BRIDESMAIDS


                                 Written by

                                Annie Mumolo



                                                           8/12/09

                         

                         

                         

                         

          INT. CLEAN, UPSCALE. MODERN BATHROOM.

          Annie is in nice lingerie, happily getting ready for the
          day. She puts a lot of effort into her appearance.
          Products everywhere, too many hair-flips, eye-cream, no
          hair out of place.
          She walks into the bedroom, where TED, a gorgeous man
          sleeps. She sneaks back into the bed, carefully
          positioning herself and moving the sheets to show her
          good parts.
          She coughs and nudges Ted to wake him up then pretend
          sleeps.

                         TED
          Good morning.
          Annie pretends to wake up.

                         TED (CONT'D)
          Wow, you look beautiful.

                         ANNIE

                         (ACTING EMBARRASSED)
          What? No. I don't. Oh my God its the
          morning. I look terrible. I just woke up.

                         TED
          Last night was fun.

                         ANNIE
          Yeah, I had the best time. I have't had
          that much fun on a first date in years,
          ever...
          She brushes the hair off his forehead as if he were her
          long time lover.

                         TED
          So listen Annie, I like you. So, I want
          to be up front with you. I'm not really
          looking for a relationship right now.
          Annie's eyes grow large. She uncomfortably smiles at him,
          nodding.

                         ANNIE
          Oooooo. Oops. I mean, yeah. What?

                         TED
          I just want to be honest right off the
          bat.

                         

                         

                         

                         

          2.

                         ANNIE
          Yeah, yeah. Ok. Yeah. Yeah. I love that.
          Annie struggles to maintain her composure.

                         TED
          I'm just so busy and I don't have time
          for another person...I...

                         ANNIE
          Yeah, me too, I'm soo busy--

                         TED
          And summer's coming--

                         ANNIE
          Yeah, summer, exactly. It's a crazy
          season. So you just wanna give me a call
          in the fall or--?

                         TED
          Yeah, I'm not gonna be in town much even
          in the fall--

                         ANNIE
          You shouldn't be! Yeah, Halloween--

                         TED
          I'm gonna be travelling a lot for work.

                         ANNIE
          Me too, I'm just- so many business trips
          to places that are just far awayâcause
          I'm doing really well at work.

                         TED
          And honestly, (sits up) I don't even know
          how I feel about the whole monogamy
          thing, is one person really enough for
          anyone? I mean, I like to be with a lot
          of different people.

                         ANNIE
          It is sooo refreshing to hear you say
          that, because isn't that what everyone
          thinks but is afraid to say? I mean, i's
          science. I'm-I don't want a relationship
          either. Let's just say that. And I
          wouldn't even care whatever you do or I
          do, I just wanna have tons of fun, like
          no strings attached at all. I'm just
          different from other girls.

                         

                         

                         

                         

          3.

                         TED
          Yeah. Well anyway, I really should get
          going. I was gonna get a haircut today.

                         ANNIE
          Yeah, they say that every couple months
          it's good to trim the ends, you know, get
          all the dead stuff. So, cool. Cool. 've
          cut hair before.
          He waits, but Annie doesn't budge.

                         TED
          Well, like I said I got stuff to do.
          Annie notices a picture of a sailboat above the bed.

                         ANNIE
          Yeah, me too. Gonna try to get some
          sailing in before the weather gets
          crazy...

                         TED HOLLY
          Cool, well I don't wanna be Get up the jib..
          late.
          Ted gets up. Awkward moment leading into...

          EXT. HOUSE. FRONT DOOR. MOMENTS LATER.


                         TED
          Oh, and thanks for the lemon bars.

                         ANNIE
          Oh, no problem. Made from scratch.

          EXT. DRIVEWAY

          Annie stands at the closed driveway gate waiting as Ted
          repeatedly presses the button. She smiles at a neighbor.

                         TED
          Sometimes it sticks!

                         ANNIE
          No, I love it!
          The gate starts to open. Annie exits.

          ANNIE (CONT'D)
          Byyyyee!

                         

                         

                         

                         

          4.

          EXT. STREET. OUTSIDE THE GATE

          Annie sits in her old shitty car. She lets out an
          exasperated sigh, then sees the clock.

                         ANNIE
          Oh, shit.
          The brakes squeak as she very slowly drives away.

          INT. ANNIE'S CAR IN TRAFFIC. CONTINUOUS.

          Annie gets out her phone and speed dials LILLIAN.

          INT. LILLIAN'S BEDROOM.

          Lillian is getting dressed. Upscale, professional
          clothes.

                         LILLIAN
          It's summer?! What the hell does that
          mean? He can't date anyone in the summer?

                         ANNIE
          I guess? I don't know. I feel so stupid
          now.

                         LILLIAN
          No he's stupid Ann, not you.

                         ANNIE
          I think I might be a little bit stupid.

                         LILLIAN
          Ew. Did you have sex with him?

                         ANNIE
          No! But I gave him a blow job.

                         LILLIAN
          What?!

                         ANNIE
          Well, he kept putting it in my face.
          Lillian's boyfriend DOUGIE enters the bedroom eating a
          Luna Bar in his sweats. He's stretching and flexing his
          muscles trying to make her laugh.

                         

                         

                         

                         

          5.

                         LILLIAN
          Well, at least he was honest with you so
          you don't waste your time with him.

                         DOUGIE
          Baby, look how hard I worked out. Look at
          all this sweat.

                         LILLIAN
          Can you see that I'm on the phone? I'm
          talking to Annie.

                         DOUGIE
          Hey Annie.

                         LILLIAN
          Are you eating my Luna Bar? Those are for
          women you know?

                         DOUGIE
          Shit. Really?!

                         LILLIAN
          It's not gonna do anything to you.

                         DOUGIE
          Oh my God. My breasts are getting bigger.
          He tries to rub up against Lillian.

                         LILLIAN
          Ew, go take a shower.
          Dougie leaves.

          DOUGIE (O.S.)
          I'm gonna play with my new boobs in
          there.

                         LILLIAN
          I swear I cannot handle him right now. He
          has been driving me crazy. Sometimes it
          feels like I'm kissing my brother. I
          don't know what do.
          Annie pulls into an alleyway behind HARRINGTO'S JEWELRY
          STORE and starts changing into her work uniform in the
          car. A white blouse and navy skirt.

                         ANNIE
          At least you have someone. God, wha's
          wrong with me?

                         

                         

                         

                         

          6.

                         LILLIAN
          There's nothing wrong with you. But I
          think maybe, and don't get mad at me,
          I've said this to you before, you need to
          stop trying so hard.

                         ANNIE
          I still don't think I do that.

                         LILLIAN
          OK, so you had a first date last night.
          Did you bring him a present?
          Annie is silent.

          LILLIAN (CONT'D)
          Ann, what did I tell you?

                         ANNIE
          I brought him lemon-bars because I was
          making them anyway, as a friend. Yo're
          right, that's weird.

          DOUGIE (O.S.)
          Shit!

                         LILLIAN
          What?!

          DOUGIE (O.S)
          I just chipped a nail!

                         LILLIAN
          Ok, I don't know if it's because I'm
          tired or what, but I wanna kill him.

                         ANNIE
          Ok, just take a deep breath, look in the
          mirror and remember when I was getting my
          braces off and farted at the
          orthodontist.
          Lillian laughs.

                         LILLIAN
          Oh my God. We need to hang out. 'm
          coming to Milwaukee this weekend.

                         ANNIE
          Are you serious?

                         

                         

                         

                         

          7.

                         LILLIAN
          We'll go to Joni's and pig out and I'll
          bring some shitty magazines, and I'm
          gonna spend the night.

                         ANNIE
          God, I haven't seen you in months!

                         LILLIAN
          I'll call you tomorrow. Bye.
          They hang up. Dougie is in the doorway wearing her
          nightie stretched over his body.

                         DOUGIE
          Baby, I'm going through some changes...

                         LILLIAN
          (laughing) You're an idiot.
          We see she gets a kick out of him.

          INT. HARRINGTON'S JEWELRY STORE.

          Annie enters hurriedly pulling her hair into a bun.

                         ANNIE
          Hi. Sorry, sorry! I'm here. I'm here.

                         DONNA
          (quickly) Annie! Thank God. OK people!
          Gather around me please, in a tight
          semicircle.
          Annie and six other employees gather around DONNA.

          DONNA (CONT'D)
          (slightly overdramatic) Something
          terrible has happened. Donald will not
          be coming in to work today. He stepped
          on a wasp and there is some uncomfortable
          swelling.
          Employees mumble.

          DONNA (CONT'D)
          Annie? Where's your tie?
          Everyone looks at Annie. She holds it up and starts to
          put it on.

                         

                         

                         

                         

          8.

          DONNA (CONT'D)
          Now, I have an eye doctor's appointment
          that I can't change or they'll will
          charge me. So someone will have to cover
          for Donald in engagement rings. Now I--
          Annie and SANDY, a male co-worker, shoot their hands the
          air eagerly.

          DONNA (CONT'D)
          Sandy? Today's your day.

                         SANDY
          Ooh, my horoscope said I would be
          presented with an opportunity at work
          today. That is eerie. That is eerie.

                         DONNA
          Annie, that means you'll be alone in
          keepsakes. You think you can handle it?

                         EMPLOYEE (SOTTO)
          Yeah, look out. There might be a bum-
          rush for letter openers...
          The employees snicker.

                         ANNIE
          Sometimes there is, so....there have
          been. At times, there has been.

                         DONNA
          Alright everybody, let's get to work!
          Saneel?!...OPEN SESAME!
          SANEEL, the security guard, rolls his eyes and unlocks
          the doors. Everyone goes to work. Donna gathers her
          things and starts walking towards the exit with Annie
          tailing behind her.

                         ANNIE
          Donna, can I talk to you for a second? I
          feel like if you gave me a shot at
          engagement rings sometime, I could really-

                         DONNA
          Annie, what is the calibration of a 2
          carat diamond in a standard English
          setting?

                         ANNIE
          Five?

                         

                         

                         

                         

          9.

                         DONNA
          I just made all of that up. None of that
          was real. I just put words together.
          You're not ready for the big leagues.
          Understand?

                         ANNIE
          It's so hard to make commission over
          there.

                         DONNA
          Sweetheart...did I ever tell you the
          story of the little paralyzed Chinese
          girl who wanted to be dancer?

                         ANNIE
          Many times.

                         DONNA
          She was paralyzed Annie, had no feeling
          in her legs, and then one day after years
          of believing in herself, she stood up out
          of that chair and tap-danced for the
          king. On his birthday! My point is, Sandy
          makes a real effort around here. He
          connects with the customer. And when he
          wants to make a sale, he goes for it.

                         ANNIE
          Okay. (beat) I do want it.

                         DONNA
          (smiling) Good. Showing up on time is a
          wonderful place to start.
          Donna talks to herself and gathers her things.

          DONNA (CONT'D)
          Uhh! A wasp! Who walks around even their
          own backyard without at least a thin
          sandal. It's reckless!
          Donna exits. A customer passes Anni's section.

                         ANNIE
          Hello, can I interest you in a sterling
          silver money clip that will create
          memories for you and your family? No?
          We cut to a HOME IMPROVEMENT SHOW on T.V.

                         

                         

                         

                         

          10.

          T.V. HOST
          When Dave and Rhonda bought this house,
          it was a medical clinic. I've never seen
          so many cupboards!

          INT. ANNIE AND STEVE'S APT. THAT NIGHT.

          STEVE, Annie's mid-thirties roommate, sits on the couch
          shirtless and is enthralled by the show.

                         STEVE
          Noooo. That's, that's sooo smart.
          Annie enters the apartment, tired. She throws her keys
          down and sifts through her mail. Steve presses mute.

          STEVE (CONT'D)
          There you are, you stayer-out-all-
          nighter. Did you make out? Sleep over?
          As Annie heads for her bedroom, he walks towards her
          room.

          STEVE (CONT'D)
          Don't go in the bathroom. Are you going
          to bed?

                         ANNIE
          Yes. I'm beat.

                         STEVE
          Your ex-boyfriend got more mail, I did
          what you said and just threw it away.

                         ANNIE
          Thanks. Goodnight Steve!
          She shuts the door behind her.

                         STEVE
          That credit lady called! She wants to
          talk to you, Annie! She's gonna find you.
          Steve sits back on the couch, un-mutes the T.V..

          ALLEN (ON SHOW)
          This is where they bagged the animals
          that didn't make it through the testing.
          We turned it into a cozy Moroccan reading
          room.

                         

                         

                         

                         

          11.

                         STEVE
          Gross/Amazing.

          INT. ANNIE'S BEDROOM.

          She sits on her bed grabs a âSounds to Relaxâ CD with a
          post-it that reads, âLove, Momâ. She plays it and lies
          down. We hear a loud Tibetan woma's voice wailing. NOT
          relaxing. She turns it off and curls up on top of her
          bed.

          INT. JONI'S RESTAURANT. THAT FRIDAY NIGHT.

          Annie and Lillian read magazines.

                         ANNIE
          You're right. God, she's getting really
          skinny.

                         LILLIAN
          Ann.

                         ANNIE
          What?

                         LILLIAN
          (quietly) Your boyfriend just walked in.
          REVEAL: An orange-skinned BODY BUILDER with HUGE arms and
          legs in a tiny muscle tank and shorts.

                         ANNIE
          Oh my God! Look, he showed up with your
          mom.
          It's a short grey-haired OUTDOORSEY WOMAN in hiking
          boots. They laugh to themselves. Annie keeps reading.

                         ANNIE (CONT'D)
          Cool! They're making a WKRP movie.

                         LILLIAN
          Here Annie, let me turn the page for you.

                         ANNIE
          What?
          Lillian splays her hand over the magazine showing off a
          sparkling DIAMOND ENGAGEMENT RING.

                         

                         

                         

                         

          12.

                         LILLIAN
          (playfully) I just want to help you turn
          the page of your magazine for you...

                         ANNIE
          Lillian! What is that?!

                         LILLIAN
          I'm engaged.

                         ANNIE
          What?!!

                         LILLIAN
          He proposed at dinner last night. I
          wanted to tell you in person and show you
          this rock!

                         ANNIE
          It's beautiful. Lillian. Oh my God, this
          is...this is crazy!

                         LILLIAN
          I know Dougie and I have been fighting a
          lot, but I've been so stressed out with

                         WORK--

                         ANNIE
          That's not I mean. I mean, I remember
          when we met him at Lake Mills. You lost
          your virginity to him right in front of
          me on the dock, remember?

                         LILLIAN
          Oh you want to get into who's done what
          down at the lake?

                         ANNIE
          No, I don't. It's just making me realize
          how long we've known each other.

                         LILLIAN
          Well then, who better to be my Maid of
          Honor?

                         ANNIE
          Oh my God! I don't know what to say!

                         LILLIAN
          Annie, you're my best friend. Honestly I
          didn't even have to think about it.

                         

                         

                         

                         

          13.

                         ANNIE
          Uh, wow. Yes! Of course! Yes! My God.
          I've never been in a wedding.

                         LILLIAN
          It's no big deal, and I don't want to
          make it one. It's not gonna be a big
          crazy thing. I wanna keep it simple.
          (beat) What dessert are you gonna get?

                         ANNIE
          I know what you're doing. Don't downplay
          this. I'm happy for you. And someday when
          hell freezes over and I get married, you
          can be my Maid of Honor. But for right
          now, this is about you. OK? This is
          you're day, and it is a big deal.

                         LILLIAN
          Ok, but I still don't want this to be a
          huge production. I just want to have all
          my friends meet each other, have fun,
          dance, drink, whatever.

                         ANNIE
          Then that's what it'll be. Did you guys
          set a date?

                         LILLIAN
          Oh God, not yet. I don't want a super
          long engagement, but there's a lot to do.

                         ANNIE
          Well you are very fortunate because you
          happen have the best maid of honor in the
          whole wide world, and--
          Lillian's cell phone rings, she looks at it and smiles.

                         LILLIAN
          (mocking) Can you hold that thought. I's
          my fiancee calling.
          Lillian gets up laughing. Annie laughs along with her.

                         ANNIE
          Ooo, haha...
          Annie continues laughing alone. She looks around the room
          as her smile disappears. She remembers...

                         

                         

                         

                         

          14.

          FLASHBACK. EXT. LILLIAN'S COTTAGE. LAKE MILLS.- 1980 -


          DAY.
          Annie and Lillian at 7 years old standing outside eating
          popsicles, smiling.

                         YOUNG ANNIE
          Lillian Marie Donovan. Do you take your
          husband, forever, to be your husband?
          Lillian stands by a poster of Eric Estrada in his
          C.H.I.P.s uniform that is taped to a tree.

                         YOUNG LILLIAN
          I do. Do you Annie Lucille Walker, take
          your husband, forever?
          Reveal Annie standing next to a poster of John Baker from
          Chips.

                         ANNIE
          I do.

                         LILLIAN
          And now we will leave on our honeymoon
          to...

                         LILLIAN/ANNIE

          SEA WORLD!!
          The girls rip the posters off of the trees.
          An old station wagon sits in the dirt driveway. They get
          in the back seat, look straight ahead and just sit there.

          END FLASHBACK - BACK TO RESTAURANT.

                         'S
          thought.

                         LILLIAN
          The madness has begun. Dougie's parents
          are having an engagement party for us
          next Friday.

                         ANNIE
          Awesome!...

                         

                         

                         

                         

          15.

          EXT. STREET/NEWSSTAND. NEXT MORNING.

          Annie, in her jogging clothes, reaches for a wedding
          magazine, but a woman's magazine catches her eye. It

                         Â

                         ANNIE
          (looking around) Ooh, what's this...
          She finds the article. âHurry, before he gets away! Top
          five ways to reel him in.â

          MAN (O.S)
          Excuse me.
          A HOT ATHLETIC GUY with his golden retriever is reaching
          for a magazine. She can't thing of what to say. She
          remembers the magazine! It reads â#1. A simple, flirty

                         Â

                         'S
          working! Her cell phone rings, she tries to ignore it,
          but it keeps ringing...

                         ANNIE
          Hello?

          HELEN (ON PHONE)
          Annie!?

                         ANNIE
          Yes?
          It's HELEN (early 30's) Lillian's bridesmaid and friend
          from the tennis Club. She's a tall leggy blond, all
          smiles. East coast pretty with a lot of cream cashmere
          turtleneck sweaters in her closet. She is sitting in a
          cream colored living room on a huge cream couch with lots
          of candles glowing.

                         INTERCUT:

                         HELEN
          Hi.

                         ANNIE
          Hi.

                         HELEN
          Hiiii! This is Helen. I'm one of
          Lillian's bridesmaids.

                         

                         

                         

                         

          16.

                         ANNIE
          Of course, Helen. Hi!

                         HELEN
          Congratulations on being selected.

                         ANNIE
          Oh, thank you.
          Annie, reads â#2. Expose your best asset. ASAPâ She
          panics, starts to elongate her right leg, points her toe,
          flexes her leg, flips her hair. He seems confused but
          politely smiles and goes back to his magazine.

                         HELEN
          Annie?

                         ANNIE
          Sorry, yes. Hi!

                         HELEN
          Maid of Honor!!

                         ANNIE
          Yeah. It is quite an honor.

                         HELEN
          It's the number one spot. So how many
          times have you been in the B.P?

                         ANNIE
          I'm sorry, the what?

                         HELEN
          Bridal Party?

                         ANNIE
          I've never even been in a wedding before.

                         HELEN
          What!? I've never even heard of that.

                         ANNIE
          Um, well, it should be fun.
          Annie sees that the hot guy is leaving to pay for his
          magazine! She readsâ#5. Make a funny observational joke
          that pertains to HIM. (ya know, LIKE SEINFELD!!] Men LOVE

                         Â SHE
          and the golden retriever meet eyes.

          ANNIE (CONT'D)
          Um Helen, can you hold on for a second?

                         

                         

                         

                         

          17.

                         HELEN

                         OH--
          Annie covers the phone and approaches the hot guy.

                         ANNIE
          Hey, you're dog's really cute.

                         MAN
          Oh thanks.

                         ANNIE
          It's kinda funny right? That when girls
          are ugly, they're called dogs, but dogs
          are cute.
          Annie laughs. He half smiles but does not respond.

          ANNIE (CONT'D)
          (beat) Well, some dogs are ugly. Some
          girls are ugly. I know a lot of ugly
          girls. But I'm not friends with them.
          I've seen a lot of ugly dogs too. But
          some people I know who are considered
          dogs, you know, they have a good
          personality, and are better looking to
          people cuz of that. And people who are
          not nice...that's ugly to me. And female
          dogs are called bitches, that's weird.
          I'm just kidding. It's a joke. I have
          better ones.
          The guy leaves. She hears a voice coming from her phone.

