Going from ”I Can’t” to “I Can”: 5 Steps To Getting There (And You CAN)
by Dr. Vivian on April 19, 2017
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If you haven’t heard it yet, or even if you have, here it is: “Thoughts become things”. Is it true? Well, I believe it is. Even if you don’t believe that statement, you may believe or consider that your thoughts (or attitude) impact your behavior. Your behavior, or what you do, definitely changes things, positively or negatively. So, what you believe or the thoughts that you have create and impact your reality. So, if you think you can’t, then you can’t. You won’t ever know, because if you don’t even try, well then you’re right….it won’t ever happen.
Step #1: BELIEVE
So, if you believe you can’t, then you can’t. But, you may wonder how can I get to believing in me. How can I resurrect my dream or even begin? Well, first you start by knowing what it is that you want. Do you want financial stability? A different job or your own business? A happy family? Good friendships? A committed relationship? Health? Now, believe that it can be yours. People who believe in themselves recommit themselves to themselves and their goals on a regular basis. Faith takes practice. So practice. Start your day, and end your day stating your intentions out loud, reading them or writing about them. Focus and meditate on them. THINK IT. BELIEVE IT. IMAGINE IT. DO IT. SEE IT.
It doesn’t have to be hard. It can be fun. Whatever you do, do it joyfully. It makes a difference. Take it from someone that knows.
Step #2: COMMIT
Commit yourself to your goal. Tell yourself repeatedly that you are committed to ________. For instance, you could say, “I am committed to my financial success.” Or you could say, “I am committed to my health and well-being”, or ” I am committed to my family”. You may need to make other commitments to create a context for success. For instance, you may commit yourself to your time or your money. That is to say, that you do not give your time or money away without consideration of your ultimate goal or life plan.
Particularly, as women, we are often eager and encouraged to be people-pleasers. We are also often discouraged from being assertive or taking care of ourselves first. We are often rewarded for our caretaking of others. This influence may often be subtle: We may be overtly rewarded and complimented on how well our children do or our more “feminine” qualities versus our independent accomplishments. We are encouraged for “being nice” not for “being assertive”. People may; ask you for a recipe, not how you just landed that great, new job or fat deal.
Step #3: STAY FOCUSED
Avoid getting sidetracked, and there are an infinite number of ways to do that. This may be something that happens external to yourself via others’ requests or distractions. It can also be internal. Either way, something’s gotta change.
Begin to pay attention to how you spend your time and energy. Is it going to what others want or what you want? Is it benefiting your goals or benefiting someone else’s goals? I understand that doing for others has its benefits, and it is often necessary. However, you have to draw the line when you’re doing things that they can do for themselves, or interferes with you taking care of yourself. For women, learning to take care of yourself and your needs is often counter-intuitive.
If your internal state distracts you from your goal, then take time daily to refocus yourself. Start a routine that gets you on track, and keeps you on track. Create a schedule that includes exercise and time for meditation and silence. Know how you are going to spend your day, and commit to that before letting someone else or something else pull you in another direction.
Step #4. BE OPTIMISTIC
Staying positive works best. Having a positive attitude keeps you happier and healthier. Optimism creates more positive and constructive ideas, which leads to more effective planning and actions. Having a more positive attitude, will also attract more of what you want in terms of people and other resources. I have also found that many unexpected gifts begin to “show up” in your life.
Being optimistic and remaining optimistic will also require that you ignore pessimists. Ignoring pessimists, does not mean that you adopt a naive stance or not heed caveats. You still have to make choices, but looking at the facts of a situation does not equate with being pessimistic. Your perception certainly affects your choices, and you may miss opportunities if you cannot see them. You see a lot more possibilities when you are open-minded and optimistic.
By being optimistic you can be more resilient when encountering the inevitable setbacks, including the naysayers. Instead, you can seek out solutions, and create plans that get you to your ultimate success(es). Remember, as a woman, there are so many more opportunities for someone to say or think, “You can’t do that.”. Choose to ignore them, and follow your heart and your own mind instead.
Surround yourself with people who support you and your goals. There are others out there who you know, and who you don’t know yet, who care (and will care) about your health and happiness. They may appear in your life unexpectedly as you find yourself on a different path, or they may already be part of your life. They may be family, friends, or your life partner. They may be colleagues or other business associates or community members.
If you don’t have a solid support system, or want to develop a particular aspect of your support system, then you can include building a support system as part of your plan. Look for opportunities to create connections. You can start by looking for others who have similar goals, information and expertise you need and want. If you know what you want to create for yourself, then find others who want that, have it and know how to help you get it. If you want to develop your spirituality, then go where others are looking to develop theirs If you want to get healthy, then seek out others who want to get healthy and also who know how to maintain it. If you want to have some fun, then find somebody who wants to do that, too. If you want financial success, then seek out others who have the know-how, and are willing to help you. You’ll end up helping each other, and that’s the most effective way to go about it. Developing these relationships are essential and necessary to your success and achieving your goals!
Certainly, coaching and counseling are great and effective parts of any support system. I often help people by being part of their support system, and help them to develop and maintain a solid, support system.
As a coach that works with women, I also understand the issues that are specific to women in support of their development, health and happiness. Having healthy relationships is the number one factor in happiness. Women are great at developing relationships, and have always appreciated the bonds of sisterhood. Be supportive of one another. We need each other, and we need to build each other up.
Here’s to your health, happiness and success. I hope that I am helping you in your mission! Let me know how I can help you further.