Act 1
Scene 1 - Café Nervosa Fade in. Frasier is just getting to a table. Niles comes in.
Niles: Just the man I wanted to see. Coffee, please.
Frasier: Niles, Niles...
Niles: You would not believe the morning I...
Frasier: Niles, would you be terrible offended if I asked you just not to not talk about it and sit quietly?
Niles: Can I at least tell you...?
Frasier: Shhh, shhh, please, I do not have time for your folderol today. I am meeting Charlotte for lunch and I'm planning my strategy on how to win her over.
Niles: I thought you said she has a boyfriend, this environmentalist fellow.
Frasier: Yes, Frank.
The waiter brings Niles' coffee.
Niles: Thank you. So, what's your plan to get around him?
Frasier: I'm merely going to present myself as the anti-Frank.
Niles: Ah. So you're going to be not rugged and not handsome? Interesting.
Frasier: No.
Niles: You're also going to be not passionate and not committed.
Frasier: Very funny.
Niles: Maybe she'd like you if you were not interesting and not informed.
Frasier: Niles!
Niles: Well you said my day was folderol!
Frasier: Sometimes it is!
CUT TO: Roz and a man talking at the window table.
Roz: I don't believe you.
Steve: It's true. My roommate and I used to listen to your show Every day just for you. We fell in love with your voice.
Roz: Really? [in a dusky tone] It's just a voice.
Steve: Well, all the guys on my floor listen to you.
Roz: To our show?
Steve: Yeah.
Roz: Boy, things sure have changed since I was in college.
Steve: Well, it wasn't exactly college, more like prison.
Roz: So was mine. So where'd you go?
Steve: Prison.
Roz: Oh. So... you fell in love with my voice?
CUT TO: Niles and Frasier as Charlotte walks in.
Charlotte: Hi. The boys rise.
Frasier: Charlotte, hi. You remember my brother Niles.
Niles: Yes, Charlotte, how are you?
Charlotte: Oh, hello. Well, frustrated. Been selling this guy all over town, but no one's buying.
Niles: [sitting] Well, perhaps if you threw in a toaster.
Charlotte: I just have to call Frank before we head out.
Frasier: Oh, right. So everything's settled between the two of you?
Charlotte: Oh, yeah. He came over last night, I don't even remember what we were fighting about.
She walks back to the payphone as Frasier grumpily turns to Niles.
Frasier: You know what THAT means, don't you? [sitting] They had a long night of acrobatic make-up s*x.
Niles: I just thought of another way you could be the anti-Frank.
Frasier glares for a moment, then gets a gleam in his eye.
Frasier: Niles.
Niles: Mmm?
Frasier: Keep an eye out for her, will you?
Niles: What are you doing?
Frasier: Research.
Frasier opens Charlotte's purse and begins looking through it.
Niles: Frasier, Frasier? Foul play!
Frasier: Yes, all is fair in love and war. That's interesting. An anthology of Irish plays. Perfect!
Niles: What do you know about Irish plays?
Frasier: Nothing. But not for long. There's one area where no man
has ever bested me, Niles: homework!
Charlotte comes back and Frasier gets to his feet.
Frasier: Charlotte, listen, I was just beeped by a patient who's desperate to see me, so do you mind if we just switch lunch for dinner?
Charlotte: Actually, that's better for me. I have four new clients
coming in. Just think: the woman of your dreams may be sitting in my office this afternoon.
Frasier: Indeed she may.
Frasier smiles, then turns and hurries out.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Scene 2 - A Restaurant Fade in. Frasier hurries up to the Maitre D', Georges.
Georges: Ah, Monsieur, so nice to see you again. Your special table is ready for you.
Frasier: And the wine?
Georges: As you requested, monsieur.
Frasier: Right. And the roses?
Georges: I'm so sorry, monsieur, I felt that the scent would distract from the wine's distinctive bouquet.
Frasier: You forgot them, didn't you?
Georges: Yes, forgive me.
He hangs his head.
Frasier: For God's sake, Georges. All right, send a busboy out to pick some wild flowers, please.
Georges: Very good sir.
He heads off as Charlotte comes in the front.
Charlotte: Gee. You kinda sprinted ahead of me, there.
Frasier: So sorry. I just wanted to make sure that we could get a table. Here, come and sit.
Charlotte: This place is kinda fancy for a working dinner.
Frasier: Yes, well, after the rigors of your camping trip with Frank, I thought you deserved a little elegance.
Charlotte: Thank you. [She gets her notebook.] So, good news: I met this great woman today. How do you feel about dating someone a little taller than you?
Frasier pours the wine.
Frasier: How much taller?
Charlotte: I don't know exactly, but I did have to turn off the ceiling fan.
Frasier: Well, let's just put her in the maybe pile, shall we?
Frank comes in and over to the table.
Frank: Hi, sweetie.
Charlotte: Hi.
Frank: Sorry to interrupt. I know you're working.
Charlotte: Frank, you know Frasier.
Frank: Yes.
Frasier: Yes, yes, good to see you, Frank.
Frank: I just need the key to your apartment. I left my blue field notebook there and I want to double-check some whale songs I copied down.
Charlotte: Oh, sure.
Frank: We were in a boat all day, recording whale songs. I think we may have had a really big interpretive breakthrough.
Frasier: Oh, you should tell us about it sometime.
Frank: That's a great wine. Can I steal a glass?
Charlotte: Yeah, here. [to Frasier] You don't mind, do you?
Frank sits.
Frasier: No, no, not at all. Although as the Irish say: "A man takes a drink, the drink takes a drink, the drink takes the man."
Frank: That's very good. "As the old cock crows, the young cock learns."
Frasier: Yes, well, wasn't it O'Casey who once wrote: "The Irish treat a serious thing as a joke, and a joke as a serious thing."?
Charlotte: You'd really have to ask Frank about that. He's the one who loves Irish literature. He lent me an anthology, but I haven't made much of a dent in it. I'm sorry, honey, I'm trying.
Frank: I know you are, baby.
He kisses her cheek as Georges brings a vase of wild flowers to the table.
Georges: Your flowers as requested, monsieur. [noticing Frank] I'm sorry, I thought you were to be deux.
Frasier: Yes, well now we are trois. Thank you, Georges, could you bring us another glass, please.
Georges: [knowingly] Yes, I understand, monsieur. It is most sophisticated of you.
He walks off.
Charlotte: Frasier, you ordered these flowers?
Frasier: Well, the table just looked so bare.
Frank: These are great choices, man. These are Washington wild flowers, remember from our hike? Foxglove, fine toothed penstemon, harsh paintbrush. Ah, remember this one?
Charlotte: Oh, it's on the tip of my tongue...
Frank: Monkey-flower.
Charlotte: Monkey-flower!
Frasier: Yes, often confused with the chimp-pansy.
They all laugh.
Charlotte: Frank made the same joke this morning.
Frasier: Oh.
Frank: Great minds.
Frasier: Yes, yes.
George brings the menus, Frasier speaks to him in French.
Frasier: Just two menus, Georges. This fellow is only staying for a drink.
Frank: [in French] No, no. I'll take a menu. We're having fun. And to tell you the truth, I'm starving.
Frasier: Oh, terrific.
As Frasier glares at his menu in frustration, the word "Merde" appears in the subtitles.
[N.B. Georges is meant to be French, but if you listen carefully you hear a hint of a Cockney accent.]
[SCENE_BREAK]
Scene 3 - Frasier's Apartment Fade in. Niles and Daphne are on the couch. Martin opens the front door for Roz.
Martin: Hi, how ya doin'?
Roz: Hi. Hey, look at you, Mr. Handsome.
Martin: Thanks. I'm gonna go hear Ronee sing at the Rendezvous. And then afterwards I am going to give her her engagement ring.
He shows it off with a flourish and Daphne takes the box.
Daphne: Oh, Martin, it's beautiful.
Roz: She's gonna love this.
Martin: Thanks. I forgot I had it. I bought it years ago for Sherry, but then we broke up.
Daphne: You can't give Ronee a used ring!
Martin: Sherry never touched it.
Roz: Well, it doesn't matter. Ronee deserves something you picked out just for her.
Martin: Well, she'll think I picked this out just for her.
Daphne: But you didn't.
Martin: But she'll think I did.
Daphne: But you didn't. You'll have to sell that and buy Ronee a new one.
Martin: Oh, what's the difference? Niles, come on, back me up here.
Niles: You can't be serious!
Martin: Oh, geez.
He heads for his room.
Martin: Fine, back in the vault.
Daphne: Some vault. It's an old cigar box with a bunch of silver dollars and Eddie's baby teeth.
[N.B. See [5.11], "Ain't Nobody's Business If 'I Do.'"]
Frasier comes in from his room and grabs his jacket.
Frasier: Oh, hey, Roz. What are you doing here?
Roz: Oh, hi. I was just shopping around the corner, thought I'd stop by.
Frasier: Oh, gosh, well unfortunately I have a date.
Roz: That's okay, I have one myself. With Steve.
Frasier: Oh, yes, your convict friend. Do you think that's wise?
Roz: The man made one mistake. Besides, I don't know any guy who's not a little fascinated by fire.
Frasier: Yes, and a felon now knows where you live.
Roz: I'm not a total idiot.
Her cell phone rings and she answers it.
Roz: Hello? Oh, yeah, hi, Steve. I'm grabbin' my coat, I'll be right down.
She walks past an outraged Frasier to the door.
Frasier: You...?! She leaves.
Niles: So, you have a date tonight.
Frasier: Yes, yes, actually Charlotte and I have been out three times this week. We've been wine tasting, beach-combing, and we actually shared a blanket in a horse-drawn carriage.
Daphne: I take it Frank's off in the mountains again?
Frasier: Oh, no, he was there, too.
Martin comes back out.
Martin: Let's go. The others get up.
Niles: You mean, it's been the three of you all week?
Frasier: Well, it's not exactly how I wanted, but the more time I spend with them, the less time they spend alone together.
They follow Martin out the door.
Daphne: It doesn't bother Frank, you tagging along on their dates?
Frasier: Frank? No. In fact, he's quite taken with me. It doesn't even occur to him that I might be a rival. Galling, yes, but it does give me more time to work my magic on Charlotte.
CUT TO: the hallway as they wait for the elevator.
Frasier: In another week, you can kiss Frank goodbye.
The elevator opens to reveal Frank and Charlotte in a passionate embrace.
Niles: Maybe we'll wait until there's not a line. Frank and Charlotte come off the elevator.
Frank: Hi, guys.
Niles: Hello.
