LORELAI'S HOUSE - LIVING ROOM
[Lorelai is packing a bag, Chris and Paul Anka are sitting on the couch, Chris looks bored]
LORELAI: Okay. Toothbrush, hairbrush, hypoallergenic pillow, chenille blanket... ooh, comfort shoes. Got them.
CHRISTOPHER: Those are your comfort shoes?
LORELAI: Not mine -- Paul Anka's.
CHRISTOPHER: We're staying in tonight. You can probably get away with flats.
LORELAI: He loves, loves, loves chewing on these. They remind him of a squirrel carcass.
CHRISTOPHER: Yummy.
LORELAI: Don't judge. You eat jerky like it's going out of style.
CHRISTOPHER: So, all this stuff is for Paul Anka?
LORELAI: No, not all. The toothbrush is mine.
CHRISTOPHER: Lorelai.
LORELAI: What? It's his first night staying at your house. I want him to have all the stuff that makes him comfortable. Ooh -- tennis balls!
CHRISTOPHER: I actually have tennis balls.
LORELAI: Penn or Wilson?
CHRISTOPHER: You're joking.
LORELAI: Paul Anka's must be Penn. They must be new, they must be green -- not orange and green, just green. And FYI, you might want to watch that sarcastic tone of yours because dogs are very attuned to tone. It's kind of like Chinese, in that respect, dog language. It's very tone based. And you are stressing him out right now with your tone.
CHRISTOPHER: The dog is stressed?
LORELAI: Look at him. And when he gets like this, you need to talk to him in sweet and dulcet tones. [High-pitched voice] Hi, Paul Anka. Ooh, hi, boy! Hi! [Normal voice] Get it?
CHRISTOPHER: Got it.
LORELAI: Good. Sunglasses. [goes to get them]
CHRISTOPHER: [To Paul Anka] This is not normal. I want you to know that. [To Lorelai] The dog wears Ferragamos?
LORELAI: Oh, please. Don't give him any ideas. These are mine. All right, let's go. You take this, this, and this. Come on. What are you waiting for?
[They go out and close the door, Paul Anka whimpers a little, then Lorelai comes back]
LORELAI: Oops. Here, Paul Anka. [Claps]
OPENING CREDITS
HALLWAY TO LOGAN'S APARTMENT
[Rory's phone rings]
RORY: [answers cell phone] Hey.
LOGAN: Hey, you watching it?
RORY: What?
LOGAN: The meteor shower.
RORY: What meteor shower?
LOGAN: It's on the news the BBC said there's some huge meteor shower tonight. I thought we could watch it together.
RORY: Uh, Logan, I have been in the library for the past nine hours. I don't know anything about any meteor showers. But I could use a regular shower, though.
LOGAN: Go up on the roof and check it out.
RORY: Now?
LOGAN: Yes, now! It's supposed to start in like two minutes.
RORY: But...
LOGAN: Ace! This is once-in-a-lifetime celestial event. Get going.
RORY: Okay, okay. I'm getting. I'm going.
LOGAN: Are you running?
RORY: I'm running! I'm running! Who knew you were such an astronomy buff?
LOGAN: Hurry!
RORY: What has gotten into you?
[Rory makes it to the roof]
LOGAN: Nice night.
RORY: Oh, my god! You're here! What are you doing here?
LOGAN: [Chuckles] Happy to see me?
RORY: Beyond happy! [They hug] Ecstatic! I can't believe you're here! And look at me -- I'm covered in highlighter ink and I smell like Fritos and ginger ale.
LOGAN: It's an aphrodisiac.
RORY: You're here and you did all this?
LOGAN: You like?
RORY: I love, but you didn't have to do this. I mean, you're here. It's enough. It's more than enough.
LOGAN: Could you shut up now so I can kiss you?
[They Kiss]
RORY: So there is no meteor shower?
LOGAN: No meteor shower.
RORY: So you used the entire cosmos to trick me?
LOGAN: I like to think big.
RORY: So, what is going on? What, Why are you here?
LOGAN: I'm kissing my girlfriend on the roof. Mmm.
RORY: But why?
LOGAN: The Fritos and Ginger Ale thing. I told you, huge turn-on.
RORY: [Sighs] Explain yourself.
LOGAN: I'm just here for a quick business trip.
RORY: How quick?
LOGAN: Too quick.
RORY: How quick is "too quick"?
LOGAN: I have 10:00 flight back to London tomorrow night.
RORY: Oh, that is too quick.
LOGAN: That website my team has been trying to buy -- the owners finally agreed to sit down, talk to us tomorrow over breakfast.
RORY: Logan! That's great, right? I mean, three weeks ago, they weren't even taking your calls.
LOGAN: It is great. However, not as exciting as kissing my girlfriend on the roof.
RORY: Um, so, what's that amazing smell?
LOGAN: Food from Ibiza.
RORY: The island?
LOGAN: The Tapas plAce downtown.
RORY: Ooh, did you get the duck?
LOGAN: I did.
RORY: And the short ribs?
LOGAN: Yes. And...
RORY: [Gasps] Ooh! A 2003 red something. Oh I bet it's very oaky and corky and full of fruity legs.
LOGAN: Know a lot about wine, do you?
RORY: Not so much, but the label's pretty.
LOGAN: There's also gazpacho, that cheese-pie thing you love, plus flan.
RORY: Ooh, flan! You got me flan?
LOGAN: Doesn't take much to make you happy, does it?
RORY: Not when you're on this continent.
LOG: Okay, why don't you open this wine? I want to taste those fruity legs, and I'll make you a plate with extra flan.
RORY: Okay. [starts to open the bottle but then runs to Logan] Ooh, I'm so glad you're here!
LOGAN: [Sighs]
CHRIS' APARTMENT - LIVING ROOM
[Lorelai is on the couch, playing with the Tivo remote, Chris walks in]
CHRISTOPHER: Ha-ha! You're killing my Tivo.
LORELAI: I'm not killing it. I'm composing on it, I'm composing a symphony. Finally, an instrument I can play.
CHRISTOPHER: Give me that.
LORELAI: No, no, no!
CHRISTOPHER: Give me!
LORELAI: Not until you explain your choices.
CHRISTOPHER: What?
LORELAI: "The View"? "Girlfriends"? "S*Bado Gigante"? Who controls this thing, you or Pedro Almodóvar?
CHRISTOPHER: It's the nanny.
LORELAI: Sure, it's a likely story.
CHRISTOPHER: Give me, give me, give me.
LORELAI: Did Gigi Get to sleep okay?
CHRISTOPHER: She did. I tried to skip to the end of "Cinderella," but she wouldn't let me. It's my own fault. My wicked stepsister voice kills.
LORELAI: She's amazing, you know?
CHRISTOPHER: That reminds me.
LORELAI: Oh, no! You're not gonna show me some of her art, are you? I never know what to say in those situations. I mean, even when it was Rory's art, you know? Three blue finger smudges and some construction paper. It's not precocious. It's just messy.
CHRISTOPHER: Here. This came a couple of days ago. It's from Sherry.
LORELAI: From Sherry?
CHRISTOPHER: Yeah, it's the first I've heard from her since the divorce was final. Go ahead and read it.
LORELAI: Wow, how "Dangerous Liaisons" of her. She doesn't call. She doesn't e-mail. Then she sends you a letter with a wax seal that weighs roughly the same as a porterhouse.
CHRISTOPHER: Well, she had a lot to say.
LORELAI: Gosh. It's a lot of sorry.
CHRISTOPHER: Yeah, 15 pages worth. Believe me, I was not expecting this. Humility is not a side of Sherry I've ever seen before. I don't know if it's the yoga or the yoga instructor or...
LORELAI: Yoga instructor?
CHRISTOPHER: Yeah, she's dating her yoga instructor, Jean-Claude or Jean-Pierre -- one of those names that always sounds fake. Anyway, it sounds like she's really changed. She feels awful about what happened, run away like that and she wants to find a way to be part of Gigi's life again.
LORELAI: Honey, that's great.
CHRISTOPHER: Right?
LORELAI: Yeah... So, you got this two days ago and you're showing it to me now.
CHRISTOPHER: Well I was gonna show it to you, a couple of days ago but I figured you were coming over so...
LORELAI: No, I'm not criticizing.
CHRISTOPHER: You're not?
LORELAI: No, I'm complimenting -- badly, obviously. But I'm complimenting. You shared it with me.
CHRISTOPHER: Well I kind of thought that was how the whole adult-relationship thing worked. You know, openness, honesty.
LORELAI: Interesting. And you're sure you don't want to stash it away somewhere and then I find it -- accidentally, of course -- months from now, and I get all weird and insecure about why you didn't show it to me sooner?
CHRISTOPHER: I'm good with the sharing.
LORELAI: All right. It's another way to go.
[They sit back to watch TV]
CHRISTOPHER: [Evil voice] That glass slipper will fit my foot. [Normal voice] That was my wicked stepsister voice.
LORELAI: Yeah, I figured.
[Lorelai looks happy]
ROOF TOP
[Rory and Logan are laying on the floor]
RORY: I'm so happy.
LOGAN: Me too. [Kisses Rory on the head] You know you can't do this in London? The city lights are so bright, you almost never see the stars.
RORY: Yeah, but it's London.
LOGAN: Ah.
RORY: Wait, are you tired of London?
LOGAN: I'm tired of not being around you.
RORY: Yeah, but you can't be tired of London. Samuel Johnson said, "when you're tired of London, you're tired of life."
LOGAN: Obviously, the man was never in a long-distance relationship.
RORY: That's true. Boswell did keep quite close.
LOGAN: [Smooches] What are you doing?
RORY: Nothing.
LOGAN: You're trying to sneak a peek at my watch.
RORY: Well, I just can't believe it. I can't believe you're here. And I-I can't believe that you're leaving in only 26 hours and 45 minutes.
LOGAN: Come on think positive -- that's an entire lifetime to a fruit fly.
RORY: Actual you're thinking of a mayfly. Fruit flies can live for up to a month. So what do you think, can you stay for a month? I mean what if your meeting tomorrow goes really, really well?
LOGAN: I hope it does.
RORY: It will. It's a great idea.
LOGAN: It's basically MyspAce.
RORY: But by invitation only. And it'll be like an online version of the Algonquin group, like throwing a party in your head where everyone you've ever wanted to talk to is there -- Ira Glass, Sofia Coppola, Flaubert, Danger Mouse.
LOGAN: The deal's not done yet. Far from it. These guys aren't just gonna hand over their website because we buy them breakfast.
RORY: They might. Tell them that they can order pancakes and eggs. Don't make them choose. Sausage, bacon, fruit, potatoes -- let them get the whole combo. 'Cause Then they will have to sell it to you. It'd be rude not to.
