Opens on a breathtakingly beautiful shot of the coast Cohen's house - Kitchen - Kirsten is pouring juice & Seth is sitting at the kitchen table.
Kirsten: first day of school, are you excited? (Seth gives her a look) You know I ask you questions in the hopes of eliciting an actual response
Seth: I feel I convey more with a look (makes puppy dog eyes at her)
Kirsten: you look adorable!
Seth: no
Kirsten: cute?
Seth: no
Kirsten: dope?
Seth: no
Kirsten: RAD!
Seth: PLEASE, please this is so painful
Kirsten: ah, I'm-I'm-sorry-sorry (Sandy walks in) How was surfing?
Sandy: cut it short, I wanted to see the boys off
Kirsten: doesn't Seth look rad (Sandy kisses her head)
Sandy: oh you do look rad, bad props son
(Seth is shaking his head in horror, Ryan walks in)
Seth: thank god man, are you ready to go
Sandy: (to Ryan) first day, are you excited?
(Ryan gives him a look, like Seth tried to do earlier with Kirsten)
Sandy: enough said
Seth: how do you do that by the way, how do you convey everything with just a look
(Ryan gives it to Seth)
Seth: again!
Kirsten: (to Ryan) how're you doin?...are you nervous?
Ryan: why would I be nervous?
Seth: because we're going to school with like three hundred Luke's minus the redeeming social qualities (Ryan looks at him) I got it, sorry you make me more nervous (?)
CUT TO: Jimmy's house - Marissa and Summer are sitting on the sofa, Jimmy walks in with French toast
Summer: don't be nervous
Marissa: uh I'm not nervous I'm just not going
Summer: Coop you have to go, you own the school and what about kick off carnival your still the social chair
Marissa: hmm let's see, be humiliated in front of the entire school or hire someone to do balloon animals
Summer: Huh, you have to hire the guy who makes the balloon octopus (Marissa gives her a look) So your boyfriend cheated on you and yes you almost died in Mexico and, OK there is that whole scandal with your dad
Marissa: If you're trying to make me feel better...
Summer: ok the point is there's no such thing as bad publicity
(Marissa smells something)
Marissa: Is that something burning?
Jimmy: Ok so uh new oven, haven't quite figured out how to make French toast
Summer: Not in the oven, would be a good place to start!
Jimmy: since no one will hire me I've got plenty of time, I'm gonna go out and buy a cook book (Marissa smiles) come on, it's good its, there crunchy, see
Marissa: umm no thanks
Summer: yeah...I don't know who I'm more worried about here
Jimmy: well I think it's safe to say that this year is...going to be different
CUT TO: Cohen kitchen - Kirsten and Sandy are standing at the sink, Seth & Ryan are getting ready to leave
Kirsten: you know maybe this year'll be different you know, better
Seth: yeah that's the mantra every year, and every year some big water polo player ends up uh peeing in one of my shoes (Sandy looks at him) nah I'm just kidding, they pee in both. Ryan has Mr. Schmidt for uh pre cal
(they all look at Ryan)
Ryan: what's wrong with Mr. Schmidt?
Seth: nothing, say hi to his mom for me!
Sandy: well, at least you have each other
Seth: that is very wise dad
Sandy: thankyou son
Ryan: (looks worried) we're doomed
CUT TO: Theme Song - California by Phantom Planet
The Harbor School - Seth & Ryan are walking
Seth: the master race, it's been perfected Ryan and they all go to our school (to passing jocks) Hey, fellas (the jocks knock into him as they walk passed, and say nothing) Alright, don't get your speedos in a bunch
Ryan: This is a nightmare Still Harbor School, Summer & Marissa are walking
Marissa: This is a nightmare
Summer: I bet like no one even knows
Marissa: are you kidding?
(they walk passed a group of girls talking about Marissa)
Girl: I heard she died down there; she looks pretty good for a dead girl
Summer: Hey whores, why don't you go work another corner
Marissa: Sum, (walking away) maybe I should just go home, you know help my dad unpack
Summer: no Coop that is as bad as it's gonna get (sees Seth & Ryan walking towards them) I spoke to soon
Seth: Hello Summer, what does your schedule look like today
Summer: Full
Seth: oh really, ok, alright
CUT TO: Marissa & Ryan
Ryan: Hey, a friendly face
Marissa: Hey, how's it goin?
Ryan: not good, you?
Marissa: oh worse
Ryan: so uh, why don't we just get outta here, right now just get in your car and go down to the pier
Marissa: I can't dean Kim would call my dad, or worse my mom
Ryan: ok, how about after school?
Marissa: I'm suppose to help chair the kick off carnival committee...I know I've been looking for an excuse to get out of it
Ryan: well I think you've found one
Marissa: (smiles) ok, I'll meet you out front
Ryan: something to look forward to
(Summer walks up)
Summer: Coop, can we go please
(they both walk away from Ryan and not realising, towards Luke)
Luke: hey, could we maybe talk or
(a shot of Ryan looking worried, Marissa backs away)
Summer: stay away from her!
Luke: how am I spose to do that we all go to the same school
Summer: oh well maybe you should of thought about that before hooking up with one of her best friends! Ass!
(Ryan catches up to Marissa)
Ryan: hey, are you ok?
Marissa: yeah, I just have to get use to it...this I guess
Ryan: but, we're still on right?
Marissa: yeah, something to look forward to! (smiles and walks away)
Summer: Coop (catching up to her)
Seth: see ya Summer (to Ryan) slowly I thaw her icy heart
CUT TO: Cohen house - Sandy & Kirsten's bedroom - Sandy is fixing his tie in the mirror, Kirsten is watching
Kirsten: Look at you!
Sandy: if I must
Kirsten: new suit, new scent, mm new look
Sandy: I feel like this is headin somewhere
Kirsten: new girlfriend
Sandy: ohh, and there it is, you still wont forge
(Kirsten kisses him and pushes him back onto the bed)
sandy & Kirsten: mm, ooh, mm
Sandy: oh god, I shoulda found an attractive co worker years ago (Kirsten looks at him) it was a figure of speech
Kirsten: Rachel's attractive?
Sandy: is that her name? its context only you know in relation to which she invokes amorous feelings in my far more, extremely more attractive wife
Kirsten: good answer (she kisses him again, they sit back up) mornings use to be our time
Sandy: (with his head buried in her neck) oh I remember them well
Kirsten: mm, what happened? (they kiss again)
(mobile phone rings)
Sandy: oh, work happened (he tries to get his phone out of his pants pocket) I can't get it just hang on one sec (lays back on the bed and rolls Kirsten to his side) just hold on, wait, I got it
Kirsten: (looks at the phone) how did she know? (sighs) your not going to answer it are you
(Kirsten's phone rings now)
Kirsten: ooh, it's my dad
Sandy: Hey, Rachel
Kirsten: Hi dad (sighs)
CUT TO: Harbor school - Seth & Summer are walking inside, down stairs
Seth: so Summer if you would care to join me for lunch today I can arrange to have an empty chair available at my table
Summer: there's nothing but empty chairs at your table
Seth: (gasps)
(off screen)
Anna: Seth Cohen!
