Open to dark deserted back street. A blond girl is running past looking behind her occasionally before ducking into an alley. She looks back around the corner, then steps back on the street to continue only to be grabbed by the shoulders and thrown back into a trash container.
Rachel: "Lenny... please... don't."
Lenny: "You think I'm not going to find you,... after you humiliated me... again ?"
Rachel: "I didn't do anything ! I swear ! I'd never..."
Lenny: "No ! I know what you do. I see. The men,... the lies,... this is the last time, damn it !" Rachel, stepping towards him with a smile: "What are you on, Baby ? You only get like this when you..." Lenny hits her with a growl.
Rachel: "What are you going to do ? Pulverize me right here ? Someone is going to hear me scream."
Lenny, laughing: "In downtown LA at night ? Nobody is going to hear. Nobody who cares. Besides (pulls out a revolver and points it at her face) this will all be over fast. (cocks the gun)"
Rachel: "Lenny.. please... no !"
Lenny: "I'm sorry. (Rachel cowers back from him) I just can't take this anymore." Angel grabs him from behind and makes him drop his gun.
Angel: "Poor Lenny. The burden of terrorizing your girlfriend too much for you ? (hits him) Lucky for you I can make it stop." Lenny grabs a 2x4 and tried to hit Angel. Angel ducks and cold cocks him.
Angel: "Rachel, are you alright ?"
Rachel: "Is he..."
Angel: "It's okay. He's not getting up for a while."
Rachel, getting up: "I can't believe you actually showed up."
Angel: "Well, that was the deal, right ?"
(Camera pulls back to reveal Spike watching them from a rooftop above them.)
Spike in high voice: "How can I thank you, you mysterious, black-clad hunk of a night thing ? (low voice) No need, little lady, your tears of gratitude are enough for me. You see, I was once a badass vampire, but love and a pesky curse defanged me. Now I'm just a big, fluffy puppy with bad teeth. (Rachel steps closer to Angel, and Angel steps back warding her off with his hands) No, not the hair! Never the hair! (high voice) But there must be someway I can show my appreciation. (low voice) No, helping those in need's my job,... and working up a load of sexual tension, and prancing away like a magnificent poof is truly thanks enough ! (high voice) I understand. I have a nephew who is gay, so... (low voice) Say no more. Evil's still afoot ! And I'm almost out of that Nancy-boy hair-gel that I like so much. Quickly, to the Angel-mobile, away !"
Spike lights a cigarette while he watches Angel lead Rachel away.
Spike: "Go on with you. Play the big, strapping hero while you can. You have a few surprises coming your way... The ring of Amarra... a visit from your old pal Spike,... and, oh yeah,... your gruesome, horrible death." (He smiles.) *Intro.* ***** Cut to Oz driving his van through the night. ***** He pulls up in front of Angel's apartment.
Radio: "Another uninterrupted 40-minute-block. You are listening to LA's only alternative KLA-Rock. It's 11:05, do you know what your karma is ?" ***** Cut to Angel's office. ***** Cordelia is typing away on the computer. Doyle lounges in the background reading a newspaper.
Cordelia: "This is so awesome. Our first walk-in client. Everything is going according to plan ! See girl in distress,... see Angel save girl from druggy/stalker boyfriend,... and see (pulls a paper out of the printer and holds it up) Invoice ! Ta-da !" She shows the invoice to Doyle who looks less then impressed.
Cordelia: "What ?"
Doyle: "Nothing. You're doing a lovely job there. Looks very official."
Cordelia: "So why are you not rejoicing at out first paying client ?" Doyle, getting up and walking over to her desk: "Because that's not money you're holding in your hand there, darling, that's mail. There's a big difference between that and actually getting paid."
Cordelia: "But she has to pay !... Invoice ! That's the rule of our whole, like, society !"
Doyle, leaning on the desk: "Defaulting ? That's another popular rule in our society... especially with the down-and-outs. Not that I've perpetrated said heinousness myself..."
Cordelia: "So what are you saying. Why bother ?"
Doyle: "All I'm saying is that if we're ever going to take that cruise to the Bahamas together, we're going to need a lot more clients of means."
Cordelia: "And an alternate reality in which you are Matthew McConaughey."
Oz, walking into the office: "Hello, LA."
Cordelia, getting up: "Oz ? Oh, my god. (walks around the desk) Oz. It's so good to see you. (hugs him while Doyle watches askance) Good old Oz ! Oz. (turns to Doyle and points at Oz) Oz !"
Doyle: "Let me just take a stab at it, you'd be Oz ?"
Oz: "Good guess."
Cordelia: "This is so cool! I mean, here you are in LA, and you're the total embodiment of all things Sunnydale."
Oz: "It's a burden, but I manage."
Cordelia: "We have some serious catching up to do. How is everything ? How's... how's the bronze ?"
Oz: "The same."
Cordelia: "And the gang ?"
Oz: "They're good."
Cordelia: "Good ?... Good !... Good." They look at each other for a moment.
Oz: "Are we done ?"
Cordelia: "Completely." (Doyle coughs.)
Cordelia, going to sit down: "Oh, this is Doyle. He... works here." Oz, reaching over and shaking Doyle's hand: "Hey." Oz, sticking his hands in his pockets: "So, I heard the rumors, but you guys can fill me in on the real deal here. So you guys are... like detectives ?"
Cordelia: "No, I'm an actress !"
Doyle: "And quite a captivating one at that."
Cordelia: "And between my many gigs, I sometimes choose to help Angel."
Doyle: "He's the detective."
Oz: "Does he have a hat and gun ?"
Cordelia: "Just fangs."
Oz: "Well, that works... Where is he ?" ***** Cut to Angel's apartment. ***** Angel walks through his downstairs apartment, looking through a book as the three come down in the elevator. Angel, without looking up from his book: "Hey guys."
Angel, looking up: "Oz."
Oz: "Hey."
Angel: "Nice surprise."
Oz: "Thanks."
Angel: "Staying long ?"
Oz: "Few days."
Doyle: "Are they always like this ?"
Oz, to Doyle: "No, we're usually laconic."
Angel: "Come on in. (they walk further into the apartment) So,... good to see you."
Oz: "I came primarily for a gig, but also to give you this." (Holds out a ring to him.) Doyle, going to take a closer look: "Wait a minute, is that what I think it is ?" Angel, making no move to take it: "It's the gem of Amarra."
Oz: "One and the same. (tries to hand it to Angel, who after a moment accepts it) Buffy wanted you to have it."
Cordelia: "Hey, Buffy. How is good old Buffy anyway ?"
Oz: "She is..."
Cordelia: "What ? Still the brave little Slayer or is she moping around in the dark like... (gets a look from Angel) like nobody around here. (holds up a hand and shakes her head) Hm-mm." Angel turns and walks away form them looking at the ring in his hands.
Oz: "She is good... She is Buffy."
Doyle, holding up a hand: "And I'm sure we'll be interested in that later, but right now can we concentrate on the mother-load Angel just hit ?" Angel leans on the table turning the ring in his hand and looking at it.
Doyle: "What are you waiting for, man ? Put it on !"
Cordelia: "Okay, you're getting weird about this ring. Since when did you go all versace about accessorizing ?"
Doyle: "Since the accessory is priceless and renders it's wearer 100% unkillable if he's a vampire."
Cordelia: "Unkillable ? Whew. You mean not even stakes ?"
Doyle: "Not nothing. Not stakes, not fire, and the best thing is not even sunlight. (to Angel) I mean just think of it man. Poolside tanning, bargain matinees,... plus I know a couple of strip clubs that have a fabulous luncheon buffet, I mean, it's... I've heard."
Angel, still looking grave: "And it's from Buffy."
Oz: "Yeah. Your buddy Spike dug up Sunnydale looking for it. He got a fist full of Buffy and left it behind. She wanted to be sure it was in good hands."
Angel, looking to the side: "So she sent you."
Oz: "I was heading this way."
Cordelia, to Oz: "And she didn't even send a note ? Wow. That's really... (Angel looks at her)... this is one of those times when I should just shy away from the topic, isn't it ?"
Doyle, walking over to Angel: "Come on I have something that will boost your spirits. (picks up a stake) Why don't you put it on and I'll stake you. It'll be fun !" Angel, still playing with the ring in his hand and looking off to the side: "Maybe later."
Doyle: "What, are you out of your mind ?"
Angel: "I said, maybe later."
Doyle: "Yeah..."
Angel: "Doyle."
Doyle, walking towards the elevator: "Okay, you have it your way, man. But I'm still going to celebrate with a drink down at the pub."
Cordelia, to Oz: "He'd celebrate the opening of a mailbox with a drink at the pub. (waves at Angel as she follows Doyle) You coming, Oz ?"
Oz, still watching Angel: "Yeah. I could eat something."
Angel: "Go ahead." After a beat Oz turns and follows the others. Angel keeps looking at the ring. Finally sticks it in his pocket and goes down in the sewers. He takes it out of his pocket and hides it under a loose brick next to a pipe. ***** Cut to the office, the next day. ***** Cordelia is getting a cup of water for Doyle from the water cooler and sits down at the desk across from him.
Doyle, moaning: "Oh, god. You know what would feel really good right now ? One of those mind-numbing, head-cracking visions that I get from time to time, (he struggles to get some pills out of a bottle) because that would really kill me now. Is there some kind of trick to this ?" Cordelia, taking the bottle from him: "I think the trick is laying of the ale (pulls out the cotton wad out of the bottle and shakes some pills into her hand) before you start quoting Angela's Ashes and weeping like a baby man." Doyle, accepting the pills and washing them down: "Hey, that's a good book."
Cordelia: "So I've heard. But I doubt that the main characters are Betty and Barney Rubble as you so vehemently insisted last night. Also I don't think Oz appreciated being called my little Bam-bam all night." ***** Cut to Angel's apartment. ***** Angel is doing some Tai-chi. The phone rings and he goes to pick it up after the second ring.
Angel: "Hello ?... Hello."
Rachel: "Angel ?"
Angel: "Rachel. Are you alright ?"
Rachel: "They let Lenny out... The lawyer said something about a technicality."
Angel: "I'll be right there." ***** Cut to the underground garage.***** Angel walks up to his car. As he reaches for the door handle a beam smashes into his head sending him tumbling back against the wall.
Spike in vamp face: "Angel. I believe you have something I'm looking for... a shiny, little bauble ?"