CUT TO: the living room as he passes Frasier in the doorway.
Frank: Gangsta!
Frasier: What it is.
Charlotte comes in as Frank plops down on the couch.
Frasier: So, uh, what's going on? I thought we were meeting downtown.
Charlotte: I know, I'm sorry, but can we stay in tonight? I've got to get up early and catch a flight to Chicago for some divorce stuff, and Frank's beat.
She sits next to him.
Frank: Yeah, I was at the beach all day cataloging the stomach contents of a dead elephant seal. It was like all you can eat down at the Lobster Pot. I'm sorry, the collapse of our coastal fisheries is no joke. I'm just punchy.
Charlotte: We brought some movies. We couldn't agree on which one to watch, so you break the tie.
She holds out the DVDs and Frasier sits on the coffee table to look at them.
Frasier: Hmm... "The Perfect Storm" or "When Harry Met Sally." I guess I'm going to have to go for "When Harry Met Sally."
Frank: YES! He'll have what I'm havin'!
Frasier just shrugs with his "I can't win" expression.
[SCENE_BREAK]
MENAGE A HUH?
Scene 4 - Frasier's Apartment Fade in. Charlotte is waiting in the hallway. When the elevator opens, Martin and Ronee get off. They notice that Charlotte's hair is unkempt.
Charlotte: Oh, hi. We keep passing each other.
Martin: Yeah. We got some dessert here, if you wanna stay.
Charlotte: Oh, no thanks. I've got to catch an early flight, but tell Frasier I'll call him?
Martin: Sure. Bye.
Charlotte: Bye-bye.
The elevator closes.
Ronee: Do I know her? He unlocks the door.
Martin: Yeah, she's the woman Frasier's been after. She has a boyfriend already, but maybe somethin' happened.
Ronee: I'll say. You don't get that hair-style sitting up.
CUT TO: the living room as they come in and Martin turns on the light. Frasier is asleep on the couch, Frank is asleep and curled against his shoulder.
Martin: Oh, geez! He heads off to his room.
Ronee: Well, so long as he's happy.
[SCENE_BREAK]
End of Act 1 Act 2
LORD OF THE RING
Scene 1 - Frasier's Apartment Fade in. The doorbell rings and Martin answers. It is Niles and Daphne.
Martin: Oh, hi guys.
Niles: Hey, Dad.
Frasier: Hey, Daphne, Niles. Listen, the opera tickets are right there by the phone. Wish I could use them myself.
Daphne sits down, Niles hangs up his coat.
Niles: You know, if you'd gotten a third, you could take that couple you're dating.
Frasier: Yes, that's very droll. Frank injured himself on our hike, so I've got Charlotte all to myself this evening. I'm not going to waste this opportunity. I'm going to make her a romantic dinner and then tell her how I feel about her.
Martin: Wow, really?
Niles: Are you sure she's ready for that?
Frasier: Well, I don't know, but I can't stand this ridiculous threesome anymore. You know, the worst part is how completely unthreatening Frank finds me. As if I'm some sort of a harem eunuch.
He grabs some bags and his keys and gets ready to leave.
Daphne: How'd he hurt himself, anyway?
Frasier: Well, he strained his back carrying me over a brook.
Niles: You wounded him and you're stealing his woman in the same day?
Frasier: Well, I didn't ask the man to carry me! He simply hoisted me over his shoulder before I could stop him. That's not something you get used to, no matter how many times it happens.
Martin: Don't you worry about it. You just do what you gotta do.
Frasier: Thanks, Dad. Wish me luck. I'm making her beef bourguignon from a new recipe.
All: Good luck.
Niles: Flour the beef.
Frasier takes spirit from this, then closes the door behind him.
Daphne: You're looking very sharp.
Martin: [getting up] Oh, I got the new ring.
Daphne gets up and Niles crowds in.
Daphne: Oh, let's have a look.
Martin: I sold the old one and got this new one this morning.
Daphne opens the box and Niles reels back a little.
Niles: Dad, it's huge.
Daphne: Oh, it's beautiful, Martin.
Martin: Yeah.
Ronee comes in the front.
Ronee: Hi.
Martin: Hey.
Ronee: What's goin' on?
Martin: Nothin'. Oh, you look lovely tonight. But you know, I think your hand is kinda underdressed.
He holds the ring out to Ronee who takes it excitedly.
Ronee: Oh, my God! Marty, it's gorgeous. I love it and I love you, in that order.
She hugs him.
Ronee: Oh, thank you. Listen, I've got to go wash my hands. I was eating Cheetos all the way over.
Martin: I love this lady.
Ronee hurries off, Daphne takes the ring again.
Daphne: Oh, let's have a look. Oh, it's brilliant. Oh, you had it inscribed!
Martin: I did?
Niles: "Lil' Cupid. Til Def Do Us Part." What is that?
Martin: Let me see that.
Daphne: Isn't "Lil' Cupid" that obese rapper? The one they arrested for drugs?
Niles: Where did you get this ring?
Martin: At an auction! [off their looks] A police auction.
Niles: You can't give that to her!
Martin: Well I can't take it back, she loves it.
Daphne: Well, what are you going to tell her?
Martin: Well, just relax, I'll handle it.
Ronee comes back in.
Martin: Well, there's my lil' cupid. All beautiful and clean. All you need is a bow and arrow, Lil' Cupid.
Ronee: Why are you calling me that?
Martin: I always call you that.
Ronee: No, no you don't.
Martin: Well, uh, maybe I mostly say it when you're not around.
He looks at Niles and puts the ring on her finger.
Niles: Oh, yes. It's always "Lil' Cupid said this." or "Lil' Cupid did that."
Daphne: It looks beautiful on you.
Ronee: Thank you.
Martin: Now, promise me you'll never take it off, Lil' Cupid.
Ronee: Okay, okay. I promise if you'll stop calling me that.
Martin: Deal.
They kiss.
Ronee: I'm gonna go look at this in the mirror. She goes to the powder room.
Daphne: How did you get it to fit her? Lil' Cupid's as big as a house.
Martin: Keep your voice down. It was a toe ring.
He smugly sits back in his chair with a beer.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Scene 2 - Charlotte's Apartment Fade in. Charlotte is sitting at her table, Frasier comes in with two plates.
Frasier: Here we are. Beef bourguignon with sautéed fiddlehead ferns and walnut chutney.
Charlotte: It's exactly what I need after the day I've had.
Frasier: Well, maybe I could give you a neck rub while it cools.
He starts giving her a massage.
Charlotte: Oh... oh, you're the best. You know, I am so sorry you've had to put up with all this business with me and Frank.
Frasier: What business?
Charlotte: Well, you know, all this tension between us.
Frasier: There's tension?
Charlotte: He's a great guy, we just seem to be... I don't know...
Frasier: Fighting? Growing apart? Not clicking?
There is a knock at the door.
Frank: Darling. Charlotte gets up quickly, snagging her hair.
Frasier: Oh, gosh, I'm sorry, it's my watch. It's caught.
Charlotte: Oh, got it?
She turns around in his arms, while he reaches up and tries to release her hair. Frank comes in while they're in this compromising position.
Frank: Shoulda known. The minute I'm laid up, you're over here making my lady dinner. You're true blue, buddy.
He walks over and kisses Charlotte on the cheek.
Frank: Hi, baby.
Charlotte: Hello, Frank.
He snatches a bite from Frasier's plate.
Frank: Mmm, walnut chutney, that's daring. Frasier finally gets untangled and helps Charlotte to her seat.
Frank: Were you giving her a back rub?
Frasier: Uh, was I? Yes, I suppose I was, yes.
Frank: Would you mind doing me? I took an aspirin after the hike, and my neck's still a little tight.
Frasier starts massaging Frank's shoulders.
Frank: So, tell me all about Chicago. How was it?
Charlotte: I'll tell you later.
Frank: Oh, that's nice.
Charlotte: Frasier, stop rubbing his neck. Sit down.
Frasier does.
Frank: Why can't he rub my neck?
Charlotte: Because when you came in, we were just sitting down to dinner. You could've called first.
Frank: Well, I didn't know I needed to get clearance. Geez, you're as touchy as a hermit thrush.
Charlotte: This is typical of you. You come in here, you expect me to change my plans because you're suddenly available. It's insensitive.
Frank: Oh, I'M insensitive. I've been tracking a pod of humpback whales for a week and they've been talking their asses off, but have you once asked me what Bonnie has to say? Or Robert? Or Grace?
Charlotte: They're WHALES!
Frank: They're my friends!
Charlotte: Stop yelling. You're upsetting Frasier.
Frank: I didn't do anything. I came in here, kissed you hello, and you jumped down my throat. What the hell is your problem?
Charlotte: You are! You are driving me crazy!
Frank: Do you believe her?
Charlotte: Don't you drag him into this! Oh, you know what, I can't deal with this tonight.
She gets up.
Frank: Well, when can you deal with it? I'll call ahead and make an appointment.
Charlotte: I think you should leave.
Frank: Fine!
He gets up.
Frank: Come on, Frasier, let's go.
He heads for the door while Charlotte heads for the bathroom. Frasier just looks confused.
Frank: Times like this, a guy really needs his buddy. Giving up, Frasier tosses down his napkin and follows Frank out.
DISSOLVE TO: later. Charlotte is on the couch, slumped down and drinking wine. Frasier knocks on the door and comes in.
Frasier: Hi. Just wanted to see how you're doing.
Charlotte: Tip-top. How's your friend?
Frasier: He went someplace dark. I couldn't follow.
He sits down next to her.
Charlotte: Him and his moods.
Frasier: No, no, he climbed some kind of pine tree.
Charlotte: Look, I'm, I'm sorry about all that. I think this is it for Frank and me.
Frasier: Really?
Charlotte: It's just not working. I think I was always attracted to the idea of him more than him.
Frasier: This may seem inappropriate, but I'm not entirely sad to hear you say that.
Charlotte: What do you mean?
Frasier: I would think my feelings were obvious by now. All the time we've been spending together.
Charlotte sits up and puts down her glass.
Charlotte: I just thought it was because you were hitting it off with Frank.
Frasier: Are you kidding? The man smells like a chum boat. You, you're the one I wanted to be with. Look, uh, I realize you're in a vulnerable state and you probably need some time to process this, so I'll just, uh...
He gets up.
Charlotte: Don't go. I've been thinking a little about you, too.
Frasier: Really?
He sits back down.
Frasier: Well, then. He leans over and kisses her, laying her back on the couch.
Charlotte: Oh, God, I'm uncomfortable.
