So is it a cake or a pie ? <| sep |> Use a vector instead . stdvectorint duplicates . duplicates . pushbacksomenumber . return duplicates <| sep |>. get me two ! !<| sep |>~~ Links are broken but easy enough to figure out the correct one . ~~ nvm i think i clicked on it while you were still fixing the postThank you for this ! <| sep |> no worries then . ty <| sep |> You guys are awesome , thanks for the chance . <| sep |> That ' s why I wasnt sure D It ' s good they stick to standard not . Honestly I don ' t think I would have gotten the masterkeys if it wasnt standard bottom row . <| sep |> You ' re such a champion for reading this for me and for giving me such an awesome critique ! I will definitely be giving it a second pass with your input . I ' ll give you some clarification for the reasons for some things being the way they are , though , as I have made the error of presenting something standalone that very much isn ' t . Firstly , this is a scene in a longer story , so hopefully people will already be invested in Jack by now . That doesn ' t help you at all , and ideally every scene should be gripping , but hopefully that makes you feel a bit better . A policewoman wearing purple contact lenses to her job This has two functions the character of Jack was originally conceived when I was 14 , and in true character you create when you ' re 14 fashion she had purple eyes . So the purple contacts are a little bit of a nod to that which I know has literally no meaning to anyone else . Also , now I think about it , if she was reamed for wearing the contacts , would she put them back in immediately upon getting on her bike to go home ? Probably not . The important reason for the contacts is that vampires can give you orders by making eye contact with you , and if Jack is vulnerable to that this story doesn ' t happen . So Jack needs contacts or glasses . Your pointing it out has made me realize that I should give her a slight vision impairment requiring eyeglasses or contact lenses and stop trying to be cute . There ' s two points in the passage where Mavis tries to give Jack an order and is surprised when it doesn ' t work . She ran beside the old sedan , using her phone ' s flash for light , and she saw something that she lacked the facilities to fully comprehend . and That wasn ' t the disturbing thing Jack had seen her fair share of mangled bodies . No , the passenger was not lying prone , not in shock . Instead , she had her head nestled in her unconscious companion ' s neck , her hands wrapped around his head , pulling him even closer to her than the impact had . Jack shouldn ' t be more disturbed by how Mavis reacts to the trauma than the sight of a ruined arm or a potentially dead guy . Thankyou for that . I meant the narration to describe that she didn ' t comprehend that it was a vampire feeding , and thought it was a wife mourning her husband or similar . But the writing is not clear at all that that ' s what I ' m going for . Jack felt a primal fear in her , something profound , like nothing she ' d ever felt before . Quick reflexes hard won through years of martial arts ended with her pushing the wooden stake through the woman ' s heart , its passage made easy by the previously broken ribs and torn flesh . This doesn ' t feel realistic to me at all . Also , aren ' t the splints described as ' two thin sticks '? That doesn ' t sound consistent with a stake that pierces through to the heart . Jack ' s character isn ' t super consistent so far is she super invested in acting professionally and following rules , or not ? but going from ' let me splint you ' to ' I ' m gonna stab you for freaking out and backing away ' in a split second seems unrealistic , especially if she ' s under some sort of magical fear effect , and doubly so if she ' s learned martial arts . Usually they teach you to drop back and raise your guard if you feel threatened , not to stab whoever ' s nearby with whatever weapon is in reach . Yeah , I ' m bad at action scenes and the concept behind this is very weak . I need to give her a stake so she doesn ' t just get eaten , and I need her to use the stake when she gets attacked . Otherwise , she gets eaten and there ' s no story . I tried to handwave this a bit by saying the car accident had injured the vampire , made its chest more squishy and its heart more stabable . Maybe I should come from another angle . Conceptually , I wanted her to rock up to her house with a vampire and panic about what the hell to do with it . But perhaps she just sees Mavis , manages to escape without getting eaten , and now is wondering about vampires . Perhaps it ' s an experience that happens to her , sans the staking , that gets her curious . Maybe I should rewrite it so she revives the man after Mavis runs off , he informs her that Mavis is a vampire , and Jack hears all about it while she waits for an ambulance that she will decide to call to arrive ? That ' s a more realistic , conservative chain of events , Jack can obsess about tracking this guy down to get more information out of him , trying to find out about Mavis , talk to Gwyn about the whole thing , and only come home with a staked vampire later , after she knows that a stake will be needed . Canines that were about an inch apart . I feel like that ' s too short of a distance , but I could be wrong . It seems like an easy thing to double check though for you , at least to get an estimate of the distance between a woman ' s canines , you can measure your own mouth . I got three cm when I did it , which is why I went for an inch . Someone ' s actually done a study and it looks like 2 . 5 cm is average for a woman . Clearly I either have a really big mouth their SD was 1 . 5 mm ! or sticking my fingers in a mouth then sticking my ruler on my fingers is not as accurate as what the scientists did . All at once , she realised that either she was going crazy , or Mavis was an actual vampire . You should probably try to establish Jack ' s character a bit more , so that her jumping to conclusions like this doesn ' t come across as much as authorial fiat . You ' re right about this , too . I think the waiting for the ambulance version of the scene will hit this note . I don ' t really know if Jack ' s behaviour is normal for her or not . It ' s consistent with some parts of her actions , and inconsistent with others . If I edit it as discussed , do you think the inconsistencies are improved ? The inconsistencies I get from your review are the purple contacts and her attacking Mavis , but I ' d be very , very keen on hearing about more . I feel like Jack is welldeveloped in my head such that I had a kneejerk reaction that she would absolutely not be interested in all that folklore shit as she ' d put it so I ' d really like to be challenged on that , too , since at the moment I am like Jack is the one thing I know for sure , and if that ' s not true I need to work hard on her . As it is I kind of think of her as a quasiTulpa though I never tried to make her so . Thanks again for your comments , they are exactly what I needed . I think I am trying to make everything happen all at once , when there ' d actually be more of a buildup , you know , a little bit of the veil lifting at a time . Why rush things ?