Seth: Anna! (gives her a hug) hey how're you doin
Summer: (looks jealous) um excuse me we were talking here
Anna: oh, so insulting him counts as conversation
Seth: yeah well if it doesn't then we've never spoken, Summer you remember Anna right, she's moved here from Pittsburgh
Summer: how could I forget (walks away)
Seth: oh hey so we're gonna, we're gonna still be on for lunch today right... (to Anna) she probably didn't even hear me
Anna: Seth, what are you doing? I thought you got passed this whole Summer thing at Catillion
Seth: Right, and I know Anna that it seems like not alot of progress has been made but I have to tell you, well yeah not that much progress has been made despite all my best judgements I cannot, not like her
Anna: you are such a boy!
Seth: well, whatever. I don't see what the problem is I'm nothing but available to that girl
Anna: alright, right there, that's your problem. girls like to be chased by guys that aren't into them
Seth: and that sounds a little bit like a game to me Anna and I don't really like to play games ok, unless we're talking about a little-a little Saturday night jenga, a little-little magic gathering. LOVE magic gather
Anna: maybe you just don't know how to play
Seth: well, your a gir...l right
Anna: yeah
Seth: uh huh and we're friends right
Anna: sure
Seth: ok awesome so then why don't you train me in the ways of women huh, give me a little advice
Anna: I don't understand the mind of chicks like Summer
Seth: ill teach ya how to play jenga
Anna: (sighs) do you really like her
Seth: (nods) since I was ten
Anna: (giving in) fine...but I make no promises
Seth: trust me I cannot do any worse then I've been doing
Anna: that I trust
Seth: You're my girl!
CUT TO: Sandy's office - Sandy is looking at case files, and Rachel walks in
Rachel: hey
Sandy: hey
Rachel: what were you doing this morning when I called you sound um, did I wake you?
Sandy: uh, huh I was spending some time with my wife
Rachel: oh yeah, how'd that go?
Sandy: well I got to work on time didn't I?
Rachel: to bad, it might be a while before your wife is in the mood for looove
Sandy: oh yeah, something you know I don't
Rachel: well I know lots that you don't but in this case, are you familiar with the Balboa wetlands
Sandy: yeah, it's the largest coastal wetlands in California, home to the blue heron and the brown pelican and my personal favourite something called the swamp rose
Rachel: right, the wetlands are key to water quality in the county and not to mention, they're kinda pretty
Sandy: so naturally they must be destroyed
Rachel: The Balboa heights are 250 acres of land that sit above said wetlands
Sandy: yeah, every developers been going after the heights for years
Rachel: well somebody got it, and they're looking to tear it up, put in condos, a golf course
Sandy: (sarcastically) oh thank god cause you know the lack of golf courses around here is, it's tragic
Rachel: This is a policy changing career making piece of litigation here, a tree hugging crusader like yourself would probably kill for a case like this
Sandy: and you wanna share this with me
Rachel: yes
Sandy: why?
(Rachel hands him the file)
Sandy: oh, my wife's company is the plaintiff
Rachel: it's her fathers company
Sandy: so why even tempt me with this, it's a conflict of interest I, I'm not even sure it'd be ethical
Rachel: well the client, the Balboa land trust not only waived the conflict of interest they insisted that you take the case. your politics, your passion, your severe dislike for your father in-law, your the ideal advocate
Sandy: I suspect my wife is gonna have a different spin on all this
Rachel: look, you came to this firm because we have the resources to help you make a difference, they're gonna teach this in law school...so what's it gonna be? Your s*x life or the swamp rose
CUT TO: Harbor school - Marissa walks into a class, and she sees Holly & a group of girls gossiping and laughing
Holly: (whispering) did you know that she overdosed on vicadin
(Marissa tries to ignore it)
CUT TO: Ryan walking into his class, he sees Luke at the table, neither looks impressed
CUT TO: Dr Kim's office - Marissa is talking to her about quitting social chair
Dr Kim: you are not quitting your post as social chair Marissa, you were elected by the students, you've held the position for 2 years
Marissa: I know Dr Kim but that was before everything that's happened this summer
Dr Kim: I understand you are going through alot of change right now but you're a leader here at Harbor that doesn't have to change. you're a wonderful example to your fellow students they look up to you
Marissa: not anymore they don't
Dr Kim: putting aside the issue of how walking away from your extracurricular responsibilities will affect your college transcript. people are always going to talk, may as well give em somethin good to talk about. Don't disappear Marissa, this is your school, your life, your future
CUT TO: Ryan waiting for Marissa out the front, Seth & Anna walk up
Seth: Hey what're you doing?
Ryan: you haven't told me about summer reading?
Seth: who does summer reading
Ryan: apparently everyone in my class
Seth: oh, yeah sorry about that one. so listen Anna here has convinced me to join the plank, it's the literary magazine
Anna: I needed an extra curricular activity and apparently you don't have to wear a sports bra to be on the lit mag
Seth: See it's appealing on many levels, plus I feel I uh have a few limericks that are ready to be shared with the world
Ryan: well have fun, I'm gonna hang with Marissa
Seth: school might not suck this year
(Seth and Anna walk away, Marissa walks over)
Marissa: Hey, so it turns out I have to plan this carnival thing after all
Ryan: oh...ok
Marissa: yeah I mean I talked to the dean and I think getting involved in school again might not be such a bad idea...I know that sounds lame
Ryan: uh yeah, no, no, it's cool. so uh
Marissa: can we reschedule
Ryan: absolutely
Marissa: what about the carnival, I'll save you a ride on the ferris wheel (grinning)
Ryan: no ferris wheels, I don't, I don't do heights, but uh we'll figure somethin out
Marissa: are you sure your gonna be...
Ryan: Fine I just got a, alot of reading to do, like five hundred years of it so
Marissa: ok, so I'll see ya!
CUT TO: Cohen house the next morning - Sandy & Kirsten's bedroom
Sandy: morning
Kirsten: hey, I didn't hear you come in last night
Sandy: uh I didn't wanna wake you, you look nice
Kirsten: dads demanding a company breakfast, some kind of crisis. so if this is how its gonna be after a couple of weeks of work we're just gonna be like
Sandy: two ships passing in the morning
Kirsten: hmm, what have they got you working on?
Sandy: a big uh high profile case
Kirsten: uh, how bout lunch today, ill pay. you know what actually you can pay your the one thats working on a high profile case
Sandy: how bout Friday?