Frasier: I'm sorry, I'm rushing things.
Charlotte: No, no, it's just I'm lying on a wine bottle.
She puts it aside and they start kissing again.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Scene 3 - Charlotte's Apartment Fade in. Charlotte is in bed, rain can be heard outside. Frasier comes in with two mugs.
Frasier: Good morning. Charlotte sits up with a worried look on her face.
Charlotte: Oh, dear God, please tell me nothing happened last night. Frasier is dumbstruck.
Charlotte: I'm kidding! I'm kidding!
Frasier, relieved, sits on the bed and gives her a kiss. She takes one of the mugs.
Charlotte: I'm glad you stayed.
Frasier: Me too.
Frank comes in the front door, wearing a bandage.
Frank: Hey, guys. You're in my robe. Guess you got caught in the rain, too, huh?
Frasier: Yes, I did.
Frank sits on the edge of the bed.
Frasier: What happened to your hand?
Frank: Ah, I was so mad last night, I punched a raccoon. God, I'm a b*st*rd. You're a good guy to come check on her. Never understand why women don't like you. [to Charlotte] Can we talk?
Charlotte: Yeah, I think that's a good idea.
Frasier: My clothes should be dry by now.
He grabs them from the floor beside the bed and hurries to the bathroom. Charlotte puts on her robe and Frank gets up.
Frank: So, what's goin' on with us?
Charlotte: Oh, come on Frank. I think you know it's not working.
Frank: Yeah.
Charlotte: And, anyway, there's something else you should know. When I was in Chicago, my ex told me he's moving to New York. So, I bought the old business from him. I'm moving back home.
She sits down on the couch, Frank sits down next to her.
Frank: You sure about this?
Charlotte: Yeah. I mean, I know Chicago, I have friends there. Seattle just hasn't panned out for me. I thought you should be the first to know.
Frank: Well, I know you'll do great.
Charlotte: So will you.
Frasier comes out of the bathroom.
Frasier: Uh, I should be going. Frank and Charlotte stand up.
Frank: That's okay. You stay, I'm goin'. He walks over and hugs Frasier.
Frank: You know this isn't your fault, right partner? You be good, buddy.
He leaves.
Frasier: I know I should feel sad for Frank, but I can't help feeling happy.
Charlotte: Frasier, I...
He kisses her quickly.
Frasier: Listen, I'm late for about three things, so can I see you later this afternoon? Maybe after my show?
Charlotte: Okay, after your show.
Frasier: Perfect. Look, I hate to jinx this, but I'm so glad about what happened.
He kisses her again and leaves. She slowly sits back down, a worried look on her face.
[SCENE_BREAK]
End of Act 2
[SCENE_BREAK]
Martin and Ronee are eating at Georges' restaurant. Ronee shows him her ring and he's impressed while Martin proudly looks on. Lil' Cupid, the rapper, comes in with his date and Georges leads them to a table. Passing by, he notices Ronee's ring and comments on it. Martin quickly covers her hand with his and stares him off.


[PREVIOUSLY_ON]
Jamie : For you, Miss Lauren.
Lauren : Thank you, Jamie.
Jamie : They're from my uncle skills. He thinks you're cute.
Lauren : Antwon "Skills" Taylor crashing a 5-year-olds' dance?
Skills: I was hoping to see you.
Bobby : I'm moving Nino to shooting guard, and I'm keeping you at the point.
Nino : With me at the point, you're gonna get more chances to score.
Nathan : All right? I'll get you the ball. Cause if you can do that, the scouts will come.
Brooke : I have a letter for you from your birth mother. You've been going to that coffee shop for months. You must want something from her, even if it's just closure.
Lucas : Peyton has a condition called placenta previa.
Brooke : Lucas, come on, what if everything doesn't go perfectly?
Lucas : She could die, and... and the baby, too.
AT LUCAS'S HOUSE
Peyton : The honorary title, Matthew Ryan, the cure, Audioslave, Haley James Scott. They're all in here. It's music to set your life to. And music always helps, no matter what you're going through. So, if you flunk a big test or you have a really bad break-up. Or you just miss someone so bad, it hurts...Then listen to my playlist -"100 songs to save your life" and it should help. Oh, and there is this new artist that is really special, and her second album is just about to come out. So you should check her out. Her name's Mia Catalano.
**This road is anything but simple twisted like a riddle** **I've seen high, and I've seen low** **so loud the voices over my doubts** **are telling me to give up** **to pack up and leave town** **but even so, I had to believe** **oh, impossible means nothing to me** **so, can you lift me up?**
Peyton : A best friend ... okay, this one is so important. Choose wisely, okay? I got really lucky with mine. My best friend is funny, intelligent, creative, beautiful and successful and very kind. And she's also impulsive, frustrating, um...complicated, childish. But I would not have her any other way. And the best part about Brooke Davis is that she always puts friends first. So...if you are ever in any kind of trouble, now you know who to call. I can't think of anyone I would rather have watching over you.
IN THE STREET
Victoria : It's been a month, Brooke. You've got to stop spying on them like this.
Brooke : Thank you, concernicus. How would you know what I've been up to?
Victoria : 'Cause I've been watching the both of you. Iced coffee with skim milk it'll change your life.
Brooke : She's eating pecan pie. She doesn't even like pecan pie.
AT LUCAS'S HOUSE
Peyton : Being a kid without a mom really sucks. And I know this because I've been there... twice. And if you're watching this, then it means that you're in that place, too. And I'm so sorry for that. But if you ever need a mom-and-dad fix, you have Nathan and Haley for that.
AT SCOTT'S HOUSE
Nathan : Gotcha! I gotcha now!
Jamie : No! No!
Haley : Okay, easy. If he pees his pants, you're on laundry duty.
Jamie : You look pretty, mama.
Haley : Oh, thanks, buddy. I got to go. I'm late. I got to pick up Mia from the studio and go over to Peyton's for her baby shower. Do you think you can drop him off on your way out of town? Lucas is gonna watch him.
Nathan : Sure, no problem.
Haley : Thank you. I'm gonna miss you so much. Call me after the game, okay?
Nathan : Yeah.
Haley : Okay Bye. I'll see you later. Peyton's waiting.
Nathan : Bye.
Haley : Bye!
Jamie : Bye. Love you.
Haley : I love you, too.
Jamie : Again?
Nathan : Again?!
**'Cause I have overcome more than words will ever say** **and I've been given hope that there's a light on up the hall** **and that a day will come when the fight is won and I think that day has just begun** **oh, oh, just begun** **lift me up** **ooh, yeah, yeah, yeah yeah, yeah, oh** **oh, oh, lift me up** **lift me up, lift me up
AT LUCAS'S HOUSE
Peyton : I really hope that we get to share all these things together. But just in case, it's all right he. Now, there is just one thing... that I need from you. Please... take very special care of your father ... because if I'm not around... he's gonna need you to take care of him, just like my dad needed me. So, love him ... and take care of him ... and be kind to him. Just please ... Do that for me.
Lucas : Peyton, what is this?
Peyton : I just thought I should.
Lucas : No. No, you... You said everything was gonna be okay. You said that.
Peyton : Okay, but, Luke, if it isn't, I want our child to be able to remember me. It's just in case.
Lucas : Our child's not gonna have to remember you. Our child's gonna know you. We're not doing this, Peyton.
Peyton : Lucas.
Lucas : A death video? A sad box of stuff? I'm not having any of this, Peyton. I mean, what's next?
Peyton : I want to get married ... now.
Lucas : Absolutely not. You're supposed to be taking it easy. Okay, look, after you have this baby and you're all better, then ... then we'll get married.
Peyton : I want to get married.
Lucas : Why? Why is it so important to do it now?
Peyton : Because...
Lucas : We're not doing anything just in case, okay? I'll be in the garage. You should be in bed.
Peyton : Thank you! I love you, too, by the way.
AT WALMART
Brooke : Remind me again what we're doing here?
Victoria : Know thy enemy, Brooke. Suit yourself, but this is our competition and they're cutting into our market share with these hideous things.
Brooke : Yeah, the appropriate word being "hideous".
Victoria : Don't be so dismissive. Maybe you should pay a visit to the manufacturer, get some inspiration.
Brooke : I have Sam, and Sam has school, so I'm not going anywhere. Besides, I need to be here while she's meeting with... you know who.
Victoria : You mean the biological mother with the pathetically low credit score?
Brooke : What are you talking about?
Victoria : So, I had business affairs run her credit report. Don't hate me because I'm resourceful.
Brooke : You did what?
Victoria : Brooke, we have to be able to make a case against the woman.
Brooke : We are not building a case against anyone. Do you think that I can't see what you're doing? There is no running from this. Sam has every right to know her ... real mom.
Victoria : Suit yourself. Red is really your color. What do you think?
Brooke : Do you think we're shopping right now?
Victoria : Absolutely not. This is strictly R&D for our new line.
Brooke : You are so trying to shop with me!
IN THE GARAGE
Lucas : Hey !
Nathan : Hey !
Jamie : Uncle Lucas, can I help you fix aunt Peyton's car?
Lucas : Hey, sure, buddy.
Nathan : Careful. Sure this is no problem, him hanging out with you?
Lucas : Yeah, I could use the company anyway.
Nathan : Everything okay?
Lucas : It's Peyton. I-I-I found her putting together a time capsule, or a ... a "just in case" capsule. That's what i thought.
Nathan : I know, yeah.
Lucas : It's just, you know, weird that I'm approaching what's supposed to be the most exciting moment of my entire life with nothing but... complete and utter fear.
Nathan : You want to hear a secret? Day Jamie was born, I was...petrified.
Lucas : No, you know, it's different, though, you know? I mean, what if something happens to Peyton? I don't know how we got this far.
Nathan : Well, you got this far 'cause it's what she wanted. You know? It's like when Karen let you play basketball with your HCM. She knew how bad you wanted it, so she just held her breath and let you play. We all did, you know? Maybe ... maybe this is the time you have to hold your breath for Peyton.
Lucas : She wants to get married.
Nathan : So do you. You proposed, remember?
Lucas : She wants to get married right away. It all just worries me.
Nathan : Well, as worried as you are, think about how scared she is. Look, if you had one more day to spend with Peyton, would you rather spend it arguing or just being married?
AT BROOKE'S HOUSE
Brooke : You ready?
Sam : For what?
Brooke : Peyton's baby shower. You didn't forget, did you?
Sam : Sure she wants me there?
Brooke : Of course I'm sure. The invitation was addressed to both of us, you knucklehead.
Sam : Yeah.
