While the ease of living in a first world country can ' t be ignored , MPesa truly is a marvel . I was on a boat a couple of miles off the coast of Diani Kenya and bought some lobster from the local fisherman by phone . Awesome . <| sep |> This is where the Leafs could have used Paul Ranger ' s penalty kick <| sep |> I sexually Identify as an Attack Helicopter . Ever since I was a boy I dreamed of soaring over the oilfields dropping hot sticky loads on disgusting foreigners . People say to me that a person being a helicopter is Impossible and I ' m fucking retarded but I don ' t care , I ' m beautiful . I ' m having a plastic surgeon install rotary blades , 30 mm cannons and AMG 114 Hellfire missiles on my body . From now on I want you guys to call me Apache and respect my right to kill from above and kill needlessly . If you can ' t accept me you ' re a heliphobe and need to check your vehicle privilege . Thank you for being so understanding .