i reached for his hand , the same one that had led me out of the maze , and i looked straight down at my feet and i took a breath and i told him about the whole night , and how they had laughed at me and made fun of how drunk and stoned i was , and how i had passed out and later my sister had said it might actually be a good thing , the not remembering all of what they had done , but how that half-hour of not knowing had haunted me ever since .