amanda sat back , lunchless , drinkless , furious that the tears were coming again , furious that everything felt like it was sliding apart , that it was doing so for no good reason , that nothing had changed except something slight , something she could n't put her finger on , something that took everything that was her life and placed it slightly higher up on a mountainside so she had to climb for it , and when she got there , there was only more mountain , there was only ever going to be more mountain for as long as she lived , and if that was the case then what was the goddamn point ?