Spent all day in a bedroom during festivities and fighting similar feelings of failing . Most of it curled up in a blanket trying to tune out the extreme anxiety I was having over the sounds of a busy kitchen . But even after the meltdown subsided , I still felt so tired and ashamed that I couldn ' t gather the courage to leave until everyone else had finished eating . Meltdowns like that are always the worst feeling still alert and aware heck , I can even read entire books on my phone but anything that involves physically planningcoordination , or forming words communicating ends up being terribly difficult . And the sense of fear and panic is overwhelming . If I can get any words out at all , it ends up jerky and sometimes full of stuttering . Growing up , I ' ve never been able to handle being anywhere near the center of larger crowds no matter what I did . My own symptoms seem to be transient in nature and react to social stress or environmental effects , but I see how easily it could become full blown mutism for someone who can ' t calm down . Since I recognized that my problems were rooted in autism I ' ve been trying to figure out what causes the sensory overload . Have you looked into it at all ? It ' s really fascinating to me . I ' ve found all sorts of stuff but the whole shutdownmeltdown and can ' t talk bits seem to be understudied compared to other autisticasperger ' s traits . This studystressautism helped me put things into perspective . I ' m nowhere near being done exploring the biological and social effects of the condition , but one thing I have learned diagnosed late in life , ~ 29 is that it ' s important to fight feelings of failure . I find that like stuttering 980 , the popular view or ignorance as the case might be of the disorder is one as a psychological or behavioral problem . And just like how people mistreat dogs who are just expressing fear and anxiety , people end up shaming others who don ' t ' fit in ' behave or socialize properly . Recognizing that my feelings were largely a conflict between my internal wiring and difficulty seeing social norms , helped tremendously in reframing how I viewed these bouts of despair . Seeing it as years of built up guilt and shame over something I had little control over got me to a place where I could work through those emotions and learn to cope . Or rather , what I ' m trying to say is you are not alone , it ' s ok to be feeling what you are feeling . I also want to echo uScythe 42 ' s point , with an emphasis on how it ' s important to remember that you may be missing parts of the social dynamic . While it can be difficult to do , learning to express the way someone ' s behavior affected my feelings made a big difference in my ability to get along with family . I know my mom has been known to do stuff like that with me too and it really bothers me , but I know she does it to try to connect with me when I ' m sad or upset or lonely . They ' re not intentionally trying to make you feel bad , and communication after the stressful event , once you ' ve calmed down , has really helped my mom learn what to say to me and how to interact with me . Don ' t get me wrong , I ' m still depressed half the time continue to struggle with the feelings of worthlessness . But learning more about how the way my brain is wired , and how it effects my behaviors , has made all the difference in my outlook . Keep fighting , there is hope .