Brooke : Are you okay, Sam?
Sam : Yep, I'm good.
Brooke : Okay. So, everything's going okay with, you know...
Sam : My mom?
Brooke : Yeah.
Sam : Yeah.
Brooke : What do you got there?
Sam : It's her house. you know, she gave me up when she was my age. How weird is that?
Brooke : Yeah.
Sam : She said she didn't want to, but her parents made her do it.
Brooke : well, I can relate to having crummy parents who make bad decisions.
Sam : Yeah. You know, it's funny. I've always... wanted to live in a house with a white picket fence.
Brooke : Well, we can have a picket fence if you want. You can have any kind of fence you want. I'll just wait for you to get dressed.
Sam : You know, if it's okay, can I just meet you there?
Brooke : Yeah. I'll see you at Peyton's.
AT THE GYMNASIUM
Mouth : So, the stage is set for the Charleston chiefs, who can move into sole possession of first place with a win tonight. And with the season coming to a close and possible NBA call-ups hanging in the balance, coach Bobby irons will be looking for explosive performances from his two leading scorers, Nino Jones and point guard Nathan Scott.
Nino : I can't believe anybody out there would want your autograph.
Nathan : Are they are than would want it from you.
Nino : Look, just 'cause you're the starting point guard don't mean you can show up late. I had you going for a second. And don't worry. I covered for you, man.
Bobby : Well, well, you guys go on an eight-game winning streak, and suddenly it's a love fest in here.
Nathan : I wouldn't go that far.
Bobby : I'll tell you what, Scott ... I'll waive your fine for being late if you and your new best friend here can do two things.
Nathan : And what's that?
Bobby : Win the game tonight... and impress the NBA scout who's here to watch you guys play.
Nathan : Scout?
Bobby : Word is the clippers are looking for some backcourt help.
Nino : All right, then. Yeah.
Bobby : Good luck, guys.
Nathan : Thanks.
Nino : Hey, uh, Scott, I think you might want to sit this one out.
AT CLOTHES OVER BROS
Sam : I'm so not wearing this.
Victoria : Sam, it's a baby shower. You can't show up like you just walked out of a Brazilian favela.
Sam : Okay, well, this makes me look like Kermit the frog.
Victoria : Okay. So, how goes it with... the waitress?
Sam : Her name is Rebecca, thank you. And for your information, things are kind of going okay.
Victoria : Yes, well... I'm sure your conversations are just riveting. I mean, you have so much to talk about, what with 16 years of pure neglect to hash over.
Sam : Don't be mean.
Victoria : Sorry. It's just that she left you. So, you know... it's not like that.
Sam : I mean... I thought that way at first. I thought she'd be this evil person, you know, this bad person that gave me up, but she's not. You know, she's got her problems, but she's okay. I mean, in a way, she's ... she's kind of like...
Victoria : like what?
Sam : Like me.
Victoria : Did she say she wanted you back?
Sam : Doesn't matter. I'm happy here.
Victoria : And that's what we want for you, Samantha ... to be happy here.
Sam : Yeah, I know. It's just, I don't want to hurt Brooke's feelings, but part of me wants to know her, you know? My real mum?
Victoria : Do you want to live with her?
Sam : No.
Victoria : Of course you don't. That's my girl. Now let's see if we can't find a beautiful dress for you, worthy of the Davis name.
AT SKILLS'S APPARTMENT
Skills : Oh, man. Hey, man, don't you guys got somewhere else to be?
Junk : Dude, I am killing this game right now.
Skills : Yeah, well, I got a date with Lauren. So y'all gonna have to be getting y'all asses up out of here.
Junk : Hey, isn't this like the third date?
Skills : You know what that means. Yeah. That's Jamie's teacher you're talking about.
Junk : This from the guy who dropped down granny deb.
Skills : Look, it's a date, man - nice, classy, refined. But just in case, you two be gone by the time I get home, all right?
AT LUCAS'S HOUSE
Peyton : Okay, it's official. I look like a lemon-meringue pie.
Brooke : Shut up. You have that whole glow thing going.
Peyton : If by "glowing" you mean "growing," then maybe. I really do love the dress, Brooke. It was a great gift. Thanks. Although I am just stuck in the house.
Brooke : Well, then you'll be stuck in the house for a month looking fabulous. It was Sam's idea.
Peyton : Oh, clearly she's learning from the best. Where is she, anyway? I thought she was coming.
Brooke : She'll be here.
Peyton : You're doing an amazing job with her, Brooke Davis. Hey, she loves you.
Brooke : Well, let's hope so... 'cause I'm thinking of making it official. I'm thinking of adopting her.
Peyton : No.
Brooke : Yeah. I just got all the papers in the mail.
Peyton : Oh, my god, that is such good news. Come here. Sit down. Tell me everything. All right, um ... well, I mean, how's it going with her birth mother?
Brooke : It seems like it's going okay. I'm just trying to be supportive. What if Sam likes her better than me?
Peyton : Okay, take it from someone who was adopted. I happen to know that Sam just became the luckiest girl in the whole world.
Brooke : Thank you, P. Sawyer. You always making everything better for me. Don't. Don't. We are not gonna ruin today crying. You're gonna get out of that dress and clean yourself up because we have a party to go to out there. Come on.
IN THE GARAGE
Jamie : There's an IPod in here. Awesome! This is the night you and daddy won the state championship.
Lucas : Do you know where you were that night?
Jamie : In mom's tummy.
Lucas : That's right.
Jamie : So, mom and dad didn't even know me then.
Lucas : Well, none of us did, but we were all really excited to meet you.
Jamie : Hey, look!
Lucas : Waouh! Now, that was a really important night.
Jamie : Because you won the state championship?
Lucas : Yeah, but, um... it was also the night I realized I wanted to marry Peyton.
Jamie : This is cool. What else is in here?
Lucas : Yeah, what is in there?
AT THE GYMNASIUM
Mouth : Hey, Nathan, I got a question for you.
Nathan : Yes, we're gonna win tonight.
Mouth : Okay, but, uh... how are you dealing with this long-distance thing? It's killing me.
Nathan : Yeah. Me, too. And if you figure that one out, let me know. Hey, you see that guy over here talking to Bobby? He's an NBA scout.
Mouth : Good luck tonight, Nate.
Nathan : Luck has nothing to do with it.
AT LUCAS'S HOUSE
Peyton : Look at all of these presents! All right, I'm gonna open the first one. It's from Mia. What did you get me? You got me... ...pictures of you.
Mia : Okay, yeah, but the gift is that you get to pick the one that goes on the cover of our new record.
Peyton : Good Save. All right, what do we got? What do we got? I want to see. I want to see. Um, sexy. Pretty! Ooh, pretty and sexy. Mm, girls, I think we found a winner.
Mia : Yay!
Peyton : Wow, I ... I guess this means the record's nearly finished, huh?
Haley : Speaking of "wow"... !
AT LAUREN'S HOUSE / MINI GOLF & KARTING
Lauren : Antwon.
Skills : You ready?
Lauren : Uh, we have a slight problem.
Chuck : Hey, coach Skills!
Skills : What the ... Chuck?
Lauren : His mom had an emergency, and she couldn't pick him up from school. So, I promised I'd watch him for a little while. I'm so sorry. I guess we should probably cancel?
Skills : Nah. I mean, I...guess he could come.
Lauren : You wouldn't mind?
Skills : Yeah. Why not?
Lauren : Great. I'll get my coat.
Chuck : Sweet! Where we going?
Skills : Yeah, so, peewee basketball is just how I give back to the kids. But you would be surprised at how profitable the baby-proofing industry is. Yo, chuck!
Chuck : Sorry!
Lauren : Yeah, he's doing well.
Skills : He don't look too bad.
Skills : You know, you don't know how few guys would be up for a night like this. I'm so glad we didn't cancel, Antwon.
Skills : Really? How glad?
Chuck : Come on!
Man : Whose freaking kid is this? Damn it!
Lauren : Uh, mine! Sorry! I'll be back.
AT THE GYMNASIUM
Mouth : That's the end of the first half, chiefs leading by 10,
IN THE GARAGE
Jamie : Hey, it's mama as a cheerleader.
Lucas : Yeah, and there's, uh, aunt Brooke and aunt Peyton.
Jamie : They've been friends for a long time.
Lucas : Oh, yeah, a long time.
Jamie : Who's in that one? Let's see. That's Uncle Keith, aunt Karen, and who's that?
Lucas : That's me.
Jamie : You were a funny-looking baby, uncle Lucas.
Lucas : Hey !
Jamie : Just kidding. You're kind of my Uncle Keith, aren't you?
Lucas : Well, I'd like to think that's exactly who I am.
Jamie : Aunt Peyton's a cool angel. Is aunt Peyton gonna be okay?
Lucas : I don't know, bud.
Jamie : I think everything's gonna be okay.
AT LUCAS'S HOUSE
Peyton : Oh, wow, what is it?
Haley : It's a baby memory book, and you put photos and journal entries and all that stuff in it. When you look at it five years from now, you'll never believe they were that small.
Brooke : You know, Victoria almost got one of those for me.
Brooke : Peyton.
Peyton : yeah.
Haley : You okay?
Peyton : I love it. Thank you. And ... I just want you guys to know... I love you so much.
Brooke : I love you, too.
Mia : Okay, hold on. I'm taking a picture ... no crying for the picture. Yeah? Okay. Okay? Get in here. Ready? One, two, three.
AT THE GYMNASIUM
Bobby : All right, let's bring it in. It's "chiefs" on three.
Mans : One, two, three. Chiefs!
Bobby : Let's go. Let's go, dawg. Bring it home. Nate. So far, you've done a terrific job making Nino look good. Just make sure you make yourself look good, too, okay? If you get an open shot, take it.
Nathan : The scouts are here to watch everyone. And that includes you, coach. We're gonna win this game.
AT BROOKE'S HOUSE
Brooke : I'm not angry. But I would appreciate you talking to me first before you start lavishing Sam with fancy clothes.
Victoria : I thought she looked nice.
Brooke : Not the point. What are you doing here?
Victoria : I wanted to talk to you about Sam.
Brooke : What about Sam?
Victoria : I know you care for her deeply, as do I. But I think that you should consider letting her spend time with her birth mother on a more permanent basis.
Brooke : And what makes you think that?
Victoria : Honey, I've been talking to her.
Brooke : Don't "honey" me. You talked to her about this? This is not your business! You had no right! I should have known that nothing good was gonna come of the two of you spending time together.
Victoria : What can I say? We get along. Unlike some people that's shall remain nameless.
