Look , Given how bad things areMaybe it is time we end the Internet . <| sep |> No it isn ' t . They are in a minority in the upper chamber . <| sep |> There ' s some things that could be better . But there ' s a lot that went very right too . One thing that became very obvious as the piece progressed was the use of alliteration as a poetic mechanic . Alliteration can be a powerful tool , especially in the absence of rhyme or rhythm , but in this case I think it just went a bit overboard . It felt as if the author were sacrificing the words they actually wanted to use , in favor of lessperfect words , just to create an alliterative passage . Take this bit for example The sandy shore sung , As Sirens sighed at the death of the fleet , Now , sung and sigh here is an interesting hypallage , since it ' s not the shore itself that ' s singing , but rather the Sirens . And it could be argued that the Sirens aren ' t sighing , but rather singing . So the inversion by itself is interesting . But why sandy ? That seems like such a generic , obvious adjective for a shore , and not even the best adjective , since Sirens are known in mythology for luring sailors to a rocky shore instead . It ' s clear that sandy was only chosen because it creates a furtherextended alliteration , and no other reason , and because of that fact , it calls attention to itself as a mechanic , instead of working subtly behind the scenes . Bleeding her splintered might , To Neptune ' s capricious flow . I ' m also not completely sold on this allusion to Neptune . The Sirens are an allusion from Greek mythology , but Neptune is a Roman god . This mixing of allusions again calls attention to itself , and undermines the value of the allusion . Perhaps Poseidon , being the Greek god of the sea , would be a more cohesive reference point . With icehard hearts and knives of bone To breach the oaken vault , Another thing that bothered me about portions of the text is the way it would reference an object not previously discussed in the text , as if I should automatically be able to infer what it is . For instance , in the above quoted section , what vault ? We haven ' t been talking about any vaults in the rest of the poem . In fact , 99 % of the precious text takes place , ostensibly , at sea . So I have literally no idea what it where this vault is . And this is the last line of the piece ! This is akin to a movie director shooting a love story for 30 minutes , fading to black , and then posting a title card that reads And then they won the war . What war ? Who is they ? Why were they fighting in the first place ? Is this the same movie ? ? What vault ? Who breached it ? Why were they trying to ? Is this the same poem ? ? So , yes , I think there are things that went right here . There were moments of interesting poetry . But there are several very rough edges . Edit I recognized after I wrote this that the vault is the boat . But , I think my point still stands . We should know who is attacking it , and for what purpose .