Degrassi Community School
(Toby and JT are heading in.)
Toby: 28 hours, 14 minutes, 7 seconds. 28 hours, 14 minutes...
JT: Would you stop with the countdown please?
Toby: Sure, you've got Parents' Day in the bag.
JT: What? Ok, you Einstein. Me, brain-dead.
Toby: I mean, your parents aren't homesuidal maniacs.
JT: I thought Kate and Jeff were getting along great.
Toby: I'm not talking about Kate.
JT: Whoa. Your mom's coming tomorrow? Oh, man. I should sell tickets. Remember that time at camp when they both came to pick you up?
Toby: Don't remind me.
JT: Can't you just ask your mom not to come?
Toby: Sure, if I want to start a nuclear custody war.
JT: Maybe they won't start screaming this time.
Toby: Yeah. Maybe Mr. Armstrong will your parents about the "D" on your last math test.
JT: How much time do we have left?
Toby: 28 hours, 13 minutes, and 17 seconds. 28 hours, 13 minutes, and 16 seconds. 28 hours, 13 minutes, and 15 seconds.
Hall
Toby: The way it works now is perfect. Every other weekend with my mom, the rest of the time with my dad. And as long as they don't have to talk to each other, everything's fine.
JT: Sorry, man. I didn't know it was that serious.
Toby: Yeah, well, it is that serious.
JT: Hey, we could contaminate the water foundations with E coli, that way they'd have to shut down the school, right?
Toby: There probably is E coli in the foundations.
Mr. S: (as he's taking a drink) Actually, we test our water on a daily basis, boys. It's fine.
(Bell rings.)
Mr. Simpson's homeroom
Mr. S: Ok guys, quiet down. (JT and Toby come in behind him) We don't have Ashley today, but we do have this week's News About Kids broadcast.
Emma: Uh, NAK again.
Mr. S: Em? Something you wanna share?
Emma: No, Mr. Simpson. (She sits down)
(Mr. Simpson turns on the tv. The NAK people appear on screen.)
Ryan: Hi, I'm Ryan, and this is Nicole. And welcome to NAK: News About Kids. Today we'll be talking about that infests major cities everywhere
Nicole: And we're not talking cockroaches, we're talking squeegee kids.
Ryan: Stalking street corners, waiting to pounce on un suspecting cars. (Shows footage as he talks). Hijacking your hard-earned cash to waste on drugs and tattoos. (Shows Emma watching.)
Nicole: Are squeegee kids legit or lazy? Are they using their "cool" trend for today's media saturated youth?
Mr. S: Remember guys, you're here for media studies after lunch.
(The students leave for class.)
Manny: Em, it was just a TV show.
Liberty: Squeegee kids are very annoying.
Emma: No, squeegee kids are poor. They live on the street and wash windows. It's their living.
Liberty: My father says that if another one of those ragamuffins tries to dirty up his window, he'll call the mayor. He knows the mayor.
(Liberty walks away.)
Emma: Last week NAK told us to join the army. What's tomorrow? A hole in the O-Zone is good because it makes a better tan? Imagine being a squeegee kid. Out in the cold, no school, no parents.
Toby: No parents?
Emma: Toby this isn't a joke. (Starts to walk backwards, so she bumps into Sean.)
Manny: He stared right at you.
Emma: Yeah, because I bumped right into him.
Girls' Washroom
(Ashley is at the mirror looking at her face. Paige and Terri come in.)
Paige: Oh, here we go again.
Ashley: Here we go what again?
Paige: Every time NAK claims your airspace, you go all manic-depressive.
Ashley: That is so not true. I just- look at this zit!
Terri: That's a pore and Paige has a point.
Ashley: Terri...
Terri: I don't get why you gets so bothered. Everybody loves your morning announcements. Even Heather Sinclair said you were better than those lame-o NAK hosts.
Paige: Oh, yeah, big accomplishment. They're total freaks.
Terri: Heather even has an agent. You could totally get an agent.
Paige: Heather Sinclair has an agent? With that overbite?
Terri: See? Ashley's got the look and tv experience. It's perfect.
Paige: Where would Ashley find an agent?
Ashley: Guys, Toby is mom's a casting agent. Terri, you rock!
(Ashley and Terri leave the bathroom. Paige stays behind to wash her hands. She is not happy.)
Outside
Toby: JT, come on. We've got to come up with an anti-parents plan.
JT: What does it look like I'm doing?
Toby: Uh, playing the seeds for a massive heart attack?
JT: To plot evil, I need energy (Ashley + Terri come up to them)
Ashley: Hey. Just the person I was looking for. Your mom's a casting agent, right?
Toby: Yeah, so?
Terri: So, is she coming to Parents' Day?
Toby: Thank you, for reminding me.
Ashley: Is that a yes?
Toby: Yeah, why?
Ashley: No reason.
(They walk away.)
JT: What was that about?
Toby: I have no idea.
(They go to a table where Manny and Emma are.)
Manny: It's not like people really think about it.
Emma: That's the thing. They don't us to think. They want us to become brain-dead NAK robots.
Toby: What's with her?
Manny: NAK rage, kind of like road rage.
Emma: And the announcements? They have commercials. They're trying to buy our bran loyalty in homeroom.
JT: Emma, who are you talking to?
Emma: I could talk, or I could take action.
(Emma leaves.)
JT: Imagine being her for a day.
Hall
(Spinner is walking and talking with Paige.)
Spinner: Ok, so then the guy goes, "What are you going to do for a face when the monkey wants its butt back?" (He laughs, but she doesn't.) What? You don't get it? The guy has a face like a monkey's butt?
Paige: Spinner, do you think Ashley's prettier than me?
Spinner: What?
Paige: Because she's thinking about getting an agent (they sit down).
Spinner: Oh, Ashley's getting an agent? I could totally see her on TV.
Paige: What? And you couldn't see me?
Spinner: I didn't say that.
Paige: So you think that I could get an agent too, right?
Spinner: Uh, yeah. Sure, why not? Ok, back to my joke. So then the guy goes...wait, is that the right word? Yeah, no, yeah, yeah. So, then the guy goes... (While he's talking, Paige isn't listening)
Mr. Raditch's Office
Emma: Mr. Raditch, could I talk to you about this morning's NAK broadcast?
Mr. R: I'm all ears.
Emma: NAK is totally bias. This morning they tell us squeegee kids suck, and then they tell us which running shoes to buy? It's wrong.
Mr. R: How you seen the new computers in the Media Immersion lab? 18 computers thanks to NAK. In exchange, we show their morning broadcasts.
Emma: Whatever they want to report?
(Mr. R nods.)
Emma: But that's bribery.
Mr. R: No, it's 18 new computers we wouldn't have otherwise. Parents voted for it. And remember, not everyone at Degrassi has a computer at home. But, if you feel strongly about it, write an opinion piece. Make sure you get it in by 4:00. Make the Parents' Day addition.
Emma: 4:00 today?
Mr. R: Think you can do it?
(The bell rings. Emma nods as she leaves.)
Hall
(Ashley and Terri are leaving class.)
Ashley: So, I signed us up for the welcoming committee, Teri. Which means, I'll be the first person Toby's mother sees.
Terri: Great.
Paige: Unless she sees me first.
Ashley: What?
Paige: Well, I am helping out tomorrow.
Ashley: Since when?
Paige: Ashley, you asked me like, 3 weeks ago to volunteer, remember? Anyway, see you two later.
Media Immersion.
Manny: I can't believe the principal is asking you to do this. You're like, attacking the school.
Emma: I know. It's very cool.
(They go to sit down, but Sean's stuff is in a seat.)
Manny: I'll stand.
(Emma nods and sits down.)
Emma: Ok, so let's try to imagine. You're a squeegee kid.
Manny: Ok. I'm a squeegee kid.
Emma: So how does it feel being compared to a cockroach?
Manny: I'd say, "Hey, preppy kids. Get off my case. We're people, too."
Sean: Oh, please.
Emma: Could... We need the chair.
(Sean gets up and leaves.)
Emma: Talk about negative energy.
Another part of Media Immersion
Toby: Emma's right. I could whine or I could do something about Parents' Day.
JT: Ok, so, what are you going to do?
Toby: Convince my parents there's no need to show up. Ok, I downloaded the logo from the Degrassi website. Then, I scanned Mr. Simpson's signature from the last newsletter he sent home. It's a masterpiece.
JT: Masterpiece or insanity. OK, your parents don't have to come because of your exemplary performance in all of your scholastic pursuits. What?
Toby: Translation: I'm acing school. It's all in the details, my friend. This'll work. It has to. Hall
(Emma is running to the newspaper office to hand in her story.)
Emma: (knocks on the door) Liberty, my NAK editorial. I just finished.
Liberty: (checking her watch) You're 17 minutes late.
Emma: I'm sorry.
Liberty: The Grapevine deadline is 4 P.M. I'm trying to run a professional operation.
Emma: Even professional newspapers give extensions. It's 17 minutes.
Liberty: I suppose I could make an exception for you. But, please try not to get used to it. Remember, as editor, I'm only as strong as my weakest link.
(Emma gives her the disk and leaves.)
Kerwin House
(Toby is in the kitchen with his dad.)
Toby: I was shocked more than anyone. Who knew I was doing so well? You know, this transfer to Degrassi has really...
Jeff: "Uplifted Toby's grade classification to a premium standard." Interesting choice of words from Mr. Simpson.
Toby: Well, you know, he's a computer guy. Writing isn't really his thing.
Jeff: Neither is spelling. Two E's in premium. What's going on?
Toby: Nothing's going on.
Jeff: You don't want me to go to Parents' Day?
Toby: I didn't say that.
Jeff: You didn't need to. Are you doing that badly in school or what? Talk to me Toby.
Toby: Mom called, ok? She wants to go tomorrow.
Jeff: And she didn't even tell me. That is so typical of your mother.
Toby: See? You guys can't even be in the same room without freaking out.
Jeff: Toby. We're on much better terms now. It's not like it used to be. So, what you don't want to go?
Toby: I want you to go and I want her to go. I just don't want the two of you to go there... together.
Jeff: Hey, come on buddy. Everything's going to be fine. No fights. Promise. (Holds up his hand)
Degrassi's Parents' Day
(As parents head inside, the camera closes up on a sign that says "Welcome Parents to D.S.C Parents Day".)
[SCENE_BREAK]
Girls Washroom.
(Ashley and Terri are in there. Ashley is trying to put on eyeliner.)
Ashley: Look at me. I'm shaking. You do it. (Gives it to Terri, but Terri pokes her in the eye) Ow! Be careful. It's my eye. It's what I see with.
Terri: Sorry. I'm not good at this.
Paige: Ladies. (She comes out a stall wearing a yellow sparkly top that's very short)
Ashley: What are you wearing?
Paige: It's Parents Day. I have the right to look fabulous, don't I?
Ashley: For who, the parents? Or Toby's mom?
Paige: See you out there.
(Paige leaves, then Ashley and Terri follow.)
Hall
(Toby and Jeff are waiting for Toby's mom.)
Toby: Guess she forgot.
Jeff: You know your mother. We'll give her two more minutes. Hey, tobs, it'll be fine.
Ashley: Mrs. Demcowski? Room 102.
Man: Thank you.
(Toby's mom comes up to them.)
Terri: Hi, can I help you?
Ashley: Uh, Terri, this is Toby's mom, the casting agent. Welcome to Degrassi, Ms. Issacs.
Annemarie: Hi.
Paige: Can I just say that that is a great outfit? So avante garde.
Annemarie: Thank you. Wholt Rentthrough. On Sale.
Toby: Hi, mom.
Annemarie: Hey, tiger. I'm sorry I'm late.
Jeff: Annemarie. Flat tire?
Annemarie: I could Toby that I might beheld up at work. Parents Day isn't over already, is it?
Jeff: No, no. We'd better get moving though.
Paige: Paige Michalchuk. It's very nice to meet you. I've heard so much about you.
Ashley: Smooth, Michalchuk. I bet you're on the next flight to Hollywood.
