"The Intern in the Incinerator"
[SCENE_BREAK]
TEASER
(Interior - Day - Sirens are blaring and lights are flashing in a brick basement at the Jeffersonian. Two men in overalls enter and walk down the corridor)
JANITOR #1: Smoke comes out of the vents in the first floor break rooms.
JANITOR #2: You're sure you turned the flame down last night?
JANITOR #1: Totally, one hundred percent guaranteed, positively sure. Alarms gone off before but the smoke was always gray.
JANITOR #2: One time a possum got caught in the shaft, smoke came out like this.
JANITOR #1: Dr. Addy was conducting an experiment on a pig yesterday. I told all them eggheads not to toss dead animals down the incinerator shaft.
JANITOR #2: (They stop in front of the incinerator door) Since when do they listen to us. (Opens the incinerator door)
JANITOR #1: Holy crap! (Covers his mouth, coughing)
JANITOR #2: (Looking inside) Definitely not pork!
(Camera pans into the incinerator. A burnt body lies inside above the flames. Cut to later, fire is out and Brennan and Cam are looking inside.)
BRENNAN: At four hundred degrees, bone chars in six hours and turns to ash in eight.
CAM: Charring, no ash. Six to eight hours? Dumped into the incinerator between one and three a.m. (Booth enters behind Cam and Brennan, who do not notice )
BOOTH: Ugh. Alive or dead before he or she went into the incinerator?
CAM: Can't tell yet.
BRENNAN; (Turning to Booth and notice a file in his hand) What's that?
BOOTH: Guest log. ((Looking at the file) No visitors checked out after nine thirty-six last night, and no one checked in before eight o' two this morning.
CAM: Meaning the victim probably works here.
BRENNAN: Meaning the killer does too.
(Interior - Day - Autopsy room at the Jeffersonian. Brennan is looking at the computer screen while Cam examines the remains.)
BRENNAN: Pubic bone is female.
CAM: There's no carbon in the trachea. (Pulls out the trachea and unrolls it like a fruit rollup) She was dead before she was thrown down the chute.
BRENNAN: Extensive fissures, fractures and breaks to the entire skeleton. I'll have Zack determine which were caused by heat and which by trauma. (Angela enters)
ANGELA: Heads up, they called Bancroft in from a hearing on the hill.
BRENNAN: Who's Bancroft again?
CAM: God.
ANGELA: The supreme honcho of the Jeffersonian.
BRENNAN: I think I met him once.
ANGELA: Okay, I am ready to start the facial reconstruction. (Brennan removes the skull from the rest of the remains and places it on a surgical tray)
BRENNAN: I haven't put on tissue depth markers yet.
CAM: I haven't finished removing all the carbonized brain matter. (Angela comes to a halt in front of the skull, and stares at it intensly, horrified)
BRENNAN: Once you've done that, Zack can clean the skull. (As Angela stares at the skull it changes from burnt to a whole, healthy female face.) Angela? Angela? Angela?
ANGELA: Yeah?
CAM: Are you alright?
BRENNAN: What's wrong?
ANGELA: (Looking anxiously at the skull) Um . . . Uh . . I'm fine. I'll start after the tissue markers are . . . Let me know. (Angela exits.)
CAM: What the hell was that about?
ACT I
(Interior - Day - Angela's office at the Jeffersonian. Angela is looking at an image of the skull on her computer. Brennan enters.)
ANGELA: You won't like it.
BRENNAN: Like what?
ANGELA: I've ID'd the victim.
BRENNAN: That's impossible.
ANGELA: I told you you wouldn't like it.
BRENNAN: There are no tissue markers, you can't just look at a skull and see the person.
ANGELA: Sweetie, I've done hundreds of these reconstructions: the depressed labella, the narrow nasal aperture, the chipped lateral incisor.
BRENNAN: You can see a face from that?
ANGELA: The chipped tooth was from a skiing accident when she was sixteen.
BRENNAN: Ange. You know the victim personally?
ANGELA: (sighing and pulling up an image of an young, attractive blonde on the computer) Kristen Reardon. She's an intern, we had coffee a couple of times. (Walking over to the couch) She didn't want to be a scientist. She wanted to go into design. She was jut here to make her father happy. She was young and eager and keen and . . . she was just really, really young.
BRENNAN: Wait, Reardon. (Walking to Angela) As in Dr. Ted Reardon?
ANGELA: Yeah, he used to work here. (Sitting down on the couch)
BRENNAN: I took a course from him in ancient pharmacology. (Sitting in the chair across from Angela)
ANGELA: Look, I know that we can't say anything until you do the tissue markers and we go through channels, but, I'm telling you, I know this is Kristen.
BRENNAN: Poor Ted.
ANGELA: You wanna know something else? She was seeing somebody who worked here.
BRENNAN: Is that relevant?
ANGELA: Well, Booth will think so. Especially since it was a married man.
BRENNAN: Well, did she tell you?
ANGELA: No, just that they had had their first kiss at the opening of that Egyptian exhibit and that it had been hot and heavy ever since.
BRENNAN: I'm sorry, Ange.
ANGELA: No, I'm-I'm sorry. I'm just really freaked out by this one.
BRENNAN: Because you know the victim.
ANGELA: Well, and the killer! I mean, look around! Do you like thinking that somebody we see every day could've thrown Kristen down the incinerator?
(Interior - Day - Platform above the Main Examination area at the Jeffersonian. Bancroft and Booth are standing across from each other, Booth leaning against the table.)
BANCROFT: How can I aid your investigation?
BOOTH: Well, Dr. Bancroft, I'd like print outs from the Jeffersonian's security detailing who was and was not in the building BANCROFT: Done.
BOOTH: I'd also appreciate it if you'd tell your people to cooperate with the FBI. (Bancroft moves toward Booth)
BANCROFT: Yes, of course, Agent Booth. I don't know if you've had much cause to work with scientists; difficult people, by nature, combative, skeptical, resistant.
BOOTH: I've noticed.
BANCROFT: Have you identified the victim yet?
BOOTH: Unofficially? (Bancroft nods) An intern by the name of Kristen Reardon.
BANCROFT: No relation to Ted Reardon?
BOOTH: His daughter. Dr. Reardon left the Jeffersonian for George Town University?
BANCROFT: In the interest of full disclosure I was instrumental in that move.
BOOTH: You fired him.
BANCROFT: I facilitated a necessary change.
BOOTH: Necessary change.
BANCROFT: Excellent scientist, poor administrator. Does Reardon know about his daughter?
BOOTH: Dr. Brennan is informing him now.
BANCROFT: I'd like to be kept in the loop on this, within the constraints of the law of course. (Raises his hand for Booth to shake it.)
BOOTH: (chuckling, and shaking hands) Sure.
(Interior - Day - Main examination area of the Jeffersonian. Cam and Booth are watching through the window as Brennan tells Reardon about his daughter.)
CAM: Ted Reardon? Victims's father?
BOOTH: Yep, Bones is telling him his daughter's dead.
CAM: Rumor has it, Bancroft banished Reardon from the Jeffersonian because he felt threatened, politically.
BOOTH: I know. Let's leave Bones to it. (They walk away)
CAM: Would it be insensitive to mention that my father's sixtieth birthday is coming up?
BOOTH: Sixty already? Wow!
CAM: Uh-huh. We're having a big birthday dinner for him on Thursday night.
BOOTH: Alright, you give him my best!
CAM: You do it yourself. You have to come with me!
BOOTH: What? No! Not your family.
CAM: I can't spend the night defending the fact that I still live alone to my family.
BOOTH: You never told them we broke up?
CAM: You wanna' make a man miserable on his sixtieth birthday.
BOOTH: You want me to pretend that I'm your boyfriend?
CAM: Yes, between six-thirty and ten on Thursday.
BOOTH: (Groaning) Camille, you're an adult. You can't live your life afraid of what your family thinks!
CAM: Seeley, it's not going to be like this forever. One day he'll die! (Cam exits)
(Interior - Day - Bone storage room. Booth is standing outside the door, talking to Brennan who is going inside)
BOOTH: Tough going in there?
BRENNAN: I've never had to tell someone his child is dead. I mean, I've been there when you did it, but, to actually . . . it's extremely unpleasant.
BOOTH: Yeah. (Moving from the doorway into the room) Listen, did you get a change to, uh, ask him about his daughter's love life?
BRENNAN: Yes, he said as far as he knew she wasn't seeing anyone.
BOOTH: Kristen was lying to her father.
KLIMKEW: (A slight man with glasses, Dr. Klimkew, enters) Dr. Brennan, is it true? Kristin Reardon is dead?
BRENNAN: Evan, special agent Booth. He's in charge of the murder investigation. (To Booth) Dr. Evan Klimkew, Kristen Reardon's supervisor.
KLIMKEW: Murder? Kristen was murdered?
BOOTH: What does Kristen Reardon do?
KLIMKEW: Authentications. Other museums and high end collectors use us to authenticate their acquisitions.
BOOTH: That a big department?
KLIMKEW: Three to five interns, all doctoral candidates, my assistant and myself. That's it.
BOOTH: It's a competitive environment, right?
KLIMKEW: Of course. You put a bunch of neurotic, Type-A overachievers together and you dangle a prize over their head.
BRENNAN: Dr. Klimkew is referring to the Bates fellowship.
KLIMKEW: The top intern receives seventy-five thousand dollars and a gold star on their resume. Kristen was the frontrunner.
BRENNAN: I had heard that her heart wasn't in it.
KLIMKEW: Didn't show in her work. God, this is terrible. Does her father know?
BOOTH: Who was the main rival for the Bates money?
KLIMKEW: Uh, that would be Neil Tyler.
BOOTH: Neil Tyler. Where can I find him?
KLIMKEW: We're authenticating the artifacts in you're serial killer vault.
BOOTH: So, what does your wife think of these, uh, (pointing at Klimkew's wedding ring) you know, these late hours?
KLIMKEW: (Puts his hands in his pockets) I'm separated. That's your answer.
BOOTH: Seeing anyone now?
KLIMKEW: Are you serious?
BRENNAN: It's a murder investigation Evan.
KLIMKEW: No, I'm not seeing anyone.
BOOTH: Thank you, Dr. Klimkew.
(Interior - Day - Serial killer vault ("Gormogon") at the Jeffersonian. Neil Tyler, young, African-American, is bent over an artifact with a magnifying glass. Booth and Brennan are standing and watching)
TYLER: The spinner appears to be Masonic in origin: bloodstone, gold. What's interesting is, in the center, instead of the traditional "G" for God, there's a skull.
BRENNAN: Gormogon iconography.
TYLER: Strange, huh?
BOOTH: Gormogon? Okay, what's that?
BRENNAN: It's an eighteenth century . . .
TYLER: It's an extinct group (standing) dedicated to eradicating the influence of the Free Masons and Illuminati in Europe in the eighteenth century. That could be the largest collection of Gormogon artifacts in the world.
BOOTH: That's great. You and Kristen Reardon were here last night?
TYLER: That's right. Kristen worked there. (Pointing to Kristen's desk) I signed out around midnight. Kristen stayed longer, like always.
BOOTH: Okay, a little resentful, there?
TYLER: I worked my way though state college. I've got a second job, which is why I had to leave early. Kristen went to an Ivy League School and her dad's got connections. Who do you think needed that Bates fellowship more?
BOOTH: Well, the way I hear it, you're next in line for a big payday, pal.
TYLER: I liked Kristen and she liked me. Check the logs, I wasn't here. (Brennan moves to examine Kristen's desk)
BRENNAN: Do you know who Kristen was seeing?
TYLER: You mean like romantically? No. Only that it was an older guy and she said I was gonna' be really surprised when I find out who it was.
BOOTH: How about you? You married?
TYLER: (Chuckles) I'm gay, Agent Booth. Excuse Me. (Tyler exits. Brennan picks up a bag from the desk)
BOOTH: What do you got?
BRENNAN: Kristen Reardon's bag.
