Captain Brownsword
A man with a large John Thomas who, over time, has come to deal exclusively in the hard brown. He has become fatally allergic to the pink and finds normal sex both pointless and irritating. He is also partial to occasional bouts of surprise anal which are invariably met with gratitude and requests for a repeat performance.

A hero among modern men, someone who flies in the face of modern womens tendancy to turn down legitimate requests for anal action. If they want a piece of Captain Brownsword, then they are going to have to enjoy some ring sting.
'Who was that guy we were out with last night?' 'That was Captain Brownsword, do you know, he hasn't been near a pussy in 4 years?! what a legend'

'Oh my god, who is that guy by the bar? There is something really dangerous and heroic about him.' 'Thats Captain Brownsword, go sit near him on a bar stool and you will find out what him and surprise anal are all about'