Paige: Hon, I'd re-think the eyeliner. You're looking a little washed out.
Media Immersion.
(Toby and his parents are in there, meeting with Mr. Simpson.)
Mr. S: Uh, there's no doubt Toby is a bright kid, but, uh, he has trouble with details, particularly his spelling, some of the basic points of grammar. This tends to bring down his marks. For example, in Media Immersion, Toby could be at the top of his class if he just applied himself.
Toby: "Apply" is such a relative term.
Mr. S: Toby, come on. Your last media assignment was 3 days late. He's just not getting the results he should for someone so bright.
Annemarie: 3 days late?
Jeff: First I've heard of it. Toby?
Annemarie: Jeff, I'm talking to you. This is Parents Day. You're the parent.
Jeff: We're both the parents here and we'll discuss it later, ok?
Annemarie: We will discuss it now. Why aren't you helping Toby get his work in on time? Why is he under achieving?
Jeff: Toby and I will work it out. Thanks for bringing it to our attention.
Hall
Spike: I am so proud of you. Rave review after rave review.
Emma: Mom, my editorial.
(Tracker and Sean come out of a room.)
Tracker: So you have to watch this video every morning? Free computers are free computers, man. What idiot wrote this?
Emma: Excuse me, I wrote that.
Tracker: Oh, sorry.
Emma: Don't look at her. It's my piece and I'm right. Students shouldn't be force fed advertising while we're at school. If you don't get it, you're the idiot.
Spike: Emma...
Sean: Look, it's not that serious.
Emma: What? Expressing my opinion isn't important?
Sean: That's all my brother's trying to do.
Emma: I could tell, and he's wrong.
Tracker: I'm wrong? Tell me Emma, is it fair or is it wrong that Sean here is falling behind in school because we can't afford a computer?
Emma: He can do his homework here.
Tracker: What? Yeah, on the free computers.
Emma: If you read the entire article, you would know...
Tracker: That it's a piece of garbage.
Emma: It is not garbage!
Tracker: (crumples it up) Looks like garbage to me. Smells like garbage.
Sean: Tracker, man...
Tracker: All I'm saying is there is two sides to every story. Try to remember that next time.
(Tracker and Sean leave.)
Media Immersion.
Mr. S: It was only once, but still, skipping a class even once at this grade level.
Annemarie: What is going on here?
Toby: One class. I got carried away in the computer lab.
Annemarie: I thought moving in with you and June Clever was supposed to be good for Toby's grades, wasn't that the point?
Jeff: What are you saying?
Toby: Dad, come on.
Annemarie: I'm saying that maybe we need to reassess Toby's living arrangements.
Jeff: Don't threaten me.
Annemarie: Hey that's your game.
Jeff: What? And breaking commitments is yours? That's why Toby lives with me.
Mr. S: Mr. and Mrs. Issacs. These are common problems for many students.
Annemarie: So it's my fault? Jeff, let's not get into the reasons why I left, ok?
Jeff: Reasons why you left? There's only one reason, Annemarie. Your career. Your career that meant so much more to you than we ever did. That's why Toby lives with me and he'll never....
Toby: Mom! Dad! Yeah, my assignment was late! Who's to blame? Video games! I'm telling you, they're destroying my generation.
Annemarie: Toby, this isn't a joke.
Toby: I'm not joking, ok? I don't have an excuse, but Dad can't do my homework for me or make sure I go to class. It's my life, right? So, it's my problem. Stop blaming each other and then using me as another excuse to argue. It's not fair. I'll try harder. I promise.
Mr. S: Moving on. All right then. Let's take a look at some of the recent test results. Hall
Ashley: Hey. How did it go in there?
Jeff: Oh, it went okay. Toby just has to apply himself more.
Annemarie: Yeah, we're gonna make sure he does his homework on time. But, it went okay.
Paige: Toby, hon, that's so great.
Annemarie: Honey, listen. I've gotta run.
Toby: Gotta get back to work, huh?
Annemarie: Yeah. But, hey, listen. Your message came in loud and clear back there. Toby, I'm really sorry. All this stuff between your dad and me, it's tough.
Toby: I know.
Annemarie: I love you so much. (They hug) Ashley, you have my permission to keep this monkey in line.
Ashley: Oh, I will. Don't you worry. And it was a pleasure to see you again. An absolute joy. By the way-
Paige: (gives Annemarie a picture of herself) Something to remember me by.
(Annemarie sees Terri and gives Terri her card.)
Annemarie: If you're interested in acting, give me a call. You have an interesting look.
(Toby's mom leaves. Paige isn't happy that Terri got the card.)
Classroom
(Sean is in there doing work. Emma comes in. He moves his stuff so she can sit down. Emma sends Sean a message apologizing about what happened on Parents Day. The computer tells him he has a new message. He opens it and reads it.)
Sean: I'm sorry too.
Emma: I'm a little outspoken. It runs in the family.
Sean: Maybe it's contagious. Did you hear my brother?
Emma: "Looks like garbage."
Sean: "Smells like garbage." It wasn't garbage.
Emma: Thanks.
Hall
(Toby is walking when Mr. Simpson comes up to him.)
Mr. S: Toby. Can I speak with you for a minute? Listen, yesterday....
Toby: I just want to apologize again for my parents' behavior.
Mr. S: Oh, Toby, it wasn't your fault. Are they always like that?
Toby: Only when they're together. Honestly Mr. Simpson, yesterday was good. It cleared a lot of air.
Mr. S: I'm glad. Oh, listen, before I forget, next time you want to forge my signature, maybe you should spell my name correctly, and erase the file from the server.
Toby: Mr. Simpson, I can explain.
Mr. S: Good, why don't you start with a 10 page essay on why it's wrong to falsify documents, say by, um, tomorrow morning. And you know what? One final thing. Good work yesterday. Your parents should be proud of you. I certainly was.


You call it madness but I call it love
Derek: Shhh, shhh.
Lucas: I guess I have my answer
Derek: I can't believe he actually left. I would never give up on you that easily, you hear me ? Our love is forever.
Nathan: So, when you took your boot off, was it all ... ?
Haley: Ohhh, it was like Teen Wolf. Seriously I got to use three razor blades.
Nathan: Nice. I'm proud of you Hales. My girl went strong to be rehap by prom.
Haley: Yeah. Well at least everything will be perfect tonight.
Nathan: Ohhh we gotta stop saying that !
Whitey: When did the chaperon's been prettier than the prom queen ?
Dan: Thanks, but I'm with someone !
Karen: Oh, hi Whitey. You look handsome.
Whitey: Thank you.
Karen: I'd better get to see if Principal Turner needs anything.
Whitey: What the hell are you doing ?
Dan: I'm making the rest of you guys look bad.
Whitey: Years ago I watched you screw up Karen's life. I'm not gonna allow history to repeat itself.
Dan: And yet you've been trying to make that tux work since the seventies.
Whitey: I'll be watching you Danny.
Nathan: I think, I think the [...] snapped. Maybe it's the, the thingamajig.
Haley: Can i please call Lucas now ?
Nathan: Yeah.
Haley: Ugh, I have no signal.
Nathan: Oh great ! Well, there's a convenient store about a mile up ahead, I'll just walk there and call for a ride I guess, you can stay.
Haley: No, thank you, a pregnant girl in a prom dress with a broken down car is how urban legends get started I'm coming with you.
Nathan: What about your leg ?
Haley: It'll be a good test come on !
The Clerk: This is the final boarding call for flight 121, service to New Orleans.
Derek: Oh good, good, you're awake. I'm sorry about the sedative but there were just so many last minute details. I missed you Peyton, so much. Oh God, I missed that smell ! You're probably wondering how I got out of jail. Miss Sawyer ? Detective Wilcox here. We just call and let you know we have your stalker in custody. Yeah ? You know I've had a lot of time to think about what went wrong with us last time. A girl like you needs romance. I get that now. So that's why you and I are gonna have our own private prom, just the two of us.
GENERIC
Brooke: Hey.
Lucas: Hey, I'm so sorry to hear about your dress. I had no idea.
Brooke: It's ok I got most of it off now and when you blacklight me it just says 'who'.
Lucas: Oh.
Brooke: So, where is she anyway ?
Lucas: I went over to her house to pick her up and she won't even open the door. I guess she's not coming.
Brooke: Hey, I need to leave for a little while.
Mouth: Sure, where are we going? Right, take it easy on the turns. My grandpa Mel [...] the suspension.
Brooke: Ok. Hey I'll be back in time for my coronation .
Mouth: Are they still voting for Prom Queen?
Brooke: Yeah but, it's really just a formality.
Derek: You know, the hardest part about the night we broke up, it wasn't your betrayal, it wasn't even falling out of a second story window, no. The hardest part was losing my photos and now I have to start it all over. Smile Peyton.
Peyton: ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Nathan: Thanks for picking us up mom.
Deb: Just think I couldn't have done this a month ago, maybe, I just would have spent a lot more time on the sidewalk! Oh, pretend I'm not here.
Nathan: Sorry. This isn't exactly how I wanted to start our romantic prom night.
Haley: It's ok, you know after everything we've been through in the past year, your mom taking us to prom feels pretty good.
Nathan: Kinda like we're kids again?
Haley: Yeah. You know maybe tonight we don't have to be married and pregnant, we can just be teenagers.
Nathan: Well in that case, what's you curfew?
Derek: Lucas!
Peyton: You've reached Peyton's voicemail. Congratulations.
Lucas: Hey Peyton, this isn't right. You're the one I wanna be with tonight, prom and all ... so call me ok? Please.
Principal Turner: Miss Gatina! You know that you're not allowed on school grounds?
Rachel: What are you gonna do expel me?
Principal Turner: Don't make me call the police.
Rachel: Fine. All right, I've got a limo, and a fully stuffed mini bar, who's with me? This school sucks.
Mouth: Rachel, wait. I'm coming with you.
Rachel: What about Brooke?
Mouth: If she were here she'd do the same thing, it's what friends do.
Rachel: See you Turner! Oh, expect a call from my lawyer about the sexual harassment.
Principal Turner: She's kidding
Dan: Relax Turner. You need a drink and in fact I confiscated this flask from one of your students. Gimme a minute Karen.
Derek: It's time for our first dance. This song is special. I made it from your podcasts. I hope you see now how much thought I put into tonight. It's why I couldn't have you going to prom with Lucas. And afterwards, giving yourself to him. I couldn't allow that Peyton, you belong to me. We're gonna have the perfect prom, and afterwards we're gonna go up to your bedroom, and have the perfect prom night. Well another tex from Lucas, let's see what it says. Ohhh, I'm so sorry, please talk to me, prom sucks without you. Let's reply: sorry, running late, wait for me. Hugs and kisses. Is that emoticon too much you think? Ohhh, what the hell, semi-colon and close parentheses.
Lucas: Hey, Glenda you look great!
Glenda: Thank you! So I guess I'm not the only one alone at prom. Maybe Lucas Scott really is a Goth at heart.
Lucas: ugh, Peyton is on the way, finally! But you know, I could use company until she gets here.
Glenda: Good, cause I could use someone help me pretend I'm above of those prom stuff.
Lucas: Ok.
Nathan: Hey, good news. Nobody's using the DW not I car tonight so it's all ours.
Haley: Sweet!
Nathan: You're ready to dance?
Haley: Definitely. Definitely not! I think I failed the test.
Nathan: Ok. Sit down. It's alright.
Haley: no, it's not ok. Aren't you the guy that always said at some point you just gotta deal with the pain?
Nathan: Yeah, well, I'm an idiot. I'm gonna get you some punch ok? Here.
Haley: Thank you. Ouhh honey, that ain't punch!
Student: Noooot bad huh? Yeah... They [...] my flask when I came in, then I went to plan B, so it's all [...]
Nathan: You spiked the punch?
Student: Dude, it's prom!
Nathan: My wife is pregnant, you idiot!
Student: Dude, it's prom!
Haley: Dude, It's prom.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Glenda: Hey, you see that guy over there? He's got the key to a room at the Holiday in, and a box of wine cooling in the mini fridge.
