a barrage of imagery flits through my mind , every one involving my mother-her sitting on the edge of my bed ; her dark blue eyes smiling down at me as she pushes my hair back ; her laughing at me and cash as we flex our childish muscles for her ; her shaking her head at the mess i made in the kitchen ; her crying over a plaque i made her in shop class ; her cheering me on from the stands of the stadium ; her telling me she 's proud of me for staying sober so i could drive my friends home .