We should react the same , it is the controversy that will bring attention . If that were his intentions , it would be what he wanted . <| sep |> We didn ' t get into a fight . <| sep |> If this is affecting your sex life so drastically , you need to speak to a therapist who specializes in sexual abuse cases who will help you out . I ' m not a professional by any means . But it sounds to me like you ' ve been conditioned to enjoy it from a young age , and that since you haven ' t fought it for so long it ' s become the only way you can receive sexual pleasure . This happens sometimes with other fantasies and sexual practices . If this were me , I ' d consider it as such and go about fixing it by attaching those feelings to other fantasies . Starting off by fantasizing about it to get that feeling , then switching to another fantasy and duplicating those feelings so that I would start associating sexual pleasure with fantasies other than my abuse . Just an idea . Do what works for you . I hope everything gets better .