THE BREAKFAST CLUB


                      The Breakfast Club

                    written and directed by
                         John Hughes



BLANK SCREEN:
     Against Black, TITLE CARD:

           "...and these children that you spit on,
            as they try to change their worlds are
           immune to your consultations.  They're
         quite aware of what they're going through...
                                        - David Bowie"

     The Blank Screen and Title Card SHATTER to reveal...

1. EXT. SHERMER HIGH SCHOOL - DAY

     During Brian's monologue, we see various views of things
     inside the school including Bender's locker.

                          BRIAN (VO)
               Saturday...March 24, 1984.  Shermer
               High School, Shermer, Illinois.
               60062.  Dear Mr. Vernon...we accept
               the fact that we had to sacrifice a
               whole Saturday in detention for
               whatever it was that we did wrong,
               what we did was wrong.  But we think
               you're crazy to make us write this
               essay telling you who we think we
               are, what do you care?  You see us
               as you want to see us...in the
               simplest terms and the most
               convenient definitions.  You see us
               as a brain, an athelete, a basket
               case, a princess and a criminal.
               Correct?  That's the way we saw each
               other at seven o'clock this morning.
               We were brainwashed...
                                                  CUT TO:

2. INT. CLAIRE'S CAR - DAY

     We see CLAIRE and her FATHER sitting in their car in the
     parking lot.

     Claire is the prom queen and is clearly a snob.

                            CLAIRE
               I can't believe you can't get me
               out of this...I mean it's so absurd
               I have to be here on a Saturday!
               It's not like I'm a defective or
               anything...

                       CLAIRE'S FATHER
               I'll make it up to you...Honey,
               ditching class to go shopping
               doesn't make you a defective.  Have
               a good day.

     Claire rolls her eyes and gets out of the car and walks
     up the school front steps
                                                  CUT TO:

3. INT. BRIAN'S CAR - DAY

     We are in BRIAN's car.  His MOTHER is there and so is
     his little SISTER.  He is sort of a nerd.

                        BRIAN'S MOTHER
               Is this the first time or the last
               time we do this?

                            BRIAN
                    (upset)
               Last...

                        BRIAN'S MOTHER
               Well get in there and use the time
               to your advantage...

                            BRIAN
               Mom, we're not supposed to study; we
               just have to sit there and do
               nothing.

                        BRIAN'S MOTHER
               Well mister you figure out a way to
               study.

                    BRIAN'S LITTLE SISTER
                    (annoyingly)
               Yeah!

                        BRIAN'S MOTHER
               Well go!

     Brian gets out of the car and walks towards the school.
                                                  CUT TO:

4. INT. ANDREW'S CAR - DAY

     We see ANDREW and his FATHER.  Andrew is clearly a jock;
     hes wearing a lettermans jacket with lots of patches on it.

                       ANDREW'S FATHER
               Hey, I screwed around...guys screw
               around, there's nothing wrong with
               that.  Except you got caught, Sport.

                            ANDREW
               Yeah, Mom already reemed me, alright?

                       ANDREW'S FATHER
                    (angry)
               You wanna miss a match?  You wanna
               blow your ride?  Now no school's
               gonna give a scholarship to a
               discipline case.

     Andrew gets out of the car and walks into the school.
                                                  CUT TO:

5. EXT. SHERMER PARKING LOT - DAY

     We see JOHN BENDER walking towards us.  He is wearing
     sunglasses.  A car is coming towards him but he doesn't
     stop walking.

     The car slams on its breaks directly in front of him.

     Bender gets out of the frame.  Out of the car steps
     ALLISON.  She is dressed all in black.  She steps
     forward to look in the car's front window and the car
     drives away.
                                                 CUT TO:

6. INT. LIBRARY - DAY

     There are six tables in two rows of three.
     Claire is sitting at the front table.  Brian comes in
     and sits at the table behind her.

     Andrew comes in and points at the chair next to Claire
     at the front table.  She shrugs and he sits there.

     In walks Bender, he touches everything on the checkout
     desk and takes a few things in the process.

     He walks over to where Brian is sitting and points to
     the table on the opposite side of the Library.  Brian
     reluctantly gets up and moves.

     Bender sits at the table where Brian was and puts his
     feet up.

     Allison walks in.  She walks all the way around the
     library and sits in the back corner table, just behind
     Brian.

     Andrew and Claire look at each other and snicker.

     Brian looks at her in confusion and then turns away.

     Enter RICHARD VERNON, a teacher.  He holds a stack
     of papers in his left hand.  He addresses the group with
     such disrespect it makes you wonder how he ever got the
     job.

                            VERNON
               Well...well.  Here we are!  I want
               to congradulate you for being on
               time...

     Claire raises her hand.

                            CLAIRE
               Excuse me, sir?  I think there's
               been a mistake.  I know it's
               detention, but...um...I don't think
               I belong in here...

     Vernon doesn't care.  He just continues to talk.

                            VERNON
               It is now seven-oh-six.  You have
               exactly eight hours and fifty-four
               minutes to think about why you're
               here.  To ponder the error of your
               ways...

     Bender spits into the air and catches the spit in his
     mouth again.

     Claire looks like she is going to gag.

                            VERNON
               ...and you may not talk.  You will
               not move from these seats.

     He glances up at Bender and points at him.

                            VERNON
               ...and you...

     Vernon pulls the chair out from under Bender's feet.

                            VERNON
               ...will not sleep.  Alright people,
               we're gonna try something a little
               different today.  We are going to
               write an essay--of no less than a
               thousand words--describing to me
               who you think you are.

                            BENDER
               Is this a test?

     Vernon passes out paper and pencils and takes no notice
     of Bender.

                            VERNON
               And when I say essay...I mean essay.
               I do not mean a single word repeated
               a thousand times.  Is that clear Mr.
               Bender?

     Bender looks up.

                            BENDER
               Crystal...

                            VERNON
               Good.  Maybe you'll learn a little
               something about yourself.  Maybe
               you'll even--decide whether or not
               you care to return.

     Brian raises his hand and then stands.

                            BRIAN
               You know, I can answer that right
               now sir...That'd be "No", no for me.
               'cause...

                            VERNON
               Sit down Johnson...

                            BRIAN
               Thank you sir...

     He sits.

                            VERNON
               My office...

     Vernon points.

                            VERNON
               ...is right across that hall.  Any
               monkey business is ill-advised...

     He looks around at them.

                            VERNON
               ...any questions?

                            BENDER
               Yeah...I got a question.

     Vernon looks at him suspiciously.

                            BENDER
               Does Barry Manilow know you raid his
               wardrobe?

                            VERNON
               I'll give you the answer to that
               question, Mr. Bender, next Saturday.
               Don't mess with the bull young man,
               you'll get the horns.

     Vernon leaves.

                            BENDER
               That man...is a brownie hound...

     Everyone tries to get comfortable and we hear a loud
     snapping sound.  Brian turns and looks and it is
     Allison, biting her nails.

     Bender's eyes widen as he turns to look.  Everyone is
     looking now.  Allison notices them looking at her.

                            BENDER
               You keep eating your hand and you're
               not gonna be hungry for lunch...

     Allison spits part of her nail at Bender.

                            BENDER
               I've seen you before, you know...

     We see Vernon look out from his office.

     We see Brian playing with his pen.

                            BRIAN
                    (quietly to himself)
               Who do I think I am?  Who are you?
               Who are you?

     He attaches the pen to his bottom lip and puts the top
     under his upper lip.

                            BRIAN
               I am a walrus...

     Bender looks at him in utter confusion.  Brian notices
     this, laughs and takes the pen out of his mouth--
     embarrassed.

     Bender and Brian begin to take their jackets off at the
     same time.  They both notice this.  Brian stops removing
     his jacket.

     Bender takes his all the way off.  Brian rubs his hands
     together and pretends to be cold.  He pulls his jacket
     back on.  He turns and looks at Bender who is still
     staring at him.

                            BRIAN
               It's the shits, huh?

     Bender glares at him and Brian utters an uncomfortable
     laugh.

     Bender turns away and crumples up his essay paper.  He
     throws it at Claire.  It misses and goes over Claire's
     head.

     Andrew and Claire acknowlege it but continue to ignore
     Bender.

     Bender starts loudly "singing" the musical part of a
     song.  Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah...nah, nah, nah...

                            CLAIRE
                    (to herself)
               I can't believe this is really
               happening to me...

     Bender stops "singing" abruptly.

                            BENDER
               Oh, shit!  What're we s'posed to do
               if we hafta take a piss?

                            CLAIRE
                    (disgusted)
               Please...

                            BENDER
               If you gotta go...

     We hear Bender unzip his fly.

                            BENDER
               You gotta go!

     Everyone is now looking at Bender.

                            CLAIRE
                   (disgusted)
               Oh my God!

                            ANDREW
               Hey, yer not urinating in here man!

                            BENDER
               Don't talk!  Don't talk!  It makes
               it crawl back up!

                            ANDREW
               You whip it out and you're dead
               before the first drop hits the
               floor!

     Bender gasps mockingly.

                            BENDER
               You're pretty sexy when you get
               angry...grrr!

     He turns to Brian.

                            BENDER
               Hey, homeboy...

     Brian points at himself with his pen.

                            BENDER
              ...why don't you go close that door.
               We'll get the prom queen--
               impregnated!

     Claire turns and glares at him.

                            ANDREW
               Hey!

     Bender ignores him.

                            ANDREW
               Hey!
                          BENDER
               What?

                            ANDREW
               If I lose my temper, you're totalled
               man!

                            BENDER
               Totally?

                            ANDREW
               Totally!

                            CLAIRE
                    (to Bender)
               Why don't you just shut up!  Nobody
               here is interested!

                            ANDREW
               Really!
                    (to Claire about Bender)
               Buttface!

                            BENDER
               Well hey Sporto!  What'd you do to
               get in here?  Forget to wash your
               jock?

                            BRIAN
                    (nervous)
               Uh, excuse me, fellas?  I think we
               should just write our papers...

                            ANDREW
                    (to Bender)
               Look, just because you live in here
               doesn't give you the right to be a
               pain in the ass...so knock it off!

     Bender mockingly registers pain in his face.

                            BENDER
               It's a free country...

                            CLAIRE
                    (to Andrew)
               He's just doing it to get a rise out
               of you!  Just ignore him...

                            BENDER
                    (to Claire)
               Sweets...you couldn't ignore me if
               you tried!

     Claire rolls her eyes.

                           BENDER
               So...so!
                    (to Andrew and Claire)
               Are you guys like boyfriend/girl-
               friend?
                    (a beat)
               Steady dates?
                    (another beat)
               Lo--vers?
                    (another beat)
               Come on Sporto, level with me.  Do
               you slip her the hot...beef...
               injection?

     Claire and Andrew turn to face Bender, both furious.

                            CLAIRE
                    (screams)
               Go to hell!

                            ANDREW
                    (screams)
               Enough!

                                                  CUT TO:

7. INT. VERNON'S OFFICE - DAY

     We see Vernon in his office.

                            VERNON
                    (yells)
               Hey!  What's going on in there?
                    (to himself)
               Smug little pricks!
                                                  CUT TO:

8. INT. LIBRARY - DAY

     They all look at each other.  Andrew turns away from
     Bender.

                            ANDREW
                    (to himself)
               Scumbag!

     Bender stands up and walks over to the railing.  He sits
     on it.

                            BENDER
               What do you say we close that door.
               We can't have any kind of party
               with Vernon checking us out every
               few seconds.

                            BRIAN
               Well, you know the door's s'posed to
               stay open...

                           BENDER
               So what?

                           ANDREW
               So why don't you just shut up!
               There's four other people in here
               you know...

                            BENDER
               God, you can count.  See!  I knew
               you had to be smart to be a...a
               wrestler.

                            ANDREW
               Who the hell are you to judge
               anybody anyway?

                            CLAIRE
               Really...

                            ANDREW
               You know, Bender...you don't even
               count.  I mean if you disappeared
               forever it wouldn't make any
               difference.  You may as well not
               even exist at this school.

     Bender probably is upset at this and he pauses a moment
     before speaking.  He doesn't let his emotions out,
     however.

                            BENDER
               Well...I'll just run right out and
               join the wrestling team.

     Andrew and Claire look at each other and laugh at
     Bender.

                            BENDER
                    (to Claire)
               Maybe the prep club too!  Student
               council...

                            ANDREW
               No, they wouldn't take you.

                            BENDER
               I'm hurt.

                            CLAIRE
               You know why guys like you knock
               everything...

                            BENDER
                    (to himself)
               Oh, this should be stunning...

                            CLAIRE
               It's 'cause you're afraid.

                            BENDER
                    (with mock enthusiasm)
               Oh, God!  You ritchies are so smart,
               that's exactly why I'm not heavy in
               activities!

                            CLAIRE
               You're a big coward!

     Brian feels left out.

                            BRIAN
                    (to no one imparticular)
               I'm in the math club...

                            CLAIRE
               See you're afraid that they won't
               take you.  You don't belong so you
               just have to dump all over it...

                            BENDER
               Well...it wouldn't have anything to
               do with you activities people being
               assholes...now would it?

                            CLAIRE
               Well you wouldn't know...You don't
               even know any of us.

                            BENDER
               Well, I don't know any lepers
               either, but I'm not gonna run out
               and join one of their fucking clubs.

                            ANDREW
               Hey let's watch the mouth, huh?

     Brian again feels he needs to contribute.

                            BRIAN
               I'm in the physics club too...

                            BENDER
                    (to Claire)
               S'cuse me a sec...
                    (to Brian)
               What are you babbling about?

                            BRIAN
               Well, what I said was...I'm in the
               math club, the Latin club and the
               physics club...physics club.

     Bender nods and turns to Claire.

                            BENDER
               Hey...Cherry...do you belong to the
               physics club?

                            CLAIRE
               That's an academic club...

                            BENDER
               So?

                            CLAIRE
               So...academic clubs aren't the same
               as other kinds of clubs.

                            BENDER
               Oh, but to dorks like him...

     Bender points at Brian.

                            BENDER
               ...they are.
                    (to Brian)
               What do you guys do in your club?

                            BRIAN
               In physics, um, we ah, we talk about
               physics...about properties of physics.

                            BENDER
               So it's sorta social...demented and
               sad, but social.  Right?

                            BRIAN
               Yeah, well, I guess you could
               consider it a social situation.  I
               mean there are other children in my
               club and uh, at the end of the year
               we have, um, you know, a big
               banquet, at the, uh, at the Hilton.

                            BENDER
               You load up, you party...

                            BRIAN
               Well, no, we get dressed up...I
               mean, but, we don't...we don't get
               high.

                            CLAIRE
                    (to Bender)
               Only burners like you get high...

                            BRIAN
               And, uh, I didn't have any shoes.
               So I had to borrow my dad's.  It
               was kinda weird 'cause my mom doesn't
               like me to wear other people's
               shoes.  And, uh, my cousin Kent...my
               cousin Kendall from, uh, Indiana...
               He got high once and you know, he
               started eating like really weird
               foods.  And uh, and then he just
               felt like he didn't belong anywhere.
               You know, kinda like, you know
               "Twilight Zone" kinda.

                            CLAIRE
                    (laughs)
                    (to Bender)
               Sounds like you...

                            ANDREW
               Look, you guys keep up your talking
               and Vernon's gonna come right in
               here...I got a meet this Saturday
               and I'm not gonna miss it on account
               of you boneheads...

                            BENDER
                    (to Andrew)
               Oh and wouldn't that be a bite...

     Bender lets out a moan of fake agony.

                            BENDER
               Missing a whole wrestling meet!

                            ANDREW
               Well you wouldn't know anything
               about it, faggot!  You never competed
               in your whole life!

                            BENDER
                    (with mock hurt)
               Oh, I know...I feel all empty inside
               because of it.  I have such a deep
               admiration for guys that roll around
               on the floor with other guys!

                            ANDREW
               Ahhh...you'd never miss it.  You
               don't have any goals.

                            BENDER
               Oh, but I do!

                            ANDREW
               Yeah?

                            BENDER
               I wanna be just--like--you!  I
               figure all I need's a labotamy and
               some tights!

     Brian becomes interested.

                            BRIAN
               You wear tights?

                            ANDREW
                    (to Brian)
               No I don't wear tights, I wear the
               required uniform...

                            BRIAN
               Tights...

                            ANDREW
                    (defensive)
               Shut up!

     They hear Vernon moving around out in the hall so Bender
     quickly comes and sits in the chair between Claire and
     Andrew.  He folds his hands on the table.
     Vernon goes back into his office.  Bender laughs and
     gets up.  He starts walking towards the double doors
     that separate the library from the hallway.

                            BRIAN
               You know there's not s'posed to be
               any monkey business!

     Bender turns and points at Brian.

                            BENDER
                    (in a stern voice)
               Young man...have you finished your
               paper?

     Bender turns back away and goes to the door.  He looks
     around cautiously and removes a screw from the door.

                            CLAIRE
               What are you gonna do?

                            ANDREW
               Drop dead, I hope!
                                                  CUT TO:

9. INT. HALLWAY - DAY

     We see Vernon getting a drink at the fountain. He stands
     up and checks the way he looks in a mirror.  He does a
     muscular pose and utters some manly jibberish Cobadonga!
                                                  CUT TO:

10. INT. LIBRARY - DAY

     Brian looks up.  Bender is messing with the door to the
     library.

                            BRIAN
               Bender, that's, that's school
               property there...you know, it doesn't
               belong to us.  It's something not to
               be toyed with.

     The door slams shut.  Bender runs back to his seat.

                            ANDREW
               That's very funny, come on, fix it!

                            BRIAN
               You should really fix that!

                            BENDER
               Am I a genius?

                            ANDREW
               No, you're an asshole!

                            BENDER
               What a funny guy!

                            ANDREW
               Fix the door Bender!

                            BENDER
               Everyone just shhh!
                                                  CUT TO:

11. INT. HALLWAY - DAY

     We see Vernon walking back to his office.  He stops and
     listens to them through the closed door.

                         BENDER (OS)
               I've been here before, I know what
               I'm doing!

                         ANDREW (OS)
               No!  Fix the door, get up there and
               fix it!

                         BENDER (OS)
                    (screams)
               Shut up!
                                                  CUT TO:

12. INT. LIBRARY - DAY

     We see Brian as we hear Vernon in the hall.

                         VERNON (OS)
               God damnit!

     He opens the door and storms in.

                            VERNON
               Why is that door closed?

     For a few seconds no one says anything, they just stare
     at Vernon.

                            VERNON
               Why is that door closed?

                            BENDER
               How're we s'posed to know?  We're
               not s'posed to move, right?

     Vernon turns to Claire.

                            VERNON
               Why?

                            CLAIRE
               We were just sitting here, like we
               were s'posed to...

     Vernon looks around and looks at Bender.

                            VERNON
               Who closed that door?

                            BENDER
               I think a screw fell out of it...

                            ANDREW
               It just closed, sir...

     Vernon looks at Allison in the back.

                            VERNON
               Who?

     Allison lets out a squeak and slams her face onto the
     table, hiding in her jacket hood.

                            BENDER
               She doesn't talk, sir...

                            VERNON
                    (to Bender)
               Give me that screw...

                            BENDER
              I don't have it...

                            VERNON
               You want me to yank you outta that
               seat and shake it out of you?

                            BENDER
               I don't have it...screws fall out
               all of the time, the world's an
               imperfect place...

                            VERNON
               Give it to me, Bender...

                            CLAIRE
               Excuse me, sir, why would anybody
               want to steal a screw?

                            VERNON
                    (to Claire)
               Watch it, young lady...

     Vernon goes over to the door.  He tries to hold it open
     by putting a folding chair in front of it.

                            BENDER
               The door's way too heavy, sir.

     The door slams shut despite the chair.

                         VERNON (OS)
               God damnit!

     They laugh.

     Vernon opens the door again.  He comes back in.

                            VERNON
                    (pointing)
               Andrew Clark...get up here.  Come on,
               front and center, let's go.

     Andrew gets up and walks over to Vernon.

                            BENDER
               Hey, how come Andrew gets to get up?
               If he gets up, we'll all get up,
               it'll be anarchy!

     Vernon and Andrew are now attempting to move the steel
     magazine rack in front of the door.

                            VERNON
              Okay, now, watch the magazines!

                            BENDER
               It's out of my hands...

     They get it into the doorway and it blocks the entire
     door.

                            BENDER
               That's very clever sir, but what if
               there's a fire?  I think violating
               fire codes and endangering the
               lives of children would be unwise
               at this juncture in your career, sir.

     Vernon thinks about it.  He turns to Andrew.

                            VERNON
               Alright, what are you doing with
               this?  Get this outta here for God's
               sake!  What's the matter with you?
               Come on!

                            BRIAN
               You know the school comes equipped
               with fire exits at either end of the
               library.

     Brian points at them and Bender glares at him.

                            BENDER
                    (to Brian)
               Show Dick some respect!

     Andrew and Vernon come back into the main section of
     the library.

                            VERNON
                    (to Andrew)
               Let's go...go!  Get back into your
               seat.

     Andrew sits.

                            VERNON
                    (to Andrew)
               I expected a little more from a
               varsity letterman!
                    (to Bender)
               You're not fooling anybody, Bender!
               The next screw that falls out is
               gonna be you!

     Vernon turns to leave.

                            BENDER
                    (under his breath)
               Eat my shorts...

     Vernon spins in his tracks and faces Bender again.

                            VERNON
               What was that?

                            BENDER
                    (loudly)
               Eat my shorts!

                            VERNON
               You just bought yourself another
               Saturday, mister!

                            BENDER
               Oh, Christ...

                            VERNON
               You just bought one more right
               there!

                            BENDER
               Well, I'm free the Saturday after
               that...beyond that, I'm gonna have
               to check my calendar!

                            VERNON
               Good!  'Cause it's gonna be filled,
               we'll keep goin'!  You want another
               one?  Say the word, just say the
               word!  Instead of going to prison,
               you'll come here!  Are you through.

