I DON'T WANNA BE BROKEN!!!
Overwhelmed with sorrow and grief, suffering with heartache and pain, I go out daily wearing a smile. I smile even though my heart feels as if it’s going to explode. I can feel it frown and the pain is so un-bearable. When standing before a mirror, all I can see is the shattered pieces of the woman I used to be.
Relationships gone wrong are generally the cause of a woman's brokenness. Her marriage is broken, her friendship is broken, and as a result, she is broken. Being battered and raped has the tendency to bring a woman to her knees. The feeling of being violated, helpless and even worthless equals broken for her.
She was molested as a child, unable to understand exactly what was happening to her, but she knew it felt wrong. It left her in a state of brokenness, feeling as if she has absolutely no self-worth. She sat up all night. She had a feeling that something was wrong, but she never imagined that her child would never return home. Yes, a mother losing a child can and will cause unbearable pain for which at times there will seem to be no relief. She stands before the mirror again looking at the pieces of her that’s been forced apart by tragedy and declares, “I don’t wanna be broken!”
As women, we work hard to keep people at bay as to who we are & how we feel, but I’m sure most of us can relate to the word “Broken”. Broken is often used to describe the way we feel and is referred to as a state of being. We write poems and sing songs about being “broken” and having a “broken heart”. Being/feeling broken is draining both mentally and physically. We feel it and we claim it with our very mouths, “I’m Broken”.
I often wonder if we realize what we’re claiming when we use the word broken. How do we know to describe who we are and how we feel as broken? With those two questions in mind, I felt compelled to take a look at the word “broken” and here’s what dictionary.com had to say about its definition. As a verb, it’s the past participle of break. As an adjective, it means forcibly separated into two or more pieces; fractured: a broken arm; broken glass. Sundered by divorce, separation, or desertion of a parent or parents: children from broken homes; a broken marriage, Having been violated: a broken promise, Incomplete Being; in a state of disarray; disordered, intermittently, stopping and starting; discontinuous, varying abruptly Topographically rough; uneven: broken terrain. Subdued totally; humbled: a broken spirit. Weakened and infirm: broken health, crushed by grief: died of a broken heart, financially ruined; bankrupt. Not functioning; out of order.
Reading the definition of this word was and is still an eye opener for me because I don't need or want a word like this defining me. If you dropped your favorite vase and watched it shatter into a thousand pieces, would you contemplate putting it back together again? Would you go out and search for a similar, if not the same vase? Assuming that you answered yes to one or both questions, would you do the same for your life? If you’re standing in a mirror looking at the reflection of a woman that has been shattered into a thousand pieces, would you fight to put her back together again?
As women, it should be our utmost desire to love ourselves, live free and feel whole. We don’t have to live our lives in a state of brokenness, overwhelmed by grief and emotional pain. If we come to grips with the things that have caused us to feel broken, realize that it has already happened, and that changing what happened is out of our control, we can begin again. Beginning again consists of 3 things; letting it go, forgiving the offender or yourself & moving forward.
Let it go: Your emotional scars need time to heal just like physical scars. You don’t pick and poke at them, you allow them to heal.
Forgive the Offender or Yourself: If you read my previous post, “Forgiveness is for Me!” you should understand that forgiveness is critical to moving on with your life. Without it you will find yourself immobile & reliving all the things that happened in your past. Forgiveness is for you, so take your power back, forgive!
Move Forward: Life has dealt you a shattering blow and moving forward may seem impossible, but it’s not. You’ve let go, you’ve forgiven, now move. Find strength in the very thing that weighed you down. I’m always amazed by women who are triumphant in times of tragedy. They speak out against Domestic Violence, Rape, Sexual Abuse etc... They dedicate their lives telling their stories all in an effort to help someone else.
Moving forward is possible. We don’t ever have to be victims of our circumstances. We don’t have to lead broken lives. Put one foot in front of the other and press on. Know your worth and know that you are strong enough to bounce back from anything. Dig deep, make every moment of your life count. Don’t live a shattered & defeated life.