1.11 - Paris is Burning
(Lorelai and Rory are walking down the street)
RORY: L?
LORELAI: L-laryngitis. M?
RORY: Mumps. N?
LORELAI: Narcolepsy! O?
RORY: Are we going to have to go through this every time we decide who cleans out the refrigerator?
LORELAI: Do you want to go back to thumb wrestling?
RORY: Osteoporosis. P?
LORELAI: (gasps) Puppies! (runs across the street)
RORY: That's not a disease. Oh boy. (runs after her)
LORELAI: (to all the puppies) Hi! Oh hi! Hi! Oohh! Rory look at the baby! (in front of one)
RORY: Mom.
LORELAI: Aw, Buttercup was found cold and wet hovering under a hydrangea bush along highway 26. It's a sad highway.
RORY: As compare to all the other happy highways she could've been abandoned by.
LORELAI: Her lineage includes cocker spaniel, golden retriever, bouvier des flandres -
RORY: Gesundheith
LORELAI: Thank you - and rottweiler.
RORY: Buttercup is a special dog. She's extremely skiddish and tends to react badly towards blonde haired females, brunette males, children of either s*x, other animals, red clothing, cabbage or anyone in a uniform.
(Luke walks up to them)
LORELAI: (to Luke) Hey, we just found the doggy version of you.
MAN: Can I help you?
LUKE: Do not let these two anywhere near a dog. They can barely feed themselves.
LORELAI: Shut up you! We'd be excellent pet owners, thank you.
RORY: You cannot be serious.
LORELAI: We could get him a pretty bowl...
RORY: It's a her.
LORELAI: ...and a new name...
RORY: Mom.
LORELAI: ..cause this 'Buttercup' thing really has got to go.
RORY: Do I need to remind you of Skippy?
LUKE: Skippy?
LORELAI: I can't believe you would bring up Skippy.
RORY: Skippy was our hamster.
LORELAI: He doesn't care.
LUKE: What happened to Skippy?
LORELAI: Nothing happened to Skippy.
RORY: Every time mom would put her hand in his cage, he'd bit her.
LORELAI: And laugh.
LUKE: Hamster's can't laugh.
LORELAI: Oh this one laughed - trust me.
RORY: So finally she got fed up.
LUKE: Of being laughed at by a hamster?
LORELAI: Well yeah.
RORY: So she stopped cleaning it's cage. Instead everyday she would stuff some Kleenex in there.
LUKE: You didn't?
LORELAI: It was the quilted kind (with a small smile)
RORY: So this keeps going on and the cage is just a cage full of Kleenex that moves a little, and the smell? Really good.
LUKE: I can imagine.
LORELAI: Oh no you can't
RORY: So then she takes the cage to the place where we bought him, waits for the sales guy to go behind the desk and dumps it on the counter then bolts.
LUKE: You abandoned your hamster.
LORELAI: Look, I know it was bad, but this was a vicious hamster. This was like a Damien hamster with little beady eyes and a big forked tail and...a cape with a...hood...and bye bye Buttercup. Bye Luke.
RORY: You did the right thing. (both walking away from the puppies with arms around each other)
LORELAI: Oh (in a whiny tone). I want a pet.
RORY: You have me.
LORELAI: You won't bring me my slippers in the morning.
RORY: I might if you had slippers.
LORELAI: Will you wear a collar?
RORY: No.
LORELAI: It'll be pink!
RORY: You're sick.
LORELAI: Hey watch how you talk to me. Remember what happened to Skippy.
(Cut to Max Medina's apartment. He's cleaning while Lorelai sits on the counter eating out of a pot.)
LORELAI: Mmm...God this is good!
MAX: OK. Correct me if I'm wrong.
LORELAI: Salt please.
MAX: Twenty minutes ago we were sitting at the dinner table were we not?
LORELAI: Yes we were.
MAX: There were candles and flowers and plates and knifes and cloth napkins.
LORELAI: I love the little sombrero napkin holders, very ole.
MAX: And the whole time we were at said dinner table, you ate two maybe three bites of this amazing dinner I made for you.
LORELAI: Pass the bread.
MAX: And yet, as soon as that dinner's over and I start cleaning up, suddenly that's when you're starving.
LORELAI: What can I say - watching someone work makes me hungry. If I hadn't stopped watching "This Old House" I'd be 500 lbs right now.
MAX: Hmm.
LORELAI: What are you doing?
MAX: Passing these to you?
LORELAI: In the dish please. Ha ha ha. (as Max puts food into pot.)
LORELAI: So where did you learn to make osso bucco anyway?
MAX: Um, from this very old Italian woman...who used to live upstairs...um, s-she had lost her husband a couple of years before and she kinda looked at me as like a son.
LORELAI: Sweet!
MAX: She was.
LORELAI: So an old girlfriend huh?
MAX: Yep.
LORELAI: Mm hm.
MAX: So would you like some coffee?
LORELAI: Yes please. (Walks by Max and their faces come very close together)
(Lorelai walks over to his desk)
LORELAI: Hey did you read Rory's paper yet?
MAX: Not yet.
LORELAI: It's really good.
MAX: I'm sure it is.
LORELAI: Oh and look! It's right on top.
MAX: Isn't that a coincidence?
LORELAI: (laughs) Wow, there are some really big words in here. I just hope you have a dictionary with you when you read it.
MAX: Oh I will.
LORELAI: You know I could just save you the time and uh, put an 'A' on it for you.
MAX: Well that really wouldn't be fair to the other students who's mothers aren't here tonight would it?
LORELAI: Yes you're right. (pause) Although, life isn't fair and the sooner those kids learn that the better.
MAX: Well I'll take that advise into account.
LORELAI: (giggles). (turns around to look at his books) Wow these are beautiful!. Hm, I never read Proust, I always wanted to. Every now and then, I'm seized with an overwhelming urge to say something like "As Marcel Proust would say.." but of course I have no idea what Marcel Proust would say so I don't even go there. I could do, uh, "As Micheal Crichton would say.." but it's not exactly the same you know.
MAX: Well, take it.
LORELAI: Oh no! It-it looks so valuable
MAX: It's a book. It's meant to be read.
LORELAI: You sure?
MAX: Take it, read it.
LORELAI: Ok, I will.
(She takes the book and sits down and starts to read)
MAX: (laughing) Not now!
LORELAI: What?
MAX: I'd rather you didn't read it now.
LORELAI: But um, what about (Max kisses her) my required reading (stands up, moving towards the bedroom, between kissing..) But I won't make the cheerleading squad! (kissing) Mr. Medina, is this my extra credit work because Missy just had to take a test!?! (laughing through kisses. Door closes.)
(Cut to Lorelai sneaking in with shoes in hand)
(Rory's waiting up on the couch)
RORY: Where do you think you're going?
LORELAI: Hi.
RORY: It's one o'clock in the morning.
LORELAI: I know but my watch stopped during a terrible car wreck and I had to save kittens and small children and four baby chicks.
RORY: Did you have a nice time?
LORELAI: Not bad. (smiling)
RORY: That's a very big smile for a not bad night. (Lorelai sits on the couch)
LORELAI: Yeah well...Hey he loaned me a book.
RORY: What book?
LORELAI: 'Swann's Way'
RORY: Aren't we ambitious.
LORELAI: Yes we are.
RORY: You know what it means when a man loans you a book don't you?
LORELAI: That he's already read it?
RORY: Yep.
LORELAI: (laughs a little) How was your night?
RORY: Homework.
LORELAI: How many times did Dean call.
RORY: Not that many.
LORELAI: How many?
RORY: Three (Lorelai looks at her)...Five.
LORELAI: (laughs) Not an all time high but very respectable. I'm going to bed. You staying here?
RORY: Yeah. I'm comfortable. I've got the pillows in a perfect mushed position.
LORELAI: Ok. Night mom. (kissing Rory)
RORY: Yeah you just go think about what you've done.
LORELAI: (with big smile) I will.
RORY: Hey.
LORELAI: What?
RORY: You look happy.
LORELAI: I am kid.
RORY: Just checking.
(Cut to Chilton - Mr. Medina's class)
MAX: "There's a certain slant of light, winter afternoons that oppresses like the heft of cathedral tunes." That, my friends is the first verse of a poem by Emily Dickenson. Now read some of those tonight, and as you do, consider the fact that Emily Dickenson writes convincingly about passion and about the world in spite of the fact that she lived as a virtual recluse. It'll help you appreciate her mind. (bell rings)
MADELINE: I could listen to him talk about passion all day. Do you think he's dating anyone?
LOUISE: Of course he is.
MADELINE: A teacher?
LOUISE: Please.
MADELINE: Why not?
LOUISE: Have you seen teachers?
MADELINE: He's a teacher.
LOUISE: Male teachers are different. They can still be mysterious.
MADELINE: I bet his girlfriend's pretty.
LOUISE: I bet she's dumb.
MADELINE: Why?
LOUISE: Dumb girls crave smart men. It's that whole Marilyn Monroe - Arthur Miller syndrome.
MADELINE: I still think she's lucky
PARIS: Whoever he's dating is a loser, who doesn't care that he's a teacher in this ridiculous school making a ridiculous teacher's salary. (to Rory) What are you looking at? (walks away)
LOUISE: Guess someone read the paper today.
MADELINE: I know. Paris' parent's divorce is getting very ugly!
LOUISE: Her dad should've just paid her mom everything she wanted and this whole thing would've been over.
MADELINE: That's what my dad did. (to Rory) Hi!
LOUISE: Hi.
RORY: Hey.
MADELINE: Is it true Paris' mom had the entire back of her body surgically reconstructed?
LOUISE: Well it doesn't match the front now does it?
(Cut to Grandma's house)
(Dinner time)
GRANDMA: How's the squab?
RORY: It's good.
GRANDMA: Lorelai?
LORELAI: It's the best tiny, weird bird I have ever eaten.
GRANDMA: I'm glad.
LORELAI: Why are you smiling like that?
GRANDMA: What are you talking about?
LORELAI: You're smiling.
GRANDMA: I'm happy.
LORELAI: That's not your "I'm happy" smile.
GRANDMA: Well what smile is it Loerlai?
LORELAI: That's your "I've got something on Lorelai" smile.
GRANDMA: Rory your mother must be very tired.
RORY: She works a lot.
LORELAI: I grew up with that smile - I know that smile.
GRANDMA: Tell me about school.
RORY: Well, my French final went pretty well.
LORELAI: You can change the subject. I know the smile.
GRANDMA: Whatever you say dear.
LORELAI: I've used it a few times myself.
RORY: Mom.
GRANDMA: So tell me about parent's day?
LORELAI: What?
GRANDMA: Parent's day? Next Wednesday? When all the parents are supposed to go to the classes with their children all day long?
LORELAI: The Chilton newsletter came out today!
RORY: Yup.
LORELAI: Right.
GRANDMA: You didn't read yours?
LORELAI: Not yet.
GRANDMA: Ah.
LORELAI: But you knew that -
GRANDMA: Well -
LORELAI: Hence the smile.
GRANDMA: Lorelai, you're really being silly. There's no evil plan a foot here. I simply brought up a subject I thought we could all talk about.
LORELAI: Oh right.
GRANDMA: I'll try another subject - the colour blue is very pleasant isn't it?
LORELAI: Mom not everybody can wait outside the mailbox for the Chilton newsletter to arrive and then instantly memorize the contents in three seconds.
RORY: I'd like to weigh in on the blue colour subject please.
GRANDMA: You have your priorities far be it from me to question them.
LORELAI: Just because I don't read the newsletter doesn't mean I don't care about my daughter.
GRANDMA: So are you going?
LORELAI: To what?
GRANDMA: To parent's day!
LORELAI: Why don't we talk about it next Friday when I've actually read the newsletter. I guarantee it'll be more fun.
GRANDMA: We could except for the fact that parents day is next Wednesday.
LORELAI: Wednesday?
RORY: Yup.
GRANDMA: If we talked about it on Friday then you would've missed it.
LORELAI: Wednesday huh?
RORY: It's ok mom, you don't have to be there.
GRANDMA: I guess we can talk about how you missed it.
LORELAI: I'm won't miss it.
RORY: Mom it's not a big deal, you're busy.
GRANDMA: You know what - I'll go!
LORELAI: What?
GRANDMA: Why not? You have to work. I, as you have insinuated, have no life, therefore I will go sit with Rory at parent's day.
LORELAI: I'm not busy, I'm going. I will be there - that's it. End of story ok?
GRANDMA: Fine.
LORELAI: Fine.
GRANDMA: So did you read on page two about the mother/daughter talent show?
(Lorelai chokes on her food)
RORY: You ok? (smiling)
(Cut to Gilmore house)
RORY: Mom I have to go! It's almost 8 o'clock!
(Lorelai running around her room getting ready)
LORELAI: Wait! Have you seen my orange suede clip thingy?
