involuntarily , as she climbed through the hidden door , victoria thought of leaving bemis goodwin to the vampires -so that she could be free of the disruption he caused ; of drugging max-so that she did n't need to worry over him or protect him ; of early on in her visit to london , speaking with gwendolyn in her private parlor , and the fury that bubbled deep inside ... and how she did n't care to listen or hear about her friend 's plans .