What about PDO ? <| sep |> Your mistake was trying to use the HP site for . well , anything . <| sep |> Thank you for sharing all of that . You ' re here . you understand this could be a serious issue if unaddressed . and you sincerely want things to get better . You care . That ' s a lot more than can be said for many of the SOs discussed in here . Firstly , I ' m with MJ umaryjanesandbobbysox in that you really need to speak to a professional about your past experiences although I ' d add one tweak . Those experiences were undoubtedly traumatic but more than that they were nothing short of abuse . You were abused emotionally , physically , and sexually by this person . Maybe you already view it that way and just didn ' t choose that description when you posted . But in any case it ' s imperative that when you speak to a counselor it ' s done in that context . I also think it ' s important for it to be approached that way when discussing it with your boyfriend . I ' d hope he would make that connection himself but there can ' t be any ambiguity in his mind of the nature of what you endured . Second , from what I ' m seeing in here you haven ' t actually told him you sustained a physical injury . Or maybe it ' s that he knew about it before but not now that it ' s reopened . That has to be rectified ASAP . He can ' t be careful and sensitive about something he knows nothing about and he ' s likely to perceive you as not really wanting him sexually instead of there being a completely valid reason you can ' t . Think how you ' d feel if he maybe sustained a hernia or something similar but didn ' t tell you , but let you go on believing he just wasn ' t interested . OK . your concerns with regard to yourself aside . you describe him as immature sexually and I ' d agree . You don ' t list your ages but that doesn ' t really matter . There are women in their 30 s and 40 s who ' ve posted in here that their long time husbands still approach them with juvenile groping and honking sounds . It ' s not about age . So here ' s where you need to have a discussion with him . far away from any likelihood you ' re going to have sex . about expectations . Usually here in DB that means something more along the lines of I ' m feeling unwanted after months of celibacy . I ' d like our sex life to look like ' X ' on an ongoing basis . How do you see our sex life ? What you ' re trying to achieve is more of a ground rules . likes vs . dislikes conversation and of course you have to be open to whatever he ' s willing to communicate as well . Both positives and negatives . It makes me uncomfortable when you do ' A '. But I really like it when you do ' B ' That kind of thing . Depending on just how immature he is , I would hope that absolutely any information he could get his hands on to more reliably interest you in sex would be like pure gold to him . There ' s always a chance he ' ll get defensive and there ' s absolutely nothing you can do about that . You aren ' t responsible for his reactions and if you do experience something like that just remember that this is all to benefit , enhance , and increase sex for you both . You have to try to get to a place where the things you need sexually simply stem from knowing and valuing yourself . As for your preferences for the dirty talk consider whether both you and he would be open to searching for some porn that fits in with what you ' re thinking . Erotic novels would be another way to go . Above all bear in mind that along with encouraging him to find his sexual voice that really speaks to you , from a step back you ' re also evaluating his willingness to even do so . Just like we describe to the higher libido partners all the time , it ' s the demonstrable steps toward making things better that mean as much as the actual progress . Sitting one one ' s hands or outright obstinance are very bad signs . And not to get too ahead of myself , all of this needs to hold a prominent place in your considerations for marriage . So far there have obviously been some unavoidable stumbling blocks but please try to look at the pursuit to get the sex life on track as an evaluation . Evaluation of whether or not you ' re actually compatible in this way . Don ' t make the mistake in assuming you will be once the various issues are under control . You ' re posting here as the selfdescribed lower libido partner and again . that puts you in a place of great esteem AFAIC . Overall I suspect that you ' ll grow to a point where you ' ll look back with a touch of humor about ever describing yourself that way because the interest you show in having a healthy sex life would seem to mean that there ' s enormous room for growth . And as such , you might find yourself willing to accept less than you feel you deserve . Make allowances far and above what you might otherwise do because of your own struggles . Sexual intimacy is clearly very important to you and I ' d just urge you to envision yourself having more or less put all your struggles behind you . and finding yourself with a sexually unfulfilling partner . Experiencing a DB from the HL ' s perspective . It ' s all about honesty and it ' s paramount that honesty with one ' s self be the very foundation .