LOGAN: You are a business genius, Ace.
RORY: Well, I'm taking econ with my grandpa.
LOGAN: Whatever happens, we'll be ready. We've been working our asses off on this one -- Nick, Bobby, Phillip.
RORY: Oh, yes -- Phillip, Nick, Bobby. The team. Starting lineup.
LOGAN: It is a classic win-win. They give us a foothold in new media. We give them a huge influx of capital, which they need. Believe me when it comes to debt versus equity, they're screwed. They have no liquidity, huge expenses, zero revenue. I mean, the target advertising potential alone -- what? What are you staring at?
RORY: You, "Mr. Debt versus equity."
LOGAN: Are you mocking me?
RORY: Yeah, but I like it. Tell me more about this um, targeted advertising potential.
LOGAN: What do you want to know? There's pay-per-click, pay-per-lead, banner ads, pixel tagging.
RORY: Oh, stop. I'm getting weak at the knees.
[They kiss]
LOGAN'S APARTMENT
[Next morning, Rory is still in bed]
RORY: [reaching for Logan] Logan?
LOGAN: Shh. Go back to sleep. It's only 6:00.
RORY: In the morning?
LOGAN: Yes, in the morning. Go back to sleep. I'm sorry I woke you.
RORY: Hey, where you going? Come back here.
LOGAN: I can't I promised Nick, Bobby, and Phillip I'd meet up with them for breakfast before the pitch.
RORY: I thought the pitch was at breakfast.
LOGAN: It is, but we can't walk in there unprepared. We got to go over our notes, talk strategy. It's a pre-breakfast breakfast.
RORY: Work dork.
LOGAN: Did you just call me a work dork?
RORY: Admit it, just admit that you're a work dork.
LOGAN: I'll admit that I'm a work dork, if you admit that you love I'm a work dork.
RORY: Done. [they kiss]
LOGAN: Now I really have to go.
RORY: Hey, I have ways of making you stay, you know.
LOGAN: I know, I know, but take pity on me, please. After work, I promise I'm all yours. Dinner?
RORY: Is it a pre-dinner dinner or a real dinner?
LOGAN: As many dinners as you want.
RORY: Aw, man, I can't believe we've wasted 4 1/2 hours on sleep. What are we down to now, like 15 hours?
LOGAN: Rory, I'm actually gonna need both arms for this pitch.
RORY: Okay, I'll let go. Just one more kiss.
LOGAN: I don't believe you.
RORY: Try me.
[Logan moves in to kiss, then doesn't and walks off.]
RORY: [Gasps] Hey! No fair!
LOGAN: I'll call you later.
RORY: Work dork!
LOGAN: Work dork lover.
DRAGONFLY INN - RECEPTION AREA
MICHEL: [Sniffs] Gah. [Sniffs]
LORELAI: You need a tissue? Oh, god, what is that?
MICHEL: I don't know, but it's horrible.
LORELAI: Oh, it is. It's foul. It's like rotten cabbage.
MICHEL: Or with dense but subtle undertones of olives.
LORELAI: There's nothing subtle about it. It's like a sledgehammer to the nose.
SOOKIE: Oh, my god! What is that?
LORELAI: It's not coming from the kitchen?
SOOKIE: Bite your tongue. Are we having heart attacks right now? Isn't smelling something strange the first sign of a heart attack?
LORELAI: I don't think we're having a communal massive heart attack.
MICHEL: Carcasses.
LORELAI: What?
MICHEL: Those strange, angry-looking guests -- I'm sure they are traveling with decaying animal flesh.
LORELAI: Yeah, 'cause that's the most logical explanation. Gonna open a window, see if we can air it out a little bit. [opens the window] Gah! No, no, no!
SOOKIE: Close it! Close it! Close it!
LORELAI: Ugh!
MICHEL: So glad we tried that.
LORELAI: All right, I'm going out there to see what's causing this.
SOOKIE: Out there?!
MICHEL: Are you crazy?!
LORELAI: Maybe, but the sooner we can find out what's causing this, the sooner we can run like hell to less stinky ground.
SOOKIE: Well I'm coming with you!
MICHEL: Me too! Let's hang for a minute. If she makes it to the end of the block, we'll join her.
SOOKIE: Michel!
MICHEL: What? Fine. Ugh! [Coughs]
STARS HOLLOW - TOWN SQUARE
[They whole town is out covering there noses]
LORELAI: Kirk, where's everybody going?
KIRK: Taylor called an emergency town meeting. Not sure why.
SOOKIE: The smell, Kirk. The horrible, horrible smell.
KIRK: Really? [Sniffs] I just don't think it's that bad.
SOOKIE: Ugh. Well, come on, let's go.
LORELAI: No. You know what? On second thought, I'd rather smell this smell for the rest of my life than see Luke at a town meeting.
SOOKIE: Oh, honey.
LORELAI: It's okay. I'll go back to the inn. I'll be fine. Just call me when you want me to pick you up.
MISS PATTYS - TOWN MEETING
GYPSY: Finally!
MISS PATTY: It's about time, Taylor! We're dying here.
TAYLOR: I assure you, no one is dying. The substance causing this odor is not toxic in any way, shape, or form. It's pickles.
[The crowd begins to groan and continues to for most of the meeting]
SOOKIE: That's no pickle!
KIRK: Pickle? Like one giant pickle?
TAYLOR: Order! As those of you who take an interest in civic events may recall, three days ago a train derailed just east of town -- luckily, no one was injured. However, 3 1/2 tons of pickles and pickle brine were scattered along the tracks. And due to some inevitable delays in cleanup, those pickles have been baking in the sun for three days.
[The crowd groans]
MISS PATTY: And you knew about this?
GYPSY: It's a cover-up.
BABETTE: We got picklegate!
MISS PATTY: Ha ha ha!
TAYLOR: I did know about it, but it wasn't a problem until this morning when the wind shifted. And instead of wafting easterly toward our neighbors in Woodbridge, the smell seems to have settled on stars hollow. Now, there's no telling how long it will last.
[The crowd groans again]
GYPSY: What?! People are suffering here.
SOOKIE: How long does it take to pick up a few measly pickles?
TAYLOR: Picking up the pickles is not my main concern at the moment. Now, this is a matter of pride, people. A huge principle is at stake. There's absolutely no reason why we here in stars hollow should take responsibility for this mess. The pickles themselves hail from Ohio.
LUKE: Ohio?
TAYLOR: The railroad company is incorporated in the state of Delaware. And since all the pickles are on the Woodbridge side of the tracks...
LUKE: Just pick up the damn pickles, Taylor!
[Indistinct shouting]
TAYLOR: Easier said than done. Even if we wanted to do the wrong thing and assume fiscal responsibility for this fiasco, the cost is astronomical. $2,500 for...
LUKE: Sold!
GYPSY: Done!
BABETTE: Pay, you big cheapskate!
[The crowd starts yelling "yeah!"]
TAYLOR: Fine! All those in favor of stars hollow taking a swift kick to the tush and shouldering the entire cost...
[The crowd raise the hands and say "aye!aye!"]
TAYLOR: Very well. Motion carried. Pickle smell gone in 48 hours... along with everything good about stars hollow.
[They crowd leaves]
PARK
[Children playing on different play ground equipment]
LORELAI: Breathe that in. Isn't that fantastic? Forgot what fresh, pickleless air smells like.
CHRISTOPHER: Oh, so, you coming over to my neck of the woods for lunch is really no reflection on how desperately you needed to see me?
LORELAI: Hmm...10% desperate need to see you, 90% pickles.
CHRISTOPHER: [Chuckles]
LORELAI: You know, I'm actually looking forward to Friday night dinner. Because, as you well know, the Gilmore house, like very expensive vodka, is completely odorless.
CHRISTOPHER: And you still want me to come with?
LORELAI: Yes, you, me, Rory, numbers, babe.
CHRISTOPHER: Gigi, No. Skirt down! Gigi!
LORELAI: You may want to look into the whole skort concept.
CHRISTOPHER: Hey, so, I spoke with Sherry this morning.
LORELAI: Oh, yeah. What's the deal with her?
CHRISTOPHER: Well, first she and Gigi Spoke for almost half an hour.
LORELAI: That's as long as you can do anything when you're 4.
CHRISTOPHER: And then she and I talked. I thanked her for the letter. She said everything in it was true. She's totally serious about this new life thing. No more workaholic ways. She's gardening and meditating, all kinds of stuff. She's very self-actualized -- her words, not mine.
LORELAI: Good for her.
CHRISTOPHER: And the big news is, she wants me to send Gigi To Paris to stay with her for a couple of months.
LORELAI: Wow.
CHRISTOPHER: Yeah wow, I mean, I know it seems kind of sudden, but Sherry's taken this huge leave of absence from work, and Gigi Got so excited. Why not, right? She's not in school, yet, just preschool, and she needs to get to know her mother sometime. [To Gigi] No, hey! Gigi, That's too high! Careful!
LORELAI: So, what -- would you go to Paris with her?
CHRISTOPHER: No, I was thinking the nanny could take her. She's dying to go. I mean, it's Paris, right? She's 25 years old. It's a chance of a lifetime.
LORELAI: Yeah, sure.
CHRISTOPHER: No, hey! Gigi, No, don't pick that up! I'll be right back.
LORELAI: [Sighs]
YALE NEWS ROOM
BILL: You can't put Paris in charge.
PARIS: She can and she should.
RORY: Guy's I just need someone to get the paper out tonight. Doesn't matter who. I want the chain of command to be clear.
BILL: When the editor in chief isn't here, the managing editor's in charge. That's standard operating procedure at every newspaper in the country.
PARIS: Yes, but I've done this 1,000 times, and you've never done it, bill. Experience.
BILL: Experience that led to a mutiny. It's not like anyone ever gave Captain Bligh another ship after the Bounty.
PARIS: Of course they did, multiple ships, and by the time he died, they promoted the guy to rear admiral. Do you think the British royal navy ruled the world in the 19th century by letting that much natural talent and leadership capability go to waste just because a few whiny complainers wanted more breadfruit and less scurvy?
BILL: [To Rory] Tell me you're not seriously considering this. The bunker. Do you not remember the bunker?
PARIS: I hardly see how my choice of workplace is relevant.
BILL: There was an insurrection, a revolt, an uprising. She was deposed.
PARIS: See how wordy he is? He overwrites. Plus, he's always been weak with gerunds.
RORY: [Sighs and then her cell phone rings] Sorry. Look, could you guys take this somewhere else?
BILL: Fine. Let's go to my desk.
PARIS: Your desk? Right, like I'm actually going to cede home-court advantage.
RORY: Oh, for god's sake.
RORY: [Answering the phone] Hey!
LOGAN: We did it, Ace! We bought the company!
