How should one refuse to father in law (Chinese) when he wants to borrow money?
"In these situations, one solution is to use the ""I was just about to ask you the same thing..."" response. This is kind of a famous way to deal with people asking you for money, whether it's someone asking to borrow ""$10 at lunch time"" or ""$3000 for a car"" or the like. So: Person X asks you for money, say $2000. Your reply: Ah, that's bad luck, I was just about to ask you the same thing... Follow this immediately - just keep talking - by launching in to a really incredibly detailed discussion of why you need to borrow money (pick a slightly larger amount, slet's ay $3500).  Just ""keep talking"" and don't let the other person get a word in. Go in to great detail about just what you need the $3500 for and why. It's a good trick."
"Assuming United States; rules may be wildly different elsewhere... The ""family loan"" trick essentially lets you amortize a gift over multiple years of gift allowance and hopefully dodge gift tax, at the cost of having to pay income tax on the interest you must charge on the loan. The main advantage is that it lets you transfer all the money up front, rather than in $17,000-a-year-per-person-per-person chunks. Let's take the normal case first. Any one person can give any one person up to a specified amount (currently $17k, I believe,) without incurring gift tax. Note that this is counted per person, not per household; you and your spouse could each give $17k per year to each of your son and his spouse under this rule, adding up to $68k per year total.  The family loan dodge consists of making them a loan of the money at the mandated minimum interest rate to make it a legal loan (something like 0.3% APR last time I looked), setting the repayment schedule so their payments each year including interest come out to less than you can gift them with tax-free, and then making that gift by paying (yourself) those payments on their behalf. You do need to pay income tax on the portion of those payments that represents interest income, but at that low rate this is a minor cost for the convenience. You'd also want to set up your will to cover what happens if you die with them still owing money on the loan. And this, I believe, is where you will really need expert advice if you go this route, to minimize the government's cut at that time. There may be better answers. If you are talking about this much money, you owe it to yourself to purchase expert advice from someone who has training and experience n this area, rather than taking free advice from the Internet that is likely to cost you much more in the long run. This is a situation where you can't afford not to hire a pro. (For example, I have no idea how trusts might or might not fit your needs.)" If your intentions are honorable and you intend to pay it back in full and with interest, doesn't matter where you borrow the money from. But as a rule,  family/friends and money don't mix. You are using interchangeably borrow/loan and gift. They are very different. For the mortgage company, they would prefer that the money from friends and family be a gift. If it is a loan, then you  have an obligation to pay it back. If they see money added to your bank accounts in the months just before getting the loan, they will ask for the source of the money. Anything you claim as a gift will be required to be documented by you and the person making the gift. You don't want to lie about it, and have the other person lie about it. They will make you sign documents, if they catch you in a lie you can lose the loan, or be prosecuted for fraud. If the money from friends and family is a loan, the payments for the loan will impact the amount of money you can borrow. From the view of the IRS the gift tax only comes into play if during one calendar year a person makes a gift to somebody else of 14,000 or more. There are two points related to this. It is person-to-person. So if your dad gives you 14K, and your mom gives you 14K, and your dad gives your wife 14k and your mom gives your wife 14K; everything is fine. So two people can give 2 people 56K in one year. Please use separate checks to make it clear to the IRS. If somebody gives a gift above the exclusion limit for the year, they will have to complete IRS form 709. This essentially removes the excess amount from their life time exclusion, in other words from their estate.  Nothing to worry about from the IRS. The bank wants to see the documentation. Also you are not a charity, so they can't claim it as a donation. Why do you have 6,000 in cash sitting around. The mortgage company will want an explanation for all large deposits so you better have a good explanation. From the IRS FAQ on Gift Taxes: What can be excluded from gifts? The general rule is that any gift is   a taxable gift. However, there are many exceptions to this rule.   Generally, the following gifts are not taxable gifts. Number 3 on the list is the one you care about. It's perfectly legal for your brother to make a loan to you.  However those two transactions are separate.  If he defaults on the LC loan because you didn't pay him, it's his responsibility.  If you default on your loan with him, you've got big problems.  Money + family/friends = scary. Echoing the others, never lend money to a friend or family member, just give it to them.   If you must have a contract in place then consider it a pay it forward type contract where the friend simply gives the same amount to someone in need at a future date.   The value of the friendship can never be measured, but it surely will be diminished by the amount of the loan between the two of you. Trying to forcefully reclaim the money will ruin the relationship.  In general it's bad practice to loan money to family. I recently lent some money to my sister.  