Ten Things I Hate About You - by Karen McCullah Lutz & Kirsten Smith


                               TEN THINGS I HATE ABOUT YOU
          
                written by Karen McCullah Lutz & Kirsten Smith
          
              based on 'Taming of the Shrew" by William Shakespeare
          
          Revision November 12, 1997
          
          
          PADUA HIGH SCHOOL - DAY
          
          Welcome to Padua High School,, your typical urban-suburban 
          high school in Portland, Oregon.  Smarties, Skids, Preppies, 
          Granolas. Loners, Lovers, the In and the Out Crowd rub sleep 
          out of their eyes and head for the main building.
          
          PADUA HIGH PARKING LOT - DAY
          
          KAT STRATFORD, eighteen, pretty -- but trying hard not to be 
          -- in a baggy granny dress and glasses, balances a cup of 
          coffee and a backpack as she climbs out of her battered, 
          baby blue '75 Dodge Dart.
          
          A stray SKATEBOARD clips her, causing her to stumble and 
          spill her coffee, as well as the contents of her backpack.
          
          The young RIDER dashes over to help, trembling when he sees 
          who his board has hit.
          
                                 RIDER
                    Hey -- sorry.
          
          Cowering in fear, he attempts to scoop up her scattered 
          belongings.
          
                                 KAT
                    Leave it 
          
          He persists.
          
                                 KAT (continuing)
                    I said, leave it!
          
          She grabs his skateboard and uses it to SHOVE him against a 
          car, skateboard tip to his throat.  He whimpers pitifully 
          and she lets him go.  A path clears for her as she marches 
          through a pack of fearful students and SLAMS open the door, 
          entering school.
          
          INT. GIRLS' ROOM - DAY
          
          BIANCA STRATFORD, a beautiful sophomore, stands facing the 
          mirror, applying lipstick.  Her less extraordinary, but 
          still cute friend, CHASTITY stands next to her.  
          
                                 BIANCA
                    Did you change your hair?
          
                                 CHASTITY 
                    No.
          
                                 BIANCA
                    You might wanna think about it
          
          Leave the girls' room and enter the hallway.
          
          HALLWAY - DAY- CONTINUOUS
          
          Bianca is immediately greeted by an admiring crowd, both 
          boys
          and girls alike.
          
                                 BOY
                           (adoring)
                    Hey, Bianca.
          
                                 GIRL
                    Awesome shoes.
          
          The greetings continue as Chastity remains wordless and 
          unaddressed by her side.  Bianca smiles proudly, 
          acknowledging her fans.
          
          GUIDANCE COUNSELOR'S OFFICE - DAY
          
          CAMERON JAMES, a clean-cut, easy-going senior with an open, 
          farm-boy face, sits facing Miss Perky, an impossibly cheery 
          guidance counselor.
          
                                 MISS PERKY
                    I'm sure you won't find Padua any 
                    different than your old school.  Same 
                    little asswipe mother-fuckers 
                    everywhere.
          
          Her plastic smile never leaves her face.  Cameron fidgets in 
          his chair uncomfortably.
          
                                 MISS PERKY
                           (continuing)
                    Any questions?
          
                                 CAMERON
                    I don't think so, ma'am
          
                                 MISS PERKY
                    Then go forth.  Scoot   I've got 
                    deviants to see.
          
          Cameron rises to leave and makes eye contact with PATRICK 
          VERONA, a sullen-looking bad ass senior who waits outside Ms 
          Perky's door.  His slouch and smirk let us know how cool he 
          is.
          
          Miss Perky looks down at her file and up at Patrick
          
                                 MISS PERKY
                           (continuing)
                    Patrick Verona.  I see we're making our 
                    visits a weekly ritual.
          
          She gives him a withering glance. He answers with a charming 
          smile.
          
                                 PATRICK
                    I missed you.
          
                                 MISS PERKY
                    It says here you exposed yourself to a 
                    group of freshmen girls.
          
                                 PATRICK
                    It was a bratwurst.  I was eating 
                    lunch.
          
                                 MISS PERKY
                    With the teeth of your zipper?
          
          She motions for Patrick to enter her office and Cameron 
          shuffles out the door, bumping into MICHAEL ECKMAN, a lanky, 
          brainy senior who will either end up a politician or game 
          show host.
          
                                 MICHAEL
                    You the new guy?
          
                                 CAMERON
                    So they tell me...
          
                                 MICHAEL
                    C'mon.  I'm supposed to give you the 
                    tour.
          
          They head out of the office
          
                                 MICHAEL
                           (continuing)
                    So -- which Dakota you from?
          
                                 CAMERON
                    North, actually.  How'd you   ?
          
                                 MICHAEL
                    I was kidding. People actually live 
                    there?
          
                                 CAMERON
                    Yeah.  A couple.  We're outnumbered by 
                    the cows, though.
          
                                 MICHAEL
                    How many people were in your old 
                    school?
          
                                 CAMERON
                    Thirty-two.
          
                                 MICHAEL
                    Get out!
          
                                 CAMERON
                    How many people go here?
          
                                 MICHAEL
                    Couple thousand. Most of them evil
          
          INT. HALLWAY - DAY- CONTINUOUS
          
          Prom posters adorn the wall. Michael steers Cameron through 
          the crowd as he points to various cliques.
          
                                 MICHAEL
                    We've got your basic beautiful people. 
                    Unless they talk to you first, don't 
                    bother.
          
          The beautiful people pass, in full jock/cheerleader 
          splendor.
          
                                 MICHAEL
                           (continuing)
                    Those 're your cowboys.
          
          Several Stetson-wearing, big belt buckle. Wrangler guys  
          walk by.
          
                                 CAMERON
                    That I'm used to.
          
                                 MICHAEL
                    Yeah, but these guys have never seen a 
                    horse.  They just jack off to Clint 
                    Eastwood.
          
          They pass an espresso cart with a group of teens huddled 
          around it.
          
                                 MICHAEL
                           (continuing)
                    To the right, we have the Coffee Kids.  
                    Very edgy.  Don't make any sudden 
                    movements around them.
          
          EXT. SCHOOL COURTYARD - DAY
          
          Michael continues the tour
          
                                 MICHAEL
                    And these delusionals are the White 
                    Rastae.
          
          Several white boys in dreadlocks and Jamaican knit berets 
          lounge on the grass.  A cloud of pot smoke hovers above them
          
                                 MICHAEL
                           (continuing)
                    Big Marley fans.  Think they're black.  
                    Semi-political, but mostly, they watch a 
                    lot of Wild Kingdom, if you know what I 
                    mean.
          
          Michael waves to DEREK, the one with the longest dreads.
          
                                 MICHAEL
                           (continuing)
                    Derek - save some for after lunch, bub?
          
                                 DEREK
                           (very stoned)
                    Michael, my brother, peace
          
          Cameron turns to follow Michael as they walk into the 
          cafeteria.
          
                                 CAMERON
                    So where do you fit in all this?
          
          INT.  CAFETERIA - DAY - CONTINUOUS
          
          Loud music and loud students.  Michael sits with a group of 
          studious-looking teens.
          
                                 MICHAEL
                    Future MBAs-  We're all Ivy League, 
                    already accepted.  Someday I'll be 
                    sipping Merlot while those guys --
          
          He points to the table of jocks, as they torture various 
          passers-by.
          
                                 MICHAEL
                           (continuing)
                    are fixing my Saab.  Yuppie greed is 
                    back, my friend.
          
          He points proudly to the ALLIGATOR on his shirt.
          
          Cameron stops listening as BIANCA walks by, and we go SLO 
          MO.  Pure and perfect, she passes Cameron and Michael 
          without a look.
          
          Cameron is smitten
          
                                 CAMERON
                    That girl -- I --
          
                                 MICHAEL
                    You burn, you pine, you perish?
          
                                 CAMERON
                    Who is she?
          
                                 MICHAEL
                    Bianca Stratford.  Sophomore. Don't 
                    even think about it
          
                                 CAMERON
                    Why not?
          
                                 MICHAEL
                    I could start with your haircut, but it 
                    doesn't matter.  She's not allowed to 
                    date until her older sister does.  And 
                    that's an impossibility.
          
          ENGLISH CLASS - DAY
          
          A room full of bored seniors doodle and scare off into space 
          MS. BLAISE, the one-step-away-from-medication English 
          Teacher, tries to remember what she's talking about.
          
                                 MRS. BLAISE
                    Well, then.  Oh, yes.  I guess that 
                    does it for our analysis of The Old Man 
                    and the Sea.  Any other comments?
                           (with dread)
                    Kat?
          
          Kat, the girl we saw as we entered the school, slowly cakes 
          off her glasses and speaks up.
          
                                 KAT
                    Why didn't we just read the Hardy Boys?
          
                                 MRS. BLAISE
                    I'm sorry?
          
                                 KAT
                    This book is about a guy and his 
                    fishing habit.  Not exactly a crucial 
                    topic.
          
          The other students roll their eyes.
          
                                 KAT
                           (continuing)
                    Frankly, I'm baffled as to why we still 
                    revere Hemingway.  He was an abusive, 
                    alcoholic misogynist who had a lot of 
                    cats.
          
          JOEY DORSEY, a well-muscled jock with great cheekbones, 
          makes fun of her from his row.
          
                                 JOEY
                    As opposed to a bitter self-righteous 
                    hag who has no friends?
          
          A few giggles.  Kat ignores him.  A practiced gesture
          
                                 MRS. BLAISE
                    That's enough, Mr. Dorsey.
          
          Really gets fired up now
          
                                 KAT
                    I guess the school board thinks because 
                    Hemingway's male and an asshole, he's 
                    worthy of our time
          
          She looks up at Ms. Blaise, who is now fighting with her 
          pill box.
          
                                 KAT
                           (continuing)
                    What about Colette?  Charlotte Bronte?  
                    Simone de Beauvoir?
          
          Patrick, lounging in his seat in the back row, elbows a 
          crusty-looking crony, identified by the name SCURVY, 
          embroidered on his workshirt.
          
                                 PATRICK
                    Mother Goose?
          
          The class titters.  Kat wears an expression of intolerance
          
          INT. GUIDANCE COUNSELOR'S OFFICE - DAY
          
          Kat now sits before Miss Perky.
          
                                 MISS PERKY
                    Katarina Stratford.  My, my.  You've 
                    been terrorizing Ms. Blaise again.
          
                                 KAT
                    Expressing my opinion is not a 
                    terrorist action.
          
                                 MISS PERKY
                    Well, yes, compared to your other 
                    choices of expression this year, today's 
                    events are quite mild.  By the way, 
                    Bobby Rictor's gonad retrieval operation 
                    went quite well, in case you're 
                    interested.
          
                                 KAT
                    I still maintain that he kicked himself 
                    in the balls.  I was merely a spectator.
          
                                 MISS PERKY
                    The point is Kat -- people perceive you 
                    as somewhat ...
          
          Kat smiles at her, daring her to say it.
          
                                 KAT
                    Tempestuous?
          
                                 MISS PERKY
                    No ... I believe "heinous bitch" is the 
                    term used most often.
          
          She grimaces, as if she's referring to a medical condition.
          
                                 MISS PERKY
                           (continuing)
                    You might want to work on that
          
          Kat rises from her chair with a plastic smile matching the 
          counselor's.
          
                                 KAT
                    As always, thank you for your excellent 
                    guidance.
          
          INT. SOPHOMORE ENGLISH CLASS - DAY
          
          Bianca ignores the droning teacher as she writes a note in 
          big flowing handwriting.
          
                                 TEACHER (0.S.)
                    I realize the language of Mr. 
                    Shakespeare makes him a bit daunting, 
                    but I'm sure you're all doing your best.
          
          Bianca folds the note and passes it behind her with a flip 
          of her hair to CHASTITY.  Chastity opens the note and reads:
          
          INSERT - "JOEY DORSEY SAID HI TO ME IN THE HALL! OH! MY  
          GOD!"
          
          Chastity frowns to herself.
          
                                 TEACHER (0.S.)
                           (continuing)
                    Ms. Stratford, do you care to comment 
                    on what you've read so far?
          
          Bianca looks up and smiles the smile of Daddy's little girl.
          
                                 BIANCA
                    Not really.
          
          The teacher shakes her head, but lets it go.
          
          MANDELLA. a waif-like senior girl who sits off to the side 
          trying to slit her wrist with the plastic spiral on her 
          notebook, looks up and raises her hand.
          
                                 TEACHER
                    Mandella -- since you're assisting us, 
                    you might as well comment.  I'm assuming 
                    you read the assignment.
          
                                 MANDELLA
                    Uh, yeah, I read it all
          
                                 TEACHER
                    The whole play^
          
                                 MANDELIA
                    The whole folio.  All the plays.
          
                                 TEACHER
                           (disbelieving)
                    You've read every play by William 
                    Shakespeare?
          
                                 MANDELLA
                    Haven't you?
          
          She raises a challenging eyebrow.  The stunned teacher 
          doesn't answer and goes to call on the next student.
          
          EXT. SCHOOL COURTYARD - DAY
          
          Mandella and Kat sit down in the quiet corner. They are 
          eating a carton of yogurt with gusto.
          
                                 MANDELLA
          
          Your sister is so amazingly without.  She'll never read him.  
          She has no idea.
          
          Kat attacks
          
                                 KAT
                    The fact that you're cutting gym so you 
                    can T.A. Sophomore English just to hear 
                    his name, is a little without in itself 
                    if you ask me.
          
          Kat's attention is caught by Patrick as he walks by with his 
          friends, lighting up a cigarette.  Mandella notices her 
          staring.
          
                                 MANDELLA
                    Who's that?
          
                                 KAT
                    Patrick Verona   Random skid.
          
                                 MANDELLA
                    That's Pat Verona? The one who was gone 
                    for a year? I heard he was doing porn 
                    movies.
          
                                 KAT
                    I'm sure he's completely incapable of 
                    doing anything that interesting.
          
                                 MANDELLA
                    He always look so
          
                                 KAT
                    Block E?
          
          Kat turns back to face Mandella and forces her yogurt into 
          Mandella's hand.
          
                                 KAT
                           (continuing)
                    Mandella, eat.  Starving yourself is a 
                    very slow way to die.
          
                                 MANDELLA
                    Just a little.
          
          She eats.  Kat sees her wrist
          
                                 KAT
                    What's this?
          
                                 MANDELLA
                    An attempted slit.
          
          Kat stares at her, expressionless.
          
                                 KAT
                    I realize that the men of this fine 
                    institution are severely lacking, but 
                    killing yourself so you can be with 
                    William Shakespeare is beyond the scope 
                    of normal teenage obsessions.  You're 
                    venturing far past daytime talk show 
                    fodder and entering the world of those 
                    who need very expensive therapy.
          
                                 MANDELLA
                    But imagine the things he'd say during 
                    sex.
          
          Thinks a minute
          
                                 KAT
                    Okay, say you do it.  You kill 
                    yourself, you end up in wherever you end 
                    up and he's there.  Do you really think 
                    he's gonna wanna dace a ninety pound 
                    compulsive who failed volleyball?
          
          Mandella's attention is struck by Bianca
          
          ACROSS THE COURTYARD
          
          As she and Chastity parade by Joey and his COHORTS   One of 
          the cohorts elbows Joey.
          
                                 COHORT
                    Virgin alert.
          
          Joey looks up and smiles at Bianca.
          
                                 JOEY
                    Lookin' good, ladies.
          
          Bianca smiles her coyest of smiles.
          
          BACK TO KAT AND MANDELLA Still watching.
          
                                 MANDELLA
                    Tragic.
          
          Doesn't respond
          
          ANOTHER ANGLE
          
          Michael and Cameron observe Joey's leers at Bianca from 
          their bench in another corner. Cowboys eating cue of a can 
          of beans linger on the grass behind them.
          
                                 CAMERON
                    Why do girls like that always like guys 
                    like that?
          
                                 MICHAEL
                    Because they're bred to.  Their mothers 
                    liked guys like that, and their 
                    grandmothers before them. Their gene 
                    pool is rarely diluted.
          
                                 CAMERON
                    He always have that shit-eating grin?
          
                                 MICHAEL
                    Joey Dorsey?  Perma-shit-grin.  I wish 
                    I could say he's a moron, but he's 
                    number twelve in the class.  And a 
                    model.  Mostly regional stuff, but he's 
                    rumored to have a big tube sock ad 
                    coming out.
          
          The BELL rings, and the cowboys stand and spit into their 
          empty bean cans.   Cameron and Michael rise as Cameron tries 
          to catch a glimpse of Bianca as she walks back inside.
          
                                 MICHAEL
                           (continuing)
                    You know French?
          
                                 CAMERON
                    Sure do ... my Mom's from Canada
          
                                 MICHAEL
                    Guess who just signed up for a tutor?
          
                                 CAMERON
                    You mean I'd get a chance to talk to 
                    her?
          
                                 MICHAEL
                    You could consecrate with her, my 
                    friend.
          
          Cameron watches as Bianca flounces back into the building.
          
          EXT. SCHOOL PARKING LOT - DAY
          
          Kat and Mandella walk toward Kat's car.  Joey pulls up 
          beside her in his Viper.
          
                                 JOEY
                           (re her dress)
                    The vintage look is over, Kat. Haven't 
                    you been reading your Sassy?
          
                                 KAT
                    Yeah, and I noticed the only part of 
                    you featured in your big Kmart spread 
                    was your elbow.  Tough break.
          
                                 JOEY
                           (practically 
                           spitting)
                    They're running the rest of me next 
                    month.
          
          He zooms away as Kat yanks open the door of her Dart.  
          Mandella ties a silk scarf around her head, as if they're in 
          a convertible.
          
                                 KAT
                    The people at this school are so 
                    incredibly foul.
          
                                 MANDELLA
                    You could always go with me.  I'm sure 
                    William has some friends.
          
          They watch Joey's car as he slows next to Bianca and 
          Chastity as they walk toward the school bus.
          
          ON BIANCA AND CHASTITY
          
                                 JOEY
                    Need a ride, ladies?
          
          Bianca and Chastity can't get in Joey's car fast enough.  He 
          pulls away with a smile.
          
          BACK TO KAT AND MANDELLA
          
          Mandella lowers her sunglasses to watch.
          
                                 MANDELLA
                    That's a charming new development
          
          Kat doesn't answer, but reaches over and puts a tape in the 
          tape deck.  The sounds of JOYFUL PUNK ROCK fill the car.
          
          As they pull out, Michael crosses in front of them on his 
          moped. Kat has to SLAM the brakes to keep from hitting him
          
                                 KAT
                           (yelling)
                    Remove head from sphincter!  Then 
                    pedal!
          
          Michael begins fearfully, pedaling as Kat PEELS out, angry 
          at the delay.
          
          Cameron rushes over
          
                                 CAMERON
                    You all right?
          
          He slows to a stop
          
                                 MICHAEL
                    Yeah, just a minor encounter with the 
                    shrew.
          
                                 CAMERON
                    That's her?  Bianca's sister?
          
                                 MICHAEL
                    The mewling, rampalian wretch herself.
          
          Michael putters off, leaving Cameron dodging Patrick's 
          grimy, grey Jeep -- a vehicle several years and many paint 
          jobs away from its former glory as a REGULATION MAIL TRUCK -
          - as he sideswipes several cars on his way out of the lot.
          
          INT.  STRATFORD HOUSE - DAY
          
          SHARON STRATFORD, attractive and focused, sits in front of 
          her computer, typing quickly.   A shelf next to her holds 
          several bodice-ripper romance novels, bearing her name. 
          
          Kat stands behind her, reading over her shoulder as she 
          types.
          
                                 KAT
                    "Undulating with desire, Adrienne 
                    removes her crimson cape, revealing her 
                    creamy --"
          
          WALTER STRATFORD, a blustery, mad scientist-type 
          obstetrician, enters through the front door, wearing a 
          doctor's white jacket and carrying his black bag.
          
                                 WALTER
          
          I hope dinner's ready because I only have ten minutes before 
          Mrs. Johnson squirts out a screamer.
          
          He grabs the mail and rifles through it, as he bends down to 
          kiss Sharon on the cheek.
          
                                 SHARON
                    In the microwave.
          
                                 WALTER
                           (to Kat)
                    Make anyone cry today?
          
                                 KAT
                    Sadly, no.  But it's only four-thirty.
          
          Bianca walks in.
          
                                 KAT
                           (continuing)
                    Where've you been?
          
                                 BIANCA
                           (eyeing Walter)
                    Nowhere... Hi, Daddy.
          
          She kisses him on the cheek
          
                                 WALTER
                    Hello, precious.
          
          Walter kisses Bianca back as Kat heads up the stairs
          
                                 KAT
                    How touching.
          
          Walter holds up a letter to Kat
          
                                 WALTER
                    What's this?  It says Sarah Lawrence?
          
          Snatches it away from him.
          
                                 KAT
                    I guess I got in
          
          Sharon looks up from her computer.
          
                                 SHARON
                    What's a synonym for throbbing?
          
                                 WALTER
                    Sarah Lawrence is on the other side of 
                    the country.
          
                                 KAT
                    I know.
          
                                 WALTER
                    I thought we decided you were going to 
                    school here.  At U of 0.
          
                                 KAT
                    You decided.
          
                                 BIANCA
                    Is there even a question that we want 
                    her to stay?
          
          Kat gives Bianca an evil look then smiles sweetly at
          
                                 KAT
                    Ask Bianca who drove her home
          
                                 SHARON
                    Swollen...turgid.
          
                                 WALTER
                           (to Bianca; upset)
                    Who drove you home?
          
          Bianca glares at Kat then turns to Walter
          
                                 BIANCA
                    Now don't get upset. Daddy, but there's 
                    this boy... and I think he might ask...
          
                                 WALTER
                    No! You're not dating until your sister 
                    starts dating.  End of discussion.
          
                                 BIANCA
                    What if she never starts dating?
          
                                 WALTER
                    Then neither will you.  And I'll get to 
                    sleep at night.
          
                                 BIANCA
                    But it's not fair -- she's a mutant, 
                    Daddy!
          
                                 KAT
                    This from someone whose diary is 
                    devoted to favorite grooming tips?
          
                                 WALTER
                    Enough!
          
          He pulls out a small tape recorder from his black bag.
          
                                 WALTER
                           (continuing)
                    Do you know what this is?
          
          He hits the "play' button and SHRIEKS OF PAIN emanate from 
          the tape recorder.
          
          BIANCA AND WALTER
                           (in unison, by 
                           rote)
                    The sound of a fifteen-year-old in 
                    labor.
          
                                 WALTER
                    This is why you're not dating until 
                    your sister does.
          
                                 BIANCA
                    But she doesn't want to date.
          
                                 WALTER
                    Exactly my point
          
          His BEEPER goes off and he grabs his bag again
          
                                 WALTER
                           (continuing)
                    Jesus!  Can a man even grab a sandwich 
                    before you women start dilating?
          
                                 SHARON
                    Tumescent!
          
                                 WALTER
                           (to Sharon; as he 
                           leaves)
                    You're not helping.
          
          INT. TUTORING ROOM - DAY
          
          Cameron sits with an empty chair beside him.  Bianca arrives 
          in a flurry of blonde hair.
          
                                 BIANCA
                    Can we make this quick?  Roxanne 
                    Korrine and Andrew Barrett are having an 
                    incredibly horrendous public break- up 
                    on the quad.  Again.
          
                                 CAMERON
                    Well, I thought we'd start with 
                    pronunciation, if that's okay with you.
          
          BIANCA
          Not the hacking and gagging and spitting part.  Please.
          
                                 CAMERON
                           (looking down)
                    Okay... then how 'bout we try out some 
                    French cuisine.  Saturday?  Night?
          
          Bianca smiles slowly
          
                                 BIANCA
                    You're asking me out.  That's so cute.  
                    What's your name again?
          
                                 CAMERON
                           (embarrassed)
                    Forget it.
          
          Bianca seizes an opportunity.
          
                                 BIANCA
                    No, no, it's my fault -- we didn't have 
                    a proper introduction ---
          
                                 CAMERON
                    Cameron.
          
                                 BIANCA
                    The thing is, Cameron -- I'm at the 
                    mercy of a particularly hideous breed of 
                    loser.  My sister.  I can't date until 
                    she does.
          
                                 CAMERON
                    Seems like she could get a date easy 
                    enough...
          
          She fingers a lock of her hair.  He looks on, dazzled.
          
                                 BIANCA
          
          The problem is, she's completely anti-social.
          
                                 CAMERON
                    Why?
          
                                 BIANCA
                    Unsolved mystery.  She used to be 
                    really popular when she started high 
                    school, then it was just like she got 
                    sick of it or something.
          
                                 CAMERON
                    That's a shame.
          
          She reaches out and touches his arm
          
                                 BIANCA
                    Gosh, if only we could find Kat a 
                    boyfriend...
          
                                 CAMERON
                    Let me see what I can do.
          
          Cameron smiles, having no idea how stupid he is
          
          INT. BIOLOGY CLASS
          
          A frog is being torn asunder by several prongs and picks.  
          Michael and Cameron go for the spleen.
          
                                 MICHAEL
                    You're in school for one day and you 
                    ask out the most beautiful girl?  Do you 
                    have no concept of the high school 
                    social code?
          
          Cameron grins away
          
                                 CAMERON
                    I teach her French, get to know her, 
                    dazzle her with charm and she falls in 
                    love with me.
          
                                 MICHAEL
                    Unlikely, but even so, she still can't 
                    go out with you.  So what's the
                    point?
          
          Cameron motions with his head toward Patrick, a few lab 
          tables away.  He's wearing biker glasses instead of goggles 
          as he tries to revive his frog.
          
                                 CAMERON
                    What about him?
          
                                 MICHAEL
                           (confused)
                    You wanna go out with him?
          
          The others at the lab table raise their eyebrows
          
                                 CAMERON
                           (impatient)
                    No - he could wrangle with the sister.
          
          Michael smiles.  Liking the intrigue.
          
                                 MICHAEL
                    What makes you think he'll do it?
          
                                 CAMERON
                    He seems like he thrives on danger
          
                                 MICHAEL
                    No kidding.  He's a criminal.  I heard 
                    he lit a state trooper on fire.  He just 
                    got out of Alcatraz...
          
                                 CAMERON
                    They always let felons sit in on Honors 
                    Biology?
          
                                 MICHAEL
                    I'm serious, man, he's whacked.  He 
                    sold his own liver on the black market 
                    so he could buy new speakers.
          
                                 CAMERON
                    Forget his reputation.  Do you think 
                    we've got a plan or not?
          
                                 MICHAEL
                    Did she actually say she'd go out with 
                    you?
          
                                 CAMERON
                    That's what I just said
          
          Michael processes this.
          
                                 MICHAEL
                    You know, if you do go out with Bianca, 
                    you'd be set.  You'd outrank everyone.  
                    Strictly A-list.  With me by your side.
          
                                 CAMERON
                    I thought you hated those people.
          
                                 MICHAEL
                    Hey -- I've gotta have a few clients 
                    when I get to Wall Street.
          
          A cowboy flicks the frog's heart into one of the Coffee 
          Kid's latte.  Cameron presses on, over the melee.
          
                                 CAMERON
                    So now all we gotta do is talk to him.
          
          He points to Patrick, who now makes his frog hump another 
          frog, with full-on sound effects.
          
                                 MICHAEL
                    I'll let you handle that.
          
          INT. WOODSHOP - DAY
          
          Boys and a few stray girls nail their pieces of wood
          
          Michael sits next to PEPE, a Coffee Kid, who holds out his 
          jacket like the men who sell watches in the subway.  Inside 
          several bags of coffee hang from hooks.
          
                                 PEPE
                    Some people like the Colombian, but it 
                    all depends on your acidity preference.  
                    Me?  I prefer East African and 
                    Indonesian.  You start the day with a 
                    Sumatra Boengie or maybe and Ethiopian 
                    Sidamo in your cup, you're that much 
                    farther ahead than someone drinkin' 
                    Cosia Rican or Kona -- you know what I 
                    mean?
          
          Michael nods solemnly.
          
          ACROSS THE ROOM
          
          Patrick sits at a table with Scurvy, making something that 
          looks like a machete out of a two-by-four.
          
          Cameron approaches, full of good-natured farm boy cheer
          
                                 CAMERON
                    Hey, there
          
          In response, Patrick brandishes a loud POWER TOOL in his 
          direction.
          
          Cameron slinks away.
          
                                 CAMERON
                           (continuing)
                    Later, then. 
          
          Michael watches, shaking his head.
          
          INT. CAFETERIA - DAY
          
          Joey and his pals take turns drawing boobs onto a cafeteria 
          tray with a magic marker.
          
          Michael walks up and sits between them, casual as can be
          
                                 MICHAEL
                    Hey.
          
                                 JOEY
                    Are you lost?
          
                                 MICHAEL
                    Nope - just came by to chat
          
                                 JOEY
                    We don't chat.
          
                                 MICHAEL
                    Well, actually, I thought I'd run an 
                    idea by you.  You know, just to see if 
                    you're interested.
          
                                 JOEY
                    We're not.
          
          He grabs Michael by the side of the head, and proceeds to 
          draw a penis on his cheek with the magic marker.   Michael 
          suffers the indignity and speaks undaunted.
          
                                 MICHAEL
                           (grimacing)
                    Hear me out.  You want Bianca don't 
                    you?
          
          Joey sits back and cackles at his drawing.
          
                                 MICHAEL
                           (continuing)
                    But she can't go out with you because 
                    her sister is this insane head case and 
                    no one will go out with her. right?
          
                                 JOEY
                    Does this conversation have a purpose?
          
                                 MICHAEL
                    So what you need to do is recruit a guy 
                    who'll go out with her.  Someone who's 
                    up for the job.
          
          Michael points to Patrick, who makes a disgusted face at his 
          turkey pot pie before he rises and throws it at the garbage 
          can, rather than in it.
          
                                 JOEY
          
          That guy?  I heard he ate a live duck once.  Everything but 
          the beak and the feet.
          
                                 MICHAEL
                    Exactly
          
          Joey turns to look at Michael.
          
                                 JOEY
          
          What's in it for you?
          
                                 MICHAEL
                    Oh, hey, nothin' man   Purely good will 
                    on my part.
          
          He rises to leave and turns to the others.
          
                                 MICHAEL
                           (continuing)
                    I have a dick on my face, don't I? 
          
          INT. BOY'S ROOM - DAY
          
          Michael stands at the sink, trying to scrub Joey's artwork 
          off his face as Cameron watches.
          
                                 CAMERON
                    You got him involved?
          
                                 MICHAEL
                    Like we had a choice?  Besides -- when 
                    you let the enemy think he's 
                    orchestrating the battle, you're in a 
                    position of power. We let him pretend 
                    he's calling the shots, and while he's 
                    busy setting up the plan, you have time 
                    to woo Bianca.
          
          Cameron grins and puts an arm around him
          
                                 CAMERON
                    You're one brilliant guy
          
          Michael pulls back, noticing other guys filing in.
          
                                 MICHAEL
          
          Hey - I appreciate gratitude as much as the next guy, but 
          it's not gonna do you any good to be known as New Kid Who 
          Embraces Guys In The Bathroom. 
          
          Cameron pulls back and attempts to posture himself in a 
          manly way for the others, now watching.
          
          INT. KENNY'S THAI FOOD DINER - DAY
          
          Kat and Mandella pick apart their pad thai.  Mandella is 
          smoking.
          
                                 KAT
                    So he has this huge raging fit about 
                    Sarah Lawrence and insists that I go to 
                    his male-dominated, puking frat boy, 
                    number one golf team school. I have no 
                    say at all.
          
                                 MANDELLA
                    William would never have gone to a 
                    state school.
          
                                 KAT
                    William didn't even go to high school
          
                                 MANDELLA
                    That's never been proven
          
                                 KAT
                    Neither has his heterosexuality.
          
          Mandella replies with a look of ice.  Kat uses the moment to 
          stub out Mandella's cigarette. 
          
                                 KAT
                           (continuing)
                    I appreciate your efforts toward a 
                    speedy death, but I'm consuming.
                           (pointing at her 
                           food)
                    Do you mind?
          
                                 MANDELLA
                    Does it matter?
          
                                 KAT
                    If I was Bianca, it would be, "Any 
                    school you want, precious.  Don't forget 
                    your tiara."
          
          They both look up as Patrick enters.  He walks up to the 
          counter to place his order.
          
          Mandella leans toward Kat with the glow of fresh gossip
          
                                 MANDELLA
                    Janice Parker told me he was a roadie 
                    for Marilyn Manson.
          
          Patrick nods at them as he takes his food outside.
          
                                 KAT 
                    Janice Parker is an idiot
          
          INT.  MISS PERKY'S OFFICE - DAY 
          
          Patrick sits before Miss Perky, eating his Thai food
          
                                 MISS PERKY 
                           (looking at chart)
                    I don't understand, Patrick.  You 
                    haven't done anything asinine this week.  
                    Are you not feeling well?
          
                                 PATRICK
                    Touch of the flu.
          
                                 MISS PERKY
                    I'm at a loss, then.  What should we 
                    talk about? Your year of absence?
          
          He smiles his charming smile
          
                                 PATRICK
                    How 'bout your sex life?
          
          She tolerates his comment with her withering glance.
          
                                 MISS PERKY
                    Why don't we discuss your driving need 
                    to be a hemorrhoid?
          
                                 PATRICK 
                    What's to discuss?
          
                                 MISS PERKY
                    You weren't abused, you aren't stupid, 
                    and as far as I can tell, you're only 
                    slightly psychotic -- so why is it that 
                    you're such a fuck-up?
          
                                 PATRICK
                    Well, you know -- there's the prestige 
                    of the job title... and the benefits 
                    package is pretty good...
          
          The bell RINGS.
          
                                 MISS PERKY
                    Fine.  Go do something repugnant and 
                    give us something to talk about next 
                    week.
          
          INT. TUTORING ROOM - DAY
          
          Several pairs of tutors and students sit at the various 
          desks.
          
          Mandella sits with TREVOR, a White Rasta.  She attempts to 
          get him to do geometry, but he stares at her, as if smitten
          
                                 MANDELLA
                    Look, it's really easy.
          
                                 TREVOR
                    You're a freedom fighter. Be proud, 
                    sister.
          
          Mandella sets down her pencil and closes the book.
          
                                 MANDELLA 
                           (rotely)
                    It's Mandella with two L's.  I am not 
                    related to Nelson Mandela.  I am not a 
                    political figure.  I do not live in 
                    South Africa.  My parents just spent a 
                    few too many acid trips thinking they 
                    were revolutionaries.
          
                                 TREVOR 
                    But you freed our people
          
                                 MANDELLA
                    Your "people" are white, suburban high 
                    school boys who smoke too much hemp.  I 
                    have not freed you, Trevor.
                           (grabbing his arm 
                           dramatically)
                    Only you can free yourself.
          
          ACROSS THE ROOM Bianca and Cameron sit side by side, cozy as 
          can be
          
                                 BIANCA
                    C'esc ma tete. This is my head
          
                                 CAMERON
                    Right.  See?  You're ready for the 
                    quiz.
          
                                 BIANCA
                    I don't want to know how to say that 
                    though.  I want to know useful things.  
                    Like where the good stores are.  How 
                    much does champagne cost?  Stuff like 
                    Chat.  I have never in my life had to 
                    point out my head to someone.
          
                                 CAMERON
                    That's because it's such a nice one.
          
                                 BIANCA
                    Forget French.
          
          She shuts her book and puts on a seductive smile
          
                                 BIANCA
                           (continuing)
                    How is our little Find the Wench A Date 
                    plan progressing?
          