RORY: What?
LOGAN: It's crazy we were just supposed to have breakfast. Next thing I know, we're sitting there with lawyers going over contracts.
RORY: Logan, that's amazing.
LOGAN: I know!
RORY: Was it all because of my breakfast-combo idea?
LOGAN: I'm pretty sure that's what sealed it. So will you come celebrate with me tonight?
RORY: I already cleared my schedule.
LOGAN: Great! I'll send a car. Tonight, you'll be dining with a captain of industry.
RORY: Wow, do you get to wear a uniform?
LOGAN: I'll have to check the fine print. Go home, get dressed. I'll see you soon.
RORY: Aye-aye, captain.
DRAGONFLY INN - RECEPTION
[Michel is on the phone]
MICHEL: Cancel? Well, I would say that depends. What exactly is your feeling about pickles? Uh-huh, yes, pickles -- gherkins, dills. For instance, if all the air around you smelled like pickles and there was no place to run, no place to hide, would you find that bothersome?
LORELAI: Michel, help. Let me in. [The door is chained to keep the smell out]
MICHEL: [On the phone] No, that is not a metaphor. Yes perhaps it would be better if you checked in tomorrow night. Uh-huh. Goodbye.
LORELAI: Michel, it's getting in my pores! My pores are pickling!
MICHEL: [Coughs, as he lets her in, he has put on a mask]
LORELAI: Sorry, I didn't mean to get you out of surgery.
MICHEL: Oh, mock the mask if you wish.
LORELAI: Oh, I will.
MICHEL: [Coughs, closes the door and sprays around it.] One is never too careful with toxic pollutants in the air.
LORELAI: Michel, it's just pickles.
MICHEL: Oh, so they say! Has anyone ever seen these pickles? Who's to say this is not some sort of chemical weapon the government is testing on us behind our backs?
LORELAI: That's a cheery thought.
MICHEL: I have much scarier scenarios if you want to hear them.
LORELAI: Yeah, maybe later.
DRAGONFLY INN - KITCHEN
LORELAI: Hey. Wow, the smell is amazingly not terrible in here. What'd you do?
SOOKIE: Well, after the town meeting, I decided to make some baked apples with cinnamon and nutmeg.
LORELAI: This is apples and cinnamon?
SOOKIE: Mnh-mnh. The apples failed me. I mean, a terrifically famous smell, right? A powerful tool in the hands of a real-estate agent. Against the pickles -- powerless.
LORELAI: What is it? It makes me happy.
SOOKIE: The apples failed. I tried cheeses and breads and chocolates. But nothing could mask the power of the pickles.
LORELAI: You know I think my sense of smell is ruined. The insides of my nose are burned out.
SOOKIE: Then, I decided if you can't beat them, join them. Embrace the pickle!
LORELAI: Milton Berle it smells like?
SOOKIE: Milton Berle, are you saying my kitchen smells like Milton Berle?
LORELAI: Milton Berle, "Broadway Danny Rose," Carnegie deli.
SOOKIE: Pastrami.
LORELAI: Pastrami!
SOOKIE: You want a sandwich? I'll make you a sandwich.
LORELAI: No, thanks.
SOOKIE: You sure? I've got pumpernickel. I've got rye. I've got this really nice mustard. I've even got dr. Brown's cel-ray soda in the fridge.
LORELAI: Nah, I filled up on lunchables in the park with Chris and Gigi
SOOKIE: Oh, yeah?
LORELAI: Yeah.
SOOKIE: Lunchables, huh?
LORELAI: Don't judge what you do not understand.
SOOKIE: So, Friday afternoon in the park with Christopher, huh?
LORELAI: Yeah, you know I will have one. Soda that tastes like vegetables -- who would have thunk it? Hey, uh, this kind of weird thing happened today.
SOOKIE: Oh yeah.
LORELAI: So, apparently Sherry is trying to get back in touch with Christopher.
SOOKIE: Sherry "ex-wife" Sherry?
LORELAI: Mm-hmm.
SOOKIE: Sherry "abandoned her baby to go live the life of a bon vivant" Sherry?
LORELAI: The very one. She wrote him a letter -- "mea culpa, mea culpa." She's learned the error of her ways. She wants to get back in touch with Gigi.
SOOKIE: Translation -- she wants to get back with Christopher.
LORELAI: No, I don't think so. She's dating someone. She's doing downward dog with some French yoga instructor.
SOOKIE: Sherry "mani/pedi twice a week" Sherry is doing yoga?
LORELAI: Allegedly. Who knows? But then Chris went on about sending Gigi To Paris with this 20-year-old nanny so that Gigi Can reconnect with her mom.
SOOKIE: And you told him that's insane.
LORELAI: No.
SOOKIE: What? Why not?
LORELAI: I don't know. Not saying what I think is not what I'm known for. If you know what I mean.
SOOKIE: No, no, I don't it's not what you're known for. It's what you're not known for. I mean, it's not what your not... you're usually quite frank.
LORELAI: I know.
SOOKIE: It sounds like you're not quite comfortable talking to Christopher.
LORELAI: That's the thing. I am.
SOOKIE: Well, then why didn't you?
LORELAI: Because in my head, I wasn't talking to Christopher. I mean in the park I was talking to Christopher but in my head, I was talking to Luke.
SOOKIE: Oh, honey, of course you were.
LORELAI: No, I-I don't mean it like I missed him. I mean it like Luke is the one who didn't want me getting involved in his kid's life, not Chris. Chris is open to what I think. Chris is open to me. [Scoffs] Christopher is not Luke.
SOOKIE: Nope, Christopher is not Luke.
LORELAI: Why aren't all nutritious things in soda form?
SOOKIE: That's a good question.
LORELAI: I swear I would eat my vegetables if only they were fizzy. [cell phone rings] Yay, Rory! Hello?
RORY: Hey, what's going on?
LORELAI: Uh, well Stars Hollow smells like pickles.
RORY: Pickles?
LORELAI: Pickles.
RORY: Pickles pickles?
LORELAI: Pickles.
RORY: Why?
LORELAI: Because a pickle train crashed.
RORY: Is this a joke, is this a long, boring joke that I'm not going to get?
LORELAI: No it's no joke the town smells like pickles because a pickle train was derailed.
RORY: A train full of pickles? Who knew there was such a thing?
LORELAI: Well, pickle-train conductors, for one. Sounds so fun. I would've been the greatest pickle-train conductor. Can you see me -- "all aboard, you pickles!"
RORY: Hmm. Clearly you missed your calling.
LORELAI: Well, luckily there's you. You're young, you're clever, you're our great pickle-train conducting hope.
RORY: I can't believe I'm missing this.
LORELAI: Well you can celebrate next year on the anniversary. Now what's going on with you?
RORY: Well, I can't make it to Friday night dinner tonight, but I have a very good excuse.
LORELAI: Pickle-train conducting seminar?
RORY: Logan's in town.
LORELAI: [Gasps] No way!
RORY: Yeah, he showed up last night. It was a total surprise.
LORELAI: I can't believe you let me go on about pickle-train conducting when you had actual news.
RORY: You had news. Stars hollow smells like pickles. I can completely see that scrolling along the CNN crawl.
LORELAI: Logan in town is totally pre-pickle news. How long is he here for?
RORY: 6 1/2 more hours. He flew in yesterday, bought a company, and he's flying back out tonight.
LORELAI: Oh my God, what are you guys gonna do with your precious remaining hours? Or don't I want to know?
RORY: Mom!
LORELAI: Well, because you might be farming rutabagas or something, and I wouldn't want to know 'cause -- boring.
RORY: Well, tonight I'm meeting him in Manhattan to celebrate.
LORELAI: Fancy restaurant?
RORY: Rutabaga farm, actually. Oh, but I'm sorry about dinner. I did not mean to abandon you in your time of need.
LORELAI: No worries I'm not gonna be defenseless. I'm bringing your dad.
RORY: Really? Wow!
LORELAI: Yeah, thought it was time he meet the parents.
RORY: Okay, that is pre-pickle news, my friend.
LORELAI: Oh, this conversation's been a disaster, hasn't it?
RORY: Yes, it has.
LORELAI: All right. Bring-bring. Hi, Rory. How are you?
RORY: Hi, mom. Logan's in town.
LORELAI: Oh, my goodness. That's wonderful.
RORY: We're farming rutabagas.
LORELAI: Oh, you're a filthy child. I will disown you. Bringing your father to dinner. Pickles, pickles, pickles, smell, pickle-train conducting.
RORY: Alas, alack.
LORELAI: Good talk.
RORY: The best.
LORELAI: Bye.
[SCENE_BREAK]
MANHATTAN RESTAURANT
[Rory enters]
MAITRE D': Good evening, I'll take that.
RORY: [handing over a wrap] Thank you. Um, I'm just meeting someone. Ahoy, my captain of industry!
LOGAN: Ace!
RORY: Hey, where is your uniform? I was expecting the whole works -- a spiffy hat, shiny shoes, epaulets with scrambled eggs on them.
LOGAN: Scrambled eggs on my clothes? What you must think of me. You look gorgeous.
RORY: Thanks.
[they kiss]
LOGAN: Though I was hoping you'd wear a nice little saiLor's middy. You look so cute in a middy.
RORY: Oh, I'd love to wear a middy. And a little sailor hat, like the stay puft marshmallow man.
LOGAN: Because who doesn't want to date a giant humanoid marshmallow?
RORY: I'm so proud of you.
LORELAI: Mmm. Come on. Our table's over here.
RORY: Okay.
LOGAN: Everybody, I'd like you to meet my girlfriend, Rory.
NICK: Such a pleasure, Rory. I'm Nick.
RORY: Hi
LOGAN: And this is Phillip.
PHILLIP: Nice to meet you.
RORY: You too.
BOBBI: And I'm Bobbi. So, so glad you could join us.
RORY: [taken back by the beautiful blond] Bobbi, um...yeah, me too. I'm so glad I could make it. How are you?
BOBBI: I'm brilliant, actually. We had quite a day. Shall we order another bottle of champers, boys?
LOGAN: Absolutely.
BOBBI: Good. I'm parched. [to Rory] Do you drink?
RORY: What? Um, yeah, sure.
LOGAN: Here. Sit, sit.
PHILLIP: Food let's please get food. I haven't eaten since the waffles.
NICK: Good god did you eat those?
PHILLIP: It would have been rude not to.
NICK: You eat anything. You astound me.
LOGAN: You're like a human garbage disposal.
BOBBI: It's appalling, Phillip. Really it is. You now what you should do, you should go on one of those, um, American reality TV series and showcase your talents.
LOGAN: There are these huge waffles at the breakfast this morning.
RORY: And Phillip ate them. I'm catching on.
