she waited another second to see if he would yield ( and yield was the right word , she was asking him to yield to her , not just to see if he would , but because her need was clearly so much greater , so much greater at that moment that it felt as if she was falling off a cliff and desperately wanted him not to save her from falling , but to fall with her , and if they survived , well , then , afterwards there could be more f**king cups of f**king tea ) and then she sat back on the settee , trying to smile casually , as if it was just a passing fancy , no big deal , some mature adult fun they could have had , but nothing to regret , nothing to worry about .