All posts tagged mission statement
The Family Story is Powerful to Children
Several years ago, Emory University commissioned a study. The study was hosted by two prominent Emory psychologists, Robyn Fivush and Marshall Duke, and a former graduate student, Jennifer Bohanek. They wanted to understand the impact of family stories to a family’s dynamics with their adolescent members.
“Family stories” the researchers wrote, “…help children understand who they are in the world.” These unique and important stories help children understand who they are and where they come from, in a different way, but akin to the DNA tests available for us to take today. Neither of these will tell us who we are going to become, but they do shed light into that which brought us here.
The power of the important story is its experiential transmission of connectivity. Before this study, researchers had an inkling that family stories contributed to a child’s well-being and identity but had not measured their ideas. Now there was evidence. The study found that the teenagers in the study expressed “…higher levels of emotional well-being, and also higher levels of identity achievement, even when controlling for general level of family functioning.” Wow!
Although this is the first study of its kind to use a Do You Know Scale of measurement, it certainly is, for some, an eye opener, while for others, confirmation, on the power of important family stories.
What is your family’s story; not the where when or how, but the story of who and the why of the family? Your family story is a thread, a link to identity and connection. Tell it to your family.
The Family with a Mission Sets a Cornerstone of Longevity
When I ask people about experiences they have had with the transition of wealth in their families, often, I get a shake of the head followed by a story of at least one person or one family branch creating an issue with the terms of distribution. This is still astounding to me, twenty years plus of asking this question.
Why, today, in our “enlightened states”, where information and coaches are ever present, do we fall into patterns that have been around for centuries? Why do we have to say: “My family is different” or “They get along. They’ll figure it out” only to find our families are right in the mix of fallen, disrupted, and broken families? I really do not get it.
What are we so afraid of uncovering that we would rather avoid, deny or hide it than seek to overcome it?
Many people think that merely preparing the assets for their eventual distribution is the answer to passing on an estate successfully. But those of you who have experienced, or, know of a family where distrust or antipathy, cloaked in polite communication, know a great mistake left irreparable consequences. Families are torn apart when instead they could have learned how to stay connected.
Becoming a legacy family means preparing the beneficiaries, your family members, to receive the assets. It means understanding the purpose of the wealth and the purpose of the family so the two can co-exist with agreement, understanding, and with stewardship that passes on what it has received and cultivated to the next generation. Becoming a legacy family means looking at each other, understanding what you want to accomplish together and finding that place of agreement through shared values and inclusivity. Legacy derives from the word legate or mission. When a family has a mission, it sets a cornerstone of longevity.
I will stop here to give you an opportunity to soak in the essence of what has been conveyed here.
As he focused on only one virtue per week, he could gain greater understanding of it for himself and its valuable application in his life. As the years went by he became dedicated and pronounced with his virtues, refining them in his daily life. This contributed to the respect he garnished. He took the time to live from his “virtues”, intimately.
Each day he would begin by asking himself: “What good shall I do this day.” In the evening, he would reflect on his morning question by asking: “What good have I done to-day?” using one of the thirteen virtues he was focusing on.
Now, that is Wisdom from the ages.
Whether you are 15, 115, or somewhere in between, the life you are building is the life you will leave for others to remember you by.
I thought about this yesterday after I was adamant on making a point instead of understanding another’s point of view. When my perspective was called out, I paused to reflect on my conduct. In this particular situation, I realized that I was focusing on the wrong thing. I was so focused on the point I wanted to make that I was not listening to the other person’s point.
I was embarrassed because it is important for me to live by the values I hold so dear and understanding is one of my top values.
But the reminder that I was insisting on my point, rather than considering the other’s point, was important to hear. After all, if I do not have the aptitude to give space for someone else’s point of view, I am living in a world of potential isolation, unnecessary conflict and separation.
Allowing someone else’s point of view does not mean I have to give mine up or that I have to agree with theirs. It merely means I am letting them be in their thoughts and feelings as I am in mine.
Tagged communication, life planning, meaningful life, mission statement, principles, purposeful life, strengths, values
https://focusyourlifetip.wordpress.com/2018/05/31/oops-i-made-a-mistake/
The Hero’s Story is Significant
Over the holidays, I attended the annual Seattle Business Magazine’s Family Business Awards Dinner. It was a fantastic event, honoring family businesses who deserve recognition in categories such as: Best Practices, Community Involvement and Family Business of the Year.
During the dinner, Chris Schiller, Managing Director of Cascadia Capital, gave a compelling introduction to the Family Business of the Year award.
I would like to quote Chris, as I thought his words were applicable to those of us who ork in guiding and consulting with family businesses and/or their families.
Chris began his talk by saying: “In thinking about tonight’s wonderful celebration of family business, it struck me that the eminent mythologist, writer and lecturer, Joseph Campbell’s Hero’s Journey, is much like the story of family business. All of the family businesses in this room have followed a similar path to Joseph Campbell’s hero, with you or one of your family taking the risk to start a company, then embarking on the journey of building your business, meeting tremendous challenges and personal struggles on the journey, finding various mentors (maybe including the family business advisors in this room) to help you overcome those challenges, and then crossing over into a period of transformation that leads to your ultimate success as a business and a family.
