If only . Camacho was smart enough to find people smarter then HE and hire them . <| sep |> Let ' s be clear , the old guy decided that you were all dicks because I instructed a woman to eat an apple . An apple that would gift her a greater understanding of the world . You people are going to stomp your fellow man to death today for the right to pay slightly less but still way too much for apples that you ' ll only ever use to find memes and porn . Here I wanted a chick to broaden her horizons and learn a bit about the depths of morality , and he thought that was so horrible , that he deemed it the original sin . God ' s a dad who caught one of his kids reading Immanuel Kant , and the other googling Ivanka Trump ' s cunt , and he got mad at the former . But sure , he ' s the man , and I ' m ultraHitler , whatever makes you feel righteous . I ' m not a monster . I love chocolate , and Will Ferrell movies , and snowboarding bet you didn ' t think we had that , but we do , but you stage one coup angel morale was low , and I ' m a natural leader , you cannot blame me and now everybody thinks you ' re the worst guy ever . Well there ' s a reason kids write letters to Santa and not my former landlord . They trust their greatest wishes to a morbidly obese exploiter of elven labor because they know the man upstairs is resting on his laurels . He ' ll get involved if he feels like flooding the place , but he ' s not getting you a tricycle . That ' s where I come in . You ' d think spending eternity with every rock , porn , and vine star would be endlessly fulfilling , and on the first two counts you ' d be right , but I ' m not simply driven by pride or excess . I have a heart . Whenever I get a letter in the mail from some illiterate Arizonan 8 year old asking for a toy truck , or some other illiterate 4 year old from Adelaide who wants a pet cat , I ' m reminded of the good in man . The good that I ' ve been so frequently , and erroneously , accused of attempting to corrupt . A good that doesn ' t know the difference between the old man and I , or a democrat and a republican , a good that simply wishes to live a life with more joy , and I ' ll go to any lengths to reward these young people ' s wishes . Who knows how things would ' ve turned out if pops had done the same for me .