL -- DAY

           As Brad's dopey narration continues, we see the story he's
           telling. It plays out like a bad soft-porn flick on Cinemax.
           We see Brad wiping the side of the pool with a rag.

           BRAD (V.0.)
           .I don't know anything about pool
           cleaning, so I was just faking it.
           She was in her bathing suit...
          Suzie comes out and lies on one of the reclining chairs.

           BRAD (V.0.)
          .So I struck up a conversation...

                         BRAD
          This is a really nice house.

                         SUZIE
          Thanks.

                         BRAD
          Is it your Dad's house?

                         SUZIE
          No. It's ours.

                         BRAD
          Wow, you look so young to be living
          in a house this nice.

                         SUZIE
          Oh, thanks.
          Beat.

                         BRAD
          Do you have any sunscreen? I
          forgot mine.

                         

                         

                         

                         

          45.
          Brad's dopey narration comes back in...

          BRAD (V.0.)
          I thought that was pretty smart
          of me -- to ask her to borrow
          sunscreen. See, 'cuz that way,
          once she gave me some, I could ask
          her if she wanted some too, and rub
          some on her back, instead of just
          coming out and asking her to rub
          some on her. Pretty smooth huh?...
          We see Brad rubbing lotion on Suzie's back as she lies face-
          down on the chair.

          BRAD (V.0.)
          Once I was rubbing the sunscreen on
          her, the rest was easy...
          We see Brad's hands working their way down Suzie's back.
          Just as they start to move down towards her butt, Joel
          interrupts, YANKING US OUT OF THE FLASHBACK.

                         JOEL
          Okay that's enough! Stop!

          INT. JOEL'S OFFICE - CONTINUOUS


                         JOEL
          I don't need to hear anymore.

          BRAD (V.0.)
          Okay, cool. Hey, like I say, if
          you know of anyone else, or if you
          ever need me to do it again--

                         JOEL
          NO! No. Look, I gotta go. Bye.
          Joel hangs up the phone and falls back into his chair, in a
          state of shock.

                         JOEL
          (quietly, to himself)
          Holy shit.

          INT. JOEL'S CAR - LATE AFTERNOON

          Joel drives home from work. He still looks freaked out. He
          notices something ahead, and suddenly SLAMS ON THE BREAKS.

                         

                         

                         

                         

          46.

                         JOEL
          Dammit !
          JOEL'S POV: Nathan, the guy across the street is in his front
          yard, puttering around with the mail.

                         JOEL

                         (TO HIMSELF)
          No... not today...
           Joel puts the car in reverse, starts to pull behind a parked
           car in an attempt to hide, but Nathan notices him, waves and
           crosses the street. Joel reluctantly pulls ahead to his
          driveway.

                         NATHAN
          How's it goin'?

                         JOEL
          Oh, I'm kind of busy actually.

                         NATHAN
          Yeah. Well I won't keep you. I
          just wanted to let you know, I got
          those tickets to that dinner we
          talked about on the 7th. I think I
          told you they were forty dollars a
          piece, but it turns out it's a tad
          more this year -- fifty-five -- so
          if I could go ahead and just get a
          check from you guys...

                         JOEL
          Look, ah, we can't go. Remember?

                         NATHAN
          No, this is the 7th. You said
          you're going out of town on the
          17th.

                         JOEL
          Yeah, but remember, I told you we
          didn't really want to go to this
          thing.
          Nathan looks dumbfounded. Joel is about to snap.

                         NATHAN
          But I already bought the tickets.
          I know you said something about her
          feeling uncomfortable, but, like I
          say, she won't feel uncomfortable
          at all -- I guarantee it.

                         (MORE)

                         

                         

                         

                         

                         47

                         NATHAN (CONT'D)
          It's just a whole lot of fun. You
          guys'll have a great time.

                         JOEL
          Look, I gotta get going.

                         NATHAN
          Alright then...
          Joel starts to pull away.

                         NATHAN (CONT'D)
          Oh, one more thing --
          Joel just keeps driving, almost knocking Nathan over.

          INT. JOEL'S HOUSE - EVENING

          Joel and Suzie are eating dinner. Suzie has a glow about
          her, looking better than ever -- relaxed, satisfied, etc.
          Joel's has a quietly pissed off demeanor. They eat in
          silence for a beat.

                         SUZIE
          So... How's work?

                         JOEL
          It sucks.

                         SUZIE
          Really? What's wrong?

                         JOEL
          Nothing.
          Suzie looks a little puzzled. They keep eating in silence
          for a beat.

                         JOEL
          I don't feel well. I'm going to
          bed.

          INT. REYNOLD'S EXTRACT BUILDING - JOEL'S OFFICE - DAY

          From the window in his office, Joel watches Cindy working
          down on the production floor. Cindy looks up, they make eye
          contact for a brief moment. She gives him a flirtacious wave.
          Joel waves back. Then Rory comes by, starts talking to
          Cindy.

                         

                         

                         

                         

          48.

          INT. REYNOLD'S EXTRACT /MANUFACTURING AREA - CONTINOUS


                         CINDY
          So you're in a band?

                         RORY
          .Actually, I'm in five bands
          right now. But Godscock is
          basically the same four guys as
          Fighthead, but Fighthead's more of
          a thrash/skatepunk thing. Godscock
          is more melodic stuff.
          Cindy nods politely. Rory thinks she's interested.

                         RORY (CONT'D)
          So you comin' Friday?

                         CINDY
          Yeah, definitely.
          (looks at her watch)
          Ooh, I gotta go. Dentist
          appointment.

                         RORY
          Cool.
          Cindy leaves.
          ANGLE ON Mary, on the other side of the room, watching them.
          She talks to Gabriella.

                         MARY
          See, there he goes again, slowing
          us down.

                         (RE: CINDY)
          Now she's a good sorter. They need
          to hire more people like her.

                         GABRIELLA
          She's so nice too.
          Hector walks by. Mary just shakes her head.

                         MARY
          I can't believe he's still working
          here. You know Silvia can't find
          her wallet. Thinks it was stolen.
          And guess who was in the locker
          room last? Hector.
          They both look at Hector and shake their heads in disgust.

                         

                         

                         

                         

          49.

                         MARY
          You know, I could get a job at
          Southwest Airlines. My Niece works
          there. I'd get better benefits
          than we get here too.

                         GABRIELLE
          Mmm hmm. I could get a job at
          Gemco. You think they would put up
          with this stuff at Gemco? Mmm mmn.
          They run a tight ship.

                         MARY
          That's right.

          INT. JOEL'S OFFICE - CONTINUOUS

          Joel's POV of Mary and Gabrielle, yacking self-righteously.
          Joel looks on with disgust...

                         JOEL

                         (TO HIMSELF)
          Good riddance...
          Brian steps in, taps on the door.

                         BRIAN
          You got a second? I think we might
          have a big problem here. I'm not
          sure what happened, but all of the
          sudden Step says he doesn't want to
          settle anymore. I think he
          might've talked to a lawyer.
          Joel goes to his desk, sits down.

                         BRIAN
          Like I say, General Mills isn't
          going to make their offer official
          until this settles.
          Joel considers this.

                         JOEL
          I think Step is just chest-beating.
          He does this all the time. He gets
          all wound up, talks big, then he
          always backs down. And that's with
          his balls.

                         

                         

                         

                         

          50.

          INT. PAROLE OFFICE - AFTERNOON

          It's a bleak looking office with rows of cubicles. We PAN
          past several cubicles where hardass parole officers meet with
          their parolees -- various gang-bangers, drug dealers,
          junkies, a hideous transvestite prostitute, etc. As we pan,
          each officer is giving them nothing -- "this is your last
          chance," "You expect me to believe that?", etc. We continue
          past officers giving them nothing, giving them nothing,
          ending on a cubicle with Cindy, where a PAROLE OFFICER is
          giving Cindy everything -- almost apologetic.

                         PAROLE OFFICER
          I'm sorry to even bring this up,
          but you're not living with the drug
          dealer anymore are you?
          Cindy's parole officer is a sad schlub of a guy, about 50
          with bushy grey hair and a mustache, he has a badge and a gun
          on his belt.

                         CINDY
          Nope. I'm staying at Extended Stay
          until I can find a place...
          She smiles, flirtatiously waves her key/card.

                         CINDY (CONT'D)
          See?

                         (SINCERE)
          I really feel like I've turned my
          life around. Thanks in large part
          to you.

                         PAROLE OFFICER

                         (ALMOST BLUSHING)
          It's okay. I'm just glad to see
          you're doing so well... Ah, one
          more thing I just need to ask you:
          We had a little incident up in
          Templeton a couple weeks back where
          someone stole an expensive guitar
          from a music store? Someone who
          fit your description. You know
          anything about that?

                         CINDY
          Huh? No... I was probably at work
          that day.

                         

                         

                         

                         

          51.

                         PAROLE OFFICER
          Look Cindy, you realize you can't
          screw up anymore right? I mean,
          even something minor, and you could
          go back to jail for a while this
          time. I'd hate to see that happen.

                         CINDY
          Well yeah, but why would I steal a
          guitar? I've got no musical
          talent. I'm tone deaf.
          They both laugh.

                         PAROLE OFFICER
          Heh heh, So am I. I can't carry a
          tune to save my life.

                         CINDY
          Really? Wow...
          Cindy acts fascinated by Parole Officer's lack of musical
          talent. He happily goes on about it, forgetting about the
          guitar...