                            BENDER
               No!

                            VERNON
               I'm doing society a favor!

                            BENDER
               So?

                            VERNON
               That's another one, right now!  I've
               got you for the rest of your natural
               born life if you don't watch your
               step!  You want another one?

                            BENDER
               Yes!

                            VERNON
               You got it!  You got another one,
               right there!  That's another one
               pal!

                            CLAIRE
                    (worried)
               Cut it out!

     Claire mouths the word "Stop" to Bender.

                            VERNON
               You through?

                            BENDER
               Not even close, bud!

                            VERNON
               Good!  You got one more, right
               there!

                            BENDER
               Do you really think I give a shit?

                            VERNON
               Another...

     Bender glares at him.

                            VERNON
               You through?

                            BENDER
               How many is that?

                            BRIAN
               That's seven including the one when
               we first came in and you asked Mr.
               Vernon here whether Barry Manilow
               knew that he raided his closet.

                            VERNON
                    (to Bender)
               Now it's eight...
                    (to Brian)
               You stay out of it!

                            BRIAN
               Excuse me, sir, it's seven!

                            VERNON
               Shut up, Peewee!
                    (to Bender)
               You're mine Bender...for two months
               I gotcha!  I gotcha!

                            BENDER
               What can I say?  I'm thrilled!

                            VERNON
               Oh, I'm sure that's exactly what you
               want these people to believe.  You
               know something, Bender?  You ought
               to spend a little more time trying
               to do something with yourself and a
               little less time trying to impress
               people.  You might be better off.
                    (to everyone)
               Alright, that's it!  I'm going to
               be right outside those doors.  The
               next time I hafta come in here...I'm
               cracking skulls!  (Bender mouths Im
               cracking skulls)

     Vernon leaves and closes the door.  A musical riff
     builds to a climax as Bender screams.

                            BENDER
                    (screams)
               Fuck you!

     We see the clock, it reads a quarter to eight.

     We see Bender, lighting his shoe on fire and lighting a
     cigarette with his shoe.

     We see Claire thinking.

     We see Brian playing with his balls.

     We see Andrew playing with his sweatshirt.

     We see Allison pulling a string around her finger and
     making it turn purple.

     We see Bender put the flames on his shoe out.  He then
     plays air guitar.

     We see Allison drawing.

     We see Andrew playing paper football.  He cheers
     silently.

     Allison shakes dandruff from her hair onto her picture.

     We see everyone fall asleep.
                                                  CUT TO:

13. INT. LIBRARY - DAY

     Later.

     Vernon is standing there staring at the sleeping kids.

                            VERNON
               Wake up!  Who has to go to the
               lavatory?

     Everyone raises their hands.
                                                  CUT TO:

14. INT. LIBRARY - DAY

     Later.

     We see the clock, it now says 10:22.

     We see Andrew stretching.  We see Bender tearing pages
     out of a book.  He is tossing them around.

                            ANDREW
               That's real intelligent.

                            BENDER
               You're right...it's wrong to
               destroy literature...

     He continues to tear pages out.

                            BENDER
               It's such fun to read...and, Molet
               really pumps my nads!

                            CLAIRE
                    (pronouncing it correctly)
               Mol-yare.

                            BRIAN
              I love his work.

     Bender tosses the rest of the pages at Brian.  He picks
     up the card catalogue drawer and begins to take cards
     out.

                            BENDER
               Big deal...nothing to do when you're
               locked in a vacancy..

                           ANDREW
               Speak for yourself...

                            BENDER
               Do you think I'd speak for you?  I
               don't even know your language!

     Andrew turns to Claire.

                            ANDREW
               Hey, you grounded tonight?

     Claire shrugs.

                            CLAIRE
               I don't know, my mom said I was but
               by dad told me to just blow her off.

                            ANDREW
               Big party at Stubbies, parents are
               in Europe.  Should be pretty wild...

                            CLAIRE
               Yeah?

                            ANDREW
               Yeah, can you go?

                            CLAIRE
               I doubt it...

                            ANDREW
               How come?

                            CLAIRE
               Well 'cause if I do what my mother
               tells me not to do, it's because
               because my father says it's okay.
               There's like this whole big monster
               deal, it's endless and it's a total
               drag.  It's like any minute...
               divorce...

                            BENDER
               Who do you like better?

                            CLAIRE
               What?

                            BENDER
               You like your old man better than
               your mom?

                            CLAIRE
               They're both strict.

                            BENDER
               No, I mean, if you had to choose
               between them.

                            CLAIRE
               I dunno, I'd probably go live with
               my brother.  I mean, I don't think
               either one of them gives a shit
               about me...it's like they use me
               just to get back at each other.

     Suddenly, from the back of the room.  Allison speaks.

                           ALLISON
                    (loudly)
               Ha!!!

     Everyone looks at her shocked.  Allison blows her hair
     out of her eyes and grins.

                            CLAIRE
               Shut up!

                            ANDREW
               You're just feeling sorry for
               yourself...

                            CLAIRE
               Yeah, well if I didn't nobody else
               would.

                            ANDREW
               Aw...you're breaking my heart...

                            BENDER
               Sporto...

                            ANDREW
               What?

     Bender jumps down and goes next to Andrew.

                            BENDER
               You get along with your parents?

                            ANDREW
               Well if I say yes, I'm an idiot,
               right?

                            BENDER
               You're an idiot anyway...But if you
               say you get along with your parents
               well you're a liar too!

     Bender turns and walks away from him.  Andrew follows
     and pushes Bender.

                            ANDREW
               You know something, man...If we
               weren't in school right now, I'd
               waste you!

     Bender points his middle finger at the floor.

                            BENDER
               Can you hear this?  Want me to turn
               it up?

     Bender flips his hand around so he is now giving Andrew
     the bird.

     Brian comes over and puts a hand on each of the guy's
     shoulders.

                            BRIAN
               Hey fellas, I mean...

     Andrew pushes away from Brian.

                            BRIAN
               ...I don't like my parents either,
               I don't...I don't get along with
               them...their idea of parental
               compassion is just, you know, wacko!

     Bender turns to Brian.

                            BENDER
               Dork...

                            BRIAN
              Yeah?

                            BENDER
               You are a parent's wet dream, okay?

     Bender starts to walk away.

                            BRIAN
               Well that's a problem!

                            BENDER
               Look, I can see you getting all
               bunged up for them making you wear
               these kinda clothes.  But face it,
               you're a Neo-Maxi-Zoom-Dweebie!
               What would you be doing if you
               weren't out making yourself a better
               citizen?

                            ANDREW
               Why do you have to insult everybody?

                            BENDER
               I'm being honest, asshole!  I would
               expect you...to know the difference!

                            ANDREW
               Yeah well, he's gotta name!

                            BENDER
               Yeah?

                            ANDREW
               Yeah,
                    (to Brian)
               What's your name?

                            BRIAN
               Brian...

                            ANDREW
               See...

                            BENDER
                    (to Brian)
               My condolences...

     Bender walks away.

                            CLAIRE
                    (to Bender)
               What's your name?

                            BENDER
               What's yours?

                            CLAIRE
               Claire...

                            BENDER
               Ka-Laire?

                            CLAIRE
               Claire...it's a family name!

                            BENDER
               Nooo...It's a fat girl's name!

                            CLAIRE
               Well thank you...

                            BENDER
               You're welcome...

                            CLAIRE
               I'm not fat!

                            BENDER
               Well not at present but I could see
               you really pushing maximum density!
               You see, I'm not sure if you know
               this...but there are two kinds of
               fat people.  There's fat people that
               were born to be fat, and then there's
               fat people that were once thin but
               they became fat...so when you look
               at them you can sorta see that thin
               person inside!  You see, you're
               gonna get married, you're gonna
               squeeze out a few puppies and then,
               uh...

     He mimes becoming fat, making noises.

     Claire gives him the finger.

                            BENDER
               Oh...obscene finger gestures from
               such a pristine girl!

                            CLAIRE
                    (resentfully)
               I'm not that pristine!

     Bender bends down closer to Claire.

                            BENDER
               Are you a virgin?
                    (a beat)
               I'll bet you a million dollars that
               you are!  Let's end the suspense!
               Is it gonna be...
                    (another beat)
               ...a white weddin?

                            CLAIRE
               Why don't you just shut up?

                            BENDER
               Have you ever kissed a boy on the
               mouth?
                    (a beat)
               Have you ever been felt up?  Over
               the bra, under the blouse, shoes
               off...hoping to God your parents
               don't walk in?

     Claire is getting upset.

                            CLAIRE
               Do you want me to puke?

                            BENDER
               Over the panties, no bra, blouse
               unbuttoned, Calvin's in a ball on
               the front seat past eleven on a
               school night?

                            ANDREW
               Leave her alone!

     Bender slowly stands and faces Andrew.

                            ANDREW
               I said leave her alone!

                            BENDER
               You gonna make me?

                            ANDREW
               Yeah...

     Bender walks over to where Andrew is standing.

                            BENDER
               You and how many of your friends?

                            ANDREW
               Just me, just you and me.  Two hits.
               Me hitting you, you hitting the
               floor!  Anytime you're ready, pal!

     Bender goes to hit him but Andrew gets Bender down on
     the ground with a wrestling move.

                            BENDER
               I don't wanna get into to this with
               you man...

     Andrew gets up.

                            ANDREW
               Why not?

     Bender gets up.

                            BENDER
               'Cause I'd kill you...It's real simple.
               I'd kill you and your fucking parents
               would sue me and it would be a big
               mess and I don't care enough about
               you to bother.

                            ANDREW
               Chicken shit...

     Andrew turns and walks away.  Bender takes out a
     switchblade and opens it.

     He stabs the switchblade into a chair.

                            ANDREW
               Let's end this right now.  You don't
               talk to her...you don't look at her
               and you don't even think about her!
               You understand me?

                            BENDER
               I'm trying to help her!.

     We see the janitor, CARL come into the room.

                             CARL
               Brian, how you doing?

                            BENDER
               Your dad works here?

     Brian is embarrassed.

                            BENDER
               Uh, Carl?

                             CARL
               What?

                            BENDER
               Can I ask you a question?

                             CARL
               Sure...

                            BENDER
               How does one become a janitor?

                             CARL
               You wanna be a janitor?

                            BENDER
               No I just wanna know how one becomes
               a janitor because Andrew here, is
               very interested in persuing a
               career in the custodial arts...

                             CARL
               Oh, really?  You guys think I'm
               just some untouchable peasant?  Peon?
               Huh?  Maybe so, but following
               a broom around after shitheads like
               you for the past eight years I've
               learned a couple of things...I look
               through your letters, I look through
               your lockers...I listen to your
               conversations, you don't know that
               but I do...I am the eyes and ears of
               this institution my friends.  By the
               way, that clock's twenty minutes
               fast!

     Everyone groans.  Bender smiles.

                            ANDREW
               Shit!
                                                  CUT TO:

15. INT. VERNON'S OFFICE - DAY

     The clock says 11:30.  Vernon gets up and leaves.
                                                  CUT TO:

16. INT. LIBRARY - DAY

     Bender starts to whistle a marching tune and everybody
     joins in.

     Vernon enters.  Bender begins to whistle Beethoven's
     5th.

                            VERNON
               Allright girls, that's thirty
               minutes for lunch...

                            ANDREW
               Here?

                            VERNON
               Here...

                            ANDREW
               Well I think the cafeteria would be
               a more suitable place for us to eat
               lunch in, sir!

                            VERNON
               Well, I don't care what you think,
               Andrew!

                            BENDER
               Uh, Dick?  Excuse me, Rich...will
               milk be made available to us?

                            ANDREW
               We're extremely thirsty sir...

                            CLAIRE
               I have a very low tolerance for
               dehydration.

                            ANDREW
               I've seen her dehydrate sir, it's
               pretty gross.

     Bender stands.

                            BENDER
               Relax, I'll get it!

                            VERNON
               Ah, ah, ah grab some wood there, bub!

     Bender grins.

                            VERNON
               What do you think, I was born
               yesterday?  You think I'm gonna
               have you roaming these halls?

     He points at Andrew.

                            VERNON
               You!

     He points at Allison.

                            VERNON
               And you!  Hey!  What's her name?
               Wake her!  Wake her up!
                    (to Allison)
               Come on, on your feet missy!  Let's
               go!  This is no rest home!

     Allison gets up.

                            VERNON
               There's a soft drink machine in the
               teacher's lounge.  Lets go!

                                                  CUT TO:

16. INT. HALLWAY - DAY

     Andrew and Allison are walking in the hall.

                            ANDREW
               So, what's your poison?

     Allison doesn't answer.

                            ANDREW
               What do you drink?

     Allison still doesn't answer.

                            ANDREW
               Okay...forget I asked...

     Allison waits for two beats and then speaks.

                           ALLISON
               Vodka...

                            ANDREW
               Vodka?  When do you drink vodka?

                           ALLISON
               Whenever...

                            ANDREW
              A lot?

     Allison smiles.

                           ALLISON
               Tons...

                            ANDREW
               Is that why you're here today?

     Allison doesn't answer.

                            ANDREW
               Why are you here?

     Allison snaps back.

                           ALLISON
               Why are you here?

     They stop walking and Andrew leans against the wall.

                            ANDREW
               Um, I'm here today...because uh,
               because my coach and my father don't
               want me to blow my ride.  See I get
               treated differently because uh,
               Coach thinks I'm a winner.  So does
               my old man.  I'm not a winner
               because I wanna be one... I'm a
               winner because I got strength and
               speed.  Kinda like a race horse.
               That's about how involved I am in
               what's happening to me.

                           ALLISON
               Yeah?  That's very interesting.
               Now why don't you tell me why you're
               really in here.

                            ANDREW
               Forget it!
                                                  CUT TO:

17. INT. LIBRARY - DAY

     Claire and Bender and Brian are all sitting around
     waiting for the Cokes.

                            BENDER
               Claire...you wanna see a picture of
               a guy with elephantitus of the nuts?
               It's pretty tasty...

                            CLAIRE
               No thank you...

                            BENDER
               How do you think he rides a bike?

     Claire rolls her eyes and turns away in disgust.

                            BENDER
               Oh, Claire...would you ever consider
               dating a guy like this?

                            CLAIRE
               Can't you just leave me alone?

                            BENDER
               I mean if he had a great personality
               and was a good dancer and had a cool
               car...Although you'd probably have
               to ride in the back seat 'cause his
               nuts would ride shotgun.

                            CLAIRE
               You know what I wish I was doing?

                            BENDER
               Op, watch what you say, Brian here
               is a cherry.

                            BRIAN
               A cherry?

                            CLAIRE
               I wish I was on a plane to France.

                            BRIAN
               I'm not a cherry.

                            BENDER
                    (to Brian)
               When have you ever gotten laid?

                            BRIAN
               I've laid, lotsa times!

                            BENDER
               Name one!

                            BRIAN
               She lives in Canada, met her at
               Niagra Falls.  You wouldn't know
               her.

                            BENDER
               Ever laid anyone around here.

     Brian shushes Bender and points at Claire whos back is
     still turned.

                            BRIAN
                    Oh, you and Claire, did it!

     Claire spins around.

                            CLAIRE
              What are you talking about?

                            BRIAN
                    (to Claire)
               Nothin', nothin!
                    (to Bender)
               Let's just drop it, we'll talk about
               it later!

                            CLAIRE
               No!  Drop what, what're you talking
               about?

                            BENDER
               Well, Brian's trying to tell me that
               in addition to the number of girls
               in the Niagra Falls area, that
               presently you and he are, riding
               the hobby horse!

                            CLAIRE
                    (to Brian)
               Little pig!

                            BRIAN
               No I'm not!  I'm not!  John said I
               was a cherry and I said I wasn't,
               that's it, that's all that was said!

                            BENDER
               Well then what were you motioning to
               Claire for?

                            CLAIRE
               You know I don't appreciate this
               very much, Brian.

                            BRIAN
               He is lying!

                            BENDER
               Oh you weren't motioning to Claire?

                            BRIAN
               You know he's lying, right?

                            BENDER
               Were you or were you not motioning
               to Claire?

                            BRIAN
               Yeah, but it was only...was only
               because I didn't want her to know
               that I was a virgin, okay?

     Bender just stares at him.

                            BRIAN
               Excuse me for being a virgin, I'm
               sorry...

     Claire laughs.

                            CLAIRE
               Why didn't you want me to know you
               were a virgin?

                            BRIAN
               Because it's personal business, it's
               my personal, private business.

                            BENDER
               Well Brian, it doesn't sound like
               you're doing any business...

                            CLAIRE
               I think it's okay for a guy to be a
               virgin...

     Bender looks suprised.

                            BRIAN
               You do?

     Claire smiles and nods.
                                                  CUT TO:

18.  INT. LIBRARY - DAY

     Later.

     Everybody has lunches now.

     Claire begins to take hers out of a small shopping bag.

                            BENDER
               What's in there?

                            CLAIRE
               Guess, where's your lunch?

                            BENDER
               You're wearing it...

                            CLAIRE
               You're nauseating...

     Bender grabs a Coke and tosses it over to Allison who
     catches it without even looking up.

     Bender then watches Claire set up a sushi platter.

                            BENDER
               What's that?

                            CLAIRE
               Sushi...

                            BENDER
               Sushi?

                            CLAIRE
               Rice, uh, raw fish and seaweed.

                            BENDER
               You won't accept a guys tongue in
               your mouth and you're gonna eat
               that?

                            CLAIRE
               Can I eat?

                            BENDER
               I don't know...give it a try...

     We now watch Andrew take a couple sandwiches out of his
     bag, a bag of potato chips, an apple, a banana, a bag
     of cookies and a carton of milk.

     Allison opens her Coke and it fizzes over.  She loudly
     slurps it up off the table and her fingers.

     Andrew sees Bender looking at him.

                            ANDREW
               What's your problem?

     Allison opens her sandwich and and tosses the meat up.
     It lands on the sculpture above.

     She opens some pixie stix and pours the sugar on the
     sandwich and then puts Cap'n Crunch on top of that.
     She crushes the sandwich together and loudly eats it.

     Bender goes over and sits by Brian, Bender takes
     Brian's bag lunch.

                            BENDER
               What're we having?

                            BRIAN
               Uh, it's your standard, regular
               lunch I guess...

     Bender reaches in the bag and pulls out a thermos.  He
     sets it on the table and points at it.

                            BENDER
               Milk?

                            BRIAN
               Soup.

     Bender goes in again and pulls out a juice box.
     Brian reaches toward the bag and Bender slaps his hand.

                            BRIAN
               That's apple juice...

                            BENDER
               I can read!  PB & J with the crusts
               cut off...Well Brian, this is a
               very nutritous lunch, all the food
               groups are represented.  Did your
               mom marry Mr. Rogers?

                            BRIAN
               Uh, no, Mr. Johnson...

                            BENDER
               Ahhh....

     Andrew and Claire smile at each other.  Bender stands.

                            BENDER
               Here's my impression of life at big
               Bri's house...
                    (in a loud and friendly voice)
               Son!
                    (in a kiddie voice)
               Yeah Dad?
                    (loud)
               How's your day, pal?
                    (kiddie)
               Great Dad, how's yours?
                    (loud)
               Super, say son, how'd you like to go
               fishing this weekend?
                    (kiddie)
               Great Dad, but I've got homework to
               do!
                    (loud)
               That's alright son, you can do it,
               on the boat!
                    (kiddie)
               Geee!!!
                    (loud)
               Dear, isn't our son swell?
                    (quiet and motherly)
               Yes Dear, isn't life swell?

     Bender mimes mother kissing father and then father
     kissing mother and then father punching mother in the
     face.

     Suddenly it's not so funny anymore.

                            ANDREW
               Alright, what about your family?

                            BENDER
               Oh, mine?

                            ANDREW
               That's real easy!

     Bender stands again and points forward.

                            BENDER
                    (as his father)
               Stupid, worthless, no good, God
               damned, freeloading, son of a bitch,
               retarded, bigmouth, know it all,
               asshole, jerk!
                       (as his mother)
               You forgot ugly, lazy and
               disrespectful.

     Bender slams his hand back to slap his invisable
     mother.

                            BENDER
                    (as his father)
               Shut up bitch!  Go fix me a turkey
               pot pie!
                    (as himself)
               What about you Dad?
                    (as his father)
               Fuck you!
                    (as himself)
               No, Dad, what about you?
                    (as his father)
               Fuck you!
                    (as himself--yelling)
               No, Dad, what about you?
                    (as his father--yelling)
               Fuck you!

     He reaches out and pretend he's his father hitting him.

                            BRIAN
               Is that for real?

                            BENDER
                    (to Brian)
               You wanna come over sometime?

                            ANDREW
               That's bullshit.  It's all part of
               your image, I don't believe a word
               of it.

     Bender actually looks hurt.

                     BENDER
               You don't believe me?

                            ANDREW
               No...

                            BENDER
               No?

                            ANDREW
               Did I stutter?

     Bender comes over to Andrew and rolls up his right
     sleeve to reveal a circular shaped burn.

                            BENDER
               Do you believe this?  Huh?  It's
               about the size of a cigar...Do I
               stutter?  You see, this is what you
               get in my house when you spill paint
               in the garage.

     Bender begins to walk away.

                            BENDER
               See I don't think that I need to
               sit here with you fuckin' dildos anymore!

     Bender walks over to a map table and throws all the
     maps on the floor.  He climbs up on top of the table and
     then up to the second floor balcony.

                            CLAIRE
                    (to Andrew)
               You shouldn't have said that!

                            ANDREW
               How would I know, I mean he lies
               about everything anyway!
                                                 CUT TO:

19. INT. VERNON'S OFFICE - DAY

     Vernon puts an orange in his mouth and then attempts to
     pour coffee out of his thermos.  The top comes off and
     the coffee goes all over his desk.