                                 CAMERON
                    Well, there's someone I think might be 
                    --
          
          Bianca's eyes light up
          
                                 BIANCA
                    Show me
          
          INT. HALLWAY - DAY
          
          Cameron and Bianca lean against the wall -inconspicuously. 
          Bianca plays it cool.
          
                                 BIANCA
                    Give me a sign when he walks by.  And 
                    don't point.
          
          The bell RINGS.  Kids flood past.  Then Patrick saunters by 
          with Scurvy.  Cameron nudges Bianca.
          
                                 CAMERON
                    There.
          
                                 BIANCA
                    Where?
          
          Out of desperation, Cameron awkwardly lunges across 
          Patrick's path.  Patrick shoves him back against the wall 
          without a thought.  Cameron lands in a THUD at Bianca's 
          feet.
          
                                 CAMERON
                    I guess he didn't see me 
                           (calling after 
                           Patrick) 
                                     Some other time --
          
          Bianca watches Patrick, a wicked gleam in  her eye.
          
                                 BIANCA
                    My God, he's repulsive. He's so 
                    perfect!
          
          INT. GYM CLASS - DAY 
          
          Several volleyball games are being played.
          
          Joey and a member of his hulking entourage, approach 
          Patrick, who still manages to look cool, even in gym 
          clothes.  They pull him aside roughly.
          
                                 PATRICK 
                           (shrugging them 
                           off)
                    What?
          
          Joey points
          
          JOEY See that girl?
          
          Patrick follows his line of vision to Kat as she spikes the 
          ball into some poor cowboy's face.
          
                                 PATRICK
                    Yeah
          
                                 JOEY 
                    What do you think?
          
          Kat wins the game and high fives the others, who are scared 
          of her.
          
                                 PATRICK
                    Two legs, nice rack...
          
                                 JOEY
                    Yeah, whatever.  I want you to go out 
                    with her.
          
                                 PATRICK
                    Sure, Sparky.  I'll get right on it.
          
                                 JOEY 
                    You just said
          
                                 PATRICK
                    You need money to take a girl out
          
                                 JOEY
                    But you'd go out with her if you had 
                    the cake?
          
          Patrick stares at Joey deadpan.  His dislike for the guy 
          obvious.
          
                                 PATRICK 
                           (sarcastic)
                    Yeah, I'd take her to Europe if I had 
                    the plane.
          
          Joey smiles.
          
                                 JOEY
                    You got it, Verona.  I pick up the tab, 
                    you do the honors.
          
                                 PATRICK
                    You're gonna pay me to take out some 
                    girl?
          
                                 JOEY
                    I can't date her sister until that one 
                    gets a boyfriend.  And that's the catch.  
                    She doesn't want a boyfriend.
          
                                 PATRICK 
                    How much?
          
                                 JOEY
          
          Twenty bucks each time you take her out.
          
                                 PATRICK
                    I can't take a girl like that out on 
                    twenty bucks.
          
                                 JOEY 
                    Fine, thirty.
          
          Patrick raises an eyebrow, urging him up
          
                                 JOEY 
                           (continuing)
                    Take it or leave it.  This isn't a 
                    negotiation.
          
                                 PATRICK
                    Fifty, and you've got your man.
          
          Patrick walks away with a smile
          
          EXT. FIELD HOCKEY FIELD - DAY
          
          Kat and the rest of the team go through a grueling practice 
          session.  Kat spares no one as she whips the ball all over 
          the field.
          
          Patrick sits on the bleachers nearby, watching.  A cigarette 
          dangles from his mouth.  His pal, SCURVY is next to him.
          
          MR. CHAPIN, the coach, blows the WHISTLE.
          
                                 MR. CHAPIN 
                           (proudly) 
                    Good run, Stratford.
          
          Kat nods in response, and the girls leave the field. Patrick 
          hops down to follow.
          
                                 PATRICK 
                    Hey. Girlie.
          
          Kat stops and turns slowly to look at him.
          
                                 PATRICK 
                           (continuing) 
                    I mean Wo-man.  How ya doin'?
          
                                 KAT 
                           (smiles brightly)
                    Sweating like a pig, actually.  And 
                    yourself?
          
                                 PATRICK
                    There's a way to get a guy's attention.
          
                                 KAT
                    My mission in life.
          
          She stands there undaunted, hand on hip.
          
                                 KAT 
                           (continuing)
                    Obviously, I've struck your fancy. So, 
                    you see, it worked.  The world makes 
                    sense again.
          
          Patrick's eyes narrow.  He steps closer.
          
                                 PATRICK 
                    Pick you up Friday, then
          
                                 KAT
                    Oh, right.  Friday.
          
          PATRICK backs up a little.  He uses his most seductive tone
          
                                 PATRICK
                    The night I take you to places you've 
                    never been before.  And back.
          
                                 KAT
                    Like where?  The 7-Eleven on Burnside?  
                    Do you even know my name, screwboy?
          
                                 PATRICK 
                    I know a lot more than that
          
          Kat stares at him.
          
                                 KAT 
                    Doubtful.  Very doubtful.
          
          She walks away quickly, leaving him standing alone.
          
                                 PATRICK 
                           (calling after her)
                    You're no bargain either, sweetheart.
          
          Scurvy appears at his side
          
                                 SCURVY
                    So I guess the Jeep won't be getting a 
                    new Blaupunkt.
          
          ACROSS THE FIELD Cameron and Michael watch.
          
                                 MICHAEL 
                    He took the bait.
          
          STRATFORD HOUSE/BATHROOM - NIGHT
          
          Kat washes her face at the sink.  Bianca appears behind her, 
          and attempts to twist Kat's hair into a chignon.
          
          She wacks Bianca away.
          
                                 BIANCA
                    Have you ever considered a new look? I 
                    mean, seriously, you could have some 
                    potential buried under all this 
                    hostility.
          
          Kat pushes past her into the hallway.
          
                                 KAT
                    I have the potential to smack the crap 
                    out of you if you don't get out of my 
                    way.
          
                                 BIANCA
                    Can you at least start wearing a bra?
          
          Kat SLAMS her door in response.
          
          INT. HALLWAY - DAY 
          
          Patrick, Scurvy and some other randoms head for the exit
          
          SCURVY You up for a burger?
          
          Patrick looks in his wallet.  It's empty.
          
          INT. HALLWAY - DAY
          
          Kat stands at her locker, gathering her books.  Patrick 
          appears at her side, smiling.
          
                                 PATRICK
                    Hey
          
          Kat doesn't answer
          
                                 PATRICK 
                           (continuing) 
                    You hate me don't you?
          
                                 KAT
                    I don't really think you warrant that 
                    strong an emotion.
          
                                 PATRICK
                    Then say you'll spend Dollar Night at 
                    the track with me.
          
                                 KAT 
                    And why would I do that?
          
                                 PATRICK
                    Come on -- the ponies, the flat beer, 
                    you with money in your eyes, me with my 
                    hand on your ass...
          
                                 KAT
                    You -- covered in my vomit.
          
                                 PATRICK 
                    Seven-thirty?
          
          She slams her locker shut and walks away
          
          EXT. DOWNTOWN STREET - NIGHT
          
          Kat emerges from a music store carrying a bag of CDs in  her 
          teeth, and fumbling through her purse with both hands.  She 
          finds her keys and pulls them out with a triumphant tug.
          
          She looks up and finds Patrick sitting on the hood of her 
          car
          
                                 PATRICK 
                    Nice ride. Vintage fenders.
          
          Kat takes the bag out of her mouth.
          
                                 KAT 
                    Are you following me?
          
                                 PATRICK
                    I was in the laundromat. I saw your 
                    car. Thought I'd say hi.
          
                                 KAT 
                    Hi
          
          She gets in and starts the car.
          
                                 PATRICK
                    You're not a big talker, are you?
          
                                 KAT
                    Depends on the topic. My fenders don't 
                    really whip me into a verbal frenzy.
          
          She starts to pull out, and is blocked by Joey's Viper, 
          which pulls up perpendicular to her rear and parks.
          
          Joey and his groupies emerge and head for the liquor store
          
                                 KAT 
                           (continuing)
                    Hey -- do you mind?
          
                                 JOEY 
                    Not at all
          
          They continue on into the store.  Kat stares at them in 
          disbelief...
          
          Then BACKS UP
          
          Her vintage fenders CRASH into the door of Joey's precious 
          Viper.
          
          Patrick watches with a delighted grin Joey races out of the 
          liquor store.
          
                                 JOEY 
                           (continuing) 
                    You fucking bitch!
          
          Kat pulls forward and backs into his car again.  Smiling 
          sweetly.
          
          INT. STRATFORD HOUSE - NIGHT 
          
          Walter paces as Kat sits calmly on the couch.
          
                                 WALTER
                    My insurance does not cover PMS
          
                                 KAT
                    Then tell them I had a seizure.
          
                                 WALTER
                    Is this about Sarah Lawrence? You 
                    punishing me?
          
                                 KAT
                    I thought you were punishing me.
          
                                 WALTER
                    Why can't we agree on this?
          
                                 KAT
                    Because you're making decisions for me.
          
                                 WALTER
                    As a parent, that's my right
          
                                 KAT
                    So what I want doesn't matter?
          
                                 WALTER
                    You're eighteen.  You don't know what 
                    you want.  You won't know until you're 
                    forty-five and you don't have it.
          
                                 KAT 
                           (emphatic)
                    I want to go to an East Coast school! I 
                    want you to trust me to make my own 
                    choices.  I want --
          
          Walter's BEEPER goes off
          
                                 WALTER
                    Christ!  I want a night to go by that 
                    I'm not staring a contraction in the 
                    face.
          
          He walks out, leaving Kat stewing on the couch.
          
          INT. HALLWAY - DAY
          
          Patrick shuts his graffiti-encrusted locker, revealing 
          Joey's angry visage, glowering next to him.
          
                                 JOEY
                    When I shell out fifty, I expect 
                    results.
          
                                 PATRICK 
                    I'm on it
          
                                 JOEY
                    Watching the bitch trash my car doesn't 
                    count as a date.
          
                                 PATRICK
                    I got her under control. She just acts 
                    crazed in public to keep up the image.
          
          Joey sees through the bluff
          
                                 JOEY
                    Let me put it to you this way, if you 
                    don't get any action, I don't get any 
                    action.  So get your ass on hers by the 
                    end of the week.
          
          Joey starts to walk off
          
                                 PATRICK 
                    I just upped my price
          
                                 JOEY 
                           (turning)
                    What?
          
                                 PATRICK
                    A hundred bucks a date.
          
                                 JOEY 
                    Forget it.
          
                                 PATRICK
                    Forget her sister, then.
          
          Joey thinks for a frustrated moment, PUNCHES  the locker,  
          then peels another fifty out of his wallet with a  menacing 
          scowl.
          
                                 JOEY
                    You better hope you're as smooth as you 
                    think you are, Verona.
          
          Patrick takes the money with a smile.
          
          INT. TUTORING ROOM - DAY 
          Cameron runs a sentence past Bianca.
          
                                 CAMERON
                    La copine et I 'ami?  La diferance?
          
          Bianca glares at him.
          
                                 BIANCA
                    A "copine" is someone you can count on.  
                    An "ami" is someone who makes promises 
                    he can't keep.
          
          Cameron closes the French book
          
                                 CAMERON
                    You got something on your mind?
          
                                 BIANCA
                    I counted on you to help my cause. You 
                    and that thug are obviously failing.  
                    Aren't we ever going on our date?
          
          He melts
          
                                 CAMERON
                    You have my word.  As a gentleman
          
                                 BIANCA
                    You're sweet.
          
          She touches his hand. He blushes at her praise and watches 
          her toss her hair back
          
                                 CAMERON
                           (appreciative)
                    How do you get your hair to look like 
                    that?
          
                                 BIANCA
                    Eber's Deep Conditioner every two days.  
                    And I never, ever use a blowdryer 
                    without the diffuser attachment.
          
          Cameron nods with interest.
          
                                 CAMERON
                    You know, I read an article about that.
          
          Bianca looks surprised.
          
                                 BIANCA
                    You did?
          
          INT. BOY'S ROOM - DAY
          
          Patrick stands at the sink, washing his hands Michael and 
          Cameron cower in the corner, watching him.
          
                                 PATRICK 
                           (without turning 
                           around) 
                    Say it
          
                                 MICHAEL 
                           (clearing his 
                           throat) 
                    What?
          
                                 PATRICK
                    Whatever the hell it is you're standin' 
                    there waitin' to say.
          
          Cameron bravely steps forward
          
                                 CAMERON
                    We wanted to talk to you about the 
                    plan.
          
          Patrick turns toward them.
          
                                 PATRICK 
                    What plan?
          
                                 MICHAEL
                    The situation is, my man Cameron here 
                    has a major jones for Bianca Stratford.
          
                                 PATRICK
                    What is it with this chick?  She have 
                    three tits?
          
          Cameron starts to object, but Michael holds up a hand.
          
                                 MICHAEL
                    I think I speak correctly when I say 
                    that Cameron's love is pure.  Purer than 
                    say -- Joey Dorsey's.
          
                                 PATRICK
                    Dorsey can plow whoever he wants. I'm 
                    just in this for the cash.
          
          Cameron starts choking at the thought of Joey plowing his 
          beloved Bianca.
          
                                 MICHAEL
                    That's where we can help you.  With 
                    Kat.
          
                                 PATRICK 
                    So Dorsey can get the girl?
          
                                 MICHAEL
                    Patrick, Pat, you're not looking at the 
                    big picture.  Joey's just a pawn. We set 
                    this whole thing up so Cameron can get 
                    the girl.
          
          Patrick smiles.  He likes the idea of Joey being a pawn in 
          this game.
          
                                 PATRICK
                    You two are gonna help me tame the wild 
                    beast?
          
                                 MICHAEL 
                           (grinning) 
                    We're your guys.
          
                                 CAMERON
                    And he means that strictly in a non- 
                    prison-movie type of way.
          
                                 PATRICK 
                    Yeah -- we'll see.
          
          He swings the door open and exits, leaving Michael and 
          Cameron grinning at each other.
          
                                 MICHAEL 
                    We're in.
          
          INT. CLASSROOM - DAY
          
          CU on a party invitation as it gets handed out.  "Future 
          Princeton Grad Bogey Lowenstein proudly presents a Saturday 
          night bash at his abode.  Casual attire".
          
          Michael holds the invitation up to Cameron.
          
                                 CAMERON
                    This is it.  A golden opportunity. 
                    Patrick can ask Katarina to the party.
          
                                 MICHAEL
                    In that case, we'll need to make it a 
                    school-wide blow out.
          
                                 CAMERON
                    Will Bogey get bent?
          
                                 MICHAEL
                    Are you kidding?  He'll piss himself 
                    with joy.  He's the ultimate kiss ass.
          
          CAFETERIA - DAY
          
          Michael hands a jock the party invite as they pass each 
          other at the trash cans.
          
          INT.  GYM CLASS - DAY 
          
          The jock calls a fellow jock 
          
          INT.  MATH CLASS - DAY 
          
          Jock whispers to a cheerleader 
          
          COURTYARD - DAY
          
          The cheerleader calls a White Rasta that she's making out 
          with, showing him the invite.
          
          TRACK - DAY
          
          The White Rasta tells a cowboy as they run laps during track 
          practice.
          
          INT. SHOWERS - DAY
          
          The cowboy Cells a Coffee Kid, as he shields his java from 
          the spray of the shower.
          
          INT. HALLWAY - DAY
          
          Joey stands ac his open locker with Bianca.  The locker is 
          an homage to Joey's "modeling" career.  Cheesy PRINT ADS of 
          him -- running in a field of daisies, petting a kitten, etc. 
          -- adorn the locker door.
          
                                 JOEY 
                    Which do you like better?
          
          INSERT - HEADSHOTS of Joey.  In one, he's pouting in a white 
          shirt.  In the other, he's pouting in a black shirt.
          
                                 BIANCA
                    I think I like the white shirt
          
          Joey nods thoughtfully.
          
                                 JOEY 
                    It's more
          
                                 BIANCA
                    Expensive?
          
          
                                 JOEY
                    Exactly 
                           (beat)
                    So, you going to Bogey Lowenbrau's 
                    thing on Saturday?
          
                                 BIANCA
                    Hopefully.
          
          He gives her his best flirtatious smile
          
                                 JOEY
                    Good, 'cause I'm not gonna bother if 
                    you won't be there.
          
          He taps her on the nose and she giggles
          
          INT. TUTORING ROOM 
          Bianca sits across from Cameron, who's transfixed, as always
          
                                 BIANCA
                    Have you heard about Bogey Lowenstein's 
                    party?
          
                                 CAMERON
                    Sure have.
          
                                 BIANCA
                           (pouting)
                    I really, really, really wanna go, but 
                    I can't.  Not unless my sister goes.
          
                                 CAMERON
                    I'm workin' on it. But she doesn't seem 
                    to be goin' for him.
          
          He fishes.
          
                                 CAMERON
                           (continuing) 
                    She's not a...
          
                                 BIANCA
                    Lesbian?  No. I found a picture of 
                    Jared Leto in one of her drawers, so I'm 
                    pretty sure she's not harboring same-sex 
                    tendencies.
          
                                 CAMERON
                    So that's the kind of guy she likes? 
                    Pretty ones?
          
                                 BIANCA
                    Who knows?  All I've ever heard her say 
                    is that she'd dip before dating a guy 
                    that smokes.
          
          Cameron furiously takes notes
          
                                 CAMERON
                    All right.  What else is she partial 
                    to?
          
          INT. DIVE BAR - NIGHT 
          Patrick plays pool with some random deviant cronies.
          
          He looks up when he hears a COMMOTION at the door.  LOU the 
          bouncer is in the midst of throwing Michael and Cameron out.
          
                                 PATRICK
                    Lou, it's okay.  They're with me.
          
          Lou looks at Patrick, surprised, then reluctantly lets our 
          two non-deviants pass through.
          
          Patrick guides them to a table and sips from a beer.
          
                                 PATRICK 
                           (continuing)
                    What've you got for me?
          
                                 CAMERON
                    I've retrieved certain pieces of 
                    information on Miss Katarina Stratford I 
                    think you'll find helpful.
          
          Cameron pulls out a piece of paper.
          
                                 MICHAEL 
                           (to Patrick)
          
          One question before we start -- should you be drinking 
          alcohol when you don't have a liver?
          
                                 PATRICK
                    What?!
          
                                 MICHAEL 
                    Good enough.
          
          Cameron looks up at Patrick.
          
                                 CAMERON
                    Number one.  She hates smokers
          
                                 MICHAEL 
                    It's a lung cancer issue
          
                                 CAMERON
                    Her favorite uncle
          
                                 MICHAEL 
                    Dead at forty-one.
          
          Patrick sits up
          
                                 PATRICK
                    Are you telling me I'm a - 
                           (spits the word 
                           out)
                    "non-smoker"?
          
                                 MICHAEL 
                    Just for now.
          
                                 CAMERON
                    Another thing.  Bianca said that Kat 
                    likes -- pretty guys.
          
          This is met with silence.  Then:
          
                                 PATRICK
                    What?  You don't think I'm pretty?
          
          Michael smacks Cameron
          
                                 MICHAEL 
                    He's pretty!
          
                                 CAMERON
                    Okay!  I wasn't sure
          
          Cameron goes back to the list.
          
                                 CAMERON
                           (continuing)
                    Okay -- Likes:  Thai food, feminist 
                    prose, and "angry, stinky girl music of 
                    the indie-rock persuasion".
          
                                 PATRICK
                    So what does that give me?  I'm 
                    supposed to buy her some noodles and a 
                    book and sit around listening to chicks 
                    who can't play their instruments?
          
                                 MICHAEL
                    Ever been to Club Skunk?
          
                                 PATRICK
                    Yeah.
          
                                 CAMERON
                    Gigglepuss is playing there tomorrow 
                    night.
          
                                 PATRICK 
                    Don't make me do it, man
          
                                 MICHAEL
                    Assail your ears for one night.
          
                                 CAMERON
                    It's her favorite band.
          
          Patrick groans
          
                                 MICHAEL
                    I also retrieved a list of her most 
                    recent CD purchases, courtesy of 
                    American Express.
          
          He hands it over.
          
                                 PATRICK 
                           (smiling)
                    Michael -- did you get this information 
                    "illegally"?
          
          Michael puts a finger to his lips.
          
                                 MICHAEL
                    I prefer to think of it simply as an 
                    alternative to what the law allows.
          
                                 PATRICK 
                    I'm likin' you guys better
          
          He looks down at the list of CDs.
          
                                 PATRICK 
                           (continuing) 
                    This is really music?
          
          INT. KAT'S ROOM - NIGHT
          
          MUSIC BLARES in a room with minimalist decor splashed with 
          indie rock band posters and flyers.
          
          Kat and Mandella dance as they dress and apply make-up 
          Bianca enters, interrupting their fun.
          
                                 BIANCA
                    Can you turn down the Screaming 
                    Menstrual Bitches?  I'm trying to study.
          
          Kat doesn't move, so Bianca crosses to the stereo, turning 
          down the volume.
          
                                 BIANCA
                           (continuing)
                    Don't tell me you're actually going 
                    out?  On a school night, no less.
          
          Kat shoots her a glare
          
                                 BIANCA
                           (continuing; 
                           excited)
                    Oh my God, does this mean you're 
                    becoming normal?
          
                                 KAT
                    It means that Gigglepuss is playing at 
                    Club Skunk and we're going.
          
                                 BIANCA
                           (disappointed)
                    Oh, I thought you might have a date
                           (beat)
                    I don't know why I'm bothering to ask, 
                    but are you going to Bogey Lowenstein's 
                    party Saturday night?
          
                                 KAT
                    What do you think?
          
                                 BIANCA
                    I think you're a freak.  I think you do 
                    this to torture me.  And I think you 
                    suck.
          
          She smiles sweetly and shuts the door behind her.   Kat 
          doesn't bat an eye.  She grabs her purse and opens the door
          
                                 KAT 
                    Let's hit it.
          
          EXT. CLUB SKUNK - NIGHT
          
          A happy black and white neon skunk sprays fine mist on the 
          line of kids below.
          
          INT. CLUB FOYER - NIGHT
          
          Kat and Mandella walk in, Mandella nervously pulling out her 
          fake ID.  The giant, afroed bouncer, BRUCE, looks typically 
          mono-syllabic.
          
                                 MANDELLA 
                           (whispering to Kat) 
                    You think this'll work?
          
                                 KAT 
                    No fear.
          
          They approach Bruce.  Kat puts on her happy, shiny face
          
                                 KAT 
                           (continuing)
                    Hello!  We'd like two for Gigglepuss!
          
          Bruce looks the girls up and down.
          
                                 BRUCE 
                    I can count.
          
          He looks at their IDs. Mandella gently moves Kat aside, 
          wearing a face that could only be described as "I AM a 
          Victoria's Secret model."
          
                                 MANDELLA 
                    I'll bet you can..
          
          She sticks out her chest and licks her lips.  Bruce stares 
          at her deadpan and hands her back the IDs.
          
                                 BRUCE 
                    Go ahead.
                           (to Mandella)
                    And you
          
                                 MANDELLA 
                           (all come hither)
                    Yes?
          
                                 BRUCE
                    Take it easy on the guys in there.
          
          Mandella winks at him and sashays inside   Kat: follows 
          behind, shaking her head.
          
          EXT. CLUB SKUNK - NIGHT 
          
          Patrick's mail truck clatters to a stop out front.
          
          INT. CLUB FOYER - NIGHT
          
          Patrick walks up to Bruce, who's frisking a badly mowhawked 
          PIERCED EYEBROW BOY.  Bruce pulls a SWITCHBLADE out of the 
          boy's inside pocket.
          
                                 BRUCE
                    Next time, leave the Bic at home, 
                    Skippy.
          
                                 SKIPPY
                    It's a bottle opener.
          
          Bruce pushes him inside the club, then sees Patrick.
          
                                 BRUCE 
                    Verona, my man.
          
          They shake.
          
                                 PATRICK 
                    Always a pleasure, Brucie.
          
                                 BRUCE
                    Didn't have you pegged for a Gigglepuss 
                    fan.  Aren't they a little too pre-teen 
                    belly-button ring for you?
          
                                 PATRICK
                    Fan of a fan.  You see a couple of 
                    minors come in?
          
                                 BRUCE
                    Never
          
                                 PATRICK
                    Padua girls.  One tall, decent body. 
                    The other one kinda short and 
                    undersexed?
          
                                 BRUCE 
                    Just sent 'em through.
          
          Patrick starts to go in
          
                                 BRUCE 
                           (continuing)
                    Hey -- what happened to that chick you 
                    brought last time?  The one with the 
                    snake?
          
          Patrick laughs and goes into the club
          
          INT. CLUB - NIGHT
          
          Onstage, the all-female band GIGGLEPUSS is parlaying their 
          bad girl sass into a ripping punk number.
          
          Near the stage is a joyful mass of pogo-ing teens AT THE BAR
          
          Patrick bellies up and looks around the club. Gigglepuss 
          finishes a song.
          
                                 LEAD SINGER
                    Hello, out there.  We're Gigglepuss and 
                    we're from Olympia.
          
          A teenage boy in the audience takes the opportunity to 
          scream.
          
                                 BOY (0.S.)
                    Pet my kitty!
          
                                 LEAD SINGER 
                    Meow
          
          They rev into their next song. 
          
          NEAR THE STAGE  
          
          Mandella and Kat glow with sweat.  When they hear the 
          opening chords of the song, they look at each other and 
          scream with glee as they begin to dance.  They couldn't be 
          having a better time.
          
          AT THE BAR
          
          Patrick signals to get the bartender's attention and looks 
          across the bouncing surge of the crowd.  He spots Kat and 
          Mandella singing along.
          
          HIS POV
          
          The gleeful Kat -- dancing and looking completely at ease. 
          None of her usual "attitude".  Patrick is transfixed.  And 
          most definitely attracted.
          
          NEAR THE STAGE Kat looks at Mandella.
          
                                 KAT 
                           (shouting)
                    I need agua!
          
          She makes her way through the crowd to the bar. AT THE BAR
          
          She made it.  She signals for the bartender and as she's 
          waiting, looks around.  She spots Patrick a few feet away
          
                                 KAT 
                           (continuing to 
                           herself) 
                    Shit
          
          She sneaks a glance.  He's staring, but this time he looks 
          away before she can.  Despite herself, she's miffed.
          
          The bartender arrives
          
          BARTENDER 
                           (shouting) 
                    What can I get you?
          
                                 KAT 
                    Two waters.
          
          She looks at Patrick again.  He's completely absorbed in the 
          band.  She scowls.  The bottled water arrives and she 
          marches off, forgetting to pay.
          
          She walks up to Patrick.
          
                                 KAT 
                           (continuing) 
                    You're not fooling anyone.
          
          Patrick looks at her, surprised
          
                                 PATRICK 
                           (yelling) 
                    hey.  Great show, huh?
          
                                 KAT 
                           (yelling)
          
          If you're planning on asking me out you might as well get it 
          over with.
          
                                 PATRICK 
                           (yelling) 
                    Excuse me?
          
                                 KAT 
                           (yelling)
                    That's what you want, isn't it?
          
                                 PATRICK 
                           (yelling; gesturing 
                           toward the band)
                    Do you mind?  You're sort of ruining it 
                    for me.
          
          Kat steams.  And watches him watch the band
          
                                 KAT 
                           (yelling)
                    You're not surrounded by your usual 
                    cloud of smoke.
          
          The band takes a break, so they can stop yelling now
          
                                 PATRICK 
                    I know.  I quit.
          
          He leans back, making no attempt to hit on her.  She moves 
          closer.
          
                                 KAT 
                    Oh, really?
          
          He motions toward the stage
          
                                 PATRICK
                    You know, these guys are no Bikini Kill 
                    or The Raincoats, but they're right up 
                    there.
          
                                 KAT
                    You know who The Raincoats are?
          
                                 PATRICK 
                    Why, don't you?
          
          She's completely taken aback.  He uses the moment to his 
          advantage and brushes her hair back as he speaks right into 
          her ear.
          
                                 PATRICK 
                           (continuing)
                    I watched you out there   I've never 
                    seen you look like that
          
          Kat steps away, brushing the hair back that he just touched 
          Her cheeks pinken.
          
          His cocky side is back in a flash
          
                                 PATRICK 
                           (continuing) 
                    Come to that party with me.
          
          At that moment, the band starts another SONG
          
                                 KAT 
                           (yelling) 
                    What?
          
          The bartender approaches.
          
          BARTENDER 
                           (to Kat, yelling) 
                    You forgot to pay!
          
                                 PATRICK 
                           (yelling) 
                    I got it, Rick.
          
          He tosses some bills on the bar
          
          Rather than thank him, Kat simply watches him, trying to 
          figure out his motive.
          
                                 PATRICK 
                           (continuing; 
                           yelling) 
                    Nine-thirty then.
          
          A few people have gotten between them at the bar and she 
          can't hear a word he's saying.  She gives him one last look 
          and heads back into the crowd.
          
          Patrick smiles.  She didn't say no this time.
          
          EXT. CLUB SKUNK - NIGHT
          
          The crowd files out of the club, Kat and Mandella amongst 
          them.  A^ they're walking toward the parking lot, Patrick 
          coasts by in his truck.  The gears GRIND.  He yells out the 
          window.
          
                                 MANDELLA 
                    What'd he say?
          
                                 KAT 
                    Who cares?
          
          Mandella watches Kat as she stares after Patrick
          
                                 MANDELLA
                    Has he importun'd you with love in 
                    honourable fashion?
          
          Kat glances sharply at her.
          
                                 MANDELLA 
                           (continuing; off 
                           her look)
                    Don't be Cruella with me.  I'm in favor 
                    of romance.  You're the one that wants 
                    to march on Washington every five 
                    minutes.
          
          Kat pokes her, then looks back at the club dreamily.
          
                                 KAT 
                    Gigglepuss was so beyond.
          
          Mandella nods.
          
                                 MANDELLA
                    They were.  I only wish William could 
                    have been here to witness the rebirth of 
                    punk rock with us.
          
          Kat links her arm through Mandella's and they head for the 
          car.
          
                                 KAT
                    So true.
          
          INT. HALLWAY - DAY 
          Cameron and Michael are at Michael's locker.
          
                                 CAMERON
                    So, then she says that she almost 
                    didn't wear the Kenneth Coles with that 
                    dress because she thought she was 
                    mixing, you know, genres. And the fact 
                    that I noticed -- and I'm quoting here -
                    "really meant something."
          
          Cameron looks At Michael expectantly
          
                                 MICHAEL 
                    You told me that part already.
          
                                 CAMERON
                    Hell, I've just been going over the 
                    whole thing in my head and -
          
          Joey appears over Cameron's shoulder.  
          
                                 JOEY 
                    Hey.  Dingo Boingo
          
          Cameron and Michael look at each other And turn around 
          slowly
          
                                 JOEY 
                           (continuing; to 
                           Michael)
                    I hear you're helpin' Verona.
          
                                 MICHAEL 
                    Uh,  yeah.  We're old friend*
          
                                 JOEY 
                    You and Verona?
          
                                 MICHAEL
                    What?  We took bathes together when we 
                    were kids.
          
          It's incredibly obvious that he's lying.  Joey eyes him then 
          turns to Cameron.
          
                                 JOEY
                    What's your gig in all this?
          
                                 CAMERON
                    I'm just the new guy.
          
          Joey turns back to Michael, grabbing the alligator on his 
          shirt and twisting it.
          
                                 JOEY
                    You better not fuck this up.  I'm 
                    heavily invested.
          
                                 MICHAEL
                    Hey -- it's all for the higher good 
                    right?
          
          Joey lets go of Michael and SHOVES Cameron against a locker 
          for good measure, as he walks away-
          
                                 CAMERON
                    Is it about me?
          
          EXT. MISS PERKY'S OFFICE - DAY
          
          Kat sits outside waiting for her appointment, bored and 
          annoyed.
          
          The door opens and Miss Perky escorts Patrick out
          
                                 MISS PERKY
                    You're completely demented.
          
                                 PATRICK
                           (cheery)
                    See you next week!
          
          Kat stands and Patrick sees her.
          
          Miss Perky watches in horror
          
          MISS PERKY
          You two know each other?
          
                                 PATRICK/KAT 
                    Yeah/No.
          
          Miss Perky grabs Kat and shoves her into her office.
          
                                 MISS PERKY 
                           (to Patrick)
                    Dear God, stay away from her.  If you 
                    two ever decided to breed, evil would 
                    truly walk the earth.
          
          Patrick gives Kat one last look before the door shuts, then 
          smiles-
          
          EXT. STRATFORD HOUSE - NIGHT 
          
          The lights are on, illuminating the yard
          
          INT.  STRATFORD HOUSE/UPSTAIRS HALLWAY - NIGHT
          
          Bianca and Chastity stand outside Kat's room.  MUSIC is 
          blaring and the door is shut.  Bianca looks at her watch
          
                                 BIANCA
                    She's obviously not going.
          
          INT. LIVING ROOM - NIGHT
          
          Across the carpet, two pairs of teenage girl feet sneak 
          past.  Bianca and Chastity, teddy bear purses in hand.
          
          FROM THE KITCHEN A RUSTLING is heard.  The girls freeze.
          
          Walter emerges from the kitchen with a mile-high sandwich 
          The girls are like statues.  Walter jumps.
          
                                 BIANCA
                    Daddy, I --
          
                                 WALTER
                    And where're you going?
          
                                 BIANCA
                    If you must know, we were attempting to 
                    go to a small study group of friends.
          
                                 WALTER
                    Otherwise known as an orgy?
          
                                 BIANCA
                    It's just a party. Daddy, but I knew 
                    you'd forbid me to go since "Gloria 
                    Steinem" over there isn't going --
          
          She points to Kat -- Walkman blaring -- who comes 
          downstairs, wearing a baby tee and battered Levis.  Her 
          relaxing-at-home look is about 400 times sexier than her at-
          school look.  She wanders toward the kitchen.
          
          Walter directs his attention toward Kat.
          
                                 WALTER
                    Do you know about any party? Katarina?
          
          Kat shrugs as she comes back out of the kitchen with an 
          apple
          
                                 BIANCA
                    Daddy, people expect me to be there!
          
                                 WALTER
                    If Kat's not going, you're not going.
          
          Bianca turns to Kat, eyes ablaze
          
                                 BIANCA
                    You're ruining my life'  Because you 
                    won't be normal, I can't be normal.
          
                                 KAT 
                    What's normal?
          
                                 BIANCA
                    Bogey Lowenstein's party is normal, but 
                    you're too busy listening to Bitches Who 
                    Need Prozac to know that.
          
                                 WALTER
                    What's a Bogey Lowenstein?
          
          Kat takes off her earphones, ready to do battle
          
                                 BIANCA
                    Can't you forget for just one night 
                    that you're completely wretched?
          
                                 KAT
                    At least I'm not a clouted fen- sucked 
                    hedge-pig.
          
          Bianca tosses her hair.
          
                                 BIANCA
                    Like I'm supposed to know what that 
                    even means.
          
                                 KAT
                    It's Shakespeare.  Maybe you've heard 
                    of him?
          
                                 BIANCA
                    Yeah, he's your freak friend Mandella's 
                    boyfriend.  I guess since I'm not 
                    allowed to go out, I should obsess over 
                    a dead guy, too.
          
                                 WALTER
                    Girls
          
          Kat stares Bianca down
          
                                 KAT
                    I know about the goddamn party.  I'm 
                    going.
          