NICK: Logan I know we're celebrating, but I'm concerned about our budget for this project. From a strictly economical perspective do we really want to blow everything on feeding Phillip tonight?
LOGAN: Somebody's got to crunch the numbers.
PHILLIP: It's true. The numbers do not crunch themselves. Ergo, the number cruncher must be fed.
[Laughs all round]
BOBBI: So, Rory, I've heard so much about you!
RORY: [flustered] Oh, yeah?
BOBBI: Logan has talked my ear off about you.
RORY: Oh, yeah, yeah. Me too. He's talked my ear off about you and all of you. All of you, I mean, I'm practically Van Gogh from my earlessness.
BOBBI: Did we order champagne? Logan, your girlfriend must be parched.
LOGAN: Oh, excuse me, miss. I think we'd like another bottle, over here please.
PHILLIP: Oh, and bring another bread plate.
BOBBI: [Gasps, scoffs] You're amazing.
NICK: Ridiculous.
PHILLIP: I'm hungry.
CHRIS' CAR - NIGHT TIME
[Music plays]
LORELAI: oh, no. You know my rule about hair bands.
CHRISTOPHER: My car, my tunes.
LORELAI: Really? You're gonna say, "tunes"?
CHRISTOPHER: You got a lot of rules, lady.
LORELAI: Not a lot. It's just no saying "killer," no saying "whack," no saying "rockin'" or "pimping" or "slamming," capisce?
CHRISTOPHER: Fo' shizzle.
LORELAI: There's got to be an eject button here somewhere.
CHRISTOPHER: How's this for an idea -- weekend away, the two of us?
LORELAI: [Gasps] That's great for an idea. Ooh! Ooh! I know the perfect place.
CHRISTOPHER: Don't say "Dollywood." Please don't, don't say "Dollywood."
LORELAI: The ice hotel.
CHRISTOPHER: The what?
LORELAI: The ice hotel. It's amazing. I read about it in the travel section. It's a hotel totally made of ice. The roof is ice. The floors are ice. The chairs are ice. Chandeliers are ice.
CHRISTOPHER: I think I'm beginning to get the picture. Wouldn't it be amazing if you went down the hall and the ice machine was empty?
LORELAI: It is amazing.
CHRISTOPHER: Amazingly cold.
LORELAI: No. You get to wear parkas and fur hats.
CHRISTOPHER: "Get to"?
LORELAI: And you sleep under reindeer skins. You eat reindeer meat.
CHRISTOPHER: Again, "get to"?
LORELAI: You drink Vodka. That's a good "get to."
CHRISTOPHER: Hey, how's this for an idea? We can drink vodka in Bermuda.
LORELAI: [Chuckles] The ice hotel in Bermuda would totally melt.
CHRISTOPHER: We'll do two weekends away. First the ice hotel. Then once we've been treated for frostbite and had our stomachs pumped of reindeer meat, we'll go defrost on a beach somewhere. I mean, we've got the time. Gigi's gonna be in Paris for a couple of months.
LORELAI: [Sighs]
CHRISTOPHER: What? You're not down with the whole beach thing?
LORELAI: No, it's...more the whole Paris thing.
CHRISTOPHER: Yes?
LORELAI: I-I'm just... I'm not sure it's such a good idea that Gigi Goes to Paris.
CHRISTOPHER: Meaning?
LORELAI: Well, she's only 4 years old. She barely even knows Sherry.
CHRISTOPHER: Yeah, but Sherry's her mother.
LORELAI: A mother she hasn't seen in two years.
CHRISTOPHER: Look, Sherry's doing really well. You read her letter. And I think I've been doing a really good job with Gigi
LORELAI: Oh, honey. Amazing.
CHRISTOPHER: But it's hard, you know? I-it's -- it's really hard, and Gigi needs her mom. And if I can help bring them both back together, I-I-I want to do that. I have to do that.
LORELAI: I know, I get that. I just -- I think maybe you should put a little more thought into it, you know, before you send a toddler on an airplane with an 18-year-old nanny who's totally psyched to go to France.
CHRISTOPHER: The nanny's 25.
LORELAI: Oh, oh, okay, then.
CHRISTOPHER: Like the nanny's really your problem here.
LORELAI: Well, I mean, it's not an un-problem, you know? I think you should just consider it more carefully or maybe go yourself.
CHRISTOPHER: Look, I read her letter --
LORELAI: oh, my god! Enough! Enough with the letter already.
GILMORE MANSION
[They pull up at the Gilmore mansion and get out of the car.]
CHRISTOPHER: I get it.
LORELAI: What do you get?
CHRISTOPHER: This is about you being threatened by Sherry.
LORELAI: Oh, no. Give me a break.
CHRISTOPHER: You never liked her.
LORELAI: No, I didn't, but I don't like the new mailman either. Doesn't mean I'm threatened by him. This is about me thinking I could speak openly and honestly about my concerns without getting freaked out on.
CHRISTOPHER: Nice. Real nice.
LORELAI: Honey, what is going on with you?
CHRISTOPHER: What's going on with you, Lor?
LORELAI: Look, can we drop this, please, and try and have a nice evening?
CHRISTOPHER: It's dropped.
[They door opens]
EMILY: Well, hello, hello! Richard, they're here. Don't you two look marvelous? Well, don't just stand there. Come in, come in.
MANHATTAN - RESTAURANT
LOGAN: It was the way he kept saying "intellectual property." Each time he said it I could feel the whole deal just slipping through our fingers.
PHILLIP: He was like, "intellectual property, intellectual property."
LOGAN: "Which is like my property, my property, my property."
BOBBI: "I invented it, I invented it."
NICK: "We won't sell, We won't sell."
LOGAN: "And it's slipping, slipping."
PHILLIP: I'm looking at Nick trying to convey through subtle dilations of my pupils that we simply cannot offer any more money.
NICK: And I'm looking at Phillip who's looking at me like, like he's hopped up on some sort of methamphetamine.
LOGAN: Slipping, slipping, and it looks like we lost him, and then Bobbi.
PHILLIP: Bobbi makes a bold choice.
NICK: What does she do?
LOGAN: She just stands up.
NICK: She does.
PHILLIP: She just stands up!
RORY: Wow.
LOGAN: She stands up like she can't take it anymore, and she says, "meeting's over, boys."
RORY: That must have been crazy.
NICK: It was amazing. I'm sitting here, and she's here, and she stands up. And I look over, and all I see is legs, legs, legs and this look on her face like "ohh, no." It was brilliant Do it, Bobbi. Stand up.
BOBBI: Knock it off.
LOGAN: Come on, Bobbi. [to Rory] You got to see this.
PHILLIP: But we insist.
NICK: Please?
BOBBI: Fine. But just to shut you lot up. I suppose it was something like, um... [gets up] ...meeting's over, boys.
NICK: Whoo!
LOGAN: Whoo! Well done! Amazing Hu!
NICK: We need another bottle!
PHILLIP: And dessert. Don't we need a little sweet or something?
BOBBI: So, Rory, we've barely had the opportunity to speak all night.
RORY: I know.
BOBBI: How's school? What's your major?
RORY: English.
BOBBI: Oh, god, how fantastic. I swear when I was at oxford, I did nothing but read literature. It was such a luxury.
RORY: That's one way to look at it.
BOBBI: Oh, I long for those days. Just reading books, thinking.
RORY: I do like thinking.
BOBBI: Enjoy it while it lasts. Before you know it, you'll be out in the real world, with the rest of us poor sods.
RORY: Seems like you manage to have some fun.
BOBBI: Well Logan is a big part of that. He is such a laugh.
RORY: He's actually a lot more serious than you might think. It probably takes a long time to get to know that side of him, the serious side.
BOBBI: Oh, you two are so adorable.
RORY: Thanks.
PHILLIP: Hey, not so fast! We're still working on getting the next round. Another sloe gin fizz, please. Oh, and don't get too excited, fellas. I'm just going to the loo.
LOGAN: Yes! That's it!
NICK: Amazing! Magnificent!
PHILLIP: We fold, we fold. Thank you, thank you very much. And feel free to say all sorts of cheeky things about me while I'm gone.
LOGAN: Isn't she a riot?
RORY: Hilarious.
GILMORE MANSION - DINNING ROOM
[Dinner is under way, Chris and Lorelai do not look pleased with each other.]
RICHARD: Well, naturally I thought they were referring to the archduke. So I jumped in, as who wouldn't? With some thoughts about the various conspiracy theories surrounding his infamous assassination in Sarajevo. Imagine my surprise when I learned that Franz Ferdinand was the name of a very popular rock-'n'-roll band.
EMILY: [Laughs] That's what he gets for trying to fraternize after class with his students.
RICHARD: One of them even offered to burn a CD for me. [Chuckles]
EMILY: So, tell me. How are the salads?
LORELAI: Good, mom.
CHRISTOPHER: I like the pear.
EMILY: Do you?
CHRISTOPHER: Umm.
EMILY: I'm so glad.
RICHARD: Tastes very fresh.
EMILY: Well, pears this time of year can dress up any salad. Oh, Richard, did you tell them about midterms? Lorelei, did your father mention midterms?
LORELAI: No, he didn't. How were midterms, dad?
RICHARD: Well as you know, midterms separate the wheat from the chaff. Although I don't actually have to grade any of their papers or tests. They have these marvelous teaching assistants that handle all that sort of things for you.
EMILY: Thank you, Hildegard. Christopher, I hope you like lamb. When I found out you were coming I decided we had to serve something special. And to me, special means lamb. Oh, it just makes me so happy to see the two of you sitting here together. It's so much fun.
CHRISTOPHER: It's very nice to be here.
EMILY: Tennis!
RICHARD: Emily?
EMILY: That's one of the things we can do together as a foursome, now that Lorelei and Christopher are an item.
RICHARD: That's right. We do need new people for doubles.
EMILY: We've been playing with that awful Bunny Ferguson and her husband, whatever his name is.
RICHARD: They are dreadful.
EMILY: The way Bunny Ferguson grunts -- oh! I mean, it's one thing if you're Maria Sharapova and you're 120 pounds and a 7-foot blond teenager. But if you're 5'3"...
RICHARD: And 53...
EMILY: and wearing plaid -- did you see that skirt she wore the last time we played them?
RICHARD: I can only think that it was designed to cause some sort of optic misfunction.
EMILY: So then you'll play with us? Lorelei?
LORELAI: Hmm? Yes, fine, great.
EMILY: It's a date. How does the Saturday after next work for everyone?
LORELAI: Sure.
EMILY: Ah, here's the lamb. You do like lamb Christopher? I'm afraid I never let you answer.
CHRISTOPHER: I do, the funny thing is, I never did when I was a kid, but I do now. I guess I've changed. People do that sometimes.