                            VERNON
               Oh, shit!
                                                  CUT TO:

20. INT. HALLWAY - DAY

     Vernon walks into the hallway, talking to himself.

                            VERNON
               Coffee...looks like they scrape it
               off the bottom of the Mississippi
               river.  Everything's polluted,
               everything's polluted...the coffee.

     Bender comes out of the library doors followed
     bye veryone else.

     Bender and Claire are walking next to each other.
     Brian and Andrew are walking next to each other and at the
     end of the line, Allison is following.

                            CLAIRE
                    (to Bender)
               How do you know where Vernon went?

                            BENDER
               I don't...

                            CLAIRE
               Well then, how do you know when he'll
               be back?

                            BENDER
               I don't...being bad feels pretty
               good, huh?

                            BRIAN
                    (to Andrew)
               What's the point in going to Bender's
               locker?

                            ANDREW
               Beats me...

                            BRIAN
               This is so stupid...Why do you think,
               why are we risking getting caught?

                            ANDREW
               I dunno...

                            BRIAN
               So then what are we doing?

                            ANDREW
               You ask me one more question and I'm
               beating the shit out of you!

                            BRIAN
               Sorry...

     Bender opens his locker.

                            ANDREW
               Slob!

                            BENDER
               My maid's on vacation.

     Bender pulls out a bag of marijuana.

                            BRIAN
               Drugs...

                            ANDREW
              Screw that Bender...put it back!

     Bender walks away.

                         BRIAN
               Drugs...the boy had marijuana.

     Claire walks after Bender.

                            BRIAN
               That was marijuana!

                            ANDREW
               Shut up!

     Andrew follows the other two.  Brian looks at Allison
     who is standing there with her mouth open.

                            BRIAN
               Do you approve of this?

     Brian turns and leaves.  Allison steals the lock off of
     Bender's locker.

     We see the crowd walking down the hall.

                            BENDER
               We'll cross through the lab, and
               then we'll double back.

                            ANDREW
               You better be right, if Vernon cuts
               us off it's your fault, asshole!

                            BRIAN
                    (to Claire)
               What'd he say?  Where're we going?

     They see Vernon down one of the halls.  We have various
     sequences of them running around and seeing Vernon
     until they stop.

                            BENDER
               Wait!  Wait, hold it!  Hold it!  We
               have to go through the cafeteria!

                            ANDREW
               No, the activities hall.

                            BENDER
               Hey man, you don't know what you're
               talking about!

                            ANDREW
               No you don't know what you're
               talking about!

     Allison squeaks.

                            ANDREW
               Now we're through listening to you,
               we're going this way.

     They all go Andrew's way and run into a hall closed by
     an iron gate.

                            ANDREW
               Shit!

                            BENDER
               Great idea Jagoff!

                            ANDREW
               Fuck you!

                            CLAIRE
                    (to Andrew)
               Fuck you!  Why didn't you listen to
               John?

                            BRIAN
               We're dead!

                            BENDER
               No, just me!

                            BRIAN
               What do you mean?

                            BENDER
               Get back to the library, keep your
               unit on this!

     Bender puts his bag of marijuana into Brian's
     underwear.

     Bender runs away singing loudly.  I wanna be an
     airborne ranger...

     We see Vernon hear Bender.

     The rest of them run.

                            VERNON
               That son of a bitch!

     We see Vernon looking for Bender until he finds him in
     the gym.

     Bender is going up for a basket.

                            BENDER
               Three...two...one!

     He dunks the ball.  Vernon enters.

                            VERNON
               Bender!  Bender!  Bender!  What is
               this?  What are you doing here, what
               is this?

                            BENDER
               Oh, hi!

                            VERNON
               Out!  That's it Bender!  Out, it's
               over!

                            BENDER
               Don't you wanna hear my excuse?

                            VERNON
               Out!

                            BENDER
               I'm thinking of trying out for a
               scholarship.

                            VERNON
               Gimmie the ball, Bender.

     Bender fakes the ball at Vernon.  He then sets the ball
     down and rolls it at Vernon who kicks it back at him.

     They leave.
                                                  CUT TO:

21. INT. LIBRARY - DAY

     The rest of the kids are all sitting back in their
     seats when Bender and Vernon enter.  Vernon pushes Bender.

                            VERNON
               Get your stuff, let's go!
                    (to everyone)
               Mr. Wiseguy here has taken it upon
               himself to go to the gymnasium.  I'm
               sorry to inform you, you're going to
               be without his services for the rest
               of the day.

                            BENDER
                    (to Vernon)
               B-O-O H-O-O!

                            VERNON
               Everything's a big joke, huh Bender?
               The false alarm you pulled, Friday,
               false alarms are really funny,
               aren't they...What if your home,
               what if your family...
                    (a beat)
               ...what if your dope was on fire?

                            BENDER
               Impossible, sir...It's in Johnson's
               underwear...

     Andrew laughs.

                            VERNON
                    (to Andrew)
               You think he's funny?  You think
               this is cute?  You think he's
               bitchin', is that it?  Lemme tell
               you something.  Look at him, he's a
               bum.
                    (to everybody)
               You wanna see something funny?  You
               go visit John Bender in five years!
               You'll see how God damned funny he
               is!
                    (to Bender)
               What's the matter, John?  You gonna
               cry?  Let's go...

     Vernon grabs Bender's shoulder.

                            BENDER
               Hey keep your fuckin' hands off me!
               I expect better manners from you,
               Dick!

     Bender takes his sunglasses out of his pocket and lays
     them in front of Andrew.

                            BENDER
               For better hallway vision!

     Bender leaves but not before pushing stuff over on the
     way.
                                                  CUT TO:

21. INT. CLOSET - DAY

     Vernon has put Bender in a closet and is in there
     talking to him.

                            VERNON
               That's the last time, Bender.  That's
               the last time you ever make me look
               bad in front of those kids, do you
               hear me?  I make $31,000 dollars a
               year and I have a home and I'm not
               about to throw it away on some punk
               like you...But someday, man, someday.
               When you're outta here and you've
               forgotten all about this place...
               And they've forgotten all about you
               and you're wrapped up in your own
               pathetic life...I'm gonna be there.
               That's right.  And I'm gonna kick
               the living shit out of you, man, I'm
               gonna knock your dick in the dirt!

                            BENDER
               Are you threatening me?

                            VERNON
               What're you gonna do about it?  You
               think anybody's gonna believe you?
               You think anybody's gonna take your
               word over mine?  I'm a man of
               respect around here.  They love me
               around here, I'm a swell guy...you're
               a lying sack of shit!  And everybody
               knows it.  Oh, you're a real tough
               guy...come on, come on...get on your
               feet, pal!  Let's find out how
               tough you are!  I wanna know right
               now, how tough you are!  Come on!
               I'll give you the first punch, let's
               go!  Come on, right here, just take
               the first shot!  Please, I'm begging
               you, take a shot!  Come on, just
               take one shot, that's all I need,
               just one swing...

     Bender just sits there staring at Vernon.  Vernon fakes
     a punch and Bender flinches.

                            VERNON
               That's what I though...you're a
               gutless turd!

     Vernon leaves and locks the closet door after him.
     Bender climbs into a hatch in the ceiling and
     disappears.
                                                 CUT TO:

22. INT. HEATING DUCT - DAY

     Bender is slowly crawling through a heating duct.

                            BENDER
                    (to himself)
               A naked blond walks into a bar, with
               a poodle under one arm and a two
               foot salami under the other.  She
               lays the poodle on the table.  Bar-
               tender says: "I suppose you won't
               be needing a drink."  The naked
               lady says...

     The ceiling under Bender gives and he falls through.

                            BENDER
                    (screaming)
               Oh shit!!!!
                                                  CUT TO:

23. INT. FACILTY BATHROOM - DAY

     We see the door to the bathroom.  We hear Vernon
     inside.

                         VERNON (OS)
               Jesus Christ, allmighty!
                                                  CUT TO

24. INT. LIBRARY - DAY

     Bender walks down the stairs.

                            BENDER
               I forgot my pencil...

     We hear Vernon in the hall.

                         VERNON (OS)
               God damnit!  What in God's name is
               going on in here?

     Vernon enters.

                            VERNON
              What was that ruckus?

                            ANDREW
               Uh, what ruckus?

                            VERNON
               I was just in my office and I heard
               a ruckus!

                            BRIAN
               Could you describe the ruckus, sir?

                            VERNON
               Watch your tongue young man, watch
               it!

     We see Bender under the table by Claire's legs.  He
     sits up and bangs his head on the table.  He groans.

     Above the table, Andrew and Claire try to take credit
     for the noise by making more noise.

                            VERNON
               What is that?  What, what is that,
               what is that noise?

     Under the table, Bender looks between Claire's legs and
     can see her panties.  He puts his head between Claire's
     legs.

                            ANDREW
               What noise?

                            CLAIRE
               Really, sir, there wasn't any noise...

     Claire squeels.  She squeezes Bender's head between her
     knees.

     Everyone starts faking a coughing fit.

                            CLAIRE
                    (flustered)
               That noise?  Was that the noise you
               were talking about?

                            VERNON
               No, it wasn't.  That was not the
               noise I was talking about.  Now, I
               may not have caught you in the act
               this time, but you can bet I will.

     Allison laughs at Vernon.

                            VERNON
               You make book on that missy!
                    (to Claire)
               And you!  I will not be made a fool
               of!

     He turns and walks away.  We see that he still has the
     toilet seat cover stuck to his pants.
     Vernon leaves.

     Everyone laughs except Claire who lets Bender out to a
     barage of slaps.

                            BENDER
               It was an accident!

                           CLAIRE
               You're an asshole!

                            BENDER
               So sue me...

     Bender gets up and walks over to Brian.

                            BENDER
               So, Ahab...Kybo Mein Doobage...

     Brian gives Bender his bag of marajuana.  Bender turns
     and walks away.

                            ANDREW
               Yo waistoid...you're not gonna blaze
               up in here!

     Claire gets up and goes after him.  Then Brian.

                            ANDREW
               Shit...

     Andrew goes.
                                                  CUT TO:

25. INT. STAIRS - DAY

     We see Vernon go down the stairs.
                                                  CUT TO:

26. INT. LIBRARY - DAY

     Brian, Bender and Claire are sitting in a circle and
     laughing hysterically.

     Bender lights Claire up and she coughs the smoke out.
     Brian laughs at her.  He exhales and tries to eat the
     smoke.  He talks in a really weird voice.

                            BRIAN
               Chicks, cannot hold der smoke!  That's
               what it is!

                            CLAIRE
               Do you know how popular I am?  I'm
               so popular, everybody loves me so
               much, at this school...

                            BENDER
               Poor baby.

     Brian waves Claire over to him and he falls over.

     We see Andrew emerge from a really smokey room.  He
     inhales another puff and then starts dancing to
     everybody's applause.

     He goes back in the room he was in.  He screams and it
     shatters the glass in the door.
                                                  CUT TO:

27. INT. BASEMENT - DAY

     Vernon is glancing through the confidential files in
the
     school basement.

                            VERNON
                    (to himself)
               Mister, oh mister Tearney...a
               history of slight mental illness?
               Wooh, no wonder he's so fucked up!

     Carl enters.

                             CARL
               Afternoon, Dick...

                            VERNON
               Hey Carl, how you doin'?

                             CARL
               Good...

                            VERNON
               Good, what's up?

                             CARL
               Not much, what's happening, what
               are you doing in the basement files?

                            VERNON
               Oh, nothin' nothin' here.  I'm just
               doin' a little homework here...

                             CARL
               Homework, huh?

                            VERNON
               Yeah...

     Carl, laughing, comes over and looks at the files that
     Vernon was looking at.

                             CARL
               Confidential files...hmmm?

                            VERNON
               Look, Carl...this is a highly
               sensitive area and I, I tell you
               something...certain people would be
               very very embarrassed.  I would really
               appreciate it if if if if this would
               be something that, that you and I
               could keep between us...

                             CARL
               What're you gonna do for me, man?

                            VERNON
               Well, well what would you like?

                             CARL
               Got fifty bucks?

                            VERNON
               What?

                             CARL
               Fifty bucks...
                                                  CUT TO:

28. INT. LIBRARY - DAY

     We see Andrew and Brian laughing.  Allison is hanging
     out over by the statue in the back of the library.

                            ANDREW
               No no man, no; you got a middle
               name?

                            BRIAN
               Yeah, guess...

     Allison suddenly takes interest in the conversation and
     as she speaks, she moves over and sits next to the two.

                           ALLISON
               Your middle name is Ralph, as in
               puke...

     Brian and Andrew look at her in confusion.

                           ALLISON
               ...your birthday is March 12th,
               you're five-nine and a half you
               weigh a hundred and thirty pounds
               and your social security number is
               0-4-9-3-8-0-9-1
                    (a beat)
               3.

     Andrew is impressed.

                            ANDREW
               Wow!  Are you psychic?

                           ALLISON
               No...

                            BRIAN
               Well would you mind telling me how
               you know all this about me?

     Allison reaches in her bag.

                           ALLISON
               I stole your wallet...

     She produces it in her hands and grins.

                            BRIAN
               Give it to me...

                           ALLISON
               No...

                            BRIAN
               Give it!

     Allison reluctantly hands over the wallet and Brian
     glances through it to make sure nothing is missing.

                            BRIAN
               This is great...you're a thief too!
               Huh?

                           ALLISON
               I'm not a thief!

                            BRIAN
               Multi-talented!

                           ALLISON
               What's there to steal?  Two bucks
               and a beaver shot!

                            ANDREW
               A what?

                          ALLISON
               He's got a nudie picture in there!
               I saw it, it's perverted!

                            ANDREW
               Alright, let's see it!

     We see Bender, he is brushing his teeth with one of
     Claire's cosmetic brushes.

     We see Claire looking through Bender's wallet pictures.

                            CLAIRE
               Are all these your girlfriends?

                            BENDER
               Some of them...

                            CLAIRE
               What about the others?

                            BENDER
               Well, some I consider my girlfriends
               and some...I just consider...

                            CLAIRE
               Consider what?

                            BENDER
               Whether or not, I wanna hang out
               with them...

                            CLAIRE
               You don't believe in just one guy,
               one girl?

                            BENDER
               Do you?

                            CLAIRE
               Yeah...that's the way it should be.

                            BENDER
               Well, not for me...

                            CLAIRE
               Why not?

     Bender clearly doesn't want to answer that.  He acts
     defensive.

                            BENDER
               How come you got so much shit in
               your purse?

                            CLAIRE
               How come you got so many
               girlfriends?

                            BENDER
               I asked you first...

                            CLAIRE
                    (shrugs)
               I dunno...I guess I never throw
               anything away.

                            BENDER
               Neither do I...

                            CLAIRE
               Oh...

     We cut back to where Andrew, Brian and Allison are
     sitting, Andrew is looking through Brian's wallet.

                            ANDREW
               This is the worst fake ID I've ever
               seen...

     Brian laughs.

                            ANDREW
               Do you realize you made yourself
               sixty eight?

                            BRIAN
               Oh, I know...I know, I goofed it...

                            ANDREW
               What do you need a fake ID for?

                            BRIAN
                    (like it's obvious)
               So I can vote!

     Allison looks up suddenly.

                           ALLISON
               You wanna see what's in my bag?

                        BRIAN & ANDREW
               No!

     Allison looks hurt and then resentful.  Just to spite
     them, she dumps the contents of her bag onto the couch.

     Lots of stuff comes out.

                            ANDREW
               Holy shit!  What is all that stuff?

                            BRIAN
               Do you always carry this much shit
               in your bag?

                           ALLISON
               Yeah...I always carry this much shit
               ...in my bag...You never know when
               you may have to jam...

                            BRIAN
               Are you gonna be like a shopping
               bag lady?  You know like, sit in
               alleyways and like talk to buildings
               and wear men's shoes and that kinda
               thing?

                           ALLISON
               I'll do what I have to do...

                            BRIAN
               Why do you have to do anything?

                           ALLISON
                    (with feeling)
               My home life is un...satisfying...

                            BRIAN
               So you're saying you'd subject
               yourself to the violent dangers of
               the Chicago streets because your
               homelife is unsatisfying?

                           ALLISON
               I don't have to run away and live
               in the street...I can run away and,
               go to the ocean, I can go to the
               country, I can go to the mountains.
               I can go to Israel, Africa,
               Afghanistan...

     Brian looks at her and then moves over to Andrew.

                            BRIAN
               Andy...you wanna get in on this?
               Allison here says, she wants to run
               away, because her home life is
               unsatisfying...

                            ANDREW
               Well everyone's home lives are un-
               satisfying...If it wasn't, people
               would live with there parents
               forever...

                            BRIAN
               Yeah, yeah I understand.  But I
               think that her's goes beyond, you
               know, what guys like you and me...
               consider normal unsatisfying...

                           ALLISON
               Nevermind...forget it, everything's
               cool!

     Allison starts putting everything back in her purse.

                            ANDREW
               What's the deal?

                           ALLISON
               No!  There's no deal, Sporto.
               Forget it, leave me alone.

                            ANDREW
               Wait a minute, now you're carrying
               all that crap around in your purse.
               Either you really wanna run away or
               you want people to think you wanna
               run away.

                           ALLISON
               Eat shit!

     Allison gets up and walks away.

                            BRIAN
               The girl is an island, with herself.
               Okay?

     Andrew gets up and goes after her.

                            ANDREW
               Hi, you wanna talk?

                           ALLISON
               No!

                            ANDREW
               Why not?

                           ALLISON
               Go away...

                            ANDREW
               Where do you want me to go?

                           ALLISON
               GO away!

     Andrew turns away and Allison starts to cry.

                           ALLISON
               You have problems...

                            ANDREW
               Oh, I have problems?

                           ALLISON
               You do everything everybody ever
               tells you to do, that is a problem!

                            ANDREW
               Okay, fine...but I didn't dump my
               purse out on the couch and invite
               people into my problems...Did I?
               So what's wrong?  What is it?  Is
               is bad?  Real bad?  Parents?

     Allison is silently crying.

                           ALLISON
               Yeah...

     Andrew nods.

                            ANDREW
               What do they do to you?

                           ALLISON
              They ignore me...

                            ANDREW
               Yeah...yeah...

     They both are crying silently.
                                                  CUT TO:

29. INT. BASEMENT - DAY

     Vernon and Carl are sitting talking.

                            VERNON
               What did you want to be when you
               were young?

                             CARL
               When I was a kid, I wanted to be
               John Lennon...

                            VERNON
               Carl don't be a goof!  I'm trying
               to make a serious point here...I've
               been teaching, for twenty two years,
               and each year...these kids get more
               and more arrogant.

                             CARL
               Aw bull shit, man.  Come on Vern,
               the kids haven't changed, you have!
               You took a teaching position, 'cause
               you thought it'd be fun, right?
               Thought you could have summer
               vacations off...and then you found
               out it was actually work...and that
               really bummed you out.

                            VERNON
               These kids turned on me...they think
               I'm a big fuckin' joke...

                             CARL
               Come on...listen Vern, if you were
               sixteen, what would you think of
               you, huh?

                            VERNON
               Hey...Carl, you think I give one
               rat's ass what these kids think of
               me?

                             CARL
               Yes I do...

                            VERNON
               You think about this...when you get
               old, these kids; when I get old,
               they're gonna be runnin' the country.

                             CARL
               Yeah?

                            VERNON
               Now this is the thought that wakes
               me up in the middle of the night...
               That when I get older, these kids
               are gonna take care of me...

                             CARL
               I wouldn't count on it!

     Vernon ponders that statement for a moment.
                                                  CUT TO:

30. INT. LIBRARY - DAY

     They are sitting on the floor in a circle.

                            ANDREW
               What would I do for a million bucks?
               Well, I guess I'd do as little as I
               had to...

                            CLAIRE
               That's boring...

                            ANDREW
               Well, how'm I s'posed to answer?

                            CLAIRE
               The idea is to like search your mind
               for the absolute limit.  Like, uh,
               would you drive to school naked?

     Andrew laughs.

                            ANDREW
               Um, uh...would I have to get out of
               the car?

                            CLAIRE
               Of course...

                            ANDREW
               In the spring, or winter?

                            CLAIRE
               It doesn't matter...spring...

                            ANDREW
               In front of the school or in back
               of the school?

                            CLAIRE
               Either one...

                            ANDREW
               Yes...

                           ALLISON
               I'd do that!

     They all look at her.

                           ALLISON
               I'll do anything sexual, I don't
               need a million dollars to do it
               either...

                            CLAIRE
               You're lying...

                           ALLISON
               I already have...I've done just
               about everything there is except a
               few things that are illegal...I'm a
               nymphomaniac!

     Claire rolls her eyes.

                            CLAIRE
               Lie...

                            BRIAN
               Are your parents aware of this?

                           ALLISON
               The only person I told was my
               shrink...

                            ANDREW
               And what'd he do when you told him?

                           ALLISON
               He nailed me...

                            CLAIRE
               Very nice...

                           ALLISON
               I don't think that from a legal
               standpoint what he did can be
               construed as rape since I paid him.

                            CLAIRE
               He's an adult!

     Allison is relishing this attention.

                           ALLISON
               Yeah...he's married too!

     Claire notes her disgust.

                            CLAIRE
               Do you have any idea how completely
               gross that is?

                           ALLISON
               Well, the first few times...

                            CLAIRE
               First few times?  You mean he did it
               more than once?

                           ALLISON
               Sure...

                            CLAIRE
               Are you crazy?

                            BRIAN
               Obviously she's crazy if she's
               screwing her shrink...

                           ALLISON
                    (to Claire)
               Have you ever done it?

                            CLAIRE
               I don't even have a psychiatrist...

                           ALLISON
               Have you ever done it with a normal
               person?

                            CLAIRE
               Now, didn't we already cover this?

                            BENDER
               You never answered the question...

                            CLAIRE
               Look, I'm not gonna discuss my
               private life with total strangers.

