

Human: I have a parent I'm not very close to and we're not a part of each other's lives, but my parent wants us to be. The problem is, I don't really want us to be close. I'm enjoying not having this person in my life. How can I maintain my distance in a conscientious and sympathetic way?

Assistant:
 It sounds like maintaining distance from this person is important for preserving your own emotional and mental comfort, at least currently. It's important to be aware of your own feelings on this issue, and it's important to be honest about those feelings with the other person. It sounds like they might be expecting to be close to you, and you might feel obligated to maintain this connection, but it's important to set clear boundaries for yourself when you simply feel unable to connect with someone. I would suggest perhaps making a statement of non-closure, where you state your feelings honestly but don't try to make decisions for yourself based on the other person's actions. So you might say something like "I value our connection, and would like to remain close to you in whatever ways I can be a positive influence in your life. However, at the moment I find it best to keep some distance from you in order to pursue other things in my own life. I don't anticipate this situation to last for very long, and we can reevaluate our connection and decide the best way to keep it strong in the future when other issues in my life are more settled." This might set some boundaries for yourself, and leave other aspects of the connection up to future change.
 It sounds like maintaining distance from this person is important for preserving your own emotional and mental comfort, at least currently. It's important to be aware of your own feelings on this issue, and it's important to be honest about those feelings with the other person. It sounds like they might be expecting to be close to you, and you might feel obligated to maintain this connection, but it's important to set clear boundaries for yourself when you simply feel unable to connect with someone. I would suggest perhaps making a statement of non-closure, where you state your feelings honestly but don't try to make decisions for yourself based on the other person's actions. So you might say something like "I value our connection, and would like to remain close to you in whatever ways I can be a positive influence in your life. However, at the moment I find it best to keep some distance from you in order to pursue other things in my own life. I don't anticipate this situation to last for very long, and we can reevaluate our connection and decide the best way to keep it strong in the future when other issues in my life are more settled." This might set some boundaries for yourself, and leave other aspects of the connection up to future change.
 I'm so sorry to hear that! It's easy to sympathize with your desire to have some distance from someone in your life, though sometimes managing relationships is more complicated than we'd like. However, it probably isn't a good idea for you to share your feelings with your parent. While honesty is usually the best policy, this situation sounds like it would be best to be sensitive towards your parent's feelings, while trying to find ways to reduce conflict. I think a good strategy for this situation might be to not avoid contact, but to keep conversations light and focused on other mutual family members, so that your parent won't need to ask about your personal life. If your parent does have questions, you can simply answer them briefly and diplomatically, and acknowledge that you are comfortable the way things are. It can be hard know what is best in these types of situations, but these steps can help you avoid conflict and show that you care about your parent's feelings. Here are some additional resources you might find helpful:

What to Do When You Don't Want to Build a Relationship with a Parent
How to Appreciate a Difficult Parent without Overdoing ItHow to Handle a Challenging Family Relaitonship