When it allows for KDB in to the squad based on current form . <| sep |> Qui sont ces personnes ? <| sep |> Idk but I ' m drunk and I can ' t stop listening to Bright Eyes <| sep |> Thx I ' ll take a look <| sep |> hey man i ' m ready to trade <| sep |> Same here . I have no muscle except in my mouth and fingers . <| sep |> People always say that you no one hires ass holes and everyone likes to work with nice people . that doesn ' t explain the number of successful arseholes . <| sep |> sighs kind of like your vagoina . <| sep |> Marc took a few days to show up . They usually do . I don ' t know where they go in the interim neither do they . I ' ve asked enough of them . They don ' t know where they go after , either . I ' d like to think there ' s a heaven . I doubt it , though . Either way , all I know is what they tell me . The spirits of the dead , that is . They ' ve told me they feel a pull some feel it stronger than others that compels them to leave our realm . The realm of the living . Ultimately , they don ' t belong here . But some choose to stay . Some longer than others . Not everyone stays . Not by a long shot . After Marc died , I almost hoped he wouldn ' t come back . Because if he did , how would I explain to him that I had seen the dead since I hit puberty ? Nearly fifteen years , fifteen years of walking in two worlds half of which I had known my husband for and I never thought to mention it ? He died on a Wednesday , his funeral was on a Saturday , and he came back on a Monday . Work expected me to take a few weeks to be alone with my grief I just wanted to get on with it . Grief is a complicated thing . In my situation , especially so . But I needed the day to myself . I had an appointment at 10 . Work could wait one more day . Standing by the coffee maker , measuring out the grounds and water . it was a soothing science to me . If Monday came and went , I ' d be in the clear . They never took more than five days to come back . A couple of hours and Stepping through the threshold looking just as he did that fateful Wednesday was Marc . Dark hair with just a touch of product , suit tailored for the perfect slimfit . 33 yearsold but could pass for younger . Hot . Smart . My perfect husband . I let him walk around the house a little bit . He went from the kitchen to the living room , mumbling to himself as he did so . I continued making my coffee . Back in the kitchen now , I could make out some of what he was saying . The car . He whispered angrily . I told her she needed new brakes . My shoulders stiffened for a moment my lip twitched . Marc moved in closer as I poured my coffee into a mug . It was his favorite mug , when he was alive . Stirring in the sugar , I winced as I felt the cold chill that meant I was making contact with a ghost . My dead husband poked my arm several times before giving up with an angry sigh . That was my mug . He whined . I pivoted to face him , making eye contact for the first time . And you ' d still be able to drink from it had you not died in that car accident with your little whore . His jaw dropped , and his brown eyes seemed to bulge from his head . Mouth opening and closing like a fish , eyes adding to the effect it was almost comical . You youSee you ? Hear you ? Surprise . I took an angry sip from ~~ his ~~ my mug , raising my eyebrows accusingly . He lifted his arms and hands in response , trying to placate me . Hey , hey . It It wasn ' tIt wasn ' t what , Marc ? You were supposed to be at work , but instead you were in a car that wasn ' t even yours with a woman I ' d never met . You ' re dead . Please don ' t lie to me now , too . Fish face again . Mouth open . Mouth closed . Finally he stopped . Lowering his arms and biting his lip slightly , he shook his head . Kelly , I ' m sorry . I ' m so , so sorry . Anger welled up inside me . Sorry for what ? Sorry I caught you cheating , that you don ' t get to go into death with me mourning you as the paragon of virtue , the model husband ? Or just sorry you died at all ? He pulled a chair from the table and sat down . A look of surprise flashed across his face . Nothing I touched before I got home would move . It ' s because I ' m here . I said matteroffactly with a shrug . You can interact with the physical world more when I ' m around . Before you ask , no , I don ' t know why or how it works . So So I ' m not the first He hesitated , and cringed . Dead person you can see ? I shrugged again . A painedlook contorted his nearly perfect features . Kelly , please . You should know you should know something . Something important to me . Yes , I was cheating on you . Yes , I ' m sorry I didn ' t get to go down known as the perfect husband . And yes , I ' m sorry I died . I had . There was so much more I needed to do . But you need to knowHot tears rolled down my cheeks my eyes stung a bit as my eyeliner smeared into them . They said she was 20 . Was I really getting too old for you at 28 that you needed a younger , newer version of me ? The paper had printed her obituary in the same issue as Marc ' s , her smiling face seeming to mock me . Mocking the grief I still had for the man who cheated on me