I feel as if you may be misinterpreting what she said as in , are you okay ? Are you sure it ' s not your current situation that ' s making you feel so vulnerable ? She didn ' t say she really wanted Bill . She said that once upon a time she thought about pursuing him , but didn ' t . If she had really really preferred Bill , she would have pursued him at some point , BFF notwithstanding . Instead , she stayed with you . And married you , because she preferred you . I just can ' t quite see Bill as first choice , just another choice . It ' s the dead bedroom talking , I think . It ' s time for you to sit her down when there ' s a moment for a real talk and tell her how rejected you feel . Her lack of sex drive is probably more about how she feels about herself than how she feels about you . Tell her you sometimes feel like leaving , so she knows it ' s serious . I can ' t imagine living in a relationship where I didn ' t feel desired been there , done that , not doing it again . left that situation . I ' m not telling you to stay around forever , just to lay your cards on the table and see what happens . When I did this , I gave my ex a year to work on his side of things he had given me ultimatums a couple of times and I had changed a lot for him . A year later , it all fell apart , but at least I felt I tried .