          HELEN'S VOICE
          Hello?!

                         ANNIE
          Helen! Sorry. Yeah um, I'm really excited
          for all the wedding stuff and--

                         HELEN
          YAY! OK, I will get your e-mail from
          Lilly with all of the other girls'
          information, and when you respond to any
          wedding related e-mails from now on, just
          remember to hit âREPLY ALLâ. Did you know
          there are six of us?

                         ANNIE
          Yeah, Lillian told me last night.
          Awkward silence.

                         

                         

                         

                         

          18.

                         HELEN
          Well, can't wait to meet you and hear
          what your planning for the bachelorette.
          Any ideas?

                         ANNIE
          Not yet. But they are coming, and I will
          fill you in--

                         HELEN
          Oop! There goes my other line. See you
          Friday!
          She realizes there might some research to do for this
          âbridal party' thing. She instead grabs two wedding
          magazines.

                         ANNIE
          Just these.
          Noticing a magazine by the register that reads â(some bad

                         MESSAGE)Â

          ANNIE (CONT'D)
          And this.

          INT. ANNIE'S APARTMENT. LATER.

          Annie at her desk reading the wedding magazines. She
          Googles âMaid-of-Honor dutiesâ. She clicks on a web-site

          '.
          She presses âprint', then notices it's 120 pages long.

                         ANNIE
          Whoa.
          Email DING. She checks her inbox. 48 NEW MESSAGES.
          âBridesmaids!â, âSo excited to meet you!â, âWedding
          Bells!â,âSuper fun!â,âEngagement party!â âHotel
          Ratesâ,âShoesâ,âShower themesâ âDoes anyone
          have...â,âCute Favor Ideasâ,âFitness programâ,âLingerie?â
          âSpecial thoughtsâ âPoem suggestions?â âInvite list for
          showerâ âContact list for bacheloretteâ âMaking memoriesâ
          âFrench manicures?â etc.

          ANNIE (CONT'D)
          Oh my God.

                         

                         

                         

                         

          19.

          INT. ANNIE'S BATHROOM. DAY OF ENGAGEMENT PARTY.

          Annie gets ready as she talks on speaker phone.

                         ANNIE
          He probably didn't see you, Mom.

                         INTERCUT:

          INT. SCREENED IN PORCH. JUDY'S HOUSE

          Annie's mom, JUDY, (50's) is on the phone while painting
          a very lifelike portrait of Wynona Judd from a photograph
          that's pinned to it's corner.

                         JUDY
          Oh, he saw me alright. He was married to
          me for fourteen years, he knows what I
          look like. I'm sure it was because BARB
          was there. You know how jealous she gets.

                         ANNIE
          Yeah, I'm sure that's it mom.

                         JUDY
          Am I on speaker phone?

                         ANNIE
          Yeah.

                         JUDY
          I don't know how to talk this way.

                         ANNIE
          Mom I'm running a little late so--

                         JUDY
          Oh, the engagement party. Lillia's
          getting married, I can't believe how time
          flies. You're day will come dear.
          Give Lillian a kiss for me please, and
          tell Laurie and Ed I just could't afford
          the plane ticket, but I will be at the
          shower.

                         ANNIE
          I already told them, they understand.

                         

                         

                         

                         

          20.

                         JUDY
          BARB could afford to come. Did you know
          what kind of car she drives now? A 2007
          P.T. Cruiser. She looks ridiculous
          parading all around Fort Myers in that
          thing.

                         ANNIE
          Ok, Mom--

                         JUDY
          I don't know how she gets in and out of
          that little car with those big legs.

                         ANNIE
          I should get going. I have long drive.

                         JUDY
          Oh and honey, I picked you up a couple of
          things when I was at the Steinmart with
          Janice so look for a package in the mail.

                         ANNIE
          Mom I told you you don't have to send me--

                         JUDY
          Oh stop. I love doing it. Ok? I love you
          sweetie.

                         ANNIE
          I love you too Mom. Bye.
          They hang up. Annie walks to the kitchen.

          ANNIE (CONT'D)
          Ok, how do I look?

                         STEVE
          Ooooh. You tryin to hook up tonight? A
          lot of people do at these wedding things
          you know so you have a good chance.

                         ANNIE
          Nevermind...

                         STEVE
          I like the black tights with the black
          shoes, it's very elongating.

                         ANNIE
          Oh. Well, thank you.

                         

                         

                         

                         

          21.

                         STEVE
          But I think you need more dark up top to
          balance it out, do have any black beads?

                         ANNIE
          (looking at herself] That's actually a
          good idea.
          She starts to leave but sees a guilty look and some
          frosting on Steve's face. She looks over at her saran-
          's.

          ANNIE (CONT'D)
          How many moonpies have you eaten? Tell me
          the truth.

                         STEVE
          Um......two.

                         ANNIE
          Ok, now really tell me the truth. How
          many did you eat?

                         STEVE
          Four. Nine.
          They stare at each other.

          EXT. HIGHWAY. LATER.

          Annie is finally driving along. she hears sirens.

                         ANNIE
          Shit!
          She pulls over. OFFICER RHODES approaches, chewing gum.

                         RHODES
          Good afternoon ma'am, You in a hurry to
          get out of the city?

                         ANNIE
          No. Was I speeding?

                         RHODES
          Is that even possible in this rig?
          He finds this funny, Annie does't.

          RHODES (CONT'D)
          You know funny thing about brake lights,
          you're supposed to have âem.

                         

                         

                         

                         

          22.

                         ANNIE
          Ooooh. Yeah. Mine are out.

                         RHODES
          Yeah, and you're headin' up Witches
          Curve. That's a risky move.

                         ANNIE
          I'm sorry. I usually only drive in the
          city and they've never pulled me over. To
          tell you the truth, those lights have
          been out for like a year.

                         RHODES
          Whoa, whoa, whoa, easy hot-dogger. That
          is not something you wanna go
          broadcasting to a police officer. I might
          feel obligated to give you a yea's worth
          of tickets now.

                         ANNIE
          What? No.. I-

                         RHODES
          You just admitted it.

                         ANNIE
          Can you do that?

                         RHODES
          You admitted it. (beat) Yeah, I can't do
          that though.

                         ANNIE
          Look, I'm really sorry. I promise I will
          get the lights fixed tomorrow morning.
          I'm kind of in a hurry. I'm going to my
          best friend's engagement party, I'm the
          Maid of honor and so I really -

                         RHODES
          Oh, yeah. My little sister was just in a
          wedding. She lost some of her hair from
          the stress.
          Again, not funny.

                         ANNIE
          Am I getting a ticket?
          He searches for words. She's cute and he wants to keep
          her there. He keeps smiling. Awkward silence.

                         

                         

                         

                         

          23.

                         RHODES
          Uh, yeah. That's what happens when you
          break the law. Um...license and
          registration.

                         ANNIE
          Here.
          He writes a ticket.

                         RHODES
          (searching for words) Ooo, I like that
          air freshener. Did you get that at the
          gas station?

                         ANNIE
          I don't remember.

                         RHODES
          Smells like Christmas. (sniff) Yeah, it
          smells like Christmas.
          He rips the ticket off.

                         RHODES (CONT'D)
          Well, here you go. And just so you know
          it's a just a fix-it ticket. So if you
          get those lights repaired, you wo't have
          to pay anything.

                         ANNIE
          Oh, Okay.

                         RHODES
          Whoa, are those moon-pies?

                         ANNIE
          Oh yeah.

                         RHODES
          (mumbling) Oh, those are my favorite.

                         ANNIE
          What?

                         RHODES
          Nothing. (mumbling) Those are my
          favorite.

                         ANNIE
          Do you want one?

                         

                         

                         

                         

          24.

                         RHODES
          No. It's too much trouble, they look all
          wrapped up.
          She doesn't get the hint. He really wants one.

                         RHODES (CONT'D)
          Well, have fun at your party.
          Annie drives off. He watches.

          EXT -THE HUNT CLUB. CHICAGO SUBURB.
          Annie, a little embarrassed, hands her keys to the valet
          and grabs the moon-pies. She walks into an elegant
          country club dining room, lively cocktail party. Music,
          happy people, etc. She is greeted by Lillia's mom,

          LAURIE.

                         LAURIE
          Annie, sweetheart!

                         ANNIE
          Hi Mrs. Donovan!
          They hug.

                         LAURIE
          Oh! And you brought your famous moonpies!
          Laurie takes the tray.

          LAURIE (CONT'D)
          Can you believe our Lillian?

                         ANNIE
          I know, I'm so happy for her.

                         LAURIE
          Well, clue me in. Is there anyone
          special in your life?

                         ANNIE
          Nope.

                         LAURIE
          That's my girl. (whisper) Sleep around.
          I'm serious. Travel the world and try all
          the cuisine you can. You know what I mean
          by that, right?
          MARY, Laurie's friend, approaches.

                         

                         

                         

                         

          25.

                         MARY
          Laurie, where did you get that sweater?
          It is one-hundred percent out-of-sight!

                         LAURIE
          Shhh, I got it at Glory Gay's.

                         MARY
          Ooooh. I can't even walk in there. The
          blouses alone make my wallet open.

                         LAURIE
          It's worth it, though huh? Mary, I want
          you to meet Lillian's Maid of Honor.

                         MARY
          Oh, very special job.

                         LAURIE
          This is Annie Walker. She lived next door
          to us in Milwaukee until the girls
          graduated from high school.

                         ANNIE
          Hi.

          LILLIAN (O.S.)
          Ann!

                         ANNIE
          Lil! It was nice meeting you Mary.
          Annie leaves.

          LAURIE (TO MARY)
          Her father ran off to Florida with a
          younger woman who was working at a
          Chrysler dealership.

                         MARY
          Oh my.

                         LAURIE
          Poor Judy, never quite got over it. She
          also ended up moving to Florida to take
          care of her parents.

                         MARY
          Oh, that is tough. Well it's nice Annie
          and Lillian have stayed friends.

                         LAURIE
          They're like sisters.

                         

                         

                         

                         

          26.
          They continue gabbing as Annie rushes to Lillian. They
          hug.

                         LILLIAN
          Hey!

                         ANNIE
          Hey! What's up? Where's Dougie?

                         LILLIAN
          Smoking a cigar with my dad. Le's go
          get a drink.
          They weave towards the bar.

                         DOUGIE
          Annie!!!

                         LILLIAN
          Hold on Dougie, we're getting drinks!
          They get to the bar and grab glasses of wine.

                         ANNIE
          This place is so fancy. Dougie's parents
          belong here?

                         LILLIAN
          Yeah. So does Dougie. This is the tennis
          club I've been playing at.

                         ANNIE
          Oh. Wow. I guess it's not what I
          pictured. Lucky you.

                         LILLIAN
          Tennis courts are tennis courts if you
          ask me. But I have met a lot of really
          cool people here. I can't wait for you to
          meet the girls.

                         ANNIE
          Oh! So where's this guy you were telling
          me about?

          LILLIAN.
          Oh shoot, Matt's not coming. I guess he
          got back together with his ex or
          something. Anyway, Dougie just told me.
          Sorry.

                         ANNIE
          That's ok.

                         

                         

                         

                         

          27.

                         DOUGIE
          There she is!
          Dougie picks Annie up and swings her around.

                         LILLIAN
          Dougie, be careful. God, you reek!
          He puts her down.

                         DOUGIE
          Annie, make sure when my fiance gets cold
          feet you tell her what a great guy I am.
          He grabs Lillian and kisses her on the cheek.

                         LILLIAN
          (waving the cigar scent away) Ugh. Wash
          your face.
          She gives in and kisses him. Then says to Annie..

          LILLIAN (CONT'D)
          Come on. Let's go say hi to the rest of
          the bridal party.
          They approach LESLIE, Lillian's cousin, late 30's,
          standing with her husband PAUL.

                         ANNIE
          Leslie, hi! How are you guys?

                         LESLIE
          Well, I just squeezed my third kid out
          last month and I feel like I'm walking
          around in a fat suit.
          She swigs beer out of a bottle.

                         PAUL
          I keep telling her she looks great.
          (beat) Oh, I'm sorry. Is this your
          boyfriend?
          A 30 YEAR OLD AVERAGE GUY with a neckbrace stands behind
          Annie. Paul goes to shake his hand. She stops him.

                         ANNIE
          No, no. (to the guy) Hi. (to them) No.
          Annie meets DANA who is with her husband Ernie.

                         

                         

                         

                         

          28.

                         LILLIAN
          Annie this is Dana, we met here in my
          tennis class. Dana, Annie.

                         DANA
          Hi! Dana Shig. Its so nice to finally
          meet you Annie. I've heard so much about
          you. This is my husband Ernie.
          ERNIE has just put food in his mouth.

                         DANA (CONT'D)
          Don't you just love weddings? I mean,
          (she starts to cry) I just love like the
          feeling and...everyone comes together you
          know? And it's forever! It's a journey,
          and WE get to go on it too!

                         ANNIE
          Wow, that's beautiful. I never thought of
          it that way.

                         DANA
          This is all so amazing. I'm going to make
          a scrap book for Lillian.
          Dana takes her camera out then reaches out her hand.

          DANA (CONT'D)
          Hi. I'm Dana and this is my husband
          Ernie. So...how did you two meet?
          She refers to a bald man who looks like a chemistry
          teacher, who is slowly walking by looking for someone.

                         ANNIE
          No, I don't know him. He's not with me.
          He's just passing by. I'm not here with
          anyone.
          BECCA stands very close to her husband KEVIN, a good
          looking stockbroker type.

                         BECCA
          Lil! Is this Annie?!
          Annie and Lillian walk over.

          BECCA (CONT'D)
          Hi Annie! I'm Becca. I've heard so much
          about you. This is my husband Kevin.

                         

                         

                         

                         

          29.

                         LILLIAN
          Dougie's partner.

                         BECCA
          So, are you so excited?! All of this
          reminds me so much of my wedding.

                         ANNIE

                         OH--

                         BECCA
          Two months now! It was the best day of my
          life. I'm married now! It's like...I'm
          just better now! It might sound weird
          but... I feel legit. Just like, feminine.
          Look at my nails!
          Two beautifully french manicured hands with a HUGE 3
          carat diamond ring.

          BECCA (CONT'D)
          Ooooops, where are my manners. Hi! I'm
          Becca Whitman.
          REVEAL a very smart looking, older African-American MAN
          standing next to Annie. He is wearing an ascot and
          smoking a pipe.

                         MAN
          The name's Captain Arnold Dubois.
          MEGAN is Dougie's sister. An ODDBALL. She looks like she
          might be at the wrong party. She is single and lovin' it!

                         MEGAN
          Annie! Hey! What's up?

                         ANNIE
          Megan! How are you?

                         MEGAN
          I just got pins in my leg! I fell off a
          cruise ship.

                         ANNIE
          Oh shit!

                         MEGAN
          Yeah. I was on a singles cruise. It was
          nighttime.

                         (MORE)

                         

                         

                         

                         

          30.

                         MEGAN (CONT'D)
          I was port-side, having a drink with a
          gentlemen and old Megan here decided to
          show off and I tried to climb into one of
          the lifeboats with my clogs on. I saw a
          dolphin.

                         ANNIE
          Wow. Well, I'm glad you're OK.

                         MEGAN
          Listen Annie. You're single right? You
          and I are gonna scam on guys this whole
          time. You and I are gonna party and get
          naked with guys. This whole time Annie,
          no bailing.
          Lillian re-appears, grabs Annie.

                         LILLIAN
          Ann, there you are!

                         MEGAN
          Think about what I said Annie!

                         LILLIAN
          (to Annie) I'm saving you. Now I really
          want to introduce you to Helen. looking
          around) There she is.
          In slow motion, a tall and gorgeous HELEN turns to us.
          She wears a tight, cream-colored, floor-length evening
          gown. Annie straightens her plastic beads.

          LILLIAN (CONT'D)
          Helen, this is Annie.

                         HELEN
          Hiii.

                         ANNIE
          Hi.

                         HELEN
          Hiii. This is my husband Perry.

                         LILLIAN
          Perry owns Atmospheria candles.

                         ANNIE
          Oh, the Starbuck's of the candle world?
          Those are popping up on every corner.
          Which one do you own?

                         

                         

                         

                         

          31.

                         HELEN
          All of them. It's the family business,
          his father started it.

                         ANNIE
          Oh, wow, that's pretty cule.

                         PERRY
          Yeah, yeah. Currently we dominate the
          U.S. home illumination sector as a whole
          and six out of seven homes in upscale
          neighborhoods have one of our products,
          including the club.

                         ANNIE
          That is a lot.

                         HELEN
          Perry donated a few for tonight.
          The room is all aflame.

          HELEN (CONT'D)
          So how do you like our club?

                         ANNIE
          Yeah, I was just telling Lillian i's
          very elegant.

                         HELEN
          So you live in Milwaukee?

                         ANNIE
          Yeah in the nice part. I work at
          Harrington's Jeweler's. I love it.

                         HELEN
          I think I've heard of them.

                         ANNIE
          It's pretty well-known in the jewelry
          world. It's got like the biggest market
          for all the jewelry they sell and 'm
          actually gonna be getting a promotion

                         PRETTY SOON--

                         LILLIAN
          You are?

                         ANNIE
          Yeah, so I'm pretty excited about it.
          It's gonna be...pretty big. So, if you
          ever need a discount--

                         

                         

                         

                         

          32.

                         HELEN
          You're funny. Listen Annie,I know you
          said you've never been in a wedding
          before so I just want you to know that we
          all have, especially me, so if you need
          any help, don't hesitate to ask.

                         ANNIE
          Thank you.

          LIVING ROOM - MOMENTS LATER.
          Groomsman DEAN finishes a speech. They are now in the
          dining room.

                         DEAN
          So cheers to you two, our last single
          friends finally crossing over into the
          world of marital bliss, welcome to the
          other side!
          Dana snaps a photo, crying. Helen approaches the podium.

                         HELEN
          Hello everyone. My name is Helen Harris
          the Third, an honored member of the
          bridal party. In honor of Lillian and
          Dougie, I'd like to take this opportunity
          to read a poem that I penned last summer
          while I was sitting on a swing at an
          exclusive resort in Santorini.
          Annie whispers to the person next to her.

                         ANNIE
          Am I supposed to give a speech?
          As Helen reads, Annie looks around the room and sees
          everyone in awe. Dana starts to cry. She reads from a
          fancy sheet of stationary.

                         HELEN
          With every blink of an eye, every kiss of
          a lip, every stroke of a lovers hand,
          every...scent of a woman, every breath
          you take, every move you make. Love
          conquers all.
          Annie sees that Lillian is touched. Helen gets emotional.

                         

                         

                         

                         

          33.

                         HELEN (CONT'D)
          They say when you choose a mate, yo're
          choosing a best friend. Dougie, yo're a
          lucky man. Lillian, I know you're going
          to make a wonderful wife, because you
          have been the best friend that I could
          ever ask for.
          Annie's face goes blank.

          HELEN (CONT'D)
          I have never had a friendship like this.
          I'm so happy you two are finally taking
          this big step together and I ca't wait
          for all of the adventures that await us.
          People are moved, sniffling. Including Lillian.

          HELEN (CONT'D)
          Now âDouglyâ, sorry, inside joke. You
          better not keep my Lil on a leash. I
          still need my drunken nights at Rockin
          Sushi! TO DOUGIE AND LILLIAN!!!
          The crowd erupts with laughter and applause. People are
          crying, hugging, and standing.

          HELEN (CONT'D)
          Thank you. Thank you! Now wher's Annie?
          Annie? Stand up Annie.
          The room looks around. Annie slowly rises.

          HELEN (CONT'D)
          There she is. Annie is our Maid of Honor
          everyone. And I'm sure she'd like to
          take this time to say a few words. Annie?
          Annie stands up to the applause. The room falls silent as
          she walks to the podium.

                         ANNIE
          Um, hello everybody. Hi everyone. 'm
          Annie. Wow, it really smells like vanilla
          in here.

                         MEGAN
          It's the candles Annie.

                         ANNIE
          Thanks Megan. Lillian this is gonna be
          awesome. Um, uh, God, oh, oh, oh, what's
          that saying?

                         (MORE)

                         

                         

                         

                         

          34.

                         ANNIE (CONT'D)
          Ayay, um, God, um, what is it? It's a
          good one, a good saying, it's Irish. It's
          like a-like a toast. Is it Irish?
          Something about a road...Oh God, 'm
          blanking. So I'll just say I'm so happy
          to be a part of this whole celebration
          and happiness. You two are so happy
          together and hope you have a happy
          lifetime of happiness and celebrating.
          And I love you and....Lillian, w've been
          best friends since we were like 5...'ve
          never been to Greece...
          't know
          if she's done. Annie sees Helen has moved over to sit
          next to Lillian.

