indeed , the meeting sent veritable shock waves through the family why was stella bothering to dig into genealogies and to call this and that cousin whom nobody had seen of late , when she did not even have the courtesy to call those who had known and loved mary beth so much7 the doors at first street had always been open to everyone , now stella was picking and choosing , stella who did n't bother to attend school graduations , or to send presents to christenings and weddings , stella who behaved like 'a perfect you know what ' it was argued that lionel agreed with the cousins , that he thought stella was going too far holding family get-togethers was extremely important , and one descendant told us later that lionel had complained bitterly to his uncle barclay that things were never going to be the same , now that his mother was gone .