Ash main tears incoming . <| sep |> John ? Who in the everlasting mother of fuck is John ? <| sep |> I wasn ' t trying to over throw the kingdom , I was just trying to get home . But I guess I ' m kind of in charge now , a man in an stupid hat had whispered if you kill the king , you become the king . So now I ' m going to go down in their books as some kind of femme fatale who seduced and murdered their brave ruler , and maybe its better for his family if that ' s the story they tell . But between you and me that guy would have keeled over any day now . Big around as a barrel with a torso shaped like a Granny Smith apple , there ' s no way they don ' t have heart attacks here . Swear to god I watched him eat a whole stock pot of some gross cream and poultry dish , I don ' t even know what it was . it reminded me of that time we got 2 am food truck chicken and waffles but the waffles were still batter in the middle . Your dumb ass got so sick and promised me you ' d never drink rum again . I miss you . I have this plan , though . If I tell the queen , ex queen ? Or still queen ? My queen ? I ' d be stoked AF if she was my queen looks just like that Jewish girl I kissed at that party that I need her help and she needs mine maybe she ' ll be cool about it . They ' ve got this metal animal statue that zaps you if you touch it , some kind of religious thing , and if I can charge my controller on it it ' ll maybe give me enough time to shift again . Religious experience , flash of light , I ' m gone , they ' re all ah shit she ' s gone queen gets to take credit for getting the gods to smite me , I get one shift closer to home , and then we probably get to sue the dick off of Apple , right ? My roommate slept with a prelaw guy one time . Remind me to txt her . Swear to god if you get home before I do and you don ' t message me back we are doneion rings . Love you .