          ANNIE (SINGING) (CONT'D)
          âDid you ever know that you're my
          hero...You're everything I wish I could
          be..â C'mon you guys know the words.
          Some people reluctantly sing along.

          ANNIE (CONT'D)
          âI could fly higher then an eagle. For
          you are the wind beneath my wings. Flyyy,
          flyyyyy, so fly into the sky, so fly
          until we touch up high--â

          EXT-COUNTRY CLUB. LATER.
          Lillian and Annie are at the valet.

                         ANNIE
          Oh my God, tell me I didn't sing.

                         LILLIAN
          No, you sang.
          They both laugh.

                         ANNIE
          God, I don't know, I was just maybe a
          little out of my element, and after
          Helen's speech--

                         LILLIAN
          Ann, stop.

                         

                         

                         

                         

          35.

                         ANNIE
          I'm so embarrassed. What did you think of
          your engagement party?

                         LILLIAN
          Besides the impromptu concert from Bette
          Midler, it was perfect.
          They laugh and hug.

          LILLIAN (CONT'D)
          I gotta go say bye to some people I do't
          know. Drive safe.
          Lillian goes back inside. Helen appears out of thin air.

                         HELEN
          Annie! Great job tonight..

                         ANNIE
          I'm feeling slightly mortified.

                         HELEN
          No, nononono. Not at all. Everyone gets a
          little nervous and carried away during
          those kind of things. So listen, 've
          been brainstorming some theme ideas for
          Lillian's shower. I was thinking
          somewhere along the lines of Alice in
          Wonderland meets...are you ready?
          Hollywood. And for the bachelorette?
          Vegas.

                         ANNIE
          Aren't I supposed to be planning some of
          these things?

                         HELEN
          Oh, well, I hadn't heard from you and--

                         ANNIE
          She just got engaged two weeks ago.

                         HELEN
          Well, I figured since you don't have any
          experience that you might get overwhelmed
          by events of this caliber.

                         ANNIE
          Helen, I'm pretty capable. I think I can
          handle it.
          A guest walks by and taps Helen.

                         

                         

                         

                         

          36.

                         GUEST
          Excuse me, you left your poem inside. You
          have beautiful cursive.

                         HELEN
          Thank you.
          The guest says nothing to Annie and walks away.

          HELEN (CONT'D)
          Annie, I didn't mean I didn't think you
          couldn't do it. I'm sure you are aware of
          all your duties. We'll see--we'll see you
          soon.
          Helen walks away. A OLD LADY passes by her.

                         WOMAN
          You're very pretty.

          MEGAN (O.S.)
          Annie!
          Megan is running towards her with a piece of paper.

          MEGAN (CONT'D)
          Annie wait! I wanna give you my numbers.
          A place just opened up near my house.
          From 4-7 every weekday, Karaoke, two
          dollar wings and all you can eat MAN
          sandwiches if you know what I mean.
          Annie is nervous, starts biting her nails.

          INT. âSEXY NAIL' NAIL SALON. NEXT DAY.


                         NAIL TECHNICIAN
          Your nail too short for french manicure.

                         ANNIE
          (disappointed) Oh well...

                         NAIL TECHNICIAN
          That's Ok. I fix for you. Make you sexy.

                         ANNIE
          Oh, great!

          INT. HARRINTON'S. DONNA'S OFFICE. LUNCHTIME.

          Donna and Annie are eating lunch in the break-room.

                         

                         

                         

                         

          37.

                         DONNA
          And then they put a solution in my eyes
          to dilate them, which caused temporary
          blindness and with the loss of my sight,
          my hearing became bionic. Do you need
          some help dear?
          Annie struggles to open a bag of chips but her new ULTRA
          LONG, french-manicured nail-tips are making it very hard.

                         ANNIE
          No, I got it.

          DONNA'S OFFICE. CONTINUOUS
          Annie and Donna are doing inventory. Annie gets text.

                         ANNIE
          Sorry... Well, it's official. Lillian set
          a date. October tenth. Why did I just get
          a stomach ache.

                         DONNA
          Don't be nervous. It's not all on your
          shoulders. Doesnt she have other
          bridesmaids?

                         ANNIE
          Yeah and they've all done this before so
          I'm feeling a little pressure. I have to
          make this really nice for Lillian.

                         DONNA
          I wish I could help. Weddings are a lot
          different now then they were in my day.
          They look at Donna's wedding picture on her desk.

                         ANNIE
          That dress is beautiful.

                         DONNA
          I still have it. I was hoping my daughter
          Elizabeth would wear it but when she and
          Alice had their âceremonyâ they both
          wanted to wear suits. (beat) Ok, we need
          two Shannisburg tennis bracelets.
          Annie struggles to write with her nails.

                         ANNIE
          Oops. Hold on a sec, hard to write...

                         

                         

                         

                         

          38.

                         DONNA
          They're very long.

          INT. SEXY NAIL. THAT NIGHT.


                         ANNIE
          Hi. I need to make these shorter.

                         NAIL TECHNICIAN
          No, not sexy!

                         ANNIE
          I know, it's... I can't work with them so
          long.

                         NAIL TECHNICIAN
          Okay. 7 dollar for file. No more sexy
          though.

                         ANNIE
          Ok.

                         NAIL TECHNICIAN
          Short nail is ugly.

                         ANNIE
          Alright.

          INT. ANNIE'S BEDROOM.

          Annie looks up different bridesmaid dress shops

          EXT. âOCCASIONZ' BRIDAL SHOP. DAYTIME.


                         ANNIE
          Here it is!

                         HELEN
          Ooh, Occasionz. I'm impressed.

                         ANNIE
          Everyone this is Occasionz, supposedly
          it's you know, one of the best bridal
          shops in town, so, that's cool. Oh and
          also, there's a restaurant inside, so um,
          I figured, we could maybe have lunch
          after. So, let's go!
          She goes to the door. It is locked. She sees a buzzer.

                         

                         

                         

                         

          39.

          ANNIE (CONT'D)
          Oh, I didn't see that.
          She presses the buzzer.

          VOICE FROM INSIDE
          Hello?

                         ANNIE
          Hi, we're hear to see some bridesmaids
          dresses.

          VOICE FROM INSIDE
          What's your name?

                         ANNIE
          Oh, Annie.

          VOICE FROM INSIDE
          (snotty) What's the reservation name?

                         ANNIE
          (to the girls) Oh, she must be talking
          about the restaurant. (back into the
          intercom) No, we're here to look at
          dresses.

          VOICE FROM INSIDE
          I heard you the first time. So I take it
          you don't have a reservation for the
          dress shop?

                         BECCA
          (whispers) You didn't make a reservation?

                         ANNIE
          Um, no, I'm sorry, I didn't know I had to
          make a reservation for that. Sorry!
          Anyway, we're all out here now and--

          VOICE FROM INSIDE
          The next available appointment for
          bridesmaid fittings is in seven weeks and
          we don't take reservations over the
          intercom so you'll have to call.

                         ANNIE
          Seven weeks?!

          VOICE FROM INSIDE
          I'm sorry maybe you can't hear me. I just
          said a few seconds ago that we do't have
          a reservation for the next seven weeks.

                         (MORE)

                         

                         

                         

                         

          40.

          VOICE FROM INSIDE (CONT'D)
          And when you make your reservation do't
          forget you'll also need to make an
          appointment.

                         ANNIE
          What?

                         DANA
          (whispers) You didn't make an
          appointment?

          VOICE FROM INSIDE

                         I SAID--

                         ANNIE
          No, I can hear you. Would it be possible
          for you to make an exception for us
          because we drove all the way out here and
          I didn't know about the reservation/
          appointment thing so...

          VOICE FROM INSIDE
          Hold on.

                         LILLIAN
          Annie, we can go somewhere else.

                         ANNIE
          No, no. I'll work it out. Don't worry.

                         BECCA
          This really is the best place though,
          that's the thing.

                         HELEN
          Listen, I know the--

                         WHITNEY
          (intercom] Hello, this is the manager?

                         ANNIE
          Yes, hello!

                         WHITNEY
          We can fit you in seven weeks, that is
          all we have available. We only take
          parties that have a reservation and that
          have made an appointment over the phone.
          I'm going to ask you to not buzz in
          again. Thank you. Byyyyyyye.
          Helen approaches the intercom.

                         

                         

                         

                         

          41.

                         HELEN
          Whitney?

                         WHITNEY
          (irritated) Yes? Who is this?

                         HELEN
          Whit, it's Helen.

                         WHITNEY
          Helen?! Hiiii!

                         HELEN
          Hiiii!

                         WHITNEY
          Hi!

                         HELEN
          Hi! Listen, I'm out here with a whole
          bunch of girls and we had a little
          miscommunication and our reservation-
          appointment wasn't made. Is there any way
          to fit us in?

                         WHITNEY
          Say no more.
          Buzzzzzzzz. The girls happily enter.

                         LILLIAN
          (sotto} Wow, thanks Helen.

          INT. âOCCASIONZ' BRIDAL SHOP. DAYTIME.

          Whitney and Helen are leading the girls down the hall.
          Lillian and Annie tail the group.

                         LILLIAN
          Ann, don't worry about it. We got in.
          Annie sees racks of wedding dresses.

                         ANNIE
          Hey, you want to sneak off and look at
          the wedding dresses?

                         LILLIAN
          Oh my God. Annie, I didn't tell you?
          Guess who Helen is friends with? Lady
          Lavonia Jean St. Petsois JuJu.

                         (MORE)

                         

                         

                         

                         

          42.

                         LILLIAN (CONT'D)
          That famous wedding dress designer tha's
          in all those wedding magazines? As a
          favor to Helen she's going to design my
          dress for almost nothing. Normally
          they're like twenty grand. She's French.

                         ANNIE
          Wow. That's amazing.

                         LILLIAN

                         (GIDDY)
          I have to send my measurements to France.
          Annie is a little disappointed.

          INT. BRIDESMAIDS DRESS ROOM.

          They all stand in a room stuffed bridesmaids dresses.
          Lillian's cell phone rings.

                         LILLIAN
          Surprise, surprise. It's my Mom. Mom? Can
          you hold on a second?
          She covers the phone and talks to the girls.

          LILLIAN (CONT'D)
          Start looking at dresses. I'll be right
          back. I think maybe you guys should
          decide anyway and pick out something you
          like since you're the ones wearing it.
          Cool? (nodding) Have fun! What's up Mom?
          Ugh! They're booked?
          Lillian leaves talking to her Mom.

                         HELEN
          Ok ladies, start your (french) engines!
          Shots of dresses being pulled off of the racks. Fighting
          for the same dress, shirts coming off, dresses zipped up
          the back and dresses not fitting, etc.

          INT. ANNIE'S DRESSING ROOM

          Annie loves the dress she has on. She talks to herself in
          the mirror.

                         ANNIE
          Hi I'm Annie. Can I get a martini? What
          you mean you need to see I.D.? (giggling)

                         

                         

                         

                         

          43.

          FANTASY. UPSCALE PARTY. LIKE AN OVERDRAMATIC PERFUME AD.
          Annie, in the dress, is talking to the bartender.

                         BARTENDER
          Well, with that dress on you look
          about... .eleven.

                         ANNIE
          Thank you.
          Annie laughs. And turns away right into, a GORGEOUS male
          model in a tuxedo.

          HOT MAN IN TUX
          Excuse me, you dropped an earring.
          An UNDERWEAR MODEL appears, in his underwear.

                         UNDERWEAR MODEL
          I'll get it for her.

          MAN IN SURGEONS SCRUBS
          No I will!

          MAN IN RED BATHING SUIT
          I'll get it! I'm a lifeguard.
          Tons of men begin to yell and fight over her. The chaos
          forces Annie to make a DRAMATIC EXIT from the CASTLE. She
          runs down the stairs like Cinderella into the forest.
          They men begin to chase her.
          She runs through the trees out of breath, she is face to
          face with a sexy, sweaty, lumberjack, wh's chopping
          wood. It's CHRISTIAN BALE.

                         ANNIE
          Hi.

                         CHRISTIAN BALE
          Hi. I'm Christian Bale. I'm just chopping
          some wood, I like to do that between
          movies.

                         ANNIE
          Hello Christian.
          They hear the voices of the men from the party screaming
          for her.

                         

                         

                         

                         

          44.

          ANNIE (CONT'D)
          Oh, Christian! I need a place to hide.

                         CHRISTIAN BALE
          Quick, get inside my muscles.
          They embrace.

          CHRISTIAN BALE (CONT'D)
          I love this sash.
          They look into each others' eyes, just about to kiss and--

                         HELEN
          Hi Annie!

          INT. ANNIE'S DRESSING ROOM.

          Helen has flung open Annie's dressing room curtain,
          putting an abrupt end to her fantasy.
          She is wearing cream colored lingerie, showing off her
          TOTALLY amazing body. Annie is uncomfortable.

                         HELEN
          Look at your cute little boobies. Ooh,
          is that the dress you like?

                         ANNIE
          Yeah. I think it will look good on
          everybody, it has a sash--

                         HELEN
          A sash? Annie, this isn't the Sound of
          Music tryouts.

                         ANNIE
          Huh?

          DANA (O.S.)
          I told you Becca I can't wear strapless!

          BECCA (O.S.)
          Why not?!
          Annie and Helen come out to see all the bridesmaids
          arguing.

                         DANA
          Because, I--

                         

                         

                         

                         

          45.

                         LESLIE
          Why don't you two shut your traps? No
          one's going to be looking at us. Le's
          just get the one with the shawl, 'm
          always freezing at these things anyway.

                         MEGAN
          I gotta say I'm still leaning towards the
          one that I found.
          It is a very ugly.

                         LESLIE
          Absolutely not.

                         ANNIE
          Well, what about this one?
          Everybody stops and looks at Annie.

          ANNIE (CONT'D)
          I think it would be flattering on
          everyone and we could totally wear it
          again. The sash comes in different colors
          not just this one.

                         HELEN
          Everyone! We can't all have the dress
          that we want. I've been in a lot of
          weddings and when choosing a bridesmaid
          dress, you must ask yourself, âIf
          invited, would I wear this a dress
          to...The ACADEMY AWARDS!â

                         DANA
          Ooo, I never thought of it that way.
          All the girls agree.

                         HELEN
          With that in mind, I say we wear this
          one.
          Helen holds up a dress. The girls like it.

                         ANNIE
          Or this one! People wear sashes to the
          Academy Awards all the time.

                         HELEN
          Only if they're nominated for the Sound
          of Music.

                         

                         

                         

                         

          46.

                         ANNIE
          I think Lillian would like this one.

                         HELEN
          Well, I think Lillian would like THIS
          one.
          Lillian walks in.

                         LILLIAN
          Hey! I'm hearing lots of excitement in
          here.
          She touches Helen's dress.

          LILLIAN (CONT'D)
          Oooo, I like this one. What about you
          guys?

                         HELEN
          I love it. Right guys?
          The girls all agree. Except Annie.

                         LILLIAN
          Cool. Let's eat!
          Helen dumps the dress in Annie's arms and follows
          Lillian.

                         HELEN
          I think it might look best in cream.

                         LILLIAN
          Ooh, good idea.
          They exit.

                         LESLIE
          Well, that was easy.
          The girls head back to change.

                         ANNIE
          This dress is almost $500!

                         DANA/BECCA
          That's not too bad/that sounds about
          right.

                         ANNIE
          No, that's what I'm saying. That's a
          great price.

                         

                         

                         

                         

          47.

          EXT. âOCCASIONZ RESTAURANT' BRIDAL-THEMED CAFE. PATIO.

          Andrea Bocceli music playing. Waiters in tuxes etc. The
          girls sit at a beautiful table looking at men's.

                         LILLIAN
          This place is kind of amazing. I did't
          even know it existed.

                         BECCA
          The southwestern cobb is really good. I
          come here and eat sometimes.

                         MEGAN
          Great, there's a fly that really likes
          me.

                         ANNIE
          They only have salads.

                         DANA
          So Annie, what's your deal? Are you
          dating anyone?

                         ANNIE
          No, no. Not right now. I had a boyfriend
          for three years but we broke up like six
          months ago.

                         BECCA
          Oh, I hate to hear stuff like that! What
          happened?

                         ANNIE
          It just didn't work out.

                         HELEN
          Is that the guy who stole a bunch of
          money from you and gave you an STD?
          Everyone freezes.

          HELEN (CONT'D)
          Lillian told me.
          Annie shoots Lillian a look.

                         LILLIAN
          I'm sorry, I was just talking about you
          cause I was worried about you and--

                         

                         

                         

                         

          48.

                         ANNIE
          No it's fine. But he didn't steal the
          money, I loaned it to him. And HPV is
          really common right now.
          Everyone looks around.

          ANNIE (CONT'D)
          Around fifty percent of sexually active
          men and women acquire HPV at some point
          in their lives and by age fifty, eighty
          percent of women will be infected with a
          genital HPV infection.

                         LESLIE
          Really?

                         ANNIE
          About 6.2 million new cases of HPV affect
          Americans each year.

                         MEGAN
          Ew, it's on the butter you guys. The
          fly's on the butter.

                         HELEN
          Well, I don't have it.

                         ANNIE
          Very few HPV infections show any signs or
          symptoms. Therefore a lot of infected
          people don't even know they have it, yet
          they transmit the virus to their sexual
          partner.
          Silent. Everyone is a little grossed out..

          ANNIE (CONT'D)
          Anyway, it's fine, the past is the past.
          We weren't meant to be. My last pap-smear
          came back normal so that's cule. But you
          know, I'm dating, here and there...

                         HELEN
          Do you have anyone in mind to bring to
          the wedding?

                         ANNIE
          Oh, I didn't even think about that.

                         LESLIE
          Who needs a date? Just go stag and make
          out with someone there.

                         

                         

                         

                         

          49.

                         DANA
          If you wanna meet a nice man, Annie, you
          should come to karaoke night at my
          church. We sing hymns to rock beats!

                         BECCA
          Wait. I have the perfect guy for you
          Annie. Mike Donahue. He went to school
          with Kevin.

                         LILLIAN
          Mike from the fourth of July last year?
          Ooh, I've seen him Ann. He's hot.

                         ANNIE
          Really?

                         BECCA
          And Kevin said he just sold his company
          for an embarrassing amount of money. But
          he's totally down to earth. You guys have
          to meet. I'm texting Kevin right now.

                         HELEN
          I know Mike too.
          Megan is digging a dead fly out of the butter.

                         MEGAN
          The fly just committed suicide. Death by
          butter.

                         DANA
          Oh my gosh, if you guys got married you
          could live out here and see us all the
          time!

                         LESLIE
          Yeah, and then pop out a couple kids, sit
          around and talk about nothing while your
          vagina flaps in the wind like a wet paper
          towel.

                         HELEN
          (sotto) Oooh, I didn't know we were going
          to hear that word at lunch today.

                         DANA
          I was set up with Ernie. As soon as I met
          him, I knew.

                         LILLIAN
          Yeah Annie, you never know.

                         

                         

                         

                         

          50.

                         ANNIE
          Yes.

          EXT. HIGHWAY. ANNIE DRIVING BACK

          Annie is lost in thought. She hears. Sirens.

                         ANNIE
          What?! Come on!
          She pulls over. Officer Rhodes approaches.

                         RHODES
          Well, look who it is.

                         ANNIE
          Oh hi.

                         RHODES
          I see your still driving around with
          busted tail lights.

                         ANNIE
          I'm sorry, money's been tight and...I
          forgot(laughing). You're not gonna give
          me another ticket for that are you?

                         RHODES
          Nah... The reason I pulled you over
          today, is that--(searching) you were
          driving too slow. Backing up traffic.

                         ANNIE
          I was?

                         RHODES
          Yep. You were going ten miles under the
          speed limit. That's a moving violation.
          It's...underdriving. It's in the books.
          But, I'm just going to give you a warning
          this time, but I do have to um...write
          some stuff down on a piece of paper.
          He begins to write. Beat.

          RHODES (CONT'D)
          Man I'm hungry. I'm doing the Master
          Cleanse. You ever heard of it?

                         ANNIE
          Yeah.

                         

                         

                         

                         

          51.

                         RHODES
          Cayenne pepper water for three days now.
          It's supposed to clean you out, make you
          feel lighter. It's working. The only
          problem is I get so hungry. I just want a
          big slab of ribs. You ever crave that
          kind of stuff?

                         ANNIE
          Don't talk about cravings right now. I am
          PMS'ing like crazy. It's taking
          everything in me not to stop and the
          store and get like three kit-kats and a
          bottle of wine. I'm so irritable right
          now.
          They stare at each other out of awkwardness.

          ANNIE (CONT'D)
          Sorry.