LORELAI: [Scoffs]
EMILY: That's so true. What a clever observation. It's like you and radishes.
RICHARD: Exactly.
EMILY: Your father used to hate radishes, thought they were discussing.
RICHARD: Well, they are roots. It's a little unappealing.
EMILY: And then one summer in aspen, he fell off a horse, and suddenly he loved radishes. That whole summer, he was radish-crazy.
RICHARD: It's true. I do like radishes to this day.
LORELAI: That's funny.
EMILY: Isn't it?
LORELAI: Yes. I don't like radishes. I guess it's because I find them threatening.
EMILY: What a peculiar thing to say.
LORELAI: Well radishes are a peculiar topic.
RICHARD: All right. Since this is a special occasion of sorts, I should like to propose a toast. To many more nights like this, and to Lorelei and Christopher. Who knew 20-some-odd years ago that we would be making dates to play doubles tennis?
EMILY: And bridge. You absolutely have to join us for bridge.
RICHARD: You two have come a long way since your days of rebellious youth, shall we say?
EMILY: Derelicts. The word is derelicts.
RICHARD: Emily! To Lorelei and Christopher.
[They toast and drink]
EMILY: They were derelicts. It's true. Remember when they stole that bottle of wine you'd been saving for 15 years?
RICHARD: Well, 10 years. It was a '75 Margot.
EMILY: And they had no idea how to use a corkscrew, so they just cracked the top off with a brick and slurped what they could off the patio.
RICHARD: And look at them now. All grown up and drinking very nicely out of glasses.
LORELAI: [To Chris] I need to see you in the bathroom.
CHRISTOPHER: Fine. Excuse me.
BATHROOM
CHRISTOPHER: [Sighs] Uh, would you mind telling me what the hell...
LORELAI: you're not Sherry.
CHRISTOPHER: Excuse me?
LORELAI: You've changed, Chris.
CHRISTOPHER: What are you talking about?
LORELAI: Maybe we were derelicts back then. But we were 16. We were just kids. You were just a kid.
CHRISTOPHER: So?
LORELAI: So, you leaving Rory when you were 16 is not at all the same as Sherry, a grown woman, packing up and living Gigi So I get why you we upset with me. Because when I'm criticizing Sherry, you feel like I'm criticizing you. But I'm -- I wasn't. I'm not. You've changed. You're not 16. You're not a kid. You're not Sherry. I get it.
CHRISTOPHER: Wow, you get it. That's great, Lor. Thanks for telling me how I feel.
[Chris leaves]
MANHATTAN STREET
LOGAN: You tired?
RORY: I'm good.
LOGAN: I could always have the car come pick us up at the corner.
RORY: I'm fine.
LOGAN: Hey, I know. I could carry you.
RORY: Carry me?
LOGAN: Yeah, piggyback, fireman's carry, in both arms -- your choice.
RORY: No. [Chuckles] I'm really fine.
LOGAN: Wow, okay. So, I guess something's really wrong.
RORY: Just because I don't want to be fireman carried doesn't mean that something is wrong.
LOGAN: But something is wrong.
RORY: No, it's just...
LOGAN: Just?
RORY: This isn't exactly what I expected tonight. I was just a little confused, I guess. You called. You were so excited. You said, "celebrate." I thought it was gonna be just us.
LOGAN: Last night was just us.
RORY: I know, and it was also perfect and romantic. And the more I talk about it, the more I feel stupid for even bringing this up.
LOGAN: Look, I'm sorry I wasn't clear on the phone. I'm sorry that you didn't have a good time tonight.
RORY: Well, no, it's not that. I mean, I get it. The guys are great. Okay. But, technically Bobbi, well, she's not exactly a guy.
LOGAN: Yeah, you got me there.
RORY: And until about three hours ago, I thought that she was a guy. You know why? Because you never use personal pronouns -- "she," "her." I mean, would that have been so unbelievably difficult to fit into a conversation? I don't know about you, but most of the Bobby's I know are guys -- Bobby Kennedy, Bobby Brady, Bobby Knight, Bobby Brown. You're smiling at me. Why are smiling at me?
LOGAN: Because you are very cute when you're jealous.
RORY: I'm not jealous.
LOGAN: Rory.
RORY: Oh, and it's not just that. I mean, it was everything. It was not feeling like I was included. I mean, no one all night asked me anything about me.
LOGAN: Bobbi asked you about you.
RORY: Yeah, and how condescending was she? [Imitating Bobbi] "It's such a luxury to read literature." And did you hear what she called us? "Adorable." She called us an adorable couple.
LOGAN: Wait, she said that out loud?
RORY: Yes, adorable.
LOGAN: Wow, you want me to go back there and kick her ass?
RORY: "Adorable" is what you say about a "full house" rerun. It's not what you say about something that lasts. The great wall of china, the pyramids -- no one ever called them "adorable." And excuse me, but how many times does a girl need to stand up at dinner? Yes, you have legs. We get it. "Oh, no, I'm not leaving. I'm just going to the loo." Here's a tip. You're in America now. Speak English.
LOGAN: Okay so just to clarify, in the future, you would prefer I work only with girls who have no legs.
RORY: You're not taking me seriously.
LOGAN: Because you're not being serious. Bobbi is my colleague. She's great at what she does. She's smart. She's talented. Nick has great legs, too. Maybe before you rush to judgment, you should check his out.
RORY: Great so now I'm not just an idiot, I'm an anti-feminist idiot, an anti-feminist who's standing here in the street arguing about things I don't really want to be arguing about.
LOGAN: You don't?
RORY: No. Do you think I like feeling this way? I mean, I haven't seen you for months and months, and now you're in town for what? 26 hours? And in that time, I can't just get happy and act like a fruit fly?
LOGAN: Mayfly.
RORY: I can't just live in the moment and enjoy the 26 great hours ahead of me? I have to be sulky and miserable while all the other fruit flies share private jokes with my boyfriend? You think I like this about myself? Wrong. I hate myself for being this way. I hate Bobbi for her professionally tweezed eyebrows and her oh-so-incredible ability to stand up at a moment's notice. And most of all, I hate the fact that in a few seconds you'll be in that car leaving me again.
LOGAN: That is a hell of a long way to go just to say, "I miss you."
RORY: Any thoughts in response?
LOGAN: I miss you, too, Ace.
RORY: Five words. You only used five words.
LOGAN: Yeah, well, I'm not done yet.
[they start to kiss]
GILMORE HOUSE - LIVING ROOM
[Chris and Lorelai look bored]
EMILY: Of course, this time of year, so many people start playing that awful winter tennis with the chicken-wire cages and the heated courts.
RICHARD: Platform tennis can be very enjoyable, Emily.
EMILY: Yes, but it looks ridiculous, like glorified ping-pong. If I wanted to play ping-pong, I would -- well, if I wanted to play ping-pong, I would kill myself.
RICHARD: Well, I hope you're still good with a racket, Christopher. Lorelei was always hopeless. As a child, we took her to an ophthalmologist to test her depth perception. He could find no rational reason for it.
CHRISTOPHER: [Ignoring Richard and speaking to Lorelai.] I know I'm not Sherry.
EMILY: I'm sorry. Did he serve you Sherry? Richard there has been some mistake, Christopher's drink was supposed to be port.
CHRISTOPHER: [To Lorelai] Come to Paris with me.
LORELAI: What?
CHRISTOPHER: You were right. I should take Gigi myself, check everything out.
EMILY: Check what out?
RICHARD: Paris. I think they want to check out Paris.
CHRISTOPHER: Come on. You can't say "no." I mean, you can, but don't, and maybe there's even a Parisian ice hotel we can stay in.
LORELAI: Yes. I mean, no, there is no ice hotel. But I'll stay in one made of stone or bricks or whatever Paris hotels are made of.
CHRISTOPHER: We can blast the air-conditioning and drink all the vodka you want.
EMILY: What on earth...
LORELAI: Tat sounds great.
EMILY: What happened when you went to the powder room? One minute, we're sitting here having dessert. And the next, you're talking about Paris.
LORELAI: Well, Chris and I are going to Paris.
CHRISTOPHER: In just a couple of weeks, actually. I'm so sorry Emily we're gonna have to take a rain check on that tennis date.
LORELAI: Yeah, till the 12th of never 'cause we wouldn't play tennis or golf or bridge or any game that could be played in a foursome -- except hangman and sometimes Pictionary.
EMILY: What has gotten into you? You were being so pleasant.
LORELAI: Mmm, what is this? This looks good.
EMILY: "What is it"? I told you 20 minutes ago. It's Rhubarb pie.
LORELAI: Hmm. Is it still Rhubarb pie?
EMILY: I swear I was having the most wonderful time.
LORELAI: Is Rhubarb a root, dad?
RICHARD: No.
[Rory enters the room]
RORY: Hi, everyone.
LORELAI: Honey!
RORY: Hello.
CHRISTOPHER: Hey.
RORY: Am I late?
EMILY: Of course not, Rory.
LORELAI: You're just in time for Rooty Rhubarb pie, and for the viewing of mom's mug shot.
EMILY: Rory, stop her.
RORY: I'm sure you look very nice, grandma.
CHRISTOPHER: You are very photogenic, Emily.
LORELAI: Ooh! What am I saying? I have pictures on my phone. Gather 'round the phone, everybody.
[Richard gets up]
EMILY: Richard, what are you doing? Oh, nothing. Nothing. Oh! [Chuckles] These new phones are amazing.
RORY: Are those handcuffs? Grandma, are you wearing handcuffs?
EMILY: I certainly was not.
CHRISTOPHER: No they gave her one of those ankle things with like a chain and cannonball on the end.
EMILY: Christopher!
LORELAI: Oh and the stripy outfit, tell Rory how they made you wear the stripy outfit, mom.
[Laughs]
RICHARD: Oh!
CHRISTOPHER'S CAR
[Chris finds some music, Jewel "Who Will Save Your Soul"]
LORELAI: No.
[Changes the music, Slade "Come On feel The Noize"]
RORY: No.
[Changes it again.]
LORELAI & RORY: No!
CHRISTOPHER: [Chuckles]
[Changes it again, Jay and the Americans "Come a Little Bit Closer"]
LORELAI & RORY: Yeah, yeah, yeah!
LORELAI: Stop there!
[Lorelai looks happy, as does Chris and Rory, As the enter Stars Hollow they all smell the pickles again "Ugh. [Coughs]"]


[Salvatore's house]
(Caroline is sitting on the couch. Damon gives her a glass of blood)
Damon: Here
Caroline: I'm still shaking
(She drinks. Stefan arrives)
Stefan: What happened?
Damon: go ahead, tell him. You're gonna love this
Caroline: I saw Katherine today
Stefan: Where?
