Flight Crew Instrument; Flight Crew Multiengine; Flight Crew Air Transport Pilot (ATP)
Flight Crew Total 8000
Situational Awareness; Communication Breakdown
ATC Issue All Types; Deviation / Discrepancy - Procedural Published Material / Policy; Inflight Event / Encounter Weather / Turbulence
Flight Crew Requested ATC Assistance / Clarification
Human Factors
Captain tried three times for radio call due to increased; now moderate turbulence at FL280. Captain managed to simulcast each time with either other aircraft or the controller. On fourth call; we heard this from Center's male (aged-sounding) controller: 'You tried to call four times. That's why I ignored you. All altitudes light chop.' Well; obviously not. That's why we called; you unprofessional amateur. Maybe you need to retire or need some retraining on the commonly used call of 'standby.' Pretty fricking simple call that saves a lot of people on that frequency time and gives us a better idea when the people behind us will be free of the potential bodily-damage zone. This controller needs an attitude adjustment and is fortunate I was not on the radio to deliver it instantly. Pathetic. For the controller: We don't ask for different altitudes to explore previously unknown airspace; 'to boldly go where no one has gone before...'. We do it because we have coworkers behind us who are in the most injured group in the industry. Oh; did you bump your desk last week? Get hauled from your building in an ambulance with a compound paper cut? Tragic. Why? Controller needed a nap? Controller needs retirement? Controller needs to realize why his job exists - to help pilots.
Pilot reported problem with Controller not responding to calls.