                         RHODES
          No, it's OK, I've got three sisters. We
          had tampons in the pencil drawer.
          Sometimes my friends and I would say they
          were cigars and smoke'em. (beat) Okay. I
          have finished writing down the things I
          need to write, on this paper. OH!
          He hands her a business card.

          RHODES (CONT'D)
          This is a buddy of mine. Owns a body shop
          in Milwaukee. Might be able to help you
          out for a good price with those
          taillights. I'll write my name on here
          so you can tell him who referred you.

                         ANNIE
          Thanks.

                         RHODES
          That's my name right there. In case you
          forgot it from last time. It's Nathan
          Rhodes.

                         ANNIE
          Thanks. Annie. I'll get those fixed. I
          get paid next week. Bye!
          She drives off. Rhodes wishes he had been more suave.

                         

                         

                         

                         

          52.

          INT. HARRINGTON'S JEWELRY STORE. DAYTIME.


                         ANNIE
          Trust me, I've been in the jewelry
          business for a long time. Nothing says
          âI'm sorry for your loss' like a sterling
          silver money clip.
          An OLD WOMAN CUSTOMER looks at her stone-faced.

          ANNIE (CONT'D)
          We also have yo-yos you can engrave. In
          memory of...um, what's your friend's
          name?
          The old woman walks away as Sandy approaches.

                         SANDY
          Paychecks. Here you go Annie.
          She and Sandy open their checks.

          SANDY (CONT'D)
          Oh my God, I scored this week. 'm gonna
          buy Sharita a new Panasonic telephone.
          It's cordless and has intercom. What
          about you Annie?

                         ANNIE
          I'm gonna pay for a cream-colored gown
          that I'll never wear again.

          INT. ANNIE'S BEDROOM

          Annie is on the phone as she gets ready for her date with
          Mike.

                         ANNIE
          Help me! I can't find anything to wear
          for my date with Mike tonight.

                         LILLIAN
          I don't know. Shoot, I can't talk now.
          I'm with Helen and we have a conference
          call with Lady Lavonia Jean St. Petsois
          JuJu about my dress. Ugh. I'm so sorry.
          She's calling! I gotta go. Have fun!
          Lillian hangs up. Steve walks in.

                         

                         

                         

                         

          53.

                         STEVE
          That credit lady called you again. I told
          her you were at the tailors.

                         ANNIE
          Listen, I'm going on a date. This? (holds
          up a dress) or this? (what she's wearing)

                         STEVE
          I don't like those pants.

                         ANNIE
          What's wrong with'em?

                         STEVE
          They give you four corners.
          Annie's not following.

          STEVE (CONT'D)
          It's when a girls butt looks like it has
          four corners. It's not a good thing.

                         ANNIE
          Shit. These are my only clean pants.

                         STEVE
          Do you have a tube skirt?

                         ANNIE
          Thanks Steve.

                         STEVE
          Wait. If you stand like you are right now
          facing that angle, it looks good.
          She looks in the mirror again, grabs her bag and leaves.

          INT. THAI RESTAURANT. THAT NIGHT. BAR AREA.

          Annie sits next to Mike Donahue. He is tall, dark and
          handsome. They have cocktails.

                         ANNIE
          I'm not an expert in corporate real-
          estate but I've always been interested in
          it. So, yeah I totally agree.
          Mike smiles, he is cute!

                         

                         

                         

                         

          54.

                         MIKE
          I have to admit, I told Becca 'm not
          really keen on set-ups. I know i's
          early, but so far so good.

                         ANNIE
          Me too.

                         MIKE
          And thanks again for coming from
          Milwaukee, I know it's quite a drive.

                         ANNIE
          I can do that drive in my sleep these
          days.

                         MIKE
          Next time maybe I'll come to you.
          Annie smiles.

                         MIKE (CONT'D)
          You have got great teeth.

                         ANNIE
          Thank you. I brush'em every day.
          She flashes her teeth. The hostess comes up.

                         HOSTESS
          Your tables ready.

                         MIKE
          Finally!
          Mike guzzles down his cocktail as they read their menus.

                         MIKE (CONT'D)
          Well, I don't know about you but since
          we're at a Thai restaurant, I'm gonna try
          the dog.
          Mike laughs at his own joke and continues drinking.

                         ANNIE
          So, Becca tells me you play a lot of
          tennis.

                         MIKE
          I try to squeeze in a game now and then.
          We should play sometime.

                         

                         

                         

                         

          55.

                         ANNIE
          Oh, yeah I haven't rea--

                         MIKE

                         (GETTING LOUDER)
          Yeah, my game's pretty solid. I did win a
          couple tournaments at the club. I tend to-
          Jesus Christ! (whispers) It smells like
          B.O. in here huh? I think it's the
          people.
          A very effeminate waiter brings them their drinks.

                         WAITER
          Here ya go. I'll be back to take your
          order in two secs. I'm swamped!

                         ANNIE
          No problem.

                         MIKE
          Whoa, get a load of our waiter. 'm
          surprised he didn't put pink umbrellas in
          our drinks...
          Annie laughs, but is a little uncomfortable.

                         MIKE (CONT'D)
          Or AIDS.
          Mike laughs. Annie is HORRIFIED. Mike swigs from his
          drink.

                         MIKE (CONT'D)
          Seriously, AIDS is crazy. You do't have
          it do you?

                         ANNIE
          No.

                         MIKE
          (singing) Neither do I...
          He raises his eyebrows up and down at her.

          LATER.
          Annie hasn't touched her food. He's eating with his hands
          and drunk. Other patrons are beginning to stare.

                         

                         

                         

                         

          56.

                         MIKE

                         (LAUGHING)
          So I started to get a little chub, you
          know what that is. How could I not with
          those huge canteloupes waving in my face.
          Anyway, I looovee massages, am I right?
          As he's laughing he lets out a huge burp.

                         MIKE (CONT'D)
          (still laughing) Whoa-ho! Excyuuuuse me!
          I got that from Steve Martin.
          Still laughing, he pats his pockets.

                         MIKE (CONT'D)
          Oh shit. I forgot my wallet.

          EXT. MINI-MART. LATER THAT NIGHT.

          Annie's car pulls up.

          INT. MINI MART

          Annie is on the phone, looking at the herbal drinks.
          âCalmâ âFocusâ âSex Appealâ âLeanâ. She finally picks
          âCalmâ. RHODES appears holding a bag of mini carrots.

                         ANNIE
          Hey, it's me, I just had to tell you
          about my night. Oh my God. Call me.

                         RHODES
          Annie Walker. I thought I heard your car
          out there.

                         ANNIE
          Very funny, Officer...Jones?

                         RHODES
          Jones? Oh boy. Guess somebody thought he
          was a little more memorable than he was.

                         ANNIE
          No. Sorry. I'm a little out of it. I'm
          not drunk.

                         RHODES
          That's ok. Call me Rhodes. (notices her
          drink) Trying to get âcalmâ?

                         

                         

                         

                         

          57.

                         ANNIE
          Yeah. Recovering from a date.

                         RHODES
          Oh.

                         ANNIE
          Finish your cleanse?

                         RHODES
          Yeah, trying to wean myself back to the
          really bad foods I like eating.

          EXT - MINIMART. CONTINOUS.

                         ANNIE
          Thanks for the drink. (beat) So are you
          one of those cops that sits in that same
          spot everyday and sneaks up on people?

                         RHODES
          A lot of people get up to high speeds on
          this road. I tell people its better to
          pay for a ticket than have your family
          pay for a funeral.

                         ANNIE
          That's a very good point.

                         OFFICER RHODES
          Want a carrot?

                         ANNIE
          Yes. I'm starving.

                         CONTINUOUS:
          They are leaning on the back of his car eating carrots.

                         ANNIE (CONT'D)
          Ew! What is this?
          Annie pulls out a very dry, warped discolored carrot.

                         RHODES
          Oh, you got the ugly carrot.

                         ANNIE
          The what?

                         

                         

                         

                         

          58.

                         RHODES
          There's one in every bag. You should eat
          it.

                         ANNIE
          No. I think you should eat it. The're
          your carrots.
          He goes to eat it. She grabs it out of his hands.

          ANNIE (CONT'D)
          No, no! Don't eat it! EW!!!
          She throws it on the ground.

                         RHODES
          Don't litter.
          He picks it up.

          INT. RHODES' POLICE CAR.


                         ANNIE
          I don't think I've ever wanted to get of
          out a restaurant faster in my life.

                         RHODES
          Yeah, I don't go on blind dates. It seems
          unnatural.

                         ANNIE
          I have no idea what am I going to tell my
          friends who set us up.

                         RHODES
          Just tell her the truth.

                         ANNIE
          Yeah. You're probably right.
          Now Rhodes and Annie are driving in his police car.

                         ANNIE (CONT'D)
          It's an ok job. It's commission, so it's
          unpredictable. I don't know, I always
          wanted to finish my bachelor's but that's
          kind of financially impossible right now.
          Plus I'd feel like ninety around all
          those college students.

                         

                         

                         

                         

          59.

                         RHODES
          You know my dad used to say that life is
          like a hallway of doors. You can stand at
          the same door forever if you want. Or you
          can open a different door. And that one
          may not be the right door, but i'll open
          up a whole new hallway of doors. Anyway,
          it worked for me. I was kinda lost and I
          opened a door and the next thing I knew I
          was a cop. And I love my job.

                         ANNIE
          Hmm. I think I get it?

                         RHODES
          Or you can always sell moon-pies by the
          side of the road.

                         ANNIE
          Moonpies. What?

                         RHODES
          It's a joke. You had moon-pies in your
          car the first time I pulled you over.

                         ANNIE
          Oh yeah.

          INT. FAST FOOD RESTAURANT COUNTER. LATER

          They are waiting in line.

                         OFFICER RHODES
          When I get married I don't want the kind
          of wedding people have these days. I want
          it to be like a carnival. You know dunk
          tanks? People win prizes...

                         ANNIE
          Yeah, and you can have elephants, trapeze
          artists and a big scale to guess the
          bride's weight.

                         OFFICER RHODES
          Ok, first of all that's a circus wedding
          and I'm talking about a carnival wedding.

                         

                         

                         

                         

          60.

                         ANNIE
          Sorry. (to clerk) Yeah I'll have the
          number four, and can you make that Super
          Biggie?

                         DISSOLVE TO:
          They are sitting in the restaurant, mouths full of

                         BURGERS

                         OFFICER RHODES
          And then she moved to Hawaii and now
          lives with a guy who sells shaved ice.
          And supposedly she has really long armpit
          hair now. That's pretty much the last
          girlfriend I had.

                         ANNIE
          Well, lets just say my last boyfriend
          that I lived with broke up with me over
          the phone. Then come to find out, he had
          borrowed $30,000 in my name without
          telling me, putting me in horrible debt
          that I'm still paying off. Because I
          can't find him.

                         OFFICER RHODES
          Wow. You win.

          ANNIE'S CAR. CONTINUOUS.
          Annie in her car, engine running.

                         ANNIE
          Oh my gosh. It's twelve thirty! I should
          probably...

                         RHODES
          Oh, before you go. There is something I
          want to give you. I was gonna wait but, I
          think you'll want this now.
          He jokingly gives her the ugly carrot.

                         ANNIE
          For me?!

                         OFFICER RHODES
          Well I know you've had a terrible night.
          He gives it to her. Her phone rings.

                         

                         

                         

                         

          61.

                         ANNIE
          Sorry, one sec. Hello? Ted!? Hey! Oh my
          gosh! No,no. Can you hold on a sec?
          She waves at Rhodes and mouths...

          ANNIE (CONT'D)
          I guess I'll see you around?

                         RHODES
          Yeah. Don't forget about those
          taillights. They're really starting to
          bug me.

                         ANNIE
          K. Bye.(to Ted) So, you're in town?

          EXT - TED'S HOUSE. NEXT MORNING.
          He opens the front door, leading Annie out again.

                         TED
          Next time I won't call so late.

                         ANNIE
          No, it was fine. Like I said, I mean I
          was just driving.

                         TED
          Awesome. It's cool that we can just
          hookup and whatever. No strings.

                         ANNIE
          Me too. I love it. I feel good right now.

                         TED
          Cool. Bye.

          EXT. GAS STATION. CONTINUOUS.

          Annie pulls in, her tank is way passed empty. She looks
          in her purse frantically.

                         ANNIE
          Shit!! No! No! I left my fucking credit
          card at the restaurant! Shit!
          She picks up her phone and dials.

                         

                         

                         

                         

          62.

          ANNIE (CONT'D)
          Hi, Donna, it's Annie. Um, sorry but I
          just ran out of gas and I'm gonna be a
          little bit late. Yes, I know, 'm really
          sorry. I will get there as soon as I
          can. I promise, I'm so sor---hello?

          INT. HARRINGTON'S JEWELRY STORE.

          Annie comes running onto the floor putting her tie on.

                         HELEN
          Annie, hi! I almost left, but they said
          that you were coming and that you were
          late.
          Helen is standing there looking gorgeous.

          HELEN (CONT'D)
          I had to come into Milwaukee for a
          charity luncheon right down the street
          and I thought I'd come in and say hi.

                         ANNIE
          Hi!

                         HELEN
          And as the leader of the bridesmaids, I
          thought it'd be fun to pick up some
          little gifts for all the girls.

                         ANNIE
          Leader of the bridesmaids? Um, wouldn't
          that technically be me? Honor?

                         HELEN
          Well, no, sweetie, you're the Maid of
          Honor, and we're all bridesmaids, and out
          of all of us, I'm the leader. Anyway, it
          doesn't matter. Um, I wanted to get
          something that we could wear to the
          rehearsal dinner or something. That would
          be fun. Where are the diamonds?

                         ANNIE
          Oh, well, what about a nice pen..or a
          tortoise-shell handled sterling silver
          letter opener? No? Ok, let me get Sandy.

                         HELEN
          Oh! And Annie we really need to start
          planning the bachelorette.

                         

                         

                         

                         

          63.

                         ANNIE
          Yes. Yes. I'm on it. Got some ideas. So
          I'll let you know.

                         HELEN
          Can't wait.

          INT. ANNIE'S APT. THAT NIGHT.

          Annie arrives home from work frazzled to find Steve on
          the couch watching the same Home Improvement show.

                         TV HOST
          Wow, well I have never seen a
          transformation like this. This old tour
          bus is stunning.

          GIRL ON SHOW
          Thanks.

                         STEVE
          Unbelievable. (to Annie) You got another
          package from your mom.

                         ANNIE
          Hey thanks for saving my butt today. Like
          I said I'll pay you back as soon as I
          can.
          She opens the package. And pulls out a red blazer.

                         STEVE
          No problem. But you should always put gas
          in when it gets to a quarter tank.
          Especially cause you have such a shitty
          car.

                         ANNIE
          Thanks. Can I ask you a question? What do
          you think of Vegas?

                         STEVE
          Ooo. Let me turn this off. Vegas is a
          black hole but I must have it in my life.
          Does that make sense?

                         ANNIE
          I'm just asking because some of the girls
          are talking about going for Lillia's
          bachelorette party and I've never been.

                         

                         

                         

                         

          64.

                         STEVE
          Oh no. Now I don't know about weddings.
          When you go on a bachelorette, does the
          bride pay?

                         ANNIE
          No, everyone pays for themselves. And you
          pay for the bride.

                         STEVE
          Ok, I'm gonna say no. You cannot afford
          that. Vegas is not cheap. Airfare,
          hotels, food, cars, drinks, clubs, show
          tickets. Remember this morning? You
          cannot afford Vegas.

                         ANNIE
          Well, I could save up for it.

                         STEVE
          No, you need to win a contest to go to
          Vegas/You had gum for lunch yesterday.
          Ooh, âNight Moves.â Can I have this?
          A lightbulb goes off in Annie's head. Steve holds the
          blazer out and reads the tag.

                         ANNIE
          Told you I'd pay you back!
          Annie runs into her room. She sits down at the computer
          and begins typing feverishly.
          We see these words: âDear bridal partyâ, âgreat ideaâ,
          âbachelorette partyâ, âFloridaâ, âSea World!â, âFree
          place to stay!â. She presses send, and is very pleased.
          The phone immediately rings.

          ANNIE (CONT'D)
          Hello?

                         HELEN
          Hi.

                         ANNIE
          Hi.

                         HELEN
          Hiiiii.

                         

                         

                         

                         

          65.

                         ANNIE
          Hi Helen.
          Helen is dressed in cream under a cream blanket. All
          around her is a ridiculous amount of white glowing
          candles. There are too many flames.

                         HELEN
          I just got your e-mail. Um...Sea World?

                         ANNIE
          Well it's not just Sea World. It's a
          weekend in Florida. See, when Lillian and
          I were kids we went there and she loved
          it and has always talked about going
          back. Ask Dougie. I think it would really
          mean a lot to her. We could stay at my
          Dad's house, he won't even be there. Then
          we could go out at night and got to the
          beach and then Sea World on one of the
          days.

                         HELEN
          But a bachelorette at Sea World?

                         ANNIE
          Like I said, Sea World would just be a
          part of it.

                         HELEN
          Well, I have been talking to the other
          girls, and I was thinking we should go to
          Las Vegas!
          Annie's other line rings.

                         ANNIE
          Oh, can you hold on? That's my other
          line.
          She clicks over.

                         ANNIE (CONT'D)
          Hello?

                         BECCA
          Hi, Annie. It's Becca.
          Becca, in her shabby-chic home office paints a front
          porch sign that says âThe Whitman'sâ

                         

                         

                         

                         

          66.

                         BECCA (CONT'D)
          I was just looking at your e-mail, yo're
          so cute. Sea World. What about Turkey?
          That's where we went for for MY
          bachelorette.

                         ANNIE
          Oh well, Turkey's really far away.

                         BECCA
          It's super old though! They have awesome
          restaurants. It's very exotic. Have you
          ever seen Aladdin? It totally looks like
          that.

                         ANNIE
          Hang on...
          Annie clicks back over to Helen.

                         ANNIE (CONT'D)
          Helen, I'm sorry can I call you back?

                         HELEN
          When?

                         ANNIE
          Just a few minutes. I'll call you back.
          Annie clicks over.

                         ANNIE (CONT'D)
          Becca?

                         BECCA
          Hi. You know, if you wanna go some place
          closer than Turkey. Helen JUST e-mailed
          me about going to Vegas.

                         ANNIE
          Oh, I don't know. Everybody always goes
          to Vegas. It seems just cliche to me.

                         BECCA
          I never get sick of it. I love blackjack.
          I have a system.
          Annie's other line.

                         ANNIE
          Oh, my other line's ringing. Can I call
          you back?

                         

                         

                         

                         

          67.

                         BECCA
          When?

                         ANNIE
          Soon.
          Annie clicks over.

                         ANNIE (CONT'D)
          Hello?

                         DANA
          Annie, it's Dana!

                         ANNIE
          Of course it is..
          Dana is on her porch swing drinking lemonade.

                         DANA
          I love your idea about Sea World.

                         ANNIE
          Really?

                         DANA
          Yeah, but then Helen just called me and
          said we should go to Vegas.

                         ANNIE
          But Vegas is so hot, don't you think?
          It's like, hot and dry. People get sick
          there all the time.

                         DANA
          I haven't had that experience. My skin
          always clears up there.

                         ANNIE
          Yeah, I just think it's probably not--
          Hold on. (clicks over) Hello?

                         MEGAN
          Annie, it's Megan.
          Megan is at work, in front of a wall of computer and
          television screens. It is a technical haven, looks like

          NASA.

                         

                         

                         

                         

          68.

                         MEGAN (CONT'D)
          I can't talk right now, but I was
          thinking for the bachelorette, something
          more along the lines of a personal
          challenge weekend. Have you ever heard of
          the Nevada Project?

                         ANNIE
          (defeated) No.
          Leslie in her Sopranos style living room on a treadmill.
          Her kids run around.

                         LESLIE
          I gotta be honest. I've been married for
          nine years, this may be the last
          bachelorette party of my career and I
          want the sweaty nuggets of a gay man
          pounding me in the face at some point
          during this trip. I'll pay whatever I
          have to pay. (to the kids) Tyler stop it,
          put that back! Paul!

          QUICK CUTS BETWEEN:

                         BECCA
          Vegas has these party busses that have
          flat screens in them and dance floors--

                         DANA
          Or we could take hummer limos around
          everywhere.

                         ANNIE
          That sounds really expensive.

                         HELEN
          Oh but it's gonna be so much fun! Besides
          money shouldn't be a problem if Lillian's
          our friend.

                         ANNIE
          Oh no, no, I was just thinking about
          everyone else. That's all I'm saying.

                         MEGAN
          What I'm saying is, they drop you off in
          the middle of the desert. You have to
          kill your own food and find your way
          back. Not everyone makes it. Seriously.

                         

                         

                         

                         

          69.