                         PAROLE OFFICER
          Yeah, I could barely sing the Star
          Spangled Banner in school...

                         DISSOLVE TO:

          EXT. REYNOLD'S EXTRACT BUILDING - PARKING LOT - DAY

          It's the end of the workday. People walk to their cars.
          Joel turns a corner and finds Cindy right in front of him.

                         CINDY
          Hey Mr. Reynolds.

                         JOEL
          Oh, hey Cindy. You can just call
          me Joel.

                         CINDY

                         (FLIRTATIOUS)
          Okay Joel. So you going to the
          party tonight?

                         JOEL
          Oh yeah. Right, that's tonight...

                         (AWKWARD)

                         (MORE)

                         

                         

                         

                         

          52.

          JOEL (CON T - D )
          Yeah, I was thinking about it. Are
          you going?

                         CINDY
          Yeah, definitely. Maybe I'll see
          you there?

                         JOEL
          Yeah, I think I'll probably go.

                         CINDY
          Do you have the directions?

                         JOEL
          I'm not sure...

                         CINDY
          Here, I'll write it down just in

                         CASE
          Cindy opens her purse. We see at least FIVE WALLETS, SEVERAL
          WATCHES, JEWELRY, etc. She takes out a pen and a piece of
          pink, girly stationary and starts writing.

                         CINDY (CONT'D)
          I'll also put my number on here.
          In case you want to call me some
          time -- if you want.
          Joel blushes awkwardly, like a junior high school kid.

                         JOEL
          Um... Okay. Sure.

          EXT. JOEL'S HOUSE - EVENING

          Joel pulls into the driveway and is STARTLED as he
          practically runs over Nathan, flagging him down.
          Joel MUTTERS obscenities as he reluctantly stops and rolls
          down the window.

                         NATHAN
          Hi there. Almost missed ya.

                         JOEL
          Hi. I can't talk right now--

                         NATHAN
          Hey, I noticed you guys got a new
          pool cleaner today. How is he?
          We're thinking of changing
          services.

                         

                         

                         

                         

          53.

                         JOEL
          Look Nathan, I gotta... Wait, you
          mean yesterday, don't you?

                         NATHAN
          Huh?

                         JOEL
          The new pool cleaner. You saw him
          yesterday right? Not today.

                         NATHAN
          No. It was today. The new guy.

                         JOEL
          What'd he look like?

                         NATHAN
          Blonde haired kid, about this high,
          good looking. Real good looking.

                         IN FACT--

                         JOEL
          You sure it was today? Not
          yesterday?

                         NATHAN
          Yeah.

                         JOEL
          You're absolutely sure?

                         NATHAN
          Yeah. I know it was today, because
          I came home for lunch. I was gone
          all day yesterday. Anyway, you
          think I could go ahead and get that
           check from ya? Like I say, it's 55
           dollars a plate, so that'd be 110
           total. There's no tax...
          Nathan leans up to scratch his back. Joel seizes the
           opportunity and pulls away, burning a little rubber.

          INT. JOEL'S HOUSE - BEDROOM -- MOMENTS LATER

          Joel is on his cell phone, yelling in hushed tones at Brad.
          He has the door shut so Suzie won't hear him.

                         JOEL
          What the hell were you doing at my
          house today?!

                         

                         

                         

                         

          54.

          BRAD (V.0.)
          Oh, umm... nothing.

                         JOEL
          Bullshit!

          BRAD (V.0.)
          Look, don't worry about it bro'. I
          won't charge you for this one.

                         JOEL
          Won't charge me for...? You had
          sex with my wife again?!

          BRAD (V.0.)
          Well, I figured we already did it
          once, so what's the big deal? I
          mean, she said to stop by if I was
          in the neighborhood, so... Besides,
          I'm not gonna charge you--

                         JOEL
          Not gonna charge...? God damn you!
          Yes you are gonna charge me! I'm
          gonna pay you! You're not having
          sex with my wife for free! And I
          better not ever catch you anywhere
          near my house ever again!
          Joel slams down the phone. Then realizes it's a cell phone,
          picks it back up and hits the "End" button.

          INT. JOEL'S HOUSE - LIVING ROOM -- NIGHT

          Suzie is asleep on the couch in her sweatpants. Joel walks
          through, mumbles something about going to a party.

          INT. JOEL'S CAR -- NIGHT

          Joel pulls up to the house where the party is going on. He
          stays in the car, checking it out.
          Scanning Joel's POV, we see the band, Godscock, playing in
          the backyard, with Rory on bass. They are set up on the
          patio of this small two-bedroom suburban house. Most of the
          people at the party are crowded around the keg, which is on
          the other side of the backyard, ignoring the band. The band
          sounds awful -- loud as hell, unmusical, uninspired. The
          lead singer sings in that awful Eddie Vedder style, but even
          more loud and overly dramatic. Rory acts all intense, in
          stark contrast to the non-intensity of the music.

                         

                         

                         

                         

          55.
          They all have that baggy-shorts tattooed mid-nineties look.
          It's downright pathetic.
          There's one drunk guy off to the side banging his head,
          playing air-guitar and stumbling into the bushes.
          Joel spots Cindy over by the keg, drinking, mingling. He
          watches her for a beat, then shakes his head and drives away.

                          CUT TO:

          INT. SCOREBOARDS SPORTS BAR -- NIGHT

          Joel sits at the bar talking to Dean, drinking a beer.

                         JOEL
          I can't believe my wife slept with
          that guy.

                         DEAN
          Well... I thought you said it
          wouldn't bother you.

                         JOEL
          I guess I didn't really think about
          it long enough... I just wish it
          hadn't been so easy for him.

                         DEAN
          Yeah, I'm tellin' ya, chicks really
          go wild for that Brad...
          (Off Joel's look)
          Sorry.

                         JOEL
          No, you're right. He may be a
          stupid, dull-witted moron, but he
          can get any girl he wants. Me, I
          had to work for it. I had to work
          hard, get a career going, take
          Suzie out a bunch of times, marry
          her. But not Brad. He gets to
          waltz into my house and have sex
          with my wife just like that. Oh,
          and by the way? That little prick
          was at my house again today.

                         DEAN
          No shit? What was he doing?

                         JOEL
          Take a wild guess.

                         

                         

                         

                         

          56.

                         DEAN
          Wow... You pay a guy to do a job,
          then he comes back and does it for
          free.

                         JOEL
          I'm not going to let him do it for
          free. No way. I'm paying him.

                         DEAN
          Really? How much?

                         JOEL
          Oh, I don't know. The same, I
          guess. Why?

                         DEAN
          Hmm... So should I get my twenty
          dollars from Brad then or...
          Joel shoots Dean an angry look.

                          DEAN (CONT'D)
          We can worry about that later...
          Look at the bright side, now you
          can call Cindy.

                         JOEL
          I don't know... I feel weird about
          it. Besides, she's at the party,
          she probably won't be home 'til
          late.

                         DEAN
          You know what you need to do?

                         JOEL
          (rolling his eyes)
          I don't wanna do drugs Dean.

                         DEAN
          Look, I know I joke around a lot,
          but this time I'm serious.
          (like a doctor)
          You should try smoking a little
          pot. It's just an herb, it heals.
          Stress can kill you, and--

                         JOEL
          I get paranoid when I smoke pot.

                         

                         

                         

                         

          57.

                         DEAN
          Not when you just smoke a little.
          Come on. You ever meet my friend
          Willie? Great guy. Really great
          guy.
          (as if it's a positive)
          He's the guy I got that horse
          tranquilizer from.

                         JOEL
          Oh, wonderful.

          INT. WILLIE'S APARTMENT -- NIGHT

          WILLIE loads up some kind of giant three-foot tall bong and
          inhales a massive bong-load. He's a burly ex-football player
          type who looks like he might have an extra y-chromosome or
          two. Joel watches Willie, feeling a little uneasy. Dean
          pontificates.

                         DEAN
          I've been reading about it --
          they're making technological
          advances now, coming up with great
          drugs that can make you happy and
          won't leave you with a hangover or
          nothin'.

                         WILLIE
          (holding in bong-hit)
          Right on.
          Willie finally exhales. The exhale seems to go on way longer
          than humanly possible, endless amounts of pot-smoke billowing
          out (accomplished with special FX). He finally hands the
          bong and lighter to Joel.

                         JOEL
          Oh, I don't know... I'm kind of a
          light weight. I think that's too
          much for me--

                         WILLIE
          (still holding out the
          bong and lighter)
          Bullshit.

                         DEAN
          Come on Joel. Don't worry, this
          stuff isn't that strong.
          (to Willie, re: Joel)

                         (MORE)

                         

                         

                         

                         

          58.

          DEAN (CON T-D)
          He gets paranoid when he gets too
          stoned.
          Joel looks at Willie then at Dean, then takes the bong,
          partly out of being intimidated by Willie.

                         JOEL
          Ah, what the hell.
          Willie instructs Joel on the bong usage in the same
          condescending way a weight-lifting instructor would.

                         WILLIE
          Okay, now this is a gravity bong.
          Have you ever used one before?

                         JOEL
          Umm, I think... no.

                         WILLIE
          Okay, pay attention. Put your
          thumb right here on the carburetor.
          When I pull the plunger up and say,
          "let go" I want you to let go and
          inhale hard.
          Joel's POV: Looking down the barrel of the three-foot bong
          with macho-man Willie holding the lighter at the bowl.

