Hi Havoc,  That would unfortunately be a no on all three of those things being supported by VPLEX.  If this is something you strongly desire I recommend talking to your account rep.  Thanks, Gary
What advanced storage integration features does VPLEX currently (=version 5.3) support for the Microsoft Windows 2012 R2 platform? I have read the 5.3 release notes but have not been able to find any information on the topic. Thanks in advance for your feedback! 
EMC VPLEX Microsoft Advanced Feature Support