A MAN ' S TAINT . <| sep |> tbh if this was real life she ' d prob be all over him when she saw it worked lmao <| sep |> Incredibly . I attempted once , and relapsed on amphets for about 2 months , after being clean for 3 years to the day . The suicidal ideations have been present for years though . HRT just increased them by about double . And my attempt was done in black out anger at myself for relapsing . Since coming out publicly , I think it ' s created a much stronger need for me to break away from my old identity , and in turn caused me to go to what was the most familiar to me to deal with the amount of stress that I ' m dealing with . Usually I don ' t care what people think of me , but getting closer and closer to seeing myself as female it seriously happens now more and more often as time goes by I get even more uncomfortable being seen as a boy , or acting like one . Every day is it ' s own individual fight against anxiety , depression , and dysphoria .