feat_summary_path: finished_summaries/sparknotes/The Brothers Karamazov/section_3_part_4.txt
feat_book_id: The Brothers Karamazov.book 3.chapter 4
feat_summary_id: book 3, chapter 4
feat_summary: {"name": "book 3, Chapter 4", "url": "https://web.archive.org/web/20210305110438/https://www.sparknotes.com/lit/brothersk/section4/", "summary": "The Confession of an Ardent Heart. In Anecdotes Dmitri relates his history with Katerina to Alyosha. Dmitri first met Katerina when she was the daughter of the commanding officer of a camp where Dmitri was stationed as a soldier. Katerina ignored Dmitri until he attempted to trick her into sleeping with him by offering 4,500 rubles to pay off an obligation of her father's. As he began to put his plan into motion, he was suddenly overcome with self--disgust, and, looking at the beautiful, innocent Katerina, decided to give her the money without even trying to seduce her. When she inherited a large amount of money from a relative, she offered to marry Dmitri. But when they returned to Fyodor Pavlovich's town, Dmitri fell swiftly for Grushenka. He even stole 3,000 rubles from Katerina in order to finance his debauchery with Grushenka", "analysis": ""}
text: Chapter IV. The Confession Of A Passionate Heart--In Anecdote
  
  
  "I was leading a wild life then. Father said just now that I spent several
  thousand roubles in seducing young girls. That's a swinish invention, and
  there was nothing of the sort. And if there was, I didn't need money
  simply for _that_. With me money is an accessory, the overflow of my
  heart, the framework. To-day she would be my lady, to-morrow a wench out
  of the streets in her place. I entertained them both. I threw away money
  by the handful on music, rioting, and gypsies. Sometimes I gave it to the
  ladies, too, for they'll take it greedily, that must be admitted, and be
  pleased and thankful for it. Ladies used to be fond of me: not all of
  them, but it happened, it happened. But I always liked side-paths, little
  dark back-alleys behind the main road--there one finds adventures and
  surprises, and precious metal in the dirt. I am speaking figuratively,
  brother. In the town I was in, there were no such back-alleys in the
  literal sense, but morally there were. If you were like me, you'd know
  what that means. I loved vice, I loved the ignominy of vice. I loved
  cruelty; am I not a bug, am I not a noxious insect? In fact a Karamazov!
  Once we went, a whole lot of us, for a picnic, in seven sledges. It was
  dark, it was winter, and I began squeezing a girl's hand, and forced her
  to kiss me. She was the daughter of an official, a sweet, gentle,
  submissive creature. She allowed me, she allowed me much in the dark. She
  thought, poor thing, that I should come next day to make her an offer (I
  was looked upon as a good match, too). But I didn't say a word to her for
  five months. I used to see her in a corner at dances (we were always
  having dances), her eyes watching me. I saw how they glowed with fire--a
  fire of gentle indignation. This game only tickled that insect lust I
  cherished in my soul. Five months later she married an official and left
  the town, still angry, and still, perhaps, in love with me. Now they live
  happily. Observe that I told no one. I didn't boast of it. Though I'm full
  of low desires, and love what's low, I'm not dishonorable. You're
  blushing; your eyes flashed. Enough of this filth with you. And all this
  was nothing much--wayside blossoms _a la_ Paul de Kock--though the cruel
  insect had already grown strong in my soul. I've a perfect album of
  reminiscences, brother. God bless them, the darlings. I tried to break it
  off without quarreling. And I never gave them away. I never bragged of one
  of them. But that's enough. You can't suppose I brought you here simply to
  talk of such nonsense. No, I'm going to tell you something more curious;
  and don't be surprised that I'm glad to tell you, instead of being
  ashamed."
  
  "You say that because I blushed," Alyosha said suddenly. "I wasn't
  blushing at what you were saying or at what you've done. I blushed because
  I am the same as you are."
  
  "You? Come, that's going a little too far!"
  
  "No, it's not too far," said Alyosha warmly (obviously the idea was not a
  new one). "The ladder's the same. I'm at the bottom step, and you're
  above, somewhere about the thirteenth. That's how I see it. But it's all
  the same. Absolutely the same in kind. Any one on the bottom step is bound
  to go up to the top one."
  
  "Then one ought not to step on at all."
  
  "Any one who can help it had better not."
  
  "But can you?"
  
  "I think not."
  