                         WILLIE (CONT'D)
          Okay exhale!

                         JOEL
          You know, maybe I should just let

                         YOU GUYS--

                         WILLIE
          (starting to get scary)
          Bullshit! EXHALE HARD!
          Mostly out of fear, Joel exhales. Willie puts the bong up to
          Joel's face, lights it and starts lifting the plunger. Then
          pushes it down.

                         WILLIE (CONT'D)
          Let go! Inhale! NOW!
          Joel lets go of the carburator, inhales.

                         WILLIE (CONT'D)

                         (INSANE)

          GO! GO! HARDER!!!

                         

                         

                         

                         

          59.
          Joel inhales with all his might, sucking up massive amounts
          of thick pot smoke as Willie pushes down the plunger.

                         STONER-RIPPLE

                         DISSOLVE TO:

          WILLIE'S APARTMENT -- NIGHT
          Willie, Dean and Joel sitting around, completely baked --
          especially Joel. (We play most of the scene from Joel's
          stoned, paranoid POV.)
          Dean makes some kind of barely audible mumble -- or did he?

                         JOEL
          What?
          Long pause.

                         DEAN
          Huh?
          Joel's POV: looking from Dean to Willie. Willie sits there
          with red eyes barely open. Willie turns slowly to Joel.

                         WILLIE
          Huh?

                         JOEL
          Oh, I thought somebody said
          something.
          Willie looks at Joel, stone-faced, adding even further to
          Joel's paranoia. He stares at Joel for a long beat. Then,
          in an instant, he's right up in Joel's face.

                         WILLIE

          BWAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!
          Joel jumps back, scared shitless. Willie starts laughing his
          ass off.

                         WILLIE
          Haaaah ha... The look on your face!

                         (INSANE CACKLE)
          Man you really do get paranoid when
          you get stoned.

                         JOEL
          (fake, timid laugh)
          Yeah, heh heh...

                         

                         

                         

                         

          60.

                         DEAN
          Hey Joel, why don't you call that
          chick now?

                         JOEL
          What time is it?

                         WILLIE
          Time for you to call her and
          finally get laid man!
          (handing him the phone)
          Come on!

                         DEAN
          It's twelve thirty. She might be
          back by now.

                         JOEL
          Alright.
          Joel gets the phone number out of his pocket.

                         WILLIE
          So what's this chick look like?

                         JOEL
          Oh, she's got brown hair. Pretty
          hot. Kind of working-class
          looking...

                         WILLIE
          What do you mean by that?
           Willie stares at Joel for a beat. Joel can't tell if he's
          offended Willie or not.

                         JOEL
          Umm... Oh you know,...

                         WILLIE
          Is she kind of slutty lookin'?

                         JOEL
          Yeah...
          Beat. Joel's not sure if that was the right answer either.

                         WILLIE
          Alright! That's how I like 'em.

                         

                         

                         

                         

          61.

                         JOEL
          Yeah...

                         (UNCOMFORTABLE LAUGH)
          Kinda nasty, heh heh...
          Joel starts dialing the number.

                          JOEL (CONT'D)
          I hope I don't wake her up...

                         (LISTENS)
          It's busy.

                         DEAN
          Alright. At least you know she's
          home.

                         JOEL
          Yeah.

                         WILLIE
          Try her again. Come on.
          Joel hits redial.

                         JOEL
          Still busy... Man, what kind of
          person doesn't have call-waiting.

                         WILLIE
          I don't have call-waiting. I hate
          call-waiting. Every time I hear
          that goddamn clicking sound, I
          wanna put my fist through someone's
          head.
          Beat. Once again, Joel doesn't know whether to shit or wind
          his watch. Willie stares at him, then

                         WILLIE
          Haaa ha! Man you really do get
          paranoid when you're stoned...
          Seriously though, I fuckin' hate
          call-waiting.

                         JOEL

                         (NERVOUS CHUCKLE)
          Yeah...
          Willie grabs the phone.

                         WILLIE
          Here let me dial. You're too
          stoned.

                         

                         

                         

                         

          62.
          Willie grabs the piece of paper with Cindy's number. He
          looks at it, starts to dial, then pauses, realizing
          something.
          Willie looks up at Joel, with slowly building rage, then
          hangs up the phone.

                         WILLIE
          I'll tell you why you're getting a
          busy signal. This is my number.

                         JOEL
          Huh? But...
          Beat.

                         JOEL
          Oh... You're joking right? Trying
          to make me paranoid?
          Joel waits for Willie to start cracking up. He doesn't. He
          just continues glaring at Joel. We hear the FRONT DOOR
          UNLOCK. Everyone looks.
          CINDY enters.

                         CINDY
          Hi. Sorry I'm late, I...

                         (NOTICING JOEL)
          Joel? What are you doing here...?
          Willie stands up and walks over to Joel's chair. Dean
          suddenly stands up.

                         DEAN
          Well, it looks like you guys got a
          lot to talk about here so I think
          I'm just gonna go ahead and take
          off. Later guys.
          Dean bolts. Willie moves in closer on Joel. Joel starts to
          leave, but Willie blocks him.

                         WILLIE
          Kinda slutty?
          Willie grabs Joel and throws him against the wall. Joel
          tries to make a break for the door, but Willie hauls off and
          punches him across the face. The ass-kicking begins as we

                         CUT TO:

                         

                         

                         

                         

          63.

          INT. JOEL'S HOUSE -- NIGHT

           Joel limps into the house, his face bruised black and blue
           from the ass-kicking. He looks awful.
           As he limps into the bedroom as quietly as possible, he trips
           on something, waking up Suzie. She turns on a light and sees
          Joel.

                         SUZIE
          Oh my God Joel, are you alright?
          What happened?

                         JOEL
          I'm fine. I'm fine. I just ah...
          got my ass kicked. Go back to
          sleep.

                         SUZIE
          What? By who? What happened?

                         JOEL
          It was just... some guy over at
          Scoreboards.

                         SUZIE
          Let me drive you to the hospital.
          You need to get checked out.

                         JOEL
          No. I'll be fine. I just want to
          sleep right now, okay?

                         SUZIE
          You sure you're okay? It looks
          like your nose is broken, and your

                         EYE--

                         JOEL

                         (AGITATED)
          Don't worry about it! People get
          their asses kicked all the time!
          It's no big deal. Go back to
          sleep.

          INT. REYNOLD'S EXTRACT BUILDING - MORNING

          Joel walks past his Secretary.

                         

                         

                         

                         

          64.

                         SECRETARY
          Hi Joel. Brian wanted to see you--

                         (NOTICING)
          Oh my God, what happened?
          Joel keeps walking, MUMBLES something about falling down some
          stairs, goes into his office and shuts the door.

          INT. JOEL'S OFFICE -- CONTINUOUS ACTION

          Joel walks over to the window overlooking the production
          area. He looks down and sees Cindy working, with her back
          turned. Shakes his head.
          Brian KNOCKS on the door and enters, looking worried.

                         BRIAN
          Hi... Did you talk to Step yet?

                         JOEL
          He isn't returning my calls.

                         BRIAN
          Shit... We've got problems. He did
          hire a lawyer -- Joe Adler -- he's
          that personal injury lawyer you see
          on all the bus-stop benches. You
          oughtta see this guy. He's a real
          piece of shi--
          (noticing Joel's face)
          Oh man, what happened to you?

                         JOEL
          Oh, I fell down some stairs.

                         BRIAN
          Damn... Well anyway, I hate to say
          this, but I think we're screwed.
          There's no way this Adler guy is
          gonna settle for anything less then
          bankrupting us. Says he'll sue us
          into the stone age.

                         JOEL
          (clutches his head

                         MISERABLE)
          Shit... I gotta talk to Step.
          Brian looks at Joel's bruised face.

                         

                         

                         

                         

          65.

                         BRIAN
          Man, everyone's getting hurt.
          Cindy came in with a black eye
          today. You hear how she got it?

                         JOEL
          Ah... no.

                         BRIAN
          Step did it. Can you believe that?

                         JOEL
          No he--!

                         (CATCHES HIMSELF)
          What? Where did you hear that?

                         BRIAN
          That's what she told Mary.

                         JOEL
          But... Step? Does he even know
          her?

                         BRIAN
          Apparently they've been going out.

                         JOEL
          What?!

                         BRIAN
          I know, it's weird. They didn't
          even meet here. They met at a
          grocery store or something. Just a
          total coincidence.
          Joel looks down at Cindy on the production floor, his mind
          reeling.

                         BRIAN
          Anyway, we're gonna have to hire a
          couple of new people because

                         CINDY'S QUITTING--

                         JOEL
          Really?

                         BRIAN
          Yep. And if it's okay with you,
          I'd like to go ahead and fire
          Hector.

                         JOEL
          Fire Hector? What for?

                         

                         

                         

                         

          66.

                         BRIAN
          You know, Mary's purse? Sylvia's
          wallet? It's gotta be him. Who
          else could it be?
          Joel looks down at Cindy with growing suspicion.

                         JOEL
          No. Don't fire him. Just trust me
          on this. Give him another week.
          If anything else is stolen, then
          you can fire him.

                         BRIAN

                         (PUZZLED)
          Alright. If you say so.
          Brian looks Joel over.