                         LESLIE
          Seriously. I want balls in my face.

                         BECCA
          So I think Vegas is a good idea.

                         DANA
          I agree with Helen. Vegas.

                         MEGAN
          Oh, you know what else is in Nevada?
          Vegas!

                         LESLIE
          Balls. Vegas.

                         HELEN
          Vegas it is.

                         LILLIAN
          (on the phone) Holy Shit Annie! We're
          goin' to Vegas!

          INT - JEWELRY STORE. DAY.

                         SANDY
          (eating a cookie)
          No can do, I need all my shifts. 'm
          trying to save up and take my lady to
          Maui.

                         ANNIE
          Please, one day a week, just for a little
          while. I've already asked everybody else.
          I really need the money.

                         SANDY
          Sorry. My hands are tied. Sharita's got
          my dick in a chip-clip.

                         ANNIE
          That's alright. I understand.

                         SANDY
          Mmm. Mm. These are the best peanut butter
          titties you ever made.

                         ANNIE
          They're called peanut butter kisses.

                         SANDY
          That's not what they look like.

                         

                         

                         

                         

          70.

          INT. AIRPLANE.

          The bridesmaids sit in first class. In the distance,
          Annie's head pops up from her seat in row 3O of coach.

          EXT. AIRPORT. LAS VEGAS.

          The girls wait by the curb with their luggage. Megan
          appears next to Annie.

                         MEGAN
          Here we are. The city of lust. Annie, do
          you know how many men are looking for
          trouble in this town right now? We are
          gonna nail it down. We should tell
          everybody we're twins cause guys looking
          up with twins!

                         ANNIE
          Yeah, I've heard that. Ok everybody! You
          guys, hey we're here, we're in Vegas!
          Woo!
          Lillian walks up.

                         LILLIAN
          Annie, come here. Why didn't you tell me
          you weren't sitting with us?

                         ANNIE
          Oh, it's no big deal. I didn't want to
          blow all my money on a first class
          ticket. I'm here though, right?!

                         LILLIAN
          I'm so excited!

                         ANNIE
          Ok, you guys, gather around. Welcome to
          Lillian's bachelorette party! We should
          probably get a bunch of cabs and head to
          our beautiful hotel, The New Marquis
          Royal Suites...
          As Annie's talking, a limo pulls up behind her. âThe New
          Marquis Royal Suites.â

                         HELEN
          Lillian, look what's happening.

                         

                         

                         

                         

          71.

                         LILLIAN
          Oh my God. You guys, is this for us?!

                         HELEN
          I got a limo from the hotel.
          We're in Vegas! Yaaaay!!
          They all pile into the limo, excitedly talking.

                         ANNIE
          Ok, everyone just get in the car. Got a
          ride to the hotel. It's taken care of.

                         MEGAN
          (from inside the limo) Sit by me, Annie!

          EXT. THE NEW MARQUIS ROYAL SUITES. LATER

          The girls' excited talking continues into the lobby.

                         LILLIAN
          This hotel is amazing! You guys!

                         HELEN
          Come on Lillian, you're staying with me
          in the master suite. It's all set.

                         LILLIAN
          Oh! Okay! Then party in room 812 in one
          hour! (waving her key)

          UPSTAIRS. HOTEL HALLWAY. CONTINUOUS.
          Girls get off the elevator, giddy with excitement. Annie
          gets back into the elevator.

                         ANNIE
          Uh! Shoot! I left my sunglasses
          downstairs. Ugh! Where's my head?

          EXT. HOTEL. CONTINUOUS.

          Annie sneaks out, rolling her bag. She catches a cab.

          EXT. HOTEL RICK. LATER.

          Cab pulls up to a tiny broken down building. A sign reads
          âHotel Rick. Vacancy. Some T.V.s.â An old man rides a
          bicycle in circles in the parking lot, smiling.

                         

                         

                         

                         

          72.

          INT. HOTEL RICK. CHECK-IN DESK.

          Lobby is very outdated. Wood panel walls etc., The hotel
          brochure is on the desk. It is probably the picture she
          saw online, it does NOT look the same. The clerk enters.

                         ANNIE
          Hi, I have a reservation for Walker.
          RICK, an East Indian man, stands behind the desk in front
          of a large portrait of himself, posed exactly as he is
          now, with the same outfit. He holds the pose, smiling.

                         RICK
          Okay, two nights?

                         ANNIE
          Yes.
          Rick waits for her to notice the painting, but she never
          does.

                         RICK
          Do you want towels?

                         ANNIE
          Yes.

                         RICK
          Do you need sheets?

                         ANNIE
          Yes.

                         RICK
          No pillow though, ok?
          Annie just stares at him.

          INT. THE NEW MARQUIS ROYAL SUITES

          The door opens to reveal a gorgeous huge feminine suite.

          HELEN AND LILLIAN
          (gasp) OH MY GOD!

          INT. HOTEL RICK. ANNIE'S ROOM

          Annie opens her door holding unfolded sheets and towels.
          The room is very ugly, bare mattress, lots of brown.

                         

                         

                         

                         

          73.

                         ANNIE
          Oh my God.

          INT. THE NEW MARQUIS ROYAL SUITES

          Megan and Leslie stand in their grande bathroom. Hot tub,
          plush towels, flat screen T.V. Candles burning.

                         MEGAN
          Oh my gosh, I can't believe this.

                         LESLIE
          He-llo Vegas!

          INT. HOTEL RICK. ANNIE'S BATHROOM

          There's an old toothbrush and comb by the dirty sink, a
          pair of athletic socks hanging over the shower rod where
          a curtain should be. There is a cat staring at her.

                         ANNIE
          Hello cat.

          INT. THE NEW MARQUIS ROYAL SUITES

          Dana and Becca open their curtains revealing a
          spectacular view. They scream and jump up and down.

          INT. HOTEL RICK.

          Annie opens up her curtains to a back lot. Something is
          on fire! Rick tries to put it out. The old man rides by.

                         ANNIE
          (screams in shock)

          INT. THE NEW MARQUIS ROYAL SUITES. THAT NIGHT.

          Annie stands outside room 312. She is dressed more
          preppy than she's ever looked. She knocks on the door.
          Becca opens it. We see disco lights and hear rap music.
          There are shirtless male waiters, penis balloons and a
          slide show of naked men. The room looks like a sex club.
          The girls are dressed like borderline prostitutes.

                         BECCA
          Oooh, Annie's here!

                         

                         

                         

                         

          74.

                         BRIDESMAIDS
          Wooooooh!

                         BECCA
          Isn't this amazing?
          Lillian runs over and hugs Annie, wearing a condom veil
          and drinking out of a penis straw.

                         LILLIAN
          Annie! I wanna see a drink in your hand
          in one minute!
          Lillian pulls Annie into the room. Helen is getting off
          of the phone.

                         HELEN
          Ok you guys, change of plans. The Velour
          Cobra had an opening at 9 so I got us a
          dinner reservation. Isn't that radical?

                         EVERYONE
          Woohooo/Ooooh/Alright!

                         ANNIE
          Oh. Yeah. Cool. Alright
          Everyone raises their glasses. The night has begun.

          INT. THE VELOUR COBRA. CLUB RESTAURANT -LATER THAT NIGHT

          Annie is concentrating on the bill.

                         ANNIE
          Okay, mine was...great, got it.
          Becca scoots in next to her.

                         BECCA
          Annie, I didn't get a chance to ask you,
          how was your date with Mike? Give me all
          the details.

                         ANNIE
          Oh, um, we had dinner.

                         BECCA
          Do you think you'll go out with him
          again? He told Kevin he thought you were
          really great and hot.

                         

                         

                         

                         

          75.

                         LESLIE
          (from her end of the table) Hey wha's
          the damage down there?

                         ANNIE
          Oh, I got it right here, I figured out
          what I owe so, should I just pass it
          around?

          LESLIE(TO ANNIE)
          Why don't we just all split it? It's so
          much easier.

          BECCA,DANA,HELEN,MEGAN
          Yeah/Just split it/Who cares?

                         ANNIE
          Yeah, it's probably just easier...just
          split it.

                         MEGAN
          Here, let me see it. Ok.. .It's a hundred
          each plus tip.

                         ANNIE
          (sotto) I had soup and ice water.

                         MEGAN
          Plus we're paying for Lillian...everyone
          just put $125.

                         ANNIE
          (sotto) No alcohol...or any real food.

                         BECCA
          It'll all even out by the end of the
          night.

                         ANNIE
          How does it even out? How does that
          happen?
          Everyone, including Annie, puts in their money. Helen
          moves over to Annie.

                         LILLIAN
          Thank you everybody!!

                         HELEN
          Annie, don't tell Lillian, it's a
          surprise.

                         (MORE)

                         

                         

                         

                         

          76.

                         HELEN (CONT'D)
          My friend Sean Michael works for a
          promotional company and they're having
          this big event tonight at Tara Rei's
          stepbrother's Club, Sacrifice.

                         ANNIE
          Really?!

                         HELEN
          I think it should be our first stop. H's
          reserving seats for us in the VIP
          section. It's a $150 cover and there's a
          one bottle champagne minimum of $750 per
          table, he said people from the Real World
          go in there all the time.

                         ANNIE
          I thought we were going to the Jungle
          Lounge after this.

                         HELEN
          We are. After that.

                         ANNIE
          Oh...um...wow. Awesome. Here's the thing
          I was going to stop by the hotel, the
          Marquis Suites. I think I ate something
          weird on the plane probably, my stomac's
          not right.

                         HELEN
          Oh, well we're only gonna be there for an
          hour or so, you can just meet up with us
          after.

                         ANNIE
          Okay. Perfect.

                         HELEN
          I'll just text you when we're getting
          ready to leave. I hope you feel better.
          Lillian comes up already a little tipsy.

                         LILLIAN
          Ok, Leslie spilled the beans. Le's get
          our asses over to Sacrifice.
          What are we waiting for? Wooooooo!
          Lillian looks at Helen's legs.

          LILLIAN (CONT'D)
          Whoa whoa. Helen, turn around. Are those
          those Ransom Jeans?

                         

                         

                         

                         

          77.

                         HELEN
          Don't tell Perry I bought them,I ordered
          them from New York. They're insanely
          expensive. But I gotta tell you guys the
          compliments I get on my ass make them
          worth every penny.
          She sticks her butt out. Lillian slaps it and all the
          girls laugh. She is the life of the party.

          EXT. RESTAURANT. CONTINUOUS

          A party bus pulls up. As the doors open, dry ice pours
          out. Inside there's a disco ball, dance poles, crazy
          lights. The girls all scream and run onto the bus. With
          the commotion, no one notices that Annie stays behind.

          INT. CASINO. LATER.

          Annie enters casino alone, sadly weaves through the slot
          machines.

          INT. PARTY BUS

          âMy Prerogativeâ by Bobby Brown comes on VERY LOUD making
          conversation difficult. Lillian looks around for Annie.

                         LILLIAN
          Oh my God, Annie our song! Wher's Annie?

                         DANA
          What?!

                         LILLIAN
          Where's Annie?!

                         MEGAN
          I don't know!(to Helen) Where's Annie!

                         HELEN
          What?!!

                         DANA
          Where's Annie!

                         HELEN
          She's meeting us later!!!

                         DANA
          (to Lillian) Oh. She's meeting us there!

                         

                         

                         

                         

          78.

                         LILLIAN
          Why!?

                         BECCA
          I don't know! Why?

                         HELEN
          Annie HAS DIARRHEA!!

                         LILLIAN
          Is she okay?! Should I call her!?

                         HELEN
          She's fine! She's gonna meet us in an
          hour, it's all set! (to the other girls]

          ANNIE HAD REALLY BAD DIARHEA!
          They continue partying, drinking, dancing.

          INT. CASINO.

          Annie passes four fun college age party guys at a craps
          table.

                         DAVE
          No, no, no wait. Wait. (to Annie) Hey,
          will you roll for me? Can she roll for
          me?

                         CRAPS GUY
          Only if she's playing.

                         ANNIE
          Me? What do I have to roll?

                         DAVE
          Anything but a seven or eleven, as many
          times as you can. What's your name?

                         ANNIE
          Annie.

                         DAVE
          I'm Dave. This is Brian, Brian and Mark.
          Ok Annie, do your thing.
          Annie rolls a four. The guys all cheer.

                         GUYS
          Yeah! Four!
          Annie rolls again, another four. She laughs.

                         

                         

                         

                         

          79.

                         GUYS (CONT'D)
          Yeah, four! Holy shit, two fours. One
          more time, third time's a charm!
          Annie rolls again. Another four. She ca't believe it!

                         ANNIE
          Four! Ahhhhhhhhh! (giddy laughing)

                         GUYS
          Annie! Annie! Annie!
          Annie gets a text message.

                         ANNIE
          Oh, hold on. You guys, my phone.

                         CRAPS GUY
          No cell phones at the tables m'am.
          Its a casino rule.

                         ANNIE
          I'll go outside then.

                         CRAPS GUY
          No, you gotta play the game out. You have
          to finish your roll.
          She continues to roll all fours. The guys scream.

          EXT. CASINO. A HALF HOUR LATER.

          The guys are carrying Annie on their shoulders, cheering
          for her. She is laughing..

                         ANNIE
          Ok, guys put me down, put me down. Whoa,
          that's my breast.

                         BRIAN #1
          Sorry.
          She reads a text message from Helen. âWe're leaving
          Sacrifice. It's boring. Meet us at the Jungle Loungeâ

                         ANNIE
          It was nice meeting you guys. I gotta go.

                         DAVE
          What do you mean? Where are you going?

                         

                         

                         

                         

          80.

                         ANNIE
          I'm here with a bunch of friends and 'm
          supposed to meet them at this club.

                         MARK
          We love clubs! We'll come with you.

                         DAVE
          Come on, we'll get your cab.

                         ANNIE
          Oh, Ok.
          As the cab drives away, we hear:

          BRIAN 1 (O.S.)
          Dude, we gotta get Brian some food asap.
          I've seen that look before.

          INT. CAB. PARKING LOT IN FAST FOOD RESTAURANT. LATER

          Everyone eats huge burgers including the driver (not
          Annie, she is annoyed!)

                         ANNIE
          You guys almost done?

                         BRIAN 2
          Sorry we haven't eaten all day.

                         MATT
          I have NEVER seen a drive-thru line like
          that dude.

                         CAB DRIVER
          It's because of the concert.
          They continue eating.

                         CONTINUOUS:
          The cab is pulled over, all the guys are outside, peeing.
          Annie gets a text from Lillian. âThe Jungle Lounge is
          awesome! We need to dance. P.S. It's RAINING in here!
          WHERE ARE YOU? Xoxo Lilâ
          She texts back, âOn my way!â

                         

                         

                         

                         

          81.

                         CONTINUOUS:
          A huge fist fight is going on in the car, yelling etc.

                         CONTINUOUS:
          Traffic has stopped.

                         ANNIE
          How much further?

                         CAB DRIVER
          Do you think I know? How do you think I
          know?

          EXT. JUNGLE LOUNGE.

          Annie and the guys get out of the cab.

                         DAVE
          Oh, shit. We can't go into this place. We
          got kicked out last night.

                         BOUNCER
          Hey, what'd I tell you guys?!!!

                         GUYS
          Whoa, it's ok, we're just goin next door!

                         DAVE
          Oh, Annie, here's your cut of the craps
          money. Eight hundred bones.

                         ANNIE
          For me?

                         DAVE
          You won big for us tonight. Buy your
          friends a round of drinks and come next
          door after.

                         BRIAN 2
          Yeah, bring your friends.

                         ANNIE
          Bye guys.

                         DAVE
          The Roller!!!

                         

                         

                         

                         

          82.

                         GUYS
          Woohoo/Yeah/ The Roller!/Annie!
          They all high five. Annie turns to bouncer.

                         ANNIE
          Hi. One please?

                         BOUNCER
          60 bucks.

                         ANNIE
          Here ya go.

          INT. JUNGLE LOUNGE.

          Annie walks through the club. She calls Lillian. No
          answer. She gets a a drink. Time passes. Her phone rings!

                         LILLIAN
          Annie!

                         ANNIE
          Hello!?

                         LILLIAN
          Are you ok?

                         ANNIE
          Yeah, I'm fine. I'm here! Where are you?!

                         LILLIAN
          What do you mean here, where?

                         ANNIE
          I'm at the Jungle Lounge, where are you
          guys? This place is huge!

                         LILLIAN
          You're where?

                         ANNIE
          The club!

                         LILLIAN
          Listen I can't hear you! We had to leave
          the Jungle Lounge, Becca--

                         ANNIE
          What?!

                         

                         

                         

                         

          83.

                         LILLIAN
          Meet us at the--

                         ANNIE
          Hello?!!

          INT. PARTY BUS.

          Loud music. Lillian tries to call Annie back. Annie tries
          to call Lillian back. They both get voice-mails. Annie
          gives up. It starts pouring rain on her inside the club.
          Everyone jumps up and screams with excitement. Thunder!

          CLUB D.J.
          Me Tarzan, you Jane. It's time for the
          dance spotlight. If it lands on you, you
          gotta shake it!
          The spotlight immediately lands on a soaking wet Annie.
          She dances very angrily. Jungle dancers dance very close
          to her and put vines around her neck.

          INT. BAR NEXT DOOR

          Annie walks in.

                         GUYS
          Yeah, she's back/ the Roller!/ Yeah!

                         DAVE
          What happened to you?

                         ANNIE
          I don't even know.

                         DAVE
          Roller, I can't stand seeing you like
          this. (to bartender] Get this fine lady a
          shot!

                         ANNIE
          I'll have two lemon drops.

          INT BAR. HALF HOUR LATER.
          Annie and Dave are wasted.

                         

                         

                         

                         

          84.

                         ANNIE
          That's what I'm saying. Some people have
          everything and others have just little
          bits of things. It's not fair. I don't
          get it.....I mean I think I hate Helen.

                         DAVE
          I hate Helen.

                         ANNIE
          That is the sexiest think anyon's ever
          said.

          INT. ANNIE'S ROOM. HOTEL RICK.

          In the dark, Annie and Dave are passionately making out.
          Knocking things over, etc.

                         DAVE
          I hate Helen.

          NEXT MORNING. ANNIE'S HOTEL ROOM
          The cat jumps on the bed and meows. Annie opens her eyes
          to see Dave sleeping. She notices his college tattoo on
          his arm (tasmanian devil with a lacrosse stick?).

                         DAVE
          Hey.

                         ANNIE
          Hi. Sorry I fell asleep while we were
          making out. I guess I was pretty tired.

                         DAVE
          Its ok. Sorry I gave you a hickey.

                         ANNIE
          Oh shit.
          There's a knock at the door. Annie opens it to reveal
          NICOLE, (20), pretty and sweet.

                         NICOLE
          Is Dave here?

                         DAVE
          Nicole!? Hey, Nic.

                         NICOLE
          This is a surprise.

                         

                         

                         

                         

          85.
          Brian 1, Brian 2 and Mark appear in the doorway as well.

                         BRIAN 1
          Dude, I'm sorry. She made us bring her
          here.

                         MARK
          She said you have her fake I.D..

                         NICOLE
          Yeah and I couldn't go anywhere last
          night. I tried calling you fifty fucking
          times. And YOU? You were what, hooking up
          with this fossil?!

                         ANNIE
          First of all-

                         NICOLE
          Shut the fuck up or I will kick your ass
          bitch.

                         ANNIE
          Ok, that is not nice.

                         NICOLE
          And what are you forty?

                         ANNIE
          No, I'm in my low thirties...(under her
          breath) and you could never kick my ass.

                         NICOLE
          What did you say?!

                         ANNIE
          (timid) You heard me.
          Annie immediately gets punched in the face. Annie is
          shocked and swings back, hitting Nicole in the face.
          She's proud of herself. Nicole's two friends enter and
          jump on Annie. HUGE GIRL FIGHT.

          EXT. HOTEL RICK. FIVE MINUTES LATER.

          Annie is outside of the hotel. Guys are pulling the girls
          off of Annie.

                         NICOLE
          Baker Community College bitch!

                         

                         

                         

                         

          86.
          The girls leave in victory. Dave turns and mouths to
          Annie âI'm sorry.â

          INT. ANNIE'S HOTEL BATHROOM.

          She frantically tries to cover up her HUGE hickey and
          evidence of the fight, with make-up. She remembers a
          small cowboy print tablecloth from the other room and
          wraps it around her neck like a scarf.

          INT. THE NEW MARQUIS ROYAL SUITES. BUFFET TABLE

          All the girls are hung over and eating. Annie arrives.

                         MEGAN
          Annie!

                         LILLIAN
          Whoa. What are you, going to a rodeo?

                         ANNIE
          That's hilarious.

