You are abusive . You have recognized that and are taking steps to improve it . Abuse is a choice , so you need to also recognize that you are making the decision to hurt him every time you do . I doubt you treat anyone else like that , so you need to realize that you don ' t respect him and are hurting him out of choice . Abusers can change , but it usually takes at least a year of individual therapy while NOT being in a relationship before any counselor worth their salt will say you are healthy enough to be in a romantic relationship again . Stay on a break . Ask for a licensed therapist who specializes in working with abusers , and focus on getting better because you know it ' s the right thing to do , not to try to get him back .