                         BRIAN (CONT'D)
          Man, are you okay? Have you seen a
          doctor?
          Joel's Secretary BEEPS in.

          SECRATARY (V.0.)
          Joel, Dean is on line one for you.

                         JOEL
          Okay, thanks.

                         (TO BRIAN)
          I better get this.
          Brian leaves.

                         JOEL (CONT'D)
          Hello.

                         DEAN
          Hey man. Sorry I bailed on you
          like that last night. It's just
          that I don't like to get involved
          in other people's personal shit,
          you know what I mean?

                         JOEL
          Uh-huh.

                         DEAN
          I didn't even know Willie had a
          girlfriend. She must be new. Man,
          Willie looked pissed.

                         (CHUCKLES)

                         (MORE)

                         

                         

                         

                         

          67.

          DEAN (CON T'D)
          I thought he was gonna take a swing
          at you there for a second.

                         JOEL
          He did take a swing at me Dean.
          Several swings. In fact, he beat
          the living shit out of me.

                         DEAN
          Whoa, really?

                         JOEL
          Yes.

                         DEAN
          Wow. Man, that really goes to show
          you -- this town is smaller than
          you think. You really gotta be
          careful.
          Joel hangs up and walks out of his office, past his
          Secretary.

                         JOEL
          I'm not feeling well. I'm going to
          go home early.

          INT. JOEL'S CAR -- DAY

          Joel turns the corner to his house and does a double-take as
          he sees BRAD'S TRUCK going the opposite direction.

                         JOEL
          Shit!
          Joel slams on the brakes, turns around, chases Brad's truck
          down and cuts him off, forcing him to stop. They both get out
          of their vehicles. Joel is livid.

                         JOEL
          What the hell were you doing on my
          street again?!

                         BRAD
          Dude, you weren't supposed to be
          home for another four hours--
          Whoa, what happened to your face?

                         JOEL
          (trying to improvise a
          tough, snappy comeback,
          but can't quite make it

                         WORK)

                         (MORE)

                         

                         

                         

                         

          68.

                         JOEL (CONT'D)
          The same thing that's gonna
          happen.. Your face is gonna look
          worse if... GOD DAMMIT! If I ever
          catch you anywhere near my house or
          my wife again, I'll have you
          arrested.

                         BRAD
          For what? Suzie let me in.
          Joel is stumped -- Brad actually has a point.

                         JOEL
          What the hell is wrong with you
          anyway? Do you do this with all
          your clients -- just keep coming
          back and hanging around?

                         BRAD
          I don't know. This is my first
          one.

                         JOEL
          What?! I thought you were a
          professional!

                         BRAD
          Look man, I know she's your wife
          an' shit, but you might as well
          know -- I think we're in love.

                         JOEL
          In love?!

                         (COMING UNGLUED)
          HA! Man are you stupid. You are
          so goddamn dumb. You think she
          loves you? You're nothing but a
          piece of ass to her. That's all.

                         BRAD
          I don't think so dude.

                         JOEL
          Oh, you don't think so "dude?"
          Well did you ever think about this:
          she doesn't even know that I paid
          you to have sex with her -- did
          that cross your small mind?

                         BRAD
          Uuh..

                         

                         

                         

                         

          69.

                         JOEL
          How about I go home right now and
          tell her? Tell her you did it for
          the money. How about that loverboy?
          Brad suddenly looks worried. This really freaks him out.

                         BRAD
          You wouldn't do that.

                         JOEL
          You don't think so? Watch me.

                         BRAD
          (realizing he's serious)
           No... Dude, please don't. Please?
          Joel starts back to his car.

                         BRAD
          Look man, we really have a special
          thing going on. Please don't mess
          it up...
          Joel stops.

                         JOEL
          Don't mess it up?! You're talking
          about my wife! My house! Stupid-
          ass!
          Joel gets in his car and starts it.

                         BRAD
          (calls out to him)
          Dude, you can't do this to me.

                         JOEL
          Oh yes I can...
          Joel peels out, drives half a block and turns into his
          driveway.

          INT. JOEL'S HOUSE - MOMENTS LATER

          Joel walks in, still pissed off. Suzie is sitting on the
          couch, a little surprised to see him.

                         SUZIE
          Oh hi. You're home early.

                         

                         

                         

                         

          70.

                         JOEL

                         (COLD)
          Hi.
          Joel walks over to the sliding glass door, looks outside at
          the pool. It's filthy.

                         JOEL
          So how was that new pool cleaner?
           Suzie is caught off guard -- wonders if she's busted -- but
          she plays it cool.

                         SUZIE
          Um... What do you mean?

                         JOEL
          What do you think I mean?... Did
          he do a good job cleaning the pool?

                         SUZIE
          Ah... well--

                         JOEL
          Did he get all the... leaves? It
          doesn't really look that clean. I
          mean I'm looking at it, and I'd say
          it's pretty goddamn filthy. Did the
          guy even clean it at all? It sure
          doesn't look like it.

                         SUZIE

                         (NERVOUS)
          Well yeah, I guess he didn't do a
          very good job.

                         JOEL
          I think he did a horrible job. I
          don't think we should use him
          anymore.

                         SUZIE
          Okay.

                         JOEL
          Okay.
          Suzie watches Joel leave, a slight look of guilt on her face.

                         SUZIE
          Are you all right, Joel? You want
          an aspirin or anything?

                         

                         

                         

                         

          71.

                         JOEL
          No.

          INT. JOEL'S HOUSE - BEDROOM - MOMENTS LATER

           Quick shot of Joel staring up at the ceiling shaking his
          head, can't believe all this.

          EXT. STEP'S HOUSE -- NEXT DAY

           In a WIDE SHOT we see Joel's car is parked on the street. He
           walks up and rings the doorbell. We see Step answer, talk to
          him and then invite him in.

          INT. STEP'S HOUSE -- CONTINUOUS

          Step and Joel enter. Step's 300 POUND HALF-BROTHER sits on a
          ratty couch watching TV, drinking a huge plastic bottle of
          Pepsi. He looks like he's been sitting there for years. The
          TV is deafeningly loud.

                         STEP
          Wow, I don't think you've ever been
          to my house before. Have you?

                         JOEL
          (talking above the TV)
          Yeah, I don't think so. I would've
          remembered...

                         STEP
          This is my half brother Phil.
          Joel starts to motion "don't get up," then realizes that's
          not happening anyway. Phil nods.

                         JOEL
          Hi... Hey Step, can we talk in
          another room.

                         STEP
          Sure, let's go out back.

          EXT. STEP'S HOUSE - BACK YARD -- A LITTLE LATER

          Joel and Step sit at a picnic table.

                         

                         

                         

                         

          72.

                         STEP
          You know, my lawyer told me not to
          talk to you.

                         (BEAT)
          You're not here to try to talk me
          out of suing are you?

                         JOEL
          Oh, no... No, I'm just kind of
          curious about... ah... So you've
          been going out with Cindy, huh?

                         STEP
          Yes sir. She's my girlfriend. We
          might even get married after all
          this lawsuit-settlement stuff gets
          worked out.

                         JOEL
          .so some of the guys at work are
          saying you gave Cindy that black
          eye.

                         STEP
          What? That ain't true at all.

                         JOEL
          Yeah, I know it's not.

                         STEP
          She got it from falling down some
          stairs.

                         JOEL
          Hmm... Look, you might wanna be
          careful with Cindy.

                         STEP

                         (DEFENSIVE)
          What do you mean?

                         JOEL
          Well, I'm not sure how to put this,
          but... You know, you got a lot of
          money coming your way with this
          settlement. You might wanna be

                         CAREFUL--

                         STEP
          Oh no. No, she didn't even know
          about that 'til after we started
          going out.

                         

                         

                         

                         

          73.

                         JOEL
          You sure about that?

                         STEP
          Oh yeah. I didn't tell her about
          it for a while 'cuz I was kind of
          embarrassed, you know? You don't
          tell a girl you just met that you
          lost one of your balls. Especially
          a girl as hot as Cindy.

                         JOEL
          Yeah...

                         (DELICATELY)
          You know she lives with this guy
          Willie right?

                         STEP
          That's her ex. She broke up with
          him. She's gonna move out. She
          just needs to get all her stuff
          outta there.

                         JOEL
          You sure about that?

                         STEP
          Oh yeah. She's moving in with me.

                         JOEL
          Oh. Hmm...

                         STEP
          Look, I know Cindy's got some
          problems, but she means well.
          She's the best thing that ever
          happened to me.

                         JOEL
          Well, okay... If you say so.
          Another thing -- you just might
          want to watch your back. Some of
          the guys at work who think you gave
          Cindy the black eye were talking
          about paying you a visit -- you
          know, getting even.

                         STEP
          Oh. Well I'm not worried about
          that.
          (dead-serious, proud)
          I could kick anyone's ass at that
          whole company.

                         

                         

                         

                         

          74.

          INT. JOEL'S HOUSE - DAY

           Brad and Suzie are by the pool which is filthy. Brad starts
          coming on to Suzie. She pushes him away.

                         SUZIE
          No Brad, we can't. I'm sorry, but
          we have to stop doing this.

                         BRAD
          Why?

                         SUZIE
          It's not right. I feel horrible.
          Besides, I think Joel's getting
          suspicious. And you gotta start
          cleaning the pool too.

