GAYJOHN NO MATES
A socially inept person who finds it hard to make friends due to his lack of interesting conversation. Favourite topics for a gayjohn no mates are ms-dos, economic trends and boys. He may become useful as an antidote to insomnia. 
"Oi lads, check out that fit blond!"

"Don't be crude...now, come look at this!! I just downloaded the complete ftse 100 for my new apple mac! It only takes up 50megabytes of ram on my hard drive AND it comes free with a daniel craig screensaver! I love it when he comes out the water!"

"(YAWN!!) You're such a gayjohn no mates! NOW FUCK OFF AND GET SOME MATES!!!"