BOOTH: Ah, a cell phone . . . logs. (Booth looks through the recent calls)
(Interior - Night - The walkways above the main examination area at the Jeffersonian. Booth and Brennan walking through)
BRENNAN: The bag tells us that Kristen was leaving the museum when she met with her killer.
BOOTH: Look at that, a lot of calls to the same number. Let's hope it's our cheating husband.
BRENNAN: Kristen was authenticating exhibits from the Gormogon vault.
BOOTH: Let's not go there.
BRENNAN: If Gormogon killed her, then Gormogon is one of us, somebody who works at the Jeffersonian.
BOOTH: You went there.
BRENNAN: What? (Booth and Brennan come to a halt in front of a window)
BOOTH: You went there and you gave him a nickname! (A body falls outside the window) That just happened, right? You saw that? (Brennan nods and they both run)
(Exterior - Night - Outside of the Jeffersonian. A small security vehicle, sirens blaring approaches a group of security guards. Brennan and Booth hop out. They run towards the guards)
BRENNAN: Who is it?
BOOTH: Is he dead? (The guards are holding Zack and Hodgins, arms behind their backs)
ZACK: Yes, but only because he was never alive.
BOOTH: You gotta be kidding me.
HODGINS: Look at this, the Gestapo's interfering with free inquiry.
BOOTH: Guys, just let him go and if they try to escape, shoot 'em! What's with the dummy, dummies?
ZACK: Not a dummy, it's an ersatz skeleton made from glass and reinforced nylon, which breaks exactly like human bone.
HODGINS: We threw it from the top floor.
BRENNAN: Explicate your process, please.
ZACK: Using bone density tables, we duplicated Kristen's exact height and weight.
BOOTH: For God's sake, why?!
HODGINS: To prove that Kristen Reardon was dead before her skull fractured from falling down the incinerator shaft!
BOOTH: We already know that!
ZACK: We recreated her bone density and found that her skull would not have fractured the way it did from a fall less than twenty-five meters.
BRENNAN: Oh!
BOOTH: Oh, what?! English, please!
BRENNA: That tells us the body was put in the trash chute on the top floor of our building.
HODGINS: The office suites. It's always the suits, baby.
BOOTH: Hey, I wear suits.
HODGINS: Yes, yes you do.
BOOTH: (To Guards) Alright, that's it, no shooting of the squints tonight, sorry. Alright, good work. (Dispersing the crowd of guards and onlookers) (To Brennan) Let's go Bones. (Booth and Brennan exit, Hodgins and Zack bump fists).
(Interior - Night - Autopsy room at the Jeffersonian. Cam and Booth are looking at a screen showing the remains)
CAM: Kristen Reardon was stabbed to death; aorta and left lung both punctured.
BOOTH: Whoa. She bleed a lot?
CAM: Through the wound, through her mouth, copious amounts. (Moving toward her desk, Booth following)
CAM: Booth, everyone's coming around to the opinion that Kristen Reardon's death had something to do with the Gormogon vault.
BOOTH: Oh, no, no, no, no, no. See we-we gotta squelch that one 'cause that will totally shift the focus of this investigation.
CAM: You might've noticed but these people are tough to squelch.
BOOTH: You know what, they're always telling us not to jump to conclusions.
CAM: When they do it, it's called a "quantum leap."
BOOTH: Jump, leap, tomato, "tomato", what's the difference? Look, um, does the name (pulling his note pad out of his jacket pocket) Aldridge mean anything to you?
CAM: Rings a bell, yeah, why?
BOOTH: 'Cause there was no blood near the incinerator chute on the top floor.
CAM: The body could've been wrapped in plastic or transported in a tub (pulling a picture on the computer). There's a Dr. Kyle Aldrige heads up the middle east department, why?
BOOTH: Hm, do they have offices in this building?
CAM: Middle east department is in building S, but it joins up to this building by skyway, why?
BOOTH: What floor does the skyway connect with?
CAM: Top floor, and I'm gonna' ask why again and your gonna' tell me.
BOOTH: Yeah, this guy Aldrige's number is all over Kristen's cell phone. Just hold on. (Pulling out his cell and making a call) Yeah, it's Booth, check out all the office in the adjoining building on the top floor and start with a Dr. K. Aldrige. (Flips the phone shut) Cam, this case . . .
CAM: Yes, you still have to come to my father's birthday dinner.
BOOTH: I didn't even bring that up, I'm just saying . . .
CAM: Nice try.
BOOTH: Nice try, what?
CAM: Zip! (Making a zipping motion over her mouth)
BOOTH: I didn't even . . .
CAM: Tzz!
(Interior - Night - Above the main examination area at the Jeffersonian. Booth and Dr. Kyle Aldrige are sitting at the table. Booth is looking at a picture of Aldrige in a magazine.)
BOOTH: Ah, the good life. Dr. Kyle Aldrige. Mansion next to Teddy Kennedy on Dupont Circle. A sixty foot yacht and a vacation home in the Hamptons. Wow. I wish I'd paid more attention during science class.
ALDRIGE: Intelligence is not a matter of will, Agent Booth. So it's not a character flaw to be less intelligent than someone else.
BOOTH: Yeah, listen, I appreciate the pep talk. Listen, our first suspect would usually be your wife but since she's been in Venice for a month . . . Venice. So, how is it that somebody who makes eighty grand a year can lend Ted Kennedy his lawn mower and afford to send his wife off to Venice?
ALDRIGE: My wife's family is very generous.
BOOTH: How generous do you think they would be if they found out you were boinking an intern?
ALDRIGE: They teach you that technique at Quantico? Spring vulgarities on the unspectign suspect and he will confess all?
BOOTH: Are you confessing all?
ALDRIGE: To the affair or to murder? (An FBI Agent enters)
AGENT #1: Excuse me, Agent Booth, there's something your gonna' wanna see in Dr. Aldrige's work room.
(Interior - Night - Dr. Aldrige's work room. Agents, Booth, Brennan and Aldrige stand around a spot on the floor)
AGENT #1: Lights, please! (When the lights turn off the blue light Agent #1 is holding shows blood on the floor, he moves to shed light on a wheelbarrow that is in the room.)
BRENNAN: Look at all that blood. That explains how the body was transported over to the incinerator shoot. (The light shines behind the wheelbarrow, exposing a path of blood leading to the desk) This must be where Kristen Reardon was actually murdered.
BOOTH: Alright, put the lights on. (Booth pulls out his handcuffs) Dr. Aldrige I'd like to ask you a few questions about the murder of Kristen Reardon. We gonna' go willingly?
ACT II
(Interior - Day - Main examination area at the Jeffersonian. Hodgins is examining a sample, Angela looking at her clipboard, sitting on a stool and Zack working at the computer.)
HODGINS: I never liked Kyle Aldrige.
ZACK: He told me once that having a high I.Q. was no excuse not to bathe.
ANGELA: I don't believe it.
ZACK: No, those were his exact words, "no excuse not to bathe"
(Cam enters)
CAM: What do you got? (Zack raises his hand)
ZACK: (moves to point to the damage on the skeleton which is standing up like a medical dummy) Consistent with the trauma to the left lung and aorta, C-7 vertebra and the fifth rib were both nicked at a sixty-seven degree angle suggesting a single point of entry.
CAM: Through the back? (Zack nods)
ANGELA: The serial killer eats human flesh, Kyle Aldrige is a vegetarian.
HODGINS: So was Hitler!
ZACK: We're calling him Gormogon now.
HODGINS: Excellent name! And, historically accurate.
CAM: People! You have to stop assuming that Gormogon was in any way involved in Kristen's death.
ZACK: Why? It's somewhere between a possibility and a probability.
ANGELA: Kyle Aldrige is not a cannibal.
CAM: But he may have killed his girlfriend, do you see the difference?
HODGINS: Mm.
CAM: So, eyes on the evidence, okay? (Claps her hands twice) Go.
HODGINS: (Angela moves off the stool and Hodgins moves over to the computer) Zack provided me with the fragments.
ZACK: Retrieved from the fifth rib.
HODGINS: Running it through the GC Mass Spec.
CAM: What about the incinerator?
HODGINS: I analyzed the ashes in the incinerator and found carbonized traces of cedrus libani. It's a species of cedar fir from Lebanon.
ANGELA: The middle east is Aldrige's area of study.
HODGINS: And the Mesopotamians used cedar as an odor neutralizer to mask the smell of burning flesh?
CAM: Can you see Aldrich committing a crime of passion and using his knowledge to cover it up?
ANGELA: I guess. He's kind of (begins making unrecognizable grunting sounds. Zack looks confused, Hodgins smiles).
CAM: Exactly, how well do you know Aldrige?
ANGELA: We had drinks. I don't sleep with married men.
ZACK: You're married and you sleep with men beside your husband. What's the difference? (Hodgins, looking irritated, smacks Zack in the back of the head.)
(Exterior - Day - FBI Headquarters.)
(Interior - Day - FBI Headquarters. Booth and Brennan exit the elevator.)
BRENNAN: Why do you want me to interrogate Aldrige?
BOOTH: Because he thinks I'm stupid.
BRENNAN: You're not!
BOOTH: Thanks, Bones, I know. Listen, during the interrogation, always refer to the victim by her first name.
BRENNAN: Well, you're the one that told me that personalizing the victim doesn't work with sociopathic serial killers. They lack all empathy. (Poking Booth) You told me that!
BOOTH: We are not looking for gorgonzola today!
BRENNAN: Gormogon. Gor-mo-gon.
BOOTH: We're looking for someone who murdered one girl and tossed her down an incinerator chute. Entirely different kind of a guy, so, inside. (shooing her into the interrogation room)
BRENNAN: Don't- tell me- Don't- (pointing and resisting) You are not bossing me (smacks his hand). Stop it. (enters room)
(Interior - Day - Interrogation Room. Aldrige is sitting at the table, Brennan enters and sits. Dr. Reardon and Booth are behind the glass, watching).
DR. REARDON: Kyle Aldrige seduced my daughter?
BOOTH: That's what we hope to find out, doc.
BRENNAN: It was definitely Kristen's blood on your work table.
ALDRIGE: That proves only she was killed in my work room. Why am I talking to you?
BRENNAN: What time did you leave the Jeffersonian that night?
ALDRIGE: Shortly after eleven. (leaning forward) Dr. Brennan, surely I merit someone higher up the food chain than an FBI consultant.
BRENNAN: Kyle, (leaning forward) I know you get everything you want by flaunting your superior intellect, but that won't work with me.
ALDRIGE: Why is that?
BRENNAN: Because I'm smarter than you are. So why don't we do the rational thing and cut to the chase. (leaning back) Where you having an affair with Kristen?
ALDRIGE: I'm not willing to comment on that.
BRENNAN: Again, I know you were. You first kissed at the opening of the Egyptian exhibit. (Dr. Reardon tears up)
ALDRIGE: Obviously Kristen was indiscreet. (Booth looks at Dr. Reardon as he takes a breath, blinking)
BRENNAN: If your wife knew about Kristen, she'd leave you, correct? And you'd no longer be rich. (leaning forward) See the FBI they call that a motive. They think you did this, Dr. Aldrige, and so far the evidence is on their side. Can you tell me anything that would suggest otherwise?
ALDRIGE: Yes. But first I need to speak with a lawyer and make arrangements with a federal prosecutor.
BRENNAN: Sounds like you wanna' cut a deal.
ALDRIGE: I've told you what I need., so either have me arrested or let me make those arrangements. (Brennan looks and Booth, Booth looks at Dr. Reardon and Brennan leans back.) (Interior - Night - Main Examination Area at the Jeffersonian. Booth enters. Cam is talking to someone who walks away).
BOOTH: Wow! You look great! I mean that objectively, not as your fake boyfriend. (puts his hand on her arm, they begin to walk)
CAM: Thank you.
BOOTH: Hey, got your dad a universal remote. (Cam laughs) Even bought the batteries.
CAM: Oh, he'll never let us brake up.