RORY: Top right hand drawer.
LORELAI: It's not there.
(Rory huffs and goes upstairs to help)
RORY: Did you check in your purse?
LORELAI: Yes.
RORY: Under your scarves?
LORELAI: Yes.
(at the bedroom door)
RORY: In your sock drawer?
(Lorelai looks in the sock drawer and finds it.)
LORELAI: (gasps) I love you.
RORY: I'm gone.
LORELAI: Bye (give Rory a kiss)
LORELAI: Hey wait!
RORY: What?
LORELAI: Blue disco sequence bag?
RORY: No!
LORELAI: Why?
RORY: Bad.
LORELAI: Really?
RORY: Bye.
LORELAI: Bye! (pause) Wait-wait-wait!
RORY: Mom come on! Mr. Medina's going to be here any minute!
LORELAI: Ok, just tell me one more thing. Where's the silver dangly bracelet?
RORY: I'm wearing it.
LORELAI: Why are you wearing it?
RORY: Because it's mine.
LORELAI: Oh...right...Hey can I borrow your silver dangly bracelet?
RORY: I'll leave it on the table for you.
LORELAI: Thank you.
(Rory heads for the door and the doorbell rings)
LORELAI: What was that?
RORY: The door bell rang?
LORELAI: Why did the door bell ring?
RORY: Because someone's at the door.
(Lorelai comes down the stairs while Max listens from outside.)
LORELAI: It's 8 o'clock. Who shows up at 8 o'clock for an 8 o'clock date?
RORY: I don't know, maybe a Chilton teacher?
LORELAI: Everybody knows that 8 o'clock means 8:20, 8:15 tops!
RORY: Well obviously he was raised in a barn.
LORELAI: I tell you, he's cute but this punctuality thing has knocked 10 points off the dream guy quotient.
RORY: Mom what do I do? I'm not even supposed to be here.
LORELAI: Ok so go!
(Rory turns to leave)
LORELAI: Oh wa-wa-wait! You have to get the door.
RORY: What?
LORELAI: Yeah, because I'm not ready.
RORY: I'm not supposed to get the door remember, we agreed. I don't get the door when you have a date.
LORELAI: I know but...
RORY: I'm not even supposed to be here. That's the first rule of the 'Gilmore Dating Handbook'. (as Lorelai fiddle with her skirt zipper). Daughter shall be nowhere near house when said man materializes. It's a good rule, it 's been working.
LORELAI: Ok, but he's standing out there and it's cold and my slip is now completely stuck in my skirt zipper and they'll have to bury me like this.
RORY: Mom!
LORELAI: Just this once! (as she runs upstairs)
(Rory opens the door)
RORY: Hi.
MAX: Rory.
RORY: Come on in.
MAX: Thank you (clears his throat)
RORY: Can I get you something, I mean we don't really have anything but if you wanted something and we had it, I'd be happy to get it for you.
MAX: I'm fine.
RORY: We have water.
MAX: That's ok.
RORY: It's not bad water actually. I mean it's not a funny colour or anything.
MAX: I'm good. Really.
RORY: We have bottled water.
MAX: No thanks,
RORY: One bottle actually.
MAX: I-it's quite alright.
RORY: We really need to go to the store.
MAX: So..should we...
RORY: Sit? Right. Yeah let's sit.
(They move into living room)
MAX: So, uh, what are your plans tonight?
RORY: I'm going over to my friend Lane's house.
MAX: Sounds good.
RORY: And you guys are...?
MAX: Dinner, movie - the usual.
RORY: Right.
(Both look upstairs. Max clears his throat.)
MAX: This is a little uncomfortable.
RORY: Yes it is.
MAX: But the thing is, if things go well, the way I hope they're going, then we might be doing this again.
RORY: Sitting uncomfortably?
MAX: (laughs) Seeing each other outside of school.
RORY: That's ok. I am fine with this whole you and my mom thing.
MAX: Well good. I'm glad.
RORY: Well, better go. (gets up to leave)
MAX: It's good to talk to you Rory. (standing up)
RORY: You too Mr. Medina. (She turns to leave)
MAX: why don't you call me Max? Just when we're out of school.
RORY: (turning back) I don't think I can do that.
MAX: Why not?
RORY: It just sounds wrong - disrespectful. I mean, you're my teacher Mr. Medina, and if I start to think of you as a 'Max' - even as a part-time 'Max', it just seems lit it would get too confusing.
MAX: How 'bout then, we'll come up with non-Chilton names for each other. When we're not in school, I'll call you Rebecca.
RORY: Rebecca.
MAX: And you'll call me...
RORY: Norman?
MAX: Norman?
RORY: Well...
MAX: I look like a Norman to you?
RORY: I'm sorry, 'Psycho' was on earlier and it was just the first name that came to mind. I'll think of something else. How about Alfred?
MAX: You know what...Norman's fine.
RORY: Are you sure?
MAX: I'm positive, I love it. I might make a legal change.
RORY: Ok. Well I better go.
MAX: I hope you and Lane have a good time.
RORY: Thanks. Oh, would you give this to my mom for me?
MAX: Absolutely.
RORY: Thanks.
(Rory starts to leave.)
RORY: Oh and Norman - have her home by 10.
(Max waves her off)
(Cut to Luke's)
(Rory's sitting at the counter as Sookie and Jackson enter)
SOOKIE: I can't believe you won't just sell them to me.
JACKSON: And I can't believe you're being so small minded.
SOOKIE: My stuffed fried squash blossoms are extremely popular with the customers.
JACKSON: Yes I know.
SOOKIE: People come from all over and demand the fried stuffed squash blossoms.
JACKSON: That's exactly my point!
SOOKIE: What'll you have sir? Anything that comes with the stuffed fried squash blossoms. That's what I hear day in and day out.
JACKSON: Yes, great, I know, but all I'm asking you is to try stuffing something a little different this time huh? (holds up a zucchini tush)
SOOKIE: A zucchini tush?
JACKSON: Just a temporary name.
SOOKIE: You want me to serve my customers a genetically engineered vegetable that's named after a butt?
JACKSON: Hey this is an all natural vegetable hybrid that's perfectly safe, completely delicious, and yes it looks a little odd but you can put in on the map!
SOOKIE: I want the blossoms.
JACKSON: Fine. You wanna think small, think small. I'm done. (leaves)
(Sookie sighs and sits next to Rory)
RORY: Jackson invented a new vegetable again?
SOOKIE: Yup.
RORY: It's too bad that bowling league didn't work out for him.
SOOKIE: Yeah.
(Lorelai enters with skates over her shoulder)
LORELAI: Hey, look I found them.
RORY: Where?
LORELAI: They were in that drawer with the roasting pans.
RORY: Cool.
SOOKIE: Oooh skates!
LORELAI: Rory and I have a skating date.
RORY: I'm Nancy Kerrigan.
LORELAI: And I'm Tonya Harding. I'm gonna do the whole shoe lace coming untie - nervous break - let me start again act and everything.
LUKE: (laughing) When was the last time you put those things on?
LORELAI: Oh, you are constantly trying to ruin my fun.
LUKE: Do they even fit anymore?
LORELAI: Yes they fit.
LUKE: They look rusted.
LORELAI: Well...can I just have some coffee please?
LUKE: (sighs) Hand them over.
LORELAI: Why?
LUKE: I'm gonna clean them and tighten the blades.
LORELAI: Really!?!
LUKE: Yes.
LORELAI: Can you make them really shiny?
LUKE: The skates please.
LORELAI: Maybe add a couple of pompoms.
LUKE: Just hand them over.
LORELAI: Thank you!
SOOKIE: You get really good service here.
LORELAI: Yeah I do.
(Sookie's pager goes off.)
SOOKIE: Gotta go.
LORELAI: Anything wrong?
SOOKIE: Too much yeast, too little bowl.
LORELAI: Enough said.
LORELAI: (to Rory) So I think I'm just going to go for it and wear the fur-trimmed skating skirt, pride be damned.
RORY: Hey, what if we invite Max to go skating with us?
LORELAI: M-max?
RORY: Yeah, I thought maybe he'd want to go.
LORELAI: When did you start calling him Max?
RORY: Well the other night he said that I should probably call him something other than Mr. Medina when we're outside of school. Which makes sense, so I'm getting used to saying 'Max'.
LORELAI: W- you don't see him that much outside school.
RORY: No, but I probably will since you guys are obsessed with each other.
LORELAI: Yeah, well I wouldn't say 'obsessed'.
RORY: No. It's ok, I mean of all the guys to have hanging around, he seems like a good choice. I like him.
LORELAI: Good, well that's good.
RORY: So what do you think about the skating?
LORELAI: What?
RORY: Mr. Medina - I'm sorry, Max? Do you think he'd wanna go?
LORELAI: I don't thin he skates. (to Luke) Thanks.
RORY: Well maybe we could all do something else together.
LORELAI: Yeah, good. Something else is good. I love something else.
(Cut to Gilmore house)
(Kettle whistles.)
SOOKIE: Ok, tea is ready. How are the feet?
LORELAI: I don't know. They stopped talking to me.
SOOKIE: What on earth were you thinking?
LORELAI: That I could still skate.
SOOKIE: It's not like riding a bike you know.
LORELAI: Now you tell me.
SOOKIE: So, (sitting at table) what are you up to tonight.
LORELAI: Well, I'm going to do a little line dancing, then run a 10K, then just jump up and down really hard for about an hour.
SOOKIE: No Max?
LORELAI: No.
SOOKIE: Taking a night off?
LORELAI: I don't seem him every night Sookie.
SOOKIE: He seems like a great guy.
LORELAI: He is.
SOOKIE: That didn't sound very convincing.
LORELAI: No, he is. He is a great guy - for someone.
SOOKIE: For someone?
LORELAI: Yes.
SOOKIE: Someone else?
LORELAI: Yes.
SOOKIE: Someone else who is not you although you're the person spending every waking hour with him.
LORELAI: Right.
SOOKIE: Aha. How long have you been dating?
LORELAI: Why?
SOOKIE: Two months you've been seeing him right?
LORELAI: Point Sookie?
SOOKIE: Mmm. Just right on schedule that's all.
LORELAI: I have no idea what you're talking about.
SOOKIE: This is about the time you start doing you little getaway dance. Two months right on the nose - you're good.
LORELAI: I do not do a dance.
SOOKIE: You're cha-cha-cha-ing right now.
LORELAI: I'm not cha-cha-cha-ing. I'm being practical. Rory is starting to get attached to Max and that's not good.
SOOKIE: Oh Rory's getting attached to Max?
LORELAI: Yes and since I've decided that Max is probably not the guy for me, I think it's better that we break it off before she gets hurt.
SOOKIE: Practical
LORELAI: Yes.
SOOKIE: Uh, can I say something here?
LORELAI: Of course you can.
SOOKIE: Cha-cha-cha.
LORELAI: Stop that.
SOOKIE: (singing) Livin' la vida loca.
LORELAI: Sookie.
SOOKIE: Shake your bon-bon, shake your bon-bon.
LORELAI: Hey, you will not stand there singing Ricky Martin songs to me. This is not a pattern ok? I'm not doing what I always do. This is not the same.
SOOKIE: Actually you're right. Usually you don't get so upset and defensive during the cha-cha talk.
LORELAI: (painfully) Ah! (as Sookie pours hot water into foot basin)
SOOKIE: You must really like this guy.
LORELAI: When did you become the relationship expert? You haven't been in a relationship in years. (Sookie looks sad as Lorelai realizes what she said). Wow! Zero to jackass in 3.2 seconds.
SOOKIE: That's alright, your feet hurt.
LORELAI: No it isn't. It's never ever ok for me to talk to you like that. I'm so so sorry. Please honey.
SOOKIE: (sighs) I understand - really. You know it's not like I don't want a relationship.
LORELAI: I know. I didn't mean anything by it.
SOOKIE: (sighs) It's just - it's hard with my hours. I'm always at the inn, or at the market or at the hospital.
LORELAI: Please - forgive me. Do you wanna...sing some more Ricky Martin to me?
SOOKIE: No.
LORELAI: You can you know - I deserver it.
SOOKIE: (quietly) 'She's into superstition, black cats and voodoo dolls. (louder) I've got a premonition, that girl's gonna make me fall.' (imitates guitar tunes)
(Cut to Chilton)
TRISTIN: You know I heard that Paris' dad's actually got a second family in Paris.
GUY: Whoa.
TRISTIN: Yeah.
(Rory rolls her eyes as she walks by.)
MAX: Uh, Rory?
RORY: Hey Mr. Medina.
MAX: I enjoyed your paper on Dickenson.
RORY: I had fun writing it.
MAX: It showed.
RORY: Thanks.
MAX: You're welcome (Rory turns to go) Um, Rory?
(Rory turns back)
RORY: Yeah?