                         BRAD
          But I've never felt this way about
          anyone before. And I've been with
          a lot of chicks.

                         SUZIE

                         (TURNED OFF)
          Uh-huh... Look Brad, the truth is
          I love my husband. I really do.
          This was all a big mistake. I'm
          sorry. I don't know what got into
          me, but we have to stop this. I
          want to make my marriage work
          again. I'm going to tell Joel
          about the whole thing and just hope
          he forgives me. And even if he
          doesn't, at least I won't be
          carrying around this horrible
          feeling. I just can't stand that
          he doesn't know.

                         BRAD
          Uh... This doesn't mean we can't
          still see each other though, right?

                         SUZIE
          Ah, yes it does.

                         BRAD
          Why?

                         SUZIE
          Because of all the things I just
          said.

                         (MORE)

                         

                         

                         

                         

                         75

                         SUZIE (CONT'D)

                         (PATIENTLY)
          Do you need me to say them again?

                         BRAD
          Can I see you tomorrow?

                         SUZIE
          No.

                         BRAD

                         (PLEADING)
          How about next week?

                         SUZIE
          No. Look, you gotta go Brad. Joel
          could be home any second.

                         BRAD
          I'll call you tomorrow.

                         SUZIE
          (just trying to get rid of

                         HIM)
          Okay. Okay, just go and we'll talk
          later.
          Brad leans to kiss her, she pushed him away and he finally
          leaves.

                         SUZIE

                         (TO HERSELF)
          God, what a moron.

          INT. JOEL'S OFFICE - DAY

          Joel sits deep in his chair, bummed out, staring down at the
          manufacturing area. Brian walks in.

                         BRIAN
          So... you ready?

                         JOEL
          Huh?

                         BRIAN
          The meeting with Step's lawyer. Or
          lawyers I should say. It's today
          remember?

                         JOEL
          Oh shit... Alright.
          Joel drags himself out of the chair.

                         

                         

                         

                         

          76.

          INT. REYNOLDS EXTRACT - CONFRENCE ROOM - DAY

          JOE ADLER, is holding court with the various lawyers and
          paralegals waiting for the meeting to start. As promised, he
          is awful. He looks like Henry Winkler with an extra Y
          chromosome and a lot of steroids. (Maybe cast Gene Simmons
          with his hair pulled back in a pony tail.)

                         ADLER
          .You see, if both his balls had
          been knocked clean off, he would be
          a good case, but not a great case:
          A man with no balls is no man at
          all. He's a freak. He's barely
          human. He's gross. And a jury will
          never feel like they can walk in
          the shoes of a ball-less, neutered,
          he/she freak. But Step. He's
          still got one ball - barely. He's
          still a man. A man who's very
          manhood has been jeopardized, but
          still a man. And that manhood,
          that very sense of what you are as
          a human being is hanging by a
          thread. Jesus, you can't get more
          dramatic than that. That brave
          ball, hanging on for dear life,
          hanging on for justice, is going to
          be the hero of this trial. I'm
          tellin' ya this Step guy is the
          fuckin' Holy Grail, the Powerball
          Jackpot. And you all laughed at me
          when I bought those bus bench ads.
          But I knew the asses of those poor
          slobs that sit on those benches and
          ride those sweaty, stinking, cattle
          cars are our future. And I --
          Joel and Brian walk in.

                         ADLER
          Oh, hello. I'm Joe Adler...
          Everybody starts introducing each other.

          INT. REYNOLDS EXTRACT - EMPLOYEE BREAK ROOM - DAY

          A bunch of employees including Mary, Garielle, and Rory are
          talking, getting worked up.

                         

                         

                         

                         

          77.

                         RORY
          .And when they sell the company,
          Joel and Brian are gonna be the
          one's who get rich, and--

                         MARY
          And we're the ones doing all the
          work.

                         GABRIELLE
          That's right.

                         RORY
          It's bullshit man. We should get a
          piece of it. I work my ass off.

                         MARY
          Gabrielle and I work harder than
          anybody. I should be making what
          Brian makes. If you add up all the
          crates I move, I lift 10,000 pounds
          a day. Minimum.

                         GABRIELLE
          That's right. Here he's gonna make
          a million dollars, and we're the
          ones who do everything. I went to
          college. For three years.

                         MARY
          If we quit, this place couldn't
          run. They wouldn't be able to sell
          this place for anything.
          JIM, a tall skinny 50-something guy with a ridiculously big
          mustache and a little paunch, chimes in.

                         JIM
          That's why what we should do is, is
          we should all go on strike --
          demand stock in the company before
          it sells. If General Mills knew
          we were on strike, they wouldn't
          buy this place until the strike was
          over. That way they'd have to give
          us stock.
          Jim points to his head, gives everyone a "how's that" nod.
          It starts to build steam.

                         RORY
          That's right man. We should do it.
          We should strike.

                         

                         

                         

                         

          78.

                         MARY
          That's right. I could get a job at
          Gemco like that. At Gemco, all the
          employees are owners -- even says
          so on the name tags.

                         GABRIELLE
          Mmm hmm. I could get a job at
          Southwest Airlines...

          INT. REYNOLDS EXTRACT - CONFRENCE ROOM - DAY

          The meeting is already in progress. On Adler's side of the
          table are two other lawyers and a couple of paralegals. On
          Joel's side it's just he, Brian and Joel's secretary. Maybe
          one lawyer who doesn't say much.
          Everybody has in front of them a small stack of documents.
          The confrence room, like Joel's office, has a full length
          window facing the manufacturing area.

                         ADLER
          Ok gentlemen. We've gone through
          everything and the only way we
          would even begin to consider a
          settlement would be to the tune of
          the number you see on the bottom of
          page 18. Does everyone have this?
           Joel and the rest of them find page 18. Joel is stunned by
          the number.

                         JOEL
          What!!!?
          (so pissed he can barely
          get the words out)
          We don't have this much money! Not
          even close!

                         ADLER
          Not in cash you don't. Of course
          not. But if you were to sell off
          your assets: the property lease,
          the equipment, the--

                         JOEL
          What the ff-- Are you shitting
          me!? That would bankrupt us!

                         BRIAN
          This is what I've been trying to
          tell you Joel...

                         

                         

                         

                         

          79.

                         JOEL
          If you think I'm just going to give
          up this entire company that I built
          from the ground up--
          Adler jumps up, dripping with phoney, forced indignation.

                         ADLER
          How about what my client gave up!?
          His testicles! How about that!?
          He walks over to the door...

                         ADLER
          In fact, I'll make a deal with you -
          - we will drop this case right now
          if you come over here and put your
          testicles right here
          (indicates the space
          between the door and the

                         HINGES)
          and let me slam this door like
          this...
          Adler SLAMS the door ridiculously hard.

                         ADLER
          Go ahead. We can settle this right
          now -- call it even. I will drop
          this case right now if you let me
          slam your balls in this door,

          BECAUSE THAT IS WHAT HAPPENED TO MY

          CLIENT!

                         JOEL
          It was an accident!

                         ADLER
          Not according to our investigation.
          We believe that, in fact, there was
          gross negligence...

          INT. REYNOLDS EXTRACT - MANUFACTURING AREA - CONTINUOUS

          The employees, same ones in the breakroom, are milling
          around, talking, the idea of the strike gaining momentum.
          Rory points up to the confrence room.

                         RORY
          I heard those guys up there are the
          guys from General Mills.

                         

                         

                         

                         

          80.
          Employees' POV: Adler pacing around, yelling, Joel yelling
          back, etc. [They can't hear any of it.]

                         MARY
          Mmm hmm...

                         JIM
          See, now they're probably up there
          negotiating right now -- cuttin' up
          the pie that we baked. That's what
          it looks like to me.
          The employees all nod in agreement.
          Employees POV: Adler pointing at his balls, pointing to the
          door again, about to slam it. One of his lawyers stops him.

                         RORY
          We gotta act fast. They could be
          about to close the deal.

                         JIM
          Yeah, and leave us out in the cold.

                         RORY
          Yeah, then it's too late. If
          they've already sold it we can't
          get a piece of it. We gotta act
          fast. We need to do one of those
          walk outs.

                         JIM
          Well, we better do it now.

                         RORY
          Okay, who's in? We need a show of
          force. Come on, it's now or
          never...
          We PAN around the employees as the idea builds momentum,
          ending on HECTOR, who looks completely confused by it all.

          INT. REYNOLDS EXTRACT - CONFRENCE ROOM - CONTINUOUS

          The meeting heats up.

                         

                         

                         

                         

          81.

                         ADLER
          Okay then, let me go back to my
          previous offer: I will gladly come
          down on that price -- I'll come all
          the way down to zero and drop this
          case -- if you go over there right
          now and slam your testicles in that
          door! Because--

                         JOEL
          I don't wanna slam my testicles in
          the door! I want you to be
          reasonable! You won't even budge
          one penny! Come on!

                         ADLER
          Like I say, if you slam your--

                         JOEL
          I'll slam your balls in the door!

                         ADLER
          I'm sorry, did you just threaten
          me?
          Brian puts his hand on Joel, motions him to calm down.

                         BRIAN
          Look, we need to cool off a minute.
          We'll be right back.
          Brian leads Joel out of the room.

          HALLWAY - CONTINUOUS

                         JOEL
          I don't need this. I'm going home.

