If you want her in your life on the condition she ' s loyal to you get loyalty sorted out ASAP , so nobody get ' s confused about what you wantneed from her . If you want her in your life unconditionaly loyalty doesn ' t matter , but put up boundaries to protect yourself and your family . For example no talking about your mother or don ' t tell your sister things you don ' t want to be passed on to whomever . You may want to talk to your husband , because it sounds like you want an unconditional relationship and he wants the conditional one . I can ' t blame him after your mother went after his child I assume , but talk this out with him properly before moving on to building a close relationship with your sister that may give your mother a way in . Even the thought of a potential way in may put your husband on edge and make him go on protect my family mode , which may clash with your desire to build a relationship with your sister .