Angel, picking himself up: "Might as well go home, Spike. The gem of Amarra stays with me." Spike swings at Angel with the board. Angel catches it, hits Spike across the chin, in the stomach, then kicks him to the floor. Spike slowly getting back up, board in hand: "Why ? Because you are vampire detective now ? What's next ? Vampire cowboy ? Vampire fireman ? Oh, vampire ballerina." He charges Angel with the beam.
Angel: "I do like to work with my legs." He grabs an overhead pipe and swings both feet into Spike's chest. Spike quickly picks himself back up and keeps stabbing at Angel with the beam, while Angel dances around him like a boxer, dodging the board. Spike tries to pin him onto the hood of the car but Angel kicks him off, taking the beam a way form him in the process. Angel, twirling the beam in his hands: "We duke it out, huh ? Is this your big strategy to get the ring back ?"
Spike, attacking again: "Hey, I had a plan !" Angel, fending him off with the beam, then pinning him onto the car: "You ? A plan ?"
Spike: "A good plan. Smart. Carefully laid out... But I got bored. (hits Angel and pins him up against the wall) All that watching, waiting,... my legs started to cramp. (throws Angel up against the door leading out) Enough with the hit'n'quip. Just tell me were the damn ring is." Angel, turning around in vamp face: "It wouldn't go with your outfit." He hits Spike around for a while and finally throws him against the wall just as Cordelia and Doyle run in behind Angel. Spike, slowly getting back to his feet: "Cordelia. You look smashing. Did you lose weight ?"
Cordelia: "Yes, there is this great gym at... hey !"
Spike, to Angel: "I'll get that ring. This isn't over until one of us is a pile of dust, mate." (Runs off.)
Cordelia, to Angel: "Are you okay ?" Angel walks off a ways from then (still in vamp face) then turns around.
Doyle: "More importantly, how's the ring ?"
Angel: "It's fine. (morphs into his human face) I can't say the same for you two though. You better get out of sight until this thing is over. Spike is out for blood. (to Doyle) Take her to your place."
Cordelia: "His place ? Why can't I just go home ?"
Angel: "Because he knows you, Cordelia. If he wants to he'll track you down."
Cordelia: "Yeah, but he's not invited, right ? He can't come in."
Doyle: "No, but he can burn the place to the ground."
Cordelia: "Okay then. Doyle's place it is."
Doyle to Angel: "What about you, man. You know he'll be coming back for you before long."
Angel: "I know."
Cordelia: "So what are you going to do ?"
Angel: "Find him first."
Cordelia and Doyle: "Alright, let's go." They leave as Angel wipes at the blood at the corner of his mouth. ***** Cut to Doyle's apartment. ***** He is talking on the phone, while Cordelia is pacing the floor.
Doyle: "Not Spice, that's the bird down on Broadway. Spike, like in railroads... Uhuh,... yeah, vampire, right... No ?... Okay, then. Thanks." (Hangs up.) Doyle, marking his open address book: "Frankie Tripod ? A big no."
Cordelia: "Frankie Tripod ? Oh, I get it. Some kind of three-legged monster, right ?"
Doyle: "No, he's human."
Cordelia: Then why is his name... Oh..."
Doyle, getting up: "Hey listen, why don't you sit down. Get comfortable. Angel said I should go through every name in my book until I get a bead on where Spike is hiding out. Could be a while."
Cordelia: "Please. I couldn't get comfortable in here if the floor was lined with mink. I mean, how can you live like this ?"
Doyle: "Well, I didn't until last week. Then I saw what you did with your place and I just had to call my decorator."
Cordelia: "No way. My apartment is nowhere near this yucky. (sits down on a chair. Paper rustles. She gets up brushes it of the chair and sits back down while Doyle picks some laundry of another chair) It smells like bong water in here."
Doyle: "Okay a couple of laundry might be a couple of days over due, but..." Telephone rings and Doyle goes to get it.
Doyle: "Yeah ?... Hey, Kizzy. Yeah, vamp named Spike. No ? Okay. What, a "C" note ? I absolutely paid that back, man ! Hey, no, sorry, there goes my other line." He slams the phone down.
Doyle: "He was mistaken, but I didn't have time to get into it, right ?... I'm on a mission here !... So what about this Spike ? Is he as bad as all that ? I mean should I be sweating ?"
Cordelia: "He's really not... (sighs)... sweat."
Doyle: "That's what I figured." ***** Cut to Rachel's apartment. *****
Rachel: "You keep showing up like this and I'm going to think you're a man of your word."
Angel: "Stranger things..."
Rachel: "Not many." Goes into the kitchen. Angel, following her, carefully skirting a patch of sun: "So we'll get you out of here. There are places you can go, where you'll be safe."
Rachel: "Like a shelter ?"
Angel: "It's a start. He won't be able to find you, I swear."
Rachel: "No, it's not the shelter it's just... ah... Half the time, you how this whole thing starts up again, Lenny and me ?"
Angel: "You call him."
Rachel: "I... I... I just start to jones for him. The way he jones for rock. And I call, or I find him in some dive, and I drag him home, - and it's *good* for a while."
Angel, shaking his head: "But it doesn't last. This last time he would have killed you." Angel watches with a sigh as she tries not to cry.
Rachel: "I'm scared, Angel, I'm more scared of me right now than I am of him."
Angel: "You're at a crossroads, I know. It's either go for the easy fix and wait for the consequences, or take the hard road and go with faith."
Rachel: "Oh, god. You're not from that freaky church on Sunset, are you ?" She steps away from him.
Angel: "In yourself. That kind of faith... What I'm saying is: if you leave Lenny for good, it'll hurt. But eventually you'll be stronger for it. And maybe you'll find your way to the kind of love you deserve."
Rachel: "You mean the kind of love that comes without 911 calls ?"
Angel: "That's the general idea." ***** Cut to Doyle's apartment. *****
Cordelia, eating popcorn: "Oh, yeah, Spike's nearly done Buffy in a few times. I mentioned that he's killed two Slayers already ?"
Doyle: "You did."
Cordelia: "Oh, and this one time he and Dru raised this demon that burned people from the inside. It was this whole weird thing with an arm in a box."
Doyle spellbound: "An arm in a box ?" Cordelia nods. The phone rings and Doyle picks it up.
Doyle in a nasal voice: "House of Pies." Angel in his apartment checking the mechanism of his wrist sheathes: "Doyle ? Is that you ?"
Doyle: "Oh, sorry man. Just laying low. All those calls to past acquaintances stirred up a few, uh, old resentments."
Angel: "I hope it was worth it."
Doyle: "Yeah, well, listen Manny the Pig said he didn't know anything about a vampire called Spike."
Angel: "So ?"
Doyle: "So he said that before I mentioned anything about Spike. You'll find him at a joint down on third called the Orbit Room."
Angel: "Okay. I'll start with Manny the Pig then."
Doyle: "Work your way down."
Cut to Angel slamming a guy down on a table.
Guy: "He left for the club."
Cut to Angel smashing a different guy up against the wall with his hand around his throat.
Guy: "Try the game."
[SCENE_BREAK]
Cut to Angel slamming the Pig down on a poker table. Angel is grabbing him by the throat and getting right in his face. Three other guys there draw their guns and point them at an unfazed Angel.
Pig to the guys: "Put them down. (they lower the guns. To Angel) He'll kill me if I talk."
Angel: "How healthy do you think it'll be to stay quiet ?"
Pig: "He's out back."
Cut to Angel coming out the back door. He sees Spike snacking on a girl.
Angel: "Let her go !" Spike, looking up at him in vamp face: "Did anyone ever tell you you were a real buzz-kill, mate ?" Spike throws the girl into Angel and stalks off in disgust.
Angel to girl: "Run."
Cut to Angel running after Spike. Spike comes up against a chain fence at the end of the alley. Spike, turning around says sounding bored: "Caught me fair and square, White Hat. (slowly lift his hands up over his head) I guess there is nothing to do now but to go quietly and pay my debt to society."
Angel, closing with him slowly: "You think you can come to *my* town and pull *this* crap ? You never learn, Spike."
Spike with a smile: "I maybe a slow learner..." Chains rattle behind and as Angel turns around a guy in white whips a chain around Angel's neck and drags him to the ground. Spike, watching the guy hog tie Angel: "But eventually I learn." ***** Cut to Doyle's apartment. ***** Cordy is sitting by the phone, Doyle is pacing.
Cordelia: "Angel should have called by now. (sighs) this is bad!"
Doyle: "Maybe not. Maybe he did away with Spike in short order, and decided to give a go at surfing ?"
Cordelia: "Right !... What am I worried about ? Angel has the ring, right ?"
Doyle: "Right ! I bet he is out hanging 10 right about now, out on the sandy shore at. Wind in his hair..."
Cut to Angel hanging in a couple of chains by his wrists in a warehouse. Doyle voice over as camera pans down Angel's body: "Bikini babes a whistlin'" The white-clad guy form the alley puts on a classical LP the opens a trunk and takes out torture tools.
Spike: "Marcus is an expert. Some say artist, but I've never been comfortable with labels... He's a bloody king of torture, he is. Humans, demons,... politicians, makes no difference. (starts to circle Angel) Some say he invented several of the Classics,... but he won't tell me which ones... beneath the cool exterior, you'll find he is rather shy... Except with kids. (to Marcus) You like kids, don't you Marcus ?... Well, likes to eat. (leans in close to Angel) and other nasty things." Angel thrashes in his chains and Spike pulls back with a satisfied smile. Marcus puts on wire-rim glasses as he walks over to Angel. He rips his shirt open and stares at his chest.
Marcus: "His skin..."
Spike: "Annoying isn't it ? Still attached."
Marcus: "Over 200 years of living and so little external damage... What about internal ?"
Spike: "Do you two need to be alone, or can we go on to the ouchy part ?" Marcus, laying his hand on Angel's heart: "He's known love."
Spike: "Yeah, and with a Slayer no less. How is that for perversion ?"
Marcus: "And he has a soul."
Spike bored: "Right, vampire with a soul. Cursy-cursed to walk the earth trying to do good. That's not going to be a problem, is it ?"
Marcus: "On the contrary. Creatures with souls have something to lose."
Spike: "Souls, fingers, toes... Let's get chopping, will you ? I want my damn ring !"