Lucas: You do this a lot?
Glenda: Helps killing time when you live on the sidelines. Ok it's your turn.
Lucas: She's wondering if she should forgive the guy for being an ass for the last seventeen years.
Glenda: Your mom, right?
Lucas: Yeah. And daddy.
Brooke: Come one Peyton, your car is in the driveway I know you're home! Ok Peyton, your curling iron is still on so if you're tryna make it look like you're not here at least make it convincing! Great. Hide in your creepy basement because you know I hate it! Too bad, I'm coming down anyway. Oh my God.
Derek: Well, well, Brooke Davis. One kiss wasn't enough so you came by for a second?
Brooke: Get of me!
Peyton: Brooke!
Mouth: What happened I thought you were leaving tonight?
Rachel: My flight got delayed by a few hours. Just enough time to crash the bal.
Mouth: Well we hang out and then I take you back at the airport.
Rachel: You sure? I mean it's your prom night.
Mouth: Yeah but it's your last night! Besides prom just makes me think about Shelly.
Rachel: Alright Mouth, talk to me.
Mouth: I can't stop thinking about her. Her eyes, her smile, those little freckles on the small of her back...
Rachel: Hang on? The small of her back? The clean teen gave it up! Nice work!
Mouth: Yeah, so nice she never wants to see me again.
Rachel: You're welcome to the rest of your life. s*x changes everything.
Mouth: You know what, let's not talk about Shelly. This is you and I what do you wanna do?
Rachel: I wanted to deflower you, but I guess I'm too late for that. I wanna do what you wanna do!
Mouth: I wanna get Shelly back!
Rachel: Except that! Shelly is nuts, and this is coming from a girl who has seen a lot of nuts!
Mouth: I know but, she made me feel dangerous you know? Like I was more than myself.
Rachel: Mouth, quit talking about Shelly!
Mouth: Yeah, I'm boring you.
Rachel: No. you're making me jealous.
Glenda: So, when do I get the next chapter of your book? Or is that your strategy? Get me hooked and leave me hanging?
Lucas: No, that's not it. The truth is I'm stuck! On the day my uncle Keith died.
Glenda: Sure it's hard to revisit that day. But telling the truth about it could help a lot of people, maybe even you.
Lucas: You see that's just it, I have trouble with the details, there's a lot of things about that day I can't remember, I kinda like blocked it up.
Glenda: I tell you what, why don't you walk me through the things you can remember? Maybe it'll help to talk it through.
Lucas: Alright.
Derek: It's a good thing I brought extra rope.
Brooke: Untie me you freak!
Derek: It's figures you'd be good with your mouth. Noone is gonna hear you.
Brooke & Peyton: HELP!
Derek: You know Peyton, you really shouldn't... the music so loud!
Brooke & Peyton: HELP US !
Haley: This is the weirdest prom ever, no Peyton, no Brooke, no Lucas, no Mouth...
Nathan: No rachel.
Haley: Good prom!
Principal Tuner: Nathan, I need you to drive a student home.
Nathan: What do you mean?
Principal Turner: You're the DW not I car don't you?
Nathan: Yeah. I guess I do, who is it?
Peyton: Why did you come?
Brooke: We've been talking about senior prom since we are 8. I knew something was wrong.
Peyton: So, you told someone you were coming?
Brooke: No... at least I came!
Peyton: You should have told somebody!
Brooke: That is your problem you are so angry.
Peyton: You're an idiot!
Brooke: Don't call me an idiot bitch!
Peyton: I hope he kills you first.
Derek: That's a good idea. I know how much you hate her, Peyton. I was outside today, watching. I heard that you told Brooke that she was dead to you. Now I'm gonna make it official.
Peyton: Derek, wait.
Derek; Don't you see, Peyton? I was serching for some way to show you how much I love you. I'm gonna hurt her as much as she hurt you.
Peyton: Derek, hey, hey, look at me. If you really, really love me, let me do it. This is my chance to revenge, you, well, you should know that. Look you were right about me, okay? Hey, listen, you were right. We are so much alike. I have all the same feelings that you do, and I have all the same desires.
Derek: I don't believe you.
Peyton: It's true. Hey, I just couldn't admit it before. I'm gonna prove it to you now, okay, just untie me.
Derek: You're lying.
Peyton: Come on Derek. You got the knife, and I'm half your size! Hey, baby.
Derek: You better not be lying.
Peyton: I'm not, baby. I promise. (she slaps Brooke) God that felt good!
Derek: Do it again.
Brooke: Why don't you make it hurt next time bitch?
Peyton: Alright, gimme the knife. I'm gonna finish this bitch off. Gimme the knife!
Derek: I don't think I can trust you.
Peyton: Let's talk about trust okay. See, you lied to me, you said you were my brother, didn't you? You went about it everything all wrong Derek. God, you're ... you're such a beautiful boy! All you had to do was ask! Would you gimme the knife, and then when I'm finished with her, we'll go upstairs, ok?
Derek: You wanna cut vertically. It's conter intuitive. I know.
Peyton: All this time you said I was a backstarving bitch, you have no idea how right you were!
Brooke: God you didn't have to hit me so hard.
Peyton: I'm sorry, I'm so sorry!
Brooke: Peyton, Peyton, he's moving, just get out of here!
Peyton: No, I'm not leaving you.
Derek: That was so disappointing! You know what? I changed my ming. I think I'll kill you first!
Brooke: Peyton, run!
Derek: Yeah, Peyton, run! You shouldn't have lied Peyton. It's not very nice!
Lucas: She told me she loved me. I just figured it was because she lost a lot of blood. But at some level I knew it was true. I was just too afraid to admit it because, it would've hurt Brooke.
Glenda: You ever think maybe that's why you have trouble writing about that day? Maybe you block things out because you're afraid if you face the truth, it could hurt the other people you love.
Student: So, I heard about you and Brooke Davis. Hi 5! I guess that means you guys have like, an open marriage. That is so great!
Nathan: Out!
Student: What? But my house is like a mile...
Nathan: Out.
Student: That's cool. I'll see you at school.
Nathan: You still wanna be a teenager?
Haley: Oh my gosh! You know, I used to dream about how wonderful senior prom would be, the last great party with all our friends before we graduate. This night? This is nothing like I predicted.
Nathan: Yeah, well you gotta be careful about your predictions.
Haley: Baby, the school's back there, where are we going?
Nathan: It's a surprise.
Haley: Okay.
Derek: Open the door, Peyton! You already know I could break it down. You forgot to lock it.
Peyton: I didn't forget! It doesn't feel so good, does it? I'm not gonna run from you anymore Derek, I'm not gonna run anymore purely now get up!
Derek: You've been training.
Peyton: It's right, with my real brother. He taught me this! And that is fro making me afraid to sleep, you creepy, and smelly son of a bitch !
Derek: Shhhh. You really think you could beat me? A girl?
Brooke: How about two girls?
Peyton: Brooke get out! Get off !
Brooke: Peyton, [...]
Peyton: [...]
Brooke: Peyton, be careful he's gonna lunge. They always lunge.
Derek: Arghhh!
Brooke: I'm gonna call 911.
Peyton: Brooke wait, gimme five minutes.
Brooke: Look about earlier today, you were right. All those things that I said about your mom ...
Peyton: No... we both said [...] things today. Besides if you hadn't come right now, i'd be bitching my both mom about you in person. You saved me.
Brooke: You saved me too. I guess now it's hoes over psychos.
Peyton: Yeah.
Brooke: So where do we go from here?
Peyton: Prom?
Brooke: Ok.
Rachel: you know, I lied you when I told you my flight was delayed. The truth is <i wasn't sure I was ready to get on it.
Mouth: Why not?
Rachel: Because i wanted us to have our last dance.
Mouth: Let's have it.
Rachel: You're gonna break a lot of hearts Mouth McFadden.
Dan: So what do you think? Does this beat our prom?
Karen: Oh let's see, the theme for our prom was 'Every rose has its thorn', yeah.
Dan: Thorn, right. I was out at the night i told you I was leaving to take the basketball scholarship. I want you to know that for the past seventeen years, I've been pretending that it was the right choice.
Karen: For the last seventeen years, I've been pretending that choice didn't break my heart.
Dan: I wanna ask you something, do you think it's impossible for you ever to have feelings for me again, like you once did ?
Karen: No, it's not impossible.
Haley: What are we doing here?
Nathan: Do you remember the last time i went up here?
Haley: Yeah I do, it was when we were separated and I try to forget.
Nathan: Well, you showed me the predictions that you and Lucas make every year on the first day of school. And i made a prediction on my own that night, you remember? Here it is.
Haley: Haley and I will be together again by graduation. Did you really believe that?
Nathan: I was in a pretty dark place back then but, I never stopped believing in us. My prediction came true Hales! As far as I'm concerned, that makes this a great night. So, you think your leg's ready for a dance?
Haley: Ohhh, I wish it were but it's still a little stiff. Sorry.
Nathan: [...]
Haley: Ohhh, it's my lucky night!
The clerk: Attention, now flight 243 to New Orleans at gate 6. Attention, now flight 243 to New Orleans at gate 6.
Rachel: It's me.
Mouth: Then I guess this is goodbye. I'm really glad you came back tonight Rachel.
Rachel: Me too. Hey, you wanna come with me?
Mouth: I can't, I'd miss finals, an graduation, it's suicide!
Rachel: No, it's just dangerous. It's ok Mouth. See you later.
Mouth: Rachel wait. I'm coming with you.
Dan: So, it's you.
Lucas: What do you mean?
Dan: You lost your phone.
Lucas: It's not my phone.
Dan: Sure?
Lucas: Yeah. What's wrong with you? And where's my mom?
Dan: She's... I'm sorry, i just... What are you doing here Lucas?
Lucas: I guess i just keep feeling like, i keep feeling like Keith's trying to tell me something.
Dan: We already had this conversation, son.
Lucas: I know, but...
Dan: No! Keith's dead, ok? He's not coming back. Open your eyes. Flashback:
Keith: Open your eyes Luke. Open your eyes!
Lucas: Keith?
Keith: Luke, I love you, now go.
Peyton: Are you ready for this Brooke Davis?
Brooke: Welcome to prom, P Sawyer.
Bevin: Attention everyone! Get around the stage. It's time to announce our prom queen. The envelope please. Okay, and this year's prom queen: Brooke Davis!


Кога? After breakfast. The lights down so much you can do it yourself. I put `em up there. You have got to learn to mutter quieter, 'cause I heard that. That was the point! What the heck? Dear lord. Sherman? Call the police! What is that? Well, sure as sh1t it ain't Santa Claus. Phone's ringin´ Raylan. Thank you, Donny. Donny? It's from Lebowski Netflix it, you can be one of the cool kids. Givens. Deputy Givens, this is Sharon Evans. I do bail bonds in Knoxville. Okay. We met at a law enforcement expo in Miami a few years ago. Want another one? Not of that. Oh, I'm sorry, I remember you. We, uh, had a drink. Several. From my mini-bar. I believe I also remember you polishing off a $20 tin of macadamia nuts. Yes, the most overrated of the nuts. Is that why you're calling? You want me to pay my fair share? No, I like it better you owing me. But this isn't a personal call, Raylan. I saw you're with the eastern district of Kentucky now. I need a hand up there. You interested?
Raylan: I haven't hung up. Jody Adair, 41, charged with double homicide, out on a quarter-million bail, skipped town two days ago. He's got an ex-wife in Lexington. You put eyes on him, I get Lexington P.D. To haul him in, and I'll make it worth your while.
Raylan: Chuckles. Meaning? How about three grand?
Raylan: Send me the address and a photograph. All right.
[ Cellphones beep ]
Raylan: You think you can manage the phones?
I'm gonna go out for a bit.
Rachel: Where you going?
Raylan: Oh, I got a thing.
Rachel: Don't get caught, dude. Anything I should know?
Raylan: No. No. Just a major prison break, the countryside's been overrun with fugitives. I got it.