  "Hush, Alyosha, hush, darling! I could kiss your hand, you touch me so.
  That rogue Grushenka has an eye for men. She told me once that she'd
  devour you one day. There, there, I won't! From this field of corruption
  fouled by flies, let's pass to my tragedy, also befouled by flies, that is
  by every sort of vileness. Although the old man told lies about my
  seducing innocence, there really was something of the sort in my tragedy,
  though it was only once, and then it did not come off. The old man who has
  reproached me with what never happened does not even know of this fact; I
  never told any one about it. You're the first, except Ivan, of course--Ivan
  knows everything. He knew about it long before you. But Ivan's a tomb."
  
  "Ivan's a tomb?"
  
  "Yes."
  
  Alyosha listened with great attention.
  
  "I was lieutenant in a line regiment, but still I was under supervision,
  like a kind of convict. Yet I was awfully well received in the little
  town. I spent money right and left. I was thought to be rich; I thought so
  myself. But I must have pleased them in other ways as well. Although they
  shook their heads over me, they liked me. My colonel, who was an old man,
  took a sudden dislike to me. He was always down upon me, but I had
  powerful friends, and, moreover, all the town was on my side, so he
  couldn't do me much harm. I was in fault myself for refusing to treat him
  with proper respect. I was proud. This obstinate old fellow, who was
  really a very good sort, kind-hearted and hospitable, had had two wives,
  both dead. His first wife, who was of a humble family, left a daughter as
  unpretentious as herself. She was a young woman of four and twenty when I
  was there, and was living with her father and an aunt, her mother's
  sister. The aunt was simple and illiterate; the niece was simple but
  lively. I like to say nice things about people. I never knew a woman of
  more charming character than Agafya--fancy, her name was Agafya Ivanovna!
  And she wasn't bad-looking either, in the Russian style: tall, stout, with
  a full figure, and beautiful eyes, though a rather coarse face. She had
  not married, although she had had two suitors. She refused them, but was
  as cheerful as ever. I was intimate with her, not in 'that' way, it was
  pure friendship. I have often been friendly with women quite innocently. I
  used to talk to her with shocking frankness, and she only laughed. Many
  women like such freedom, and she was a girl too, which made it very
  amusing. Another thing, one could never think of her as a young lady. She
  and her aunt lived in her father's house with a sort of voluntary
  humility, not putting themselves on an equality with other people. She was
  a general favorite, and of use to every one, for she was a clever
  dressmaker. She had a talent for it. She gave her services freely without
  asking for payment, but if any one offered her payment, she didn't refuse.
  The colonel, of course, was a very different matter. He was one of the
  chief personages in the district. He kept open house, entertained the
  whole town, gave suppers and dances. At the time I arrived and joined the
  battalion, all the town was talking of the expected return of the
  colonel's second daughter, a great beauty, who had just left a fashionable
  school in the capital. This second daughter is Katerina Ivanovna, and she
  was the child of the second wife, who belonged to a distinguished
  general's family; although, as I learnt on good authority, she too brought
  the colonel no money. She had connections, and that was all. There may
  have been expectations, but they had come to nothing.
  
  "Yet, when the young lady came from boarding-school on a visit, the whole
  town revived. Our most distinguished ladies--two 'Excellencies' and a
  colonel's wife--and all the rest following their lead, at once took her up
  and gave entertainments in her honor. She was the belle of the balls and
  picnics, and they got up _tableaux vivants_ in aid of distressed
  governesses. I took no notice, I went on as wildly as before, and one of
  my exploits at the time set all the town talking. I saw her eyes taking my
  measure one evening at the battery commander's, but I didn't go up to her,
  as though I disdained her acquaintance. I did go up and speak to her at an
  evening party not long after. She scarcely looked at me, and compressed
  her lips scornfully. 'Wait a bit. I'll have my revenge,' thought I. I
  behaved like an awful fool on many occasions at that time, and I was
  conscious of it myself. What made it worse was that I felt that 'Katenka'
  was not an innocent boarding-school miss, but a person of character, proud
  and really high-principled; above all, she had education and intellect,
  and I had neither. You think I meant to make her an offer? No, I simply
  wanted to revenge myself, because I was such a hero and she didn't seem to
  feel it.
  
  "Meanwhile, I spent my time in drink and riot, till the lieutenant-colonel
  put me under arrest for three days. Just at that time father sent me six
  thousand roubles in return for my sending him a deed giving up all claims
  upon him--settling our accounts, so to speak, and saying that I wouldn't
  expect anything more. I didn't understand a word of it at the time. Until
  I came here, Alyosha, till the last few days, indeed, perhaps even now, I
  haven't been able to make head or tail of my money affairs with father.
  But never mind that, we'll talk of it later.
  
