If he had doubleHellfire , that ' d work too . Anywho , the point I ' m trying to make is that she isn ' t dead . at least , I don ' t think so . I certainly HOPE she ' s not dead . <| sep |> It ' s not meant to be meanspirited . It ' s hey , here ' s a huge pile of things that you probably want to be concerned about , as these sorts of red flags routinely spell doom and lead to a lot of unhappiness for people who post here with this sort of situation and those sorts of plans . Like a lot of people on this sub , I ' m mostly here to learn . I ' ve been on here for a while , and that ' s the sort of thing everybody who ' s been on here for a while has learned certain challenges need more careful navigation , or else , almost entirely without fail , everybody involved ends up pretty unhappy . Sometimes with not insignificant trauma for the kids in the mix . Stuff like You had a kid with a guy who bailed to whatever degree that sucks is not a personal insult I made the same mistake . The cautionary stuff comes from personal experience and the repeat sagas from other posters with similar stories , not from any sort of malice . Obviously everybody here is free to pick and choose among advice that does or does not seem like a thing that would work for them . Yes , it was going off limited information but one does the best one can with the information made available , no ? If there were substantial mitigating circumstances , either add that in future posts , or just skip stuff that doesn ' t apply . Very few people here , except for the very inexperienced , and no counsellor in the world , will say Moving this quickly with a new partner with kids in the picture ? Great idea ! That always works out well . Second marriages or their equivalents have high failure rates stepfamilies make things even more risky . Hence my response , and , It ' s like you ' re newly hatched and have so much to learn , Do some soulsearching and really think about this . Do not even consider moving in with this guy if he ' s not extremely special to you and if he doesn ' t have solid custody agreements with both of these BMs already from uCheesasaurus .