With what style should I write to a Board Of Examiners? I have to make an appeal to a Board of Examiners regarding a progress issue, and I'm stuck with which style to write in.

I wrote my appeal with a slightly personal tone, since it is a personal letter - I want to show my personal interest and commitment in the issue and solving it. Some reviewers gave me this feedback:


A Guidance counsellor thought it was alright in quick email feedback.
Other reviewer, who had been in a similar position, said they were very neutral, objective and as a result it was much too personal, and that I should have left out the majority of the adjectives.


So, I'm at a dilemma. As much as they do not want literary masterpieces (which understand and I am not trying to do), the latter suggestion leaves it cold and without a hint of interest, which is exactly what I would like to convey. I've tried to substantiate my claims and statements with facts as much as I can, but I still feel I can't leave out adjectives.


"This was a very frustrating delay" as opposed to "This was a frustrating delay"
"Despite my best attempts" as opposed to "Despite my attempts"
"This process took very long" as compared to "This process took long"
"I really attempted to avoid" as opposed to "I attempted to avoid"


Field is aerospace engineering.
There are a number of comments on here regarding your use of intensifiers in the example sentences. Overall, I would avoid these because, while this is an emotional issue for you, it is unlikely to be for the Board of Examiners. It is important to present a "face" that is perceived as rational and objective, not overly emotional or making excuses. I have personally found that becoming emotional while trying to assert my needs has generally ended up undermining my goal (whether or not this SHOULD be the case is another issue entirely, particularly in the case of physical or mental illness when one has not as many resources to advocate for oneself). 

That said, wherever possible, try to replace "empty" sentences with examples. For instance, instead of "this process took very long," quantify how long it took. Instead of "despite my best attempts," describe in detail these attempts. Instead of "I really attempted to avoid," describe the measures that you took to avoid [whatever thing]. Perhaps this is the scientist in me talking, but I always feel factual details are the most convincing.