  "Just as I received the money, I got a letter from a friend telling me
  something that interested me immensely. The authorities, I learnt, were
  dissatisfied with our lieutenant-colonel. He was suspected of
  irregularities; in fact, his enemies were preparing a surprise for him.
  And then the commander of the division arrived, and kicked up the devil of
  a shindy. Shortly afterwards he was ordered to retire. I won't tell you
  how it all happened. He had enemies certainly. Suddenly there was a marked
  coolness in the town towards him and all his family. His friends all
  turned their backs on him. Then I took my first step. I met Agafya
  Ivanovna, with whom I'd always kept up a friendship, and said, 'Do you
  know there's a deficit of 4,500 roubles of government money in your
  father's accounts?'
  
  " 'What do you mean? What makes you say so? The general was here not long
  ago, and everything was all right.'
  
  " 'Then it was, but now it isn't.'
  
  "She was terribly scared.
  
  " 'Don't frighten me!' she said. 'Who told you so?'
  
  " 'Don't be uneasy,' I said, 'I won't tell any one. You know I'm as silent
  as the tomb. I only wanted, in view of "possibilities," to add, that when
  they demand that 4,500 roubles from your father, and he can't produce it,
  he'll be tried, and made to serve as a common soldier in his old age,
  unless you like to send me your young lady secretly. I've just had money
  paid me. I'll give her four thousand, if you like, and keep the secret
  religiously.'
  
  " 'Ah, you scoundrel!'--that's what she said. 'You wicked scoundrel! How
  dare you!'
  
  "She went away furiously indignant, while I shouted after her once more
  that the secret should be kept sacred. Those two simple creatures, Agafya
  and her aunt, I may as well say at once, behaved like perfect angels all
  through this business. They genuinely adored their 'Katya,' thought her
  far above them, and waited on her, hand and foot. But Agafya told her of
  our conversation. I found that out afterwards. She didn't keep it back,
  and of course that was all I wanted.
  
  "Suddenly the new major arrived to take command of the battalion. The old
  lieutenant-colonel was taken ill at once, couldn't leave his room for two
  days, and didn't hand over the government money. Dr. Kravchenko declared
  that he really was ill. But I knew for a fact, and had known for a long
  time, that for the last four years the money had never been in his hands
  except when the Commander made his visits of inspection. He used to lend
  it to a trustworthy person, a merchant of our town called Trifonov, an old
  widower, with a big beard and gold-rimmed spectacles. He used to go to the
  fair, do a profitable business with the money, and return the whole sum to
  the colonel, bringing with it a present from the fair, as well as interest
  on the loan. But this time (I heard all about it quite by chance from
  Trifonov's son and heir, a driveling youth and one of the most vicious in
  the world)--this time, I say, Trifonov brought nothing back from the fair.
  The lieutenant-colonel flew to him. 'I've never received any money from
  you, and couldn't possibly have received any.' That was all the answer he
  got. So now our lieutenant-colonel is confined to the house, with a towel
  round his head, while they're all three busy putting ice on it. All at
  once an orderly arrives on the scene with the book and the order to 'hand
  over the battalion money immediately, within two hours.' He signed the
  book (I saw the signature in the book afterwards), stood up, saying he
  would put on his uniform, ran to his bedroom, loaded his double-barreled
  gun with a service bullet, took the boot off his right foot, fixed the gun
  against his chest, and began feeling for the trigger with his foot. But
  Agafya, remembering what I had told her, had her suspicions. She stole up
  and peeped into the room just in time. She rushed in, flung herself upon
  him from behind, threw her arms round him, and the gun went off, hit the
  ceiling, but hurt no one. The others ran in, took away the gun, and held
  him by the arms. I heard all about this afterwards. I was at home, it was
  getting dusk, and I was just preparing to go out. I had dressed, brushed
  my hair, scented my handkerchief, and taken up my cap, when suddenly the
  door opened, and facing me in the room stood Katerina Ivanovna.
  
  "It's strange how things happen sometimes. No one had seen her in the
  street, so that no one knew of it in the town. I lodged with two decrepit
  old ladies, who looked after me. They were most obliging old things, ready
  to do anything for me, and at my request were as silent afterwards as two
  cast-iron posts. Of course I grasped the position at once. She walked in
  and looked straight at me, her dark eyes determined, even defiant, but on
  her lips and round her mouth I saw uncertainty.
  
  " 'My sister told me,' she began, 'that you would give me 4,500 roubles if
  I came to you for it--myself. I have come ... give me the money!'
  
  "She couldn't keep it up. She was breathless, frightened, her voice failed
  her, and the corners of her mouth and the lines round it quivered.
  Alyosha, are you listening, or are you asleep?"
  
  "Mitya, I know you will tell the whole truth," said Alyosha in agitation.
  
