Thanks for your response . I totally agree that saying you should . wouldn ' t work . I suppose what I ' m trying to ask is should I bother looking for an opening to gently give ideas ? Or just be supportive and let her vent ? To give you an example recently she said , I don ' t know why he is being so needy and misbehaving at the moment . I wanted to suggest that maybe it was him being jealous about the attention the 1 year old is getting it was the youngest one ' s birthday and has just started walking . Would that be annoying ? I have offered many times to look after her kids for a while she does stuff or takes a break , but she rarely takes me up on the offer . I think in the end I just need to bite my tongue . Sigh !