I can ' t help thinking there ' s something up , so I ' m not sure how to keep my mind open . I didn ' t mean go at it blindly , since your previous experience with her indicates you should do otherwise . Going in with your eyes wide open doesn ' t mean you have to go in with the mindset that it ' s not going to work . Try to be as neutral as you can , but not naive . I ' m afraid of being the cause of another separation between themUh , no . You have nothing to do with what goes on between them and don ' t let anyone manipulate you into taking the blame . Tell her sister that you ' re going to give it a try and that it may or may not work out . You don ' t have to say anything negative about her in front of her sister , and if it doesn ' t work out , just shrug and say I don ' t know why she ' s the way she is . Look , do this not for her , but for yourself . If you meet her , and then she takes off again , you can at least look at yourself in the mirror and go I did what I could , I played my part , I made the effort it ' s not my fault and then go on with your life . Were you to turn down the opportunity and then she got hit by a bus or something , you ' d spend the rest of your life feeling guilty . We hear all the time about parentchild relationships being based on unconditional loveThat ' s a twoway street . We sometimes get guilted into maintaining toxic relationships just because of an accident of birth . You give of yourself to those who are worthy of it biology notwithstanding .