There was never a time when I didn ' t know which category Bryson fit into . My niggly little issue here is something you shouldn ' t take too seriously , it ' s gramatically fine and reads perfectly well . But if Bryson is so brutally conspicuous in form and figure , raising the phrase There was never a time when I didn ' t know seems to air on a notion of skepticism which is not necessary . In Bryce ' s first set of dialogue there ' s some inconsistency in his mannor of speech . It ' s most clear in his use of the phrase general vicinity . I heard in my mind ' s ear a craggy , sullen , cynical voice . His sudden spread of eloquence doesn ' t feel textually continuous . At that moment , the door to the medbay slid open with a satisfying sigh and an attractive , young woman walked in . I ' m generally focused on texture and smoothness of writing , which is to my eye and my spine acceptable in this writing . But this comma doesn ' t sit right to me . Perhaps it ' s the rapid coalescence of imagry presently , door , medbay , open , sigh , attractive , young , woman , walked that causes my eye to hook on the comma for a fraction too long . If it were me I ' d let that sentence sit as one long thead . I don ' t know anything about that , sir , she flipped an auburn curl out of her eyes and left the room . This is where the lady leaves the scene . I think I spot an interesting vacancy for sharp , varisimilar imagrey of the bulky , testy soldier , the cerebral , relatable narrator , and the fey charm of the surprise woman . You seem to have leant a few words to this end , for instanceI imagine that she was a highly intelligent and possibly even wellrounded individualwith infinite grace , turned on her heelhe waggled his enormous hand in the air as a supplement to his vocabularyshe flipped an auburn curl out of her eyes and left the room . I don ' t think many more words need be added . Just some reshuffling of adjectives and sequences of events that is if you agree that clearer imagery in this instance would be more interesting to read . I wanna be the guy that picks the sound those doors make when they open and close . Probably takes months of crowd sourcing , but I think I ' m the man for the job . Just wanted to say that I liked this . Twenty minutes later we stood outside the gunmetal gray doors of DBlock . Again , very textually focused , we can all disagree on what ' s nice to read and what isn ' t , so take the following criticism or leave it . I can ' t say that you would be better or worse off . The gunmetal gray is unnecessary . I see that you ' re going for a hardline , fastmoving , steely , city centre feeling , and in that case gunmetal grey is certainly a colour that fits but there are other ways in different places that you can materialise this image in the readers mind . End of Chapter 2 I did notice as I was reading I was feeling a sense that the narrator is unbearably prone to overthinking . Of course we all feel and think an uncountable number of processes in a given social encounter . But we should be careful about which ones we take the time to explain which ones are best fit to service the writing , and which ones can be most beautifully and cleverly sewen in . Overall I think you ' re a fine writer , and despite the list of blemishes I ' ve composed for you , there ' s not one great flaw in the whole chapter .