Thanks for your reply . I feel stuck and in turn have made my husband stuck because after we ' d gotten married , I was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis . I ' m now in the second phase of progression and it has effected my cognitive abilities . It takes me 3 times as long to do what I once did in a matter of seconds . My processing speed has deteriorated and it has effected my speech , my emotions , my word finding abilities . I ' m on permenant disability . I take altzheimer meds and adderal to help my focusing and concentration , descision making abilities . I ' m stuck because I cashed in my retirement savings in 2011 , after the economic crash and am now completely dependent on my husband to provide medical and basic living needs . I don ' t bring home enough to live in a roach motel . I ' m stuck because he and I don ' t get along , we ' re miserable with each other and have been doing the merrygoround dance of if this can change , things will be better for almost 9 years now . Nothing changes , our lives are stuck in this space where time is flying by us while we both just do our daily routine and live as two roommates who try to avoid one another . Hes stuck because he won ' t divorce me due to his conscience of leaving someone with my diagnoses and no family to lean on . knowing that I ' d be alone and in poverty and unable to provide my own care . It ' s a horrible situation . I once had a promising career , loved my job , independent since age 19 . I traveled for a living in a complex work environment . One day , I woke up blind . That healed after 6 months or so , but I was only 31 . Anyway , fast forward to today . I broke down because I was listening to that newish singer . Sam someone . He was singing about how someone loved him , but not that way . I just lost it . I haven ' t been able to stop crying since . I know my husband cares for me in the way that he doesn ' t wish anything bad on me , but we haven ' t been able to pull out in love with you actionsemotionsgestures . changes since my diagnoses . We are in this place where we would have divorced by now if I was a fully functioning human being . It just hurts so much because I can ' t make things better . In all my desperation , I can ' t make him happy . I can ' t even leave him to ease his conscience of not being able to leave me . And this long of coldness , hardness , anger , resentment . it just starts to break me own every couple months or so . I ' m trying so hard to work on not being bitter about my place in life , but now I just feel like , why am I here ! ?!??!!! I have nothing to achieve in life . my life is over . I ' ve put on a front for the first few years of my diagnosis by playing it off as nothing big . I ' m still me and I can still work , life can continue as normal . Then , one day 3 yrs ago , it became too much for my employers to allow me to leave early once a month for infusion treatments and once a month on a separate day for dr appointments , another day every six months for MRI scans , blood tests , relaps control emergencies , etc , etc . so I applied for disability and good thing I did because my disease got worse . Ok , no big deal , I ' ll learn how to be a good house wife instead of being career driven . I try , but wth do I know about being a housewife ? Nothing . I cook , clean , do some hiking , and find some hobbies . That ' s all someone here would most likely suggest , I assume . The thing about being in your 30 s and suddenly NOT able to get employed is that you experience the world on your own . Shopping alone , working out alone , you ' re home alone all day every day . you run out of things to do and everything you think of seems pointless . Unimportant . Irrelevant . You are alone with your thoughts and if you have depression , it ' s so easy to fall in that dark hole . Anyway I hope this makes sense .