rugby union
or *nion (vulg.)

28 fat blokes watching two other blokes engage in a kicking contest. A generally unwatchable sport where progress is made either: a) by kicking the ball out of the playing area or b) by goading the opposition into conceding a penalty due to an unwitting infringement of one of the many obscure laws (see 'he's gone in the wrong side').

When the two 'kickers' are not engaged in exchanging hoofs into the stand, the 28 fat blokes are called upon to pile onto the ball to prevent its progress up the field. This is called either a 'ruck'; a 'maul' or '28 fat blokes in a heap'.

Games of rugby *nion are settled by which team has the best kicker. Occasionally a 'try' may be scored - but they are so rare that their value has been increased in order to encourage players to pursue that route to victory.

But as try-scoring requires fitness and handling skills, the sport prefers the kicking option to settle contests. (see also 'drop goal' - one bloke kicking while 29 watch). On the rare occasion that a try is achieved, 14 fat blokes pushing another bloke under a pile of bodies from 1 yard is considered a specimen of the type.

Generally considered: a) inferior to Rugby League in terms of skill, fitness and excitement; b) the preferred game of chinless wonders and old Rugby League players who can't hack it any more and c) the spectator sport of bandwagon-jumping twats who don't support any club and don't know any better (see 'Inverdale').

Inf. *nion - 'a pile of unwatchable shite'.
'You can't pass/run/tackle, lad - did you come from *nion?'

'Careful, don't step in that steaming pile of *nion'.