          Bianca and Chastity look at each other, thrilled, and burst 
          into gleeful screams.
          
          A startled Walter clutches Bianca in a protective hug.
          
                                 WALTER
                    Oh, God.  It's starting.
          
                                 BIANCA
                    It's just a party. Daddy.
          
          Walter looks dazed.
          
                                 WALTER
                    Wear the belly before you go.
          
                                 BIANCA
                    Daddy, no!
          
                                 WALTER
                    Just for a minute
          
          He rushes to a cupboard and pulls out a padded faux-
          pregnancy belly.
          
                                 WALTER
                           (continuing)
                    I want you to realize the weight of 
                    your decisions.
          
          He hangs the belly on her as she stands mortified.
          
                                 BIANCA
                    You are so completely unbalanced.
          
                                 KAT 
                    Can we go now?

          Scanned by http://freemoviescripts.com
          Formatting by http://simplyscripts.home.att.net

          
                                 WALTER
                           (to Bianca)
                    Promise me you won't talk to any boys 
                    unless your sister is present.
          
                                 BIANCA
                    Why?
          
                                 WALTER
                    Because she'll scare them away.
          
          Kat stomps to the door, grabbing her car keys off the hall 
          table and a sweater from the coat rack. She flings open the 
          door and...
          
          There stands Patrick.
          
                                 PATRICK 
                    Nine-thirty right?
          
          Kat's in shock
          
                                 PATRICK 
                           (continuing)
                    I'm early.
          
          She holds up her keys
          
                                 KAT 
                    I'm driving.
          
          He peeks in behind her.
          
                                 PATRICK 
                    Who knocked up your sister?
          
          INT. BOGEY LOWENSTEIN'S HOUSE - NIGHT
          
          BOGEY, a short Future MBA in a tux, greets his guests like a 
          pro, handing out cigars and martinis.
          
                                 BOGEY
                    Nice to see you.  Martini bar to the 
                    right, shots in the kitchen.
          
          The house is filled to capacity with Padua High's finest Kat 
          pushes through the crowd.  Patrick saunters in behind her
          
          INT. BOGEY'S KITCHEN - NIGHT
          
          Joey lines up a row of shots amid much whooping and 
          hollering within the jock crowd.
          
          Kat enters, then quickly tries to make an about face.  Joey 
          sees her and rushes over to block her, standing in the 
          doorway.
          
                                 JOEY
                    Lookin' fresh tonight, Pussy-Kat
          
          Kat gives him a death look and then stops and points at his 
          forehead.
          
                                 KAT
                    Wait -- was that?-- Did your hairline 
                    just recede?
          
          He panics, whipping out a handy pocket mirror   She's 
          already walking away.
          
                                 JOEY 
                    Where ya goin?
          
                                 KAT
                    Away.
          
                                 JOEY 
                    Your sister here?
          
          Kat's face shows utter hatred
          
                                 KAT 
                    Leave my sister alone.
          
                                 JOEY 
                           (smirking) 
                    And why would I do that?
          
          A RUCKUS sounds from the next room
          
                                 JOCK 
                    A fight!
          
          The other jocks rush to watch as two Coffee Kids splash 
          their cupfuls on each other.
          
                                 COFFEE KID #1
                    That was a New Guinea Peaberry, you 
                    Folger's-crystals-slurping-buttwipe.
          
          Caffeinated fists fly.  Joey slithers away from the door to 
          watch, giving Kat one last smirk, just as Bianca walks into 
          the kitchen.
          
                                 JOEY 
                    Just who I was looking for.
          
          He puts his arm around Bianca and escorts her out
          
                                 KAT 
                                 BIANCA
          
          Bianca keeps walking, ignoring Kat
          
          A GUY pouring shots hands Kat one She downs it and accepts 
          another.
          
          GUY
          Drink up, sister.
          
          Patrick walks up
          
                                 PATRICK
                    What's this?
          
                                 KAT 
                           (mocking)
                    "I'm getting trashed, man." Isn't that 
                    what you're supposed to do at a party?
          
                                 PATRICK
                    I say, do what you wanna do.
          
                                 KAT
                    Funny, you're the only one
          
          She downs another.
          
          INT. BOGEY'S LIVING ROOM - NIGHT
          
          Cameron and Michael enter.  Cameron looks, around for his 
          beloved, while Michael schmoozee with all in attendance and 
          dishes dirt simultaneously.
          
                                 MICHAEL 
                           (high-fiving a 
                           jock)
                    Moose, my man! 
                           (to Cameron)
                    Ranked fifth in the state. Recruiters 
                    have already started calling.
          
          Cameron nods intently
          
                                 MICHAEL 
                           (continuing; 
                           grabbing his belt)
                    Yo, Clem. 
                           (to Cameron)
                    A Patsy Cline fan, but hates the new 
                    Leanne Rimes. 
                           (with a Jamaican 
                           swagger)
                    Ziggy, peace, bra. 
                           (to Cameron)
                    Prefers a water pipe, but has been 
                    known to use a bong.
          
          Michael spots Bianca and Chastity, watching the skirmish, 
          and points Cameron's body in her direction.
          
                                 MICHAEL 
                           (continuing)
                    Follow the love, man
          
          ON BIANCA AND CHASTITY Bianca cranes her neck
          
                                 BIANCA
                    Where did he go?  He was just here.
          
                                 CHASTITY 
                    Who?
          
                                 BIANCA
                    Joey.
          
          Cameron walks over.
          
                                 CAMERON
                    Evening, ladies.
          
          Bianca turns and graces him with a pained smile.
          
                                 BIANCA
                    Hi.
          
                                 CAMERON
                    Looks like things worked out tonight, 
                    huh?
          
          Bianca ignores the question and tries to pawn him off
          
                                 BIANCA
                    You know Chastity?
          
                                 CAMERON
                    I believe we share an art instructor
          
                                 CHASTITY 
                    Great
          
                                 BIANCA
                    Would you mind getting me a drink, 
                    Cameron?
          
                                 CAMERON
                    Certainly
                    Pabst?  Old Milwaukee? RaiJieer?
          
          Bianca gives him a tense smile.
          
                                 BIANCA
                    Surprise me.
          
          He heads for the kitchen.  Joey walks up and grabs her 
          around the waist.
          
          She giggles as he picks her up and carries her off -- just 
          as Cameron returns, a beer -- complete with a napkin and 
          straw -- in his hand.
          
          Chastity glares with a jealous fury after Bianca and Joey, 
          then gives Cameron the once-over and walks away.
          
          Michael appears.
          
                                 MICHAEL
                    Extremely unfortunate maneuver.
          
                                 CAMERON
                    The hell is that?  What kind of 'guy 
                    just picks up a girl and carries her 
                    away while you're talking to her?
          
                                 MICHAEL
                    Buttholus extremus.  But hey, you're 
                    making progress.
          
                                 CAMERON
                    No, I ' m not.
          
          He smacks himself in the head
          
                                 CAMERON
                           (continuing)
                    She used me!  She wants to go out with 
                    Dorsey.  Not me.  I'm an idiot!
          
          Michael pats him on the shoulder.
          
                                 MICHAEL 
                    At least you're self-aware
          
          BOGEY'S KITCHEN - NIGHT
          
          Kat and a crowd of White Rastas and Cowboys stand in a 
          drunken group hug singing "I Shot the Sheriff".  Kat has 
          another shot glass in hand.
          
          Patrick is showing a scar to an inebriated, enraptured 
          cheerleader.  He looks up at Kat and smiles meets his eyes 
          then looks away.
          
          INT. BOGEY'S LIVING ROOM - NIGHT 
          
          Bianca stands next to Joey, sipping from her beer
          
                                 JOEY
                    So yeah, I've got the Sears catalog 
                    thing going -- and the tube sock gig " 
                    that's gonna be huge.  And then I'm up 
                    for an ad for Queen Harry next week.
          
                                 BIANCA
                    Queen Harry?
          
                                 JOEY
                    It's a gay cruise line, but I'll be, 
                    like, wearing a uniform and stuff.
          
          Bianca tries to appear impressed, but it's getting 
          difficult.
          
                                 BIANCA
                    Neat...
          
                                 JOEY
                    My agent says I've got a good shot at 
                    being the Prada guy next year.
          
          He looks over her shoulder and waves at someone.  Bianca 
          takes the opportunity to escape.
          
                                 BIANCA
                    I'll be right back.
          
          INT. BOGEY'S BATHROOM - NIGHT
          
          Bianca shuts the door and leans on it with a sigh.  Chastity 
          applies lip-gloss in the mirror.
          
                                 BIANCA
                    He practically proposed when he found 
                    out we had the same dermatologist. I 
                    mean. Dr. Bonchowski is great an all, 
                    but he's not exactly relevant party 
                    conversation.
          
                                 CHASTITY 
                    Is he oily or dry?
          
                                 BIANCA
                    Combination.  I don't know -- I thought 
                    he'd be different.  More of a 
                    gentleman...
          
          Chastity rolls her eyes
          
                                 CHASTITY 
                    Bianca, I don't think the highlights of 
                    dating Joey Dorsey are going to include 
                    door-opening and coat-holding.
          
                                 BIANCA
                    Sometimes I wonder if the guys we're 
                    supposed to want to go out with are the 
                    ones we actually want to go out with, 
                    you know?
          
                                 CHASTITY 
                    All I know is -- I'd give up my private 
                    line to go out with a guy like Joey.
          
          There's a KNOCK at the door.  Bianca opens it to find a very 
          drunken Kat.
          
                                 KAT
                    Bianca, I need to talk to you -- I need 
                    to tell you --
          
                                 BIANCA
                           (cutting her off)
                    I really don't think I need any social 
                    advice from you right now.
          
          Bianca grabs Chastity's arm and they exit
          
          INT. BOGEY'S KITCHEN - NIGHT - LATER 
          
          Patrick tries to remove a shot glass from Kat's hand.
          
                                 PATRICK
          
          Maybe you should let me have it.
          
          Kat is fierce in her refusal to let go
          
                                 KAT
                    I want another one
          
          Joey enters, grabbing Patrick by the shoulder, distracting 
          him from his task.
          
                                 JOEY
                    My man
          
          As Patrick turns, Kat breaks free and dives into the sea of 
          dancing people in the dining room.
          
                                 PATRICK 
                           (annoyed)
                    It's about time.
          
                                 JOEY 
                    A deal's a deal.
          
          He peels off some bills
          
                                 JOEY 
                           (continuing)
                    How'd you do it?
          
                                 PATRICK
                    Do what?
          
                                 JOEY
                    Get her to act like a human
          
          A very drunken Kat jumps up onto the kitchen island and 
          starts dancing by herself.  She lets loose, hair flying. 
          She's almost burlesque.
          
          Others form a crowd, clapping and cheering her on
          
          She swings her head around BANGING it on a copper pot 
          hanging from the rack above the center island.  She starts 
          to sway, then goes down as Patrick rushes over to catch her.
          
          The others CLAP, thinking this is a wonderful finale. 
          Patrick sets her down on her feet, holding her up
          
                                 PATRICK
                    Okay?
          
                                 KAT
                    I'm fine. I'm
          
          She tries to push him away, but staggers when she does grabs  
          her again, bracing her.
          
                                 PATRICK
                    You're not okay.
          
                                 KAT
                    I just need to lie down for awhile
          
                                 PATRICK
                    Uh, uh. You lie down and you'll go to 
                    sleep
          
                                 KAT
                    I know, just let me sleep
          
                                 PATRICK
                    What if you have a concussion? My dog 
                    went to sleep with a concussion and woke 
                    up a vegetable. Not that I could tell 
                    the difference...
          
          She tries to sit on the floor
          
                                 KAT
                    Okay, I'll just sleep but stay awake, 
                    okay?
          
          He pulls her back to her
          
                                 PATRICK
                    C'mon, let's walk
          
          INT. BOGEY'S DINING ROOM - NIGHT
          
          As Patrick walks Kat through the dining room, Cameron  grabs 
          his arm.
          
          CAMERON We need to talk.
          
                                 PATRICK
                    Cameron, I'm a little busy
          
                                 CAMERON
                    It's off. The whole thing.
          
          Kat slides down to the floor and Patrick struggles to  get h 
          back on her feet.
          
                                 PATRICK
                    What 're you talking about?
          
                                 CAMERON
                    She's partial to Joey, not me
          
          Patrick doesn't have time for this.
          
                                 PATRICK
                    Cameron -- do you like the girl?
          
                                 CAMERON
                    Sure
          
                                 PATRICK 
                           (impatient)
                    Then, go get her
          
          Patrick continues walking an oblivious Kat outside. Cameron 
          stands there, unsure how to make use of this advice
          
          EXT. BOGEY LOWENSTEIN'S HOUSE - NIGHT 
          
          Patrick marches Kat around the yard, holding her up
          
                                 KAT
                    This is so patronizing.
          
                                 PATRICK
                    Leave it to you to use big words when 
                    you're shitfaced.
          
                                 KAT
                    Why 're you doing this?
          
                                 PATRICK
                    I told you
          
                                 KAT
                    You don't care if I die
          
                                 PATRICK
                    Sure, I do
          
                                 KAT
                    Why?
          
                                 PATRICK
                    Because then I'd have to start taking 
                    out girls who like me.
          
                                 KAT
                    Like you could find one
          
                                 PATRICK
                    See that?  Who needs affection when 
                    I've got blind hatred?
          
                                 KAT
                    Just let me sit down.
          
          He walks her over to the swingset and plops her down in a 
          swing, moving her hands to hang onto the chains.
          
                                 PATRICK
                    How's that?
          
          She sits and looks at him for a moment with a smile. Then 
          FALLS over backward.
          
                                 PATRICK 
                           (continuing)
                    Jesus.  You're like a weeble
          
          Patrick rushes to right her, then starts pushing her on the 
          swing to keep her entertained.
          
                                 PATRICK 
                           (continuing)
                    Why'd you let him get to you?
          
                                 KAT
                    Who? 
          
                                 PATRICK
                    Dorsey.
          
                                 KAT
                    I hate him.
          
                                 PATRICK
                    I know.  It'd have to be a pretty big 
                    deal to get you to mainline tequila. You 
                    don't seem like the type.
          
                                 KAT
                           (holding up a 
                           drunken head)
                    Hey man. . .  You don ' t think I can 
                    be "cool"?  You don't think I can be 
                    "laid back" like everyone else?
          
                                 PATRICK 
                           (slightly 
                           sarcastic)
                    I thought you were above all that
          
                                 KAT
                    You know what they say
          
          He stops the swing
          
                                 PATRICK
                    No. What do they say?
          
          Kat is asleep, her head resting against the swing's chains.
          
                                 PATRICK 
                           (continuing)
                    Shit!
          
          He drags her to her feet and starts singing loudly.
          
                                 PATRICK 
                           (continuing)
                    Jingle Bells! Jingle Belles! Wake up 
                    damn it!
          
          He sits her down on the slide and shakes her like a rag 
          doll.
          
                                 PATRICK 
                           (continuing)
                    Kat! Wake up!  
          
                                 KAT
                           (waking)
                    What?
          
          He sighs with relief.
          
                                 PATRICK
                    I thought you were...
          
          They share some meaningful eye contact. And then she PUKES 
          on his shoes.
          
          INT. BOGEY'S BATHROOM - NIGHT
          
          Kat washes her face and grabs a bottle of Scope, taking a 
          big swig.
          
          A KNOCK sounds at the door
          
                                 KAT
                    Go away
          
          Bianca opens the door and looks at her sister with the 
          smuggest of all possible grins.
          
                                 BIANCA
                    Dinner taste better on the way out?
          
          Gives her a "don't even start" look.
          
                                 BIANCA
                           (continuing)
                    I don't get you.  You act like you're 
                    too good for any of this, and then you 
                    go totally apeshit when you get here.
          
                                 KAT
                    You're welcome.
          
          She pushes past her and leaves the bathroom.
          
          KAT'S CAR - NIGHT
          
          Kat's in the driver's seat.  Patrick leans in and takes the 
          keys out of the ignition.
          
                                 PATRICK
                    Cute
          
          BOGEY LOWENSTEIN'S HOUSE - NIGHT
          
          Kids loiter on the lawn.  Bianca and Chastity walk outside 
          Joey catches up to them.
          
                                 JOEY
                    A bunch of us are going to Jaret's 
                    house.  Wanna come?
          
          Chastity looks at Bianca, who wears a pained expression.  
          She looks at her watch.
          
                                 BIANCA
                    I have to be home in twenty minutes.
          
                                 CHASTITY 
                           (eagerly, to Joey)
                    I don't have to be home 'til two.
          
                                 JOEY 
                    Then, c'mon.
                           (to Bianca)
                    Maybe next time --
          
          They head back into the party, leaving an astonished Bianca
          
          Cameron exits the party and stops when he sees Bianca 
          standing alone.
          
                                 CAMERON
                           (slightly 
                           accusatory)
                    Have fun tonight?
          
                                 BIANCA
                    Tons
          
          He starts to walk on
          
                                 BIANCA
                           (continuing)
                    Cameron?
          
          He stops. She gives him a helpless smile.
          
                                 BIANCA
                           (continuing)
                    Do you think you could give me a ride 
                    home?
          
          INT. KAT'S CAR - NIGHT
          
          Patrick drives as Kat sits in the passenger seat, fiddling 
          with the radio dial.  She finds a SONG she's happy with and 
          Patrick quickly changes it.
          
                                 PATRICK
                    I'm driving, so I get to pick the 
                    tunes.
          
          She changes it back to her song.
          
                                 KAT
                    It's my car.
          
          He changes it back.
          
                                 PATRICK
                    And I'm in control of it.
          
                                 KAT
                    But it's Gigglepuss - I know you like 
                    them.  I saw you there.
          
          Patrick doesn't have an answer for this, so he let's her 
          listen to her song.
          
                                 KAT 
                           (continuing)
                    When you were gone last year -- where 
                    were you?
          
                                 PATRICK
                    Busy
          
                                 KAT
                    Were you in jail?
          
                                 PATRICK
                    Maybe.
          
                                 KAT
                    No, you weren't
          
                                 PATRICK
                    Then why'd you ask?
          
                                 KAT
                    Why'd you lie?
          
          He doesn't answer, but instead, frowns and turns up the 
          music.  She bobs her head drunkenly.
          
                                 KAT 
                           (continuing)
                    I should do this.
          
                                 PATRICK
                    Do what?
          
                                 KAT
                    This.
          
          She points to the radio
          
                                 PATRICK
                    Start a band?
          
                                 KAT 
                           (sarcastically)
                    My father wouldn't approve of that that
          
                                 PATRICK
                    You don't strike me as the type that 
                    would ask permission.
          
          She turns to look at him.
          
                                 KAT
                    Oh, so now you think you know me?
          
                                 PATRICK
                    I'm gettin' there
          
          Her voice loses it's venom
          
                                 KAT
                    The only thing people know about me is 
                    that I'm "scary".
          
          He turns to look at her -- she looks anything but scary 
          right now.  He tries to hide his smile.
          
                                 PATRICK
          
          Yeah -- well, I'm no picnic myself.
          
          They eye each other, sharing a moment of connection, 
          realizing they're both created the same exterior for 
          themselves.
          
          Patrick pulls into her driveway and shuts off the motor.  He 
          looks up at her house.
          
                                 PATRICK 
                           (continuing)
                    So what ' s up with your dad?  He a 
                    pain in the ass?
          
                                 KAT
                    He just wants me to be someone I'm not.
          
                                 PATRICK
                    Who?
          
                                 KAT
                                 BIANCA
          
                                 PATRICK
                    No offense, but you're sister is 
                    without.  I know everyone likes her and 
                    all, but ...
          
          Kat stares at him with new admiration.
          
                                 KAT
                    You know -- you're not as vile as I 
                    thought you were.
          
          She leans drunkenly toward him.
          
          Their faces grow closer as if they're about to kiss And then 
          Patrick turns away
          
                                 PATRICK
                    So, I'll see you in school
          
          Kat stares at him, pissed.  Then gets out of the car, 
          SLAMMING the door shut behind her.
          
          CAMERON'S CAR - NIGHT
          
          Bianca and Cameron ride in silence.
          He finally breaks it.
          
                                 CAMERON
                    I looked for you back at the party, but 
                    you always seemed to be "occupied".
          
                                 BIANCA
                           (faux-innocence )
                    I was?
          
                                 CAMERON
                    You never wanted to go out with 'me, 
                    did you?
          
          Bianca bites her lip.
          
                                 BIANCA
                           (reluctant)
                    Well, no...
          
                                 CAMERON
                    Then that's all you had to say.
          
                                 BIANCA
                    But
          
                                 CAMERON
                    You always been this selfish?
          
          BIANCA thinks a minute
          
          He pulls up in front of the house
          
                                 CAMERON
                    Just because you're beautiful, doesn't 
                    mean you can treat people like they 
                    don't matter.
          
          She looks at him for a moment -- then grabs his face and 
          gives him a kiss on the lips.  He draws back in surprise, 
          then kisses her back.  She smiles, then gets out of the car 
          without another word.
          
          Cameron grins and drives away
          
                                 CAMERON
                           (continuing)
                    And I'm back in the saddle.
          
          INT. ENGLISH CLASS - DAY
          
          Kat sits at her desk, burying her face in a book as the 
          others enter.  The White Rastas are first.
          
                                 DEREK
                    Kat, my lady, you sway to the rhythm of 
                    my heart.
          
          He grabs her hand and kisses it as she pulls it away.
          
          CLEM, a cowboy, enters, high-fiving Derek with new-found 
          friendliness.
          
                                 CLEM
                    Yippe kai-aye, bra. 
                           (to Kat)
                    Dance for me, cowgirl.
          
          He sits next to Derek
          
                                 CLEM 
                           (continuing)
                    Okay, now tell me again why he didn't 
                    shoot the deputy?
          
                                 DEREK
                    Because the deputy meant him no harm, 
                    my friend.  It was only the sheriff that 
                    was the oppressor.
          
          Joey saunters in and takes his seat.
          
                                 JOEY
                    Kat, babe, you were on fire.
          
          Mrs. Blaise enters and sits at her desk
          
                                 MRS. BLAISE
                    Well now, did everyone have a good 
                    weekend?
          
                                 JOEY 
                    Maybe we should ask Verona
          
          Patrick enters, late, and slinks to his desk.  Kat looks up, 
          down and around, everywhere but at Patrick.
          
          Mrs. Blaise tries to remember what she's supposed to talk 
          about.
          
                                 MRS. BLAISE 
                    Okay then.  Well.
                           (beat)
                    Oh, yes
          
          She clears her throat.
          
                                 MRS. BLAISE 
                           (continuing)
                    I'd like you all to write your own 
                    version of Shakespeare's Sonnet #141.
          
          Groans.
          
                                 MRS. BLAISE 
                           (continuing)
                    Any form you'd like.  Rhyme, no rhyme, 
                    whatever.  I'd like to see you elaborate 
                    on his theme, however. Let's read it 
                    aloud, shall we? Anyone?
          
          The class is frozen in apathy.
          
                                 MRS. BLAISE 
                           (continuing)
                    Derek?
          
          Ms. Blaise hands him the sonnet. He shifts uncomfortably in 
          his seat. Then grins.
          
                                 DEREK 
                           (reading; in his 
                           Rasta stoner drawl)
                    In faith, I do not love thee with mine 
                    eyes/ For they in thee a thousand errors 
                    note/ But 'tis my heart that loves what 
                    they despise/ Who in despite of view is 
                    pleas 'd to dote.
          
          In the back of the room Clem raises his hand
          
                                 CLEM
                    Ms. Blaise, can I get the bathroom 
                    pass?  Damn if Shakespeare don't act as 
                    a laxative on my person.
          
          INT. KENNY'S THAI FOOD DINER - DAY 
          Kat and Mandella scrape the peanuts out of their sauce.
          
                                 MANDELLA
                    You went to the party?  I thought we 
                    were officially opposed to suburban 
                    social activity.
          
                                 KAT
                    I didn't have a choice.
          
                                 MANDELLA
                    You didn't have a choice?  Where's Kat 
                    and what have you done with her?
          
                                 KAT
                    I did Bianca a favor and it backfired.
          
                                 MANDELLA 
                    You didn't
          
                                 KAT
                    I got drunk.  I puked.  I got rejected.  
                    It was big fun.
          
          Patrick enters, walking to the counter to order. He sees Kat 
          and smiles.
          
                                 PATRICK
                    Hey
          
          She gathers her things and bolts out the door.  Patrick 
          looks at Mandella, who shrugs and follows Kat.
          
          INT. BIOLOGY CLASS - DAY Cameron and Michael flank Patrick 
          at his lab table
          
                                 MICHAEL
                    So you got cozy with she who stings?
          
                                 PATRICK
                    No - I've got a sweet-payin' job that 
                    I'm about to lose.
          
                                 CAMERON
                    What'd you do to her?
          
                                 PATRICK
                    I don ' t know. 
                           (beat)
                    I decided not to nail her when she was 
                    too drunk to remember it.
          
          Michael and Cameron look at each other in realization, then 
          turn back to Patrick.
          
                                 CAMERON
          
          You realize this puts the whole operation in peril.
          
                                 PATRICK
          
          No shit.  She won't even look at me
          
                                 CAMERON
          
          Why can't you just tell her you're sorry?
          
          Patrick's expression says that this is not a possibility. 
          Michael makes a time out sign with his hands.
          
                                 MICHAEL
                    I'm on it
          
          INT. HALLWAY - DAY
          
          Mandella is at her locker.  Drawings of William Shakespeare 
          adorn the door.  She looks at them with a sigh, then ties 
          her silk scarf tightly around her neck, in an attempt to cut 
          off her air supply.
          
          Michael walks up.
          
                                 MICHAEL
                    Hey there.  Tired of breathing?
          
                                 MANDELLA 
                           (shyly, as she 
                           loosens the scarf)
                    Hi.
          
                                 MICHAEL 
                    Cool pictures.  You a fan?
          
                                 MANDELLA
                    Yeah.  I guess.
          
          MICHAEL rocks.  Very hip.
          
                                 MANDELLA
                    You think?
          
                                 MICHAEL 
                    Oh yeah.
          
          She looks at him suspiciously
          
                                 MANDELLA
                    Who could refrain that had a heart to 
                    love and in that heart, courage to make 
                    ' B love known?
          
          Michael thinks for a minute.
          
                                 MICHAEL 
                    Macbeth, right?
          
                                 MANDELLA 
                           (happily stunned)
                    Right.
          
                                 MICHAEL 
                    Kat a fan, too?
          
                                 MANDELLA 
                           (puzzled)
                    Yeah...
          
          He leans in close to her, conspiratorially
          
                                 MICHAEL
                    So, listen... I have this friend
          
          EXT. FIELD HOCKEY FIELD - DAY
          
          Cameron sits next to Patrick on the bleachers as they watch 
          Kat's practice.
          
                                 CAMERON
                    She hates you with the fire of a 
                    thousand suns .  That's a direct quote
          
                                 PATRICK
                    She just needs time to cool off I'll 
                    give it a day.
          
          A PUCK flies at them from the field, narrowly missing their 
          heads.
          
                                 PATRICK 
                           (continuing)
                    Maybe two.
          
          He looks at Cameron.
          
                                 PATRICK 
                           (continuing)
                    You makin' any headway?
          
                                 CAMERON
                    She kissed me.
          
                                 PATRICK 
                           (eyebrow raised)
                    Where?
          
          INT. HALLWAY - DAY
          
          Chastity rounds the corner and bends down to get a drink 
          from the water fountain.
          
          NEARBY
          
          Joey stands talking to two JOCK COHORTS.  The guys don't see 
          her.
          
                                 JOEY
                    Don't talk to me about the sweetest 
                    date.  That little halo Bianca is gonna 
                    be prone and proven on prom night.  Six 
                    virgins in a row.
          
          The cohorts chortle Chastity keeps drinking from the 
          fountain
          
          EXT. PARKING LOT - DAY 
          
          Joey leans against Patrick's Jeep.  Patrick is inside.
          
                                 PATRICK
                    I don't know, Dorsey. ..the limo.-the 
                    flowers.  Another hundred for the tux --
          
                                 JOEY
                    Enough with the Barbie n' Ken shit. I 
                    know.
          
          He pulls out his wallet and hands Patrick a wad of money
          
                                 JOEY 
                           (continuing)
                    Take it
          
          Patrick does, with a smile, as he ROARS out of the parking 
          lot.
          
          INT. SCHOOL COURTYARD - DAY 
          
          Kat and Mandella deface a prom flyer.
          
                                 KAT
                    Can you even imagine?  Who the hell 
                    would go to this a bastion of commercial 
                    excess?
          
                                 MANDELLA
                    Well, I guess we're not, since we don't 
                    have dates .
          
                                 KAT
                    Listen to you!  You sound like Betty, 
                    all pissed off because Archie is taking 
                    Veronica.
          
                                 MANDELLA 
                    Okay, okay, we won't go.  It's not like 
                    I have a dress anyway
          
                                 KAT
                    You ' re looking at this from the wrong 
                    perspective.  We're making a statement.
          
                                 MANDELLA 
                           (unconvinced)
                    Oh, good.  Something new and different 
                    for us.
          
          EXT. ARCHERY FIELD - DAY 
          
          Mr. Chapin patrols as boys and girls shoot arrows at targets
          
          Joey swaggers up to Bianca, who is taking careful aim. 
          Chastity watches from across the row.
          
                                 JOEY 
                    Hey, sweet cheeks.
          
                                 BIANCA
                           (not looking at 
                           him)
                    Hi, Joey.
          
                                 JOEY
                    You're concentrating awfully hard 
                    considering it's gym class.
          
          She lets the arrow go and turns to look at him.
          
                                 JOEY 
                           (continuing)
                    Listen, I want to talk to you about the 
                    prom.
          
                                 BIANCA
                    You know the deal.  I can ' t go if Kat 
                    doesn't go --
          
          In the background, a RASTA crumples to the ground.  Hit
          A casualty of Gym.  Mr. Chapin scurries over.
          
                                 JOEY
                    Your sister is going.
          
          Bianca looks at him, surprised
          
                                 BIANCA
                    Since when?
          
          Joey takes the bow and arrow from Bianca's hand.  He draws 
          back and takes aim.
          
                                 JOEY 
                    I'm taking care of it.
          
          Chastity looks over from her spot on the field, but keeps 
          lips firmly shut.
          
          INT. BOOK STORE - DAY
          
          Kat browses through the feminist lit section
          Patrick appears, through a hole in the books.
          
                                 PATRICK
                    Excuse me, have you seen The Feminine 
                    Mystique?  I lost my copy.
          
                                 KAT 
                           (frowning)
                    What are you doing here?
          
                                 PATRICK
                    I heard there was a poetry reading.
          
                                 KAT
                    You 're so --
          
                                 PATRICK
                    Pleasant?
          
          Kat stares at him, deadpan.
          
                                 PATRICK 
                           (continuing)
                    Wholesome.
          
                                 KAT
                    Unwelcome.
          
                                 PATRICK
                    Unwelcome?  I guess someone still has 
                    her panties in a twist.
          
                                 KAT
                    Don't for one minute think that you had 
                    any effect whatsoever on my panties.
          
                                 PATRICK
                    So what did I have an effect on ?
          
                                 KAT
                    Other than my upchuck reflex? Nothing.
          
          She pushes past him and heads out the' door
          Pat looks down at the book he's been holding in his hand:  
          Taming of the Shrew.
          
          INT. CAFETERIA - DAY
          
          Cameron  and Michael flank Patrick as he shovels food into 
          mouth.
          
                                 PATRICK
                    You were right. She's still pissed.
          
                                 MICHAEL
                    Sweet love, renew thy force!
          
                                 PATRICK
                    Man -- don't say shit like that to  me. 
                    People can hear you.
          
                                 CAMERON
                           (exasperated)
                    You humiliated the woman! Sacrifice  
                    yourself on the altar of dignity and  
                    even the score.
          
                                 MICHAEL
                    Best case scenario, you're back on the 
                    payroll for awhile.
          
                                 PATRICK
                    What's the worst?
          
                                 CAMERON
                    You get the girl.
          
          Patrick  thinks for a minute
          
                                 PATRICK
                    If I go down. I'm takin' her with me
          
          INT. ENGLISH CLASS - DAY
          
          Kat and the other students sit at their desks, taking a quiz 
          Patrick's seat is conspicuously empty.
          
          From outside, we hear the soft, unsure beginnings of a SONG. 
          Kat looks up, then out the window, HORRIFIED.
          
          The song grows louder until we realize it's The Partridge 
          Family's "I Think I Love You".  Being sung by Patrick.
          
                                 PATRICK 
                           (0. S.)
                    "This morning, I woke up with this 
                    feeling, I didn't know how to deal with, 
                    and so I just decided to myself--"
          
          The STUDENTS rush to the window. OUTSIDE Patrick stands 
          beneath the window, crooning.
          
          Scurvy is next to him, keeping the beat on the bongos and 
          doing backup vocal s.
          
                                 PATRICK
                    "I'd hide it to myself.  And never talk 
                    about it.  And didn't I go and shout it 
                    when you walked into the room --"
          
          He makes quite a sarcastic show of it.
          
          IN THE CLASSROOM
          
          Mrs. Blaise touches her heart, as if the song is for her. 
          Kat slowly walks to the window, peeking below.
          
          OUTSIDE
          
          Patrick smiles at her as he finishes the verse with a big 
          finale.
          
                                 PATRICK 
                           (continuing)
                    " I think I love you I "
          
          INSIDE
          
          The other students laugh, clap, cheer, etc. Kat sinks down, 
          mortified, but with a slight smile
          
          INT. DETENTION HALL - DAY
          
          Patrick and several other miscreants sit quietly, mulling 
          over their misfortune.
          
                                 MISCREANT 
                    Nice song, Verona.
          
                                 PATRICK
                    Flog me.
          
          He makes the appropriate hand gesture
          
          Mr. Chapin, the gym teacher, sits at the desk in front, 
          ignoring them while he reads a girly weightlifting magazine
          
                                 KAT (0. S.)
                    Excuse me, Mr. Chapin?
          
          Patrick looks up at the sound of her voice and sees Kat 
          standing in the doorway.  She gives him a smile and he perks 
          up a little.
          
          Kat walks into the room and addresses Mr. Chapin again. He 
          turns fully to face her.
          
                                 KAT
                    Sir, I'd like to state for the record 
                    that Mr. Verona ' s current 
                    incarceration is unnecessary.  I never 
                    filed a complaint.
          
                                 MR. CHAPIN 
                    You didn't have to.  He disrupted a 
                    classroom.
          
          Kat glances over at Patrick and motions her head toward the 
          window.
          
          Patrick shrugs, not knowing what she ' s talking about.
          
          She motions again, and looks toward the window with an 
          expression that says, "Make a break for it, moron."
          
          Kat brings her attention back to Mr. Chapin while Patrick 
          inches out of his seat toward the window.
          
          The other miscreants watch with glee.
          
                                 KAT
                    But, Mr. Chapin, I hardly think a 
                    simple serenade warrants a week of 
                    detention.  There are far more hideous 
                    acts than off-key singing being 
                    performed by the student body on a 
                    regular basis.
          
          Patrick is halfway out the window now.  And none too happy 
          about it, considering they're on the second floor.
          
          He eyes a large TREE a few feet away from MR. CHAPIN.  He 
          starts to turn away from Kat
          
                                 MR. CHAPIN 
                    You're not gonna change my mind, Kat. 
                    Rules stick.
          
          Kat starts to panic, as Patrick has yet to make the jump for 
          the tree.
          