          INT. REYNOLDS EXTRACT - MANUFACTURING AREA - CONTINUOUS

          Joel walks down the stairs. The group of employees see him
          and ready themselves for the big confrontation. Joel notices
          them all looking at him and stops.

                         JOEL
          Yeah?... What?
          But they are ill-prepared. No one knows who should talk
          first. It's incredibly awkward. They all look at each other
          and mutter things like, "go ahead" "you first". Finally...

                         

                         

                         

                         

          82.

                         RORY
          Umm... We were just uh...

                         JIM
          Well, Rory was talking about how
          you guys are doing this deal with
          General Mills and we just think
          that ah... We were considering the
          idea of ah...

                         RORY
          Well, we just think that we should
          maybe get a piece of it, you know
          cuz we do all the work... And if we
          don't... um...
          Joel's in no mood for this. He goes off on them.

                         JOEL
          You know what? Fine. Fine.
          You're all in charge -- all of you.
          (gestures to all the

                         EMPLOYEES)
          As of now. You run the goddamn
          place. Go ahead. In fact, you can
          go up there right now and meet with
          Adler. He may slam your balls in
          the door, but woohoo! You're the
          boss!
          Joel storms out, leaving the employees standing there.
          A BICKERING MATCH erupts over who was supposed to do the
          talking, who said they would say what, who backed down first,
          etc. "I was gonna say something but you interrupted," "You
          didn't say anything when he was leaving, so I thought you
          were quitting. I would've stood up to him."
          As the argument dies down, one by one they all go back to
          their posts, muttering.

          INT. JOEL'S HOUSE - KITCHEN - DAY

          Joel is sitting at the table, picking at some food, looking
          miserable. Suzie comes over, gathers up her nerve.

                         SUZIE
          Listen Joel, there's something I
          have to tell you. I think we need
          to be honest with each other.
          Suzie sits down.

                         

                         

                         

                         

          83.

                         SUZIE (CONT'D)
          I'm not sure how to say this, but --
          well, you've been so caught up in
          you're work lately, and I'm here
          alone all day and sometimes I just--

                         JOEL
          You banged the pool cleaner.

                         SUZIE
          Wha...
          Suzie is stunned.

                         JOEL
          That's what you're trying to tell
          me right? You had sex with Brad?

                         SUZIE
          You knew?

                         JOEL
          Yes I knew. I hired him.

                         SUZIE
          Well I know you hired him, but how
          did you know about--

                         JOEL
          I don't mean I hired him to clean
          the pool, I mean I hired him to
          have sex with you.

                         SUZIE
          What?

                         JOEL
          He's a gigolo Suzie.
          Suzie is stupefied.

                         SUZIE
          But... what... Why?
          Joel is so fed up, he just tells her everything.

                         JOEL
          I hired him to have an affair with
          you so that I could have an affair
          without feeling guilty. I was
          really drunk and on some kind of
          horse tranquilizer and--

                         

                         

                         

                         

          84.

                         SUZIE
          Brad was getting paid?...
          (disbelief, hurt)
          So you've been paying Brad this
          whole time? All fifteen times?!

                         JOEL
          FIFTEEN TIMES?! Jesus Christ
          Suzie!
          Joel sinks into his chair, shaking his head.

                         JOEL (CONT'D)
          I only paid him once -- well,
          twice. The rest was on the house.
          Long beat as Suzie tries to let it all sink in.

                         SUZIE
          You wanted to have an affair with
          another woman?

                         JOEL
          Yes. But I didn't.
          Suzie paces around for a moment, reeling, processing all
          this. Then, decisively,

                         SUZIE
          You asshole.

                         JOEL
          Oh, I'm the asshole?

                         SUZIE
          Yes! How could you?

                         JOEL

                         (LAUGHS)
          How could I? How could you?!!!
          You didn't have to have sex with
          him. You could've simply said "No
          thanks. Just clean the pool," but
          you didn't, did you?! No, you took
          him up on his little offer and had
          sex with him -- fifteen times!

                         SUZIE
          None of this would've happened if
          you hadn't hired him.

                         

                         

                         

                         

          85.

                         JOEL
          Okay. I'll admit, I made a big
          mistake. I was drunk, on drugs,
          stressed, sexually frustrated and I
          shouldn't have hired a male
          prostitute to seduce you. But if
          you had simply been faithful, none
          of this would've happened.
          Suzie just looks at him for a beat.

                         SUZIE
          You're sick, you know that?
          Beat. Joel can't really argue this point.

                         JOEL
          What do you see in Brad anyway?
          He's borderline retarded. You
          probably could've been arrested for
          having sex with a guy that dumb.

                         SUZIE
          That's it. I'm leaving.
          Suzie heads for the door. Joel follows after her.

                         JOEL
          No. You're not leaving me. I'm
          leaving you!

                         SUZIE
          Fine.
          Joel opens the door, about to storm out, only to find
          NATHAN, standing right there about to ring the doorbell.

                         NATHAN
          Oh, hey guys. Glad I caught ya.
          You guys hardly ever answer the
          door. Heh heh.
          They are both so flustered, they can barely talk.

                         SUZIE
          Now's not a good time Nathan.
          Joel turns around, storms off back into the house.

                         NATHAN
          Oh, you guys goin' somewhere?

                         

                         

                         

                         

          86.

                         SUZIE
          No. Look, we can't talk right now.

                         NATHAN
          Well, you think I could go ahead
          and get that check from ya then?
          I'm just trying to balance my
          checkbook here...

                         SUZIE
          Now's not a good time.

                         NATHAN
          When would be a good time, you
          think?

                         SUZIE
          I don't know.

                         NATHAN
          See the thing is--

                         SUZIE
          Okay tomorrow.

                         NATHAN
          Great, what time?

                         SUZIE
          I don't know. Just come by
          tomorrow. I can't talk now.

                         NATHAN
          Okay great. And if you could just
          go ahead and have that check,
          that'd be great. It's a hundred
          and ten. That's two plates at

                         FIFTY-FIVE--

                         SUZIE
          Yeah, Okay...
          Suzie shuts the door, cutting him off.

           EXT. EXTENDED STAY AMERICA SUITES -- DAY

           Joel checks into an Extended Stay America hotel.(a chain of
          hotels that rent by the week.)
          Quick shot of Joel sitting alone in the room. He drops his
          suitcase and glumly sits down on the bed, grabs the remote.

                         

                         

                         

                         

          87.
          He turns on Spectravision and surfs the Adult titles, decides
          he's not into it and switches back to regular TV only to find
          American Idol is on. He stares at it for a beat, then flops
          down on the bed and stares at the ceiling.

          INT. SCOREBOARDS SPORTS BAR -- NIGHT

          Joel sits at the bar, drowning his sorrows. Dean is over by
          the cash register, tending to some business. Brad enters,
          walks over to Joel. Joel looks the other way.

                         BRAD
          Hey man... I know you probably
          want to kick my ass, but--

                         JOEL
          I couldn't kick your ass if I
          wanted to. You're a good 10 years
          younger than me, and I'm a pussy.
          So why don't you just leave me
          alone.

                         BRAD
          I just wanted to tell you, I'm not
          gonna see Suzie anymore. You don't
          have to worry.
          Joel keeps drinking his beer, stares straight ahead.

                         BRAD
          The last time I was over there, she
          broke it off; told me to quit
          coming over... She said she was
          gonna tell you everything -- you
          know, about us. She's really into
          you dude. I guess that's why she
          married you an' shit... You're a
          lucky guy... Sorry if I messed shit
          up.
          Beat. Joel takes another swig.

                         JOEL
          Why'd you have to get hung up on
          Suzie? You could have any girl you
          want.

                         BRAD
          Yeah, but I want Suzie. And I
          can't have her.

                         JOEL
          You had her fifteen times.

                         

                         

                         

                         

          88.

                         BRAD
          Yeah, but she doesn't love me dude.
          It's just not the same... Anyway,
          just wanted to tell you that.

                         JOEL
          Well... You told me.

                         BRAD
          Alright, later...
          Brad starts to leave. Then he stops, turns around.

                         BRAD
          Oh, one more thing... I quit my
          landscaping job... And I don't
          think I'm really cut out to be a
          gigolo. So I was wondering if you
          had any openings over there at your
          extract place?

                         JOEL

                         (EXASPERATED SIGH)
          Brad, you had sex with my wife.
          I'm not gonna give you a job, okay?

                         BRAD
          Okay... Sorry man.
          Brad walks away. Joel stares at his beer for a beat,
          thinking. He calls out to Brad.

                         JOEL
          Hey Brad?...
          Brad stops.

                         BRAD
          Yeah?

                         JOEL
          I don't know... Maybe come by the
          office tomorrow. Fill out an
          application. I'll see what I can
          do.

                         BRAD
          Cool. Thanks man.

                         

                         

                         

                         

          89.

          INT. JOEL'S OFFICE - NEXT DAY

          Brian sits with Joel. They both look pretty miserable.
          Brian looks down at some papers, shaking his head.

                         BRIAN
          We're screwed. General Mills has
          pretty much withdrawn the offer
          pending a really favorable
          settlement with Step.
          (shaking his head)
          Not only do we not sell the
          company, we could wind up bankrupt.

                         JOEL
          (muttering to himself)
          So I don't sell the company, don't
          get the money, I'm bankrupt, I
          don't get Cindy, I paid a guy to
          have sex with my wife, and she
          actually did it...

