There was this one kid who would very carefully wait for a moment when people werent around to violently assault me . He would literally pin me to the floor with my head between his feet and squeeze while punchinghitting me hard , although not enough to leave visible scars . It was emotionally traumatizing . he took advantage of the fact that i was the only kid in his class who didnt have a male figureprotector around in his life . religious private school . Worst of all , my friends completely ignored it . I will never forget the look on my best friend ' s face when he saw me getting attacked , and then turning around and leaving . Years later , my family moved to another city . There I was bullied all over again . Less violently just pushed on the floor a few times and called names a lot . This has left me with permanent scars that i ' ve refused to acknowledge but are there nontheless . My whole adult life has been marked with insecurity , avoidance , distrust of people , relationships that dont last , and lots of paranoya and selfisolation . It ' s hard for me to accept that some kids , decades ago , are the reason that my life has been so miserable and lonely . maybe there is more to it