[ Knock at the door ]
You show up before dawn with a bag of hamburgers? They get the toys that way. Come on *** let me in. Heck no. Why not, you've let me in every other time I've come by. No.
Raylan: Hey, Sharon. It's Raylan. Yeah, he's here. Listen... Hold up. You dropped something. Pick it up if you want. Asshole.
Raylan: Huh? No, not you. Won't let me in? Oh yeah I think you gonna let me in.
Raylan: [ Taps window ] You can have the burgers if you want. sh1t! Let's go, out. Mine's bigger than yours. Big enough to throw a bullet through this door, and you as well. Before I put one through your ear? You think this is the first time I've had a gun pointed at me? No. Could be your last though. I'm guessin' you know who I am. I can guess who you are, at least which team you play for. All this indicates you're not gonna shoot me. No. *** There you go. Sharon. How much I just bring him in?
♪ On this lonely road ♪ ♪ trying to make it home ♪ ♪ doing it by my lonesome ♪ ♪ pissed off, who wants some? ♪ ♪ I'm fighting for my soul ♪ ♪ God get at your boy ♪ ♪ you try to bogart ♪ ♪ fall back, I go hard ♪ ♪ on this lonely road ♪ ♪ trying to make it home ♪ ♪ doing it by my lonesome ♪ ♪ pissed off, who wants some? ♪ ♪ I see them long, hard times to come ♪
Boyd: So, you really have been saved. By the Lord Almighty and the word of his forgiveness.
Boyd: So, what happened? You sit down and start reading the good book? Or was there a human component involved in this soul saving? I got to be honest now, Boyd. A lot of times, the way you say things, I can't make hide nor hair.
Boyd: Well, were you saved on your own or in a church, hiram? Church. Last Chance Holiness.
Boyd: Well, that's new to me. I don't believe I've ever heard of that collection plate. It's new to Harlan. Well, right now it's just a tent in the woods. But preacher Billy... he's the real deal, Boyd... old-school. Been healing lots of the afflicted... Addicts. That's why your Oxy sales have dropped off a cliff, 'cause people getting off drugs, getting hooked on Jesus.
Boyd: Well, Hiram, receiving the Lord into your heart is a wonderful thing. But I do have to ask... when did your salvation occur? Last week.
Boyd: Well, then, there you go. What we have is a problem of arithmetics, 'cause you received a shipment of Oxy from us three weeks ago. Now, that gives you two solid weeks of selling before you saw the light. Now, by my count, Hiram, you got at least $10,000 of my money. I don't. I stopped selling before then.
Boyd: Well, then give me my Oxy back. Can't. I flushed that poison down the shitter.
Boyd: Poison? Why, you don't know your scripture. "He makes wine that gladdens the" "hearts of man"... psalms 104. And what are our goods but modern-day wine, albeit in a pill form? That's just you twisting the word of God for your own dark purposes. Where you going?
Boyd: I'm getting away from the window.
[ Screams ]
Boyd: Now, hiram, saved or not, you don't have my money by the time tomorrow night rolls around, the next firecracker's gonna go off in here.
[ Crickets chirping ]
Hey! Shut that off before anyone sees the light. What are you doing? Might as well pull some wire while we're at it. Got to love these old places. $20 copper right here. What is that? Well, let's pull and find out.
[ Siren wailing ]
sh1t! What do we do? We run, you dumb sh1t. Hey! I got dogs here! They're gonna rip your face off! Trained them to do it! God damn it!
[ Sighs ]
[ Floorboards creaking ]
Can't be local, or you'd have identified yourself as such.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Maybe you're federal. No bounty hunters allowed in the state of Kentucky.
Raylan: If you're gonna keep talking, I'm gonna put you in the trunk. Can I ask you something?
Raylan: What's that? It mean anything to you that I ain't never had no priors?
Raylan: Nope. That ain't none of my business. I just came to see my kids. She wouldn't let me see them. Can you fathom that?
Raylan: You got kids? Yeah.
Raylan: Do you get visitation? Huh?
Raylan: Visitation. Sure, just Sundays, and supervised, on account of I ain't have a place suitable for children. One of the reasons I moved on down to Knoxville. I ain't gonna see them. Why stick around?
[ Cellphone rings ]
Raylan: Hold on.
Only reason I'm in this jackpot was trying to get money for my kids.
Raylan: Okay, I need you to be quiet now.
[ Cellphone beeps ]
Hello? Hey, uh, Raylan. Yeah, look, it's Bob. Constable Bob sweeney down in Harlan, yeah. Look, uh, I'm at your daddy's house.
Raylan: Well, is it on fire? Only reason I can imagine you calling before dawn. Oh, sh1t. I think my arm's falling asleep.
Raylan: Stop talking. Uh, I'm headed up that way. Come on, I'm not gonna stop talking.
Raylan: I can stop by there. Hey, look, you gonna have to turn me in unharmed, or you gonna catch some sh1t.
Raylan: You don't need to do that. Okay, then.
[ Tires screech ]
Ow! sh1t! Ow!
Raylan: See you there. You know what your problem is? You got no self-awareness. You think trying to do right by your children excuses everything, even killing men. They were heroin dealers. If they'd just give up their money, none of this would have happened.
Raylan: Any problem, that's someone else's fault. You ever hear of the saying, "you run into an asshole in the" morning, you ran into an asshole. You run into assholes all day, you're the asshole"?
[ Car beeps ]
What?
Raylan: This could be a little uncomfortable. Just be cool and go with it. I get out of these, I'll tear you to pieces small enough to flush.
[ Rooster crows ]
[ Knock on door ]
Morning, sunshine. Look what I got for my girl. What is it? Well, open it and find out. You do that? With the paper? Watched a video on YouTube. Here. Wait, is it Oxy? No. Better. Not meth. I can't do any more of that. It's not meth. It's mellow. Oh, my God. Is this real? What? No, honey, there ain't no such thing as a million dollar bill. Are you sure? It's from a church. Got some religious screed on the other side. Some kids were handing them out by the stop 'n go. I thought it was funny, using it as I did.
[ Laughs ]
Now, I got another surprise for you, but you're gonna have to keep your eyes shut for that one. I can't wait.
[ Both laugh ]
[ Snorts ]
Keep them closed. They're closed. All right, now... open!
[ Growls ]
[ Screaming ]
[ Groans ]
Look at that... they busted the hinges. Still broke the lock. Would have been cheaper to break a window. You should put a sign up... "You thinking of breaking in," please break a window. "Thank you. The management."
Raylan: You just happened to be driving by, huh? No, I put a motion detector in. Sends me a text every time it goes off.
Raylan: How much is that costing me? It's in your bill. I'm not hiding it.
Raylan: Well, I ain't gonna cover that up with the smell of baking cookies.
[ Chuckles ]
I'll tell you what, though... Those wire-strippers are lucky. If I'd caught them, would have opened a Costco-sized can of whup-ass on them.
Raylan: Mm-hmm. I guess I can fix the door. Can you hire someone to handle this? I can. You know, Raylan...
Raylan: Hmm? I've been thinking. I'm gonna tell you something I haven't told a whole lot of people.
Raylan: About that time you were in high school, living in Florida? How... how'd you know that?
Raylan: Kid on the football team came at you at shop class. You took him out with a hammer. Ollie kemp. I tell you this before?
Raylan: Once during senior year when we were down at the lake. Was I drunk?
Raylan: I think we all were. Then again two months ago when I hired to watch this house.
[ Clears throat ]
What's that?
Raylan: I have not a clue. Ollie kemp... that was the guy. Size of a portable toilet. He come at me, and I just went berserker red on him. Put him in a coma. He's still in it, as far as I know.
Raylan: That's why your family moved to Evarts, if I'm not mistaken. Oh, what is that?
Raylan: It's a driver's license. Waldo truth. Yeah, I know it's a joke.
Raylan: What's that? Being a constable. You got to run for it. You only get $2,400 a year if you win, so nobody runs for it. Got to have your own car. Got to have your own everything. [ Scoffs ] I had to pay for these lights myself.
Raylan: $2,400 enough to live on? Well, I get $50 apiece for serving papers. State police got to charge $80, so everyone comes to me. You know, let them keep thinking I'm a joke. That's what I say. [ Chuckles ] They underestimate me at their peril.
Raylan: Just ask Ollie kemp. [ Scoffs ] If he could respond.
Raylan: Hmm. Let me tell you something, Raylan. If sh1t gets serious, you give me a call, and I'll grab my go bag and be ready to jump.
Raylan: Will do, Bob. You stay frosty.
[ Car alarm chirps ]
Raylan: All right.
Here's the deal. I got to do one more thing. Stay quiet, I'll let you back up front.
Ava: It was a costume. I know that now. See, Arnold's a furry. Usually he dresses up in, like, a bunny suit? But this one scared me. Plus I was on drugs, and it was a good costume. He gonna press charges?
Ava: He's the judge/executive. What's he gonna do? Tell everyone he was shot in a whorehouse wearing a bear costume?
[ Laughs ]
Ava: What the hell were you you doing with a gun?
Everybody's got a gun.
Ava: Why do you have a gun at work? I been hit.
Ava: One of these men beats you, you come to me, and I'll take care of it, you hear me? It's not just clients who hit.
Ava: Oh, you still griping about that? Case you forget, I also saved your life. Yeah, I killed a man for you. I punched you once. You think that's something, you ain't never been beaten. Look, I know that, Ava. I ain't... I-I ain't forget. It's just sometimes I get real scared... Jittery and... When I'm low, I just... [ Sighs ] I just feel so low, Ava.
Ava: That's why I told you to get off the meth. Yeah.
Ava: No coke, either. You can't do the jittery stuff, Ellen may. The comedown off that's worse than anything. Yeah.
Ava: What was it Arnold gave you? He wouldn't say. Just that it wasn't... It wasn't Oxy.
Ava: [ Sighs ] Well, you know there's gonna be consequences. What kind?
Ava: I don't know. I'll talk to Boyd, and we'll figure it out. What is this? It's what Arnold had his drugs in. It's not real.
Ava: "Last chance holiness" "church."
[ Sighs ]
Whatever me and Boyd decide, you can't have a gun at work. I know that, Ava. I'm sorry. How's Arlo getting along? If you don't mind my asking.
Raylan: He's in prison. I know. I was wondering about his mental state.
Raylan: Well, like I said, Mike, he's in prison. Raylan, the last time he came in here, he stood over there by the paints for five minutes. Did not move, just staring. Unnerved the hell out of me.
Raylan: Hmm. You know, you see your old man, you say, uh... oh, hell. I have absolutely no idea what you should say to him.
Raylan: Well, that's okay, Mike. I don't plan on seeing him. That's a good plan.
[ Screws clatter ]
You know, I've been told I got a screw loose, but this is just crazy.
[SCENE_BREAK]
You want one?
Raylan: Want one what? A screw. [ Chuckles ]
Raylan: How old are you? Old enough.
Raylan: I think I got everything I came for. Thank you. Mike, you need a cleanup on aisle whatever. Hey, hold up a sec. I need your opinion. How are these? See, I'm a late bloomer. I didn't get them till just last year.
Raylan: Patience is a virtue. Miss, you can't go out this way. Well... [ laughs ]
Raylan: Mike, where'd that little girl go? She just flashed me her titties then scooted out the back. Why?
Raylan: My car's gone. Oh.
Johnny: Well, maybe what hiram told you is true.
Ava: Our drug business is being squeezed by some backwoods preacher? [ Chuckles ] I don't buy it.
Johnny: Maybe it's because the fda, they went and changed the formula for Oxy... makes it harder to get high.
Boyd: Our supply's from before the change.
Johnny: And they went down and changed the laws in Florida. That hasn't helped much.
Ava: You been watching CNN.
Johnny: I tell you what I haven't been doing, and that's allowing one of my whores to shoot a customer.
Boyd: I'll discuss Ava's failings when it's her turn in the barrel. Right now it's cousin Johnny's time. Now, all your talk of the fda and Florida laws didn't explain why my Oxy sales have dropped off in my voting district. And frankly, I'm nonplussed by your lack of motivation, Johnny, 'cause it ain't just my bottom line being affected.
