Gotta play through it . <| sep |> If you truly want to do it only to say that you ' ve done it , with no expectations that you can change her or that anything will get better , then do it . If that ' s what you need to feel better about yourself , by all means . You already know that a narcissist will pretty much inevitably lash out , blame , shame , and project on you anything you try to say is wrong with them , and you appear to already expect this of her but if you accept that you cannot control other people and force them to change , then you will be able to accept that as the sad , empty posturings of an angry narcissist and let it roll off your back , in return for your being able to vent for once . However , your asking how to best approach it and the way you suggest that it ' s a lastditch way to try to get her to understand ! To see ! To care ! . she won ' t . You cannot change her you cannot control her . Trying to actually is the narcissist path they must have control ! And what has that done to you ? Don ' t go down that path . If she is a narcissist , then she is simply incapable of having empathy she CAN ' T understand you , no matter what you say or do . To her , you are just another part of herself that is supposed to do what is best for her . Trying to make her sympathetic to you , to feel sorry , to change her behavior , is like the old adage about teaching the pig to sing when you try , all you succeed at is annoying the pig . I know this is not what you want to hear . You would like to hear that there ' s some magic words that will reach her , that will make her want to help you , that will make her care . My expartner is currently trapped by this same hope . His mother was diagnosed with terminal cancer , and he found out this spring she had been giving him the silent treatment for two years angry that he refused to leave me , since I was not her , though she gave other illogical and contradictory reasons for her anger but they reconciled over his grief and fear of her death . She used that and guilt tripped him into leaving me and agreeing to an arranged marriage with her niece no blood relation , he ' s adopted from Iran , in order to get her US citizenship but really , to keep him under her control , as she thinks she can control her niece and then force him to stay with both of them because of fear of Immigration calling the marriage a fraud and filing charges against him , which would put an end to his medical career as it starts . He just wants her to be happy and not die unhappy . Yes , the guilt trips came out as bold as , She will die alone and unhappy because of you . and , Your cousin is JUST LIKE your mother , so you should marry her who else but a narcissist would think this is a good thing ? ? Personally , I think he is trying desperately to give his mother every chance he can to show that she loves him , not just controlling him . I think his mother is failing terribly , since she makes it clear that she doesn ' t care if he is happy , as long as he obeys ' He ' s so foolish thinking he can be happy on his own ! You can only be happy when you are living with me , and living how I think you should , and safely married to my substitute who is indebted to me and I think is my younger self ! ' And I think she ' s doing her damndest to be sure the rest of his life is as tied to her as possible before she dies , so that he can ' t back out , he can ' t undo it between guilt now the girl ' s family expects him to be thrilled and looking forward to it and to take care of their daughter , probably for the rest of her life and finances to apply for her visa , he has to swear to the federal government that he will support her for a minimum of 10 years without any government assistance if she pulls any for any reason whatsoever then he is legally obligated to pay the government back . And by CA law she will be entitled to half of anything he gains during their marriage . And what if SHE decides she doesn ' t want to divorce , since she gets so much out of the arrangement ? are a heavy duty trap indeed . All because he hopes that if he just finds the right words , does the right thing , jumps through this final hoop which keeps becoming j u s tonemorehooptojumpthrough , then his mother will show that she actually does love him . Do you think she does ? I see your desperately searching for the right words to make your mom show she loves you , and see him . and all his pain , depression , and trauma that his mother has caused him by exploiting his desire to be loved by his mother . Don ' t be like my expartner .