Brooke : You can't do this.
Victoria : Do what?
Brooke : Try to be the mother to her that you never were to me.
Victoria : Last time I checked, I was still your ...
Brooke : Don't say it. Anyone who ever wanted to be in my life, Peyton, boys, anyone, you tried to push them all away. You tried to push everyone away, and now you want Sam to leave?
Victoria : I don't want Sam to leave.
Brooke : Yes, you do! It's why you're lying to my face right now! You're jealous because she wants to be with me. Well, she's not going anywhere.. ...not if I having anything to say about it.
Victoria : What's that?
Brooke : Adoption papers.
Victoria : Brooke ... be careful. I don't want you to get hurt.
Brooke : All my life, you have avoided being a mother to me. Do not think for one moment that you get to start now.
Sam : What's going on?
Victoria : I don't know. Maybe you should ask your mother.
Sam : What was that about?
Brooke : Sam, I want to talk to you about something -- something...important. You're happy here, right?
Sam : Yeah. What's going on?
Brooke : I want to adopt you -- for real. I want to make it official and forever. I've given this a lot of thought. I want us to be a family. I know that it's your dream to have that, and I want to give that to you now. So, what do you say?
Sam : Yeah. Yeah.
Brooke : Okay. What?
Sam : I can still see my real mom, right?
AT THE BAR
Skills : Dude, save some for the second half.
Lauren : So, you know, you never really talk about your past relationship. Was it a bad break-up?
Skills : Yeah, kind of. I mean, in the end, it was mostly a lifestyle thing. We just didn't see eye to eye on some stuff.
Chuck : She was a grandma.
Skills : Let's just say she was mature.
Lauren : Hey, look, that's cool. It's just, um so we're clear, I prefer younger guys ... younger, bald, athletic guys who like kids.
Skills : Yeah, well, you know, that's funny, because my last relationship didn't work because I was too young, bald, athletic. But I do like kids.
Chuck : Mom says I shouldn't eat dairy.
Skills : Some kids. I do like some kids.
Lauren : Oh, no.
AT THE GARAGE
Haley : All right, Jim-Jam, come on, buddy. We got to go.
Jamie : Do I have to?
Haley : Yes. Chop-chop. If we hurry, we can call your dad before your bedtime. This is what you guys have been working on?
Jamie : Don't tell. It's a surprise for aunt Peyton.
Haley : Sorry.
Lucas : So, uh, how was the shower? Is she okay?
Haley : Yeah. Yeah, I think she really enjoyed herself. How are you doing? You're holding up okay?
Lucas : Better now.
Haley : Good. Glad to hear it. All right, buddy let's go call your dad.
Jamie : Thanks, uncle Lucas. That was fun.
Lucas : Yeah, it was.
Jamie : Your whole life's in that box. I wish I had one.
Lucas : See ya.
Haley : Bye.
IN THE CAR IN FRONT OF LAUREN'S HOUSE
Lauren : He's cute. And you are sweet. Look, I know it wasn't the night you planned, but you were really great with chuck.
Skills : Yeah. Well, maybe next time it could just be the two of us.
Lauren : I'd like that.
Skills : Yeah?
Lauren : Yes.
Chuck : Naughty, naughty.
Skills : I'll take his silly butt home.
Lauren : Oh, good night, guys.
Skills : Good night.
Chuck : She's cool. You should ask her out sometime, coach.
Skills : Oh, god.
AT BROOKE'S HOUSE
Brooke : Can I talk to you? Listen, I didn't mean to ambush you...before. That wasn't right.
Sam : It's okay.
Brooke : I don't think it is. Sam, I've actually been thinking about this, and I think you should go spend some time with your real mom. You want to, don't you?
Sam : Please don't hate me.
Brooke : Samantha, I could never hate you. I love you very much.
Sam : But you stayed for me. You ... You let go of Julian for me.
Brooke : Honey, I was doing what was best for you. And that was true then, and ... I think it's true now. You should go. You know you can always come back here.
Sam : How come you're so good to me?
Brooke : Because I love you, no matter what.
Sam : Can I keep the dress?
Brooke : Of course.
Sam : It's just, uh... Victoria says I look like a Davis in that dress.
Brooke : Honey, you'll always be a Davis to me.
Sam : You'll always be my first mom.
Brooke : Okay.
AT THE GYMNASIUM
Mouth : How about that Nathan Scott? Played a pretty great game tonight.
The Scout : Honestly, I've never really seen him as a point guard. But I got to say, I was impressed. Kid's got a bright future.
Mouth : With the Clippers?
AT SKILLS'S APPARTMENT
Junk : Hey, what happened? I thought you were ...
Skills : Don't say it. You know that annoying kid from my peewee team?
Junk : Yeah, the hoser kid?
Skills : Yeah. Let's just say I got chucked.
Fergie : Damn.
Lauren : Hey, I just, uh, realized you forgot something. This!
AT BROOKE'S HOUSE
Brooke : I'm gonna miss you.
Sam : I'll miss you, too.
Brooke : You know, you always have a home here, no matter what. I love you, Sam.
Sam : I love you, too.
Victoria : Samantha.
Sam : Bye.
Victoria : Bye.
Brooke : Okay. Bye. Are you crying?
Victoria : No. It's this horrible mascara. It's just ... remind me to sue the manufacturer.
Brooke : It's our mascara, Victoria.
Victoria : What do we do now?
Brooke : We have our work to focus on.
Victoria : Of course.
AT THE GYMNASIUM
Nino : Hey, coach. Have you heard anything from The Scout?
Bobby : Uh, no. No, not yet. But listen, you guys did all you could out there. And now we just wait for the phone to ring.
**'cause all you talk about** **is to see yourself break out** **I've seen you this way before** **life's strange but true** **what are we waiting for?** **It's been long time, nothing new** **something survived here** **you've been working overtime** **how's it feel to lie?**
AT CLOTHES OVER BROS
Victoria : It's going to be okay, honey.
Brooke : I'm fine. We have our work to focus on now.
** Life's strange but true** **What are we waiting for?** **It's been a long time, nothing new** **for a while** **we were living** **it's the pace** **That'll kill you kill**
AT LUCAS'S HOUSE
Lucas : You there's still one thing missing.
Peyton : What's that?
Lucas : Our wedding photo.
Peyton : Really? We can get married right away?
Lucas : Sure. Only if the doctor says it's okay. But it's not because of the baby or our situation or... well, any damn thing. I want you to be my wife... 'cause I love you. I love you with all my heart.
Peyton : I love you, too.
**I'm here**


72 HOURS EARLIER
At the shopping center
Summer: I'm not buying you lingerie for your birthday. That's just weird.
Taylor: Okay, that's fine. I told you, you don't have to buy me anything. You and Ryan are throwing me a birthday party and that's enough.
Summer: Look, I know you've never had a birthday party before, let alone been to one, but usually people get presents for their birthday, so will you please tell me what you want?
Taylor: Okay, honestly, I want Ryan to ask me to go to Berkeley with him next year.
Summer: Okay, I was thinking more along the lines of a cute top.
Taylor: I know, I know, it's just, I'm a planner, and I've already seeing that day six months in the future when we all go our separate ways. And I just know that if Ryan goes to Berkeley and I go to... Harvard or Princeton or Oxford, then it's over.
Summer: Don't you have to apply to Berkeley first in order to... You already applied to Berkeley? Does Ryan know this?
Taylor: No.I applied before we even started dating. I just got back from France and I figured, well, I had to go somewhere, so I reapplied to Princeton, Oxford,Yale, Harvard and the Sorbonne, and I figured why not throw Berkeley in?
Summer: Um, hi. Can we get two coffees, please?
Man: Uh, yeah.
Summer: Okay. So you want to get Ryan to tell you that he wants you to go to Berkeley, without knowing that you already got in to Berkeley?
Taylor: Exactly.
Summer: And how're you going to do that?
Taylor: Easy.I just need to get him to tell me that he loves me.
Summer: Mm-hmm, Ryan talking about his feelings. Now that would be an earth-shattering event.
Man: Careful, they're hot.
Summer: Thank you.
Taylor: Thanks.
Summer: Did you see this about earthquake weather? You know, it's exactly this kind of voodoo science that lets politicians deny global warming.
Taylor: Oh, my God, I know. And how many times have they predicted the big one, and it never happens. It almost makes you wish that it would. Generic Cohen's garden
Ryan: Good morning. What's the occasion?
Taylor: Just you're being so sweet throwing me a birthday party, and I wanted to thank you, so... Oh, my gosh, did I ever tell you about...
Ryan: How you've never had a birthday party and you've always spent every birthday alone in your room watching Sixteen Candles and talking to a gypsy on the psychic hot line?
Taylor: Yeah, I know, I'm a broken record. Just, you know, it really means a lot to me that you're doing this for me.
Ryan: Well, Taylor, I'll tell you, planning your birthday party is not easy. I expect something in return.
Taylor: Oh.
Ryan: I expect to have my way with you.
Taylor: Ryan!
Ryan: Well, all that time and energy. Clowns, balloons, a magician...
Taylor: Oh, oh, well, if there's a magician. It's kind of strange to think about all of this ending isn't it?
Ryan: Hmm?
Taylor: You, going off to Berkeley, me, whichever way the wind blows.
Ryan: Well, it's still six months away.
Taylor: Right, yeah. If only I had a crystal ball, huh? Maybe I should call Esmerelda from the psychic hot line.
Ryan: This a really good croissant.
Taylor: Don't you have the feeling that we're on the cusp of something and we just need to leap into the void?
Ryan: Did you get these at Joe's?
Taylor: Ryan, don't you have that feeling?
Ryan: What?
Taylor: That life is telling us to take a wild, impulsive jump into the unknown?
Ryan: Not really.
Taylor: So, you're good? You don't have a need to just let something explode out of you, consequences be damned?
Ryan: What are we talking about?
Taylor: Well, I was... I guess it's just my birthday and I'm getting sentimental.
Ryan: All right, well, don't worry. It's going to be great. Okay? All right, I've got to go. Thanks for this. Hey, tonight, you want to do something? See a movie?
Taylor: Yeah, sure, okay.
Ryan: All right, great. At Roberts'
Kaitlin: Oh, my God.
Julie: Oh, hi, honey. Sorry, I didn't hear you coming down.
Kaitlin: Mom, do you mind? Because I still have to eat in here.
Julie: What can I get you?
Kaitlin: You want some scrambled eggs or I could whip up some pancakes.
Frank: You cook, too? That's amazing.
Julie: It's just a talent I have.