  "I am telling it. If I tell the whole truth just as it happened I shan't
  spare myself. My first idea was a--Karamazov one. Once I was bitten by a
  centipede, brother, and laid up a fortnight with fever from it. Well, I
  felt a centipede biting at my heart then--a noxious insect, you understand?
  I looked her up and down. You've seen her? She's a beauty. But she was
  beautiful in another way then. At that moment she was beautiful because
  she was noble, and I was a scoundrel; she in all the grandeur of her
  generosity and sacrifice for her father, and I--a bug! And, scoundrel as I
  was, she was altogether at my mercy, body and soul. She was hemmed in. I
  tell you frankly, that thought, that venomous thought, so possessed my
  heart that it almost swooned with suspense. It seemed as if there could be
  no resisting it; as though I should act like a bug, like a venomous
  spider, without a spark of pity. I could scarcely breathe. Understand, I
  should have gone next day to ask for her hand, so that it might end
  honorably, so to speak, and that nobody would or could know. For though
  I'm a man of base desires, I'm honest. And at that very second some voice
  seemed to whisper in my ear, 'But when you come to-morrow to make your
  proposal, that girl won't even see you; she'll order her coachman to kick
  you out of the yard. "Publish it through all the town," she would say,
  "I'm not afraid of you." ' I looked at the young lady, my voice had not
  deceived me. That is how it would be, not a doubt of it. I could see from
  her face now that I should be turned out of the house. My spite was
  roused. I longed to play her the nastiest swinish cad's trick: to look at
  her with a sneer, and on the spot where she stood before me to stun her
  with a tone of voice that only a shopman could use.
  
  " 'Four thousand! What do you mean? I was joking. You've been counting
  your chickens too easily, madam. Two hundred, if you like, with all my
  heart. But four thousand is not a sum to throw away on such frivolity.
  You've put yourself out to no purpose.'
  
  "I should have lost the game, of course. She'd have run away. But it would
  have been an infernal revenge. It would have been worth it all. I'd have
  howled with regret all the rest of my life, only to have played that
  trick. Would you believe it, it has never happened to me with any other
  woman, not one, to look at her at such a moment with hatred. But, on my
  oath, I looked at her for three seconds, or five perhaps, with fearful
  hatred--that hate which is only a hair's-breadth from love, from the
  maddest love!
  
  "I went to the window, put my forehead against the frozen pane, and I
  remember the ice burnt my forehead like fire. I did not keep her long,
  don't be afraid. I turned round, went up to the table, opened the drawer
  and took out a banknote for five thousand roubles (it was lying in a
  French dictionary). Then I showed it her in silence, folded it, handed it
  to her, opened the door into the passage, and, stepping back, made her a
  deep bow, a most respectful, a most impressive bow, believe me! She
  shuddered all over, gazed at me for a second, turned horribly pale--white
  as a sheet, in fact--and all at once, not impetuously but softly, gently,
  bowed down to my feet--not a boarding-school curtsey, but a Russian bow,
  with her forehead to the floor. She jumped up and ran away. I was wearing
  my sword. I drew it and nearly stabbed myself with it on the spot; why, I
  don't know. It would have been frightfully stupid, of course. I suppose it
  was from delight. Can you understand that one might kill oneself from
  delight? But I didn't stab myself. I only kissed my sword and put it back
  in the scabbard--which there was no need to have told you, by the way. And
  I fancy that in telling you about my inner conflict I have laid it on
  rather thick to glorify myself. But let it pass, and to hell with all who
  pry into the human heart! Well, so much for that 'adventure' with Katerina
  Ivanovna. So now Ivan knows of it, and you--no one else."
  
  Dmitri got up, took a step or two in his excitement, pulled out his
  handkerchief and mopped his forehead, then sat down again, not in the same
  place as before, but on the opposite side, so that Alyosha had to turn
  quite round to face him.
  
  
  
  
  
feat_summary_name: book 3, Chapter 4
target: The Confession of an Ardent Heart. In Anecdotes Dmitri relates his history with Katerina to Alyosha. Dmitri first met Katerina when she was the daughter of the commanding officer of a camp where Dmitri was stationed as a soldier. Katerina ignored Dmitri until he attempted to trick her into sleeping with him by offering 4,500 rubles to pay off an obligation of her father's. As he began to put his plan into motion, he was suddenly overcome with self--disgust, and, looking at the beautiful, innocent Katerina, decided to give her the money without even trying to seduce her. When she inherited a large amount of money from a relative, she offered to marry Dmitri. But when they returned to Fyodor Pavlovich's town, Dmitri fell swiftly for Grushenka. He even stole 3,000 rubles from Katerina in order to finance his debauchery with Grushenka