Bryson
Bryson created himself on July 3, approximately 170,000,000,000,000,000 years ago. he was the first of anything in existance. he is now residing in a toolshed sized house behind a tattoo shop, delivering pizzas and being a coke mule. it is rumored that Bryson owns and creates centillion dollar bills. which are unheard of. he lives in a shithole because he dosn't want people to know about him or his money. rumor has it, he is currently competing with Jesus Christ for ruler of all existance in this galaxy and the next. Ledgend has said he was obducted by aliens (who now worship him as their creator) and was granted a time machine, a hologram machine, and among other things like a colking device, which he aquired by granting the aliens entrance into his butthole. It is also said that Bryson has used the time machine to do things such as; beat Gandhi up, have sex with Zeus, give birth to Jesus, and become his own father. Wisemen have said that Bryson holds in his possession ancient and mythological artifacts including, the Holy Grail, the Spear of Destiny, Martha Stewart, and Osama Bin Ladens pubic hairs, but when asked about such things Bryson denied ever possessing them and said "If I ever did own anything of the sort, I probably lodged them deep in my rectum, and if thats the case then they will never see daylight again." Bryson has invented many things, among such are the; enema, dildo, s&m sex, assless chaps, and the common sport of asshole punching. Bryson loves pllz, and because of this he fell asleep at the wheel of his lumina which went up a mountain and ramped off over a lake, fortuinately Bryson woke up and bailed out of his car before it went off the ramp exploding in mid air. after that, Bryson's asshole was broken, and he snorted pills until he had a seizure. Currently his followers are in the process of establishing a religion after Bryson. Their beliefs are like no other; for example, they believe that the anus can stretch as wide as the mind allows it and swallow anything whole. Most of these beliefs are the idealogies of none other than the man himself, Bryson. He once traveled time all the way back to the Roman ages and conquered most of the existing land of the time. The Romans in return thought highly of him, and gave him the name stracoulious, the infamous Roman god of Feces. He is also leader of all animals alike and can connect with them through thought. For example; he once told a three foot fish to swim through the air, gut itself, die and bleed all over his frontdoor step. This event became ledgendary around his hometown and the many worlds he has created. It sparked curiosity among the media in Japan and investigation soon began. Bryson is a member of the witness protection program due to disputes he had in the past with the Fagowawawawa aliens from the planet Cock and because of this he did not want the attention he was offered and told the media it was his bastard brother and one of his friends. Currently Bryson has moved out of his shithole house and resides with his parents, still delivering pizzas and still being a coke mule.
Bryson is the ruler of everything