Frank: Yeah, one of many.
Kaitlin: I'm seriously never going to stop barfing.
Julie: Kaitlin, don't be gross.
Kaitlin: Me? Gross? What's gross is Frank's dirty... germy convict bag is sitting on the counter. I mean, what, did the warden give that to you as a going-away present?
Julie: Kaitlin...
Frank: It's okay. It's okay. It shouldn't be on the counter. Though I actually got it at REI.
Kaitlin: Well, why bother with a bag? You can just move in. You spend enough time here anyway.
Julie: Young lady, apologize.
Kaitlin: I'm sorry, Frank. Feel free to have as many conjugal visits as you'd like.
Frank: You know, I... I should get going. I've got a job interview.
Julie: I'll walk you out.
Frank: Okay.
Julie: And we'll talk later. At the gym
Holly: Mrs. Cohen? Holly. I went to Harbor with Seth.
Kirsten: Oh, hi.
Holly: Hi, are you here for prenatal yoga?
Kirsten: Oh, yes, I am. And you?
Holly: Yes. I just found out. How far along are you?
Kirsten: Oh, not-not very. I just found out, too.
Holly: Well, this class is great. I told Missy, the instructor, I have worked way too hard for this body to just let it turn into some dumpy baby factory. I mean, who says I can't have a baby and a six pack?
Kirsten: I should probably stretch before class.
Holly: Well, hold on just a second. Hey, hos, come here. This is Mrs. Cohen. She just found out she's pregnant.
Girl: Oh, my gosh!
Other girl: Congratulations. And you're not even showing.
Holly: So... should we let her in?
Girl: Oh, yeah.
Other girl: Totally. She's ripped.
Holly: We formed a club. Promised ourselves we wouldn't turn out like Molly the Mammoth over there.
Girl: In nine months I'm wearing my bikini. I don't care what anyone says.
Other girl: And I told Jerry if I get too big, I'm inducing at eight months. It's much easier to lose the weight.
Holly: So do you want in? We call ourselves the Six-Pack Pack. Isn't that like so cute? Don't you just want to barf?
Kirsten: All the time. At Ryan's workplace
Ryan: Summer, what's up?
Summer: Hey. I am just picking up Seth. Taking him to an art exhibition, sponsored by GEORGE, the Global Environmental Organization regarding Greenhouse Emissions.
Ryan: Seth's going to an art show.
Summer: Well, yeah, I mean, he's going to art school, and I like the environment,so I thought it was the perfect date.
Ryan: Sure.
Summer: So are you ready for Taylor's party?
Ryan: Oh, yeah, party's all set. Even got her a present.
Summer: Really. Mind telling me what it is?
Ryan: Well, you know, she likes translating those French love poems? I collected a few. Had them bound for her.
Summer: Atwood, that is so romantic. You know, nothing is as romantic as the first time you tell someone you love them,though, huh?
Ryan: I, uh... haven't told Taylor I love her.
Summer: You haven't?
Ryan: Has she said something?
Summer: No. No, I-I just assumed. You guys have been together for a while and you seem pretty happy. I thought,"Why wouldn't you have said I love you?" I have an idea. Why don't you?
Ryan: What?
Summer: For her birthday. You should, because... the book of poems is awesome, but add that special little "I love you. As as girl,I don't know, me personally, I got chills.
Ryan: Does Taylor expect me to tell her that I love her on her birthday?
Summer: What? No. I don't know. I've got to go. At the shopping center
Kaitlin: I can't stay, okay?
Frank: Well, thanks for meeting me.
Kaitlin: I wanted to talk to you alone. You're not going to do anything pervy are you?
Frank: Kaitlin... I care about your mom. And considering my past, I understand why you're suspicious.
Kaitlin: Look, I really don't care that you went to prison, all right? I mean, the Bullet went to prison and he was awesome. You're just boring.
Frank: I'm sorry, but it's just the way it is. Well, I have to say I don't think that's fair. You hardly know me.
Kaitlin: Then say something funny.
Frank: What?
Kaitlin: Make me laugh.
Frank: Fine. I don't know what interests a 15-year-old girl, but your mother doesn't think I'm boring.
Kaitlin: Well, that's because you're sleeping with her.
Frank: Can you not say that kind of thing?
Kaitlin: Well, what do you want me to say? I mean, is it true in prison on your first day, you got to make someone your bitch? Or what about the whole dropping the soap thing? I mean, really,why don't you guys just install soap dispensers?
Frank: Hey, I make your mom happy. I'm just asking for a chance here, Kaitlin.
Kaitlin: Of course. If it makes my mom happy. At Roberts'
Julie: Oh, my God. Oh... my God. Art's exposition
Summer: It's so beautiful. Just forget how the ocean ties us all together. You know, he's so right. If we aren't good custodians for our planet, what right do we have to be here? Don't you think that was amazing?
Seth: Mm-hmm. I give it a three.
Summer: A three? He put a radio transmitter in a piece of trash, threw it into the ocean, followed it around for six years just to show how pollution travels. And you're giving it a three?
Seth: I'm gonna give it a three-and-a-half, then.
Summer: What about the part where he followed it through the oil fires in the Persian Gulf, and he got third-degree burns on his arms?
Seth: I know, but the camera work was terrible, and what kind of film stock was he using? The oranges and reds totally bled together.
Summer: He was just making a point to show the health of our planet.
Seth: Yeah, but he's also making a movie,and as a movie, it sucks.
Summer: Well, what about that one? Where the turtle adopted the hippo who was lost in the tsunami?
Seth: Mm-hmm. That's pretty much the nature film equivalent of a chick flick.
Summer: Okay. What about that? Where the family giraffes habitat was destroyed.
Seth: Yeah, shot like a perfume ad.
Summer: God, what is your problem,Seth? I just want you to get excited about something.
Seth: I am, about things that are good. But I could do one of these doughnuts with both hands tied behind my back.
Summer: Really?Prove it.
Seth: What?
Summer: Make a movie.
Seth: Are you serious?
Summer: Yeah. I want see you do it better. I want to go watch the penguins again, and don't you dare say anything. At Sandy's office
Sandy: Hey, I didn't know you were coming by. I was just at Spitzy's office. You should have called. Is everything all right?
Kirsten: The people in Newport are awful.
Sandy: Honey, you're a little late to the party. I've been saying that for 20 years.
Kirsten: Has it gotten worse? I mean, I know Julie and some of the othersare bad, but...
Sandy: What happened?
Kirsten: I was at this prenatal yoga class and these young women they're monsters. They wanted me to join the six-pack pack.
Sandy: The what?
Kirsten: And then they talk about inducing labor at eight months so that they don't have to gain weight. Can we raise another child around this?
Sandy: Oh, honey, Newport's always had that element, and still we managed to have life. And not everybody's like that. You know what? Spitz has been wanting us to meet his wife. How about we do dinner tomorrow? Restore your faith in humanity.
Kirsten: All right.
Sandy: But more importantly, do you think they'll let me join the six-pack pack? I've been doing my sit-ups. Come on, hit me with your best shot. Go ahead, come on, wind up. I'm not a beast! At Cohen's
Taylor: Oh, God, he really loves her. And she is never going to know how he feels, because he can't tell her. Isn't that tragic?
Ryan: Yep.
Taylor: I mean, how could you do that? How could you just let the love of your life slip away because you were too afraid to tell them how you really felt?
Ryan: Well, maybe she's better off.
Taylor: Uh-huh. Did you get that from the scene where she was about to be burned at the stake?
Ryan: No, she's a beautiful woman, he's a hunchback who lives in a bell tower. The chances of it working out...
Taylor: Yeah, but he doesn't know that. If he at least told her how he felt, then maybe there would be a way to work things out. You know, they could have a life together. Or you know, at least four more years. Why did you save me?
Ryan: But the archbishop...
Taylor: Ryan, I'm not talking about the movie. It's... There's just moments in everyone's life, and if you just let them slip away, then... then they're gone forever. And that's the tragic thing about life. Don't you feel that way?
Ryan: Taylor.I...missed the last part of the movie Would you mind rewinding it a little?
Taylor: Sure.
Ryan: Thanks.
Taylor: Lonely, huh? Better get used to it, buddy. At Roberts'
Summer: Good morning.
Taylor: If you say so.
Summer: What's that?
Taylor: This is the obituary for mine and Ryan's relationship. A rose, plucked before its time.
Summer: Uh-huh, English?
Taylor: I wrote a letter to the Dean of Berkeley, telling him that I must respectfully decline the scholarship, and he should offer it to the next candidate.
Summer: So you're saying no? What happened with Ryan?
Taylor: I tried, Summer, I really did. The moment was upon us. We were staring into each other's eyes,and... And he just didn't say it. You know, sometimes I just want to grab him and tie him to a chair and shoot him full of sodium pentathol and see what spills out.
Summer: Why don't you?
Taylor: You don't think it's too crazy? Because I was thinking if the two of us just tackled him and then we could tie him down...
Summer: I wasn't talking literally.
Taylor: Oh.
Summer: Do you love him?
Taylor: Yeah, I really do.
Summer: Do you think he loves you?
Taylor: Well, sometimes he grabs my handand he squeezes it for no reason. I mean, what else could that mean?
Summer: Okay. So we just need to loosen his tongue a little.
Taylor: But how are we going to... Summer Roberts, you bad thing.
Summer: Okay, you know what, a trip to the Robert's wine cellar is in order. At Cohen's
Sandy: What the hell is he doing?
Ryan: Morning.
Sandy: Morning. Hey, are y all right?
Ryan: Yeah, it's just a cramp.
Sandy: How far did you go?
Ryan: Mm, nine, ten miles.
Sandy: Oh. Wouldn't it be easier if you just said,"Sandy, there's something bothering me. Can you give me some advice?"
Ryan: Yes, it would,but where's the fun in that?
Sandy: Let me guess. You're trying to decide if you love Taylor so you can tell her on her birthday.
Ryan: Huh?
Sandy: You've been dating for a while, things are good, birthday's tomorrow. Bingo.
Ryan: Yeah. You're good.
Sandy: So? Do you love her?
Ryan: Uh, honestly I'm scared.
Sandy: Good, you should be.
Ryan: That's reassuring.
Sandy: Well, it might be the most powerful thing you can say to another person. It changes everything. Now for heaven's sake, if you don't feel it,don't say it.
Ryan: Yeah, it's just I think she's expecting it.
Sandy: And to not say it... It's like saying you don't love her.
Ryan: Exactly.
Sandy: Well, do you care about her?
Ryan: Of course.