                           ALLISON
               It's kind of a double-edged sword,
               isn't it?

                            CLAIRE
               A what?

                           ALLISON
               Well, if you say you haven't...
               you're a prude.  If you say you
               have...you're a slut!  It's a trap.
               You want to but you can't but when
               you do you wish you didn't, right?

                            CLAIRE
               Wrong...

                           ALLISON
               Or, are you a tease?

                            ANDREW
               She's a tease...

                            CLAIRE
               Oh why don't you just forget it...

                            ANDREW
               You're a tease and you know it, all
               girls are teases!

                            BENDER
                    (to Andrew)
               She's only a tease if what she does
               gets you hot...

                            CLAIRE
               I don't do anything!

                           ALLISON
               That's why you're a tease...

                            CLAIRE
               Okay, lemme ask you a few questions.

     Allison is suddenly defensive.

                           ALLISON
               I've already told you everything!

                            CLAIRE
               No!  Doesn't it bother you to sleep
               around without being in love.  I
               mean don't you want any respect?

                           ALLISON
               I don't screw to get respect...That's
               the difference between you and me...

                            CLAIRE
               Not the only difference, I hope.

                            BENDER
               Face it, you're a tease.

                            CLAIRE
               I'm not a tease!

                            BENDER
               Sure you are!  You said it yourself
               sex is a weapon, you use it to get
               respect!

                            CLAIRE
               No, I never said that, she twisted
               my words around.

                            BENDER
               Oh then what do you use it for?

                            CLAIRE
               I don't use it period!

     Claire is on the verge of tears.

                            BENDER
               Oh, are you medically frigid or is
               it psychological?

                            CLAIRE
               I didn't mean it that way!  You guys
               are putting words into my mouth!

                            BENDER
               Well if you'd just answer the
               question...

                            BRIAN
               Why don't you just answer the
               question?

                            ANDREW
               Be honest...

                            BENDER
               No big deal...

                            BRIAN
               Yeah, answer it!

                            ANDREW
               Answer the question, Claire!

                            BENDER
               Talk to us!

                       ANDREW & BRIAN
               Come on, answer the question!

                            BENDER
               It's easy, it's only one question!

     Claire silences all of them by screaming.

                            CLAIRE
                    (screaming)
               No!  I never did it!

     Silence for two beats.

                           ALLISON
               I never did it either, I'm not a
               nymphomaniac...I'm a compulsive
               liar...

                            CLAIRE
               You are such a bitch!  You did that
               on purpose just to fuck me over!

                           ALLISON
               I would do it though...If you love
               someone it's okay...

                            CLAIRE
               I can't believe you, you're so
               weird.  You don't say anything all
               day and then when you open your
               mouth...you unload all these
               tremendous lies all over me!

                            ANDREW
               You're just pissed off because she
               got you to admit something you didn't
               want to admit to...

                            CLAIRE
               Okay, fine, but that doesn't make it
               any less bizarre...

                            ANDREW
               What's bizarre?  I mean we're all
               pretty bizarre!  Some of us are just
               better at hiding it, that's all.

                            CLAIRE
                    (to Andrew)
               How are you bizarre?

     Allison decides to field that question.

                           ALLISON
               He can't think for himself...

                            ANDREW
               She's right...do you guys know what,
               uh, what I did to get in here?  I
               taped Larry Lester's buns together.

     Claire laughs.

                            BRIAN
                    (to Andrew)
               That was you?

                           ANDREW
                    (to Brian)
               Yeah, you know him?

                            BRIAN
               Yeah, I know him...

                            ANDREW
               Well then you know how hairy he is,
               right?  Well, when they pulled the
               tape off, most of his hair came off
               and some, some skin too...

                            CLAIRE
               Oh my God...

                            ANDREW
               And the bizarre thing is, is that
               I did it for my old man...I
               tortured this poor kid, because I
               wanted him to think that I was cool.
               He's always going off about, you
               know, when he was in school...all
               the wild things he used to do.  And
               I got the feeling that he was
               disappointed that I never cut loose
               on anyone, right...So, I'm...I'm
               sitting in the locker room, and I'm
               taping up my knee.  And Larry's
               undressing a couple lockers down
               from me.  Yeah...he's kinda...
               he's kinda skinny, weak.  And I
               started thinking about my father,
               and his attitude about weakness.
               And the next thing I knew, I uh, I
               jumped on top of him and started
               wailing on him...And my friends,
               they just laughed and cheered me on.
               And afterwards, when I was sittin'
               in Vernon's office, all I could
               think about was Larry's father. And
               Larry havin' to go home and...and
               explain what happened to him.  And
               the humiliation...fucking
               humiliation he mustuv felt.  It
               mustuv been unreal...I mean,
                    (he's crying)
               I mean, how do you apologize for
               something like that?  There's no
               way...it's all because of me and
               my old man.  Oh God, I fucking hate
               him!  He's like this...he's like
               this mindless machine that I can't
               even relate to anymore..."Andrew,
               you've got to be number one!  I
               won't tolerate any losers in this
               family...Your intensity is for shit!
               Win.  Win!  WIN!!!"  You son of a
               bitch!  You know, sometimes, I wish
               my knee would give...and I wouldn't
               be able to wrestle anymore.  And he
               could forget all about me...

                            BENDER
               I think your old man and my old man
               should get together and go bowling.

     Andrew laughs briefly.

                            BRIAN
               It's like me, you know, with my
               grades...like, when I, when I
               step outside myself kinda, and
               when I, when I look in at myself
               you know?  And I see me and I don't
               like what I see, I really don't.

                            CLAIRE
               What's wrong with you?  Why don't
               you like yourself?

                            BRIAN
               'Cause I'm stupid...'cause I'm failing
               shop.  See we had this assignment,
               to make this ceramic elephant, and
               um...and we had eight weeks to do
               it and we're s'posed ta, and it was
               like a lamp, and when you pull the
               trunk the light was s'posed to go
               on...my light didn't go on, I got a
               F on it.  Never got a F in my life...
               When I signed up, you know, for the
               course I mean.  I thought I was
               playing it real smart, you know.
               'Cause I thought, I'll take shop,
               it'll be such an easy way to
               maintain my grade point average...

                            BENDER
               Why'd you think it'd be easy?

                            BRIAN
               Have you seen some of the dopes that
               take shop?

                            BENDER
               I take shop...you must be a fuckin'
               idiot!

                            BRIAN
               I'm a fuckin' idiot because I can't
               make a lamp?

                            BENDER
               No, you're a genius because you
               can't make a lamp...

                            BRIAN
               What do you know about Trigonometry?

                            BENDER
               I could care less about
               Trigonometry...

                            BRIAN
               Bender, did you know without
               Trigonometry there'd be no
               engineering?

                            BENDER
               Without lamps, there'd be no light!

                            CLAIRE
              Okay so neither one of you is any
               better than the other one...

     Allison feels left out.

                           ALLISON
               I can write with my toes!  I can
               also eat, brush my teeth...

                            CLAIRE
               With your feet?

                           ALLISON
               ...play Heart & Soul on the piano.

                            BRIAN
               I can make spaghetti!

                            CLAIRE
                    (to Andrew)
               What can you do?

                            ANDREW
               I can...uh...tape all your buns
               together...

                            BENDER
               I wanna see what Claire can do!

                            CLAIRE
               I can't do anything.

                            BENDER
               Now, everybody can do something...

                            CLAIRE
               There's one thing I can do, no
               forget it, it's way too embarrassing.

                            BENDER
               You ever seen Wild Kingdom?  I mean
               that guy's been doing that show for
               thirty years.

                            CLAIRE
               Okay, but you have to swear to God
               you won't laugh...I can't believe
               I'm actually doing this...

     Claire takes lipstick out and opens it.  She places it
     between her breasts and applies it from her cleavage.

     When she lifts her head, her lipstick is perfect.

      Everyone claps.  Bender's clap is sarcastic and slow.

                            ANDREW
               All right, great!  Where'd you learn
               to do that?

                            CLAIRE
               Camp, seventh grade...

                            BENDER
               That was great, Claire...my image of
               you is totally blown...

                           ALLISON
               You're a shit!  Don't do that to her
               you swore to God you wouldn't laugh!

                            BENDER
               Am I laughing?

                            ANDREW
               You fucking prick!

     Bender turns to Andrew.  As he speaks, we can see his
     words hitting home.

                            BENDER
               What do you care what I think,
               anyway?  I don't even count, right?
               I could disappear forever and it
               wouldn't make any difference...I may
               as well not even exist at this
               school, remember?
                    (he turns to Claire)
               And you...don't like me anyway!

                            CLAIRE
               You know, I have just as many
               feelings as you do and it hurts
               just as much when somebody steps
               all over them!

                            BENDER
               God, you're so pathetic!
                    (furious)
               Don't you ever...ever!  Compare
               yourself to me!  Okay?  You got
               everything, and I got shit!  Fuckin'
               Rapunzel, right?  School would
               probably fucking shut down if you
               didn't show up!  "Queenie isn't
               here!"  I like those earrings Claire.

                            CLAIRE
                    (quietly)
               Shut up...

                            BENDER
               Are those real diamonds, Claire?

                            CLAIRE
                    (angry)
               Shut up!

                    BENDER                       CLAIRE
          I bet they are...did you
          work, for the money               Shut...
          for those earrings?                   Your mouth!

                            BENDER
               Or did your daddy buy those?

                            CLAIRE
                    (furious)
               Shut up!

     Claire starts crying.

                            BENDER
               I bet he bought those for you!  I
               bet those are a Christmas gift!
               Right?  You know what I got for
               Christmas this year?  It was a
               banner fuckin' year at the old
               Bender family!  I got a carton of
               cigarettes.  The old man grabbed me
               and said "Hey!  Smoke up Johnny!"
               Okay, so go home'n cry to your
               daddy, don't cry here, okay?

     There are a few beats.

                            ANDREW
               My God, are we gonna be like our
               parents?

                            CLAIRE
               Not me...ever...

                           ALLISON
               It's unavoidable, it just happens.

                            CLAIRE
               What happens?

                           ALLISON
               When you grow up, your heart dies.

                            BENDER
               Who cares?

     Allison is on the verge of tears herself.

                           ALLISON
               I care...

                            BRIAN
               Um, I was just thinking, I mean.  I
               know it's kind of a weird time, but
               I was just wondering, um, what is
               gonna happen to us on Monday?  When
               we're all together again?  I mean I
               consider you guys my friends, I'm
               not wrong, am I?

                            ANDREW
               No...

                            BRIAN
               So, so on Monday...what happens?

                            CLAIRE
               Are we still friends, you mean?
               If we're friends now, that is?

                            BRIAN
               Yeah...

                            CLAIRE
               Do you want the truth?

                            BRIAN
               Yeah, I want the truth...

                            CLAIRE
               I don't think so...

                           ALLISON
               Well, do you mean all of us or just
               John?

                            CLAIRE
               With all of you...

                            ANDREW
               That's a real nice attitude, Claire!

                            CLAIRE
               Oh, be honest, Andy...if Brian came
               walking up to you in the hall on
               Monday, what would you do?  I mean
               picture this, you're there with all
               the sports.  I know exactly what
               you'd do, you'd say hi to him and
               when he left you'd cut him all up
               so your friends wouldn't think you
               really liked him!

                            ANDREW
               No way!

                           ALLISON
               'Kay, what if I came up to you?

                            CLAIRE
               Same exact thing!

                            BENDER
                    (furious and screaming at Claire)
               You are a bitch!

                            CLAIRE
               Why?  'Cause I'm telling the truth,
               that makes me a bitch?

                            BENDER
               No!  'Cause you know how shitty that
               is to do to someone!  And you don't
               got the balls to stand up to your
               friends and tell 'em that you're
               gonna like who you wanna like!

                            CLAIRE
               Okay, what about you, you hypocrite!
               Why don't you take Allison to one of
               your heavy metal vomit parties?  Or
               take Brian out to the parking lot at
               lunch to get high?  What about Andy
               for that matter, what about me?
               What would your friends say if we
               were walking down the hall together.
               They'd laugh their asses off and
               you'd probably tell them you were
               doing it with me so they'd forgive
               you for being seen with me.

                            BENDER
                    (furious once again)
               Don't you ever talk about my
               friends!  You don't know any of my
               friends, you don't look at any of my
               friends and you certainly wouldn't
               condescend to speak to any of my
               friends so you just stick to the
               things you know, shopping, nail
               polish, your father's BMW and your
               poor--rich--drunk mother in the
               Carribean!

                            CLAIRE
                    (furious and sobbing)
               Shut up!

                            BENDER
               And as far as being concerned about
               what's gonna happen when you and I
               walk down the hallways at school,
               you can forget it!  'Cause it's never
               gonna happen!  Just bury your head
               in the sand...and wait for your
               fuckin' prom!

                            CLAIRE
               I hate you!

                            BENDER
               Yeah?  Good!

     There is silence until Brian speaks.

                            BRIAN
               Then I assume Allison and I are
               better people than you guys, huh?
               Us weirdos...
                    (to Allison)
               Do you, would you do that to me?

                           ALLISON
               I don't have any friends...

                            BRIAN
               Well if you did?

                           ALLISON
               No...I don't think the kind of
               friends I'd have would mind...

                            BRIAN
               I just wanna tell, each of you,
               that I wouldn't do that...I wouldn't
               and I will not!  'Cause I think that's
               real shitty...

                            CLAIRE
               Your friends wouldn't mind because
               they look up to us...

     Brian laughs at her.

                            BRIAN
               You're so conceited, Claire.  You're
               so conceited.  You're so, like, full
               of yourself, why are you like that?

                            CLAIRE
                    (crying again)
               I'm not saying that to be conceited!
               I hate it!  I hate having to go
               along with everything my friends say!

                            BRIAN
               Well then why do you do it?

                            CLAIRE
               I don't know, I don't...you don't
               understand..you don't.  You're not
               friends with the same kind of people
               that Andy and I are friends with!
               You know, you just don't understand
               the pressure that they can put on
               you!

     Brian is shocked.

                            BRIAN
               I don't understand what?  You think
               I don't understand pressure, Claire?
               Well fuck you!  Fuck you!

     Brian hides his head in his arm because he is crying.

                            BRIAN
               Know why I'm here today?  Do you?
               I'm here because Mr. Ryan found a
               gun in the locker...

                            ANDREW
               Why'd you have a gun in your locker?

                            BRIAN
               I tried.  You pull the fuckin' trunk
               on it and the light's s'posed to go
               on...and it didn't go on, I mean,
               I...

                            ANDREW
               What's the gun for Brian?

                            BRIAN
               Just forget it...

                            ANDREW
               You brought it up, man!

                            BRIAN
               I can't have an F, I can't have it
               and I know my parents can't have it!
               Even if I aced the rest of the
               semester, I'm still only a B.  And
               everything's ruined for me!

                            CLAIRE
                    (with pity)
               Oh Brian...

     Brian bashes a chair over.

                            BRIAN
               So I considered my options, you
               know?

                            CLAIRE
               No!  Killing yourself is not an
               option!

                            BRIAN
               Well I didn't do it, did I?  No, I
               don't think so!

                           ALLISON
               It was a hand gun?

                            BRIAN
               No, it was a flare gun, went off
               in my locker.

                            ANDREW
               Really?

     Andrew starts to laugh.

                            BRIAN
               It's not funny...

     They all start to laugh, including Brian.

                            BRIAN
               Yes it is...fuckin' elephant was
               destroyed!

                           ALLISON
               You wanna know what I did to get in
               here?  Nothing...I didn't have
               anything better to do.

     Everyone laughs.

                           ALLISON
               You're laughing at me...

                            ANDREW
               No!

     Allison starts to laugh too.

                           ALLISON
               Yeah you are!
                                                  CUT TO:

31. INT. LIBRARY - DAY

     Later.

     We see Brian putting a record on and then music starts.

     We see them all dancing.  This goes on for the duration
     of the song.
                                                  CUT TO:

32. INT. HEATING DUCT - DAY

     We see Bender crawling back through the heating duct.
                                                  CUT TO:

33. INT. LIBRARY - DAY

     Andrew, Allison, Claire and Brian are sitting, in that
     order on the railing.

                            CLAIRE
               Brian?

                            BRIAN
               Yeah?

                            CLAIRE
               Are you gonna write your paper?

                            BRIAN
               Yeah, why?

                            CLAIRE
               Well, it's kinda a waste for all of
               us to write our paper, don't you
               think?

                            BRIAN
               Oh, but that's what Vernon wants us
               to do...

                            CLAIRE
               True, but I think we'd all kinda
               say the same thing.

                            BRIAN
               You just don't want to write your
               paper...Right?

                            CLAIRE
               True, but, you're the smartest,
               right?

                            BRIAN
                    (with pride)
               Oh, well...

                            CLAIRE
               We trust you...

     Brian glances over at Allison and Andrew who nod in
     approval.

                            ANDREW
               Yeah...

                            BRIAN
               All right, I'll do it...

                            CLAIRE
               Great...

     Claire looks at Allison who looks back.

                            CLAIRE
                    (to Allison)
               Come on...

                           ALLISON
               Where're we going?

                            CLAIRE
               Come on!

     We see Claire putting eye make-up on Allison.

                            CLAIRE
               Don't be afraid.

                           ALLISON
               Don't stick that in my eye!

                            CLAIRE
               I'm not sticking it, just close...
               just go like that...

     Claire closes her eyes.  Allison mimics her.

                            CLAIRE
               Good...

     Claire puts the make-up on her and Allison squeals.

                            CLAIRE
               You know you really do look a lot
               better without all that black shit
               on your eyes...

                           ALLISON
               Hey...I like that black shit...

                            CLAIRE
               This looks a lot better...look up.

     We see Brian thinking about what he's going to write.

     We see Andrew just thinking.

     We see Allison and Claire again.  Claire is still
     putting make-up on Allison.

                           ALLISON
               Please, why're you being so nice to
               me?

                            CLAIRE
               'Cause you're letting me.

     We see Brian begin to write.

     We see Andrew, still deep in thought.
                                                  CUT TO:

34. INT. CLOSET - DAY

     We see Bender, in the closet once again.  Claire opens
     the door and enters.

                            BENDER
               You lost?

     Claire stares at him.

     Bender smiles.

     Claire smiles.
                                                  CUT TO:

35. INT. LIBRARY - DAY

     Brian is busily preparing the essay.

     Andrew looks up and sees the newly made over Allison
     and is in awe.

     Allison walks towards him and stops when she notices
     Brian staring at her with his mouth open.

     She glares at him.

                            BRIAN
               Cool!

                           ALLISON
                    (smiling)
               Thank you!
                                                  CUT TO:

36. INT. CLOSET - DAY

     Claire kisses Bender, then she breaks the kiss.

                            BENDER
               Why'd you do that?

                            CLAIRE
               'Cause I knew you wouldn't.

                            BENDER
               You know how you said before, how
               your parents used you to get back
               at each other...wouldn't I be
               outstanding in that capacity?

                            CLAIRE
               Were you really disgusted about
               what I did with my lipstick?

                            BENDER
               Truth?

                            CLAIRE
               Truth...

     Bender nods and speaks at the same time.

                            BENDER
               No...
                                                  CUT TO:

37. INT. LIBRARY - DAY

     We see Brian lift up his paper and kiss it.

     We see Andrew and Allison.

                            ANDREW
               What happened to you?

                           ALLISON
        Why?  Claire did it!  What's wrong?

                            ANDREW
               Nothing's wrong, it's just so
               different.  I can see your face.

                           ALLISON
               Is that good or bad?

                            ANDREW
                    (laughing)
               It's good!

     Allison smiles.

     We see Brian laugh and give himself a congratulatory
     punch in the arm.
                                                  CUT TO:

38. INT. HALLWAY - DAY

     The five are walking down the hall where they are met
     by Carl, sweeping up.  Brian nods at him.

                             CARL
               See ya Brian...

                            BRIAN
               Hey Carl...

                            BENDER
                    (to Carl)
               See you next Saturday...

                             CARL
               You bet!
                                                  CUT TO:

39. EXT. PARKING LOT - DAY

     Brian gets into his dads car and leaves.
     Andrew and Allison kiss, Allison rips a patch off
     Andrews jacket and gets into the car.

     Andrew's dad arrives and looks at him, then at Allison.

    Andrew gets into the car and they drive off.

     We see Claire take out one of her diamond earrings
     and put it into Benders hand.  They kiss and she gets
     into her car.  She leaves.

     We see Bender put the earring in his ear.
                                                  CUT TO:

40. INT. LIBRARY - DAY

     We see Vernon pick up Brian's essay and begin to read.

                          BRIAN (VO)
               Dear Mr. Vernon, we accept the fact
               that we had to sacrifice a whole
               Saturday in detention for whatever
               it was we did wrong.  But we think
               you're crazy to make an essay
               telling you who we think we are.
               You see us as you want to see us...
               In the simplest terms, in the most
               convenient definitions.
                                                  CUT TO:

41. EXT. FOOTBALL FIELD - DAY

     We see Bender walking towards us as Brian's monologue
     continues.

                          BRIAN (VO)
                    (CONT'D)
               But what we found out is that each
               one of us is a brain...

                        ANDREW (VO)
               ...and an athlete...

                         ALLISON (VO)
               ...and a basket case...

                         CLAIRE (VO)
               ...a princess...

                         BENDER (VO)
               ...and a criminal...

                          BRIAN (VO)
               Does that answer your question?
               Sincerely yours, the Breakfast Club.

     We see Bender walking across the football field
     as he thrusts his fist into the air in a silent cheer
     and freezes there.