Johnny: All right. I'll check it out.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Ava: I got failings?
Boyd: Well, clearly outweighed by your attributes.
Ava: Mm.
Boyd: How'd you handle Ellen may?
Ava: As much as told her wait till daddy got home.
Boyd: All right, well, we'll figure something out.
Ava: Mm.
Boyd: Confined to quarters, bread and water.
[ Both laugh ]
Who was the John?
Ava: Arnold.
Boyd: Well, he ain't gonna say nothing to nobody.
Ava: Mnh-mnh.
Boyd: [ Groans ] No one ever said running a criminal enterprise was gonna be this hard, huh?
Ava: They left that part out on career day.
Boyd: [ Sighs ]
Ava: You want a dr pepper?
Boyd: Well, is it 10:00, 2:00, or 4:00?
Ava: It is 9:21.
Boyd: Never too early for a dr pepper.
Ava: All right. One dr pepper.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Thank y. Mm-hmm. Is Boyd in? Who? Boyd crowder. He in? Don't know anybody by that name.
[ Pool balls clacking ]
Johnny: Where you from, friend?
Little town in Maryland. Bel air. It's the birthplace of John wilkes booth.
Johnny: Well, what brings you to Harlan county? Boyd crowder.
Johnny: Never heard of him. I knew this guy. He used to work with the military police, and he swore, if you ever ask someone a question like, "where are you" "hiding those drugs?" You just watch the eyes. More often than not, they'll point to the right direction. Yours, they stayed on the beam. But scooter over here... he just couldn't help himself.
Johnny: I, uh... I think your time in this establishment has come to an end. [ Chuckles ] I hear you.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Johnny: Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!
Ava: You need to leave now!
Aah! Christ in heaven, you're a beautiful woman.
Ava: Jimmy! Boyd! Boyd!
Boyd: No! No!
[ Laughs ]
Ava, Johnny, Jim, let me introduce to you, all the way from desert storm, by way of the Iraq and Afghan wars, first sergeant... no. Got knocked down.
Boyd: Sergeant Colton rhodes, military police. Now, how many times did you jail my ass in Kuwait? I say five. Am I low? Boyd, honestly, I lost count.
[ Siren wails ]
You call the police?
Raylan: I called you. Wait, wait, you... you said "they" took your car?
Raylan: Girl flashed me her titties. I assume it's not a coincidence. I know that scam. The female acts as a distraction. Her colleague steals the vehicle. It's happening a lot these days.
Raylan: [ Sighs ] Pull on me.
Raylan: Pull on you? Yeah, make like you're going for your gun. Pull on me.
Raylan: Bob, I really do need to... Raylan, just pull on me, man.
Raylan: [ Sighs ]
[ Exhaling sharply ]
Beef stew.
Raylan: Wow. Yeah. And I can do it with both hands, too... Still deadly. I apply to the state police next year, they gonna take me. That bag back there?
Raylan: That's your...? My go bag. Got everything in there in case I need to go.
Raylan: Like toilet paper? God damn it, Raylan, not like toilet paper! I got a ak-47 with a folding stock, I got body armor I bought off a police auction, I got MREs, I got bottled water. If this sh1t goes road warrior, man, I'm ready. You're gonna come to me.
Raylan: [ Chuckles ] All right, let's check out the scrapyard first.
Raylan: Scrapyard? Why? These metal thieves these days, man, they sell the cars for scrap... crush them, send them off...
Raylan: They crush them? Yeah, it's 500 bucks a car.
Raylan: Let's go, Bob, right now. All right.
[ Engine turns over ]
You know, it wouldn't...
Raylan: I got sh1t in the car I don't want to be crushed. All right, well, you know, I can use my lights. I mean, legally, they don't have any...
Raylan: Use them. Lights going on!
[ Tires squeal ]
[ Siren wailing ]
Hey! Crusher man! Crusher man! Stop that! Stop the thing! Crusher man! Can I help you? That better not be a late-model Lincoln town car you're crushing.
Raylan: It's not. It's not?
Raylan: That's mine right there.
[ Car alarm chirps ]
Can I help you? Oh. Where are they? Who? The punks who brought this in. I was running the crusher. I didn't see anyone. The car belong to you, you can take it. I don't mind.
Raylan: It's not the car so much as what was inside the trunk I'm concerned about. I don't know anything about that. Are you really gonna play it that way? We all know you scrap stolen cars. What? Don't stonewall me, asshole. Everyone in the county knows. I know you? No, and it's not me you got to worry about, you sorry sack. That right over there is a genuine U.S. marshal.
Raylan: Bob. You're a marshal?
Raylan: Look, I ain't here on marshals' business. I just want to know about the man in the trunk. Or he can make it federal if you want to. Hell, he'll have a helicopter come down here and hover for an hour, freak your sh1t out, son. There ain't nothing federal about scrapping cars. If you are crushing stolen cars, you are destroying vin numbers, and that makes it federal. You had a guy in your trunk? I'm not required to ascer... Ohh! [ Chuckling ] That looks federal.
Raylan: Where are they? Don't let him see you. You think you're up to killing him if it comes to it? You are? Yeah. You killed a man before? I killed two men. How's that? Oh, yeah? We killed 12 men just yesterday.
[ Chuckles ]
Week before last I killed two heroin dealers in Knoxville, Tennessee. Now, you get that angle grinder over there, cut my chain, I'll handle this. Why'd you kill them? Because I had to. We are running out of time here, children. What, are you a junkie? No. I spot junkies, follow them to their dealers, and rob them. Now, either aim that peashooter at that door and pull the trigger on whoever comes through, or cut my chain. What'll it be? How you spot junkies? I spot bicycle thieves, most bicycle thieves being heroin addicts. It's a fact. Try to avoid flesh. How you spot bicycle thieves?
[ Tool grinding ]
One day, me and my friend Kenneth, we saw a skinny guy go up to an expensive bike... Specialized, giant... got a bag across his chest like he's a messenger, no one giving him a second look. He pulls out a Makita angle grinder, just like the one in your boyfriend's hands there. 20 seconds later, he's through that lock and on his way. Now we just watch the good bikes. Wherever there are rich kids, there are good bikes, junkies looking to grab them, and we follow them. sh1t! That really heats up the steel. Now give me that gun.
[ Door opens ]
Raylan: Am I interrupting something?
I was wondering when you'd walk in.
Raylan: Well, you can stop wondering. I'm here now. Shoot him.
Raylan: Jesus, girl, you just showed me your tits 45 minutes ago. Oh, he thinks he's funny. Don't listen to him. Shoot him.
Raylan: Miss, I am a deputy U.S. marshal with a one-time offer... do as I say, you and your friend get a free pass for stealing my car. He's lying.
Raylan: He's just saying that 'cause he's the one I'm after. I want you, son, up here, on your belly, hands in front. Miss, you're gonna hand me that gun, pistol grip first, right now. Let's go. I'm sorry, Raylan. You should see the sh1t in this bag.
Raylan: God damn it, Bob. I asked you to do one thing... Watch him. What the hell happened? He asked me to pull on him. I punched him in the nose. He did it wrong!
Raylan: Unh-unh-unh! Okay. I'm gonna make you a similar offer I made these two... Do as I say, and I'll let you skate on the vin numbers. Ain't as good as his offer.
Raylan: What'd he offer?
[SCENE_BREAK]
Raylan: Jody, you got $10,000 stuck up your ass?
Hey, we ain't stupid. It's hidden up in Lexington.
Raylan: He's just... you know... All right. Doesn't matter. I'm gonna sweeten the deal. The three of you go free, plus I'll give you whatever I got in my wallet. There's got to be at least $500 in there. Henry, check his wallet. He could be lying about that $500. Give me your wallet. 12 bucks, piggly wiggly card. Ohh! Give me that gun, girl!
[ Groans ]
Unh-unh-unh-unh-unh! Careful, careful. You might hit her.
Raylan: I suppose I should care, her age and all, but she did steal my car. Go ahead and shoot, then. Now, thank you for the ride. I appreciate your company. But I think I need some alone time. Goodbye, marshal. Aah! [ Groaning ]
Raylan: Look out. Move away from that gun. Get up. Put your hands on the table, nice and slow... slow. You okay, Bob? [ Grunting ] All right, God damn it. Any chance we can take you up on that offer? Yeah, that's funny.
Raylan: Yeah, tell me the truth. You weren't at Arlo's for the copper wire and you didn't want my car. It was just that bag. How come?
Raylan: You sure you don't mind holding on to this stuff for me till we can really fix that door? It's just a bunch of photographs. I don't know why anyone would want to steal it, but you never know. Yeah, sure thing, Mr. Givens.
[ Chuckles ]
What are you, his personal assistant? I'm not the one handcuffed in the back of a car, asshole.
Raylan: [ Sighs ] So, uh, listen, Bob. If it's cool with you, I'd just, uh... Let's just keep this between us, huh? Yeah, you think? Look, Raylan, I know why you called me. You couldn't call the cops, 'cause if they found the stolen car with a Tennessee bail jumper in the back, what are you gonna say? You're out of the marshals service, right? So you called up constable Bob.
Raylan: Listen, Bob, I'm sorry. I just... I got a kid on the way. I was trying to make a little extra bank on the side, all right? You got a kid on the way?
Raylan: Yeah. But, hey, you stepped up. I stepped up. Stepped up. I stabbed a teenage girl in the foot.
Raylan: And because of that, I'm alive, and you're alive, and we live to see another day.
[ Sighs ]
[ Engine turns over ]
Not a word. Not a problem. Raylan.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Boyd: So, how did you lose your rank?
That was at Bagram, about six months ago. I got into a thing with an XO. From another company at a baseball game. He slides in high into second base during a charity game.
Boyd: Ohh! Showing restraint, I kneed him in the nuts. I didn't think twice about it. It's a game. Things happen. And then I heard the asshole reported it.
Boyd: Mm! That cost me the rank. But what got me my discharge was me walking into his billet and shooting him in the bicep.
[ Both laugh ]
I could have got leavenworth. But everyone knew what a prick he was, so they suggested my service was complete. The guy used to curl 80 pounds. Now I heard he can hardly lift a phone, so...
[ Clicks tongue ]
What can I do for you, Boyd?
Boyd: I'm a criminal. I know that.
Boyd: I got a problem. I need a little outside help, someone I can trust. I wanted to see how you might feel about crossing the line. That depends where the line is. Do you kill people?
Boyd: People have been killed. I-I don't have a pen or a piece of paper, but what would you say are your greatest strengths and weaknesses, Colton rhodes? This is a job interview now?
Boyd: It's a job. Tell you what, I got to go see a fella... Owes me some money. Why don't you come along? Dry run. Let's just see how it goes.
[ Buzzer ]
Arlo: You sell my home?
Raylan: Not yet.
Arlo: You set the asking price too high.
Raylan: I lowered it to $170,000.
Arlo: It hasn't sold.
It's too high.
Raylan: You want me to just give it away?
Arlo: You want to get half of nothing?
Raylan: Maybe I'm listing it wrong. "Two-story, three-bedroom" country fixer-upper. Holes in the wall. "Missing a door."
Arlo: Mm-hmm. You're funny.
Raylan: Don't give me any sh1t, Arlo. I brought you what you wanted.
Arlo: What's that?
Raylan: You don't know? Seems to me like you went to a lot of trouble to get it out of your house... hiring two wire-stripping teenagers to get it for you.
Arlo: I did what now?
Raylan: You honestly don't know what this is?
Arlo: On your mother's grave.
Raylan: It had something in the bag.
Arlo: Can't read without my glasses.
Raylan: Kentucky driver's license. Issued September 7, 1979. First name... Waldo. Last name... truth.
Arlo: That's a strange last name.
Raylan: Doesn't ring a bell?
Arlo: No. I'd think, a boy on the way, you'd have more pressing concerns.
Raylan: Don't know if it's a boy. Kind of hoping it was a girl, end the family line right here.