                         MEGAN
          Annie, you missed it. I scammed all night
          last night. I met this guy named Darwin.
          He works for Cingular. He had a friend.

                         LESLIE
          What happened to your face?

                         LILLIAN
          Yeah, why are you wearing all that
          makeup?

                         ANNIE
          It's covering up bruises, cuts and a
          hickey. I got into fight with a community
          college student and her friends because I
          spent the night with her boyfriend after
          spending the entire night trying to find
          you.

                         LILLIAN
          What?!

                         ANNIE
          Forget it.

                         

                         

                         

                         

          87.

                         LILLIAN
          I was trying to find YOU. I tried to call
          you all night!

                         ANNIE
          Well, I-(to Lil} Can I talk to you for a
          minute?
          Annie takes Lillian away.

                         LILLIAN
          What is going on? You told Helen you were
          sick.

                         ANNIE
          I wasn't sick. Helen told you that
          because... I couldn't afford to go with
          you guys.

                         LILLIAN
          Why didn't you say something?--

          HELEN (O.S.)
          Lillian, we're going to be late for our
          honey facials.

                         ANNIE
          Helen, can you just give us a minute?

                         HELEN
          I'm just saying, we're gonna be late. I
          don't wanna be rude.

                         ANNIE
          That's funny. You know what? As the Maid
          of honor, which is what I am and what you
          are not, I am asking you to just give us
          a minute.

                         HELEN
          Excuse me Annie.

                         ANNIE
          No, excuse me!

                         LILLIAN
          Annie take it easy.

                         ANNIE
          I need to take it easy?

                         

                         

                         

                         

          88.

                         DANA
          Annie, if it makes you feel any better
          (getting emotional] I got slapped last
          night.

                         LESLIE
          Here we go...

                         DANA
          By this huge girl. She was a working in
          the bathroom. I just... I didn't cut in
          line. I didn't! She chased me!

                         BECCA
          Becca it's over.

                         MEGAN
          Annie, she looked like Popeye.

                         BECCA
          She lives here! She lives in Vegas.

                         HELEN
          You're not going to run into her. Just
          shut-up about it.

                         LILLIAN
          Guys stop! Please! Annie, I'm so sorry
          about last night. I feel horrible. I want
          to hear everything that happened.
          Tonight, you're not leaving my side.
          We're hittin' the strip club all of us
          and we're going to put this shit behind
          us. Okay?!
          The girls agree. Dana rubs her arm.

                         LESLIE
          Oh your arm does not still hurt.

          INT. FANCY CASINO SHOPPING MALL. LATER.

          Bridesmaids window shop. Something in a fancy boutique
          catches Annie's eye, she smiles. Ransom jeans.

          INT. STRIP CLUB. THAT NIGHT

          The ladies sit at the front row tables.

                         COCKTAILER
          What can I get you ladies?

                         

                         

                         

                         

          89.

                         ANNIE
          First of all , we're gonna need some ones
          over here. Here's a hundred. Keep twenty
          for yourself.

                         LILLIAN
          Oooh, Ann!
          A siren goes off.

          V.O.
          Good evening ladies, and welcome to
          Thunderbird. Our first male entertainer
          has been roaming the prairie for many,
          many lonely nights...
          A horse winnies. Ladies scream.

          V.O. (CONT'D)
          Here he is...looking for a sweet lady to
          keep him company under the stars...say
          hello to Cowboy Ron!
          A male stripper comes out on a cardboard horse, humping

                         'S
          looking for someone. The room goes wild.

          V.O. (CONT'D)
          There he is ladies looking for that
          special woman, looking for his
          briiide...And I believe the person he's
          looking for is Lillian Donovan!
          The girls scream. Lillian mouths to Annie âI'm gonna kill
          you.â Cowboy Ron takes her up on stage. He puts her in a
          chair and humps her face. Everyone is cracking up.

                         MEGAN
          Leslie, your missing it.

                         LESLIE
          Don't talk to me. Nobody talk to me.
          Leslie has her hands on the bare ass of a stripper who is
          dancing in her face.
          Stripper #2 appears.

          V.O.
          Wow, looks like Cowboy Ron has a friend
          on the prairie and he's lookin' for a
          lady too.

                         

                         

                         

                         

          90.

                         LILLIAN
          (pointing to Annie) Get her! Get her!!

                         ANNIE

          NO! NO!
          Stripper #2 pulls Annie up to the stage, lays her on the
          ground and simulates sex with her. Standing above her,
          pulls his chaps off. We see that his balls are not all
          the way tucked into his g-string. The girls cringe. As he
          stands above her, in slow motion, we see a bead of sweat
          leave his balls and fly into Anni's open laughing mouth.
          She dry heaves. The stripper is oblivious, goes to
          another girl.
          Lillian and Annie roll around on the ground laughing.

          EXT. STRIP CLUB.

          Everyone's laughing as they exit the club.

                         ANNIE
          I need some gum.

                         BECCA
          That was disgusting! I'm so glad I'm
          married.

                         MEGAN
          It was awesome!

                         DANA
          I got a picture of the balls. I got it!

                         LESLIE
          (puts her arm around Annie). You lucky
          bitch.

                         LILLIAN
          Only you Annie. Hands down, best moment
          of the weekend.
          Annie finally feels a part of the group.

          INT. AIRPLANE. DAY.

          Annie walks to first class, everyon's sleeping. She
          hears Lillian laughing really hard, pointing at pictures
          in a magazine.

                         

                         

                         

                         

          91.

                         LILLIAN
          Oh look, there's your boyfriend.

                         HELEN
          Ew, he's like 65. Ok, look Lillian that's
          you.

                         LILLIAN
          Oh my God. You know who that actually
          looks like? Remember when we went to
          Miami and we had to rent towels--

                         HELEN
          Ew, at that beach, that weird beach!

                         LILLIAN
          And that lady came up to us wearing that
          mesh top!

                         HELEN
          She was crazy.
          Annie sinks. A flight attendant appears.

                         FLIGHT ATTENDANT
          Excuse me. Hi.

                         ANNIE
          Hi.

                         FLIGHT ATTENDANT
          I'm sorry, you can't be up here. You have
          to go back to coach.

                         ANNIE
          I was just stretching my legs.

                         FLIGHT ATTENDANT
          That's not true.
          Annie stares at her. The flight attendant holds out her
          hand for Annie to grab.

          FLIGHT ATTENDANT (CONT'D)
          Come on...it's ok, c'mon. C'mon.

          EXT - AIRPORT PARKING. PAYBOOTH

                         ATTENDANT
          Ok, that's going to be seventy -five
          dollars.

                         

                         

                         

                         

          92.

                         ANNIE
          What?

                         ATTENDANT
          Twenty-five dollars a day. Three days.
          Seventy -five dollars.

                         ANNIE
          I thought it was seven.

                         ATTENDANT
          Oh, hmm mm. That's for this lot, you
          parked in this lot.
          The lots are exactly the same, separated by a white line.
          Annie empties her wallet, her poker winnings are gone.

          EXT - HIGHWAY
          Annie is driving. She sees Rhodes, and stops.

          EXT. HIGHWAY. LATER.


                         RHODES
          Oh, I know what's going on. You're
          jealous of that Helen girl.

                         ANNIE
          Excuse me? No, I'm not.

                         RHODES
          If you say so.

                         ANNIE
          I'm telling you I am not jealous of
          Helen, okay? She's tall and thin and rich
          and pretty.
          They both laugh.

                         RHODES
          Oh come on, you know you got it goin'
          on...

                         ANNIE
          Oh yeah, I got it goin' on...

                         RHODES
          You're right, you don't.

                         

                         

                         

                         

          93.

                         ANNIE
          (laughing) Thanks a lot.
          They nudge each other. He accidentally nudges her off the
          car.

                         RHODES
          Sorry!
          Now Annie is back in her running car.

                         ANNIE
          Have a good rest of your shift.

                         RHODES
          Actually, I'm heading home. Got my sister
          staying with me for a few days. Sh's
          been thinking of divorcing of her
          husband.

                         ANNIE
          Oh. Sorry.

                         RHODES
          He had an affair and they've got kids so
          it's complicated.

                         ANNIE
          Hmm. Sounds familiar.

                         RHODES
          My sister is a hell of a woman, you know?
          And her husband is- you know what I think
          cheating is? It's weak. It's a weak
          person that cheats.
          Something clicks with Annie, she sees him in a new light.

                         ANNIE
          No, no. Um, I feel the same way. Um,
          anyway um, maybe I'll drive by you next
          week. I have to make this drive
          again...so...
          She tries to flirt a little, pulls her hair back. He sees
          her hickey!!!! She starts itching her arm, still flirting
          and laughing.

          ANNIE (CONT'D)
          Ugh, great, I think I was allergic to the
          soap at the hotel. Ahhhhh.

                         

                         

                         

                         

          94.

                         RHODES
          Yeah. I should go..now. Don't forget to
          call my friend about those tail lights.
          They're really starting to bug me.

                         ANNIE
          I promise. Ok, well, have a good weekend.

                         RHODES
          You too.
          He abruptly walks back to his car. She drives away
          confused.

          INT. ANNIE'S APT. LATER THAT EVENING.

          Annie arrives home to another âmomâ package. She pulls
          out some cheap cosmetics. She pulls out a bottle of White
          Diamonds perfume by Elizabeth Taylor, low calorie mints,
          some pepper spray, a book titled â100 Survival tips For
          the Independent Woman.â A check for $25.
          She opens the book, sees chapters entitled âYou Don't
          Have to Work for AAA to Change a Tire.â â How to Jack a
          CarJacker.â âAnyone with Arms Can Skin a Deerâ etc. She
          tries to read but the itching is driving her crazy.

          INT. DOCTOR'S OFFICE. NEXT DAY

          Annie's on the table while the DOCTOR examines her skin.

                         DOCTOR
          Well, I've got good news for you. You're
          going to live. Hahahah. It's not an
          allergic reaction though.

                         ANNIE
          Oh, that's good.

                         DOCTOR
          You've got body lice.

                         ANNIE
          Oh.

                         DOCTOR
          Have you recently come in contact with or
          slept anywhere that you think you might

                         HAVE--

                         

                         

                         

                         

          95.

                         ANNIE
          I know where I got it.

                         DOCTOR
          You're gonna have to wash every fabric in
          your apartment and I'll give you a
          topical cream that should knock it out
          pretty quick. I've got some samples.

          EXT - LILLIAN'S APT. DAY
          Annie sits on the doorstep. Lillian runs up with a bunch
          of stuff in her arms and opens the door. They enter the
          apartment.

                         LILLIAN
          I'm so sorry. I was at our travel agen's
          trying to figure out how to get my da's
          family out here, they all have to fly at
          different times, uggh. What's that on
          your arms?
          She sees some of Annie's lice medicine motion.

                         ANNIE
          Huh? Oh...I did a face mask. I must have
          gotten some on me and didn't rinse it.

                         LILLIAN
          Oh shit, I'm sorry, I have to check one
          thing really quick. When is my hair
          consultation?
          Lillian frantically looks through her calender.

                         ANNIE
          Listen, I want to talk to you about--

                         LILLIAN
          Oh no. (starts to cry)

                         ANNIE
          What's wrong?

                         LILLIAN
          I knew it. I'm going to have my period on
          my wedding day...and my honeymoon!

                         ANNIE
          It's ok. I mean it's not like it's your
          first time doing it.

                         

                         

                         

                         

          96.

                         LILLIAN
          It's our wedding night though!

                         ANNIE
          You can still have sex, just put a towel
          down in the bed.

                         LILLIAN
          I can't believe this. This sucks. (beat)
          Oh, Annie I wanted to ask you. Do you
          think for the cocktail party before the
          reception we should have a string trio or
          a horn trio?

                         ANNIE'
          Can you just realize what you just asked
          me right now?

                         LILLIAN
          What?

                         ANNIE
          You just said a string trio or horn trio.
          I thought you didn't want anything fancy,
          you know, just âkeep it simple.â âNot a
          big deal.â

                         LILLIAN
          I know but now that I'm planning
          everything it's just...I wanna do it
          right. It's once in a life time. It's my
          wedding.
          Lillian's phone rings.

          LILLIAN (CONT'D)
          Ugh! It's Dougie's Mom. She's mad at me
          because I won't let her invite everyone
          from her work. Oh! That reminds me. If
          you're not going to bring anybody, will
          you let me know? I gotta free up some
          spots. (into phone] Hello?
          Lillian walks away with the phone. Annie is speechless.

          INT. ANNIE'S LAUNDRY ROOM.

          Dryer is going. Annie is sorting a huge pile of sheets,
          towels, etc. Her cell phone rings.

                         ANNIE
          Helen.

                         

                         

                         

                         

          97.

          INT. HELEN'S LIVING ROOM. CREAM COUCH


                         HELEN
          Annie? Where are you? Inside a truck?

                         ANNIE
          No, I'm doing laundry, what's up?

                         HELEN
          Annie, the shower needs to happen soon.
          We haven't heard from you and everyone is-

                         ANNIE
          I know. I know. I'm trying to--

                         HELEN
          Annie can I dialog openly with you? I
          know you're having some financial trouble
          and I think it would be best if I did the
          shower. Now before you say anything, let
          me say that showers can be very expensive
          and I think what's important here is
          what's best for Lillian.

                         ANNIE
          Wow.

                         HELEN
          You don't have to give me an answer now

                         BUT--

                         ANNIE
          You should have it. You should have it.

                         HELEN
          Great. Well, I'll definitely need some
          help.

                         ANNIE
          Ok?

                         HELEN
          Could you bring the cookies?
          Annie hangs up, looks at her laundry piles. Pissed.

          INT. HARRINGTONS. LATER

          Annie behind her counter.

                         

                         

                         

                         

          98.

                         GIRL
          Excuse me!!
          A snotty thirteen year old, valley-type, rich girl stands
          at Annie's counter with an iced coffee chewing gum.

          GIRL (CONT'D)
          I'm looking for a birthday gift for my
          best friend.

                         ANNIE
          Your best friend?

                         GIRL
          Yeah.

                         ANNIE
          For now.

                         GIRL
          (sip] What do you mean?

                         ANNIE
          Well, what's gonna happen when you get
          older? Did you ever think of that? What
          about when she makes new friends and
          they're more successful than you are?
          Girl stares annoyingly, chewing and sipping.

          ANNIE (CONT'D)
          Huh? And they buy her facials and
          designer dresses for cheap and yo're
          stuck selling jewelry to teenagers wh's
          outfit cost more than your rent?

                         GIRL
          Ummm....you're weird.

                         ANNIE
          You're stupid.

                         GIRL
          You have no chin.

                         ANNIE
          You're gonna be a slut in high school.

                         GIRL
          You are an old, single loser who has no
          friends, works in a jewelry store, colors
          her own hair, and will never know the
          feeling of owning a luxury car.

                         

                         

                         

                         

          99.
          She sips in victory, slurps up the last drop noisily.

                         ANNIE
          (quietly] You. Little. Cunt.
          The girls eyes widen. The camera pans to show that the
          girl's dad and Donna have been there the whole time.

          INT. DONNA'S OFFICE

          Donna stands across from Annie wh's cleaning out her
          locker. She sadly starts to leave.

                         ANNIE
          Bye.

                         DONNA
          You know, I knew a girl once. Karen
          Stippleton. She was really something. The
          life of the party, a concert pianist, she
          had naturally curly hair, and skin black
          as night. But one evening at a dinner
          party I walked in on her in the bathroom
          putting a vile of cocaine up her buttocks
          and last I heard, she was playing the
          saxophone outside of a drug store. And
          I'm gonna say something to you I should
          have told her. Don't waste your life.
          Find out what your gifts are and use
          them.
          Donna hugs Annie, then leaves her in the break room.

          INT. ANNIE'S APARTMENT. LATER THAT DAY.

          Annie arrives completely depressed. Outside her doorstep
          is yet another package. Annie takes it inside.

          INT. ANNIE'S APT.


                         STEVE
          Ooh, another package from your mom?

                         ANNIE
          Yep.
          It is a beautiful pink and white striped box with her
          name and address in calligraphy. When Annie opens the
          lid, âCanon in Dâ plays and a real butterfly flies out.

                         

                         

                         

                         

          100.
          She reads, âA Shower for Lillian.â Steve comes over to
          see.
          On one side of the box, there is a beautiful sculpture of
          Lillian and Dougie as Bride and Groom, a candle with
          Lillian's face printed on it and some chocolates. Annie
          takes the invitation out, opens it quickly.

          ANNIE (CONT'D)
          Are you kidding me?
          The invitation reads:

          HELEN (V.O.)
          Please join us for a Parisian Brunch at
          the home of Helen Harris III to celebrate
          the marriage of Lillian Donovan and
          Douglas Price. Let us âshowerâ Lillian
          with gifts and love. Date: Sunday the
          20th. Time: 2:00 post meridian. Address
          and phone number below. Responde S'il
          Vous Plait. Yay!
          Annie picks up the phone, calls the R.S.V.P. number.
          Canon in D. plays. and a recorded message begins.

          HELEN (V.O.) (CONT'D)
          Hello. This is Helen. You have reached
          the Responde S'il Vous Plait line for
          Lillian's shower.

                         ANNIE
          You have got to be kidding me.

          HELEN (V.O.)
          Please listen to all of the following
          menu options before making your
          selection. If you would like to reply
          âouiâ, press one. To reply ânoâ, press
          two. For where the bride and groom are
          registered, press three. If you require a
          vegetarian meal. Press 4. If you are
          vegan, press 5. A dairy free meal, press
          6. Kosher meals will not be available.
          For the Lillian and Dougie story,
          narrated by me, please press 7. To hear a
          twenty-four hour wedding music mix, press
          8, put your phone on speaker, light the
          Atmospheria candle you've just received
          and think about the eternal union that is
          marriage. I'm Helen Harris IV, and this
          is me saying au revoir! But before I do,
          here's a message from SUSAN SARANDON!

                         

                         

                         

                         

          101.

          SUSAN SARANDON (V.O.)
          Hello, I'm Susan Sarandon, the movie
          star. I just wanted to say
          congratulations to Lillian and Dougie.
          Even though I don't believe in marriage,
          I do âbelieve in the church of basebalâ.
          Just kidding. That's a line from my movie
          Bull Durham. I-
          Annie hangs up quickly.

          INT. ANNIE'S APARTMENT. DAYTIME.

          Annie's relaxation CD is playing as she lies talking on
          the phone to her Mom, who is painting a very life-like
          picture of Enrique Iglesias in concert.

                         JUDY
          Is there an animal over there?

                         ANNIE
          No, it's a C.D.
          She rolls over and turns it off.

                         JUDY
          So, I'm flying straight to O'Hare the day
          of the shower cause I wanna get my hair
          done. Did you see that invitation? I
          didn't get the significance of the dead
          butterfly, but it looks like w're gonna
          have fun.

                         ANNIE
          I'm not.

                         JUDY
          Oh, c'mon.

                         ANNIE
          I already know what it's gonna be like.
          It's gonna be uncomfortable and weird...I
          don't wanna go.

                         JUDY
          Sweetie, listen to yourself. You ca't
          let her new friends get in the way of
          your being a part of one of the best days
          of Lil's life. NO way. You have a history
          with her that no one else has. So you
          walk into that party knowing that.

                         

                         

                         

                         

          102.

          INT. ANNIE'S CAR.

          Annie drives to Helen's. She sees a pink and white
          highway sign (that looks like a traditional highway exit
          sign) âLillian's Shower Rue. This exitâ

                         ANNIE
          Oh my God.
          She turns into the gates of âWhitewater Estates.â There
          is, a life-size sculpture of a bride and groom. As she
          gets closer, she sees they are real life models. They
          smile at Annie, wink at her and wave her by.
          At the next stop sign, a butler appears with a tray.

                         BUTLER
          Are you a guest of Helen Harris?

                         ANNIE
          Yes.

                         BUTLER
          The shower is one mile away.
          He hands her a pink lemonade.

                         ANNIE
          I don't have a cup-holder.
          As she's driving, little pink things start to fly beside
          her car.

          ANNIE (CONT'D)

                         WHAT THE-
          One flies in her car. They're Rose petals!
          Annie's shitty car drives down a road covered with Rose
          petals. At the driveway, she is greeted by a valet in a
          pink bow-tie and beret. As she reaches for her gift from
          the passenger seat, another valet opens that door and
          take it.

                         VALET
          This will be placed in the gift room for
          you madame.
          He reaches for the cookies she made, and she stops him.

                         ANNIE
          I'll take those.

                         

                         

                         

                         

          103.
          Annie watches the valet drives her car away. When she
          turns back around, there is a man with a white horse
          holding out his hand to her.

                         HORSEMAN
          Would you like an assisted ride to the
          main house?

