What I don’t like being an adult or a grown-up man is the need to be safe.
Suddenly as we reach a certain number of age, we prioritize safety and security in everything at equal terms. For every saving we make in investment, insurance, foreign currencies and many other kinds, we expect the same applies to our daily diet. Everything has to be measured to exact or close to the exact designated point that we create on our own.
This leads to the subconscious effort to whatever else we do in life. We tend to avoid surprises or being surprised at, opting for planned events because we can control what we are going to get. We choose comfort food over newly arrived cuisines nobody has heard of before. We stay at familiar hotels based on reason to accumulate reward point instead of newly opened lodgings.
And little do we realize that when it comes to falling for someone new, we take different extreme measures to prevent from being hurt.
Gone are spontaneity in running against the rain and brace traffic jam to pick him or her up. What else is gone? Many things, including making lyrical poems and notes that prompt us to stay up all night. Instead, we take a rain check whenever rain starts falling, opting to talk on the phone, or texting. We cannot afford to stay up late, because staying up late on one night requires three night of 8-hour sleep replacement each.
What starts as a cautionary act slowly becomes a barrier. Not even an obstacle, but a fence we build to protect ourselves from experiencing high-risk joy of falling.
Even the note carries similar tune, don’t you think?
When we start falling for someone, we immediately occupy ourselves with scenarios of both possibilities: being accepted or being rejected. Unfairly we label this acceptance as happiness and rejection as, simply, unhappiness.
What we forget is that, along the way to discover the new person, we are happy to do things we don’t normally do. And that’s when the journey makes a happy chapter. Even happier than the state of being together as declared with so-called status of boyfriend or girlfriend.
When we start falling for someone new, we don’t want to fall hard. We busy maintain the flame to last as long as we’d like to keep it last, so much that we deceive ourselves in getting spontaneous, or exuding joy. We bury ourselves deep in thought of endless “what if”s.
What if there’s someone else he or she is thinking of? What if all these are annoyance instead of fine reaction? What if these worries come true? What if they don’t?
There is nothing greater than staying in love, but for love to stay, we have to find and eventually fall for it first. Falling in love is the key to have love stayed. And for love to stay, God knows how many times we keep falling in and falling out, until the right one comes along, often unexpectedly.
If you have found one, consider yourself lucky. If you haven’t, consider yourself even luckier, because you have no idea how strong you are to keep believing in yourself.
Besides, I always believe that it always feels good to love first. It feels good to spare a space in heart and mind solely for one other person and no one but this special person that gets us up and about every single day. It feels good to think of nothing but giving our utmost thought effortlessly, selflessly, smoothly, and willingly. It feels good to initiate help without being asked to. It feels good to give without wanting anything in return. It feels good to anxiously look forward to each and every clue and hint that brings joy, all of those without realizing that maybe, subconsciously, we don’t want anything back.
When you have given your love with all your might, perhaps you don’t care about being loved in return.
What I don’t like being an adult is the lesser chances to experience what I write above.
But what I do like is that when the moment, that precious, rare one moment come, I will tend to the moment with my utmost concern.
After all, it’s worth the long wait.
So glad you wrote this one, Pal. In here, there are some thoughts I had before but can never fathom of how to jolt it down. Thanks.
So, when i still expect something in return, it mean i haven’t give my love to the fullest. That’s the essence about the joy of loving. Thank you, mas Nauval.
Thank you for such nicely arranged words that represent the joy of loving.
It kinda is, isn’t it?