If you've ever wanted to be happier than you are, you're obviously not alone. But Andrew Weil, MD, the founder and director of the Arizona Center for Integrative Medicine at the University of Arizona, is here to gently suggest that we might be going about it all wrong. Ever since he graduated from Harvard Medical School in 1968, Dr. Weil has been sounding the alarm about the wrongheadedness of the diagnose-and-drug model of health care. And now, with his new book, Spontaneous Happiness, he's fixing his gaze on what makes us truly happy, what to do when we're not, and how to better weather life's inevitable highs and lows. He says we can all feel better—much better—than we do.
There's an unspoken message in our society that we should all be happy all the time, and people are making themselves miserable trying to achieve it.
I don't think that happiness or depression is a mood we should be in all or even most of the time. Most of us look for happiness "out there," which renders it out of our control. The truth is, extremely negative and positive moods, like bliss and despondency, mark the edges of our emotional spectrum. They can help us discover a neutral midpoint of emotional health.
And what is that midpoint exactly?
It's contentment, which is an internal state of well-being that's relatively impervious to life's transient ups and downs, and it's independent of what you have or don't have. If you hitch your moods to something external—getting a raise, a new car, a new lover--then what happens if that goes away? Contentment, on the other hand, is an inner feeling of calm; it's not dependent on external circumstances, possessions, or an episode of good fortune.
So how do we foster contentment?
A good place to start is with a journal where you write down what you're grateful for and then express thanks to key people in your life. Regularly practicing this sort of thinking is one of the best strategies for enhancing a sense of well-being. You should also try some form of meditation and deep breathing—which is free, and it's right under your nose! Breathing mindfully helps calm our nervous system—it's an easy, powerful tool.
But let's say you work two jobs, your parents are sick, your kids are struggling in school—how can you find time to do this?
I understand it's difficult, but breathing exercises literally take five minutes a day; sitting down quietly and meditating on your life takes just a few minutes too.
So if we perform these exercises, how can we benefit, practically speaking, during hard times?
You may still experience a period of being thrown off balance, but you will be able to get through it more quickly, without becoming derailed. This kind of work, meditation especially, makes that possible: One of the primary benefits of meditation is it helps you find that calm center from which you can view the rest of your life without getting caught up in it.
You also advance the notion that stress is actually a good thing. Why?
A stress-free life is a fantasy. Stress is not only inevitable but also useful. It keeps us in motion, keeps us changing. Obviously, if there is some external cause of stress that you can eliminate, you should, but it's much more important to learn techniques to protect your body and mind from the harmful effects of stress.
What else can we do to sustain this kind of inner peace?
Spend time with people who have the qualities you want to emulate. We resonate with other people, so if you're around calm people, you become more calm yourself. There's a growing body of research that suggests contentment is contagious, as is depression.
We'd like to know: What makes you content right now?
I spend hours every day in my garden, and I can see the results of it: It provides beauty; it gives me food; there is physical activity involved; I'm outdoors. That makes me happy.
We've all been told to "take a deep breath." Andrew Weil, MD, recommends we take that one step further with this exercise: "4-7-8 breath." "Doing this daily will induce a feeling of serenity," says Dr. Weil. "Over time, it'll give you greater emotional resilience—especially in hard moments."
1. Rest the tip of your tongue on the roof of your mouth, behind your top teeth.
2. Exhale completely through your mouth, with your lips slightly pursed, to make a whoosh sound.
3. Close your mouth and inhale deeply and slowly through your nose to a silent count of 4.
4. Keep your mouth closed and gently retain your breath for a silent count of 7.
5. Exhale slowly through your open mouth for a count of 8, making the same whoosh sound.
6. Repeat steps 3, 4, and 5 for a total of four breaths. Perform this twice daily for optimal results.