I can totally imagine wanting people to know but also people not to . Maybe you can reach out to a specific person who you think would not put you in the lost babiescategory , so you can reach out and not do it widely at the same time ? It also reminds me of the concept of grief work , something I ' ve found very useful and enlightening . In that concept grieving is explained as doing two things lossoriented activities and restorationoriented activities . They exist next to each other and grieving involves both . Lossoriented activities and stressors are those directly related to the death . These include crying , yearning , experiencing sadness , denial , or anger , dwelling on the circumstances of the death , and avoiding restoration activities . Restorationoriented activities and stressors are associated with secondary losses with regard to lifestyle , routine , and relationships . These include adapting to a new role , managing changes , developing new ways of connecting with family and friends , and cultivating a new way of life . Source abouttherapyissuesgrief In this concept , wanting people not to know is a restoration oriented activity , wanting them to know is the lossoriented activity . There is no right or wrong . Maybe that helps ? Hugs