`  == Shmede ==    Shmede, also known as RW, Schememememede or Romeo Whiskey, is a very competitive chap, who tends to frequently cheat at snooker so he can brag to his fellow friends about how good he is at the sport. His most familiar way of doing this involves returning reds to the table that have already been potted. Another canny trick of his is adding more points than he should onto his score, whilst adding less than he should to opponents. He also has a tendency to say he hit a particular ball when it was obvious he did not. At times, Richard can also be mistaken for Nelson Mandela.  He regards himself as a rather specialist aggressive opening batsman when playing cricket, and together with his slow left arm ‘throws’, he is one whack tack and cack cricketer. Richard’s wicket taking ability is particularly admirable, though apart from claiming the wicket of Simon ‘The Don’ Yates, he generally gets creamed all over the park.  Other sports he attempts to play include football, where, over an illustrious playing career, he has inherited a number of enemies, none of which hate him as much as the Sun, as particularly in the summer months, he can be seen rather red as the Sun is attracted to him. Rumour has it, that this sunburn is the reason why his legs contain very little hair.  His attitude throughout all sports is hated by most, as he is accustomed to arguing with most of his fellow players, including ones on his own side!  RW quotes: *Shouts ‘J*ggaboo’ as loud as possible in Rileys *‘Ya scran head’ *‘Come back in 5 years’ *‘Get a haircut’ *'Doooooooooou like smack, doooooooooou like crack, then u will a love my new smack n a crack party bag. It has a smack and a plerrrrrrrrnty of crack. U can a steal ur friends car radio to pay for it'  *'R8 yunes' *'He's done him' *After hitting the wrong ball at snooker 'FOUL?! What you mean foul?! Dint you see I hit the red first, it was so obvious' *'Pre buzz', 'Rich has just sent a nudge', 'Buzz', 'Pre post buzz', 'Post buzz' *'Terina! Chips' *'Costootipoosmesh' *'I did dobin in 12 yesterday......first hole' *(When asked if the bat is knocked in) 'No its not tin' Then asked again... 'No its not tin, probably allumnium or something' *(When wearing velcro trainers) 'Hold this while I tie me shoe laces' *'Tight' followed closely by 'us bramble' *'Half the school fancies me!......just the wrong half'  In conclusion, Shmede can be simply summed up as a towel.  === Shmede and  at Rileys ===  Quite frequently, usually by RWs arrangement, a trip to Rileys is organised for a few frames of snooker featuring RW and RB. Originally set for one o'clock, the meet time at 'Brownie's corner' has recently been moved forward to avoid both parties waiting after lunch has been completed. The meet time at present is around 1220. RB often wears what RW describes as 'his lucky top' which features a dragon on the front. RW's lucky chain was removed after he lost nine frames in a row.  To alert RB of his imminent arrival, RW pranks him numerous times along his journey from his home to the corner. These pranks are located at the following points:  *When he sets off from his home, *At SPAR, where he picks up his, now accustomed, 'Spearmint Extra', *When he sees 'the corner', *Upon arrival to 'the corner'.  The journey down to Rileys is now via Hollis Lane as a maze has been erected on Horns Bridge Island. Upon arrival, RB picks the usual table 10, table 13 if 10 is not available, whilst RW visits the toilet and orders his Coke with one ice cube, the price of which is extortionate, and a tap water. The reasoning behind the one ice cube is that this is sufficient ice to cool the drink to an enjoyable temperature and yet not dilute the coke enough to affect its taste (noting that the room temperature of Rileys is at least a full three degrees above the standard 20-21 degrees and this hence means that should the generic four ice cubes be placed into the drink, they would melt at a particularly fast rate, diluting the cola even quicker).  Play usually consists of three frames, lasting approximately an hour and a half, although if RB wins the first two frames, RW is more than likely to concede. When play has been completed, RB will return the balls to the main desk, a job which RW cannot do as he is 'carrying his cue'.  On returning home, a visit to town often occurs, including a visit to Wilko, where RW will purchase one item of school stationery (returning for another item next time) and a drink, whilst RB will purchase a Boost and a drink also, if they are on offer.  If JB is present for this walk home, RB's phone is used for RW (aka Nelson Mandela) to talk to KO. This call, which can go on for at least ten minutes, is extremely humorous, and often sees  or TFO contributing at the other end.  A new variation to the Rileys experience is to travel by car. These trips are usually taken early afternoon when RW and RB finish school early, most likely on a Friday before cricket at the Cricketal! RW will drive down to the road outside the graveyard and park there before the final distance is done on foot. Usually, the trip involves some 'good driving' from RW, most likely in an attempt to avoid hitting other cars when parked on the hill. This is likely to be watched by builders who have blocked RW in with their mini JCB. In addition, RB will open the window but he can pay the extra petrol cost for the increased drag it causes. Because of the new mode of transport at RW and RB's disposal, there is a new ring system for time management. There are now only two points of prank and they are as follows:  *When Shmede gets in his car, *When Shmede is parked outside Ryan's (this one is bypassed should Ryan be wayTING outside).  Numerous more calls can be made if Shmede is parked outside the wrong house and Ryan hasn't come out because he thinks Shmede hasn't arrived. In this case Shmede can prank unlimited.  After Rileys, a ride round Winsick is now common, although more recently this has become somewhat infrequent due to the extortionate rise of petrol prices. This lasts for approximately ten minutes, depending on whether they get stuck behind a tractor. Upon completion of this short excursion, Brown Town is then dropped off at his abode, most likely in the same attire he wore the day before.  Ryan tends to not want Shmede to use his horn on 'Dicka' Suttle as he tends to chase him when he is in moving vehicles, usually because he 'needs his services'. If Ryan would just ring him back, then he would not need to run. Two oh six double oh one!  When parking, the duo can experience some troubles, usually due to Shmedes swish ability to leave his handbrake off. He usually realises, but not always. When walking away from the car, Shmede will usually ask 'I did put handbrake on dint I?' as well as 'I locked doors dint I?' More recently, upon parking Shmede is so worried about putting on the handbrake after his previous blunders that he does the following:    ==== Frequent quotes from Rileys: ====  RB: 'I'll ave a chew if there's one guin' RW: 'Yeh I bet u bloody will, god I've jst bught em cheeky git'  RB: 'Need to gu into tarn after?' RW: 'Aye remind me'  RB: 'Do ya need a rest JB?' JB: 'Nah I'm alr8 ta, I only jus started'  RB: 'Toooo thin!'  RB: 'Toooo thick!'  RB: 'Where am I guin, Rileys is that way!'  RB: (When talking about what Lyndsey has bought him for Valentine's Day) 'What do I want flowers for!'  RB: 'Look at that... that is wank'  RW: 'Toooo thin?' RB: 'Toooo shit!'  RB: (When Shmede nearly wins) 'I'm shattin me pants ere!'  RW: 'Need to go into town don't forget' RB: 'What for?' RW: 'Organic carrots'  RW: 'Wind's given me hair a rate tannin' RB: 'It dunt look any different...you look swish'  RW: 'Your hair looks different Ryan, have you done something diffferent?' RB: 'Not combed it'  RB: (When two nil down and is subsequently having the worst day of his life) 'That's not the pocket is it!'  ==== Results ====  {| | {| class=``wikitable`` style=``font-size: 85%`` |- valign=``top`` !valign=``middle``| Date !valign=``middle``|  !valign=``middle``|  !valign=``middle``| Winner !valign=``middle``| Minutes !valign=``middle``| Table Number |- ! 30 March 2007 |align=``center`` bgcolor=``#ffffbf``| |align=``center`` bgcolor=``#ffffbf``| |align=``center``| '''RB'