Arlo: You think that'll do it? You think you get all your turmoil from me? Your mother was frances, not Saint frances. My advice? Just put that bag back in the wall and forget about it.
Raylan: I didn't say it was in the wall.
Arlo: Guard!
Boyd: Where's my money, hiram? There's your money right there.
Boyd: That's very funny. You wouldn't think a man with a stick of dynamite in his lap would go for funny. "Last chance holiness church." That's the place, huh? The place of my salvation.
Boyd: Well, you tell me where my money is, hiram, and you can go on repenting all you want. I don't have it! I told you!
Boyd: I don't believe you. Truth always sounds like lies to a sinner.
Boyd: Huh. Let's go, colt. Where are you going?
Boyd: Outside. I don't want to die. And I'd say you got about eight seconds left, so I'd make sure your conversion was in earnest. It's under the lawnmower! Oh, I'm ready, God! I'm ready!
[ Whimpering ]
Boyd: Open your eyes, hiram, for you have been saved twice.
"I expect death to be" "nothingness." That ain't in the Bible.
Boyd: No, it is not. It's a science-fiction writer... Isaac Asimov, God rest his soul, except he did not believe in God. Why'd you hold out so long? I wanted to give it to the church, make up for all the evil I'd done.
Boyd: You really think this church is behind my falloff in Oxy? Oh, I know it is. Preacher Billy's saving 'em one sinner at a time. You should try it, Boyd.
Boyd: I've already tried it. Well, then, long run, you'll be finished.
Boyd: "Well, in the long run", "we'll all be dead." You know who said that? John maynard keynes. Now, for the record, this money doesn't exist. Ava asks, anyone does, it wasn't here. Are we clear? Yeah.
Boyd: Take care of him.
[ Gunshot ]
Aah!
Boyd: What in the hell did you do that for?! You said to take care of him.
Boyd: I-I-I meant cut him loose! Oh. sh1t.
Boyd: Well, I guess I'll have to be more careful with my words.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Raylan: [ Sighs ]
Lindsey? Hey, hey, hey. Hey. Sorry, I... had barbecue for dinner, and I did not want to use that downstairs bathroom to floss.
Raylan: Eh, it's okay. How'd it go?
Raylan: Wasn't without its difficulty, but I got him there. To this super-hot bail bondswoman you were talking about?
Raylan: I don't recall saying "super." I was just trying to be accurate. How much you get?
Raylan: 10. Good for you.
Raylan: [ Sighs ] I better get back downstairs.
Raylan: Why? Well, if I don't get down there soon Ken'll get pissy. Saw how busy it is? I did. It's come and get f'ed up Friday. How do you define soon? Loosely.
[ Rhythmic clapping ]
Whoo!
[ Cheering ]
Praise the lord! Yeah! Glory to God! Praise Jesus!
[SCENE_BREAK]
Praise God! Praise be the lord! Oh, God almighty!
Salamatha morolakamata!
Save me, lord! Hallelujah! Hallelujah! Hallelujah!
[ Speaking gibberish ]
Aah! Aah! Aah! [ Cries ] You will be saved by our lord! Hallelujah! We will all be saved by our lord! Praise the lord! Amen! Praise the lord! Now, I see a lot of new faces here today. To you newcomers, we here are signs followers. Now, that comes from the gospel of mark. "And these signs shall follow" "them that believe." Oh, hallelujah! But what you want to know... Is do I get bit? Well, am I right? Right. Yes, I do. Now, only twice so far... Hallelujah. By this one right here I call Mabel. Now, once, I took her out of her crate too rough... I deserved it. The other time, well, the lord only knows. Both times I survived the venom. It was the lord who saw fit to have me continue my ministry. Now, of course, not all survive. Our daddy and his before died from the serpent's bite, their place in heaven guaranteed, there being no greater sign of obedience to the lord than to be taken home in such a manner. So, that's why we're here. Why are you here, newcomers? You all come to watch the hillbilly with the snakes? Or did you come to be saved?! Savior! Hallelujah! Now, what about it? How about you? Yes, you.
[ Cell door opens ]
Arlo: I didn't ask for a book.
That your son the marshal came to see you?
Arlo: Why? Saw him bring in some bag.
Arlo: You got your nose in everyone's business, don't you, trustee?
[ Chuckles ]
Where'd he find that bag?
Arlo: I don't know, and I didn't ask. And why do you want to know? Because I heard about a bag like that once before. It could be worth some money, old man, we play our cards right.
Arlo: These are our cards now? He showed you something else, looked like an identification.
Arlo: You got an eagle eye. What was it?
Arlo: Somebody's driver's license. Name?
Arlo: Marlon Brando. I don't know. You tell anybody about this?
Arlo: Why would I tell anyone? Well, don't. Like I said, it's worth some money. I'll make a call and find out how much.
Arlo: Hold on. Give me a book while you're here. You don't read.
Arlo: I can. Just don't choose to usually. What do you want?
Arlo: Anything. I don't care. I forgot how slow the clock moves inside. You like spy stories? I been hearing a lot of good things about this Alan Furst fellow.
Arlo: Fine. Aah! Aah! Why?! Why?!
[ Thud ]
[ Alarm buzzing ]
Looks like a trustee down. Trustee down, open that door.
Arlo: [ Sighs ]


Scene 1: Hall Glee Club - Will and the entire cast
Will: 5,6,7,8, not one, we walked around, we change leg leg is changed, not one, you, you, you and bam bam bam! (He claps). A bit of nerves looks like a group of sleepwalkers. Give me energy, it was the communal in two weeks.
Mercedes: Sir! the commune is in the pocket.
Will: Can be good, but if taking it easy to commune we'll get killed in the regional. We need to give the best of ourselves.
Kurt (laughs, looks wickedly M.Schuester): This is a funny video. Falls in weddings. (The bell rings).
Scene 2: Staff room lunchtime - Will, Emma and Sue
Will (to Emma): This time I think they overestimate, they seem to have lost their flame.
Emma: Well I'm sorry, you just ... You have a little mustard on your little Kirk Douglas dimple in the chin.
Will: Where? (Trying to lick your chin) Here?
Emma: Yes, wait, let me it. Wait! Here!
Will: Thank you
Emma: Uh ... So when will it all started?
Will: Oh, there was one week
Flashback: the Glee Club Rehearsal Rachel is in control
Rachel: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, No. No. No. No. No. Will (coming from the back of the room): Good news I just saw the distribution of groups for communal and I think it was a good place. There are only two other teams. If they beat you access to regional.
(The group is very enthusiastic. Mercedes and Kurt look at a big smile and Puck makes a check to Tina ...)
Rachel: And who are the other teams?
Will: Drumroll Finn! The Dayton School for the Deaf and an establishment called Jane Addams Academy.
Mercedes: Jane Addams? ! This is a rehabilitation center for girls coming out of detention!
Tina: C C This is great!
Arty: People who disagree sing and criminals who do not care too much it will be piece ofcake! Top there (he holds out his hand towards Britanny who prefers checker Santana) End of flashback and return to the staff room
Will: They think it is a foregone conclusion when there are no further effort. I'll have to find a way to motivate them a little.
Emma: O, then K um ... Let's see. Oh! an array of stickers, that's how my parents made me do chores when I was a child. Yes! While I was doing a chore and I had a star and then ...
Sue: Oh Lord I pray you, pity, stop talking. I try desperately to ignore the silliness of your conversation dripping unbearable but now that I have bile in my mouth I will not hold my tongue any longer. (Takes a listing on the table before her). You know what that is? This is a list of my daughters. I choose someone at random every week and I plug out.
Will: Yes it works in the Glee Club in a different way.
Sue: Will Really? ! How does it work for you? You must remember one thing, we take care of children here. They need to be terrified. It is like milk without him their bones will not grow properly. If you want results with a kid find the animal competition that is in him and remove him his chains!Very good! Helen (Speaking to Emma) This blouse is insane (and Emma looks sighs) Emma (by digging into his salad) It amazes me that she can teach in this school.
Will: You know what? I think she has not entirely wrong.
Scene 3: Hall Glee Club
Will: The competition! All these people (he hung pictures on the wall) and all these elements have been champions in their field but they have always competed with others to become even better.
Kurt: I can not understand how a flash can compete with a wooden pool.(Compared to the pictures off the wall)
Will: Remember what I say. You have become too sure of yourself and you were great but the presets you'll have to overcome if you seriously want to achieve the communal. (Finn and locker Quinn looks unkindly) OK, do you separate the boys left, girls on the right. Go you move (the band broke up) Okay. Kurt! (He was heading the group of girls, Will motioned him to go with the boys) I'll explain: two teams, guys against girls. In one week you will have to stack all show me a mash up of your choice.
Puck: What is a mash up?
Will: A mash up is when you take two songs, you mixes together to make a great explosion of musical expression. Tuesday the boys present, girls the next day. I want you to go out all the stops right? Costumes, choreography and those who will win this competition we will choose the number to communal.
Rachel: Wait! Who will be the judge? Your s*x wrong your judgment.
Will: Ah! We will have a special guest as a judge!
Tina: Who is it?
Will: Oh we'll have to give their all to find.
Mercedes: We're going to crash to the ground!
Rachel: It's clear I'll make a storyboard of the choreography tonight.
Will: So? ! I hope you are ready to compete! The girls recovered to block.
Arty: Let's give them a slap worthy of God's hand!
Will (heading Finn): Hey Finn's it going? You look elsewhere.
Finn: Just a little tired. Puck (tapping on the shoulder of Finn): You come buddy? We're late for training.
Scene 4: Office of Sue - Sue she wrote her diary
Sue (in thought): "Dear Diary I'm still without power today. It started at dawn when I tried to make a smoothie with beef bones and I broke my blender. Then drive to my daughters: a disaster! " Flashback on the training of Cheerios They are pyramid atop Quinn
Sue (always in his thoughts): "It could not miss, it was like spot the first crack in the hull of a boat ready to run (it fixes the knee of Quinn who just shake) A tremor, the tremor was cost us the national tournament and the championship if we lose I'll lose my show and not my show I will never buy my hovercraft. "
Sue: It's going to Quinn?
Quinn: I'm just tired because of the Glee Club. End of flashback and return to the office of Sue
Sue: "The Glee Club! Every time I try to destroy the handful of eating larvae arrears they come back even stronger as the wicked sexually ambiguous horror films. Here I am: ready to pass the milestone of 30 years. I have sacrificed everything in my life, all that to me bamboozled by the machinations of a cabal of bisexual teens deformed and imbedded.Did I miss an episode journal? Is it just me? Of course not, it does not come from me. It is the fault of Will Schuester! What is wrong with it, diary? His little arrogant smile and then made his permanent home? You know, newspaper, I noticed something yesterday. Flashback to the conversation of Will and Emma at lunch
Sue: Of course, it becomes clear at once, if I can not destroy the club, I'll have to destroy mankind!
Scene 5: House Will and Terri-Sue and Terri
Sue: Let me be honest. Your husband hides his chipolata in a basket which unfortunately is not yours.
Terri: What? With whom?
Sue: The guidance counselor. A real bitch and a man-eater. She wears flashy pin like the one with which my Grandma is buried. Some tea! Terri (coming out of his thoughts): Oh, uh ... Sorry.
(She gets up to serve as Sue)
Sue: It's always the same song: the woman begins to gain weight.
Terri: Oh! I'm pregnant!
Sue: Oh! This is not an excuse! I always thought that the desire to procreate was an expression of great personal weakness! I've never wanted a child. I have no time and I have no uterus!
Terri: Are you're sure?
Sue: A woman always knows these things! Let me tell you my way. If it is not yet proven a link, it certainly takes the turn. It takes a machete to get through the thickness of envy that is created around them.
Terri: Oh, Lord! What will I do?
Sue: I think you should pack up and move! Unless you did not want to leave your husband a midget redhead mentally deranged lemur with beads?
Terri: Are you absolutely sure about that? I mean, you have evidence?