BOOTH: So, am I driving?
CAM: No, my sister's picking us up but, of course, she's late.
BOOTH: Okay, maybe she's late because there was traffic.
CAM: Maybe she's late because there was a sale.
BOOTH: Oh, great, it's gonna' be one of those nights.
CAM: Hey, it's not me, she's the jealous competitive one.
BOOTH: O-kay!
CAM: You don't think so?!
BOOTH: Look, I'm thinking that you're family. I'm an innocent bystander with a universal remote and batteries trying not to get hit by shrapnel.
(They stop in front of the autopsy room. Cam's sister Felicia enters. She' s a young, beautiful African-American woman, in a trendy, black dress)
FELICIA: Ready! Sorry, dad is in the car. (Air kisses Cam on booth sides)
CAM: Okay, let me get my things. (exits to autopsy room)
FELICIA: (sighs) There was traffic, not that she'd believe me. (takes out a compact and primps)
BOOTH: No! Traffic, that's exactly what she said. (under his breath) This is gonna' be fun.
FELICIA: Yeah, everyone talking about how perfect Cam's life is.
BOOTH: No, Cam's life is not so perfect. You got a lot going for you.
FELICIA: Yeah? (smiles and closes compact)
BOOTH: Yeah.
FELICIA: What's not so great? Are you and Cam . . .
BOOTH: What? No, no, I should never had said anything FELICIA: Oh you poor baby! (kisses Booth hard on the mouth, running her hands through his hair)
BOOTH: Felicia . . .
FELICIA: You don't have to say anything, I'm here, that's all you need to know. (Booth looks shocked. Cam Enters).
CAM: Okay! (Booth drops the remote. Felicia looks innocent. Booth picks up the remote)
BOOTH: Let's go! Ye-Yeah, okay, you look great! Doesn't she look beautiful?! (Booth puts his arm around Cam and they all begin walking) She looks beautiful!! I am so lucky to have you as my girlfriend.
CAM: Easy big guy, it's gonna' be a long night.
BOOTH: (to himself) Tell me about it.
(Exterior - Day - Jeffersonian)
(Interior - Day - Main Examination area at the Jeffersonian. Angela and Hodgins are walking through.
ANGELA: You know, Jack, you are actually a better candidate to be Gormogon than Kyle Aldrige. (they stop walking)
HODGINS: Really?
ANGELA: You're brilliant, paranoid about conspiracies, I say that lovingly, with limitless resources.
HODGINS: I'm not Gormogon. I don't kill people and eat their faces. (Angela nods) I am not waging a secret war against anybody. (they kiss, Angela puts her hand on his shoulder)
ANGELA: Great. Now, if I could only get the other thousand or so people who work here to convince me, maybe I could get to sleep tonight.
HODGINS: Oh, I'll help you get to sleep tonight. (Angela laughs)
ANGELA: What's in your file? (they enter Angela's office)
HODGINS: GC Mass Spec analysis of the fragment we pulled from Kristen's rib. It's an eight hundred year old copper.
ANGELA: Wait, wait, the weapon is an artifact?
HODGINS: I thought we'd see if we can match any of the weapons in the Jeffersonian with the sample. (Angela sits at the computer)
ANGELA: Well, there is one item. (Hodgins leans over her shoulder) An eight hundred year old copper spear tip. The authentication department checked it out two weeks ago to Dr. Kyle Aldrige in the middle eastern department.
HODGINS: Checked it out from where?
ANGELA: The Gormogon vault.
(Interior - Day - Gormogon vault at the Jeffersonian. Hodgins, Brennan and Klimkew are standing around the artifact, Booth is seated at a stool in back.)
BRENNAN: Tell us about this piece, Dr. Klimkew.
KLIMKEW: (Hodgins lifts the spearhead) The spearhead is genuine, decorative. Probably brought back as a souvenir of the Crusades by a Templar Knight in twelve or thirteen hundred A.D.
BRENNAN: Go ahead, Hodgins.
KLIMKEW: (to Hodgins) What are you doing? (Hodgins applies a solution to a Q-tip and the Q-tip to the spear head)
BOOTH: (standing) Did you see Kyle Aldrige the night that Kristen Reardon was murdered?
KLIMKEW: Yes. (to Brennan) What is he doing with the spear head?
HODGINS: It's phenolthalein. It won't affect the copper, but if blood is present it'll turn pink.
BOOTH: So, what time did you see the doctor?
KLIMKEW: Uh, eleven. In the parking lot.
BRENNAN: Did you talk?
KLIMKEW: Kyle Aldrige doesn't really talk to anyone beneath him, which is everyone. (Everyone is looking at the Q-tip which is still white.)
HODGINS: It's not the weapon we're looking for. I'll put it back. (Hodgins exits left).
BRENNAN: Did you know about Aldrige and Kristen?
KLIMKEW: As a couple? Yes.
BOOTH: Kristen told you?
KLIMKEW: I caught them making out. Frankly, I've been surprised ever since that Aldrige didn't use his friendship with Bancroft to have me transferred to some dig in Darfur.
HODGINS: (from left) Help!! (Everyone runs to left) I need some help back here!!
BOOTH: What?
HODGINS: Booth! Booth!
BOOTH: Ho-ho-ho-ho-ho, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on. (Aldrige is hanging from the ceiling by a noose. Hodgins is trying to hold Aldrige up. Hodgins and Booth are grunting. Booth cuts Aldrige down. Everyone helps to lay him down on a nearby table.)
KLIMKEW: I'll call an ambulance.
BOOTH: We don't need an ambulance. He's already dead. (Booth and Brennan look over to the silver statue)
[SCENE_BREAK]
ACT III
(Interior - Day - Autopsy Room at the Jeffersonian. Cam is standing over Aldrige's body. Brennan enters.)
CAM: (dictating into wireless headset) That concludes the autopsy of Dr. Kyle Aldrige, written report to follow.
BRENNAN: Booth saw Aldrige's widow. He sent her a suicide note by email apologizing for the affair with Kristen and confessing to the killing.
CAM: Aldrige did not kill himself. The ligature, which was a silk cord from the vault, didn't break his hyoid.
BRENNAN: What was the cause of death?
CAM: I'm stumped; no significant trauma, no cardiac arrest, aneurysm or hematoma. Plus, I did a full tox screen, organics, inorganics, heavy metals and cardiac glycosides, all negatives.
BRENNAN: Well, he was hung up in the vault. It all circles back to the vault.
CAM: It all circles back to the authentications department who happen to be working in the vault.
BRENNAN: Why don't you and Booth think that Gormogon is behind these murders?
CAM: Because, as far as we know, he only kills males, and snacks on them. Plus, there are far too many other reasonable suspects.
BRENNAN: Like who?
CAM: The victim's father.
BRENNAN: Ted Reardon?
CAM: He saw you question Aldrige. Booth said he went pale with anger.
BRENNAN: When did he say that?
CAM: Oh, we had dinner the other night when we . . . had dinner. (Hodgins enters carrying a tray holding a rope.)
HODGINS: This cord is actually a hanging rope from England circa sixteen-fifty. (sits down the tray and picks up the rope) In those days, when sentenced to death, nobles often chose a silk cord rather than rough hemp and rope. (looking at the rope which he dangles in this right hand) It'd be cool to know who else might've died on this cord.
BRENNAN: If it came from the vault, the cord probably can't lead us to the murderer.
HODGINS: Au contraire. The killer left DNA. In order to hoist Aldrige, the killer wrapped the cord around his forearm (Hodgins wraps the cord around his arm) and pulled.
CAM: Ouch. He left some skin behind?
HODGINS: Yeah, and hair. (puts the rope back on the tray)
CAM: Nice job, Hodgins. We find the guy, we can do a DNA match.
HODGINS: (backing out of the room, carrying the tray) King of the Lab. (exits)
BRENNAN: (looking at the x-ray displayed on the screen behind them) The skeletal muscles are pulling away from the bone. What's his potassium level?
CAM: Uh . . . (turning around to pick up a file folder from the counter) blood serum contains ten milligrams per one-hundred milliliters. Elevated but non-fatal. It's odd though, because his kidneys were healthy; no signs of Addisons or any medication.
BRENNAN: Succinylcholine.
CAM: A muscle relaxant?
BRENNAN: In high doses it stops the heart and lungs.
CAM: Right, the body turns succinylcholine into potassium, which occurs naturally in the body so it's not detected as a toxin.
BRENNAN: Succinylcholine is one of the earliest anesthetics known to man. (smiling) Guess how I know that?
CAM: (also smiling) I read Dr. Reardon's book too. (walking away)
(Interior - Day - Hodgins desk in the main examination area at the Jeffersonian. Booth is playing with glass stir sticks looking down over Hodgins desk. Hodgins enters carrying the tray holding the rope.)
HODGINS: Why are you here?
BOOTH: I'm just waiting for Cam to finish cutting up Aldrige?
HODGINS: She's done. Why are you here in my area?
BOOTH: Cam's sister kissed me.
HODGINS: Duuuuuuuuuuuude. (sits down)
BOOTH: Don't call me dude. Alright, listen, I was supposed to be Cam's boyfriend, but only between the hours of six-thirty and ten. She kissed me at six-twenty so technically that doesn't even count. (Hodgins chuckles) Cam went to her office to get something. Felicia, she just grabbed me and planted one on me. I didn't even see it coming, I didn't even have a defense maneuver planned.
HODGINS: Wow. Alright, alright, uh . . . How are you, (looking over his shoulder) how are you gonna' break it to Cam?
BOOTH: What? Why would I do that?
HODGINS: You want her to find out from her sister?
BOOTH: Wow, this is worse than when we were a couple.
HODGINS: (Hodgins chucles loudly) Sorry. (covers his mouth, giggling)
BOOTH: I really should take my gun out and shoot you now.
HODGINS: I'm sorry No, it's serious. (giggling)
BOOTH: You're not helping.
(Exterior - Day - FBI Headquarters)
(Interior - Day - Interrogation Room at FBI Headquarters. Booth is sitting across from Dr. Reardon)
BOOTH: Look, I have a son. If I thought someone hurt him, I'd wanna' hang him.
DR. REARDON: I didn't kill Kyle Aldrige.
BOOTH: He was a politically enemy who slept with your daughter, then killed her after she threatened to tell his wife. Juries understand situations like that.
DR. REARDON: There's no proof Kyle Aldrige killed me daughter.
BOOTH: Do you need proof?
DR. REARDON: Yes, and for a jury to be sympathetic to me, they'd need proof as well. Do you have that proof, Agent Booth?
BOOTH: (Opening a file folder and passing it across the table) Aldrige didn't die from hanging.
DR. REARDON: (looking at the papers) Succinylcholine poisoning can't be proven.
BOOTH: Right. Nobody know that better than you. (holding up Dr. Reardon's book, "Comparative Studies of Associative Functions in Anesthesiology and Poisons") You literally wrote the book on it, doc. (dropping the book on the table) So, can you role up your sleeves, please? (Dr. Reardon unbuttons and rolls up his sleeves. Dr. Reardon raises his arms; there are no marks.)
(Interior - Day - Main examination area at the Jeffersonian. Cam and Hodgins are looking at a metal fragment on the computer screen)
HODGINS: This is a sample of eight hundred year old bronze.
CAM: Why am I interested in that?
HODGINS: Because we found a fragment of eight hundred year old copper in Kristen Reardon.
CAM: Different metals, right.
HODGINS: Copper is an ingredient in bronze and when Angela accused me of being Gormogon, it started me thinking.
CAM: Angela accused you of being Gormogon?
HODGINS: It started me thinking that you and Booth could be right. (Cam looks at Hodgins intensely) I am NOT Gormogon.
CAM: Booth and I could be right about what?
HODGINS: I put the serial killer in the vault out of my mind and started considering Kristen's murder as it's own . . . singular . . . occurrence . . . What?
CAM: From the outside you are a pretty good candidate to be Gormogon.
