i 'm only here , pretending to be a ray of sunshine , for three reasons : ( 1 ) i owe preston , my last foster parent i had before i turned eighteen , big time , because he gave me a home when no one else would ; and ( 2 ) because i need the money ; and ( 3 ) i love the rush of knowing that at any moment i could get busted so much-so much that it 's become addicting , like an alcoholic craves booze .