Kirsten: ill have my people call your people, I love you (kisses him on the cheek)
Sandy: love you too
Cohen kitchen - Ryan is drinking coffee and reading, Sandy comes in
Sandy: hey kid...how did school go for ya?
Ryan: fine, just behind
Sandy: after one day, nice work...oh its brutal you're brave to face those preppy little savages and I mean the teachers
Ryan: I don't think it was a good idea, me and private school
Sandy: your one of the smartest kids they've got
Ryan: it's not the work, its just (sighs) everybody's got somethin, except me
Sandy: well you've got Seth
Ryan: Seth's got his women
Sandy: (shocked) Seth Cohen? (Ryan nods) ok s, really? So you need something, and activity, a sport
(Seth walks in)
Seth: Ladies
Sandy: don juan we're trying to figure out an extra curricular activity for Ryan here
Seth: ok
Sandy: Harbors got a great archery program (Ryan looks at him) fencing
Seth: what century are you in open your mind for a second here dad this isn't me we're talking about. with Ryan we have an opportunity to have a real athlete in the family
Sandy: true
Seth: somebody to achieve all that your Jewish ness has prevented me from accomplishing, hey I always wanted to play soccer
Ryan: I use to play soccer
Seth: done
Sandy: glad I could help
CUT TO: Jimmy's house - He and Marissa are in the lounge room
Jimmy: I didn't get around to gettin those cookbooks
Marissa: yeah I guess it's better to play it safe though
Jimmy: so how's sleepin on the uh, on the sofa
Marissa: it's... fine
Jimmy: you know it's just temporary
Marissa: I know, I can handle it
Jimmy: did you uh, talk to your mom (Marissa shakes her head) I'm sorry about all this sweetheart
Marissa: I just wish you would of told me
Jimmy: I know, I know but things, things 'll be different now (doorbell) Hey, don't get to excited, the phone company is installing an actual phone line (Marissa smiles at him) It's a very big day
(Jimmy opens the door)
Luke: Hey Mr. Cooper
Jimmy: Luke
Luke: yeah so uh is this your new place it looks great
Jimmy: not buyin it Luke
Luke: right uh, can I talk to Marissa
Jimmy: No, you can't
Luke: come on Mr. Cooper its me if I could talk to her for a minute or so
Jimmy: yeah she told me what happened and uh I don't think she wants to talk to you right now
Luke: come on, I mean if anybody knows about being in the dog house
Jimmy: don't say it
Luke: what can I do?
Jimmy: you can leave
Luke: alright well tell her, sorry
Jimmy: ok (shuts the door)
Marissa: (smiling) thanks
CUT TO: Harbor school - corridor, Ryan and Marissa bump into each other
Ryan: hey
Marissa: hi
Ryan: how did it go with the carnival?
Marissa: oh, very exciting. so maybe if I get out of my meeting early, I think we're voting on cotton candy versus funnel cakes
Ryan: cotton candy no question
Marissa: my thoughts exactly
Ryan: uh but I cant today, I got soccer practice
Marissa: you do?
Ryan: yeah, gonna try out, figured getting involved in school might not be such a bad idea
Marissa: (smiling) yeah and plus now we both get out at five right. ill meet you in the quad after school
Ryan: ill see you then
CUT TO: Seth walking into a class, Anna is already in there
Seth: hello
Anna: hey
Seth: is this seat taken
Anna: it is now
Seth: cool (sees Summer walk in) you uh, you can sit here if you want Summer
Summer: thanks
Anna: Seth, come sit here by me
Seth: are you sure? you don't mind the whole ah one cheek on one cheek off
Ann: SIT
Seth: sitting (to Anna) OH oh my god, ok so we didn't talk about this, tell me about Tahiti
Anna: ooh, it was incredible
Seth: was it (to Summer) ah Anna just sailed to Tahiti
Summer: (scoffs) sailing is like so not the fastest way to get anywhere, I mean if you would have flown you would of gotten there alot sooner
Anna: you should be on the debate team
Summer: ugh (gives Anna a look)
CUT TO: Sandy's office, Kirsten is waiting for him
Sandy: Hi
Kirsten: (icy) Hi, nice office
Sandy: it came furnished
Kirsten: brought ya lunch (she throws it at him)
Sandy: well it's not a lump of coal
Kirsten: Sandy when were you gonna tell me
Sandy: soon
Kirsten: not soon enough, I signed a deposition this morning
Sandy: oh, honey, I-I-I-I'm not even sure if I'm gonna take this case
Kirsten: there IS no case! (folds her arms)
Sandy: we're talking about destroying one of the most biologically productive ecosystems in the world, its like selling off the rainforest to profit a few wealthy individuals and asking generations and generations of others to pay for it
Kirsten: we have proposed to protect three hundred and fifty acres of wildlife refuge and a natural park
Sandy: you'll still add thirty percent more traffic and ten tonnes of air pollution daily, not to mention what you'll do to the water supply
Kirsten: your gonna take this, I
Sandy: n, no
Kirsten: oh Sandy, it isn't even ethical
Sandy: I feel pretty comfortable comparing ethics with your father
Kirsten: Well as long as you're comfortable! I gotta go, I gotta keep this off my fathers radar he's gonna lose his mind
[SCENE_BREAK]
CUT TO: Harbor school - soccer field, Ryan is there to try out
Coach: alright move, don't wait for it (to Ryan) hey, you Atwood (Ryan nods) alright what position you comin out for?
Ryan: striker
Coach: striker, alright I tell you what, you see that kid out front that's Luke, he's our captain he's also our striker, well let's go, show me somethin
Coach: hey Ward, you got a little competition
CUT TO: Marissa finishing up her meeting
Marissa: ok thanks you guys, so tomorrow we'll figure out event parking, hey and make sure the bands booked, no last second suprises
(Luke is standing at the door as Marissa goes to walk out)
Luke: we need to talk Marissa
Marissa: believe me you do NOT wanna hear what I have to say
Luke: yes I do
Marisa: No, all you want is for me to tell you that everything's ok now, but I can't, its not
Luke: I know, I know and-and I'm so sorry
Marissa: I DONT CARE, (getting teary) I don't care how you feel, or what your going through because you sure as hell didn't care about me!
Luke: that's not true
Marissa: I slept with you! and then you went and slept with one of my best friends! I waited for you and you lied to me! you humiliated me (goes and sits down)
Luke: Marissa I (sighs) it's just
(a shot of Ryan walking into the corridor and seeing Luke with Marissa through the window)
Luke: I'm so sorry, do you have any idea how hard it is to come to school every day and not be able to talk to you
Marissa: you think it's easy for me?