MAX: No, that's it. That's all I wanted to say.
RORY: My name?
MAX: Yes.
RORY: Ok.
MAX: Actually I just wanted to see if Lore- (looks around) if your mom is coming to parent's day.
RORY: Oh well...
MAX: Cause I'm just trying to get an accurate number of parents who are coming - you know for the cookie count.
(Rory smiles at him)
MAX: Forget it. (sighing)
RORY: She's coming.
MAX: (relieved) I hadn't heard from her for a while about it and -
RORY: She'll be here.
MAX: Ok, good. Good.
RORY: But you should put us down for four.
MAX: Four what?
RORY: Four cookies.
MAX: Ok, good. I will.
RORY: Bye.
(Max sighs)
[SCENE_BREAK]
(Cut to Gilmore house)
(Lorelai is cleaning out the fridge.)
LORELAI: Four slices pepperoni pizza.
RORY: From?
LORELAI: Tuesday?
RORY: Last Tuesday?
LORELAI: The Tuesday in the not so distant past.
RORY: Toss it. (sits at table) So you remember Paris Geller.
LORELAI: Your very best friend in the whole world?
RORY: Her parents are getting a major divorce.
LORELAI: Really.
RORY: Her dad's like this big wig at a huge pharmaceutical company and they're printing all the sordid details about it in the paper.
LORELAI: Ooh how sordid?
RORY: Well, it's not the Rich James incident, but Hugh Grant should be feeling pretty good about himself.
LORELAI: If she was anyone else in the entire universe I might feel bad for her.
RORY: Actually I kind of do feel bad for her.
LORELAI: That's because you are the nicest kid ever to walk the earth.
RORY: The whole school's talking about it. And the weird thing is that the whole dynamics there has changed for me.
LORELAI: Really? How so? (gets up to go towards fridge)
RORY: Well, Madeline and Louise, Paris' best friends, they said hello to me the other day.
(Both munching on cold fries)
LORELAI: Really? Like a normal hello? Not like a 'Here's Johnny' kind of hello?
RORY: Normal, friendly, no acts.
LORELAI: Wow, you're the new 'Heather'
RORY: I guess.
(Lorelai pulls out another pizza box)
LORELAI: Oh, hey, this is the pizza from mystery Tuesday. That one's completely fine (pointing to the one in the garbage bin.)
RORY: Don't.
LORELAI: It's in the box!
RORY: Oscar!
LORELAI: Felix!
RORY: Forget it!
LORELAI: Fine.
(Rory goes back to table.)
RORY: So how's 'Swann's Way' coming.
LORELAI: Oh finished.
RORY: You're kidding! It took me forever to read that. I had to renew it 10 times.
LORELAI: The first sentence - I finished the first sentence.
RORY: Aha.
LORELAI: Yeah - it's just - I'm so swamped right now you know, it's the totally wrong time to start reading the longest book known to man. Hey maybe you could give it back to Max for me?
RORY: Just bring it with you tomorrow.
LORELAI: Tomorrow?
RORY: Parent's day?
LORELAI: I know (she didn't) I'm just - I'm not sure I'm going to be able to make it.
RORY: What do you mean?
LORELAI: Well I have that thing at the inn and I thought I could get away and now I can't.
RORY: What thing?
LORELAI: The thing - the inn thing?
RORY: What inn thing?
LORELAI: You know.
RORY: No I don't.
LORELAI: The thing at the inn with the flags and the little men and the peanuts - the thing.
RORY: Little men?
LORELAI: Forget it, it's not important - I just don't think I can go.
RORY: Ok, fine.
LORELAI: So, if you could give this book back to Max tomorrow - that would be great.
RORY: Why don't you just give it back to him the next time you see him.
LORELAI: Because I'm not sure when that would be and he should have his book. (getting a bit upset)
RORY: You see him all the time.
LORELAI: Rory, could you just (drops book on table) give it back to him ok?
RORY: Are you breaking up with him?
LORELAI: What are you talking about?
RORY: Well he hasn't heard from you and now you're asking me to give him the book back.
LORELAI: How do you know he hasn't heard from me?
RORY: He wanted to know if you were going to Parent's day and then he mentioned that you guys hadn't talked lately.
LORELAI: He shouldn't be asking you about me.
RORY: Why are you breaking up with him?
LORELAI: Because it's not working out.
RORY: But you seemed so happy.
LORELAI: It's not right - that's all.
RORY: So that's why you're not going tomorrow?
LORELAI: No, I'm not going tomorrow because of the thing at the inn.
RORY: That's crap and you know it (upset)
LORELAI: Hey -
RORY: There is no thing at the inn, you're avoiding Mr. Medina and you're trying to lie to me and you promised you would go and - hey, do whatever you want. I don't care, just leave me out of it. And give him the book back yourself. (Rory goes to her room and slams the door.)
LORELAI: Fine I will. (takes the pizza out of garbage.)
(Cut to Chilton)
LORELAI: Hey, not so fast.
RORY: The bell's gonna ring.
LORELAI: Before you go one more step - tell me you like me?
RORY: You bug me.
LORELAI: I'll take that as a yes. And I want you to know that I will deal with my issues with Max myself.
RORY: Fine.
LORELAI: Really.
RORY: I believe you.
LORELAI: So where are we going?
RORY: To my locker to drop off some of this stuff.
LORELAI: Great, let's do it.
(see Paris and her mother by Paris' locker arguing)
PARIS: You can't just leave now.
MOM: Paris please.
PARIS: At least come to my lit class.
MOM: This place is giving me a headache.
PARIS: Mom.
MOM: Is your face breaking out?
PARIS: No.
MOM: You have not being using that cleanser have you? Now Dr. Yanalari prescribed that cleanser for a reason - to cleanse.
PARIS: Just lit class.
MOM: Paris with everything I have going on right now the last thing I need to do is face a bunch of bored people who are gossiping about me. I'll see you later at home. Use that cover stick I got you.
(Paris sighs)
LORELAI: I bet I'm looking pretty good to you right now.
RORY: Yes you are.
LORELAI: Hmm. So what's first? Wait don't tell me.
RORY: English lit with Mr. Max Medina.
LORELAI: Ok see I told you not to tell me.
RORY: Sorry
LORELAI: Mr. Medina's class huh?
RORY: The fancy book owner himself.
LORELAI: How does first annual mother/daughter ditch day sound?
RORY: Not happening.
LORELAI: Yeah yeah, ok - let's go.
(Cut to Mr. Medina's class)
MAX: On Monday we will start a two week of creative writing exercise, but that doesn't mean we stop reading. One of the greatest inspirations of working writers is the writing of other that they admire. Walt Whitman read Homer, Dante, Shakespeare. And the novelist Edna O'Brien has been quoted as saying 'that every writer should read some Proust every day' Now, at this point, normally I would impress the partens by pulling out a copy of Proust's 'Swann's Way' and reading a particularly difficult passage but alas, you're all saved. I have misplaced my copy. (bell rings) Oh that does is - parent's thanks for coming, students - papers on Whitman are due tomorrow and those of you who are just starting tonight - I'll be able to tell.
LORELAI: So you go on ahead ok? I'm going to talk to Max for a second.
RORY: Please be nice.
LORELAI: I will, I will.
LORELAI: (to Max) Hi.
MAX: Hi - it's nice to see you.
LORELAI: Yeah. I've been really busy.
MAX: Oh sure - I assumed.
LORELAI: I wanted to give this back to you.
MAX: Keep it.
LORELAI: I really liked it. I like the first 20 pages anyway, then I got busy and I can see you really need it so - (tries to give him the book)
MAX: What's going on Lorelai?
LORELAI: Nothing. I just don't think a book whose first sentence is 20 pages long is for me.
MAX: Well I left four messages
LORELAI: I know - I've been meaning to call.
MAX: What's been keeping you?
LORELAI: I don't know - things.
MAX: Uh huh.
LORELAI: Sorry.
MAX: Sorry?
LORELAI: That I didn't call.
MAX: Ok.
LORELAI: So - here. (tries to give him book again)
MAX: Why do you keep on trying to give me the book?
LORELAI: Because it's yours.
MAX: Is there something going on here that I don't know about?
LORELAI: Yeah, uh I hate Proust.
MAX: Lorelai?
LORELAI: Look, um Rory's out there waiting for me so... (tries to give him book again)
MAX: Wa-wait a minute...Oh my God! I cannot believe what an idiot I am.
LORELAI: What?
MAX: You're breaking up with me aren't you?
LORELAI: I don't know.
MAX: Not only are you breaking up with me, you're doing it really badly.
LORELAI: Am I being graded?
MAX: No, I'm a little disappointed. I would've expected a better dumping from you.
LORELAI: Nobody's dumping anyone.
MAX: Really? Then what is this?
LORELAI: I just need space.
MAX: Well I don't. In fact I want as little space as possible. 100 clowns crammed into a Volkswagen. That's the kind of non-space I'm talking about.
LORELAI: It's not working.
MAX: It was working pretty good the other night.
LORELAI: Look it is what I've been trying to tell you all along. This is a family. Rory and I, you walked into a family, but you weren't listening and now she's getting attached and I'm afraid she's gonna get hurt.
MAX: So you solution to all of this is not to return my calls
LORELAI: It just took me a while to figure things out and it all came clear when I realized how much we could hurt Rory.
MAX: Don't you mean how much we could hurt Lorelai?
LORELAI: Hey - I can take care of myself.
MAX: I don't understand this. I thought we went through this. W-we decided she could handle it.
LORELAI: Well maybe she can and maybe she can't. I'm not ready to find out.
MAX: I'm not going to let you off that easily.
LORELAI: Well there's nothing you can do about it.
MAX: There has to be.
LORELAI: There isn't.
MAX: There is.
LORELAI: Well no there isn't.
MAX: Yes there is.
LORELAI: What are we in high school? Well I know we are in a high school.
MAX: This is so not you.
LORELAI: Well, you don't know everything about me.
MAX: I guess not, because I would've thought that blaming this all on Rory and giving me these lame apologies was weak, pathetic and beneath you.
LORELAI: Just take you damn book
MAX: You've missed me.
LORELAI: Stop it.
MAX: I know you did, you're missing me right now aren't you?
(Lorelai sighs)
MAX: Answer me.
LORELAI: Look class is over -
MAX: Well we're back in session.
LORELAI: Well I didn't raise my hand so don't call on me! I came here to give you this book back, please take it.
MAX: I swear to God if you try to give me that book one more time...
(They kiss passionately. Outside the class Paris walks by and sees them kiss)
(Cut to cafeteria)
(Gets noisier and noisier as Paris walks from table to table talking to people. Tristin walks by Rory and makes a 'kiss' sound to her. Paris walks up to Rory.)
RORY: What's going on?
PARIS: Oh, everyone's just talking about the mom that Mr. Medina was seen kissing just now.
RORY: What?
PARIS: And the weird thing is - she looks a lot like your mom.
RORY: What are you talking about?
PARIS: Your mom - Mr. Medina, mouths open. I saw them. How's the coleslaw? Good? (walks away)
(Lorelai walks into cafeteria)
LORELAI: Hey, did you save me some jello?
(Rory gets up and leaves)
LORELAI: What? (follows Rory out) Rory?! Hey where are you gong?
RORY: Were you kissing him?
LORELAI: What?
RORY: Mr. Medina, just now, were you kissing him?
LORELAI: Yes.
RORY: What the hell is wrong with you?
LORELAI: I don't know.
RORY: You said you were breaking up with him.
LORELAI: I was.
RORY: I know I told you to be nice to him but this was a little extreme don't you think?
LORELAI: It wasn't supposed to happen.
RORY: Paris saw you! It's all over the school!
LORELAI: Oh God - oh Rory, I'm so sorry. I really am. See this is exactly why I didn't want to date him.
RORY: You didn't want to date him so you wouldn't come to my school and kiss him and humiliate me?
LORELAI: Yes that's exactly it.
RORY: Why would you do this?
LORELAI: Because I'm human, because I screwed up. I'm sorry.
RORY: If you like him so much then why are you breaking up with him?
LORELAI: Look, I broke the rules when I brought him into our lives and I realize now that that was a very bad idea.
RORY: But why?
LORELAI: Why?! Because we are standing in this stairwell yelling at each other that's why! Because it's affecting you, it's seeping into your life and that is the whole reason I made these rules in the first place. Is-is to protect you!
RORY: You know what, maybe it was a good idea that you hid your personal life from me when I was a kid but I'm not a kid anymore.
LORELAI: No, you're right. You're a 40 year old divorcee - my mistake.
RORY: Ugh! I can't believe you're blaming this on me!
LORELAI: I'm not blaming you!
RORY: You made up these stupid rules years ago about the way the Gilmore women would run their lives and now you're sticking to them even though they're crazy!
