I don ' t think he was ever physically abusive towards her , That you ' re aware of . Not all abusers abuse all their victims in the same way , but many just don ' t do it as frequently or in front of the kids . Then again , he might have only been emotionally abusive . I had to realise that my mother does not want out of this dynamic . Not necessarily . The treatment that abuse victims receive is comparable to brainwashing . Your mother has been subject to it for a long time , so she deserves sympathy which you have provided . At the same time , the standards are a lot higher for people with kids . They are expected to reach out , because just being around an abuser , even if they ' re not the target , is traumatizing for children . You have a few things going on right now your sister is being terrible to you there ' s no excuse for that . Is your brother still abusive ? If he modeled himself after your father ' s behavior , he might have continued to be abusive , perhaps in his own relationships . Your mom is still being abused , and she ' s been a victim of that for a long time . Not a great situation .