Marcus, to Angel: "What do you want, Angel ?"
Angel: "Are you going to torture me, or just bore me to death ?" Marcus goes to pick up a poker that has been heating in a fire-barrel and stabs it clear through Angel's lower right chest. Angel suppresses a scream.
Marcus: "Probably a little of both."
Spike with a smile: "Someone's having shish kabob."
Cut to later. Angel has several metal pokers sticking through different parts of his body.
Marcus, playing with some pliers: "What do you want Angel ?"
Angel, gasping: "A house in the country, a pair of good running shoes that you can also wear out to dinner."
Spike, pacing impatiently: "Why do you keep asking him that ? And why do you keep playing that bleeding Brahms ?"
Marcus: "Actually it's Mozart. Symphony 41. I find it very effective."
Spike: "Yeah ? Personally I prefer his older funnier symphonies myself... LOOK I WANT MY RING BACK ! (kicks a box, the breaks a wooden handle and aims the resulting stake at Angel's chest) If I don't get it pretty soon, I'm going to stake me old Sire right here and now !"
Marcus: "Are you finished ? He knows you won't kill him until you get the ring. He knows you're lying." Spike, dropping the stake, to Marcus: "*You* get it for me."
Marcus: "Soon he'll want to tell me everything he knows... and then some... And he knows I'm not lying."
Spike, looking at Angel: "I believe he does."
Angel: "You're an idiot, Spike."
Spike: "You think ? Because I'm not the one chained to the ceiling with hot pokers in my side."
Angel: "You hired a vampire. What do you think he is going to do with the rings when he finds it, huh ? Hand it over to you ?"
Spike: "Oh, good Lord, why didn't I think of... ? Oh, wait half a mo', I did. I hired a guy who doesn't care about the ring, or anything else on God's green earth except taking blokes apart one piece at a time... It's called addiction, Angel. We all have it... I believe yours is named Slutty the vampire Slayer. (music ends and Spike breathes a sigh of relief) Thank you !... Speaking of little Buff, I ran into her recently. Your name didn't come up. Although she has been awful busy jumping the bones of the first lunk-head that came along. Good-looking fellow... used her shamelessly... She is cute when she is hurting, isn't she ?"
Angel: "I think she's cuter when she's kicking your ass." Marcus starts the LP over and Spike sighs.
Spike: "I think I will go get a bit of fresh air... leave you two kids to it. (Marcus sticks another hot poker through Angel's thigh, who lets out a short scream) Now that is music !" ***** Cut to Angel's apartment. ***** Spike comes up through the sewers and starts to tear the place up.
Spike: "If I was a ring, where would I be ?... Well, this is fun... But it's going to get old real fast." ***** Cut to the warehouse. ***** Marcus is circling Angel holding a pistol in his hands.
Marcus: "Most things that live and breath hate the dark and love the light." Marcus shoots a hole in the ceiling and Angel flinches back from the beam of sunlight that streams in through the hole.
Marcus: "We are different though, aren't we ? We hate the light of day, and it hates us back in kind. (shoots again)... You hid the ring Angel, or you could be walking in the light right now. So I have to wonder: what do you want if not the ring ? It's through the pain that we find the truth of who we are. It strips us of our defenses. We are made innocent again like children. I like children, Angel... I'm here to help you find that innocence, Angel,... here... with the light. (shoots again forcing Angel to strain away or burn)" ***** Cut to Angel's office. ***** Spike comes up into the office. Cordelia is waiting with a crossbow ready in her hands.
Cordelia: "When you are done giving the place the Johnny Depp once-over... I hope you have the cash to pay for all of this."
Spike, slowly stepping closer: "Cordelia. Love the hair."
Cordelia: "Wish I could say the same." Doyle, aiming a gun at Spike: "That's close enough."
Spike: "What is it with you good guys running in packs ? Who is this one then ?"
Doyle: "More than meets the eye."
Spike: "Ooh, the Mick's got spine ! Maybe I'll snap it in two."
Cordelia: "Do you want me to use this ?"
Spike: "You'll be dead before that arrow leaves the bow. (Cordy lowers the bow slightly) Now where was I ? Bloody tired of looking for that ring. I think you two should take over now."
Doyle: "Where is Angel ?"
Spike: "Angel, um... tall brooding guy, caveman brow ?... He's having the living hell tortures out of him. And you know how stubborn he can be, he might die before he gives up the ring. Why don't you two find it real fast and give it to me. I'll let Angel go."
Cordelia: "I don't trust you."
Spike: "To coin a popular Sunnydale phrase: 'duh!' But you have until sundown to save him. You'll find me behind Peterson's Fishery between Seward and Westminster. (walks off) Don't be late." ***** Cut to the warehouse. *****
Marcus: "You did terrible things when you were bad, didn't you ? And now you are trying so *hard* to do good. But Angel, there is nothing either bad or good, but thinking makes it so. (Angel is fishing with his feet for the stake Spike dropped earlier while Marcus back is turned)... Now I can make the pain go away, (pulls out a poker, Angel screams) and as you know, (pulls out another poker) I can bring it back again. (as he walks back to the table Angel manages to get the stake between his shoes) What do you want, Angel ? I think I know, but I'd like to hear it from you. The truth. I'll know if you're lying."
Angel: "I want... forgiveness."
Marcus: "Yes. That's the truth,... and you want to earn it. You're not the type that takes the easy way out. Which is why I like you so much. In the end you won't feel guilt... or remorse... or anything but pure darkness. In the end... the ring, the past... none of it will mean anything anymore. You'll be free. I promise."
Angel: "And I promise (swings his legs up and drives the stake between his feet towards Marcus chest) to kill you."
Spike, catching Angel's legs: "Now, now, staking the torturer is strictly prohibited." Marcus hits Angel.
Spike, pulling Marcus back: "Easy, fella, still need that ring. (to angel) Now you've made him mad. Wouldn't want to be in your chains."
Marcus: "Won't be long now."
Spike: "Well, what's say I'll grab a pair of needle-nose pliers and give a hand ? ***** Cut to Angel's apartment. ***** Cordy and Doyle are rifling Angel's apartment.
Cordelia: "Drat !"
Doyle: "What ?"
Cordelia: "It's not in the freezer and it's not in the toilet tank. In the movies it's always in one of those places."
Doyle: "It's not here."
Cordelia: "We've looked everywhere !"
Doyle: "Except..."
Cordelia: "The rat infested sewer tunnels he uses to get around in the day time."
Cut to the sewers. Cordy and Doyle are searching, each holding a flashlight.
Cordelia: "This is not a needle in a haystack, this is a needle in Kansas."
Doyle: "Yeah, I know, you're right. We just got to keep looking." Doyle lets Cordy get a ways ahead of him just watching her back, Suddenly blue spikes pop out all over his face. He sniffs the air, then the spikes disappear and he walks over to where Angel his the ring and picks it up.
Doyle: "Here !"
Cordelia, coming running back: "How did you do that ?"
Doyle: "You got to get lucky sometimes."
Cordelia: "I could hug you ! (when Doyle spreads out his arms) You're not that lucky. Now, come on we've got save Angel !"
Doyle: "Right, by giving Spike exactly what he wants so he can kill us."
Cordelia: "Right !... No, we need a plan." *****Cut to the Fishery. ***** Spike is waiting in the shadows behind the Fishery. Cordy and Doyle walk up.
Spike: "So... where is my ring ?"
Doyle: "Not on us."
Cordelia: "But we know where it is."
Spike: "And suddenly I'm so painfully bored. Time runs short, children. Give me that ring as if Angel's life depended on it."
Cordelia: "Listen you little Cockney, take us to Angel now."
Doyle: "So if he's still in one piece we tell you where you can find the ring."
Spike: "He is still alive I think. In one piece was never part of the deal." ***** Cut to the warehouse. ***** Angel is slumped in his chains. Spike, Cordy and Doyle walk in.
Spike: "Lucy, I'm home."
Cordelia, running towards Angel: "Angel !" Spike, holding her and Doyle back: "hey, hey ! A deal's a deal."
Angel: "Cordelia."
Spike: "And our deal was for the ring. You've wasted quiet enough of my time, so I'd really like it... NOW !"
Doyle: "You want the ring, you dog ? (pulls it out of his pocket and throws it past Angel) Go fetch !"
Cordelia: "Okay. You've got the ring, we've got Angel. And now you're going to leave us alone, and we're going to leave."
Spike: "Come on. You don't really thin that we're going to do that, do you ?"
(As Spike reaches for the ring you can hear tires squealing.)
Cordelia: "Not really."
Doyle: "No."
Oz van bursts through the side of the warehouse, rams through some barrels and comes to a screeching halt behind Angel as Spike rolls out of its way. Oz pulls out two crossbows and aims them out of the driver's side window while Cordy and Doyle free Angel and help him into the back of the van.
Oz: "Spike." As the van backs out of the warehouse, Spike looks around for the ring in vain.
Spike: "Where is the ring ?... Bloody hell."
Cut to Marcus slowly walking out into the sun. He does not burn.
Cut to Spike having a tantrum in the warehouse.
Spike: "Son of a bitch !... I do the work,... I do the digging,... fight off a Slayer,... drive to LA, fire the help,... and what do I get ?... ROYALLY SCREWWED, is what !... Well that cinches it. No more partners. From now on I'm my own man. A lone wolf. Sole survivor. Look out, here comes Spike! The baddest mother... (a beam of sunlight from one of the bullet holes hits the back of his head and his hair ignites) Ahh ! (he ducks and puts his hair out with his hands) I really hope they kill each other." ***** Cut to the beach. ***** Marcus is walking onto a pier in full sunlight. ***** Cut to Oz' van. *****
Oz: "How is he doing ?"
Doyle: "He'll live."
Cordelia: "Not without help. We need to get him to a hospital."
Oz: "I hear you. But which one ? They all tend to specialize in humans."
Doyle: "He's right, too risky. Do you know any first aid ?"
Oz: "Basic sixth grade, but I can improvise. If we can get him some place dark, maybe I can..."
Angel: "Turn around!"
Oz: "Angel."
Cordelia: "He's delirious. Ignore him."
Angel: "Turn around!"
Cordelia: "So you can do what ? It's daylight and you're ringless. Unless you're changing the act to human torch, I don't think so."
Doyle: "She's right. You're death on toast, man. You're in no shape to be fighting a torture demon." Angel pulls out the last poker still stuck in his side.
