Graduate Student Co-authorship Etiquette (Dissemination of Student Papers Not For Publication) I recently finished my masters degree and co-authored a lengthy paper (It was my idea and I took the lead on the research and writing). The paper is not for publication but provides valuable information and research for the the department faculty and dean.The paper is a program development proposal that our academic department would like to implement. Our group discussed sending the paper to the Dean in conversation with her, and one of the co-authors brought it up with her again at the end of the semester and offered to send it to her individually without consulting our group.

I'm okay with her sending it, however, I felt that she acted independently and did not consider the time-lines of the other co-authors for doing final edits, or offer to CC us when she sent it.

My name comes last on the paper (alphabetically) even though I wrote and researched more than the other two authors combined. I have the sense that my co-author is taking more credit than she is due on this project since her name comes first and because she acted independently.

I requested that I be provided an opportunity to review the paper and to be CC'd on any future sharing of our work with others.I think my co-author was offended. 

I am interested in asking my two co-authors if it is okay to have my name as the first author on this paper (then she can send it).

Please advise if I am being petty or if this is a reasonable concern on my part. I would like for the Dean and faculty to remember my contributions. The co-author who offered to send it has already made her mark on the program in other ways and I am not sure I have stood out as much.
I understand why you are a little peeved that she offered to send it to the Dean without checking with you first, but I think you need to swallow your frustration on that point.

Instead, you need to figure out what your goals are.  Right now you are reacting: you are letting your emotions control your reactions.  Instead, you should figure out what end goal you want to achieve.

Do you want to make sure that the paper is in good enough shape, before it is sent to the Dean?  Then negotiate a timeline with your co-authors.  This might mean you both have to give a little: you might have to work extra hard to get your revisions in; and they might have to be willing to delay sending the paper a little bit until you've all had a chance to revise to your satisfaction.  That's a perfectly reasonable request.

Do you want to be listed as first author?  If so, why?  You said the paper is not going to be published.  So why do you care?  If you think your contribution means it is appropriate for you to be first author, and you care about it, then raise the point with your co-author.  But approach it with humility and gentleness.  Remember that we're human; we have a tendency to overestimate our own contribution and underestimate others, so you need to correct for that.  Also, definitely do not ask to be first author as a way of getting revenge; that is petty and beneath you.  Take the high road.

And, take this as a lesson.  Generally, it is best to discuss authorship early in the project, not wait until the very end.  In my collaborations, there is often an understanding from the start about who is the lead on the project; the expectation is that the lead has the overall responsibility and will most likely put in the most work, and in return will likely end up as first author.  These discussions about authorship are often easier to happen earlier than later.

Anyway, bottom line: Figure out what you want to achieve (what you want the end state to look like).  Then, figure out how to ask for that.  Set aside your emotions and your negative reactions to your co-author's initiative in moving things forward without checking with you first, and focus on what end state you want to achieve.  I suspect you might find that you share pretty much the same goals as your co-author, and there's no need to get upset or strain your relations with her.