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It's not really a question Joan. It's more or less a comment about what  you said. Because you are not only dealing with the facts about the loss of your husband, but also the memory of your pain when you discovered that you had lost him. What strikes me... we've not just your experiences but the experiences of many other women before you... is how you seem to do a lot of running around, moving from place to place. Not really knowing where to find your loved one, whether it is your son, or your husband.  I find that very hard to deal with and I wonder how you - you dealt with it. How you - how you went through this driving from place to place not knowing whether to look for him at a mortuary or at a hospital... not knowing whether in fact he was missing or what happened to him.  What was it like? What was it like just moving around not knowing what... where to look?