I was taught to be very humble and polite . I don ' t know how to have self esteem . I dont completely hate myself but I don ' t care about myself either . I feel fake and selfish when I try . It ' s causing me a lot of problems in my life . I treat people how I want to be treated but no one has really ever been there for me , except my family . I depend on other people for my self esteem which just sets me up for failure . I often get hurt a lot in relationships . I just want to be strong , independent and happy . I understand my problem logically but . I just don ' t know how to change . <| sep |> I don ' t think the people commenting to my post agree with that statement . <| sep |> Yeah I failed for AEC , V 4 apparently , told the only way I would qualify was if I recieved laser surgery , and even by then they might not be hiring DE AEC anymore .