this video is old as sht <| sep |> I vaguely remember this . I believe it was a handicap match . <| sep |> Here ' s a list I ' ve shared before . When all our happy memories together are in the distant past , when we first met . Not in the present . Holding onto past memories , not creating new moments to remember . When all her problems are my problems . . . and all my problems are my problems . When she ' s unhappy , you ' re unhappy . But if you ' re unhappy , she doesn ' t care worse , she puts you down for it . When the giveandtake is really skewed I ' m doing all the giving , she ' s doing all the taking . And especially when she complains it ' s still not enough . I ' m constantly trying to please her , and she makes no effort to please me . Related when you do a friend a favor , he feels like he owes you . When you do her a favor , she feels like you owe her . I feel anxiety when she ' s coming over , and relief when she ' s leaving . Seeing her causes dread , not joy . Variation if you live together you make up excuses to avoid going home , e . g . working overtime when it ' s not necessary . I once read a book about private investigators . In one part , it mentioned how they get hired by suspicious wives to follow around husbands who might be cheating . For a fair amount of cases , the husbands were reading newspapers in the park , going to movies by themselves , driving around aimlessly , etc . Basically just to avoid going home to their wives . I can ' t talk freely , where I have to constantly tiptoe around and censor everything I say so she isn ' t upset , hurt or blows up . Worse is if she doesn ' t return the favor and insults and puts me down all the time especially in front of other people . If she has Borderline Personality Disorder BPD , any of the Cluster B personality disorders , depression or any mental illness , be very cautious . Especially if she ' s not getting treatment . You might be tempted to try to save her , but instead you might get dragged down into the abyss . I don ' t mean to be flippant , there have been some girls where I later thought , She didn ' t need a boyfriend , she needed a therapist . I am constantly defending myself for normal things , e . g . happening to talk to a girl , wanting to hang out with friends without her , etc . When I talk about my girlfriend to my friends , it ' s more me venting complaints or making excuses for her bad behavior than sharing happy memories . Yet you find yourself having to defend her when friends criticize her . One occasion I was venting for like the 100 th time , and I could see my buddy ' s eyes glaze over and look bored , probably thinking , not this shit again . I caught myself and realized that I needed to end that relationship . On the flip side , one sign you ' re in a good relationship is when your friends are complaining about their girlfriends , but you ' re thinking my girlfriend doesn ' t do that , you want to hide how happy you are to spare your friends ' feelings and avoid looking like you ' re bragging . She chisels away at your i d e n t i t y c h a n g e s m anintosomeoneshesnotinter 1507 . Tries to get you to give up interests , hobbies and the things that make you . . . you . If she tries to isolate you and cut you off from family and friends so you ' re entirely dependent on her , that ' s a giant red flag she might be abusive same if the SO is a guy . Also refer to the domestic abuse Power and Control Wheel PDF . It ' s written from the POV of female victims , but applies to males as well . If she attempts to make me jealous by flirting with other men , or knowingly puts herself in situations where cheating could occur , e . g . spending the night at a male friend ' s apartment , going back to her boss ' hotel room after a conference , etc . If you tell her your concerns , and she reacts dismissively , it ' s bad . If she insults you by saying something like , Stop being so insecure or Don ' t be controlling , it ' s time to bail . I ' m not controlling and I don ' t expect her to swear off all male contact , but a girl who ' s a keeper will be considerate of you . Not disrespect you . Worse , she tries to cut you off from female friends while keeping her male friends . If the sex stops , we stop being lovers . Lovers make love . For me , actions speak louder than words and sex attraction . When the number of excuses gets to be 2 x or 3 x the times of actual encounters , it ' s time to get out . No matter what she might say about how much she cares about you , if she doesn ' t want you in bed , she doesn ' t want you , period . Weirdly enough , that ' s the point where some girls have pushed for bigger commitment . Or worse , thinking that having a baby will solve the problem . Acting like that will magically bring the sexual spark back . In contrast , I thought it would just set a bad precedent of her withholding sex as a bargaining chip . Whenever sex became conditional , it was a bad sign the