Luke: lets just, start over...please...I don't know what I'd do without you...and just because I ruined everything it doesn't mean that I didn't love you because I did... I-I do
(Ryan sees Luke take her hand)
Marissa: ...you know what the worst part is...if I hadn't caught you...I'd still love you to...I gotta go
(Marissa leaves, and sees the main door moving)
CUT TO: Cohen house morning, Sandy is out the front & Kirsten walks out to talk to him
Sandy: oh I know that look
Kirsten: I was trying to keep this from my dad, I was trying to protect us and now it's on the front page! (hands Sandy a newspaper, the heading reads: Wetlands lawsuit turns personal) I thought we could at least settle this privately, you and me
Sandy: this was not spose to go to the press
Kirsten: it's your firm, and now the entire community knows we're fighting (walks away)
Sandy: well I guess they got the story straight!
(Kirsten slams the door)
CUT TO: The pool house - Ryan just got out of the shower; he comes out & sees Seth
Ryan: what're you doing?
Seth: Morning ritual Ryan, coffee-bagel-arts and leisure
Ryan: you have a morning ritual (shakes his head)
Seth: something I've been crafting for a while...so what's up dude? how's life, I feel like we never get a chance to talk anymore. who are you?
Ryan: we had dinner twelve hours ago
Seth: fine, you keep it all bottled up
(Ryan looks as if he's going to say something, but doesn't)
Seth: what was that?
Ryan: nothing
Seth: No, that wasn't nothing see I saw something I saw thoughts forming I saw words percolating
Ryan: its jus...never mind
Seth: come on! what was that dude
Ryan: (giving in) uh last night I saw...Marissa with Luke
Seth: makin out?
Ryan: mm making up...Luke was crying
Seth: Luke was CRYING...so Luke was crying that doesn't sound like anything
Ryan: it didn't sound like nothing, it looked like they were getting back together
Seth: w, so ask her about it, I'm sure that if nothings going on she'll tell you
CUT TO: Harbor school - Marissa & Summer are walking inside
Summer: do NOT tell him
Marissa: uhh, I don't know shouldn't I just be honest
Summer: never, ok you guys haven't even like gone out on a date yet, your only gonna freak him out, trust me Coop what he doesn't know wont hurt you
Ryan is walking towards Marissa at her locker
Ryan: hi
Marissa: Hi (big smile) what happened to you last night I waited and I tried calling
Ryan: yeah, sorry I got a little slammed last night I'm pretty behind
Marissa: after two days
Ryan: (nods) what'd you do?
Marissa: umm, nothing, my meeting went long
Ryan: ahh how'd it go?
Marissa: good I think it's gonna be good
Ryan: well what did you do after?
Marissa: after I couldn't find you I uh went home
Ryan: oh yeah, sorry
Marissa: yeah but you've got soccer practice later right, so maybe ill stop by
Ryan: (staring at her) I gotta get to class, ill see ya (they both walk off looking worried
CUT TO: a class room - Seth & Summer are there
Summer: (touches a dead frog) oh (sees that Seth is watching her) I mean eeewww
Seth: that's my girl!
Summer: Cohen, your a good dissector right
Seth: hands of a surgeon
Summer: well it's decided then, you'll be my lab partner. you can write up all those boring lab reports right
Anna: actually Seth already has a partner, he's promised himself to me, right
Seth: yyyyes I am betrothed
Anna: good
Seth: what're you doing, she wanted to be my lab partner,wh, your suppose to help me get her
Anna: watch and learn Cohen
(Summer goes and sits with a geek)
Anna: follow my lead. Scalpel
Seth: where should we begin?
Anna: the heart!
(Summer is watching them both, clearly jealous)
CUT TO: Sandy's firm - Rachel is there
Rachel: Well Sanford you are all anybody is talkin about around here
Sandy: tell me now, did you bring me into this firm because of this case
Rachel: we didn't have this case when we hired you, but don't worry about it, you've already convinced everyone that you're really torn. now could we get on with it, you know this could go to the state supreme court
Sandy: yeah, and I know I can win, it's a question of what I'm gonna lose
Rachel: oh well...if your marriage can't survive this what kinda marriage is it?
CUT TO: Harbor school - soccer field, Ryan shoots for a goal, Luke is at the bench and Marissa walks up
Marissa: hey
Luke: s-sorry about yesterday, that was kind of intense...I think the last time I cried was...when Mcauly Culkin died at the end of my girl
Marissa: (laughs) yeah the bee stings, you were a mess
(Ryan sees them laughing together and doesn't look happy)
Coach: hey Ward, get over here
Luke: well I'll uh (?) Sorry coach I had to tape up my ankle
Coach: alright are we finally all together
(Marissa waves to Ryan, he doesn't wave back)
Coach: alright I wanna see some hustle now, let's go!
(Whistle blows, Luke takes the ball and Ryan goes after it, he bashes into Luke and trips him up)
Coach: hey, illegal (grabs Ryan by the arm) Hey, get in my office, RIGHT NOW
(Coach is taking care of Luke & Marissa looks on, confused)
CUT TO: Cohen house at night, they are eating dinner and everyone except Seth is in a bad mood
Seth: (to Ryan) Hey, how was soccer? (Ryan doesn't answer) So pops how's the new job (Sandy doesn't answer) Oh hey mom um are we (Kirsten glares at him) I'm just going to be quietly eating now
CUT TO: the pool house, Ryan is on his bed reading and Marissa comes in
Marissa: Hey, what was that about?
Ryan: what
Marissa: well you attacked him
Ryan: he beat me to the ball, it was a clean tackle
Marissa: why are you lying to me?
Ryan: why are you lying to me?
Marissa: what're you talking about?
Ryan: you and Luke, I saw you yesterday I heard everything
Marissa: I didn't know what to say
Ryan: how bout the truth, why didn't you just tell me
Marissa: why didn't you just tell me! instead of just going off and hurting him, you're as bad as he is!
Ryan: you know what; I don't need to be lied to by one more person
Marissa: I didn't lie to you...what happened was between me and Luke it has nothing to do with you
Ryan: you're right it has nothing to do with me
(the both look hurt)
Ryan: this just isn't gonna happen
Marissa: no, its not (she leaves)
CUT TO: The pool house the next morning - Ryan walks out of the bathroom and Sandy is waiting for him
Sandy: your coach called...he wants to suspend you for 2 games
Ryan: great
Sandy: he thinks you've got talent, he also thinks your attitude sucks
Ryan: It does
Sandy: SIT down and listen to me (Ryan doesn't move) You can stand if you want but you know how lawyers love to talk (Ryan sits on the bed) The last thing you need is for this blow out on the soccer field to turn into a suspension from school. This school could do great things for you
Ryan: for Seth maybe, not for me
Sandy: you're angry, I know that, I don't blame ya, every day at that school your gonna run into spoilt little rich kids who's ass you are gonna wanna kick, well you've just gotta find a way to work it out right now because forget about suspension...we're always one mistake away from...from someone taking you from us
(Ryan looks at him)You know Seth was never really uh big on organised sports, id love to see you play, go to some of your games
(Ryan half smiles, Sandy leaves)
CUT TO: Harbor school - Seth & Ryan are walking outside
Seth: huh, and women usually find stuck brutality so romantic
Ryan: I messed up
Seth: ah yeah, well its my experience in life Ryan that you should always apologise alright, even if you haven't done anything wrong, your shoes would get peed in so much less...it was a metaphor
Ryan: apologise, right, and to Luke
Seth: that cry baby no man, he gets to drowned in his own tears
Marissa and Summer are walking down stairs
Summer: They're all the same, it's to bad cause I could tell you really liked him
(Ryan walks up to them, as they get to the bottom of the stairs)
Ryan: Hey, uh do you mind, could we?
