This is me ranting for a bit . I ' ve been feeling rather down this holiday season . It started with my grandmother on my mom ' s side texting me photos of when I was little . I was so freaking adorable then , but I didn ' t realize till a day later that it was a ploy to guilt trip me to start talking to my Nmother again . Family is important and you only have one , type of concept . She invited me to her thanksgiving dinner . I said I would go if my Nmother wasn ' t there . She said Nmom would be there , along with a few other relatives that I don ' t care for . She also texted me that when she got pregnant with my Nmother , her own mother my great grandmother starved her for 5 months , and my Nmother was born weighing 5 lbs . She kept talking to her mother , therefore I should keep talking to mine . I ignored my grandmother for a day to think about what she said , and ultimately told her no . It ' s shocking what my great grandmother did , but maybe then again it isn ' t . It helps explain why my Nmother is the way she is . It also shattered the nice image I had of my great grandmother . I felt better after texting my good friend , who ' s training to be a therapist . But after an hour or two , I started dwelling on the past few days and feeling depressed again . I just have to remember that I ' m strong , I ' m breaking the generational cycle of abuse , I have more experience than my Nrelatives could ever know . And I have to remember that the guilt and shame is not mine to carry .