You could try Classic 6 v 6 . A lot of people have shifted to that . Rift still comes up in it . It seems like I have more competent teammates in it too . You still get the occasional pub stompers but it seems more chill . <| sep |> It ' s hard . I ' m still struggling myself . I ' m about one month NC , and the guilt will still hit me suddenly and randomly like a ton of bricks . It feels like I abandoned them . And they are so childlike , it ' s like kicking a puppy . I try to remind myself that no matter what it seems like , they are not children . They are grownass adults . We should never have felt like we have to ensure their happiness . We do not have to be their parent . They are responsible for their own feelings and life . No amount of your attention will ever make your father happy because he is deeply unsatisfied with himself . He does not know how to love in a way that isn ' t possessive and controlling , and he will ultimately corrode you until you are as miserable as he is . You do not have to sacrifice yourself for him . Sometimes it helps me to get angry . I think about a memory of mine objectively . If I were to see a child being treated that way in front of me , would it be okay ? Would it enrage me ? I think about the worst things they ' ve ever done to me . The most unforgivable . That time my Nmom hit me in the face . That time my NGrandma molested me . That time I had to stand between my Nmom and Edad as his anger escalated to physical violence . Someone once told me , A parent is judged by their worst deed , not their best . I kinda like it . I may have had a lot of good moments with my family , but that doesn ' t erase the darkest moments , the ones that stained my soul the most . I don ' t have to forgive them . I don ' t owe them anything .