LORELAI: Oh hey my crazy, stupid rules are the reason we're doing so good in our lives. They're the reason you grew up the way you did, the reason you're even in this school and the reason you're going to go to Harvard so don't you dismiss my rules.
RORY: Fine! Great! Well, maybe it's time for the rules to change!
LORELAI: Yes, well that's for me to figure out, not you!
RORY: Great! Fine! Well could you figure it out before French class because I'd rather you didn't start making out with Mrs. Collins.
LORELAI: Hey no promises until I see what she looks like!
(Cut to front of Grandma's house)
LORELAI: Look, let's just refrain from fighting in front of the grandmother ok?
RORY: Fine with me.
LORELAI: The last thing I need tonight is a confrontation with my mother
(rings doorbell)
LORELAI: Hi mom, boy the roads were a mess out there tonight. (entering)
GRANDMA: Rory go upstairs please.
RORY: Is everything ok?
GRANDMA: I have to talk to your mother, please go upstairs.
RORY: Well -
GRANDMA: Now Rory.
GRANDMA: (walks into living room) Lorelai come here!
LORELAI: Gee mom, did I do something wrong?
GRANDMA: I try to understand you, I truly do. But sometimes your behaviour baffles me beyond belief.
LORELAI: And which behaviour is this?
GRANDMA: Do you have no shame?
LORELAI: Is that intended as a rhetorical question or - ?
GRANDMA: Rory goes to school in that place, she has a reputation to protect. You're her mother.
LORELAI: How did you -
GRANDMA: You're supposed to shield her from shame not cause it.
LORELAI: Oh mom?
GRANDMA: Kissing a teacher...in a classroom...on parent's day!
LORELAI: Well...they wanted us to get more involved with the school.
GRANDMA: Are you insane?
LORELAI: No but you are if you think I'm discussing this with you.
GRANDMA: When I heard I almost fainted.
LORELAI: How did you hear mom?
GRANDMA: I have friends Lorelai. Headmaster Charleston's wife for one.
LORELAI: Oh, that's great.
GRANDMA: The entire school is talking about it. And what do I say, how do I defend this?
LORELAI: It was a mistake.
GRANDMA: A mistake? A mistake? Is that what you call it a mistake?
LORELAI: Well I tried to call it 'Al' but it would only answer to 'mistake'.
GRANDMA: A mistake is when you throw out your credit card bill - a mistake is when you forget to RSVP to a dinner party - a mistake is when the gardeners miss trash day and the barrels are full for a week. This my girl, was not a mistake! Do you even know this man?
LORELAI: Ah, no, this is the first time I'd seen him and I don't know, there was just something about the way he held the chalk and -
GRANDMA: This is not the time for your jokes.
LORELAI: Yes I knew him. I've been dating him.
GRANDMA: Why on earth would you date Rory's teacher?
LORELAI: That's none of your business.
GRANDMA: It most certainly is.
LORELAI: How do you figure that?
GRANDMA: When it affects my granddaughter it becomes my business.
LORELAI: I don't want to talk about this with you!
GRANDMA: I just want to know what you were thinking. What was the reasoning? How on earth did you justify it to yourself?
LORELAI: Max is a great guy. An amazing guy! He's smart, he's sweet (teary) he cooks.
GRANDMA: So you decided to kiss him in your daughter's school.
LORELAI: No, I decided to breakup with him in my daughter's school and the kissing part just happened.
GRANDMA: You always let your emotions get in the way. That's the problem with you Lorelai - you don't think.
LORELAI: Mom - please.
GRANDMA: He's just a man Lorelai.
LORELAI: No he's not.
GRANDMA: Oh so what are you telling me. That this was all worth it because he was the love of you life, that this was the man for you.
LORELAI: I don't know. He might have been. Excuse me (leaves room)
(Cut to Chilton cafeteria)
(Rory sitting at a table. Paris, Louise and Madeline walk up behind her.)
LOUISE: See, I told you he wouldn't date a teacher.
PARIS: I wish my mom would sleep with my teacher, it would make midterms a lot easier.
(Rory slams her book closed, stands up and turns to face them)
RORY: Madeline, Louise, would you excuse us for a minute?
LOUISE: Ooh cat fight.
RORY: Go.
PARIS: You're not going to kiss me are you? (smiling)
RORY: What's wrong with you?
PARIS: Nothing I'm great.
RORY: You've just spent the past two weeks with all of your family's private problems printed in the newspaper for everyone to read and talk about. I saw how you walked around here! I saw how much you hated it. And then you turn around and pull something like this? Doesn't that seem crazy to you? Do you have any idea how many people you've hurt? Forget me and my mom, what about Mr. Medina? He likes you, he encourages you. He hold up your papers and tells the class how great you are. And then you turn around and spread stories about him. (pause). Whatever, forget it. You have no idea what I'm talking about. (grabs her stuff and starts to leave)
PARIS: I do like Mr. Medina.
RORY: Well I'd take some dance lessons cause the way you express yourself needs a little work.
PARIS: I...probably shouldn't have told people what I saw.
RORY: No you shouldn't have.
PARIS: I'm sorry...things have been...well...not good lately.
RORY: I know.
PARIS: I just didn't want them talking about me anymore, that's all.
RORY: Well, it worked.
PARIS: Yeah.
RORY: You know, i-if you want to talk -
PARIS: Hey, we are not friends.
RORY: Oh that I know. But if you ever do...want to talk about -
PARIS: I will, if I want to.
RORY: Ok.
PARIS: But I probably won't.
RORY: That's fine.
PARIS: But if I do -
RORY: I'm around.
PARIS: Ok. I'm going now.
RORY: Bye.
PARIS: Bye. (Paris starts to leave and turns around)
PARIS: I doubt I will.
RORY: I'm not holding my breath. (sighs and leaves)
(Cut to Independence Inn kitchen)
(Jackson drops a box of squash blossoms on the counter)
JACKSON: There - squash blossoms. All large enough for you to stuff and fry up and serve to the desensitize masses who just want what they know. Hurrah! Mediocrity wins again!
SOOKIE: Jackson?
JACKSON: You know what, I'm not even gonna charge you for these. I am not going to profit off the death of creativity. I would rather starve myself than know that my food was paid for by the lowered expectations of the American public. (starts to leave)
SOOKIE: Jackson?
JACKSON: What?!
SOOKIE: Would you like to go to dinner sometimes...with me?
JACKSON: Ok.
SOOKIE: Ok.
(Jackson leaves, Sookie's smiling.)
(Cut to coffee shop in Hartford)
(Max sitting at the counter)
MAX: Thanks (to waiter)
(Lorelai walks in)
LORELAI: Hey Mister, wanna buy a really nice copy of Proust?
MAX: How ya doing?
LORELAI: Hmm. Well you know. You?
MAX: Well you know it also.
(Lorelai sits)
LORELAI: So that parent's day is fun.
MAX: Oh, it was a big hit this year (both laugh a little)
LORELAI: Look, the other day, we were going skating, and Rory said "Why don't we invite Max to come along with us" and that was a little weird for me.
MAX: Me too. I don't skate.
LORELAI: She's never really referred to anyone I've dated by their first name before. I always kept her out of that part of my life, so it was like "the mustache guy", "the earring guy", "the peg leg guy".
MAX: Oh so you have a thing for pirates.
LORELAI: She never called anyone by their name before. She likes you. She likes us. So my mind instantly went to "Oh my God, what if we break up, she'll be crushed" and then my next thought was "Oh my God, what if we break up, I'll be crushed". And then as you know all hell broke loose.
MAX: I understand.
LORELAI: I freaked out. I'm so sorry. I never meant to treat you like that, I'm not very good at this, ask Skippy.
MAX: Skippy?
LORELAI: (shaking her head) I'm so so sorry.
MAX: I was called into headmaster Charleston's office today.
LORELAI: Let me guess. He put his arm around you and said "I don't understand why you crazy kids can't work this out?"
MAX: He said that I was jeopardizing my career and future at Chilton.
LORELAI: Oh!
MAX: At first I was incensed, outraged and "How dare he?!". And then I realized that he was right. What happened the other day was completely unprofessional. I never in my life would've considered pulling off something like this. He should've fired me.
LORELAI: But he didn't.
MAX: Not yet, but the word 'probation' was tossed around quite a bit though.
LORELAI: I'm sorry.
MAX: I'm the one that started the kiss.
LORELAI: And I'm the one that knocked it up to NC-17.
MAX: I honestly did not think that this was going to be so complicated.
LORELAI: I know.
MAX: I mean you told it would be. I didn't listen, I didn't want to.
LORELAI: It's not your fault. If I hadn't acted like a two year old and tried to run away and pretend that you weren't what you are to me, then we wouldn't have fought, we wouldn't have kissed, I wouldn't have humiliated my daughter and the whole thing would've been fine.
MAX: (sighs) I do not know what to do here. I-I've never been in a relationship like this before. I'm not thinking straight.
LORELAI: I know, me either.
MAX: That was a great kiss.
LORELAI: Beyond great.
MAX: Maybe we need to take a little time away from each other.
LORELAI: Ok. (upset)
MAX: You know, just to figure out how to do this so it's not so hard.
LORELAI: Sure...that makes sense.
MAX: I just - I don't have any other answers right now.
LORELAI: No you're right. You're absolutely right. (pause) I really really like you Max Medina
MAX: I really really like you Lorelai Gilmore.
LORELAI: Well, as long as we got that straightened out.
MAX: Goodbye Lorelai (gets up and leaves)
LORELAI: (whispers) Bye.
(Cut to Gilmore house)
(Rory comes home)
RORY: Mom! Mom, I'm home!
(Goes upstairs)
RORY: Mom?
(Finds Lorelai laying on her bed crying. Rory strokes her hair in comfort and lays down with her and hugs her.)


OPEN AT LORELAI'S HOUSE
[Rory pulls up in her car, grabs some bags from the trunk, then walks into the house. An alarm starts blaring.]
LORELAI: Oh, crap! [tries to turn off the alarm]
RORY: What's going on? Is it the smoke detector? Are we on fire?
LORELAI: It's not the smoke detector, it's the alarm!
RORY: What alarm?
LORELAI: Our alarm.
RORY: We don't have an alarm.
LORELAI: Well, then, we have really angry rats. Did you cut your hair?
RORY: Well, I just trimmed it.
LORELAI: You didn't tell me you were cutting your hair.
RORY: It was a spur-of-the-moment thing.
LORELAI: A spur-of-the-moment, "let's not tell my mother I'm pulling a G.I. Jane"?
RORY: Are we seriously gonna have this conversation now during the air raid?
LORELAI: You're right. Come on. [leads her to the other side of the room]
RORY: What are we doing?
LORELAI: I figured out that there is a motion detector, and if you stand over here, it can't see you and calms down.
RORY: Great, so what now?
LORELAI: We wait. So why didn't you tell me you were getting your hair cut?
RORY: It's just a trim.
LORELAI: To the Braille Institute, it's just a trim.
RORY: Do you like it?
LORELAI: Will you put it back if I don't?
RORY: Mom!
LORELAI: Yes, I like it.
RORY: Thank you.
[the alarm stops]
RORY: Oh, thank God.
LORELAI: Feels good when it's over, huh?
RORY: This is crazy. When did we get an alarm?
LORELAI: Well, apparently, Kirk. . .
RORY: Oh, no.
LORELAI: . . .has recently joined the Stars Hollow Security Company.
RORY: Oh, no.
LORELAI: And apparently, now that I'm the pretty spinster living all alone, he's concerned for my safety.
RORY: Did he tell you all this?
LORELAI: Do you think I labeled myself the pretty spinster?
RORY: What did you say?
LORELAI: I haven't talked to him face-to-face. I come home to this and there was a note and his card and his gun.
RORY: Oh, jeez!
LORELAI: Yeah, and then when I called the alarm-response center to complain about the alarm, no one answered. I had to leave a message with Meg - she sweeps up.
RORY: I can't even believe there's a security company in Stars Hollow. Nothing ever happens here.
LORELAI: Oh, that is not true. Plenty happens here.
RORY: Like what?
LORELAI: Like, people now break into your houses and install alarm systems.
RORY: I heard about that.
LORELAI: And we have a new mail carrier.
RORY: We do?
LORELAI: Yeah, so now if you wanna get your mail, you just have to go see Miss Patty.
RORY: Why?
LORELAI: 'Cause that's where he brings it. He brings Babette's mail to Andrew's, Norma's mail to the deli, and Taylor still hasn't found his mail, which I have to admit is kind of fun.
RORY: I rescind my previous statement. This place is hopping.
LORELAI: So, did you eat yet?
RORY: Nope. I thought I'd let you feed me.
LORELAI: Sure. I can feed you, but I can't know if you're getting your hair cut.
RORY: I will never do anything again without telling you - happy?
LORELAI: I don't know. I'm finding this whole guilt thing rather satisfying. [Rory starts to walk away] No, no, where are you going? [The alarm starts blaring again] Agh! Why did you do that?