                         BRIAN
          Excuse me?

                         JOEL
          Nothing.

          EXT. JOEL'S HOUSE - POOL -- DAY

          Suzie is trying to clean the pool herself, struggling with
          the long pole with the net at the end. She looks miserable.

          NATHAN (O.S.)
          Hello?
          Nathan enters through the back gate.

                         SUZIE

                         (MUTTERS)
          Shit...
          Nathan walks over to Suzie. She's in no mood for this. She
          acts as unfriendly as possible.

                         NATHAN
          Why are you cleaning the pool
          yourself? That new guy didn't work
          out?

                         

                         

                         

                         

          90.

                         SUZIE
          Yeah, didn't work out.

                         NATHAN
          Boy, you just can't get good help,
          eh?

                         SUZIE
          Yeah.

                         NATHAN
          So, did you get a chance to write
          that check?

                         SUZIE
          Look Nathan, Joel and I aren't
          going to that dinner okay?
          Nathan acts deeply disappointed.

                         NATHAN
          Well gee, I wish you would've told
          me that before I went and bought
          the tickets.

                         SUZIE
          Joel never agreed to this Nathan,
          and neither did I.

                         NATHAN
          Well, it sure sounded like you guys
          were going. Leslie was gonna talk
          to you about it, but you didn't
          return our calls. I mean, I
          already bought these tickets.
          They're nonrefundable. I really
          wish you guys had been a little
          more clear with me...
          It's the last straw. Suzie has had enough. She unleashes
          all her pent-up aggression on Nathan.

                         SUZIE
          Okay, let me be really clear with
          you then. When we say "I don't
          think so," or even "I'm not sure,"
          that means "no." Why can't you
          understand that?

                         NATHAN
          Well, I just--

                         

                         

                         

                         

          91.

                         SUZIE
          Shut up! In fact, let me be even
          more clear with you. We don't like
          you! Is that clear enough? You're
          dull, you never shut up, you never
          listen, and we don't want anything
          to do with you ever again!
          Nathan freezes, in some kind of state of shock. He starts to
          shake a little. Suzie just keeps going -- it feels too good
          to stop.

                         SUZIE
          Is that clear enough for you
          Nathan?! Is that...?
          Nathan starts to go into some kind of seizure.

                         SUZIE

                         (WORRIED)
          Nathan?
          Nathan's eyes roll back into his head, and he collapses.
          Suzie SCREAMS.

          EXT. EXTENDED STAY AMERICA SUITES -- NIGHT

          Joel pulls into the parking lot. He looks surprised, seeing
          something on the other side of the lot that gets his
          attention.

                         JOEL

                         (TO HIMSELF)
          No way...
          From JOEL'S POV, we see Cindy pull up and get out of her car.
          Joel watches as she gets out with a grocery bag and heads up
          the stairs. Joel gets out and watches her from a distance.
          He sees her go into a room and shut the door.
          He stares up at the door for a beat. Then, with a look of
          determination, Joel walks up the stairs and knocks on her
          door.

          INT. CINDY'S ROOM -- CONTINUOUS ACTION

          Cindy opens the door, a little startled to see Joel, but
          pleasant to him.

                         CINDY
          Oh... Joel. I ah,...

                         

                         

                         

                         

          92.

                         JOEL
          Hi.

                         CINDY
          What're you...? What's up? How'd
          you know I was here?

                         JOEL
          Ah, actually, I'm staying here too.
          Down on the first floor, around the
          back. I thought I saw you so I
          ah...

                         CINDY
          Well, come in.
          Joel enters, stands in the living room. Cindy heads in to
          the kitchen.

          CINDY (O.S.)
          Do you want something to drink? I
          think all I have is Diet Coke.
          Joel notices MARY'S PURSE lying on the coffee table. He
          stares at it.

                         JOEL
          No thanks.
          Cindy comes back in with a Diet Coke.

                         CINDY
          Have a seat.
          Joel remains standing, looking at the purse.

                         JOEL
          That's Mary's purse... Isn't it?

                         CINDY
          What?

                         JOEL
          Right there. That's Mary's purse.

                         CINDY
          Oh that? No, that's mine... So
          how are things at work?

                         JOEL
          That's Mary's purse. You stole it,
          didn't you?

                         

                         

                         

                         

          93.
           Cindy acts like he's being silly. There's nothing about her
          demeanor that would make anybody think she's lying.

                         CINDY
          No. It probably just looks like
          it. There's a lot of those.

                         JOEL
          I've never seen another one. You
          probably have Sylvia's wallet in
          here somewhere too, don't you? And
          everything else that's been stolen
          from my employees.

                         CINDY
          Joel, are you okay?

                         JOEL
          No, I'm not. That's Mary's purse
          Goddammit! Okay? Everyone blamed
          Hector. He almost got fired.
          Doesn't that bother you?

                         CINDY
          (innocent, sweet)
          Joel, I don't know what you're--

                         JOEL
          Hector! Hard working guy, never
          did anything wrong. And what are
          you doing with Step? You're trying
          to screw him out of his settlement
          money aren't you?

                         CINDY
          I have no idea what you're talking
          about.

                         JOEL
          Yes you do! You're the only reason
          he's suing us aren't you? You know
          how much work it took for me to
          build up that company? You just
          don't care about anybody do you?
          What are you, some kind of
          sociopath?
          Cindy looks like Joel might be getting to her.

                          JOEL (CONT'D)
          You can't even admit that you stole
          this purse can you? You just can't
          do it.

                         (MORE)

                         

                         

                         

                         

          94.

                         JOEL (CONT'D)
          In fact, you probably can't tell
          the truth about much of anything,
          can you?...
          Cindy turns away from him, looking down at the floor.

                         JOEL
          I bet Cindy's not even your real
          name is it? Who are you? Where
          the hell are you from?
          Cindy, still looking away, doesn't answer.

                         JOEL (CONT'D)
          You can't answer can you? Because
          if you said one true thing, you'd
          have to tell the truth about
          something else and then it would
          all unravel wouldn't it? Then
          you'd have to admit that you stole
          this purse and God knows what else.
          Beat. Cindy still looking away, down at the floor. We see
          her eyes well up, about to cry, but Joel doesn't notice.

                         JOEL

                         (COMPOSES HIMSELF)
          Well, I'm leaving now.
          Joel picks up the purse.

                         JOEL
          And I'm taking this purse with me.
          If it really is yours, you can call
          the police and tell 'em I stole
          it... In fact, I'm gonna call the
          police and report it...
          Joel walks towards the door. Then Cindy slumps down on the
          couch, mutters something, still looking down at the floor,
          her voice cracking slightly.

                         CINDY
          Please don't...
          Joel stops.

                         JOEL
          What?

                         

                         

                         

                         

          95.

                         CINDY
          (still looking down)
          Please don't report it to the
          police. I'm on probation. I'll go
          to jail. For a long time.

                         JOEL
          Well... Maybe you should've thought
          about that before you started
          ripping off my employees.
          Joel starts to open the door.

                         CINDY
          Joel? Please? I'll leave Step
          alone. I promise. He'll drop the
          lawsuit.
          Joel considers this.

                         JOEL
          How do I know that?

                         CINDY
          You can keep the purse. If I don't
          leave him alone; if he doesn't drop
          the lawsuit, then you can report
          me. Please?
          Beat.

                         JOEL
          Hmm... I guess that ah... Do you
          have Sylvia's wallet, and Jim's
          watch? Can I get those too?
          Beat. Cindy nods, still looking down. Joel considers it.

                         JOEL
          Well... Okay then. I guess that
          works.

                         (REALIZING)
          And I guess you just admitted that
          you stole the purse. That's good,
          I guess... A step in the right
          direction...
          Joel sits down on the couch also. With her head still down,
          Cindy is weeping quietly. Joel doesn't notice, looking
          straight ahead.

                         

                         

                         

                         

          96.

                         JOEL
          So what's your deal anyway?... I
          mean, how did you end up like this?
          Joel finally looks over, notices that she's crying. He's
          caught off guard.

                         JOEL
          .Ah... Cindy?
          Cindy breaks down and starts bawling.

                         JOEL (CONT'D)
          Okay, now you see... that's what
          I'm talking about. You're trying
          to manipulate me now, and I'm not
          gonna fall for it...
          Cindy starts bawling even harder.

                         JOEL (CONT'D)
          I really hope you're not faking
          this right now, because I'm feeling
          really bad. Are you faking it?
          Cindy shakes her head "no."

                         JOEL
          I'm sorry, I was just curious, you
          know, how a person ends up like...
          this...
          Cindy suddenly starts BAWLING hysterically.
          Joel stands there awkwardly, not sure if he should hug her or
          comfort her in any way.

                         JOEL
          Never mind. I'm sorry...
          Joel tentatively puts a comforting arm around her and she
          leans in to him, crying on his chest.
          He puts his other arm around her and she snuggles in even
          closer. As her crying gradually subsides she snuggles in
          even more. Finally, she lifts her head and they start
          kissing. As they get hot and heavy we

                         DISSOLVE TO:

                         

                         

                         

                         

          97.

          EXT. EXTENDED STAY AMERICA SUITES -- MORNING

          Wide shot of the Hotel. It's a beautiful morning.

          INT. CINDY'S ROOM - DAY

          Joel wakes up, looking more relaxed than we've ever seen him.
          We PULL OUT to reveal that he's alone in Cindy's bed. He
          sits up, yawns. He has a big satisfied smile on his face.

