I find that logic pretty damaging to the family dynamic . Whatever gender it is you ' re aiming for , the kids of the opposite gender are basically hearing that they ' re not good enough . I actually dated a guy who was the oldest of five and his parents kept going till they had a girl . Cause mommy wanted to play dress up . Their family was a match , the daughter was a tomboy and they literally went bankrupt cause they couldn ' t afford so much kids and like 10 dogs too . From experience I ' m thinking that this way of thinking is a symptom of an already toxicdamaging lifestyle . <| sep |> You give me hope ! I have the same problem since forever , and we almost don ' t have sex it ' s a miracle I got pregnant . I cried too many tears because of that tearing and me being physically unable to make love with my own husband . Three different doctors could ' t find the cause , told me to use more lube sometimes we almost bathed in it and I still tore . I spent hundreds on a therapist , as I was told it was all in my head . Guess what it didn ' t help . I hope for a natural birth , as I know it may help . Thank you for sharing !