RORY: I was gonna get my laundry!
LORELAI: You made it mad!
RORY: I didn't mean to!
LORELAI: Back in the corner, back in the corner!
RORY: Oh.
LORELAI: No place like home, huh?
RORY: Yeah.
[opening credits]
CUT TO LORELAI'S HOUSE
[Lorelai is making a trail of Post-It notes on the floor through the house; Rory comes out of her bedroom]
RORY: Mom?
LORELAI: Follow the Post-It's.
RORY: Does our life seem at all ridiculous to you?
LORELAI: I spent all morning carefully tracking that motion detector.
RORY: What an excellent use of your time.
LORELAI: We're good as long as we stay on the path.
RORY: So I should follow the yellow stick road?
LORELAI: We'll be here all week, try the veal. Stop.
RORY: What?
LORELAI: Read.
RORY: "Crouch down and hop." Oh, come on.
LORELAI: The motion-detector beam at the top of the staircase dips very low over there.
RORY: You seriously want me to crouch down and hop?
LORELAI: Like a little hunchbacked bunny.
RORY: You know, I had decided that if I ever went to therapy, I was gonna leave you out of it, but now. . .
LORELAI: Okay, you can stand up.
RORY: Did you at least call the stupid security company again?
LORELAI: Yes, Meg sends her love. Don't worry - I'll stop by on my way to the inn. And what are your plans today, Persis Khambata?
RORY: Well, today, I'm going to do nothing but hang out in town, read, veg, drink coffee, and have the perfect Stars Hollow day.
LORELAI: Look out. I get to go over to the inn and hear a contractor laugh at me every time I say, "But that won't cost too much more, right?"
RORY: Enjoy.
LORELAI: Late lunch at Luke's?
RORY: You're on. So, uh, which way do I go?
LORELAI: Oh, just follow the Post-It's.
RORY: But they're going in two different directions.
LORELAI: They are?
RORY: Look.
LORELAI: Oh. I must have kicked some out of the way by accident.
RORY: Well, which one do I take?
LORELAI: Which looks more intentional?
RORY: No Post-It path looks intentional.
LORELAI: I'm drawing a complete blank.
RORY: You seriously don't remember?
LORELAI: Sorry.
RORY: Well, how are we supposed to get out of our house?
[Lorelai, imitating Jeannie from I Dream of Jeannie, crosses her arms, nods her head, and blinks]
LORELAI: Unng!
RORY: I hate Kirk.
CUT TO THE GAZEBO
[Rory is sitting on the bench reading and listening to music. A man walks up and sets down a box]
RORY: Whoa. What's going on?
MAN: I'm just setting things up for tomorrow.
RORY: Oh, tomorrow. What's -
MAN 2: Heads up!
[another man throws a package of tablecloths to the man in the gazebo]
RORY: Whoa.
MAN: I think you may need to move.
RORY: Yeah, I kinda got that. Excuse me. What's tomorrow?
[Across the lawn, Lindsay and her mom are talking with a wedding planner]
LINDSAY: . . .tons of tulle so that everything looks like frosting.
MRS. LISTER: She's our only daughter - frost the town.
LINDSAY: Now, where should we put the poster? I want to make sure everybody sees it.
MRS. LISTER: Oh, what about next to the cake?
LINDSAY: Yes, next to the cake.
[Rory walks away in the other direction]
CUT TO KIM'S ANTIQUES
[Rory walks in]
RORY: Lane.
LANE: Rory.
RORY: Have you heard of a phone? Because as my friend, it is your responsibility to use it to call me and tell me that my ex-boyfriend's wedding is on Sunday so I'm not accidentally in it.
LANE: What?
RORY: I'm sitting out in the gazebo, reading, and this guy almost brains me with a stack of tablecloths.
LANE: Oh, that's right, they're having their reception in the town square.
RORY: Yes, and Lindsay was out there holding a giant picture of her with Dean, and. . .
LANE: Oh my God, did she see you?
RORY: I don't think so. I do a pretty good idiot run when I need to.
LANE: I'm sorry, I meant to tell you. I just didn't know you were coming home this weekend. It totally slipped my mind. Things have been so crazy. I just figured I'd tell you when we talked, and then we didn't, and. . .oh, I'm sorry, can you hold on for a sec?
[She opens an armoire. Zach and Brian are inside]
ZACH: Not cool, Lane.
LANE: I'm sorry, guys.
BRIAN: Fourth time today.
LANE: Well, I thought Rory was my mom.
ZACH: The resemblance is uncanny.
BRIAN: We should get your mom a bell like a cat.
RORY: What's going on?
LANE: We're having a band meeting. We need to figure out what to do about a guitarist.
BRIAN: I think I got a splinter.
ZACH: You know that a splinter can get into your bloodstream, go straight to your heart, and kill you.
BRIAN: Why would you tell me that?
ZACH: Whatever, dude. This is lame. I'm gonna bail.
LANE: Zach, come on.
BRIAN: We need to find a guitarist.
LANE: That's right. We have come too far to let the band fall apart just because Dave -
ZACH: Hey, do not say the "d" word, Lane.
LANE: But -
ZACH: Don't.
LANE: Dave -
ZACH: Dave is dead to me. Comprendo? Dead. Cover the mirror, rip a shirt, that guy doesn't exist.
BRIAN: He just went to college, Zach.
ZACH: No, he did not just go to college. He walked out on his art, man. He walked out on his sound. Do you think a sound is so easy to find? Did you ever see that Glenn Miller movie? For two hours, Jimmy Stewart's walking around, "I gotta find a sound. I gotta find a sound." Well, we had a sound and Dave took that sound to freaking California. You don't come back from California, man. It changes you.
LANE: What did you expect him to do - not go to college?
ZACH: No true rock 'n' roller goes to college!
RORY: Mick Jagger went to the London School of Economics.
ZACH: What?
RORY: Yeah, and, uh, Dexter Holland of The Offspring got his PhD in molecular biology at USC. Greg Ginn of Black Flag graduated from UCLA. The guy from Bad Religion got his masters in geology from UCLA, and he's working on his PhD in evolutionary biology at Cornell.
ZACH: Lane, she's your friend.
RORY: I'm sorry. Um, I'm going. I'll call you later.
LANE: Hey, are you mad?
RORY: No, I'm not, I promise. I'm just - I'm just a little surprised. I mean, Dean's wedding. . .
LANE: I know.
RORY: But it's okay. It just means that I have to be a little more careful about where I go this weekend, that's all.
LANE: Okay, well, I'll see you tomorrow. We're using the garage - guitar auditions.
RORY: Okay, I'll see you tomorrow.
ZACH: Shut up, shut up, shut up. Weezer did not go to Harvard.
BRIAN: Not the whole band, just the lead -
ZACH: Get away from me! I mean it.
RORY: Bye.
LANE: Bye.
[Rory leaves. She sees Dean out front on the sidewalk]
RORY: Hi.
DEAN: Hi. Uh, were you. . .
RORY: Oh, I was at, uh, Lane's.
DEAN: Right, Lane's. Um.
RORY: Um.
DEAN: So, you're home this weekend.
RORY: Yeah, I, uh, I ran out of clean clothes and quarters, so. . .how are things?
DEAN: Good. You?
RORY: Good.
DEAN: You like Yale?
RORY: I love Yale.
DEAN: I figured.
RORY: And Connecticut State?
DEAN: It's. . .it's good.
RORY: Oh, good. I'm glad it's good. I mean, not that I would have had any recourse if it wasn't, but, uh, this makes my lack of recourse a lot easier to deal with. So, I see you've taken over the town.
DEAN: Oh, yeah. Uh, well, Lindsay thought. . .she likes the gazebo, and. . .
RORY: And it's her wedding.
DEAN: It is her wedding.
RORY: And your wedding. I mean, it's your wedding, too.
DEAN: Yes, it is. It's my wedding, too.
RORY: Well, it's nice. It's, um, it's pretty. It looks like heaven or a Victoria's Secret commercial, which, to some people is basically the same thing.
DEAN: I didn't know you'd be home this weekend.
RORY: It was just a spur-of-the-moment thing.
DEAN: Because if I had known, I would have, you know, invited you.
RORY: Oh. Oh, well, it's. . .
DEAN: I mean, I didn't want you to think I was just not inviting you.
RORY: No, I didn't think that.
DEAN: I just figured you'd be at school.
RORY: 'Cause you're logical.
DEAN: I just didn't know.
RORY: No, I know you didn't know.
DEAN: I didn't want you to think -
RORY: No, I didn't think. I don't think. I go to Yale now. They think for you.
DEAN: But, hey, since you are here, come.
RORY: Come?
DEAN: To my wedding. Come to my wedding.
RORY: Oh, Dean. . .
DEAN: You and Lorelai, I want you to.
RORY: Well. . .
DEAN: Chicken or beef?
RORY: What?
DEAN: Wait, beef. Of course, beef. I mean, the two of you are definitely beef. I mean, not like you resemble beef or anything.
RORY: You know, you don't even have to -
DEAN: Okay, so, noon at the church. I'll be the one in the tux. And don't worry, we didn't write our own vows and no one's singing opera. I know you think that's lame.
RORY: Oh, no, well, it's a wedding. It's supposed to be. . .operatic.
DEAN: Okay, so, I better get over there. Lindsay's expecting me. Uh, so, I'll just see you two tomorrow.
RORY: But. . .
CUT TO LORELAI'S HOUSE
[Lorelai is in the living room staring at the alarm system control pad]
KIRK: [calls from upstairs] Now?
LORELAI: Nothing.
KIRK: What about now?
LORELAI: No, nothing.
KIRK: Okay. Now?
LORELAI: Nothing. Kirk, what's supposed to happen?
KIRK: What?
LORELAI: I don't know what I'm supposed to be looking for. Kirk?
KIRK: I'm not sure.
LORELAI: Kirk, please come downstairs.
KIRK: Are you going to hurt me?
LORELAI: Kirk.
KIRK: [walking downstairs] I swear, they told me it would be self-explanatory. I just had to get in the main box, and in seconds, this thing would be disabled. They didn't tell me that I needed a key or that if I didn't have a key, that I would be mildly electrocuted, and then, after all that, when I got in the box, there's nothing self-explanatory about it.
LORELAI: Kirk.
KIRK: I was trying to do a nice thing.
LORELAI: I know.
KIRK: And Jimmy said he would install it for me because I do not have those skills yet. The class was full by the time I got there.
LORELAI: That's okay.
KIRK: Damn my constant tardiness.
LORELAI: Kirk, please, what can we do right now? The alarm is just so loud.
KIRK: Yeah, that's my fault, too. I asked Jimmy to really crank it up.
LORELAI: Well, he did.
KIRK: If you're gonna have an alarm, you need it loud. You don't want some crazed, knife-wielding gunman at your throat and the neighbors are going, like, "Is that a fan? Did I leave the water running?" You want them to know, "Hey, that's an alarm."
LORELAI: Your imaginary attacker has a knife and a gun?
KIRK: And a really dirty tank top.
LORELAI: Okay. So, uh, Jimmy's out of town, but until he gets back, we can. . .
KIRK: Change the code.
LORELAI: Really? To something I know?
KIRK: You can pick it.
LORELAI: You know how to do that?
KIRK: Yes, I do.
LORELAI: That is perfect.
KIRK: Okay, here we go. Just punch in a 7-number sequence.
LORELAI: You got it.
[Sookie walks in]
SOOKIE: Hey.
LORELAI: Hi.
SOOKIE: Did you know your phone's not working?
LORELAI: What?
SOOKIE: I've been calling you for an hour. I had the operator check it. She said it's cut off or something.
LORELAI: It was working this morning.
KIRK: I'll be right back.
LORELAI: Kirk!
KIRK: I have tape. [goes upstairs]
SOOKIE: You look tired.
LORELAI: Yeah, well, Kirk.
SOOKIE: Right. Hey, listen, I got a call today.
LORELAI: From?
SOOKIE: Michel. A very upset Michel.
LORELAI: Why?
SOOKIE: Well, apparently, he called you and you never called him back.
LORELAI: When did he call me?
SOOKIE: He said he called you in July.
LORELAI: I was in Europe in July.
SOOKIE: I think that he thinks we're trying to ease him out of the Dragonfly.
LORELAI: Oh, come on. Why would he think that?
SOOKIE: I don't know, but he was so hysterical that his voice got into that high-pitched squeal he does, and all I could make out was "fire" and "abandon me" and something about not receiving a thank-you card for the Statue of Liberty.
LORELAI: That is crazy. He knows we always intended to take him with us. I mean, we love Michel, right?
SOOKIE: Right. He's the best concierge in the world.
LORELAI: Absolutely. A little abrasive.
SOOKIE: Kind of impatient.
LORELAI: But charming.