Summer: oh, we have to get to class...come on Coop
(Summer pulls Marissa away, Marissa turns back to look at Ryan)
(beautiful scenes of the beach at sunset/coast at sunset)
CUT TO: Cohen house, backyard at night - Kirsten is in the spa, Sandy comes out with flowers
Sandy: I do love Mr. Solomon Bourke
Kirsten: (softly) hey
Sandy: hey...I was, I was gonna bring you a bouquet of swamp roses but you know apparently there, there endangered...I'm gonna take it, I gotta, I'm sorry, it's who you married
Kirsten: I know
Sandy: y, you know I've been pissing you off for years, why stop now
Kirsten: (smiles) my father, my husband, its gonna be a long year
Sandy: could be a couple of years
Kirsten: (softly) yeah, well, I couldn't be married to a man who wasn't a man
Sandy: (softly) I'm all man
(they both smile/laugh)
Kirsten: we'll get through this, there's a reason why we're together
Sandy: I have that suspicion
Kirsten: ok
Sandy: ok?
Kirsten: ok
Sandy: ok
Kirsten: ok (kisses him) the kids are at that carnival
Sandy: I heard that rumour
Kirsten: mm hmm
Sandy: are you getting out
Kirsten: are you gettin in (she pulls him closer to her by his tie, phone rings) Oh my god
Sandy: why do you keep this thing on?
Kirsten: emergencies, oh that's my dad, and it's an emergency
(Sandy's phone rings)
Kirsten: hey, dad
Sandy: Rachel, hi
CUT TO: The carnival - Seth & Anna are playing ski ball
Seth: if only ski ball were a school sport, you know what I mean
Anna: a boy can dream
Seth: alright let's see you take a shot
Anna: no, ill pass
Seth: take one shot, take a shot, its very easy, ok concentrate, alright lean to the left a little bit (to Ryan) hey
Anna: (to Ryan) any luck finding Marissa
Ryan: nah, no sign of her, you guys
Seth: nothing, we have to let Anna concentrate now because she dares step up to the master, ssshhh
(Anna throws, she's get 100,000 and screams/cheers in excitement)
Seth: ok, clearly uh you're a lesbian, wow I'm gonna go trade in my tickets for some cash prizes (to Anna) oh hey do you think I should get Summer something, what do you think she would like (Anna gives him a look) ok I can figure it out
Anna: (to Ryan) Seth doesn't understand the whole hard to get strategy
Ryan: that's because he's not
Anna: oh
Ryan: why are you helping him with Summer?
Anna: why not (Ryan raises his eyebrows) Seth doesn't see me that way, when he looks at Summer he sees lips, and hair and boobs, when he looks at me he sees...a lab partner, we're friends
Ryan: an your gonna let that slide (Anna shrugs) Anna, guys wannna be chased by girls who aren't interested in them
(they see Summer & Marissa in the distance)
Anna: so do girls
Ryan: she's heading for the ferris wheel, gotta go
Anna: good luck!
Ryan heads over to the ferris wheel and runs into Luke
Ryan: I'm sorry about yesterday
(Luke looks over at Marissa in the queue, and then back at Ryan, Ryan runs to catch Marissa just as Marissa and Summer get on. Ryan grabs Summers arm)
Ryan: do you mind
Summer: not getting involved
(Summer walks away, letting Ryan take her place. Ryan sits next to Marissa and pulls the lap bar down)
Marissa: what're you doing?
(Ryan looks freaked out, remember he doesn't 'do' heights)
Ryan: I wanna talk (ride starts)
Marissa: I thought you were afraid of heights
Ryan: uhh huh, but this is important to me (getting up top) oh boy, look um I said some things last night and I just want y
(they stop abruptly right at the top, Marissa is amused)
Ryan: whoa, uh-wh-what's going on
Marissa: uh, we're stopped
Ryan: yeah wh-wh-wh-why why are we stopped
(Marissa looks down to see why, Anna hands money to the operator)
Anna: keep them up there a few minutes, let them work it out
Seth: you are the master
Anna: Cohen, there's something I wanna tell you
Seth: alright, more advice I'm ready, bring it
(Anna grabs Seth & kisses him, Seth looks up after the kiss and sees Summer watching, Anna sees who Seth is looking at)
Seth: is this... all part of the plan (Anna looks disappointed) cause it looks like its working
Anna: yeah, was all part of the plan...so you gonna go
Seth: yeah, thankyou (walks away but stops) oh hey, (shrugs) I got this for you (hands Anna a sock monkey) it's all I could get with my tickets
Anna: thanks
Seth goes over to Summer
Seth: (clears throat) hey Summer, what's goin on
Summer: Coop's stuck on the ferris wheel and I was looking for someone to go on the tilta-whirl with me
(Seth takes some of her cotton candy)
Seth: well I'll go on it with you
Summer: ok, I may vomit
Seth: I like those odds
CUT TO: Ferris wheel, Ryan & Marissa are still stuck at the top. Ryan doesn't look great
Marissa: are you ok
Ryan: yeah
(Marissa sits forward and rocks the seat)
Ryan: had to get the cheap ferris wheel didn't you, oh what kinda carnival is this Cooper (Marissa looks at him) UUhh ok (closes his eyes and turns to her) Look, I don't talk, alot about stuff and I really don't trust people... but I trust you (Marissa smiles) and I wanna make it, (swallows) this work, no matter what...and if we ever get down from here maybe we could talk about it
Marissa: (having fun with his vulnerability) oh, well who knows when that'll be
Ryan: oh please don't say that (Marissa smiles)
Marissa: Look, maybe you just need something to take your mind off of it
Ryan: Oh we're fifty feet in the air how do you expect me to possibly
(Marissa leans over and kisses him! Ryan opens his eyes, then closes them again - Awwww - after a while they begin to move down and neither notice, they stop at the bottom and Ryan says to the operator one more time, Marissa laughs and they start kissing again. camera pulls out to a wide shot of the ferris wheel still going round, and lit up beautifully)


[September 2007 - The appartment]
Lily and Marshall (laughing): Oh my god!