Sue: Break into the school and just sniff all its s*x pheromones yourself.And then it falls rather well, the school nurse, Ms. Lancaster is in a coma.Oh, she made an incredible roll-ball stage on the stairs yesterday!
Flashback to the fall Sue is tripped to the nurse and she falls. Back to Show
Terri: But I'm not a nurse, I work at the "Festival of Quilt"!
Sue: I am not an American citizen, I was born in the Panama Canal Zone, but I managed to have a passport, I applied twice. That's the advice I give to you: if you do not want to lose your husband, be creative.
Scene 6: Office Figgins - Terri and Figgins
Figgins: Mrs. Schuester, I appreciate your interest in the nursing position.But your experience is limited to folding towels ...
Terri: As an assistant to my swim "Duvet Day" in first aid. I've used a defibrillator.
Figgins: Ah!
Scene 7: Teachers' room-Emma Will and Terri
Emma: (to Will): So what did you talk about?
Will: Oh! Good news, I found a great way to motivate them. They will fight against each other in a tournament.
Emma: Oh!
Will: And guess who will be our judge superstar? You! Emma (putting his hand to his heart): Me? Terri arrives with her blouse and nursing remains at the door of the room
Terri: Well! This for a surprise! (Heading towards Will)
Will: Hey! What are you doing here?
Terri: (to Emma): Hello, I do not think we have been presented. I'm Terri Schuester, thewoman (she touches the belly) Will pregnant.
Emma (with some surprise): Yes ...
Terri: Someone left the lipstick on your mug. (She licks her finger and cleans the edge of the cup)
Emma: No! No oh
Terri: It's settled. It will serve coffee, Emma Will look with a frightened look
Will: Is that all right Terri? You never come see me here!
Terri: Oh, I do not come to see you not! You were so stressed about our finances lately that I had to participate by having a second job. I am the new nurse.
Will: But ... You're not nursing, you have not been trained to ...
Terri (interrupting him): I beg Will, this is a public school here. (She turns to Emma). It's not great news? And that means that now I am all the time around.
Scene 8: Changing the football stadium, Ken And the whole football team
Ken: Know your paths (at the same time he emphasizes these words on the board). This is the key to winning this game, gentlemen. The forwards you make your path to the enemy lines and you block for developing the game O, K? That everyone knows his role, it's not complicated!
Finn (in thought): I completely derailed. I'm tired all the time! I can not keep my eyes open (he falls asleep and wakes up in the hall of the Glee Club). I know I'm lucky: captain of the football team, hunk of the Glee Club. I know I should be super happy with Quinn, she is very popular, she wears my baby and everything ... But I can not get out of Rachel's head. It makes me a little freaked out like Glen Close in "Fatal Attraction", but she can sing and has a barrel body if you do not like breasts! (Flashback after his football training in the showers) My body me is anything! I had a hair in the ear, the other day and I have to spend oil spray pain on my shins several times a day because of growing pains. It smells really bad, but I mask the smell with lots of flavor. It's hard being a guy my age (flashback of the night: he plays to the console) between the Glee Club, football, my popularity, I'm like overwhelmed. Everyone expects something from me and I do not have enough energy for everything! I do not know how people are important as the chairs or presenters or JT Boss of the Mafia.My mother says I scatter, so I stopped doing my homework, but it did not help. All I know is that last night I popped in two. At level 2! I was completely H.S. Finn really wakes up in the hall of the Glee Club
Kurt: It drooling (his voice is attenuated as it is Finn who hears it and he is not awake)
Puck (echoing): Oh! You wake up?
Finn (half fried on): It looks great!
Puck: I said we could not let them beat us!
Finn: Sorry, sometimes, but when I concentrate, it helps me to close my eyes!
Arty: Let's make a mash up of "It's my life" and "Confessions" by Usher.
Puck: Should we add a little stomp with lids of garbage cans, right?
Arty: Puck, with all due respect, you're more useful when ... (we no longer hear because Finn went back to sleep)
Puck: Oh! What happened to you? Go see the nurse. Every day, I told her I've hurt my skull and I sleep for three hours. I've never been in math class actually me!
Finn: Thanks guys! Keep up the great work!
Scene 9: Ballroom - all girls club Santana plucks eyebrows and stretches Britanny
Rachel: O.K girls, we must begin.
Santana: We gotta warms us!
Rachel: Where is Quinn?
Britanny: Surely the mall in search of stretch pants. all the girls laugh, except Rachel
Rachel: Mr. Schuester is right girls, we must not rest on our laurels.
Mercedes: Relax! I already have the songs: we'll do a mash up with "Halo" and "Walking on Sunshine."
Rachel: Yes, it was my idea!
Mercedes: And then? We could do that with closed eyes. You really think these zozos will endanger us? One only has to improvise!
Rachel: You can not improvise!
Mercedes: So who is to improvise? (No one raises his hand) and who opposes it (Rachel raises her hand). Looks like the "yes" prevail!
Scene 10: Infirmary - Terri and Finn
Terri: Hello! What can I do for you?
Finn: Hello, Mrs. Schuester. I'm Finn Hudson. I am in the Glee Club.
Terri: Oh! Finn hello! Oh, one second! You're the one who is dating Quinn Fabray?
Finn: Yes, why?
Terri: You have really good bone structure!
Finn: Yes. I am very tired lately and I wondered if I could lie down here?
Terri: And if you sat? Tell me a bit about your sleep habits. About what time you go to bed?
Finn: Oh, I know nothing! When the erotic channels recovering to go classic movies. I feel a little tired but now I can not fall asleep. As if my brain would not stop!
Terri: And what are you thinking? Oh, you can be honest with me.Everything is kept confidential when you come here!
Finn: Ok! Soccer games, girls, chores, not to, girls ...
Terri: For girls? But you go out with Quinn Fabray!
Finn: Yeah, but uh ... You think a guy can love two girls at once?
Terri: No! You know, flirting is wrong and revenge of a woman cocue, it is rather a ruckus!
Finn: I can take my nap now?
Terri: You want to sleep all your life, Finn?
Finn: No, but I read that teens should sleep more than children!
Terri: When I was in high school I was captain of the cheerleaders, I had never less than 18 medium, I cultivated my popularity and I had engaged in a romantic relationship with my future husband! Whoa! I do not even know how I coped! Wait a minute! If I know!
She rummages in his drawers and pulls out her bag she pulls out a box of medicine Pseudoephedrine! This is what they put in all decongestants to avoid soporific effect. It is as if it was a bit of a vitamin! In your place I would take those two little blue things every morning to be all fired up all day!
Finn: That risk anything?
Terri: It is not prescribed; they put them next to candy. Sweetie, I'm a nurse, I know what I do!
(She holds up a glass of water to Finn to take the pills. He hesitates two seconds then swallow them all at once)
Scene 11: Hall Glee Club - Will and the boys club Finn returns in top form
Finn: Hey, guys! So it rolls? Ah that's a wonderful day! How would you like that again! Ah, I can not wait to repeat! I'm ready, I'm too excited and you guys? (He pushes one of his friends) Come on, get up! Go, shoo, we will move all those big muscles!
Arty (worried): Is it that you were captured by little green men under caffeine?
Finn: No, I went to see the nurse and she gave me a great vitamin! There, I too want to repeat! Besides, if we were rehearsing! And then we can build a big house for the homeless!
Puck: What was that like vitamin?
Kurt: Vitamin C! "Vogue" says it raises the energy level and it illuminates the complexion!
Finn: Vitamin D! And I brought back for you guys! He launched the package in Puck It's my life / Confession
Will: It's amazing, guys! It's crazy! I did not know you had it in you! Looks like someone poured something in your apple juice. Wouh! Girls, you've got to give everything tomorrow, otherwise ... the communal already have their opening number!
Scene 12: Corridor-Rachel and Quinn Quinn goes to his locker
Rachel: I've not seen the rehearsals of the Club!
Quinn: I'm not a superwoman. I know that the choir is all your life. I have the cheerleaders, the role of leader, I have friends!
Rachel: You're not to be embarrassed, no one judge you in the club!Listen, I know everyone expects us to be two enemies in competition, but I have no hatred towards you!
Quinn: Why? I was horrible with you.
Rachel: That was before you know how it feels to be me: an outsider.More and more people will notice it and you'll need friends who understand you.
Quinn: How can you understand what I'm going through?
Rachel: Do not you see that everyone whispers when I get to the canteen that made pornographic drawings of me in the toilet?
Quinn: That was me, actually ...
Rachel: Look, I not agree with the decision you have taken, but you'll need the choir! He will still have seven months of your youth, you should enjoy it. This is true in a few months, this uniform Cheeleader not you go any more and it will remain for us! So back to rehearsals; guys against girls is fun and we will be able to use your voice! You're a gifted singer Quinn, sometimes a little sharp but is that you do not have my years of practice!
Quinn: I would have tortured if the roles were reversed, you know!
Rachel: I know.
Scene 13: Nursing and the Office store The Feast of the quilt - Terri and Howard Terri is on the phone with Howard Bamboo
Terri: Hello, this is Terri.
Howard: Hi Terri, here Howard Bamboo.
Terri: Yes, I know Howard! Ok, you know I moonlights as a nurse, I need a service.
Howard: Oh, ok. Terri Go to the drugstore to buy a few boxes of decongestant, I have a lot more and I want high school students McKinnley be happy and healthy!
Howard: Uh ... How many boxes?
Terri: Well ... 36 Ken arrives and she hangs up
Ken: Hi Terri!
Terri: Oh, hello Ken! What's the matter?
Ken: We can speak frankly? Listen, we have a problem, I think my girlfriend is in love with your husband and I would not be surprised that this feeling is shared!
Terri (nervous): And how long does it last?
Ken: I do not know ... Few months. I see them all the time together, they laugh, they talk, all she does with me!
Terri: I knew something was up! She has not taken her eyes one minute during the show grotesque Acaffelas.
Ken: Look, do Will you talked about?
Terri: Oh no! He is too smart for that! Finally, too, but still! Ken, I must be honest with you: I have taken this job in order to keep an eye on him. It is imperative that we stop all this so I can leave here. You see, I am not made to work five days a week!
Ken: I thought maybe if you and I began to attend could neutralize their stuff!
Terri: Are you all right to bed because when it does most is that something is wrong!
Ken: Actually, it has not ... It has not had s*x for the moment. She does not like being touched by me! I love her so much! (He begins to sob) Terri (she gets up and goes to him): Ok! I'll be fine (she comforted Ken).There, there!
Ken: Look at us both. You, me and pregnant with my psoriasis and my testicle that is not down. I do not know for whom I am most sorry ...
Terri: Ok, good enough. You know what? Stop acting like the big baby! I can arrange that if you behave like a guy!
Ken: Ok, I'm sorry!
Terri: That's what you gonna do: you'll run into the nearest department store to buy her an engagement ring, then you will put on one knee and you'll ask her to marry this little doe-eyed whore!
Ken: No! That I can not do it! And if she says no? It could kill me!
Terri (handing him his vitamins): You take two pills and nothing will make you more afraid!
Scene 14: Hall Glee Club - The girls of the cast, Kurt, Will and Emma
Rachel: I told you girls!
Santana: We are aware! It's about an hour until you pass us a soap!
Quinn: They were good at this point?
Rachel: Excellent, Quinn! I agreed to make arrangements, choreography, staging free but we underestimated the boys. They will be the number of municipal and again I will be humiliated!
Mercedes: How could we know they were going to tear up as? They are not good in general!
Tina: C C How did they manage?
Kurt: The real question is: what did they take? Although I am in a group with boys, my allegiance to you to the girls. They declined my proposals we make braids and found all my artistic decisions too costly because qu'impliquant several varieties of exotic bird feathers. It was in substance!
Scene 15: Corridor - Will Finn and Rachel Finn (by typing in a player's hand): Dude! I developed all the upcoming matches! Yeah! Hey, Mr. Schuester, I introduced the paper on your desk.
Will: That's in two weeks!
Finn: Excellent I like the trend!
Rachel (furious): Cheaters!
Finn: Uh ... I do not know what you mean!