HODGINS: It's possible . . . that the copper in Kristen's wound was an unalloyed chip from a larger piece of bronze, like a chocolate chip that didn't mix in the cake mix.
CAM: And the Jeffersonian's full of bronze weapons.
HODGINS: None of which are in Gormogon's vault.
CAM: Are you able to match a bronze weapon to a copper fragment?
HODGINS: Theoretically, but it would take about two hundred years to test every bronze weapon in the Jeffersonian. (Angela enters)
ANGELA: I might be able to help with that.
(Interior - Day - Angela's office at the Jeffersonian. Zack, Hodgins, Angela and Cam are standing around the Angelator which shows the skeletal structure of a female in green)
ANGELA: I worked up a 3-D model of Kristen's murder and I noticed something. This is Kristen. (A red line intersects the figure from upper left to lower right) The angle of attack was exactly sixty-seven degrees.
ZACK: As you can see, the weapon went right though her.
ANGELA: Which is weird.
HODGINS: Why?
ZACK: We've been assuming that Kristen was stabbed.
CAM: Someone would have to be awfully tall to stab downward at that angle.
ANGELA: And incredibly strong; six foot eight and three hundred pounds.
ZACK: No one at the Jeffersonian looks like that.
CAM: It'd be pretty tough for someone like that to sneak in.
HODGINS: Alternative explanations?
ZACK: Projectile?
CAM: Blood stain analysis indicates Kristen was killed on Aldrige's work table.
ANGELA: And there's no evidence on the surface suggesting that a projectile exited Kristen's body and struck the table, but . . . (image falls backward onto red line which is at a sixty-seven degree angel a horizontal surface)
HODGINS: Kristen was impaled? Like a piece of paper on a message spike.
ANGELA: Visualize a sharp object on the table at a fixed sixty-seven degree angle.j ZACK: The object impales Kristen through the posterior thorax . . .
CAM: exits her anterior thorax . . .
ZACK: still at a sixty-seven degree angel. (Bancroft enters).
BANCROFT: The only rational conclusion is the death itself was accidental. (Angela turns off the simulation) Dr. Aldrige gets in a tiff with his young girlfriend, she pulls out her phone, threatens to call his wife. They argue, Aldrige reaches for the phone, the girl falls back onto the table.
ANGELA: If you call Aldrige by his name, you really should call the girl by her name.
BANCROFT: At which point he panics and throws Ms. Reardon down the incinerator chute. Overcome with remorse, he arranges to meet with the federal attorney to confess, but before he can do that, guilt destroys him, he hangs himself in the vault symbolically aligning himself with the serial killer.
CAM: Whoa, Dr. Bancroft, Dr. Aldrige arranged to meet the federal attorney?
BANCROFT: Through the Jeffersonian in-house counsel. Most likely to confess.
ANGELA: Why didn't he just confess during Dr. Brennan's interrogation?
BANCROFT: "The guilt being great the fear doth still exceed. And extreme fear can neither fight nor fly, but coward-like with trembling terror die."
ZACK: Unfortunately for Mr. Shakespeare, Dr. Aldrige didn't actually commit suicide.
HODGINS: He died of succinylcholine poison.
BANCROFT: It's my understanding that that can't be proven. At least not to court standards. I think you'll find my explanation will satisfy any inquest inquiry.
CAM: Dr. Bancroft, it's our professional opinion here in the forensics lab, that Dr. Aldrige was murdered.
BANCROFT: Fine. Prove it. But watch your backs. Because if I'm wrong and you're right that means that there's still a serial killer out there. And if I were the killer, you'd be next Ms. Montenegro.
ANGELA: Why me?
BANCROFT: Well, you identified the Reardon girl, you figured our this hologramatic impalement scenario. Be careful. (exits)
ANGELA: I feel like I was just threatened.
(Interior - Day - Main examination are at the Jeffersonian. Hodgins is standing in front of trays of different implements. Brennan is sitting on a stool behind him and to the right, Booth is looking at a spear behind and to the left.)
HODGINS: I checked every bronze weapon in the Jeffersonian that matches Angela's criteria, none are consistent with the fragments removed from Kris- (Booth thrusts the spear towards Jack) - ten.
BOOTH: (Puts down the spear) Well, obviously we're looking for a weapon that was smuggled in. (Hodgins and Brennan make doubtful sounds) What were those noises?
BRENNAN: There is no way to smuggle an eight-hundred year old bronze weapon into the Jeffersonian.
HODGINS: No, no. We have x-rays, guards, metal detectors . . .
BRENNAN: You come in with anything bigger than a watch, they search you.
BOOTH: You two are geniuses, how would you do it?
HODGINS: It's absolutely impossible.
BRENNAN: Unless you mail it.
HODGINS: Oh. Yeah, right, there's that.
BOOTH: What?!
BRENNAN: If you mail something to the Jeffersonian, it doesn't need to be cleared by customs or security.
BOOTH: Okay, you're saying that if I want to get a stolen artifact into the United States, all I have to do is mail it to the Jeffersonian.
BRENNAN: Technically yes, but, the fact is we check and report all items to the government.
BOOTH: Okay, who's we?
HODGINS: (closing his eyes and dropping his head) The authentications department.
BOOTH: Oh, okay, you mean a bunch of starving interns who work here during the summer.
BRENNAN: (To Hodgins) Interns keep detailed records of every item they authenticate. Access Kristen Reardon's log. (Hodgins and Brennan move to the computer)
HODGINS: I suppose Gormogon could've mailed himself to the Jeffersonian, stolen an I.D. and simply walked out.
BOOTH: This has got nothing to do with Goobagon.
BRENNAN: Gormogon!
BOOTH: Whatever. How many times do I have to say that?
HODGINS: I don't have the necessary clearance.
BRENNAN: Let me try. (Hodgins moves from the computer and Brennan begins to type. Red screen pops up stating, "ACCESS DENIED - Please check your password and try again or contact the network administrator") Neither do I!
HODGINS: (moving forward to the computer, pushing them aside) Excuse me.
BRENNAN: Wait, you have a password?
BOOTH: Yeah, Cam's. What she won't mind. (Hodgins chuckles, Brennan looks incredulous. Hodgins moves back to the computer)
HODGINS: Well, Kristen Reardon worked on a lot of sixteenth century Baroque wood carvings.
BOOTH: (taps Brennan on the shoulder) I know your password too. It's daffodil.
BRENNAN: I never told you that!
BOOTH: What? I got eyes. I mean you guys aren't exactly CIA material.
HODGINS: Daffodil?
BRENNAN: What? They're pretty.
HODGINS: It looks like Kristen might've worked on some Luristan bronzes.
BRENNAN: Any from the thirteenth century? (Hodgins pulls up a list, and pictures of artifacts)
HODGINS: Yeah, tools, utensils, sculptures . . , BOOTH: What's Luristan?
BRENNAN: Persia.
BOOTH: You mean Iran or Iraq. Since the war Iraqi museums have been looted and their pieces are being sold on the black market. This murder has nothing to do with the vault. Or a serial killer.
HODGINS: Kristen Reardon was a smuggler?
BOOTH: More than likely killed by a smuggler.
HODGINS: She goes to report something and the smuggler kills her. (Booth nods smugly)
BRENNAN: I'll have Zack check all these as possible murder weapons. (to Booth) And I'm changing my password. (moves to the computer, using her hand to shield the screen.)
BOOTH: Daisy?
BRENNAN: How did you know?
BOOTH: It's your second favorite flower. (Hodgins smiles) I know you Bones. Try a planet. (walks away, Brennan nods and begins to type. Booth walks a few steps and then snaps and turns around) Jupiter! (Hodgins laughs and turns away)
(Interior - Day - Autopsy Room at the Jeffersonian. Cam is at the sink. Booth enters.)
CAM: Hey!
BOOTH: Hey.
CAM: I owe you.
BOOTH: No, you don't.
CAM: I do. It took the pressure off. I even reconnected with Felicia. (walking to her desk, Booth following)
BOOTH: She kissed me.
CAM: What?
BOOTH: I swear, I didn't see it coming, she just planted it on me.
CAM: Like a peck on the cheek or a full meal?
BOOTH: (thinking) Why does that even matter?
CAM: Full meal. I don't believe it.
BOOTH: What's the big deal? I mean, you and I aren't actually, you know, going out.
CAM: She thought she stole you away from me, that's why she was so nice. You!
BOOTH: What?
CAM: You kissed back.
BOOTH: No! No. No, there was no "kiss back." (Cam looks at Booth accusatorially) You know, my lips, they may have parted for a second . . . (Felicia enters)
FELICIA: Hi, ready for lunch?
BOOTH: Hi.
CAM: (to Booth) Don't say hello to her. (to Felicia) How could you make a move on my boyfriend?
FELICIA: (moving to stand next to Cam) He said things weren't so great between you guys.
CAM: Didn't think you should ask me first?
FELICIA: Sorry, didn't seem like he was all that into you!
BOOTH: Time out, let's get real here okay? You are actually fighting over something that does not even exist.
FELICIA: What?
BOOTH: We don't go out anymore. We broke up a long time ago.
FELICIA: And you brought him for Dad so he'd still think . . .
CAM: You know how dad is - I'd never hear the end of it. You saw how he lit up when he got that remote!
BOOTH: It can handle up to eight different devices . . .
CAM: We know, Booth.
FELICIA: Why didn't you tell me you guys split up?
CAM: You want him, take him. I don't care.
FELICIA: I don't want him.
BOOTH: You don't?
FELICIA: (To Cam) No, I was just trying to get back at you for being so perfect all the time.
CAM: So you admit it!
FELICIA: Like you're a saint. (to Booth) She used to go into my closet with all my dolls and say that they were having a party but I wasn't invited.
CAM: You were five, and they did not like you.
FELICIA: Typical, start a fight so we miss lunch.
CAM: Oh, you made reservations? I'm surprised. I thought we'd have to eat from a cart in the street!
BOOTH: Wow, you two can have lunch after all this?
FELICIA: Please, like you can ruin a meal. (Felicia laughs, Cam smiles.
BOOTH: Okay, that's it. (pointing at Felicia) I don't know who you think . . .
CAM: Don't raise your voice to her, Seeley. (Felicia looks at Booth, appalled) (to Felicia) Let's go, let him calm down.
BOOTH: What?
CAM: (Felicia and Cam leaving. To Booth) Wow.
FELICIA: Why did you guys break up? What did he do?
BOOTH: It wasn't me! I . . .
(Interior - Day - Zack's office at the Jeffersonian. Zack is sitting at the computer, Brennan behind him. A statue of an a horned animal is on the screen)
ZACK: This is the most likely murder weapon.
BRENNAN: It's an antelope.
ZACK: Actually, it's an Oryx.
BRENNAN: That's a type of antelope.
ZACK: I was being precise. You used to appreciate that. (the computer calculates the angle from the table to the horn's position)
BRENNAN: Sixty-seven degrees.
ZACK: Exactly. Oryx on table, struggle, Kristen Reardon is impaled on the Oryx.
BRENNAN: (patting him on the shoulder) Good work, Zack! Let's swab the sculpture, see if there's any DNA evidence.
ZACK: It's not here.
(Interior - Day - Walkway above the main examination area at the Jeffersonian. Cam and Bancroft are walking towards the lounge.)
BANCROFT: What do you mean, it's not here anymore?
CAM: According to Jeffersonian records, the Oryx was mailed to Box 99, Poplar Street Post Office in Arlington.
BANCROFT: The Jeffersonian is being used to smuggle Iraqi artifacts? Has the FBI been informed about this?
CAM: Yes, Dr. Bancroft, Agent Booth and Dr. Brennan are trying to arrange to have the post office staked out by tomorrow.
BANCROFT: Good, good, that's (winks and gives her a thumbs up) that's good. (exits)
CAM: (dials her phone) It's Cam. (Exterior - Day - Booth and Brennan in Booth's SUV parked on the street across from the ) I told him. You were right, he wasn't happy when I said the FBI already knew.