Ted (gets out of his bedroom): I have a tattoo!
Barney: oh, that's not a tattoo. That, dear boy, is a tramp stamp!
Ted: a tramp stamp?!
[Title: present day -in a tatto remote clinic]
Narrator: kids, too often in life, we make decisions that we're not prepared to live with. (a man with a tattoo "rex&evelyn forever" cries) This is a story about those decisions, and the consequences that follow. (Ted is in the clinic, hidden derriere a newspaper)
[the appartment - Ted/Marshall/Barney]
Ted: Say goodbye, kids, 'cause it won't be around much longer. (He shows his tattoo)
Lily: oh, but Ted, if you get rid of the butterfly, how's everyone gonna know you're a stripper fron reno with daddy issues?
Ted: yes, yes, enjoy these final moments of mockery because in just ten surprisingly expensive sessions, Stella is gonna zap that butterfly right off the face of my lower back.
Lily: Stella?
Ted: Dr Stella Zinman. She's the best in the business. And she's rather cute in fact. In fact... we're going to a movie together tonight.
Barney: what?
Ted: I asked her out.
All: Ted, why would you do that?
Barney: what's matter with you?
Ted: What? What do you mean?
Barney: Dude... don't poop where you eat.
Ted: oh, no, this doesn't count.
Marshall: If it's someone you see on a regular basis, and you can't avoid them...
Lily: and in this case, you're paying them... then yes, it counts.
Barney: You've heard of the golden rule, right? "love their neighbor?"
Ted: uh, actually, it's "do unto others as you would have them do unto you." It's from the bible.
Barney: Damn it Ted, i've worked out this whole thing where the golden rule is "love thy neighbor", ok?... Now the golden rule is "love thy neigbor". But, there's one rule above it: the platinum rule: "never ever, ever, ever, love thy neighbor."
Ted: Well, that's cute. But she's not my neighbor, she's my doctor. So if you'll excuse me...
Robin: Wait, Ted, Barney has a point. Remember what happened with me and curt down at the station?
Marshall: Oh, yeah, and remember what happened with us and the gerards across the hall?
Barney: Need i remind you about me and Wendy the waitress?
Ted (combs his hair): yeah, i don't have time for this. I'm out the door as soon as i'm finished with my hair.
Barney: good, then we've got a solid half hour. And in that time, we will convince you not to set foot out that door. It's a story older than time, my friend, and it always plays out in the same eight steps. Step 1: Attraction.
[TITLE: ATTRACTION - November 2005- The bar- Barney/Robin/Lily/Marshall/Ted/Wendy the waitress]
Barney: It's true.
Marshall: That's not even possible.
Barney: 12 of them.
Marshall: There's no way.
Wendy: Here's your gin and tonic.
Barney: Thanks.
wendy: O gosh! Look at that. (She leaves scrubing a stain in her shirt, Barney starves at her with interest)
[December 2006 -The hall- Lily/Marshall - They gets out of their apartment]
A man: Oh, hey! You must be our new neighbors. I'm Michael.
A women: and i'm laura.
Marshall: Oh, hi, welcome to the building. Yeah.
Laura: Do you guys know any good brunch places around here?
Lily: We love brunch!
[October 2007 - set of Metro news 1 -Robin/a host]
The host: You must be Robin.
Robin: yeah!
The host: Curt "the iron man" irons. I'm gonna be doing sports.
Robin: Oh, welcome. You look really familiar. Are you a former athlete?
Curt: Hockey.
Barney (off voice): The attraction is instant and undeniable.
[Present- The apartment]
Barney: But you know better. You've seen your friends make the same mistakes before. You've laughed smugly at them.(laughs) Idiots! But still, you think, "this is different. The platinum rule doesn't apply to me." And that step 2! Bargaining.
[TITLE: BARGAINING- 2007- The bar- All]
Robin: I think i've got a little crush on our sports guy.
All: NO! no, no, don't do it!
Robin: I know, i know but he used to play hockey, and i'm canadian. I can't help it. If he were missing some teeth, i probably would have already hit that.
Lily: Robin, it's a mistake. Remember what happened with me and Marshall? The Gerards across the hall?
[2006- The bar- All]
Lily: Michael and LAura. They're awesome. We're gonna invite them over for dinner.
The others: Oh no, no guys guys! Are you insane?
Ted: This is NYC.You don't get close to the neighbors. You nod at them politely in the hall. You call the cops if you haven't seen them in a while and you smell something funny, and that is it.
Lily: we're not gonna date them. We're just gonna be friends with them.
Barney: That's the couples version of dating.
Robin: And you've got the couples version of the hots for them. Oh, yeah, you want to browse at pottery barn with them. You want to go antiquing with them, don't you? Oh, yeah, you want to antique the crap out of them.
Barney: Need i remind you what happened with me and Wendy the waitress?
[2005- The bar- All]
Barney: I've decided to seduce Wendy the waitress.
The others: No! Don't do it!
Barney: Request denied! What rule is there that say's i can't seduce the waitress at my favorite bar?
Lily: I don't know. I'd expect you to have one already.
Robin: Yeah, with some sort of catchy name.
Barney: Well, i don't. I don't have one and i never will be because it's a great idea. Come on, guys! She's gullible. I'm bored. We're perfect for each other.
Ted: Barney, we love this bar. If you screxw over Wendy the waitress, you're going to kill the bar.
Robin: Bar killer.
Marshall: Don't kill the bar, dude.
Barney: yeah, well... I think it'll be okay.
[2006- The bar- All]
Barney (to Marshall and Lily): And it was a huge mistake.
Marshall: yeah, well, i think it'll be okay.
[2007- The bar]
Lily (to Robin): And it was a huge mistake.
Robin: yeah, well... I think it'll be okay.
[Present day- The apartment]
Robin: And it was a huge mistake.
Ted: yeah, well... I think it'll be okay.
[How i met your mother - Credits]
Barney: Ted, trust me. You don't want to do this.
Ted: Look, Stella and i are adults; we're both smart, mature people capable of making good decisions.
Robin: You have a butterfly tramp stamp.
Ted: We're just seeing a movie. If it seems at all weird, i'll back off.
Barney: That's what everyone thinks and then along comes step 3: Submission.
[TITLE: SUBMISSION- Closing of the bar- Barney/Wendy the waitress]
Barney: Good night!
Wendy: Hey Barney! Carl had to take off. You mind giving me a hand?
Barney: Not at all.
[Set of metro news 1- Robin/Curt]
Curt: Robin! I got 2 tickets to the rangers. Center ice. Want to go?
[The hall of the appartment- Marshall/Lily/Laura&Michael]
Laura: and then we discover the movers lost all our kitchen boxes. We don't have a single pot or pan.