Caroline: At the grill. I just stopped by to gawk and... 'cause I stuck Matt
[Mystic Grill]
(Caroline tells them the story. She's looking at Matt)
Matt: Do you need a table?
Caroline: No, I'm not staying. I just needed to use the little girls' room
Damon: Skip the teen drama and get
Caroline: Then I had to pretend to use the bathroom even though I didn't really have to go because I'm defies
(Caroline is in the bathroom. She's washing her hands when Katherine arrives. She poses as Elena)
Caroline: Elena?
Katherine: Hey, I saw you with Matt, are you okay?
Caroline: Yeah, you know... whatever
(She rushes over Katherine. Katherine smiles)
Katherine: You're good. What gave me away? Was it the hair? Or was it my clothe?
Caroline: I know Elena is... I know Elena's at home
Katherine: I need you to deliver a message
Stefan: What was the message?
Katherine: Tell Damon and Stefan that I want the moonstone or I will rip this town apart until it rains blood
Damon: Tell him the rest of it
Katherine: Tonight, at the masquerade ball
[Salvatore's house]
Stefan: She wants to do it in public. Killing Mason threw off her guard
Damon: She's running scared. What she did to Jenna was desperate. She's out of tricks
Stefan: We can't underestimate her. We have to play this smarter than her
Caroline: Can we just give her the moonstone so she'll leave?
Damon: No, Katherine's not getting dick. I'm gonna go to the masquerade ball and I'm gonna kill her, tonight
Stefan: You're not gonna kill her
Damon: Don't give me that goody goody crap
Stefan: You're not gonna kill her
Damon: Really?
Stefan: Because I am
[Gilbert's house]
(Jenna is coming from the hospital. Jeremy, Matt and Elena are helping her)
Matt: Easy. Grab the door Jer
Jenna: Hey, stop fussing, I'm fine
Elena: The doctors said that you have to take it easy
Jeremy: Yeah, you don't want to rip your stiches, hemorrhage and die, alright?
Jenna: yeah, the only thing I'm gonna die from is embarrassment
Matt: No
Jenna: I walked into a knife. How does somebody do that?
Elena: It is a freak accident
Jeremy: Yeah, it happens
Matt: Yeah, I mean I've done it like 20 times at the grill
(Jenna laughs)
Matt: Okay, I'm being nice
(They put her on the couch)
Matt: What should I do with this?
Elena: I got it
(He gives her a bag with food. Matt stays with Jenna. Elena goes in the kitchen. Jeremy follows her)
Jeremy: So what are we gonna do?
Elena: Make lunch
Jeremy: No, about Katherine
Elena: We're not gonna do anything, Jeremy
Jeremy: She tried to kill Jenna. We can't let her get away with that
Elena: yes we can. If it keeps us safe then we can
Jeremy: And what if she tries something else?
Elena: She won't. Katherine hurt Jenna because I didn't do what she said. I'm not doing it now, me and Stefan are over. She wins, the end
Jeremy: You are being naïve and you know it
(He leaves)
Elena: Where are you going?
Jeremy: Out. I'll be back
[Katherine's bedroom]
(Katherine enters the bedroom. She's carrying a shopping bag. Mrs. Flowers is helping her)
Mrs. Flowers: Where should I put these?
Katherine: Right there. Thank you, Mrs. Flowers. You've been such a wonderful help
Mrs. Flowers: Oh, it's my pleasure dear. Let me know if there anything else I can do
Katherine: I will
(She takes a dress from one of the bags. A woman is in the bedroom. Katherine rushes over her and pushes her against the wall)
Lucy: Oh, Kat, chill
Katherine: Do not snick up on a vampire
Lucy: Don't attack a witch. It's good to see you girl
(Katherine embraces her)
Katherine: I'm glad you made up
Lucy: You called, I came
Katherine: Like you had a choice
Lucy: Don't get all boss lady on me. You know I love you
(She takes a mask from one of the bag)
Lucy: Now, where does one where this?
Katherine: To a masquerade ball. Tonight. You want to be my date?
[Salvatore's house]
(Caroline opens the door to Bonnie)
Caroline: Hey, come on in
Bonnie: I got Stefan's message
Stefan: Hey, you brought the grimoire, thank you
(She sees Damon and Alaric talking and she sees that there is a lot a weapon on the table)
Bonnie: What's going on?
(Jeremy arrives)
Jeremy: We're gonna kill Katherine
Stefan: I can explain
Bonnie: Please
Stefan: We're gonna kill Katherine
(Alaric shows the weapon to everybody)
Alaric: This works with compressed air. The trigger mechanism is up here. I have two of these in a different size. For you I recommend this. It feats nicely under the jacket sleeve. You use the trigger when you're ready
(He fakes killing vampire. Damon and Stefan look at each other)
Alaric: He wanted me to show him how to kill a vampire
[Katherine's bedroom]
(Katherine is smoothing down her hair)
Lucy: What's with the hair?
Katherine: I'm impersonating my dullest dishwater doppelganger Elena. She has the worst taste
Lucy: Except in man. Isn't a risk pretending to be her in front of the entire town?
Katherine: I've gotten quite good at it actually and everyone's gonna be in masks. It's for some fid, something charity. It's for a good cause Lucy
Lucy: Hum, okay. Well, have you actually seen the moonstone before? I always thought it was some made up legend
Katherine: I have seen it and I need you to help me get it back
Lucy: Oh yeah? What are you gonna do with it?
(Katherine looks uncomfortable)
Lucy: you want me to break the curse
Katherine: Let's just get it first. All i need from you is for a backup. I can't imagine that Damon and Stefan are just gonna hand it over without putting up a fight
[Salvatore's house]
(Bonnie is talking with Stefan)
Bonnie: I know you love Elena and you want to be with her but it's risky. Too many people could get hurt
Stefan: Look, I want Elena back, yes but it's more than that. What Katherine did to Jenna crossed the line. She has to be stopped before it happens again
Bonnie: I don't know, Stefan
Stefan: Look, Katherine knows me, right? She knows that I'm not gonna try something in a crowd full of innocent people so that gives me an edge. I could get to her by surprise
Bonnie: I could do a spell to trap her, like the tomb spell
Stefan: Right. We can isolate her, away from the others. Please Bonnie
Bonnie: Okay
[Gilbert's house]
(Elena and Matt are talking. Matt is leaving)
Elena: You're welcome to hang out. Alaric's coming over. It's gonna be pizza and bad TV
Matt: I'd love to but I'm going to the masquerade party at the Lockwood's, aren't you?
Elena: Uh, no... not with what's going on with me and Stefan
Matt: I've got to go, there's something I got to do
Elena: What?
Matt: Just something, I can't talk about it but I've got to go
Elena: Okay. Well, have fun
Matt: Yeah. Me and a suit
Elena: You look good in a suit
Matt: You and Stefan are working it out
Elena: I don't think so, Matt. There's so much about me and Stefan that'll never work
Matt: You know I'm here for you always
(She embraces him)
[Salvatore's house]
(Everyone is in the living room)
Alaric: Are you sure you guys don't want me there tonight?
Stefan: No, I need you to stay with Elena. I don't want her to know about this
Alaric: Okay. Well, I'll make sure she doesn't leave my side
Stefan: Alright, if anyone wants to back out, I'll understand
Damon: Yeah. Cold feats speak now. I don't want this going wrong with someone chicken's out. Caroline?
Caroline: I won't. Look, she killed me. Fair's fair. As long there's no werewolf running around
Damon: Oh, I took care of Mason
Jeremy: As long as Tyler doesn't kill anyone, he won't turn
Stefan: Bonnie? Are you with this?
(Long pause)
Bonnie: But no one gets hurt
Damon: Except Katherine. Tonight Katherine gets a stake through her heart
[Lockwood Mansion]
(It's the masquerade ball. Everyone is wearing masks. Tyler is in his father's office. Carol rejoins her)
Carol: It's already packed out there. You know, we need to keep that door shot. Your father would be very unhappy if I let gests in here
(Tyler gets up. He's wearing a suit)
Carol: Oh, look at you! So handsome
Tyler: Thanks. You look pretty good too mom
Carol: Oh a compliment. I think I'll fall over
Tyler: Listen, I'm sorry I've been a dick lately... a jerk lately. It's just... Have you heard from Mason?
Carol: No and I don't think we're going to. He's coming, he's going, it's just his way. He's the exact opposite of your father
Tyler: We should have cancel this party
Carol: This all masquerade theme was his idea. I don't know what it has to do with helping the homeless but once he made up his mind, he could really be a dick, a jerk. But I loved him and I know you did too. It's natural to feel abandoned. I just don't want you to feel alone
Tyler: Come on, put your mask on. Let's just go out there and pretend to have some fun
Carol: I think I need a cocktail first
(Katherine and Lucy arrive. They're going to different ways. Katherine takes a strawberry from a plate and falls into Matt)
Matt: Elena?
Katherine: Matt? You look dashing
Matt: I thought you said you weren't coming
Katherine: I couldn't miss it. You really are hot in a suit. I would love to just... Okay, here's the deal
(She compels him)
Katherine: Do you know what you have to do?
Matt: I'm gonna get Tyler Lockwood really drunk. I'm going to start a fight with him and I'm gonna beat him until he snaps
Katherine: and then?
Matt: I won't stop until he kills me
Katherine: God, you're hot. Now go away
Matt: Thank you
(He leaves)
(Damon and Stefan are outside. They look around)
Damon: Do you see her?
Stefan: Nope. You're sure you can do this?
Damon: Who are you talking to?
Stefan: Oh, I had the chance to kill her and I hesitated
Damon: Well that is the forkenate road between you and me my friend. I don't hesitate
Stefan: You spent 145 years loving her, it could happen
Damon: I won't hesitate
Stefan: Okay
(Matt and Tyler are in his father's office with Aimee and Sarah. The girls are dancing. The boys are drinking)
Tyler: We're really not supposed to be here
Matt: Yeah, I know but we really need to turn this party up. Another shot?
Aimee: Hey, I want a shot
Sarah: Me too and then we have to dance
Aimee: Yes
Tyler: You know, usually it's me corrupting you. I like this
(They drink)
Aimee: Okay, let's go party. Come on
(Aimee puts her mask on. They leave the office)
(Jeremy is carrying a bag. He and Bonnie are going upstairs. They enters into an empty room)
Jeremy: I thought this room could work
Bonnie: It's perfect
(Jeremy takes a weapon from the bag. Bonnie seats down and takes the grimoire)
Jeremy: Is that the spell book I read about in my family's old journal?
Bonnie: it's my ancestor, Emily's. The spell I'm doing here is similar to the one that sealed the vampires into the tomb
(She opens it. Jeremy puts the bag in the closet)
Jeremy: Can you do all the stuff that's in there?
