Hope I ' m not too late , but here are some of my thoughts We Will Emerge into Paradise I get the idea of it , which is great , but it doesn ' t quite SOUND right . It ' s too long . Should be something people are willing to chant , since it ' s like a motto , right ? Also , I feel like Gero is giving Daniel too many commands . Have they just met ? Either get rid of them , make them more casual , or have Daniel tell Gero he knows and doesn ' t have to tell him . Even an I know , I know . would work . I know you ' re trying to be humorous , but you have to let go some of that dialogue . Daniel already knows the gun is called old faithful , so the line where he ' s like I ' ll see you and ' old faithful ' later . doesn ' t quite work . Why does Daniel ' s humming grow louder when he finds the paper ? I also feel like he wouldn ' t be as pleased as he would be only slightly interested . Another note on this paper Our thoughts are with those who must remain above . That does not sound like a newspaper headline . Look , man , I know we ' re low on food but come on . Clunky . And not particularly funny . If you want to show that they ' re looking for something to eat , have them dig around some empty cans or something . I know you ' re trying to add levity , but this doesn ' t work . We wiped them out before I was born . They went psycho or something , didn ' t they ? This is probably something he wouldn ' t forget , so Daniel would not ask this question . Even if he was born after they were wiped out , it seems to be one of the reasons why the world is in the state it ' s in , right ? Make it more of a statement . They ' re supposed to be wiped out . or something . GERO O . S . Yeah . This is probably nothing . Just be careful . DANIELWill do . Tell me if I ' m wrong , but should GERO , the one who found the arm , be careful and not Daniel ? revealing Gero , breathing heavily . He ' s surprised , right ? Scare someone and tell me if they start breathing heavily . Who are you ? Tell me ! No one would say this . Sorry . Maybe come out where I can see you ! or something along those lines . I know it ' s cliche , but look for something along those lines and it ' ll sound better . The same thing you are . Surviving . This sounds more like a person than a robot , but this isn ' t really a criticism . It sounds off for a robot , but if you really believe that this is what it should sound like , keep it . Anyway , those are just my opinions , take it with a grain of salt . I like your world . Kinda reminds me of Terminator ? Just remember that your characters have lived in this world before the script begins , so all the characters don ' t sound like they ' re just meeting or just getting acquainted with their environment . Oh yeah , and out of curiosity , why are they burning the houses ?