                      The Breakfast Club
                             Starring...
          Andrew Clark.............Emilio Estevez
          Richard Vernon...........Paul Gleason
          Brian Johnson............Anthony Michael Hall
          Carl.....................John Kapelos
          John Bender..............Judd Nelson
          Claire Standish..........Molly Ringwald
          Allison Reynolds.........Ally SheedyThe Breakfast Club

                    written and directed by
                         John Hughes



BLANK SCREEN:
     Against Black, TITLE CARD:

           "...and these children that you spit on,
            as they try to change their worlds are
           immune to your consultations.  They're
         quite aware of what they're going through...
                                        - David Bowie"

     The Blank Screen and Title Card SHATTER to reveal...

1. EXT. SHERMER HIGH SCHOOL - DAY

     During Brian's monologue, we see various views of things
     inside the school including Bender's locker.

                          BRIAN (VO)
               Saturday...March 24, 1984.  Shermer
               High School, Shermer, Illinois.
               60062.  Dear Mr. Vernon...we accept
               the fact that we had to sacrifice a
               whole Saturday in detention for
               whatever it was that we did wrong,
               what we did was wrong.  But we think
               you're crazy to make us write this
               essay telling you who we think we
               are, what do you care?  You see us
               as you want to see us...in the
               simplest terms and the most
               convenient definitions.  You see us
               as a brain, an athelete, a basket
               case, a princess and a criminal.
               Correct?  That's the way we saw each
               other at seven o'clock this morning.
               We were brainwashed...
                                                  CUT TO:

2. INT. CLAIRE'S CAR - DAY

     We see CLAIRE and her FATHER sitting in their car in the
     parking lot.

     Claire is the prom queen and is clearly a snob.

                            CLAIRE
               I can't believe you can't get me
               out of this...I mean it's so absurd
               I have to be here on a Saturday!
               It's not like I'm a defective or
               anything...

                       CLAIRE'S FATHER
               I'll make it up to you...Honey,
               ditching class to go shopping
               doesn't make you a defective.  Have
               a good day.

     Claire rolls her eyes and gets out of the car and walks
     up the school front steps
                                                  CUT TO:

3. INT. BRIAN'S CAR - DAY

     We are in BRIAN's car.  His MOTHER is there and so is
     his little SISTER.  He is sort of a nerd.

                        BRIAN'S MOTHER
               Is this the first time or the last
               time we do this?

                            BRIAN
                    (upset)
               Last...

                        BRIAN'S MOTHER
               Well get in there and use the time
               to your advantage...

                            BRIAN
               Mom, we're not supposed to study; we
               just have to sit there and do
               nothing.

                        BRIAN'S MOTHER
               Well mister you figure out a way to
               study.

                    BRIAN'S LITTLE SISTER
                    (annoyingly)
               Yeah!

                        BRIAN'S MOTHER
               Well go!

     Brian gets out of the car and walks towards the school.
                                                  CUT TO:

4. INT. ANDREW'S CAR - DAY

     We see ANDREW and his FATHER.  Andrew is clearly a jock;
     hes wearing a lettermans jacket with lots of patches on it.

                       ANDREW'S FATHER
               Hey, I screwed around...guys screw
               around, there's nothing wrong with
               that.  Except you got caught, Sport.

                            ANDREW
               Yeah, Mom already reemed me, alright?

                       ANDREW'S FATHER
                    (angry)
               You wanna miss a match?  You wanna
               blow your ride?  Now no school's
               gonna give a scholarship to a
               discipline case.

     Andrew gets out of the car and walks into the school.
                                                  CUT TO:

5. EXT. SHERMER PARKING LOT - DAY

     We see JOHN BENDER walking towards us.  He is wearing
     sunglasses.  A car is coming towards him but he doesn't
     stop walking.

     The car slams on its breaks directly in front of him.

     Bender gets out of the frame.  Out of the car steps
     ALLISON.  She is dressed all in black.  She steps
     forward to look in the car's front window and the car
     drives away.
                                                 CUT TO:

6. INT. LIBRARY - DAY

     There are six tables in two rows of three.
     Claire is sitting at the front table.  Brian comes in
     and sits at the table behind her.

     Andrew comes in and points at the chair next to Claire
     at the front table.  She shrugs and he sits there.

     In walks Bender, he touches everything on the checkout
     desk and takes a few things in the process.

     He walks over to where Brian is sitting and points to
     the table on the opposite side of the Library.  Brian
     reluctantly gets up and moves.

     Bender sits at the table where Brian was and puts his
     feet up.

     Allison walks in.  She walks all the way around the
     library and sits in the back corner table, just behind
     Brian.

     Andrew and Claire look at each other and snicker.

     Brian looks at her in confusion and then turns away.

     Enter RICHARD VERNON, a teacher.  He holds a stack
     of papers in his left hand.  He addresses the group with
     such disrespect it makes you wonder how he ever got the
     job.

                            VERNON
               Well...well.  Here we are!  I want
               to congradulate you for being on
               time...

     Claire raises her hand.

                            CLAIRE
               Excuse me, sir?  I think there's
               been a mistake.  I know it's
               detention, but...um...I don't think
               I belong in here...

     Vernon doesn't care.  He just continues to talk.

                            VERNON
               It is now seven-oh-six.  You have
               exactly eight hours and fifty-four
               minutes to think about why you're
               here.  To ponder the error of your
               ways...

     Bender spits into the air and catches the spit in his
     mouth again.

     Claire looks like she is going to gag.

                            VERNON
               ...and you may not talk.  You will
               not move from these seats.

     He glances up at Bender and points at him.

                            VERNON
               ...and you...

     Vernon pulls the chair out from under Bender's feet.

                            VERNON
               ...will not sleep.  Alright people,
               we're gonna try something a little
               different today.  We are going to
               write an essay--of no less than a
               thousand words--describing to me
               who you think you are.

                            BENDER
               Is this a test?

     Vernon passes out paper and pencils and takes no notice
     of Bender.

                            VERNON
               And when I say essay...I mean essay.
               I do not mean a single word repeated
               a thousand times.  Is that clear Mr.
               Bender?

     Bender looks up.

                            BENDER
               Crystal...

                            VERNON
               Good.  Maybe you'll learn a little
               something about yourself.  Maybe
               you'll even--decide whether or not
               you care to return.

     Brian raises his hand and then stands.

                            BRIAN
               You know, I can answer that right
               now sir...That'd be "No", no for me.
               'cause...

                            VERNON
               Sit down Johnson...

                            BRIAN
               Thank you sir...

     He sits.

                            VERNON
               My office...

     Vernon points.

                            VERNON
               ...is right across that hall.  Any
               monkey business is ill-advised...

     He looks around at them.

                            VERNON
               ...any questions?

                            BENDER
               Yeah...I got a question.

     Vernon looks at him suspiciously.

                            BENDER
               Does Barry Manilow know you raid his
               wardrobe?

                            VERNON
               I'll give you the answer to that
               question, Mr. Bender, next Saturday.
               Don't mess with the bull young man,
               you'll get the horns.

     Vernon leaves.

                            BENDER
               That man...is a brownie hound...

     Everyone tries to get comfortable and we hear a loud
     snapping sound.  Brian turns and looks and it is
     Allison, biting her nails.

     Bender's eyes widen as he turns to look.  Everyone is
     looking now.  Allison notices them looking at her.

                            BENDER
               You keep eating your hand and you're
               not gonna be hungry for lunch...

     Allison spits part of her nail at Bender.

                            BENDER
               I've seen you before, you know...

     We see Vernon look out from his office.

     We see Brian playing with his pen.

                            BRIAN
                    (quietly to himself)
               Who do I think I am?  Who are you?
               Who are you?

     He attaches the pen to his bottom lip and puts the top
     under his upper lip.

                            BRIAN
               I am a walrus...

     Bender looks at him in utter confusion.  Brian notices
     this, laughs and takes the pen out of his mouth--
     embarrassed.

     Bender and Brian begin to take their jackets off at the
     same time.  They both notice this.  Brian stops removing
     his jacket.

     Bender takes his all the way off.  Brian rubs his hands
     together and pretends to be cold.  He pulls his jacket
     back on.  He turns and looks at Bender who is still
     staring at him.

                            BRIAN
               It's the shits, huh?

     Bender glares at him and Brian utters an uncomfortable
     laugh.

     Bender turns away and crumples up his essay paper.  He
     throws it at Claire.  It misses and goes over Claire's
     head.

     Andrew and Claire acknowlege it but continue to ignore
     Bender.

     Bender starts loudly "singing" the musical part of a
     song.  Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah...nah, nah, nah...

                            CLAIRE
                    (to herself)
               I can't believe this is really
               happening to me...

     Bender stops "singing" abruptly.

                            BENDER
               Oh, shit!  What're we s'posed to do
               if we hafta take a piss?

                            CLAIRE
                    (disgusted)
               Please...

                            BENDER
               If you gotta go...

     We hear Bender unzip his fly.

                            BENDER
               You gotta go!

     Everyone is now looking at Bender.

                            CLAIRE
                   (disgusted)
               Oh my God!

                            ANDREW
               Hey, yer not urinating in here man!

                            BENDER
               Don't talk!  Don't talk!  It makes
               it crawl back up!

                            ANDREW
               You whip it out and you're dead
               before the first drop hits the
               floor!

     Bender gasps mockingly.

                            BENDER
               You're pretty sexy when you get
               angry...grrr!

     He turns to Brian.

                            BENDER
               Hey, homeboy...

     Brian points at himself with his pen.

                            BENDER
              ...why don't you go close that door.
               We'll get the prom queen--
               impregnated!

     Claire turns and glares at him.

                            ANDREW
               Hey!

     Bender ignores him.

                            ANDREW
               Hey!
                          BENDER
               What?

                            ANDREW
               If I lose my temper, you're totalled
               man!

                            BENDER
               Totally?

                            ANDREW
               Totally!

                            CLAIRE
                    (to Bender)
               Why don't you just shut up!  Nobody
               here is interested!

                            ANDREW
               Really!
                    (to Claire about Bender)
               Buttface!

                            BENDER
               Well hey Sporto!  What'd you do to
               get in here?  Forget to wash your
               jock?

                            BRIAN
                    (nervous)
               Uh, excuse me, fellas?  I think we
               should just write our papers...

                            ANDREW
                    (to Bender)
               Look, just because you live in here
               doesn't give you the right to be a
               pain in the ass...so knock it off!

     Bender mockingly registers pain in his face.

                            BENDER
               It's a free country...

                            CLAIRE
                    (to Andrew)
               He's just doing it to get a rise out
               of you!  Just ignore him...

                            BENDER
                    (to Claire)
               Sweets...you couldn't ignore me if
               you tried!

     Claire rolls her eyes.

                           BENDER
               So...so!
                    (to Andrew and Claire)
               Are you guys like boyfriend/girl-
               friend?
                    (a beat)
               Steady dates?
                    (another beat)
               Lo--vers?
                    (another beat)
               Come on Sporto, level with me.  Do
               you slip her the hot...beef...
               injection?

     Claire and Andrew turn to face Bender, both furious.

                            CLAIRE
                    (screams)
               Go to hell!

                            ANDREW
                    (screams)
               Enough!

                                                  CUT TO:

7. INT. VERNON'S OFFICE - DAY

     We see Vernon in his office.

                            VERNON
                    (yells)
               Hey!  What's going on in there?
                    (to himself)
               Smug little pricks!
                                                  CUT TO:

8. INT. LIBRARY - DAY

     They all look at each other.  Andrew turns away from
     Bender.

                            ANDREW
                    (to himself)
               Scumbag!

     Bender stands up and walks over to the railing.  He sits
     on it.

                            BENDER
               What do you say we close that door.
               We can't have any kind of party
               with Vernon checking us out every
               few seconds.

                            BRIAN
               Well, you know the door's s'posed to
               stay open...

                           BENDER
               So what?

                           ANDREW
               So why don't you just shut up!
               There's four other people in here
               you know...

                            BENDER
               God, you can count.  See!  I knew
               you had to be smart to be a...a
               wrestler.

                            ANDREW
               Who the hell are you to judge
               anybody anyway?

                            CLAIRE
               Really...

                            ANDREW
               You know, Bender...you don't even
               count.  I mean if you disappeared
               forever it wouldn't make any
               difference.  You may as well not
               even exist at this school.

     Bender probably is upset at this and he pauses a moment
     before speaking.  He doesn't let his emotions out,
     however.

                            BENDER
               Well...I'll just run right out and
               join the wrestling team.

     Andrew and Claire look at each other and laugh at
     Bender.

                            BENDER
                    (to Claire)
               Maybe the prep club too!  Student
               council...

                            ANDREW
               No, they wouldn't take you.

                            BENDER
               I'm hurt.

                            CLAIRE
               You know why guys like you knock
               everything...

                            BENDER
                    (to himself)
               Oh, this should be stunning...

                            CLAIRE
               It's 'cause you're afraid.

                            BENDER
                    (with mock enthusiasm)
               Oh, God!  You ritchies are so smart,
               that's exactly why I'm not heavy in
               activities!

                            CLAIRE
               You're a big coward!

     Brian feels left out.

                            BRIAN
                    (to no one imparticular)
               I'm in the math club...

                            CLAIRE
               See you're afraid that they won't
               take you.  You don't belong so you
               just have to dump all over it...

                            BENDER
               Well...it wouldn't have anything to
               do with you activities people being
               assholes...now would it?

                            CLAIRE
               Well you wouldn't know...You don't
               even know any of us.

                            BENDER
               Well, I don't know any lepers
               either, but I'm not gonna run out
               and join one of their fucking clubs.

                            ANDREW
               Hey let's watch the mouth, huh?

     Brian again feels he needs to contribute.

                            BRIAN
               I'm in the physics club too...

                            BENDER
                    (to Claire)
               S'cuse me a sec...
                    (to Brian)
               What are you babbling about?

                            BRIAN
               Well, what I said was...I'm in the
               math club, the Latin club and the
               physics club...physics club.

     Bender nods and turns to Claire.

                            BENDER
               Hey...Cherry...do you belong to the
               physics club?

                            CLAIRE
               That's an academic club...

                            BENDER
               So?

                            CLAIRE
               So...academic clubs aren't the same
               as other kinds of clubs.

                            BENDER
               Oh, but to dorks like him...

     Bender points at Brian.

                            BENDER
               ...they are.
                    (to Brian)
               What do you guys do in your club?

                            BRIAN
               In physics, um, we ah, we talk about
               physics...about properties of physics.

                            BENDER
               So it's sorta social...demented and
               sad, but social.  Right?

                            BRIAN
               Yeah, well, I guess you could
               consider it a social situation.  I
               mean there are other children in my
               club and uh, at the end of the year
               we have, um, you know, a big
               banquet, at the, uh, at the Hilton.

                            BENDER
               You load up, you party...

                            BRIAN
               Well, no, we get dressed up...I
               mean, but, we don't...we don't get
               high.

                            CLAIRE
                    (to Bender)
               Only burners like you get high...

                            BRIAN
               And, uh, I didn't have any shoes.
               So I had to borrow my dad's.  It
               was kinda weird 'cause my mom doesn't
               like me to wear other people's
               shoes.  And, uh, my cousin Kent...my
               cousin Kendall from, uh, Indiana...
               He got high once and you know, he
               started eating like really weird
               foods.  And uh, and then he just
               felt like he didn't belong anywhere.
               You know, kinda like, you know
               "Twilight Zone" kinda.

                            CLAIRE
                    (laughs)
                    (to Bender)
               Sounds like you...

                            ANDREW
               Look, you guys keep up your talking
               and Vernon's gonna come right in
               here...I got a meet this Saturday
               and I'm not gonna miss it on account
               of you boneheads...

                            BENDER
                    (to Andrew)
               Oh and wouldn't that be a bite...

     Bender lets out a moan of fake agony.

                            BENDER
               Missing a whole wrestling meet!

                            ANDREW
               Well you wouldn't know anything
               about it, faggot!  You never competed
               in your whole life!

                            BENDER
                    (with mock hurt)
               Oh, I know...I feel all empty inside
               because of it.  I have such a deep
               admiration for guys that roll around
               on the floor with other guys!

                            ANDREW
               Ahhh...you'd never miss it.  You
               don't have any goals.

                            BENDER
               Oh, but I do!

                            ANDREW
               Yeah?

                            BENDER
               I wanna be just--like--you!  I
               figure all I need's a labotamy and
               some tights!

     Brian becomes interested.

                            BRIAN
               You wear tights?

                            ANDREW
                    (to Brian)
               No I don't wear tights, I wear the
               required uniform...

                            BRIAN
               Tights...

                            ANDREW
                    (defensive)
               Shut up!

     They hear Vernon moving around out in the hall so Bender
     quickly comes and sits in the chair between Claire and
     Andrew.  He folds his hands on the table.
     Vernon goes back into his office.  Bender laughs and
     gets up.  He starts walking towards the double doors
     that separate the library from the hallway.

                            BRIAN
               You know there's not s'posed to be
               any monkey business!

     Bender turns and points at Brian.

                            BENDER
                    (in a stern voice)
               Young man...have you finished your
               paper?

     Bender turns back away and goes to the door.  He looks
     around cautiously and removes a screw from the door.

                            CLAIRE
               What are you gonna do?

                            ANDREW
               Drop dead, I hope!
                                                  CUT TO:

9. INT. HALLWAY - DAY

     We see Vernon getting a drink at the fountain. He stands
     up and checks the way he looks in a mirror.  He does a
     muscular pose and utters some manly jibberish Cobadonga!
                                                  CUT TO:

10. INT. LIBRARY - DAY

     Brian looks up.  Bender is messing with the door to the
     library.

                            BRIAN
               Bender, that's, that's school
               property there...you know, it doesn't
               belong to us.  It's something not to
               be toyed with.

     The door slams shut.  Bender runs back to his seat.

                            ANDREW
               That's very funny, come on, fix it!

                            BRIAN
               You should really fix that!

                            BENDER
               Am I a genius?

                            ANDREW
               No, you're an asshole!

                            BENDER
               What a funny guy!

                            ANDREW
               Fix the door Bender!

                            BENDER
               Everyone just shhh!
                                                  CUT TO:

11. INT. HALLWAY - DAY

     We see Vernon walking back to his office.  He stops and
     listens to them through the closed door.

                         BENDER (OS)
               I've been here before, I know what
               I'm doing!

                         ANDREW (OS)
               No!  Fix the door, get up there and
               fix it!

                         BENDER (OS)
                    (screams)
               Shut up!
                                                  CUT TO:

12. INT. LIBRARY - DAY

     We see Brian as we hear Vernon in the hall.

                         VERNON (OS)
               God damnit!

     He opens the door and storms in.

                            VERNON
               Why is that door closed?

     For a few seconds no one says anything, they just stare
     at Vernon.

                            VERNON
               Why is that door closed?

                            BENDER
               How're we s'posed to know?  We're
               not s'posed to move, right?

     Vernon turns to Claire.

                            VERNON
               Why?

                            CLAIRE
               We were just sitting here, like we
               were s'posed to...

     Vernon looks around and looks at Bender.

                            VERNON
               Who closed that door?

                            BENDER
               I think a screw fell out of it...

                            ANDREW
               It just closed, sir...

     Vernon looks at Allison in the back.

                            VERNON
               Who?

     Allison lets out a squeak and slams her face onto the
     table, hiding in her jacket hood.

                            BENDER
               She doesn't talk, sir...

                            VERNON
                    (to Bender)
               Give me that screw...

                            BENDER
              I don't have it...

                            VERNON
               You want me to yank you outta that
               seat and shake it out of you?

                            BENDER
               I don't have it...screws fall out
               all of the time, the world's an
               imperfect place...

                            VERNON
               Give it to me, Bender...

                            CLAIRE
               Excuse me, sir, why would anybody
               want to steal a screw?

                            VERNON
                    (to Claire)
               Watch it, young lady...

     Vernon goes over to the door.  He tries to hold it open
     by putting a folding chair in front of it.

                            BENDER
               The door's way too heavy, sir.

     The door slams shut despite the chair.

                         VERNON (OS)
               God damnit!

     They laugh.

     Vernon opens the door again.  He comes back in.

                            VERNON
                    (pointing)
               Andrew Clark...get up here.  Come on,
               front and center, let's go.

     Andrew gets up and walks over to Vernon.

                            BENDER
               Hey, how come Andrew gets to get up?
               If he gets up, we'll all get up,
               it'll be anarchy!

     Vernon and Andrew are now attempting to move the steel
     magazine rack in front of the door.

                            VERNON
              Okay, now, watch the magazines!

                            BENDER
               It's out of my hands...

     They get it into the doorway and it blocks the entire
     door.

                            BENDER
               That's very clever sir, but what if
               there's a fire?  I think violating
               fire codes and endangering the
               lives of children would be unwise
               at this juncture in your career, sir.

     Vernon thinks about it.  He turns to Andrew.

                            VERNON
               Alright, what are you doing with
               this?  Get this outta here for God's
               sake!  What's the matter with you?
               Come on!

                            BRIAN
               You know the school comes equipped
               with fire exits at either end of the
               library.

     Brian points at them and Bender glares at him.

                            BENDER
                    (to Brian)
               Show Dick some respect!

     Andrew and Vernon come back into the main section of
     the library.

                            VERNON
                    (to Andrew)
               Let's go...go!  Get back into your
               seat.

     Andrew sits.

                            VERNON
                    (to Andrew)
               I expected a little more from a
               varsity letterman!
                    (to Bender)
               You're not fooling anybody, Bender!
               The next screw that falls out is
               gonna be you!

     Vernon turns to leave.

                            BENDER
                    (under his breath)
               Eat my shorts...

     Vernon spins in his tracks and faces Bender again.

                            VERNON
               What was that?

                            BENDER
                    (loudly)
               Eat my shorts!

                            VERNON
               You just bought yourself another
               Saturday, mister!

                            BENDER
               Oh, Christ...

                            VERNON
               You just bought one more right
               there!

                            BENDER
               Well, I'm free the Saturday after
               that...beyond that, I'm gonna have
               to check my calendar!

                            VERNON
               Good!  'Cause it's gonna be filled,
               we'll keep goin'!  You want another
               one?  Say the word, just say the
               word!  Instead of going to prison,
               you'll come here!  Are you through.

