I think a GPS or one of the many apps for phones would be a secure way to confirm the truth . if you already suspected it . It crosses into weird territory for me because my ex was constantly accusing me of something , I ' ve decided I would rather be in the dark in the future . If I have to askdo something sneaky to confirm , the relationship is already over , right ? eh . it ' s really cheap to put a tracker and extract the GPS data every week or so . I ' d only do it out of curiosity and to check if she ' s lying about not having time to go shopping for groceries during her lunch hour . I ' d love to catch her going to the restaurant every day for lunch . well I wouldn ' t confront her about that , but I ' d know how to balance the load of chores between us two . I obviously can ' t go by what she says she cancannot do . I wasn ' t sure if it was Hey , doc , I think my wife ' s BPD and you described what was going on and the next session they looked at them and said Oh , yeah , she ' s something . That ' s all I was referencing . It was that hinted it to the therapist , 3 weeks later I asked for a private meeting and the therapist started talking to me about how to handle my wife ' s BPD . He said he first suspected at the first meeting . Does yours ? I mean . acknowledge that something serious is going on ? Does she realize that simple things are causing extreme or neurotic reactions ? My wife also knew she was odd . She told me that if she behaved irrationally , that I ' d need to comfort her physically . She said those things about 1 year into our relationship . I didn ' t really take it too seriously and gave up on that trick because it didn ' t really work well . but she wasn ' t far off the mark . She ' d also say that her parents think she ' s a handful . I realize now that her parents probably know that their daugther is messed up . She complained about me to them all the time and probably exagerated what I did , yet her parents never told her to leave me . I have this theory about babiespregnancypwBPD that they feel like if they just have a baby , they will then have someone who will never abandon them . So , the fear of abandonment is abated by the thought ofactually being pregnant . There was indeed a long period of good times while we were trying to make a second baby . She may feel like she can focus on you l eavingchallengingverbally expressing such things as her version of satisfying her emotional dysreg in a way that she feels comfortable with enough that she doesn ' t have to do anything extra . My secret theory as well . I responded with enough drama and chaos to keep her BPD hunger satisfied . Point being , you may not see anything real that feels like BPD until you are out and trying to maintain from the perspective of getting divorced and sharing custody , etc . That ' s when the real demonic behavior surfaces and the smear campaigns and vengeance take full force . My number one fear if I decide to divorce her . Was it the best move ? Probably not . But it made my intentions absolutely clear . Which is something you may want to consider depending on where you end up with this . I doubt her diagnosis would even affect anything to a court ' s decision for child custody unless it was to prevent her from getting full custody . You may not have seen anything yet . After 10 years of chaos , I hope I did see everything cross fingers