Mom
Your mom is the one who shoved you through her vagina into the uncomfortable, cold air. She is completely illogical (she'll win any arguement by saying 'because i said so'), overreacting, hypocritical, and downright mean. she'll contradict herself and not even care. she'll start to care about things she didn't give a crap about before (my mom has suddenly started to hate it when i say crap, when she couldn't've cared less before). But for some reason, you love her anyway no matter what.
Me: Mom, can i get the new Red Faction game?

Mom: no.

Me: (mildly angry voice) Why?!?!?!

Mom: don't give me that attitude young man! because I SAID SO. now go up to your room and don't come out!