with her . She was blonde , like me . Had lightcolored eyes , like me . Was majoring in international studies , apparently . My major , along with political science . Same university . Did you really have to go find another me ? You couldn ' t have fucked someone completely different , someone I wouldn ' t have to feel like an inferior knockoff of ? I have no excuses . There aren ' t any I can make that would make you not hate me like I ' m sure part of you He caught my glare . Maybe all of you does . There are no excuses . I don ' t even know if I have a reason , not a good one , at least . I was wrong . It was a mistake . But you need to know I was ending it . That day . That ' s why I took off of work early . To go tell her it was done . And then to come home to let you plan a surprise for you . Sure . Hurt etched into his features the same as if I had slapped him . Is that so hard to believe ? After what happened that morning ? I don ' t know what to believe . I stated flatly . The man I knew loved me and was faithful . I never stopped loving you . Not for a minute . And after that morning the sex , us talking about trying to start a family . I just felt sick about Anna . Sick about the thought of even seeing her again . I spent the morning writing and rewriting out what I planned to say to her . You might not believe or want to hear this , but she was a nice girl . A decent person . She didn ' t know about you for a long time . I didn ' t want to hurt her any more than I had to , so I . His eyes lit up . Here . Come here . He got up quickly from the table and ran into the living room . I followed with reluctance . He sat at his desk , laptop opened in front of him . I had tried to get into it after he died , but it had been password protected . For obvious reasons , most likely . Clicking around at a ferocious speed , he went to a notetaking program I knew was linked to his phone . He often used it to make lists lists for shopping , lists for appointments . The Wednesday morning of his death he had started a new one I was there for its creation A list of potential baby names . Instead of bringing up one of the lists , though , he went into a folder marked as private . He opened a file that was indeed dated the previous Wednesday . He scooted his chair over slightly . Please read it . Please , Kelly . I didn ' t want to do it . But even as in life , the man could have made me do anything with that voice . I stepped closer to the computer and began to read . Listen , Anna . You ' re a wonderful person inside , and out . I truly believe and mean that . But , I need to end things between us . I wouldn ' t last a day without the woman I love , and that woman is my wife . You are amazing . You ' re funny , talented , beautiful but you ' re not her . I was trying to fill a space in my life I finally realized doesn ' t actually exist . I didn ' t appreciate what was in front of me , and I ' m sorry that I ' m going to end up hurting a second person because of my own flaws and selfishness . You don ' t deserve that . But neither does she . And I love her so , so much . There was more , but the tears obscured my vision too much for me to continue . I turned away from the computer , from Marc , wiping away proof of my emotions best I could with my sleeve . I love you . Marc said . Always have , always will . Whether I have eternity or not . Wherever I go after this , if I go anywhere or not , I guess . And I ' m sorry I didn ' t get to tell you that while I was alive , and I ' m sorry I hurt you . You didn ' t deserve any of thatAn alarm on my phone interrupted his next words . I pulled it from my back pocket to verify what it was for , then cleared my throat . I have to go . I have an appointment . An appointment ? I shrugged once more , feeling about a decade younger and like I was a surly teen and not a young , professional woman . The clinic . I have something that needs to be taken care of . My words dripped with innuendo . . The clinic ? Kelly , what does that mean ? I think you know . I said icily , part of me the part was wasn ' t still desperately in love wanting to hurt this man like he had hurt me . The part of me that not an hour before was sure she wanted no part of that man growing inside her , a reminder of the hurt , the pain , the shame . The clinic , Marc . And with that , I turned on my heel and left the room . I grabbed my keys from the table where I had thrown them after the funeral on Saturday and went to the garage . Marc followed me , pleading the entire way . Please , Kelly . Please don ' t do this . You don ' t have to do this . I pulled open the car door , slid into the driver ' s seat , and slammed the door shut . Marc got into the passenger side . Kelly , you hate me . I get it . I would hate me , too . But please don ' t do this . Not because not because I think there ' s anything wrong with it . There ' s not . It ' s your life , your body , your choice . But I know that it ' s not the choice you would make under any other circumstances . You wanted a baby . You can have the baby . Don ' t cut off your nose to spite your face . You deserve some happiness out of all this .