                            BENDER
               No!

                            VERNON
               I'm doing society a favor!

                            BENDER
               So?

                            VERNON
               That's another one, right now!  I've
               got you for the rest of your natural
               born life if you don't watch your
               step!  You want another one?

                            BENDER
               Yes!

                            VERNON
               You got it!  You got another one,
               right there!  That's another one
               pal!

                            CLAIRE
                    (worried)
               Cut it out!

     Claire mouths the word "Stop" to Bender.

                            VERNON
               You through?

                            BENDER
               Not even close, bud!

                            VERNON
               Good!  You got one more, right
               there!

                            BENDER
               Do you really think I give a shit?

                            VERNON
               Another...

     Bender glares at him.

                            VERNON
               You through?

                            BENDER
               How many is that?

                            BRIAN
               That's seven including the one when
               we first came in and you asked Mr.
               Vernon here whether Barry Manilow
               knew that he raided his closet.

                            VERNON
                    (to Bender)
               Now it's eight...
                    (to Brian)
               You stay out of it!

                            BRIAN
               Excuse me, sir, it's seven!

                            VERNON
               Shut up, Peewee!
                    (to Bender)
               You're mine Bender...for two months
               I gotcha!  I gotcha!

                            BENDER
               What can I say?  I'm thrilled!

                            VERNON
               Oh, I'm sure that's exactly what you
               want these people to believe.  You
               know something, Bender?  You ought
               to spend a little more time trying
               to do something with yourself and a
               little less time trying to impress
               people.  You might be better off.
                    (to everyone)
               Alright, that's it!  I'm going to
               be right outside those doors.  The
               next time I hafta come in here...I'm
               cracking skulls!  (Bender mouths Im
               cracking skulls)

     Vernon leaves and closes the door.  A musical riff
     builds to a climax as Bender screams.

                            BENDER
                    (screams)
               Fuck you!

     We see the clock, it reads a quarter to eight.

     We see Bender, lighting his shoe on fire and lighting a
     cigarette with his shoe.

     We see Claire thinking.

     We see Brian playing with his balls.

     We see Andrew playing with his sweatshirt.

     We see Allison pulling a string around her finger and
     making it turn purple.

     We see Bender put the flames on his shoe out.  He then
     plays air guitar.

     We see Allison drawing.

     We see Andrew playing paper football.  He cheers
     silently.

     Allison shakes dandruff from her hair onto her picture.

     We see everyone fall asleep.
                                                  CUT TO:

13. INT. LIBRARY - DAY

     Later.

     Vernon is standing there staring at the sleeping kids.

                            VERNON
               Wake up!  Who has to go to the
               lavatory?

     Everyone raises their hands.
                                                  CUT TO:

14. INT. LIBRARY - DAY

     Later.

     We see the clock, it now says 10:22.

     We see Andrew stretching.  We see Bender tearing pages
     out of a book.  He is tossing them around.

                            ANDREW
               That's real intelligent.

                            BENDER
               You're right...it's wrong to
               destroy literature...

     He continues to tear pages out.

                            BENDER
               It's such fun to read...and, Molet
               really pumps my nads!

                            CLAIRE
                    (pronouncing it correctly)
               Mol-yare.

                            BRIAN
              I love his work.

     Bender tosses the rest of the pages at Brian.  He picks
     up the card catalogue drawer and begins to take cards
     out.

                            BENDER
               Big deal...nothing to do when you're
               locked in a vacancy..

                           ANDREW
               Speak for yourself...

                            BENDER
               Do you think I'd speak for you?  I
               don't even know your language!

     Andrew turns to Claire.

                            ANDREW
               Hey, you grounded tonight?

     Claire shrugs.

                            CLAIRE
               I don't know, my mom said I was but
               by dad told me to just blow her off.

                            ANDREW
               Big party at Stubbies, parents are
               in Europe.  Should be pretty wild...

                            CLAIRE
               Yeah?

                            ANDREW
               Yeah, can you go?

                            CLAIRE
               I doubt it...

                            ANDREW
               How come?

                            CLAIRE
               Well 'cause if I do what my mother
               tells me not to do, it's because
               because my father says it's okay.
               There's like this whole big monster
               deal, it's endless and it's a total
               drag.  It's like any minute...
               divorce...

                            BENDER
               Who do you like better?

                            CLAIRE
               What?

                            BENDER
               You like your old man better than
               your mom?

                            CLAIRE
               They're both strict.

                            BENDER
               No, I mean, if you had to choose
               between them.

                            CLAIRE
               I dunno, I'd probably go live with
               my brother.  I mean, I don't think
               either one of them gives a shit
               about me...it's like they use me
               just to get back at each other.

     Suddenly, from the back of the room.  Allison speaks.

                           ALLISON
                    (loudly)
               Ha!!!

     Everyone looks at her shocked.  Allison blows her hair
     out of her eyes and grins.

                            CLAIRE
               Shut up!

                            ANDREW
               You're just feeling sorry for
               yourself...

                            CLAIRE
               Yeah, well if I didn't nobody else
               would.

                            ANDREW
               Aw...you're breaking my heart...

                            BENDER
               Sporto...

                            ANDREW
               What?

     Bender jumps down and goes next to Andrew.

                            BENDER
               You get along with your parents?

                            ANDREW
               Well if I say yes, I'm an idiot,
               right?

                            BENDER
               You're an idiot anyway...But if you
               say you get along with your parents
               well you're a liar too!

     Bender turns and walks away from him.  Andrew follows
     and pushes Bender.

                            ANDREW
               You know something, man...If we
               weren't in school right now, I'd
               waste you!

     Bender points his middle finger at the floor.

                            BENDER
               Can you hear this?  Want me to turn
               it up?

     Bender flips his hand around so he is now giving Andrew
     the bird.

     Brian comes over and puts a hand on each of the guy's
     shoulders.

                            BRIAN
               Hey fellas, I mean...

     Andrew pushes away from Brian.

                            BRIAN
               ...I don't like my parents either,
               I don't...I don't get along with
               them...their idea of parental
               compassion is just, you know, wacko!

     Bender turns to Brian.

                            BENDER
               Dork...

                            BRIAN
              Yeah?

                            BENDER
               You are a parent's wet dream, okay?

     Bender starts to walk away.

                            BRIAN
               Well that's a problem!

                            BENDER
               Look, I can see you getting all
               bunged up for them making you wear
               these kinda clothes.  But face it,
               you're a Neo-Maxi-Zoom-Dweebie!
               What would you be doing if you
               weren't out making yourself a better
               citizen?

                            ANDREW
               Why do you have to insult everybody?

                            BENDER
               I'm being honest, asshole!  I would
               expect you...to know the difference!

                            ANDREW
               Yeah well, he's gotta name!

                            BENDER
               Yeah?

                            ANDREW
               Yeah,
                    (to Brian)
               What's your name?

                            BRIAN
               Brian...

                            ANDREW
               See...

                            BENDER
                    (to Brian)
               My condolences...

     Bender walks away.

                            CLAIRE
                    (to Bender)
               What's your name?

                            BENDER
               What's yours?

                            CLAIRE
               Claire...

                            BENDER
               Ka-Laire?

                            CLAIRE
               Claire...it's a family name!

                            BENDER
               Nooo...It's a fat girl's name!

                            CLAIRE
               Well thank you...

                            BENDER
               You're welcome...

                            CLAIRE
               I'm not fat!

                            BENDER
               Well not at present but I could see
               you really pushing maximum density!
               You see, I'm not sure if you know
               this...but there are two kinds of
               fat people.  There's fat people that
               were born to be fat, and then there's
               fat people that were once thin but
               they became fat...so when you look
               at them you can sorta see that thin
               person inside!  You see, you're
               gonna get married, you're gonna
               squeeze out a few puppies and then,
               uh...

     He mimes becoming fat, making noises.

     Claire gives him the finger.

                            BENDER
               Oh...obscene finger gestures from
               such a pristine girl!

                            CLAIRE
                    (resentfully)
               I'm not that pristine!

     Bender bends down closer to Claire.

                            BENDER
               Are you a virgin?
                    (a beat)
               I'll bet you a million dollars that
               you are!  Let's end the suspense!
               Is it gonna be...
                    (another beat)
               ...a white weddin?

                            CLAIRE
               Why don't you just shut up?

                            BENDER
               Have you ever kissed a boy on the
               mouth?
                    (a beat)
               Have you ever been felt up?  Over
               the bra, under the blouse, shoes
               off...hoping to God your parents
               don't walk in?

     Claire is getting upset.

                            CLAIRE
               Do you want me to puke?

                            BENDER
               Over the panties, no bra, blouse
               unbuttoned, Calvin's in a ball on
               the front seat past eleven on a
               school night?

                            ANDREW
               Leave her alone!

     Bender slowly stands and faces Andrew.

                            ANDREW
               I said leave her alone!

                            BENDER
               You gonna make me?

                            ANDREW
               Yeah...

     Bender walks over to where Andrew is standing.

                            BENDER
               You and how many of your friends?

                            ANDREW
               Just me, just you and me.  Two hits.
               Me hitting you, you hitting the
               floor!  Anytime you're ready, pal!

     Bender goes to hit him but Andrew gets Bender down on
     the ground with a wrestling move.

                            BENDER
               I don't wanna get into to this with
               you man...

     Andrew gets up.

                            ANDREW
               Why not?

     Bender gets up.

                            BENDER
               'Cause I'd kill you...It's real simple.
               I'd kill you and your fucking parents
               would sue me and it would be a big
               mess and I don't care enough about
               you to bother.

                            ANDREW
               Chicken shit...

     Andrew turns and walks away.  Bender takes out a
     switchblade and opens it.

     He stabs the switchblade into a chair.

                            ANDREW
               Let's end this right now.  You don't
               talk to her...you don't look at her
               and you don't even think about her!
               You understand me?

                            BENDER
               I'm trying to help her!.

     We see the janitor, CARL come into the room.

                             CARL
               Brian, how you doing?

                            BENDER
               Your dad works here?

     Brian is embarrassed.

                            BENDER
               Uh, Carl?

                             CARL
               What?

                            BENDER
               Can I ask you a question?

                             CARL
               Sure...

                            BENDER
               How does one become a janitor?

                             CARL
               You wanna be a janitor?

                            BENDER
               No I just wanna know how one becomes
               a janitor because Andrew here, is
               very interested in persuing a
               career in the custodial arts...

                             CARL
               Oh, really?  You guys think I'm
               just some untouchable peasant?  Peon?
               Huh?  Maybe so, but following
               a broom around after shitheads like
               you for the past eight years I've
               learned a couple of things...I look
               through your letters, I look through
               your lockers...I listen to your
               conversations, you don't know that
               but I do...I am the eyes and ears of
               this institution my friends.  By the
               way, that clock's twenty minutes
               fast!

     Everyone groans.  Bender smiles.

                            ANDREW
               Shit!
                                                  CUT TO:

15. INT. VERNON'S OFFICE - DAY

     The clock says 11:30.  Vernon gets up and leaves.
                                                  CUT TO:

16. INT. LIBRARY - DAY

     Bender starts to whistle a marching tune and everybody
     joins in.

     Vernon enters.  Bender begins to whistle Beethoven's
     5th.

                            VERNON
               Allright girls, that's thirty
               minutes for lunch...

                            ANDREW
               Here?

                            VERNON
               Here...

                            ANDREW
               Well I think the cafeteria would be
               a more suitable place for us to eat
               lunch in, sir!

                            VERNON
               Well, I don't care what you think,
               Andrew!

                            BENDER
               Uh, Dick?  Excuse me, Rich...will
               milk be made available to us?

                            ANDREW
               We're extremely thirsty sir...

                            CLAIRE
               I have a very low tolerance for
               dehydration.

                            ANDREW
               I've seen her dehydrate sir, it's
               pretty gross.

     Bender stands.

                            BENDER
               Relax, I'll get it!

                            VERNON
               Ah, ah, ah grab some wood there, bub!

     Bender grins.

                            VERNON
               What do you think, I was born
               yesterday?  You think I'm gonna
               have you roaming these halls?

     He points at Andrew.

                            VERNON
               You!

     He points at Allison.

                            VERNON
               And you!  Hey!  What's her name?
               Wake her!  Wake her up!
                    (to Allison)
               Come on, on your feet missy!  Let's
               go!  This is no rest home!

     Allison gets up.

                            VERNON
               There's a soft drink machine in the
               teacher's lounge.  Lets go!

                                                  CUT TO:

16. INT. HALLWAY - DAY

     Andrew and Allison are walking in the hall.

                            ANDREW
               So, what's your poison?

     Allison doesn't answer.

                            ANDREW
               What do you drink?

     Allison still doesn't answer.

                            ANDREW
               Okay...forget I asked...

     Allison waits for two beats and then speaks.

                           ALLISON
               Vodka...

                            ANDREW
               Vodka?  When do you drink vodka?

                           ALLISON
               Whenever...

                            ANDREW
              A lot?

     Allison smiles.

                           ALLISON
               Tons...

                            ANDREW
               Is that why you're here today?

     Allison doesn't answer.

                            ANDREW
               Why are you here?

     Allison snaps back.

                           ALLISON
               Why are you here?

     They stop walking and Andrew leans against the wall.

                            ANDREW
               Um, I'm here today...because uh,
               because my coach and my father don't
               want me to blow my ride.  See I get
               treated differently because uh,
               Coach thinks I'm a winner.  So does
               my old man.  I'm not a winner
               because I wanna be one... I'm a
               winner because I got strength and
               speed.  Kinda like a race horse.
               That's about how involved I am in
               what's happening to me.

                           ALLISON
               Yeah?  That's very interesting.
               Now why don't you tell me why you're
               really in here.

                            ANDREW
               Forget it!
                                                  CUT TO:

17. INT. LIBRARY - DAY

     Claire and Bender and Brian are all sitting around
     waiting for the Cokes.

                            BENDER
               Claire...you wanna see a picture of
               a guy with elephantitus of the nuts?
               It's pretty tasty...

                            CLAIRE
               No thank you...

                            BENDER
               How do you think he rides a bike?

     Claire rolls her eyes and turns away in disgust.

                            BENDER
               Oh, Claire...would you ever consider
               dating a guy like this?

                            CLAIRE
               Can't you just leave me alone?

                            BENDER
               I mean if he had a great personality
               and was a good dancer and had a cool
               car...Although you'd probably have
               to ride in the back seat 'cause his
               nuts would ride shotgun.

                            CLAIRE
               You know what I wish I was doing?

                            BENDER
               Op, watch what you say, Brian here
               is a cherry.

                            BRIAN
               A cherry?

                            CLAIRE
               I wish I was on a plane to France.

                            BRIAN
               I'm not a cherry.

                            BENDER
                    (to Brian)
               When have you ever gotten laid?

                            BRIAN
               I've laid, lotsa times!

                            BENDER
               Name one!

                            BRIAN
               She lives in Canada, met her at
               Niagra Falls.  You wouldn't know
               her.

                            BENDER
               Ever laid anyone around here.

     Brian shushes Bender and points at Claire whos back is
     still turned.

                            BRIAN
                    Oh, you and Claire, did it!

     Claire spins around.

                            CLAIRE
              What are you talking about?

                            BRIAN
                    (to Claire)
               Nothin', nothin!
                    (to Bender)
               Let's just drop it, we'll talk about
               it later!

                            CLAIRE
               No!  Drop what, what're you talking
               about?

                            BENDER
               Well, Brian's trying to tell me that
               in addition to the number of girls
               in the Niagra Falls area, that
               presently you and he are, riding
               the hobby horse!

                            CLAIRE
                    (to Brian)
               Little pig!

                            BRIAN
               No I'm not!  I'm not!  John said I
               was a cherry and I said I wasn't,
               that's it, that's all that was said!

                            BENDER
               Well then what were you motioning to
               Claire for?

                            CLAIRE
               You know I don't appreciate this
               very much, Brian.

                            BRIAN
               He is lying!

                            BENDER
               Oh you weren't motioning to Claire?

                            BRIAN
               You know he's lying, right?

                            BENDER
               Were you or were you not motioning
               to Claire?

                            BRIAN
               Yeah, but it was only...was only
               because I didn't want her to know
               that I was a virgin, okay?

     Bender just stares at him.

                            BRIAN
               Excuse me for being a virgin, I'm
               sorry...

     Claire laughs.

                            CLAIRE
               Why didn't you want me to know you
               were a virgin?

                            BRIAN
               Because it's personal business, it's
               my personal, private business.

                            BENDER
               Well Brian, it doesn't sound like
               you're doing any business...

                            CLAIRE
               I think it's okay for a guy to be a
               virgin...

     Bender looks suprised.

                            BRIAN
               You do?

     Claire smiles and nods.
                                                  CUT TO:

18.  INT. LIBRARY - DAY

     Later.

     Everybody has lunches now.

     Claire begins to take hers out of a small shopping bag.

                            BENDER
               What's in there?

                            CLAIRE
               Guess, where's your lunch?

                            BENDER
               You're wearing it...

                            CLAIRE
               You're nauseating...

     Bender grabs a Coke and tosses it over to Allison who
     catches it without even looking up.

     Bender then watches Claire set up a sushi platter.

                            BENDER
               What's that?

                            CLAIRE
               Sushi...

                            BENDER
               Sushi?

                            CLAIRE
               Rice, uh, raw fish and seaweed.

                            BENDER
               You won't accept a guys tongue in
               your mouth and you're gonna eat
               that?

                            CLAIRE
               Can I eat?

                            BENDER
               I don't know...give it a try...

     We now watch Andrew take a couple sandwiches out of his
     bag, a bag of potato chips, an apple, a banana, a bag
     of cookies and a carton of milk.

     Allison opens her Coke and it fizzes over.  She loudly
     slurps it up off the table and her fingers.

     Andrew sees Bender looking at him.

                            ANDREW
               What's your problem?

     Allison opens her sandwich and and tosses the meat up.
     It lands on the sculpture above.

     She opens some pixie stix and pours the sugar on the
     sandwich and then puts Cap'n Crunch on top of that.
     She crushes the sandwich together and loudly eats it.

     Bender goes over and sits by Brian, Bender takes
     Brian's bag lunch.

                            BENDER
               What're we having?

                            BRIAN
               Uh, it's your standard, regular
               lunch I guess...

     Bender reaches in the bag and pulls out a thermos.  He
     sets it on the table and points at it.

                            BENDER
               Milk?

                            BRIAN
               Soup.

     Bender goes in again and pulls out a juice box.
     Brian reaches toward the bag and Bender slaps his hand.

                            BRIAN
               That's apple juice...

                            BENDER
               I can read!  PB & J with the crusts
               cut off...Well Brian, this is a
               very nutritous lunch, all the food
               groups are represented.  Did your
               mom marry Mr. Rogers?

                            BRIAN
               Uh, no, Mr. Johnson...

                            BENDER
               Ahhh....

     Andrew and Claire smile at each other.  Bender stands.

                            BENDER
               Here's my impression of life at big
               Bri's house...
                    (in a loud and friendly voice)
               Son!
                    (in a kiddie voice)
               Yeah Dad?
                    (loud)
               How's your day, pal?
                    (kiddie)
               Great Dad, how's yours?
                    (loud)
               Super, say son, how'd you like to go
               fishing this weekend?
                    (kiddie)
               Great Dad, but I've got homework to
               do!
                    (loud)
               That's alright son, you can do it,
               on the boat!
                    (kiddie)
               Geee!!!
                    (loud)
               Dear, isn't our son swell?
                    (quiet and motherly)
               Yes Dear, isn't life swell?

     Bender mimes mother kissing father and then father
     kissing mother and then father punching mother in the
     face.

     Suddenly it's not so funny anymore.

                            ANDREW
               Alright, what about your family?

                            BENDER
               Oh, mine?

                            ANDREW
               That's real easy!

     Bender stands again and points forward.

                            BENDER
                    (as his father)
               Stupid, worthless, no good, God
               damned, freeloading, son of a bitch,
               retarded, bigmouth, know it all,
               asshole, jerk!
                       (as his mother)
               You forgot ugly, lazy and
               disrespectful.

     Bender slams his hand back to slap his invisable
     mother.

                            BENDER
                    (as his father)
               Shut up bitch!  Go fix me a turkey
               pot pie!
                    (as himself)
               What about you Dad?
                    (as his father)
               Fuck you!
                    (as himself)
               No, Dad, what about you?
                    (as his father)
               Fuck you!
                    (as himself--yelling)
               No, Dad, what about you?
                    (as his father--yelling)
               Fuck you!

     He reaches out and pretend he's his father hitting him.

                            BRIAN
               Is that for real?

                            BENDER
                    (to Brian)
               You wanna come over sometime?

                            ANDREW
               That's bullshit.  It's all part of
               your image, I don't believe a word
               of it.

     Bender actually looks hurt.

                     BENDER
               You don't believe me?

                            ANDREW
               No...

                            BENDER
               No?

                            ANDREW
               Did I stutter?

     Bender comes over to Andrew and rolls up his right
     sleeve to reveal a circular shaped burn.

                            BENDER
               Do you believe this?  Huh?  It's
               about the size of a cigar...Do I
               stutter?  You see, this is what you
               get in my house when you spill paint
               in the garage.

     Bender begins to walk away.

                            BENDER
               See I don't think that I need to
               sit here with you fuckin' dildos anymore!

     Bender walks over to a map table and throws all the
     maps on the floor.  He climbs up on top of the table and
     then up to the second floor balcony.

                            CLAIRE
                    (to Andrew)
               You shouldn't have said that!

                            ANDREW
               How would I know, I mean he lies
               about everything anyway!
                                                 CUT TO:

19. INT. VERNON'S OFFICE - DAY

     Vernon puts an orange in his mouth and then attempts to
     pour coffee out of his thermos.  The top comes off and
     the coffee goes all over his desk.