BOOTH: Thanks, Cam. Now we'll see if he's a part of it or just another ass covering buracrate.
CAM: Good hunting. (clicks her phone closed)
BOOTH: Little game there, Bones - who shows up for the Iraqi Bambi?
BRENNAN: There are a number of possible candidates.
BOOTH: Come on, I mean, it's a stake out. Play with me. Speculate. My money's on Bancroft.
BRENNAN: The head of the Jeffersonian? Why?
BOOTH: He's a doughy.
BRENNAN: (scoffs) You think he's a murderer just because you don't like him?
BOOTH: Bones, it's a game.
BRENNAN: Well, there's no way it's Bancroft, he has a doctorate.
BOOTH: Dr. Kevorkian has a doctorate. (A yellow cab pulls up in front of the post office, Klimkew gets out ) Oh. So does that guy.
BRENNAN: Dr. Klimkew.
(Interior - Day - Interrogation Room at FBI Headguarters. Klimkew is sitting at the table, where the Oryx statue sits. Booth and Brennan sit opposite each other at the table)
KLIMKEW: During a murder investigation, you uncovered my smuggling operation?
BOOTH: Yep.
KLIMKEW: Man that is bad, bad luck.
BRENNAN: (leaning forward) What about the murders, Evan?
KLIMKEW: Kristen Reardon and Kyle Aldrige? No, I'm afraid that their deaths are on your hands.
BOOTH: How do you figure?
KLIMKEW: Well, this silver skeleton Gormogon serial killer's obviously involved. (To Brennan) You brought him into our house. No, I can only take responsibility for smuggling this Oryx (puts his hand on the statue) into the country.
BOOTH: Get your hands off the murder weapon. (Klimkew moves his hand, looking questioningly at Booth and Brennan)
BRENNAN: (to Klimkew) We know what happened.
KLIMKEW: (looking from Brennan to Booth) I was there. But it wasn't me who pushed Kristen onto that table, it- it was Aldrige.
BOOTH: Now, why would he do that?
KLIMKEW: Uh, love gone wrong, I don't know, but Aldrige said (Booth moves to stand behind Klimkew) that if I didn't help him dispose of the body he'd expose my smuggling deal and I would go to prison.
BOOTH: Well, I guess that's it then, huh Bones? Case closed. (claps his hand on Aldrige's shoulder)
BRENNAN: Right, well, except . . . somebody killed Kyle Aldrige.
KLIMKEW: No, he hanged himself. (Booth grabs his arm and pulls it up and back) Ow . . . (Booth pulls down his shift sleeve exposing red burns)
BOOTH: Rope burns. Look at that. We think you killed Kristen Reardon, probably by accident . . .
BRENNAN: We know you killed Kyle Adlrige.
BOOTH: Premeditated.
BRENNAN: And I'm confident we can prove it beyond reasonable doubt to a jury. (Booth slams down Klimkew's hand) It's over, Evan. (Booth slaps his shoulder as he walks back to his chair)
KLIMKEW: Do either of you know a good lawyer?
(Interior - Night - Booth's Office at FBI Headquarters. Booth and Brennan are sitting across from each other in recliners at a small table. Booth is pouring shots into paper cups)
BOOTH: Okay, don't take it so hard.
BRENNAN: I'm not taking anything hard. (Booth raises his cup in a toast) What are we, Russian?
BOOTH: Nostrovia. Yeah. (they take the shots, sit down the cups, and crush them) I'll tell you what else I know. What you're taking hard is, uh, the fact that it happened in your house.
BRENNAN: It's not my house!
BOOTH: Not where you sleep! Okay, you're favorite place, the house of reason, the Jeffersonian.
BRENNAN: No. It's not my favorite place.
BOOTH: Yes, it is.
BRENNAN: What, no it's not- how do you know?
BOOTH: Daffodil. Daisy. Jupiter. (pours another shot into two new cups) Okay, I'll tell you what else I know, (lifts his cup in a toast) you were hoping that it was gorgonzola. (they take the shots)
BRENNAN: Gormogon.
BOOTH: Ah! So you admit it!
BRENNAN: Accidentally! Does- does that count?
BOOTH: Yes. Look, all the scientists and the squints and the eggheads, they wanted it to be a serial killer so it wouldn't be one of them.
BRENNAN: Them?
BOOTH: You.
BRENNAN: Me?
BOOTH: One of you. You were all offended that it was one of you.
BRENNAN: You know what? I am offended.
BOOTH: I just said that. (pours another shot)
BRENNAN: I'm offended! Because . . .
BOOTH: Because you were betrayed by one of your own.
BRENNAN: Yes. Are you going to betray me?
BOOTH: No. (they toast)
BRENNAN: Nonetheless, I shall be vigilant. (they take the shots)
BOOTH: "Nonetheless"? (they laugh)
BRENNAN: I'm not gonna' have a headache tomorrow, am I?
BOOTH: Well, we're gonna' find out. Hodgins and Jack, they do their experiments. We do ours. (they toast) To Gorgonzola.
BRENNAN: Gormogon. (they take the shots, sit the cups down and before Brennan can crush hers, it falls of the table)
BOOTH: You missed. (laughs)


Prologue: In every generation there is a Chosen One. She alone will stand against the vampires, the demons and the forces of darkness. She is the Slayer. The cemetery. Buffy is sitting on top of the gravestone of Stephan Korshak playing with her yo-yo.
Buffy: C'mon, Stephan, rise and shine. Some of us have a ton of trig homework waiting. The camera cuts to her right and approaches her from behind.
Angel: Hey. Buffy inhales a quick startled breath and turns around to face her stalker.
Angel: Is this a bad time?
Buffy: Are you crazy? You don't just sneak up on people in a graveyard. You make noise when you walk. You stomp or... yodel.
Angel: I heard you were on the hunt.
Buffy: I'm supposed to be, but... lazy bones here doesn't wanna come out and play.
Angel: When you first wake up it's a little disorienting. He'll show.
Buffy: It's weird to think of you going through that.
Angel: It's weird to go through. So, uh, you're here alone?
Buffy: Yeah! Why?
Angel: I just thought you'd have somebody with you. Xander or someone.
Buffy: Xander.
Angel: Or someone.
Buffy: Nope. (hops down off the gravestone) Why? Are you jealous?
Angel: (chuckles) Of Xander? Please. He's just a kid.
Buffy: Is it 'cause I danced with him?
Angel: 'Danced with' is a pretty loose term. 'Mated with' might be a little closer.
Buffy: Don't you think you're being a little unfair? It was one little dance, which I only did to make you crazy, by the way. Behold my success.
Angel: I am *not* jealous.
Buffy: You're not jealous? What, vampires don't get jealous? Stephan has come out of the ground, and looks at them from behind his gravestone.
Angel: See? Whenever we fight you always bring up the vampire thing.
Buffy: Well, I didn't come here to fight. The vampire lunges at her and knocks her into Angel. They fall to the ground, but Buffy quickly gets up.
Buffy: Oh, right, I did. Stephan throws a few punches which Buffy easily blocks. She punches him in the face several times and kicks him in the jaw, sending him stumbling into a large adjacent gravestone. She looks around frantically.
Buffy: Where's my stake? I-I know I had a stake!
Angel: I didn't see a stake! The vampire grabs a shovel that was lying by the other gravestone and comes at them again. Angel attacks, but Stephan brings the shovel up and hits him in the side of the face, knocking him onto his back. He leaves Angel lying there and steps toward Buffy. She meets him and jumps over the shovel when Stephan swings it at her legs. He swings it at her again, but she catches it, hits him again and breaks the handle. She spins around with her half and jams the broken handle into his chest. He falls over backward and bursts into ashes as he hits the ground. Angel gets up holding the side of his head.
Buffy: (out of breath) What do you mean he's just a kid? Does that mean I'm just a kid, too?
Angel: Look, obviously I made a mistake coming here tonight. (turns and leaves)
Buffy: Oh, no you don't. You can't just turn and walk away from me like that. (starts following him determinedly) It takes more than that to get rid of me. She falls into an open grave with an open and empty coffin at the bottom.
Buffy: Oof! Uhhh... Angel comes over and bends down to look.
Angel: You okay?
Buffy: I'm fine. (sits up and exhales) Gee, I wish people wouldn't leave open graves laying around like this. (stands up slowly)
Angel: So. Another vampire has risen tonight. She pokes her head out of the grave and looks across the grass.
Buffy: I don't think so. Look at those tracks. Whoever was buried here didn't rise from this grave. She climbs out of the grave and finds a girl's shoe.
Buffy: She was dragged from it. Opening credits roll. Buffy's theme plays. ~~~~~~~~~~ Part 1 ~~~~~~~~~~ Sunnydale High School. Cut to the library. Buffy and Xander walk in and see Giles sitting in a chair and talking to another empty chair across from him.
Giles: (clears his throat) W-w-w-what I'm proposing is, um... and I-I don't mean to appear indecorous, is, is, um, a, a-a-a social engagement, um, a, a, a, a-a date, if you're amenable. Buffy and Xander stop and listen to him. Giles is displeased with himself.
Giles: You idiot!
Buffy: Boy... Giles is startled and quickly gets up and faces them.
Buffy: I guess we never realized how much you like that chair.
Giles: I-I-I was just working on... (knocks over a few books)
Buffy: Your pickup lines?
Giles: (bends down) Um, in a manner of speaking, yes. (picks up the books)
Buffy: Then if you wouldn't mind a little Gene and Roger, you might wanna leave off the 'idiot' part. Being called an idiot tends to take people out of the dating mood.
Xander: Hmm, it actually kinda turns me on. (looks at Buffy)
Buffy: (to Xander) I fear you. (goes to the table) You also might wanna avoid words like 'amenable' and 'indecorous', y'know. Speak English, not whatever they speak in, um...
Giles: England?
Buffy: Yeah. You just say, 'Hey, I got a thing, you maybe have a thing, maybe we could have a thing.'
Giles: (sarcastically) Oh, thank you, Cyrano.
Buffy: I'm not finished. Then you say, 'How do you feel about Mexican?'
Giles: About Mexicans?
Buffy: Mexican. Food. You take her for food, for which you then pay.
(sits at the table)
Giles: Oh. Right.
Xander: So this chair-woman. We are talking Ms. Calendar, right?
Giles: W-what makes you think that?
Xander: (sits) Simple deduction. Ms. Calendar is reasonably dollsome, especially for someone in your age bracket. She already knows that you're a school librarian, so you don't have to worry about how to break that embarrassing news to her.
Buffy: And she's the only woman we've actually ever seen speak to you.
Add it all up and it all spells 'duh'.
Xander: Now, is it time to have a talk about the facts of life?
Giles: You know, I'm suddenly deciding this is none of your business.
(starts up the stairs)
Xander: Y'know, because that whole stork thing is a smoke screen.
Giles stops and looks back at him. Buffy laughs to herself.
Giles: So, um, how did things go last night? Did Mr. Korshak show up on schedule?
Buffy: More or less. Angel and I took care of him.
Xander: Angel.
Buffy: (gives Xander a look) There's something else, though. We found an empty grave.
Giles: Another vampire?
Buffy: No. No, this one was dug up and the body was taken out.
Giles: Grave robbing? That's new. Interesting. (comes back down to the table)
Buffy: I *know* you meant to say gross and disturbing.
Giles: Yes, yes, yes of course. Uh, terrible thing. Must, must put a stop to it. Damn it.
Xander: So. Why does someone want to dig up graves?
Giles: Well, I'll, uh, collect some theories. Uh, it would help if we knew who the body belonged to.
Buffy: Meredith Todd. Ring a bell?
Xander: No.
Buffy: She died recently. She was our age.
Xander: Drawin' a blank.
Giles: Why don't we ask Willow to, uh, fire (indicates the PC) this thing up and, uh, track Meredith down?
Cut to the halls. Sign-ups for the science fair are going on. Willow is writing in her entry. Eric comes up to her with a camera and points it at her.