                                 KAT
                    Wait, Mr. Chapin.  There's something 
                    I've always wanted to show you.
          
          He turns back toward her again, the very second before he 
          would have spotted Patrick.
          
          Kat glances toward the window.  Patrick's just about to make 
          the jump.
          
                                 MR. CHAPIN 
                    What?
          
                                 KAT
                    These.
          
          From behind, we see her lift up her shirt and flash her bra 
          at Mr. Chapin, just as Patrick makes the Jump.
          
          The miscreants cheer, for both the daring' escape and the 
          flash of skin.
          
          Mr. Chapin reddens and tries to be stern.
          
                                 MR. CHAPIN 
                    I'm going to let that slide, Katarina.  
                    But if I catch you doing that again, 
                    you'll be in here with the rest of these 
                    guys.
          
          He motions to the remaining detention prisoners, without 
          noticing Patrick's absence.
          
          Kat smiles at him.
          
                                 KAT
                    Thank you, Mr. Chapin.
          
          Kat bolts out the door.  Mr. Chapin goes back to his muscle 
          mag, wiping the sweat from his brow.
          
          EXT. SCHOOL CAMPUS LAWN
          
          Kat arrives at the tree. looking around breathlessly, seeing 
          no one.
          
                                 KAT
                    He left!  I sprung the dickhead and he 
                    cruised on me.
          
                                 PATRICK 
                           (0. S.)
                    Look up, sunshine
          
          She does.  He's still in the tree
          
                                 PATRICK
                    I guess I never told you I'm afraid of 
                    heights.
          
                                 KAT
                           (smiling)
                    C'mon.  It's not that bad
          
                                 PATRICK
                    Try lookin' at it from this angle
          
          She assesses the branch structure
          
                                 KAT
                    Put your right foot there --
          
                                 PATRICK
                    Forget it.  I'm stayin'.
          
                                 KAT
                    You want me to climb up and show you 
                    how to get down?
          
                                 PATRICK
                           (voice trembling)
                    Maybe.
          
          She sighs and dose so.  When she gets to his level, she 
          perches on the branch next to him.  He grins at her.
          
          Then swings himself down with the grace and ease of a 
          monkey, leaving her sitting there, realizing she's been 
          duped.
          
                                 KAT
                    You shit!
          
          She climbs down after him
          
          EXT. OUTDOOR ARCADE - DAY 
          
          Patrick and Kat walk amongst the games
          
                                 KAT
                    The Partridge Family?
          
                                 PATRICK
                    I figured it had to be something 
                    ridiculous to win your respect.  And 
                    piss you off.
          
                                 KAT
                    Good call.
          
                                 PATRICK
                    So how'd you get Chapin to look the 
                    other way?
          
                                 KAT
                    I dazzled him with my wit
          
          She stops and picks up a toy gun that SHOOTS water at 
          giggling hyenas and wails on it.  The barker hands her a 
          stuffed animal as her prize.  She hands it to the small KID 
          next to her and they continue walking.
          
                                 PATRICK 
                           (sarcastic)
                    A soft side? Who knew?
          
                                 KAT
                    Yeah, well, don't let it get out
          
                                 PATRICK
                    So what's your excuse?
          
                                 KAT
                    Acting the way we do.
          
                                 PATRICK
                    Yes
          
                                 KAT
                    I don't like to do what people expect.  
                    Then they expect it all the time and 
                    they get disappointed when you change.
          
                                 PATRICK
                    So if you disappoint them from the 
                    start, you're covered?
          
                                 KAT
                    Something like that
          
                                 PATRICK
                    Then you screwed up
          
                                 KAT
                    How?
          
                                 PATRICK
                    You never disappointed me.
          
          She blushes under his gaze
          
                                 PATRICK 
                           (continuing)
                    You up for it?
          
                                 KAT
                    For. . . ?
          
          He motions to the SIGN for a paint-ball game. She grins 
          SERIES OF SHOTS:
          
          The two of them creep through the paint-ball course, 
          stealthy and full of the desire to best the other.
          
          Patrick nails Kat in the back with a big glob of red paint 
          Kat gets him in the chest with a glob of blue.
          
          Patrick returns fire with a big yellow splat to the side of 
          her face.
          
          Kat squirts a green shot to his forehead After a few more 
          shots, they're both covered in paint
          
          She tries to shoot him again, only to find that her gun is 
          empty.
          
                                 KAT 
                           (continuing)
                    Damn it!
          
          Patrick grabs her in a victorious tackle.  They land, 
          laughing.
          
          It's hard to even recognize them, as their hair and faces 
          are so smeared with paint globs, but they still manage to 
          find each other's eyes.
          
          He wipes a smear of blue paint away from her lips,  as he 
          goes to kiss her.
          
          NEARBY The kid with the stuffed animal, points
          
                                 KID 
                    Look, Mom
          
          His mother hurries him away. What's started as a tackle has 
          turned into a passionate kiss
          
          EXT. STRATFORD HOUSE - NIGHT
          
          Patrick pulls up in Kat's driveway.  Their paint wardrobe 
          has dried by now and they look like refugees from some 
          strange, yet colorful, war.
          
                                 KAT
                    State trooper?
          
                                 PATRICK
                    Fallacy.
          
                                 KAT
                    The duck?
          
                                 PATRICK
                    Hearsay.
          
                                 KAT
                    I know the porn career's a lie.
          
          He shuts off the car and turns to her.
          
                                 PATRICK
                    Do you?
          
          He kisses her neck.  It tickles.  She laughs.
          
                                 KAT
                    Tell me something true.
          
                                 PATRICK
                    I hate peas.
          
                                 KAT
                    No -- something real.  Something no one 
                    else knows.
          
                                 PATRICK 
                           (in-between kisses)
                    You're sweet.  And sexy.  And 
                    completely hot for me.
          
                                 KAT
                    What?
          
                                 PATRICK
                    No one else knows
          
                                 KAT
                    You're amazingly self-assured. Has 
                    anyone ever told you that?
          
                                 PATRICK
                    Go to the prom with me
          
          Kat's smile disappears.
          
                                 KAT
                    Is that a request or a command?
          
                                 PATRICK
                    You know what I mean
          
                                 KAT
                    No.
          
                                 PATRICK
                    No what?
          
                                 KAT
                    No, I won't go with you
          
                                 PATRICK
                    Why not?
          
                                 KAT
                    Because I don't want to. It's a stupid 
                    tradition.
          
          Patrick sits quietly, torn. He can't very well tell her he 
          being paid to take her.
          
                                 PATRICK
                    People won't expect you to go...
          
          Kat turns to him, getting angry.
          
                                 KAT
                    Why are you doing this?
          
                                 KAT
                    All of it -- what's in it for you?
          
          He sits silently, not looking at her, confirming her 
          suspicions.
          
                                 KAT 
                           (continuing)
                    Create a little drama?  Start a new 
                    rumor?  What?
          
                                 PATRICK
                    So I have to have a motive to be with 
                    you?
          
                                 KAT
                    You tell me.
          
                                 PATRICK
                    You need therapy.  Has anyone ever told 
                    you that?
          
                                 KAT 
                           (quietly)
                    Answer the question, Patrick
          
                                 PATRICK 
                           (angry)
                    Nothing!  There's nothing in it for me.  
                    Just the pleasure of your company.
          
          He takes out a cigarette.  She breaks it in half before she 
          SLAMS the car door and walks into the house.
          
          Patrick PEELS out of the driveway. Kat turns at the front 
          door and watches him go
          
          EXT. STREET - NIGHT 
          
          Patrick pulls up to a stop light and waits for .the green
          
          He glances over at A DRUNKEN HOMELESS GUY in the median, who 
          has decided that he doesn't need to wear pants.
          
          Patrick pulls out his wallet, takes the wad of money Joey 
          gave him and hands it to the homeless guy.
          
                                 PATRICK
                    cover that up
          
          The light turns green and Patrick pulls away
          
          INT. STRATFORD HOUSE/BATHROOM - NIGHT
          
          Kat stands at the sink, scrubbing paint off of her face 
          Bianca TAPS on the open door.
          
                                 BIANCA
                    Quick question -- are you going to the 
                    prom?
          
          Kat pushes the door shut with a SLAM
          
          INT. STUDY HALL - DAY
          
          Cameron and Bianca sit together at their study cubby.  She 
          fingers a strand of her hair.
          
                                 BIANCA
                    Then Guillermo says, "If you go any 
                    lighter, you're gonna look like an extra 
                    on 90210."
          
                                 CAMERON
                    No...
          
          Bianca stares at him for a moment.
          
                                 BIANCA
                    do you listen to this crap?
          
                                 CAMERON
                    What crap?
          
                                 BIANCA
                    Me.  This endless ...blonde babble. I'm 
                    like, boring myself.
          
                                 CAMERON
                    Thank God!  If I had to hear one more 
                    story about your coiffure...
          
          He mock stabs himself with a pencil as she giggles and 
          smacks his hand away.
          
                                 CAMERON
                           (continuing)
                    I figured you'd get to the good stuff 
                    eventually.
          
                                 BIANCA
                    What good stuff?
          
                                 CAMERON
                    The "real you".
          
                                 BIANCA
                    Like my fear of wearing pastels?
          
          He looks stricken.
          
                                 BIANCA
                           (continuing)
                    I'm kidding. 
                           (beat)
                    You know how sometimes you just become 
                    this "persona"?  And you don't know how 
                    to quit?
          
                                 CAMERON
                           (matter of fact)
                    No
          
                                 BIANCA
                    Okay -- you're gonna need to learn how 
                    to lie.
          
          INT. HALLWAY - DAY
          
          Mandella struggles with the lock on her locker.  Finally, it 
          opens.
          
          Hanging inside is a beautiful DRESS, inspired by the 16th 
          Century.  Mandella slowly unpins a NOTE from the dress.
          
          INSERT - "0 FAIR ONE.  JOIN ME AT THE PROM.  I WILL BE 
          WAITING.  LOVE, WILLIAM S."
          
          Mandella's agog.  Trevor walks by and sees her holding the 
          dress.
          
                                 TREVOR
                    You're gonna look splendiferous in 
                    that, Mandella.
          
          Mandella looks up sharply, shaken from her reverie.
          
                                 TREVOR 
                           (continuing)
                    that's cool to say.
          
          Mandella grins It is
          
                                 MANDELLA
          
          INT. STRATFORD HOUSE/DEN - DAY
          
          Sharon is at her computer, Walter at his exercise bike
          
                                 SHARON
                    Would you rather be ravished by a 
                    pirate or a British rear admiral?
          
                                 WALTER
                    Pirate -- no question.
          
          Bianca enters and walks over to Walter
          
                                 BIANCA
                    Daddy, I want to discuss the prom with 
                    you. It's tomorrow night --
          
                                 WALTER
                    The prom?  Kat has a date?
          
                                 BIANCA
                    No, but
          
                                 WALTER
                    It's that hot rod Joey, right? That ' s 
                    who you want me to bend my rules for?
          
                                 BIANCA
                    He's not a "hot rod".  Whatever that 
                    is.
          
                                 WALTER
                    You're not going unless your sister 
                    goes.  End of story.
          
                                 BIANCA
                    Fine.  I see that I'm a prisoner in my 
                    own house.  I'm not a daughter. I'm a 
                    possession!
          
          Bianca storms out.
          
                                 WALTER
                           (calling out)
                    You know what happens at proms?
          
          Sharon stops her typing and looks up at Walter
          
                                 SHARON
                    They'll dance, they'll kiss, they'll 
                    come home.  Let her go.
          
                                 WALTER
                    Kissing?  Is that what you think 
                    happens?  Kissing isn't what keeps me up 
                    to my elbows in placenta all day.
          
          INT. BIANCA'S ROOM - NIGHT 
          
          Bianca lies on her bed.  MTV blares.  A KNOCK sounds.
          
          BIANCA
          Come in.
          
          Kat enters and sits down on the bed, muting the TV.
          
                                 KAT 
                           (kindly)
                    Listen, I know you hate having to sit 
                    home because I'm not Susie High School.
          
                                 BIANCA
                    Like you care.
          
                                 KAT
                    I do care. But I'm a firm believer in 
                    doing something for your own reasons, 
                    not someone else ' s .
          
                                 BIANCA
                    I wish I had that luxury. I'm the only 
                    sophomore that got asked to the prom and 
                    I can't go, because you won ' t.
          
          Kat clears her throat
          
                                 KAT
                    Joey never told you we went out, did 
                    he?
          
                                 BIANCA
                    What?
          
                                 KAT
                    In 9th.  For a month
          
                                 BIANCA
                           (confused)
                    Why?
          
                                 KAT 
                           (self-mocking)
                    He was, like, a total babe
          
                                 BIANCA
                    But you hate Joey
          
                                 KAT
                    Now I do.  Back then, was a different 
                    story.
          
                                 BIANCA
                    As in...
          
          Kat takes a deep breath.
          
                                 KAT
                    He said everyone was doing it.  So I 
                    did it.
          
                                 BIANCA
                    You did what?
          
                                 KAT 
                           (continuing on)
                    Just once.  Afterwards, I told him I 
                    didn't want to anymore.  I wasn't ready.  
                    He got pissed.  Then he broke up with 
                    me.
          
          Bianca stares at her, dumbfounded
          
                                 BIANCA
                    But
          
                                 KAT
                    After that, I swore I'd never do 
                    anything just because "everyone else" 
                    was doing it.  And I haven't since. 
                    Except for Bogey's party, and my 
                    stunning gastro-intestinal display --
          
                                 BIANCA
                           (stunned)
                    Why didn't you tell me?
          
                                 KAT
                    I wanted to let you make up your own 
                    mind about him.
          
                                 BIANCA
                    No. you didn't!  If you really thought 
                    I could make my own decisions, you 
                    would've let me go out with him instead 
                    of helping Daddy hold me hostage.
          
          Kat stands up slowly
          
                                 KAT
                    That's not
          
                                 BIANCA
                    I'm not stupid enough to repeat your 
                    mistakes.
          
                                 KAT
                    I guess I thought I was protecting you.
          
                                 BIANCA
                    God, you're just like him! Just keep me 
                    locked away in the dark, so I can't 
                    experience anything for myself
          
                                 KAT
                    Not all experiences are good, Bianca. 
                    You can't always trust the people you 
                    want to.
          
                                 BIANCA
                    I guess I'll never know, will I?
          
          She rises and holds the door open for Kat, then slams it 
          behind her.
          
          EXT. STRATFORD HOUSE - DAY 
          
          A sprinkler cruises the lawn.
          
          INT. KAT'S ROOM - DAY
          
          Kat lies in bed, staring at the ceiling.  She rolls over and 
          picks up the phone.
          
          BIANCA'S ROOM - DAY
          
          Bianca, still in her pajamas, eats a bowl of cereal while 
          watching "I Love Lucy" reruns.
          
          A KNOCK sounds
          
                                 BIANCA
                    Come in.
          
          Kat opens the door and peers in with a grin
          
                                 KAT
                    Feel like shopping?
          
          Bianca looks up, hopefully.
          
          LIVING ROOM - NIGHT
          
          Walter and Sharon are in front of the television.  Walter 
          has the TV Guide in hand, glasses on.
          
                                 WALTER
                    What do you wanna watch?  We've got 
                    crap, crap, crap or crap
          
                                 SHARON 
                    Dr. Ruth?
          
          Bianca walks into the living room.  She's wearing a prom 
          dress.
          
                                 BIANCA
                    Hi, Mommy.
                           (looking away)
                                 WALTER
          
          Walter scurries takes off his glasses and looks from Bianca 
          to Sharon.
          
                                 SHARON 
                    Honey, you look beautiful!
          
                                 BIANCA
                    You like?  My date should be here in 
                    five.
          
                                 WALTER
                    I'm missing something.
          
                                 BIANCA
                    I have a date, Daddy.  And he ' s not a 
                    captain of oppression like some men we 
                    know.
          
          The DOORBELL RINGS.  Bianca runs to open it.  There stands 
          CAMERON.  He takes in Bianca's outfit.
          
                                 CAMERON
                    Wow
          
                                 BIANCA
                    Let's go.
          
          Walter rises.  Sharon pulls him back down on the couch
          
                                 SHARON 
                           (to Bianca)
                    Have a great time, honey!
          
                                 WALTER
                    But -- who -- what --?
          
          The door SLAMS.  As Sharon looks at Walter with a grin, a 
          blur rushes down the stairs and out the door.  The blur has 
          Kat ' s voice.
          
                                 KAT
                    Hey, guys. I'm going to the prom. See 
                    you in a few.
          
          The door SLAMS again.  Walter and Sharon 'are alone
          
                                 WALTER
                    What just happened?
          
                                 SHARON
                    Your daughters went to the prom.
          
                                 WALTER
                    Did I have anything to say about it?
          
                                 SHARON 
                    Absolutely not.
          
                                 WALTER
                    That ' s what I thought
          
          The DOORBELL RINGS again. Walter opens it to find Joey on 
          the porch, wearing a tux.
          
                                 JOEY 
                    I'm here to pick up Bianca.
          
                                 WALTER
                    late
          
          He SLAMS the door shut
          
          EXT  HOTEL PARKING LOT - NIGHT
          
          Kat pulls up in her car, emerging resplendent in an ice 
          gown.
          
          Patrick sits on the steps, waiting.  In a tux.
          
                                 KAT
                    How'd you get a tux at the last minute?
          
                                 PATRICK
                    It's Scurvy's.  His date got convicted.  
                    Where'd you get the dress?
          
                                 KAT
                    It's just something I had.  You know
          
                                 PATRICK 
                           (smiling)
                    Oh huh
          
                                 KAT
                    Look, I'm  -- sorry -- that I 
                    questioned your motives.  I was wrong.
          
          Patrick winces slightly, but covers it with a smile
          
                                 PATRICK
                    No prob.
          
          He remains seated.  Kat fidgets nervously.
          
                                 KAT
                    are you ready?
          
          He rises and stares at her, taking in her image 
          appreciatively.  She blushes and turns away.
          
                                 KAT 
                           (continuing)
                    C'mon.  Let's get this over with.
          
          INT.  PROM - NIGHT
          
          A hotel ballroom transformed into a fantasy world.  Patrick 
          and Kat enter, Kat attempting to deny the romance of it.
          
                                 KAT
                    Quite the ostentatious display
          
          A cowboy two-steps by them, dragging some poor girl around
          
                                 PATRICK
                    Look, Clem even wore his good boots
          
          Kat steps forward, looking around and spots Cameron and 
          Bianca dancing cheek to cheek.  She smiles.
          
          ACROSS THE ROOM
          
          Mandella enters nervously, in the long Elizabethan gown, 
          hair piled on top of her head.  She spots Kat and hurries 
          over.
          
                                 MANDELLA
                    Have you seen him?
          
                                 KAT
                    Who?
          
                                 MANDELLA
                    William - he asked me to meet him here.
          
                                 KAT
                    Oh, honey -- tell me we haven't' 
                    progressed to full-on hallucinations.
          
          Patrick looks toward the door and taps Kat.  She turns and 
          points Mandella the same way.
          
          Michael - in full Shakespearean dress with a new goatee on 
          his chin - bows in their direction. Mandella's grin couldn't 
          be bigger.
          
          Michael swashbuckles over to them, taking Mandella's hand 
          and leading her onto the dance floor.
          
                                 MICHAEL 
                    Mi' lady.
          
                           (to Patrick)
                    Good sir.
          
          Patrick rolls his eyes.
          
          INT.  PROM - NIGHT - LATER
          
          Kat and Patrick dance to a slow SONG.  Whatever he's 
          whispering into her ear is making her laugh.
          
          Cam and Bianca dance nearby, glowing with happiness. She 
          whispers something in his ear and heads for the ladies' room
          
          INT. LADIES ROOM - NIGHT
          
          Bianca walks in, positively radiant. Chastity emerges from a 
          stall.
          
                                 BIANCA
                           (surprised)
                    What are you doing here?
          
          Chastity checks her hair in the mirror,  aloof.
          
                                 CHASTITY 
                    You think you ' re the only sophomore 
                    at the prom?
          
                                 BIANCA
                    I did.
          
          Chastity maintains her snooty tone.
          
                                 CHASTITY 
                    And just so you know, my date isn't 
                    planning on spending most of the night 
                    in his backseat.
          
          BIANCA What're you talking about?
          
                                 CHASTITY 
                    Joey Dorsey is only after one thing - - 
                    your cherry. He practically made a 
                    public announcement.
          
          Appalled, Bianca storms out. Chastity  tries to backpedal.
          
                                 CHASTITY 
                           (continuing)
                    I wanted to tell you
          
          INT.  PROM - NIGHT
          
          Joey, drunk, disorderly and pissed off, walks in with a few 
          stray jocks - also dateless.  He zeroes in on Cameron, now 
          consoling a pissed-off Bianca.
          
          Patrick and Kat continue to slow dance, oblivious to the 
          evil about to erupt.
          
                                 PATRICK
                    My grandmother's .
          
                                 KAT
                    What?
          
                                 PATRICK
                    That's where I was last year.  She'd 
                    never lived alone -- my grandfather died 
                    -- I stayed with her.  I wasn't in jail, 
                    I don't know Marilyn Manson, and I've 
                    never slept with a Spice Girl.  I spent 
                    a year sitting next to my grandma on the 
                    couch watching Wheel of Fortune.  End of 
                    story.
          
          He takes a breath and looks away, not meeting her eyes. Kat 
          stares at him for a moment and laughs a delighted laugh
          
                                 KAT
                    That ' s completely adorable!
          
                                 PATRICK
                    It gets worse -- you still have your 
                    freshman yearbook?
          
          He's interrupted by Joey's hand on his shoulder.
          
                                 JOEY
                    What's Bianca doing here with that 
                    cheese dick?  I didn't pay you to let 
                    some little punk ass snake me.
          
          ACROSS THE ROOM
          
          Michael spots the altercation and dances Mandella over to 
          Cameron and Bianca.
          
                                 MICHAEL 
                           (to Cameron)
                    Feces hitting fan.  C'mon
          
          Michael takes Cameron aside, leaving Mandella and Bianca 
          staring after them.
          
          ACROSS THE ROOM
          
          Michael and Cameron approach Joey as he continues to taunt 
          Patrick who keeps quiet, realizing the weight of this 
          situation.
          
                                 MICHAEL 
                           (continuing)
                    Joey, pal, compadre.  Let's take it 
                    easy.
          
          Joey turns toward Michael and Cameron.
          
          JOEY You two are in big trouble
          
          Cameron faces Joey.
          
                                 CAMERON
                    Admit it.  You lost.  Be a man.
          
          Joey PUNCHES Cameron in the face, taking him by surprise 
          Cameron holds his nose as it bleeds onto his tux
          
          The various cliques descend angrily and Joey is soon 
          surrounded by seething Cowboys, Coffee Kids and White 
          Rastas.
          
                                 DEREK 
                    Very uncool, my brother
          
                                 JOEY
                    I'm not your brother, white boy.
          
          The other Rastas GASP, as if stung by the realization that 
          they're white.
          
          Joey turns back to Patrick and Kat.
          
                                 JOEY 
                           (continuing)
                    Just so you know -- she'll only spread 
                    her legs once.
          
          Kat looks from Joey to Patrick, not sure what she's hearing. 
          Joey pushes through the crowd but a HAND drags him back. 
          It's Bianca.  And she BELTS the hell out of him
          
                                 BIANCA
                    That's for making my date bleed
          
          She BELTS him again
          
                                 BIANCA
                           (continuing)
                    That's for my sister.
          
          And AGAIN
          
                                 BIANCA
                           (continuing)
                    And that's for me.
          
          Cliques now descend on Joey, punching him wildly.
          
                                 COWBOY
                    And that's for the fourth grade, 
                    asshole.
          
          HOTEL - NIGHT 
          
          KAT runs down the stairs, Patrick chasing her
          
                                 PATRICK
                    Wait I...
          
                                 KAT
                    You were paid to take me out!  By -- 
                    the one person I truly hate.  I knew it 
                    was a set-up!
          
                                 PATRICK
                    It wasn't like that.
          
                                 KAT
                    Really?  What was it like?  A down 
                    payment now, then a bonus for sleeping 
                    with me?
          
                                 PATRICK
                    I didn't care about the money.
          
          He catches up to her now
          
                                 PATRICK 
                           (continuing)
                    I cared about --
          
          She turns to face him with a countenance more in sorrow than 
          in anger.
          
                                 KAT
                    You are so not what I thought you were.
          
          He grabs her and kisses her to shut her up.  After a second, 
          she jerks away and flees down the stairs and out of sight.
          
          Bianca stands at the top of the stairs, watching.  She's 
          never looked more guilty.
          
          INT. STRATFORD HOUSE - DAY
          
          Kat is sprawled on the couch in sweats, wrapped in a 
          blanket, watching "Sixteen Candles".  When Molly Ringwald 
          leans across the birthday cake to get a kiss from her dream 
          date, Kat changes the channel disgustedly, settling for an 
          infomercial
          
          The phone sits next to her.  Not ringing.  Bianca breezes 
          in, bearing a cup of tea.
          
                                 BIANCA
                    Are you sure you don't want to come 
                    with us?  It'll be fun.
          
          Kat takes the tea and gives a weak smile.
          
                                 KAT
                    I ' m sure .
          
          Bianca sits down next to her
          
                                 BIANCA
                    You looked beautiful last night, you 
                    know.
          
                                 KAT
                    So did you
          
          Bianca gives her a squeeze, then jumps up when the DOORBELL 
          rings, opening the door to a waiting Cameron.  He peeks his 
          head inside.
          
                                 CAMERON
                    She okay?
          
                                 BIANCA
                    I hope so.
          
          The door shuts behind her as Walter enters.
          
                                 WALTER
                    Was that your sister?
          
                                 KAT
                    Yeah.  She left with some bikers Big 
                    ones.  Full of sperm.
          
                                 WALTER
                    Funny.
          
          Walter sits down on the arm of the chair and watches the 
          infomercial with Kat.
          
                                 WALTER
                           (continuing)
                    I don't understand the allure of 
                    dehydrated food.  Is this something I 
                    should be hip to?
          
                                 KAT
                    No, Daddy.
          
                                 WALTER
                           (dreading the 
                           answer)
                    So tell me about this dance. Was it 
                    fun?
          
                                 KAT
                    Parts of it.
          
                                 WALTER
                    Which parts?
          
                                 KAT
                    The part where Bianca beat the hell out 
                    of some guy.
          
                                 WALTER
                    Bianca did what?
          
                                 KAT
                    What's the matter?  Upset that I rubbed 
                    off on her?
          
                                 WALTER
                    No -- impressed.
          
          Kat looks up in surprise.
          
                                 WALTER
                           (continuing)
                    You know, fathers don't like to admit 
                    that their daughters are capable of 
                    running their own lives.  It means we've 
                    become spectators.  Bianca still lets me 
                    play a few innings.  You've had me on 
                    the bleachers for years.  When you go to 
                    Sarah Lawrence, I won't even be able to 
                    watch the game.
          
                                 KAT 
                           (hopeful)
                    When I go?
          
                                 WALTER
                    Oh, Christ.  Don't tell me you've 
                    changed your mind.  I already sent 'em a 
                    check.
          
          Kat reaches over and gives him a hug
          
          INT. CAFETERIA - DAY Kat stands grabs a box of cornflakes 
          from the food line.
          
                                 CAMERON (0. S.)
                    Katarina?
          
          She turns and looks at him
          
                                 CAMERON
                    I'd like to express my apologies.
          
                                 KAT
                    For what?
          
                                 CAMERON
                           (looking down)
                    I didn't mean for you to get -- When 
                    Bianca asked me to find you a boyfriend, 
                    I had no idea it would turn out so -- 
                    ugly. I would never have  done anything 
                    to compromise your - - -
          
          He trails off when he realizes she's thrown her food tray 
          against the wall and marched off -- the old "kill, kill" 
          look back in her eyes.
          
          INT. HALLWAY - DAY 
          
          Kat stomps up the hallway, full of menace
          
          CLASSROOM - DAY
          
          Bianca's English teacher perches on the edge of a desk, open 
          book in hand.
          
                                 TEACHER
                    Who can tell me at what point Lucentio 
                    admits his deception?
          
          The door of the classroom FLIES open and an angry Kat stalks 
          in, yanking Bianca from her chair and dragging her toward 
          the hallway.
          
                                 KAT 
                           (to the teacher)
                    Family emergency.
          
          HALLWAY - DAY
          
          Bianca tries to pull away as Kat drags her by the hair 
          between two rows of lockers.
          
                                 BIANCA
                    Let go!
          
                                 KAT
                    You set me up.
          
                                 BIANCA
                    I just wanted --
          
                                 KAT
                    What? To completely damage me?  To send 
                    me to therapy forever? What?
          
                                 BIANCA
                    No! I just wanted
          
          Miss Perky walks up
          
                                 MISS PERKY
                    Ladies?  Shall we take a trip to my 
                    office?
          
          INT. MISS PERKY'S OFFICE - DAY
          
          Miss Perky stares at both sisters as they sit before her, 
          then focuses on Bianca.
          
                                 MISS PERKY
                    So you're the real bitch
          
                                 BIANCA
                    Yes!  Okay?  Yes -- I'm the real bitch.  
                    I wanted her to get a boyfriend so I 
                    could.  Apparently, this makes me a 
                    horrible person.  I'm sorry.
          
          She turns to Kat.
          
                                 BIANCA
                           (continuing)
                    I swear -- I didn't know about the 
                    money.  I didn't even know Joey was 
                    involved.  I would never intentionally 
                    hurt you, Kat.
          
                                 MISS PERKY 
                           (to Kat)
                    Do you care to respond?
          
                                 KAT
                    Am I supposed to feel better? Like, 
                    right now?  Or do I have some time to 
                    think about it?
          
                                 MISS PERKY 
                    Just smack her now.
          
          Bianca rises, taking Kat by the arm.
          
                                 BIANCA
                           (to Miss Perky)
                    We'll be getting back to you.
          
                                 MISS PERKY 
                    What, no hug?
          
          HALLWAY - DAY 
          
          And Bianca leave Miss Perky's office
          
                                 BIANCA
                    Is that woman a complete fruit-loop or 
                    is it just me?
          
                                 KAT
                    It's just you.
          
          ENGLISH CLASS - DAY 
          
          Mrs. Blaise faces the class
          
                                 MRS. BLAISE
                    All right.  I'm assuming everyone found 
                    time to compose, their poems. Except for 
                    Mr. Dorsey, who's still in ICU.
          
          Nerds in the back high-five each other.
          
                                 MRS. BLAISE 
                           (continuing)
                    Would anyone care to read theirs aloud?
          
          No one moves.  Then Kat slowly stands up.
          
                                 KAT
                    I'11 go
          
          Patrick looks up.
          
                                 MRS. BLAISE 
                    Oh, Lord.
          
          She downs a couple Prozac
          
                                 MRS. BLAISE 
                           (continuing)
                    Please proceed.
          
          Kat stands, puts on her glasses, and takes a deep breath 
          before reading from her notebook.
          
                                 KAT
                    I hate the way you talk to me/ and the 
                    way you cut your hair/ I hate the way 
                    you drive my car/ I hate it when you 
                    stare.
          
          She pauses, then continues
          
                                 KAT 
                           (continuing)
                    I hate your big dumb combat boots/ and 
                    the way you read my mind/ I hate you so 
                    much it makes me sick/ it even makes me 
                    rhyme.
          
          She takes a deep breath, and looks quickly at Patrick, who 
          stares at the floor.
          
                                 KAT 
                           (continuing)
                    I hate the way you're always right/ I 
                    hate it when you lie/ I hate it when you 
                    make me laugh/ even worse when you make 
                    me cry/ I hate it that you're not 
                    around/ and the fact that you didn't 
                    call/ But mostly I hate the way I don ' 
                    t hate you/ not even close, not even a 
                    little bit, not even any at all.
          
          She looks directly at Patrick.  He looks back this time.  
          The look they exchange says everything.
          
          Then she walks out of the room The rest of the class remains 
          in stunned silence.
          
          EXT. PARKING LOT - MOMENTS LATER
          
          Kat walks to her car alone. When she opens the door, she's 
          greeted with a Fender Stratocaster guitar, reclining in the 
          front seat.
          
          She picks it up slowly, inspecting every detail, then spins 
          around.
          
          Patrick stands there, smiling.
          
                                 KAT
                    A Fender Strat. You bought this?
          
                                 PATRICK
                    I thought you could use it. When you 
                    start your band.
          
          She doesn't answer, but hides a smile, so he walks  closer.
          
                                 PATRICK 
                           (continuing)
                    Besides, I had some extra cash. Some 
                    asshole paid me to take out a really 
                    great girl.
          
                                 KAT
                    Is that right?
          
                                 PATRICK
                    Yeah, but then I fucked up. I fell for 
                    her.
          
          Blushes and looks down.
          
                                 PATRICK 
                           (continuing)
                    You know -- it's not every day you find 
                    a girl who'll flash her tits to get you 
                    out of detention.
          
          Looks up. surprised and embarrassed that he found out
          
          He takes her upturned face as a sign to kiss her and he does 
          She lets him this time.
          
          Then breaks it off
          
                                 KAT
                    You can't just buy me a guitar every 
                    time you screw up, you know.
          
          He grimaces.
          
                                 PATRICK
                    I know
          
          He quiets her with another kiss Which she breaks off again.
          
                                 KAT
                    And don't just think you can
          
          He kisses her again, not letting her end it this time.
          
          STRATFORD HOUSE - SUNSET
          
          We hear the sounds of MUSIC and LAUGHTER.
          
          STRATFORD HOUSE/BACKYARD - SUNSET
          
          Patrick is at the barbecue grill, flipping burgers.  Kat 
          watches.
          
                                 KAT
                    Why is my veggie burger the only burnt 
                    object on this grill?
          
                                 PATRICK
                    Because I like to torture you.
          
                                 KAT
                    Oh, Bianca?  Can you get me my freshman 
                    yearbook?
          
                                 PATRICK
                    Don ' t you even dare. . .
          
          ON BIANCA AND CAMERON As they argue on the patio.
          
                                 CAMERON
                    They do to!
          
                                 BIANCA
                    They do not!
          
          Rises to get the yearbook.
          
                                 CAMERON
                    Can someone please tell her that 
                    sunflower seeds come from sunflowers?
          
          ON MICHAEL AND MANDELLA
          
          Severely making-out in a lawn chair.  She comes up for a 
          breath.
          
                                 MANDELLA
                    I can't remember a word of Shakespeare 
                    right now. Isn't that weird?
          
          Michael pulls her back down for another round ON KAT AND 
          PATRICK
          
          She tries to keep him from grabbing the yearbook that Bianca 
          now hands her.
          
                                 KAT
                    You're freaked over this, aren't you?
          
          Bianca hands her the yearbook
          
                                 BIANCA
                    He's more than freaked.  He's froke
          
          Flips to a page.
          
                                 KAT
                    I'd like to call your attention to 
                    Patrick Verona's stunning bad-ass look 
                    of 1995 ---
          
          INSERT - A horrifically nerdy freshman year picture Glasses, 
          bad hair, headgear -- the works.
          
          She holds up the picture for all to view. Patrick cringes 
          and throws a handful of pretzels at her.
          
                                 BIANCA
                    Patrick -- is that- a.
          
                                 KAT
                    Perm?
          
                                 PATRICK
                    Ask my attorney.
          
          Kat and Bianca huddle over the picture, giggling --  as we 
          CRANE UP and hear a GIRLY PUNK version of The Partridge 
          Family's "I Think I Love You".
          
