I love that no matter what I ' m feeling or thinking , that there are at least thousands of other people who feel the same way . Though I ' m aware that sometimes that ' s not always a good thing . I might be a bad person , and so are thousands of others . I love that , especially given how poorly I treat it , I have a body that ' s physically capable . Most of the time I feel big and dumb and ugly , but I ' m not weak and that power is there when I need it . Provided it doesn ' t involve running . I love cigarettes . Because in place of healthy relationships with fellow sapients , I opt for addiction . And nicotine is mine . I fear I ' m in a constant state of always having to start from scratch . In life , in art , doesn ' t matter , everything is being constantly destroyed . I recently just lost all my files on my terminal , all my music , videos , samples , programs , everything . I ' m thankful , at least , I have some of it uploaded into dataspace to be archived . It seems every time I get close to finishing a project , or establishing a new life for myself , some waves of change have to come crashing down on me . I fear the thing in the corner . Rationally , I know I shouldn ' t because deep down it ' s a person , like you or I or anyone else . But fear isn ' t rational , sometimes even people scare me . I fear I ' m to die painfully . I hope not . But to some degree , I ' m not going to fight it either . Whatever happens , happens .