Angel: "God !... Okay, he's got a thing for children. Oz... turn around. He couldn't have gone far." Oz spins the van around. ***** Cut to the pier. ***** Marcus is looking at a group of scouts.
Marcus: "Hello boys and girls." Oz drives onto the pier and rams into him sending him flying. Cordelia gets out.
Cordelia to scouts: "Run, now. Move your little scout legs. Now ! Go ! Come on !" Oz shoots Marcus in the chest with a crossbow bolt. Marcus just pulls it back out and throws it away.
Doyle: "Damn it. I'll get him." He and Marcus start to fight. Marcus knocks Doyle down.
Cordelia: "Doyle !" Oz to Angel in the back of the van: "You're sure about this ?"
Angel: "Yeah." Oz opens the side door and Angel launches himself out with a scream. He catches fire as he runs to tackle Marcus. They crash through the railing and into the water below.
Cordelia, looking over the railing: "Where is he ?"
Cut to the dark area under the pier. Angel and Marcus stand up in the shallow water. They fight. Luckily for Angel Marcus isn't the best fighter. They are pretty evenly matched.
Marcus: "What were you planing to do ? Kill me ?"
Angel: "Well, after all, I promised." They fight some more.
Angel: "You never cracked me, Marcus... You tried, and you failed. Now that (Angel manages to impale Marcus on a board that's sticking out) that's got to be torture." Angel pulls the ring off Marcus' finger and he dusts with a scream. Angel slowly puts the ring on his hand and hesitantly steps out from under the pier blinking at the sun, looks around in wonder.
Cordelia: "Are you all right ?"
Angel: "Fine... (to Oz) Thanks for the help, man. You were key."
Oz: "You're... incredibly pale."
Cordelia: "Look, you should lie down. We should take you home."
Doyle: "Just give him a minute." Angel wanders out on the beach looking amazed.
Oz: "He's very pale. Paler than most people." ***** Cut to the top of a skyscraper. ***** Angel is watching the sun set.
Doyle: "So how long has it been between sunsets ?"
Angel: "200 years, give or take."
Doyle: "Well you got to be feeling pretty damn good then, huh? I mean this ring - changes everything, don't it ?... Yeah, it's spectacular, I know. But I do promise that there will be another one exactly like it tomorrow."
Angel: "Not for me."
Doyle: "What are you saying ? That the city will be hit by a meteor before tomorrow night or..."
Angel: "No."
Doyle: "No. It's to horrible to say the other. I can't even bring myself to say the other."
Angel: "I'm not going to wear the ring."
Doyle: "That was the other... You got a real addiction to the brooding part of life. Anyone ever tell you that?"
Angel: "Once or twice."
Doyle: "Care to explain ?... I mean this ring is your redemption. It's what you've been waiting for."
Angel: "nah, it just looks like it.'
Doyle: "Angel, man, think what you're saying."
Angel: "I have. I've thought of it from every angle, and what I figure is I did a lot of damage in my day, more than you can imagine."
Doyle: "So what, you don't get the ring because your period of self-flagellation isn't over yet ? I mean think of all the daytime people you could help between 9 and 5."
Angel: "They have help. The whole world is designed for them, so much that they have no idea what goes on around them after dark. They don't see the weak ones lost in the night,... or the things that prey on them. And if I join them, maybe I'd stop seeing, too."
Doyle: "And who'd look out for all the insomniacs?"
Angel: "I was brought back for a reason, Doyle, and as much as I would like to kid myself, I don't think it was for 18 holes at Rancho." The sun sinks below the horizon. Angel takes off the ring, picks up a brick and smashes it.
(Big green flash of light.)
Doyle: "Oh, and that Rachel girl with the crazy boyfriend called. Said to say thanks, and that she found a little faith. Said you'd know what that means."
Angel: "I don't know about you, but I had a nice day... You know, except for the bulk of it, where I was nearly tortured to death."
Doyle: "Yeah, well, you stood up."
Angel: "Oh, god. I was this close to telling him everything. I mean, one more hot poker and I was giving him the ring, your mom,... everything... How is your mom ?"


Act One.
Scene One - Café Nervosa. Frasier is flicking through some magazines when Roz comes to join him.
Roz: [sitting] Oh hey, Frasier. Catalogues?
Frasier: Yes. I'm trying to find the perfect wedding gift for Daphne and Donny.
Roz: Oh, right. Well, I guess now that they've set a date, I'll be getting my bridesmaid draft notice.
Frasier: You know Roz, she might not even ask you.
Roz: [positive] Oh, she'll ask me. They all do. The next thing I know I'm wearing some revolting puffy-sleeved dress made from the same material that keeps the space shuttle from burning up on re-entry.
Frasier: You know, Roz, Daphne might just surprise you and pick a dress you like.
Roz: Oh, impossible. They're always ugly; that's why the bride makes sure she's the prettiest one at the wedding.
Frasier: That's awfully cynical.
Roz: Oh yeah, when was the last time you found yourself staring at the bridesmaid instead of the bride? [signals to the waitress]
Frasier: That would have been at my wedding to Lilith.
Roz, not getting the attention of the waitress, heads over to the counter. Then Niles enters and sits with his brother.
Niles: Hello Frasier.
Frasier: Oh, Niles.
Niles: Frasier, do you remember the time the Kreizel brothers tied me to their Great Dane and lobbed meatballs down their gravel driveway?
Frasier: I've told you Niles, I would have helped you, but their sister was holding me down.
Niles: No, my point is - [to waitress] Cappuccino, please [to Frasier] - even that experience was less painful than the date I was just on. She was... [takes a cat hair from his jacket and puts it on the floor] ...a cat person. She brought her cat on our date. Well, she had good reason, it was Mr. Waggles's birthday. Actually his birthday party. Actually, his surprise birthday party.
Frasier: I'm sorry, where on earth did you meet this woman?
Niles: At Nordstroms. We both reached for the same cashmere throw and she said she needed something to keep her waggles warm. I thought it was a coy euphemism. [the waitress brings his coffee] Thank you.
Frasier: Well, Niles, I certainly understand your being upset, but you know, you've got to keep on looking.
Niles: Well, trust me, with Daphne getting married, I have no choice but to press on. But I'm going to change my strategy. Do you recall, the other day at the health club, Tony Hubner gave me that phone number?
Frasier: Dear God, Niles, not a dating service?
Niles: No, it's not a dating service. An "Introduction Network" for busy professionals. I've given them my vital statistics, there's an extensive screening process, they bill me at the end of the month.
Frasier: Niles, please. They are all money-grubbing con-artists who prey on the pathetic and the lonely. God's sakes, you sign up with visions of some Ph.D., and what do they deliver? A buck-toothed librarian who needs help washing her mother! Are you really that desperate?
Niles: Half an hour ago, I had my back leg tethered to Mr. Waggles's forepaw and we came in third in the five-legged race.
Frasier: Geez, you'd think they'd let him win on his birthday.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Scene Two - Frasier's Apartment. As Frasier enters he hears Daphne on the phone to her mother.
Daphne: I know, mum, but it is my wedding. I've given into you on so many things. Couldn't this one thing go my way? [pause] I just don't like those tiny corns in my salad. [pause] No, I don't hate you. [pause] Well, that's just not true. I'm glad you're alive. [pause] All right, all right, tiny corn it is. I've got to run now, cheery bye. [hangs up] That was mum, she had a thought about the salad.
Frasier: Something tells me yesterday's crouton skirmish wasn't the end of it.
Daphne: I suppose she can be a bit overbearing. But as she often points out, she is paying for the wedding and I am her only daughter and giving birth to me was so painful she did bite through a kitchen spoon.
Frasier: Daphne, just don't let you mother guilt you into having the wedding she wants instead of the wedding you want.
Daphne: Oh, don't worry, mum already promised me I could have the wedding I want, as soon as I have a daughter who gets engaged.
Daphne exits to her bedroom. Frasier enters the kitchen where he finds Martin with a box of jerky.
Frasier: Hiya, Dad.
Martin: Oh, Fras. You'll love this stuff I got from the farmer's market. This guy takes the juiciest cut of filet mignon, slices it real thin and makes jerky out of it.
Frasier: Look Dad, I don't...
Martin throws it into his mouth, you can tell he is disgusted.
Frasier: Yes, if only I had a nice powdered Cabernet to go with it. Listen, have you given any thought to Daphne's wedding present?
Martin: Now Frasier, not everyone likes jerky as much as you and me.
Frasier: No, I just want to get her something special, especially since her mother seems to be taking all the joy out of it for her.
Martin: Oh, well, how about a nice piece of luggage? You know, a good hard suitcase, like the kind people used to put stickers on to show everybody where they've been. Remember your grandad's? His whole life was on it: Topeka, Sioux Falls, Biloxi... it was like a map of the world.
Frasier: What a loss to us all that he failed to write his memoirs. I'm thinking of something that would matter to Daphne. [hiccups] Oh, something that shows her how we feel. [hiccups] Good Lord, that's a little spicy, isn't it? [gets a bottle of water from fridge] You know, maybe we should get something for her wedding.
Martin: Like what?
Frasier: Well, I don't know, her flowers, say? That's it, we could offer to pay for her wedding flowers.
Martin: That's a bit pricy, isn't it?
Frasier: Well don't worry about it, Dad. [hiccups] You just donate what you can and I'll pay for the rest. [hiccups] God, what was in that jerky?
Martin: Well, you just ate it too fast. Next time you have to savor it a little.
Frasier: Dad, I'm never going to taste that vile stuff again. [hiccups] Oh, spoke too soon.
Frasier enters the room to find Daphne.
Frasier: Daphne, may I have a word with you, please?
Daphne: What is it, Dr. Crane?
Frasier: Well, it's about you wedding gift. Now, I know it's not traditionally the role of a friend but we consider you family, so please don't say no. Dad and I would be honoured to pay for your wedding... [hiccups]
Daphne: [taking it in] Pay for my wedding?
Frasier: [holds out his hand but hiccups]
Daphne: How wonderful! [hugs a hiccuping Frasier] I could never imagine.
Martin enters with the jerky.
Martin: What's all the hubbub?
Daphne: Dr. Crane, just told me about your incredible wedding present. You people are heaven-sent.
Martin: Well, I'm glad you like it. You know what, we're going to throw in a piece of luggage as well.