                            VERNON
               Oh, shit!
                                                  CUT TO:

20. INT. HALLWAY - DAY

     Vernon walks into the hallway, talking to himself.

                            VERNON
               Coffee...looks like they scrape it
               off the bottom of the Mississippi
               river.  Everything's polluted,
               everything's polluted...the coffee.

     Bender comes out of the library doors followed
     bye veryone else.

     Bender and Claire are walking next to each other.
     Brian and Andrew are walking next to each other and at the
     end of the line, Allison is following.

                            CLAIRE
                    (to Bender)
               How do you know where Vernon went?

                            BENDER
               I don't...

                            CLAIRE
               Well then, how do you know when he'll
               be back?

                            BENDER
               I don't...being bad feels pretty
               good, huh?

                            BRIAN
                    (to Andrew)
               What's the point in going to Bender's
               locker?

                            ANDREW
               Beats me...

                            BRIAN
               This is so stupid...Why do you think,
               why are we risking getting caught?

                            ANDREW
               I dunno...

                            BRIAN
               So then what are we doing?

                            ANDREW
               You ask me one more question and I'm
               beating the shit out of you!

                            BRIAN
               Sorry...

     Bender opens his locker.

                            ANDREW
               Slob!

                            BENDER
               My maid's on vacation.

     Bender pulls out a bag of marijuana.

                            BRIAN
               Drugs...

                            ANDREW
              Screw that Bender...put it back!

     Bender walks away.

                         BRIAN
               Drugs...the boy had marijuana.

     Claire walks after Bender.

                            BRIAN
               That was marijuana!

                            ANDREW
               Shut up!

     Andrew follows the other two.  Brian looks at Allison
     who is standing there with her mouth open.

                            BRIAN
               Do you approve of this?

     Brian turns and leaves.  Allison steals the lock off of
     Bender's locker.

     We see the crowd walking down the hall.

                            BENDER
               We'll cross through the lab, and
               then we'll double back.

                            ANDREW
               You better be right, if Vernon cuts
               us off it's your fault, asshole!

                            BRIAN
                    (to Claire)
               What'd he say?  Where're we going?

     They see Vernon down one of the halls.  We have various
     sequences of them running around and seeing Vernon
     until they stop.

                            BENDER
               Wait!  Wait, hold it!  Hold it!  We
               have to go through the cafeteria!

                            ANDREW
               No, the activities hall.

                            BENDER
               Hey man, you don't know what you're
               talking about!

                            ANDREW
               No you don't know what you're
               talking about!

     Allison squeaks.

                            ANDREW
               Now we're through listening to you,
               we're going this way.

     They all go Andrew's way and run into a hall closed by
     an iron gate.

                            ANDREW
               Shit!

                            BENDER
               Great idea Jagoff!

                            ANDREW
               Fuck you!

                            CLAIRE
                    (to Andrew)
               Fuck you!  Why didn't you listen to
               John?

                            BRIAN
               We're dead!

                            BENDER
               No, just me!

                            BRIAN
               What do you mean?

                            BENDER
               Get back to the library, keep your
               unit on this!

     Bender puts his bag of marijuana into Brian's
     underwear.

     Bender runs away singing loudly.  I wanna be an
     airborne ranger...

     We see Vernon hear Bender.

     The rest of them run.

                            VERNON
               That son of a bitch!

     We see Vernon looking for Bender until he finds him in
     the gym.

     Bender is going up for a basket.

                            BENDER
               Three...two...one!

     He dunks the ball.  Vernon enters.

                            VERNON
               Bender!  Bender!  Bender!  What is
               this?  What are you doing here, what
               is this?

                            BENDER
               Oh, hi!

                            VERNON
               Out!  That's it Bender!  Out, it's
               over!

                            BENDER
               Don't you wanna hear my excuse?

                            VERNON
               Out!

                            BENDER
               I'm thinking of trying out for a
               scholarship.

                            VERNON
               Gimmie the ball, Bender.

     Bender fakes the ball at Vernon.  He then sets the ball
     down and rolls it at Vernon who kicks it back at him.

     They leave.
                                                  CUT TO:

21. INT. LIBRARY - DAY

     The rest of the kids are all sitting back in their
     seats when Bender and Vernon enter.  Vernon pushes Bender.

                            VERNON
               Get your stuff, let's go!
                    (to everyone)
               Mr. Wiseguy here has taken it upon
               himself to go to the gymnasium.  I'm
               sorry to inform you, you're going to
               be without his services for the rest
               of the day.

                            BENDER
                    (to Vernon)
               B-O-O H-O-O!

                            VERNON
               Everything's a big joke, huh Bender?
               The false alarm you pulled, Friday,
               false alarms are really funny,
               aren't they...What if your home,
               what if your family...
                    (a beat)
               ...what if your dope was on fire?

                            BENDER
               Impossible, sir...It's in Johnson's
               underwear...

     Andrew laughs.

                            VERNON
                    (to Andrew)
               You think he's funny?  You think
               this is cute?  You think he's
               bitchin', is that it?  Lemme tell
               you something.  Look at him, he's a
               bum.
                    (to everybody)
               You wanna see something funny?  You
               go visit John Bender in five years!
               You'll see how God damned funny he
               is!
                    (to Bender)
               What's the matter, John?  You gonna
               cry?  Let's go...

     Vernon grabs Bender's shoulder.

                            BENDER
               Hey keep your fuckin' hands off me!
               I expect better manners from you,
               Dick!

     Bender takes his sunglasses out of his pocket and lays
     them in front of Andrew.

                            BENDER
               For better hallway vision!

     Bender leaves but not before pushing stuff over on the
     way.
                                                  CUT TO:

21. INT. CLOSET - DAY

     Vernon has put Bender in a closet and is in there
     talking to him.

                            VERNON
               That's the last time, Bender.  That's
               the last time you ever make me look
               bad in front of those kids, do you
               hear me?  I make $31,000 dollars a
               year and I have a home and I'm not
               about to throw it away on some punk
               like you...But someday, man, someday.
               When you're outta here and you've
               forgotten all about this place...
               And they've forgotten all about you
               and you're wrapped up in your own
               pathetic life...I'm gonna be there.
               That's right.  And I'm gonna kick
               the living shit out of you, man, I'm
               gonna knock your dick in the dirt!

                            BENDER
               Are you threatening me?

                            VERNON
               What're you gonna do about it?  You
               think anybody's gonna believe you?
               You think anybody's gonna take your
               word over mine?  I'm a man of
               respect around here.  They love me
               around here, I'm a swell guy...you're
               a lying sack of shit!  And everybody
               knows it.  Oh, you're a real tough
               guy...come on, come on...get on your
               feet, pal!  Let's find out how
               tough you are!  I wanna know right
               now, how tough you are!  Come on!
               I'll give you the first punch, let's
               go!  Come on, right here, just take
               the first shot!  Please, I'm begging
               you, take a shot!  Come on, just
               take one shot, that's all I need,
               just one swing...

     Bender just sits there staring at Vernon.  Vernon fakes
     a punch and Bender flinches.

                            VERNON
               That's what I though...you're a
               gutless turd!

     Vernon leaves and locks the closet door after him.
     Bender climbs into a hatch in the ceiling and
     disappears.
                                                 CUT TO:

22. INT. HEATING DUCT - DAY

     Bender is slowly crawling through a heating duct.

                            BENDER
                    (to himself)
               A naked blond walks into a bar, with
               a poodle under one arm and a two
               foot salami under the other.  She
               lays the poodle on the table.  Bar-
               tender says: "I suppose you won't
               be needing a drink."  The naked
               lady says...

     The ceiling under Bender gives and he falls through.

                            BENDER
                    (screaming)
               Oh shit!!!!
                                                  CUT TO:

23. INT. FACILTY BATHROOM - DAY

     We see the door to the bathroom.  We hear Vernon
     inside.

                         VERNON (OS)
               Jesus Christ, allmighty!
                                                  CUT TO

24. INT. LIBRARY - DAY

     Bender walks down the stairs.

                            BENDER
               I forgot my pencil...

     We hear Vernon in the hall.

                         VERNON (OS)
               God damnit!  What in God's name is
               going on in here?

     Vernon enters.

                            VERNON
              What was that ruckus?

                            ANDREW
               Uh, what ruckus?

                            VERNON
               I was just in my office and I heard
               a ruckus!

                            BRIAN
               Could you describe the ruckus, sir?

                            VERNON
               Watch your tongue young man, watch
               it!

     We see Bender under the table by Claire's legs.  He
     sits up and bangs his head on the table.  He groans.

     Above the table, Andrew and Claire try to take credit
     for the noise by making more noise.

                            VERNON
               What is that?  What, what is that,
               what is that noise?

     Under the table, Bender looks between Claire's legs and
     can see her panties.  He puts his head between Claire's
     legs.

                            ANDREW
               What noise?

                            CLAIRE
               Really, sir, there wasn't any noise...

     Claire squeels.  She squeezes Bender's head between her
     knees.

     Everyone starts faking a coughing fit.

                            CLAIRE
                    (flustered)
               That noise?  Was that the noise you
               were talking about?

                            VERNON
               No, it wasn't.  That was not the
               noise I was talking about.  Now, I
               may not have caught you in the act
               this time, but you can bet I will.

     Allison laughs at Vernon.

                            VERNON
               You make book on that missy!
                    (to Claire)
               And you!  I will not be made a fool
               of!

     He turns and walks away.  We see that he still has the
     toilet seat cover stuck to his pants.
     Vernon leaves.

     Everyone laughs except Claire who lets Bender out to a
     barage of slaps.

                            BENDER
               It was an accident!

                           CLAIRE
               You're an asshole!

                            BENDER
               So sue me...

     Bender gets up and walks over to Brian.

                            BENDER
               So, Ahab...Kybo Mein Doobage...

     Brian gives Bender his bag of marajuana.  Bender turns
     and walks away.

                            ANDREW
               Yo waistoid...you're not gonna blaze
               up in here!

     Claire gets up and goes after him.  Then Brian.

                            ANDREW
               Shit...

     Andrew goes.
                                                  CUT TO:

25. INT. STAIRS - DAY

     We see Vernon go down the stairs.
                                                  CUT TO:

26. INT. LIBRARY - DAY

     Brian, Bender and Claire are sitting in a circle and
     laughing hysterically.

     Bender lights Claire up and she coughs the smoke out.
     Brian laughs at her.  He exhales and tries to eat the
     smoke.  He talks in a really weird voice.

                            BRIAN
               Chicks, cannot hold der smoke!  That's
               what it is!

                            CLAIRE
               Do you know how popular I am?  I'm
               so popular, everybody loves me so
               much, at this school...

                            BENDER
               Poor baby.

     Brian waves Claire over to him and he falls over.

     We see Andrew emerge from a really smokey room.  He
     inhales another puff and then starts dancing to
     everybody's applause.

     He goes back in the room he was in.  He screams and it
     shatters the glass in the door.
                                                  CUT TO:

27. INT. BASEMENT - DAY

     Vernon is glancing through the confidential files in
the
     school basement.

                            VERNON
                    (to himself)
               Mister, oh mister Tearney...a
               history of slight mental illness?
               Wooh, no wonder he's so fucked up!

     Carl enters.

                             CARL
               Afternoon, Dick...

                            VERNON
               Hey Carl, how you doin'?

                             CARL
               Good...

                            VERNON
               Good, what's up?

                             CARL
               Not much, what's happening, what
               are you doing in the basement files?

                            VERNON
               Oh, nothin' nothin' here.  I'm just
               doin' a little homework here...

                             CARL
               Homework, huh?

                            VERNON
               Yeah...

     Carl, laughing, comes over and looks at the files that
     Vernon was looking at.

                             CARL
               Confidential files...hmmm?

                            VERNON
               Look, Carl...this is a highly
               sensitive area and I, I tell you
               something...certain people would be
               very very embarrassed.  I would really
               appreciate it if if if if this would
               be something that, that you and I
               could keep between us...

                             CARL
               What're you gonna do for me, man?

                            VERNON
               Well, well what would you like?

                             CARL
               Got fifty bucks?

                            VERNON
               What?

                             CARL
               Fifty bucks...
                                                  CUT TO:

28. INT. LIBRARY - DAY

     We see Andrew and Brian laughing.  Allison is hanging
     out over by the statue in the back of the library.

                            ANDREW
               No no man, no; you got a middle
               name?

                            BRIAN
               Yeah, guess...

     Allison suddenly takes interest in the conversation and
     as she speaks, she moves over and sits next to the two.

                           ALLISON
               Your middle name is Ralph, as in
               puke...

     Brian and Andrew look at her in confusion.

                           ALLISON
               ...your birthday is March 12th,
               you're five-nine and a half you
               weigh a hundred and thirty pounds
               and your social security number is
               0-4-9-3-8-0-9-1
                    (a beat)
               3.

     Andrew is impressed.

                            ANDREW
               Wow!  Are you psychic?

                           ALLISON
               No...

                            BRIAN
               Well would you mind telling me how
               you know all this about me?

     Allison reaches in her bag.

                           ALLISON
               I stole your wallet...

     She produces it in her hands and grins.

                            BRIAN
               Give it to me...

                           ALLISON
               No...

                            BRIAN
               Give it!

     Allison reluctantly hands over the wallet and Brian
     glances through it to make sure nothing is missing.

                            BRIAN
               This is great...you're a thief too!
               Huh?

                           ALLISON
               I'm not a thief!

                            BRIAN
               Multi-talented!

                           ALLISON
               What's there to steal?  Two bucks
               and a beaver shot!

                            ANDREW
               A what?

                          ALLISON
               He's got a nudie picture in there!
               I saw it, it's perverted!

                            ANDREW
               Alright, let's see it!

     We see Bender, he is brushing his teeth with one of
     Claire's cosmetic brushes.

     We see Claire looking through Bender's wallet pictures.

                            CLAIRE
               Are all these your girlfriends?

                            BENDER
               Some of them...

                            CLAIRE
               What about the others?

                            BENDER
               Well, some I consider my girlfriends
               and some...I just consider...

                            CLAIRE
               Consider what?

                            BENDER
               Whether or not, I wanna hang out
               with them...

                            CLAIRE
               You don't believe in just one guy,
               one girl?

                            BENDER
               Do you?

                            CLAIRE
               Yeah...that's the way it should be.

                            BENDER
               Well, not for me...

                            CLAIRE
               Why not?

     Bender clearly doesn't want to answer that.  He acts
     defensive.

                            BENDER
               How come you got so much shit in
               your purse?

                            CLAIRE
               How come you got so many
               girlfriends?

                            BENDER
               I asked you first...

                            CLAIRE
                    (shrugs)
               I dunno...I guess I never throw
               anything away.

                            BENDER
               Neither do I...

                            CLAIRE
               Oh...

     We cut back to where Andrew, Brian and Allison are
     sitting, Andrew is looking through Brian's wallet.

                            ANDREW
               This is the worst fake ID I've ever
               seen...

     Brian laughs.

                            ANDREW
               Do you realize you made yourself
               sixty eight?

                            BRIAN
               Oh, I know...I know, I goofed it...

                            ANDREW
               What do you need a fake ID for?

                            BRIAN
                    (like it's obvious)
               So I can vote!

     Allison looks up suddenly.

                           ALLISON
               You wanna see what's in my bag?

                        BRIAN & ANDREW
               No!

     Allison looks hurt and then resentful.  Just to spite
     them, she dumps the contents of her bag onto the couch.

     Lots of stuff comes out.

                            ANDREW
               Holy shit!  What is all that stuff?

                            BRIAN
               Do you always carry this much shit
               in your bag?

                           ALLISON
               Yeah...I always carry this much shit
               ...in my bag...You never know when
               you may have to jam...

                            BRIAN
               Are you gonna be like a shopping
               bag lady?  You know like, sit in
               alleyways and like talk to buildings
               and wear men's shoes and that kinda
               thing?

                           ALLISON
               I'll do what I have to do...

                            BRIAN
               Why do you have to do anything?

                           ALLISON
                    (with feeling)
               My home life is un...satisfying...

                            BRIAN
               So you're saying you'd subject
               yourself to the violent dangers of
               the Chicago streets because your
               homelife is unsatisfying?

                           ALLISON
               I don't have to run away and live
               in the street...I can run away and,
               go to the ocean, I can go to the
               country, I can go to the mountains.
               I can go to Israel, Africa,
               Afghanistan...

     Brian looks at her and then moves over to Andrew.

                            BRIAN
               Andy...you wanna get in on this?
               Allison here says, she wants to run
               away, because her home life is
               unsatisfying...

                            ANDREW
               Well everyone's home lives are un-
               satisfying...If it wasn't, people
               would live with there parents
               forever...

                            BRIAN
               Yeah, yeah I understand.  But I
               think that her's goes beyond, you
               know, what guys like you and me...
               consider normal unsatisfying...

                           ALLISON
               Nevermind...forget it, everything's
               cool!

     Allison starts putting everything back in her purse.

                            ANDREW
               What's the deal?

                           ALLISON
               No!  There's no deal, Sporto.
               Forget it, leave me alone.

                            ANDREW
               Wait a minute, now you're carrying
               all that crap around in your purse.
               Either you really wanna run away or
               you want people to think you wanna
               run away.

                           ALLISON
               Eat shit!

     Allison gets up and walks away.

                            BRIAN
               The girl is an island, with herself.
               Okay?

     Andrew gets up and goes after her.

                            ANDREW
               Hi, you wanna talk?

                           ALLISON
               No!

                            ANDREW
               Why not?

                           ALLISON
               Go away...

                            ANDREW
               Where do you want me to go?

                           ALLISON
               GO away!

     Andrew turns away and Allison starts to cry.

                           ALLISON
               You have problems...

                            ANDREW
               Oh, I have problems?

                           ALLISON
               You do everything everybody ever
               tells you to do, that is a problem!

                            ANDREW
               Okay, fine...but I didn't dump my
               purse out on the couch and invite
               people into my problems...Did I?
               So what's wrong?  What is it?  Is
               is bad?  Real bad?  Parents?

     Allison is silently crying.

                           ALLISON
               Yeah...

     Andrew nods.

                            ANDREW
               What do they do to you?

                           ALLISON
              They ignore me...

                            ANDREW
               Yeah...yeah...

     They both are crying silently.
                                                  CUT TO:

29. INT. BASEMENT - DAY

     Vernon and Carl are sitting talking.

                            VERNON
               What did you want to be when you
               were young?

                             CARL
               When I was a kid, I wanted to be
               John Lennon...

                            VERNON
               Carl don't be a goof!  I'm trying
               to make a serious point here...I've
               been teaching, for twenty two years,
               and each year...these kids get more
               and more arrogant.

                             CARL
               Aw bull shit, man.  Come on Vern,
               the kids haven't changed, you have!
               You took a teaching position, 'cause
               you thought it'd be fun, right?
               Thought you could have summer
               vacations off...and then you found
               out it was actually work...and that
               really bummed you out.

                            VERNON
               These kids turned on me...they think
               I'm a big fuckin' joke...

                             CARL
               Come on...listen Vern, if you were
               sixteen, what would you think of
               you, huh?

                            VERNON
               Hey...Carl, you think I give one
               rat's ass what these kids think of
               me?

                             CARL
               Yes I do...

                            VERNON
               You think about this...when you get
               old, these kids; when I get old,
               they're gonna be runnin' the country.

                             CARL
               Yeah?

                            VERNON
               Now this is the thought that wakes
               me up in the middle of the night...
               That when I get older, these kids
               are gonna take care of me...

                             CARL
               I wouldn't count on it!

     Vernon ponders that statement for a moment.
                                                  CUT TO:

30. INT. LIBRARY - DAY

     They are sitting on the floor in a circle.

                            ANDREW
               What would I do for a million bucks?
               Well, I guess I'd do as little as I
               had to...

                            CLAIRE
               That's boring...

                            ANDREW
               Well, how'm I s'posed to answer?

                            CLAIRE
               The idea is to like search your mind
               for the absolute limit.  Like, uh,
               would you drive to school naked?

     Andrew laughs.

                            ANDREW
               Um, uh...would I have to get out of
               the car?

                            CLAIRE
               Of course...

                            ANDREW
               In the spring, or winter?

                            CLAIRE
               It doesn't matter...spring...

                            ANDREW
               In front of the school or in back
               of the school?

                            CLAIRE
               Either one...

                            ANDREW
               Yes...

                           ALLISON
               I'd do that!

     They all look at her.

                           ALLISON
               I'll do anything sexual, I don't
               need a million dollars to do it
               either...

                            CLAIRE
               You're lying...

                           ALLISON
               I already have...I've done just
               about everything there is except a
               few things that are illegal...I'm a
               nymphomaniac!

     Claire rolls her eyes.

                            CLAIRE
               Lie...

                            BRIAN
               Are your parents aware of this?

                           ALLISON
               The only person I told was my
               shrink...

                            ANDREW
               And what'd he do when you told him?

                           ALLISON
               He nailed me...

                            CLAIRE
               Very nice...

                           ALLISON
               I don't think that from a legal
               standpoint what he did can be
               construed as rape since I paid him.

                            CLAIRE
               He's an adult!

     Allison is relishing this attention.

                           ALLISON
               Yeah...he's married too!

     Claire notes her disgust.

                            CLAIRE
               Do you have any idea how completely
               gross that is?

                           ALLISON
               Well, the first few times...

                            CLAIRE
               First few times?  You mean he did it
               more than once?

                           ALLISON
               Sure...

                            CLAIRE
               Are you crazy?

                            BRIAN
               Obviously she's crazy if she's
               screwing her shrink...

                           ALLISON
                    (to Claire)
               Have you ever done it?

                            CLAIRE
               I don't even have a psychiatrist...

                           ALLISON
               Have you ever done it with a normal
               person?

                            CLAIRE
               Now, didn't we already cover this?

                            BENDER
               You never answered the question...

                            CLAIRE
               Look, I'm not gonna discuss my
               private life with total strangers.

