Kungavikelwa kanjani ukukhule lwa kwabesifazane abasebancane

Abanye abantu bacabanga ukuthi ukuzilwa kocansi (ngokukhetha ukungazi-bandakanyi ocansini kuze kube uyashada) isidala leso, ngenkathi abanye becabanga ukuthi kuyiyonanto elungile ukuthi yenziwe. Abesifazane abasebancane, noma kunjalo, kumele ba-zithathele bona izinqumo ngokwabo.Abantu abaningi abafuni ukulinda kuze kube baya-shada ukuze benze ucansi. Abafuni futhi ngokunjalo ukujaha izinto kanye nokwenza amaphutha anzi-ma. Bavama ukunquma ukuzibambezela ekwenzeni ucansi kuze kushaye isikhathi sokuthi babe bada-la ngokwanele, bakwazi ukulandela izibophezelo, babe sebudlelwaneni obu-mileyo nomuntu oyedwa kanye nokuthi basebenze, kuyiyonanto elungile uku-yenza.Uma ukhetha ukungazibandakanyi noma uku-zibambezela kwezocansi, zikhona ezinye izinto  ongazenza ukuzivikela:
• Khetha abangani bakho ngokucophelela.Aba ngani abazokufunela oku hle futhi abazosihlonipha isinqumo sakho soku ngazibandakanyi ocansini.• Qaphela izimo oku ngenzeka ukuthi zinga bi nokuphepha, njenga bangani abaphuza noma abadla izidakamizwa,  ezingakuholela ocansini olungaphephile.• Qaphela abantu othandana nabo abathi uzolala nabo uma ubathanda.• Lalela futhi ufunde kulabo besifazane abasebancane abake bakhulelwa. Bayazi ngalawo maphutha kanye nobubi bakhona.• Lalela futhi ufunde kubazali bakho ngezimo aba bhekane nazo empilweni. Uma unquma ukuthi ukungazibandakanyi kanye nokuzibambezela kwezocansi izinqumo ezi ngakulungele futhi angeke ukwazi ukulinda, zinike isikhathi ufunde ngoku zivikela, okubandakanya ukuvikela ukukhulelwa, lokhu okusebenzisa indlela (yomshini noma yezithako zamakhemikhali) zokuvikela ukukhulelwa.
Kunenqwaba yezindlela zokuvikela ukukhulelwa ezisebenza ngezindlela ezehlukene, kodwa zonke zakhiwelwe ukuvikela ukukhulelwa. Zibanda-kanya izinto zokuvikela ukukhulelwa eziphuzwa ngowesifazane, ezaziwa ‘njengephilisi eliyisivike-la kukhulelwa’; umjovo wokuvikela ukukhulelwa; kanye namakhondomu abesilisa nabesifazane.Yini engingayenza uma ngikhulelwe?Uma kwenzeka ucabanga ukuthi ukhulelwe, hamba nomuntu omethembayo niye emtholampilo ose-duzane uyohlolelwa uku-khulelwa.Unakekelo lokhulelwe (lunakekela umntwana  engakazalwa) kanti lubalulekile kakhulu futhi luqala uma lowo okhule-lwe esenamaviki ayisishi-yagalombili okukhulelwa. Umtholampilo wangakini uzokusiza ngonakekelo lokhulelwe futhi umse-benzi wezempilo uzokusiza ukuthi uthuthukise uhlelo olulungele wena kanye nomntwana wakho.Uma ukhulelwe, kubalulekile ukuthi udle uku-dla okunempilo kanye nomsoco, uzivocavoce, ulale ngokwanele kanye nokugwema izidakamizwa kanye notshwala.
*Lolu lwazi niluhlinzekwa nguMnyango Wezempilo KwaZulu-Natal.
UKUKHULELWA USEMNCANE  kuzomosha impilo yakho yonke, kodwa-ke zikhona izindlela zokuzigcina uphephile ekukhulelweni okungahlelelwe.
