Brown Thumb
The act of waking up early, dropping the dugan of your life, and then frantically wiping to complete the experience; unfortunately when wiping the excess remains on your thumb.
Dude, I passed the most amazing BM that there was nothing that I could do to avoid the Brown Thumb.

(calling best friend) {You} You would not believe what happened this morning. {Friend} I cant talk. {You} It involves the brown thumb. {Friend} I've got time for that. Tell me more. 