          FADE OUT:
          
          ENDTEN THINGS I HATE ABOUT YOU
          
                written by Karen McCullah Lutz & Kirsten Smith
          
              based on 'Taming of the Shrew" by William Shakespeare
          
          Revision November 12, 1997
          
          
          PADUA HIGH SCHOOL - DAY
          
          Welcome to Padua High School,, your typical urban-suburban 
          high school in Portland, Oregon.  Smarties, Skids, Preppies, 
          Granolas. Loners, Lovers, the In and the Out Crowd rub sleep 
          out of their eyes and head for the main building.
          
          PADUA HIGH PARKING LOT - DAY
          
          KAT STRATFORD, eighteen, pretty -- but trying hard not to be 
          -- in a baggy granny dress and glasses, balances a cup of 
          coffee and a backpack as she climbs out of her battered, 
          baby blue '75 Dodge Dart.
          
          A stray SKATEBOARD clips her, causing her to stumble and 
          spill her coffee, as well as the contents of her backpack.
          
          The young RIDER dashes over to help, trembling when he sees 
          who his board has hit.
          
                                 RIDER
                    Hey -- sorry.
          
          Cowering in fear, he attempts to scoop up her scattered 
          belongings.
          
                                 KAT
                    Leave it 
          
          He persists.
          
                                 KAT (continuing)
                    I said, leave it!
          
          She grabs his skateboard and uses it to SHOVE him against a 
          car, skateboard tip to his throat.  He whimpers pitifully 
          and she lets him go.  A path clears for her as she marches 
          through a pack of fearful students and SLAMS open the door, 
          entering school.
          
          INT. GIRLS' ROOM - DAY
          
          BIANCA STRATFORD, a beautiful sophomore, stands facing the 
          mirror, applying lipstick.  Her less extraordinary, but 
          still cute friend, CHASTITY stands next to her.  
          
                                 BIANCA
                    Did you change your hair?
          
                                 CHASTITY 
                    No.
          
                                 BIANCA
                    You might wanna think about it
          
          Leave the girls' room and enter the hallway.
          
          HALLWAY - DAY- CONTINUOUS
          
          Bianca is immediately greeted by an admiring crowd, both 
          boys
          and girls alike.
          
                                 BOY
                           (adoring)
                    Hey, Bianca.
          
                                 GIRL
                    Awesome shoes.
          
          The greetings continue as Chastity remains wordless and 
          unaddressed by her side.  Bianca smiles proudly, 
          acknowledging her fans.
          
          GUIDANCE COUNSELOR'S OFFICE - DAY
          
          CAMERON JAMES, a clean-cut, easy-going senior with an open, 
          farm-boy face, sits facing Miss Perky, an impossibly cheery 
          guidance counselor.
          
                                 MISS PERKY
                    I'm sure you won't find Padua any 
                    different than your old school.  Same 
                    little asswipe mother-fuckers 
                    everywhere.
          
          Her plastic smile never leaves her face.  Cameron fidgets in 
          his chair uncomfortably.
          
                                 MISS PERKY
                           (continuing)
                    Any questions?
          
                                 CAMERON
                    I don't think so, ma'am
          
                                 MISS PERKY
                    Then go forth.  Scoot   I've got 
                    deviants to see.
          
          Cameron rises to leave and makes eye contact with PATRICK 
          VERONA, a sullen-looking bad ass senior who waits outside Ms 
          Perky's door.  His slouch and smirk let us know how cool he 
          is.
          
          Miss Perky looks down at her file and up at Patrick
          
                                 MISS PERKY
                           (continuing)
                    Patrick Verona.  I see we're making our 
                    visits a weekly ritual.
          
          She gives him a withering glance. He answers with a charming 
          smile.
          
                                 PATRICK
                    I missed you.
          
                                 MISS PERKY
                    It says here you exposed yourself to a 
                    group of freshmen girls.
          
                                 PATRICK
                    It was a bratwurst.  I was eating 
                    lunch.
          
                                 MISS PERKY
                    With the teeth of your zipper?
          
          She motions for Patrick to enter her office and Cameron 
          shuffles out the door, bumping into MICHAEL ECKMAN, a lanky, 
          brainy senior who will either end up a politician or game 
          show host.
          
                                 MICHAEL
                    You the new guy?
          
                                 CAMERON
                    So they tell me...
          
                                 MICHAEL
                    C'mon.  I'm supposed to give you the 
                    tour.
          
          They head out of the office
          
                                 MICHAEL
                           (continuing)
                    So -- which Dakota you from?
          
                                 CAMERON
                    North, actually.  How'd you   ?
          
                                 MICHAEL
                    I was kidding. People actually live 
                    there?
          
                                 CAMERON
                    Yeah.  A couple.  We're outnumbered by 
                    the cows, though.
          
                                 MICHAEL
                    How many people were in your old 
                    school?
          
                                 CAMERON
                    Thirty-two.
          
                                 MICHAEL
                    Get out!
          
                                 CAMERON
                    How many people go here?
          
                                 MICHAEL
                    Couple thousand. Most of them evil
          
          INT. HALLWAY - DAY- CONTINUOUS
          
          Prom posters adorn the wall. Michael steers Cameron through 
          the crowd as he points to various cliques.
          
                                 MICHAEL
                    We've got your basic beautiful people. 
                    Unless they talk to you first, don't 
                    bother.
          
          The beautiful people pass, in full jock/cheerleader 
          splendor.
          
                                 MICHAEL
                           (continuing)
                    Those 're your cowboys.
          
          Several Stetson-wearing, big belt buckle. Wrangler guys  
          walk by.
          
                                 CAMERON
                    That I'm used to.
          
                                 MICHAEL
                    Yeah, but these guys have never seen a 
                    horse.  They just jack off to Clint 
                    Eastwood.
          
          They pass an espresso cart with a group of teens huddled 
          around it.
          
                                 MICHAEL
                           (continuing)
                    To the right, we have the Coffee Kids.  
                    Very edgy.  Don't make any sudden 
                    movements around them.
          
          EXT. SCHOOL COURTYARD - DAY
          
          Michael continues the tour
          
                                 MICHAEL
                    And these delusionals are the White 
                    Rastae.
          
          Several white boys in dreadlocks and Jamaican knit berets 
          lounge on the grass.  A cloud of pot smoke hovers above them
          
                                 MICHAEL
                           (continuing)
                    Big Marley fans.  Think they're black.  
                    Semi-political, but mostly, they watch a 
                    lot of Wild Kingdom, if you know what I 
                    mean.
          
          Michael waves to DEREK, the one with the longest dreads.
          
                                 MICHAEL
                           (continuing)
                    Derek - save some for after lunch, bub?
          
                                 DEREK
                           (very stoned)
                    Michael, my brother, peace
          
          Cameron turns to follow Michael as they walk into the 
          cafeteria.
          
                                 CAMERON
                    So where do you fit in all this?
          
          INT.  CAFETERIA - DAY - CONTINUOUS
          
          Loud music and loud students.  Michael sits with a group of 
          studious-looking teens.
          
                                 MICHAEL
                    Future MBAs-  We're all Ivy League, 
                    already accepted.  Someday I'll be 
                    sipping Merlot while those guys --
          
          He points to the table of jocks, as they torture various 
          passers-by.
          
                                 MICHAEL
                           (continuing)
                    are fixing my Saab.  Yuppie greed is 
                    back, my friend.
          
          He points proudly to the ALLIGATOR on his shirt.
          
          Cameron stops listening as BIANCA walks by, and we go SLO 
          MO.  Pure and perfect, she passes Cameron and Michael 
          without a look.
          
          Cameron is smitten
          
                                 CAMERON
                    That girl -- I --
          
                                 MICHAEL
                    You burn, you pine, you perish?
          
                                 CAMERON
                    Who is she?
          
                                 MICHAEL
                    Bianca Stratford.  Sophomore. Don't 
                    even think about it
          
                                 CAMERON
                    Why not?
          
                                 MICHAEL
                    I could start with your haircut, but it 
                    doesn't matter.  She's not allowed to 
                    date until her older sister does.  And 
                    that's an impossibility.
          
          ENGLISH CLASS - DAY
          
          A room full of bored seniors doodle and scare off into space 
          MS. BLAISE, the one-step-away-from-medication English 
          Teacher, tries to remember what she's talking about.
          
                                 MRS. BLAISE
                    Well, then.  Oh, yes.  I guess that 
                    does it for our analysis of The Old Man 
                    and the Sea.  Any other comments?
                           (with dread)
                    Kat?
          
          Kat, the girl we saw as we entered the school, slowly cakes 
          off her glasses and speaks up.
          
                                 KAT
                    Why didn't we just read the Hardy Boys?
          
                                 MRS. BLAISE
                    I'm sorry?
          
                                 KAT
                    This book is about a guy and his 
                    fishing habit.  Not exactly a crucial 
                    topic.
          
          The other students roll their eyes.
          
                                 KAT
                           (continuing)
                    Frankly, I'm baffled as to why we still 
                    revere Hemingway.  He was an abusive, 
                    alcoholic misogynist who had a lot of 
                    cats.
          
          JOEY DORSEY, a well-muscled jock with great cheekbones, 
          makes fun of her from his row.
          
                                 JOEY
                    As opposed to a bitter self-righteous 
                    hag who has no friends?
          
          A few giggles.  Kat ignores him.  A practiced gesture
          
                                 MRS. BLAISE
                    That's enough, Mr. Dorsey.
          
          Really gets fired up now
          
                                 KAT
                    I guess the school board thinks because 
                    Hemingway's male and an asshole, he's 
                    worthy of our time
          
          She looks up at Ms. Blaise, who is now fighting with her 
          pill box.
          
                                 KAT
                           (continuing)
                    What about Colette?  Charlotte Bronte?  
                    Simone de Beauvoir?
          
          Patrick, lounging in his seat in the back row, elbows a 
          crusty-looking crony, identified by the name SCURVY, 
          embroidered on his workshirt.
          
                                 PATRICK
                    Mother Goose?
          
          The class titters.  Kat wears an expression of intolerance
          
          INT. GUIDANCE COUNSELOR'S OFFICE - DAY
          
          Kat now sits before Miss Perky.
          
                                 MISS PERKY
                    Katarina Stratford.  My, my.  You've 
                    been terrorizing Ms. Blaise again.
          
                                 KAT
                    Expressing my opinion is not a 
                    terrorist action.
          
                                 MISS PERKY
                    Well, yes, compared to your other 
                    choices of expression this year, today's 
                    events are quite mild.  By the way, 
                    Bobby Rictor's gonad retrieval operation 
                    went quite well, in case you're 
                    interested.
          
                                 KAT
                    I still maintain that he kicked himself 
                    in the balls.  I was merely a spectator.
          
                                 MISS PERKY
                    The point is Kat -- people perceive you 
                    as somewhat ...
          
          Kat smiles at her, daring her to say it.
          
                                 KAT
                    Tempestuous?
          
                                 MISS PERKY
                    No ... I believe "heinous bitch" is the 
                    term used most often.
          
          She grimaces, as if she's referring to a medical condition.
          
                                 MISS PERKY
                           (continuing)
                    You might want to work on that
          
          Kat rises from her chair with a plastic smile matching the 
          counselor's.
          
                                 KAT
                    As always, thank you for your excellent 
                    guidance.
          
          INT. SOPHOMORE ENGLISH CLASS - DAY
          
          Bianca ignores the droning teacher as she writes a note in 
          big flowing handwriting.
          
                                 TEACHER (0.S.)
                    I realize the language of Mr. 
                    Shakespeare makes him a bit daunting, 
                    but I'm sure you're all doing your best.
          
          Bianca folds the note and passes it behind her with a flip 
          of her hair to CHASTITY.  Chastity opens the note and reads:
          
          INSERT - "JOEY DORSEY SAID HI TO ME IN THE HALL! OH! MY  
          GOD!"
          
          Chastity frowns to herself.
          
                                 TEACHER (0.S.)
                           (continuing)
                    Ms. Stratford, do you care to comment 
                    on what you've read so far?
          
          Bianca looks up and smiles the smile of Daddy's little girl.
          
                                 BIANCA
                    Not really.
          
          The teacher shakes her head, but lets it go.
          
          MANDELLA. a waif-like senior girl who sits off to the side 
          trying to slit her wrist with the plastic spiral on her 
          notebook, looks up and raises her hand.
          
                                 TEACHER
                    Mandella -- since you're assisting us, 
                    you might as well comment.  I'm assuming 
                    you read the assignment.
          
                                 MANDELLA
                    Uh, yeah, I read it all
          
                                 TEACHER
                    The whole play^
          
                                 MANDELIA
                    The whole folio.  All the plays.
          
                                 TEACHER
                           (disbelieving)
                    You've read every play by William 
                    Shakespeare?
          
                                 MANDELLA
                    Haven't you?
          
          She raises a challenging eyebrow.  The stunned teacher 
          doesn't answer and goes to call on the next student.
          
          EXT. SCHOOL COURTYARD - DAY
          
          Mandella and Kat sit down in the quiet corner. They are 
          eating a carton of yogurt with gusto.
          
                                 MANDELLA
          
          Your sister is so amazingly without.  She'll never read him.  
          She has no idea.
          
          Kat attacks
          
                                 KAT
                    The fact that you're cutting gym so you 
                    can T.A. Sophomore English just to hear 
                    his name, is a little without in itself 
                    if you ask me.
          
          Kat's attention is caught by Patrick as he walks by with his 
          friends, lighting up a cigarette.  Mandella notices her 
          staring.
          
                                 MANDELLA
                    Who's that?
          
                                 KAT
                    Patrick Verona   Random skid.
          
                                 MANDELLA
                    That's Pat Verona? The one who was gone 
                    for a year? I heard he was doing porn 
                    movies.
          
                                 KAT
                    I'm sure he's completely incapable of 
                    doing anything that interesting.
          
                                 MANDELLA
                    He always look so
          
                                 KAT
                    Block E?
          
          Kat turns back to face Mandella and forces her yogurt into 
          Mandella's hand.
          
                                 KAT
                           (continuing)
                    Mandella, eat.  Starving yourself is a 
                    very slow way to die.
          
                                 MANDELLA
                    Just a little.
          
          She eats.  Kat sees her wrist
          
                                 KAT
                    What's this?
          
                                 MANDELLA
                    An attempted slit.
          
          Kat stares at her, expressionless.
          
                                 KAT
                    I realize that the men of this fine 
                    institution are severely lacking, but 
                    killing yourself so you can be with 
                    William Shakespeare is beyond the scope 
                    of normal teenage obsessions.  You're 
                    venturing far past daytime talk show 
                    fodder and entering the world of those 
                    who need very expensive therapy.
          
                                 MANDELLA
                    But imagine the things he'd say during 
                    sex.
          
          Thinks a minute
          
                                 KAT
                    Okay, say you do it.  You kill 
                    yourself, you end up in wherever you end 
                    up and he's there.  Do you really think 
                    he's gonna wanna dace a ninety pound 
                    compulsive who failed volleyball?
          
          Mandella's attention is struck by Bianca
          
          ACROSS THE COURTYARD
          
          As she and Chastity parade by Joey and his COHORTS   One of 
          the cohorts elbows Joey.
          
                                 COHORT
                    Virgin alert.
          
          Joey looks up and smiles at Bianca.
          
                                 JOEY
                    Lookin' good, ladies.
          
          Bianca smiles her coyest of smiles.
          
          BACK TO KAT AND MANDELLA Still watching.
          
                                 MANDELLA
                    Tragic.
          
          Doesn't respond
          
          ANOTHER ANGLE
          
          Michael and Cameron observe Joey's leers at Bianca from 
          their bench in another corner. Cowboys eating cue of a can 
          of beans linger on the grass behind them.
          
                                 CAMERON
                    Why do girls like that always like guys 
                    like that?
          
                                 MICHAEL
                    Because they're bred to.  Their mothers 
                    liked guys like that, and their 
                    grandmothers before them. Their gene 
                    pool is rarely diluted.
          
                                 CAMERON
                    He always have that shit-eating grin?
          
                                 MICHAEL
                    Joey Dorsey?  Perma-shit-grin.  I wish 
                    I could say he's a moron, but he's 
                    number twelve in the class.  And a 
                    model.  Mostly regional stuff, but he's 
                    rumored to have a big tube sock ad 
                    coming out.
          
          The BELL rings, and the cowboys stand and spit into their 
          empty bean cans.   Cameron and Michael rise as Cameron tries 
          to catch a glimpse of Bianca as she walks back inside.
          
                                 MICHAEL
                           (continuing)
                    You know French?
          
                                 CAMERON
                    Sure do ... my Mom's from Canada
          
                                 MICHAEL
                    Guess who just signed up for a tutor?
          
                                 CAMERON
                    You mean I'd get a chance to talk to 
                    her?
          
                                 MICHAEL
                    You could consecrate with her, my 
                    friend.
          
          Cameron watches as Bianca flounces back into the building.
          
          EXT. SCHOOL PARKING LOT - DAY
          
          Kat and Mandella walk toward Kat's car.  Joey pulls up 
          beside her in his Viper.
          
                                 JOEY
                           (re her dress)
                    The vintage look is over, Kat. Haven't 
                    you been reading your Sassy?
          
                                 KAT
                    Yeah, and I noticed the only part of 
                    you featured in your big Kmart spread 
                    was your elbow.  Tough break.
          
                                 JOEY
                           (practically 
                           spitting)
                    They're running the rest of me next 
                    month.
          
          He zooms away as Kat yanks open the door of her Dart.  
          Mandella ties a silk scarf around her head, as if they're in 
          a convertible.
          
                                 KAT
                    The people at this school are so 
                    incredibly foul.
          
                                 MANDELLA
                    You could always go with me.  I'm sure 
                    William has some friends.
          
          They watch Joey's car as he slows next to Bianca and 
          Chastity as they walk toward the school bus.
          
          ON BIANCA AND CHASTITY
          
                                 JOEY
                    Need a ride, ladies?
          
          Bianca and Chastity can't get in Joey's car fast enough.  He 
          pulls away with a smile.
          
          BACK TO KAT AND MANDELLA
          
          Mandella lowers her sunglasses to watch.
          
                                 MANDELLA
                    That's a charming new development
          
          Kat doesn't answer, but reaches over and puts a tape in the 
          tape deck.  The sounds of JOYFUL PUNK ROCK fill the car.
          
          As they pull out, Michael crosses in front of them on his 
          moped. Kat has to SLAM the brakes to keep from hitting him
          
                                 KAT
                           (yelling)
                    Remove head from sphincter!  Then 
                    pedal!
          
          Michael begins fearfully, pedaling as Kat PEELS out, angry 
          at the delay.
          
          Cameron rushes over
          
                                 CAMERON
                    You all right?
          
          He slows to a stop
          
                                 MICHAEL
                    Yeah, just a minor encounter with the 
                    shrew.
          
                                 CAMERON
                    That's her?  Bianca's sister?
          
                                 MICHAEL
                    The mewling, rampalian wretch herself.
          
          Michael putters off, leaving Cameron dodging Patrick's 
          grimy, grey Jeep -- a vehicle several years and many paint 
          jobs away from its former glory as a REGULATION MAIL TRUCK -
          - as he sideswipes several cars on his way out of the lot.
          
          INT.  STRATFORD HOUSE - DAY
          
          SHARON STRATFORD, attractive and focused, sits in front of 
          her computer, typing quickly.   A shelf next to her holds 
          several bodice-ripper romance novels, bearing her name. 
          
          Kat stands behind her, reading over her shoulder as she 
          types.
          
                                 KAT
                    "Undulating with desire, Adrienne 
                    removes her crimson cape, revealing her 
                    creamy --"
          
          WALTER STRATFORD, a blustery, mad scientist-type 
          obstetrician, enters through the front door, wearing a 
          doctor's white jacket and carrying his black bag.
          
                                 WALTER
          
          I hope dinner's ready because I only have ten minutes before 
          Mrs. Johnson squirts out a screamer.
          
          He grabs the mail and rifles through it, as he bends down to 
          kiss Sharon on the cheek.
          
                                 SHARON
                    In the microwave.
          
                                 WALTER
                           (to Kat)
                    Make anyone cry today?
          
                                 KAT
                    Sadly, no.  But it's only four-thirty.
          
          Bianca walks in.
          
                                 KAT
                           (continuing)
                    Where've you been?
          
                                 BIANCA
                           (eyeing Walter)
                    Nowhere... Hi, Daddy.
          
          She kisses him on the cheek
          
                                 WALTER
                    Hello, precious.
          
          Walter kisses Bianca back as Kat heads up the stairs
          
                                 KAT
                    How touching.
          
          Walter holds up a letter to Kat
          
                                 WALTER
                    What's this?  It says Sarah Lawrence?
          
          Snatches it away from him.
          
                                 KAT
                    I guess I got in
          
          Sharon looks up from her computer.
          
                                 SHARON
                    What's a synonym for throbbing?
          
                                 WALTER
                    Sarah Lawrence is on the other side of 
                    the country.
          
                                 KAT
                    I know.
          
                                 WALTER
                    I thought we decided you were going to 
                    school here.  At U of 0.
          
                                 KAT
                    You decided.
          
                                 BIANCA
                    Is there even a question that we want 
                    her to stay?
          
          Kat gives Bianca an evil look then smiles sweetly at
          
                                 KAT
                    Ask Bianca who drove her home
          
                                 SHARON
                    Swollen...turgid.
          
                                 WALTER
                           (to Bianca; upset)
                    Who drove you home?
          
          Bianca glares at Kat then turns to Walter
          
                                 BIANCA
                    Now don't get upset. Daddy, but there's 
                    this boy... and I think he might ask...
          
                                 WALTER
                    No! You're not dating until your sister 
                    starts dating.  End of discussion.
          
                                 BIANCA
                    What if she never starts dating?
          
                                 WALTER
                    Then neither will you.  And I'll get to 
                    sleep at night.
          
                                 BIANCA
                    But it's not fair -- she's a mutant, 
                    Daddy!
          
                                 KAT
                    This from someone whose diary is 
                    devoted to favorite grooming tips?
          
                                 WALTER
                    Enough!
          
          He pulls out a small tape recorder from his black bag.
          
                                 WALTER
                           (continuing)
                    Do you know what this is?
          
          He hits the "play' button and SHRIEKS OF PAIN emanate from 
          the tape recorder.
          
          BIANCA AND WALTER
                           (in unison, by 
                           rote)
                    The sound of a fifteen-year-old in 
                    labor.
          
                                 WALTER
                    This is why you're not dating until 
                    your sister does.
          
                                 BIANCA
                    But she doesn't want to date.
          
                                 WALTER
                    Exactly my point
          
          His BEEPER goes off and he grabs his bag again
          
                                 WALTER
                           (continuing)
                    Jesus!  Can a man even grab a sandwich 
                    before you women start dilating?
          
                                 SHARON
                    Tumescent!
          
                                 WALTER
                           (to Sharon; as he 
                           leaves)
                    You're not helping.
          
          INT. TUTORING ROOM - DAY
          
          Cameron sits with an empty chair beside him.  Bianca arrives 
          in a flurry of blonde hair.
          
                                 BIANCA
                    Can we make this quick?  Roxanne 
                    Korrine and Andrew Barrett are having an 
                    incredibly horrendous public break- up 
                    on the quad.  Again.
          
                                 CAMERON
                    Well, I thought we'd start with 
                    pronunciation, if that's okay with you.
          
          BIANCA
          Not the hacking and gagging and spitting part.  Please.
          
                                 CAMERON
                           (looking down)
                    Okay... then how 'bout we try out some 
                    French cuisine.  Saturday?  Night?
          
          Bianca smiles slowly
          
                                 BIANCA
                    You're asking me out.  That's so cute.  
                    What's your name again?
          
                                 CAMERON
                           (embarrassed)
                    Forget it.
          
          Bianca seizes an opportunity.
          
                                 BIANCA
                    No, no, it's my fault -- we didn't have 
                    a proper introduction ---
          
                                 CAMERON
                    Cameron.
          
                                 BIANCA
                    The thing is, Cameron -- I'm at the 
                    mercy of a particularly hideous breed of 
                    loser.  My sister.  I can't date until 
                    she does.
          
                                 CAMERON
                    Seems like she could get a date easy 
                    enough...
          
          She fingers a lock of her hair.  He looks on, dazzled.
          
                                 BIANCA
          
          The problem is, she's completely anti-social.
          
                                 CAMERON
                    Why?
          
                                 BIANCA
                    Unsolved mystery.  She used to be 
                    really popular when she started high 
                    school, then it was just like she got 
                    sick of it or something.
          
                                 CAMERON
                    That's a shame.
          
          She reaches out and touches his arm
          
                                 BIANCA
                    Gosh, if only we could find Kat a 
                    boyfriend...
          
                                 CAMERON
                    Let me see what I can do.
          
          Cameron smiles, having no idea how stupid he is
          
          INT. BIOLOGY CLASS
          
          A frog is being torn asunder by several prongs and picks.  
          Michael and Cameron go for the spleen.
          
                                 MICHAEL
                    You're in school for one day and you 
                    ask out the most beautiful girl?  Do you 
                    have no concept of the high school 
                    social code?
          
          Cameron grins away
          
                                 CAMERON
                    I teach her French, get to know her, 
                    dazzle her with charm and she falls in 
                    love with me.
          
                                 MICHAEL
                    Unlikely, but even so, she still can't 
                    go out with you.  So what's the
                    point?
          
          Cameron motions with his head toward Patrick, a few lab 
          tables away.  He's wearing biker glasses instead of goggles 
          as he tries to revive his frog.
          
                                 CAMERON
                    What about him?
          
                                 MICHAEL
                           (confused)
                    You wanna go out with him?
          
          The others at the lab table raise their eyebrows
          
                                 CAMERON
                           (impatient)
                    No - he could wrangle with the sister.
          
          Michael smiles.  Liking the intrigue.
          
                                 MICHAEL
                    What makes you think he'll do it?
          
                                 CAMERON
                    He seems like he thrives on danger
          
                                 MICHAEL
                    No kidding.  He's a criminal.  I heard 
                    he lit a state trooper on fire.  He just 
                    got out of Alcatraz...
          
                                 CAMERON
                    They always let felons sit in on Honors 
                    Biology?
          
                                 MICHAEL
                    I'm serious, man, he's whacked.  He 
                    sold his own liver on the black market 
                    so he could buy new speakers.
          
                                 CAMERON
                    Forget his reputation.  Do you think 
                    we've got a plan or not?
          
                                 MICHAEL
                    Did she actually say she'd go out with 
                    you?
          
                                 CAMERON
                    That's what I just said
          
          Michael processes this.
          
                                 MICHAEL
                    You know, if you do go out with Bianca, 
                    you'd be set.  You'd outrank everyone.  
                    Strictly A-list.  With me by your side.
          
                                 CAMERON
                    I thought you hated those people.
          
                                 MICHAEL
                    Hey -- I've gotta have a few clients 
                    when I get to Wall Street.
          
          A cowboy flicks the frog's heart into one of the Coffee 
          Kid's latte.  Cameron presses on, over the melee.
          
                                 CAMERON
                    So now all we gotta do is talk to him.
          
          He points to Patrick, who now makes his frog hump another 
          frog, with full-on sound effects.
          
                                 MICHAEL
                    I'll let you handle that.
          
          INT. WOODSHOP - DAY
          
          Boys and a few stray girls nail their pieces of wood
          
          Michael sits next to PEPE, a Coffee Kid, who holds out his 
          jacket like the men who sell watches in the subway.  Inside 
          several bags of coffee hang from hooks.
          
                                 PEPE
                    Some people like the Colombian, but it 
                    all depends on your acidity preference.  
                    Me?  I prefer East African and 
                    Indonesian.  You start the day with a 
                    Sumatra Boengie or maybe and Ethiopian 
                    Sidamo in your cup, you're that much 
                    farther ahead than someone drinkin' 
                    Cosia Rican or Kona -- you know what I 
                    mean?
          
          Michael nods solemnly.
          
          ACROSS THE ROOM
          
          Patrick sits at a table with Scurvy, making something that 
          looks like a machete out of a two-by-four.
          
          Cameron approaches, full of good-natured farm boy cheer
          
                                 CAMERON
                    Hey, there
          
          In response, Patrick brandishes a loud POWER TOOL in his 
          direction.
          
          Cameron slinks away.
          
                                 CAMERON
                           (continuing)
                    Later, then. 
          
          Michael watches, shaking his head.
          
          INT. CAFETERIA - DAY
          
          Joey and his pals take turns drawing boobs onto a cafeteria 
          tray with a magic marker.
          
          Michael walks up and sits between them, casual as can be
          
                                 MICHAEL
                    Hey.
          
                                 JOEY
                    Are you lost?
          
                                 MICHAEL
                    Nope - just came by to chat
          
                                 JOEY
                    We don't chat.
          
                                 MICHAEL
                    Well, actually, I thought I'd run an 
                    idea by you.  You know, just to see if 
                    you're interested.
          
                                 JOEY
                    We're not.
          
          He grabs Michael by the side of the head, and proceeds to 
          draw a penis on his cheek with the magic marker.   Michael 
          suffers the indignity and speaks undaunted.
          
                                 MICHAEL
                           (grimacing)
                    Hear me out.  You want Bianca don't 
                    you?
          
          Joey sits back and cackles at his drawing.
          
                                 MICHAEL
                           (continuing)
                    But she can't go out with you because 
                    her sister is this insane head case and 
                    no one will go out with her. right?
          
                                 JOEY
                    Does this conversation have a purpose?
          
                                 MICHAEL
                    So what you need to do is recruit a guy 
                    who'll go out with her.  Someone who's 
                    up for the job.
          
          Michael points to Patrick, who makes a disgusted face at his 
          turkey pot pie before he rises and throws it at the garbage 
          can, rather than in it.
          
                                 JOEY
          
          That guy?  I heard he ate a live duck once.  Everything but 
          the beak and the feet.
          
                                 MICHAEL
                    Exactly
          
          Joey turns to look at Michael.
          
                                 JOEY
          
          What's in it for you?
          
                                 MICHAEL
                    Oh, hey, nothin' man   Purely good will 
                    on my part.
          
          He rises to leave and turns to the others.
          
                                 MICHAEL
                           (continuing)
                    I have a dick on my face, don't I? 
          
          INT. BOY'S ROOM - DAY
          
          Michael stands at the sink, trying to scrub Joey's artwork 
          off his face as Cameron watches.
          
                                 CAMERON
                    You got him involved?
          
                                 MICHAEL
                    Like we had a choice?  Besides -- when 
                    you let the enemy think he's 
                    orchestrating the battle, you're in a 
                    position of power. We let him pretend 
                    he's calling the shots, and while he's 
                    busy setting up the plan, you have time 
                    to woo Bianca.
          
          Cameron grins and puts an arm around him
          
                                 CAMERON
                    You're one brilliant guy
          
          Michael pulls back, noticing other guys filing in.
          
                                 MICHAEL
          
          Hey - I appreciate gratitude as much as the next guy, but 
          it's not gonna do you any good to be known as New Kid Who 
          Embraces Guys In The Bathroom. 
          
          Cameron pulls back and attempts to posture himself in a 
          manly way for the others, now watching.
          
          INT. KENNY'S THAI FOOD DINER - DAY
          
          Kat and Mandella pick apart their pad thai.  Mandella is 
          smoking.
          
                                 KAT
                    So he has this huge raging fit about 
                    Sarah Lawrence and insists that I go to 
                    his male-dominated, puking frat boy, 
                    number one golf team school. I have no 
                    say at all.
          
                                 MANDELLA
                    William would never have gone to a 
                    state school.
          
                                 KAT
                    William didn't even go to high school
          
                                 MANDELLA
                    That's never been proven
          
                                 KAT
                    Neither has his heterosexuality.
          
          Mandella replies with a look of ice.  Kat uses the moment to 
          stub out Mandella's cigarette. 
          
                                 KAT
                           (continuing)
                    I appreciate your efforts toward a 
                    speedy death, but I'm consuming.
                           (pointing at her 
                           food)
                    Do you mind?
          
                                 MANDELLA
                    Does it matter?
          
                                 KAT
                    If I was Bianca, it would be, "Any 
                    school you want, precious.  Don't forget 
                    your tiara."
          
          They both look up as Patrick enters.  He walks up to the 
          counter to place his order.
          
          Mandella leans toward Kat with the glow of fresh gossip
          
                                 MANDELLA
                    Janice Parker told me he was a roadie 
                    for Marilyn Manson.
          
          Patrick nods at them as he takes his food outside.
          
                                 KAT 
                    Janice Parker is an idiot
          
          INT.  MISS PERKY'S OFFICE - DAY 
          
          Patrick sits before Miss Perky, eating his Thai food
          
                                 MISS PERKY 
                           (looking at chart)
                    I don't understand, Patrick.  You 
                    haven't done anything asinine this week.  
                    Are you not feeling well?
          
                                 PATRICK
                    Touch of the flu.
          
                                 MISS PERKY
                    I'm at a loss, then.  What should we 
                    talk about? Your year of absence?
          
          He smiles his charming smile
          
                                 PATRICK
                    How 'bout your sex life?
          
          She tolerates his comment with her withering glance.
          
                                 MISS PERKY
                    Why don't we discuss your driving need 
                    to be a hemorrhoid?
          
                                 PATRICK 
                    What's to discuss?
          
                                 MISS PERKY
                    You weren't abused, you aren't stupid, 
                    and as far as I can tell, you're only 
                    slightly psychotic -- so why is it that 
                    you're such a fuck-up?
          
                                 PATRICK
                    Well, you know -- there's the prestige 
                    of the job title... and the benefits 
                    package is pretty good...
          
          The bell RINGS.
          
                                 MISS PERKY
                    Fine.  Go do something repugnant and 
                    give us something to talk about next 
                    week.
          
          INT. TUTORING ROOM - DAY
          
          Several pairs of tutors and students sit at the various 
          desks.
          
          Mandella sits with TREVOR, a White Rasta.  She attempts to 
          get him to do geometry, but he stares at her, as if smitten
          
                                 MANDELLA
                    Look, it's really easy.
          
                                 TREVOR
                    You're a freedom fighter. Be proud, 
                    sister.
          
          Mandella sets down her pencil and closes the book.
          
                                 MANDELLA 
                           (rotely)
                    It's Mandella with two L's.  I am not 
                    related to Nelson Mandela.  I am not a 
                    political figure.  I do not live in 
                    South Africa.  My parents just spent a 
                    few too many acid trips thinking they 
                    were revolutionaries.
          
                                 TREVOR 
                    But you freed our people
          
                                 MANDELLA
                    Your "people" are white, suburban high 
                    school boys who smoke too much hemp.  I 
                    have not freed you, Trevor.
                           (grabbing his arm 
                           dramatically)
                    Only you can free yourself.
          
          ACROSS THE ROOM Bianca and Cameron sit side by side, cozy as 
          can be
          
                                 BIANCA
                    C'esc ma tete. This is my head
          
                                 CAMERON
                    Right.  See?  You're ready for the 
                    quiz.
          
                                 BIANCA
                    I don't want to know how to say that 
                    though.  I want to know useful things.  
                    Like where the good stores are.  How 
                    much does champagne cost?  Stuff like 
                    Chat.  I have never in my life had to 
                    point out my head to someone.
          
                                 CAMERON
                    That's because it's such a nice one.
          
                                 BIANCA
                    Forget French.
          
          She shuts her book and puts on a seductive smile
          
                                 BIANCA
                           (continuing)
                    How is our little Find the Wench A Date 
                    plan progressing?
          
