I ' d love to try a Kelly guitar , hard to find . That burl top tele and Fralin tele are really appealing . <| sep |> i am prescribed mine but not that syrup , that syrup was a gift . lets just say I know a very nice person who provides a very nice service . I have the ability to obtain anything pharma wise . <| sep |> With me being so mentally unstable as of late , you can take my answer as you will . I think you are a bit like me . It sounds like you when you are doing your jobline of work you are okay with it , but when you are outsidenot doing it you are constantly panicking and worrying about it and whether it was the right choice and whether or not you enjoy it . I have not graduated yet graduating this year but I am already running into the same problem . When I am doing schoolwork related to my major I typically am at least enjoying it a little , or perhaps neutral maybe , but when I am not doing it I dread the thought of doing anything at all , including that schoolwork . And so , I think your issue is that you might be unhappy doing any job really . For instance , you said you would rather work a job in solitude . However , whenever you went to the monastery , you always felt unstable . You could be a train conductor , and it sounds like you would have solitude doing that as you could probably read most of the time as you said when you are not checking tickets , and yet this would interfere with your social life . You could go back to teaching , but you said you don ' t like the noise in the classroom and that the workload is hard . Perhaps you may just always be missing some key component between job security , solitude and social life . The monk job has solitude , the conductor job has security , and the teaching job it sounds like has social life . Can a job have all three of these things ? Perhaps , but I think those jobs take time to sort of get to . For instance , if you were a conductor for a few years , maybe you could get better hours and then have social life and security . If you become a teacher for a few years , maybe you can get tenure and so you could have security and social life . The problem is , sadly in the real world things take time . And , at least to you and me , the present seems sort of daunting . And since the present is just made up of the future , the future does as well . Its scary to think about where things are going to be a few years from now . If I were you , I would pick whichever job supports what you want the most especially in the long term if you think you can survive not having immediate gratification . If you want the social aspect so much and don ' t think you can survive being a conductor or monk I would be a teacher . Likewise for any of the other things you want and your other job options .