While I generally agree with Phillip that lending to family and friends should be avoided, I felt I needed to make an exception.  She really needed the cash, and my husband and I agreed that we would be ok without it.  Here are some guidelines I used that may be helpful to others: In the end, I think lending to family and friends should be avoided, and certainly should not be done lightly, but by communicating clearly and directly, and keeping careful records, I think you can help someone out and still avoid the lingering awkwardness at future Thanksgivings when one person is convinced that the other owes one more payment, and the other swears it was paid in full. What you are positioning as a loan was not a loan at all. Your father bought something to be delivered in the future. Your aunt does not want to deliver it, so she should buy it back at whatever the current market value is. What is the price that your dad believes her share of the inheritance is currently worth? Is that based on actual appraisals and some sort of objective audit? If so, your aunt doesn't have much of a case. If not, then she could seek an audit to bolster her bargaining position. How much did your aunt benefit from having a place to live for the last 15 years. Was that benefit greater than some larger amount of money at an unknown future date? That's probably why she sold her inheritance 15 years ago. Now that the inheritance looks like it is going to be available soon, she wants to trade back after having enjoyed the use of your father's money. That might be okay, but simply paying back the original sum with inflation, but without interest, doesn't seem fair to your father. She may not be able to afford to give any more than what she is offering, in which case, she might want to consider offering the original sum now and some portion of her inheritance as interest on that original sum. I'm not taking sides in this one. If it were one of my siblings, I'd be inclined to give the benefit of the doubt and take a smaller amount back if I felt that the lesson was learned (and if I felt that he/she would make wise use of my gift to him/her).  I have no idea what your father's current economic situation is, nor am I aware of any other baggage that might influence his feelings about his sister. It's as likely as not that money isn't really what is bothering him, in which case, the amount she repays may have little to do with bridging the divide between them. You might need to ask different questions in the Interpersonal Skills stack if you want to help your father feel better. There are two Questions: Financial institutions do not care about your nationality, only your ability to pay over time. For long term debt the lender will want assurances that the borrower has the ability and means to pay the debt over time. A legal resident in the US should have no more difficulty obtaining financing than a citizen under similar life circumstances. The Lender is also under legal obligation to confirm that the borrower is who they say they are, will have the ability to pay over time AND have no malicious intent in the purchase. Persons who do not have legal status in the US, AND who do not have the means to pay for property outright will have difficulty obtaining financing as they will have trouble establishing the requirements of the Lender. This is simple math, a lender will be reluctant to lend to any person who is more likely to have difficulty paying the obligation than another. In your case Your father would be an unlikely candidate for a mortgage because he cannot establish his legal status nor can he guarantee that he will have the legal right to earn a means to pay the loan back. This puts the lender at risk both of losing the money lent AND losing the right to repossess the property if the borrower doesn't pay.  Despite all of the obstacles I have indicated above, it is still possible for your father to purchase property legally, but the risk and the cost go way up for him as a borrower. There may be sellers willing to finance property over time, but your father's status puts him at a disadvantage if the seller is not honest.  There may be community coalitions which can help you work through the challenges of property ownership. Please see these related articles &gt; My wife is trying to start a business. She has no experience at all.  Don't put in too much money. Use this as a chance to learn because she's going to have a bad experience.   &gt; She is working with the husband of a friend who is importing products from China.  Red flag #1.   &gt; He is in China and his wife is in the USA on a tourist visa (no work allowed but she works)  Red flag #2.   &gt; I have caught this guy lying or being way less than transparent many times.  You're telling me that a guy using his wife to illegaly conduct business in the US isn't above board? I'm shocked.  Shocked, I tell you.  &gt; I think he thinks others are stupid and can not easily see his misdeeds.  That could be a red flag, or he could be correctly reading the situation.  You said your wife has no experience in this arena, so why would he listen to her?   &gt; “You tried to screw with me and my wife too many times so F you”   Red flag #3.  Don't mix business with emotions.   &gt;  I am asking for a settlement or I will do everything in my power to totally screw up his life  Red flag #4.   &gt; It will never stop or improve if the second party has a less than acceptable level of honesty and transparency.  This is why contracts and lawyers exist.  In business, everyone thinks they're making out better than the person on the other end of the table.  If they didn't, they would ask for more.  There can be mutually beneficial situations, but showing all of your cards is a great way for them to be used against you during negotations.   &gt; It is a startup not big money, but us being in the USA as lawful citizens (me USA born, my wife naturalized Chinese ), we hold the risk here.  