Abe Lincoln
1/4 Devil's Springs Vodka
1/4 Bacardi 151 Rum
1/2 Vanilla Coke (Regular cola is okay in a pinch)

The amount of rum and vodka should increase after every subsequent Abe. He/she should make it through four increasing strength Abes but he/she should be gone by the fifth. The fifth Abe should be barely brown/black and contain enough over-proof liqueur to kill a horse.
That dick-head only made it through three terms of Abe Lincoln. Pussy!!!