Eric: Smile! (takes her picture)
Willow: Hey! He turns around and sees another girl.
Eric: Oh, look at those legs! (goes to take her picture)
Willow: No, thank you. Chris comes up behind Willow.
Chris: Eric, will you knock it off? Eric looks at him, upset to have his fun spoiled.
Willow: (smiles) Hey, Chris!
Chris: Hey. He picks up a sign-up sheet. She watches what he's writing. He looks up at her.
Willow: Oh, I, I was just wondering what you were gonna do this year.
Chris: Why?
Willow: 'Cause every year you win and I place second, so I just thought I'd see what I'm up against.
Chris: You know what the key is? If Dr. Clark doesn't understand your experiment he gives you higher marks so it looks like he understands your experiment. (reads Willow's entry) 'The Effects of Sub-Violet Light Spectrum Deprivation on the Development of Fruit Flies'? (smirks) That should do the trick.
Cordelia: (shows up and signs up) Okay, I'm doing this under protest. It is not fair that they're making participation in this year's science fair mandatory. I don't think anyone should have to do anything educational in school if they don't want to.
Willow: (reads) 'The Tomato: Fruit or Vegetable'?
Cordelia: I wanted to do something I could finish in a weekend, alright? Eric flashes a picture of Cordelia.
Cordelia: Stop it! What are you doing? (Eric takes another picture) We are under florescent light, for God's sake.
Eric: The camera loves you!
Cordelia: I didn't think yearbook nerds came out of hibernation till spring.
Eric: (snaps another picture) It's for my private collection. (winks)
Chris: Eric! Will you quit it?
Buffy: Comin' through. Sorry. (Eric takes her picture) Uh, sorry to interrupt, Willow, but it's the Bat Signal.
Willow: Okay, sure. See you later, Chris. Thanks for the tip.
Chris: Okay. Cordelia watches them go. Eric raises his eyebrows at her.
Cordelia: (disgusted) Uhhh! (leaves)
Eric: Cordelia's so fine. Y'know, she'd be just perfect for us.
Chris: Don't be an idiot. She's alive.
Cut to the library. Willow sits down in front of the PC.
Willow: This shouldn't take long. I'm probably the only girl in school who has the coroner's office bookmarked as a favorite place.
Cordelia: (coming in) Hi. Sorry to interrupt your little undead playgroup, but I need to ask Willow if she'll help me with my science fair project.
Willow: It's a fruit.
Cordelia: I would've asked Chris to help me, but then that would've brought back too many memories of Daryl.
Willow: I found it! Meredith Todd died in a car accident last week.
Cordelia: Of course I have learned to deal with my pain.
Buffy: How was her neck?
Willow: Fine, except for being broken. Giles comes out of his office.
Cordelia: Hello! Can we deal with my pain, please?
Giles: There, there. He pats her on the shoulder and continues up into the stacks.
Willow: It says that Meredith and two other girls in the car were killed instantly. They were all on the Fondren High Pep Squad, on the way to a game.
Buffy: You know what this means.
Xander: That Fondren might actually beat Sunnydale in the cross-town body count competition this year?
Buffy: She wasn't killed by vampires. Somebody did dig up her corpse.
Cordelia: Eww! Why is it that every conversation you people have has the word 'corpse' in it?
Xander: Okay, so we got a body snatcher. What does that mean?
Giles: Uh, h-here's what I've come up with. Demons who eat the flesh of the dead to absorb their souls. Or, i-i-it could obviously be a, a voodoo practitioner.
Willow: You mean making a zombie?
Giles: Uh, zombies, more likely. For most traditional purposes a voodoo priest would require more than one.
Buffy: So, we should see if the other girls from the accident are AWOL, too. Maybe we can figure out what this creep has in mind if we know whether or not he's dealing in volume.
Xander: So, we dig up some graves tonight?
Willow: Oh, boy! A field trip! Are you gonna call Angel?
Buffy: I don't think so.
Xander: Yeah, why bother him, huh?
Buffy: Angel and I have been, um... Never mind. As far as Angel's concerned, I'm taking the night off, okay?
Xander: So, we're set then. Say, nineish? BYO shovel?
Willow: And I'll pack some food. Who else likes those little powdered doughnuts?
Xander: Me.
Willow: Cordelia?
Cordelia: Darn, I have cheerleader practice tonight. Boy, I wish I knew we were gonna be digging up dead people sooner. I would've canceled.
Xander: Alright, but if you come across the army of zombies, can you page us before they eat your flesh? Cordelia huffs and leaves the library.
Giles: Xander?
Xander: Huh?
Giles: Zombies don't eat the flesh of the living.
Xander: Yeah, I knew that. But did you see the look on her face?
Cut to the cemetery that night. Giles and Xander are digging while Buffy and Willow relax and watch.
Buffy: I couldn't believe Angel. He was acting all jealous, and he wouldn't even admit it.
Willow: Jealous of what?
Buffy: Of Xander.
Willow: Because you did that sexy dance with him?
Buffy: Am I ever gonna live that down?
Willow: No. (munches a doughnut)
Buffy: Anyway, he was being totally irrational.
Willow: Love makes you do the wacky.
Buffy: That's the truth.
Xander: Y'know, this might go a lot faster if you femmes actually picked up a shovel, too.
Giles: Here, here.
Buffy: Sorry, but I'm an old-fashioned gal. I was raised to believe that men dig up the corpses and the women have the babies. (to Willow) So, speaking of the wacky, what was Cordelia's whole riff about painful memories? Who's Daryl?
Willow: Daryl Epps. Chris' older brother. He was a big football star. All-State two years ago. He was a running... He was a running... Uh, someone who runs and catches.
Buffy: Was he a studly?
Willow: Big time. All of the girls were crazy for him.
Buffy: And he broke Cordy's heart? Thus possibly proving its existence.
Willow: He died. Rock climbing or something? He fell.
Buffy: Man, that's lousy. Poor Chris.
Willow: Ever since then Chris has been real quiet. Kind of in his own world. I heard their mother doesn't even leave the house anymore.
Giles: I think we're there. Buffy and Willow get up and go over to the grave.
Willow: By the way, are we hoping to find a body, or no body?
Xander: Call me an optimist, but I'm hoping to find a fortune in gold doubloons.
Giles: Um, body would mean flesh-eating demon, no body would point towards the, uh, army of zombies thing. Take your pick, really. Right, then, uh... (to Xander) Go on. (indicates the casket)
Xander: You're closer.
Buffy: Pathetic much? (climbs down) Move over. She opens the casket.
Cut to the school after cheerleading practice. The cheerleaders are heading home.
Cordelia: Guys, if we don't get this down by tomorrow, no one's gonna be led by our cheers. Practice.
Girl: Okay. See ya later. Cordelia continues on to her own car as the others get in theirs. They drive off before Cordelia reaches her car. She hears something by the fence and stops to look around.
Cordelia: Hello? She continues to her car and starts to dig in her pack for her keys. She gets them out and runs the rest of the way to her car. She nervously fumbles with the lock.
Cordelia: Xander Harris, if this is some kind of joke... She drops her keys and they roll under the car. She kneels down and reaches for them frantically. On the other side of her car she can see someone in black shoes approaching. She quickly gets up and starts to run. The man follows her. He walks past a dumpster. When he's gone the lid opens, and Cordelia checks to see if the coast is clear. She pushes the lid up all the way, then turns around again to hop out, but is startled by Angel.
Angel: Cordelia. This is the last place I expected you to hang out.
Cordelia: (quietly) Oh, God! God, it's you. Why were you following me?
Angel: I wasn't sure it was you at first. I'm looking for Buffy.
Cordelia: Buffy? Well, she's, uh... big shock, she's at the graveyard.
Angel: She said she'd be home.
Cordelia: Well, she lied. Isn't she a rascal? Well, you're in luck. It just so happens that my night is free. (tries to get out) Uh, hold on, my skirt is caught. She reaches behind her and gets her skirt loose.
Cordelia: There. She picks up what was holding her skirt and sees it's a hand. She drops it and screams. ~~~~~~~~~~ Part 2 ~~~~~~~~~~ The library. Xander can be heard outside in the hall.
Xander: So, both coffins are empty. That makes three girls signed up for the army of zombies. They come in through the doors.
Willow: Is it an army if you just have three? Angel gets up from the table and faces them. Cordelia clings to his arm and gets up, too.
Buffy: Zombie drill team then.
Angel: You're back.
Buffy: Angel!
Angel: Xander.
Xander: Angel.
Angel: (to Buffy) I thought you were takin' the night off.
Buffy: I, I was, um, but something came up.
Angel: Cordelia told me the truth.
Xander: (chuckles) That's gotta be a first.
Giles: Um, as long as you're here, perhaps you could be of some help. Hmm? (to Buffy) Hmm?
Buffy: We were investigating. Somebody's been digging up the bodies of dead girls.
Angel: I know. We found some of them.
Buffy: You mean, like, two of the three?
Angel: I mean, like, some of them. Like parts.
Cordelia: It was horrible. Angel saved me from an arm. God, there were so many parts, they were everywhere. Why are these terrible things always happening to me?
Xander: Karma! (coughs to cover it)
Willow: So much for our zombie theory.
Giles: So much for all our theories.
Buffy: I don't get it. Why go to all the trouble to dig up three girls only to chop them up and throw them away? It doesn't make any sense. Especially from a time management standpoint.
Angel: Well, what I saw didn't add up to three whole girls. I think they kept some parts.
Buffy: Could this get yuckier?
Willow: They probably kept the other parts to eat.
Buffy: Question answered.
Giles: Why dispose of the remains five miles from the cemetery at a school, of all places?
Buffy: Maybe because whoever did it had some business in the neighborhood. Like, say, classes?
Giles: Oh. Ah.
Angel: This was no hatchet job. Whoever made those incisions really knew what they were doing.
Giles: (disbelieving) Yes, really. What student here is gonna be that well versed in physiology?
Willow: Well, I can think of five or six guys in the science club. And me.
Xander: So, Will, come clean. Promise to never do it again, and we'll call it a night. (no response) He joked! (smiles)
Buffy: Willow, why don't you get these guys' locker numbers so we can do some checking?
Cordelia: No. I have to go home now. I have to take a bath and burn my clothes.
Xander: (in mock disappointment) You have to go? Aw, too bad. Keep in touch. Buh-bye.
Cordelia: I don't wanna go alone. I'm still fragile. (to Angel) Can you take me? Angel is in open-mouthed shock, and looks at Buffy. She gives him a stare of disapproval.
Cordelia: Great! I'll drive? She leads the way out of the library as Angel gives Buffy another helpless look.
Xander: How about that? I always pegged him as a one-woman vampire.
Cut to Chris' house. His mother is sitting in front of the TV watching videos of Daryl's games. His trophy sits on top of the TV. Chris comes out of the basement.
Chris: I'm going out, Mom. She doesn't even look up. She just blows out another lungful of cigarette smoke. Chris walks over to the front door.
Chris: I'll be back later, okay? Mom? Still no response. She takes another drag from her cigarette. Chris lets out a sigh of frustration and leaves the house. On the video Daryl just scored a touchdown, and the team is holding him up high as the cheerleaders jump and wave their pompoms.
Video: Dar-yl! Dar-yl! Dar-yl! Dar-yl! Dar-yl! Daryl takes his helmet off and holds his fists up in the air, laughing and enjoying the moment.
Cut to the halls at school. Xander is working a locker combination from a list. Giles comes down the other hall.
Giles: You understand, in my capacity as school official, this search is completely unauthorized, and I, I cannot condone it.
Buffy: Fine, your butt's covered. Wanna grab a locker? (hands him a sheet)
Giles: Uh, yes, yes, of course. (takes the sheet)
Buffy: (approaches a locker) Okay, Eric. Let's see what's on your annoying little mind.
Willow: (at another locker) Nothing in here but back issues of Scientific American. Ooo, I haven't read this one! (starts to read)
Giles: Nothing remarkable here.