                         JOEL
          Cindy?
          He looks around, realizes he's alone. Then suddenly looks
          worried.

                         JOEL (CONT'D)
          Oh shit!
          He scrambles for his pants, then looks relieved as he
          realizes his wallet is still there. He sets down the pants,
          then after a beat, picks them up again, checks inside the
          wallet and sees there's still cash and credit cards. Then he
          looks up at the chest of drawers and sees: Mary's purse,
          Sylvia's wallet, and a watch, placed side by side.
          He lies back in bed, and shuts his eyes, grinning again.

          INT. REYNOLD'S EXTRACT /MANUFACTURING AREA -- MORNING

          Extract bottles moving along the assembly line full steam.
          Mary and Gabriella gossiping.

                         MARY
          (looks at her watch)
          Joel hasn't been in all morning.
          can you believe that?

                         GABRIELLE
          If we come in late, we get fired.
          And here we're working our tails
          off, and he's gonna get rich.
          Joel walks in, bright-eyed and cheery, greeting people. He
          walks over to Mary carrying her PURSE.

                         JOEL
          Here you go Mary.

                         

                         

                         

                         

          98.
          Joel hands her the purse. Mary looks at it, not quite sure
          how to react, not ever wanting to appear grateful for
          anything -- not in her nature.

                         JOEL (CONT'D)
          And by the way, Hector didn't take
          it. Cindy did.
          Joel walks off. Mary just shakes her head at him. She
          whispers to Gabriella.

                         MARY
          Can you believe that? Blaming
          Cindy just to protect Hector.

          INT. JOEL'S OFFICE - DAY

          Joel is at his desk. Brian comes in.

                         BRIAN
          Step's here to see you.

                         JOEL
          Really? Bring him in.

                         BRIAN
          No, he's outside. At the loading
          dock. Wants to talk to you alone
          back there for some reason.

                         (CRUDE IMMITATION)
          "Man to man."

          EXT. REYNOLDS EXTRACT - LOADING DOCK

          Step is pacing around, waiting. Joel comes out.

                         JOEL
          Hi Step...

                         STEP
          Hey.

                         JOEL
          How you doin'? How's your, ah...

                         STEP
          (looking down at his

                         CROTCH)
          Oh it's okay. Some days it still
          hurts, but they've got me on some
          pills. It's not too bad I guess...

                         

                         

                         

                         

          99.

                         JOEL
          Well... that's good.
          They both sit down on the edge of the dock.

                         STEP
          Look, ah... Cindy left me.
          Joel's nods, not surprised, but sympathetic.

                         JOEL
          Wow... Bummer...

                         STEP
          Yeah, it is a bummer... You know, I
          thought the worst part was having
          my balls knocked off, but you know
          what the worse part is? Dealin'
          with all this bullshit... I'm sick
          of that Adler guy tellin' me what
          to do. He's a real dick.

                         JOEL
          Yeah, he sure is.

                         STEP
          The truth is, I just want to have
          my old life back -- I just want to
          go back to work. I'm a workin'
          man; that's what I do.

                         JOEL
          Yeah... I'm beginning to think I
          might be the same way... I'm a
          little worried about what I'd do
          with too much time on my hands.

                         STEP
          I just lay around and watch TV all
          day.

                         JOEL
          Yeah,... I think I do a lot worse.

                         STEP
          The problem is, if I bankrupt the
          company, there won't be a job to go
          back to.

                         JOEL
          You don't have to bankrupt the
          company.

                         

                         

                         

                         

          100.

                         STEP
          Yeah, but then if I drop the
          lawsuit, you'll sell the company,
          and the new company might not hire
          me.

                         JOEL
          Well, maybe I don't have to sell
          the company... You know I've been
          thinking; all these years I've been
          building this company, dreaming
          about the day I could sell it and
          retire, but what would I really do
          if I retired? It's like that old
          saying -- it's not about the
          destination, it's about the
          journey?
          Step just stares at him blankly, he lost him.

                         JOEL
          I guess what I'm saying is, too
          much free time might not be such a
          good thing -- like that old saying,
          idle hands are the Devil's
          playground?
          Step's never heard that one either.

                         STEP
          I'm sorry, I don't do much book
          readin'.

                         JOEL
          What I'm saying is, I'm thinking
          maybe I won't sell the company...

                         STEP
          Really?

                         JOEL
          that is, if you dropped the
          lawsuit. -- and remember, you'll
          still get that insurance money --
          probably a couple hundred thousand.
          What do you think?

                         STEP
          Hmm. That sounds fair... But
          under one condition...

                         JOEL
          What's that?

                         

                         

                         

                         

          101.

                         STEP
          You make me floor manager.

                         JOEL
          Deal.
          They shake hands.

          INT. REYNOLDS EXTRACT - MANUFACTURING AREA

          Joel walks in with Step at his side. Addresses the
          employees.

                         JOEL
          Hold the line!
          Mary shuts off the conveyer belt.

                         JOEL
          Okay, listen up everybody.
          (Waits for them to settle)
          I've decided not to sell the
          company...
          Gasps and murmurs among the employees.

                         JOEL
          And I'm making Step the new Floor
          Manager.
          More gasps and murmurs.

                         JOEL
          And if anyone doesn't like it, I
          hear they're hiring over at
          Gemco... But just remember, at
          Gemco, the owner doesn't know your
          names; you never even meet him,
          he's at an office up in Chicago
          somewhere and you get an auto-
          response if you try to email him to
          complain about anything. Here, you
          can come up to my office any time
          you have a problem. Thanks.
          Joel walks off. Brian catches up with him.

                         BRIAN
          Huh? You're not selling?

                         

                         

                         

                         

          102.

                         JOEL
          It's about the journey Brian. The
          journey.
          ANGLE on Mary. She and Gabrielle start right back up.

                         MARY
          You know, if Joel's going to put
          him in charge, we should go on
          strike. You know, at Gemco, the
          union handles the strikes and you
          don't even have to--
          PULL OUT as Step cuts her off.

                         STEP
          Quit yapping and get back to work
          or you're fired.
          Step walks off -- maybe pops a testosterone pill. Mary and
          Gabrielle keep muttering and shaking their heads.
          LONG PULL OUT as things get back to normal at the factory.

          INT. CHAPEL - DAY

          We are CLOSE ON NATHAN, in a coffin, embalmed. We PULL OUT
          to see mourners lined up, taking a last look at the body.
          Joel is among them. He looks down at Nathan for a moment and
          then continues to his seat. A few rows back, we see SUZIE,
          sitting by herself, dressed in black.

          EXT. CEMETERY - DAY

          Quick shot of Nathan's casket being lowered into the ground
          as the priest says the last few words.

          EXT. CEMETERY - A LITTLE LATER

          People hug and console each other. Joel sees Suzie, walks
          over to her.

                         JOEL
          Hi... You doing okay?

                         SUZIE
          Yeah, I'm okay.

                         

                         

                         

                         

          103.

                         JOEL
          I heard you were right there when
          it happened. That must've been
          rough.

                         SUZIE
          It was horrible Joel. He came over
          to ask for that check, and I
          just...
          Suzie breaks down, starts CRYING.

                         SUZIE (CONT'D)
          .I just lost it. I started
          yelling at him. I said horrible
          things. He had an aneurism and I
          probably caused it.

                         (CRYING UNCONTROLLABLY)
          I think the last thing I said to
          him was "shut up." Those were the
          last words he heard.
          Joel hugs her, consoling.

                         JOEL
          It's okay, it's not your fault...
          It's not your fault.
          Suzie's crying subsides a little.

                         SUZIE
          It could happen to any of us Joel.
          Any of us could have an aneurism.
          We could die at any moment.

                         JOEL
          Yeah, I know... I know... But we
          probably won't. It'll be alright.
          Suzie starts to regain her composure.
          They stand there for a beat.

                         JOEL
          You wanna go get something to
          eat... or something?
          Beat. Suzie still sniffling a little.

                         SUZIE
          Yeah, okay. Sure.

                         

                         

                         

                         

          104.
          They walk off towards the cemetery gates. After a while,
          Joel hands Suzie a Kleenex.

                         JOEL
          Here...

                         SUZIE
          Thanks.
          They walk a little further. Joel looks at the Chapel nearby.

                         JOEL
          Maybe we should've been married in
          a Church like that one. Instead of
          the Botanical Gardens.

                         SUZIE
          I thought you liked the Botanical
          Gardens?

                         JOEL
          Yeah, but... a church just seems
          more -- I don't know -- official.

                         SUZIE
          You think it would've made a
          difference?

                         JOEL
          I don't know... So, are we still
          married?

                         SUZIE
          Well, legally yes.

                         JOEL
          I mean otherwise.

                         SUZIE
          Hmmm... We can talk about it I
          suppose.

                         JOEL
          Alright.
          They walk for a beat.

                         JOEL
          You know, this is really bad,
          but... Oh never mind.

                         SUZIE
          What?

                         

                         

                         

                         

          105.

                         JOEL
          Well, as I was looking down at
          Nathan there, I was thinking...
          That's the longest I've ever seen
          him with his mouth shut.
          Suzie LAUGHS in spite of herself.

                         SUZIE
          Joel!
          They walk off into the distance as we

          FADE OUT.



                        THE END