like my body is still responding like you know typical male hormonal cycle so ill wake up in the morning and its like my body is is primed that way so you know i can see my body is is there for it and its there if i go if im curious im like i wonder what itd be like to try and think about this you know think about sex and its like okay i can kind of bring that on its still there yeah so i still have access to it im noticing kind of so this is a little bit of an aside but it does fit there was a little bit of an abundance thing i had going on just after transitioning and its really kind of taken on more of an aesthetic flavor and the last little while i dont know how to where to pin it exactly in calendar time but probably in the last month or six weeks or something so this kind of fits with that i even i even had this intuition the other day you know monks and nuns dress a certain way not because that was to enforce behavior or enforce kind of this neutrality but for people who had realized something that would have been an outward expression of more of this celestial kind of quality at least from a you know at least what ive seen of that