I ' m lvl 21 on NA , add me bronz 0 dia . <| sep |> I say it ' s by choice but I don ' t really know anymore . I needed a little time to heal after my marriage exploded . I have a tendency to get codependent you know , pick bad partners , ditch my friends , stop doing things I love . I wanted to find myself . Get strong and independent . Reconnect with my friends . Give myself time alone . Now it ' s been four years . Every date I go on is a disaster . I ' m still objectively pretty attractive and I know I ' m fun to hang out with . I just can ' t connect with anyone in a meaningful way . I haven ' t even managed to reconnect with my friends or make new ones . I never understood people who let bad dates scuttle their self esteem , but I keep feeling my self worth and my hope for meeting someone I connect with slip further away . But I ' m crushing it on being strong , independent , and alone . Raising a glass of box wine to a cat lady Thanksgiving .