                                 CAMERON
                    Well, there's someone I think might be 
                    --
          
          Bianca's eyes light up
          
                                 BIANCA
                    Show me
          
          INT. HALLWAY - DAY
          
          Cameron and Bianca lean against the wall -inconspicuously. 
          Bianca plays it cool.
          
                                 BIANCA
                    Give me a sign when he walks by.  And 
                    don't point.
          
          The bell RINGS.  Kids flood past.  Then Patrick saunters by 
          with Scurvy.  Cameron nudges Bianca.
          
                                 CAMERON
                    There.
          
                                 BIANCA
                    Where?
          
          Out of desperation, Cameron awkwardly lunges across 
          Patrick's path.  Patrick shoves him back against the wall 
          without a thought.  Cameron lands in a THUD at Bianca's 
          feet.
          
                                 CAMERON
                    I guess he didn't see me 
                           (calling after 
                           Patrick) 
                                     Some other time --
          
          Bianca watches Patrick, a wicked gleam in  her eye.
          
                                 BIANCA
                    My God, he's repulsive. He's so 
                    perfect!
          
          INT. GYM CLASS - DAY 
          
          Several volleyball games are being played.
          
          Joey and a member of his hulking entourage, approach 
          Patrick, who still manages to look cool, even in gym 
          clothes.  They pull him aside roughly.
          
                                 PATRICK 
                           (shrugging them 
                           off)
                    What?
          
          Joey points
          
          JOEY See that girl?
          
          Patrick follows his line of vision to Kat as she spikes the 
          ball into some poor cowboy's face.
          
                                 PATRICK
                    Yeah
          
                                 JOEY 
                    What do you think?
          
          Kat wins the game and high fives the others, who are scared 
          of her.
          
                                 PATRICK
                    Two legs, nice rack...
          
                                 JOEY
                    Yeah, whatever.  I want you to go out 
                    with her.
          
                                 PATRICK
                    Sure, Sparky.  I'll get right on it.
          
                                 JOEY 
                    You just said
          
                                 PATRICK
                    You need money to take a girl out
          
                                 JOEY
                    But you'd go out with her if you had 
                    the cake?
          
          Patrick stares at Joey deadpan.  His dislike for the guy 
          obvious.
          
                                 PATRICK 
                           (sarcastic)
                    Yeah, I'd take her to Europe if I had 
                    the plane.
          
          Joey smiles.
          
                                 JOEY
                    You got it, Verona.  I pick up the tab, 
                    you do the honors.
          
                                 PATRICK
                    You're gonna pay me to take out some 
                    girl?
          
                                 JOEY
                    I can't date her sister until that one 
                    gets a boyfriend.  And that's the catch.  
                    She doesn't want a boyfriend.
          
                                 PATRICK 
                    How much?
          
                                 JOEY
          
          Twenty bucks each time you take her out.
          
                                 PATRICK
                    I can't take a girl like that out on 
                    twenty bucks.
          
                                 JOEY 
                    Fine, thirty.
          
          Patrick raises an eyebrow, urging him up
          
                                 JOEY 
                           (continuing)
                    Take it or leave it.  This isn't a 
                    negotiation.
          
                                 PATRICK
                    Fifty, and you've got your man.
          
          Patrick walks away with a smile
          
          EXT. FIELD HOCKEY FIELD - DAY
          
          Kat and the rest of the team go through a grueling practice 
          session.  Kat spares no one as she whips the ball all over 
          the field.
          
          Patrick sits on the bleachers nearby, watching.  A cigarette 
          dangles from his mouth.  His pal, SCURVY is next to him.
          
          MR. CHAPIN, the coach, blows the WHISTLE.
          
                                 MR. CHAPIN 
                           (proudly) 
                    Good run, Stratford.
          
          Kat nods in response, and the girls leave the field. Patrick 
          hops down to follow.
          
                                 PATRICK 
                    Hey. Girlie.
          
          Kat stops and turns slowly to look at him.
          
                                 PATRICK 
                           (continuing) 
                    I mean Wo-man.  How ya doin'?
          
                                 KAT 
                           (smiles brightly)
                    Sweating like a pig, actually.  And 
                    yourself?
          
                                 PATRICK
                    There's a way to get a guy's attention.
          
                                 KAT
                    My mission in life.
          
          She stands there undaunted, hand on hip.
          
                                 KAT 
                           (continuing)
                    Obviously, I've struck your fancy. So, 
                    you see, it worked.  The world makes 
                    sense again.
          
          Patrick's eyes narrow.  He steps closer.
          
                                 PATRICK 
                    Pick you up Friday, then
          
                                 KAT
                    Oh, right.  Friday.
          
          PATRICK backs up a little.  He uses his most seductive tone
          
                                 PATRICK
                    The night I take you to places you've 
                    never been before.  And back.
          
                                 KAT
                    Like where?  The 7-Eleven on Burnside?  
                    Do you even know my name, screwboy?
          
                                 PATRICK 
                    I know a lot more than that
          
          Kat stares at him.
          
                                 KAT 
                    Doubtful.  Very doubtful.
          
          She walks away quickly, leaving him standing alone.
          
                                 PATRICK 
                           (calling after her)
                    You're no bargain either, sweetheart.
          
          Scurvy appears at his side
          
                                 SCURVY
                    So I guess the Jeep won't be getting a 
                    new Blaupunkt.
          
          ACROSS THE FIELD Cameron and Michael watch.
          
                                 MICHAEL 
                    He took the bait.
          
          STRATFORD HOUSE/BATHROOM - NIGHT
          
          Kat washes her face at the sink.  Bianca appears behind her, 
          and attempts to twist Kat's hair into a chignon.
          
          She wacks Bianca away.
          
                                 BIANCA
                    Have you ever considered a new look? I 
                    mean, seriously, you could have some 
                    potential buried under all this 
                    hostility.
          
          Kat pushes past her into the hallway.
          
                                 KAT
                    I have the potential to smack the crap 
                    out of you if you don't get out of my 
                    way.
          
                                 BIANCA
                    Can you at least start wearing a bra?
          
          Kat SLAMS her door in response.
          
          INT. HALLWAY - DAY 
          
          Patrick, Scurvy and some other randoms head for the exit
          
          SCURVY You up for a burger?
          
          Patrick looks in his wallet.  It's empty.
          
          INT. HALLWAY - DAY
          
          Kat stands at her locker, gathering her books.  Patrick 
          appears at her side, smiling.
          
                                 PATRICK
                    Hey
          
          Kat doesn't answer
          
                                 PATRICK 
                           (continuing) 
                    You hate me don't you?
          
                                 KAT
                    I don't really think you warrant that 
                    strong an emotion.
          
                                 PATRICK
                    Then say you'll spend Dollar Night at 
                    the track with me.
          
                                 KAT 
                    And why would I do that?
          
                                 PATRICK
                    Come on -- the ponies, the flat beer, 
                    you with money in your eyes, me with my 
                    hand on your ass...
          
                                 KAT
                    You -- covered in my vomit.
          
                                 PATRICK 
                    Seven-thirty?
          
          She slams her locker shut and walks away
          
          EXT. DOWNTOWN STREET - NIGHT
          
          Kat emerges from a music store carrying a bag of CDs in  her 
          teeth, and fumbling through her purse with both hands.  She 
          finds her keys and pulls them out with a triumphant tug.
          
          She looks up and finds Patrick sitting on the hood of her 
          car
          
                                 PATRICK 
                    Nice ride. Vintage fenders.
          
          Kat takes the bag out of her mouth.
          
                                 KAT 
                    Are you following me?
          
                                 PATRICK
                    I was in the laundromat. I saw your 
                    car. Thought I'd say hi.
          
                                 KAT 
                    Hi
          
          She gets in and starts the car.
          
                                 PATRICK
                    You're not a big talker, are you?
          
                                 KAT
                    Depends on the topic. My fenders don't 
                    really whip me into a verbal frenzy.
          
          She starts to pull out, and is blocked by Joey's Viper, 
          which pulls up perpendicular to her rear and parks.
          
          Joey and his groupies emerge and head for the liquor store
          
                                 KAT 
                           (continuing)
                    Hey -- do you mind?
          
                                 JOEY 
                    Not at all
          
          They continue on into the store.  Kat stares at them in 
          disbelief...
          
          Then BACKS UP
          
          Her vintage fenders CRASH into the door of Joey's precious 
          Viper.
          
          Patrick watches with a delighted grin Joey races out of the 
          liquor store.
          
                                 JOEY 
                           (continuing) 
                    You fucking bitch!
          
          Kat pulls forward and backs into his car again.  Smiling 
          sweetly.
          
          INT. STRATFORD HOUSE - NIGHT 
          
          Walter paces as Kat sits calmly on the couch.
          
                                 WALTER
                    My insurance does not cover PMS
          
                                 KAT
                    Then tell them I had a seizure.
          
                                 WALTER
                    Is this about Sarah Lawrence? You 
                    punishing me?
          
                                 KAT
                    I thought you were punishing me.
          
                                 WALTER
                    Why can't we agree on this?
          
                                 KAT
                    Because you're making decisions for me.
          
                                 WALTER
                    As a parent, that's my right
          
                                 KAT
                    So what I want doesn't matter?
          
                                 WALTER
                    You're eighteen.  You don't know what 
                    you want.  You won't know until you're 
                    forty-five and you don't have it.
          
                                 KAT 
                           (emphatic)
                    I want to go to an East Coast school! I 
                    want you to trust me to make my own 
                    choices.  I want --
          
          Walter's BEEPER goes off
          
                                 WALTER
                    Christ!  I want a night to go by that 
                    I'm not staring a contraction in the 
                    face.
          
          He walks out, leaving Kat stewing on the couch.
          
          INT. HALLWAY - DAY
          
          Patrick shuts his graffiti-encrusted locker, revealing 
          Joey's angry visage, glowering next to him.
          
                                 JOEY
                    When I shell out fifty, I expect 
                    results.
          
                                 PATRICK 
                    I'm on it
          
                                 JOEY
                    Watching the bitch trash my car doesn't 
                    count as a date.
          
                                 PATRICK
                    I got her under control. She just acts 
                    crazed in public to keep up the image.
          
          Joey sees through the bluff
          
                                 JOEY
                    Let me put it to you this way, if you 
                    don't get any action, I don't get any 
                    action.  So get your ass on hers by the 
                    end of the week.
          
          Joey starts to walk off
          
                                 PATRICK 
                    I just upped my price
          
                                 JOEY 
                           (turning)
                    What?
          
                                 PATRICK
                    A hundred bucks a date.
          
                                 JOEY 
                    Forget it.
          
                                 PATRICK
                    Forget her sister, then.
          
          Joey thinks for a frustrated moment, PUNCHES  the locker,  
          then peels another fifty out of his wallet with a  menacing 
          scowl.
          
                                 JOEY
                    You better hope you're as smooth as you 
                    think you are, Verona.
          
          Patrick takes the money with a smile.
          
          INT. TUTORING ROOM - DAY 
          Cameron runs a sentence past Bianca.
          
                                 CAMERON
                    La copine et I 'ami?  La diferance?
          
          Bianca glares at him.
          
                                 BIANCA
                    A "copine" is someone you can count on.  
                    An "ami" is someone who makes promises 
                    he can't keep.
          
          Cameron closes the French book
          
                                 CAMERON
                    You got something on your mind?
          
                                 BIANCA
                    I counted on you to help my cause. You 
                    and that thug are obviously failing.  
                    Aren't we ever going on our date?
          
          He melts
          
                                 CAMERON
                    You have my word.  As a gentleman
          
                                 BIANCA
                    You're sweet.
          
          She touches his hand. He blushes at her praise and watches 
          her toss her hair back
          
                                 CAMERON
                           (appreciative)
                    How do you get your hair to look like 
                    that?
          
                                 BIANCA
                    Eber's Deep Conditioner every two days.  
                    And I never, ever use a blowdryer 
                    without the diffuser attachment.
          
          Cameron nods with interest.
          
                                 CAMERON
                    You know, I read an article about that.
          
          Bianca looks surprised.
          
                                 BIANCA
                    You did?
          
          INT. BOY'S ROOM - DAY
          
          Patrick stands at the sink, washing his hands Michael and 
          Cameron cower in the corner, watching him.
          
                                 PATRICK 
                           (without turning 
                           around) 
                    Say it
          
                                 MICHAEL 
                           (clearing his 
                           throat) 
                    What?
          
                                 PATRICK
                    Whatever the hell it is you're standin' 
                    there waitin' to say.
          
          Cameron bravely steps forward
          
                                 CAMERON
                    We wanted to talk to you about the 
                    plan.
          
          Patrick turns toward them.
          
                                 PATRICK 
                    What plan?
          
                                 MICHAEL
                    The situation is, my man Cameron here 
                    has a major jones for Bianca Stratford.
          
                                 PATRICK
                    What is it with this chick?  She have 
                    three tits?
          
          Cameron starts to object, but Michael holds up a hand.
          
                                 MICHAEL
                    I think I speak correctly when I say 
                    that Cameron's love is pure.  Purer than 
                    say -- Joey Dorsey's.
          
                                 PATRICK
                    Dorsey can plow whoever he wants. I'm 
                    just in this for the cash.
          
          Cameron starts choking at the thought of Joey plowing his 
          beloved Bianca.
          
                                 MICHAEL
                    That's where we can help you.  With 
                    Kat.
          
                                 PATRICK 
                    So Dorsey can get the girl?
          
                                 MICHAEL
                    Patrick, Pat, you're not looking at the 
                    big picture.  Joey's just a pawn. We set 
                    this whole thing up so Cameron can get 
                    the girl.
          
          Patrick smiles.  He likes the idea of Joey being a pawn in 
          this game.
          
                                 PATRICK
                    You two are gonna help me tame the wild 
                    beast?
          
                                 MICHAEL 
                           (grinning) 
                    We're your guys.
          
                                 CAMERON
                    And he means that strictly in a non- 
                    prison-movie type of way.
          
                                 PATRICK 
                    Yeah -- we'll see.
          
          He swings the door open and exits, leaving Michael and 
          Cameron grinning at each other.
          
                                 MICHAEL 
                    We're in.
          
          INT. CLASSROOM - DAY
          
          CU on a party invitation as it gets handed out.  "Future 
          Princeton Grad Bogey Lowenstein proudly presents a Saturday 
          night bash at his abode.  Casual attire".
          
          Michael holds the invitation up to Cameron.
          
                                 CAMERON
                    This is it.  A golden opportunity. 
                    Patrick can ask Katarina to the party.
          
                                 MICHAEL
                    In that case, we'll need to make it a 
                    school-wide blow out.
          
                                 CAMERON
                    Will Bogey get bent?
          
                                 MICHAEL
                    Are you kidding?  He'll piss himself 
                    with joy.  He's the ultimate kiss ass.
          
          CAFETERIA - DAY
          
          Michael hands a jock the party invite as they pass each 
          other at the trash cans.
          
          INT.  GYM CLASS - DAY 
          
          The jock calls a fellow jock 
          
          INT.  MATH CLASS - DAY 
          
          Jock whispers to a cheerleader 
          
          COURTYARD - DAY
          
          The cheerleader calls a White Rasta that she's making out 
          with, showing him the invite.
          
          TRACK - DAY
          
          The White Rasta tells a cowboy as they run laps during track 
          practice.
          
          INT. SHOWERS - DAY
          
          The cowboy Cells a Coffee Kid, as he shields his java from 
          the spray of the shower.
          
          INT. HALLWAY - DAY
          
          Joey stands ac his open locker with Bianca.  The locker is 
          an homage to Joey's "modeling" career.  Cheesy PRINT ADS of 
          him -- running in a field of daisies, petting a kitten, etc. 
          -- adorn the locker door.
          
                                 JOEY 
                    Which do you like better?
          
          INSERT - HEADSHOTS of Joey.  In one, he's pouting in a white 
          shirt.  In the other, he's pouting in a black shirt.
          
                                 BIANCA
                    I think I like the white shirt
          
          Joey nods thoughtfully.
          
                                 JOEY 
                    It's more
          
                                 BIANCA
                    Expensive?
          
          
                                 JOEY
                    Exactly 
                           (beat)
                    So, you going to Bogey Lowenbrau's 
                    thing on Saturday?
          
                                 BIANCA
                    Hopefully.
          
          He gives her his best flirtatious smile
          
                                 JOEY
                    Good, 'cause I'm not gonna bother if 
                    you won't be there.
          
          He taps her on the nose and she giggles
          
          INT. TUTORING ROOM 
          Bianca sits across from Cameron, who's transfixed, as always
          
                                 BIANCA
                    Have you heard about Bogey Lowenstein's 
                    party?
          
                                 CAMERON
                    Sure have.
          
                                 BIANCA
                           (pouting)
                    I really, really, really wanna go, but 
                    I can't.  Not unless my sister goes.
          
                                 CAMERON
                    I'm workin' on it. But she doesn't seem 
                    to be goin' for him.
          
          He fishes.
          
                                 CAMERON
                           (continuing) 
                    She's not a...
          
                                 BIANCA
                    Lesbian?  No. I found a picture of 
                    Jared Leto in one of her drawers, so I'm 
                    pretty sure she's not harboring same-sex 
                    tendencies.
          
                                 CAMERON
                    So that's the kind of guy she likes? 
                    Pretty ones?
          
                                 BIANCA
                    Who knows?  All I've ever heard her say 
                    is that she'd dip before dating a guy 
                    that smokes.
          
          Cameron furiously takes notes
          
                                 CAMERON
                    All right.  What else is she partial 
                    to?
          
          INT. DIVE BAR - NIGHT 
          Patrick plays pool with some random deviant cronies.
          
          He looks up when he hears a COMMOTION at the door.  LOU the 
          bouncer is in the midst of throwing Michael and Cameron out.
          
                                 PATRICK
                    Lou, it's okay.  They're with me.
          
          Lou looks at Patrick, surprised, then reluctantly lets our 
          two non-deviants pass through.
          
          Patrick guides them to a table and sips from a beer.
          
                                 PATRICK 
                           (continuing)
                    What've you got for me?
          
                                 CAMERON
                    I've retrieved certain pieces of 
                    information on Miss Katarina Stratford I 
                    think you'll find helpful.
          
          Cameron pulls out a piece of paper.
          
                                 MICHAEL 
                           (to Patrick)
          
          One question before we start -- should you be drinking 
          alcohol when you don't have a liver?
          
                                 PATRICK
                    What?!
          
                                 MICHAEL 
                    Good enough.
          
          Cameron looks up at Patrick.
          
                                 CAMERON
                    Number one.  She hates smokers
          
                                 MICHAEL 
                    It's a lung cancer issue
          
                                 CAMERON
                    Her favorite uncle
          
                                 MICHAEL 
                    Dead at forty-one.
          
          Patrick sits up
          
                                 PATRICK
                    Are you telling me I'm a - 
                           (spits the word 
                           out)
                    "non-smoker"?
          
                                 MICHAEL 
                    Just for now.
          
                                 CAMERON
                    Another thing.  Bianca said that Kat 
                    likes -- pretty guys.
          
          This is met with silence.  Then:
          
                                 PATRICK
                    What?  You don't think I'm pretty?
          
          Michael smacks Cameron
          
                                 MICHAEL 
                    He's pretty!
          
                                 CAMERON
                    Okay!  I wasn't sure
          
          Cameron goes back to the list.
          
                                 CAMERON
                           (continuing)
                    Okay -- Likes:  Thai food, feminist 
                    prose, and "angry, stinky girl music of 
                    the indie-rock persuasion".
          
                                 PATRICK
                    So what does that give me?  I'm 
                    supposed to buy her some noodles and a 
                    book and sit around listening to chicks 
                    who can't play their instruments?
          
                                 MICHAEL
                    Ever been to Club Skunk?
          
                                 PATRICK
                    Yeah.
          
                                 CAMERON
                    Gigglepuss is playing there tomorrow 
                    night.
          
                                 PATRICK 
                    Don't make me do it, man
          
                                 MICHAEL
                    Assail your ears for one night.
          
                                 CAMERON
                    It's her favorite band.
          
          Patrick groans
          
                                 MICHAEL
                    I also retrieved a list of her most 
                    recent CD purchases, courtesy of 
                    American Express.
          
          He hands it over.
          
                                 PATRICK 
                           (smiling)
                    Michael -- did you get this information 
                    "illegally"?
          
          Michael puts a finger to his lips.
          
                                 MICHAEL
                    I prefer to think of it simply as an 
                    alternative to what the law allows.
          
                                 PATRICK 
                    I'm likin' you guys better
          
          He looks down at the list of CDs.
          
                                 PATRICK 
                           (continuing) 
                    This is really music?
          
          INT. KAT'S ROOM - NIGHT
          
          MUSIC BLARES in a room with minimalist decor splashed with 
          indie rock band posters and flyers.
          
          Kat and Mandella dance as they dress and apply make-up 
          Bianca enters, interrupting their fun.
          
                                 BIANCA
                    Can you turn down the Screaming 
                    Menstrual Bitches?  I'm trying to study.
          
          Kat doesn't move, so Bianca crosses to the stereo, turning 
          down the volume.
          
                                 BIANCA
                           (continuing)
                    Don't tell me you're actually going 
                    out?  On a school night, no less.
          
          Kat shoots her a glare
          
                                 BIANCA
                           (continuing; 
                           excited)
                    Oh my God, does this mean you're 
                    becoming normal?
          
                                 KAT
                    It means that Gigglepuss is playing at 
                    Club Skunk and we're going.
          
                                 BIANCA
                           (disappointed)
                    Oh, I thought you might have a date
                           (beat)
                    I don't know why I'm bothering to ask, 
                    but are you going to Bogey Lowenstein's 
                    party Saturday night?
          
                                 KAT
                    What do you think?
          
                                 BIANCA
                    I think you're a freak.  I think you do 
                    this to torture me.  And I think you 
                    suck.
          
          She smiles sweetly and shuts the door behind her.   Kat 
          doesn't bat an eye.  She grabs her purse and opens the door
          
                                 KAT 
                    Let's hit it.
          
          EXT. CLUB SKUNK - NIGHT
          
          A happy black and white neon skunk sprays fine mist on the 
          line of kids below.
          
          INT. CLUB FOYER - NIGHT
          
          Kat and Mandella walk in, Mandella nervously pulling out her 
          fake ID.  The giant, afroed bouncer, BRUCE, looks typically 
          mono-syllabic.
          
                                 MANDELLA 
                           (whispering to Kat) 
                    You think this'll work?
          
                                 KAT 
                    No fear.
          
          They approach Bruce.  Kat puts on her happy, shiny face
          
                                 KAT 
                           (continuing)
                    Hello!  We'd like two for Gigglepuss!
          
          Bruce looks the girls up and down.
          
                                 BRUCE 
                    I can count.
          
          He looks at their IDs. Mandella gently moves Kat aside, 
          wearing a face that could only be described as "I AM a 
          Victoria's Secret model."
          
                                 MANDELLA 
                    I'll bet you can..
          
          She sticks out her chest and licks her lips.  Bruce stares 
          at her deadpan and hands her back the IDs.
          
                                 BRUCE 
                    Go ahead.
                           (to Mandella)
                    And you
          
                                 MANDELLA 
                           (all come hither)
                    Yes?
          
                                 BRUCE
                    Take it easy on the guys in there.
          
          Mandella winks at him and sashays inside   Kat: follows 
          behind, shaking her head.
          
          EXT. CLUB SKUNK - NIGHT 
          
          Patrick's mail truck clatters to a stop out front.
          
          INT. CLUB FOYER - NIGHT
          
          Patrick walks up to Bruce, who's frisking a badly mowhawked 
          PIERCED EYEBROW BOY.  Bruce pulls a SWITCHBLADE out of the 
          boy's inside pocket.
          
                                 BRUCE
                    Next time, leave the Bic at home, 
                    Skippy.
          
                                 SKIPPY
                    It's a bottle opener.
          
          Bruce pushes him inside the club, then sees Patrick.
          
                                 BRUCE 
                    Verona, my man.
          
          They shake.
          
                                 PATRICK 
                    Always a pleasure, Brucie.
          
                                 BRUCE
                    Didn't have you pegged for a Gigglepuss 
                    fan.  Aren't they a little too pre-teen 
                    belly-button ring for you?
          
                                 PATRICK
                    Fan of a fan.  You see a couple of 
                    minors come in?
          
                                 BRUCE
                    Never
          
                                 PATRICK
                    Padua girls.  One tall, decent body. 
                    The other one kinda short and 
                    undersexed?
          
                                 BRUCE 
                    Just sent 'em through.
          
          Patrick starts to go in
          
                                 BRUCE 
                           (continuing)
                    Hey -- what happened to that chick you 
                    brought last time?  The one with the 
                    snake?
          
          Patrick laughs and goes into the club
          
          INT. CLUB - NIGHT
          
          Onstage, the all-female band GIGGLEPUSS is parlaying their 
          bad girl sass into a ripping punk number.
          
          Near the stage is a joyful mass of pogo-ing teens AT THE BAR
          
          Patrick bellies up and looks around the club. Gigglepuss 
          finishes a song.
          
                                 LEAD SINGER
                    Hello, out there.  We're Gigglepuss and 
                    we're from Olympia.
          
          A teenage boy in the audience takes the opportunity to 
          scream.
          
                                 BOY (0.S.)
                    Pet my kitty!
          
                                 LEAD SINGER 
                    Meow
          
          They rev into their next song. 
          
          NEAR THE STAGE  
          
          Mandella and Kat glow with sweat.  When they hear the 
          opening chords of the song, they look at each other and 
          scream with glee as they begin to dance.  They couldn't be 
          having a better time.
          
          AT THE BAR
          
          Patrick signals to get the bartender's attention and looks 
          across the bouncing surge of the crowd.  He spots Kat and 
          Mandella singing along.
          
          HIS POV
          
          The gleeful Kat -- dancing and looking completely at ease. 
          None of her usual "attitude".  Patrick is transfixed.  And 
          most definitely attracted.
          
          NEAR THE STAGE Kat looks at Mandella.
          
                                 KAT 
                           (shouting)
                    I need agua!
          
          She makes her way through the crowd to the bar. AT THE BAR
          
          She made it.  She signals for the bartender and as she's 
          waiting, looks around.  She spots Patrick a few feet away
          
                                 KAT 
                           (continuing to 
                           herself) 
                    Shit
          
          She sneaks a glance.  He's staring, but this time he looks 
          away before she can.  Despite herself, she's miffed.
          
          The bartender arrives
          
          BARTENDER 
                           (shouting) 
                    What can I get you?
          
                                 KAT 
                    Two waters.
          
          She looks at Patrick again.  He's completely absorbed in the 
          band.  She scowls.  The bottled water arrives and she 
          marches off, forgetting to pay.
          
          She walks up to Patrick.
          
                                 KAT 
                           (continuing) 
                    You're not fooling anyone.
          
          Patrick looks at her, surprised
          
                                 PATRICK 
                           (yelling) 
                    hey.  Great show, huh?
          
                                 KAT 
                           (yelling)
          
          If you're planning on asking me out you might as well get it 
          over with.
          
                                 PATRICK 
                           (yelling) 
                    Excuse me?
          
                                 KAT 
                           (yelling)
                    That's what you want, isn't it?
          
                                 PATRICK 
                           (yelling; gesturing 
                           toward the band)
                    Do you mind?  You're sort of ruining it 
                    for me.
          
          Kat steams.  And watches him watch the band
          
                                 KAT 
                           (yelling)
                    You're not surrounded by your usual 
                    cloud of smoke.
          
          The band takes a break, so they can stop yelling now
          
                                 PATRICK 
                    I know.  I quit.
          
          He leans back, making no attempt to hit on her.  She moves 
          closer.
          
                                 KAT 
                    Oh, really?
          
          He motions toward the stage
          
                                 PATRICK
                    You know, these guys are no Bikini Kill 
                    or The Raincoats, but they're right up 
                    there.
          
                                 KAT
                    You know who The Raincoats are?
          
                                 PATRICK 
                    Why, don't you?
          
          She's completely taken aback.  He uses the moment to his 
          advantage and brushes her hair back as he speaks right into 
          her ear.
          
                                 PATRICK 
                           (continuing)
                    I watched you out there   I've never 
                    seen you look like that
          
          Kat steps away, brushing the hair back that he just touched 
          Her cheeks pinken.
          
          His cocky side is back in a flash
          
                                 PATRICK 
                           (continuing) 
                    Come to that party with me.
          
          At that moment, the band starts another SONG
          
                                 KAT 
                           (yelling) 
                    What?
          
          The bartender approaches.
          
          BARTENDER 
                           (to Kat, yelling) 
                    You forgot to pay!
          
                                 PATRICK 
                           (yelling) 
                    I got it, Rick.
          
          He tosses some bills on the bar
          
          Rather than thank him, Kat simply watches him, trying to 
          figure out his motive.
          
                                 PATRICK 
                           (continuing; 
                           yelling) 
                    Nine-thirty then.
          
          A few people have gotten between them at the bar and she 
          can't hear a word he's saying.  She gives him one last look 
          and heads back into the crowd.
          
          Patrick smiles.  She didn't say no this time.
          
          EXT. CLUB SKUNK - NIGHT
          
          The crowd files out of the club, Kat and Mandella amongst 
          them.  A^ they're walking toward the parking lot, Patrick 
          coasts by in his truck.  The gears GRIND.  He yells out the 
          window.
          
                                 MANDELLA 
                    What'd he say?
          
                                 KAT 
                    Who cares?
          
          Mandella watches Kat as she stares after Patrick
          
                                 MANDELLA
                    Has he importun'd you with love in 
                    honourable fashion?
          
          Kat glances sharply at her.
          
                                 MANDELLA 
                           (continuing; off 
                           her look)
                    Don't be Cruella with me.  I'm in favor 
                    of romance.  You're the one that wants 
                    to march on Washington every five 
                    minutes.
          
          Kat pokes her, then looks back at the club dreamily.
          
                                 KAT 
                    Gigglepuss was so beyond.
          
          Mandella nods.
          
                                 MANDELLA
                    They were.  I only wish William could 
                    have been here to witness the rebirth of 
                    punk rock with us.
          
          Kat links her arm through Mandella's and they head for the 
          car.
          
                                 KAT
                    So true.
          
          INT. HALLWAY - DAY 
          Cameron and Michael are at Michael's locker.
          
                                 CAMERON
                    So, then she says that she almost 
                    didn't wear the Kenneth Coles with that 
                    dress because she thought she was 
                    mixing, you know, genres. And the fact 
                    that I noticed -- and I'm quoting here -
                    "really meant something."
          
          Cameron looks At Michael expectantly
          
                                 MICHAEL 
                    You told me that part already.
          
                                 CAMERON
                    Hell, I've just been going over the 
                    whole thing in my head and -
          
          Joey appears over Cameron's shoulder.  
          
                                 JOEY 
                    Hey.  Dingo Boingo
          
          Cameron and Michael look at each other And turn around 
          slowly
          
                                 JOEY 
                           (continuing; to 
                           Michael)
                    I hear you're helpin' Verona.
          
                                 MICHAEL 
                    Uh,  yeah.  We're old friend*
          
                                 JOEY 
                    You and Verona?
          
                                 MICHAEL
                    What?  We took bathes together when we 
                    were kids.
          
          It's incredibly obvious that he's lying.  Joey eyes him then 
          turns to Cameron.
          
                                 JOEY
                    What's your gig in all this?
          
                                 CAMERON
                    I'm just the new guy.
          
          Joey turns back to Michael, grabbing the alligator on his 
          shirt and twisting it.
          
                                 JOEY
                    You better not fuck this up.  I'm 
                    heavily invested.
          
                                 MICHAEL
                    Hey -- it's all for the higher good 
                    right?
          
          Joey lets go of Michael and SHOVES Cameron against a locker 
          for good measure, as he walks away-
          
                                 CAMERON
                    Is it about me?
          
          EXT. MISS PERKY'S OFFICE - DAY
          
          Kat sits outside waiting for her appointment, bored and 
          annoyed.
          
          The door opens and Miss Perky escorts Patrick out
          
                                 MISS PERKY
                    You're completely demented.
          
                                 PATRICK
                           (cheery)
                    See you next week!
          
          Kat stands and Patrick sees her.
          
          Miss Perky watches in horror
          
          MISS PERKY
          You two know each other?
          
                                 PATRICK/KAT 
                    Yeah/No.
          
          Miss Perky grabs Kat and shoves her into her office.
          
                                 MISS PERKY 
                           (to Patrick)
                    Dear God, stay away from her.  If you 
                    two ever decided to breed, evil would 
                    truly walk the earth.
          
          Patrick gives Kat one last look before the door shuts, then 
          smiles-
          
          EXT. STRATFORD HOUSE - NIGHT 
          
          The lights are on, illuminating the yard
          
          INT.  STRATFORD HOUSE/UPSTAIRS HALLWAY - NIGHT
          
          Bianca and Chastity stand outside Kat's room.  MUSIC is 
          blaring and the door is shut.  Bianca looks at her watch
          
                                 BIANCA
                    She's obviously not going.
          
          INT. LIVING ROOM - NIGHT
          
          Across the carpet, two pairs of teenage girl feet sneak 
          past.  Bianca and Chastity, teddy bear purses in hand.
          
          FROM THE KITCHEN A RUSTLING is heard.  The girls freeze.
          
          Walter emerges from the kitchen with a mile-high sandwich 
          The girls are like statues.  Walter jumps.
          
                                 BIANCA
                    Daddy, I --
          
                                 WALTER
                    And where're you going?
          
                                 BIANCA
                    If you must know, we were attempting to 
                    go to a small study group of friends.
          
                                 WALTER
                    Otherwise known as an orgy?
          
                                 BIANCA
                    It's just a party. Daddy, but I knew 
                    you'd forbid me to go since "Gloria 
                    Steinem" over there isn't going --
          
          She points to Kat -- Walkman blaring -- who comes 
          downstairs, wearing a baby tee and battered Levis.  Her 
          relaxing-at-home look is about 400 times sexier than her at-
          school look.  She wanders toward the kitchen.
          
          Walter directs his attention toward Kat.
          
                                 WALTER
                    Do you know about any party? Katarina?
          
          Kat shrugs as she comes back out of the kitchen with an 
          apple
          
                                 BIANCA
                    Daddy, people expect me to be there!
          
                                 WALTER
                    If Kat's not going, you're not going.
          
          Bianca turns to Kat, eyes ablaze
          
                                 BIANCA
                    You're ruining my life'  Because you 
                    won't be normal, I can't be normal.
          
                                 KAT 
                    What's normal?
          
                                 BIANCA
                    Bogey Lowenstein's party is normal, but 
                    you're too busy listening to Bitches Who 
                    Need Prozac to know that.
          
                                 WALTER
                    What's a Bogey Lowenstein?
          
          Kat takes off her earphones, ready to do battle
          
                                 BIANCA
                    Can't you forget for just one night 
                    that you're completely wretched?
          
                                 KAT
                    At least I'm not a clouted fen- sucked 
                    hedge-pig.
          
          Bianca tosses her hair.
          
                                 BIANCA
                    Like I'm supposed to know what that 
                    even means.
          
                                 KAT
                    It's Shakespeare.  Maybe you've heard 
                    of him?
          
                                 BIANCA
                    Yeah, he's your freak friend Mandella's 
                    boyfriend.  I guess since I'm not 
                    allowed to go out, I should obsess over 
                    a dead guy, too.
          
                                 WALTER
                    Girls
          
          Kat stares Bianca down
          
                                 KAT
                    I know about the goddamn party.  I'm 
                    going.
          