relationship was failing . Manipulation kills my boner . The thought of greater commitment to her fills me with dread , not joy . Where if that girl said to you right now , What do you think about us getting married ? makes you want to jump out a window . Oh my God , I ' d have to spend the rest of my life with her ! This crazy could be raising my future children ! . Ironically , a demand for commitment can be the jolt you need to break up with her . Warning if she ' s pressing for commitment and you ' re backing away , watch out for a pregnancy scare real or fake . Use your own condoms every time , open the package yourself . Disclaimer not saying all girls will do that . Just in case , here ' s what to do demand you go see a doctor together for an examination . Don ' t trust a takehome pregnancy test , they can buy fake ones online . If she ' s not actually pregnant , she ' ll admit it before she has to do it in front of a doctor . If she springs this on you after a breakup , there ' s a chance the baby isn ' t yours . Insist on a paternity test . Extreme case . Relevant New York Times article Who Knew I Was Not The Father ? t . html Not that I ' ve acted on it , but when I consider cheating . More telling is if it ' s not because the other girl is hotter or more sexually available , but simply because she treats me better than a bad girlfriend does . Wow , this girl treats me like I ' m a cool guy , not an annoyance . I know it ' s getting seriously bad when I ' m really excited to hang out with the other girl nonsexually as much as I dread seeing my girlfriend who I could have sex with . Girlfriend treats you like a tool , servant , ATM or nuisance . Like with Melissa in the movie The Hangover link to videoV 5 gsKQd 5 pHg . Your friends and family hate how she treats you . Her own friends and family don ' t like her . She frequently accuses you of cheatingwhen it turns out she was actually cheating . If she wants to take a break , see other people , etc . 90 percent of the time , she ' s already cheating or she at least already has a specific guy in mind . It ' s already over , but she wants to make an attempt on the other guy and for you to be the safety net if she fails . Respect yourself and don ' t be someone ' s Plan B . Be her first choice or nothing . I realize I ' m staying with her out of a fear of being alone , fear of losing sex , fear of hurting her feelings , wrongly believing she ' s my only option the really bad girlfriends put that idea in your head rather than because I like her . Trust me , nothing feels more lonely than being with someone who does not care about you . Emotional blackmail . Does she threaten to hurt herself or kill herself if you break up with her ? Tries to guilttrip you ? Or commit violence against you , your family or friends ? Cut contact immediately , let her parents know , possibly call 911 and stay away . If she calls andor texts you , angry that you told anyone else ? The good news is she wasn ' t serious this time . The bad news is she ' s totally unstable and unfit to be a partner . Love isn ' t about holding you hostage . If someone were to ask you right now , Does she make you happy ? and it takes you longer than 3 seconds to answer , that means the real answer is no . You used to feel angry and hurt whenever she wronged you . Now you ' re numb and stopped caring . Building a shell around your heart to avoid the pain . The next time she does something bad , instead of flipping out , you just sigh and think , Here we go again . And you just feel tired of the relationship , of herand of what you ' ve become . Eventually , you hit the point where you think , I ' m done . It ' s over . It ' s been a learning curve . When I was younger , I would stay in way too long trying to fix a fundamentally bad relationship . Fear of being alone and fear of losing sex , admittedly , fear of hurting the person ' s feelings , etc . Quitting was a dirty word . Dating is experimenting for compatibility . Marriage is for commitment . Sounds so stupid obvious , but I didn ' t act that way for far too long . Tried to act like a perfect husband when the girl just wanted a fun boyfriend . The compromise I ' ve reached with myself is that relationships are work , but they shouldn ' t be torture . And she should be equally invested in making you happy too . There was that great quote , You shouldn ' t have to set yourself on fire to keep the other person warm . You ' ve got to make sure your needs are being met , too . It should be about two adults bringing out the best in each other and being better as a team than apart . I ' m faster to pull the plug in the beginning now that I can recognize red flags better . Still trying to find that balance , though . You don ' t want to throw away an overall good relationship over a small trivial issue , but you don ' t want to overinvest in a sinking ship either . Learn from my mistakes . If this list helps anyone , I ' ll be happy .