I ' m actually working on that . That and not letting him steer the conversation . He ' s been stunned that I have , on a couple of occasions , said I ' m not going to answer that question , that is not what we are talking about . But , I ' m not clamming up . Honestly , the sex isn ' t what gets me . it ' s the sharing with her about me , but not sharing with me . As far as events , I have not asked him about anything that I don ' t already know the answer to , because I know he is not going to answer . Part of why I have this ' waiting period ' and ' deadline ' set up is that I do know and understand that he can ' t be paying for this forever . We can ' t have any sort of relationship , together or apart , if I do that . But I have to push some , because until he can be emotionally honest with me , I can ' t trust him . He was too good at lying during the affair . I need some sort of honesty from him , some sort of openness on a very hard subject for him .