they gave us self-defense classes in gym freshman year : staid , awkward routines where we 'd carefully lunge at each other and sidestep in a polite ballet , but this is a world away from the neat choreography : a vicious assault , too quick to think , too fast to do anything but grapple and claw , rolling on the hard tile floor as the other inmates holler and howl , flinching as her blows hit home , blood sharp like metal in my mouth .