Bonnie: I mean it takes practice. I've worked on some small spells. Spells that only do good. I don't want to know too much. I don't particularly enjoy any of this, in case you haven't noticed
Jeremy: Yeah but you're 100% witch, that is so cool
Bonnie: it's anything but cool. Did your family's journal tell you what happened to Emily? Or what about my gram's? It never ends well for people like me
Jeremy: If you feel that way, why help?
Bonnie: Because I don't want anyone else getting hurt and I don't know how to stay out of it
[Gilbert's house]
(Jenna is on the couch. Elena is with her)
Jenna: I feel like an invalid
Elena: That's because you are invalid. Where's Jeremy? Isn't he hungry?
Jenna: He already left for the Lockwood party
Elena: He went to that?
Jenna: Yeah, I'm glad. He needs to have more fun. Lose some of that emo thing
Elena: I'm gonna get some napkins
(She goes into the kitchen and rejoins Alaric)
Elena: what's going on?
Alaric: What do you mean?
Elena: I haven't heard from anyone all day. It's like everyone's been avoiding me and now Jeremy's supposedly at the party? He hates stuff like that
Alaric: I don't know what to tell you, Elena
(His phone rings. She tries to catch it but he catches it and puts it in his pocket)
Elena: So then it'll be okay if I just head down, try to meet up with everyone
Alaric: Wait, wait, wait
Elena: What are you hiding, Rick?
Alaric: Stefan asked me to keep an eye on you, just in case Katherine showed up while he was at the party
Elena: So Stefan's at the party too? He would never go to the party for himself; he did that stuff for me
Alaric: Just let this one go. Okay Elena?
[Lockwood Mansion]
(Bonnie and Jeremy are going back to the party)
Bonnie: We need to let Stefan and Damon know the room's ready
(Suddenly she stops)
Bonnie: Do you feel that?
Jeremy: What's the matter? Are you cold?
Bonnie: No
(She sees Lucy and goes toward her)
Bonnie: Excuse me, do I know you?
Lucy: No, I'm a plus one, I know no one but it's a great party though
(She leaves. Bonnie rejoins Jeremy)
Jeremy: Are you okay?
Bonnie: I just got a weird vibe. Let's find Damon
(Stefan is on the dance floor, alone. He sees Katherine going down the stairs)
Katherine: Dance with me
Stefan: No
Katherine: Fine then tell me who I should kill. Him? Hum, she looks delicious
(She eats a strawberry. Stefan offers her his arm. She follows him and they dance)
Katherine: It's a beautiful night
Stefan: Why all that charade?
Katherine: How's Jenna? I certainly didn't expect her to survive that. Lucky girl. Clumsy. How does one stabs oneself?
Stefan: Katherine?
Katherine: Uh?
Stefan: I don't want anyone to get hurt tonight
Katherine: Okay. Then give me the moonstone and nobody will
Stefan: Well, you see, I don't have the moonstone on me. So, you and I will have to go get it together
Katherine: Hmm. I have a better plan. You go fetch it and I will try not to kill anyone in the meantime
Stefan: My way or you don't get it
(Aimee arrives)
Aimee: Hey Stefan, I can't find Matt. Oh my god Elena! You look so pretty. I love that dress. You look gorge
Katherine: Thank you. I love your necklace
Aimee: Oh, thanks
Katherine: Oh it's twisted. Let me, here we go
(She goes behind Aimee and she broke her back)
Katherine: Paralyzed from the waist down and dead
(She kills her and throws Aimee's body in Stefan's arms)
Katherine: The moonstone, Stefan. Tic-tac
[Gilbert's house]
Elena: Hey guys, I'm gonna go to bed. You're good over there?
Jenna: Good night
Elena: Good night
(She takes her car's keys and leave)
[Lockwood Mansion]
(Stefan and Damon are in an empty room)
Stefan: I put the body in the trunk for now
Damon: We'll dump her when we get back
Stefan: This is exactly why I didn't want it, Damon
Damon: Stefan, it's a collateral damage
Stefan: Right, which is why we need to cut it off
Damon: What? Who's hesitating now? Hey! Don't do this to me! This woman ruined our lives, she destroyed us! Tonight it ends. We can do it together. I got your back. Alright?
Stefan: Alright
(Bonnie and Jeremy are waiting for the signal)
Jeremy: So can you use like a hocus pocus to pass a test?
Bonnie: I don't know that spell
Jeremy: It'd be like the first one I'd learn or maybe like a spell s*x or something. I don't know. Do you want to dance or something while we're waiting?
Bonnie: No! I mean no thank you
(Jeremy receives a message from Damon telling him that it's his turn)
(Katherine is walking. Lucy rejoins her)
Lucy: You didn't tell me there was another witch here
Katherine: Didn't i?
Lucy: No, you didn't. No one is supposed to know I'm involved. This changes things, Katherine
Katherine: This changes nothing. You're here because you owe your dear friend a favor. You wouldn't want to lose my friendship now, would you?
(Jeremy arrives)
Jeremy: Elena
(He removes his mask and looks at Lucy)
Jeremy: Hey sorry, could I talk to my sister?
(She leaves)
Katherine: What is it Jeremy?
Jeremy: I have a message from Stefan
(She looks surprised)
Katherine: Oh?
Jeremy: He and Damon want you to meet them at the edge of the lake by the woods. They brought the moonstone
Katherine: And why are you their little messenger?
Jeremy: Because they know I'm not afraid of you
Katherine: Hmm, you Gilbert men, so courageous. How's John by the way? Were they able to sew his fingers back on?
(She touches his tie, looks at him and leaves. Jeremy is texting to Damon but Elena catches his arm)
Elena: What the hell is going on?
(Caroline is inside. She sees Matt with Sarah and Tyler. He stops, looks at her and leaves with them. She receives a text from Jeremy telling her that it's her turn. She's walking in an empty part of the manor. She's going to open a door but Katherine arrives, catches Caroline's wrist and pushes her against the wall)
Katherine: What are Stefan and Damon up to?
Caroline: What do you mean?
Katherine: I've got Jeremy Gilbert luring me into the lake. What's going on?
Caroline: I don't know... nothing
(She strangles her)
Katherine: Don't lie to me, Caroline. They're up to something, what is it?
Caroline: I...
(She strangles her stronger)
Caroline: Wait, no, no, no! Okay. They're trying to kill you
Katherine: I wouldn't have guessed. Where is the moonstone?
Caroline: Bonnie has it
Katherine: and where is Bonnie right now?
Caroline: I don't know
(She strangles her again)
Caroline: Okay. She's upstairs, she's upstairs!
(She releases her)
(Elena is with Jeremy and Bonnie)
Elena: You guys are trying to kill her here?
Jeremy: We saw an opportunity and we knew we had to take it
Elena: Okay, stop with the "we", are you guys crazy? You're gonna get yourselves killed
Bonnie: We know what we are doing, Elena
Elena: And how am I supposed to feel if one of you guys gets hurt because of me?
Jeremy: It's not just you anymore, Elena. She's messed with all of us, she has to be stopped
(Katherine is dragging Caroline upstairs)
Caroline: Why you keep dragging me into this? I don't want any part of it
Katherine: Shut up!
(They are in front of a door)
Katherine: Which room is it?
Caroline: It's that one
(She goes into the room. Caroline stays outside)
Katherine: Where is she?
(Caroline laughs)
Caroline: I did it. I really didn't think that I'll be able to fool you but I did it
(Katherine rushes over but she can't leave the room. She's trapped)
Katherine: What the...? Stefan?
(He's in the room too. He has a stake in his hand)
Stefan: Hello Katherine
Caroline: Goodbye Katherine
(She leaves)
Katherine: You don't really think that you can kill me with that now, do you?
Stefan: No but he can
(Damon is coming out the closet, he has the compressed air weapon is his hands. He shots Katherine. The stake goes in her back. At the same time Elena screams. She's hurt like Katherine. Stefan rushes over Katherine and drive the stake through her arm. Elena screams, she's hurt too)
Jeremy: What's going on?
Bonnie: Jeremy, it's Katherine. She's linked to Katherine, get them to stop! Now!
(He leaves. Stefan and Damon are fighting with Katherine. She tries to stake Damon but Stefan catches her by behind, fall in the floor with her and strangles her by behind. She can't move. Damon arrives and is about to kill her but Jeremy arrives)
Jeremy: Stop! You're hurting Elena! Everything you're doing to her is hurting Elena
(Damon stops. He's surprised. Katherine smiles and gets up)
Katherine: You think you two are the only ones with a witch on your side? Wrong and something tells me that my witch is better than your witch
(She takes the stake from Damon's hands. Damon and Stefan look at Jeremy)
Stefan: Jeremy, go shake on Elena. Make sure she's okay. Go!
(Jeremy leaves)
Katherine: Let's all make sure poor Elena is okay. Just a little bit of pressure
(She cuts her hand with the stake. Elena is hurt too. She screams. Stefan hits Katherine's hand and throws the stake on the floor)
Elena: Bonnie, it hurts
Bonnie: I can't break the spell, Elena. I'm sorry but I can try to take some of the pain away. Okay?
(She takes Elena's hand into hers and makes a spell)
Bonnie: Ascinda, mulaf, hinto, ascinda...
(Katherine takes the stake and is about to drive it through her stomach)
Katherine: This is really gonna hurt
Damon: Wait!
(She sits down on the couch)
Katherine: Okay. So, how about that moonstone?
(Bonnie is trying to take Elena's pain away. Jeremy arrives)
Jeremy: Are you okay?
Elena: Are they?
Jeremy: They're stuck in there with her
(He looks at Bonnie)
Jeremy: You were right; Katherine had a witch that linked Elena to her
Bonnie: The girl I saw, the one inside! Stay with her, keep pressure on her shoulder!
Jeremy: Where are you going?
Bonnie: There's another witch here, I'm gonna find her!
(She leaves. Jeremy removes his magical ring and gives it to Elena)
Elena: No
Jeremy: Take it
Elena: No, Jeremy...
Jeremy: Elena listen to me: you need this more than I do
Elena: No Jeremy. What I need is for you to be safe
[SCENE_BREAK]
(Katherine, Damon and Stefan are trapped in the room)
Katherine: The three of us together just like old times. The brother who loved me too much and the one that didn't love me enough
Damon: And the evil slut vampire who only loved herself
Katherine: What happened to you Damon? You used to be so sweet and polite
Damon: Oh that Damon died a long time ago
Katherine: Good. He was a bore
Stefan: Oh, why don't you two stop antagonizing each other
Katherine: Where is the moonstone?
Stefan: What do you want with it?
Katherine: Does Elena enjoy having both of you warship at her alter?
(Stefan looks at Damon and then looks at her)
Stefan: That was really desperate, Katherine. Don't you think that we can see right through you?
