I made it to the motorcycle scene . That movie was so fucking dumb . <| sep |> OP , please don ' t take this the wrong wayI say this only out of empathy and concern , no judgmentbut I think you should find a good therapist , if you aren ' t seeing one already . From what you say here , it seems like you have some significant boundary issues , stemming as you acknowledge from habits and expectations you learned from your family . A competent therapist , someone you can trust , might really be able to help you live a happier live and engage in healthier relationships . Edit to elaborate and be a little more clear about what I mean These relationships , and this community , obviously aren ' t making you happy . Relationships and communities that do make you happy are a possible and b what you deserve . But leaving this community , as most other comments suggest , and as you ' re discussing , will not be enough to give you opportunities for better relationships . That can only come from working to understand why you feel this way in the first place , why you ' re invested in this kind of intentional community , and how your upbringing has shaped you . Working towards this kind of understanding is not easy , but a good therapist can help a lot .