Making friends in academia and building connections I started a new faculty position this past fall, which also entailed moving to a new city where I don't know anyone. When I first moved here, I was excited about getting to know my colleagues, as they were pretty friendly at my campus visit (pre-pandemic). But since my arrival, I haven't gotten to know anyone really. I have regular meetings with my department colleagues, but everything is so transactional. I know it's harder to have those organic, friendly chats on Zoom, and everyone was already exhausted from this pandemic when I first joined in the fall. But I'm really struggling with loneliness in this new work environment. I moved here alone, and am dealing with family health issues that have been emotionally draining (and some of my colleagues are aware of both of those facts). I've recently started seeing a therapist, so I'm trying to get the help I need, but more than anything I just really wish I had even one friend at work so every dept. meeting wouldn't have to feel like a meeting with strangers every single time.
I'm rather stuck, however, with what to do. I guess I expected that when I first joined, they would be the ones to welcome me and make an effort to get to know me a little (it's what I've done when I've had new colleagues). But now all this time has passed, and it's starting to feel like that window is closing. I don't know if I should just give up and accept that they're not social (or at least not with me), or make some attempts on my part. I've made some efforts here and there, but nothing has worked so far, and that has shaken my confidence, and makes me feel like maybe they don't care to know me.
I know that socializing and developing friendships at work might seem very secondary. This is an otherwise good job and I'm grateful to have been hired, but I just feel like such an outsider and very lonely because of it (I'm also the only one in my field at this university, so even the classes I teach don't even seem to fit in with my department's curriculum). I'm not about to quit my job over it or anything, but being in a perpetual state of outsider-ness is really getting to me and I don't know how to address it. It doesn't help that academia is often such an isolated work environment and many professors just aren't very social even in the best of times (hence why I'm posting here specifically).
EDIT: Just wanted to comment here that I'm very grateful for all of the responses. I feel a little less freak-ish, and a bit more motivated to stay patient and keep the efforts going in the meantime.
I'll also add that I think one of the reasons I feel so bothered by my department's current dynamic is that it makes me feel like I need to conform and be as transactional and subdued as the rest of them, which is very contrary to my own personality. Anyway, I think that trying to connect with people - but not at all on my own terms - is contributing to the stress of it all, so I'm glad to have had that realization too.
Thanks so much for the advice and words of encouragement!
I don't know if this is much of an answer, but it's become more than will fit in a comment.
If you just joined in Fall 2020, it's not unusual that you haven't made the kind of connections you're looking for yet, especially given the challenges of the pandemic. I'm a PhD student, and I'm sure it's very different for faculty than for students, but I'm not fresh out of undergrad and have been through a couple career transitions prior to grad school. In my experience it takes a year minimum—even in the best of conditions—to organically develop relationships with coworkers/colleagues. (It took me longer than that to build close friendships with folks in my cohort, and we had weekly, in-person classes together for a year.) Genuine connections with coworkers tend to accrue in small increments over that time, and almost always in the interstices between &quot;official&quot; work demands. It sounds like you're fully aware of all this, but an occasional reminder doesn't hurt.
As you mention, everyone is exhausted these days. Perhaps your colleagues are all on the introverted side, but it doesn't sound like this situation has much to do with their feelings about you specifically. If they'd all been actively avoiding you or unfriendly, that would be a different story (and this is not the story you imply, at least, when you say your efforts &quot;haven't worked so far&quot;). Your colleagues may also be trying to give you space to address (or not feel close enough to engage with you about) your family health issues.
In any case, the window is far from closed. I'm still friends, a decade later, with some former colleagues who barely even spoke to me for the first few years at my previous workplace. And although I'm obviously not a super outgoing make-friends-easily type of person, my sense is that that sort of experience isn't unusual.