Is using the relatives’ friend’s recommendation inappropriate? When applying for my postgraduate position, I browsed my future advisor’s web page in detail and surprisingly found that one of my relatives’ friend co-authored a paper with him. Then we reached out to the friend and asked whether he could give me a recommendation. He agreed and gave me a recommendation. Since I used to intern at his lab, the process went quite smoothly. And I got and took the offer.

However, I stupidly posted this process online and omitted some important details myself. Under the question, “how did you get your admission?” I answered using my alias:


  My friend and my relatives’ friend both gave me a strong recommendation to my advisor. And of course, I excelled in the interview. So the connection is very important.


This alias was recognized by someone in the lab and accused me of being “cheating” during the admission. The professor punished me for damaging his reputation and making the lab unstable by spreading the rumor.

I want to figure out whether I was acting inappropriately or not.
As a rule, where a significant personal connection exists between a referee and the subject, there is a potential conflict of interest. Definitions of "significant personal connection" are not universal. Policies on the acceptability and handling of potential conflicts of interest are also not universal. Where a potential or actual conflict of interest exists, it is imperative that it be declared.

A referee who has a significant personal connection to the subject may still be acceptable, if he/she has experience of working with the subject in a professional capacity, and the personal connection is declared. However, it should be understood that such a referee's comments would carry less weight than an equivalent referee (in terms of stature and experience of working with the subject in a professional capacity) without a significant personal connection. In some cases, it may be that such an "equivalent referee" may not exist, and so the referee with a significant personal connection is the only feasible choice (although, as I said in my answer to the related question, if more than one of the referees had a significant personal connection, that would be a red flag, since it would imply that the subject relied on friends to compensate for lack of merit or initiative).