For all of you family businesses in this room, you likely have not arrived yet… rather your story continues to grow with your current generation and the next generation coming up. Often the journey is more important than the destination, as they say.
As investment bankers, my Cascadia colleagues and I live in a world of left brain… financial statements, revenue and EBITDA, numbers. Often the value of a business is ascribed largely to these numbers. However, what I have learned and what drives us, rather, is the stories of our family business clients. We are able to exercise our right brain to tell our client’s story to the market in a way that we find the optimal partner that embraces that story, and thereby sees value that others do not see in just the numbers. These stories are really what drives our passion for working with family business. “
These words were inspiring for me. Thank you, Chris, for speaking them and then letting me share them here. The story of the business is so important for families who continue their businesses across generations.
The 2016 professional tennis season is winding down. The final Masters 1000 tournament is underway and will determine the final two singles players and final doubles team who will gain admission in the prestigious world tour final tournament in London later this month. Sampras, Agassi, Becker, Lendl and McEnroe may be familiar names of a few retired players who have won this tournament more than once. But I want to draw our attention to Agassi, who won this year end tournament once, and what he had to say about retiring, because for some, the thought of retiring is daunting.
Preparing for retirement filled Andre Agassi with dread. As he said: “It’s like preparing for death. Nobody knows what it’s going to feel like and nobody knows when it is going to happen and when it does, it’s your time.” Agassi was not ready to retire.
I hear a similar thought of dread from those I talk to nearing retirement. They do not want to satisfy someone else’s “to do” list, they do not want to become recluse travelers. They do not want to be the default baby sitters for their grandchildren. They want to be engaged with their children and grandchildren. They want to travel and pick up dormant hobbies. They do not want to a life directed by someone else. They want to live relevant, significant and connected lives. But how?
Leaving a business you built or a career you designed can be a tough proposition. How can you transition out of your company to a new chapter of life where you can keep the feelings that matter to you-significance, relevance, and meaningful connection alive?
The first step to take is to look at the footprint you want to make that you will then leave behind. Find the outline of that footprint by reconnecting with what is most important to you, your values, and finding a way to express yourself through them. Take the time to look at the meaning of your values to you and build a personal mission statement that reflects these profound meanings you have for them.
Remember, retirer merely means to draw again. So, now, draw that outline of a footprint you want to have and to leave behind as your legacy.
Agassi focused on the outline of his footprint, his values, and then created the footprint he is now developing and building. You can too.
I know where my roots are because I read the last name of my great, great, great, great grandfather on a dividend check I receive from the family every quarter. My last name is not the same as the ‘founding father’ as I come from one of the branches, not the trunk of the family tree.” That was the beginning of a recent encounter with a Gen Y member of a family that continues to build and develop its legacy now into its sixth generation.
He continued: “I’ve Googled the man we see pictures of at the family reunions because I needed to know more about our origins. I felt isolated from the roots. I needed to know who he was and find out what we had in common. Although it was weird to have to research him online, I discovered something in my research.” And this is where his matter of fact tone became excited like he had just found out where the hidden treasure he had been seeking was buried.
“I discovered that, although I have a different last name than he, I am a lot like him; an entrepreneur who really enjoys the challenges and payoffs of risk in business, someone who enjoys building businesses. In fact, one of my uncles recognized the commonality between me and 5 times great grandfather. This uncle has the same last name as our ancestor. He told me that I hold the spirit of our ancestor and wanted to nourish that in me.”
What stunned this Millennial family member was, even with their annual meetings and reunion, how removed from the family tree some family members felt. This Millennial noticed how comfortable his generation was in receiving dividends from the family fortune and not asking any questions about its origin, its continuation, its purpose, or how they could impact its amount. The family no longer even talked about the meaning of the money or where it came from. They just wanted it to feed their lifestyles without contributing to its growth or its maintenance.
This Gen Yer asked and was given the opportunity to make a presentation at a recent family reunion. He titled it: ‘Don’t Kill the Tree.’ He talked about the value of the roots, his great, great, great, great grandfather had set to sustain their family for generations. He said he felt uncomfortable with receiving a check every quarter for doing nothing. He introduced an idea to the family, a new tradition of mentoring. New family members would be coached by an established member in understanding the history of their family’s financial success and tie it to the principles the family was founded on. He wanted and wanted others to know the value of the money they were receiving.
This young man earns my applause. He understands that the dividends, while providing income, will not, in itself, keep the family together. As this young man noted about his family, the continuing dividend made his family quiet, complacent and uninvolved. He wanted to bring the heart and heartbeat back to the family tree, restore the essence of his family and the values expressed by the ‘roots’, his great, great, great, great, grandfather set. All it takes is nourishing the root of the tree.