Xander: (opens one) Guys! They all go over to see.
Xander: Your friend Chris Epps' locker.
Willow: (reads off book titles) 'Grey's Anatomy', 'Mortician's Desk Reference', 'Robicheaux's Guide to Muscles and Tendons'. Giles reaches in and pulls out a newspaper folded open to a picture of the three cheerleaders. The title above the picture reads 'Tragic Accident Kills Three'.
Giles: I think it's fair to say Chris is involved.
Xander: He's into corpses alright, but we still don't know why.
Buffy: Yes, we do. She opens Eric's locker door and shows them a collage of a woman made from parts of various pictures.
Cut to Chris' basement. Eric sings while Chris works on a body.
Eric: I guess you'll say / What can make me feel this way? / My girl / Talkin' 'bout my girl / My girl... How's my baby?
Chris: She's not your baby.
Eric: She's not gonna be anybody's baby if we don't finish her soon.
Chris: I'm working on it.
Eric: So am I, friend. So am I. He hangs up freshly developed pictures of Buffy, Willow and Cordelia to dry.
Cut to the balcony. Buffy comes up to Willow and Xander sitting on the railing.
Xander: Any sign of our suspects?
Buffy: Not yet. I don't get it. Why would anybody wanna make a girl?
Xander: You mean when there's so many pre-made ones just laying around? The things we do for love.
Buffy: Love has nothing to do with this.
Xander: Maybe not, but I'll tell you this: people don't fall in love with what's right in front of them. Willow gives Buffy a sad, knowing look.
Xander: People want the dream. What they can't have. Willow looks over at Xander longingly. Buffy understands only too well.
Xander: The more unattainable, the more attractive. Willow hops down from her perch.
Willow: And for Eric the unattainable would include everyone. That's alive. She walks around Xander to head down the stairs. Buffy joins her.
Buffy: Uh, Eric's sick enough to do something like this, but what about Chris? He seems like a human person. Xander follows them.
Willow: I dunno. That thing with his brother was really hard on him. And he talked about death a lot. Maybe he just wanted to get one-up on it.
Buffy: But it's not doable. I mean, making someone from scraps, actually making them live.
Willow: If it is, my science project's definitely coming in second this year.
Xander: (spots Giles) And speaking of love...
Willow: We were talking about the re-animation of dead tissue.
Xander: Do I deconstruct your segues?
Buffy: (to Giles) Hey.
Giles: (distracted) Oh! Yes. Hello.
Buffy: Still no sign of our mad doctors?
Giles: What? Oh! Uh, corpses, yes. Evil. Huh. Very good. They see Jenny stop and talk to a student.
Jenny: Did you bring it? (the student shakes his head) Tomorrow.
Student: I forgot it.
Giles: Very, very good.
Buffy: Okay, Giles, just remember, 'I feel a thing, you feel a thing...' But personalize it.
Giles: Personalize it?
Buffy: She's a technopagan, right? Ask her to bless your laptop. (starts to leave) Have fun. Willow and Xander smile. Willow pats him on the shoulder and goes too.
Giles: What? Oh! Don't...
Xander: Best of luck. (follows the girls)
Giles: ...leave?
Jenny: (walks by) Good morning, Rupert. (continues without stopping)
Giles: Uh, Ms. Calendar?
Jenny: (looks at him but keeps going) Oh, no, please call me Jenny. Ms. Calendar's my father.
Giles: (follows) Jenny, then. Cut inside the halls. They walk together.
Giles: You know, uh, Jenny, um...
Jenny: Hmm?
Giles: Would it a-appear indecorous... Uh, no, not in-in-indecorous, um...
Jenny: Yeah...?
Giles: Well, um... Wha... (exhales) Ah, ah, um...
Jenny: Rupert, look, I've gotta get inside and set up the lab.
Giles: What, what I'm proposing is... The bell rings.
Jenny: Ah! I gotta go! Sorry! (goes into her room)
Giles: (to himself) You idiot!
Jenny: (sticks her head back out) Hey! Listen, if it's important, why don't you just tell me at the game?
Giles: Game? Oh, uh, you're going to the football game?
Jenny: Yeah, you seem surprised. (smiles)
Giles: No! No, I-I-I-I-I-I just assumed that you, you, you spent your evenings downloading incantations and, and, and casting bones.
Jenny: On game night? Are you nuts? You're going, too, right?
Giles: Oh, of course. Always, always do.
Jenny: So, we should just go together! Look, I could pick you up after school, and we'll grab a bite to eat on the way if you like. How do you feel about Mexican? Giles nods.
Jenny: Good! Okay! And whatever it is you wanna tell me, you can just tell me then. Okay?
Giles: Okay! Tonight, then. Jenny smiles and goes back into her classroom.
Giles: (to himself) That went well. I think.
Cut to the science classroom. Willow is looking through a book.
Willow: I still don't get how Chris could do it. I mean, arresting the cell deterioration is one thing, but...
Xander: Hello! (holds up a visible head) I wanna get ahead.
Willow: (exhales) Maybe an electrical current combined with an adrenaline boost.
Xander: For the love of God, can somebody scratch my nose?
Buffy: (comes into the room) Well, it's official. Chris and Eric didn't come to school today.
Xander: That's no coincidence.
Willow: Maybe they finished their project.
Buffy: God! What if it worked? What, what if that poor girl is walking around?
Xander: Poor girls, technically.
Buffy: What could she be thinking?
Willow: And what are they gonna do with her?
Giles: (comes in also) I don't think we need to worry about that just yet. I spoke to a press person this morning about the remains. The police have finished sorting through them, and apparently they found three heads in the dumpster.
Buffy: They only had three girls.
Giles: Precisely.
Willow: So, they don't have the whole, uh, package?
Xander: Heads must be no good. Huh. I found 'em attractive enough. (gets looks from the girls) Well, obviously I'm not as sick as Chris and Eric.
Giles: Based on what the police have put together, I would say they're one step short of completing their masterpiece.
Willow: One step. The camera pans around the visible head.
Cut to Chris' basement.
Eric: We're running out of time. If we wait too long, the onset of atrophy in the limbs will be irreversible.
Chris: We can turn up the current. That'll buy us a day, at least.
Eric: We will lose the entire body if we don't attach a head soon.
Chris: We have time.
Eric: We don't! The crash with the girls was lucky. But we can't just keep waiting around for another lucky accident to drop a head in our laps. You know what we have to do. Hell, it's just one lousy girl.
Chris: I won't do it. I... I can't... kill anyone. (turns to the shadows) Please! Understand. I... I can't do that! Please don't make me.
Daryl: But you gave me your word. You promised me, little brother. (comes into the light) That I wouldn't be alone. His face is discolored and criss-crossed with stitches.
[SCENE_BREAK]
~~~~~~~~~~ Part 3 ~~~~~~~~~~ Chris' basement.
Eric: The body is perfect. And if we harvest a head tonight, she'll be ready by sunrise.
Daryl: When you brought me back you promised you'd take care of me. I need this, Chris. I need someone.
Chris: Please don't ask me to do this. Don't ask me to take a life.
Eric: I tried to tell him. If you take a life in order to make a life, the whole thing is a wash. No harm, no foul.
Chris: Maybe you could... you could go out...
Daryl: No!
Chris: Let people know.
Daryl: They can't see me. Chris, you've always been smarter than me. You were always the brains. You're the only one who can help me now. Third and long, seconds to go. Where do you throw? Where do you throw?
Chris: Number five. Daryl's gonna drive.
Daryl: Help me, brother. Chris nods. Daryl hugs him.
Daryl: Thank you. (to Eric) Show me! Eric shows Daryl the pictures.
Daryl: (points) This one.
Eric: Ha, ha. A man of taste. He grabs a pair of scissors and cuts around Cordelia's hair.
Eric: (sings) My girl / Talkin' 'bout my girl / My girl He snips her head off.
Cut to the library.
Willow: I checked the obits. Nothing that would make for a likely candidate.
Xander: They seem kinda picky for guys who had three heads to begin with.
Willow: Formaldehyde.
Giles: Formaldehyde. Yes, yes, yes, yes, of course, it accelerates neural decay in the brain cells.
Willow: After a couple days they're useless. They're gonna need something really fresh.
Buffy: How fresh?
Willow: As fresh as possible. Buffy, you don't think that they would...
Buffy: I think anybody who cuts dead girls into little pieces does not get the benefit of any doubt. I wanna end this thing now.
Giles: I second that.
Buffy: Okay, fine. You guys go to Eric's, we can go to Chris', and meet up.
Giles: (remembering) Oh! I'm supposed to be at the big game, I-I believe it's called.
Buffy: Fine. Go ahead. We'll take care of this.
Giles: Well, yes, but shouldn't I, I-I, um...
Buffy: Okay, then why don't, uh, we all meet there?
Giles: Fine. Yes.
Willow: Buffy? Don't be too hard on Chris. I mean, he's not a vampire.
Buffy: No. He's just a ghoul. They leave the library.
Cut to Chris' house. His mother answers the door for Buffy.
Buffy: Hi. Um, I'm a friend of Chris'. I kinda need to talk to him. Uh, do you know if he's home? Chris' Mom goes back inside and sits down again. Buffy comes in and closes the door.
Buffy: So, is he home?
Mrs. Epps: Westbury game. November 17, '95. Daryl rushed 185 yards that night. Four TD's. He was MVP, and he made All-City that season.
Buffy: Yeah, that was a great one. Um, but is Chris home?
Mrs. Epps: I dunno. Is today a school day? Oh, watch! Watch this move! Daryl takes a kickoff, he sheds one, two, three defenders, and he breaks into the open field for a ninety-five yard touchdown! Buffy sees the basement door with its 'Keep Out' and 'No Admittance' signs.
Mrs. Epps: He woulda been nineteen next week. Buffy goes over to the basement door and opens it. She quietly makes her way down the stairs. She looks around a bit, and then goes over to the table. There she finds the pictures of herself and Willow. She also finds the plans for the body with Cordelia's face pasted on top.
Buffy: (whispers) Cordelia! Daryl sneaks up behind her, but the door opens and they both look up. Buffy quickly hops over to the open basement window and climbs out. Daryl watches her go.
Cut to the girls' locker room. Cordelia is putting on her lip-gloss. Joy, the cheerleading squad leader, walks by with Lisa.
Joy: Cordelia. You coming?
Cordelia: Yeah, I'll be right out. She finishes putting on her lip-gloss and sees Chris appear behind her in the mirror. She's startled and turns to face him.
Cordelia: Oh, God! Chris, you scared me. What are you doing in here? He looks down and away from her.
Cordelia: Is something wrong? She screams as Eric pulls a bag over her head and drags her off. Chris just looks away.
Cut to a hall. Buffy comes around a corner and sees Joy and Lisa coming down the stairs.
Buffy: Joy! Lisa! Where's Cordelia?
Joy: Cordelia has a game to think about. She doesn't need losers like you. (tries to go)
Buffy: (blocks her way) I'm sorry, what did you say?
Cut to the locker room. Eric has Cordelia on the floor, trying to tie her hands. Buffy comes running down the adjoining hall and stops to look into the locker room. Eric sees her and gets up to defend himself. Buffy comes running in and jump kicks him, knocking him down. She crouches down and pulls the bag off of Cordelia's head.
Buffy: Are you okay?
Cordelia: Oh my God, Buffy! Eric gets up and runs away.
Buffy: Don't worry, he's gone.
Cordelia: I was on my way down to the field when Chris came in, and all of a sudden someone jumped me.
Buffy: Shh! Quiet down. Relax. Take it easy.
Cordelia: (hears music) That's the fight song. Oh my God, it's time for the cheerleader pyramid at mid-field. I've gotta go.
Buffy: Well, are you sure you're okay to go out there?
Cordelia: Yeah, you don't understand, I *have* to go. I'm the apex!
(runs out)
Buffy hears a noise and looks around.
