First , I ' m sorry , that revelation is horrible . To learn that you are a runner up ? She didn ' t pursue the dude because her BFF had a crush on him ? But she was already seeing him ? That doesn ' t make a lot of sense . We ' ve had what I would consider a mild dead bedroom since our first son was born . Sex once or twice a month . Mostly perfunctory on her part after she notices I ' m getting anxious or bring it up . hey , we haven ' t had sex in awhile . I haven ' t had really received what I felt like genuine desire from her for a decade . I bring it up , that we need to connect more that I want to feel loved . Do I make her feel loved ? yes . We ' ve tried counseling . She went twice . I ' ve continued for the last 5 years . Coupled with the new knowledge you have , you have to be thinking things would be probably different with Bill , she ' s just putting in what she perceives as the bare minimum . And that sucks . I brought up her comment two days after she made it I was hoping it would pass , and she laughed it off and said she didn ' t mean it that way . Well , what way did she mean it ? She ' s effectively cratered your relationship with her until she explains . From what it appears , she didn ' t pick you because you were a better choice , because she was more passionate for you . She picked you because her BFF wasn ' t interested in you . Now , it ' s perfectly possible that she meant something else and that you are blowing this out of proportion . After all , you have had a great 16 years together , right ? Normally I would just say that what she said was a slip of the tongue , maybe an unrealistic crush , or something like that . But coupled with a dead bedroom and I know you have to be thinking this way . I ' m not saying that ' s correct the dead bedroom could be because of a lot of things . It needs to be fixed . The entire reason you are fixated on what she ' s said is because it makes a certain type of sense .