family money was a status , obtained by someone who was white , somewhat educated beyond high school , born in a large home with a front porch - preferably one surrounded by cotton or soybean fields , although this was not mandatory - and partially reared by a beloved black maid named bessie or pearl , partially reared by doting grandparents who once owned the ancestors of bessie or pearl , and lectured from birth on the stringent social graces of a privileged people .