Black Box
Believed by some to exist only in ancient greek mythology, but known by a few select men to exist in the open world.

According to most theories, the black box is a blackened lock box containing precisely one thousand condoms.  This box, only opened once every thirteen years to a certain individual of superior strength.  Once opened, the box opener, or the Jehosaphat, must use every single condom in a 24 hour period.    If he does not complete the task, his sexual organs will implode violently, effectively killing him.  If he successfully completes the task he will be blessed with a cock of magical size and powers.  The length will be precisely 6 inches, when folded in half, before getting up.  Also, the victorious Jehosaphat will have complete control over his crotchal region.  Erection and ejcatulation at complete whim.  

Dave Chappelle ~ Queemo, I just found the black box!
Queemo ~ Open it up fool!
Dave Chappelle ~ I don't know man, that's pretty nasty bitch!
Spang Man ~ It's what's for dinner
Dave Chappelle ~ Byaaaaah!