Daphne: [tearful] I'm just so overwhelmed.
Daphne exits to the kitchen.
Martin: See, I told you, everybody loves luggage.
Frasier: Dad, she thinks we're paying for her whole wedding.
Martin: What?
Frasier: Well, I tried to say wedding flowers, but then I hiccuped.
Martin: Well, I'm not paying for her wedding.
Frasier: Of course not, I'm just going to clear this whole thing up right now before it goes any further. [calls] Daphne!
Daphne enters.
Daphne: You know what this means, don't you? Now that mum's not paying, she can't make me have it in England. I can have my wedding how I want it, where I want it: right here. You've answered my prayers. [cries in delight and exits back to kitchen]
Frasier and Martin look at each other. The doorbell sounds.
Daphne: [o.s] Could someone let Donny in?
Martin: Well look, Donny's a very traditional guy. He's not going to let us pay for his wedding.
Frasier: Right, you saw how he proposed to her; on bended knee. He's nothing but a hopeless romantic.
And so Frasier opens the door to hear Donny on the phone saying:
Donny: Any idiot knows you've got to pay a hooker in cash! I'm at a meeting, I'll call you later, bye. [hangs up and greets the rest] I've got this client, he's in the middle of a divorce, right, and his wife finds all these charges from this place called "Executive Match." It turns out to be a call girl service. When she gets through with him she'll have his house, his car, she'd have his beach house too if I hadn't already taken it. Women!
Then Daphne bursts in and hugs Donny, still excited.
Donny: Hi, honey.
Daphne: Hi sweetie. [kisses him] Have they told you yet?
Donny: Told me what?
Daphne: You're not going to believe this, but Dr. Crane and his father have offered to pay for our entire wedding.
Donny: [takes it in] Is this a joke?
Frasier: It could be.
Donny: I mean, it's one thing for us to let your family pay, they're your parents, it's traditional. But this is...
Frasier: Going too far? Being presumptuous?
Martin: Yeah, we don't want to step on any toes.
Daphne: I didn't think you'd be uncomfortable with this.
Frasier: Well, he clearly is, Daphne.
Martin: Donny's right! We're not family.
Frasier and Martin try to get out of it until Donny realises his bad manners.
Donny: Wait, wait, wait, what am I doing? Here you guys, you're making this lovely gesture and I'm just insulting you. I mean if you guys are not family to Daphne, then who is? Course you can pay for the wedding. Thank you, thank you.
Donny hugs Frasier and Martin who cringe at the thought of the cost.
Daphne: I just knew he'd see how much this meant to you. I'm tearing up again.
Donny: No, don't start with the water works because you're going to get me going. [notices jerky] What's this? Jerky? Can I have some of that?
Martin: Help yourself.
Donny: [reads box] Made from filet mignon. How much did this stuff set you back?
Frasier: You have no idea!
End of Act One. Act Two.
Scene One - Café Nervosa. Daphne is going through her plans for the wedding with Frasier.
Daphne: Now, as far as the reception goes, I've narrowed it down to two places. I'm leaning towards "Captain Jonah's." The view of the water's lovely. But you have to walk through a whale's mouth to get inside.
Frasier: I hesitate to ask how you exit.
Daphne: I've got to run. I've a meeting with the DJ.
Daphne leaves. The woman seated behind Frasier, covering her head with a newspaper puts her read down, revealing herself as Roz. She comes over.
Roz: I thought she'd never leave!
Frasier: Good God, Roz, how long have you been there?
Roz: Since you two walked in and trapped me.
Frasier: Aren't you taking this a bit too far just trying to avoid an unflattering dress?
Roz: Yeah, I thought you'd say that. That's why I've been carrying around this picture of the last time I was a bridesmaid.
Roz hands her photo to Frasier.
Frasier: Good Lord, Roz, you look like you've been tented for termites. Roz whips the photo back again.
Roz: Well, it sounds like she's having fun planning her wedding.
Frasier: Yes, well, now that she can have things her way and not her mother's.
Roz: She's lucky you came along.
Frasier: Well, yes and no. You know, I sit here and let her make questionable choices and I say nothing because I know it's going to cost me less. I'm sorry, I've got to change my thinking about this whole thing. What good is my money, if I'm denying her the best gift I have to offer: my taste and expertise? Frankly, what Daphne really deserves is the gift of Frasier.
Roz: Suddenly that crock pot I'm giving them doesn't sound so bad.
Frasier: Oh, shut up!
Roz exits as Niles appears from the back of the café with a delightful smile upon his face.
Frasier: Hello, Niles. You look like a man who's been waiting to be asked why he's grinning.
Niles: Oh, I was just thinking about the other day when you said how you thought dating services were all a big con. Well, I just got conned into meeting the most enchanting woman.
Frasier: I don't know what to say.
Niles: And I owe it all to "Executive Match."
Frasier: Now I do. The name of this service is "Executive Match?"
Niles: Right, and you thought these women all beneath me.
Frasier: Beneath you and countless others. Niles, do you have any idea...
Then Sabrina walks in. She looks like the average ditzy blonde. She is on her cell phone. Niles calls her, but Sabrina signals him to pipe down and she'll be with him in a second.
Niles: She's always on the phone. Whatever it is she does for a living, she's in great demand.
Frasier: So you have no idea what line of work Sabrina's in.
Niles: I'm guessing high-priced lawyer. I heard her quote her hourly rate on the phone. Believe me, you don't want to be on the receiving end of that bill. [laughs]
Frasier: Niles, I feel I must warn you...
Niles: Oh please, spare me your condescending advice. Why can't you simply say you were wrong?
Frasier: You have no idea what you're doing!
Niles: I know exactly what I'm doing! And you could learn a thing or two from me, Mister One-Date-And It's Over. I am taking it slow with Sabrina.
Frasier: You mean you haven't?
Niles: ...haven't?
Frasier: Haven't...?
Niles: Oh, please! Are you mad, you don't proposition a woman like that on the first date. Last night, I dropped her home after dinner with nothing more than a courtly kiss on the wrist. Tonight may proceed to hand holding. If all goes well, in two weeks I shall storm the citadel of her womanhood.
Sabrina comes over. Niles stands and kisses her wrist.
Niles: Sabrina, this is Frasier.
Frasier: Hello, lovely to meet you.
Sabrina: Nice to meet you. You really have a great brother. He's charming and witty and intelligent and handsome. [laughs]
Niles: I paid her to say that. [laughs]
Frasier: Of course you did!
[SCENE_BREAK]
THE GIFT OF FRASIER
Scene Two - Frasier's Apartment. The room is full of things for the wedding. The dinner table is complete with tablecloths, flowers and food. There is a harp next to the piano. Frasier is just showing the florist out as the doorbell sounds. He opens the door to the dove man (who has a box of doves with him) and Daphne.
Frasier: Finally, the doves have arrived. Come in, come in. [he does] [to florist] Lathbert, thank you so much for coming, lovely flowers, I'll let you know.
Daphne: [enters and closes door] Dr. Crane, was that the florist for my wedding?
Frasier: In his dreams! God, the man's arrangements are one big cliché. Look at this, his answer to everything is baby's breath, baby's breath, baby's breath. [points to flowers]
Daphne: Does that woman with the harp have something to do with my wedding too?
Frasier: No, Daphne, she's selling them door to door. Of course it's for your wedding. She's auditioning.
Daphne: Dr. Crane, I really don't think...
Then Martin enters from his room.
Martin: Oh good, Daphne, you're here too. Listen, I want to show you guys a little something I thought up for the wedding. [acting as a minister] It is now the time in the ceremony for the rings. May I have them, please?
Eddie runs in with a little basket containing two rings. He runs up and jumps on the couch, allowing Martin to take them.
Martin: Course, it's a lot more effective when he's in his little tux.
Frasier: Dad, please, it's all just a bit much, isn't it? We don't want to turn this wedding into a circus. Now, the dove man.
Daphne: Dr. Crane, about the doves...
Frasier: Just picture it, Daphne. Aren't they something? As you and Donny exit the church one dozen white birds of peace will be released and circle above. Of course, we'll use fourteen in actuality - the power lines always take out a few.
Frasier lets the dove man out.
Daphne: Dr. Crane, about the doves, well it just seems a little grand. I mean, what's wrong with throwing a bit of rice?
Frasier: Well, if you want rice, of course, you'll have rice. [then] Sometimes it seems nothing I do is good enough.
Daphne: No, no, no, I suppose doves will be fine.
Martin: [noticed a reverend in the kitchen] Frasier, is that Reverend Franklin in the kitchen?
Frasier: Yes it is, Dad.
Martin: You're auditioning our minister for the wedding?
Daphne: Don't you think Donny and I should have a say in who marries us?
Frasier: Of course, Daphne, I'm just whittling down the possibilities. The final choice is yours.
Chef Marco then enters with some cooked mushrooms from the kitchen.
Marco: Who's tasting the first course?
Frasier: Oh, that would me. [Marco exits]
Daphne: Who's that?
Frasier: That's Chef Marco from the Mercer Club, Daphne. Today we'll be sampling each of our four courses.
Daphne: No, I was planning on serving a buffet. That way people can mingle, it's more festive.
Frasier: We are talking about your wedding, not brunch with all the fixin's at "Billy Bob's Blackjack Boomtown."
The doorbell sounds. Frasier opens the door to Niles on the arm of Sabrina.
Niles: Hello, Frasier, you remember Sabrina.
Frasier: Yes, of course, lovely to see you. Niles, what are you doing here?
Niles: Oh, we're out for an afternoon of bird watching. It's the start of mating season, you know. [winks at Frasier] Just wanted to introduce my new girlfriend to Dad. Dad, this is Sabrina.
They give their greetings.
Martin: [impressed] Hey, nice to meet you.
Sabrina: Nice to meet you too. I should really call my office, about how long do you think we'll be gone?
Niles: Er, about eight hours.
Sabrina: Great!
Sabrina goes off to the hallway as Frasier responds to Sabrina's last remark. The doorbell sounds again. Daphne answers it to Roz, who tries to get away quickly. She has papers in her hand.
Roz: Oh, Daphne, I didn't know you were going to be here. I just want to drop these off for Frasier. [hands them to her]
Daphne: Roz, I'm glad you dropped by, I need to talk to you about my wedding. Do you mind if we speak in the hallway?