Sandy: Do you enjoy being with her?
Ryan: More than with anyone.
Sandy: Tell her that. It won't be exactly what she wants to hear,but it'll be honest.
Ryan: All right.
Sandy: Can you tell me something?
Ryan: Sure.
Sandy: Do you have any idea why Seth is filming the pool?
[SCENE_BREAK]
Seh: Hey, check it out, man. Summer challenged me to make this pretentious art film, so I'm making one called Six Hours In The Pool.
Ryan: Sounds great.
Seth: Yeah, I'll tell you about it later. Uh, Taylor called. She wants you to go over there for dinner.
Ryan: Oh, okay.
Seth: Yeah. Okay. Ah, it's perfect.
At Roberts'
Julie: Look, Frank, I get that men have urges, and I imagine prison is one of those places where those urges get twisted, but...
Frank: Julie...
Julie: I've never even heard of clown p0rn. I mean that photo where they're all stuffed into the little car...
Frank: It's not mine.
Julie: Oh, really? It was just in your bag, along with... this? I mean, which one of us is supposed to wear this?
Frank: Julie, none of this is mine.
Julie: So someone just went into your bag, planted a wig and some really bad clown p0rn. Who would...? Oh... Kaitlin.
Frank: Julie, it's all right.
Julie: No, Frank, it's not. My daughter is trying to sabotage this relationship. And where would she get her hands on clown p0rn?
Frank: She's just hazing me, you know? It'll be good for me to show her that I can take it. It'll blow over. It's not serious.
Julie: Did you see p.50? At Cohen's
Summer: How much more of this is there?
Seth: Five hours and 58 minutes. What are you doing?
Summer: I'm not going to sit here and watch six hours of the pool. I told you to become engaged in something. Instead, you just set up a tripod.
Seth: It's a satire. It's a comment on the lack of artistic rigor...
Summer: No, it's you being lazy. How many naps did you take while you made this?
Seth: I took two to res... Do you feel like you're overreacting a little bit? I mean, what does it really matter?
Summer: That's the problem, Seth. You did this because you chose the path of least resistance. You know, you could have made a movie about anything in your life, and instead you chose this.
Seth: So what am I supposed to do? Follow Ryan around with a camera until he punches someone?
Summer: Yes, anything that engages you in the world.
Seth: What is the point?
Summer: Well, if nothing else,it's important to me. Yatch club
Sandy: Thanks. Mr. Spitz.
Jason: How are you? Kirsten, how's it going?
Kirsten: Hello, Jason.
Jason: Listen, you guys, I want you to meet my wife, com.
Carrie: No way, really? Well, then what did she say?
Jason: Honey, honey.
Carrie: Oh, my God. What a complete ho-bag.
Jason: Honey.
Carrie: I got to go. Call me back. Love you, bitch. Hi. I am so sorry.
Jason: Kirsten and Sandy Cohen, this is Carrie, my wife.
Carrie: So nice to meet you.
Sandy: You, too.
Carrie: That was my girlfriend. She's having trouble dating this guy, and the guy's wife is all like, uh, "I'll kill you."
Sandy: Wow, I imagine that could be a little hard to handle.
Carrie: Oh, whatever. Not my problem.
Kirsten: So, Carrie, you're from Newport?
Carrie: Oh, yeah, born and bred.
Kirsten: Really. Interesting.
Carrie: Oh, now, Sandy, let's get to it. How can we convince Jason here to get out of that soup kitchen he calls an office and get a real job? At Roberts'
Ryan: Oh, thanks, that's good.
Taylor: For luck.
Ryan: Uh, actually, I'm not that big a wine drinker.
Taylor: I know, you can't have coq au vin without the vin.
Ryan: Well, that's true.
Taylor: Okay.
Ryan: You know, I feel kind of bad, you making dinner the day before your birthday.
Taylor: No, it's my pleasure. Absolutely. Oh, sorry.
Ryan: It's okay.
Taylor: I'm nervous 'cause I've never cooked for you before. Okay, cheers.
Ryan: Oh, yeah.
Taylor: Whoo, bottoms up. Mmm. Tasty.
Ryan: So, uh...Oh, that's... So, Taylor, there's something I want to talk to you about.
Taylor: No, let's save all the serious conversation for after dinner. We don't want it to get cold.
Ryan: Okay.
Taylor: Hmm, I think I need another sip. Wow, do you detect a hint of blackberries?
Ryan: Mm, no, I don't.
Taylor: Try it. It's fun, come on.
Ryan: Uh... Okay. Mm. Nope, no blackberries.
Taylor: I think you need to take a bigger sip. Yatch club
Sandy: You still go to your sorority rush?
Carroie: Sandy, sisterhood doesn't just end with graduation. A Tri-Delt once, a Tri-Delt forever. Oh, but last year,I got so sick. Totally embarrassing.
Kirsten: I can only imagine.
Carrie: And I thought,"Carrie, what gives?" Can't you hold your liquor anymore? Ugh! And then I realized it was just morning sickness. Was that a relief.
Sandy: You know, I'm afraid it's getting a little late for us.
Carrie: Oh, no, no,no, no. You are not running away. This great bar just opened up on Ocean. When was the last time you two did tequila poppers?
Sandy: Maybe another time.
Carrie: Oh, tell me you're not bailing because you're pregnant. I mean, no offense, but that is lame.
Jason: Carrie, no.
Carrie: What?It's lame.
Kirsten: Actually, I'm an alcoholic.
Carrie: Oh, God. Me, too. Hey, after you have that thing, we should totally go out. You know, without the two dish rags. Oh, God! Can you just take that thing outside? Oh, don't freak. I'm not a psycho.It's our baby.
Jason: When we go out with the baby, Carrie likes to have the nurse sit nearby,a few tables away.
Kirsten: Oh, you know,Sandy, I'm-I'm, uh, suddenly... I'm, I'm not feeling well.
Sandy: I'd better get you home. Thank you both for an unforgettable evening. Jason, I'll talk to you Monday.
Jason: Yeah. Well,good night,and...
Carrie: Hey, Kirsten,uh, remember,you can call me for baby advice anytime.
Kirsten: Sure.
Carrie: Losers.
[SCENE_BREAK]
At Roberts'
Taylor: I don't understand how you're not drunk.
Ryan: Oh, it's the Atwood genes. We're built to withstand massive quantities of alcohol.
Taylor: Ooh. Here we go. Here's the bed. Okay, all right. Now we're just gonna... Whoa. That's good.
Taylor: But if I can't get you drunk, you'll never tell me you love me.
Ryan: Oh, Taylor.
Taylor: I know, I know. Bad Taylor. I shouldn't have tried to get you drunk. Just like I shouldn't have pretended to be your sleep therapist, or rented Roger the homosexual, or stalked you wearing a Groundhog costume, or... What else did I do?
Ryan: I-I think that's it.
Taylor: I'm going to go to sleep now. Oh. Good-bye, Ryan. It was nice.
Ryan: Taylor. Taylor? Are you pretending to go to sleep, thinking I'll tell you I love you while you're unconscious?
Taylor: Maybe. Don't laugh at me.
Ryan: I'm not.
Taylor: It's hard dating someone who doesn't tell you how they feel and always having to interpret hand squeezes and...
Ryan: I love you.
Taylor: What?
Ryan: I love you.
Taylor: You do?
Ryan: Uh, yeah.
Taylor: I can't believe you just said it.
Ryan: Neither can I.
Taylor: Oh, I love you, too.
Ryan: Oh, good.
Taylor: Yay!Yay! Now we can go to Berkeley together.
Ryan: What?
Taylor: Yeah.Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I got into Berkeley. I applied, and I got this letter, and put it on my desk and... At Cohen's
Seth: Ryan Atwood. His face betrays no emotion, but what passions lurk behind those eyes? Answering that is the purpose of this film. Come with me, my friends.
Ryan: I thought the movie was about the pool.
Seth: Summer didn't really take to six hours of the pool. She wanted me to make a movie in which I engage with people. What is Ryan Atwood wrapping so intently? Taylor's birthday present. Ah, Taylor Townsend, the fast-talking Eve Harrington who melted Ryan Atwood's heart. Tell us, Ryan,how does it feel to have Dean Hess's sloppy seconds? Or what did you get her? Either one.
Ryan: Um... well, uh, one of her hobbies is translating French love poems, so I had them bound for her.
Seth: Wow. That is really romantic.
Ryan: Well, it's, it's not that romantic.
Seth: Are you kidding? You may as well tell her you love her.
Ryan: It's, uh, it's actually a little late for that.
Seth: What?
Ryan: Yeah. At Roberts'
Summer: And then what happened?
Taylor: Well, we finished dinner and he still wasn't drunk, so I suggested a drinking game. I called it "Drink." Whenever I said "drink," we drank.
Summer: Simple but effective.
Taylor: Yeah, a little too effective. I ended up on the coffee table singing "Part of Your World" and telling him he was my Prince Eric.
Summer: Uh, did he say it?
Taylor: Yes.
Summer: He did?!
Taylor: Yeah!
Summer: Oh, my God, that's amazing. Ow. Ryan told you he loved you.
Taylor: I know. I mean, I think he said it. At Cohen's
Ryan: Yeah, this feeling just kind of came over me and... I couldn't stop myself.
Seth: So why the long face? You regretting it?
Ryan: Well... it turns out she applied to Berkeley without telling me, and now...
Seth: Your spur-of-the-moment "I love you" issuddenly committing you to four more years. The plot thickens.
Ryan: I'm not saying it'd be bad. It just seems like all of a sudden we're going mach five.
Seth: You'd like to turn down the heat a little. At Roberts'
Taylor: He definitely said it.
Summer: Absolutely.
Taylor: I think.
Summer: Well, don't you think you'd remember?
Taylor: I don't know; it hurts. Summer, what am I going to do? I can't just ask him, by the way, did you tell me you loved me last night? Because I was too plastered to remember.
Summer: Right. Okay. Today's your birthday right? And I happen to know that he got you a crazy, romantic present. So when you open it tonight, why don't you just be like "Oh, my gosh, Ryan, I love you," and if he said it last night, he'll say it again.
Taylor: You're a genius.
Summer: Yes, I am; it's all up here. It's just there might be one other tiny little thing. At Cohen's
Seth: I'm not saying take it back, but today's her birthday, right? So she's going to be interpreting every little thing. So maybe you send her a message. For instance, that sends the message "You're the only girl in the world for me. Let's move to a co-op in Berkeley." Is that what you want to say? We go off Ryan Atwood. What will he do? How will this situation resolve itself? At Roberts'
Summer: You said something about Berkeley?
