How to Act Like a Robot
If you want to act like a robot, practice being very still for long periods of time. When you walk, move your arms independently of your body and keep your body very rigid. Make sure to keep your posture very straight since robots don't slouch or slump. In order to act robotic when other people are close to you, blink slowly and maintain a blank expression as much as possible. When people ask you questions, speak in a monotone voice and use phrases like "File not found."
Maintain a blank expression and blink as little as possible. Most robots have no reason to blink or change their facial expressions, so work hard to keep your face frozen. No smiling, no frowning. Some robots are expressive, and acting like that type of robot might be a little easier. Simply slow your facial expressions way down, blink very slowly, and slightly delay all of your reactions. Your eyes might get dry doing this, so stash some rewetting eye drops in your pocket and use them whenever you have a moment of privacy. Since robots have no social skills, maintain eye contact with people for long, uncomfortable periods of time. Avoid any rapid eye movement. You will of course need to move your eyes sometimes, but do so mechanically. Try to move your entire head robotically in whatever direction you need to, rather than having your eyes dart around. Use monotone speech and short phrases. Speak slowly, use no inflection, and enunciate every syllable. Use technical jargon in response to everything. If you need help with this, there are tech jargon generators on the internet that can give you plenty of material. Don't worry too much about using the tech jargon incorrectly, since most people will have no idea what you're talking about anyway. Some key nouns to remember: firewall, operating system, interface, platform, processor, bandwidth, hard drive, microchip, network, mainframe, pixel, matrix, protocol, virus, fiber optics. Some key verbs to remember: encode, override, quantify, generate, transmit, navigate, bypass, input, compute, calculate, hack, reboot, transcode, implement, transfer, defrag. Download an app that generates beeps and other robot sounds. Keep your cell in your pocket and use the sounds whenever you have an opportunity (you'll need to be sitting or standing behind something so that your arm movements aren't obvious). Avoid showing emotions and using first person speech. Robots have no emotions, so display no emotional reactions at all. Be stoic and passive. Robots also don't refer to themselves as people or use first person speech, so avoid using the word “I” completely. Robots don't have any personal opinions, so don't give any. Refer to yourself as an operating system. You could also give yourself a name consisting of a short combination of random numbers and letters (for example, C3PO). React only to questions and commands. Robots don't think on their own, so if you aren't being spoken to, be silent. When someone asks you a question, reply using as few words as possible. If you don't know the answer, say, “File not found.” If you are asked to do something, either do it without questions or reply, “My operating system is not programmed for the requested task.” You can also try something along the lines of, “Performance analysis required. Initiate defrag operation for drive C.” If you are continually pressed or questioned after using that reply a few times, say something like, “System error. Performance design flaw. Initiating system shut down.” Decide what you're programmed to do and your triggers. Keep these in mind so that you can react identically each time. For example, you could be programmed to robot dance. Maybe you're a motion-activated dancing robot, so your trigger would be the movement of other people around you. When anyone gets near you or walks by, start doing the robot dance. If someone is standing near you, keep dancing until they move away. If someone walks quickly by you, dance a few jerky movements and once the person has walked by and is "out of range" you'll stop suddenly. You can also consider being a robot that doesn't respond to commands at all. Instead, you can be programmed to respond to people in certain ways or assist them in specific activities. Avoid being seen eating, drinking and going to the bathroom. Stash snack food and small bottles of water in a few different places that you frequent so that whenever you have a moment of privacy, you can grab some quick nourishment. Make sure absolutely no one is around if you have to go to the bathroom, then sneak in quickly. If you're in public, sneak away to the least visible bathroom and pop in and out as fast as you can. You may want to limit your fluid intake a bit to prevent needing constant bathroom breaks. Hold positions for long periods of time. Robots normally don't move around a lot unless there is a reason for them to do so. If you aren't actively doing something, try to stay very still in one position for long spans of time. When interacting with others, keep movements minimal. Try to avoid making any instinctual movements. For instance, if you see a book falling off a desk, don't try to prevent it or catch it. You also wouldn't pick it up (unless someone asks you to). Whenever you get a moment to yourself, do some light stretching, since you may get muscle aches and cramps from not moving around as much as you normally would. Walk slowly. Robots cannot