TESTIMONY_GIVER:
 Finally, what really gets to me is thinking about it because my intentions are that if it was me and if I was in charge I would have rescinded the instruction.  I would have withdrawn the order and this effected my life and it made me a nervous person who gets angry very easily.  Thirdly, I get violent very quickly, yet those are things that never used to happen to me when my brother was still alive and now no matter what I do I always say that gee whiz, you know, there were two of us before and now I'm alone.  That is all.