I don ' t know your situation , and really doesn ' t moralize about your life or death choices . But judging by the many stories I ' ve read from other people who attempted suicide and then turned their lives around , there is a pattern . And you might want to look into it . Suicide is something that popped up in their heads when they believed that all other venues were closed . But when you are already in a bad spot , you yourself are likely not the person most fit for assessing your own situation soberly . And that ' s why suicide hotlines may be a good place to start researching . There are many , many people on his planet and some of them may have had experiences similar to yours . They may have insights that you could use . But you ' ll never know unless you look for yourself . I don ' t know anything about you but I ' m still keeping my fingers crossed for you .