fat on the couch
Common condition affecting married women.  
Scientists have proven that a combination of diamond/gold wedding rings and wedding cake lead to your once attractive girlfriend (Now wife) getting Fat On The Couch.  This woman who once took care of herself and made efforts to dress sexy and wear make-up, now rarely moves her fat ass off the couch.  This condition is triggered by the chemical interaction of the wedding rings and cake and leads to the woman feeling secure knowing she can let her body go to hell because if her husband divorces her, she gets half his stuff.  
My buddy's ex-wife got fat on the couch less than a year after they got married.  He got tired of screwing a fat slob so got himself a hottie on the side.  He kicked the fat bitch to the curb, but she took half his stuff.