At 7 months out I was still a complete wreck . At 10 months I had to take short term disability for 4 weeks bc I was basically suicidal and couldn ' t function . This week is the 1 year dday . About 6 weeks ago I went back to IC and since then , I have been much calmer . We haven ' t ever done MC bc I don ' t know yet if I am ready . We have a child so if if we not for her I would be long gone . You are normal . After a year I know I will be fine regardless . Is this what I wanted ? Hell no . But I can ' t learn to live with the burden of the shitshow he created , I will move on . <| sep |> Good luck ! Keep us updated ! Great risk , great reward as they say . Eh , I do miss my Nmom sometimes . But then I realize I don ' t miss her , I just miss the mom I wish I ' d had . If I had a nice mom I ' d definitely be lonely , but given what I did have , I know I ' m better off . And I ' m sure as hell a lot less stressed . So nice not walking on eggshells anymore . You ' ll probably feel guilty andor lonely at first , but you know where to come for support ! If you haven ' t already , you might want to make a list of those ' incidents ' so you can remind yourself when you start to feel guilty . I start to periodically think , oh , it wasn ' t that bad like my Nmom always said . I ' ve internalized her gaslighting I think . Then I look at all the scars . yeah , it really was that bad . Yet I still feel guilty for leaving and going NC .