Roz: Actually, I don't have much time.
Daphne: [follows her into hallway and shuts door behind her] Well, then I'll get right to it.
However the elevator opens to a delivery man with a dress.
Deliveryman: Excuse me, do you know where Dr. Crane lives?
Daphne: Right here, can I help you?
Deliveryman: I'm dropping off this bridesmaid dress.
Daphne: Oh, I'll take that. I'm the bride.
The delivery man goes back down in the elevator. As Daphne goes on with her speech, Roz examines the beautiful silk wedding dress. She is hardly listening to Daphne.
Daphne: What I need to ask you is, how do you ever get Dr. Crane to listen to you...
Roz: Is this the bridesmaid dress?
Daphne: He's driving me mad. He doesn't listen to anything I say...
Roz: The woman you ask to be bridesmaid gets to wear this?
Daphne: And the worst part is...
Roz: Is that silk?
Daphne: Well, he's just like my mother, controlling and stubborn. I mean, what am I going to do?
Roz: [then] Well, Daphne, it's your wedding. Just tell Frasier how you feel.
Daphne: Yeah, well that's a bit difficult for me. You see, there was no talking to my mother. Anytime I sort of tried all I hear is "Just do it my way, you'll thank me later." Every time she said that I just wanted to explode.
Roz: Look, Frasier's a reasonable guy. Just go in there and be direct.
Daphne: You're right, I'm going to and... Roz, I was going to ask you if you wanted to be one of my bridesmaids?
Roz: [obvious acting] Oh my God, are you serious? This is coming out of nowhere. I'd love to.
They hug.
[N.B. In fact, Jane Leeves was a bridesmaid at Peri Gilpin's wedding to her husband, artist Christian Vincent.]
Daphne: Don't worry. Once I'm in charge you won't have to wear this thing Dr. Crane picked out. I mean, he calls this a bridesmaid dress! The sleeves aren't even puffy.
Daphne enters the apartment as Roz angrily presses the lift button. Meanwhile, Martin and Sabrina are chatting away.
Martin: So, how long have you guys been seeing each other?
Sabrina: Let's see. Since we've met it's been about seventeen, no, eighteen hours.
Niles: She actually counts the minutes we've been together.
Frasier: Niles, may I see you in the kitchen?
Niles: Excuse me.
Frasier heads to the kitchen with Niles. Daphne stops them.
Daphne: [confronting] Dr. Crane, I need to talk to you.
Frasier: Not now, Daphne.
Daphne: [nervous] All right.
Niles and Frasier enter the kitchen.
Niles: All right, what is it?
Frasier: Niles, it's about Sabrina. She's a prostitute.
Niles: Frasier, I don't like lawyers anymore than you do, but frankly a man whose face is plastered on every bus in town should be careful what terms he bandies about.
Frasier: Niles! "Executive Match" is an escort service. One of Donny's clients was caught using them.
Niles: I don't believe you.
Frasier: Niles, does Sabrina laugh at everything you say, is she fascinated by everything about you, even your collections?
Niles: Well, yes. Actually, I even showed her my rarely-seen collection of eighteenth century Portuguese bud vases.
Frasier: And how did she react?
Niles: Well, if you must know, she was rather aroused. She said she loved a man who collected porcelain and- [clicks] Oh my God, I'm dating a whore! They have my credit card number, I've been running up a tab! [looks at watch and calculates bill] I've got to get her out of here!
Niles rushes into the living room with Frasier. The gang are in with Reverend Franklin.
Niles: Sabrina, we should be going.
Martin: What's the hurry? We're having a nice conversation.
Sabrina: Yeah, I love your dad.
Frasier: Did I mention he used to be a police officer?
Sabrina: Maybe we should go. [gets up]
Franklin: Surely you can stay a little while, I haven't seen Niles in ages. [to Sabrina] You know, I used to teach him in Sunday school.
Martin: Oh, you know Reverend, I can still remember dropping him off for his first class. It seems like only yesterday.
Suddenly harp music begins playing. The type that is used in movies when they are having a flashback. Everybody thinks this weird and starts looking around only to find it to be the harp player auditioning.
Frasier: Oh, Daphne, I believe I have chosen your bouquet. [picks one up] It's hand-woven out of pygmy orchids.
Daphne: Dr. Crane, I really need to talk to you.
Frasier: Well, of course, Daphne. First let's sample the Porcinni mushrooms. They're exquisite.
Daphne: But I don't like mushrooms!
Frasier: You only think you don't, you haven't tried these.
Daphne: Dr. Crane, this is really...
Frasier: Try this for me, you'll thank me later.
Daphne: [bursts angrily] You'll thank me later?! I've heard that my whole life, well, no more! [chasing Frasier round the room] I'm doing my wedding my way. And if that means I want rice instead of doves and a DJ instead of a harp, then that's what I'll have. I don't want your advice, I don't want your money and I don't want your mushrooms. I'm in charge of this wedding now. [picks up bouquet] And what kind of a git walks down the aisle carrying something of pygmy orchids!
Daphne throws the bouquet angrily and marches off to her room. Sabrina catches the bouquet and links her arm with Niles. The two are now standing in front of Reverend Franklin as the harp player strikes up Handel's "Wedding March." Niles takes the bouquet and throws them on the floor. They all look at him.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Scene Three - Frasier's Apartment. Later that day, Martin and Eddie are sat at the dinner table as Frasier walks back from a visit to Daphne's room.
Martin: Is she all right?
Frasier: She's fine. We had a nice talk.
Martin: Well, that's good. Wedding still on track?
Frasier: Absolutely.
Martin: You just got a little carried away, that's all.
Frasier: Oh, I guess so, yeah. You know, it suddenly occurred to me when I was talking to Daphne that I never really got the wedding of my dreams either. Oh sure, you know, my first one was a little clandestine affair we dashed off at the city hall. I could have hardly imagined a wedding more lacking in ceremony. Until my second wedding, which was lacking a bride. Then came Lilith. If I knew then what I know now, I would have walked down the aisle with the ice sculpture and had her stand by the buffet table to keep the shrimp cold.
Martin: Oh, so you've had a few bad weddings.
Frasier: I guess I was just taking my last best shot at the wedding I shall never have for myself.
Martin: Oh, come on.
Frasier: Oh, let's face it, Dad: I'm no spring chicken. Do you really see me getting married again?
Martin: Well, I guess I've had my doubts, but right here, right now,
I think: yeah, you're going to meet someone.
Frasier: Do you really think so?
Martin: Yes I do and I'll tell you why. If Niles can meet a great gal like Sabrina, then there's hope for all of us.
He gets up and exits. Despite Martin's mistake, Frasier can't help but smile.
End of Act Two.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Café Nervosa:
Roz is waiting when Daphne enters with the bridesmaid dress of her choice - emerald green satin, puffy sleeves and gold bows. It's hideous. Roz pretends enthusiasm as Daphne holds it up to her, then piles Roz's hair on top of her head in the fashion she imagines for the wedding, and gets choked up at how beautiful she thinks Roz looks.
Roz maintains a cheerful front till Daphne turns her back, then she collapses in tears.


[PREVIOUSLY_ON]
John: Isaac?
Isaac: Isaac, the fornicator. Coming home to Salem to get out of the war is like jumping in the ocean to get out of the rain.
Isaac: You can't leave Salem just yet. Something you've got to see.
Mr. Hale: Someone broke our circle.
Mary: Who saw us?
Mr. Hale: I do not know.
Mary: I waited for you. Years and years.
John: Come with me.
Mary: I can't. It's impossible.
Tituba: The grand rite has begun, and the earth cries out for innocent blood.
Mary: I know well my duties.
George: [Grunts] The only thing that keeps me alive is the look on your face when John Alden finds out what you really are.
Bridget: [Screaming]
Anne: Father, you know Bridget. How could you think her guilty of this?
Mr. Hale: It isn't a matter of what I think. What a mess you've made of things.
Bridget: [Gasping]
Anne: [Sobbing]
Mary: I don't want you here.
John: I almost believe you.
[Insects chirping]
Cotton: You're so beautiful.
"Fear no man's war, for only a war from hell could destroy Salem." The devil was never going to let a promised land be built here without a battle.
Mary: Do you know what killed nearly every woman buried here? Love.
Cotton: And witches armed with deadly malice...
Mary: Most died in childbirth. So love is to a woman...
Cotton: Are the most malignant and insidious weapons in that battle...
Mary: What war is to a man. The most deadly thing, they'll do.
Cotton: That war for the body and the soul of a nation.
Mary: Only a fool runs quickly to war...
Cotton: Imagine a foe you can't see...
Mary: Or love.
Cotton: Armed with weapons unknown...
Mary: I can teach you...
Cotton: And the ability to appear as anyone.
Mary: About life and death and many things in between.
Anne: Stop it! Just stop it! Stop.
Cotton: Shh. Judge not, lest ye be judged.
[Gasps]
[Water splashes]
[Indistinct shouting]
["Cupid Carries a Gun" plays]
♪ Pound me the witch drums ♪ ♪ witch drums ♪ ♪ pound me the witch drums ♪ ♪ pound me the witch drums ♪ ♪ the witch drums ♪ ♪ better pray for hell ♪ ♪ not hallelujah ♪
[indistinct shouting]
Man: Burn in hell!
[Shouting continues]
Woman: Sin!
Isaac: Be assured, Mrs. Bridget... ones that are weepin' far outnumber the ones that might spit or curse.
Man: Burn in hell! Burn!
[Indistinct shouting]
Tituba: You would do well to pay that boy extra to take them bodies a more circuitous route.
Mary: Spectacle is fuel for our fire.
Tituba: And doubt is indulged by the rich and spoiled only.
Mind that you was born neither.
Woman: "Give me to die with thee that I may rise to a new life, "for I wish to be as dead and buried to sin, to selfishness..."
Mary: By all means, Reverend... do not offer prayer or comfort or words of encouragement. No, stand as a bewildered statue amongst the people of Salem and offer them absolutely nothing.
Cotton: What would you have me do?
Mary: What I brought you here to do. Guide and support us in our great hour of need. Warm our hearts with your words of wisdom. Assure us it is God's will we do in ferreting out the devil. Or at the very, very least... Pray.
Mr. Hale: Tragic day.
Mary: Tragic but necessary.
Mr. Hale: Tragically necessary. Surely, the grieving of the masses gives you pause.
