these are the things that they do not tell you about losing your husband : that as well as the exhaustion you will sleep and sleep , and some days even the act of waking up will force your eyelids back down and that merely getting through each day will feel like a herculean effort - you will hate your friends , irrationally : each time someone arrives at your door or crosses the street and hugs you and tells you they are so , so desperately sorry , you look at her , her husband and their tiny children and are shocked at the ferocity of your envy .