                         ANNIE
          Do I have to?
          An annoyed Annie arrives at the house on the horse with
          the man leading her on foot, holding the cookies. She
          dismounts.
          The front door is swung open by two attendants. As she
          enters the mansion, groups of girls pass by her...

                         SHOWER GIRLS
          This is the most amazing shower 've ever
          been to/Can you believe this?/What a
          lucky bride/What a good friend...
          Helen's house is ALL cream and white with gold. Couches
          are puffy, etc. Annie walks to the backyard. We hear
          French standards. Beautiful tables are set. Swans and
          bunnies milling about. Attendants ready to serve. In the
          middle of everything stands an eight foot tall round
          âsignâ that says âLillian and Dougieâ in puffy pink
          cursive. A waiter offers Annie champagne. She takes it.

          BECCA AND LESLIE(O.S.)
          Annie!
          They walk to her.

                         LESLIE
          Do you believe this shit?
          Annie is still staring at the sign.

                         BECCA
          That's a big cookie huh.

                         ANNIE
          Where?
          They point to the âsignâ. Annie walks closer to see it is
          indeed a huge cookie.

                         LESLIE
          See. Sugar cookie.

                         

                         

                         

                         

          104.
          Leslie takes a piece off, eats it.

                         LESLIE (CONT'D)
          It's even better if you dip it in the
          chocolate.
          REVEAL a glorious four tiered chocolate fountain. Girls
          are around it dipping strawberries and pieces of the big
          cookie, laughing. Helen is there taking their praise.
          Annie is pissed and plops her tupperware of cookies on a
          nearby table.

                         LILLIAN
          Annieee!!!
          Lillian runs to her.

          LILLIAN (CONT'D)
          (under her breath) Can you believe this?

          LAURIE (O.S.)
          Lillian!

                         LILLIAN
          Coming Mom! I gotta go say hi to my
          aunts.
          She leaves and Helen appears out of nowhere again.

                         HELEN
          Hi Annie!

                         ANNIE
          Beautiful party.

                         HELEN
          Oh, it's nothing....so...Just make
          yourself at home. Enjoy!

                         ANNIE
          Thanks. (under her breath) Asshole.

                         HELEN
          What did you say?

                         ANNIE
          I said I love this shower, and i's
          amazing. I said all that.
          Annie leaves. Two hip hop dancers wearing pink berets
          approach Helen and jam out in her face.

                         

                         

                         

                         

          105.

                         HELEN
          OK, not me, NOT ME! The GUESTS. Hip hop
          dance with the GUESTS!

                         'S
          looking.

          INT-HELENS POWDER ROOM
          Annie puts lotion her hands. She sees a magazine photo of

                         'S
          face super imposed over them. On the counter is a framed
          photo of Helen, soft lit, posed with her hand gently

                         'S
          face. She also sees a photo of Helen and Lillian from
          Vegas on the plane. Happy.
          As Annie leaves, she runs into her Mom, wh's new
          hairstyle is a bit overdone.

                         ANNIE
          Mom. Hi!
          They hug.

                         ANNIE (CONT'D)
          Wow! You look great.

                         JUDY
          Thank you sweetheart. (to herself) I wish
          Barb could see me now.

                         ANNIE
          Not today Mom.

                         JUDY
          You're right. Well I'm happy to see you!
          I'll see you out there. I need to wash
          the horse off my hands.
          Mom goes into the bathroom. Megan approaches.

                         MEGAN
          Annie, did you see the party favors?

                         ANNIE
          I'm sure they're perfect and amazing.

                         MEGAN
          They're dogs!

                         

                         

                         

                         

          106.

                         ANNIE
          What?

                         MEGAN
          Yeah. And they're wrapped up like
          presents. They said we have to wait until
          we leave but I cant stop thinking about
          them. I gotta go tell Lillian.

          EXT- HELEN'S BACK YARD- MOMENTS LATER
          Annie now stands next to the chocolate fountain. She
          looks around, drops her glass in it and unplugs it with
          her foot. It stops flowing. She looks around and throws
          some leaves in it and walks away.

                         CONTINUOUS

                         'S
          attention by microphone.

                         HELEN
          Hello ladies. Bonjour. (french
          sentence)Yay! Welcome. I am your host
          Helen, a bridesmaid in Lillian's wedding.
          I want you all to have a wonderful time.
          Eat, drink, please have some cookie!
          She laughs and then becomes very serious.

                         HELEN (CONT'D)
          Lillian. Today's your day. I'd like to
          make a beautiful toast, âYou are pretty,
          fun, sweet, look at all of your friends.
          Girlpower!â Everyone enjoy your lunch,
          served along with the musical stylings
          of...The LILLIANETTE'S!!!
          A quartet, all in pink and white and harmonize. âLillian,
          Lillian, Lillian, Lillian! When Lillian was a little
          girl...â
          Judy claps and enjoys the music. She leans over to Annie.

                         JUDY
          I don't know what's going on honey.
          The shower is a hit.

                         

                         

                         

                         

          107.

          INT. HELEN'S GREAT ROOM. LATER.

          Everyone sits surrounded by decorations, pictures of
          Dougie and Lillian as babies, flowers, fire in the
          fireplace.

                         DANA
          Everyone it's game time! Please take your
          piece of paper, put it on top of your
          head, and with your other hand try to
          draw what Lillian and Dougie's first baby
          is going to look like!!! Ready? GO!
          Everyone draws, giggles, looks at their stupid drawings,
          laughing. Annie cheats and draws it on her lap.

                         CONTINUOUS:

          DANA (CONT'D)
          And the winner is...Annie?
          Dana holds up a perfectly realistic drawing of a baby.

                         ANNIE
          Yeah, that's mine. Thank you.

                         CONTINUOUS:
          Girls spin a blind-folded 86 year old ELLIE around 3
          times, Then they swing her holding her hands and feet.

                         SHOWER GIRLS
          One... two...three!
          Annie looks confused. They throw Ellie onto a huge pile
          of pillows. This is a terrible game.

          SHOWER GIRLS (CONT'D)
          Find the veil! C'mon Ellie! Come on Look!
          You can do it! It's right there!
          Ellie feels around in the huge pile of pillows. She finds
          the veil, holds it up in victory and then falls down from
          dizziness.

          SHOWER GIRLS (CONT'D)
          YAAAAY! YOU DID IT! WoooHoo!

                         CONTINUOUS:

                         

                         

                         

                         

          108.

                         HELEN
          #9. What is Lillian's favorite ice cream
          flavor? Write it down...quickly.

                         ANNIE
          (under her breath, to the woman next to
          her) Ew. Kinda smells funny in here.
          Doesn't it? Smells bad. This house has a
          weird smell.

                         HELEN
          OK, last one. For the big prize. #10.
          What is the craziest place Lillian and
          Dougie....?
          Helen strongly hints with a weird smile instead of
          saying, â...had sex?â Shower Girls Ooooh and Ahhhh.

                         ANNIE
          (under her breath) Wow, looks like
          someone's a pervert. It's none of my
          business. She's gross.

                         CONTINUOUS:

                         GIRL 1
          (very emotional) I'm putting a blue bead
          on this âadvice necklaceâ to represent
          the ocean. It may not always be smooth
          sailing but you can ride the waves
          together.
          Dana cries and takes a picture. Everyone applauds,

                         ANNIE
          (to person near her) The ocean's are
          really polluted right now. Its not
          something to joke about.

          INT-HELEN'S GREAT ROOM - HALF HOUR LATER
          Lillian opens presents in front of huge photograph of
          herself.

                         LILLIAN
          Oh! My towels! Thank you Dana.

                         DANA
          I just wanted to get you something you
          could use everyday and something pretty.
          Dana takes a picture, Lillian grabs another box, giddy.

                         

                         

                         

                         

          109.

                         LILLIAN
          Annie. (opens it) Oh, our mugs! Thank you
          Annie.

                         ANNIE
          Well, you registered for 'em so thank
          yourself, you picked them out. I did't
          do anything...

                         HELEN
          This one's from me.
          Helen hands Lillian her gift. Lil opens it and holds up
          beautiful lingerie.

                         SHOWER GIRLS
          Oooo/Ahhhhh etc.

                         MEGAN
          Ooh, brothel gear...

                         ANNIE
          (sotto] It's disgusting. Here Mom's here.

                         LILLIAN
          Wait, what's this?
          Lillian pulls out an envelope.

                         ANNIE
          (sotto) Wow, cash. Kinda tacky.
          Lillian opens the envelope.

                         LILLIAN
          Oh my God. Helen.
          Lillian holds up the tickets.

                         LAURIE
          Honey what are they?

                         LILLIAN
          Two first class tickets to Sea World.
          How did you--

                         ANNIE
          Are you fucking kidding me?

                         JUDY
          Annie!

                         

                         

                         

                         

          110.

                         ANNIE

          ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?!

                         LILLIAN
          Annie! What is going on with you?

                         ANNIE
          Nothing have fun at Sea World.

                         HELEN
          Why don't we go in the other room and--

                         ANNIE
          Shut up you ridiculous person, you a
          sneaky little cream and white cashmere--.

                         HELEN
          Annie. Everyone I am so sorry, I really
          don't know what you mean.

                         ANNIE
          I think you do.(laughs) Horses?
          Sculptures? Posters? Look at this stupid
          house! This stupid marshmallow puffy
          furniture! (pointing outside) And look at
          that cookie! Would you please everyone!
          Speaking of that cookie. I never got a
          piece!
          Annie marches into the back yard.

                         ANNIE (CONT'D)
          (shouting, we see her through the large

                         WINDOWS)
          Did you honestly think 30 women were
          gonna finish this?! You know what!? 'll
          help you out!
          She tries to take down the cookie and struggles with it.
          We watch her from the house. Fall over with the cookie,
          she runs over to the chocolate fountain and tries to tip
          it over, it's obviously too heavy. She tries to empty it
          with her hands onto the ground.

                         ANNIE (CONT'D)
          Mmmmm. Nothing says friendship like a
          thousand gallons of hot unsanitary
          chocolate! Hello swan, are you having
          fun? Did you enjoy the hip-hop dancers?

                         

                         

                         

                         

          111.
          Everyone is watching Annie. She is fighting and punching
          the air like a crazy person, chasing a swan. A little
          girl starts crying.
          Annie walks back through the house, through the crowd
          holding her chocolate covered hands in the air.

                         ANNIE (CONT'D)
          I actually thought I wanted to be like
          you...and you and YOU, to be a part of
          this world. That's not who I am. I make
          bad choices. I'm broke, I lost my stupid
          job, I'm thirty two years old and I still
          answer booty calls. I don't like Mike
          Donahue cause he () on our date. I have
          a single black hair that grows out of my
          chin and I can't wear white t-shirts
          cause something about my sweat turns the
          pits yellow! AND you know when we were in
          Vegas? When you were all staying at your
          luxury hotel? I was staying at Hotel RICK
          where got BODY LICE! So Helen, you can
          have the coveted Maid of Honor title. You
          can have it all wrapped up in a big pink
          obnoxious musical box! Because all its
          brought me is a big pain in my ass.
          Congratulations!
          Annie leaves and Lillian runs after her.

                         LILLIAN
          Annie stop! I don't know what's going on.

                         ANNIE
          Well let me fill you in. Ever since you
          got engaged, my life has turned to shit.

                         LILLIAN
          I'm sorry the the happiest time in my
          life has brought you so much misery. Do
          you know how selfish that sounds?

                         ANNIE
          I'm selfish? You're the one that's been
          so wrapped up in all this. Designer
          dressed, extravagant hotels, this shower,
          this is not you!

                         LILLIAN
          This is my wedding and you've made it all
          about you.

                         

                         

                         

                         

          112.

                         ANNIE
          Well at least my friendship's not for
          sale.
          This hangs in the air. Annie storms off. Lillian storms
          back inside.

                         HELEN
          Do you think she still has body lice?

                         LILLIAN
          Anyone else?! Anyone else have something
          they wanna say to me?!
          Dana can't contain herself.

                         DANA
          I got my chin done!
          Becca stands up.

                         BECCA
          Kevin smokes pot!
          Leslie stands up.

                         LESLIE
          I'm pregnant!
          Megan stands up.

                         MEGAN
          I took two dogs already. There in the
          back of my van!

          INT. ANNIE'S CAR. MOMENTS LATER- HIGHWAY.

          Annie is pissed. She sees a squirrel in the road (close
          up of squirrels big eyes). She tries to avoid it, slams
          on her breaks and BOOM! Annie is rear-ended! The driver
          behind her backs up, peels out and drives away.

                         ANNIE
          Thank you!
          Her car won't start. Trying to keep it together, she
          grabs her running shoes from the back seat and storms
          down the highway, trying not to cry.
          A cop car pulls next to her. I's Rhodes.

                         DISSOLVE TO:

                         

                         

                         

                         

          113.
          Rhodes is looking under her hood.

                         RHODES
          Well, I can't say I'm surprised.

                         ANNIE
          Yes. Taillights. I know!

                         RHODES
          You should've taken it to my friend-

                         ANNIE
          I KNOW! Yes, you're friend! But I didn't
          ok?! I didn't get them fixed! I don't--

                         RHODES
          Whoa. Don't take it out on me. This is
          your fault.

                         ANNIE
          HE hit ME!

                         RHODES
          You had no taillights! You did't get
          them fixed! You don't get to blame anyoe
          else. It's your fault.
          Annie starts to walk away.

          RHODES (CONT'D)
          Where you going?!
          Annie keeps walking.

                         RHODES (CONT'D)
          Oh, you're going to walk fifteen miles?!
          Another WISE decision!

                         ANNIE

                         (TURNING AROUND)
          What do you know?!!

                         RHODES
          I know that you not taking responsibility
          is why we're standing out here! YOU did
          not make an effort to fix that problem.
          This hits Annie. Rhodes is physically worked up.

                         

                         

                         

                         

          114.

                         RHODES (CONT'D)

          DO YOU KNOW HOW CRAZY THAT DRIVES ME?!

          SEEING YOU ALL THE TIME, AND YOU STILL

          HAVEN'T GOTTEN THOSE FIXED?! DO YOU KNOW

          HOW FRUSTRATING THAT IS?!

                         ANNIE
          Why are you yelling at me?!

                         RHODES
          It's dangerous! You're putting your life,
          and others in danger!

                         ANNIE
          I'm! Sorry!
          He calms down.

                         RHODES
          Look, all I know, is that you're kinda
          crazy. You're always stressed out or
          late, complaining about something, and
          now you're yelling at me! And for some
          reason, all I've ever wanted to do is ask
          you on a date.

                         ANNIE
          Well save yourself the trouble, and
          don't.

                         RHODES
          Yeah, I'm not much of a hickey guy
          anyway.
          Annie remembers her hickey. He saw it?!

                         ANNIE
          Well, I have said ânoâ anyway.

                         RHODES
          Well, then you have yourself a good night
          ma'am.
          Annie regrets that. He drives away leaving her there. She
          is alone.

          EXT. BILL COZBI'S AUTO ELECTRIC.

          Annie's car gets towed into the shop.

                         

                         

                         

                         

          115.

          INT - BILL COZBI'S AUTO ELECTRIC
          BILL enters with a clip board. He is a stocky Milwaukee
          good guy.

                         BILL
          Rhodes told me a while back you might be
          stopping in. I'm Bill Cozbi.

                         ANNIE
          Oh, hi.

                         BILL
          I was beginning to think we'd never see
          ya.

                         ANNIE
          Yeah, I know. I'm irresponsible.

                         BILL
          Nah, no one likes taking care of that
          stuff. But you are going to have to leave
          your car here for a week or so.

                         ANNIE
          A week?

          INT. STEVE'S CAR. CONTINUOUS.


                         STEVE
          So you kind of had a bad time at the
          wedding shower?

                         ANNIE
          Yes I did. Everything's just...
          She starts crying. Steve hands her a tissue from the
          middle console.

          ANNIE (CONT'D)
          I'm sorry, I just--this has been a really
          shitty day.

                         STEVE
          Yeah. Ok, don't get mad at me, but it
          seems like you have a lot of those.

                         ANNIE
          Yes I do! Right? Thank you.

                         

                         

                         

                         

          116.

                         STEVE
          Have you considered the idea that maybe,
          possibly, perhaps, it's you that makes
          them shitty?
          Annie stares at him.

          STEVE (CONT'D)
          I'm just saying, maybe it's your
          attitude.

                         ANNIE
          This is not about attitude. It's just the
          facts! My life hasn't turned it out the
          way I expected. I don't have any of
          those things that gives a person points
          in the world.

                         STEVE
          I think that might be your problem. I
          think you read too many of those
          magazines. You don't need things to be
          someone. Tyra said that. Tyra Banks.

          INT. ANNIE AND STEVE'S APT.

          Annie sits on the couch with Steve in a daze, watching

                         'S
          Lillian. She doesn't even know what to say, so she
          doesn't answer.

                         CUT TO:

          INT. JONI'S

          Annie reads a shitty magazine at the counter. She turns
          to see the gray-haired, outdoorsy WOMAN that she and
          Lillian pointed out.

                         WOMAN
          Is anyone sitting here?

                         ANNIE
          No.
          The lady sits next to Annie and smiles at her.

                         CUT TO:

                         

                         

                         

                         

          117.

          INT. COFFEE SHOP. DAY.

          Annie looks in the classifieds. A lot say âcollege
          degree required.â She looks up and sees TED has walked
          in.

                         TED
          Hey Annie.

                         ANNIE
          Oh, hey Ted. You're in town.

                         TED
          Yeah, yeah. Listen I'm going out tonight
          but I should be home around 11, you wanna
          come over?

                         ANNIE
          Really? Ok, sure.
          Ted smiles at her. Annie stops herself.

          ANNIE (CONT'D)
          Wait no. No. No. I don't think I do.
          Because answering your booty calls and
          having you kick me out after a night of
          no-strings-attached sex doesn't feel
          good. NO girls feel good after that and
          if they say they do they're LYING. But
          it's not your fault. Its me. It's me.
          Have a great life. And you can keep the
          plant.
          Annie grabs her stuff and leaves.

          INT. ANNIE'S BEDROOM THAT NIGHT

          She lies on her bed staring at the ceiling. She picks up
          the phone.

          INT. LILLIAN'S PARENTS HOUSE

          Lillian's phone lights up, it's on silent. She is

                         'S
          names cut out and being placed at different tables. Her
          mom, Laurie, Helen, and two women argue about the seating
          chart. Lillian looks distraught.

                         

                         

                         

                         

          118.

          BACK TO ANNIE'S BEDROOM
          Annie sadly hangs up.

          INT. QUAINT BAKERY. DAY

          TIM, the owner is sitting with Annie.

                         TIM
          Well, I can't think of anything else to
          tell you. Did you have any questions?

                         ANNIE
          No, I think we've covered everything. I'm
          really excited and thank you.
          Annie gathers her things.

          ANNIE (CONT'D)
          I'll see you next Monday. What time do I
          start?

                         TIM
          Four a.m.
          Annie is a little surprised. Ti's smiling.

          TIM (CONT'D)
          You'll get used to it.
          Annie smiles back.

                         ANNIE
          I won't be late.

                         TIM
          Oh and I wanna try one of those moonpies.

                         ANNIE
          (smiling] Yeah. Ok.

          INT. COLLEGE CAMPUS.

          Annie weaves through the crowded hallway, approaches a
          window.

                         

                         

                         

                         

          119.

                         ANNIE
          Hi, I'm here to inquire about financial
          aid.
          Her cell phone rings.

                         ADMINISTRATION LADY
          Take these to the second window.

                         ANNIE
          I'm sorry?
          Annie's trying to find her phone.

                         ADMINISTRATION LADY
          The second window.

                         ANNIE
          Thanks.
          It's too late, she looks at her phone. It was Lillian. No
          message. She doesn't call her back.

          EXT. BILL COZBI'S. EVENING

          Annie gets out of Steve's car.

          INT. BILL COZBI'S.


                         BILL
          Parts and labor, we're lookin' at eight
          hundred dollars. But with your
          discount...

                         ANNIE
          Discount?

                         RHODES
          Yeah. Rhodes and I worked out a deal way
          back when, so, this one's on the house.

                         ANNIE
          Are you serious?

                         BILL
          Yep. I owe him big time. He runs
          background checks on all the guys my
          daughter dates. There's been a lot of
          'em.

                         

                         

                         

                         

          120.

                         ANNIE
          You're kidding! If you see him, would
          you thank him for me and tell him that
          I'm crazy and I'm sorry. He'll know what
          you mean.

          EXT. HIGHWAY.

          Annie drives past Rhodes' at his post, flicking her brand
          new taillights. He sees her, but does't respond.