Rachel: You have taken illegal substances before your mash up! This is Kurt told me. This is deplorable, despicable and it's really ugly! And that's cheating. From now on I'll call Finn Johnson!
Finn: Hey, not attack me! I'm not Ben Johnson, I have never taken steroids. I heard that it softened the thing! Hear Rachel, you do not realize the pressure that I have!
Rachel: We're all under pressure but you know how I manage? Naturally, with a strict diet and exercise everyday! Flashbacks of waking
Rachel (voiceover): I wake up at six o'clock every day, I drink a protein milkshake with bananas and flax seed oil and six ten I'm on my elliptical trainer. You know how I tick? Not with something artificial! I give myself a goal and I will not stop until I reach it! End of flashback
Finn: Yes, but it's personal pressure, if you succeed it does not look as you! I am a quarterback, lead singer and I have my pregnant girlfriend who only scream for ice cream! So yes, maybe I just helped my team, but that's just because I'm tired of working so much and never win!
Rachel: Yes, but winning by cheating is not winning!
Finn: Oh, I do not blow it here! The only thing that makes you sick is that you will surely lose!
Rachel: Oh, I'm offended by this accusation! You have not yet seen our performance but our mash up is spectacular!
Finn: You can not be better! We will win, you lose, accept it!
Scene 16: Infirmary - Terri Howard and girls club
Terri: Each will take his dose, except Quinn. Get folic acid (she whispers in his ear: "Mom, it's good for the baby! '). Hey, hurry up, Howard, patients wait!
Rachel: Are you sure we should do that?
Terri: Oh, it's sold without a prescription, it is safe, you can trust me!
(They swallow all their pills)
[SCENE_BREAK]
Scene 17: Teachers' Corner - Ken, Will, Emma and Terri Ken made copies very quickly due to vitamin D
Will: What is he, Ken?
Terri: Do not you think he looks like? I make him take additional vitamins!
Will: And that no risk? After all, you're not really nurse Terri!
Terri: Do not criticize my work, Will! Plus I really starting to get used to it. Emma enters the room
Emma: Hi!
Terri (getting closer to Will): It is not pleasant? How long have you had any breakfast both a weekday? Oh honey, you got a little mustard on ...(She tries to remove him, kissing him, but Will suddenly departs)
Will: But Terri finally! I work here myself!
Terri: Sorry it's just that my hormones revved up completely when I see you!
Will: Listen! You're here, it is harmful to our marriage.
Terri: Ha! Spending time together is harmful to our marriage?
Will: Not every minute! There is no separation! We usually go home at night and we discussour days. There is nothing more to tell! Flashback on the eve of their meal
Terri: There were lots of ants on the sidewalk today.
Will: In this season, it's strange! End of flashback
Terri: Exactly! It forces us to broaden our intellectual horizons! (Will gets up) Where are you going?
Will: In the toilet!
Terri: I'm coming too.
Will: No! I love you, okay? But I need my space! Terri goes to Ken
Terri: Take a chance, Ken!
Ken: What? Here, there, now?
Terri: Yes!
Ken: Hi Emma!
Emma: Hi Ken. (He kneels) What are you doing?
Ken: Emma, I know that between us is not perfect: not you ride in my car, I can only touch your wrist. Once you've even cried for an hour because my elbow touched your breast. But I think about you all the time! Every night before going to bed, I kiss the picture of us at the fair. (He rummages in his banana and out the engagement ring)
Emma: Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Oh, my God! While it does not happen!It's a dream!
Ken: Emma Pillsbury, is not an engagement ring!
Emma: Wow! Oh, thank you God!
Ken: No, I mean ... It is but it's more than that, it's a promise. Listen, Emma, I know you have this thing with dirt. I know if I gather up my pants or I'll clean after my shower. But I can promise you that I will wipe your life of sadness, loneliness and all the dark clouds that can float above. (He opens the box) This is the cubic zirconium. I know you've been hit by "Blood Diamond". Emma Pillsbury, my little sweet, will you marry me?
Scene 18: Hall Glee Club
Rachel: Thank you very much! It is a pleasure! While boys have chosen a selection of songs recounting the life choices and responsible sexual appetite of today's teenagers, we chose a selection of songs that speak to the entire nation in these troubled times by the economic uncertainty and growing social evil because if there's two things that our country lacks is sunshine and optimism (Kurt puts his sunglasses) and angels too! Ok? Halo / Walking on sunshine Everyone applauds
Will: Girls, I do not know what to tell you! You were all incredible. Oh, I do not know what you did but also continue. Our judge will not be easy. Hey, great job girls! (Will takes Rachel in his arms) Ha, okay! Goodbye. Wouh, wow! (It is close to Emma) Emma, uh ... If you walked a little?
Emma: Yes. I think your plan worked. By instilling a sense of healthy competition to these young people, I think you have them motivated.
Will: Well, actually, I consider you a conspirator. We found the whole idea.So it is true that Ken asked her to marry you?
Emma: Yes, yes, it's true.
Will: You gonna do?
Emma: I do not know yet ... Did you know ... Do you see other options available to me?
Will: And that's ... This is reason enough to get married?
Emma: It's not what I asked you!
(Terri sees them talking together and it did not seem to please him)
Scene 19: Office of Emma Emma and Terri- Terri comes in and closes the door
Terri: Emma?
Emma (a frightened air): Terri! Hem ... Hello! Is what I can do something for you?
Terri: I just wanna play cards on the table. The situation is a bit tricky since I work here so I wanted to lighten the mood.
Emma: Oh! It's very nice of you! But sit down.
Terri: You have no chance with my husband. You have understood? Oh, you think there is a competition between you and me, but it would mean that a nail can fight a hammer!
Emma: Terri, Will is a good man! He is kind, he is generous and I know he deserves better than you!
Terri: Emma, Will is my husband. Look at yourself, you feel superior because you like it to a man you see an hour or two a day? You are a little harmless dove. You are so innocent that you would steal a husband to his pregnant wife?
Emma (guilty): Yes.
Terri: I'll give you a tip, baby: marry Ken Tanaka. Oh sure, it is stupid as a donkey and its potpourri of nationalities surely expose your children to a lot of genetic diseases, but it is nice, he is generous, and it's available! she leaves the office, leaving Emma alone and disoriented
Scene 20: Corridor of the school - and Terri Quinn
Quinn: Mrs. Schuester, we have to talk about the baby.
Terri: Are you okay? Wait, you will not have it now?
Quinn: What? No! You are not supposed to be a nurse? I've been thinking about your offer.
Terri: Yes?
Quinn: I like my life. I also like being a cheerleader and I can not believe I will say this, but I really love being in the Glee Club. I have all these incredible things in my life and sometimes I think it's great. I can not raise a baby!
Terri: You know, frankly, I do not know how you do today! I've never ... I've never drooled that much when I was your age, even if we had not as many cable channels you. And Finn is also okay? I would not want there to fight with dad when you confieras me the baby!
Quinn: He's the reason I do this. It's a boy so well, and he internalizes all this pressure. It will have a heart attack. And I do not want Mr. Schuester is aware of all that either! I do not want to hurt her.
Terri: Your secret is safe with me. I have more to lose than you!
Quinn: One more thing: when you gave me these vitamins for the baby, I appreciated your gesture, but I will have to pay those invoices to the doctor and I'm going to need maternity clothes.
Terri: You want me, I pay you?
Quinn: It'll be your baby!
Terri: So, I'll pay the bills for eighteen years. You might as well charge you nine months. Listen, you chose the right solution.
Quinn: It's the best thing for everyone. Eh?
Scene 21: Locker room of soccer - Emma and Ken Ken clears his notes on the board for Emma advance stealthily, terrified by so many dirt
Emma: Hi!
Ken (turning surprised and pleased): Hi!
Emma: I will not ... I can not stay here long because of germs, you know, and because of the smell, but I have a question.
Ken: Anything you want, Emma.
Emma: Well, what ... What does it mean to marry, exactly? Because I want to keep my name and I want us to continue to live in different places. And I think it would be better if we did not see himself after class!
Ken: Of course!
Emma: And I would not of great ceremony, you know in a church full of people. It would have invited person. Besides, you see, nor tell anyone. It would be more of a secret wedding!
Ken: It's a better answer than I expected!
Emma: You're a good person, Ken! And I do not want to spend the rest of my life alone and I know that either!
Ken: So, is that it's yes?
Scene 22: Corridors outside - Rachel and Finn Rachel Finn crosses the hallway when suddenly before it happens
Finn: So Rachel shape? Super mash up! You were so full of energy!
Rachel: We have taken on such great athletes, period! It's not cheating if everyone does it. It has just made equal!
Finn: You really think that?
Rachel: No! You make me feel really bad, even if it wins, it will ever satisfying!
Finn: I know. Our passage, I even remember! It is how?
Rachel: I think the only thing to do is to withdraw from the competition.You see, admit you were wrong and disqualify our respective teams right away. Nobody will win!
Finn: Cool!
(They start walking)
Rachel: By the way, sorry for what I told you the other day when I said you were despicable and deplorable.
Finn: Oh, that's okay, I even know what that means!
Rachel: Uh ... Finn, what I wanted to tell you is that I let myself be carried away in the hysteria of the competition. My goals are too selfish. I think it's time for me to stop trying to compete with others and begin to fight alongside them!
Scene 23: Office Figgins - Will, Terri and Mr. Figgins
Will: Damn! Who do you think? You gave the drug to my students!
Terri: I've already said, it is sold without a prescription. It is approved by the competent authorities and if it had not come from me, I'm sure the children have found themselves!
Will: No, no, not at all! They are great!
Terri: It's not that bad!
Figgins: Bamboo Howard was arrested ... Flashback to his arrest Police officers rushed upon him while he takes boxes of medicines on the shelf of the store Back at the office of Figgins
Terri: Oh, yes, yes!
Will: Wait! What?
Figgins: Pseudoephedrine is an ingredient in methamphetamines fabricaton. Howard has been tightened by cops on suspicion of running a clandestine laboratory.
Terri: I never told Howard to keep everything in one place!
Will: Enough is enough, Terri! How we are supposed to raise a baby so ... If I can not let you watch a group of teens. You're completely unaware of the consequences!
Terri: I wanted to give you a hand, Will!
Will: Avoid! Every time there is a spark that lights in my life, you always find a way for it turns into fire!
Figgins: I have serious doubts about your judgment, Ms. Schuester! I'll have to ask you to resign your position!
Terri: Great! I worked too much anyway.
(Will gets up)
Figgins: Do not Leave Schuester! I would have some doubts about your judgment for you too!
Will: What? I was not at all aware of this story!
Figgins: Exactly! Children count on you to pass on your culture and you, with your obsession with winning and competition, you have created this dangerous atmosphere. I'll hire someone else to co-lead the glee club.Someone who has proven in terms of responsibility and excellence!
Scene 24: Hall Glee Club - Will and Club members to complete
Finn: We're sorry M; Schuester!
Rachel: We did not want to cause you problems!
Will: You have really disappointed! In this choir this is what you have in your heart, not what you inject into the veins!
Rachel: We know and I think I speak for everyone in saying we would go ahead and leave this episode behind us.
Will: Yes, but it's not so simple, because that because of this debacle it was decided that I could no longer lead the glee club alone. We were assigned a co-director.
Rachel: Who?
Sue arrives from the corridor
Sue: Hi, kids! Ha ha! I must confess that I am delighted to board for your kind co-govern cruise showbiz. Ha! I look forward to sing, dance and maybe even me a little fart!
Scene 25: Corridor - Will and Emma Will leaves the rehearsal room and calls out Emma
Emma: Will. I preferred that it be me who the ad. You know Ken asked me to marry him. I said yes.
Will: It's ... It's great!
(Emma and leaves from Will stunned by the news. They turn everyone down the hall and looks of disappointment crossed)
Scene 26: Chamber of Rachel - Rachel
She inspects the box of pseudoephedrine, rises from his bed and throws it away. She turns on her stereo and climbs on her elliptical trainer, determined to achieve his goal: The communal!