I ' m always amazed when people are surprised by the crap that the various US law enforcement and intelligence agencies have pulled over the decades . <| sep |> God you people are fucking unbearable . I can ' t wait til Spez shuts down TD and you losers will have to move to Voat or something <| sep |> I think the two issues you brought up are separate . Based on what you said she didn ' t say you were the second choice and Bill was her first choice . She was dating both of you and decided to get serious with you instead of Bill and it seems that she knew Bill and was dating him casually before meeting you . Her bff having a crush on him , made her not take the relationship further but she was still seeing him casually anyways regardless of the bff ' s crush , but in the end she chose you . Yes , it still hurts to know that she did have feelings for him and might have pursued him but I wouldn ' t say that he was the first choice because she could have chosen him , it wasn ' t like he rejected her and she settled for you . Your real issue is the lack of intimacy and her lack of interest in sex . I think it has nothing to do with the other guy and you should focus on that . She probably has a very low libido after having kids . If you care about your marriage , try to find a compromise , that she would initiate a little more and do more counselling together and find ways to get the romance back .