          Bianca and Chastity look at each other, thrilled, and burst 
          into gleeful screams.
          
          A startled Walter clutches Bianca in a protective hug.
          
                                 WALTER
                    Oh, God.  It's starting.
          
                                 BIANCA
                    It's just a party. Daddy.
          
          Walter looks dazed.
          
                                 WALTER
                    Wear the belly before you go.
          
                                 BIANCA
                    Daddy, no!
          
                                 WALTER
                    Just for a minute
          
          He rushes to a cupboard and pulls out a padded faux-
          pregnancy belly.
          
                                 WALTER
                           (continuing)
                    I want you to realize the weight of 
                    your decisions.
          
          He hangs the belly on her as she stands mortified.
          
                                 BIANCA
                    You are so completely unbalanced.
          
                                 KAT 
                    Can we go now?

          Scanned by http://freemoviescripts.com
          Formatting by http://simplyscripts.home.att.net

          
                                 WALTER
                           (to Bianca)
                    Promise me you won't talk to any boys 
                    unless your sister is present.
          
                                 BIANCA
                    Why?
          
                                 WALTER
                    Because she'll scare them away.
          
          Kat stomps to the door, grabbing her car keys off the hall 
          table and a sweater from the coat rack. She flings open the 
          door and...
          
          There stands Patrick.
          
                                 PATRICK 
                    Nine-thirty right?
          
          Kat's in shock
          
                                 PATRICK 
                           (continuing)
                    I'm early.
          
          She holds up her keys
          
                                 KAT 
                    I'm driving.
          
          He peeks in behind her.
          
                                 PATRICK 
                    Who knocked up your sister?
          
          INT. BOGEY LOWENSTEIN'S HOUSE - NIGHT
          
          BOGEY, a short Future MBA in a tux, greets his guests like a 
          pro, handing out cigars and martinis.
          
                                 BOGEY
                    Nice to see you.  Martini bar to the 
                    right, shots in the kitchen.
          
          The house is filled to capacity with Padua High's finest Kat 
          pushes through the crowd.  Patrick saunters in behind her
          
          INT. BOGEY'S KITCHEN - NIGHT
          
          Joey lines up a row of shots amid much whooping and 
          hollering within the jock crowd.
          
          Kat enters, then quickly tries to make an about face.  Joey 
          sees her and rushes over to block her, standing in the 
          doorway.
          
                                 JOEY
                    Lookin' fresh tonight, Pussy-Kat
          
          Kat gives him a death look and then stops and points at his 
          forehead.
          
                                 KAT
                    Wait -- was that?-- Did your hairline 
                    just recede?
          
          He panics, whipping out a handy pocket mirror   She's 
          already walking away.
          
                                 JOEY 
                    Where ya goin?
          
                                 KAT
                    Away.
          
                                 JOEY 
                    Your sister here?
          
          Kat's face shows utter hatred
          
                                 KAT 
                    Leave my sister alone.
          
                                 JOEY 
                           (smirking) 
                    And why would I do that?
          
          A RUCKUS sounds from the next room
          
                                 JOCK 
                    A fight!
          
          The other jocks rush to watch as two Coffee Kids splash 
          their cupfuls on each other.
          
                                 COFFEE KID #1
                    That was a New Guinea Peaberry, you 
                    Folger's-crystals-slurping-buttwipe.
          
          Caffeinated fists fly.  Joey slithers away from the door to 
          watch, giving Kat one last smirk, just as Bianca walks into 
          the kitchen.
          
                                 JOEY 
                    Just who I was looking for.
          
          He puts his arm around Bianca and escorts her out
          
                                 KAT 
                                 BIANCA
          
          Bianca keeps walking, ignoring Kat
          
          A GUY pouring shots hands Kat one She downs it and accepts 
          another.
          
          GUY
          Drink up, sister.
          
          Patrick walks up
          
                                 PATRICK
                    What's this?
          
                                 KAT 
                           (mocking)
                    "I'm getting trashed, man." Isn't that 
                    what you're supposed to do at a party?
          
                                 PATRICK
                    I say, do what you wanna do.
          
                                 KAT
                    Funny, you're the only one
          
          She downs another.
          
          INT. BOGEY'S LIVING ROOM - NIGHT
          
          Cameron and Michael enter.  Cameron looks, around for his 
          beloved, while Michael schmoozee with all in attendance and 
          dishes dirt simultaneously.
          
                                 MICHAEL 
                           (high-fiving a 
                           jock)
                    Moose, my man! 
                           (to Cameron)
                    Ranked fifth in the state. Recruiters 
                    have already started calling.
          
          Cameron nods intently
          
                                 MICHAEL 
                           (continuing; 
                           grabbing his belt)
                    Yo, Clem. 
                           (to Cameron)
                    A Patsy Cline fan, but hates the new 
                    Leanne Rimes. 
                           (with a Jamaican 
                           swagger)
                    Ziggy, peace, bra. 
                           (to Cameron)
                    Prefers a water pipe, but has been 
                    known to use a bong.
          
          Michael spots Bianca and Chastity, watching the skirmish, 
          and points Cameron's body in her direction.
          
                                 MICHAEL 
                           (continuing)
                    Follow the love, man
          
          ON BIANCA AND CHASTITY Bianca cranes her neck
          
                                 BIANCA
                    Where did he go?  He was just here.
          
                                 CHASTITY 
                    Who?
          
                                 BIANCA
                    Joey.
          
          Cameron walks over.
          
                                 CAMERON
                    Evening, ladies.
          
          Bianca turns and graces him with a pained smile.
          
                                 BIANCA
                    Hi.
          
                                 CAMERON
                    Looks like things worked out tonight, 
                    huh?
          
          Bianca ignores the question and tries to pawn him off
          
                                 BIANCA
                    You know Chastity?
          
                                 CAMERON
                    I believe we share an art instructor
          
                                 CHASTITY 
                    Great
          
                                 BIANCA
                    Would you mind getting me a drink, 
                    Cameron?
          
                                 CAMERON
                    Certainly
                    Pabst?  Old Milwaukee? RaiJieer?
          
          Bianca gives him a tense smile.
          
                                 BIANCA
                    Surprise me.
          
          He heads for the kitchen.  Joey walks up and grabs her 
          around the waist.
          
          She giggles as he picks her up and carries her off -- just 
          as Cameron returns, a beer -- complete with a napkin and 
          straw -- in his hand.
          
          Chastity glares with a jealous fury after Bianca and Joey, 
          then gives Cameron the once-over and walks away.
          
          Michael appears.
          
                                 MICHAEL
                    Extremely unfortunate maneuver.
          
                                 CAMERON
                    The hell is that?  What kind of 'guy 
                    just picks up a girl and carries her 
                    away while you're talking to her?
          
                                 MICHAEL
                    Buttholus extremus.  But hey, you're 
                    making progress.
          
                                 CAMERON
                    No, I ' m not.
          
          He smacks himself in the head
          
                                 CAMERON
                           (continuing)
                    She used me!  She wants to go out with 
                    Dorsey.  Not me.  I'm an idiot!
          
          Michael pats him on the shoulder.
          
                                 MICHAEL 
                    At least you're self-aware
          
          BOGEY'S KITCHEN - NIGHT
          
          Kat and a crowd of White Rastas and Cowboys stand in a 
          drunken group hug singing "I Shot the Sheriff".  Kat has 
          another shot glass in hand.
          
          Patrick is showing a scar to an inebriated, enraptured 
          cheerleader.  He looks up at Kat and smiles meets his eyes 
          then looks away.
          
          INT. BOGEY'S LIVING ROOM - NIGHT 
          
          Bianca stands next to Joey, sipping from her beer
          
                                 JOEY
                    So yeah, I've got the Sears catalog 
                    thing going -- and the tube sock gig " 
                    that's gonna be huge.  And then I'm up 
                    for an ad for Queen Harry next week.
          
                                 BIANCA
                    Queen Harry?
          
                                 JOEY
                    It's a gay cruise line, but I'll be, 
                    like, wearing a uniform and stuff.
          
          Bianca tries to appear impressed, but it's getting 
          difficult.
          
                                 BIANCA
                    Neat...
          
                                 JOEY
                    My agent says I've got a good shot at 
                    being the Prada guy next year.
          
          He looks over her shoulder and waves at someone.  Bianca 
          takes the opportunity to escape.
          
                                 BIANCA
                    I'll be right back.
          
          INT. BOGEY'S BATHROOM - NIGHT
          
          Bianca shuts the door and leans on it with a sigh.  Chastity 
          applies lip-gloss in the mirror.
          
                                 BIANCA
                    He practically proposed when he found 
                    out we had the same dermatologist. I 
                    mean. Dr. Bonchowski is great an all, 
                    but he's not exactly relevant party 
                    conversation.
          
                                 CHASTITY 
                    Is he oily or dry?
          
                                 BIANCA
                    Combination.  I don't know -- I thought 
                    he'd be different.  More of a 
                    gentleman...
          
          Chastity rolls her eyes
          
                                 CHASTITY 
                    Bianca, I don't think the highlights of 
                    dating Joey Dorsey are going to include 
                    door-opening and coat-holding.
          
                                 BIANCA
                    Sometimes I wonder if the guys we're 
                    supposed to want to go out with are the 
                    ones we actually want to go out with, 
                    you know?
          
                                 CHASTITY 
                    All I know is -- I'd give up my private 
                    line to go out with a guy like Joey.
          
          There's a KNOCK at the door.  Bianca opens it to find a very 
          drunken Kat.
          
                                 KAT
                    Bianca, I need to talk to you -- I need 
                    to tell you --
          
                                 BIANCA
                           (cutting her off)
                    I really don't think I need any social 
                    advice from you right now.
          
          Bianca grabs Chastity's arm and they exit
          
          INT. BOGEY'S KITCHEN - NIGHT - LATER 
          
          Patrick tries to remove a shot glass from Kat's hand.
          
                                 PATRICK
          
          Maybe you should let me have it.
          
          Kat is fierce in her refusal to let go
          
                                 KAT
                    I want another one
          
          Joey enters, grabbing Patrick by the shoulder, distracting 
          him from his task.
          
                                 JOEY
                    My man
          
          As Patrick turns, Kat breaks free and dives into the sea of 
          dancing people in the dining room.
          
                                 PATRICK 
                           (annoyed)
                    It's about time.
          
                                 JOEY 
                    A deal's a deal.
          
          He peels off some bills
          
                                 JOEY 
                           (continuing)
                    How'd you do it?
          
                                 PATRICK
                    Do what?
          
                                 JOEY
                    Get her to act like a human
          
          A very drunken Kat jumps up onto the kitchen island and 
          starts dancing by herself.  She lets loose, hair flying. 
          She's almost burlesque.
          
          Others form a crowd, clapping and cheering her on
          
          She swings her head around BANGING it on a copper pot 
          hanging from the rack above the center island.  She starts 
          to sway, then goes down as Patrick rushes over to catch her.
          
          The others CLAP, thinking this is a wonderful finale. 
          Patrick sets her down on her feet, holding her up
          
                                 PATRICK
                    Okay?
          
                                 KAT
                    I'm fine. I'm
          
          She tries to push him away, but staggers when she does grabs  
          her again, bracing her.
          
                                 PATRICK
                    You're not okay.
          
                                 KAT
                    I just need to lie down for awhile
          
                                 PATRICK
                    Uh, uh. You lie down and you'll go to 
                    sleep
          
                                 KAT
                    I know, just let me sleep
          
                                 PATRICK
                    What if you have a concussion? My dog 
                    went to sleep with a concussion and woke 
                    up a vegetable. Not that I could tell 
                    the difference...
          
          She tries to sit on the floor
          
                                 KAT
                    Okay, I'll just sleep but stay awake, 
                    okay?
          
          He pulls her back to her
          
                                 PATRICK
                    C'mon, let's walk
          
          INT. BOGEY'S DINING ROOM - NIGHT
          
          As Patrick walks Kat through the dining room, Cameron  grabs 
          his arm.
          
          CAMERON We need to talk.
          
                                 PATRICK
                    Cameron, I'm a little busy
          
                                 CAMERON
                    It's off. The whole thing.
          
          Kat slides down to the floor and Patrick struggles to  get h 
          back on her feet.
          
                                 PATRICK
                    What 're you talking about?
          
                                 CAMERON
                    She's partial to Joey, not me
          
          Patrick doesn't have time for this.
          
                                 PATRICK
                    Cameron -- do you like the girl?
          
                                 CAMERON
                    Sure
          
                                 PATRICK 
                           (impatient)
                    Then, go get her
          
          Patrick continues walking an oblivious Kat outside. Cameron 
          stands there, unsure how to make use of this advice
          
          EXT. BOGEY LOWENSTEIN'S HOUSE - NIGHT 
          
          Patrick marches Kat around the yard, holding her up
          
                                 KAT
                    This is so patronizing.
          
                                 PATRICK
                    Leave it to you to use big words when 
                    you're shitfaced.
          
                                 KAT
                    Why 're you doing this?
          
                                 PATRICK
                    I told you
          
                                 KAT
                    You don't care if I die
          
                                 PATRICK
                    Sure, I do
          
                                 KAT
                    Why?
          
                                 PATRICK
                    Because then I'd have to start taking 
                    out girls who like me.
          
                                 KAT
                    Like you could find one
          
                                 PATRICK
                    See that?  Who needs affection when 
                    I've got blind hatred?
          
                                 KAT
                    Just let me sit down.
          
          He walks her over to the swingset and plops her down in a 
          swing, moving her hands to hang onto the chains.
          
                                 PATRICK
                    How's that?
          
          She sits and looks at him for a moment with a smile. Then 
          FALLS over backward.
          
                                 PATRICK 
                           (continuing)
                    Jesus.  You're like a weeble
          
          Patrick rushes to right her, then starts pushing her on the 
          swing to keep her entertained.
          
                                 PATRICK 
                           (continuing)
                    Why'd you let him get to you?
          
                                 KAT
                    Who? 
          
                                 PATRICK
                    Dorsey.
          
                                 KAT
                    I hate him.
          
                                 PATRICK
                    I know.  It'd have to be a pretty big 
                    deal to get you to mainline tequila. You 
                    don't seem like the type.
          
                                 KAT
                           (holding up a 
                           drunken head)
                    Hey man. . .  You don ' t think I can 
                    be "cool"?  You don't think I can be 
                    "laid back" like everyone else?
          
                                 PATRICK 
                           (slightly 
                           sarcastic)
                    I thought you were above all that
          
                                 KAT
                    You know what they say
          
          He stops the swing
          
                                 PATRICK
                    No. What do they say?
          
          Kat is asleep, her head resting against the swing's chains.
          
                                 PATRICK 
                           (continuing)
                    Shit!
          
          He drags her to her feet and starts singing loudly.
          
                                 PATRICK 
                           (continuing)
                    Jingle Bells! Jingle Belles! Wake up 
                    damn it!
          
          He sits her down on the slide and shakes her like a rag 
          doll.
          
                                 PATRICK 
                           (continuing)
                    Kat! Wake up!  
          
                                 KAT
                           (waking)
                    What?
          
          He sighs with relief.
          
                                 PATRICK
                    I thought you were...
          
          They share some meaningful eye contact. And then she PUKES 
          on his shoes.
          
          INT. BOGEY'S BATHROOM - NIGHT
          
          Kat washes her face and grabs a bottle of Scope, taking a 
          big swig.
          
          A KNOCK sounds at the door
          
                                 KAT
                    Go away
          
          Bianca opens the door and looks at her sister with the 
          smuggest of all possible grins.
          
                                 BIANCA
                    Dinner taste better on the way out?
          
          Gives her a "don't even start" look.
          
                                 BIANCA
                           (continuing)
                    I don't get you.  You act like you're 
                    too good for any of this, and then you 
                    go totally apeshit when you get here.
          
                                 KAT
                    You're welcome.
          
          She pushes past her and leaves the bathroom.
          
          KAT'S CAR - NIGHT
          
          Kat's in the driver's seat.  Patrick leans in and takes the 
          keys out of the ignition.
          
                                 PATRICK
                    Cute
          
          BOGEY LOWENSTEIN'S HOUSE - NIGHT
          
          Kids loiter on the lawn.  Bianca and Chastity walk outside 
          Joey catches up to them.
          
                                 JOEY
                    A bunch of us are going to Jaret's 
                    house.  Wanna come?
          
          Chastity looks at Bianca, who wears a pained expression.  
          She looks at her watch.
          
                                 BIANCA
                    I have to be home in twenty minutes.
          
                                 CHASTITY 
                           (eagerly, to Joey)
                    I don't have to be home 'til two.
          
                                 JOEY 
                    Then, c'mon.
                           (to Bianca)
                    Maybe next time --
          
          They head back into the party, leaving an astonished Bianca
          
          Cameron exits the party and stops when he sees Bianca 
          standing alone.
          
                                 CAMERON
                           (slightly 
                           accusatory)
                    Have fun tonight?
          
                                 BIANCA
                    Tons
          
          He starts to walk on
          
                                 BIANCA
                           (continuing)
                    Cameron?
          
          He stops. She gives him a helpless smile.
          
                                 BIANCA
                           (continuing)
                    Do you think you could give me a ride 
                    home?
          
          INT. KAT'S CAR - NIGHT
          
          Patrick drives as Kat sits in the passenger seat, fiddling 
          with the radio dial.  She finds a SONG she's happy with and 
          Patrick quickly changes it.
          
                                 PATRICK
                    I'm driving, so I get to pick the 
                    tunes.
          
          She changes it back to her song.
          
                                 KAT
                    It's my car.
          
          He changes it back.
          
                                 PATRICK
                    And I'm in control of it.
          
                                 KAT
                    But it's Gigglepuss - I know you like 
                    them.  I saw you there.
          
          Patrick doesn't have an answer for this, so he let's her 
          listen to her song.
          
                                 KAT 
                           (continuing)
                    When you were gone last year -- where 
                    were you?
          
                                 PATRICK
                    Busy
          
                                 KAT
                    Were you in jail?
          
                                 PATRICK
                    Maybe.
          
                                 KAT
                    No, you weren't
          
                                 PATRICK
                    Then why'd you ask?
          
                                 KAT
                    Why'd you lie?
          
          He doesn't answer, but instead, frowns and turns up the 
          music.  She bobs her head drunkenly.
          
                                 KAT 
                           (continuing)
                    I should do this.
          
                                 PATRICK
                    Do what?
          
                                 KAT
                    This.
          
          She points to the radio
          
                                 PATRICK
                    Start a band?
          
                                 KAT 
                           (sarcastically)
                    My father wouldn't approve of that that
          
                                 PATRICK
                    You don't strike me as the type that 
                    would ask permission.
          
          She turns to look at him.
          
                                 KAT
                    Oh, so now you think you know me?
          
                                 PATRICK
                    I'm gettin' there
          
          Her voice loses it's venom
          
                                 KAT
                    The only thing people know about me is 
                    that I'm "scary".
          
          He turns to look at her -- she looks anything but scary 
          right now.  He tries to hide his smile.
          
                                 PATRICK
          
          Yeah -- well, I'm no picnic myself.
          
          They eye each other, sharing a moment of connection, 
          realizing they're both created the same exterior for 
          themselves.
          
          Patrick pulls into her driveway and shuts off the motor.  He 
          looks up at her house.
          
                                 PATRICK 
                           (continuing)
                    So what ' s up with your dad?  He a 
                    pain in the ass?
          
                                 KAT
                    He just wants me to be someone I'm not.
          
                                 PATRICK
                    Who?
          
                                 KAT
                                 BIANCA
          
                                 PATRICK
                    No offense, but you're sister is 
                    without.  I know everyone likes her and 
                    all, but ...
          
          Kat stares at him with new admiration.
          
                                 KAT
                    You know -- you're not as vile as I 
                    thought you were.
          
          She leans drunkenly toward him.
          
          Their faces grow closer as if they're about to kiss And then 
          Patrick turns away
          
                                 PATRICK
                    So, I'll see you in school
          
          Kat stares at him, pissed.  Then gets out of the car, 
          SLAMMING the door shut behind her.
          
          CAMERON'S CAR - NIGHT
          
          Bianca and Cameron ride in silence.
          He finally breaks it.
          
                                 CAMERON
                    I looked for you back at the party, but 
                    you always seemed to be "occupied".
          
                                 BIANCA
                           (faux-innocence )
                    I was?
          
                                 CAMERON
                    You never wanted to go out with 'me, 
                    did you?
          
          Bianca bites her lip.
          
                                 BIANCA
                           (reluctant)
                    Well, no...
          
                                 CAMERON
                    Then that's all you had to say.
          
                                 BIANCA
                    But
          
                                 CAMERON
                    You always been this selfish?
          
          BIANCA thinks a minute
          
          He pulls up in front of the house
          
                                 CAMERON
                    Just because you're beautiful, doesn't 
                    mean you can treat people like they 
                    don't matter.
          
          She looks at him for a moment -- then grabs his face and 
          gives him a kiss on the lips.  He draws back in surprise, 
          then kisses her back.  She smiles, then gets out of the car 
          without another word.
          
          Cameron grins and drives away
          
                                 CAMERON
                           (continuing)
                    And I'm back in the saddle.
          
          INT. ENGLISH CLASS - DAY
          
          Kat sits at her desk, burying her face in a book as the 
          others enter.  The White Rastas are first.
          
                                 DEREK
                    Kat, my lady, you sway to the rhythm of 
                    my heart.
          
          He grabs her hand and kisses it as she pulls it away.
          
          CLEM, a cowboy, enters, high-fiving Derek with new-found 
          friendliness.
          
                                 CLEM
                    Yippe kai-aye, bra. 
                           (to Kat)
                    Dance for me, cowgirl.
          
          He sits next to Derek
          
                                 CLEM 
                           (continuing)
                    Okay, now tell me again why he didn't 
                    shoot the deputy?
          
                                 DEREK
                    Because the deputy meant him no harm, 
                    my friend.  It was only the sheriff that 
                    was the oppressor.
          
          Joey saunters in and takes his seat.
          
                                 JOEY
                    Kat, babe, you were on fire.
          
          Mrs. Blaise enters and sits at her desk
          
                                 MRS. BLAISE
                    Well now, did everyone have a good 
                    weekend?
          
                                 JOEY 
                    Maybe we should ask Verona
          
          Patrick enters, late, and slinks to his desk.  Kat looks up, 
          down and around, everywhere but at Patrick.
          
          Mrs. Blaise tries to remember what she's supposed to talk 
          about.
          
                                 MRS. BLAISE 
                    Okay then.  Well.
                           (beat)
                    Oh, yes
          
          She clears her throat.
          
                                 MRS. BLAISE 
                           (continuing)
                    I'd like you all to write your own 
                    version of Shakespeare's Sonnet #141.
          
          Groans.
          
                                 MRS. BLAISE 
                           (continuing)
                    Any form you'd like.  Rhyme, no rhyme, 
                    whatever.  I'd like to see you elaborate 
                    on his theme, however. Let's read it 
                    aloud, shall we? Anyone?
          
          The class is frozen in apathy.
          
                                 MRS. BLAISE 
                           (continuing)
                    Derek?
          
          Ms. Blaise hands him the sonnet. He shifts uncomfortably in 
          his seat. Then grins.
          
                                 DEREK 
                           (reading; in his 
                           Rasta stoner drawl)
                    In faith, I do not love thee with mine 
                    eyes/ For they in thee a thousand errors 
                    note/ But 'tis my heart that loves what 
                    they despise/ Who in despite of view is 
                    pleas 'd to dote.
          
          In the back of the room Clem raises his hand
          
                                 CLEM
                    Ms. Blaise, can I get the bathroom 
                    pass?  Damn if Shakespeare don't act as 
                    a laxative on my person.
          
          INT. KENNY'S THAI FOOD DINER - DAY 
          Kat and Mandella scrape the peanuts out of their sauce.
          
                                 MANDELLA
                    You went to the party?  I thought we 
                    were officially opposed to suburban 
                    social activity.
          
                                 KAT
                    I didn't have a choice.
          
                                 MANDELLA
                    You didn't have a choice?  Where's Kat 
                    and what have you done with her?
          
                                 KAT
                    I did Bianca a favor and it backfired.
          
                                 MANDELLA 
                    You didn't
          
                                 KAT
                    I got drunk.  I puked.  I got rejected.  
                    It was big fun.
          
          Patrick enters, walking to the counter to order. He sees Kat 
          and smiles.
          
                                 PATRICK
                    Hey
          
          She gathers her things and bolts out the door.  Patrick 
          looks at Mandella, who shrugs and follows Kat.
          
          INT. BIOLOGY CLASS - DAY Cameron and Michael flank Patrick 
          at his lab table
          
                                 MICHAEL
                    So you got cozy with she who stings?
          
                                 PATRICK
                    No - I've got a sweet-payin' job that 
                    I'm about to lose.
          
                                 CAMERON
                    What'd you do to her?
          
                                 PATRICK
                    I don ' t know. 
                           (beat)
                    I decided not to nail her when she was 
                    too drunk to remember it.
          
          Michael and Cameron look at each other in realization, then 
          turn back to Patrick.
          
                                 CAMERON
          
          You realize this puts the whole operation in peril.
          
                                 PATRICK
          
          No shit.  She won't even look at me
          
                                 CAMERON
          
          Why can't you just tell her you're sorry?
          
          Patrick's expression says that this is not a possibility. 
          Michael makes a time out sign with his hands.
          
                                 MICHAEL
                    I'm on it
          
          INT. HALLWAY - DAY
          
          Mandella is at her locker.  Drawings of William Shakespeare 
          adorn the door.  She looks at them with a sigh, then ties 
          her silk scarf tightly around her neck, in an attempt to cut 
          off her air supply.
          
          Michael walks up.
          
                                 MICHAEL
                    Hey there.  Tired of breathing?
          
                                 MANDELLA 
                           (shyly, as she 
                           loosens the scarf)
                    Hi.
          
                                 MICHAEL 
                    Cool pictures.  You a fan?
          
                                 MANDELLA
                    Yeah.  I guess.
          
          MICHAEL rocks.  Very hip.
          
                                 MANDELLA
                    You think?
          
                                 MICHAEL 
                    Oh yeah.
          
          She looks at him suspiciously
          
                                 MANDELLA
                    Who could refrain that had a heart to 
                    love and in that heart, courage to make 
                    ' B love known?
          
          Michael thinks for a minute.
          
                                 MICHAEL 
                    Macbeth, right?
          
                                 MANDELLA 
                           (happily stunned)
                    Right.
          
                                 MICHAEL 
                    Kat a fan, too?
          
                                 MANDELLA 
                           (puzzled)
                    Yeah...
          
          He leans in close to her, conspiratorially
          
                                 MICHAEL
                    So, listen... I have this friend
          
          EXT. FIELD HOCKEY FIELD - DAY
          
          Cameron sits next to Patrick on the bleachers as they watch 
          Kat's practice.
          
                                 CAMERON
                    She hates you with the fire of a 
                    thousand suns .  That's a direct quote
          
                                 PATRICK
                    She just needs time to cool off I'll 
                    give it a day.
          
          A PUCK flies at them from the field, narrowly missing their 
          heads.
          
                                 PATRICK 
                           (continuing)
                    Maybe two.
          
          He looks at Cameron.
          
                                 PATRICK 
                           (continuing)
                    You makin' any headway?
          
                                 CAMERON
                    She kissed me.
          
                                 PATRICK 
                           (eyebrow raised)
                    Where?
          
          INT. HALLWAY - DAY
          
          Chastity rounds the corner and bends down to get a drink 
          from the water fountain.
          
          NEARBY
          
          Joey stands talking to two JOCK COHORTS.  The guys don't see 
          her.
          
                                 JOEY
                    Don't talk to me about the sweetest 
                    date.  That little halo Bianca is gonna 
                    be prone and proven on prom night.  Six 
                    virgins in a row.
          
          The cohorts chortle Chastity keeps drinking from the 
          fountain
          
          EXT. PARKING LOT - DAY 
          
          Joey leans against Patrick's Jeep.  Patrick is inside.
          
                                 PATRICK
                    I don't know, Dorsey. ..the limo.-the 
                    flowers.  Another hundred for the tux --
          
                                 JOEY
                    Enough with the Barbie n' Ken shit. I 
                    know.
          
          He pulls out his wallet and hands Patrick a wad of money
          
                                 JOEY 
                           (continuing)
                    Take it
          
          Patrick does, with a smile, as he ROARS out of the parking 
          lot.
          
          INT. SCHOOL COURTYARD - DAY 
          
          Kat and Mandella deface a prom flyer.
          
                                 KAT
                    Can you even imagine?  Who the hell 
                    would go to this a bastion of commercial 
                    excess?
          
                                 MANDELLA
                    Well, I guess we're not, since we don't 
                    have dates .
          
                                 KAT
                    Listen to you!  You sound like Betty, 
                    all pissed off because Archie is taking 
                    Veronica.
          
                                 MANDELLA 
                    Okay, okay, we won't go.  It's not like 
                    I have a dress anyway
          
                                 KAT
                    You ' re looking at this from the wrong 
                    perspective.  We're making a statement.
          
                                 MANDELLA 
                           (unconvinced)
                    Oh, good.  Something new and different 
                    for us.
          
          EXT. ARCHERY FIELD - DAY 
          
          Mr. Chapin patrols as boys and girls shoot arrows at targets
          
          Joey swaggers up to Bianca, who is taking careful aim. 
          Chastity watches from across the row.
          
                                 JOEY 
                    Hey, sweet cheeks.
          
                                 BIANCA
                           (not looking at 
                           him)
                    Hi, Joey.
          
                                 JOEY
                    You're concentrating awfully hard 
                    considering it's gym class.
          
          She lets the arrow go and turns to look at him.
          
                                 JOEY 
                           (continuing)
                    Listen, I want to talk to you about the 
                    prom.
          
                                 BIANCA
                    You know the deal.  I can ' t go if Kat 
                    doesn't go --
          
          In the background, a RASTA crumples to the ground.  Hit
          A casualty of Gym.  Mr. Chapin scurries over.
          
                                 JOEY
                    Your sister is going.
          
          Bianca looks at him, surprised
          
                                 BIANCA
                    Since when?
          
          Joey takes the bow and arrow from Bianca's hand.  He draws 
          back and takes aim.
          
                                 JOEY 
                    I'm taking care of it.
          
          Chastity looks over from her spot on the field, but keeps 
          lips firmly shut.
          
          INT. BOOK STORE - DAY
          
          Kat browses through the feminist lit section
          Patrick appears, through a hole in the books.
          
                                 PATRICK
                    Excuse me, have you seen The Feminine 
                    Mystique?  I lost my copy.
          
                                 KAT 
                           (frowning)
                    What are you doing here?
          
                                 PATRICK
                    I heard there was a poetry reading.
          
                                 KAT
                    You 're so --
          
                                 PATRICK
                    Pleasant?
          
          Kat stares at him, deadpan.
          
                                 PATRICK 
                           (continuing)
                    Wholesome.
          
                                 KAT
                    Unwelcome.
          
                                 PATRICK
                    Unwelcome?  I guess someone still has 
                    her panties in a twist.
          
                                 KAT
                    Don't for one minute think that you had 
                    any effect whatsoever on my panties.
          
                                 PATRICK
                    So what did I have an effect on ?
          
                                 KAT
                    Other than my upchuck reflex? Nothing.
          
          She pushes past him and heads out the' door
          Pat looks down at the book he's been holding in his hand:  
          Taming of the Shrew.
          
          INT. CAFETERIA - DAY
          
          Cameron  and Michael flank Patrick as he shovels food into 
          mouth.
          
                                 PATRICK
                    You were right. She's still pissed.
          
                                 MICHAEL
                    Sweet love, renew thy force!
          
                                 PATRICK
                    Man -- don't say shit like that to  me. 
                    People can hear you.
          
                                 CAMERON
                           (exasperated)
                    You humiliated the woman! Sacrifice  
                    yourself on the altar of dignity and  
                    even the score.
          
                                 MICHAEL
                    Best case scenario, you're back on the 
                    payroll for awhile.
          
                                 PATRICK
                    What's the worst?
          
                                 CAMERON
                    You get the girl.
          
          Patrick  thinks for a minute
          
                                 PATRICK
                    If I go down. I'm takin' her with me
          
          INT. ENGLISH CLASS - DAY
          
          Kat and the other students sit at their desks, taking a quiz 
          Patrick's seat is conspicuously empty.
          
          From outside, we hear the soft, unsure beginnings of a SONG. 
          Kat looks up, then out the window, HORRIFIED.
          
          The song grows louder until we realize it's The Partridge 
          Family's "I Think I Love You".  Being sung by Patrick.
          
                                 PATRICK 
                           (0. S.)
                    "This morning, I woke up with this 
                    feeling, I didn't know how to deal with, 
                    and so I just decided to myself--"
          
          The STUDENTS rush to the window. OUTSIDE Patrick stands 
          beneath the window, crooning.
          
          Scurvy is next to him, keeping the beat on the bongos and 
          doing backup vocal s.
          
                                 PATRICK
                    "I'd hide it to myself.  And never talk 
                    about it.  And didn't I go and shout it 
                    when you walked into the room --"
          
          He makes quite a sarcastic show of it.
          
          IN THE CLASSROOM
          
          Mrs. Blaise touches her heart, as if the song is for her. 
          Kat slowly walks to the window, peeking below.
          
          OUTSIDE
          
          Patrick smiles at her as he finishes the verse with a big 
          finale.
          
                                 PATRICK 
                           (continuing)
                    " I think I love you I "
          
          INSIDE
          
          The other students laugh, clap, cheer, etc. Kat sinks down, 
          mortified, but with a slight smile
          
          INT. DETENTION HALL - DAY
          
          Patrick and several other miscreants sit quietly, mulling 
          over their misfortune.
          
                                 MISCREANT 
                    Nice song, Verona.
          
                                 PATRICK
                    Flog me.
          
          He makes the appropriate hand gesture
          
          Mr. Chapin, the gym teacher, sits at the desk in front, 
          ignoring them while he reads a girly weightlifting magazine
          
                                 KAT (0. S.)
                    Excuse me, Mr. Chapin?
          
          Patrick looks up at the sound of her voice and sees Kat 
          standing in the doorway.  She gives him a smile and he perks 
          up a little.
          
          Kat walks into the room and addresses Mr. Chapin again. He 
          turns fully to face her.
          
                                 KAT
                    Sir, I'd like to state for the record 
                    that Mr. Verona ' s current 
                    incarceration is unnecessary.  I never 
                    filed a complaint.
          
                                 MR. CHAPIN 
                    You didn't have to.  He disrupted a 
                    classroom.
          
          Kat glances over at Patrick and motions her head toward the 
          window.
          
          Patrick shrugs, not knowing what she ' s talking about.
          
          She motions again, and looks toward the window with an 
          expression that says, "Make a break for it, moron."
          
          Kat brings her attention back to Mr. Chapin while Patrick 
          inches out of his seat toward the window.
          
          The other miscreants watch with glee.
          
                                 KAT
                    But, Mr. Chapin, I hardly think a 
                    simple serenade warrants a week of 
                    detention.  There are far more hideous 
                    acts than off-key singing being 
                    performed by the student body on a 
                    regular basis.
          
          Patrick is halfway out the window now.  And none too happy 
          about it, considering they're on the second floor.
          
          He eyes a large TREE a few feet away from MR. CHAPIN.  He 
          starts to turn away from Kat
          
                                 MR. CHAPIN 
                    You're not gonna change my mind, Kat. 
                    Rules stick.
          
          Kat starts to panic, as Patrick has yet to make the jump for 
          the tree.
          