Buffy: Chris? (walks slowly) I know what you're trying to do. You and Eric. I know about the bodies from the cemetery. But you haven't hurt anyone yet. (Chris steps out into the open) Look, I know what it's like to lose someone that you're close to. But that's no excuse. What you're doing is wrong.
Chris: I have to do this for him. He needs someone.
Buffy: Who, Eric? He needs industrial strength therapy!
Chris: He always looked out for me. Stood up for me. He's all alone. Everybody loved him. And now he's all alone.
Buffy: Who are you talking... (realizes) Oh my God!
Cut to Chris' basement. Daryl is trashing the place.
Daryl: (yelling) You promised me! You promised I wouldn't have to be alone!
Eric: It's not too late. Daryl comes over to him and lifts him by the shirt.
Eric: Nothing's changed! We can still do this! You and me. Your brother's not the only one who can create life. Whadaya say? Daryl sets him down. Eric takes a few deep breaths.
Eric: Let's go scare you up a date. ~~~~~~~~~~ Part 4 ~~~~~~~~~~ Chris' Basement. Buffy and Chris come in and quickly descend the stairs.
Buffy: Daryl! Daryl? Daryl! She takes a quick look around.
Buffy: He's not here. Where else could he be?
Chris: But he would never go out. U-unless...
Buffy: He's gonna pick up where you left off. She makes quick strides to get out of the basement and over to the game. After a moment's hesitation Chris follows her.
Cut to the game. Cordelia is doing a cheer with the squad.
Squad: Go, Razorbacks, go! Go, team, go! Go, Razorbacks, go! Go, team, go! On the field the ball is snapped, thrown, caught and run in for a touchdown. The crowd goes wild. Cut to Jenny and Giles coming from the refreshment stand. His arms are full of snacks and drinks.
Jenny: I don't know what it is about football that does it for me. I mean, it lacks the, the grace of basketball, the, uh, poetry of baseball. At its best it's unadorned aggression. It's such a rugged contest.
Giles: Rugged. American football. (laughs) They climb into the stands.
Jenny: And that's funny because?
Giles: No! (laughs) I just think it's rather odd (they sit) that a nation that prides itself on its virility should feel compelled to strap on forty pounds of protective gear just in order to play rugby.
Jenny: Is this your normal strategy for a first date? Dissing my country's national pastime?
Giles: Did you just say 'date'?
Jenny: You noticed that, huh?
Willow: Hi, Ms. Calendar! Hi, Giles.
Jenny: Hey, guys. What's up?
Willow: Eric's was a bust. Nothing there.
Xander: Yeah, nothing but a bunch of computer equipment and a pornography collection so prodigious it even scared me.
Willow: Did Buffy get back yet?
Giles: No, uh, no. Uh, perhaps you should, uh, circulate nearer the field, see what you can find. Willow and Xander slip under the railing and sit in front of Giles and Jenny. Xander reaches back and takes Giles' popcorn.
Xander: So, what's the score? Giles and Jenny are unhappy about them sitting right there.
Cut to a view of the field from behind the spectators. The teams are getting in position for the next play. The ball is snapped. Cut under the stands. Daryl is crawling along, looking for Cordelia. He sees the action on the field and stops a moment to watch and remember. A player on the field gets tackled, but has gained several yards and gets high- fives from his teammates. Daryl lowers his eyes a moment, then notices Cordelia. She takes a break from cheerleading and walks over to the coolers next to the bleachers for a drink. Daryl comes up behind her as she drinks and grabs her. She screams, but her yell is drowned out by the crowd cheering another touchdown. The other cheerleaders jump and wave their pompoms. On the field the players help the scoring team member up and pat him on the back. Buffy and Chris arrive by the bleachers.
Buffy: I don't see her. Do you?
Chris: No. Buffy lets out a frustrated breath.
Cut to the old science lab at the school. Cordelia has been blindfolded and is being tied to a gurney.
Cordelia: Please, what's going on? Just take off the blindfold. I promise I won't scream! I promise! Daryl lifts the sheet from the headless body they've constructed.
Daryl: She's beautiful!
Eric: No! It's bad luck for the groom to see the bride before the wedding. Daryl puts the sheet back down and goes over to Cordelia.
Cordelia: Please? Just take off the blindfold! I promise I won't scream! I promise!
Daryl: Cordelia? He takes off her blindfold. She takes one look at him and screams at the top of her lungs.
Eric: You can scream all you want. We're in an abandoned building. Cordelia screams for help at an even higher pitch. Eric holds up a pan and threatens to hit her with it.
Eric: Okay, that's enough. Cordelia stops her screaming, and Eric puts the pan back down.
Daryl: You were always good to me. Always noticed me. But I ignored you. I'm sorry. I'm glad I have a second chance to tell you that.
Cordelia: D-Daryl?
Daryl: I was thoughtless. I see that now. But I've changed. I've learned to appreciate how much it meant that you wanted to be with me.
Eric: We're ready.
Cordelia: Ready? Ready for what?
Eric: You're gonna feel a little pinch, maybe some discomfort around the neck area. But don't worry. When you wake up, you'll have the body of a seventeen-year-old. In fact, you'll have the body of several. He lifts the sheet, and Cordelia lets out a very intense scream when she sees the body. Cut back to the game. Buffy walks over to the cooler and finds Cordelia's pompoms.
Buffy: He was here, Chris. Where did he take her?
Chris: To the rest of the body. To the lab.
Buffy: Where is that?
Chris: I promised him that I...
Buffy: Look, he'll kill Cordelia! You can't just give and take lives like that. It's not your job.
Chris: He's in the old science lab. Everything's set up there.
Buffy: Thank you. Now find Xander and Willow and tell them what's going on. She leaves quickly for the lab. Chris goes to find the others.
Cut to the lab. Eric is pouring gasoline into a sink.
Cordelia: (frightened) Daryl, please. You don't have to do this.
Daryl: We have to. So we can be together.
Cordelia: We'll be together anyway! I'll be with you, I promise!
Daryl: Is that right?
Cordelia: Mm hm!
Daryl: You see anything you like? He goes over to the other body and lifts the sheet.
Daryl: And when you're finished you won't go out. You won't run away. But we can hide together.
Cordelia: (very frightened) Please! Please! Eric holds a knife into a flame a moment, and then comes over to her.
Eric: Sterile enough for government work. He bends over Cordelia to begin the procedure.
Cordelia: No! No, please! There is a loud pounding on the door. It breaks open and Buffy comes in. Eric turns around, sees her and throws the knife at her. She catches it in midair.
Cordelia: Buffy, help me! Eric runs away.
Buffy: Daryl, listen. I know what you're doing, okay? Your brother sent me to stop you.
Daryl: He wouldn't do that. My brother loves me.
Cordelia: Buffy, they're crazy!
Buffy: It's okay, Cordelia. I'm gonna get you outta here.
Daryl: No, I'm not done with her yet! He turns to the instrument tray and fumbles around for something. He grabs a cleaver.
Daryl: I'm not finished! He takes the cleaver back to Cordelia and tries to start hacking at her neck. Buffy rushes over, grabs Daryl's arm, knocks the cleaver away and punches him in the face. She scrambles around the table to continue the fight, but Daryl punches her hard in the face. He grabs her, slams her head into the instrument tray and throws her over Cordelia and onto the floor.
Daryl: I won't live alone! He pushes Cordelia's gurney aside, and it knocks over the can of gasoline. The gas starts pouring out onto the floor.
Eric: I'm getting out of here!
Daryl: (grabs Eric by the shirt) You have to help me!
Eric: Let go! Daryl throws Eric aside and faces Buffy again. Eric slides into a barrel with his head and gets knocked out. Daryl comes at Buffy. She kicks him in the knee, making him collapse to the floor. She kicks him again in the gut as he tries to get up. He tries to get up again, and she kicks him in the face. He's not fazed, gets up and tries to swing at her. She ducks it. He tries again, and she ducks again and kicks him in the chest, sending him staggering backward and knocking the Bunsen burner to the floor, igniting the gasoline. Xander shows up.
Xander: Buffy!
Buffy: Get Cordelia!
Cordelia: Xander! Xander runs over to Cordelia and tries to untie her.
Cordelia: Get me out of here! Daryl grabs hold of Buffy and flips her over onto the floor. As she gets up he grabs a canister and throws it at her. She ducks it. The flames around Cordelia and Xander are starting to get higher. Buffy kicks Daryl twice in the side.
Cordelia: C'mon! C'mon! Get it off! Daryl grabs Buffy again, lifts her and holds on to her while she struggles to free herself. Xander is getting nowhere with Cordelia's bindings and tries to find a knife.
Cordelia: Get it off! Get me outta here! C'mon! Buffy continues to struggle in Daryl's grip. Giles and Willow show up. Xander gives up looking and decides to just wheel Cordelia out. Willow and Giles spot Eric, pick him up and get him out. Xander gives the gurney a good shove, hops on and they roll through the flames while Cordelia screams. He hops off, and Jenny helps him stop the gurney. They get Cordelia loose. Buffy hits Daryl in the neck, and he lets go of her. She tries to kick him again, but he grabs her leg, lifts her up and throws her to the floor. Buffy is stunned and lies there while Daryl grabs a desk and raises it over his head.
Chris: Daryl! Daryl looks behind him and sees his brother there.
Chris: Don't! Daryl looks back at Buffy and then notices the body surrounded by flames. He tosses the desk aside and rushes over to it.
Daryl: She's mine!
Chris: Daryl! Buffy gets up and stops Chris from running into the flames after Daryl.
Chris: Daryl! Jenny watches, stunned as Giles comes back into the room behind her and looks on as well.
Daryl: No. We'll be together always. No! Mine! The flames engulf Daryl and his bride-to-be. Cut outside. There are fire engines and police all over. The camera pans down from above over to Chris and Buffy.
Chris: The first time he woke up after... He said I shouldn'ta brought him back. I-I was just... tryin' to look out for him. Like... he woulda done for me.
Angel: (suddenly shows up) I saw the fire. I figured you'd be here. Is everyone okay?
Buffy: Yeah. We're okay.
Cut to Giles walking up to Jenny. He hands her a cup of coffee.
Giles: Sorry about all this.
Jenny: It's okay. Although a good rule of thumb for a first date is don't do anything so exciting that it'll be hard to top on the second date.
Giles: Believe it or not, since I've moved here to live on top of the Hellmouth, the events of this evening actually qualify as a slow night. (pauses and considers) Did you just say 'second date'?
Jenny: You noticed that, huh? (smiles) Giles smiles back and takes a sip of his coffee. Cut to Willow and Xander.
Xander: Well, I guess that makes it official. Everybody's paired off. Vampires get dates. Hell, even the school librarian sees more action than me. You ever think that the world is a giant game of musical chairs, and the music's stopped and we're the only ones who don't have a chair?
Willow: All the time.
Cordelia: Xander? I just wanted to thank you for saving my life. What you did in there was really brave and heroic, and I just wanted to tell you if there was anything that I could ever do to...
Xander: Do you mind? We're talking here. Cordelia is taken aback, rolls her eyes and leaves.
Xander: So where were we?
Willow: Wondering why we never get dates.
Xander: Yeah, so why do you think that is?
Cut to the cemetery. Angel and Buffy are strolling through.
Buffy: God, the whole thing was so creepy. Well, at the same time, I mean... he did do it all for his brother.
Angel: Sounds like he took it a little over the edge.
Buffy: Love makes you do the wacky.
Angel: What?
Buffy: Crazy stuff.
Angel: Oh. Crazy, like a two-hundred-and-forty-one-year-old being jealous of a high school junior?
Buffy: Are you fessing up?
Angel: I've thought about it. Maybe it bothers me a little.
Buffy: I don't love Xander.
Angel: Yeah, but he's in your life. He gets to be there when I can't. Take your classes, eat your meals, hear your jokes and complaints. He gets to see you in the sunlight.
Buffy: I don't look that good in direct light.
Angel: It'll be morning soon.
Buffy: I should probably go. I could walk you home. They look at each