So I guess it ' s just a case of who I want moresooner but I can ' t decide that either lol . <| sep |> I ' ve torn before and it hurts ! It takes a long time to heal and can retear if you try too soon or have sex too rough . The fear of retearing is real . More lube and foreplay . which is difficult when you are having a difficult time communicating . You have to talk to him . Have you tried telling him what you like in the moment ? It ' s always easier for to whisper in his ear what I want him to do , or what feels good . Also , as hard as it is , your bf would probably very much appreciate the feedback . I would discuss the tearing issue with him . Tell him you read that more foreplay will help your body better prepare for sex . Then tell him what you likeneed . It can be hard but you will feel better . If he is HL and already really into you , he should be very receptive . He may like more direction . Plus when a guy does something for you in bed that you have specifically asked for or discussed , it ' s a great feeling or love and acceptance . Which could get the ball rolling in the right direction . Good luck !