Katherine: So it doesn't bother you that Damon's in love with your girlfriend?
Stefan: Oh, stop it
Katherine: Or what? You'll hurt me?
(She gets up)
Katherine: Come on, Stefan. Everything that I feel, Elena feels , so go ahead
(She looks at Damon)
Katherine: Or better yet, kiss me Damon. She'll feel that too
Stefan: You know, this all Mason thing has me a bit confused. Why a werewolf? The moonstone can break a curse that would help them destroy all vampires so what's in there for you?
Damon: Sorry about your pet wolf, you should have been sure to keep him in a tighter leash
Katherine: I'll have to remember that for next time. He's not the only wolf in town
(Sarah, Tyler and Matt are in Tyler's father's office)
Sarah: So what happened to Aimee?
Matt: I don't know, she disappeared
Tyler: She's probably drunk somewhere
Matt: Or like me
(He pours the alcohol on the floor)
Tyler: Whoa, don't do that
Matt: What man? It's a party
(He takes the picture of Carol and Richard and looks at it)
Matt: Right dad? You know, it's like your dad wants to drink
(He pours alcohol on the picture)
Tyler: Hey, it's not cool. What's wrong with you?
Matt: Come on, the guy was a dick
Sarah: Come on, you're being mean. His dad's dead
Tyler: Give me the picture!
(He tries to catch it but Matt don't let him)
Matt: Remember how your dad used to slap you around?
(He slaps Tyler)
Tyler: Are you kidding?
Matt: I'm just having fun
Tyler: Put the picture down now man
(Matt throws the picture on the floor, breaking it)
Tyler: Okay, you need to calm your drunk ass right now!
Matt: Do something about it!
Tyler: I'm not gonna fight you
(Matt rushes over him and throws him on the floor. Matt punches him on the face. Caroline is downstairs, she hears the fight. Tyler gets up and punches Matt. Caroline arrives)
Caroline: What is going on? Stop!
(She puts herself between them. She pushes throws Matt on the floor. Matt gets up and rushes over Tyler but she stops him)
Matt: I can't! Let me go, I have to finish!
Tyler: What the hell is going on with you?
Matt: Let me go!
(Caroline looks at him. Pushes him and punches him on the face with her elbow. He falls on the floor, unconscious. She goes toward him)
Caroline: Matt?
(Sarah takes a paper knife on the desk)
Tyler: How did you?
Sarah: Matt failed. If Matt fails, I can't
Caroline: Tyler, look out!
(Sarah drives the paper knife on his chest. He pushes her, her head hits the desk very hard. She falls in the floor, she's dead. He looks at his wound and rushes over Sarah)
Tyler: No, no, no! Come on, wake up! Sarah, open your eyes, wake up! Just can't happen, oh no, it can't happen. This can't be happening! Sarah! Sarah, get up! Sarah! Open your eyes! This can't be happening!
(Tyler catches his head and screams)
Caroline: Tyler? Tyler?! Tyler, what's happening?
(He's sitting on the floor)
Tyler: Get away!
Caroline: What's happening?!
(He raises his head. His eyes are amber)
(Damon, Katherine and Stefan are still in the room)
Damon: Damn it! Where is that witch?
Katherine: We could play charades
Stefan: You bargained the moonstone
Damon: What do you murmur about over there?
Stefan: When you shopped a deal with George Lockwood, to help you fake your death, you told me that you gave George something he needed. It was the moonstone, wasn't it?
Katherine: Good for you, Stefan. 2+2... And it would have worked except that people found out that I wasn't in the tomb
(She looks at Damon)
Katherine: Thanks to you by the way. Have I mentioned how inconvenient your little obsession with me have been?
Damon: You and me both, honey
Stefan: Why do you need it back?
Katherine: I love you in a suit, so dashing
Stefan: What were you doing with it in the first place?
Damon: You're wasting your breath, Stefan
Stefan: Unless it wasn't yours to begin with. In 1864 you faked your death. Who were you running from, Katherine?
Katherine: In 1987 you were in Chicago, at a concert of all places with that wrench Lexi. Come on Stefan, don't look so surprise. Of course I checked on you over the years. You were standing in the front row, dancing all night. You were watching Bon Jovi and I was watching you
Stefan: Who were you running from?
(She tells him that she loves him with her lips)
(Bonnie is looking for Lucy. She finally finds her but Lucy leaves. Bonnie goes in the living room to looking for Lucy)
Lucy: You're looking for me?
Bonnie: Who are you?
Lucy: Lucy
Bonnie: What are you doing here?
Lucy: I should have known I'd run into a Bennett
Bonnie: How do you know me?
Lucy: You'll figure it out. Look, I have no interest in fighting you
Bonnie: Then stop the spell you put on my friend
Lucy: Give Katherine the moonstone and I will
Bonnie: Why are you helping Katherine? Don't you know what she is?
Lucy: Tell your friends to hand over the moonstone and all will be groovy
Bonnie: You're not leaving this room until you stop the spell!
Lucy: Look, I don't want to hurt you
Bonnie: I don't want to hurt you
Lucy: Look, I don't have a choice. The bitch saved my life and now I owe her. I have to pay up
(Bonnie catches her wrist)
Lucy: You have the moonstone. I cans sense it on you
(She catches Bonnie's forearms. The room shakes, the light aspens)
Lucy: Do you feel that? You can trust me. Give it to me, it's okay
(Damon is pouring himself a glass of scotch)
Katherine: We're missing the party. I'll have one of those
Damon: Right away Miss Katherine
(He gives her a glass)
Katherine: Thank you
(She drinks. He catches her and pushes her against the wall. He tries to stake her but Stefan stops him)
Stefan: No, no! Damon, don't!
Katherine: Yes, Damon, please
Damon: The second the spell is lifted, I'm gonna drive a stake right through your heart
Elena: God, you're hot. When did you get so hot?
(Lucy arrives. She has the moonstone in her hand)
Lucy: Katherine, the spell in this room has been broken, you're free to leave
Katherine: Thank god
Lucy: When I hand this over my dent to you is over
Katherine: Done
Lucy: I owe you nothing
Katherine: I said done. Give it
Damon: I wouldn't do that
(She gives her the moonstone. When Katherine touches it, she can't breathe)
Lucy: You should have told me another witch was involved. She's a Bennett witch, Katherine but I'm sure you knew that
Stefan: Wait, Elena!
Lucy: Elena's fine
(Katherine falls on the floor)
Lucy: The spell is broken. She'll heal quickly, Bonnie's with her
(Katherine is suffocating)
Lucy: I apologize for my involvement
(She leaves. Katherine's unconscious)
(Caroline explains to Carol what happened to Sarah)
Caroline: Matt and I were fighting, we broke up you know, and Sarah was drunk and dancing and she just tripped. And then she wasn't breathing
Carol: Okay, your mom's on her way and we called Sarah's parents. It was an accident. It was a terrible, tragic accident
Tyler: Mom, the sheriff's here
Carol: I'll go prepare her, just don't leave. Just stay here okay? She's going to want to hear the story from you
(She leaves. Caroline is alone with Tyler)
Caroline: Matt's in the car, sleeping it off. I'll deal with him; I don't want him involved in any of this
Tyler: What are you doing?
Caroline: I'm fixing a very bad situation
Tyler: Why? I did this. I killed her
Caroline: No, you didn't mean to and I think it's best for everyone...
Tyler: But she's dead! You don't know what that means
Caroline: Actually, Tyler, I think I do
Tyler: No, you don't, Caroline
Caroline: Has you wound healed?
(He looks at his wound. It's healed)
Tyler: How did you...?
(Lucy is leaving. Bonnie runs after her)
Bonnie: Please, wait
Lucy: Hey, I'm sorry about that spell. Damn vampires, they put you in the middle of it every time
Bonnie: How do I know you? When I gave you the stone, how did I know I could trust you?
Lucy: That feeling you got, have you ever felt it before?
Bonnie: I mean, around family. My grams
Lucy: My mother is Johanna, first cousin twice remove from Pauline, niece of Sheila aka...
Bonnie: Grams? We are related?
(Lucy smiles)
Lucy: Yeah, we kind of are. It's nice to meet you Bonnie. Seeing you tonight was a wakeup call for me. I got to stop letting vampires control me. So thank you for that
(She leaves. Bonnie cries and run after her)
Bonnie: Please, don't leave! I have so many questions. I don't want to be in the middle either. I hate it. How do I stay out of it?
Lucy: Unlike me, you're one of the good ones, Bonnie. The middle of it is exactly where you need to be. You take care cuz'. Don't worry, you'll see me again
(She leaves. Jeremy rejoins Bonnie)
Jeremy: Hey, I was gonna head home, can I offer you a ride? Are you okay?
Bonnie: When did you get your driver's license?
Jeremy: I'm not a kid anymore, Bonnie
Bonnie: I'd love a ride home
(Stefan rejoins Elena. She's alone)
Stefan: Elena
Elena: I'm okay, I'm okay. Bonnie took away the pain and I think I'm healing
Stefan: I know but I think you should definitely see a doctor anyway
Elena: I will. I heard about Katherine, is it true? Is she really gone?
Stefan: Yeah, I was so worried about you
(He goes toward her but she pushes him away)
Elena: Stefan... I...
Stefan: Katherine being gone doesn't change anything for you, does it?
Elena: I want to be with you, Stefan. You know that but first, I need to wake up and know that the people that I love are safe. I need to feel safe. Do you understand?
Stefan: Yeah. Yeah, I understand
(She looks at him and leaves)
[The tomb]
(Katherine wakes up. The moonstone is on the floor, next to her. She takes it. She gets up and tries to leave but she's trapped. Damon arrives)
Damon: Hello Katherine
Katherine: Where am i?
Damon: Where you should have been all along. I thought you'd learn your lesson by now, messing with a Bennett witch
Katherine: You should have killed me
Damon: Death would have been too kind
(He goes toward the door, to close it)
Katherine: Ni, Damon, don't. Damon, don't. You need me, Elena's in danger.
Damon: From whom?
(She doesn't answer)
Damon: You're lying, you're always lying
Elena: Why do you think I haven't killed her? Because she's the doppelganger, she needs to be protected
Damon: Then I'll protect her while you rot in hell
(He closes the door)
Katherine: Damon, don't! I'll do anything, please. Damon! You need me! You need me!
(The door is closed; she cries and hit the door very hard)
[Lockwood Mansion]
(Elena is in the parking lot. She's at the phone with Jeremy)
Elena: Yeah Jeremy, I've got my car. Tell Bonnie that whatever she did, I'm starting to feel better. Yeah, you can drive her home. I'm just gonna go straight to bet. Okay
(She hangs up. A masked man comes behind her and kidnaps her)