i do n't know how long i sat there sifting through the memories of tony , of the times we had spent together before dardennes and all of them had come into our lives - even further back , before my mother 's boyfriend had entered our lives and started the cascade of events that had led me to be here , my heart breaking , in the middle of the heathers and meadows of the light fae forest ... in the middle of an enchanted piece of somewhere i did n't even know where .