move quickly or fluidly. When you're moving around, walk slowly and mechanically, with jerky movements. Running or doing anything remotely athletic is completely out of the question if you want to truly act like a robot. Keep your movements as consistent as possible. For example, keep your strides a uniform length while holding your arms stiffly at your sides. Move body parts independently and maintain good posture. If you need to use your arm for something, just move your arm. Try to keep your other limbs still unless they are required. Keep your body rigid and try not to curve anything. For instance, a robot would not be able to slump into a chair, since robots only have one posture – upright. Repeat basic movements. Robots generally only have a handful of movements that they can make, unlike humans. They are created to make these movements the same way, over and over again. Robots have no problem with repetitive motion since they never get bored or tired. Unlike with walking, which should be slow, robots can generally make their repetitive movements quite quickly (but still rigidly). Avoid most smooth movements and gestures. Keep most of your movements jerky and mechanical. Smooth movements and graceful gestures generally aren't very robot-like. Incorporate a few smooth movements, such as swiveling, since that is a common robot movement. Decide on which movements you'll make smoothly and make sure to be consistent with it. Practice mechanical movements in front of a mirror so you can mimic it effectively in front of others – it may take a little practice to get it right. Isolate body parts to dance like a robot. Robot dancing involves isolating body parts so that they can move independently in a robotic, mechanical way. To start, stand in place and move your hands almost like a mime would a few times, and then stop with them in mid-air, as if you've been frozen in place. Then bend at the torso to lean forward stiffly, then back, forward, then back again (keeping your hands in the frozen position), so that the effect is very mechanical-looking. This is the basic concept behind robot dancing. Experiment by isolating other body parts and making stiff, mechanical movements, adding different elements one after the other. Wrist rolls are a big part of robot dancing. Incorporate those in between your hard isolation movements. Add a robotic open-and-close element to your isolations and rolls by opening and closing your palms. Choose neutral colored clothing. Wear blacks, whites, grays and, if you can, silver. You don't want to draw any attention to your clothes at all. Most robots are made of metal, so silver would be the best choice. Gold metals are pretty unusual, with the exception of C3PO. Choose clothing that draws attention to your angles rather than your curves. Humanoid robots (robots that look like humans) do wear clothes, but there is no emphasis on their clothing at all. It's usually a very basic outfit. Don't wear patterns, like plaids or polka dots, or graphic T-shirts with designs emblazoned on the front. Wear plain clothing with no embellishments at all. If you have any utilitarian styles in your closet, or anything with shoulder pads, give those a try. They will give you a more box-like shape. Wear the same thing every day. Whatever you end up wearing, you'll need to keep it consistent, since robots don't change clothes (if they even wear clothes). It will essentially be your “uniform” while you're acting like a robot. Make sure that whatever you choose, the clothing doesn't hinder your ability to make jerky movements and keep yourself rigid. Apply metallic makeup and stiffen your hair. You don't have to go all out with the makeup, but a light application of some shimmery silver eye makeup would be very suggestive without being completely obvious. Very light blue makeup has a similar, although less metallic, effect. Shape your hair into a very basic style, as well. Stiffen it with hairspray to keep it from moving and blowing around, which isn't very robot-like. Brush a little metallic silver make up on the bridge of your nose, your brows, and your cheekbones. Or apply a little bit of petroleum jelly to those areas, to give yourself a subtle, plastic-like sheen. Paint your nails a metallic silver, too. It's another small touch that give you a robot vibe without doing anything too obvious. Avoid accessories and other human behaviors. Robots have no need for jewelry, watches, sunglasses or even regular eyeglasses. If you do wear eyeglasses but you also own contact lenses, wear those instead. Also avoid doing other seemingly insignificant things, such as chewing gum, shifting your weight, tapping your toe impatiently, coughing, clearing your throat, giggling and so on. 
Maintain a blank expression and blink as little as possible. Use monotone speech and short phrases. Avoid showing emotions and using first person speech. React only to questions and commands. Decide what you're programmed to do and your triggers. Avoid being seen eating, drinking and going to the bathroom. Hold positions for long periods of time. Walk slowly. Move body parts independently and maintain good posture. Repeat basic movements. Avoid most smooth movements and gestures. Isolate body parts to dance like a robot. Choose neutral colored clothing. Wear the same thing every day. Apply metallic makeup and stiffen your hair. Avoid accessories and other human behaviors. 