Taylor: I'm not sure. Maybe I was just talking about him going to Berkeley. That would make sense, right?
Julie: Morning, girls. Happy birthday, Taylor.
Taylor: Thanks, Julie.
Julie: Oh, I gave the mailman that letter from the counter.
Taylor: What letter? The letter to Berkeley?
Julie: Yeah, I think so.
Taylor: Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Taylor: Uh-uh! Mister! Mail carrier, sir. Excuse me, please. Um, could you wait? Hi. I'm sorry. Um, a woman in that house where I live just gave you a letter that she shouldn't have,and, uh, I kind of need it back.
Man: Ma'am, once the letter goes in the pouch, it's the property of the Federal government.
Taylor: Okay, and I totally understand that, but if you take that letter, I am going to lose my place at Berkeley and the chance to be with the man I love and who I think loves me, and, and 15 years from now, when he is trapped in a loveless marriage and I have become a cold, hard ice queen for whom love is no more than a distant memory, it will come down to the fact that on this morning, which coincidentally happens to be my birthday, you obeyed the letter of the law at the expense of simple, human charity.
Man: Wow, that was amazing.
Taylor: Can I have my letter now?
Man: Yeah, sure.
At Cohen's
Frank: Hey.
Ryan: I didn't know you were a runner.
Frank: Yeah,it helps me to work stuff out You should try it.
Ryan: Maybe I will. Everything okay?
Frank: Yeah. No, I was just,uh, nearby. I figured I'd stop in and say hello, ask your advice on winning over a 15-year-old Newport girl.
Ryan: Kaitlin giving you trouble?
Frank: Well, things with Julie are great, and I-I'm so grateful to you and Taylor,but Caitlin, she just... I don't know,she just seems to want to shut me out. And I know that you have some experience with the Cooper women, so...
Ryan: Well, a Porsche would probably do the trick.
Frank: Yeah. Yeah, yeah, that's not really in my budget.
Ryan: Well, Kaitlin's had a tough year. You know. Once she sees that her mom's happy, she'll come around. Just be patient.
Frank: Ah... suddenly a Porsche sounds like a bargain.
Ryan: Right. Uh, look,I, I got to get going, help set up Taylor's party.
Frank: Oh, sure. Is that, is that her present?
Ryan: Oh, yeah, it's, uh... she translated these French love poems so I had them bound in leatherfor her.
Frank: Oh, my son the romantic.
Ryan: Yeah.
Frank: So I'll, uh, see you tonight.
Ryan: Yeah. It's not that romantic. At the shopping center
Summer: Taylor, it's going to be fine. Ryan's going to give you a really romantic present, tell you he loves you, and you guys are going to wind up going to Berkeley together. Don't worry.
Taylor: Okay, yeah, I know. Do you think I should act surprised when I go to the party?
Summer: But it's not a surprise party.
Taylor: Well, I know, but it might make Ryan feel good.
Summer: Okay, it's a great idea.
Taylor: Ah!
[SCENE_BREAK]
Everyone: Happy birthday! Happy birthday.Happy birthday.
Taylor: Oh, my God, what a surprise.
Sandy: Oh, I didn't know it was a surprise party.
Summer: Just go with it, okay? It's Taylor.
Ryan: Happy birthday.
Taylor: This is a-amazing.
Ryan: Yeah, well, you deserve it. You got a lot of birthdays to catch up on.
Taylor: Is everything okay?
Ryan: Yeah, absolutely. Let me get you a drink.
Taylor: Okay.
Julie: Happy birthday.
Taylor: Thank you.
Kaitlin: Happy birthday.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Sandy: We can move. I mean it. Ryan and Seth will be gone in six months. We could put the house on the market, throw a dart at the map. Maybe it's time.
Kirsten: But this is our home.
Sandy: So? We'll make some place new our home. You know? We'll still have our memories.
Kirsten: But when Ryan and Seth come home for the holidays, I want them to come home to that house.
Sandy: It was an idea.
Kirsten: Well, thanks, Sandy. I just don't think I can.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Taylor: Oh, my God. It's a replica of the green destiny sword from Crouching Tiger. Oh, my God, thank you so much Seth.
Seth: Glad you like it.
Taylor: It's so neat.
Summer: Open Ryan's present.
Taylor: Okay. Where is it?
Ryan: Oh, no, no, no. It's okay.
Kirsten: Ryan's embarrassed.
Ryan: No, it's just, it's um, personal.
Sandy: Well, I hope so.
Taylor: Oh, my God. It's a... It's a dictionary?
Kirsten: That is practical.
Ryan: Yeah, the guy said that it, um, had more words than others.
Sandy: Well, that's good, being as it is a dictionary.
Seth: It's red-- that's a cool color.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Summer: I still love him, you know? I'm sorry, I shouldn't be telling you this.
Kirsten: No, I understand. I worry about him a lot.
Summer: You know, I know making this movie just seems so stupid, but I just wanted him to get excited about something, you know? Anything.
Kirsten: Just give him a chance. Seth will find his way.
Summer: I hope so. He just seems a little lost.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Kaitlin: Those are mine.
Julie: What do you think you're doing?
Kaitlin: What? The guy likes clown p0rn. I think everyone should know.
Julie: Do you have any idea how humiliated Frank would be if he saw, or if Ryan saw it? It's his father, Kaitlin.
Kaitlin: Whatever.
Julie: Do not walk away from me. I've tried to be understanding. I'm sorry if Frank isn't as hilarious as Bullit was.
Kaitlin: It's not even about that.
Julie: Then what is it? Is it the money?
Kaitlin: Mom, look at us. In the past year we've lost Dad, we've lost Marissa, we had Dr. Roberts and we lost him. And then we got the Bullit, lost him. What makes you think that this guy is going to stick around any longer?
Julie: Kaitlin, am I crazy, or did you say that it was okay for me to date Frank?
Kaitlin: Yes, to date him. But it's been a week and he's practically living in our house. Like he's family. He is not family You and I are. I mean, why can't we just act like that for a little while?
Frank: Hey. They're about to bring out the cake. Everything okay?
Julie: Yes, everything's fine. Kaitlin, why don't you go back inside.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Ryan: Taylor. Taylor, I'm sorry.
Taylor: I'm not crazy, right? Last night, you did tell me you loved me.
Ryan: Yeah, I did.
Taylor: Okay, then what? Are you trying to send me a message? Do you wish you hadn't said it?
Ryan: No. Last night when I told you... You mentioned going to Berkeley.
Taylor: God, I knew it. Ryan, yes, I applied to Berkeley months ago. Before you and I ever started dating.
Ryan: Oh.
Taylor: And then, this, you and I happened, and I thought, I don't know, maybe. And I guess I should have told you, but I really needed to know exactly how you felt first.
Ryan: I just think our planning to go to college together, it's a big decision.
Taylor: Would you have said you loved me if you'd known I'd gotten in to Berkeley? Great. Wow, okay. I'm just going to go.
Ryan: Taylor.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Summer: She's coming. Come on. This is where you blow out the candles and make a wish.
Taylor: I'm sorry.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Sandy: Don't worry. Kirsten and I will square up things here.
Ryan: All right, great. Thanks. And I gave Seth the car to help carry the presents.
Sandy: So where you going now?
Ryan: Uh, I don't know. I'll see you later.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Ryan: Hey. You okay?
Kaitlin: Yeah. Sure. But by the looks of it, you and I aren't going to be brother and sister any time soon.
Ryan: Oh, no. What happened?
Kaitlin: Honestly? It was me. I mean, look, Ryan, I have absolutely nothing against your dad. It's just I really didn't want to rush into an insta-family again. I mean, how long would this one last? Like a month?
Ryan: Well, you never know. I, uh, moved in with the Cohens and I gave it a week. Here I am.
Kaitlin: I just wish there was a way you could tell if it was all going to work out.
Ryan: Yeah, but there isn't. But I promise you, I will always be your brother, in a completely, non-creepy way.
Julie: Kaitlin, honey, could I talk to you?
Kaitlin: Yeah. Wait, Ryan, as your sister, if you don't tell Taylor that you love her, you're an idiot.
Ryan: Oh.
Julie: She's right.
At Cohen's
Summer: Oh, no. Seth, I'm so sorry you had to overhear that.
Seth: No, it's all right. I mean it's true.
Summer: What I was going to say is, I think what you made is really good.
Seth: Yeah, there's no coherent theme. Most of the shots are too wide and the Dogma thing has been done to death. But you know, I get that you wanted me to find something that I'm passionate about, the way you're passionate about the environment.
Summer: But you love movies.
Seth: I do. I love going to them and then telling people what's wrong with them.
Summer: What is it?
Seth: I could be a critic.
Summer: You mean spending your whole life watching movies and telling people how terrible they are?
Seth: Yeah, that sounds awesome.
Summer: I just want you to find something that you really care about.
Seth: You want to go rent An Inconvenient Truth?
Summer: Yes, I love that movie.
Seth: I just want to count the number of gratuitously soulful shots of Al Gore staring out an airplane window.
Summer: Do not insult Al Gore. Jettey
Kaitlin: So what did you tell Frank?
Julie: I told him we needed to slow it down.
Kaitlin: Mom, if you really like him...
Julie: I do. And he's not going away. But I told him that right now I need to be spending some time with my daughter.
Kaitlin: Does that include buying me ice cream?
Julie: Absolutely. At Roberts'
Taylor: The hermit? My soul card's the hermit? Are you kidding me? Okay, Esmerelda, I'd better go. I guess I'll call you next year. Come in.
Ryan: Hey, I hope I'm not interrupting.
Taylor: No.
Ryan: I got you something.
Taylor: Okay... Wait, these are all poems that I've translated.
Ryan: I collected them, recopied them, had them bound.
Taylor: Ryan, this is amazing. Are you sure this is from you?
Ryan: Taylor, I'm sorry. I freaked out. What I said last night, I meant.
Taylor: Really?
Ryan: I love you. And I don't want to lose you. So let's put it all on the table. Berkeley, Paris, Oxford, anything.
Taylor: I don't know what to say.
Ryan: That's a first. Jettey
Kaitlin: Oh, my God, Mom.
Julie: It's okay, it's just... It's an earthquake. Get in here.
Kaitlin: Mom! Julie and Kaitlin take refuge in the ice-cream's store while Ryan and Taylor are at Roberts'. Seth and Summer are in the car while Sandy comes to the aid of Kirsten who felt at the mall. The earthquake is a rare intensity. End of the episode.