sexual credit report
when a new love interest begins to inquire about one's sexual history, like a credit report, any sexual acts occurring more than seven years ago do not count.
Cook: "I'm glad your back with Venus."
Pete DicK: "Well, she ran my sexual credit report."
Cook: "oh, shit, you're done man."
Pete DicK" "no way, I haven't banged a girl in the ass for ten years, I'm clean"
Cook: "thank God, for the sexual credit report, at least its off your file"
Pete DicK: "YES, now I can fuck her in the ass virgin style."