Michael: Guess we're ordering take-out.
Lily: Want to have dinner with us tonight?
[Barney kisses Wendy/ Robin and Curt are in the hockey match/ Lily&Marshall cook with Laura&Michael/ Barney and wendy have s*x on the bar/ The 2 couples play mime/ Robin kisses Curt]
[Barney and Wendy, just after they had s*x]
Wendy: That was an intersting use of the beverage gun.
Barney: Club soda can get anything off.
Wendy: It finally happened, all this time, every drink i brought you... I always felt there was this unspoken connection between us. And i was right!
Barney: hey, can i get a gin and tonic?
[Present day- the apartment]
Ted: See, i bet you didn't pay for that gin and tonic.
Barney: oh, i paid for it.
Ted: But you got to admit, there is an upside to breaking the platinum rule. Like maybe as her boyfrien, i could get a discount on treatments.
Barney: Oh, Ted, of course there's an upside. At first, that's step 4: Perks.
[TITLE: PERKS- 2007 The bar]
Robin: we can split a cab to work together. We always have a standing lunch date. And last night, at the hockey game, Curt got us into the locker room, and i met Mason Raymond. Left wing for the Vancouver canucks.
Barney: What the opposite of name-dropping?
Robin: Damn it you guys, be psyched. Yes, we see each other every day, but i think it's going really well.
Lily: That's what we thought.
[2006 - The bar]
Lily: And it's so conveniant. They're right across the hall. Say it's sunday and we want to have a brunch double date with someone.
Marshall: We just go across the hall.
Lily: And say we want to have a dinner party exploring the wine and cuisine of France's Loire Valley.
Marshall: We just go across the hall.
Lily: Say we want to play a game of charades...
(Marshall mimes something)
Barney (guessing): you just go across the hall? (Marshall agreed)
Lily: Come on people, get excited for us! We've got a great thing going here.
Barney: That's what i thought.
[2005 - The bar]
Marshall: Dude, you got to flick it.
Barney: you don't have... (Wendy the waitress comes and serves food to Barney)
Wendy: Hi, sweetie. I had the kitchen whip these up, no charge. (They kiss) Okay. Bye. I mean, not bye. I'm not leaving. I'll be over there. okay. (She leaves)
Barney: Come on, guys, free nachos. What?
Ted: We like this bar.
Marshall: Don't kill the bar, dude.
Ted: Barney, we love this bar.
Marshall: Don't kill the bar, dude.
Ted: This bar is like home to us.
Marshall(at the same time): Don't kill the bar.
Lily: You're killing the bar.
Barney: I'm not killing the bar. Wendy the waitress has seen how i operate in this place. It is perfectly clear to everyone involved that this is nothing more than a temporary fling. (Wendy starves him, lovely) It's fiiine.
[2006 - The bar]
Barney (to Lily and Marshall): But it wasn't.
Marshall: It's fine.
[2007 -The bar]
Lily (to Robin): But it wasn't.
Robin: It's fine.
[Present day -the appartment]
Robin: But it wasn't.
Barney: Which brings us to step 5: THE TIPPING POINT.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[TITLE: THE TIPPING POINT- set of metro news 1- Curt/Robin]
Curt:...but he should be back on the mound by spring training and that's sport. Back to you, Robin.
Robin: Thanks iron man we'll be right back.
Productor: and clear.
Robin: So you want to do something later?
Curt: Oh, so you're talking to me now?
Robin: What are you talking about?
Curt: I'm talking about last night. You said you'd call and you didn't. I missed you and i waited up, but you didn't call. That really hurts.
Robin: oh, um, i'm sorry, i-i guess i just forgot.
Curt: I'm sorry Sweetie. I don't want to fight tonight. It's our first weekiversary. (he hugs her)
[2005- The bar- Barney/Ted/Marshall]
Marshall: on my suggestion, you... (Barney looks at a girl)
Barney: hey, Wendy, uh, do me a favor and send a glass of champagne to that pretty young girl over there.
Wendy: What? (Ted and Marshall starve Barney, anxious)
Barney: over there... YOU... you're the pretty young thing...is what i meant. Champagne? Would you? on me.
Wendy: Oh, okay, thanks sweetie. (She kisses him)
Barney: okay. All right.
[2006- The apartment- Lily/Marshall- They want to go out, lily opens the door]
Michael: hey, neighbors.
Laura: We bought all the fixings for a mexican fiesta.
Lily: um, well, we actually have tickets...
Michael: and no fiesta would be complete without
Marshall: Dude, actually, we made other plans, so... okay (Michael mimes) one word. 2 syllables. Sounds like... parades: charades.
Michael: charades!
Laura: What do you say?
[3 plans on the same time: Curts hugs Robin on the set/ Lily&Marshall sit down the couch, looking the couple mime/ Barney and Wendy at the bar]
All: Oh no!
[Present day- The apartment]
Barney: which brings to step 6.
Ted: Yeah, listen i'm leaving so if you want to write the rest of these down, i will read it tomorrow.
(Ted wants to go out, Barney stops him)
Barney: Don't do this Ted.
Ted: You want to get out of the way?
Ted: Don't do this Ted. Don't (He brushes his hair in a mess)
Ted: Dude! ya! It was perfect! You're such a jerk!
Barney: Which brings us to step 6. You finally realize you've made a huge mistake and now you have to live with it. Step 6 is called purg... wait for it. Keep waiting. Keep waiting for the eternity only to dicover there's no escap-atory.
[TITLE: PURGATORY - 2007 - The bar- All]
Robin: God, i'm such an idiot.
Marshall: yeah.
Robin: Curt "the iron man" irons keeps leaving me love notes on post-its. On the teleprompter, on my desk, on the coffee-maker, on the jar of sugar packets next to the coffee-maker.
Lily (reads a post-it): "here's some sugar for my sugar."
Robin: The iron man. oh!
Marshall: I remember that.
[2006- The bar- All]
Marshall: Ro! we are such idiots!
Barney: Yeah!
Lily: Every time we step out the door, they're out there waiting for us. Sometimes, we'll send Ted out first as a scout. Nobody's there. Then we'll go out one second later, and there they are.
Marshall: It's freakin' supernatural. Are they ghosts? Can only we see them?
Lily: "Hey neighbor!" "Hey, neighbor""Hey neighbor."
Barney: I remember that.
[2005 -The bar- All]
Barney: How could you guys let me date Wendy the waitress?
All: oh you are kidding me?! What?!
Marshall: Don't kill the bar dude!
Lily (same time): We said "don't do it!"
Barney: tss (He looks at a girl but Wendy is right behind, she smiles, he looks desperate)
My own bar. I can't hit on women in my own bar. Remember the old Barney? He was a lion, the king of the jungle, stalking whatever prey he chose, going in for the kill.
