kuler
Kuler, a gigantic brown and purple ape.  It stands at 6'9'' tall, and weighs 550 lbs.  There is only one living member of this species known to exist.  It is theorized to exist somewhere in the Florida keys.  Normally a docile creature, but is easy to anger.  When provoked the Kuler slips into a tantric frenzy, attempting to penetrate any moist spot with it's pulsing green johnson.
Oh, for the love of Christ, look at the size of that Kuler's johnson.

Dear Vishnu, save me from this raging Kuler.

Mom, can I keep this Kuler?