It is important to know what to look for to keep your elderly loved one safe. Some warning signs that they might need professional help include:   Changes in their body language. For example, the person may change their posture, their gestures, the physical distance between themselves and people they are talking with, their facial expressions, or tone of voice. Watch for any significant changes in the person’s body language.  Environmental factors. Consider whether they are different in one environment or around certain people. Does removing them from the environment help? Does incorporating soothing scents, sounds, or colors help?  Not getting basic needs met. Consider whether their basic needs are being met. Are they cold, hot, hungry, thirsty, or in pain?  Changes in communication/behavior after a medical diagnosis. If this person has dementia or Alzheimer’s, consider whether they were able to express certain things to you before, but they are not able to do so now. How did they behave before? What was their behavioral baseline before you noticed this change? Did anything help them or make matters worse? If your relative’s behavior becomes increasingly out of control, you may start to feel uncomfortable or unsafe. If words or behaviors become abusive or dangerous, seek outside help from a therapist or other behavioral specialist. You may need to consider ways to feel safer or talk about ways to calm your relative’s anger. A home health nurse can help, as elderly people tend to be harsher with family and not strangers. A therapist can work with you and your family to help find strategies to cope more effectively. Your relative’s words may embarrass you or really hurt you. It’s hard not to take things personally, but keep in mind it is likely not their intention to hurt you or embarrass you. Focus on positive things and less on the negatives. If you do become upset, excuse yourself and spend some time removed from the situation. Especially if the behavior is new and out of character for your relative, do your best to say to yourself, “These words are hurtful, but do not reflect how my relative feels about me.” If your relative’s words or behaviors make you upset or uncomfortable, consider talking to them about it. Let them know that their words are inappropriate or unkind. Say, “When you speak to me like that, it hurts my feelings. Please do not insult me or the work I do for you.” If talking gets you nowhere, decrease the activities you do for them. This can send the message of “treat me nicely and with kindness and I will continue to graciously help you.”
Identify dangerous behaviors. Seek professional help for dangerous behaviors. Don’t take it personally. Talk about the behavior.