Ted: You've got a whole meat locker at home full of corpses, don't you?
Barney: Now look at me. Declawed. Neutered. What was once my jungle is now my zoo and i am forced to mate with the same old lioness again, and again, and again while families pay to watch.
Ted: yeah, this metaphor's really falling apart.
Barney: Put a bell around my neck and scratch my belly kids, for i am just a docile housecat now. Miaou!
Lily: Well, we love this bar. You can't dump her. Marry her if you have to.
Robin: Wendy the waitress hyphen Stinson.
Marshall: don't kill the bar dude.
[Present day- The apartment]
Barney: And so, inevitably, you have to do the thing you've been dreading all along. Now, a relationship-ectomy is a delicate surgery as it is, but in the case of the platinum rule, it takes a very, very steady hand, and that's step 7: CONFRONTATION.
[TITLE: CONFRONTATION- set of metro news 1]
Robin: Curt, we need to talk. I like you...
[The hall- Lily/Marshall/the couple]
Marshall: guys, we like you a lot...
[The bar -Barney/Wendy]
Barney: I don't like you.
Robin: We're pretending this works, but it doesn't. And i'm getting a little sick of the whole charade.
Lily: We're getting a little sick of charades.
Barney: I mean, i don't like you that way. I used to like you that way but now that i've seen everything there is to see, i don't know, i kind of want to see those same parts just on other girls.
Robin: So maybe we could go back to just being coworkers.
Marshall: Maybe we should just go back to being neighbors.
Barney: other girls and you, if you're into that but the other girls have to be there, too. That's the important part.
Wendy: Gosh, you're just terrified of ever getting close to anyone, aren't you?
Barney: or that. Let's say it's that. So can i get a gin and tonic?
[Present day]
Barney: And in any other relationship, that would be it. End of story. But because you have to see this person again, there's a step 8: FALLOUT.
[TITLE: FALLOUT- set of metro news one]
Robin: And now, here's Curt "the iron man" irons with sports. Curt? (he's demoralized) Curt?
Curt: Well, the Knicks lost. It's sad, really. They had a real shot. Then, out of nowhere, game over. And why? Why Robin?
Robin: Uh, well, their perimeter shooting has been a little bit off this season...
Curt: The knicks lost because they were afraid of getting hurt. So they didn't even try. Well, you know what i think? I think the knicks didn't deserve my love to begin with. Kincks suck! (He gets out, on tears)
Robin: And that's sports.
[camera looks inside the boudha of the apartment]
Lily: Do you see anything?
Marshall: I think we're clear.
Lily: ok go go go. (They go out but the door of the Gerards opens, they gets in quickly)
Marshall: That was close.
Lily: Too close. (Someone knocks on the door) You've got to be kidding me. What do we do?
Marshall: I have no idea. (it knocks again)
Ted: guys, are you here? I forgot my keys. Can you open up?
Lily: It's just Ted!
Marshall: Wait! (He looks at the judha: Ted is alone)
Ted: Hello? Guys? (Marshall looks again and see the Gerards go out their apartment)
Marshall: Baby, we only have one choice.
Lily: Okay, hurry! (They come down to the rescue ladder) Michael and Laura are probably...
Laura: Hey, neighbors.
[The bar]
Wendy: Barney, i just want you to know, i have no hard feelings. It wasn't the best idea for us to get involved. I hope we can still be friends.
Barney: Thanks Wendy. Of course we can.
Wendy: If you need anything else, let me know.
Ted: waouh. I've got to hand it to Wendy the waitress that was very mature of her.
Barney: She's gonna try to kill me. This is poisoned.
Ted: What? You're being ridiculous.
Barney: Yours is poisoned too. She's trying to kill me and everyone close to me.
Ted: What are you talking about?
Barney: Ted! Look at the facts. I dump her and she says "no hard feelings". She's a psycho! What other explanation is there?
Ted: Uh, that you're letting yourself believe she's crazy so you don't have to face the far more likely possibility that she doesn't want to date you either?
Barney: Where did Marshall get that hamburger?
Ted: I don't know, i guess Wendy the Waitress brought it to him.
Barney (in slow motion, comes towards Marshall): Noooooooo! (He throws his hamburger away)
Marshall: Dude.
Barney: You're welcome.
[Present day]
Robin: Wait a second. You've been sitting here, pretending to be the expert on all this, but the truth is, this was no real fallout from your breakup at all?
Barney: Yet.
Robin: You're an idiot.
Ted: All right, i'm taking off.
Barney: What?
Ted: I have a date. (Barney brushes Ted's hair in a mess)
Ted: You're such a jerk!
Barney: Ted, have you not been listening? Attraction, bargaining, submission, perks, tipping point, purgatory, confrontation, fallout! These things will all happen to you as surely as they happened to all of us! It's a rule of nature.
Ted: Well, i'm sick of all the rules! There's too many of them! The hot/crazy scale, the lemon law, the platinum rule! If everyone in the world followed every one of your rules, the human race would cease to exist. Yes chances are to Stella and I are not going to live happily ever after the overwhelming odds have it ending badly. And when that happens, it'll be for one of a million possible reasons. But that doesn't mean i'm not gonna try. And when it does fail, so help me god, it's not gonna be because of some rule. (He watches himself in th mirror) PS: you just made my hair look awesome. Good night. (He leaves)
Narrator: So Stella and i went on our date. But here's the funny thing: turns out, it wasn't actually a date.
[TITLE: 3 hours later- The apartment- All]
Marshall: So what do you mean "it wasn't a date"?
Ted: She thought we were seeing a movie just as friends.
Marshall: Why would she think that?
Robin: Did she see your tattoo and assume you were gay?
Ted: Apparently, there's a rule that says i can't date Stella.
Barney: Exactly, the platinum rule. Stella reads my blog.
Ted: No, this rule comes from the american medical association. Doctors aren't legally allowed to date their patients.
Lily: Oh, sorry Ted.
Ted: It's okay. What are you guys watching?
Narrator: So that was the end of the story between me and Stella, at least for the time being. But i don't know, looking back on the platinum rule, i think there's a ninth step. We'll call it coexistence. It's the moment you realize that all that anger and resentment just isn't useful.
[Set metro news one]
Robin: Thanks for watching.
Curt: Good night.
Narrator: and you start to let go of it.
[The hall]
Marshall&Lily (to Michael&Laura): Hey guys!
Lily: So what do you guys have going on tonight?
Laura: We're going to have a few friends over.
Michael: gonna play some charades.
Marshall: Have fun.
Narrator: And move on with your life.
[The bar- All]
Narrator: It just takes a while.
(Wendy comes to the table and offers a drink to Barney): On the house.
Barney: Thanks. (She leaves and he throws the drink) Crazy!
END.