I get that you ' re panicking and I get that it ' s hard to process this information . I had a boyfriend that I once thought would never EVER be violent . We used to sometimes roughhouse and he would make me tap out when I wanted him to stop . Then one day we were drinking and got into a fight , I wanted to leave his house and sleep it off in my car . He didn ' t want me to leave so he put me in a choke hold and didn ' t let go when I tried to tap out . When I started pounding on his arm in desperation because I couldn ' t breathe all he said to me was No tapping out , you either stop struggling or I make you black out . I tried to make excuses for him in my head , blamed myself , and told myself things like it was just a one time incident . I get that you ' re panicking . You need to take a step back though and realized he could have KILLED your BROTHER . This is not something you just talk about and eventually work out . This is not something you just pretend isn ' t a big deal or didn ' t happen because that ' s easier . You need to face reality and get this man out of your life as quickly as possible .