                                 KAT
                    Wait, Mr. Chapin.  There's something 
                    I've always wanted to show you.
          
          He turns back toward her again, the very second before he 
          would have spotted Patrick.
          
          Kat glances toward the window.  Patrick's just about to make 
          the jump.
          
                                 MR. CHAPIN 
                    What?
          
                                 KAT
                    These.
          
          From behind, we see her lift up her shirt and flash her bra 
          at Mr. Chapin, just as Patrick makes the Jump.
          
          The miscreants cheer, for both the daring' escape and the 
          flash of skin.
          
          Mr. Chapin reddens and tries to be stern.
          
                                 MR. CHAPIN 
                    I'm going to let that slide, Katarina.  
                    But if I catch you doing that again, 
                    you'll be in here with the rest of these 
                    guys.
          
          He motions to the remaining detention prisoners, without 
          noticing Patrick's absence.
          
          Kat smiles at him.
          
                                 KAT
                    Thank you, Mr. Chapin.
          
          Kat bolts out the door.  Mr. Chapin goes back to his muscle 
          mag, wiping the sweat from his brow.
          
          EXT. SCHOOL CAMPUS LAWN
          
          Kat arrives at the tree. looking around breathlessly, seeing 
          no one.
          
                                 KAT
                    He left!  I sprung the dickhead and he 
                    cruised on me.
          
                                 PATRICK 
                           (0. S.)
                    Look up, sunshine
          
          She does.  He's still in the tree
          
                                 PATRICK
                    I guess I never told you I'm afraid of 
                    heights.
          
                                 KAT
                           (smiling)
                    C'mon.  It's not that bad
          
                                 PATRICK
                    Try lookin' at it from this angle
          
          She assesses the branch structure
          
                                 KAT
                    Put your right foot there --
          
                                 PATRICK
                    Forget it.  I'm stayin'.
          
                                 KAT
                    You want me to climb up and show you 
                    how to get down?
          
                                 PATRICK
                           (voice trembling)
                    Maybe.
          
          She sighs and dose so.  When she gets to his level, she 
          perches on the branch next to him.  He grins at her.
          
          Then swings himself down with the grace and ease of a 
          monkey, leaving her sitting there, realizing she's been 
          duped.
          
                                 KAT
                    You shit!
          
          She climbs down after him
          
          EXT. OUTDOOR ARCADE - DAY 
          
          Patrick and Kat walk amongst the games
          
                                 KAT
                    The Partridge Family?
          
                                 PATRICK
                    I figured it had to be something 
                    ridiculous to win your respect.  And 
                    piss you off.
          
                                 KAT
                    Good call.
          
                                 PATRICK
                    So how'd you get Chapin to look the 
                    other way?
          
                                 KAT
                    I dazzled him with my wit
          
          She stops and picks up a toy gun that SHOOTS water at 
          giggling hyenas and wails on it.  The barker hands her a 
          stuffed animal as her prize.  She hands it to the small KID 
          next to her and they continue walking.
          
                                 PATRICK 
                           (sarcastic)
                    A soft side? Who knew?
          
                                 KAT
                    Yeah, well, don't let it get out
          
                                 PATRICK
                    So what's your excuse?
          
                                 KAT
                    Acting the way we do.
          
                                 PATRICK
                    Yes
          
                                 KAT
                    I don't like to do what people expect.  
                    Then they expect it all the time and 
                    they get disappointed when you change.
          
                                 PATRICK
                    So if you disappoint them from the 
                    start, you're covered?
          
                                 KAT
                    Something like that
          
                                 PATRICK
                    Then you screwed up
          
                                 KAT
                    How?
          
                                 PATRICK
                    You never disappointed me.
          
          She blushes under his gaze
          
                                 PATRICK 
                           (continuing)
                    You up for it?
          
                                 KAT
                    For. . . ?
          
          He motions to the SIGN for a paint-ball game. She grins 
          SERIES OF SHOTS:
          
          The two of them creep through the paint-ball course, 
          stealthy and full of the desire to best the other.
          
          Patrick nails Kat in the back with a big glob of red paint 
          Kat gets him in the chest with a glob of blue.
          
          Patrick returns fire with a big yellow splat to the side of 
          her face.
          
          Kat squirts a green shot to his forehead After a few more 
          shots, they're both covered in paint
          
          She tries to shoot him again, only to find that her gun is 
          empty.
          
                                 KAT 
                           (continuing)
                    Damn it!
          
          Patrick grabs her in a victorious tackle.  They land, 
          laughing.
          
          It's hard to even recognize them, as their hair and faces 
          are so smeared with paint globs, but they still manage to 
          find each other's eyes.
          
          He wipes a smear of blue paint away from her lips,  as he 
          goes to kiss her.
          
          NEARBY The kid with the stuffed animal, points
          
                                 KID 
                    Look, Mom
          
          His mother hurries him away. What's started as a tackle has 
          turned into a passionate kiss
          
          EXT. STRATFORD HOUSE - NIGHT
          
          Patrick pulls up in Kat's driveway.  Their paint wardrobe 
          has dried by now and they look like refugees from some 
          strange, yet colorful, war.
          
                                 KAT
                    State trooper?
          
                                 PATRICK
                    Fallacy.
          
                                 KAT
                    The duck?
          
                                 PATRICK
                    Hearsay.
          
                                 KAT
                    I know the porn career's a lie.
          
          He shuts off the car and turns to her.
          
                                 PATRICK
                    Do you?
          
          He kisses her neck.  It tickles.  She laughs.
          
                                 KAT
                    Tell me something true.
          
                                 PATRICK
                    I hate peas.
          
                                 KAT
                    No -- something real.  Something no one 
                    else knows.
          
                                 PATRICK 
                           (in-between kisses)
                    You're sweet.  And sexy.  And 
                    completely hot for me.
          
                                 KAT
                    What?
          
                                 PATRICK
                    No one else knows
          
                                 KAT
                    You're amazingly self-assured. Has 
                    anyone ever told you that?
          
                                 PATRICK
                    Go to the prom with me
          
          Kat's smile disappears.
          
                                 KAT
                    Is that a request or a command?
          
                                 PATRICK
                    You know what I mean
          
                                 KAT
                    No.
          
                                 PATRICK
                    No what?
          
                                 KAT
                    No, I won't go with you
          
                                 PATRICK
                    Why not?
          
                                 KAT
                    Because I don't want to. It's a stupid 
                    tradition.
          
          Patrick sits quietly, torn. He can't very well tell her he 
          being paid to take her.
          
                                 PATRICK
                    People won't expect you to go...
          
          Kat turns to him, getting angry.
          
                                 KAT
                    Why are you doing this?
          
                                 KAT
                    All of it -- what's in it for you?
          
          He sits silently, not looking at her, confirming her 
          suspicions.
          
                                 KAT 
                           (continuing)
                    Create a little drama?  Start a new 
                    rumor?  What?
          
                                 PATRICK
                    So I have to have a motive to be with 
                    you?
          
                                 KAT
                    You tell me.
          
                                 PATRICK
                    You need therapy.  Has anyone ever told 
                    you that?
          
                                 KAT 
                           (quietly)
                    Answer the question, Patrick
          
                                 PATRICK 
                           (angry)
                    Nothing!  There's nothing in it for me.  
                    Just the pleasure of your company.
          
          He takes out a cigarette.  She breaks it in half before she 
          SLAMS the car door and walks into the house.
          
          Patrick PEELS out of the driveway. Kat turns at the front 
          door and watches him go
          
          EXT. STREET - NIGHT 
          
          Patrick pulls up to a stop light and waits for .the green
          
          He glances over at A DRUNKEN HOMELESS GUY in the median, who 
          has decided that he doesn't need to wear pants.
          
          Patrick pulls out his wallet, takes the wad of money Joey 
          gave him and hands it to the homeless guy.
          
                                 PATRICK
                    cover that up
          
          The light turns green and Patrick pulls away
          
          INT. STRATFORD HOUSE/BATHROOM - NIGHT
          
          Kat stands at the sink, scrubbing paint off of her face 
          Bianca TAPS on the open door.
          
                                 BIANCA
                    Quick question -- are you going to the 
                    prom?
          
          Kat pushes the door shut with a SLAM
          
          INT. STUDY HALL - DAY
          
          Cameron and Bianca sit together at their study cubby.  She 
          fingers a strand of her hair.
          
                                 BIANCA
                    Then Guillermo says, "If you go any 
                    lighter, you're gonna look like an extra 
                    on 90210."
          
                                 CAMERON
                    No...
          
          Bianca stares at him for a moment.
          
                                 BIANCA
                    do you listen to this crap?
          
                                 CAMERON
                    What crap?
          
                                 BIANCA
                    Me.  This endless ...blonde babble. I'm 
                    like, boring myself.
          
                                 CAMERON
                    Thank God!  If I had to hear one more 
                    story about your coiffure...
          
          He mock stabs himself with a pencil as she giggles and 
          smacks his hand away.
          
                                 CAMERON
                           (continuing)
                    I figured you'd get to the good stuff 
                    eventually.
          
                                 BIANCA
                    What good stuff?
          
                                 CAMERON
                    The "real you".
          
                                 BIANCA
                    Like my fear of wearing pastels?
          
          He looks stricken.
          
                                 BIANCA
                           (continuing)
                    I'm kidding. 
                           (beat)
                    You know how sometimes you just become 
                    this "persona"?  And you don't know how 
                    to quit?
          
                                 CAMERON
                           (matter of fact)
                    No
          
                                 BIANCA
                    Okay -- you're gonna need to learn how 
                    to lie.
          
          INT. HALLWAY - DAY
          
          Mandella struggles with the lock on her locker.  Finally, it 
          opens.
          
          Hanging inside is a beautiful DRESS, inspired by the 16th 
          Century.  Mandella slowly unpins a NOTE from the dress.
          
          INSERT - "0 FAIR ONE.  JOIN ME AT THE PROM.  I WILL BE 
          WAITING.  LOVE, WILLIAM S."
          
          Mandella's agog.  Trevor walks by and sees her holding the 
          dress.
          
                                 TREVOR
                    You're gonna look splendiferous in 
                    that, Mandella.
          
          Mandella looks up sharply, shaken from her reverie.
          
                                 TREVOR 
                           (continuing)
                    that's cool to say.
          
          Mandella grins It is
          
                                 MANDELLA
          
          INT. STRATFORD HOUSE/DEN - DAY
          
          Sharon is at her computer, Walter at his exercise bike
          
                                 SHARON
                    Would you rather be ravished by a 
                    pirate or a British rear admiral?
          
                                 WALTER
                    Pirate -- no question.
          
          Bianca enters and walks over to Walter
          
                                 BIANCA
                    Daddy, I want to discuss the prom with 
                    you. It's tomorrow night --
          
                                 WALTER
                    The prom?  Kat has a date?
          
                                 BIANCA
                    No, but
          
                                 WALTER
                    It's that hot rod Joey, right? That ' s 
                    who you want me to bend my rules for?
          
                                 BIANCA
                    He's not a "hot rod".  Whatever that 
                    is.
          
                                 WALTER
                    You're not going unless your sister 
                    goes.  End of story.
          
                                 BIANCA
                    Fine.  I see that I'm a prisoner in my 
                    own house.  I'm not a daughter. I'm a 
                    possession!
          
          Bianca storms out.
          
                                 WALTER
                           (calling out)
                    You know what happens at proms?
          
          Sharon stops her typing and looks up at Walter
          
                                 SHARON
                    They'll dance, they'll kiss, they'll 
                    come home.  Let her go.
          
                                 WALTER
                    Kissing?  Is that what you think 
                    happens?  Kissing isn't what keeps me up 
                    to my elbows in placenta all day.
          
          INT. BIANCA'S ROOM - NIGHT 
          
          Bianca lies on her bed.  MTV blares.  A KNOCK sounds.
          
          BIANCA
          Come in.
          
          Kat enters and sits down on the bed, muting the TV.
          
                                 KAT 
                           (kindly)
                    Listen, I know you hate having to sit 
                    home because I'm not Susie High School.
          
                                 BIANCA
                    Like you care.
          
                                 KAT
                    I do care. But I'm a firm believer in 
                    doing something for your own reasons, 
                    not someone else ' s .
          
                                 BIANCA
                    I wish I had that luxury. I'm the only 
                    sophomore that got asked to the prom and 
                    I can't go, because you won ' t.
          
          Kat clears her throat
          
                                 KAT
                    Joey never told you we went out, did 
                    he?
          
                                 BIANCA
                    What?
          
                                 KAT
                    In 9th.  For a month
          
                                 BIANCA
                           (confused)
                    Why?
          
                                 KAT 
                           (self-mocking)
                    He was, like, a total babe
          
                                 BIANCA
                    But you hate Joey
          
                                 KAT
                    Now I do.  Back then, was a different 
                    story.
          
                                 BIANCA
                    As in...
          
          Kat takes a deep breath.
          
                                 KAT
                    He said everyone was doing it.  So I 
                    did it.
          
                                 BIANCA
                    You did what?
          
                                 KAT 
                           (continuing on)
                    Just once.  Afterwards, I told him I 
                    didn't want to anymore.  I wasn't ready.  
                    He got pissed.  Then he broke up with 
                    me.
          
          Bianca stares at her, dumbfounded
          
                                 BIANCA
                    But
          
                                 KAT
                    After that, I swore I'd never do 
                    anything just because "everyone else" 
                    was doing it.  And I haven't since. 
                    Except for Bogey's party, and my 
                    stunning gastro-intestinal display --
          
                                 BIANCA
                           (stunned)
                    Why didn't you tell me?
          
                                 KAT
                    I wanted to let you make up your own 
                    mind about him.
          
                                 BIANCA
                    No. you didn't!  If you really thought 
                    I could make my own decisions, you 
                    would've let me go out with him instead 
                    of helping Daddy hold me hostage.
          
          Kat stands up slowly
          
                                 KAT
                    That's not
          
                                 BIANCA
                    I'm not stupid enough to repeat your 
                    mistakes.
          
                                 KAT
                    I guess I thought I was protecting you.
          
                                 BIANCA
                    God, you're just like him! Just keep me 
                    locked away in the dark, so I can't 
                    experience anything for myself
          
                                 KAT
                    Not all experiences are good, Bianca. 
                    You can't always trust the people you 
                    want to.
          
                                 BIANCA
                    I guess I'll never know, will I?
          
          She rises and holds the door open for Kat, then slams it 
          behind her.
          
          EXT. STRATFORD HOUSE - DAY 
          
          A sprinkler cruises the lawn.
          
          INT. KAT'S ROOM - DAY
          
          Kat lies in bed, staring at the ceiling.  She rolls over and 
          picks up the phone.
          
          BIANCA'S ROOM - DAY
          
          Bianca, still in her pajamas, eats a bowl of cereal while 
          watching "I Love Lucy" reruns.
          
          A KNOCK sounds
          
                                 BIANCA
                    Come in.
          
          Kat opens the door and peers in with a grin
          
                                 KAT
                    Feel like shopping?
          
          Bianca looks up, hopefully.
          
          LIVING ROOM - NIGHT
          
          Walter and Sharon are in front of the television.  Walter 
          has the TV Guide in hand, glasses on.
          
                                 WALTER
                    What do you wanna watch?  We've got 
                    crap, crap, crap or crap
          
                                 SHARON 
                    Dr. Ruth?
          
          Bianca walks into the living room.  She's wearing a prom 
          dress.
          
                                 BIANCA
                    Hi, Mommy.
                           (looking away)
                                 WALTER
          
          Walter scurries takes off his glasses and looks from Bianca 
          to Sharon.
          
                                 SHARON 
                    Honey, you look beautiful!
          
                                 BIANCA
                    You like?  My date should be here in 
                    five.
          
                                 WALTER
                    I'm missing something.
          
                                 BIANCA
                    I have a date, Daddy.  And he ' s not a 
                    captain of oppression like some men we 
                    know.
          
          The DOORBELL RINGS.  Bianca runs to open it.  There stands 
          CAMERON.  He takes in Bianca's outfit.
          
                                 CAMERON
                    Wow
          
                                 BIANCA
                    Let's go.
          
          Walter rises.  Sharon pulls him back down on the couch
          
                                 SHARON 
                           (to Bianca)
                    Have a great time, honey!
          
                                 WALTER
                    But -- who -- what --?
          
          The door SLAMS.  As Sharon looks at Walter with a grin, a 
          blur rushes down the stairs and out the door.  The blur has 
          Kat ' s voice.
          
                                 KAT
                    Hey, guys. I'm going to the prom. See 
                    you in a few.
          
          The door SLAMS again.  Walter and Sharon 'are alone
          
                                 WALTER
                    What just happened?
          
                                 SHARON
                    Your daughters went to the prom.
          
                                 WALTER
                    Did I have anything to say about it?
          
                                 SHARON 
                    Absolutely not.
          
                                 WALTER
                    That ' s what I thought
          
          The DOORBELL RINGS again. Walter opens it to find Joey on 
          the porch, wearing a tux.
          
                                 JOEY 
                    I'm here to pick up Bianca.
          
                                 WALTER
                    late
          
          He SLAMS the door shut
          
          EXT  HOTEL PARKING LOT - NIGHT
          
          Kat pulls up in her car, emerging resplendent in an ice 
          gown.
          
          Patrick sits on the steps, waiting.  In a tux.
          
                                 KAT
                    How'd you get a tux at the last minute?
          
                                 PATRICK
                    It's Scurvy's.  His date got convicted.  
                    Where'd you get the dress?
          
                                 KAT
                    It's just something I had.  You know
          
                                 PATRICK 
                           (smiling)
                    Oh huh
          
                                 KAT
                    Look, I'm  -- sorry -- that I 
                    questioned your motives.  I was wrong.
          
          Patrick winces slightly, but covers it with a smile
          
                                 PATRICK
                    No prob.
          
          He remains seated.  Kat fidgets nervously.
          
                                 KAT
                    are you ready?
          
          He rises and stares at her, taking in her image 
          appreciatively.  She blushes and turns away.
          
                                 KAT 
                           (continuing)
                    C'mon.  Let's get this over with.
          
          INT.  PROM - NIGHT
          
          A hotel ballroom transformed into a fantasy world.  Patrick 
          and Kat enter, Kat attempting to deny the romance of it.
          
                                 KAT
                    Quite the ostentatious display
          
          A cowboy two-steps by them, dragging some poor girl around
          
                                 PATRICK
                    Look, Clem even wore his good boots
          
          Kat steps forward, looking around and spots Cameron and 
          Bianca dancing cheek to cheek.  She smiles.
          
          ACROSS THE ROOM
          
          Mandella enters nervously, in the long Elizabethan gown, 
          hair piled on top of her head.  She spots Kat and hurries 
          over.
          
                                 MANDELLA
                    Have you seen him?
          
                                 KAT
                    Who?
          
                                 MANDELLA
                    William - he asked me to meet him here.
          
                                 KAT
                    Oh, honey -- tell me we haven't' 
                    progressed to full-on hallucinations.
          
          Patrick looks toward the door and taps Kat.  She turns and 
          points Mandella the same way.
          
          Michael - in full Shakespearean dress with a new goatee on 
          his chin - bows in their direction. Mandella's grin couldn't 
          be bigger.
          
          Michael swashbuckles over to them, taking Mandella's hand 
          and leading her onto the dance floor.
          
                                 MICHAEL 
                    Mi' lady.
          
                           (to Patrick)
                    Good sir.
          
          Patrick rolls his eyes.
          
          INT.  PROM - NIGHT - LATER
          
          Kat and Patrick dance to a slow SONG.  Whatever he's 
          whispering into her ear is making her laugh.
          
          Cam and Bianca dance nearby, glowing with happiness. She 
          whispers something in his ear and heads for the ladies' room
          
          INT. LADIES ROOM - NIGHT
          
          Bianca walks in, positively radiant. Chastity emerges from a 
          stall.
          
                                 BIANCA
                           (surprised)
                    What are you doing here?
          
          Chastity checks her hair in the mirror,  aloof.
          
                                 CHASTITY 
                    You think you ' re the only sophomore 
                    at the prom?
          
                                 BIANCA
                    I did.
          
          Chastity maintains her snooty tone.
          
                                 CHASTITY 
                    And just so you know, my date isn't 
                    planning on spending most of the night 
                    in his backseat.
          
          BIANCA What're you talking about?
          
                                 CHASTITY 
                    Joey Dorsey is only after one thing - - 
                    your cherry. He practically made a 
                    public announcement.
          
          Appalled, Bianca storms out. Chastity  tries to backpedal.
          
                                 CHASTITY 
                           (continuing)
                    I wanted to tell you
          
          INT.  PROM - NIGHT
          
          Joey, drunk, disorderly and pissed off, walks in with a few 
          stray jocks - also dateless.  He zeroes in on Cameron, now 
          consoling a pissed-off Bianca.
          
          Patrick and Kat continue to slow dance, oblivious to the 
          evil about to erupt.
          
                                 PATRICK
                    My grandmother's .
          
                                 KAT
                    What?
          
                                 PATRICK
                    That's where I was last year.  She'd 
                    never lived alone -- my grandfather died 
                    -- I stayed with her.  I wasn't in jail, 
                    I don't know Marilyn Manson, and I've 
                    never slept with a Spice Girl.  I spent 
                    a year sitting next to my grandma on the 
                    couch watching Wheel of Fortune.  End of 
                    story.
          
          He takes a breath and looks away, not meeting her eyes. Kat 
          stares at him for a moment and laughs a delighted laugh
          
                                 KAT
                    That ' s completely adorable!
          
                                 PATRICK
                    It gets worse -- you still have your 
                    freshman yearbook?
          
          He's interrupted by Joey's hand on his shoulder.
          
                                 JOEY
                    What's Bianca doing here with that 
                    cheese dick?  I didn't pay you to let 
                    some little punk ass snake me.
          
          ACROSS THE ROOM
          
          Michael spots the altercation and dances Mandella over to 
          Cameron and Bianca.
          
                                 MICHAEL 
                           (to Cameron)
                    Feces hitting fan.  C'mon
          
          Michael takes Cameron aside, leaving Mandella and Bianca 
          staring after them.
          
          ACROSS THE ROOM
          
          Michael and Cameron approach Joey as he continues to taunt 
          Patrick who keeps quiet, realizing the weight of this 
          situation.
          
                                 MICHAEL 
                           (continuing)
                    Joey, pal, compadre.  Let's take it 
                    easy.
          
          Joey turns toward Michael and Cameron.
          
          JOEY You two are in big trouble
          
          Cameron faces Joey.
          
                                 CAMERON
                    Admit it.  You lost.  Be a man.
          
          Joey PUNCHES Cameron in the face, taking him by surprise 
          Cameron holds his nose as it bleeds onto his tux
          
          The various cliques descend angrily and Joey is soon 
          surrounded by seething Cowboys, Coffee Kids and White 
          Rastas.
          
                                 DEREK 
                    Very uncool, my brother
          
                                 JOEY
                    I'm not your brother, white boy.
          
          The other Rastas GASP, as if stung by the realization that 
          they're white.
          
          Joey turns back to Patrick and Kat.
          
                                 JOEY 
                           (continuing)
                    Just so you know -- she'll only spread 
                    her legs once.
          
          Kat looks from Joey to Patrick, not sure what she's hearing. 
          Joey pushes through the crowd but a HAND drags him back. 
          It's Bianca.  And she BELTS the hell out of him
          
                                 BIANCA
                    That's for making my date bleed
          
          She BELTS him again
          
                                 BIANCA
                           (continuing)
                    That's for my sister.
          
          And AGAIN
          
                                 BIANCA
                           (continuing)
                    And that's for me.
          
          Cliques now descend on Joey, punching him wildly.
          
                                 COWBOY
                    And that's for the fourth grade, 
                    asshole.
          
          HOTEL - NIGHT 
          
          KAT runs down the stairs, Patrick chasing her
          
                                 PATRICK
                    Wait I...
          
                                 KAT
                    You were paid to take me out!  By -- 
                    the one person I truly hate.  I knew it 
                    was a set-up!
          
                                 PATRICK
                    It wasn't like that.
          
                                 KAT
                    Really?  What was it like?  A down 
                    payment now, then a bonus for sleeping 
                    with me?
          
                                 PATRICK
                    I didn't care about the money.
          
          He catches up to her now
          
                                 PATRICK 
                           (continuing)
                    I cared about --
          
          She turns to face him with a countenance more in sorrow than 
          in anger.
          
                                 KAT
                    You are so not what I thought you were.
          
          He grabs her and kisses her to shut her up.  After a second, 
          she jerks away and flees down the stairs and out of sight.
          
          Bianca stands at the top of the stairs, watching.  She's 
          never looked more guilty.
          
          INT. STRATFORD HOUSE - DAY
          
          Kat is sprawled on the couch in sweats, wrapped in a 
          blanket, watching "Sixteen Candles".  When Molly Ringwald 
          leans across the birthday cake to get a kiss from her dream 
          date, Kat changes the channel disgustedly, settling for an 
          infomercial
          
          The phone sits next to her.  Not ringing.  Bianca breezes 
          in, bearing a cup of tea.
          
                                 BIANCA
                    Are you sure you don't want to come 
                    with us?  It'll be fun.
          
          Kat takes the tea and gives a weak smile.
          
                                 KAT
                    I ' m sure .
          
          Bianca sits down next to her
          
                                 BIANCA
                    You looked beautiful last night, you 
                    know.
          
                                 KAT
                    So did you
          
          Bianca gives her a squeeze, then jumps up when the DOORBELL 
          rings, opening the door to a waiting Cameron.  He peeks his 
          head inside.
          
                                 CAMERON
                    She okay?
          
                                 BIANCA
                    I hope so.
          
          The door shuts behind her as Walter enters.
          
                                 WALTER
                    Was that your sister?
          
                                 KAT
                    Yeah.  She left with some bikers Big 
                    ones.  Full of sperm.
          
                                 WALTER
                    Funny.
          
          Walter sits down on the arm of the chair and watches the 
          infomercial with Kat.
          
                                 WALTER
                           (continuing)
                    I don't understand the allure of 
                    dehydrated food.  Is this something I 
                    should be hip to?
          
                                 KAT
                    No, Daddy.
          
                                 WALTER
                           (dreading the 
                           answer)
                    So tell me about this dance. Was it 
                    fun?
          
                                 KAT
                    Parts of it.
          
                                 WALTER
                    Which parts?
          
                                 KAT
                    The part where Bianca beat the hell out 
                    of some guy.
          
                                 WALTER
                    Bianca did what?
          
                                 KAT
                    What's the matter?  Upset that I rubbed 
                    off on her?
          
                                 WALTER
                    No -- impressed.
          
          Kat looks up in surprise.
          
                                 WALTER
                           (continuing)
                    You know, fathers don't like to admit 
                    that their daughters are capable of 
                    running their own lives.  It means we've 
                    become spectators.  Bianca still lets me 
                    play a few innings.  You've had me on 
                    the bleachers for years.  When you go to 
                    Sarah Lawrence, I won't even be able to 
                    watch the game.
          
                                 KAT 
                           (hopeful)
                    When I go?
          
                                 WALTER
                    Oh, Christ.  Don't tell me you've 
                    changed your mind.  I already sent 'em a 
                    check.
          
          Kat reaches over and gives him a hug
          
          INT. CAFETERIA - DAY Kat stands grabs a box of cornflakes 
          from the food line.
          
                                 CAMERON (0. S.)
                    Katarina?
          
          She turns and looks at him
          
                                 CAMERON
                    I'd like to express my apologies.
          
                                 KAT
                    For what?
          
                                 CAMERON
                           (looking down)
                    I didn't mean for you to get -- When 
                    Bianca asked me to find you a boyfriend, 
                    I had no idea it would turn out so -- 
                    ugly. I would never have  done anything 
                    to compromise your - - -
          
          He trails off when he realizes she's thrown her food tray 
          against the wall and marched off -- the old "kill, kill" 
          look back in her eyes.
          
          INT. HALLWAY - DAY 
          
          Kat stomps up the hallway, full of menace
          
          CLASSROOM - DAY
          
          Bianca's English teacher perches on the edge of a desk, open 
          book in hand.
          
                                 TEACHER
                    Who can tell me at what point Lucentio 
                    admits his deception?
          
          The door of the classroom FLIES open and an angry Kat stalks 
          in, yanking Bianca from her chair and dragging her toward 
          the hallway.
          
                                 KAT 
                           (to the teacher)
                    Family emergency.
          
          HALLWAY - DAY
          
          Bianca tries to pull away as Kat drags her by the hair 
          between two rows of lockers.
          
                                 BIANCA
                    Let go!
          
                                 KAT
                    You set me up.
          
                                 BIANCA
                    I just wanted --
          
                                 KAT
                    What? To completely damage me?  To send 
                    me to therapy forever? What?
          
                                 BIANCA
                    No! I just wanted
          
          Miss Perky walks up
          
                                 MISS PERKY
                    Ladies?  Shall we take a trip to my 
                    office?
          
          INT. MISS PERKY'S OFFICE - DAY
          
          Miss Perky stares at both sisters as they sit before her, 
          then focuses on Bianca.
          
                                 MISS PERKY
                    So you're the real bitch
          
                                 BIANCA
                    Yes!  Okay?  Yes -- I'm the real bitch.  
                    I wanted her to get a boyfriend so I 
                    could.  Apparently, this makes me a 
                    horrible person.  I'm sorry.
          
          She turns to Kat.
          
                                 BIANCA
                           (continuing)
                    I swear -- I didn't know about the 
                    money.  I didn't even know Joey was 
                    involved.  I would never intentionally 
                    hurt you, Kat.
          
                                 MISS PERKY 
                           (to Kat)
                    Do you care to respond?
          
                                 KAT
                    Am I supposed to feel better? Like, 
                    right now?  Or do I have some time to 
                    think about it?
          
                                 MISS PERKY 
                    Just smack her now.
          
          Bianca rises, taking Kat by the arm.
          
                                 BIANCA
                           (to Miss Perky)
                    We'll be getting back to you.
          
                                 MISS PERKY 
                    What, no hug?
          
          HALLWAY - DAY 
          
          And Bianca leave Miss Perky's office
          
                                 BIANCA
                    Is that woman a complete fruit-loop or 
                    is it just me?
          
                                 KAT
                    It's just you.
          
          ENGLISH CLASS - DAY 
          
          Mrs. Blaise faces the class
          
                                 MRS. BLAISE
                    All right.  I'm assuming everyone found 
                    time to compose, their poems. Except for 
                    Mr. Dorsey, who's still in ICU.
          
          Nerds in the back high-five each other.
          
                                 MRS. BLAISE 
                           (continuing)
                    Would anyone care to read theirs aloud?
          
          No one moves.  Then Kat slowly stands up.
          
                                 KAT
                    I'11 go
          
          Patrick looks up.
          
                                 MRS. BLAISE 
                    Oh, Lord.
          
          She downs a couple Prozac
          
                                 MRS. BLAISE 
                           (continuing)
                    Please proceed.
          
          Kat stands, puts on her glasses, and takes a deep breath 
          before reading from her notebook.
          
                                 KAT
                    I hate the way you talk to me/ and the 
                    way you cut your hair/ I hate the way 
                    you drive my car/ I hate it when you 
                    stare.
          
          She pauses, then continues
          
                                 KAT 
                           (continuing)
                    I hate your big dumb combat boots/ and 
                    the way you read my mind/ I hate you so 
                    much it makes me sick/ it even makes me 
                    rhyme.
          
          She takes a deep breath, and looks quickly at Patrick, who 
          stares at the floor.
          
                                 KAT 
                           (continuing)
                    I hate the way you're always right/ I 
                    hate it when you lie/ I hate it when you 
                    make me laugh/ even worse when you make 
                    me cry/ I hate it that you're not 
                    around/ and the fact that you didn't 
                    call/ But mostly I hate the way I don ' 
                    t hate you/ not even close, not even a 
                    little bit, not even any at all.
          
          She looks directly at Patrick.  He looks back this time.  
          The look they exchange says everything.
          
          Then she walks out of the room The rest of the class remains 
          in stunned silence.
          
          EXT. PARKING LOT - MOMENTS LATER
          
          Kat walks to her car alone. When she opens the door, she's 
          greeted with a Fender Stratocaster guitar, reclining in the 
          front seat.
          
          She picks it up slowly, inspecting every detail, then spins 
          around.
          
          Patrick stands there, smiling.
          
                                 KAT
                    A Fender Strat. You bought this?
          
                                 PATRICK
                    I thought you could use it. When you 
                    start your band.
          
          She doesn't answer, but hides a smile, so he walks  closer.
          
                                 PATRICK 
                           (continuing)
                    Besides, I had some extra cash. Some 
                    asshole paid me to take out a really 
                    great girl.
          
                                 KAT
                    Is that right?
          
                                 PATRICK
                    Yeah, but then I fucked up. I fell for 
                    her.
          
          Blushes and looks down.
          
                                 PATRICK 
                           (continuing)
                    You know -- it's not every day you find 
                    a girl who'll flash her tits to get you 
                    out of detention.
          
          Looks up. surprised and embarrassed that he found out
          
          He takes her upturned face as a sign to kiss her and he does 
          She lets him this time.
          
          Then breaks it off
          
                                 KAT
                    You can't just buy me a guitar every 
                    time you screw up, you know.
          
          He grimaces.
          
                                 PATRICK
                    I know
          
          He quiets her with another kiss Which she breaks off again.
          
                                 KAT
                    And don't just think you can
          
          He kisses her again, not letting her end it this time.
          
          STRATFORD HOUSE - SUNSET
          
          We hear the sounds of MUSIC and LAUGHTER.
          
          STRATFORD HOUSE/BACKYARD - SUNSET
          
          Patrick is at the barbecue grill, flipping burgers.  Kat 
          watches.
          
                                 KAT
                    Why is my veggie burger the only burnt 
                    object on this grill?
          
                                 PATRICK
                    Because I like to torture you.
          
                                 KAT
                    Oh, Bianca?  Can you get me my freshman 
                    yearbook?
          
                                 PATRICK
                    Don ' t you even dare. . .
          
          ON BIANCA AND CAMERON As they argue on the patio.
          
                                 CAMERON
                    They do to!
          
                                 BIANCA
                    They do not!
          
          Rises to get the yearbook.
          
                                 CAMERON
                    Can someone please tell her that 
                    sunflower seeds come from sunflowers?
          
          ON MICHAEL AND MANDELLA
          
          Severely making-out in a lawn chair.  She comes up for a 
          breath.
          
                                 MANDELLA
                    I can't remember a word of Shakespeare 
                    right now. Isn't that weird?
          
          Michael pulls her back down for another round ON KAT AND 
          PATRICK
          
          She tries to keep him from grabbing the yearbook that Bianca 
          now hands her.
          
                                 KAT
                    You're freaked over this, aren't you?
          
          Bianca hands her the yearbook
          
                                 BIANCA
                    He's more than freaked.  He's froke
          
          Flips to a page.
          
                                 KAT
                    I'd like to call your attention to 
                    Patrick Verona's stunning bad-ass look 
                    of 1995 ---
          
          INSERT - A horrifically nerdy freshman year picture Glasses, 
          bad hair, headgear -- the works.
          
          She holds up the picture for all to view. Patrick cringes 
          and throws a handful of pretzels at her.
          
                                 BIANCA
                    Patrick -- is that- a.
          
                                 KAT
                    Perm?
          
                                 PATRICK
                    Ask my attorney.
          
          Kat and Bianca huddle over the picture, giggling --  as we 
          CRANE UP and hear a GIRLY PUNK version of The Partridge 
          Family's "I Think I Love You".
          
          FADE OUT:
          
          END