                           ALLISON
               It's kind of a double-edged sword,
               isn't it?

                            CLAIRE
               A what?

                           ALLISON
               Well, if you say you haven't...
               you're a prude.  If you say you
               have...you're a slut!  It's a trap.
               You want to but you can't but when
               you do you wish you didn't, right?

                            CLAIRE
               Wrong...

                           ALLISON
               Or, are you a tease?

                            ANDREW
               She's a tease...

                            CLAIRE
               Oh why don't you just forget it...

                            ANDREW
               You're a tease and you know it, all
               girls are teases!

                            BENDER
                    (to Andrew)
               She's only a tease if what she does
               gets you hot...

                            CLAIRE
               I don't do anything!

                           ALLISON
               That's why you're a tease...

                            CLAIRE
               Okay, lemme ask you a few questions.

     Allison is suddenly defensive.

                           ALLISON
               I've already told you everything!

                            CLAIRE
               No!  Doesn't it bother you to sleep
               around without being in love.  I
               mean don't you want any respect?

                           ALLISON
               I don't screw to get respect...That's
               the difference between you and me...

                            CLAIRE
               Not the only difference, I hope.

                            BENDER
               Face it, you're a tease.

                            CLAIRE
               I'm not a tease!

                            BENDER
               Sure you are!  You said it yourself
               sex is a weapon, you use it to get
               respect!

                            CLAIRE
               No, I never said that, she twisted
               my words around.

                            BENDER
               Oh then what do you use it for?

                            CLAIRE
               I don't use it period!

     Claire is on the verge of tears.

                            BENDER
               Oh, are you medically frigid or is
               it psychological?

                            CLAIRE
               I didn't mean it that way!  You guys
               are putting words into my mouth!

                            BENDER
               Well if you'd just answer the
               question...

                            BRIAN
               Why don't you just answer the
               question?

                            ANDREW
               Be honest...

                            BENDER
               No big deal...

                            BRIAN
               Yeah, answer it!

                            ANDREW
               Answer the question, Claire!

                            BENDER
               Talk to us!

                       ANDREW & BRIAN
               Come on, answer the question!

                            BENDER
               It's easy, it's only one question!

     Claire silences all of them by screaming.

                            CLAIRE
                    (screaming)
               No!  I never did it!

     Silence for two beats.

                           ALLISON
               I never did it either, I'm not a
               nymphomaniac...I'm a compulsive
               liar...

                            CLAIRE
               You are such a bitch!  You did that
               on purpose just to fuck me over!

                           ALLISON
               I would do it though...If you love
               someone it's okay...

                            CLAIRE
               I can't believe you, you're so
               weird.  You don't say anything all
               day and then when you open your
               mouth...you unload all these
               tremendous lies all over me!

                            ANDREW
               You're just pissed off because she
               got you to admit something you didn't
               want to admit to...

                            CLAIRE
               Okay, fine, but that doesn't make it
               any less bizarre...

                            ANDREW
               What's bizarre?  I mean we're all
               pretty bizarre!  Some of us are just
               better at hiding it, that's all.

                            CLAIRE
                    (to Andrew)
               How are you bizarre?

     Allison decides to field that question.

                           ALLISON
               He can't think for himself...

                            ANDREW
               She's right...do you guys know what,
               uh, what I did to get in here?  I
               taped Larry Lester's buns together.

     Claire laughs.

                            BRIAN
                    (to Andrew)
               That was you?

                           ANDREW
                    (to Brian)
               Yeah, you know him?

                            BRIAN
               Yeah, I know him...

                            ANDREW
               Well then you know how hairy he is,
               right?  Well, when they pulled the
               tape off, most of his hair came off
               and some, some skin too...

                            CLAIRE
               Oh my God...

                            ANDREW
               And the bizarre thing is, is that
               I did it for my old man...I
               tortured this poor kid, because I
               wanted him to think that I was cool.
               He's always going off about, you
               know, when he was in school...all
               the wild things he used to do.  And
               I got the feeling that he was
               disappointed that I never cut loose
               on anyone, right...So, I'm...I'm
               sitting in the locker room, and I'm
               taping up my knee.  And Larry's
               undressing a couple lockers down
               from me.  Yeah...he's kinda...
               he's kinda skinny, weak.  And I
               started thinking about my father,
               and his attitude about weakness.
               And the next thing I knew, I uh, I
               jumped on top of him and started
               wailing on him...And my friends,
               they just laughed and cheered me on.
               And afterwards, when I was sittin'
               in Vernon's office, all I could
               think about was Larry's father. And
               Larry havin' to go home and...and
               explain what happened to him.  And
               the humiliation...fucking
               humiliation he mustuv felt.  It
               mustuv been unreal...I mean,
                    (he's crying)
               I mean, how do you apologize for
               something like that?  There's no
               way...it's all because of me and
               my old man.  Oh God, I fucking hate
               him!  He's like this...he's like
               this mindless machine that I can't
               even relate to anymore..."Andrew,
               you've got to be number one!  I
               won't tolerate any losers in this
               family...Your intensity is for shit!
               Win.  Win!  WIN!!!"  You son of a
               bitch!  You know, sometimes, I wish
               my knee would give...and I wouldn't
               be able to wrestle anymore.  And he
               could forget all about me...

                            BENDER
               I think your old man and my old man
               should get together and go bowling.

     Andrew laughs briefly.

                            BRIAN
               It's like me, you know, with my
               grades...like, when I, when I
               step outside myself kinda, and
               when I, when I look in at myself
               you know?  And I see me and I don't
               like what I see, I really don't.

                            CLAIRE
               What's wrong with you?  Why don't
               you like yourself?

                            BRIAN
               'Cause I'm stupid...'cause I'm failing
               shop.  See we had this assignment,
               to make this ceramic elephant, and
               um...and we had eight weeks to do
               it and we're s'posed ta, and it was
               like a lamp, and when you pull the
               trunk the light was s'posed to go
               on...my light didn't go on, I got a
               F on it.  Never got a F in my life...
               When I signed up, you know, for the
               course I mean.  I thought I was
               playing it real smart, you know.
               'Cause I thought, I'll take shop,
               it'll be such an easy way to
               maintain my grade point average...

                            BENDER
               Why'd you think it'd be easy?

                            BRIAN
               Have you seen some of the dopes that
               take shop?

                            BENDER
               I take shop...you must be a fuckin'
               idiot!

                            BRIAN
               I'm a fuckin' idiot because I can't
               make a lamp?

                            BENDER
               No, you're a genius because you
               can't make a lamp...

                            BRIAN
               What do you know about Trigonometry?

                            BENDER
               I could care less about
               Trigonometry...

                            BRIAN
               Bender, did you know without
               Trigonometry there'd be no
               engineering?

                            BENDER
               Without lamps, there'd be no light!

                            CLAIRE
              Okay so neither one of you is any
               better than the other one...

     Allison feels left out.

                           ALLISON
               I can write with my toes!  I can
               also eat, brush my teeth...

                            CLAIRE
               With your feet?

                           ALLISON
               ...play Heart & Soul on the piano.

                            BRIAN
               I can make spaghetti!

                            CLAIRE
                    (to Andrew)
               What can you do?

                            ANDREW
               I can...uh...tape all your buns
               together...

                            BENDER
               I wanna see what Claire can do!

                            CLAIRE
               I can't do anything.

                            BENDER
               Now, everybody can do something...

                            CLAIRE
               There's one thing I can do, no
               forget it, it's way too embarrassing.

                            BENDER
               You ever seen Wild Kingdom?  I mean
               that guy's been doing that show for
               thirty years.

                            CLAIRE
               Okay, but you have to swear to God
               you won't laugh...I can't believe
               I'm actually doing this...

     Claire takes lipstick out and opens it.  She places it
     between her breasts and applies it from her cleavage.

     When she lifts her head, her lipstick is perfect.

      Everyone claps.  Bender's clap is sarcastic and slow.

                            ANDREW
               All right, great!  Where'd you learn
               to do that?

                            CLAIRE
               Camp, seventh grade...

                            BENDER
               That was great, Claire...my image of
               you is totally blown...

                           ALLISON
               You're a shit!  Don't do that to her
               you swore to God you wouldn't laugh!

                            BENDER
               Am I laughing?

                            ANDREW
               You fucking prick!

     Bender turns to Andrew.  As he speaks, we can see his
     words hitting home.

                            BENDER
               What do you care what I think,
               anyway?  I don't even count, right?
               I could disappear forever and it
               wouldn't make any difference...I may
               as well not even exist at this
               school, remember?
                    (he turns to Claire)
               And you...don't like me anyway!

                            CLAIRE
               You know, I have just as many
               feelings as you do and it hurts
               just as much when somebody steps
               all over them!

                            BENDER
               God, you're so pathetic!
                    (furious)
               Don't you ever...ever!  Compare
               yourself to me!  Okay?  You got
               everything, and I got shit!  Fuckin'
               Rapunzel, right?  School would
               probably fucking shut down if you
               didn't show up!  "Queenie isn't
               here!"  I like those earrings Claire.

                            CLAIRE
                    (quietly)
               Shut up...

                            BENDER
               Are those real diamonds, Claire?

                            CLAIRE
                    (angry)
               Shut up!

                    BENDER                       CLAIRE
          I bet they are...did you
          work, for the money               Shut...
          for those earrings?                   Your mouth!

                            BENDER
               Or did your daddy buy those?

                            CLAIRE
                    (furious)
               Shut up!

     Claire starts crying.

                            BENDER
               I bet he bought those for you!  I
               bet those are a Christmas gift!
               Right?  You know what I got for
               Christmas this year?  It was a
               banner fuckin' year at the old
               Bender family!  I got a carton of
               cigarettes.  The old man grabbed me
               and said "Hey!  Smoke up Johnny!"
               Okay, so go home'n cry to your
               daddy, don't cry here, okay?

     There are a few beats.

                            ANDREW
               My God, are we gonna be like our
               parents?

                            CLAIRE
               Not me...ever...

                           ALLISON
               It's unavoidable, it just happens.

                            CLAIRE
               What happens?

                           ALLISON
               When you grow up, your heart dies.

                            BENDER
               Who cares?

     Allison is on the verge of tears herself.

                           ALLISON
               I care...

                            BRIAN
               Um, I was just thinking, I mean.  I
               know it's kind of a weird time, but
               I was just wondering, um, what is
               gonna happen to us on Monday?  When
               we're all together again?  I mean I
               consider you guys my friends, I'm
               not wrong, am I?

                            ANDREW
               No...

                            BRIAN
               So, so on Monday...what happens?

                            CLAIRE
               Are we still friends, you mean?
               If we're friends now, that is?

                            BRIAN
               Yeah...

                            CLAIRE
               Do you want the truth?

                            BRIAN
               Yeah, I want the truth...

                            CLAIRE
               I don't think so...

                           ALLISON
               Well, do you mean all of us or just
               John?

                            CLAIRE
               With all of you...

                            ANDREW
               That's a real nice attitude, Claire!

                            CLAIRE
               Oh, be honest, Andy...if Brian came
               walking up to you in the hall on
               Monday, what would you do?  I mean
               picture this, you're there with all
               the sports.  I know exactly what
               you'd do, you'd say hi to him and
               when he left you'd cut him all up
               so your friends wouldn't think you
               really liked him!

                            ANDREW
               No way!

                           ALLISON
               'Kay, what if I came up to you?

                            CLAIRE
               Same exact thing!

                            BENDER
                    (furious and screaming at Claire)
               You are a bitch!

                            CLAIRE
               Why?  'Cause I'm telling the truth,
               that makes me a bitch?

                            BENDER
               No!  'Cause you know how shitty that
               is to do to someone!  And you don't
               got the balls to stand up to your
               friends and tell 'em that you're
               gonna like who you wanna like!

                            CLAIRE
               Okay, what about you, you hypocrite!
               Why don't you take Allison to one of
               your heavy metal vomit parties?  Or
               take Brian out to the parking lot at
               lunch to get high?  What about Andy
               for that matter, what about me?
               What would your friends say if we
               were walking down the hall together.
               They'd laugh their asses off and
               you'd probably tell them you were
               doing it with me so they'd forgive
               you for being seen with me.

                            BENDER
                    (furious once again)
               Don't you ever talk about my
               friends!  You don't know any of my
               friends, you don't look at any of my
               friends and you certainly wouldn't
               condescend to speak to any of my
               friends so you just stick to the
               things you know, shopping, nail
               polish, your father's BMW and your
               poor--rich--drunk mother in the
               Carribean!

                            CLAIRE
                    (furious and sobbing)
               Shut up!

                            BENDER
               And as far as being concerned about
               what's gonna happen when you and I
               walk down the hallways at school,
               you can forget it!  'Cause it's never
               gonna happen!  Just bury your head
               in the sand...and wait for your
               fuckin' prom!

                            CLAIRE
               I hate you!

                            BENDER
               Yeah?  Good!

     There is silence until Brian speaks.

                            BRIAN
               Then I assume Allison and I are
               better people than you guys, huh?
               Us weirdos...
                    (to Allison)
               Do you, would you do that to me?

                           ALLISON
               I don't have any friends...

                            BRIAN
               Well if you did?

                           ALLISON
               No...I don't think the kind of
               friends I'd have would mind...

                            BRIAN
               I just wanna tell, each of you,
               that I wouldn't do that...I wouldn't
               and I will not!  'Cause I think that's
               real shitty...

                            CLAIRE
               Your friends wouldn't mind because
               they look up to us...

     Brian laughs at her.

                            BRIAN
               You're so conceited, Claire.  You're
               so conceited.  You're so, like, full
               of yourself, why are you like that?

                            CLAIRE
                    (crying again)
               I'm not saying that to be conceited!
               I hate it!  I hate having to go
               along with everything my friends say!

                            BRIAN
               Well then why do you do it?

                            CLAIRE
               I don't know, I don't...you don't
               understand..you don't.  You're not
               friends with the same kind of people
               that Andy and I are friends with!
               You know, you just don't understand
               the pressure that they can put on
               you!

     Brian is shocked.

                            BRIAN
               I don't understand what?  You think
               I don't understand pressure, Claire?
               Well fuck you!  Fuck you!

     Brian hides his head in his arm because he is crying.

                            BRIAN
               Know why I'm here today?  Do you?
               I'm here because Mr. Ryan found a
               gun in the locker...

                            ANDREW
               Why'd you have a gun in your locker?

                            BRIAN
               I tried.  You pull the fuckin' trunk
               on it and the light's s'posed to go
               on...and it didn't go on, I mean,
               I...

                            ANDREW
               What's the gun for Brian?

                            BRIAN
               Just forget it...

                            ANDREW
               You brought it up, man!

                            BRIAN
               I can't have an F, I can't have it
               and I know my parents can't have it!
               Even if I aced the rest of the
               semester, I'm still only a B.  And
               everything's ruined for me!

                            CLAIRE
                    (with pity)
               Oh Brian...

     Brian bashes a chair over.

                            BRIAN
               So I considered my options, you
               know?

                            CLAIRE
               No!  Killing yourself is not an
               option!

                            BRIAN
               Well I didn't do it, did I?  No, I
               don't think so!

                           ALLISON
               It was a hand gun?

                            BRIAN
               No, it was a flare gun, went off
               in my locker.

                            ANDREW
               Really?

     Andrew starts to laugh.

                            BRIAN
               It's not funny...

     They all start to laugh, including Brian.

                            BRIAN
               Yes it is...fuckin' elephant was
               destroyed!

                           ALLISON
               You wanna know what I did to get in
               here?  Nothing...I didn't have
               anything better to do.

     Everyone laughs.

                           ALLISON
               You're laughing at me...

                            ANDREW
               No!

     Allison starts to laugh too.

                           ALLISON
               Yeah you are!
                                                  CUT TO:

31. INT. LIBRARY - DAY

     Later.

     We see Brian putting a record on and then music starts.

     We see them all dancing.  This goes on for the duration
     of the song.
                                                  CUT TO:

32. INT. HEATING DUCT - DAY

     We see Bender crawling back through the heating duct.
                                                  CUT TO:

33. INT. LIBRARY - DAY

     Andrew, Allison, Claire and Brian are sitting, in that
     order on the railing.

                            CLAIRE
               Brian?

                            BRIAN
               Yeah?

                            CLAIRE
               Are you gonna write your paper?

                            BRIAN
               Yeah, why?

                            CLAIRE
               Well, it's kinda a waste for all of
               us to write our paper, don't you
               think?

                            BRIAN
               Oh, but that's what Vernon wants us
               to do...

                            CLAIRE
               True, but I think we'd all kinda
               say the same thing.

                            BRIAN
               You just don't want to write your
               paper...Right?

                            CLAIRE
               True, but, you're the smartest,
               right?

                            BRIAN
                    (with pride)
               Oh, well...

                            CLAIRE
               We trust you...

     Brian glances over at Allison and Andrew who nod in
     approval.

                            ANDREW
               Yeah...

                            BRIAN
               All right, I'll do it...

                            CLAIRE
               Great...

     Claire looks at Allison who looks back.

                            CLAIRE
                    (to Allison)
               Come on...

                           ALLISON
               Where're we going?

                            CLAIRE
               Come on!

     We see Claire putting eye make-up on Allison.

                            CLAIRE
               Don't be afraid.

                           ALLISON
               Don't stick that in my eye!

                            CLAIRE
               I'm not sticking it, just close...
               just go like that...

     Claire closes her eyes.  Allison mimics her.

                            CLAIRE
               Good...

     Claire puts the make-up on her and Allison squeals.

                            CLAIRE
               You know you really do look a lot
               better without all that black shit
               on your eyes...

                           ALLISON
               Hey...I like that black shit...

                            CLAIRE
               This looks a lot better...look up.

     We see Brian thinking about what he's going to write.

     We see Andrew just thinking.

     We see Allison and Claire again.  Claire is still
     putting make-up on Allison.

                           ALLISON
               Please, why're you being so nice to
               me?

                            CLAIRE
               'Cause you're letting me.

     We see Brian begin to write.

     We see Andrew, still deep in thought.
                                                  CUT TO:

34. INT. CLOSET - DAY

     We see Bender, in the closet once again.  Claire opens
     the door and enters.

                            BENDER
               You lost?

     Claire stares at him.

     Bender smiles.

     Claire smiles.
                                                  CUT TO:

35. INT. LIBRARY - DAY

     Brian is busily preparing the essay.

     Andrew looks up and sees the newly made over Allison
     and is in awe.

     Allison walks towards him and stops when she notices
     Brian staring at her with his mouth open.

     She glares at him.

                            BRIAN
               Cool!

                           ALLISON
                    (smiling)
               Thank you!
                                                  CUT TO:

36. INT. CLOSET - DAY

     Claire kisses Bender, then she breaks the kiss.

                            BENDER
               Why'd you do that?

                            CLAIRE
               'Cause I knew you wouldn't.

                            BENDER
               You know how you said before, how
               your parents used you to get back
               at each other...wouldn't I be
               outstanding in that capacity?

                            CLAIRE
               Were you really disgusted about
               what I did with my lipstick?

                            BENDER
               Truth?

                            CLAIRE
               Truth...

     Bender nods and speaks at the same time.

                            BENDER
               No...
                                                  CUT TO:

37. INT. LIBRARY - DAY

     We see Brian lift up his paper and kiss it.

     We see Andrew and Allison.

                            ANDREW
               What happened to you?

                           ALLISON
        Why?  Claire did it!  What's wrong?

                            ANDREW
               Nothing's wrong, it's just so
               different.  I can see your face.

                           ALLISON
               Is that good or bad?

                            ANDREW
                    (laughing)
               It's good!

     Allison smiles.

     We see Brian laugh and give himself a congratulatory
     punch in the arm.
                                                  CUT TO:

38. INT. HALLWAY - DAY

     The five are walking down the hall where they are met
     by Carl, sweeping up.  Brian nods at him.

                             CARL
               See ya Brian...

                            BRIAN
               Hey Carl...

                            BENDER
                    (to Carl)
               See you next Saturday...

                             CARL
               You bet!
                                                  CUT TO:

39. EXT. PARKING LOT - DAY

     Brian gets into his dads car and leaves.
     Andrew and Allison kiss, Allison rips a patch off
     Andrews jacket and gets into the car.

     Andrew's dad arrives and looks at him, then at Allison.

    Andrew gets into the car and they drive off.

     We see Claire take out one of her diamond earrings
     and put it into Benders hand.  They kiss and she gets
     into her car.  She leaves.

     We see Bender put the earring in his ear.
                                                  CUT TO:

40. INT. LIBRARY - DAY

     We see Vernon pick up Brian's essay and begin to read.

                          BRIAN (VO)
               Dear Mr. Vernon, we accept the fact
               that we had to sacrifice a whole
               Saturday in detention for whatever
               it was we did wrong.  But we think
               you're crazy to make an essay
               telling you who we think we are.
               You see us as you want to see us...
               In the simplest terms, in the most
               convenient definitions.
                                                  CUT TO:

41. EXT. FOOTBALL FIELD - DAY

     We see Bender walking towards us as Brian's monologue
     continues.

                          BRIAN (VO)
                    (CONT'D)
               But what we found out is that each
               one of us is a brain...

                        ANDREW (VO)
               ...and an athlete...

                         ALLISON (VO)
               ...and a basket case...

                         CLAIRE (VO)
               ...a princess...

                         BENDER (VO)
               ...and a criminal...

                          BRIAN (VO)
               Does that answer your question?
               Sincerely yours, the Breakfast Club.

     We see Bender walking across the football field
     as he thrusts his fist into the air in a silent cheer
     and freezes there.

                      The Breakfast Club
                             Starring...
          Andrew Clark.............Emilio Estevez
          Richard Vernon...........Paul Gleason
          Brian Johnson............Anthony Michael Hall
          Carl.....................John Kapelos
          John Bender..............Judd Nelson
          Claire Standish..........Molly Ringwald
          Allison Reynolds.........Ally Sheedy