Mary: Most spit and curse while summoning the burning flames of hell.
Mr. Hale: There are also those who weep for her and find her hanging unfounded.
Mary: Not enough to divert our intentions. A panic's success relies on its escalation. The grand rite has begun. We look to our next victim.
Mr. Hale: And that I disagree, that I strenuously and most vehemently oppose means nothing to you? We were seen at our sabbat. And you throw caution to the wind.
Mary: And have you identified who saw us? Perhaps your disagreements and vehement opposition might hold more weight if you could be relied on to complete a simple task. Good day, Hale.
[Indistinct shouting]
Cotton: What must I do to be saved?
It is impossible to ask a more weighty question. Lest we perish eternally.
John: How's it feel?
Cotton: How does what feel?
John: Killing two innocents in as many days.
Cotton: The evidence against Miss bishop... woman: The orphanage! Help! They're looting the orphanage!
[Glass shatters]
Anne: Get out!
It's not yours!
[Baby crying]
Get John: Next one's to your head.
[Children crying]
Are you okay?
Anne: It's awful. It's too awful.
Mr. Hale: W-what's happened?
John: Thieves have come to ransack the orphanage now that the town sees fit to hang its guardian.
Mr. Hale: Easy, son.
John: This is what comes of your witch panic.
Mr. Hale: Are you all right?
Anne: This is your fault! And his.
Mr. Hale: [Sighs] Forgive her. She's distraught.
Anne: I'm right! See me home.
Mr. Hale: Captain, if you wouldn't mind, hmm?
John: Yes. Of course.
Anne: Where have they taken her?
John: Foul spot where they rest the unwanted.
Anne: Is it very terrible?
John: Yes.
[Bell tolling]
Anne: Thank you...
For your heroism and your candor.
[Horse whinnies]
[Door opens]
Petrus: [Laughs] Welcome, welcome, welcome!
A cup of tea? A touch of port?
Mr. Hale: No time. Who saw us in the woods?
Petrus: It was... He who is marked. He of the "F" that furrows his brow.
Mr. Hale: Isaac?
Petrus: The fornicator.
Mr. Hale: The idiot.
Petrus: One more thing. Isaac was not alone.
Mr. Hale: Who else was with him?
Petrus: I don't know. I could not make out the face.
Mr. Hale: You don't know. What good are you? A seer who can't see.
Petrus: It's not an exact art.
Mr. Hale: Evidently not.
Petrus: [Chuckles]
John: Hello?
[Metal scraping]
[Crow caws]
Hello?
[Dog growling]
[Snarling]
[Grunts]
[Breathing heavily]
John: What the hell was that place?
Mr. Hale: The shack belongs to Petrus, an expert on creatures both feral and otherwise.
John: Yeah, well, they looked dead... Until they didn't.
Mr. Hale: No dead animal could threaten a storied soldier such as yourself, Captain.
John: It could, if powered by forces we don't understand.
Mr. Hale: Such as?
John: Witchcraft.
Mr. Hale: Nonsense.
John: Is it?
You know him well, this Petrus?
Mr. Hale: You'll find no man more ordinary than Petrus. To say that he's mundane is to overstate his passion.
John: And what ordinary task brought you deep into the forest to seek his mundane counsel?
Mr. Hale: Easy, son... Or I might suspect your presence here as more than a coincidence, that, perhaps, for reasons of your own about which I'm sure you'd rather I not inquire, you might have followed me here. And what a shame... To have suspicion overtake the grace I owe for the kindness you showed my daughter.
John: Consider it repaid.
Mr. Hale: Right.
George: [Gagging]
Mary: George, really. [Scoffs] You are worse than a child.
George: [Groans]
Mary: He serves at my behest, not yours. He won't come out for you. Ohh. There, there, little man. Oh, pay the beast no mind. Rest now, and I'll see to your feeding later.
Tituba: Isaac's brung the master's potions.
Mary: Tell him to wait.
[Sighs]
Ohh, George. Your nightdress thoroughly drenched in sick. Stew in that for the day, my sweet.
George: [Gurgles]
Isaac: For Mr. Sibley.
Mary: Oh, and not a moment too soon. Just now, he suffered a fit of sorts.
Isaac: If you don't mind me saying so, ma'am, it's a burden you've took on... a burden and load, carried out without cry or complaint.
Mary: My burdens can't compare to that of Salem itself. How do you find the spirits on the square?
Isaac: Low, ma'am. Awful low.
Mary: Perhaps there is solace to be found in remembrance of times when we've both shouldered worse. Who could have imagined that a single night could have consequence for so many? Not all scars can be seen. But they exist nonetheless.
Isaac: Next morning, she was gone. Run away and disappeared.
Mary: Oh, your sweet Abby.
Isaac: I'll admit to wondering on occasion what it might be like to one day see her again or know of her or hear her fate. Would it be better or so much worse?
Mary: I can assure you, Isaac... if you were to see her again, you would find those feelings buried too deeply for hope of resurrection. Good afternoon, Isaac.
Isaac: G'day, ma'am.
[Indistinct conversations]
Aah!
[Grunting]
[Insects buzzing]
What is that? What is that? What are you... what are you doing? Please. Please.
[Muffled screaming]
[Gasps]
[Breathing heavily]
Pigman: What did you see in the woods?
Isaac: [Screams]
Pigman: We knew you weren't alone.
Woman: We know!
We know! We know!
Isaac: [Cries]
Woman: Who was there?! Who was there?!
Isaac: I was alone! I was alone!
Mr. Hale: Get it all. Want no trace of our efforts. The fault must lie with him alone.
[Crow caws]
And put these in his pockets. If he's to be found a witch, the good reverend will require proof... evidence to seal his fate, hmm? What is it? Is this sympathy that I'm sensing? One outcast to the other? Is that what you feel, you decrepit deformity?
Ghoul: Mary!
Mr. Hale: So now even you would question me? Do as you're told! Does your great Mary know what it is to watch witches burn? Nothing of the old ways while she's whipping us toward the new. A spell of vitae cupido, and then we send him to the one place in town that will certainly deny him entrance. That should get their attention.
Gloriana: [Sniffles]
Cotton: You're crying.
Gloriana: [Chuckling] I'm not.
Cotton: You are. What's wrong?
Gloriana: If they can hang a woman like Miss bishop, what does that mean for someone like me?
Cotton: Nothing is going to happen to you.
Gloriana: How can you be so sure? Just yesterday, it was me that they put before the Lewis girl. Would you have come forward had I been accused?
Cotton: I follow every protocol. I adhere to every letter of what my father taught me. No one is convicted without incontrovertible evidence.
Gloriana: So you're certain Miss bishop was a witch?
Cotton: I am certain... Of the evidence.
Gloriana: Why do you do it?
Cotton: Why?
Gloriana: Is it that you believe that you're doing good? Or is it that you wish to please your father?
[Screaming, glass shattering]
Gloriana: It's Isaac! He's mad!
[Glass shatters]
[Screaming continues]
Cotton: I can't be seen here.
Isaac: [Laughs] Let me touch you!
[Women screaming]
Get up!
Woman: Isaac, no!
Isaac: Ha ha! Ah ha ha!
[Women screaming]
Isaac: [Laughing maniacally]
[Isaac screaming]
Gloriana: Isaac, what are you doing?
Isaac: What do you see?!
Cotton: Isaac!
Isaac: Oh, there you are!
Cotton: Isaac!
[Women screaming]
Isaac: Isaac the fornicator! Isaac the fornicator!
Hide your wives! Hide all your sheep! Isaac the fornicator will get them when they sleep! Isaac the fornicator! Hide your wives! Hide your wives! Hide all your sheep! Isaac the fornicator! Hide your wives!
John: Isaac!
Isaac: Hide your sheep. Isaac the fornicator.
John: Stop! Isaac!
Isaac: Jonathan, it's no good. It's no good!
John: What is no good?
Isaac: They saw us. They saw us. They saw us in the woods. They saw us. They saw us in the woods. They saw us.
John: Shut up.
Mr. Hale: Take him to the jail.
Isaac: They saw us in the woods. They saw us.
John: Shh.
Mary: Magistrate.
Mr. Hale: Mrs. Sibley.
Mary: What have you done?
Mr. Hale: The idiot saw us in the woods.
Mary: Isaac. So, you did this without consent?
Mr. Hale: He wasn't alone. We'll find out who was with him, and he will burn.
Mary: No, you will do nothing further.
Mr. Hale: But...
Mary: Nothing! Go home, Magistrate. You reek of the woods.
[Horse neighs]
Find me Rose.
Isaac: [Groans]
John: A drunken romp, that's all... a young man's prerogative.
Cotton: And yet no smell of spirits on him.
John: Oh, well, burn him, then. Why wait?
Cotton: If he was spelled, he's blameless in his actions.
John: Yet you still hold him. Why?
Cotton: Found on his person. Likely stolen to cast a spell on its owner.
John: One minute, he's speller. The next, he's bewitched. Make up your mind, Reverend. Is he a witch or a victim of the craft?
Cotton: Chief ingredient of a witch's brew.
John: Isaac took me into those woods. He risked his life to show me the witches. Why, if he was one?
Lamb: I've, uh, administrated a tonic that'll settle him down and, uh, end the fits.
Cotton: What is your surgeon's opinion of the boy's condition?
Lamb: I can't say for sure as to cause or source, but going by his babble, that boy is good and touched.
Mr. Hale: Every benefit of the doubt, every Avenue explored. The boy is one of our own. Outcast and shunned as he may be, he still resides in the bosom of Salem. I'll, uh... I'll speak with him personally.
Lamb: [Laughs] Not tonight, you won't.
Mr. Hale: And why not?
John: Lamb gave Isaac a tonic to help him sleep.
[Horse neighs]
Cotton: Probably best, Magistrate, to return in the morning.
John: Yes, Magistrate. You can have your personal talk with him then.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Mary: Rose, absent the magistrate, what chance have I of harnessing the body's allegiance?
Rose: [Sighs] The others are split between old and new. Difficult to predict the outcome of such a divide.
Mary: You're old and yet somehow not governed by this fear.
Rose: It is not age that divides us, but ambition.
Mary: [Chuckles] Well, he's not without ambition.
Rose: It chafes him to bend to a woman, but he does so that our greater purpose may live.
Mary: It was to be me that led us.
