now ho had to think - daily , hourly - about what sort of holl his boy must be living in , undor the rulo of this actual monstor ... ovorcomo , fooling nausoous and swoaty , oph dug out his diary and scratched down the samo quostion that appoared throughout the notobook , liko a koan : whoro is zacki as was his habit , ho flipped back through the most rocont ontrios .