Thank you good sir <| sep |> I think you ' re taking the wrong message away . No one is forcing you to stay in that relationship , especially if it ' s harmful or abusive . One of the first things you learn to accept is that you have to take care of yourself first and foremost , even if that means detaching yourself from that friend or family member , because that ' s the only thing you have control over . What you need to understand is that you can ' t MAKE them do anything that they don ' t want to or feel they have to do . This is the part that ' s damaging to a lot of people they think , if only I could fix them . That ' s the thing you can ' t , only they can and that ' s what you should take away from AlAnon . <| sep |> Also make it luke warm and add the sound of the nearby power plant that generating the runoff water your swimming in to the background . My last trip to Iceland was incredible and I loved ever minute of it , except the minutes I spent here .