Yeah, don't knowingly break the law.  The risk is too high for you.  &gt; I lived in China for ten years. Over there, the Chinese do, in almost all cases, all they can do to screw foreigners   Red flag #5.  Why do you want to be in business with a group you think will almost always exploit you?   &gt; My wife thinks that because they are Chinese (the other party), I should be willing to accept this behavior. I totally disagree.  Red flag #6.  Don't use stereotypes to make judgment calls.   &gt; My wife wants to have her own company very badly and she is very disappointed.   Life is full of disappointment, and you can't wish for success. Well, you can, but you end up in situations like these.   &gt; Do you agree when dealing with lying business “partners” if the offenses continue, even after a warning, that all bets should be off and one should change into “screw them” mode and claw back all possible money/power via all available legal resources?  Say it with me.  CONTRACTS! CONTRACTS! CONTRACTS!  I'm not talking about a quick signature on a napkin.  I'm talking about vetted and formalized.  You have clear expectations.  You have remediation.  You have timeframes.  If they don't deliver the promised expectation then you sue them.   If you act on emotions then you are likely to do yourself more harm than good.  If you don't think you can recover what you're due, you shouldn't be in business with a shady operator to begin with.   &gt; Comments?  Talk to a lawyer.  You need to understand your risk and liability.  If you're fine, stop investing money into this venture. You'll be taken for all you're worth. I say to always say yes when asked to loan money to a friend or family member as long as you have the money to do it with. That is the key: having th emoney to do it with. And - don't expect to get it back ever. If you do, great. When you don't, your expectation was met. Although not often, I've lent money to friends and most of the time have been paid back. $10, $300, more. For the times when I was not, I do remember but I don't hold it against the person. Money is only money, after all. Friends are precious and worthy of your aid, support, and respect. If they weren't, then one must ask if they are really a friend. - I have also had to borrow money once for a non-trivial amount. My family, who can easily afford it, refused but a friend helped me at a critical juncture. I offered to make a contract but my friend said no, pay me back when you can. I have tried to start paying back a couple of times but my friend refused telling me to wait until I was more financially stable. - If I am ever lucky enough to be in the position my friend is in, I will emulate this behavior and do the very same thing - and love doing it all the while. To understand this fully one would need to understand quite a few things. Not in scope here. In short, whenever China sells goods to US, it gets USD as most of the trades are in USD. China uses this money to buy other things it needs like Oil etc. After this they still have quite a bit of USD left with them. The money is left with them because US is buying more things from China and selling less things to China. This creates a surplus USD with China. So if US were to borrow money from China or any other country, it would be this excess money. Ofcourse how money gets created in first place is a different topic altogether. Yea, honestly taking in debt is pretty much never a good idea. Even borrowing from your own family can cause issues. It better be a very serious issue if you're trying to borrow and use money you don't have. Especially if we're talking about figured that are high relative to your income stream and/or that of the person you're borrowing from if it's not an official entity. I struggle to see the value to this risk from the standpoint of your mother-in-law.  This is not a small amount of money for a single person to lend to a single person ignoring your personal relationship.   Right now, using a blended rate of about 8% and a 5 year payment period, your cost on that $50,000 is somewhere in the neighborhood of $11,000 with a monthly payment around $1,014. Using the same monthly payment but paying your MIL at 5% you'll complete the loan about 3.5 months sooner and save about $5,000, she will make about $6,000 in interest over 5 years against a $50,000 outlay. Alternatively, you can just prioritize payments to the more expensive loans.  It's difficult to work out a total cost comparison without your expected payoff timelines and amount(s) you're currently paying toward all the loans.  I'm sure a couple hours with a couple of spreadsheets could yield a plan that would net you a savings substantially close to the $5,000 you'd save by risking your mother in law's money. A lot of people think personal lending risk is about the relationship between the people involved, but there's more to it than that. It's not about you and your wife separating, it's not about the awkward dinner and conversations if you lose your job.  Something might physically happen to you, you could become disabled or die.  Right now, that's an extremely diversified and calculated risk taken by a gigantic lender. Unless your mother in law is very wealthy, this is not nearly enough reward to assume this sort of risk (in my opinion).  Her risk FAR outpaces your potential five year savings. IF you wanted to pursue this as a means of paying interest to a family member rather than the bank, I'd only borrow an amount I budgeted and intended to pay within this single year.  Say $10,000 against the highest interest loan. I suppose it depends on the circumstances, but I wouldn't advise it. If you default on a loan to the bank it might ruin your credit, if you default to a family member it has the potential for much more damage in the form of fostering bad feelings and hurt the relationship.