PHINEAS NDLOVU
As a person it affected me in more than one way.  My school job suffered a lot.  Evidently I was a very brilliant student. If I had failed, really it would be in
the mid-year examination, and I would have been number 3, that would be a failure.  But come December, I wouldn't let my parents down. I would make it a point that I am number 1.  So in a way it did affect me. I started disliking some subjects, for instance Afrikaans, as it was branded then, that it was the language of the oppressor and in education you really had to pass three of these languages, and it was difficult for me to deal with that as such.
	In life generally, at home there was no longer peace between myself and my family.  My place was frequented by security police and the soldiers and they would come, assault my mom and I had to leave my home. I had to stay in scrap cars to sleep there and go home only to fetch lunch or to sneak in and have a bath and then go to school.  At school as well, I had to hide when I had to come out of school, because the area as there was turmoil at the time you would that it is frequented by police.  And I guess I didn't have much of sleep, because any car that passed by or gave sound of, the one I know - Casspirs, Hippos or (indistinct) that were used by the SAP would eventually give the call that I should wake up and start running. 
	What is worst of all, I had to resort to violence as there were no other means of sjambokking people who had been convicted or found guilty in a people's court.  And to some aspects some hated me but it was okay to have enemies for doing the right thing.
	As of showing people that I did have feelings, I had to hide them. I didn't have to have feelings.  The duties that I was called upon to do, didn't allow me just like any young person at the time, to be spoilt by my mom, to seek love of parents and what have you, I didn't have time for that. 
I missed all those years.