One-Eyed Willy
When a man is lying on his back while the woman is jerking him off in the dark, as he's about to shoot his load, he leans up and she (intentionally or unintentionally) aims his "one-eyed peg leg" at his eye.  When the cum hits his eye, he grabs it, and yells, ARRRRRRGGHHHHH....
I thought that I would be mad that my old lady gave me a one-eyed willy last night, but after measuring the distance..."I'M THE MAN!!!!!"