SOOKIE: And great at what he does, knows the community.
LORELAI: Willing to go that extra mile.
SOOKIE: Tiny bit obnoxious.
LORELAI: Makes you want to scream, "life's too short!" two, three times a day, but. . .
SOOKIE: Picture life without him. We do need him, right?
LORELAI: Let's just go down there and talk to him.
SOOKIE: Right.
CUT TO FANCY HOTEL
[Lorelai and Sookie walk in]
LORELAI: Well, we know where all those Calvin Klein ads went to die.
SOOKIE: They look like they all had the same mother.
LORELAI: That must be one tired supermodel.
[a woman walks by]
LORELAI: Excuse me, we're look-
[the woman ignores her and keeps walking]
LORELAI: I wouldn't talk to us either.
SOOKIE: Hey, talk to a boy. A boy will be nice to you.
LORELAI: Okay.
[they walk up to the front desk]
LORELAI: Hi. Excuse me, we're looking for Michel Gerard.
CONCIERGE: The corner of Mercer and Broom.
LORELAI: Excuse me?
[the man points to his headset]
LORELAI: Oh, Janet Jackson's on the phone.
SOOKIE: Oh.
CONCIERGE: Uh huh, no worries. Hi.
SOOKIE: Us?
CONCIERGE: Yes.
LORELAI: Oh.
SOOKIE: We're looking for Michel Gerard.
CONCIERGE: Michel.
SOOKIE: Yes, Michel Ger. . . Janet again.
LORELAI: She's very needy lately.
CONCIERGE: You have some guests at the front desk. Uh-huh. No worries. He comes like the wind.
LORELAI: Thanks. He doesn't need our thanks.
SOOKIE: Well, he has Janet, so. . .
[Michel walks through the lobby toward the front desk talking on a headset]
MICHEL: You have reservations at Tamtam at 7:00. Do not order the duck because it will take forever and you will miss the curtain. If you have any problems at all, you have my pager number. Just call me. Goodbye. [to Lorelai and Sookie] Well, look who the cat dragged in.
LORELAI: Hi, Michel. We've missed you.
MICHEL: Yes? Well, I have missed you, too.
LORELAI: This place is wonderful.
SOOKIE: You look so important, walking around, talking to yourself. But you're not really talking to yourself. You're actually talking to someone else in a headset with your headset.
LORELAI: How are you?
MICHEL: Me? I am wonderful, and yourselves?
LORELAI: We're great, and we're breaking ground on the inn on Monday.
MICHEL: Oh, yes. Is that still happening?
LORELAI: It is still happening.
MICHEL: Well, that's lovely. There's a small charge for the use of the internet. All instructions are in the minibar. I'm so pleased.
LORELAI: Listen, Michel, I know you're a little upset with me.
MICHEL: Upset? I don't think so.
SOOKIE: It's okay, I told her about the call.
MICHEL: What call?
SOOKIE: The call you made to me yesterday, the one where you told me that you called Lorelai and she didn't call back.
MICHEL: I make so many calls.
SOOKIE: The one where you cried.
MICHEL: Are you sure it wasn't another Michel?
SOOKIE: You called me! You kept me on the phone for over an hour. I missed the beginning of Queer Eye for the Straight Guy, and by the time I got back, they were all gay.
LORELAI: Okay, it doesn't matter. We just want you to know if there was any misunderstanding about wanting you to come with us to the Dragonfly, well, we're sorry.
SOOKIE: I'm not.
MICHEL: Well, that's very sweet of you to say. Thank you.
LORELAI: Unless you don't want to come with us. I mean, this place is very impressive, and I would understand if you didn't want to leave.
MICHEL: Yes, this place is impressive, isn't it? I mean, the uniform alone - like working in your jammies. And these headsets, are they not fabulous? Especially when, for example, you're in the bathroom, a place one would normally choose to be alone, then suddenly, bang, someone is yakking in your ear. How delightful. You can never get lonely.
LORELAI: I suppose not.
MICHEL: And the people who work here. . .a joy. So young, so talented. Some of them are actors in ambitious off-Broadway revues. They play cockroaches and derelicts and do Shakespeare dressed like punk rockers. It gives me chills just thinking about it. Yes, extra towels are complimentary, Matthew, and stop asking me who the hottie I'm talking to is. I'll tell you what, I'll think about it and get back to you, okay?
LORELAI: Nice to have you aboard, Michel.
MICHEL: I'm busy, go. Thank God. Matthew, what?
CUT TO LUKE'S DINER
[Lorelai and Rory are sitting at a table]
LORELAI: So, he invited us to his wedding.
RORY: And we're having beef.
LORELAI: Well, what was his body language like?
RORY: Tall.
LORELAI: No, I mean, did he squirm or back away when he invited you or was he all darty-eyed?
RORY: Not much squirming, no backing away, but there was a little bit of darty-eye.
LORELAI: So, he was nervous.
RORY: Well, we were both nervous. I mean, we didn't expect to run into each other, and I think he probably just invited us 'cause he felt like he had to, to be nice.
LORELAI: That does sound like Dean.
RORY: So, what do we do? Do we go?
LORELAI: Oh, I can't decide this. He's your ex-boyfriend.
RORY: It seems weird that we go.
LORELAI: Then we don't go.
RORY: But if we don't go, it may look like we're trying to make some kind of statement.
LORELAI: Then we go.
RORY: If I had just stayed at Lane's for two more minutes. . .
LORELAI: Yeah, fate.
RORY: Yes, it is fate. Do we ignore fate?
LORELAI: I don't know. Do you have any important papers due soon?
RORY: Why?
LORELAI: Just in case.
RORY: Fate's gonna flunk me?
LORELAI: It's always a possibility.
RORY: Well, then that's it. We are going.
LUKE: Going where?
RORY: Dean's wedding. Fate's making us.
LORELAI: I hope fate will cough up forty bucks for a salad spinner for him.
LUKE: Please, there is no fate.
LORELAI: What do you mean there is no fate? Of course there is fate.
LUKE: There is no fate, there is no destiny, there is no luck. Astrology is ridiculous. Tarot cards tell you nothing. You cannot read a palm. Tea leaves make tea and nothing else. Jim Morrison is not hanging out with Elvis, and the Kennedys did not kill Marilyn.
LORELAI: I totally knew you were gonna say that.
LUKE: I came over here. My fault.
LORELAI: I read your mind. It spoke to me. We're psychic.
LUKE: Enjoy the fries.
LORELAI: So where does this leave us?
RORY: Well, I think that Dean's gonna expect us to go, and it is his day, and I don't want him to feel like I don't care about him.
LORELAI: I know.
ORY: I just want him to be happy.
LORELAI: Okay, we'll get him a salad spinner first thing tomorrow morning.
RORY: Thank you.
[Miss Patty walks in]
MISS PATTY: Oh, there you are. Honey, I've got your mail.
LORELAI: Oh, great.
MISS PATTY: Oh, I'm exhausted. I've been looking all over town for you.
LORELAI: Oh, Patty, you could have just left me a message. I would have stopped by and picked it up.
MISS PATTY: Oh, there was something marked urgent in there, and I just wanted to make sure you got it.
LORELAI: Hm, thank you.
MISS PATTY: All right, I'm leaving. Oh, I'm gonna kill that mail carrier. I don't care if he doesn't have a tongue. [leaves]
RORY: Our new mail carrier doesn't have a tongue?
LORELAI: You've got to be kidding me.
RORY: That's what Patty just said.
LORELAI: No, Taylor has sent me a cease and desist order on the inn.
RORY: What?
LORELAI: [reads letter] "Dear Lorelai Gilmore, it has come to the attention of the Stars Hollow Historical Preservation Society that you and Miss Sookie St. James intend to commence construction on the Dragonfly Inn. Any proposed renovations must be submitted, discussed, and approved by the Stars Hollow Historical Preservation Society. We must therefore ask that all work halt until such time that this procedure has been followed. Thank you, and have a historical day." Is he kidding?
RORY: What are you gonna do?
LORELAI: I'm going to talk to him.
RORY: Cool.
LORELAI: Don't say cool like that. It's gonna be very pleasant.
RORY: I thought you said you were gonna go talk to Taylor.
LORELAI: I own my own business now, Rory. I'm gonna have to deal with tiny men like Taylor all the time. You can't go around yelling at people, no matter how historical they might be.
RORY: Bummer.
LORELAI: You have to learn to separate the personal from the business.
RORY: Okay.
[they walk outside and head toward the soda shop]
LORELAI: Remember in The Godfather, Michael telling Sonny how he was gonna kill Tattaglia and Captain McCluskey in that Italian restaurant? He lays out the whole thing very calmly, very unemotionally, 'cause that's what you do in business.
RORY: Yeah, but then he went and shot two guys in the head.
LORELAI: Okay, but I wasn't describing that scene.
CUT TO THE SODA SHOP
TAYLOR: [to customer] But if you know you already like lime, then you're not sampling, you're savoring, and that's just gluttonous.
[Lorelai and Rory walk in]
LORELAI: Hi, Taylor.
TAYLOR: Well, hello there. Lorelai, Rory, what can I get for you?
LORELAI: Oh, well, gosh, look at all the choices, really hard to pick. I think I'll try a scoop of butter brickle crunch. Rory?
RORY: I'll try the chocolate chocolate chocolate.
TAYLOR: Coming right up.
LORELAI: Listen, Taylor, while I have you here, um, I received this letter in the mail, and I'm having kind of a blond day, and I wonder if you could explain this to me.
TAYLOR: Well, it says you have to get approval before you can start construction on the inn.
LORELAI: That's what I thought it said. Well, I have to tell you, Taylor, I'm a little concerned because we have a construction crew coming Monday, so. . .yikes.
TAYLOR: Well, the Dragonfly is a historical building, Lorelai.
LORELAI: Yeah, but the whole town is a historical building, Taylor. I mean, George Washington ate, slept, or blew his nose all over the damn place.
TAYLOR: He only blew his nose in the park. You've read the sign.
LORELAI: Taylor, that inn needs love. It's falling down. Sookie and I have no intention of ruining its historical aspect. We'd just like some running water.
TAYLOR: Running water was not always historical.
LORELAI: You're not seriously telling me I can't put in running water?
RORY: Oh, my God, this is incredible. It's called chocolate chocolate chocolate, but it's seriously chocolate chocolate chocolaty. Sorry.
TAYLOR: I'm just telling you, there are rules and they have to be followed.
LORELAI: Fine. What do I have to do to get the Historical Preservation Society's stamp of approval?
TAYLOR: Well, a formal presentation is necessary.
LORELAI: Uh-huh. When?
TAYLOR: Uh, any town function or gathering is open to a presentation, Lorelai.
LORELAI: Okay, so, like, the town meeting tonight?
TAYLOR: If you like.
LORELAI: The town meeting it is.
TAYLOR: Oh, now, don't look sad. I went through this with my place, too. Of course, I knew the rules so I didn't get the embarrassing letter.
LORELAI: Right, okay, great. Well, we'll see you later, Taylor.
TAYLOR: Oh, uh. . .
LORELAI: Yes?
TAYLOR: That'll be $3.50 for the ice cream.
RORY: And worth every penny, let me tell you. Sorry, but this is really good.
CUT TO TOWN MEETING
TAYLOR: So, any additional landscaping to the town square will be paid for directly from the town park funds, and town park funds only. All righty.
RORY: Long one tonight.
LORELAI: Astonishingly long.
SOOKIE: We've got to be next, right?
LORELAI: We've got to be. Michel, are you okay over there?
SOOKIE: He says the guy next to him has unforgivable B.O.
LORELAI: Michel, you're French. How can you even tell?
TAYLOR: Could we have a little quiet please?
LORELAI: Sorry, Taylor, we're just waiting here very patiently, as you can see, all ready and everything.
TAYLOR: Yes, well, um, the next item, people, is a wonderful feather in Stars Hollow's cap. One of our very own, fourth grader Donny Pass, was named a runner-up in the Connecticut State story-writing contest for his work entitled The Happiest Doughnut.
SOOKIE: I think I'm gonna give birth just out of boredom.
TAYLOR: Donny's mom is here tonight. Let's give her a big hand.
LORELAI: I almost think he's doing this on purpose.
SOOKIE: Almost? Huh.
LORELAI: Bordering on pretty damn sure.
TAYLOR: I won't spoil the plot of The Happiest Doughnut for you, folks, except to say it's funny and a little sad and truly inspiring. But a caveat for all you parents - the dunking scene may be too intense for preschool-aged children.
GYPSY: How can a stupid doughnut be happy?
RORY: But see, he's got you curious. That's the genius of Donny Pass.
GYPSY: Hey, I've got a bunch of your mail. Here.
RORY: Oh, I've got some of yours, too, and some of Al's. Will you pass this back to him for me?