Rose: It was and it is.
Mary: Questioned and challenged at every turn, each and every decision soliciting doubt and scrutiny.
Rose: Much as we may wish it, primacy does not live in the abyss.
Mary: It cannot have all been in vain.
Rose: Sibley.
Your baby.
Mary: It cannot have all been in vain. This life, my...
Rose: Choices.
Mary: Was there a choice? Or was choice taken from me?
Rose: It's too late now to think of such things.
Mary: Is it?
Rose: It mustn't have been easy seeing him again. It is yours to decide, my girl, what is in vain and what is not.
Mary: And you will stand behind my decision?
Rose: Up to a point.
Mary: Hmm.
Rose: The magister's roots are old. He has seen much and suffered greatly. Do not underestimate him.
[Thunder rumbles]
John: Mrs. Sibley.
Mary: Captain Alden.
John: Isaac is not a witch.
You do nothing, he'll be hung for one. We have to stop this. There's nothing left in you. No feelings, no heart. You're not the girl I once knew.
Mary: Have they questioned him?
John: No. That's because he was given a sleeping tonic.
Mary: So he's said nothing.
John: Nothing. But Cotton is eager, and the magistrate was hard to turn away.
Mary: Hale? Was there?
John: He came straight to question him.
Mary: You have my complete allegiance.
[Horse neighs]
Cotton: "Our opportunities to do good are our talents."
My father said that. The great increase Mather. To stay impartial, to weigh without bias... is this the good I am meant to do? I don't want your life in my hands. Half of Salem takes you for a fool. The rest dismiss you as a pervert. Am I mad to think I saw something in you? Something of a man? And just the sort Salem needs to fight the devil.
[Thunder rumbles]
Abigail: [Echoing] Isaac, Isaac. Isaac, Isaac.
Oh, sweet Isaac.
Isaac: Abby? [Laughs] Abby?
Abigail: Isaac.
Isaac: How did you...
Abigail: Shh. My sweet. Tell me... who was with you in the woods?
Isaac: Who was what?
Abigail: The other night. Who was with you?
Mary: Who was with you, my sweet Isaac?
Abigail: Who was with you, my love? No one can hear us. If you love me, you'll tell me.
Isaac: I can't.
Abigail: Tell me, and we'll be together again, just like we were.
Isaac: [Sighs] I can't.
Abigail: You can.
Isaac: I can't.
Cotton: You can't what?
Abigail: You can. It's okay. Who was with you, my love?
Isaac: It was John Alden.
[Door opens]
[Door closes]
Mary: Good morning, Magistrate.
Mr. Hale: Good morning, Mrs. Sibley.
What an unforeseen delight. Will you join me in some coffee? W-we've been experimenting with a new Brazilian brew.
Mary: May we speak?
Mr. Hale: The ladies are at prayer.
Mary: He was alone... Isaac.
Mr. Hale: You questioned him? How?
Mary: He was alone in the woods. And that ends this persecution.
Mr. Hale: And you're absolutely certain that Isaac was telling the truth?
Mary: The circumstances were such that a lie would not...
could not... cross his lips.
Mr. Hale: Well, then, that leaves nothing but to task the selectmen to a vote and hang the boy for witchcraft.
Mary: No.
Mr. Hale: Salem will be no poorer for one less nitwit.
Mary: No.
Mr. Hale: [Sighs]
We will never truly know what he saw, and what he saw could get us all killed.
Mary: I can control Isaac.
Mr. Hale: And what of the grand rite? You wanted another victim, and now you have one. Tick-tock, Mrs. Sibley. The next moon fast approaches.
Mary: I will not let this happen.
Mr. Hale: You're powerless to stop it. The council will rule overwhelmingly against it.
Mary: You will not do this! [Plate rattles]
Mr. Hale: It can only be sentiment that's stopping you. Such raw emotion. It makes you vulnerable. Don't let it cloud your purpose. He has to go.
Anne: Mrs. Sibley.
Mary: Good morning, Anne.
Isaac: They ain't mine. I've said it 10 ways from Sunday!
Cotton: Then how did they come to be on your person?
Isaac: I don't know. The pigman must have put them on me. Or that blasted specter from the crags.
Cotton: The pigman?
Isaac: He saw us that night in the woods. That's why they're doing this to me. Don't you see? They know I seen something.
[Horse neighs]
[Sighs]
Cotton: What else do you remember?
Isaac: From the woods?
Cotton: No.
From the other night. At... at the rod?
Isaac: The whorehouse? Nothing. I-I-I don't remember anything. I told you...
Mary: Captain, a word. Magistrate Hale will be here soon for Isaac. He's prepared to force a vote and hang him. You will stop him.
John: How?
Mary: Any way you must.
Mr. Hale: Well, the business of Salem awaits no man.
Anne: I know what you're doing, and I hate you for it.
Mrs. Hale: Unacceptable language. Utterly and completely horrid sentiment.
Anne: My friend is dead. And you rush out to kill another.
Mr. Hale: Darling, you must understand...
Anne: Even Mary Sibley, with whom I share not a single common opinion, finds your actions vile!
Mr. Hale: And just how much of my conversation did you feel yourself entitled to?
Anne: Enough to know that this persecution of Isaac is folly! Will you kill another, father? Is that the "business" you're so eager to attend to?
Mr. Hale: Everything I do, I do for this family... For its well-being and for the greater good of this town.
[Door opens]
[Door closes]
Anne: What?
No "how dare you?" Or "mind your elders"?
Mrs. Hale: For once, my daughter, I agree with you.
Anne: You do?
Mrs. Hale: But if I were you, I'd find an Avenue around your distaste for Mrs. Sibley in order to absorb her manners and ways.
Anne: She's despicable. I could never be like her.
Mrs. Hale: She is a woman who has found her way to a voice.
Anne: Look how she uses it.
Mrs. Hale: You could use yours any way you like, but you have to find it first, unless you want to spend the rest of your life shouting at your father... Or... Your husband.
Cotton: What did Mrs. Sibley require?
John: Are you convinced of Isaac's innocence or guilt?
Cotton: I am not convinced of either.
John: Then stay the hell out of my way.
Mr. Hale: We shall take the boy to trial.
John: That path leads to the gallows.
Mr. Hale: It's in no one man's hands.
John: Really? Whose hands is it in?
Mr. Hale: God's, of course.
John: No.
Mr. Hale: Need I remind you, son, that you are impeding the very same man who only yesterday was your savior?
John: Yeah. That was yesterday. You want Isaac today... You got to go through me.
Mr. Hale: The great John Alden disappears for a decade and then dares to come back and dictate how to run our town? Take him.
[Footsteps]
Tituba: He is not worth this Isaac.
Mary: This has nothing to do with Isaac.
Tituba: I know. Which means it has to do with John Alden.
Mary: The Magistrate will learn who leads us, and he will accept it.
Tituba: Or?
[Snake hisses]
[Gasps]
[Gasping]
[Choking]
John: [Grunting]
Cotton: Help him.
Isaac: [Screams]
Messenger: Magistrate Hale, your daughter!
Mr. Hale: Stop! Get him back in the cell!
Stop! Stop! Get him back in the cell! What? What's happened?
Isaac: [Grunting]
Lamb: Has she et something strange from the garden or the woods?
Mrs. Hale: No.
Lamb: Was she bit by an insect or a critter?
Mrs. Hale: No, no! Please!
Mr. Hale: What's happened?
Mrs. Hale: She... she can't breathe!
Mr. Hale: For God's sakes, man, do something!
Lamb: She is beyond my arts.
[Anne choking]
Mrs. Hale: Where...
[door opens]
Mr. Hale: Stop it! Make it stop!
Mary: Magistrate, good afternoon.
Mr. Hale: I beg of you. Isaac can go free, whatever you want.
Just make it stop.
Mary: You will not question him.
Mr. Hale: No.
Mary: You will get out of my way. You will let me lead without further interference. I will choose who lives and who dies.
Mr. Hale: Yes, yes. Help her.
Mary: You see, Magistrate, I've lost everything in this town that I ever cared for. You, however, you have everything left to lose...
a sentiment that makes you vulnerable.
Mr. Hale: [Sighs]
Please. My daughter. My daughter.
[Indistinct conversations]
Mrs. Hale: She's improved.
Mr. Hale: [Sighs]
I never understood it before... how my parents could send me away. What could be worse than being apart? Certainly not death. Now I know a parent will do anything for the life of their child.
Mrs. Hale: What did you do?
Anne: What happened?
Mr. Hale: It's all right, darling.
Everything's going to be all right.
[Smooches]
[John groans]
Cotton: A confession...
I've thought, on occasion, my character might've been improved by the infrequent tussle.
John: Oh, yeah. Beating's done you a world of good.
Why did you help me?
Cotton: Even God demands a fair fight.
Mr. Hale: Gentlemen.
The selectmen and I feel, in this particular case, that a trial and a vote will be unnecessary. Clearly, the lad was drunk. We are willing to let him go and drop charges. Unless, of course, the Reverend feels otherwise.
Cotton: A drunken romp is all... a young man's prerogative. Why don't you tell him?
John: Well... The good folks of Salem have declared you a drunk and not a witch. You're sprung.
Isaac: I'm free?
John: Yeah. Get the hell out of here.
Isaac: Pretty sure no one's ever stood for me before. Makes it hard to know what to say. You saved my life.
Cotton: Excellent news. Isaac has been spared.
Gloriana: What? How?
Cotton: There simply wasn't the required evidence to convict. I told you I was thorough and that the innocent... Have no cause for alarm. Does that not give you peace?
Gloriana: That is today, but what of the days that follow?
Cotton: We will take them as they come.
Gloriana: We will?
Cotton: I told you... no harm will come to you.
Gloriana: You can't be sure.
Cotton: I can.
Gloriana: Do you ever wonder?
Cotton: What?
Gloriana: If we could leave this place?
If we could forget Salem and its witches? If we could have a different life?
Cotton: I believe I'm doing good.
Gloriana: I know. And your father would be so very proud.
[Bell tolling]
Mary: Isaac has been freed?
John: Yes.
Mary: Good.
John: You should see the militia.
Mary: I'm grateful.
For Isaac.
John: Okay, then.
Mary: John... We were fortunate today, but we might not be so lucky in days to come. If you insist on staying... you must understand I cannot protect you.
George: [Gargles]