stroke the grumpy
1. Bringing a friend or colleague out of a bad mood with a handy.

2. Bringing one's self out of a bad mood by masturbating.

3. Obligatory sex with one's spouse.
My boss was in a bad mood this morning, so I stroked his grumpy, and now he's all smiles.

What is she doing in there? She was probably stroking the grumpy.

Had to stroke the grumpy last night, it had been three weeks since the last time we had sex.