GYPSY: Yeah. Oh, if you hand this up to Andrew.
RORY: Can do.
[The townspeople start exchanging their mail]
LORELAI: I can't smell anything.
MICHEL: I'm breathing it all in so it's not reaching you.
LORELAI: Thanks for taking that grenade for me, pal.
TAYLOR: People, could we have some order here?
ANDREW: Oh, Gypsy, the letter from my girlfriend's open.
GYPSY: Oh, yeah. Sorry, Andrew. It must have fallen open accidentally.
ANDREW: You read my private letter.
GYPSY: There's nothing private in that letter. Except for the medical stuff.
MISS PATTY: Taylor, I got your PennySaver and your girly magazines.
TAYLOR: Those are lifestyle magazines. People, this meeting has degenerated into our usual weekly anarchy. I say we adjourn. We'll see you next week.
SOOKIE: What?
LORELAI: Uh, Taylor!
TAYLOR: Everyone pick up a free copy of The Happiest Doughnut on your way out. You won't be sorry.
LORELAI: Taylor, wait, we were supposed to make our presentation about the Dragonfly.
TAYLOR: Oh, yes. Well, uh, you're bringing this up kind of late.
LORELAI: Well, we've been sitting here.
SOOKIE: It won't take long.
LORELAI: It was your idea, remember? You suggested this.
TAYLOR: Well, okay. People, your children and elderly are going to have to wait a while longer for you to get home because Lorelai Gilmore and her associates want to discuss some proposed changes to a beloved town structure.
LORELAI: Thank you. Let's go, Sook, Augustus Gloop.
RORY: Knock 'em dead.
LORELAI: Guys, I know we've been here forever, but I very quickly want to tell you what we have in mind for this beautiful Dragonfly property.
TAYLOR: The historic Dragonfly property.
LORELAI: I think that goes without saying.
TAYLOR: I don't think you should try to hide the fact that it's historic.
LORELAI: Okay, I'm not hiding anything.
TAYLOR: Proceed, please.
LORELAI: Okay, well, we're very excited -
TAYLOR: How many guest rooms will this establishment have?
LORELAI: Um, ten.
TAYLOR: Ugh, tsk, tsk, tsk.
LORELAI: Yeah, ten. Anyway, the property's been unoccupied for -
TAYLOR: And parking? How many parking spaces?
LORELAI: Um, eighteen.
TAYLOR: Oh, hm.
LORELAI: Something wrong with the parking, Taylor?
TAYLOR: Two people to a room, each with their own car, that's twenty cars - you don't have enough parking.
LORELAI: But some of the people will be driving there together in one car.
TAYLOR: So, you have a crystal ball, do you?
LORELAI: That's just common sense.
TAYLOR: Because if you have a crystal ball, I sure would like to borrow it to take to the racetrack.
LORELAI: Um, no, I don't have a crystal ball, but if the parking's not enough, we can always add more.
SOOKIE: Easy.
TAYLOR: So, pave paradise and put up a parking lot.
SOOKIE: Not what we're saying.
TAYLOR: I heard you were planning to serve alcohol - is this true?
LORELAI: Well, there will be a restaurant.
SOOKIE: Wine, cocktails. Give the people what they want.
TAYLOR: So it'll be a party spot, huh?
LORELAI: Uh, no.
TAYLOR: Catering to that crowd - hip-hoppers, the Manson family.
LORELAI: It's a little country inn.
TAYLOR: A perfect secluded spot for murderers to revel in impropriety.
MICHEL: Have you noticed, this is not going very well.
LORELAI: Taylor, everyone, there will be millions of questions, some of them even legitimate, but the bottom line is, you know me. I've been apart of this town for. . .well, look how big my daughter is - for that long. And opening this inn has been a dream of mine and of Sookie's for most of that time. Along with Michel, we plan to make this community as proud of the historic Dragonfly Inn as you were when the same team was running the Independence Inn.
TAYLOR: You mean the place that burned down on your watch?
MICHEL: Can I slap him?
LORELAI: Uh, now, this will also help our local economy because we plan to employ. . .[her cell phone rings] Sorry, we plan to employ - huh. Uh, this, uh, call is coming from the house.
RORY: Our house?
LORELAI: It's flashing our number.
RORY: But we're here.
LORELAI: I know. That's the weird part. Sookie, uh, keep it going in here. I'll be just a quick, um, second.
SOOKIE: Okay, if you have any questions. . .
MICHEL: Yes, about the Dragonfly or deodorant - the places to buy it, how to apply it, that sort of thing.
[Lorelai goes outside to answer her phone]
LORELAI: Hello?
KIRK: I responded to the activation of an alarm at your residence, and I apprehended a prowler in the garage.
LORELAI: You did?
KIRK: Yes, ma'am - female, approximately eighteen years old, Korean.
LORELAI: Kirk, that's Lane. You know Lane.
KIRK: I thought I knew Lane, but now I think she's in some kind of gang.
LANE: Lorelai, help.
KIRK: Their front is some sort of musical group.
LORELAI: They are a musical group, Kirk. [to Rory] Honey, go sort it out.
RORY: Got it.
LORELAI: Rory's on her way over - brown hair, blue eyes, about 5'6" - don't cuff her.
KIRK: 10-4.
LORELAI: Okay.
[Lorelai hangs up as Sookie and Michel walk out of the dance studio]
LORELAI: What -
SOOKIE: We failed you.
MICHEL: He is a very unpleasant man.
LORELAI: What happened?
SOOKIE: The second, I mean, the second you walked out the door, Taylor adjourned the meeting over our objections.
LORELAI: Well, where is he? Where'd he go?
SOOKIE: He was the first one out the door.
LORELAI: Unbelievable. Hm, you can run but you can't hide.
MICHEL: Oh, this is cute. . . The Happy Doughnut.
[Lorelai goes to catch up to Taylor]
LORELAI: Hey, uh, we have a little misunderstanding back there, Taylor?
TAYLOR: Lorelai, please don't sneak up on me like that. I almost blew my emergency whistle.
LORELAI: We weren't done.
TAYLOR: Oh, I thought we were.
LORELAI: No, we weren't.
TAYLOR: Well, what more was there to say?
LORELAI: Nothing was decided. You said to come to the town meeting and explain what you're doing, then we can start our work.
TAYOR: Oh, well, you can't do that until after the walk-through.
LORELAI: Oh, Taylor, I'm in heels. Do you mind? What walk-through?
TAYLOR: I and other members of the Historical Preservation Society need to examine the property in person. You didn't think we were gonna make a decision based on a little chat, did you? I'm sure I mentioned a walk-through.
LORELAI: I don't think you did.
TAYLOR: Well, I'm mentioning it now.
LORELAI: Okay, so, when's the walk-through?
TAYLOR: Well, I'd have to check with the other society members, set something up in the next month or so.
LORELAI: But I have workmen coming Monday, Taylor, the day after tomorrow.
TAYLOR: Oh, dear. That's cutting it pretty close.
LORELAI: Let's do it tomorrow, please - tomorrow.
TAYLOR: Tomorrow's Sunday.
LORELAI: Yes, it is.
TAYLOR: Well, it would have to be before church.
LORELAI: Okay, so midmorning?
TAYLOR: Six?
LORELAI: Six? Six in the morning?
TAYLOR: Or another day - I could take it up with the society.
LORELAI: No, no, six is fine. Six sharp.
TAYLOR: See you then.
LORELAI: Bright and early.
[SCENE_BREAK]
CUT TO LUKE'S DINER
CUSTOMER: Goodnight.
LUKE: Goodnight. Thanks.
[A group of boys are walking toward the diner]
BOYS: [singing] We do or die for Stars Hollow High! We do or die for Stars Hollow High! It's the one we fight and fall for, it's the one we give our all for.
LUKE: Oh, goody.
[the boys enter the diner]
BOYS: Stars Hollow High! Whoo!
BOY 1: That is our Stars Hollow High fight song.
LUKE: Could've sworn it was Mozart. What is this, guys?
KYLE: Pit stop!
BOYS: Whoo!
KYLE: Bachelor party, phase one is over.
BOY 2: Our boy Dean here is tying the knot.
LUKE: Look, I was just closing up.
DEAN: Luke!
LUKE: Dean!
DEAN: That's funny.
LUKE: I wasn't even trying.
KYLE: We just need to refuel for phase two, sir. It won't take long.
DEAN: You wouldn't turn away a man on his wedding day, would you?
LUKE: It's not your wedding day yet.
BOY 1: That's what I keep telling him, dude. It's your last day of freedom.
BOY 2: Hey, we should get strippers, right?
DEAN: And cake.
BOY 3: Hey, my name's Luke, too. We should start a club or something.
LUKE: Yeah, that would be swell. Look, guys, why don't you go sit down over there? I'll make some coffee.
DEAN: Tomorrow is the big day, man - big day.
LUKE: You're tipping there, Dean. Watch him.
KYLE: I got him, sir. We really appreciate this, sir.
LUKE: Stop calling me that.
DEAN: He's a good guy, really.
LUKE: So, what was phase one?
KYLE: A case of beer in the JC Penney parking lot, then batting cages and laser tag.
DEAN: I've decided that I really like beer.
KYLE: I'm the designated driver.
LUKE: Good man.
KYLE: I'm in the Navy now, you know.
LUKE: Uniform tipped me off.
KYLE: My older cousins did two-year stints. It paid for their college and stuff, so I joined up. Of course, we weren't fighting international skirmishes on two or three dangerous fronts like we are now.
LUKE: Hey, what are you doing?
BOY 2: Sugar football.
LUKE: Don't.
KYLE: Come on, guys, respect the establishment. They're still kids.
LUKE: I got a better idea, guys. How about I whip up some pancakes real fast, help soak up whatever it is you drank?
KYLE: Sounds good. We'll be needing energy for phase two.
BOY 2: Strippers, right? We gotta get strippers.
BOY 3: Hey, how much do you give a stripper?
BOY 1: Well, that depends on what she does.
KYLE: Are they really prostitutes? 'Cause I'd feel bad if they were prostitutes.
LUKE: Look, guys, I gotta go in the back for a couple seconds. Don't drink anymore. Don't play jets. Don't jump on the furniture. Just sit still, okay?
BOY 2: And do what?
LUKE: I don't know. Make up a dirty version of the fight song or something.
BOY 1: Yeah!
BOY 2: Great idea!
DEAN: [mumbles] Rory.
BOY 3: What did he say?
BOY 1: Oh, he is so toasted.
DEAN: [mumbles] Rory.
KYLE: Did he say what I think he said?
LUKE: Hey guys, you know what I think? I think it's real late and that maybe you ought to cancel phase two.
BOY 1: No way.
KYLE: Hear him out, fellas.
LUKE: I mean, think about it, guys - how you gonna beat laser tag?
BOY 1: I don't know.
BOY 2: Aw, is Dean sick?
LUKE: He just needs his rest. Kyle, why don't you march your friends out of here? I'll take care of the groom, and he'll see you all tomorrow.
KYLE: He's right, guys. Let's saddle up.
BOY 2: Aren't we getting pancakes?
BOY 1: I'm not feeling good.
LUKE: Come on, big guy.
DEAN: What?
LUKE: Try to walk.
[The boys leave, singing the fight song. Luke takes Dean upstairs to his apartment]
LUKE: Here we are.
DEAN: She's smart, man. You know, she's so smart.
LUKE: I know, I know.
DEAN: She could probably fix the world, you know?
LUKE: Right, right. She could team up with Kyle - her brains, his brawn.
DEAN: No, not Kyle - Rory.
LUKE: Almost there.
DEAN: She's the one, you know?
[Luke walks Dean over to the bed]
LUKE: Come on, Dean, just slide down there, stop talking.
DEAN: And the hair - pretty hair. She has the prettiest hair. And that head. What is that?
LUKE: Just your shoes. Shh.
DEAN: I miss her. Why didn't she love me?
CUT TO THE DRAGONFLY INN
[Lorelai and Sookie are standing out front while the Historical Preservation Society members look over the property]
SOOKIE: Scrubbing shower grout with a toothbrush.
LORELAI: Sure, sure. Flossing with that really, really fine floss that cuts between your teeth like a razor.
SOOKIE: Uh-huh, uh-huh. Staring into the sun.
LORELAI: 'Til you're blind.
SOOKIE: Absolutely.
[Michel walks over]
MICHEL: I feel very ugly this morning.
LORELAI: Join the crowd.
MICHEL: That unpleasant man and his cohorts in there?
LORELAI: And have been for about thirty frickin' minutes.
SOOKIE: Watching a foreign movie without subtitles.
LORELAI: Getting brain freeze from eating ice cream.
MICHEL: What are you doing?
LORELAI: We're listing all the things we'd rather be doing than this.
SOOKIE: What a mug.
LORELAI: It's like he sucked a lemon.
MICHEL: I've really grown to hate him.
