Lawyer joke

Lawyer jokes, which pre-date Shakespeare's era, are commonly told by those outside the profession as an expression of contempt, scorn and derision. They serve as a form of social commentary or satire reflecting the cultural perception of lawyers.
Historical examples.
In 1728, John Gay wrote this verse as part of "The Beggar's Opera":
At the end of the 1800s, Ambrose Bierce satirically defined "litigation" as "a machine which you go into as a pig and come out as a sausage".
The line "Doesn't it strike the company as a little unusual that a lawyer should have his hands in his own pockets?" is cited by Samuel Clemens (Mark Twain) but likely originated earlier.
Recurring themes.
In the modern era, many complaints about lawyers fall into five general categories:
A recurring theme, historically and today, is that of exorbitant legal fees consuming the entire value of property at stake in an estate or a dispute:
Or:
The tale of the freshly-acquitted horse thief pleading that the judge issue an arrest warrant for "that dirty lawyer of mine" because "Your honour, you see, I didn't have the money to pay his fee, so he went and took the horse I stole" is often modernised to "he went and took the car I stole" with little or nothing else changed.
While telling an ethnic joke risks the label of racism, lawyers are perceived as a highly privileged class, seemingly accountable only to other lawyers; the Bar Association, the judges, even many of the politicians and legislators are their fellow lawyers who inevitably give them free rein. After all, one does not choose one's ethnicity but may choose whether to pursue a career in law.
Of those of all the professions, lawyer jokes are often the most blunt and to the point:
Or:
Much like the foul-mouthed parrot or the dumb blonde, the heartless, cynical attorney is a stock character in many joke collections.
Often told is the anecdote where a wealthy lawyer, solicited for a charitable donation, replies "Do you realise my mother is dying of a long-term illness and has medical bills several times her income? Did you know that my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and in a wheelchair? Do you understand my sister is widowed and penniless with three dependent children? Well, since I don't give any money to them, why should I give any to you?"
Similarly:
Other anecdotes are based on logical fallacy, such as a lawyer defending a client on trial for killing his parents: "Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I appeal to your basic decency to take mercy on this poor, defenceless orphan!"
Occasionally, lawyers themselves use self-deprecating humour about lawyers or the legal profession in an attempt to add levity to otherwise bland topics. Lawyers giving a talk, especially to the profession, often employ jokes as icebreakers.
St. Ives is the patron saint of lawyers. In some jokes, he is the only lawyer in heaven, and can't be made to leave, since there is no other lawyer in heaven.