Jergens
Lotion most commonly used for masterbating. You know you're a thirteen-year-old loser when you have a desk drawer filled with a bottle of jergens and a box of tissues, on said desk is a computer with favorited links to free porn sites, and beside said desk is a trash bin that you emptied three days ago but is already half filled with messy crumpled up tissues and suffocating sperm cells.
Guy 1 : Max is a loser. Just take a look at his desk.

Guy 2 : Ew! Is that white stuff a spot of Jergens he spilled, or...?

Guy 1 : The world will never know.