                         'T
          pull her over. She drives by him again and swerves all
          over the road. He really wants to pull her over, but he
          doesn't. She goes back one more time, throws a bunch of
          trash and diet coke cans out of the window. He still
          ignores her. She gives up and goes home.
          't get
          to this point until this morning. wanted to see if we're
          going in the right direction with annie uniting
          bridesmaids and saving the day.

          INT. ANNIE'S APT. NIGHTTIME.

          Annie and Steve are in the kitchen, sh's cooking. Steve
          reads out of the college brochure.

                         STEVE
          Ok, you can take Women's Studies or
          Spanish...oooh The History of Wine.
          The phone rings.

                         ANNIE
          Hello?

                         MEGAN
          Annie. It's Megan, Becca Leslie, Dana and
          Helen.

                         ANNIE
          Oh. Hi--

          INT. HELEN'S ESCALADE


                         MEGAN
          Lillian's missing!

                         

                         

                         

                         

          121.

                         ANNIE
          What do you mean she's missing?

                         MEGAN
          We were all supposed to get spray-tans
          today and she never showed up. No on's
          heard from her. She could be anywhere,
          doing anything! She could be ANYWHERE--

                         LESLIE
          Jesus Christ, give me the God damn phone.
          Leslie grabs the phone from Megan.

          LESLIE (CONT'D)
          Annie, it's Leslie. Look, I'm sure it's
          nothing to worry about. The weddin's the
          day after tomorrow, she's been really
          stressed, so she just probably freaked
          out and went somewhere. We just want to
          find her and probably talk her off a
          ledge. Any ideas?

                         ANNIE
          Um, gosh I..I don't know. Um, I'll come
          to you guys. I'll be there in an hour and
          45 minutes. I wanna help.
          Annie hangs up, grabs her keys. She stops, comes back and
          grabs a small paper bag, and runs out the door.

                         STEVE
          What about the Science of Jazz?

          EXT. HIGHWAY. CONTINUOUS

          Annie pulls over. She puts the piece of paper in the
          small paper bag. She gets out of the car, leaving it
          running. A few seconds later she comes back without the
          bag. Takes a deep breath and drives away.

          INT. HELEN'S ESCALADE. 2 HOURS LATER.


                         DANA
          Maybe she's at the park.

                         HELEN
          The park? Don't be stupid Dana.

                         LESLIE
          Jeez, take it easy.

                         

                         

                         

                         

          122.

                         HELEN
          Well, it's closed is all I'm just saying.

                         MEGAN
          Maybe she flew somewhere. Everyone always
          hides in Mexico.

                         BECCA
          I don't think she'd leave the country.
          Maybe she went to the reservoir.

                         HELEN
          Why would she go to the reservoir? Its
          just a big tank of water.

                         DANA
          Ernie and I sometimes go for our morning
          walk there. It's the next best thing to a
          lake.

                         ANNIE
          Oh my God! I think I know where she is.

          INT. HELEN'S ESCALADE.

          The girls drive on a dark road.

                         LESLIE
          How much further?

                         ANNIE
          We're almost there.

                         BECCA
          I'm think I'm getting carsick.

                         HELEN
          Is that supposed to be a dig on my
          driving?

                         DANA
          Well you do speed up and slow down a lot.

                         HELEN
          Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't take a stunt
          driving course in Renegade missions.

                         BECCA
          Why do you always have to be so
          condescending?

                         

                         

                         

                         

          123.

                         LESLIE
          Yeah, its getting really old.

                         HELEN
          I was being funny!

                         DANA
          Well it came out a little mean Helen.

                         HELEN
          Dana who's side are you on?
          All the girls start yelling. Helen loses control of the
          car for a split second and drives off the road hitting
          something. BOOM! The girls scream!!! She pulls over. All
          the girls are wide eyed and speechless.

                         BECCA
          What was that?

                         DANA
          Did we hit something!?

                         HELEN
          Was it a person?

                         ANNIE
          Guys it's just a flat. I've gotten tons
          of them.
          Annie goes to get out of the car.

                         BECCA/DANA
          No!/ Annie don't get out!/ It's pitch
          dark out.

                         HELEN
          Everybody calm down. I'm calling 911.

                         LESLIE
          You don't call 911 for a flat tire!
          A huge truck drives by moving their car a little bit.
          The girls SCREAM!

                         ANNIE
          Guys! We're fine. Helen, put the hazards
          on.
          Helen puts them on.

                         

                         

                         

                         

          124.

                         LESLIE
          I'm calling AAA.

                         BECCA
          I'm calling Kevin!

                         ANNIE
          Helen, do you have a jack?

                         HELEN
          Probably?!

                         DANA
          What if we get hit just sitting here? Or
          kidnapped or chased by an animal?

                         ANNIE
          Dana calm down.

                         LESLIE
          Shit! I don't have any service.

                         BECCA
          Me neither!

                         DANA
          Oh my God! We're gonna die...
          Annie has had enough and gets out.
          The tire is definitely flat. She opens Hele's trunk,
          lifts the bottom (wherever the jack is in an Escalade]
          She goes up to the window.

          INT. HELEN'S ESCALADE. CONTINUOUS.


                         ANNIE
          Everyone's gotta get out, if you want me
          to fix this.
          They complain that its dangerous, i's cold, but they do.
          Annie puts the jack under car.

                         LESLIE
          So, how can I help?

                         ANNIE
          Hold the flashlight.
          Leslie and Megan watch as Annie pumps the jack. She
          really does know what she's doing! The car is raising.

                         

                         

                         

                         

          125.

          ANNIE (CONT'D)
          Megan hand me the wrench.
          Megan hands it to her. Annie starts to unscrew the lug
          nuts handing them to Megan, with Leslie by her side.
          Dana and Becca stand with Helen.

                         DANA
          That's pretty cool she knows how to do
          change a tire.

                         BECCA
          I know. I can't believe she's doing it.
          Dana and Becca move over to Annie. Helen waits alone.

                         HELEN
          Just don't scratch anything.
          The girls are all crouched down to watch Annie in awe.

                         DANA
          So what are you doing now?

                         ANNIE
          I'm removing the lug nuts so we can take
          the tire off.

                         BECCA
          How does that little thing lift the whole
          car?

                         MEGAN
          It uses hydraulic power. It gives a human
          being the lifting capacity of 1.5 to
          three tons.

                         LESLIE
          How do you know this stuff?

                         MEGAN
          I like cars. There's a real artistry to
          them.

                         HELEN
          Are you guys working or talking? We do't
          have all night.

                         DANA
          (quickly) Annie is doing the best she can
          Helen. So why don't you just stand over
          there and be quiet and wait.

                         

                         

                         

                         

          126.
          Everyone's speechless.

                         HELEN
          Excuse me?!
          Dana stands. She has had it with Helen.

                         DANA
          I said, will you, for once, shut the fuck
          up!!!??
          Dana approaches Helen. The other girls are standing now.

          DANA (CONT'D)
          Lillian probably left because of you
          anyway.

                         HELEN
          What!?

                         DANA
          You're so- bossy! You've been acting like
          you're in charge this whole time! Do't
          you realize how much pressure sh's
          under? You know, Lillian did not want to
          leave her reception in a unicorn-drawn
          carriage?! She said âThat's not me.â And
          you ordered it anyway! You've been
          pushing her this whole time! Annie was
          right.

                         MEGAN
          Yeah!
          Helen glares at Megan.

                         HELEN
          What are you talking about? The only
          reason you're even in this wedding is
          because you're the groom's sister.
          Weirdo.

                         MEGAN
          I'd rather be the groom's sister than
          have cameltoe from my $600 pants.
          We see that Helen has cameltoe. Megan has surprised them.

                         HELEN
          Why is everyone attacking me? I wasn't
          the one who caused a huge scene at
          Lillian's bridal shower and made her cry.

                         

                         

                         

                         

          127.
          Everyone looks at Annie.

                         LESLIE
          I hate to interrupt this riveting
          discussion but a really creepy guy in a
          Trans Am just pulled over.
          The guy gets out of the car. He is thirty-ish, wears at-
          shirt with a cat on it and camouflage shorts.

          TRANS AM MAN
          Hey it's pretty late. What are you ladies
          doing?
          Becca and Dana scramble into the woods. Leslie gets
          behind the car.

                         ANNIE
          Just changing the tire.

          TRANS AM MAN
          You guys need some man hands for that?

                         ANNIE
          Nope I think we got it. But thank you.
          He doesn't leave, the girls worriedly look at each other.

          TRANS AM MAN
          Look, if you guys get tired, I live right
          up that hill. You ladies can just leave
          your car here, come on up and let us all
          lay down together.
          He starts to walk toward them. The girls are scared.
          Annie gives Megan a look. Megan tries to distract him.

                         MEGAN
          Hey! Are those snowflake rims?
          The guy looks at Megan.

          TRANS AM MAN
          Yeah, found âem in a junk yard. Restored
          âem myself.

                         MEGAN
          I bet you got a formula 4OO under there?

          TRANS AM MAN
          Well, well. Someone knows her cars.

                         

                         

                         

                         

          128.

                         MEGAN
          I'm in the Firebird club.

          TRANS AM MAN
          You don't say. I never met a lady in the
          FBC before.
          He walks over to Megan, she gives Annie a nod. Annie
          rushes to the tire and quickly continues changing it.

                         MEGAN
          You ever make it up to the Trans Am
          Nationals in Dayton?
          Becca, Dana, Leslie and Helen are huddled together. They
          talk in a loud whisper.

                         BECCA
          What's happening? What's happening?

                         DANA
          I can hear animals.

                         BECCA
          Be quiet!
          The guy is moving closer to Megan.

                         MEGAN
          Remember Smokey and the Bandit?

          TRANS AM MAN
          It's my favorite movie. âGive me a Diablo
          sandwich and a Dr. Pepper and make it
          quick . I'm in a goddamn hurry.â
          He leans into her.

                         MEGAN
          Why don't you show me what's under the
          hood?
          Back at Helen's car. Leslie sneaks over to Annie.

                         LESLIE
          How's it comin'?

                         ANNIE
          Almost there.
          The guy has lifted up his hood and Mega's looking. He
          puts his hands on her ass.

                         

                         

                         

                         

          129.

          TRANS AM MAN
          You wanna get in the backseat?

                         MEGAN
          Uh...
          He is really getting aggressive, pushing against her.

          MEGAN (CONT'D)
          Hey take it easy!

          HELEN (O.S.)
          Hey what about me?
          He turns around to be hit with a huge piece of wood by
          Helen. He falls.

                         DANA
          Oh my God!!
          Annie is frantically releasing the jack.

                         ANNIE
          OK, everybody in the car! Get in! Megan,
          Helen let's go!
          All the girls scramble in the car, Helen starts it. Annie
          is finishing.

          TRANS AM MAN
          Hey you!

                         HELEN
          Annie get in!

          TRANS AM MAN
          I'm gonna get you bitches!!
          He is coming towards Annie! She turns towards him with
          the jack.

                         ANNIE
          Back away! Or I will shove this Jack so
          far down your throat you will shit
          out...your fucking..face!

          TRANS AM MAN
          Whoa, whoa. Alright. Alright. I'm
          leaving.

                         ANNIE
          Get out!

                         

                         

                         

                         

          130.

          TRANS AM MAN
          I am! I live up the hill though if you
          change your mind.
          Annie backs up and jumps in the car. Helen peels away.
          The girls drive away fast.

                         CONTINUOUS
          The girls still driving. Megan's eating chips.

                         LESLIE
          Megan I was freaked out when he leaned up
          against you. That was a pretty gutsy
          move.

                         MEGAN
          Annie's the one who tried to make him eat
          a car jack.

                         ANNIE
          Helen hit him over the head with a tree.
          They all continue talking, Helen and Annie smile.

          ANNIE (CONT'D)
          There it is, turn left up here. Go down
          the little hill. Ok, that's the driveway.
          It's dark and very rustic. It's LILLIAN'S LAKE HOUSE FROM
          THE FLASHBACK. Where Lillian and Dougie met.

                         LESLIE
          God I haven't been here in forever.

                         ANNIE
          The house is right up here.
          They pull up to a small cottage and get out of the car.

                         HELEN
          Her car's not here.

                         DANA
          Doesn't look like any lights are on.

                         BECCA
          She's not here.
          Annie is sitting on the front step, defeated.

                         

                         

                         

                         

          131.

                         ANNIE
          I thought she'd be here. I really thought
          she'd be here. I'm sorry.

                         DANA
          Annie, it's ok.

                         ANNIE
          No, it's not. I don't know what happened.
          I messed everything up. Lillia's not
          even talking to me. I think I'm so afraid
          to see what's really happening.
          Lillian's moving on to this great life
          and I feel left behind. And know matter
          how hard I try, I don't fit in to her
          life now.
          Everyone is silent.

                         HELEN
          Annie, Lillian loves you. (beat] I know I
          haven't made things easy for you.. I
          don't have a life and I am bored. Perry
          is always away and I'm constantly alone
          and she's been there. And I've been a
          bridesmaid nine times and although I may
          have implied it, I....I've never been a
          Maid of Honor. I wanted to make
          everything special for Lillian because...
          I don't have a lot of friends. I wanted
          her to like me better and to impress her,
          and everyone else. And I'm just good at
          throwing parties. I always have been. In
          fact sometimes I think people only ask me
          to be in their wedding's because of that.

                         ANNIE
          Lillian wouldn't do that. If she asked
          you to be in her wedding it's because you
          are her friend. Trust me.
          Dana is crying and takes a picture. The're both startled
          by the flash.

                         HELEN
          I'm sorry about the Sea World tickets.

                         ANNIE
          I'm sorry that when I left the shower I
          told your neighbors you were shooting a
          porn.

                         

                         

                         

                         

          132.

                         HELEN
          Oh, I didn't know that you did that.

                         ANNIE
          Oh, well, sorry.

                         HELEN
          I deserved it.

                         ANNIE
          I must say you do put on some pretty
          spectacular events.

                         HELEN
          Well, I'm really rich.
          They smile.

                         ANNIE
          It is getting pretty late.

                         DANA
          What should we do about Lillian?

                         ANNIE
          She'll come home when she's ready.

          INT. ANNIE HALLWAY. LATE THAT NIGHT (EARLY AM]

          Annie enters exhausted to find Lillian sitting against
          her door. Annie walks up and slides down to sit next to
          her. After a minute.

                         ANNIE
          You okay?

                         LILLIAN
          Yeah. Didn't mean to make anyone worry.

                         ANNIE
          It's okay. I really am sorry.

                         LILLIAN
          I'm sorry too. I didnt want things to
          turn out like this. I got so caught up in
          the frenzy of everything, wanting this
          one day to be perfect.

                         ANNIE
          Well its easy to get caught up.

                         

                         

                         

                         

          133.

                         LILLIAN
          And it doesnt help that all my friends
          hate eachother.

                         ANNIE
          I'm sorry. But it's all good now. We all
          talked and everythings cool.

                         HELEN
          Really?!

                         ANNIE
          Yup, Helen and I are best friends now.
          We're going shopping for cream sweaters
          tomorrow.

                         LILLIAN
          She's really not so bad.

                         ANNIE
          I know.

                         LILLIAN
          I just wish the wedding hadnt become
          about everything and everyone else but me
          and Dougie. And now, it's become this
          thing I never wanted. I did want simple.
          I wanted colored lanterns, twinkly lights
          and food everywhere. I wanted a DJ to
          play all those stupid wedding songs.

                         ANNIE
          It's not too late to have those things.

                         LILLIAN
          I'm sorry I didn't know all the stuff you
          were going through too.
          Annie is clearly sad.

                         ANNIE
          It's fine. I just feel really lost right

                         NOW AND--
          Lillian hugs her.

                         LILLIAN
          Nothing's going to change.

                         ANNIE
          Oh God dont say that.

                         

                         

                         

                         

          134.

                         LILLIAN
          I mean between you and me.

                         ANNIE
          You want to come in? Steve's home. This
          could be your last chance as a single
          woman.

                         LILLIAN
          Ooooo...

          EXT HIGHWAY. VERY EARLY NEXT MORNING
          The small paper bag sits on the side of the road. Cop car
          pulls up. This is Rhodes' spot, we've seen before. He
          gets out and walks over to it, confused. He picks it up
          and it says, âOfficer Rhodesâ. He's a little weary but
          opens it and pulls out a note. âI hear you like
          moonpies.â He looks in the bag and smiles.

          EXT. WEDDING RECEPTION. BELMONT CLUB. DUSK.

          Becca and Kevin are slow dancing happily very much in
          love.
          Leslie and Paul dancing with two boys trying to join in.
          They are all happy, he rubs her stomach.
          Perry and Helen are dancing. They look like they are
          talking and working things out. He hugs her and kisses
          her.
          Lillian and Dougie dance into frame. They are very close.
          Smiling and kissing. They've never looked happier. She
          smiles at someone. It's Annie.
          Annie is watching everyone from the side, smiling also.
          Steve approaches.

                         STEVE
          Thanks a lot for bringing me.

                         ANNIE
          Thanks for coming with me.
          Megan appears on her other side.

                         MEGAN
          Yeah, thanks for bringing him.

                         

                         

                         

                         

          135.
          Megan winks at Steve, he grabs her hand and they go to
          dance.
          Annie is alone, watching everybody. We see the wedding as
          a whole. It's a beautiful event. Colored lanterns,
          twinkly lights, food everywhere. Simple, fun...very
          Lillian.

          EXT. RECEPTION. LATER

          Annie and Lillian walking out of the reception.

                         LILLIAN
          So when does school start?

                         ANNIE
          A week. I'm scared. I'm gonna be the
          oldest one there.

                         LILLIAN
          So what? Now you can have an affair with
          your teacher and it won't be gross.
          They walk down the steps.

                         LILLIAN (CONT'D)
          Thanks for everything today. Yo've been
          the best Maid of Honor ever.

                         ANNIE
          Really?

                         LILLIAN
          (kidding) MMM. No. That's not true at
          all. You were pretty terrible. Today you
          were good.
          Annie sees the hotel shuttle.

                         ANNIE
          Oh, I want to catch this shuttle back to
          the hotel.

                         LILLIAN
          You're always gonna be my best friend.
          They hug goodbye. She runs down the stairs.

                         ANNIE
          I will see YOU in a couple weeks Mrs.
          Price!

                         

                         

                         

                         

          136.
          Lillian waves goodbye and turns to go back inside. Annie
          runs towards the shuttle.
          She's too late. The shuttle drives away without her. She
          JUST missed it.

          ANNIE (CONT'D)
          Wait! Wait! Stop! Great. Of course.
          The shuttle is gone, but there's something that was on
          the other side of it.

          RHODES (O.C.)
          Need a ride ma'am?
          It's Rhodes, leaning against his car like Jake in sixteen
          candles. Annie is all smiles and walks up to him.

                         ANNIE
          How did you know I was here?

                         RHODES
          It was really complicated. I remembered
          the name of this place, I called them up,
          told them I was a cop calling on official
          police business, doing a very big
          investigation and uh, made them tell me
          all the weddings they had planned for the
          next two months with a bride named
          Lillian. [ALT: I'm a cop]
          Annie smiles.

                         ANNIE
          Wow.
          They're looking at each other, not knowing what to do.

          ANNIE (CONT'D)
          So, did you get the moonpies?

                         RHODES
          Yes I did.

                         ANNIE
          Did you like' em?

                         RHODES
          Yeah. No. I couldn't eat them. They were
          completely covered in ants.

                         ANNIE
          Ooo, I didn't think about that.

                         

                         

                         

                         

          137.

                         RHODES
          You probably should have put it in a
          plastic wrap or maybe a foil or
          something. Tupperware would've worked but
          then I'd have to get it back to you-I'm
          gonna kiss you right now so...
          He walks to her and takes her in his arms. They are about
          to kiss.
          Rhodes stops.

          RHODES (CONT'D (CONT'D)
          I didn't want to miss my chance again.

                         ANNIE

                         (SMILING)
          Me neither.
          They MAKE OUT.
          The end.

                         ALT ENDING
          Annie is walking back to her hotel. A cop car pulls up
          next to her.

          RHODES (O.C.)
          Need a ride ma'am?
          She turns to see Rhodes driving slowly next to her.

                         ANNIE
          How did you know I was here?

                         RHODES
          I'm a cop.
          They're looking at each other, not knowing what to do.

                         ANNIE
          So, did you get the moonpies?

                         RHODES
          Yes I did.

                         ANNIE
          Did you like' em?

                         RHODES
          Yeah. No. I couldn't eat them. They were
          completely covered in ants.

                         

                         

                         

                         

          138.

                         ANNIE
          Ooo, I didn't think about that.

                         RHODES
          The real reason I came here today is that
          I have something that belongs to you.
          He opens his hand to reveal the ugly carrot. She smiles.
          He stops the car and unlocks the passenger door. She gets
          in. They drive off into the sunset.