How to become a high value man that is the type of man women want and will compete for.
In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer who is in a messy situation with a woman he started dating who has a baby daddy she still lived with. The ex forbids her from going out with other men as long as she is still living with him. He also said he’d cut her off financially if she was dating anyone else. They have a class together in nursing school and she just dumped him recently and said she no longer has feelings for him. He doesn’t realize it, but he’s doing her a favor by even giving her a chance to date him when her situation with her baby daddy is controlling and unhealthy. I tell him what he needs to change in his mindset and approach, as well as a reality check on a low quality dating prospect he is over-investing in. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.
Hi, I’m Coach Corey Wayne and this is my video coaching newsletter. And the topic of today’s newsletter is going to be Why A High Value Man Should Always Be The Prize To Women.
Well, I’ve got an email from a guy. He’s in a breakup situation here, and it’s kind of a messy situation. He got involved with a woman who is living with her baby daddy. He’s paying her bills, basically. They had a breakup more than likely; it seems like just from what I’ve seen in here. The baby daddy is probably the one that got dumped. And because she’s living with this guy and starts dating, the dude wrote me the email, and they’re hooking up and the guy’s like, “Hey, if you’re dating anybody, I’m cutting you off financially.”
So, they’re living together, because they’ve got a child together. And then this guy has gotten involved in her, got in the middle of this, and, you got to look at this situation and think, do I really want to involve myself, because he’s really injecting himself to be the rebound guy right in the middle of a breakup that’s happening between two people that had a kid together, and they still live together. And this guy that she’s living with, the baby daddy, is still paying her bills, or at least he was, because now she’s living on her own.
And so, these are the types of situations that I talk about in 3%, Man. It’s like you really should not get involved with people in the middle of their divorce, or like in this case, she’s still living with their baby daddy. And so, there’s always the chance, because she got a kid with this guy, that she’s going to go back to him. It’s like one of the messiest type of situations that you can get involved in.
But guys get carried away on their emotions, and their feelings, and they get all dopey, and they make all excuses for this stuff, and they open themselves up to a lot of emotional pain. That’s totally avoidable.
I’ve got a breakup situation that I’d like some insight on because its thrown me for a loop trying to figure out where and how she lost feelings.
Well, it would help if you read The Book.
So, I meet this girl through mutual friends, and she just starts coming around more and more until eventually she’s asking to come to my house every day. She was constantly blowing my phone up, her interest level was very high, she was always wanting sex and she was doing 100% of the pursuing. I wasn’t interested in any relationship labels and let her bring it up. She asked to be my girlfriend one night and I went with it. However, she has a situation where her baby daddy didn’t want her dating anyone else and if he found out he’d stop supporting her financially.
So, the fact that you’re just like, okay, yeah, sure, I’m going to commit to this girl that lives with her ex-boyfriend and has a kid with him still. It’s like, “Hello, dude,” this is right out of The Book. So, you shouldn’t be surprised that this situationship is causing you grief. If she’s doing all the pursuing and then she’s like, “Hey, I want to be exclusive with you.” Then what you should say is that, “Hey, that’s nice. That’s wonderful. I’m honored. But you still live with your boyfriend who you have a child with, and he’s still paying all your bills. So, until you move out, until you get on your own, and you have your own career, and you’re paying your own bills, I’m only interested in just dating you casually.”
So, after you have that kind of a conversation with her, you’re the prize. You’re the catch. If she’s trying to lock you down, you have to be confident enough, and firm enough to just say, I’m not going to really get involved with that. It just sounds I mean, you got to think about what you’re asking me here; “You want me to be your boyfriend when you live with the guy that’s the father of your child and he’s paying all your bills, so your relationship is not finished with him.”
And so, “We can date casually until you get that situation resolved. But I’m not going to get serious or commit to you.” And I mean, that’s kind of silly. That’s like a married person. A married woman says, “Hey, be my boyfriend, even though I’m living with my husband, and the kids I have with my husband.” And I’ve done a lot of phone sessions, and plenty of emails over the years with guys that are in those situations. And because they’re so focused on their own emotions and feelings, they totally ignore that reality.
And so, a big thing that would help this guy is just to be like, “Hey, this is this is strictly friends with benefits, sex playmate, type of thing here.” And you definitely should be wearing a raincoat as well because you don’t want to slip one past the goalie, especially with this girl living with her ex-boyfriend. So apparently the ex-boyfriend that she lives with, he did find out that she was seeing this guy.
Well, he did find out. But, she didn’t break up with me. She pretended to.
So, in other words, now we see that she’s willing to lie to her boyfriend. So, she lies to her boyfriend or ex-boyfriend, the baby daddy. She will lie to you. Character is destiny. This is part of the vetting process. And so, if she’s lying to him because she can’t be truthful and honest, well, it’s obviously become a way of life for her. So, you should pay attention to these things.
And made him think that she wasn’t seeing me. Her interest was still very high at this point in time. Me and her found that we applied for nursing school together for the same start and same class. So, we started that in July. We sat by each other and that has become our assigned seats. And we do clinicals together. (you’ll know why this sucks when I get to the breakup lol.)
Again, this is something covered in The Book that says, I would not get involved with these people in these kinds of situations because you get stuck in limbo. And especially if you’re dating somebody that’s married. I see a lot a lot of women I’ve done phone sessions with over the years, or dating a guy five, six, seven years; “It’s just not the right time to leave my wife. She’s really vulnerable right now and she’s really stressful. And but this fall, I’m definitely going to leave her.”
And it’s always something else happens and they never leave. They just say what they got to say, to keep the side piece happy. Just like this girl will probably say whatever she needs to say to her ex and to you to keep everybody happy so she can keep living the way she wants.
