standing there with him-remembering the way we 'd sat side by side in his living room , both of us teary watching bambi , or how , when we were ten , he 'd secretly slip the dollar he 'd won from me at poker into my backpack , thinking i needed it , or the way he 'd held me after nan had died , not caring what his girlfriend or anyone else in the world might think if they saw us together like that-flipping through our memories and years , i knew .