`  == My old pal Sam! ==  http://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=2587275   My old pal Sam!  Last night I decided to google the name of the most despised kid in my hometown. I went to school with him for 9 years and have a whole list of horror stories. His name is legendary in the childhood memories of my friends and I. Sam.  Sam was the kid who ate cat food at lunch. Sam was the kid who always smelled like shit (moreso on the occasions he actually shit himself). Sam has a collection of awesome dragon shirts. Sam was a genius, too. It always puzzled me what he was doing barely passing his classes in elementary and middle school. Perhaps his superior mind just wandered. Sam would often tell us about and draw pictures of his English girlfriend, who flew to america every weekend to fuck him. On special occasions Sam would share with us selections of the many books he had written. Yeah Sam had it made.  So I was curious of the life Sam was leading now, a year after he has graduated High School. Is he returning for his sophomore year at Oxford? Is he happily married to his stick figure with huge tits?  well, I've kept him in the dark long enough, so say hello to Sam! [IMG]http://img443.imageshack.us/img443/6724/icantspellmynamexv1.jpg[/IMG]  I guess even child geniuses can spell their own username wrong. We all make mistakes.  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:PHDrillSergeant  A few words about Sam from Sam.      quote:      Hi, I'm Sam. I joined Wikipedia in June 2005. My first edit was soon after I joined, where I fixed a punctuational error in the Danny Phantom page. My first truly major edit was on the Penny Arcade page. Recently, I have been more involved with Wikipedia, trying to stop vandalism. I have also been working with Wikipedia's cleanup      quote:      I am a member of a Vampire: The Masquerade LARP called the Wasteland Chronicle which meets in my area. I'm currently playing Parker, a member of Clan Nosferatu, since my last character, Alex Mountbatten, died a while back. To tell the truth, it's the only thing which keeps me sane!  His userboxes also lend us insight into the rich life of this young man. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:PHDrillSergeant/boxes      quote:      This user has Aspergers Syndrome (you guessed it)      quote:      This user is a member of Mensa (according to a totally legit internet test he took)      quote:      This user loves the band AlterBridge      quote:      This user is a modern follower of Bushido      quote:      This user loves yiff, and is probably a furry      quote:      This user practices abstinence (I don't think he has to practice very hard)  Away from the formal setting of wikipedia, Sam's myspace shows him a bit more relaxed and personal.  http://www.myspace.com/porphyrichemophiliac   Killer Dragon shirt dude.       quote:      About me:I eat. I sleep. I breathe. I sometimes leave my house. Sometimes.  His blog contains a heartwrenching eulogy for, what else, his old computer.      quote:      Rest in peace, my good friend     Current mood: sad      OK, you all are going to think this is really dumb. I know it, so I'm prepared for it.      Today, at 10:35 pm, my beloved PC met its end. It snapped and is now broken, with a fried motherboard and unfixable corrupted hard drives, never to return from that infernal silicon grave.      Now, before you walk off saying how stupid this is, let me explain something to you. I do not have a life of any kind. I occasionally have a girlfriendusually a girl who thinks ``This nice, sweet guy ain't got the best body, but I'm sure he'll put me before anything else.`` and how wrong they were! More often than not I find myself alone in my room, doing nothing but hanging out with my computer.  Sam is also looking for love!  http://www.okcupid.com/profile?u=PHDrillSergeant  But beware puny minded plebs!      quote:      I'm a bit more intellectual than most people, I like to have intelligent conversations over coffee  Perhaps he can blow your mind with his analysis of tv shows and movies.  http://www.tv.com/users/PHDrillSerg...eviews;author;7  http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0492878/usercomments      quote:      better title: ``Drake and Josh go Hollywhattheheck?``, 9 January 2006     2/10     Author: PHDrillSergeant from Glen Burnie, MD, United States      *** This comment may contain spoilers ***      Allow me to ask some rhetorical questions:      -Why would ANY airport allow an 11 year-old on a plane WITHOUT CHECKING THEIR TICKET?      -Don't you think Megan is a little too smart to get on the wrong plane?      -Why would the most PRESTIGIOUS hotel in Los Angeles allow a single 11 year-old to stay in the PRESIDENTIAL SUITE? Without checking her credit card? Do the words FRAUDULENT CHARGES ring a bell?      -How was Megan allowed to stay in the hotel's PRESIDENTIAL SUITE, which costs a good $15,000 a night (or more) for over a week? Gee, that's over $100,000, plus ROOM SERVICE. Her mom and dad are going to be ticked...      -How did a couple of thugs outwit ARMED GUARDS to get a money printing press?      And just to top it all off, it wasn't really a very funny movie...  Sam's Mensa-certified genius TEARS THAT KIDS MOVIE APART.  Sam is also a great comedian too. Don't click if you aren't ready to laugh (bonus creed quote at the end)!  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cz54toU-9-c  Now I know what you all must be thinking. All the pieces are there. Is Sam a goon?  Well, I hate to disappoint, but no. Somehow he is wasting his gooniness over at the ebaumsworld forums. And what does he have to say about SA?      quote:      I wholeheartedly apologize. I admit that it was I who actually invented the Downloading of RAM joke, as a meme on Something Awful.      I now wish I had not, because EVERYBODY FUCKING STOLE IT.      quote:      You... are a SA Goon? *readies whacking stick*      No, I'm not. My friend is though. He asked me to come up with a meme and I did. And he posted it. I think he made a new account there so he could post as a n00b.      Believe me, I'd never venture into the horrible land of SA.      Actually, it originated in the Have a Request section a few years ago. Nice try, though.      Unfortunately, you are very wrong. The meme itself started (like many other memes) on Something awful, and caught on, springing such sites as downloadmoreram.tk.      And it's my fault.  Well we forgive you Sam, just as long as you keep those newscasts and stories coming! I'm sure he doesn't really mean that about SA and would love to get to know you guys.  Until then,farewell, blacksheep!`