green ninja
The untmost elite of newbies.  The omninoob.  Probably grew up really sheltered.  One lacking in common sense or culture to the degree that he/she could be classified as being "skilled like ninja" at being a greenhorn.  The proverbial 40-year-old virgin.
You don't know how to pump gas?  You've never heard of Bruce Campbell?  You've never played spin the bottle??  You're such a green ninja!