KHOZA MGOJO
I think you need psychological help.  It is apparent that you've gone through so much trauma, and you have been disturbed emotionally as well as mentally.  But we take the recommendations and pass them to the State President.  He is the one who makes a decision at the end of the day as to how people like you could be assisted.  You may not understand that you have been traumatised, or you may not know it, but it is apparent from the way you talk that you really do need help.  You need to talk to someone about what happened.  You need some therapy.  Maybe if you talk repeatedly about them they will tend to sink and you would be on your way to rehabilitation as well as acceptance of what has happened.  We want to recommend that you see psychologists so that they can help you with therapy sessions, but the rest of the requests are passed to the State President so that he can take the final decisions.