LORELAI: Nice, huh?
MISS PATTY: Oh, so much potential.
LORELAI: Yeah.
TAYLOR: It needs a lot of TLC.
LORELAI: And we've got an abundance of it, Taylor. [quietly to Patty] Patty, please, please, help, help. He's killing me here, and you've got pull with him.
MISS PATTY: Oh, honey, I got my own remodeling to do on my studio that Taylor has to approve. I'm saving my pull for me.
LORELAI: Can't I have just a little teeny, tiny bit of your pull, please?
MISS PATTY: Oh, he's gonna see us talking.
TAYLOR: Lorelai, consultation, please.
LORELAI: Okay.
TAYLOR: This porch is falling apart.
LORELAI: I know.
TAYLOR: It's got live termites.
LORELAI: Big, fat ones.
TAYLOR: It's a safety hazard.
LORELAI: It's the first thing to go.
TAYLOR: To go? This porch can't go.
LORELAI: I'm sorry, Taylor. You just said it's falling apart.
TAYLOR: I didn't tell you to tear it down. It's historical. It has to stay.
LORELAI: No, no, the porch is not historical, Taylor. It was added in 1980.
TAYLOR: So?
LORELAI: So it's a 23-year-old porch. Unless you think Kate Hudson is historical, it's not historical.
TAYLOR: Not now, but how do you think we get historical 200-year-old structures if we tear 'em down when they're just 23?
LORELAI: Uh, it's rotting away.
TAYLOR: Which just means that your guests can't walk on it.
LORELAI: So they should hover over it?
TAYLOR: No, you could build a bridge over it, using appropriate materials, of course.
LORELAI: A bridge?
TAYLOR: Or you could build a transparent Lucite porch over this porch, so people could walk on the Lucite porch and see the old porch underneath the new porch.
LORELAI: Build a clear plastic porch over the rotting wood porch?
TAYLOR: With the proper permits, of course, and those are hard to come by.
LORELAI: That's it!
TAYLOR: Lorelai, watch it. I've got church later.
LORELAI: What did I do to make you torture me like this, Taylor?
TAYLOR: I don't know what you're talking about.
LORELAI: The hoops! The hoops with the jumping and the fire and the hoops!
TAYLOR: It's just business, Lorelai.
LORELAI: I pay to shop in your store. I eat your banana splits. I've never physically hurt you. . .except for that one spit wad in the one town meeting, but I didn't mean for it to hit your eye and I apologized profusely, so please, please, put me out of my misery and tell me what I need to do to make this thing happen!
TAYLOR: I want an ice-cream truck.
LORELAI: What?
TAYLOR: I want to sell ice cream off a truck in the summer. I want to park it in front of the soda shop. I want to ring the bell on it every day at noon, but the only place I can park it is the space that's partly in front of Luke's diner.
LORELAI: So?
TAYLOR: You have pull with Luke.
LORELAI: I guess, maybe.
TAYLOR: You're friends.
LORELAI: Yes.
TAYLOR: You can get him to agree to this.
LORELAI: Use my pull.
TAYLOR: If you don't mind.
LORELAI: So if I get Luke to agree to this, the madness stops?
TAYLOR: If that's what you want to call it.
LORELAI: The work begins and the porch goes?
TAYLOR: All expedited, nice and neat.
LORELAI: An ice-cream truck?
TAYLOR: An ice-cream truck.
LORELAI: You can go.
TAYLOR: Well, this has been a very successful outing. Back on the bus, everyone.
MICHEL: Unbelievable.
SOOKIE: Yup. Hey, when do you think you'll. . .[Lorelai walks away] Shortcut to Luke's.
MICHEL: How is she going to get over Potter's Creek?
SOOKIE: Jump it?
CUT TO LUKE'S DINER
[Lorelai rushes in, out of breath]
LORELAI: Give him his ice-cream truck.
LUKE: What?
LORELAI: I forged a stream and I almost got attacked by a beaver, and I'm not leaving here till you agree.
LUKE: To what?
LORELAI: You don't own the street, you own the building. It's a public street. Just let him park his stupid truck.
LUKE: I'm missing something here.
LORELAI: Don't change the subject.
LUKE: I don't even know what the subject is.
LORELAI: If you let Taylor park his stupid ringy-dingy ice-cream truck - not even in front of the diner, but in front of part of the diner - then I can start work on the inn. But if you don't say yes, then you may not have to see his truck parked outside, but you will have to see my body swinging from that tree over there because I will hang myself. I am waiting for your answer.
LUKE: Sure.
LORELAI: Sure what?
LUKE: He can park it there. What do I care?
LORELAI: Oh, don't kid around here.
LUKE: Your life's at stake. I wouldn't kid around.
LORELAI: That easy?
LUKE: That easy.
LORELAI: Well, why'd you say no before?
LUKE: When?
LORELAI: When Taylor asked you before?
LUKE: He never asked me before.
LORELAI: He never asked?
LUKE: Not about a truck - about a giant ice cream cone a few months back. I said no to that. Probably why he thought I'd say no to the truck.
LORELAI: He never asked?
LUKE: Nope.
LORELAI: But you're fine with this, and he could have asked?
LUKE: It's a public street.
LORELAI: And you would have said yes?
LUKE: I'd have said yes.
LORELAI: And I wouldn't have had to go through all this.
LUKE: Probably not.
LORELAI: You know what, I've learned something very valuable here today. Come on in. Sit down there. Take a load off. Very valuable.
LUKE: Good.
LORELAI: I've had a business epiphany. It's like I'm Bud Fox, saying, "Thanks for the lesson, Mr. Gekko."
LUKE: This will pass, folks.
LORELAI: The Lorelai you knew is dead. Remember her? The eager to please, fresh of face? She thought that success in business meant working hard, applying yourself, and respecting your coworkers, and she preached that to others - oh, little child.
LUKE: You should probably get some rest.
LORELAI: It's about scratching backs, my friend, and kissing things - I won't be graphic.
LUKE: It is Sunday morning.
LORELAI: It's dirty, that's what business is. It's smoke-filled back rooms with exposed pipes and shady players chewing on fat cigars and twirling their dirty mustaches. And when you go into those rooms, you can't be a milquetoast muppet. You have to have pointy teeth and jaws that snap. The meek shall not inherit the earth!
LUKE: Thanks for the perspective.
LORELAI: Do you have any coffee?
LUKE: I'm not giving you coffee.
LORELAI: I don't have time for coffee. I gotta go find Taylor and close this deal. You think he's back at the store?
LUKE: Or having his dirty mustache cleaned.
LORELAI: You're good with the truck?
LUKE: I'm good with the truck.
LORELAI: Bless you. [leaves]
LUKE: I'll be right with you, folks.
[Luke walks upstairs to the apartment. Dean is sitting on the bed]
LUKE: So, you're up.
DEAN: Yeah, I'm up. It took me a minute or two to figure out where I am, but. . .
LUKE: Oh, that's right. You've never been here before.
DEAN: Yeah, it's not that I remembered. I just kinda looked out the window and that's how I could tell.
LUKE: Good, smart. [hands him a drink] Little concoction of mine - it'll help with the hangover.
DEAN: Guess I had a beer or two too many last night, huh?
LUKE: Yeah, it happens.
DEAN: Hope the guys didn't bug you too much.
LUKE: No, they were fine.
DEAN: Good.
LUKE: So, you're all dressed there?
DEAN: Yeah, uh, you know, big day - getting married.
LUKE: Getting married.
DEAN: Um, I'm due in the church in about an hour.
LUKE: Hey, uh, Dean. . .
DEAN: And I still gotta pick up my tux.
LUKE: Yeah, right.
DEAN: Um, thanks for everything, Luke.
LUKE: Yeah, sure. Good luck.
CUT TO OUTSIDE
[Rory and Lane are walking down the street]
RORY: So, a total strikeout, huh?
LANE: Total. And, you know, at first, I felt bad for them - so lacking in talent, yet so clueless. Then I just felt bad for their guitars.
RORY: Where are all the good young musicians these days?
LANE: My ears wanted to fly off my head. I'm going to the music store to look at things I can't afford. Want to come?
RORY: I have to go get ready for this.
LANE: Right. Tell me how it goes.
RORY: I will.
[Lane walks away. Luke walks out of the market]
RORY: Hey, Luke.
LUKE: Hey, Rory. Um, where's your mom?
RORY: Uh, around somewhere. Why?
LUKE: I thought I'd find her at Doose's. Did she go back to the inn, or. . .
RORY: She was going back to the inn, then she was picking up a wedding present for Dean from us, because she hates it when people send gifts later. And then depending on time, I was either gonna meet her back at home or at the church.
LUKE: She have her cell on her?
RORY: I think it's dead. What's going on?
LUKE: Or a pager or something?
RORY: Is something wrong?
LUKE: Oh, no, I just need to check something with her.
RORY: Well, we can stop by after the wedding.
LUKE: Don't go to the wedding.
RORY: What?
LUKE: Uh, don't go to Dean's wedding.
RORY: Why?
LUKE: I just. . .don't go. Trust me.
RORY: Okay.
LUKE: It'd just be better this way.
RORY: Okay.
LUKE: So, you're not going?
RORY: I guess not.
LUKE: Okay, good. Good. I'll see you guys later.
RORY: Yeah, Luke, I'll see you later.
LUKE: Okay.
CUT TO SIDEWALK
[Lorelai walks out of a store. Kirk walks up to her]
KIRK: Lorelai, do you have a minute?
LORELAI: Oh, sure, Kirk.
KIRK: We've had a successful disconnection.
LORELAI: No more alarm?
KIRK: No more alarm.
LORELAI: Fantastic.
KIRK: The roofer will be out tomorrow. The repair should take about a day.
LORELAI: I'm not gonna inquire about that right now.
KIRK: It's all taken care of, and I want to apologize for any inconvenience.
LORELAI: Aw, it was no big deal.
KIRK: I have this strong sense of chivalry when it comes to women living alone.
LORELAI: That's very nice.
KIRK: My family tree dates back to a 12th-century knight.
LORELAI: Wow.
KIRK: As a kid, I thought that meant we were related to Ted Knight. I wrote him a lot of letters. He never responded.
LORELAI: That's cute, though.
KIRK: I just want you to feel safe.
LORELAI: You really do, don't you, Kirk?
KIRK: So, I hope you don't mind my watching out for you.
LORELAI: Not at all. [she kisses his cheek]
KIRK: Thank you. I'll see you around.
LORELAI: See ya.
[Kirk walks away as Rory walks over]
RORY: Hey.
LORELAI: Ooh, hey. I think I found the perfect wedding present for Dean. It's sweet, not too personal, classy, yet cheap.
RORY: We're not going.
LORELAI: What?
RORY: Luke was looking for you and ran into me, and he was all nervous and everything, and then he finally just said we shouldn't go.
LORELAI: What does that mean?
RORY: I think it means that we shouldn't go.
LORELAI: Did he give a reason?
RORY: Not really.
LORELAI: I'll go talk to him.
RORY: No, Mom, he seemed really serious, and I think that if you saw him you'd feel the same way. He was kind of upset.
LORELAI: About Dean's wedding?
RORY: Yeah.
LORELAI: So, we're not going?
RORY: I think it's better that we don't.
LORELAI: Okay. Mystery, though.
RORY: Kind of.
LORELAI: Well, you've got your nothing-to-do weekend back.
RORY: Yeah, got that back. Um, Mom, Kirk's following us in a little clowny car.
LORELAI: He's watching out for us.
RORY: Okay.
CUT TO THE DRAGONFLY INN
[Lorelai and Sookie are standing on the porch with sledgehammers as Michel gets ready to take a picture]
MICHEL: Ready?
LORELAI: No, no, it's gotta look like we're actually demolishing the porch.
SOOKIE: We're gonna do pretend swings.
LORELAI: Which would have been easier if we had pretend sledgehammers.
SOOKIE: Why do they make these so heavy?
MICHEL: Well, even without the swing, this is a good picture of the two of you about to record an important moment for the two of you.
LORELAI: Um, Michel -
MICHEL: I would love a copy of this for my mantel, such a nice moment.
LORELAI: You have to be in the picture, too, Michel.
MICHEL: Me? I don't know. All right.
SOOKIE: That thing have a timer on it?
MICHEL: It's set. I framed the shot. Grab your hammer and smile.
[they pose for the picture]
LORELAI: One more for safety?
MICHEL: Okay.
SOOKIE: What?
LORELAI: Just sometimes, it hits me. This place had a long history before us, has a long future after us. I keep thinking it's apart of our lives, but, really, it's the reverse. For a little while. . .I don't know. . .it's like we're apart of its life.
SOOKIE: Yeah.
[The three of them pose for another picture]
CUT TO THE TOWN SQUARE
[Rory watches from afar as Dean and Lindsay walk out of the church after their wedding ceremony]