And it’s obvious you’re looking for a girlfriend, but you’re ignoring the absurdity of the whole situation, which is that she lives with her boyfriend, ex boyfriend, and she has a kid with, and he pays all her bills.
Anyways, she had now moved to a new apartment with her sister because when her baby daddy found out we were seeing each other, he kicked her out of their apartment.
Well, it’s understandable if this guy. So, that right there tells me that her living with him was that he was either trying to, or he was open to a reconciliation. And then once he finds out she’s dating and sleeping with somebody else and moving on, he’s like, “Why would I want to pay for that? Why would I want to pay all this girl’s bills and have her live with me and he wants to work things out with her, and yet she’s going out and sleeping with other people.”
So, he’s like, “If you’re going to act single, then great. Move out and go live with somebody else and pay your own bills. And then that way I can get back to enjoying my life and I can have a single life and I can start dating.” Because obviously he can’t bring any girls over if the ex-girlfriend is living with him.
But obviously she leaves to go hook up with other dudes that she’s dating. It’s like, no guy is going to want to put up with that. So, it’s understandable that he’s like, “Alright, get out.” But like I said, this situation, it looks like the ex still wanted to rekindle things. And once he realized that she was sleeping with somebody else, he’s like, get out. Which is understandable.
But we still stayed together. Everything was going fine so I thought until one day, I would go to her house to practice for our physical assessment on each other for a lab. Out of the blue, she brings up breaking up saying that I drink too much, I need to see a therapist, and she wanted me to “block all those bitches you’ve fucked.”
I’d be like, “You were living with your ex-boyfriend when we started seeing each other. And it just doesn’t seem like it’s resolved yet.” So, I’d be wanting, you know, the other thing I’d be curious about is like, what is the ex-boyfriend? Is he still hoping to rekindle things? Because while they were living together, it sure seemed like he was expecting to rekindle things.
But as soon as he found out she was dating and sleeping with somebody else, he’s like, “Pffft” Because it’s not fair to him. You don’t, the guys paying her bills and everything, and so, he’s not allowed to date anybody else, but she can go date and sleep with who she wants. It’s like, you’re paying for all this. I was like, get out. I want to have a girl over. I want to date. I want to move on with my life. That’s absurd.
I just laughed it off like you can’t be serious, and she started being cocky, so I just left her house without saying a word about it. This was on a Thursday. The entire weekend she’s blowing up my phone telling me how much she loves me, misses me, wants to try to work on things, and doesn’t want to lose me. She was saying all the right things to pull me back in. I told her I would give her another chance and see her in class on Tuesday.
On Tuesday when class is over, she gets up and leaves so fast doesn’t even give me a chance to walk out with her like we usually do. I text her and ask, “what gives?” she replies saying that she thought she had feelings for me but nah.
Yeah. I don’t feel anything.
And she doesn’t want to try to work on the relationship. I get frustrated with her and block her on everything. Partly because well, I’m angry… It hadn’t even been 48 hours since she told me all of that I love you stuff and then she pulled that crap on me.
Well, remember she accused you of gaslighting? Remember, no one will ever do or say anything to you that isn’t a direct reflection of how they feel about themselves in a moment. And so, she was actually projecting. And so, again, these are the kinds of things you listen for, and you look for, when you’re dating and you’re trying to vet somebody. So, she’s actually gaslighting you. So, what is happening is she’s projecting.
She texted the next day after class because I wasn’t speaking to her saying “can we just be normal today felt weird” I told her no, she will get what I decide to give her, and she doesn’t get to ask that of me anymore and to leave me alone. This was the last text I sent. I regret being angry when I sent it. But I’ve implemented NC (No Contact) and I’m currently on day 4. Tomorrow, I have to see her in class and sit next to her.
Any insight would be awesome.
Well, as far as you’re concerned, it’s over and that’s it. If she wants to come, and, if you see her, smile, wave to her or whatever, if she’s sitting next to you, say, “Hey, what’s going on?” And if she wants to talk about it, it’s like, well, we can talk about it after class.
But it’s like, “You made it pretty clear you didn’t give a damn. And quite frankly, I don’t really want to get involved with somebody that has a messy situation like what you have with your ex and for you to say all those nasty things to me, tell me you love me, and you want to work on the relationship, and then you’re like, Hey, I don’t feel anything for you. It’s like, I don’t want to hear that. That’s ridiculous.
That’s not the kind of thing that’s going to win me over. You got to treat me good. You got to be nice to me. You got to be easy going. Easy to get along with, and sweet, and kind, and saying this kind of shit to me, telling me you love me, and then breaking it off telling me you don’t feel anything for me.” It’s like I look at that and I go, I can’t take anything you say seriously. That tells me that you’re probably not completely honest.
And it’s like “I don’t know that I want to get involved with you again when I see that kind of behavior. So why should I give you another chance? What would change? What would you do differently?” Flip it around on her. But as a whole man, I wouldn’t get involved with somebody like this because it looks like she’s a liar.
Looks like she’s a gaslighter. Looks like she’s got poor judgment. And on top of that, she’s a little vindictive. Granted, he was vindictive, too, with blocking her everywhere. But I can understand you get all those I love you’s and then the next day he’s like, “Nah, I don’t feel nothing.” I was like, okay, match a mirror of the actions. If she treats you like a second-class citizen, flirt with other girls in class.
You should be focused on the type of relationship and type of girl that you want. And you want to create. And there’s a lot of red flags that have popped up with this girl in the few months that you’ve been seeing her. In addition to the fact that issue with the guy she was living with. So, if I were you, I’d be reading The Book and applying it.
And I’d get some other choices, and some other options and not put all your eggs in this one basket with this girl who just based on her behaviors, a lot of disqualifying behavior here.
So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen and book a coaching session with yours truly. Until next time, I will talk to you soon.
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